What a lovely family.
Here Is a Photo of Donald Trump and His Biological Daughter in 1996
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CIA Employees Are Pretty Positive Their Bosses Aren't Purposefully Feeding Them Bad Information
The Washington Post reported today that the CIA deliberately misinforms its own employees about operations—a practice known as “eyewashing”—so that the juiciest intel can be kept more secretly by those who truly need to know it. In interviews, some CIA officials acknowledged the practice as common, while others were like, what, no, that’s definitely never happened to me.
Before the agency conducted an operation against Abu Zabaida, an alleged al Qaeda member, it sent a memo to employees in Pakistan informing them that the mission was not authorized to go forward. It then sent another memo to a more select group instructing them to go ahead with the operation as planned, the Post reports.
Here is a quote about eyewashing from a popular, well-liked CIA official who always gets the good gossip:
“It’s just another form of compartmentation,” said a former senior U.S. intelligence official, referring to the restriction of sensitive information to select recipients. He and others spoke on the condition of anonymity, citing the sensitivity of the subject.
“The classic use of an eyewash is if you have a garden-variety source and all of a sudden he gains access to truly sensitive information,” the former official said. “What you might do is have a false communication saying the guy got hit by a bus and died. The large number of people aware of this source suddenly think he is dead. But the continuing reporting on that source and from that source gets put into a very closed compartment that few would know about.”
And here is a quote from a CIA official who maybe sometimes has to sit alone at lunch:
“I’ve never seen the eyewash concept used in the manner you’re describing,” one former CIA official said.
To paraphrase Dane Cook (forgive me): if you’re the person who’s sitting there claiming no one ever gets eyewashed—well, that probably means you’re the one who’s getting eyewashed.
Image via AP. Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.
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Thanks to Flint, Gov. Rick Snyder Can't Even Go Out and Enjoy a Glass of Unpoisoned Water in Peace
Yes, life is hard for the residents of Flint, MI, many of whom have no clean water and toxic levels of lead coursing through their veins. But life is also hard for Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder, who can’t even enjoy a night out anymore without being reminded of the fact that thousands of his constituents were poisoned on his watch.
The tragic details, via CBS:
The governor told WWJ Newsradio 950’s Charlie Langton he was confronted by hecklers on more than one occasion — once, while dining in a restaurant in Ann Arbor. People are blaming him for what happened in Flint.
“I mean, I did have my meal I didn’t just leave,” Synder said. “But, yeah, I was heckled and other things like that have been going on for some time now….And from a personal perspective, I’ve had things aimed even at my family.”
Ann Arbor resident Laura Tanner told The Ann Arbor News that she and a friend gave Snyder an earful at the Old Town Tavern. She said she yelled “How was your water? Was it clean?”
Not to spoil the story, but it was clean.
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Ted Cruz Slams Michelle Obama in Appeal to Middle School Electorate
Ted Cruz currently trails Donald Trump
http://gawker.com/ted-cruzs-ludi...
At rallies in Iowa on Saturday and Sunday, Buzzfeed notes, Cruz confidently delivered following line: “Let me say something to the school-aged kids here. When Heidi’s first lady, French fries are coming back to the cafeteria.”
Sounds good, man.
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University Issues Mandatory Fitbits to Track Students' Weight, Exercise Habits
Incoming freshmen at Oral Roberts University will be required to wear a Fitbit that will track their exercise habits, sleep, and weight, then send that information to the school. And it isn’t just about shame and surveillance for their own sakes—students will be graded on their work.
As NBC News points out, ORU has always had a mandatory fitness component. Before, students would manually track their activity themselves, then turn in written logs to the school. Now, the information will come straight from the Fitbit.
Sometimes, when the U.S. government wants to reassure people about dragnet surveillance, it talks about how the data it collects is supposedly anonymized—yes, metadata from your phone calls may be monitored, but unless you’re a terrorist, it will only register as a communication from one string of digits to another, never explicitly connected to you the person. ORU, on the other hand, is grading its students on their individual performances, meaning they won’t even be afforded that meager protection. If Sally Jones only got four hours of sleep on Tuesday night, ORU administrators know that Sally Jones only got four hours of sleep on Tuesday night.
Speaking with the Tulsa World, a school official who helped developed the program touted its ability to monitor students, even when they’re off campus. “Our students can be in Africa for spring break and the system will still be recording data,” Mike Matthews said.
As long as they’re going to be doing this, we might as well consider some fun practical applications. Let’s say a student’s heart rate is suspiciously high after he leaves a party with a mystery companion at the end of the night. Why not text his roommate and tell him to find somewhere else to sleep?
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Wall Street's Political Influence Is Growing
The latest numbers on presidential campaign donations for this election cycle show that even while all the candidates are vowing to take on Wall Street, the political power of Wall Street’s money is increasing.
The Wall Street Journal reports today that the super PACs that increasingly bankroll campaigns are seeing a greater portion of their money coming from the financial industry than in any previous election cycle. From the WSJ:
So far, super PACs have received more than one-third of their donations from financial-services executives, according to data from the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics.
In the 2012 election, donations from the financial-services sector made up roughly 20% of the $845 million raised by super PACs, or political-action committees, and other independent campaign groups. In the 2004 election, Wall Street and other financial groups were responsible for just $2.4 million of the money collected by super PACs or other independent groups spending money on the election.
The silver lining is that Wall Streeters are no better at picking winning presidential candidates this year than they are at picking stocks
“It’s like buying a stock and watching it fall,” says one Wall Street Bush donor.
Feels good to laugh at Jeb Bush but then again Wall Street is exerting its financial control over our political system more and more and also, you know, “Donald Trump.”
[Photo: Getty]
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A New York man was arrested for bank robbery last week after he robbed five banks in a single day.
A New York man was arrested for bank robbery last week after he robbed five banks in a single day. Hey man, don’t rob so many banks.
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Jeb Bush Wanted It To Look Like He Didn't Have Big Donors and His Wish Came True
There was, incredibly enough, a time when Jeb Bush was so awash in love (cash) from donors that he asked them to refrain from giving more than $1 million at a time. They listened.
As Mother Jones points out, Jeb! Super PAC Right to Rise reported $103 million in donations last July. At the time, he was doing so well that his campaign, worried it might make him look too elitist, asked fundraisers to cap donations at $1 million.
But summer turned cold, and so too did Jeb’s supporters. Right to Rise pulled in only $15.1 million this quarter, most of it from a single—foolish—donor:
In July, when the super-PAC’s first-half numbers were released, we counted at least 23 donors who gave $1 million or more to Right to Rise. This time, there was just one donor who gave more than $500,000—former AIG chairman and CEO, Hank Greenberg, who donated a whopping $10 million. And where during the first half of the year Right to Rise had 9,400 donors, it reported just 155 contributors in its latest disclosure.
Even so, Jeb did gain at least one thing this quarter: His mother’s acknowledgement.
http://gawker.com/barbara-bush-g...
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It Sure Sounds Like Clinton Didn’t Want De Blasio Campaigning for Her in Iowa
When New York Mayor Bill de Blasio approached his old boss Hillary Clinton about campaigning on her behalf in Iowa, her campaign said no thanks, that won’t be necessary, he told the Times. Rather than accept that snub gracefully, de Blasio went to Iowa anyway and performed what amounted to entry-level volunteer work. Take a hint, my man.
“I wanted to do exactly the kind of stuff I’ve done in the past,” the mayor said of the appearance. “Knocking on doors, phone calls, like, real work. That’s what I consider the natural thing to do.”
Sure you did, pal.
According to his own account, de Blasio was told “they don’t need more surrogates in Iowa, they’ve got plenty,” when he first approached Clinton’s organization. Then he clarified: he was willing to do “whatever kind of work you need.” So they sent him to knock on doors.
Perhaps Hillary’s reticence to accept the support of de Blasio, who helmed her successful U.S. Senate bid, had to do with his long delay in endorsing her for president over Bernie Sanders, whose progressive platform jibes more closely with the mayor’s own. Or maybe it’s because, as the New York Daily News observed, no one in Iowa knows who Bill de Blasio is.
Many of those voters had no idea who the tall guy knocking on their door was.
The News followed him while he was canvassing in Indianola, a small city south of Des Moines with a population of around 15,000 — about the same as a few blocks of Manhattan.
One woman rebuffed the mayor and his wife, Chirlane McCray, who accompanied him, in seconds.
“Thanks anyway. I like your shirt though,” he said about her mustard-colored Iowa Hawkeyes garb as her door was closing on him.
Bill, come on, buddy. Come on.
Image via AP. Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.
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Jeb Still Maybe Shooting Too High
Jeb Bush would very much like you to consider giving him a shot if you have the time maybe, but only if it’s not too much of an inconvenience. Or you know, if you just don’t want to.
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Every Candidate’s Impossible First-Day Agendas, Ranked
With the Iowa caucuses officially kicking off primary voting season, it won’t be long before a brand new butt is working a fresh groove into Obama’s old chair. In preparation, our various candidates are already hard at work making wild schedules for their first day on the job. And each one is more impossible than the last.
First, let’s remember that there are still only 24 hours in a day, some of which will almost surely be spent sleeping. And let’s also remember what George W. Bush did during his first day on the throne:
- Had coffee with his parents
- Spent the day “getting accustomed to his surroundings”
- Took supporters on a tour of his new home
In fact, it’s the very same schedule I had the first day I moved into my freshman college dorm. Obama’s first day checklist, while slightly busier, still just consisted of:
- Read the note left behind by Dubya
- Attended prayer service
- Met with advisors
- Swore-in Cabinet members
- Signed an executive order forbidding White House employees from acting as lobbyists
So with those ambitious day-one agendas in mind, let’s take a look at the proposed agendas of our current candidates, ranked in order from most impossible to least.
1. Ted Cruz will...
- Rescind every single executive order issued by President Obama (which total 184 thus far)
- Open a Department of Justice investigation into Planned Parenthood
- “Rip up” the Iran nuclear deal (which would look something like this)
- Order the IRS to end its “persecution of religious liberty”
- Order the Department of Justice to end its “persecution of religious liberty”
- Move the U.S. embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem
- Send flowers and condolence notes to “all the editors and reporters who have checked themselves into therapy”
2. Donald Trump will...
- Eliminate gun-free zones at schools and on military bases
- Round up and ship out all 11 million “bad” illegals
- Stop all American companies from continuing to build their products outside of the U.S.
- Have the U.S. Treasury Department declare China a currency manipulator
- Rescind every single executive order issued by President Obama (which total 184 thus far)
3. Jeb Bush will...
- Rescind every single executive order issued by President Obama (which total 184 thus far)
- Repeal Obamacare
- Lift the “regulatory burdens” off of business’s backs
4. Mike Huckabee will...
- Sign an executive order supporting “traditional” marriage and “protecting religious beliefs”
- “Direct the Attorney General to protect religious liberty and aggressively prosecute any violations of First Amendment rights of individuals, businesses, religious organizations, institutions and civil servants, including those who believe in traditional marriage”
5. Rand Paul will...
- Shut down the National Security Agency’s various mass surveillance programs
- Repeal Obama’s environmental regulations
6. Ben Carson will...
- Freeze the debt limit
- “Use” his newly outlined cybersecurity plan
7. Marco Rubio will...
- “Rip up” the Iran nuclear deal
- Increase and reimpose previous sanctions on Iran
8. Carly Fiorina will...
- Make a phone call to Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to let him know that he has the U.S.’s support
- Make a phone call to Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, Iran’s Supreme Leader, to demand that he allow the U.S. to conduct random and unrestricted inspections of Iranian nuclear sites
9. Rick Santorum will...
- “Walk away” from the Iran nuclear deal and “open up all these facilities for inspection”
10. Chris Christie will...
- Sign an executive order decreeing that for the next three months there will be “no more regulation by any government agency or department” [Note: This makes absolutely no sense.]
11. Martin O’Malley will...
- Write an executive order declaring the transition to clean energy the government’s number one priority
12 and 13. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders...
... have yet to release any first day plans whatsoever. Slackers.
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Hundreds of Uber Drivers Are Striking in New York City
Several hundred New York City-based Uber drivers are collectively striking against the car-sharing startup today, according to fliers distributed to riders over the past few days and a Facebook event page administered by a driver named Farrukh Khamdamov. According to that page’s description, the strike (and an accompanying demonstration at Uber’s Long Island City headquarters) are intended to protest the company’s recent decision
Stop being a slave, boycott new UBER price cut! Demand uber fee cut! Tell your friends, we are organizing strike to return respect and power to drivers! Join us on UBER STRIKE coming MONDAY (FEBRUARY 1ST) - ... PRESS ATTEND AND INVITE YOUR FRIENDS! DON’T BE THE GREEDY ONE AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OTHERS NOT WORKING! WE ARE POWERFUL WHEN WE ARE UNITED!!!
Nearly 800 people plan to participate in the strike or protest, according to the same page’s guest list. If that number is accurate, Uber is facing a significant, if not fatal, decrease in the number of available drivers. Last March, the City of New York revealed that a little over 14,000 Uber vehicles were registered with the city (a large number of which are operated by part-time drivers).
Existing labor laws allow Uber to classify all of its drivers as contractors (who can be fired at any time, for any reason), so the risks of striking are particularly acute for the drivers participating in today’s demonstration. And, as the writer and web developer Cody Brown pointed out today, the company’s controversial “surge pricing” feature gives drivers who are ambivalent about the strike a financial incentive to keep driving: “A successful Uber strike is is an opportunity for other drivers to cash in on a surge.”
As of early Monday afternoon, it’s unclear whether the strike has meaningfully lowered the supply of available cars in New York City. In Manhattan’s Flatiron neighborhood, for example, Uber’s iPhone app currently indicates that at least four cars are available to pick up riders (with no surge pricing). But the protest in Long Island City appears to be well underway:
In a statement emailed to Gawker, a Uber spokesperson wrote:
Every city has has busy months and slow times. In New York things tend to be quieter after the holidays. So we lowered prices to get more people using Uber, which is good for drivers because it means less time waiting around for trips. Since the price cut drivers have spent spent 39% less time between trips which has increased average hourly earnings by 20% compared to two weekends before. This is similar to what happened last time we cut prices. As we have always said price cuts need to work for drivers. if for any reason they are not, we will roll them back as we have done in other cities before.
As you can see on the aforementioned Facebook page, however, many Uber drivers aren’t buying the company’s reasoning. A flier created by one features a logo suggesting Uber be banned and the headline “UBER is a rip-off for its Drivers!!!” above a chart explaining the recent price changes.
Today’s strike comes one day before government officials in Paris will meet to address ongoing anti-Uber demonstrations carried out by local taxi drivers in the French capital. Those demonstrations recently turned violent when Parisian police aimed tear gas canisters at a group of taxi drivers who had lit bonfires on a major freeway in hopes of interrupting traffic.
Email the author of this post: trotter@gawker.com // Photo credit: Shutterstock
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Ben Carson's Campaign Is An ATM For His Advisors
It is not exactly a secret that one convenient feature of Ben Carson’s political campaign is the amount of money it’s willing to pay its advisors and fundraisers. A few weeks ago, Dean Parker, Carson’s top moneyman, walked the plank after a Politico article detailed frustrations within the campaign regarding the cash funneled to companies owned by Parker and his cohorts. Now the campaign’s new FEC filing details the extent to which senior staffers are plundering the doctor’s war chest.
http://gawker.com/ben-carsons-to...
In the final three months of 2015, the Carson campaign paid:
- $4,769,922.68 to Eleventy Marketing Group. Eleventy Marketing Group’s president is Ken Dawson, who is also Carson’s chief marketing officer.
- $2,871,229.50 to TMA Direct. TMA’s president and CEO is Mike Murray, who is also Carson’s senior advisor for grassroots marketing.
- $1,256,436.09 to Communication Manager Source, which is run by Joanne Parker, wife of the aforementioned Dean Parker.
- $138,666.06 to Vita Capital. Vita Capital’s CEO is Dean Parker.
That’s over $9 million siphoned directly to companies owned by Carson staffers, out of a total of $27 million spent by the campaign in that time. A great deal of the campaign’s expenditures went to marketing, which completes the cycle by bringing even more money into the Carson campaign.
Eleventy Marketing Group, for instance, crows that it “played a pivotal role in the campaign’s unprecedented efforts to click with supporters via” Facebook. But even more important to the Carson campaign is its effort in direct mail, a favorite money-making scheme of shady conservatives everywhere. TMA Direct, as its name indicates, specializes in the practice, but it is far from the only direct mail and/or marketing company to be drowned in Carson’s cash. His campaign also paid:
- $4,537,623.83 to Action Mailers Inc., which has been “serving the direct marketing industry since 1972.”
- $3,043,327.51 to Direct Advantage, a “a direct response marketing company.”
- $2,394,745.08 to InfoCision, a “strategic marketing” firm that advertises its direct mail arm as a “vital marketing component.”
- $217,916.52 to Precision Data Management, a “customer database” firm that also specializes in email marketing.
- $101,465.65 to RST Marketing Associates, which focuses on “high-quality custom direct mail solutions.”
You can understand why some people think that Ben Carson’s campaign exists simply to advertise its existence for the purpose of generating money that it might not necessarily spend on winning elections.
So, what did the rest of the campaign’s money to go to? Hats. A lot of fuckin’ hats.
[via ThinkProgress]
Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com / image via Getty
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Donald Rumsfeld's Solitaire Game Puts Futility at Your Fingertips
Donald Rumsfeld Solitaire is a quagmire. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be clever; the overwhelming challenge in discussing Donald Rumsfeld Solitaire is to avoid being clever. The fact remains that even thinking about Donald Rumsfeld Solitaire is a quagmire. Playing it is worse.
Technically the name of Donald Rumsfeld’s app is “Churchill Solitaire.” If Marty Schottenheimer put out a game called Vince Lombardi Hold ’Em, would anyone call it Vince Lombardi Hold ’Em? It would be the Marty Schottenheimer poker game. Losers don’t write history, though they may try.
What losers write is autobiography. Something compels them to it. Solitaire is a game built around creating a mess and then trying to work your way through the mess to an orderly resolution, which may be impossible. Of all the activities in the world to build a game app around, Donald Rumsfeld chose this one.
Not only that, he chose to build a game around a solitaire variation that uses 104 cards, not 52—a whole extra deck, to make the complications that much more intractable. There is an extra row of cards above the regular play area, to divide your attention. A second front. That’s what it is.
It begins to feel almost as if “Donald Rumsfeld’s Winston Churchill’s Call of Duty” would have been less awkward. This is how Rumsfeld himself described the game, in a developer essay on Medium:
It’s a card game that can frustrate even the most skilled player because a single move can make or break an entire game. A number of hands are simply unwinnable. But the most steadfast players will gamely soldier on to find their way to victory.
The reader with an interest in history or foreign policy may go back and forth between those second and third sentences for a while. Then one immediately moves on to an aphorism Rumsfeld attributes to the Belgian diplomat Andre de Staercke, who he says taught this particular card game to both the British Prime Minister and the American defense secretary:
“What one needs in life are the pessimism of intelligence and the optimism of will.”
“The Optimism of Will” would be a good title for a retrospective look at Donald Rumsfeld’s career as a military strategist. But despite Rumsfeld, we are here to play a card game, on a mobile device, or to try to.
The game opens by forcing your phone into landscape mode and unspooling black and white archival motion pictures from the events of a war that killed 60 million people, to set a mood. If you haven’t turned down the volume, Churchill’s words to a desperate nation play in the background. “We shall never surrender!” Churchill says. (“Optimism” does not exactly describe the tone.)
There is a framing conceit about how, as you advance through the levels of the game, you will follow the progress of Churchill’s life, starting as a cadet at the Royal Military College at Sandhurst and ending up, presumably, as Prime Minister. Perhaps along the way you herd the Boers into camps. Focus on the present, though.
If you are playing the free trial version, you choose one of three deals: Easy, Medium, or Hard. The cards are laid out in 10 columns, in stacks ranging from one card at each end to five cards in the middle columns. The top cards are face-up, as in ordinary solitaire. Six more cards are face-up and overlapping in a sort of holding pen at the top. The goal is the usual: Build columns of alternating red and black, in order from kings on down, while clearing away cards to the top by suit, from aces on up.
Who puts a time-waster game in forced landscape? Computer solitaire exists to be played with half your supply of hands, using half your supply of brain. But this is a man who made a big deal out of his preference for working at a standing desk. Donald Rumsfeld has his own theories about how things are done.
Some of those theories are contrary to the generally understood theory and practice of solitaire. Thus the Life of Winston Churchill conceit. Ordinary Solitaire is about the void, the easy flow state. But Donald Rumsfeld offers nothing but endless, intrusive context. His version of the game is set up for timing, scoring, advancement. If you take your eye off the screen for too long—say, to attend to some actual business on another device—Rumsfeld Solitaire throws a nagging dialog box at you.
When the game gets out of your face and lets you play, it mostly feels like any other kind of solitaire, only slower and more frustrating. Besides the double deck and the extra cards at the top—the “Devil’s Six,” in the game jargon—the other distinctive feature is that when you call for fresh cards, the new ones are dumped on top of the columns you’re working on. You can’t go back to building on the progress you’ve made till you clean up the latest crisis in the foreground.
The other obstacle to building your columns is that they don’t really fit on the phone screen. Shortly into my first game, Rumsfeld Solitaire warned me that I was getting too close to the edge, and advised me to rotate my device to get more room.
It was Rumsfeld Solitaire, of course, that had chosen to put the phone in horizontal layout in the first place. I tried to rotate the phone back to vertical, and I couldn’t—I’d had my iPhone rotation-locked on portrait to begin with, so when the game commandeered things, it locked it on landscape.
When I tried to pull up the phone’s menu to unlock it, I discovered that Rumsfeld Solitaire had put a pull-up help menu for the game in that same spot. Eventually I gave up on trying to summon the phone menu and kept playing with the cards dangling off the screen—till at some point, as I fumbled at them, I accidentally launched the phone menu I’d wanted in the first place, so I could unlock the rotation.
On switching to the vertical layout, I found that the way Rumsfeld Solitaire fits the 10 columns of cards into the narrow screen is by shrinking them. Donald Rumsfeld, as he wrote in his developer’s note, is 83 years old. My eyes are 39 years younger than that, but they’re already old enough that it’s hard to focus them on an image of a playing card one-tenth the width of an iPhone.
“I’ve signed off on something they call ‘UX,’” Rumsfeld wrote on Medium. Maybe he played it on a tablet.
Still, a fundamental error of design wasn’t going to stop me. I played on, itty-bitty cards and all, and as I did so, an understated fact about the game became clear: It’s rigged.
It has to be, by design. There are difficulty levels. The only way to set a solitaire game at different levels of difficulty is to stack the deck. The Sandhurst Cadet, tapping away at the screen, is following a script imposed from above.
That fact was palpable, as the easy game progressed. The right cards showed up to get it off to a good start, then things slowed down. For a moment, it looked like the columns might never get untangled—and then, suddenly, the needed cards began to appear, and everything fell into place till the last obstacle was gone, at which point a dialog box offered to autocomplete the game. (This confirmed that Donald Rumsfeld and his team do not, on the most basic level, approach video solitaire the way I do.)
The sales proposition behind the game is that by paying money, you unlock more different prearranged decks—or, if you choose, you can buy access to an option that will give you an actual random shuffle. The proceeds go to charity. I stuck with the free deals.
On medium difficulty, I began to wonder more acutely why one would choose to make a game of solitaire that required twice as much card-moving as normal. I got stuck, and between boredom and eyestrain and the knowledge that the deck was stacked, I gave up and just advanced to the hard setting.
The hard setting was hard. A stubborn pileup of black 10s developed on the right-hand side, with no good way to clear them. Deep into the game, only seven of the eight aces I needed had turned up. I burned through the whole deck and futilely asked for a hint. “You may be out of luck,” the game said.
So I tried it again. I knew it was set up for failure, and I tried it again anyway. This time I made intentionally wrongheaded plays, refusing to slide a king up into an empty column, hoping that an arbitrary change in tactics could shift the underlying balance to something marginally less unfavorable. Even so, I ended up blundering into the same dead ends. The only way out was to spend more time, or start spending money, on something that was never really going to work out. I put down the phone and went away.
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Trump Encourages Ralliers to "Knock the Crap Out of" Protesters, Promises to Pay Legal Fees
Earlier today, Donald Trump apparently received a tip that “there may be someone with tomatoes in the audience.” And how would Donald Trump like his adoring fans to react to this alleged tomato carrier? Donald Trump wants them to beat the shit out of him.
http://gawker.com/hero-throws-to...
Speaking to a crowd in Iowa, Trump said:
So if you see someone getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of ‘em. Would you? Seriously. Ok? Just knock the hell—I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees. I promise. I promise.
If you’re thinking that encouraging other people to commit violent crimes sounds like it is maybe probably illegal—you’re right! Under Iowa state law, a person can be charged with disorderly conduct if they are “directing abusive words or making a threatening gesture which the person knows (or reasonably should know) is likely to provoke a violent reaction by another.”
So should Donald Trump’s supporters act on his wishes (and when have they ever not
God help us all.
[h/t @bennyjohnson]
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You Can Buy These New Iowa Caucus Garbage Pail Kids Cards Featuring Donald Dump and Hounded Hillary
It’s showtime. The Iowa Caucus is today and Iowans from all 99 counties are making their voices heard. But the Garbage Pail Kids special Iowa Caucus edition has the candidates as you’ve never seen them before.
There’s Donald Dump wiping his buttocks (the best buttocks ever, no doubt) with the US Constitution. And Hounded Hillary pretending that her classified emails are no big deal. And, of course, there’s Brainy Ben, who seems to have taken it upon himself to fix whatever’s going on up there in his own noggin.
The cards also come with two stickers. But if the Topps website is a bit sluggish today that might have to do with the disclaimer about the bonus stickers: “This is a special Iowa Caucus GPK edition of the 2016 Presidental Candidates, and includes 2 stickers. This will only be available for 24 hours and we will print the number of stickers ordered.”
So order now if you’re dying to get your hands on the stickers that come with this set. Those Berserk Bernie and Joyless Jeb cards won’t be around for long.
Update: It looks like (some?) cards have been pulled from the Topps website, presumably because they sold out. There’s always eBay.
[Topps]
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I Bet This Guy Did Something Bad
The Tennessean reports that Rep. Stephen Fincher, a 42-year-old congressman representing Tennessee’s 8th district, will not seek re-election this year. In an emailed statement to the paper, Fincher declined to provide a specific reason for retiring. Uh oh.
“I have decided not to seek re-election to the 8th Congressional District seat this year,” he said. “I am humbled by the opportunity to serve the people of West Tennessee, but I never intended to become a career politician. The last six years have been the opportunity of a lifetime, and I am honored to have been given the chance to serve. I will be returning to Frog Jump and my family and business, but intend to stay involved to the extent I can. I want to thank every citizen of the 8th District for the privilege of serving.”
Hmmmm I bet this guy did something bad.
Fincher, a gospel singer and farmer, was elected in 2010 and reelected in 2014 with 70 percent of the vote. His district is comfortably Republican.
I’m sure there are many positive reasons to return to Frog Jump, but another reason might be that you did something pretty bad.
To be clear, I have no idea if he did something, and no specific reason to believe that he did anything, but—come on.
If you know what Stephen Fincher did—not to say that he did anything!—let us know.
Photo via AP. Contact the author at allie@gawker.com.
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Rumor: Heidi Cruz Is So Repulsed by Iowans She Has to Shower Multiple Times a Day
In preparation for tonight’s caucuses, Ted Cruz has spent nearly three-quarters of the past month campaigning in Iowa. That means his darling wife, Heidi Cruz, has also had to spend a lot of time in Iowa. And according to a source familiar with the Cruz family, Iowa is Heidi Cruz’s own living hell.
Heidi, who is well-versed in suppressing her disgust for the cameras, is a Goldman Sachs investment manager from a small California college town—a far cry from the cornfields and Pizza Ranches of Iowa. And apparently, it shows.
“Heidi has repeatedly been complaining about how disgusting the voters and whole scene in Iowa is,” our source told Gawker. “She says everyone smokes cigarettes, eats horribly, and wants to hug and touch her all the time. She said that she has to go back to the hotel and take a shower multiple times a day due to this environment.”
According to Heidi’s Twitter, meanwhile, meeting all those Iowans has been “so wonderful.”
That is, indeed, a face that screams, “so wonderful.”
We’ve reached out to the Cruz campaign for comment, and will update if and when we hear back. Until we do, it’s impossible to know for sure what’s in Heidi’s heart. If only she could give us some sort of sign...
“So wonderful to meet so many Iowans today!”
Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com. Image via Getty.
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Today's Best Deals: HDTV Antenna, Home Network Upgrades, Micro 4/3, and More
The ultra-popular Mohu Leaf HDTV antenna, network upgrades, and an Xbox One controller for your PC lead off the week of deals. Bookmark Kinja Deals and follow us on Twitter to never miss a deal. Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here
More Deals
http://deals.kinja.com/todays-best-ap...
Top Deals
The Super Bowl is less than a week away, and if you don’t currently have any means of watching it at home, this extremely popular
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HSMK580/...
The Mohu Leaf 30 should be perfect if you live fairly close to your local transmitters, and its design is about as subtle as unobtrusive as it gets. Hell, even if you already have cable, the crystal clear, uncompressed pictures you get from OTA TV might make this worth picking up anyway. [Mohu Leaf 30, $24]
http://lifehacker.com/five-best-indo...
http://lifehacker.com/how-to-choose-...
Whether you want to upgrade your PC with an SSD, finally buy a NAS to store your files, or just eliminate some dead zones in your wireless network, today’s Amazon Gold Box has you covered.
Inside, you’ll find routers, hard drives, ethernet switches, and a lot more, all deeply discounted off their usual prices. Like all Gold Box deals though, these prices are only available today, and the best stuff might sell out early. [Amazon]
Your favorite mobile devices are worthy of a throne, and you won’t find a better one than Twelve South’s HiRise Deluxe.
Unlike many docks with built-in (and breakable) connectors, this incorporates either an included Lightning or MicroUSB cable, meaning you can swap them out as necessary. And despite its minimalist aesthetic, it’s strong enough to support even the largest tablets. Hell, one of the promo photos shows it holding an Apple Magic Keyboard. [Twelve South HiRise Deluxe Dock for iPhone/iPad/Other Mobile Devices, $46]
http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-South-A...
If you haven’t heard of Bondic Liquid Plastic Welder before, you’ll be sold after you watch that video. Liquified plastic comes out of one end of the applicator, and hardens in seconds once it’s exposed to the UV light on the other end. Judging by its solid review average on Amazon, it really does seem to work as advertised. If you want to try it yourself, Rakuten has the pro starter kit for $20, one of the best prices we’ve seen. [Bondic Liquid Plastic Welder, $20]
http://www.rakuten.com/prod/277918464...
Far Cry Primal comes out later this month
http://deals.kinja.com/calendar-of-up...
http://www.amazon.com/Far-Cry-4-Comp...
http://www.amazon.com/Far-Cry-4-Comp...
We’ve waxed poetic
http://www.ebay.com/itm/1917868150...
http://lifehacker.com/5957578/the-mo...
It’s no secret that you guys love
http://www.ebay.com/itm/1217239104...
http://co-op.kinja.com/five-best-vacu...
If you still haven’t gotten yourself a Chromecast (or six), Best Buy is giving out $10 gift cards with your purchase today. Plus, Google will throw in 90 days of unlimited music, two months of CBS All Access, and a month of Sling TV for free. [Chromecast/Chromecast Audio, $35 + $10 Best Buy Gift Card]
http://gizmodo.com/chromecast-201...
http://reviews.gizmodo.com/chromecast-aud...
Today only, Amazon has not one, but two Gold Box deals on Bluetooth headphones.
Reviewers note that JayBird’s Freedom earbuds seem to be completely impervious to sweat, and while we often see cheaper Bluetooth earbuds, this is a great deal if you’d prefer to buy from a “brand name.” [JayBird Freedom Bluetooth Earbuds, $30]
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005B28DOM/...
If you prefer on-ears, the highly-rated 66 Audio BTS+ headphones boast 20+ hours of battery life, which is basically unheard of. [66 Audio BTS+ Bluetooth Sports Headphone, $37]
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00E0GRRR4/...
We see deals on car-starting battery packs just about every day, but even by our standards, $35 is a really fantastic price. Just note that this model is only 300A, so if your car’s engine is 3L or larger, keep reading for a more powerful alternative. [Bestek 300A Car Jump Starter, $35 with code 5VXFE6I6. Use code D5DZPWUZ for the red model]
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...
For larger trucks and SUVs, you’ll want to shell out an extra $20 for this 600A alternative from the same manufacturer. [BESTEK 600A Peak Current Portable Car Jump Starter and Power Bank, $55 with code R7CCIONH]
http://www.amazon.com/BESTEK-Current...
We’re less than two weeks from Valentine’s Day, and if you haven’t bought any cheesy heart-shaped boxes of chocolate yet, Amazon will send you one for 15% off.
A few of these are actually multipacks, which could be...problematic, but there are several individual boxes on sale as well. Just note that you won’t see the 15% discount until checkout. [15% off Valentine’s Day Lindt Chocolate]
Sonos speakers only get a handful of modest discounts every year, so if you have one on your shopping list, you won’t want to miss this opportunity. [Sonos Play:1 All-In-One Wireless Music System, $170]
http://www.rakuten.com/prod/q/loc/101...
Weighing less than a pound and with folded dimensions smaller than some laptops, this tiny stool is perfect for camping, picnics, and kids’ soccer games. [OUTAD Folding Camping Stool with Backrest, $13 with code NHHOUW22]
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01...
You don’t need to get your eyes checked, this really is 11,200mAh of extra battery for $8, plus a surprisingly bright flashlight. This Kmashi pack doesn’t have the build quality of our favorites from Anker, but it might be the best pure value we’ve ever seen. [Kmashi 11200mAh Portable External Battery Pack, $8 with code FVSA9NY2]
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...
The Xbox 360 gamepad has been the controller of choice for most PC gamers for about a decade now, but if you prefer the Xbox One gamepad, the wireless PC model is down to $65 today, the lowest price Amazon’s ever listed. [Microsoft Xbox One Controller + Wireless Adapter for Windows 10, $65]
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B015IX3X3E/...
The tiny-but-powerful
http://www.amazon.com/Olympus-Mirror...
http://reframe.gizmodo.com/olympus-om-d-e...
If you don’t need the kit lens, you can save an extra $50 as well.
http://www.amazon.com/Olympus-E-M10-...
And if only the best will do, the robust, utilitarian, wonderful Olympus OM-D E-M1 is on sale as well. [OM-D E-M1 Body, $999]
http://www.amazon.com/Olympus-Mirror...
http://gizmodo.com/olympus-om-d-e...
Here are some great stainless steel bar accessories, for all your boozing needs.
Ohuhu Luxury Corkscrew and Wine Stopper Set ($7) | Amazon | Use code NHLRY2SD
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00PAJL59G
X-Chef Stainless Steel 3-Piece Martini Bar Kit, Classic and Elegant ($14) | Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B014F9OKTI
If you aren’t familiar, ExOfficio’s Give-N-Go boxer briefs were a finalist in our recent best men’s underwear Co-Op
http://co-op.kinja.com/four-best-mens...
ExOfficio Men’s Give-N-Go Boxer Brief ($10) | Sierra Trading Post
http://www.sierratradingpost.com/exofficio-boxe...
ExOfficio Women’s Give-N-Go Panties ($8) | Sierra Trading Post
http://www.sierratradingpost.com/exofficio-give...
Note: You will have to pay a variable shipping charge, but you can cut it in half by signing up for Sierra Trading Post’s email newsletter.
Two of Telltale’s newest story-driven games are on sale today on multiple platforms. Personally, I loved Game of Thrones, and Kotaku says that Minecraft: Story Mode works surprisingly well
http://kotaku.com/minecraft-stor...
Minecraft: Story Mode [Multiple Platforms] ($20) | Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B014XCWYOK/...
Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series [PS4] ($15) | Amazon | Same price on Xbox One from Best Buy
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0140Z6SY2/...
You can get cheap Lightning and MicroUSB cables just about anywhere, but if only the best will do, you should give Anker’s PowerLine models a look.
These cables are built with kevlar fiber and feature reinforced stress points, which means they can last 5-10x longer than typical cables. I own a couple of these, and while I can’t yet speak to how long long they actually last, I can say that they just feel nice. Weighty, solid, premium.
These were on sale briefly last week for the same prices, but if you missed out, here’s another chance.
Anker [3-Pack] PowerLine MicroUSB Kevlar-Wrapped Cables ($7) | Amazon | Promo code D6SWG2EN
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B015MJLEUS
Anker PowerLine 6ft Apple MFi Certified Lightning to USB Cable (White/Space Grey Only) ($10) | Amazon | Promo code Y4QNX8RS
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B013JNAUMW
If you still own any TVs without access to smart apps, you can save $5 on Amazon’s excellent
Amazon Fire TV Stick ($35) | Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00GDQ0RMG/...
Amazon Fire TV Stick with Voice Remote ($40) | Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZVJAF9G/...
http://gizmodo.com/amazon-fire-tv...
Home theater PCs are great, but nobody wants to keep a mouse and keyboard on their coffee table. Luckily, this $16 wireless remote includes a keyboard and a trackpad in one tiny package. I wouldn’t want to write a novel with it, but it’s perfect for finding a new video to watch. [Seneo 2.4Ghz Mini Touchpad Keyboard with USB Interface Adapter, $16 with code 9XRAO52J]
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0191MBSYE
$20 water-resistant Bluetooth speakers are nothing new, but this model from Mpow cleverly includes a suction cup so you can stick it to your shower wall. It’s like one of those old FM shower radios, except you can use it to listen to Spotify and Serial. [Mpow Buckler Water-Resistant Suction Cup Bluetooth Speaker, $20 with code 9ZTOG87S]
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B014QVKEF4
If you place a heavy emphasis on sound quality, the equally water resistant UE Roll is also down to $70 right now, an all-time low. [UE Roll Bluetooth Speaker, $70]
http://gizmodo.com/this-waterproo...
Victorinox’s Fibrox 8” chef’s knife is one of your favorite chef’s knives period, and by far the best value in the industry. It’s also the knife I’ve used almost every day for over three years. Amazon has it for $28 right now, which is an absolute steal for the quality you’re getting. [Victorinox Fibrox 8” Chef’s Knife, $28]
http://www.amazon.com/Victorinox-Fib...
http://gizmodo.com/five-best-chef...
Tech
Storage
- QNAP TAS-168 1-Bay Personal Cloud NAS with DLNA, Mobile Apps and Android Display ($159) | Amazon
- QNAP TAS-268 2-Bay Personal Cloud NAS with DLNA, Mobile Apps and Android Display ($199) | Amazon
- WD 8TB My Cloud EX2 Network Attached Storage - NAS ($363) | Amazon
- WD 12TB My Cloud Mirror Personal Network Attached Storage - NAS ($439) | Amazon
- SEAGATE NAS HDD 6TB SATA 6Gb/s NCQ 128 MB Cache Bare Drive ($215) | Amazon
Power
- Kmashi 11200mAh Portable External Battery Pack ($8) | Amazon | Promo code FVSA9NY2
- Imarku Ultra Slim 20000mah External Power Bank ($20) | Amazon | Use code YDZ4BWR8
- AmazonBasics AA Performance Alkaline Batteries (48-Pack) ($12) | Amazon
- Tronsmart 6 Pack 20AWG Micro USB Charge Cable ($8) | Amazon | Use code 6USBCORD
- Tronsmart Quick Charge 2.0 Turbo Wall Charger ($6) | Amazon | Use code HOMECHAR
- Arteck Lightning to USB Cable ($6) | Amazon | Promo code IBMVSSYZ
- Anker 15W Dual-Port Solar Charger ($40) | Amazon
- Anker PowerDrive 2 Lite Dual Port Car Charger ($6) | Amazon | Promo code PUPJ936N
- Anker 40W 5-Port USB Car Charger ($20) | Amazon | Promo code CK9O76VR
- Anker [3-Pack] PowerLine MicroUSB Kevlar-Wrapped Cables ($7) | Amazon | Promo code D6SWG2EN
- Anker PowerLine 6ft Apple MFi Certified Lightning to USB Cable (White/Space Grey Only) ($10) | Amazon | Promo code Y4QNX8RS
Audio
- Audio Technica ATH-ANC7B SVIS Noise-Cancelling Headphones ($101) | Amazon
- JayBird Freedom Bluetooth Earbuds ($30) | Amazon
- 66 Audio BTS+ Bluetooth Sports Headphone ($37) | Amazon
- EC Technology 5W Enhanced Bass Bluetooth 4.0 Speaker ($19) | Amazon | Use code 7LKE22DQ
- Etekcity RoverBeats T3 Ultra Portable Wireless Bluetooth Speaker ($20) | Amazon
- Ion Audio Vinyl Motion Portable Suitcase Turntable ($43) | meh
- Mpow Wired Earphone with Remote and Mic Volume Control ($8) | Amazon | Use code GP7U4339
Home Theater
- LG Electronics 50-Inch 1080p Smart LED TV (2015 Model) ($470) | Amazon
- Fire TV Stick ($35) | Amazon
- Fire TV Stick with Voice Remote ($40) | Amazon
- Mohu MH-110598 Leaf Paper-Thin Indoor HDTV Antenna, 30 Mile ($24) | Amazon
- ViewTV Flat HD Digital Indoor TV Antenna, 30 Mile ($10) | eBay
- Denon Soundbar with Wireless Subwoofer DHTS514 ($400) | Best Buy
Computers & Accessories
- Lenovo Yoga 12 Ultrabook w/ Core i3, 4GB, 500GB, Win10 ($470) | eBay
- LG 25-Inch IPS 2 x HDMI FHD ULTRAWIDE LED Monitor ($160) | Newegg
- Linksys WRT1900ACS Dual-Band Smart Wi-Fi Gigabit Router ($180) | Amazon
- TP-LINK AC1200 Wi-Fi Range Extender ($80) | Amazon
- TP-LINK AC750 Dual Band Wi-Fi Range Extender ($33) | Amazon
- D-Link Powerline AV2 2000 Adapter Gigabit Extender Starter Kit ($60) | Amazon
- D-Link 24-Port Gigabit Switch ($65) | Amazon
PC Parts
- Transcend 128GB MLC SATA III 6Gb/s 2.5" SSD ($40) | Amazon
- PNY CS2211 240 GB 2.5" SATA III Internal SSD ($65) | Amazon
- PNY CS2211 480 GB 2.5" SATA III Internal SSD ($125) | Amazon
Mobile Devices
- Twelve South HiRise Deluxe Dock for iPhone/iPad/Other Mobile Devices ($46) | Amazon
- Pebble Smartwatch ($70) | Amazon Prime
- Motorola Moto X (2nd Generation) 4G LTE Cell Phone (Verizon) ($200) | Best Buy
- Motorola Moto X (2nd Generation) 4G LTE Cell Phone (ATT) ($200) | Best Buy
- AT&T GoPhone Microsoft Lumia 640 ($30) | Best Buy
- Belkin Kitchen Cabinet Tablet Mount ($20) | Amazon
- StarTech.com 5in Micro USB to USB OTG Host Adapter ($4) | Amazon
Photography
- Olympus OM-D E-M10 16 MP Mirrorless Digital Camera with 14-42mm 2RK lens ($499) | Amazon
- Olympus OM-D E-M1 Mirrorless Digital Camera with 16MP and 3-Inch LCD (Body Only) ($999) | Amazon
- Panasonic LUMIX DMC-G7HK DSLM Mirrorless 4K Camera, 14-140 mm Lens Kit ($898) | Amazon
- Panasonic LUMIX DMC-G7KS DSLM Mirrorless 4K Camera, 14-42 mm Lens Kit ($598) | Amazon
- ASX Actionpro x WiFi Sports Camera Bundle ($66) | eBay
- GoPro HERO ($119) | Amazon
- Sumsonic COCA+ Mini Wi-Fi Lifestyle Action Camera HD 1080p Digital Video Camcorder with Smart Remot Magnetic/Sticky Mounting (Black) ($70) | amazon | Use code HGLBPJZ3
Home
- Honeywell Touch Screen Programmable Thermostat with Built-In Wi-Fi ($120) | Staples
- Wi-Fi Video Doorbell ($105) | Woot
- 1byone Weatherproof Solar Powered Outdoor LED Light 3 Different Modes with Security Motion Sensor ($14) | Amazon | Use code 4CR7EWQI
- Copper Wire Light (9.8Ft 30 LEDs, Warm White)-2 Sets ($8) | Amazon | Use code D8II85GL
- Seneo Wireless Security Video Baby Monitor ($85) | Amazon | Use code R2PGUB2I
- Set of 6 Flameless LED Color Changing Votive Candles with Remote and Timer, Multiple Colors ($13) | Amazon | Use code XDJ4YZ76
- Amcrest HDSeries 720P WiFi Wireless IP Security Surveillance Camera System ($70) | Amazon
- Instapark LCL Series Battery-powered Flameless LED Tealight Candles (4-Dozen) ($20) | Amazon | Use code RV72BS64
- First Alert SA320CN Dual Sensor Battery-Powered Smoke and Fire Alarm ($14) | Amazon
- Holmes Ceramic Tower with Eco-Smart and LCD Control ($30) | eBay
- Staples Osgood Bonded Leather High-Back Manager’s Chair ($99) | Staples
- 13-Gallon Touch-Free Sensor Automatic Stainless-Steel Trash Can ($35) | eBay
- American Tourister Wheeled Mobile Office ($38) | Samsonite | Use code CLEAR30
- Rubbermaid Configurations Custom Closet Deluxe Kit ($86) | Amazon
- Select Dimmer Switches are On Sale at Home Depot
- Magicfly Magic Gel Pens - 72 Gel Pen Set with Case ($20) | Amazon | Use code 5YS9IG5O
Beauty & Grooming
- Target February Beauty Box ($35 Value) ($7) | Target
- $50 Sephora Gift Card ($42) | Staples
- Conair Sonic Facial Brush ($37) | Best Buy
- Philips Bikini Trimmer with Shaving Head and Comb ($13) | Amazon
Kitchen
- Cuisinart 12-Piece Cookware Set ($165) | Woot
- Wilton 2109-0309 Ultimate Professional Cake Decorating Set ($94) | Amazon
- Ohuhu Luxury Corkscrew and Wine Stopper Set ($7) | Amazon | Use code NHLRY2SD
- X-Chef Stainless Steel 3-Piece Martini Bar Kit, Classic and Elegant ($14) | Amazon
- 16-inch Grill Brush ($4) | Amazon
- Imprint CumulusPRO Professional Standing Desk Anti-Fatigue Mat 20 in. x 30 in. x 3/4 in ($37) | Amazon
- Ozera Ice Popsicle Molds, Set of 6 ($7) | Amazon
Fitness
- Bladez Stratum Cycle ($250) | Sears
- Etekcity Digital Body Weight Bathroom Scale, 400lb/180kg, Circle Design ($18) | Amazon | Use code Y5V9OZZD
Apparel
- $50 GAP Brands Gift Card ($40) | Staples
- Icebreaker Anatomica Crew Underwear Top - Men’s ($32) | REI
- Take $18 Off $108 at UNIQLO with Code LUCKY18
- Final Clearance Sale - Up to 70% Off | ASOS
- Saks.com Up to 75% Off Sale
- Moda Operandi is Having a Final Clearance Sale
- Up to 60% Off PUMA Shoes at 6pm.com
Camping & Outdoors
- Mega Deals Event at REI Outlet
- Dpower Ultralight Foldable Camping Stove ($9) | Amazon | Use code 562QXHK5
- OUTAD Folding Camping Stool with Backrest ($13) | Amazon | Use code NHHOUW22
Tools & Auto
- 18.0 Volt Cordless Drill Driver ($25) | Sears
- Craftsman 6-inch Bench Grinder With Lamp ($50) | Sears
- [2 in 1: Backup Camera Plus Radar] Esky 170 Degree Viewing Angle HD Waterproof Car Rear View Backup Camera with Shockproof & Anti-freeze Radar Parking Sensor ($20) | Amazon | Use code 8VWDOMW8
Media
Movies & TV
- My Neighbor Totoro ($16) | Best Buy
- Ponyo ($16) | Best Buy
- Last, The: Naruto the Movie (BD) ($15) | Amazon
- Cowboy Bebop: The Movie ($7) | Amazon
- The World’s End ($6) | Amazon
- This Is 40 ($5) | Amazon
- National Lampoon’s Vacation: 30th Anniversary ($8) | Amazon
- Arrow: Season 1 ($15) | Amazon
- Arrow: Season 2 ($15) | Amazon
- The 100: Season 1 ($12) | Amazon
Books & Magazines
- The Rise of Superman: Decoding the Science of Ultimate Human Performance [KIndle] ($2) | Amazon
- The Souls of Black Folk Audiobook ($3) | Audible
Gaming
Peripherals
PC
- Fairy Fencer F ($9) | Steam
- LUFTRAUSERS ($1) | Humblebundle
- Tomb Raider ($6) | Humblebundle
- XCOM Enemy Unknown: The Complete Edition ($10) | Amazon
- Bioshock ($4) | Steam
- Bioshock 2 ($4) | Steam
PlayStation 4
- Minecraft: Story Mode ($20) | Amazon
- Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series ($15) | Amazon
- UNCHARTED: The Nathan Drake Collection ($29) | Amazon
- Until Dawn ($30) | Amazon
- Far Cry 4 Complete Edition ($30) | Amazon
Xbox One
- Minecraft: Story Mode ($20) | Amazon
- Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series ($15) | Best Buy
- Sunset Overdrive ($17) | Amazon
- Far Cry 4 Complete Edition ($30) | Amazon
PlayStation 3
- Minecraft: Story Mode ($20) | Amazon
Xbox 360
- Minecraft: Story Mode ($20) | Amazon
Toys
- LEGO Minecraft 21122 the Nether Fortress Building Kit ($65) | Amazon
Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here
Send deal submissions to Deals@Gawker and all other inquiries to Shane@Gawker
↧
Sarah Palin Unedited: February 1, 2016
Sarah Palin Unedited is a series featuring full, unaltered transcripts of one Alaskan’s public ramblings. If you only read the pull-quotes, that’s okay.
Hello, Iowa! It is so good to get to be with you today! Ooh, what a perfect song, too. You guys gotta, maybe they’ll crank that at the end of the rally, you’ll get to hear more of Big & Rich’s awesome lyrics about comin’ to your city. I’m glad to be in your city, this is gorgeous, you all look great. Thank you so much for spending your very very precious, valuable time here. Bein’ involved in politics and these campaigns sucks up a lot of your resources, human and fiscal resources! You know, time is our most valuable resource, so thank you for spending it with us today. Iowa, are you ready to make America great again?
You ready to get government off our back and back on our side? You ready to secure our borders so we can secure our jobs and secure our homes? And are you ready for a commander-in-chief who will respect our troops and will never leave any of ‘em behind? You ready for peace through strength and that Reagan-ous posture that would tell any enemy, “Uh uh, we’re America, so we win, you lose!” Well only one candidate has a record of success that proves he’s the one that’s gonna to be able to get the job done. The one common sense conservative that really is in a perfect position to tell the Washington good ole’ boys, “Hey, the status quo is gonna go.” Because the American people are taking our country back. You know, and that’s why both political establishments, both sides of the aisle, that’s why they are in such a panic, because they recognize that it is our candidate who will do exactly that, and, you know, when both parties, the machines involved, when both of them hate ya? Then you know America loves you and we do love he who will be the next president of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump!
As I suggested, politics bein’ kinda brutal business, you find out who your friends are, that’s for sure, and I know that you all probably go through your own battles, maybe with family, with friends, you know, trying to, you know, at least in the arena of ideas, duking it out, trying to find that best candidate to lead the country. Uh, let me give you an example of some of the, a little tiny bit of brutality, in the grand scheme of things really is not that big of a deal, but you guys will appreciate it because you’re from Iowa! We got your good old representative Steve King! Friend of mine—I thought! Here I see that just a bit ago, someone showin’ me a story, he’s accusing me, on MSNBC—first, MSNBC, really, [indecipherable], MSNBC—of selling my support to Mr. Trump.
And this is why, when you read things like this, this is why people don’t really like politics, they know it’s a dirty business because people will say things that they know are untrue, but why would a good conservative guy like Steve King from the heartland of America want to say something that he knows isn’t true, that’s just, that just doesn’t sound like the heartland of America. Maybe he’s forgotten some of his heart in the heartland, got a touch of that Potomac fever there in D.C.! Maybe he’s been, I don’t know, maybe he’s been in a cornfield too long huffin’ ethanol or something, because uh, his accusations here are way off-base and I do wanna address it because, hey, I’m not the only one learning from Donald Trump that you stand up for what is right, you stand up for yourself, your family, your community and especially your country when somebody says somethin’ that isn’t accurate, it’s not true, no, you [indecipherable] kowtow and get down in a fetal position and let ‘em clobber you, heck we’ve got a commander-in-chief today who’s doin’ that, the rest of us don’t need to do that, let’s lead the charge, teach our president how to fight back.
So listen up Steve King, yeah, I guess I do have to confess though, little tiny bit that I’m busted, you’re right, yes yes, Mr. Trump did make me a promise, and I will be better off when it’s fulfilled, and I do believe that my kids, they’re gonna be more secure too, so that is why I’m here today, I’m collecting on the promise. ‘Cause Mr. Trump promised me that he will make America great again and that’s the only thing I’m askin’! So some of these Republicans, and I’m proud to stand on the planks of the Republican platform, we’re right, we are right, and really adhering to them and building upon those planks America will be made great again. But these Republicans, dogonne it, when I look at them trying to beat up Mr. Trump and claimin’ he’s not conservative enough, and I’m thinkin’, what’s their definition of conservatism? Look at the mess that they’ve helped get us into! You know, if that’s the definition of conservatism, growing government and allowing some of the things that are going on today, well then we gotta redefine conservatism.
We worked really really hard to send Congress a GOP majority, didn’t we, in these past elections. What did they do? We handed them the majority, they handed Obama a blank check. A blank check that opened borders for un-vetted illegal aliens to come in and take American jobs, and a blank check that funded Planned Parenthood against our will. And it funded bloated budgets and jacked up trillions and trillions of dollars of new debt that our children are going to be handed, that is so immoral, to think that they can get away with that, they hold the purse strings but that’s what’s happened. And that blank check too, making no sense because it’s led us to things, oh gosh, to pay the bills then, we have had to uh, print money out of thin air, [indecipherable] we’ve had to borrow money from foreign countries to turn around and give to foreign countries, that’s not a whole lotta common sense, I think common sense is an endangered species in D.C. And that’s why we need to make these changes. No—
That blank check too, what it did for crony capitalists? It paid for perks. But really, the only thing they paid lately especially is lip service. Lip service to the idea of reining in spending other people’s money, their addiction to opium— other people’s money—needs to be cured. We know what the cure is, get someone in there with private sector experience who has had to balance budgets, he has had to produce and not just rely on government and spending that other people’s money, we have to be able to have someone in that highest CEO position in the land to turn things around and to teach those within our own party and hopefully, if some of ‘em aren’t a lost cause in the other party, to teach them too how our economy can really get roaring again by doing the right things. It’s been a lot of talk, talk, talk instead of do, and that’s what we hire them to do, is fulfill their campaign promises and rein in this bloated government. Well Trump’s campaign is beautiful, because it’s exposed all this, and he’s exposed it because he’s a doer.
And Donald Trump, he builds things. Big, big things. You have to ask yourself, what have his opponents ever built? Big, big vocabularies. Big debt. No, big, um, big war chests again, being able to spend other people’s money, and that is the problem, that we have no leadership in D.C. to stop the D.C. insanity. So Iowa, are you ready to fix the problem? You are gonna be leading the nation tonight, it’s you! The eyes of America are upon you, you’ll lead the nation in this. You know why Barack Obama really trashed our constitution and just ran roughshod right on over Congress and rammed those executive orders down our throat? You know why he did that? Because he could. He knew that he could.
This, though, this great awakening that you are all a part of, is telling those in D.C., those good ole’ boys, that we’re not gonna take it anymore, that enough is enough. You are part of this great awakening that is so needed, and it’s a movement, and it’s an energy, and it’s a strategy. It’s a strategy where we all know, we know that it’s now or never to make America great again, that’s how important this election is. It is now or never. And this campaign was borne of that urgency. And really, it is all about you. You who grow our food and teach our children, you who run our main streets and run our factories, own the businesses, you who fight our wars, you know that we are at a tipping point.
It’s so funny though that the beltway pundits, so many in the media, they don’t know that, though. They won’t admit it anyway. They’re still saying, “Dang, I can’t figure out this Trump thing! Where’s all this energy coming from?” And I say, “Daaang, what’s not to figure out?” We love our country, and we’ll fight for it! We love our freedom and we’ll fight for it! A lot of us here, we proudly cling to our god, our guns, and our constitution, and those who don’t, they still want to be with us to fight for it, our rights, to exercise that, that is why we are here as a part of this movement. Those who maybe don’t believe in those specific values and things that, listed there, they still want to fight with us so we can save the freest, most generous, most exceptional nation in the history of mankind! So what is not to get? We’re clear, we’re here, get used to it!
We need to send a message tonight, Iowa. We need to be able to count on you leading the charge for the rest of the nation. We’re rootin’ for Donald Trump, and you know why? Because Trump roots for us. He has worked so hard, and he has seized opportunity to earn his success, and he wants that great success for the rest of us too. And he’s using it to help his fellow man, he wants that for all of you. He is beholden to no one but we the people. And he is beholden to nothing except doing the right thing, to restore constitutional government back into the system, that’s the only way we save our Republic. So you’re here for the right reasons, he’s in it to win it, he’s runnin’ for the right reasons, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for speaking on behalf of so many millions of millions of Americans tonight when you go to caucus and you cast that vote for Trump. He wants that success, he wants the best for all of you. So to make America great again, let me introduce to you the next president of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump!
From a speech she gave on Monday, Feb. 1 at a Trump campaign rally in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, this has been Sarah Palin Unedited.
Image via Getty, gif by Bobby Finger.
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