Millennial favorites (?) Demi Lovato, Lena Dunham, and Katy Perry have all campaigned for Hillary Clinton this election cycle, and according to a new report from The Free Beacon, at least one of them has gotten paid. The Clinton campaign reported paying Perry’s company, Kitty Purry, Inc., almost $70,000 in December for “event production.”
It’s not clear from the filing which event the campaign paid for or what exactly was included in the $70,000 fee. Perry endorsed Clinton in October and performed at one of her Iowa rallies; she is also scheduled to perform at a campaign fundraiser next month.
Millennial somebody Ryn Weaver, who is apparently also a pop singer, accused Perry on Twitter this week of getting paid to endorse Clinton. She also accused Perry of being a “bully,” which is neither here nor there. Perry didn’t respond to either of the claims.
For context, the Beacon notes that the Obama campaign paid Kitty Purry, Inc., over $128,000 in 2012 for “event site rental, staging, sound, lighting, travel, and lodging.” Perry performed at multiple Obama events during the 2012 campaign.
We reached out to the Clinton campaign for comment on its relationship with Katy Perry, and we’ll update this post if we hear back.
Update, 5:46 p.m.: Clinton’s press secretary Nick Merrill sent us the following statement: “Katy Perry has voluntarily donated her time and energy to the Hillary for America campaign at no cost, and we are extremely grateful for her support. In compliance with campaign finance rules, basic production costs have been paid for by the campaign.”
The Department of Justice has filed for a court order to compel Apple to assist it in unlocking the phone that belonged to one of the dead San Bernardino shooters. “Apple is not above the law,” it reads.
If this sounds familiar, that’s because there is already a court order covering the exact same case, which was handed down earlier this week. Tim Cook publicly challenged the order, which has galvanized a discussion on security and tech companies’ cooperation with law enforcement.
Today’s motion is for a court order to compel Apply to comply with the initial court order. (Ahhh, the legal process.) The distinction with the old order is that the new one is way surlier. “Apple’s current refusal to comply with the Court’s Order, despite the technical feasibility of doing so, instead appears to be based on concern for its business model and brand marketing strategy,” it reads. In other words: This is just good PR.
Apple’s legal response to the initial court order is due February 26, and the government is due to respond March 5—after which Apple will have up until March 15 to respond with a brief.
The DOJ doesn’t want to wait that long, and views Tim Cook’s public response as the equivalent to the response the company would give in court. In this new motion, the DOJ stresses the urgency of the investigation:
Apple’s public statement makes clear that Apple will not comply with the Court’s Order. The government does not deny Apple its right to be heard, and expects these issues to be fully briefed before the Court; however, the urgency of this investigation requires this motion now that Apple has made its intentions not to comply patently clear.
In case there was any ambiguity about whether the DOJ thinks Apple is being irresponsible, the motion essentially states that Apple designed a phone to mess up law enforcement. “Apple designed its software and that design interferes with the execution of search warrants,” the motion reads.
The DOJ also stresses that it didn’t necessarily need to file a second order:
While it is obviously true that Tim Cook’s statement against complying with the is excellent PR for Apple, this does not make the position wrong. At any rate, the lesson today, in case there was any question at all, is that the DOJ means business.
Two days ago, SB Nation published “Who Is Daniel Holtzclaw?”, a long, sympathetic piece on the 29-year-old Oklahoma City police officer who was tried, convicted and ultimately sentenced in December to 263 years in jail for serially raping black women while on duty. The story was immediately and angrily criticized, and after a few hours, the piece was pulled and eventually replaced with a note from Spencer Hall, SB Nation’s editorial director. You can read a cached version of the article here.
Deadspin has obtained a memo that Kevin Lockland, SB Nation’s vice president of editorial operations, sent out to all of Vox Media this morning. In it, Lockland explained that the site has severed ties with Jeff Arnold, the freelancer who wrote the story. There will also be a peer review led by Vox Media editorial director Lockhart Steele during which SB Nation’s Longform program will be inactive. You can read the memo in full here:
To all our colleagues at Vox Media,
I want to follow up on the publication and subsequent removal of the Daniel Holtzclaw story on SBNation.com this week, and to let everyone know about the steps we are taking to prevent similar situations.
On behalf of SB Nation, I apologize to everyone at Vox Media. You have every right to be angry and disappointed. We are committed to taking appropriate actions to earn back your trust, which we know will take time.
We are launching an internal peer review on the process and sequence of events that led up to our publication of this story as well as systemic and organizational factors ranging from how our team is resourced to our efforts to build a more diverse and inclusive culture. Because the review involves my team, I cannot be involved as an objective reviewer. Vox Media Editorial Director Lockhart Steele will lead the review, about which he’ll have more to say.
While the review is being conducted, we have agreed with Lock to put the SB Nation longform program on temporary hiatus. Following the peer review, before we resume longform publishing, we’ll make whatever adjustments are necessary to prevent something like this from happening again. In addition, we are severing ties with the freelancer who wrote the story and will not be working with him again.
Finally, I would like to extend an invitation to anyone who would like to speak to me directly to please reach out. I will make the time to listen. I want every voice inside our company to be heard.
While we cannot undo the damage here, we will learn from this situation. Please know that we take responsibility for the poor judgment that was exercised in this instance and remain committed to Vox Media values. Taking into account the people at SB Nation, the support from Lock, Jim and others, you have my commitment that we will do better.
Kevin Lockland
Going by what we’ve heard, it wouldn’t be a surprise if Glenn Stout, proprietor and editor of the Longform vertical, is done at SB Nation.
If you know more about this story, contact the author at greg@deadspin.com.
Midway through The Hollywood Reporter’s entrancing cover story this week on how David Milch blew an enormous fortune gambling, there is this paragraph:
[The bets of Hollywood actors] paled beside those of some really high-stakes gamblers, according to a regular on the gambling circuit. In one game alone, attended by an L.A.-based investor, the pot rose to $100 million. “Everyone was out of the game except the billionaires,” says the insider.
Let us step back and comprehend what is being alleged here: it is alleged that there was a private (illegal) underground poker game in L.A. for high-rolling billionaires (more than one billionaire), and that in one single game the pot grew to one hundred million dollars. Consider the implication that one billionaire or another won an illegal pot of one hundred million dollars.
How was that money laundered, exactly?
Who are these mysterious high-rolling L.A. billionaires? How is it that one hundred million dollars allegedly came to be wagered on a single hand of poker in a private game without the security and infrastructure and regulations that accompany gambling in a casino? Is it in fact possible to win one hundred million dollars on a single hand in a private card game and to take possession of that money without being either arrested or audited or shot at, by one person or another?
How?
I asked THR how reliable this story was supposed to be—was it just a wild rumor tossed into the story for color, or should it be taken as a piece of information that is sourced anonymously but is true to some level of journalistic confidence? Peter Flax, the story’s editor, said: “Can’t really divulge details but feel confident about that anecdote and the source who relayed it to us. I wouldn’t classify it as gossip.”
Anyone know anything about a one hundred million dollar poker hand? Email me.
“Gentlemen, young men, marry you a woman. Dude—if she’s clean, and you’re clean, and you marry her, and you keep your sex right there, you’re never going to get a debilitating disease and/or death. It’s safe!”
That’s Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson, who introduced Ted Cruz at an event this morning in South Carolina. Cruz—presumably out of great respect for the racist and homophobicchild-bride advocate—invited Robertson to speak with him at several recent rallies as he made his way through the state in preparation for tomorrow’s primary.
Ted Cruz, for his part, seems happy to approve this message.
So remember, kids: Have sex with your clean wife and live forever.
GOP presidential candidate and sack of rotting tangerines Donald Trump has called for a boycott of Apple products until the tech company obeys the government’s demands about unlocking a suspect’s phone.
Trump’s boycott suggestion comes in the middle of a fight between Apple and the Department of Justice. Today, the DOJ filed a motion for a court order to compel Apple to help it unlock one of the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone by creating a software to help the FBI brute-force the passcode.
Trump uses an iPhone, so we’ll see if this boycott extends to his own electronic devices.
This is not the first dumb suggestion Trump has had about Apple this election season—hey, remember when he suggested that he’d force Apple to manufacture inside the US even though a president can’t do that?—but it is, perhaps, even dumber? I’m losing my ability to discern when Trump says something idiotic and when Trump says something extremely idiotic. It’s all blurring together. I’m so cold.
Art isn’t all diamond-bedazzled skulls and 58-million-dollar Balloon Dogs. Maybe you make money off your work. Then maybe you’re looking at an average of $44,400 per year as a “craft and fine artist,” minus studio and supply costs. Emerging and experimental artists particularly take potentially devastating financial risks in self-producing their work. When some real shit happens, an emergency art grant from a foundation or a cultural institution could offer that much-needed bump to cope with an unforeseen disaster (natural or personal) or actualize an unexpected career opportunity.
Grant application guidelines are very strict and selection process is very competitive. In Kanye’s own recent words, it might look something like this:
Since it wouldn’t be [legally] possible to apply on his behalf, we asked the Foundation for Contemporary Arts if Kanye would have a chance at one of their Emergency Art Grants. FCA:
Probably not. The emergency grants are for artists who are up-and-coming. He is not up-and-coming.
That’s unfortunate. Also, a little vague. Here is Paddy Johnson, founding Editor of Art F City, elaborating:
No granting agency will be persuaded by the idea that because financial success comes from using other people’s money, that Kanye should be the recipient of it. The maxim has never once served as a guiding principle amongst the granting agencies I know.
The fact is, applicants not only have to demonstrate a communal good, (which Kanye could argue), but that there is a reason for the financial duress other than poor fiscal management. Individuals and public institutions need to be able demonstrate that they spend responsibly. That’s going to be a hard case to make. He hasn’t laid out a case for an emergency or a new unexpected opportunity that required more money than he had. He’s only said that he needs more money to make his art. That makes him wholly indistinguishable from countless other artistic geniuses out there who do not have enough money to make their dreams a reality.
Some practical tips then:
If he wants to consider going the granting route, he’ll need to start putting together the material to make that happen. CERF, for example, requires a brief one page statement discussing the steps he’s taken to operate his business in a professional manner. And from my point of view, since this money would be used to serve a public good, he should do the responsible thing, and make those statements available for public vetting. Transparency is essential to any functioning democracy.
Whether or not Kanye is eligible for emergency grant funding would likely be contingent on the stipulations put forth by whatever cultural organization accepts applications and awards funds.
If Kanye’s being accurate about the debt that he’s incurred, it’s kind of brave for him to put it out there. A lot of artists owe a lot of money because they went to art school, and it’s all a bit shameful to admit in regards to specific dollar amounts. There are debtor advocacy movements that encourage people not to feel ashamed about the numerical value of their debt, but to instead be public with it and normalize conversation around it, which could lead to solidarity and direct action. To be honest, I’d never really considered how much money a massive celebrity might actually owe. It got me thinking about other people who I assume are incredibly wealthy, entertainers specifically, who pour all of their resources into making art. I don’t know if Kanye did that exactly, but it’s interesting to think about the concept of mega-celebrities transparently talking about their finances. If anything, Kanye speaking up made me feel less alone about my own student loan debt.
But really though:
One could creatively argue that the debt that Kanye claims to have at present results from forces outside of his control. He considers himself an artist, thus he’s compelled to create work to the extremity of his means. Most artists are very similar. And the public wants what he has to offer, so perhaps we might think of Kanye as a cultural institution that should not fail. I’d rather see Kanye get bailed out than any fuckface on Wall Street.
Photo composite by Jim Cooke, original photo by Getty. Contact the author of this post at marina.galperina@gawker.com.
The story of Rubio’s elevated expectations began thus:
CHAPIN, S.C. — Aglow in floodlights and beaming with confidence, Senator Marco Rubio of Florida and Gov. Nikki R. Haley of South Carolina looked every bit like a potential national ticket here on Wednesday, giving his supporters a glimpse of what many Republicans have long coveted: a multicultural new look for a party hungry to be competitive in November.
It went on:
After nervously keeping expectations low, Mr. Rubio’s aides are suddenly making bold predictions of a strong finish. With good news rolling in every day — his crowds regularly topping 1,000, his poll numbers climbing and endorsements streaming in from Ms. Haley and Senator Tim Scott — Mr. Rubio is hoping to reset his campaign.
What are these bold predictions of a strong finish? Senator Scott told the Times:
“He might even catch second place. And if we catch on fire, we have a long-distance shot at first.”
He might even catch...second place, you say? According to the Times, Rubio “has set the bar for himself at third place.” Dare to believe it: After his third-place finish in Iowa and his fifth-place finish in New Hampshire, Rubio’s campaign is eager to get out the message that he can finish third once more.
The Times describes Rubio busily working the political territory of South Carolina, targeting educated and prosperous younger Republicans, addressing crowds with “renewed confidence”:
He wears a big smile. People who come to see him are grabbing yard signs and literature.
Yard signs! If this news story about Marco Rubio were a photograph of Marco Rubio, it would look like this:
That’s a screenshot of Marco Rubio offering his follow-up commentary to Donald Trump’s headline-grabbing argument with the pope. Look closer, where his hair falls to his right:
It is not possible to say with confidence that Marco Rubio is now wearing a toupee. Possibly he is wearing hair extensions. It might even be that the strange alienation of one piece of his hair from the rest of his hair is the product of sloppy and desperate work with hairspray and a comb.
What is clear is that Rubio’s hair, which less than two months ago seemed to be his strongest presidential attribute, is failing him. Here is a picture of the back of his head, taken on the campaign trail in South Carolina:
The notion that Marco Rubio had a sustainable head of hair was nothing more than a fleeting illusion. It was nice to believe in, but at some point the evidence must be reckoned with.
The notion that Marco Rubio is a real presidential candidate never attained even that level of credibility. It’s true that this is a large and politically diverse nation, and a few early primary or caucus results don’t necessarily prove anything. Bill Clinton got cuffed around early in 1992 before the contests moved to his more comfortable terrain in the South.
But Rubio is being cuffed around early before the campaign moves on to more states where he will be cuffed around. A Times infographic on the outlook for the various candidates explained, “Even if Mr. Rubio loses most early states, he could be in a good position for a comeback by winning Florida, Illinois and Ohio.” Rubio is polling in third place in Florida, with 15.7 percent, 24 points behind Donald Trump. Nobody has bothered doing current polls for Illinois or Ohio. Of the states where there are poll numbers, Rubio is leading in exactly zero.
Like every Republican candidate other than Trump and Ted Cruz, Rubio is running on the premise that the voters will have to end up choosing someone other than Trump or Cruz, even though the voters show no sign of doing any such thing. This means grinding out defeat after defeat in a war of attrition in which the also-rans keep weakening one another, hoping to use the leverage of third-place finishes to force out fourth-place finishers.
It’s a grim outlook for all of them. But where John Kasich is content to wait in the weeds till someone sends out a search party for a sane-seeming candidate, and where Jeb Bush is duty bound to believe that his name and his money will somehow make a difference, Rubio has been running, in theory, as an inspiring candidate, whose youth and charisma were supposed to electrify the public.
Now the public has seen him. If they were going to get excited about Marco Rubio, they would have gotten excited by now. They aren’t.
Did you know the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android issues notifications now? It’s true. Yesterday I received a ping informing me that Kristin had posted a new article on her app titled, “Don’t Throw Away Your Flowers.”
And why shouldn’t I? Perhaps Kristin provides some explanation in the article, but I can’t say for sure, because she marked the post as “exclusive.” Exclusive Kristin app posts cost $2.99—per month.
I guess, to be on the safe side: Don’t throw away your flowers.
In an attempt to force themselves into some sort of truce, Ted Cruz and Ben Carson decided to handle the situation like adults, face to face, mano a mano, standing alone in a guarded storage closet for nearly 25 minutes, according to a new report fromThe Daily Beast.
Apparently, Carson had originally only agreed to meet with Cruz “for five minutes” in an effort to put the pair’s recent bout of bickering behind them. Cruz, however, had other plans.
“We weren’t going to comment to the press on it, but it seems pretty clear that the other party involved had a different agenda,” Jason Osborne, Senior Communications Strategist, for Carson’s campaign told The Daily Beast. “How else could we perceive that to be?”
He said that he was informed late about the meeting and didn’t have time to prepare Carson at all. It “did not go well.”
The Daily Beast’s source also claimed that because Cruz wanted to meet “on neutral ground,” Carson’s green room was out of the question—despite the fact that it was “right next to Cruz’s.”
As the meeting took place (“in a closet that allegedly had no chairs”), one Secret Service member reportedly told a Republican operative, “Yeah, they’re in that closet.”
If you have absolutely any more details about the closet, any other closets candidates might have met in, or particularly riveting closet fanfiction, please do let us know.
While today’s USB battery pack deals aren’t the cheapest we’ve seen on a price-per-mAh basis, they are some of the most well-made in the industry.
First up, Anker’s newly released PowerCore 10000 is marked down to an all-time low $18. The PowerCore line is a reader favorite, and Anker claims that this is the smallest and lightest 10,000mAh battery pack on the market. Unless you’re wearing very skinny jeans, it could definitely fit in your pocket. [Anker PowerCore 10000, $18 with code SND22GN6]
Next up, Amazon’s offering RAVPower’s 16,750mAh model for $24 as a Gold Box deal of the day. While not as nice looking as the Anker, this battery has a jaw-dropping 7,000+ Amazon reviews, with a stellar 4.7 star average. If you need to charge multiple devices during a long trip or power outage, this is a great option. [RAVPower 16,750mAh Battery Pack, $24]
You can get cheap Lightning cables just about anywhere, but if only the best will do, you should give Anker’s PowerLine models a look.
These cables are built with kevlar fiber and feature reinforced stress points, which means they can last 5 times longer than typical cables. I own a couple of these, and while I can’t yet speak to how long long they actually last, I can say that they just feel extremely well made. Weighty, solid, premium. In fact, I just bought three more to replace my most used & abused Lightning cables on my night stand and in my car.
Today on Amazon, you can buy three for $22, which averages out to about the regular price you’d expect to pay for a standard third party Lightning cable. With a near-perfect 4.8 star review average, I’d say they’re worth every penny.
Keurig coffee doesn’t have to be expensive and terrible for the environment; with a reusable cup, you can buy any beans you want, and still enjoy that addictive one-button convenience.
Today on Amazon, if you buy an Ekobrew reusable K-Cup, you can get a pack of 100 optional paper filters, and 10 cleaning tablets to go with it for free. Just add all three items to your cart, and you’ll see the discounts at checkout. [Ekobrew Refillable K-Cup + Paper Filters + Cleaning Tablets, $10. Add all three to cart, discount shown at checkout]
This PS4 deal isn’t really a discount; you’ll actually pay $20 more than you would for a standard console bundle, but in return, you’ll start your library off with Star Wars Battlefront, The Uncharted Collection, and Call of Duty: Black Ops III. [PS4 Battlefront Bundle + Uncharted Collection + Black Ops III, $370]
In the TV world, Hisense wouldn’t be considered a top tier brand, but this 55" 4K set actually has really great user reviews, and at $650 with a four year warranty, it might just be worth picking up. [Hisense 55" 4K TV, $650]
Olympus’ original OM-D E-M5 has been replaced with a Mark II version, but the original still holds up well with 5-axis image stabilization, an OLED touchscreen, and an electronic viewfinder that refreshes at 120 FPS. You could do a whole lot worse for under $400. [Olympus OM-D E-M5 Body, $379]
Razer somehow managed to fit a powerful gaming rig into a laptop that’s as thin and well built as a MacBook Pro, and you can save $200 on yours during this rare sale.
Both of these models come with a ridiculous 3200x1800 14" display, quad core i7 processors, 16GB of RAM, Windows 10, and a NVIDIA GeForce GTX 970M GPU. The only difference is the size of the built-in SSD, and the 512GB price premium is admittedly pretty steep. You canreplace it yourself, but from what I can tell, it will void the warranty. [Razer Blade 14" QHD+ Touchscreen Gaming Laptop 256GB, $2200. Also available with 512GB for $2500]
You probably wouldn’t want to use this keyboard and mouse combo with your main computer, but for a secondary machine, or a home theater PC, it’ll get the job done for $20. [Logitech Wireless Combo MK270 with Keyboard and Mouse, $20]
While new Spotify Premium members can still get a free Chromecast for buying three months of service, here’s an alternative deal if you can’t take advantage.
If your tap water is running black, I can’t help you, but otherwise, these discounted filters can remove chlorine, mercury, and yes, even lead (in the case of the Culligan faucet filter).
We see deals on these versatile, battery-powered LED flood lights on Amazon from time to time, but rarely for less than $30. So if you’ve thought about it before, but haven’t pulled the trigger, could you be tempted for $18? [10W Rechargeable LED Work Light Portable Cordless Flood Light, $18]
Not only do these cheap, color-changing oil diffusers make a room smell nice, they actually humidify it too. Just don’t forget to pick up some essential oils to go with it.
This Corsair K70's clicky Cherry MX Blue switches are great for touch typists, its aluminum chassis lends it a premium feel, and its key-by-key customizable backlighting is just plain cool. For $100, you really can’t go wrong here. [Corsair K70 Mechanical Keyboard, $100]
Fitness trackers can help you ward off winter weight gain, but if you don’t want to commit to wearing a bracelet every day, the clip-on Fitbit One is is a great alternative.
In addition to steps, the Fitbit One will monitor calories burned, stairs climbed, and distance traveled, and you can even configure it as a silent, vibrating alarm clock so you don’t have to disturb your sleeping partner. If that sounds like an appealing package, you can grab one on eBay today for $60, one of the best deals we’ve ever seen. [Fitbit One, $60]
Hopefully you never need this Wi-Fi connected water sensor, but if my house were ever to flood while I was away, I’d certainly be grateful to get that push notification. [D-Link Wi-Fi Water Sensor, $38. Clip the $15 coupon]
Love yours? Tell us why and we’ll include your story in future posts about the product!
Your favorite USB car charger just happens to be the smallest one you can buy, and you can grab it on Amazon for an all-time low price today. [Aukey Dual-Port Car Charger, $6 with code JZMYBJHC]
Full disclosure, I don’t know if TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) massagers actually do anything useful. I use one occasionally after playing tennis, and I think it helps reduce muscle pain, but it could be a placebo effect! In any event, this is not a medical endorsement, simply a deal post, and this is about as cheap as you’ll ever see one of these things. [Magicfly Massage Handheld Electronic Pulse with Tens Unit Massager Therapy, $19 with code 38DBAWZI]
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At his Friday rally in North Charleston, South Carolina, the billionaire racist and Republican frontrunner Donald Trump held forth on a variety of policy issues—including the Affordable Care Act, the intransigence of Congress, and Japan’s devaluation of the yen—before diving, headfirst, into an email chain hoax involving Muslims, pig blood, and a World War I-era Army officer. The relevant section starts at 33:00 in the video above; you can listen to secondary audio, captured by Gawker’s Gabrielle Bluestone (and beginning at 8:00), in the SoundCloud player below:
Trump repeated—favorably—an apparent myth about how General John Pershing summarily executed dozens of Muslim prisoners in the Philippines with tainted ammunition during a guerrilla war against the occupying United States. “He took fifty bullets, and he dipped them in pig’s blood,” Trump said. “And he had his men load his rifles and he lined up the fifty people, and they shot 49 of those people. And the fiftieth person he said ‘You go back to your people and you tell them what happened.’ And for 25 years there wasn’t a problem, okay?” …
The moral of the tale, according to Trump: “We better start getting tough and we better start getting vigilant, and we better start using our heads or we’re not gonna have a country, folks.”
Sarlin notes that the tale of General Pershing’s mass execution of 49 Muslims has been widely discredited by the website Snopes, which gathered historical records of his tour of duty in the Philippines, a cluster of islands in the western Pacific Ocean that were ruled by the United States in the first half of the 20th century. The false anecdote apparently arose from Pershing’s involvement in the Moro Rebellion, a fourteen-year conflict between the Moros, an indigenous Muslim group in the southern Philippines, and the U.S. military.
The most unsettling thing about Trump’s aside isn’t that it’s false, though. It’s that he’s indulging an openly racist murder fantasy—in which an American military officer uses dead Muslims he had killed with bullets dipped in the blood of swine (an animal whose meat and other byproducts are considered impure, and thus forbidden from consumption, by the Qur’an) to terrorize many more Muslims—in order to convince South Carolinians to vote for him.
Presidential candidates are certainly not immune to promulgating fake Internet memes. Nor has Trump been friendly to Muslims, either: In the past few months alone, he’s endorsed preventing Muslims from entering the United States, shuttering a certain number of mosques (while placing the remainder under surveillance), and registering every practicing Muslim in a national database. In that sense, today’s utterance differed in degree, not kind: Trump will say anything, for any reason, if it benefits him. At the same time, this tale gives us a good sense of what kind of person Trump is pandering to, and what exactly such a person would believe.
On Friday, the last full day before the South Carolina Republican primary, most of the candidates—including Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and John Kasich—hosted rallies in the Charleston area. Their messages ranged from the overtly religious to the outright insane, but their audiences were astoundingly similar.
The crowd at Ted Cruz’s rally at the Sottile Theater in downtown CharlestonThe crowd at Donald Trump’s rally at the Northern Charleston Convention Center
Charleston, according to the 2014 census, is almost 30 percent African American.
Donald Trump’s North Charleston rally was mercifully small and even more mercifully short, which is to say all the real drama occurred outside the event, where several full-grown adults got into an actual scatalogical argument.
An adult male voter telling another adult male voter he should “go doodoo in [his] mouth” and waterboard himself in a toilet—could there be a better metaphor for politics?
You find your soulmate. You’re a perfect match in every possible way, and it is an absolute, immutable fact that without this person in your life, you would be markedly less happy. You never knew it could be this good. Except now, it’s time to fuck the goat.
This is a Would You Rather that I have asked countless people over the years. It is, by my measure, one of the most effective Would You Rathers out there; the responses are always varied and often surprising. Are you ready?
The twist is that in order to be with this person—this person that you objectively know is the key to you being as happy and fulfilled as you possibly can—you have to have sex with a goat. And not just once, but once every three months. Four times a year, the only thing standing between you and eternal bliss in your (non-goat) relationship is a single, windowless room and one (1) farm animal waiting for your tender touch.
Should you decline the offer, you will never see the love of your life again, forcing you to suffer the consequences of all that entails.
If you take the deal, no one will ever find out unless you choose to tell them, and though you will be happy in (human) love, you will still be subject to any psychological consequences borne of your goat-related tryst. The goat will not be physically harmed. You do not have to enjoy it. But the act does have to come to fruition.
This is, admittedly, much more difficult logistically for females, which I believe is important to keep in mind. There must be penetration; goat fellatio, however, does not count. A brief Google search indicates that the average goat penis extends about three to four centimeters. And, no, you may not use a strap-on. The rest of the details I leave to you, dear readers.
Knowing what you know, would you fuck the goat? I look forward to your answers.
After more than four decades spent alone in a cell measuring six feet by nine feet, Albert Woodfox walked free on Friday, his 69th birthday.
Woodfox was the longest-serving solitary confinement prisoner in the U.S., and had been held in his cell 23 hours a day at the West Feliciana parish detention center in Louisiana. According to the Guardian, Woodfox has maintained his innocence for the 1972 murder of a prison guard that put him in prison 43 years ago, and his supporters say he was framed for the murders in retribution for his political affiliation with the Black Panthers. His release was the result of a plea deal with prosecutors, according to The New York Times. Reporters caught a glimpse of Woodfox as he left the prison:
Woodfox was known for being one of three prisoners held in Louisiana’s Angola prison, the “Angola 3.” He protested prison segregation and poor prison conditions until he was accused of murdering a prison guard, despite substantial evidence to prove the case. The other two prisoners were freed years ago—one, just days before his death.
Many observing Woodfox’s case, and those of other prisoners held in solitary confinement, liken it to torture. James Dennis, a judge with the federal fifth circuit appeals court, described Woodfox’s prison cell last November:
“For the vast majority of his life, Woodfox has spent nearly every waking hour in a cramped cell in crushing solitude without a valid conviction.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to turn into a baby and curl up in a fetal position and lay there like that day after day for the rest of my life. I’m afraid I’m going to attack my own body, maybe cut off my balls and throw them through the bars the way I’ve seen others do when they couldn’t take any more. No television or hobby craft or magazines or any of the other toys you call yourself allowing can ever lessen the nightmare of this hell you help to create and maintain.”
Steaming your clothes might not get them as crisp as ironing, but it does a decent enough job in a fraction of the time, and for $15, why not? [Pure Enrichment PureSteam Fabric Steamer, $15 with code STEAMR15]
In some parts of the country, it’s already hammock season, and the rest of you will get there soon enough. This $19 nylon hammock can collapse down to fit in the palm of your hand, and barely weighs more than a pound. [OUTAD Portable Nylon Hammock, $19 with code KN99H9AT]
I used to chop garlic by hand, and I think deep down, I was hoping I’d cut my finger off just so I’d have an excuse to stop. That all changed when I bought a garlic press, which smashes a clove with just one squeeze, and does a far better job of it than I could ever do with a knife. [X-Chef Premium Stainless Steel Garlic Press, $7 with code 5VBXWVGS]
You can get cheap Lightning cables just about anywhere, but if only the best will do, you should give Anker’s PowerLine models a look.
These cables are built with kevlar fiber and feature reinforced stress points, which means they can last 5 times longer than typical cables. I own a couple of these, and while I can’t yet speak to how long long they actually last, I can say that they just feel extremely well made. Weighty, solid, premium. In fact, I just bought three more to replace my most used & abused Lightning cables on my night stand and in my car.
Today on Amazon, you can buy three for $22, which averages out to about the regular price you’d expect to pay for a standard third party Lightning cable. With a near-perfect 4.8 star review average, I’d say they’re worth every penny.
This PS4 deal isn’t really a discount; you’ll actually pay $20 more than you would for a standard console bundle, but in return, you’ll start your library off with Star Wars Battlefront, The Uncharted Collection, and Call of Duty: Black Ops III. [PS4 Battlefront Bundle + Uncharted Collection + Black Ops III, $370]
Not only do these cheap, color-changing oil diffusers make a room smell nice, they actually humidify it too. Just don’t forget to pick up some essential oils to go with it.
Your favorite USB car charger just happens to be the smallest one you can buy, and you can grab it on Amazon for an all-time low price today. [Aukey Dual-Port Car Charger, $6 with code JZMYBJHC]
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Young bad boy and soon-to-be savior to bros across the country, Bernie Sanders, was once arrested. Decades before the Age Of Social Media, it was caught on tape.
Footage posted this week by a documentary production company called Kartemquin Films shows a 21-year-old Sanders being led away from a sit-in by police.
According to The New York Times, Sanders’ campaign confirmed that it was him in the video, as a student at the University of Chicago in 1963. Sanders was protesting segregation in Chicago Public Schools.
Meanwhile,The Chicago Tribune found a negative of a photo in its archives showing what appears to be the future presidential candidate getting arrested, as well. Sanders himself confirmed that it was him in the photo.
The photo is reportedly from the same event, where Sanders was charged with resisting arrest and found guilty. He paid a $25 fine.
“As far as I’m concerned, they could run a dog and I would have voted for him before any of these other assholes,” said John Wilkinson, a 66-year-old Donald Trump supporter who turned out to vote on Saturday in South Carolina. The Wall Street Journal got the scoop on the dark days that signal the end of times.
When you can’t force your employees to starve for your company, the next-best thing is to leave them jobless, apparently.
On Friday night, Talia Jane, a employee at the customer support section of Yelp and the delivery site Eat24, published an essay on Medium explaining how little she was paid, and how she couldn’t afford to buy groceries or heat her apartment on her $8.15 an hour salary.
The essay was addressed to Jeremy Stoppelman, Yelp’s co-founder and CEO:
I just got a text from T-Mobile telling me my bill is due. I got paid yesterday ($733.24, bi-weekly) but I have to save as much of that as possible to pay my rent ($1245) for my apartment that’s 30 miles away from work because it was the cheapest place I could find that had access to the train, which costs me $5.65 one way to get to work. That’s $11.30 a day, by the way. I make $8.15 an hour after taxes. I also have to pay my gas and electric bill. Last month it was $120. According to the infograph on PG&E’s website, that cost was because I used my heater. I’ve since stopped using my heater. Have you ever slept fully clothed under several blankets just so you don’t get a cold and have to miss work?
Shortly after posting the piece, Jane’s corporate email account was disabled. She soon found out she’d been fired.
Jane recounted her firing in a message to Gawker:
“I found out before my manager did. About two hours after I posted the letter, my phone vibrated but didn’t have a notification—my mailbox does this sometimes, I don’t know why, so I checked my inbox for all my linked email accounts...That’s when I knew, because they terminate all your access to the system before you come into work. So I called my manager and told him I got fired. He didn’t know what I was talking about and said he’d call me back after he looked into it. He called me back a few minutes later and told me someone from HR was there with him.”
Stoppelman did address the essay on Twitter Saturday, asking the “Twitter army” to “put down your pitchforks.”
Interestingly enough, while Stoppelman found the time to bemoan the high cost of living in San Francisco, he didn’t touch upon the fact that his company won’t pay its employees enough to live there.
