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Gay Man Escorted Out of Missouri Hospital in Handcuffs for Refusing to Leave Sick Partner's Side

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Gay Man Escorted Out of Missouri Hospital in Handcuffs for Refusing to Leave Sick Partner's Side

Making matters worse, Roger Gorley says he now has a restraining order preventing him from visiting his partner at all.

The Lee's Summit, Missouri resident says he was at Research Medical Center in Kansas City visiting his partner Allen when he was asked to leave by a member of Allen's family.

Gorley refused to budge, which prompted the hospital to have security forcibly remove him from the building in handcuffs.

Gorley says that, in addition to having been in a civil union for the past five years, he and Allen also share joint powers of attorney over each others medical affairs, which the nurse on site refused to confirm.

"I was not recognized as being the husband, I wasn't recognized as being the partner," Gorley told a local Fox affiliate.

Missouri law does not explicitly protect it citizens from being discriminated against based on their sexual orientation.

Nonetheless, Research Medical Center insisted in a statement that it does not discriminate based on sexual orientation or race (though there was no mention of gender or disability):

We believe involving the family is an important part of the patient care process," the hospital said in a statement. "And, the patient`s needs are always our first priority. When anyone becomes disruptive to providing the necessary patient care, we involve our security team to help calm the situation and to protect our patients and staff. If the situation continues to escalate, we have no choice but to request police assistance.

Joe My God notes that President Obama issued a memorandum in 2010 ordering hospitals that receive federal funding to grant same-sex partners full visitation rights.

Gorley says he plans to challege the restraining order.

[H/T: The Raw Story, screengrab via Fox4KC]


Here Is the Crazy 1990s TV Ad Molly Shannon Did for the NRA (UPDATE)

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Mother Jones recently posted a roundup of National Rifle Association ads through history, depicting the lobby group's descent into madness, but our eyes caught one particular pit stop on the road to crazy—this pro-gun 1993 TV commercial titled "Laughing Criminal," featuring a speaking role by future SNL star Molly Shannon.

In the ad, Shannon plays the frazzled staffer of a cynical anti-gun congressmen. She shakes her head in disgust and tells the boss flatly, "You're in the re-election business." As for another gun-control measure, she declares in exasperation, "We've already got 20,000 of them."

Shannon, who recently penned a children's book, is not known as much of a Hollywood political influencer, though she did publicly support President Obama's reelection, praising his work for LGBT rights. The year the NRA ad was produced, 1993, Shannon was still two years away from weekly TV stardom, settling for small one-time roles on shows like In Living Color.

We've reached out to Shannon's publicists for a comment, though they haven't responded yet. Hopefully she's not nervous in a corner, sticking her fingers under her arms, and then just...smelling 'em.

Update: Molly Shannon has issued Gawker this statement (emphasis hers):

"I made this commercial 20 years ago AS A STRUGGLING ACTRESS…not as a personal advocate for the NRA. I'm glad this now gives me the opportunity to advocate publicly for gun control legislation. As a mother, I see the necessity more than ever for sane, safe laws regulating guns in this country and I am deeply ashamed that the resurfacing of this dumb, ugly commercial might suggest otherwise."

[Mother Jones]

Boss Writes Memo

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Boss Writes MemoNick Denton, who owns Gawker Media, sent out the following memo today:

Our wordy headlines are a growing disadvantage. That's why from tomorrow we're going to warn you in the Kinja editor to keep your headlines below 70 characters — and we're going to only display 70 characters on the front page even if you go longer.

Why this drastic measure? Google and others truncate headlines at 70 characters. On the Manti Teo story, Deadspin's scoop fell down the Google search results, overtaken by copycat stories with simpler headlines.

Deadspin's headline was 118 characters. Vital information — "hoax" — was one of the words that was cut off. Our headline was less intelligible — and less clickworthy — than others. And Google demotes search results that don't get clicked on.

Boss Writes Memo

Facebook has recently introduced a similar limitation. We may not like this tyranny of the search and social algorithms. It might seem like an oppressive constraint: geeks from outside the company giving editorial orders.

But search and social media are the two main sources of new visitors to our sites. That's an inescapable reality. A majority of our headlines are already below the 70-character limit. Many others could do with a bit of tightening. And it still leaves plenty of room for personality and creativity.

We're making a series of other changes in the default Kinja display in order to increase the density of information and the number of links available to readers — especially if they're on small screens.

You can see the new tighter front page template here:

http://io9.com/latest?latestng=on

* Latest view intros are trimmed to ~330 characters (the height of the 300px image). So if you want your intro to display cleanly, make sure your first paragraph doesn't run on too long.
* Smaller recommend and discuss buttons on the front page
* Discuss button simply links to permalink page now, you can't reply from the front page
* Adjacent blips won't get separator lines which helps to condense them
* Later: improved splash design with more images displayed using less vertical space, as in the example below.

Boss Writes Memo

One in a Million: Stray Bullet from Shootout Gets Lodged In Man's Lucky Belt Buckle

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One in a Million: Stray Bullet from Shootout Gets Lodged In Man's Lucky Belt Buckle

Well, if it wasn't his lucky belt buckle before, it certainly is now.

A Philadelphia grocery store employee says he was on his way out the door with a hand truck when someone on the street started shooting.

"I went outside and heard the shots and I hit the floor," said 38-year-old Bienvenido Reynoso.

Bullet kept whizzing by for several long moments, one even striking a pound cake that was just above Reynoso's head.

Once the shootout subsided, Reynoso figured he had survived and got up. Little did he know he had come within a literal inch of an entirely different outcome.

It wasn't until later, when someone pointed out to him that he had a hole in his shirt, that Reynoso noticed something sticking out of his belt buckle.

That something turned out to be a bullet.

"I am born [again] today," Reynoso told WPVI-TV.

Reynoso wasn't the only one spared by fate that day.

According to Action News, the store owner had planned to distribute free water ice to help neighborhood kids cool down on a warm Spring day but was a few minute late to arrive.

The shootout wasn't all happy endings, however: One man was shot in the stomach and taken to the hospital in critical condition.

No arrests have yet been made, but police say the incident is still under investigation.

[screengrabs via ABC Action News]

Creepy French Scientist Is Adamant That Women Should Not Wear Bras

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Creepy French Scientist Is Adamant That Women Should Not Wear BrasAcross the course of history, French discoveries have proved invaluable to the field of science. Children still learn the stories of Louis Pasteur, who discovered that invisibly small bacteria spoil food and cause disease, and Marie Curie, who found and named the unseen power of radioactivity. Now there's one more name to add to the list of geniuses upending the world's assumptions : Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, who has declared that bras make women's boobs saggy.

Rouillon, who teaches at the Franche-Comté University in Besançon, was recently interviewed by France Info about the results of an in-depth 15-year titty study. Through observations running back to 1997, he claims to have discovered that women who wear bras, a garment intended to defy gravity, actually have saggier boobs than women who don't.

"Medically, physiologically, anatomically—the breast derives no benefit from being denied gravity. On the contrary, it becomes saggier with a bra."

For the study, Rouillon, whose background is in sports medicine, tracked the breast developments of 330 women, aged 18 to 35, more carefully than a 13-year-old boy tracks the breast developments of the girls in his Social Studies class. Now he's ready to tell the world: bras are bad and boobs are good.

"Capucine," a perky 28-year-old who participated in the study, sung the praises of Rouillon's findings.

"I breathe more easily, I have better posture, and I have less back pain."

Rouillon stressed that the study was preliminary and that his subjects were not representative of the overall population of the world. (They were probably more effervescent and chic than the average woman, with a coyer smile and lot more sexy secrets. "Bonjour! No bra today! C'est la vie! Champagne for breakfast! Put on a striped t-shirt and go for a bike ride!")

As for hard numbers, Rouillon found that the nipples of his manic pixie French girls "lifted an average of seven millimeters per year in relation to the shoulders," if they didn't wear a bra. A shrug, a wink, and right up they float. Carefree nipples rising ever skyward. C'est beau. C'est boob. C'est si bon.

But faites attention, mes amis! Rouillon warns that a bouncing braless existence isn't for everyone.

"It all depends on the structure of each breast. An overweight, 45-year-old woman with three kids has no business not wearing a bra."

In summary: Don't wear a bra (HOT LADIES ONLY).

Liberté. Egalité. Jubblié.

[France Info via TheLocal.fr // Image via Shutterstock]

Hamster 'Rises from the Dead' After Being Buried by Family on Good Friday

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A two-year-old hamster that was found "cold and lifeless" in her cage reemerged alive and well shortly after being buried, appropriately enough, on Good Friday.

Lisa Kilbourne-Smith and her boyfriend James Davis were looking after Tink while a pair of friends were out of town when they discovered the animal stiff as a board at the bottom of her cage.

After phoning up Tink's owners to tell them the news, Lisa, James, and Lisa's dad Les wrapped Tink up in paper towels and buried her in a foot-deep grave to prevent the family cat from digging her up.

But, as it turns out, Tink was fully capable of digging herself back up.

Les, who was doing some recycling the next day recalls being startled by the sudden appearance of Tink's little face as it popped out of a pile of old boxes. "The energy she had to dig herself out of that hole was remarkable," he told SWNS.

According to a veterinarian, Tink was merely in a state of hibernation, "which is often mistaken for death among hamster owners."

Still, Les, Lisa, and James are considering Tink's "resurrection" a full-blow Easter miracle, and have reportedly taken to calling her "Jesus."

[H/T: Arbroath, video via SWNS]

Video Proves That Angry Beavers Are No Joke, People

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It's spring, and you want to get out into nature, and take deep breaths of the forest's cold sweet damp, and commune with the wildlife, and maybe snap a few pics or a Vine to remember the life-affirming majesty.

Fine, fine. But here is some advice for you: Beavers are nasty.

A Belarussian fisherman was recently bitten to death by a beaver after he'd tried to get a photo of the sharp-toothed critter, according to SkyNews:

He stopped so that he could take a picture but as he approached the beaver it pounced on him, biting him in the thigh.

His friends attempted to stem the flow of blood from the wound but the animal's bite had severed a main artery and the man, who came from Brest, bled to death.

Isolated incident? Nope. The report cites recent beaver attacks in New York, Virginia, and Washington state. They've even gone after Boy Scout leaders. And then there's the video above, posted to YouTube Tuesday by a hiker in Russia's Tver district, north of Moscow. The poster claims in the video's description that he was knocked to the ground, losing a shoe, and grateful to have scampered away on all fours. "Those who have seen the teeth of beavers will understand," he writes.

So the next time you're out in the woods, and you see a beaver, and you think, "Hey, maybe I can get some of that FDA-approved natural sweetener from that beaver's anal sacs": Just walk away. [SkyNews, YouTube]

A Discussion With Anarchist Activist and Scholar David Graeber, Author of The Democracy Project

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A Discussion With Anarchist Activist and Scholar David Graeber, Author of The Democracy ProjectIt's been over a year and a half since Occupy Wall Street took over the streets and the internet. At the time, David Graeber was pegged as the "anti-leader" of the leaderless movement, a prominent scholar and activist in whom many of the intellectual and social strains of the movement came together.

Graeber is Reader in social anthroplogoy at Goldsmiths College, Univeristy of London, a frequent contributor to The Baffler and the author of a well-regarded book on the history of debt. In his new book, The Democracy Project: A History, a Crisis, a Movement, Graeber traces the fraught history of the concept of "democracy" and argues the way toward a truly democratic society rests in the anarchist process of consensus, which Occupy used to rally hundreds of thousands during its peak. David Graeber will be joining us at 2pm today to answer reader questions. Please ask them below. Update: The discussion is now over. Thanks for participating!

I chatted with Graeber about his book and Occupy Wall Street:

You were there from the beginning of the occupation of Zuccotti Park in September, 2011. The occupation is long gone but you speak of Occupy in present tense throughout your book in the present tense. Make your case: Why isn't Occupy dead?

DG: Well it's not dead because people are still there. They're still doing stuff. There is a core group in every city in America of people who are constantly planning and engaged and forms of direct action and civil disobedience. There is a whole infrastructure that has been created, it's just the nobody talks about it. We had Occupy Sandy. It's telling that we actually were the first people on the streets doing relief when a disaster struck. We had 40,000 people booked doing relief stuff immediately.

What happened was there seems to have been a decision made on a fairly high level of government that they were going to do this systematic repression of the camps. And interestingly enough, just at the moment that happened, the media just suddenly went dead air on us, to the effect that all the interviews that I already had booked just all canceled immediately. You'd think it'd be more of a story if there were battles in the streets and police evicting people and being people beaten up. But instead they decided, 'Nope, no. No move on, nothing to see here.' And it's been like that ever since.

One of the major themes of your book is that the current political structure is not at all democratic. I think among the people who would read your book, that's kind of a given. But you go further in pointing out the anti-democratic nature of the Founding Fathers.

DG: Most people think these guys had something to do with democracy, but nobody ever reads what they actually said. What they said is very explicit: They would say things like 'We need to do something about all this democracy."

So as an alternative, you promote the model of consensus that Occupy used to organize, through its General Assembly.

DG: Yeah. What we wanted to do was A) change the discourse and then B) create a culture of democracy in America, which really hasn't had one. I mean direct democracy, hands on, let's figure out how you make this system together. It's ironic because f you go to someplace like Madagascar, everybody knows how to do that. They sit in a circle and they do a consensus process. There is a way that you can do these things, that millions and millions of people over human history have developed and it comes out pretty much the same wherever they are because there are certain logical constraints and people being what they are.

Consensus isn't just about agreement. It's about changing things around: You get a proposal, you work something out, people foresee problems, you do creative synthesis. At the end of it you come up with with something that everyone thinks is okay. Most people like it, and nobody hates it.

This is pretty much the opposite of what goes on in mainstream politics.

DG: Yeah, exactly. It's like, 'People can be reasonable, I didn't think it was possible!' And that's something I've noticed, that authoritarian regimes, what they do is that they always come up with some way to teach people about political decision making that says people aren't basically reasonable, so don't try this at home. I always point out the difference between the Athenian Agora and the Roman Circus. When most Athenians gathered together in a big mass it was to do direct democracy. But here's Rome, this authoritarian regime. When did most Romans get together in the same place? If they're voting on anything it's like thumbs-up or thumbs-down to kill some gladiator. And these things are all organized by the elite, right? So all the people who are really running things throw these games where they basically organize people into a giant lynch mobs. And then they say, 'Look, see how people behave! You don't want to have Democracy!'

How did your views on Occupy and what happened in 2011 and 2012 change while you were writing the book?

DG: One thing that really shocked me is the complete stupidity of something called the liberal classes in America. It's bizarre that they don't seem to have any political common sense, because the right wing has political common sense. Republicans understand you can sell out your radicals on all the policy but not on the existential issues. They're not going to really ban abortion or appeal Roe v. Wade, they want to keep people mobilized. On the other hand, they might think militia guys are insane, but if anyone suggests touching the second amendment they go crazy. The Democratic left does not behave that way. If the Democratic left got as excited about the First Amendment as the Republicans get about the Second, you know, they'd be in much better shape because they would actually have a radical movement to their left which would make them seem reasonable and they could push their policy agenda. But instead they just completely screw us and get rid of us. And then they can't understand why suddenly the biggest issue of the day has gone back to cutting social security.

Despite all the challenges, do you see any opportunity for the kind of popular uprising that took place in 2011 again?

DG: Of course it will happen again, things aren't getting better. Repression is difficult and it's probably going to take a more militant form next time, because it's probably going to have to. I'm not happy about that. The interesting thing about Occupy, is, if you think about it in retrospect, it may well be the most nonviolent movement in American history, even though that's not how it was represented. The Civil Rights Movement was very nonviolent, but it's not like nobody ever damaged a window.


Jay-Z, 'Rap's Bob Dylan,' Enrages Conservative Critics

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Jay-Z, 'Rap's Bob Dylan,' Enrages Conservative CriticsIn an effort to further flesh out his mysterious list of 99 problems, Jay-Z has released a track called "Open Letter" that addresses a couple of his more recent predicaments.

The song is basically Jay's rebuttal to people who questioned the legality of his trip to Cuba with Beyonce, as well as his sale of his minority stake in the Brooklyn Nets. Senator Marco Rubio and two members of the House publicly objected to the rapper's recent jaunt to Cuba, which was since revealed to be totally fine by the Treasury Department. Of the criticism of his Brooklyn Nets sale, a necessity for Jay-Z to enter into his new sports management business, Jay raps: "I woulda moved the Nets to Brooklyn for free/ Except I made millions off you fucking dweebs."

Jay-Z also uses "Open Letter" to give a shoutout directly to President Obama, suggesting that he and the POTUS are tight: "Obama says, 'Chill, you gonna get me impeached'/ You don't need this shit anyway, chill with me on the beach."

This sign of intimacy has some mucky-mucks in the GOP apoplectic over the implications. The Drudge Report is blasting the line on its front page, while Reince Priebus, chairman of the RNC, and Ari Fleischer, former White House press secretary under George W. Bush, both took time out of their days to tweet about what Jay-Z's song lyrics mean for America:

Enough of GOP clowning about, because Jay-Z's song revealed potential for a delightful new game. In the song, Jay-Z professes that he is the "Bob Dylan of rap music"—an unexpected and NPRish way to describe himself. (Also, previously Jay-Z compared Biggie to both Bob Dylan and Alfred Hitchcock; he has clearly changed his mind. Biggie gets just Hitchcock now.) He precedes this declaration by citing the Dylan ballad, "Idiot Wind." The two songs are similar in theme, tone, and general "don't overexcite yourself with jealousy" attitudes. So now you can play:

Jay-Z or Bob Dylan?

  • A)You're an idiot, baby, you should become a student
  • B)You yesterday you had to ask me where it was at
  • C) Someone got it in for me, they're planting stories in the press
  • D) People see me all the time and they just can't remember how to act
  • E) Politicians never did shit for me, except lie to us and distort history.
  • F) Almost want to start a revolution
  • G) Out of spite, I just might flood these streets
  • H) What's good is bad what's bad is good you'll find out when you reach the top / You're on the bottom

Click to view

KEY: A) JZ | B) BD | C) BD | D) DB | E) JZ | F) JZ | G) JZ | H) BD

[Rolling Stone, image via Getty]

Mother Violently Ditches Baby So She Can Beat Up Another Woman for 'Disrespecting Her Baby'

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Caution: Volume down; shit gets loud.

The mother of a young child who claimed both she and her baby were being "disrespected" by a fellow bus patron made a decidedly oxymoronic decision when she forcefully threw the little girl at another passenger in order to engage in a violent brawl with the other woman (skip to 1:40).

Footage of the incident, reportedly filmed aboard a bus in Connecticut, went viral overnight, with many commenters wondering if any of the people involved were brought to justice, and/or, more importantly, if the child is out of harm's way.

Sadly, no follow-up has emerged, but a comment left of the YouTube upload of the video (before it was removed), claiming to have been written by an acquaintance of the mother, suggests little by way of remorse

"That's my bitch/home girl," wrote user tareka281. "Fuck everybodys negative comments she shouldnt have threw the baby but she deserved to get in that girl ass lmao don't talk about nobodys child bitch."

[H/T: Guyism]

No, That Is Not Don DeLillo on Twitter

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No, That Is Not Don DeLillo on Twitter

This morning, a momentary pang of existential despair hit when the unverified @DonDeLilloOffic appeared, claiming to be the official Twitter account of "Don DeLillo, novelist" and revealing itself to the world like this:

"It's my nature to keep quiet about most things," masterful sentence architect Don DeLillo once told an interviewer. For that, we loved him.

"It's not real, it's not connected to Don DeLillo," his representative at Wallace Literary Agency, Inc. just emailed us. "We are having it taken down."

[@DonDeLilloOffic]

NFL's Kerry Rhodes Isn't Gay, He Just Carries Around Dudes While Shirtless

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NFL's Kerry Rhodes Isn't Gay, He Just Carries Around Dudes While ShirtlessYesterday, the incoherent jumble of insinuations, flat-out lies and chiiiiiiiiiiiiiillllleeeees that is MediaTakeOut posted a MTO SUPER DUPER WORLD EXCLUSIVE featuring pictures of NFL free agent Kerry Rhodes "ON VACATION ... With One Of His 'MALE FRIENDS!!'" In its homophobic way that villainizes but stops short of exhibiting direct malice, MTO branded the shots of Rhodes and a much wispier dude seemingly canoodling in a tropical setting as "suspect."

NFL's Kerry Rhodes Isn't Gay, He Just Carries Around Dudes While ShirtlessThe actual post is hilarious. "Now we're not gonna JUMP TO ANY CONCLUSIONS HERE..." it starts, even though the post's top image features the NFL logo with a sequined pink football. "...But we got our hands on some vacation pics of NFL star Kerry Rhodes and one of his male friends," it continues. And then, instead of jumping to conclusions, the post leaps by concluding with, "CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!" It should be noted that the post's tags include: "conclusions," "gonna jump," "ish" and "male friends." All are worth clicking, especially if you like reading words in all caps.

Today, Rhodes denied the conclusion-springing, telling TMZ:

Photos have been circulating of my former assistant and I that have caused some rumors regarding my sexuality, and I wanted to address the situation. I am not gay. The shots were taken during a past vacation in a casual environment with my entire business team. I know a lot of people are recently talking about athletes struggling to come out to their fans right now, and I support them, as well as wish those individuals comfort.

"Casual environment with my entire business team" isn't exactly an inoculation for homosexuality, especially when "casual" means casually draping your arm around a dude in multiple locations and casually lifting him up while he clings to you, beaming like the sun that is kissing both of your bodies in paradise. But whatever, not all contact is erotic, not all men carrying men are headed to the bedroom.

Rhodes has been romantically linked to model Nicole Williams. In 2010, he publicly spoke of his difficulty in finding the right woman.

CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEE!!!

[Top image via Getty]

[Kerry Rhodes carrying male friend image via MediaTakeOut.com]

Parents of College Student Who Died in Texting-And-Driving Crash Release Photo of His Final, Unfinished Text

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Parents of College Student Who Died in Texting-And-Driving Crash Release Photo of His Final, Unfinished Text

Alexander Heit, a University of Northern Colorado student from Boulder, passed away earlier this month from injuries he sustained after losing control of his car and flipping over while driving through Greeley.

He was texting at the time.

Parents of College Student Who Died in Texting-And-Driving Crash Release Photo of His Final, Unfinished Text

In his memory, Heit's parents have published a photo in the Greeley Tribune showing the 22-year-old's last, unsent text, which he was typing just before the accident.

"Sounds good my man," Heit was responding to a friend, "seeya soon, ill tw."

He never got to finish the sentence.

"I can't bear the thought of anyone else having to go through something like this," Heit's mother Sharon writes in the accompanying article. "Please, vow to never, NEVER text and drive. In a split second you could ruin your whole future, injure or kill others, and tear a hole in the heart of everyone who loves you."

Colorado banned texting and driving back in 2009, but, as Denver Westword's Latest Word blog points out, the law was subsequently mocked by Boulder County Sheriff Joe Pelle as a "feel-good" law that "will be difficult to enforce."

[photo via Greeley]

The Knife’s New Album Is Sort of the ‘Accidental Racist’ of Dark, Electro-Acoustic Experimental Music

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The Knife’s New Album Is Sort of the ‘Accidental Racist’ of Dark, Electro-Acoustic Experimental MusicOf all the things Brad Paisley and LL Cool J's "Accidental Racist" is accused of being (among them: The Worst Song Ever™, awkward and earnest, actually just racist, brave), there are at least two things that the song unarguably is. First, it is important –- like it or not, this song the pop culture story of the week, if not the year. It packs the one-two punch of social relevance and diversion. Whether you like it or hate it, we are all talking about it. Many on the internet who claim to despise racism are clearly and perversely riveted by it.

"Accidental Racist" is also, unarguably, an expression of white privilege and the cognitive dissonance it causes. "When I put on that T-shirt, the only thing I meant to say is that I'm a Skynrd fan," sings Paisley of rocking a Rebel Flag, his white identity allowing him to easily ignore the broader implications of his fashion decisions. "I'm just a white man comin' to ya from the Southland / Tryin' to understand what it's like not to be," he sings in the chorus. Brad Paisley is 40 years old -– if he's just getting around to thinking about this it's because he's never really had to. "It ain't like I can walk a mile in someone else's skin," he says elsewhere. Well, right, but Paisley seems to throw up his hands instead of challenging himself to empathize.

In a case of musical synchronicity that's weird enough to suit the next described act very well, Shaking the Habitual, the immensely difficult fourth studio album from Swedish duo the Knife that was released this week to acclaim, is also explicitly about privilege. A key difference between Paisley's foray into the subject and that of Karin Dreijer Andersson and Olof Dreijer is that the latter are discursively advanced enough to actually use the word. It appears several times in the obtuse manifesto they released in advance of the album:

The honor system is corrupt, just another privilege.
Like how it's a privilege to make an album, to move freely.

And:

Now we have to start. We choose process over everything else.
Letting go of outcomes is another privilege.

In the album's brooding synthwave closer, "Ready to Lose," Dreijer Andersson sings that she is "ready, ready to lose a privilege" in a voice pitched down electronically to make her sound like she has a mouth full of mashed potatoes. She moans of a "fear of suffering, fear of loss / Sucked in your birth rights." In case you haven't quite gotten the point, the pair told Spin that, they read a lot of queer and feminist theory prior to recording.

As far as their intentions, Dreijer Andersson told Pitchfork:

It's important to question my story and my way of telling it, too. It's good to ask questions instead of serving answers.

Astonishingly, albeit appropriately, this is virtually the same thing Paisley said in response to the "Accidental Racist" backlash:

We aren't answering [questions]. We're just asking them.

What's frustrating about Paisley's questions is how willfully naïve they are-–he should get this shit by now. The misstep of his only discernible corrective action, inviting the decidedly apolitical rapper LL Cool J to share in the song's dialogue when more qualified musicians abound (like Chuck D, KRS-ONE, Talib Kweli and several others, as the Atlantic's Ta-Nehisi Coates points out) reveals itself in LL's embarrassing lyrics like, "If you don't judge my do-rag…I won't judge your red flag / If you don't judge my gold chains…I'll forget the iron chains."

The Knife, on the other hand, say they have modified the way they work to account for privilege -– for example, they've hired an all-female group of designers and choreographers to produce their next tour. "It's important to show that it is possible to work feminist in the way you organize yourself," Dreijer Andersson told the Guardian.

What we have with the Knife and Paisley is essentially a culture divide -– I hesitate to use the high/low binary because I think it fosters snobbery and anyway, we're talking here about popular music. Paisley's song panders with its lowest-common denominator treacle. The Knife suffocate their longstanding pop tendencies with an arsenal of hook-less, 8+ minute songs that slide off traditional Western musical scales. But both communicate in a language made fluent by our culture, provoking with verses and choruses and melodies.

Really, the difference comes down to sensibility. The Knife's rendering of privilege is more opaque, but more illustrative. The explicit acknowledgement of their position in the world is accompanied by tense, fraught, often furious sounds. It is deeply esoteric, relevant largely to an academic elite. Shaking the Habitual is an album of privilege about privilege for the privileged. It's a privilege to make an album; the Knife have make an album. Letting go of outcomes is another privilege; here the Knife are stepping way outside of pop, seemingly without a care for how their work is received on a mass level. Karin Dreijer Andersson and Olof Dreijer may be doing great things for the world behind the scenes, but their on-record engagement amounts to a spinning of their wheels.

Brad Paisley, on the other hand, stumbled upon a discursive goldmine with "Accidental Racist," which, at a minimum, provides an easier listen than Shaking the Habitual. But it also provides a simpler analysis—partially because it is plainspoken, partially because racism is a more common topic of discussion than privilege at large, and partially because Paisely is so vulnerable. He's calling himself a racist, if an accidental one, and that word is a pejorative to a sizable section of the population. That he seems so unaware of his shortcomings when it comes to the exploration of race and power is an even bigger boon to discussion–-his clarity is a compass we use to judge where we fit on the scale of tolerance. Paisley's usefulness transcends his art; the Knife meanwhile, just made art.

Teen Who Crashed Into Several Cars With Stolen Big-Rig Full of Strawberries Told Cops He Was Being Chased by Zombies

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Teen Who Crashed Into Several Cars With Stolen Big-Rig Full of Strawberries Told Cops He Was Being Chased by Zombies

A 19-year-old who stands accused of hijacking the semi-trailer truck of an acquaintance and crashing it into several vehicles along I-15 near Temecula, California, told Highway Patrol officers he "was being chased by zombies."

Officer Nathan Baer said Jerimiah Hartline of Tennessee appeared to be "in an altered state" when he stole the strawberry-hauling big-rig as it was parked at a weigh station in Rainbow, and proceeded to drive away, slamming into as many as four cars before flipping over and blocking all four lanes of northbound traffic.

Hartline wasn't quite done: Witnesses say he quickly exited the truck's cab and attempted to commandeer a van that had stopped to offer assistance.

The van's driver managed to drag Hartline out of the vehicle, and held him in place with the help of other motorists until the cops showed up.

Hartline initially refused to accept blame for what had transpired, pinning fault instead on the undead.

"He just said that he was being chased by zombies," Baer is quoted as saying.

Officers later caught up with the truck's original driver, who told them he had agreed to take Hartline along after finding him hiding inside the semi's berth.

They were several miles outside of Tennessee at the time, and the trucker said he didn't want to leave Hartline stranded.

All told seven people were injured in the mayhem. Hartline was booked into jail on suspicion of vehicle theft and hit-and-run.

[H/T: Geekologie, mug shot via Riverside County Sheriff's Dept]


Not-Fucking Your Professor, Confronting a Nibble-Nabble Bandit, and Other Questionable Advice

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Not-Fucking Your Professor, Confronting a Nibble-Nabble Bandit, and Other Questionable AdviceWelcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

I am a student in college and I have THE biggest crush on one of my teachers. We are close in age, have similar interests, and we are both married. He is so smart and sexy that I have a hard time concentrating in class. The sexual chemistry between us is palpable and I split my time in class between eye fucking him and doodling hearts on my papers. I don't want to cross a line physically but I do want to let him know how I feel (even though I'm pretty sure he knows). Our time together is quickly coming to an end and before it does, all I want to do is give him a note on our final day. I want to write something like " I daydream of us drinking tea, watching Jeopardy, and then making love all night long". I know my fantasy involves Jeopardy, which I'm positive is not okay, but what about divulging my true and naughty feelings for my teacher? Is that okay

Thatz not okay.

What are your "similar interests"? Being married? College classrooms? You're a Comm major and he's a Comm professor, so: Comm?

In the situation you propose, you are putting both this guy's personal and professional lives in jeopardy (and not the pre-coital game show you watch in your fantasy), while explicitly saying you DON'T want to really have sex with him. That's not doing him a favor.

In fact, getting your note will probably ruin his day. (Unless he's totally sleazy, in which case, why would you want to want to have sex with him?)

For one thing, it will likely read as a blatant attempt to seduce him in order to secure a higher grade. And it sounds like, from your poor note taking skills ("I split my time in class between eye fucking him and doodling hearts on my papers"), you would benefit from some sextra credit.

(By the way—heart doodling? You sound like an insane temptress who is also in the third grade. Good luck prepping for your states and capitals final exam. Which is the capital of Kentucky: Louisville or Lexington? Trick question! It's Frankfort. Study up.)

Have you thought about how it would unfold if you did go through with your plan? Can you actually envision yourself walking to the front of the classroom and handing your professor this folded up note, the outside of which has been labeled "TOP SECRET" in a confident, crayoned hand? Would you tell him not to read it until you'd left the room? Would you stand there while he read it?

Even in an ideal scenario (which, I guess, is one in which he likes you back, despite the lack of evidence you have presented?), what's he supposed to do with that information? Have sex with you? You've already taken that off the table. Not have sex with you? He could have done that without the note.

There is no context in which it is ever in everyone's best interests to tell someone "I want to sleep with you, but I'm not going to."

You wanna do something nice for your professor? Do your very best on your final exam. Write him a stellar course evaluation. Give him a mini bottle of hand sanitizer and a package of gourmet hot cocoa you bought from Marshalls. Those are the kinds of gifts teachers love.

As an aside, from an outside perspective, it seems like you might be more enamored with the idea of being a "naughty" student who has a fling with a "smart and sexy" professor than with the actual gentleman who, at home, is probably just a normal guy, not unlike the one you married. Maybe organize a student/teacher role-play scenario with your husband? It's spring, which means the winter plaids are now on sale. Buy yourself a skirt after your final class.

If, after all this, you are still convinced that you would like to pursue an affair—even just an emotional affair—with this married man, there are far better ways to initiate it.

But we won't go into them now because affairz are not okay.

My friend and I are close, and I like her boyfriend, but we don't hang out all the time. I went to meet my friend and her boyfriend after work, at a bar. They had eaten dinner, but I hadn't, so I ordered a burger and fries. I'll spare you the details, but essentially, I waited half an hour for my meal and I was very hungry when it finally arrived. My hunger and the wait was common knowledge between me, my friend, and her man. As I put the burger in my mouth for the first glorious bite, my friend's boyfriend took a fry, without asking. Furious, I told him THATZ NOT OK, and that I would have shared with him if he had asked. I insisted he owed me an apology. He said fry-snatching WAZ OK, and neither apologized nor amended the situation by like, buying me a beer or something. Is that ok?

Thatz okay.

First of all—

I'll spare you the details, but essentially, I waited half an hour for my meal and I was very hungry when it finally arrived

NO, SPARE NO DETAIL. THAT ANECDOTE SOUNDS FASCINATING.

If one fry is the difference between you living and dying, you've got bigger problems than a friend exhibiting poor table manners. You are severely undernourished. You need to set-up a PayPal account so that we can transfer money to you. You need to ask Sarah McLachlan to write a sad song about you, so we can play it over a slow-mo video of you reaching for a single fry just as a waiter swoops in and takes the plate away.

Here's a revised power ranking of the worst misdeeds in human history, to reflect that situation:

  1. The Holocaust
  2. The Crusades
  3. This guy stealing a fry
  4. 9/11
  5. All the fries he will steal in the future

Otherwise, it was impolite of your friend's boyfriend to grab a fry from your plate without asking. (It's not impolite because you were hungry; it's impolite because you shouldn't dig into another person's plate without their permission—unless it's your mom, haha, sorry Mom, shouldn't have had kids, I guess!) However, it was also impolite of you not to toss off a cursory "Feel free to take a fry, guys!" before digging into your hamburger if you were the only person with food.

While it is not technically impolite of you to now actively campaign for a retroactive apology through an independent arbitration hearing, it does feel a little like overkill.

As for fair dues, it's not clear to me where, in your mind, the price of a fry becomes equivalent to the price of a beer. You were absolutely entitled to a sip of his beer, if he had one. He also could have offered you payment in the form of a ha'penny. But there is not a restaurant on Earth where a glass of beer and a single French fry are listed on the menu for an identical price. While we're setting arbitrarily high reparation rates, why didn't your friend's boyfriend buy you a whole new plate of burger and fries to make up for the one he stole? Why didn't he buy you a car?

And didn't you feel like a Dickensian landlord as you quibbled with your foodless friends—your mouth shiny with burger grease, your fingers speckled with stray crystal grains of salt from all the fries you did get to eat—over a single fry? (I know that they had already eaten by the time you arrived, but, in that moment, you were the one with all the food. They were the ones watching you eat all the food.)

As a rule, I would advise against becoming the friend who keeps a thorough record of all bites given and snacks shared during communal meals. At best (if you keep your observations to yourself), you'll only be getting yourself worked up about it. At worst (if you find yourself regularly saying things like "Last month you took a French fry from me and gave me nothing in return"), you'll look nasty, obsessive, and stingy.

How can you be stingy when the food you're not sharing is food YOU paid for? I know. It's crazy. Western restaurant etiquette is confusing. Money is a social construct. One day we'll all be dead and it won't matter who ate the most fries, although I hope it's you because you love them.

Until then, try to pass the time pleasantly.

Do not start fights over a French fry.

Submit your "Thatz Not Okay" questions (max: 200 words) here. Photo via Tommaso Lizzul/Shutterstock.

Idiot Dick Facebook Twins Now Own One Percent of All Bitcoin

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Idiot Dick Facebook Twins Now Own One Percent of All BitcoinAs the internet watched the value of Bitcoin, the anonymous techno-libertarian dweeb-currency, drop by more than half yesterday, a collective wondering went up: Who could be dumb enough to put a significant amount of money in a currency this new, useless and volatile?

Today, the Winklevoss twins stood up and said, proudly: We are.

Once again demonstrating the same cunning business acuity and sound financial judgment that led them to sure Facebook not once, not twice, but one zillion times, Olympic rowers and Harvard graduates Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss have announced that they own something like 100,000 Bitcoin—one percent of the currency's stores. Not only that: they think they live in the movie The Net:

In order to keep their holdings secure from hackers, they have taken those codes off networked computers and saved them on small flash drives. They said they have put the drives in safe deposit boxes at banks in three different cities.

It's unlikely that the Winklevoss twins are the largest holders of Bitcoin; other early investors probably have as much if not more. But the 'voss are likely the largest holders of handsomeness, fame and desire for publicity within the Bitcoin community, and so you get Times articles where people can say things like this

"We have elected to put our money and faith in a mathematical framework that is free of politics and human error," Tyler Winklevoss said.

—or this—

"Three eras of currency," Chris Dixon, a partner at Andreesen Horowitz and well-known technology investor, recently wrote on a personal Web site [ed. note: literally, his Tumblr]. "Commodity based, e.g., gold; politically based, e.g., dollar; and math based, e.g., bitcoin."

—and go entirely unchallenged. (Though, to be fair to the reporter, I don't even know how to start challenging Dixon's Tumblr post? Like, what does he even mean?) One person quoted in the entire article says something that even approaches sense:

"It's not something I'd want to be involved in or have any investors' money involved with," said Steve Hanke, a professor specializing in alternative currencies at Johns Hopkins University. "To say highly speculative would be the understatement of the century."

Anyway, best of luck to these two idiot dicks and all their computer money and their hard drives around the world.

[NYT, image via AP]

Iranian News Agency Claims Local Scientist Invented Time Machine, Then Pulls Report After Everyone Makes Fun of It

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Iranian News Agency Claims Local Scientist Invented Time Machine, Then Pulls Report After Everyone Makes Fun of It

News from Iran about a Tehrani scientist who claimed to have invented a "time traveling machine" capable of seeing into people's five-year-plan with 98% accuracy made headlines yesterday in nearly every country besides Iran.

That's because Iran's "semi-official" Fars News Agency, which broke the "news," quickly scrubbed the report from its website after realizing that, rather than make the country seem futuristic, it actually did the exact opposite.

The now-deleted piece claims Ali Razeghi's Aryayek Time Traveling Machine "satisfies all the needs of human society," and quotes the Center for Strategic Inventions managing director as saying that his device will help Iran's government "prepare itself for challenges that might destabilize it."

Not much is said about the device itself, except that Razaeghi had been working on it since he was 17, and that it "fits into the size of a personal computer case and can predict details of the next 5-8 years of the life of its users."

In other words, it's not really time machine, but rather more of a glorified Magic 8 Ball, minus the accuracy.

Not particularly surprising then that the Time Traveling Machine wasn't seen by the international media as the game-changer Razaeghi and his state-run agency believe it to be.

It certainly didn't help Razeghi's case that he claimed to be holding back on launching a prototype because of fears "that the Chinese will steal the idea and produce it in millions overnight."

Once again, too late.

And it was too late for Fars: The story went ultra-viral yesterday, ensuring that "time travel" joins stealth fighters, VTOL drones, long-range missiles, and space monkeys in the ever-growing list of Iranian advancements that end up setting the country back.

[image via AngelFire]

Conservative Scholars' Investigation Says Bowdoin College Is Awesome

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Conservative Scholars' Investigation Says Bowdoin College Is AwesomeHere's your latest in identity politics and victimology: One day not quite three years ago, Thomas Klingenstein, a rich white man, found himself playing golf with Barry Mills, the president of Bowdoin College. They were reportedly discussing the state of higher education and Klingenstein, by his own account, told Mills that he believed today's colleges provide "too much celebration of racial and ethnic difference (particularly as it applies to blacks), and not enough celebration of our common American identity." After that encounter, Mills went on to tell the story in a convocation speech, without using Klingenstein's name, to describe the estrangement between contemporary conservatives and liberal academia.

Klingenstein, learning of the speech, felt that he had been misrepresented and othered by a college culture that refused to value his perspective as a rich white man (or, in the idiolect of rich white men, "our common American identity"). So to assert his own agency and voice, he paid $100,000 to a right-wing think-tank to investigate Bowdoin College and write a report about how it exemplifies the decay of American higher education.

The result—as assembled by white, male researchers for the National Association of Scholars—runs to 360 pages (though it "awaits small adjustments in pagination"). The conclusions are that Bowdoin fails to teach, among other things:

Intellectual modesty. Self-restraint. Hard work. Virtue. Self-criticism. Moderation. A broad framework of intellectual history. Survey courses. English composition. A course on Edmund Spenser. A course primarily on the American Founders. A course on the American Revolution. The history of Western civilization from classical times to the present. A course on the Christian philosophical tradition. Public speaking. Tolerance towards dissenting views. The predicates of critical thinking. A coherent body of knowledge. How to distinguish importance from triviality. Wisdom. Culture.

So, basically: Bowdoin fails to teach a high school curriculum (from, say, 1950).

But besides not making college students sit through 11th grade AP history, what else does Bowdoin have going for it?

• By making SAT scores optional for applicants, Bowdoin is undermining the accuracy of the arbitrary and unaccountable U.S. News college rankings.

If the numbers were reported, Bowdoin's ranking would have been lower.

It is natural to wonder how much lower, but the opacity of U.S. News & World Report's ranking system make it hard to say

• Bowdoin actively reaches out to recruit a variety of students to attend the college, broadening its applicant base.

The Office of Admissions runs a series of programs targeting minority high school students. These are the Bowdoin Invitational, Explore Bowdoin and the Experience Weekend, each of which is a four-day weekend program that is supposed to give the students a first-hand introduction to all that the College has to offer.

• Bowdoin treats gender, which is a social construct, as a social construct, rather than a biological fact.

Here Bowdoin flatly announces that gender is a social construct, the sole purpose of which is to subjugate women. Is gender, according to this view, entirely a social construct? "In light of the social construction of gender" seems to say so, and at the very least it forecloses any interest in other possibilities, such as biology. Individual courses on gender at Bowdoin are built on these assumptions, as is almost all public discussion of the matter

• In its seminars for first-year students, who are adults, Bowdoin includes material suited to adult audiences.

Some of these courses are solid; yet some catch the eye as distinctly odd course offerings for college freshmen, or perhaps any undergraduate: "Sexual Life of Colonialism," "Modern Western Prostitutes," "Native American Stereotypes"?

(The investigators also note that a seminar called "Queer Gardens" "does not teach critical thinking as well as Plato's Republic," which is unquestionably true, because, as they write, the seminar did not attract enough students and was not taught at all.)

• Courses at Bowdoin are often cross-listed among departments, emphasizing a shared tradition of knowledge rather than isolating academic work into narrow specialties.

Bowdoin teaches, among other things, that the academic disciplines and the larger divisions—science, social science, and humanities—are artificial constructs and that the knowledge (in many cases) most worth pursuing in a liberal arts education lies in web of connections that links disparate topics and approaches.

• Students at Bowdoin engage in a variety of forms of consensual sex.

The Student Handbook provides a definition of "Sexual Intercourse." It is "penetration (anal, oral or vaginal) by a penis, tongue, finger or an inanimate object." This is a somewhat odd definition—one at odds with common usage, if not always with dictionary definitions. It treats oral and anal sex as the equivalent of coitus, and equates "inanimate objects" with human genitalia. And, if taken literally, it defines French kissing as sexual intercourse.

The definition's breadth and ambiguity is not an accident or oversight. Rather, Bowdoin is taking care to say that it regards all (or nearly all) forms of human sexual conduct as legitimate. Bowdoin students are free to express their sexuality as they see fit, in so far as the participants have gained "consent."

(A search of the report indicates that the National Association of Scholars included the words "sex" or "sexual" 244 times. "Western civilization" appears twice.)

• Some students at Bowdoin use moderate amounts of recreational drugs, and the campus newspaper is not sensationalistic about it.

In October 2010, the Orient surveyed the student body concerning drug use. It received 590 student responses, approximately 34 percent. Marijuana usage:

Thirteen percent of respondents said that they use marijuana on campus or in the Brunswick area ‘weekly or more,' 16 percent ‘every month or two,' 23 percent ‘once to a few times,' and 49 percent ‘never.' In response to a question of how often they see another student smoking or under the influence of marijuana, 55 percent of respondents indicated ‘weekly or more.' Twenty percent reported ‘every month or two,' 17 percent 'once to a few times' and 8 percent ‘never.'

Use of other drugs was reported to be much less frequent. Only 7 percent of respondents reported using prescription drugs recreationally "once to a few times." Ten percent reported using LSD "once to a few times." Five percent used hallucinogenic mushrooms "once to a few times." Four percent used cocaine "once to a few times." "One hundred percent of respondents reported ‘never' having used methamphetamines, heroin, or crack cocaine." Thirty-eight percent (227 of the 590 respondents) used drugs in a college dorm or apartment, and 22 percent (129 respondents) used drugs in a social house.

The Orient concluded from this in its headline, "Campus poll reveals mild drug scene."

• Bowdoin is concerned with how the world will develop in the future, rather than focused on an ossifying past.

Bowdoin does very little to foster a sense of obligation or stewardship to the achievements of past generations. Bowdoin sometimes senses the importance of history, but is unwilling to show history any real respect. Mills again makes the point. The early presidents of Bowdoin were committed to what they called "the Common Good." By this, they meant primarily the virtue and piety students were supposed to model to the larger society. Mills has kept the term, but replaced virtue and piety with ideas of social justice, transnationalism, and sustainability.

Conclusions: Bowdoin sounds like a decent place for young people to get an education, provided they also want to enjoy themselves. Rich white people sure find ways to spend their money.

Texas Stabber Fantasized About Cannibalism, Having Sex With Dead People

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Texas Stabber Fantasized About Cannibalism, Having Sex With Dead People

On Tuesday, Dylan Quick, 20, allegedly went on a stabbing streak at Lone Star Community College near Houston, Texas. In total, 14 people were injured, including one person that remains hospitalized.

Late Thursday, court documents revealed that Quick told investigators that he had long fantasized about cannibalism and necrophilia. Quick is also said to have researched other mass stabbings the week before supposedly going on his attack.

"Mr.Quick admitted he was the lone stabber at Lone Star College," the warrant states. "Mr. Quick stated that last week he research the internet about mass stabbings on his personal computer."

In addition to cannibalism and necrophilia, Quick told investigators he fantasized about cutting off people's faces and wearing them as masks. Those fantasies started when he was 8 years old, according to court documents.

To prepare for the stabbings, Quick allegedly said he sharpened various household objects, including pencils and a hairbrush, to use in the attack, although authorities later said he used only a box cutter.

The affidavit also said police seized nine items from Quick's home, including a "Hannibal Lecter Mask," an animal dissection kit and several books, including ones with the titles "Hit List" and "Hitman," though the affidavit didn't note what the books were about.

Police currently have Quick on suicide watch, where he'll remain until he undergoes a proper psychological exam. He's being held without bond on three counts of aggravated assault and faces, if convicted all on charges, 20 years in jail.

[Image via AP]

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