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Everything We Know About the Boston Marathon Bombing

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Everything We Know About the Boston Marathon BombingYesterday, two bombs detonated at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and injuring more than 100 people. Here's everything we know about the bombing, its aftermath, and the hunt for the culprits.

  • Authorities do not have a suspect and no one has claimed responsibility. Investigators have few leads, and the FBI has taken charge of the investigation, which will go something like this.
  • Federal agents searched an apartment in Revere, Mass. last night, looking for a person of interest, and "several bags" were removed from the scene early in the morning.
  • The "Saudi national" touted by the New York Post (among others) as a suspect all day yesterday is a student who is fully cooperating with police and denying all involvement. He has a clean record, and suffered burn injuries during the explosion. According to CBS News' John Miller, the man was tackled by a civilian because he was "acting suspiciously" and, uh, running away from the explosion.
  • The bombs were apparently packed with ball bearings and gunpowder in an attempt to maximize injury.

Everything We Know About the Boston Marathon BombingOWS Activist and projectionist The Illuminator lights up a message on the side of the Brooklyn Academy of Music. [via]
  • The latest casualty toll has three dead and 145 injured, including as many as 17 in critical condition. Several have lost limbs.
  • Martin Richard, an eight-year-old boy from Ashmont, Mass., is one of the three dead; his mother and sister were also seriously injured. The family was waiting in Copley Square for Richard's father to finish the race.
  • Two brothers from Wakefield each lost a leg from the explosion.

Everything We Know About the Boston Marathon Bombing MIT's Green Building, across the river from Boston in Cambridge, was "hacked" to display a U.S. flag last night. [photo by @tochtli_exe]
  • Boston remains under high alert, and will entertain a heavy police presence today. Copley Square and the surrounding area will be closed to the public, as will Mass Pike Exit 22, Emerson and Berklee Colleges, and several nearby businesses. Bags will be searched on the MBTA.
  • Security has been heightened elsewhere as well: over a thousand cops were deployed in New York City yesterday, and the state was put on "heightened alert." In D.C., the security perimeter around the White House was widened and the police presence was increased.
  • Also beefing up security: Amtrak and Massachusetts nuclear plants, and LAX.
  • British police are reviewing their security plans for this week's London Marathon.

Everything We Know About the Boston Marathon BombingToday's Boston Herald, with a wraparound cover.

Powerful 7.8 Earthquake Hits Iran, Hundreds Likely Dead

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Powerful 7.8 Earthquake Hits Iran, Hundreds Likely DeadA death toll in the hundreds is expected following a massive earthquake in southeast Iran near the border of Pakistan on Tuesday. Measuring 7.8 on the Richter scale, the quake is the country's largest in decades, and its tremors reportedly caused buildings to sway as far away as New Delhi and Qatar.

So far the Iranian government has announced 40 dead, but a government official told Reuters that they "are expecting hundreds of dead." Power and communications are out in parts of the provinces of Baluchistan and Sistan.

Earlier this month, dozens were killed and hundreds injured in another, less powerful earthquake.

This Pro-Gay Boy Scouts Alternative Just Doubled its Membership

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Camping, crafts, and uniforms have always held a special allure for some kids; too bad the main sponsor of those activities, the Boy Scouts of America, excludes gays, atheists, and girls.

Never mind. Grab your tent stakes. Not only is there an enlightened alternative to the BSA, but the new gay-friendly group is growing at a feverish pace.

Mother Jones' Dana Liebelson reports that the upstart Navigators scouting group saw its number of national chapters expand to 45 today, from 19 just a year ago. Founded in 2003 by a disaffected Unitarian scoutmaster in East Harlem, Navigators USA sounds like a Jonathan Demme-directed version of Boy Scouts:

For the most part, Navigators participate in the same kinds of activities that Boy Scouts do: Camping, organic farming, hiking, tie dying, excursions to museums, and community service...But there is one big difference: The Navigators' Moral Compass, which expresses the group's philosophy that members shouldn't be discriminated against over gender, religious beliefs, or sexual orientation. Bossert says the organization has openly gay chapter leaders, as well as board leaders and co-members.

"Navigators USA welcomes all people," the group's website states:

boys and girls and adults no matter what gender, race, lifestyle, ability, religious or lack of religious belief. We believe the greatest challenge for the future of our planet is whether we will learn how to get along with people different than ourselves.

Boy Scout membership, meanwhile, has dropped by one-third since the 1990s.

RIP Martin Richard

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RIP Martin RichardMartin Richard, 8, was killed yesterday in the Boston Marathon bombings while standing with his mother and younger sister waiting for his father, William, to cross the finish line. His mother, Denise, and his six-year-old sister are reported to have been seriously injured. According to TV station WHD, Martin's mother underwent surgery for an injury to her brain and his sister lost a leg in the explosion.

UPDATE: Sources are reporting that Martin was fleeing the first bomb when he was killed by the second. Also, according to a friend of the family's, Martin's father was not running in the race, but was attending as a spectator with his family.

[Image via Facebook.]

Ozzy Osbourne Says He and Sharon Are Not Divorcing, But He Has Been Doing a Lot of Drugs

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Ozzy Osbourne Says He and Sharon Are Not Divorcing, But He Has Been Doing a Lot of Drugs

Ozzy Osbourne has posted a Facebook message to fans following reports that he and his wife of 31 years have gone their separate ways.

"Just to set the record straight, Sharon and I are not divorcing," Osbourne wrote. "I'm just trying to be a better person."

In the same post Ozzy explains that he has spent the past year and a half "drinking and taking drugs."

"I was in a very dark place and was an asshole to the people I love most, my family," he continues. "However, I am happy to say that I am now 44 days sober."

He concludes by offering an apology to "Sharon, my family, my friends...my band mates" and "my fans" for "my insane behavior during this period."

Sharon has yet to respond to rumors that she has packed up her things and moved into a new house in Beverly Hills, but she has since been spotted sans wedding ring "decompressing in Mexico."

As for Ozzy, he's getting ready to hit the road with Black Sabbath in support of the band's upcoming studio album 13 — the first to feature Osbourne, Tony Iommi, and Geezer Butler since 1978's Never Say Die!

[photo via Getty]

Craig Ferguson's Emotional Late Late Show Monologue: 'Is Anyone Else Sick of This Shit?'

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Craig Ferguson's Emotional Late Late Show Monologue: 'Is Anyone Else Sick of This Shit?'

Fans of The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson know well that every show opens with the very same line: "It's a great day for America."

But yesterday was not a great day for America — far from it — and Ferguson knew he would not be able to start the show with his signature catchphrase.

"Is anyone else sick of this shit?" Ferguson suddenly exclaims. "I seem to have to say that too often, I have to not say 'it's a great day for America' because of some random act of madness or terrorism."

Ferguson is no doubt referring to his powerful monologue in the wake of the Aurora, Colorado shooting, which opened in much the same way.

He goes on to discuss his personal ties to the city of Boston, while reminding viewers that it's okay to laugh when he makes jokes.

But, Ferguson admits, it's unclear how funny he'll be considering what has transpired.

"If I have all this inside of me, if I have all of this rage and anger and distress and upset inside of me, I'm not good enough a comedian to hide that form you," he tells the audience through passionate gesticulations. "So, we'll have our guests out tonight and I'll ask them about their lives, but I don't know how it's going to be."

[screengrab via CBS]

Aspiring Chef Quits His Menial Job in Delicious Fashion

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Aspiring Chef Quits His Menial Job in Delicious Fashion

Bringing pastry to work is the number one surefire way of making friends in the office.

But one aspiring chef from Cambridgeshire, England, turned the tradition on its head by using a Passion cake to tender his resignation.

Aspiring Chef Quits His Menial Job in Delicious Fashion

Yes: His letter of resignation was literally the icing on the cake.

Chris Holmes, who became a father a few weeks ago, decided there was no better time to finally chuck his job as a Border Force agent at Stansted Airport, and focus instead on his lifelong dream of running a successful catering business.

"Having recently become a father I now realise how precious life is and how important it is to spend my time doing something that makes me and other people happy," the 31-year-old chef wrote on top of the spiced carrot cake with pecans, sultanas, and coconut.

Known to friends and customers as Mr Cake, Holmes has had the privilege of working with celebrity chefs Gordon Ramsay and Marcus Wareing, and believes he has what it takes to make it in the food-making business.

"Timing-wise, it's quite a risk [to launch a business] with the economy as it is at the moment," he told The Guardian. "But I have looked at the books time and again and every way I look at it, it is viable as a sole employment."

As for his previous employers and colleagues, Holmes says they were "surprised and amazed," but the cake helped take some of the edge off.

"The people who tasted it say it was very nice," said a Border Force spokesman.

[H/T: Eater, photo via Twitter]

President Obama Appeases Cable News, Calls Boston Bombings 'Act of Terror'

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"Anytime bombs are used to terrorize innocent civilians, it is an act of terror," President Obama clarified, citing a definition of terrorism. Now that that's cleared up, we can talk about the fact that we still know nothing about the bombing. The President went on to say:

What we don't yet know, however, is who carried out this attack or why, whether it was planned and executed by a terrorist organization (foreign or domestic), or whether it was the act of a malevolent individual. That's what we don't yet know and clearly we're in the beginning of our investigation. We will take time to follow every lead and determine what happened.

Both Fox News and CNN, however, stopped listening after the word "terrorism."


Here Is Your Boston "Tragedy For Sale" Roundup of Opportunist Douches

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Here Is Your Boston "Tragedy For Sale" Roundup of Opportunist DouchesGlenn Beck is co-opting the Boston marathon bombing to hawk gold to his slackjawed fans. But hey, he's not the only fucktard palmetto bug trying to turn exposed femoral arteries into legal tender.

Without much effort, the Philadelphia Daily News managed to find t-shirts, hoodies, and stickers commemorating the Boston tragedy on sale online for as much as 42 bucks a pop.
Here Is Your Boston "Tragedy For Sale" Roundup of Opportunist Douches

That's downright enterprising compared to the knuckleheaded hucksters who simply framed up the front pages of various newspapers from Monday and injected them into the eBay fever swamp.
Here Is Your Boston "Tragedy For Sale" Roundup of Opportunist Douches

Or the dude who reportedly tried to auction 10 Boston bombing-related domain names. And that other guy, with the $7.99 Kindle book of blast-site pics? He won't be able to move his lips fast enough when he reads all the lawsuits he's about to get from photographers.
Here Is Your Boston "Tragedy For Sale" Roundup of Opportunist Douches

But presumably that will feel like a bath in fine warm flesh-caressing oils, compared to the screaming circle of fresh fiery hell reserved for gedunk-hawking vermin who speculate on dismemberments. Beelzebub, take them now.
Here Is Your Boston "Tragedy For Sale" Roundup of Opportunist Douches

[Buzzfeed, Philly Daily News]

[Image via AP]

Amanda Bynes Is Looking Even More Insane Than Usual in Newly Posted 'Twerking' Video

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Amanda Bynes Is Looking Even More Insane Than Usual in Newly Posted 'Twerking' Video

There have been no shortage of pleonastic stories making Amanda "I Want Drake to Murder My Vagina" Bynes out to be in the throes of a downward spiral with no bottom in sight.

But leave it to the actress (?) herself to make the most definitive case for her rickety psychological state without saying a single word.

In a minute-long video posted by Bynes to the video sharing site Telly, the former child star can be seen making increasingly troubling facial expressions while ostensibly examining her newly embedded cheek piercings in the mirror.

"I'm Sucking On A Sour Patch Kid Listening To Music Getting Ready For Tonight," Bynes tweeted before adding, "Twerking Out."

Fans were quick to speculate on what was truly going on in the live-streaming meltdown.

"Twerking out huh? Or tweaking? U are a hot mess. Amanda plz!" wrote one Telly user. "THIS IS NOT AMANDA BYNES! I know the real one and this one is fake," wrote another, echoing Bynes own claims that an impostor is roaming the streets pretending to be her.

Some are still holding fast to the notion that, while this Bynes is real, her actions are not.

"Part of me is hoping she's just trolling us all," said one concerned fan. "Maybe shes faking it, then planning a 'comeback'?" added another.

But it was the fan who insisted that it was all a "sophisticated form of performance art" who took the conjecture cake.

Or perhaps it was the fan who followed up that theory with an even better one: "lilo mockumentary in the making imo."

[H/T: ONTD, tweet via @AmandaBynes, video via Telly]

False Flags and Roof Terrorists: Your Guide to All the Internet Horseshit

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False Flags and Roof Terrorists: Your Guide to All the Internet HorseshitIt's already begun: The wacko conspiracy theories about the Boston Marathon bombings are taking over the internet. (In fact, "it" began only 30 minutes after the explosions, when conspiracy kingpin Alex Jones pre-emptively declared it a "False Flag" attack.) Here's our rundown of the most popular—which is to say the dumbest—conspiracy theories and general internet horseshit.

The False Flag Attack

The theory is: the Boston Marathon bombings were a "false flag" attack perpetrated by the government and used an excuse "to take our civil liberties and promote homeland security while sticking their hands down our pants on the streets."
Who is posting about this on Facebook and Twitter: Alex Jones, the wackadoo radio host and conspiracy monger; the staffs of his websites, InfoWars and PrisonPlanet; your weird uncle who always wears a POW/MIA bandana.
Time between bombings and first accusation: 30 minutes.
Representative tweet:

Did a pro wrestler ask a question about this at a Boston Police Department press conference last night: Yes. "Bionic" Dan Bidondi, an InfoWars radio host and small-time pro wrestler from Providence, R.I., managed to get into last night's BPD press conference and ask the question that was on everyone's mind: "Is this another false flag staged attack to take our civil liberties and promote homeland security while sticking their hands down our pants on the streets?"

The Roof Guy

The theory is: This one is not so much a "theory" as a blurry picture taken after the bombing by spectator Dan Lampariello, in which a figure can be seen on a roof in the distance. Literally just a guy on a roof.
Who is posting about this on Facebook and Twitter: Twitter user "Darth Fawkes" (now suspended); "@Fraank_Oceaan, a parody Twitter for singer Frank Ocean"; your little sister; several actual, genuine news outlets have written SEO-bait stories.
Is it true that janky low-standards Twitter accounts like YourAnonNews deleted their tweets about this stupid photo last night and yet theoretically serious news organizations like Yahoo! and ABC still wrote stories about it this morning: Yep.
Time between bombings and first accusation: One hour
Representative tweet:

Did a pro wrestler ask a question about this at a Boston Police Department press conference last night: No, but, someone (most likely not a wrestler) asked about the photo at a press conference this morning.

This is just a guy watching the marathon from his roof, isn't it: Yes.
He looks like bigfoot more than anything: Basically, yes.

Crisis Actors

The theory is: Many of the photographed victims of the bombings were "crisis actors," hired by the government to pretend to be casualties. Just like Sandy Hook.
Who is posting about this on Facebook and Twitter: Your cousin who's off his meds.
Time between bombings and first accusation: 20 minutes
Representative tweet:

Family Guy Predicted the Bombing

The theory is: Family Guy predicted the Boston Marathon bombings in an episode from last month.
Who is posting about this on Facebook and Twitter: Your dad, after he hit a button somewhere.
Time between bombings and first accusation: 12 hours.
Representative tweet:

But... why: I mean, if you even have to ask.

The 13 Most Obnoxious Marathon-Bombing Tweets

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The 13 Most Obnoxious Marathon-Bombing TweetsWhat do you do with your instantly publishing short-form social-media account when something big has happened but you don't know exactly what? Correct answer: nothing. But in the absence of reliable information yesterday, reflexive Twitter users filled the time by emptying out the preexisting contents of their heads.

So we waited till today to round up the worst of yesterday's insta-reactions:

1. Literally before anyone had enough facts to even identify the explosions as bombs, paranoid nutbag-agitator Alex Jones had already seen enough to be confident it was a fake bombing. Opening with condolences-as-caveat was a professional touch.

2. Right-wing-talking-point repeater Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post saw the coverage of the carnage as a chance to make a jape about MSM hypocrisy, because where was everyone when that Philadelphia abortion doctor bombed a bunch of pregnant women at the Mummers Parade?

3. Self-righteous New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof was mad at Republicans in Congress, then deleted his message in embarrassment.

The 13 Most Obnoxious Marathon-Bombing Tweets

4. We would like to make sure you know how scrupulous we are being about our terminology, so we are broadcasting a boring and ephemeral internal newsroom usage decision to the whole world.

5. If the perpetrators had known how angry they would make a tech guy, they would never have dared.

6. How fast can the victims be turned into a ponderous abstraction to show how deep a feature-writer's feelings are? This fast.

7. The sad feelings I have about this massacre remind me of the sad feelings I got from watching a television program about a fictional sad event.

8. God told me to boss you around now. Right now.

9. Was Nicholas Kristof's tweet not dumb enough? How about an UPDATE on some coverage of some reaction to Nicholas Kristof's tweet?

10. It's terrible when a giant breaking news story distracts everyone from the coverage of the announcement of news awards. Poor neglected Pulitzer winners.


11. Find the happy angle, guys.

12. Or maybe put the whole awful thing out of your mind altogether.

The 13 Most Obnoxious Marathon-Bombing Tweets

Colorado Teen Can’t Shed His Diarrhea Past; Pope Declares it a Miracle

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Colorado Teen Can’t Shed His Diarrhea Past; Pope Declares it a MiracleMiracles happen everywhere, if you only know where to look. Sometimes you have to look in diarrhea.

The Denver Post reports that a German nun is one step closer to being declared a saint, after helping a little boy's diarrhea go away in 1999, almost a century after her death.

The official Church version of the story is that the undiagnosed "severe gastrointestinal condition" (responsible for daily, constant diarrhea) that had plagued 4-year-old Luke Burgie for six months—since his first day of preschool—miraculously cleared up just as two nuns from Colorado Springs finished reciting nine days of prayers (a novena) to Mother Theresia Bonzel, their order's original founder.

This isn't miraculously like, "I thought I was going to miss the elevator but then, miraculously, I made it in before the doors closed." It's miraculously like, "people prayed for a miracle and then, oh my God, a miracle actually happened."

Just before Easter, Pope Francis declared that Bonzel was personally responsible for Luke Burgie's miraculous healing. She's scheduled for beatification in November. (Sainthood requires two miracles, so she's still one miracle shy for that.)

Luke's mom, Jan, who describes herself as a non-practicing Catholic yoga instructor, says her son—now a floppy-haired 18-year-old BMXer—has been self-conscious his whole life about the fact that a dead woman's miracle was needed to bring an end to his crippling diarrhea.

"He didn't like being singled out as the miracle boy."

Luke also professes not to remember ever being sick (or suddenly getting better), although you were, Luke, you were sick, sick with a lot of diarrhea, so much diarrhea that the doctors were worried you might poop yourself to death, so much diarrhea that a literal miracle, sent down from heaven, was the only thing that could stop it, all day and night you pooped and pooped and pooped until God looked down from heaven and said "Holy shit, Luke, what are you doing, stop it!"

Ask your mom, she'll tell you. Or ask the Denver Post reporter to whom she gave an interview about your diarrhea story. Or ask the Church's verification committee, who consulted medical records and conducted in-depth interviews with your family to make sure your diarrhea story was a miracle. Or ask the pope, who heard all about your diarrhea story and said "My God, that boy's diarrhea story is a miracle!" Or ask the old pope, who heard all about your diarrhea story and said "My God, that boy's diarrhea story might be a miracle!" (Pope Benedict XVI declared Bonzel "venerable"—the step before beatification—in 2010.)

There are so many people you could ask for information if you ever want to learn more about that diarrhea you had, that only ended through divine intervention.

Maybe you could pray to Mother Theresia Bonzel, the woman to whom so many prayed, fourteen years ago, on behalf of your diarrhea, for answers.

She needs one more miracle to become a saint, so maybe she'll respond with something big.
(Since you guys are already close.)

(Since she helped you with your diarrhea.)

[Denver Post, h/t Newser // image via Getty]

Maggie Smith is an Annoyed Zombie in National Gallery Portrait

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Maggie Smith is an Annoyed Zombie in National Gallery Portrait The National Portrait Gallery commissioned a painting of Dame Maggie Smith that makes the Dowager Countess look like a condescending mummy overlord.

Painter James Lloyd claimed that he wanted to capture the Dame in "everyday mode" and encompass her "understated grandeur." Instead, he made the elegant septuagenarian look like an exasperated evil dead commander. The six-foot-three painting was unveiled last week in London. According to the painter, Smith is "very happy" with the results. He did mention that Smith was hesitant to have her portrait done and her first words to him were "poor you." Amazingly, we got that.

Maggie Smith is an Annoyed Zombie in National Gallery Portrait

[Women in Hollywood, image via National Portrait Gallery]

A Sloppy Excel Error Might Have Messed Up the Way We Think About GDP

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A Sloppy Excel Error Might Have Messed Up the Way We Think About GDP A new study reveals that one of the most cited economic principles regarding GDP and debt is most likely based on a "sloppy Excel coding error." According to a 2009 book by Carmen Reinhart and Kenneth Rogoff, This Time It's Different, countries with a high debt to GDP ratio have slow economic growth. But three economists at the University of Massachusetts have published a critique of Reinhart and Rogoff entitled: "Does High Public Debt Consistently Stifle Economic Growth?" They found a major and embarrassing error in the original calculations.

Basically, a teeny tiny Excel cell was set incorrectly, and as a result, Reinhart/Rogoff left out Austria, Australia, Denmark, Belgium, and Canada. Once fixed, their calculation of a -0.1 percent growth rate should actually be 0.2 percent growth rate. When other revisions were carried out, the scholars found that the true growth rate should have been 2 percent.

Slate's Matthew Yglesias breaks down the ramifications of this error in his MoneyBox post:

"This is literally the most influential article cited in public and policy debates about the importance of debt stabilization, so naturally this is going to change everything. Or, rather, it will change nothing."

So you can either rethink everything you thought about GDP:debt ratios or just chill out because nothing will change anyway, depending on how much energy you feel like expending.

[Slate, image via Roger Jegg - Fotodesign-Jegg.de/Shutterstock]


Boston College Students Organize Walk for Thousands Who Didn't Finish Marathon: 'We Decide When Our Marathon Ends'

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Boston College Students Organize Walk for Thousands Who Didn't Finish Marathon: 'We Decide When Our Marathon Ends'

Thousands of Boston Marathon runners were still making their way to the finish line when the bombs went off yesterday afternoon.

According to figures released by the Boston Athletic Association, some 4,496 runners had already crossed the 40K (24M) mark when they were ordered to stop.

A further 1,246 participants were stopped before reaching 40K.

Feeling a strong need to give those 5,742 individuals a chance to finish the race on their own terms, Boston College students Dani Cole and Michael Padulsky launched a Facebook event aimed at doing just that.

"Boston Marathon: The Last 5" — which is scheduled for Friday, April 19th, @ 4:30 PM — invites anyone affected by the bombing to participate in a five-mile walk from Boston College to Copley Square, the site of the bombing, in a show of solidarity and support.

"For anyone who did not get to finish, For anyone who was injured, and For anyone who lost their life...we will walk," the event organizers wrote in describing the walk. "We will walk to show that we decide when our marathon ends."

Over 12,000 have signed up so far, with dozens more adding their name to the list every hour.

"Boston Marathon: The Last 5" is part of a ever-growing list of ways to express support for the city of Boston. At least one other "make-up race" has been announced on Facebook, with over 1,000 already confirming their participation.

[photo via Instagram]

Robert Downey Jr. Says Overacting Is Like Bestiality

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Robert Downey Jr. Says Overacting Is Like BestialityChris Heath warns you up high in his GQ cover story on Robert Downey Jr., that: "Conversations with Robert Downey Jr. are rarely linear, and sometimes it takes a moment to realize how one thing might relate to the next." Yes, this seems to be the perfect way to set up the inscrutable parallel the actor draws to overly emotional acting and bestiality porn (not that he's watched it, he's just seen it being sold in Amsterdam...). Here is the powerful exchange:

GQ: What are you bad at as an actor?

Robert Downey Jr.: Tons. Everything I avoid. I don't like opening doors and looking surprised. I can do all that emo stuff, but I'm so over everyone who has to have a meltdown- everybody is emotional all the time. In movies people seem to be more emotional than they would ever be if that situation was actually happening to them.

GQ: No shit.

RDJ: Yeah. And the funny thing is: People eat that up. It's not that I'm better than that or I've transcended that, it's that...I don't know...once you've been in Amsterdam and you've been in some weird magazine shop and you see some title like Hond Seks [literally translated as "dog sex," by which he means "sex with dogs] you just don't want to go to that part of town anymore.

GQ: Hold on, you've just compared acting a bit overemotionally to-

RDJ: -To bestiality! Yeah. I'm sorry, but they're both these kind of grotesque things. I don't want to say they're grotesque, but I have a reaction to it. I know you go there and you do it and it works and people eat it up, but...

GQ: You're talking about bestiality, I presume.

RDJ: Now, I'm not saying there isn't a genuine connection between these people and their animals. And that they're not sad when they go, the next morning...

Perfect metaphor. Full of the elucidation and compassion about humans fucking dogs that all metaphors should have.

Here are some more fun facts from this fun story:

  • He "habitually" carries around a small suitcase that contains, among weird shit: antiparasitics and antivirals, "some kind of chemical if he happens to eat bread" (probably Ipecac) and a solid-gold Iron Man helmet head. About that head, the actor says, "It is funny, dude. I do contemplate this thing."
  • The three weeks before his Iron Man screen test were "a time of focused preparation and of 'spiritual/ ritualistic processes' that he still considers private and prefers not to detail."
  • After spending about 20 years in Hollywood churning out flop after flop, he's in the middle of a hot streak, repeatedly striking gold in recent years with the Iron Man franchise, the Sherlock Holmes franchise and Tropic Thunder. Here is how Robert Downey Jr. explains his success: "We work weekends. This is not a 'Monday through Friday and then let's go and party in Aspen' thing. We work weekends."
  • He keeps a metal robot on his patio. It holds an ax and a potato peeler. "Which I think is pretty awesome," says Downey. "He might kill you, or we might make some string fries together."
  • He is always poking his head in the editing room of Iron Man 3 to give his notes on "pacing...story...payoffs...setups...moments...surprises" and also to irritate people with his vanity. "Once in a while I'm: 'Please, guys-show me another take where I don't look like I'm taking a shit and screaming at the same time.'"
  • It's "just a fact" that he will one day win an Oscar; "I, personally, would be shocked if we went to the end of the tape now and I didn't have at least one."
  • His perky Iron Man franchise contract allowed him to make about $50 million for the first installment of the mega-grossing Avengers offshoot. To make about a thousand times more dollars for one movie than the average U.S. household makes in a full year, Downey "just showed up, hit my marks." He adds, "It was very easy-it was so easy I didn't see how it could work." He is smiling as he says this.
  • He owns two cats (Monty and D'Artagnan), four alpacas (Fuzzy, Baby, Madre, and Dandy) and two pygmy goats (Trigger and Memo). There is no indication that he has made porn with any of them.

GQ: "RD3"

[Image via Getty]

Here Is Video of a Pressure-Cooker Bomb Exploding, and Here Is Who Knows How to Build Them

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An unnamed FBI official has told CBS News that at least one of the explosive devices detonated in Boston yesterday appears to have been improvised from a conventional pressure-cooker. Unnamed law enforcement officials don't exactly have the strongest record of credibility in the immediate aftermath of events like these, but federal authorities are well-acquainted with this type of IED.

In mid-2010, the Department of Homeland Security put out a circular, classified "For Official Use Only," warning of their potential use in domestic attacks:

Rudimentary improvised explosive devices (IEDs) using pressure cookers to contain the initiator, switch, and explosive charge (typically ammonium nitrate or RDX) frequently have been used in Afghanistan, India, Nepal, and Pakistan. Pressure cookers are common in these countries, and their presence probably would not seem out of place or suspicious to passersby or authorities. Because they are less common in the United States, the presence of a pressure cooker in an unusual location such as a building lobby or busy street corner should be treated as suspicious.

The notice (full text below) adds that the failed Times Square bomber used a similar device. And it serves as an update to a 2004 DHS bulletin, also embedded below, citing the existence of such devices in Afghanistan, Pakistan, Nepal, and Malaysia.

Why a pressure cooker? As the DHS alert suggests, it's a relatively nondescript item, not likely to arouse immediate suspicion to the untrained eye. It can conceal a good deal more explosive and a larger initiating mechanism than, say, a pipe bomb—whose appearance is obvious enough to draw greater scrutiny. Pipe bombs also can't hold much in the way of shrapnel—nails, BBs, ball bearings—but a pressure cooker makes it easier to carry and conceal such lethal add-ons.

Indeed, these explosives are common enough that some explosive ordnance disposal trainers sell mockup devices to law enforcement. They are familiar to US troops in Afghanistan; the two videos (above and below) are good examples of what a controlled detonation of a pressure-cooker explosive reportedly looks like.


This does not, however, confirm that the Boston bombs have any specific provenance tied to South Asian terrorist or insurgent groups. This might not have come from a group at all:

  • The lack of clear leads on Day Two suggests that law enforcement has not isolated any chatter from these organized syndicates—even chatter that might not have been specific enough to predict the attack, but whose meaning might become clear in the explosions' aftermath.
  • There were only two bonafide bombs, notwithstanding all the "device" rumors that swirled around Boston and the media yesterday, so while it was a terrible planned crime of opportunity, it ranks low on the spectrum of complex coordinated attacks.
  • The only individual whose physical appearance might be said to resemble that of a South Asian—in actuality, he's reportedly Saudi—was tackled, interrogated, and thus far not found to be connected to the attacks.
  • Downrange American military personnel and the civilian contractors they work with also return home with the technical know-how to create these devices. Sinister knowledge isn't proprietary to an ethnic or religious group.

More on that last point: Improvised shrapnel munitions, whether they are staged in a pressure cooker or not, are easy to build with online directions or books for sale at gun shows. I know—as a teen, I bought an old copy of the Army's "improvised munitions" manual, repackaged as a "CIA Black Book of Dirty Tricks," when I accompanied my father to a gun show more than two decades ago.

These points—and the fact that the attacker's target appears to have chosen for mass casualties, rather than for symbolic political value—suggest (but do not prove) that, whether the perpetrator is a white nationalist or an Islamic jihadi or something else entirely, he or she could be unaffiliated and off the grid.

But deeper speculation on an attacker's ethnicity, creed, or possible affiliation is just that. At this premature stage, we can only say one thing authoritatively about the Boston bombers: They are sick bastards with a basic understanding of physics.

The 2012 DHS alert:




The 2004 warning:

Crazy Rumor of the Day: NBC Confirms Brand New Season of Friends

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Crazy Rumor of the Day: NBC Confirms Brand New Season of Friends

Wholly unsubstantiated rumors of an impending Friends reunion slated for Thanksgiving 2014 made mild waves online last week.

But that was a whisper in a pillow compared with word from an even less reputable source that NBC has confirmed not just a reunion episode, but an entire new season of the popular late-90s, early-aughts sitcom.

The Internet, never one to wait for verification, quickly hopped aboard the train to certain-ville.

Nevermind that the "breaking news" from "leading Latin Internet brand" StarMedia looks like this:

The rumor of a new season for Friends has been surrounding the web for months, but this time is more than a rumor! NBC network has confirmed they will launch a new season of Friends on 2014, it will be about their story in a comeback reunion!

It's still unknown if the original actors will accept NBC's deal, but the dream of "Friends" reunion is closer than ever!

This is way better than just a Thanksgiving special like it was rumored last year!

Are you as excited as we are?

Doesn't get much more legit than "but this time is more than a rumor," does it.

Rumors of a Friends reunion do exist and do persist. And StarMedia was once kinda-sorta NBC's sister company.

But seeing as absolutely no one else in the entertainment-trade media world seems to be aware that NBC was even considering a Friends reunion, let alone confirming that it was a done deal, I think the best thing to do at this point is hope that this terrible idea never comes to pass.

[H/T: Uproxx, image via Facebook]

The Vanishing Bomb Suspect: How the New York Post Scooped Reality

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The Vanishing Bomb Suspect: How the New York Post Scooped RealityIn the confusion around the Boston Marathon bombing yesterday, as facts came and went, the New York Post staked out two dramatic claims: at least a dozen people were dead, and the authorities had a Saudi man in custody as a suspect.



How did an out-of-town tabloid beat the national media to major scoops in a chaotic, breaking story? By not worrying too much about whether the scoops were true.

First, the death toll. By 4 p.m. yesterday, the Post had gone on record raising the number of dead to 12. Long into the evening, as authorities again and again put the death toll at three, the Post persisted in publishing that figure—as if it were holding out hope that nine more victims might be pronounced dead in time to treat it as confirmation. In a version published online shortly after 2 a.m., the Post wrote:

A federal law enforcement source told The Post there are at least 12 dead and at least 132 people have been treated at seven area hospitals.

Even after going with "3 killed" on the front page, the Post kept its original number in the story:

The official death toll remained at three, but a law-enforcement source told The Post it could be as high as 12.

Quietly, the figure had switched from 12 or more to 12 or less. But it was definitely on one side of 12 or the other. Law-enforcement sources were telling people all kinds of things yesterday: that a bomb had gone off at the JFK Library; that between one and five more bombs had been found, undetonated. Law-enforcement sources were getting lots of bad information too. So the Post took the step of also citing another news outlet:

One witness told The New York Times there appeared to be 10 to 12 fatalities, including "women, children, finishers." The wounds appeared to be "lower torso - the type of stuff you see from someone exploding out," he said.

That quote appeared in an early breaking-news story from the Times, and was removed from later editions.

In other words, the quote demonstrated that it had been possible, at one point, to believe that the death toll was 12. The Times, however, recognized it as bad information and cut it out (albeit without a note). And it's not completely inconceivable that more victims may succumb to their injuries, though nine more deaths seems unlikely. Neither of those possibilities, past or future, meant that the Post's law-enforcement source wasn't wrong.

Then there is the Saudi suspect. Or there was the Saudi suspect.

Investigators have a suspect—a Saudi Arabian national—in the horrific Boston Marathon bombings, The Post has learned.

Law enforcement sources said the 20-year-old suspect was under guard at an undisclosed Boston hospital.

After the Post's initial report, other outlets confirmed underlying pieces of fact: A Saudi student was in the hospital with injuries from the bombing. He had been considered suspicious by someone on the scene, who had grabbed him as he fled. Police had talked to him.

These things were true. But did they matter? The Post was convinced it had beaten everyone to a real lead in the case—a definitive lead, pointing to an answer to the still-open questions of what sort of attack this was, and what forces were behind it.

The authorities weren't so confident. By the time the paper went to press, the suspect was merely being questioned. Still, the front page bullet-pointed it, right below the fact of the bombing and the number of casualties: "Saudi grilled by FBI."

The Boston Globe, citing its own law-enforcement sources, had dismissed the Saudi angle by morning. Other outlets did the same. Law enforcement said there were no suspects in custody.

But the Post stuck with it, like an investor holding a plummeting stock, hoping to ride out a market correction. It downgraded the Saudi to a "potential suspect," but still under the subhead "Smells of gunpowder." And that FBI grilling?

[I]nvestigators had not yet directly asked the man whether he had set off the bombs. But they had asked him general questions, such as what he was doing in the area.

The potential suspect told police he had dinner Sunday night near Boston's Prudential Center, about half a mile from the blast site, the sources said.

He also said that he went to the Copley Square area yesterday to witness the finish of the race.

So: The Post's suspect had gone to watch the race. When the bomb went off, he fled. Having been hit by a bomb, he smelled of gunpowder.

He also, according to the Post's sources, asked, "Did anyone die?" (Twelve people, the sources presumably answered.)

Finally, a little after 3 p.m., the Post surrendered:

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