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    Corporate America Will Never Stop Paying For Bullshit Advice About Millennials

    No matter how many times someone writes the story about high-priced consultants who purport to tell corporations how to deal with their young employees—it’s still funny!!!

    Let’s say you’re a corporate executive. How do you deal with those confounding “millennials” in your workplace? You may imagine the answer to be: a swift kick in the ass! That is because you are not corporate executive material. If you were a real corporate executive, you would know that the answer is: hire a “millennial adviser” for as much as $25,000 per hour (the quoted rate for a speech by this lady) to reveal to you very advanced common-sense platitudes... for millennials!

    From the Wall Street Journal:

    Red Robin Gourmet Burgers hired Dan Schawbel, 32, to help stem turnover among young workers. Mr. Schawbel, a partner and research director at Future Workplace, an executive-development firm, said he advised managers at the Greenwood Village, Colo., burger chain to let corporate employees set flexible schedules. The company now allows corporate employees to take Friday afternoons off, and banned Friday meetings, said Cathy Cooney, senior vice president and human-resources director.

    Mr. Schawbel said he also advised Red Robin to make its executives more visible. Chief Executive Stephen Carley now brings doughnuts or bagels into the office at least once a quarter and personally hands them out to employees, Ms. Cooney said.

    Damn— that’s some insightful shit.

    But do the post-millennials want donuts? I can’t wait to hire a consultant to find out!

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    How to Kill a Three-Year-Old in NYC Without Getting Arrested
    Image: Getty

    Mariam Dansoko, a three-year-old girl, was crossing the street near Yankee Stadium with her mother yesterday when she noticed an approaching car. “Mommy, the car is coming,” she said. By the time her mother turned around, the driver of the oncoming Nissan Altima struck Mariam, giving her injuries that later killed her. The driver was not arrested at the scene and will likely not be charged with a crime.

    Mariam and her mother were crossing East 164th Street at the time of the crash, and the car made a left turn into the crossing from Gerard Avenue. As Streetsblog points out, traffic lights at that intersection do not have a dedicated turn phase, meaning that pedestrians and turning automobiles are signaled to proceed simultaneously, and it is theoretically the driver’s responsibility to notice when pedestrians are crossing and to yield accordingly. If the car had a green light, so did Mariam and her mother. Unless they waited to enter the crosswalk until after the red hand on the sign began blinking, they had the legal right of way.

    Rather than meaningfully address the cause of Mariam’s death, or the problem of pedestrian deaths in New York City at large—144 people were killed by cars while traveling on foot in 2014—the police, and the local tabloids, instead focused on the fact that the child happened to be several steps behind her mother when the driver killed her. Citing NYPD sources, the Daily News reported that Mariam was “trailing behind her mother by roughly 12 feet,” as if that distance excuses her death.

    Earlier this month, a driver hit and killed an 80-year-old man who was crossing 57th street. No charges. A month before that, a driver hit and killed a 73-year-old woman on the Upper East Side. No charges. In March, the victim was a 61-year-old teacher who was using the crosswalk with the walk signal, and the driver was an on-duty cop. No charges.

    You don’t need special powers or privileges to get away with murder in New York. All you need is a car.

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    Senate Passes Bill Allowing 9/11 Victims' Families to Sue Saudi Arabia
    Photo: AP

    On Tuesday, over the protestations of the Obama administration, the Senate unanimously passed a bill allowing families of 9/11 victims to sue Saudi Arabia for any involvement it may have had in the plot to perpetrate those attacks.

    Victims’ families have tried to sue members of the Saudi royal family and associated charities before, the New York Times reports, but have largely been thwarted by a 1976 law that grants foreign countries some immunity from lawsuits filed in American courts.

    The House of Representatives has yet to vote on the legislation, and President Obama has threatened to veto it if it passes in the House.

    The push to pass the bill comes amid renewed interest in the so-called 28 pages: a still-classified portion of a 838-page Congressional report from 2002 that some say contains information linking high-ranking Saudi officials with the 9/11 terrorists. (Fifteen of the 19 terrorists were Saudi.)

    The 9/11 Commission, in a separate report, “found no evidence that the Saudi government as an institution or senior Saudi officials individually funded” the terror attacks that day.

    President Obama is not the only one to criticize the legislation. During a visit to Washington in March, Saudi foreign minister Adel al-Jubeir told lawmakers and administration officials that if the legislation passed, Saudi Arabia could start selling off $750 billion in Treasury securities and assets in the United States. Even so, economists tell the Times that’s an unlikely outcome.

    “For the sake of the families, I want to make clear beyond the shadow of a doubt that every entity, including foreign states, will be held accountable if they are found to be sponsors of the heinous act of 9/11,” Senator Chuck Schumer of New York, a Democrat who co-sponsored the Justice Against Sponsors of Terrorism Act, said Tuesday.

    “If the Saudis did not participate in this terrorism, they have nothing to fear about going to court,” he said. “If they did, they should be held accountable.”

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    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More

    TP-Link networking gear, Lucky brand apparel, and a snack sample box lead off Tuesday’s best deals.

    Bookmark Kinja Deals and follow us on Twitter to never miss a deal. Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here to learn more, and don’t forget to sign up for our email newsletter.

    Top Deals

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    TP-Link Gold Box

    Whether you’re upgrading to 802.11ac, trying to extend your wireless network, or just want to control your lamps with an Amazon Echo, today’s Amazon Gold Box is overflowing with TP-Link networking gear.

    The most exciting deal in here is probably TP-Link’s Smart Plug for $20, an all-time low. Our readers have already bought a ton of these, and they allow you to control a power outlet from a smartphone app, or via Amazon Echo commands.

    You’ll also find several popular routers, ethernet switches, range extenders, powerline kits, and more, all marked down to great low prices. Just note that like all Gold Box deals, these prices are only available today, or until sold out.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Lucky Apparel Sale

    Today only, Amazon’s running a huge sale on Lucky brand apparel, with great deals available for both men and women.

    Of course, jeans are well represented here, but there are also plenty of shirts, shorts, and jewelry on offer as well. Just note that like all Gold Box deals, these prices are only available today, or until sold out.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Squatty Potty 9", $19. Discount shown at checkout.

    Did you know you’ve been pooping all wrong? It’s true! Luckily, the obscenely popular Squatty Potty is designed to lift your legs into an ideal bowel movement position, and you can get a 7" or 9" model for just $19 on Amazon today. These things never go on sale, so if you’ve had your eye on one, it’s officially time to poop or get off the pot.

    Note: These are listed for over $25 on the product page, but they’ll drop to $19 automatically at checkout. You must purchase from Squatty Potty’s Amazon listing, not Amazon’s first party one.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Xbox One 1TB Holiday Bundle Plus Three Bonus Games, $399

    The parade of ridiculous Xbox One deals continue today with a 1TB holiday bundle (which includes three games), plus Fallout 4, The Division, and Doom, all for the standard $399 price of the console alone. Even if you don’t care for all of those bonus games, they’d be easy enough to sell.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Men’s Fashion Watch Sale

    They won’t track your steps or make Dick Tracy-style phone calls, but these men’s fashion watches from Fossil, Nautica, and more look way nicer than any smart wearable, and over two dozen of them are available for $20-$100, today only.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Anker PowerLine+ 6', $14

    By now, you should know that Anker PowerLine Lightning cables are incredibly popular, but did you know there’s another tier of cables above them? Anker’s PowerLine+ line increases the bend lifespan from 5,000 to 6,000, adds a nylon braided exterior, and includes an innovative carrying case that keeps your unused cord length from tangling. Want to see one for yourself? The 6' model is available in red for $14 today, or a couple bucks less than usual.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    APC - Back-UPS Connect 84VA Battery Back-Up System, $80

    If you use a desktop computer, a good UPS battery backup will keep it running without any interruption in the event of a power outage, which means you won’t lose any unsaved work. But even if you’re a laptop user, this could still run lamps, your router and modem, or any other low-draw devices until the power comes back on. This particular model even includes some USB ports for charging your mobile devices.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    American Gods [Kindle], $3

    American Gods is one of the most popular novels from the prolific Neil Gaiman, and the source material for an upcoming TV show. If it’s been on your to-read list, you can grab a Kindle copy today for just $3.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    10 Pounds Diatomaceous Earth, $16

    Diatomaceous earth is one of the most effective weapons we have against bugs, and Amazon will sell you a 10 pound bag of the stuff for $16, today only. Despite the unspeakable things it does to bugs in your yard, it’s actually food grade, and completely non-toxic for humans and pets. Just note that this is a Gold Box deal, meaning the price is only available today, or until sold out.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Hoover WindTunnel T-Series Vacuum, $65

    With five adjustable height levels, an accessory hose, and (hallelujah) a 27' retractable power cord, this Hoover bagless vacuum is all you need. Today only, Amazon will sell you one for just $65, matching an all-time low.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Dymo LabelManager 160, $10

    Update: Back in stock!

    It might not be mission-critical equipment for your home, but a good label maker is a nice gadget to keep around, and Amazon’s top seller is back in stock for just $10 today, matching an all-time low.

    If you remember the old label makers that literally pressed the letters into a piece of tape, this is a bit more advanced than what you’re picturing. The Dymo LabelManager 160 can print in eight fonts at six sizes, along with clipart and special characters, and you can even preview the entire label on its LCD screen before you print. Every time we post this deal, it sells out quickly, so you’ll want to grab yours fast.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Double Hammock With Stand, $55

    It’s officially hammock season, and you can join in the fun for just $55 today. That gets you a double hammock, a carrying case, and yes, even a steel stand so you don’t have to find two conveniently-placed trees.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Nekteck Jump Starter, $50 with code DU8TUNFS

    We’ve posted several deals on USB power banks that can also jump start a dead car battery, but this model from Nekteck puts out 600 amps, compared to 400-450 on most other models. For your standard dead car battery, 400 is probably enough, but if it’s really dead, or hasn’t been started in a long time, the extra oomph could make a big difference.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Snack Bar Sample Box, $5 + $5 Snack Bar Credit

    Update: Here are similar deals on an energy drink, soap, and snack sample boxes.

    Amazon’s back at it again with another irresistible sample box deal. This time around, $5 gets you five or more assorted snack bars, plus a $5 credit to spend on your next snack bar purchase from Amazon. These tend to sell out within hours after we post them, so I wouldn’t chew on it for too long.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Etekcity Wi-Fi OBD2 Smart Car Scanner, $17 with code GTBGQKAU

    You’ve heard of Automatic’s smart driving assistant, but if $80-$100 is too rich for your blood, this cheap OBD2 dongle connects to any iPhone or Android device over Wi-Fi, and can fulfill many of the same functions using various third party apps.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    HTPC Bundle, $134

    Want to build a home theater PC without a ton of research? Newegg is bundling a compact Intel barebones system, 8GB of RAM, and a 120GB SSD for just $134 today. You’ll need to install an operating system and plug in a keyboard and mouse (we recommend this wireless combo if you’re using it in your living room), but otherwise, you should be set to go.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    KMASHI Bluetooth Selfie Stick, $6 with code TRD5FZWU

    $6 is about as cheap as Bluetooth selfie sticks ever get, just please, don’t put anyone’s eye out.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Ecobee3 Smart Thermostat, $190

    While it doesn’t have the brand recognition of Nest’s learning Thermostat, the Ecobee3 Smart Thermostat one-ups its most popular competitor by including a wireless remote sensor that you can place elsewhere in your house, giving the thermostat a more accurate picture of your home’s overall temperature. Plus, it’ll work with Siri via HomeKit, and your Amazon Echo too.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Purell Dispenser, $10 after 5% coupon

    You know those Purell dispensers you see in office buildings? Now you can have one in your own home for just $10, complete with a full tank of the good stuff. It might seem a little silly, but this would be fantastic for germ-soaked child hands, and I could see installing one of these in a garage or shed where your hands are likely to get dirty.

    Note: Clip the 5% off coupon.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Buy a DEWALT lawn care tool, Get an extra battery FREE

    ‘Tis the season for lawn care deals, it would seem. Today on Amazon, if you buy one of three select DEWALT cordless tools, you’ll get an extra battery for free. The battery alone costs $99, so if you have a big yard to manage, this could be a really valuable deal.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Ninja Mega Kitchen System, $150

    Ninja makes your favorite affordable blenders, and the supersized Ninja Mega kitchen system is marked down to $150 right now, matching an all-time low. In addition to a 2 horsepower, 1500W motor, you get an 8-cup food processor bowl, a 72 ounce blender jar, and two single-serve cups for making a smoothie on the go.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Vantrue R2 Dash Cam, $100 with code VPRDPCSJ

    Vantrue’s R2 dash cam was The Wirecutter’s runner-up pick, and you can save a whopping $55 on yours today with promo code VPRDPCSJ, bringing the price down to $100.

    Note: Make sure you buy the listing sold by Vantrue, and fulfilled by Amazon.

    The R2 can shoot at resolutions exceeding standard 1080p (2560x1080 or 2304x1296), and its 170 degree field of view means you’ll never miss a license plate, crash, or meteorite. This deal is easily the best we’ve seen on this model, but we don’t expect it to last long.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Razer DeathAdder Chroma, $50

    Most gaming mice look like futuristic EMP grenades or robotic pets, but Razer’s DeathAdder became one of your favorite gaming mice by keeping things clean and simple. If you want to try it out, Amazon’s marked the color-changing Chroma model down to $50 today, or about $10 less than usual.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Roku Streaming Stick, $40

    The new Roku streaming stick is all you need, and Amazon just knocked $10 off its base price, the first discount we’ve ever seen. Even if you already have the old model, it might be worth $40 just for the ability to stream audio to your mobile device, enabling pseudo-wireless headphones so you can watch TV in bed without waking your significant other.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    PlayStation Plus, $40

    In case you missed out last week, you can once again snag an extra year of PlayStation Plus for $40. I know it seems like we’re seeing this deal every week right now, but these gift card deals tend to be feast or famine; it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if the deal disappeared for three months.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Refurb Nikon D3300 + 2 Lenses + Wi-Fi Adapter + More, $399 with code DXPRO100

    Nikon’s D3300 is one of the easiest entry level DSLRs to get started with if you want to learn the basics of photography, and BuyDig will sell you a refurb complete with two lenses, a bag, a Wi-Fi adapter, and more for just $399 with promo code DXPRO100.

    For comparison’s sake, Amazon’s currently selling this for $447 new (without any extras), and it carries a 4.8 star review average from over 750 customers.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Samsung 27" Curved Monitor, $170

    Curved monitors might be a gimmick, but I have to admit, they sure do look cool. This 27" 1080p Samsung is marked down to $170 on Newegg’s eBay store right now, which is $30 less than Amazon (where it has great reviews).

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    $100 Chevron Texaco Gift Card, $92

    If you frequently fuel up at a Chevron or Texaco, this discounted gift card is essentially $8 in free gas.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    AmazonBasics Fade-Resistant 6-Piece Towel Set, $15

    Did you know Amazon made towels? They’ll sell you a full set of six for just $15 today, in a variety of colors.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    ADATA 480GB SSD, $94

    ADATA’s Premiere line of SSDs isn’t nearly as fast or as well-known as Samsung’s 850 series, but it still got a solid review from Anandtech, and this 480 GB model is down to an absurdly low $94 on Newegg’s eBay storefront, complete with a three year warranty.

    A few months ago, I bought the this exact drive in order to build a my own DIY external SSD to store photos, and it’s worked incredibly well so far. Seeing this price though, I wish I’d waited.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Asics 33-FA Running Shoes, $50

    Need a new pair of running shoes? Amazon will sell you a pair of Asics 33-FA shoes for men and women for just $50 right now, the lowest price on the web. There are two men’s and one women’s style available, but the women’s shoe is available in two different colors.

    Today's Best Deals: Networking Gear, Lucky Jeans, Snack Bar Sampler, and More
    Logitech G610 Mechanical Gaming Keyboard, $100

    Logitech’s new G610 Orion mechanical gaming keyboard is already racking up great user reviews, and Amazon’s taking $20 off both the brown and red switch model today, the first discount they’ve ever posted.

    While most mechanical gaming keyboards look like props from a Transformers movie, this would look right at home in an office, if you want to use it to get work done as well.

    Can’t remember what brown and red switches are? Lifehacker has a great explainer.





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    Why Is Donald Trump Pretending He Doesn't Know What's Going to Happen in This Pretaped Megyn Kelly Interview?
    Photo: Twitter/@realdonaldtrump

    Sometime during the last month, Megyn Kelly and Donald Trump sat down together for an interview set to air tonight at 8 p.m. on Fox. For some reason, Trump is pretending like it’s live.

    “ It will be interesting to see how she treats me—I think she will be very fair,” says the man who knows damn well what’s going to air. And people say he’s inconsistent...

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    Donald Trump Files His Second Personal Financial Disclosure, Which Is Not a Tax Return
    Photo: AP

    Donald Trump has apparently filed his second annual personal financial disclosure form—not to be confused with a tax return—with the Federal Election Commission. On the last one, Trump confused revenue with income.

    “I filed my PFD, which I am proud to say is the largest in the history of the FEC. Despite the fact that I am allowed extensions, I have again filed my report, which is 104 pages, on time,” Trump said in a press release today. (Actually, he filed early! The deadline is May 25.) “Bernie Sanders has requested, on the other hand, an extension for his small report. This is the difference between a businessman and the all talk, no action politicians that have failed the American people for far too long.”

    “I have built an incredible company and have accumulated one of the greatest portfolios of real estate assets, many of which are considered to be among the finest and most iconic properties in the world. This is the kind of thinking the country needs.”

    The disclosure reveals that Trump has seen, in the past year, a “revenue increase of approximately $190 million dollars (which does not include dividends, interest, capital gains, rents and royalties),” according to the press release. If this is true, this would be all the more impressive given how much damage Trump’s presidential campaign has done to his business.

    As it happens, personal financial disclosures are just about the most opaque form of disclosure required of presidential candidates. Bloomberg Politics explained this time last year:

    The rules require candidates to list their sources of income, transactions, liabilities and assets, all within broad ranges. They also must release information about their spouses and dependent children.

    For people with many different assets, adding up all of those ranges can yield unhelpful results. For example, someone with holdings of $2 million in 10 stocks would report them all as $1 million to $5 million, meaning that the public would know only that the holdings were worth a total of $10 million to $50 million.

    “They report everything in ranges, and the higher the value of the assets, the bigger that range is,” Daniel Auble, a senior researcher at the Center for Responsive Politics, told Bloomberg. “Accuracy is a problem.”

    Apparently, the disclosure claims Trump’s annual income as in excess of $557 million, and that his net worth now exceeds $10 billion. It is not yet available for public review.

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    Please Be Clear, Melania Trump Is Not Married to Hitler

    Today, in a new interview with Du Jour magazine, Melania Trump offers a helpful reminder for those who might be confused about the identity of her husband, the Republican party’s presumptive nominee for president:

    “We know the truth. He’s not Hitler.”

    Ah. Well good thing that has been cleared up.

    She continued:

    “He wants to help America. He wants to unite people. They think he doesn’t but he does. Even with the Muslims, it’s temporary.” She concedes: “Maybe he needs to say it in a softer way. He doesn’t go after religions. He feels like we need to know who’s coming to this country. If not, we don’t have a country. That’s how he feels. We see how he is, and he wants to unite the country and bring people together and bring jobs back.”

    But writer Mickey Rapkin (who authored the book that became the Pitch Perfect film series series) returns to the subject of anti-Semitism, asking Trump about the online abuse directed at the writer Julia Ioffe after GQ published a piece that dug into her background:

    So if people put a swastika on my face once this article comes out, will she denounce them?

    “I don’t control my fans,” Melania says, “but I don’t agree with what they’re doing. I understand what you mean, but there are people out there who maybe went too far. She provoked them.”

    She’s not married to Hitler but if her husband’s followers brand you with the world’s most infamous symbol of religious oppression anyway, it’s probably because you were asking for it.

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    Judge Orders Mississippi Town to Desegregate Schools After 50-year Court Battle
    Photo: AP

    After a legal battle spanning more than five decades, a federal judge ruled on Friday that Cleveland, Mississippi must completely desegregate their schools, The New York Times reports.

    “The delay in desegregation has deprived generations of students of the constitutionally guaranteed right of an integrated education,” said Judge Debra M. Brown in her opinion. “Although no court order can right these wrongs, it is the duty of the district to ensure that not one more student suffers under this burden.

    In a motion filed in 2011, the Justice Department argued that railroad tracks running through the small Mississippi town have kept a de facto system of racial segregation in place, violating orders to desegregate dating back to 1969. From The Washington Post:

    The Cleveland School District is divided by railroad tracks that separate white families, who largely live west of the tracks, from black families, who largely live to the east. Its secondary schools reflect that division: There is one all-black middle school, for example, and one all-black high school. Just over a mile away are a historically white middle school and high school.

    As the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Mississippi put it, Cleveland — a town of 12,000 — has been running an illegal dual system for its black and white children, failing year after year to reach the “greatest degree of desegregation possible.”

    Now Cleveland must consolidate its schools, integrating all its students into one middle school and one high school.

    In her ruling, Judge Brown rejected two alternatives to consolidation suggested by the school district as unconstitutional. According to the Post, district officials argued consolidating the schools would result in white flight and proposed increasing diversity with “choice and magnet programs” instead.

    “The district’s plans allowed for student and parent choice,” said a lawyer representing the school district in a statement. “If the board appeals, it would request that the existing open enrollment plan continue while the appeal is pending.”

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    Donald Trump has a knack for shocking people with his comments about women. Including, it seems, himself.

    During his heavily promoted sit-down with Fox News’ Megyn Kelly, which aired Tuesday, the presumptive Republican nominee was stunned to learn he called Kelly “a bimbo,” nearly even apologizing for his comments.

    “Did I say that?” said Trump, looking unusually cornered. “Ooo, okay. Excuse me.”

    The two spent much of the interview discussing Trump’s controversial activity on Twitter, with Trump claiming that retweets (often from white supremacists and former dictators of Italy) “were the killer.”

    Incidentally, Trump promised to live tweet the special. Instead, of course, he retweeted.

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    Hillary Clinton Declares Victory in Kentucky
    Photo: AP

    Tuesday night, the Associated Press declared Kentucky’s Democratic primary too close to call, reporting a margin of less than one-half of 1 percent between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton with almost all the votes counted.

    While NBC News named Clinton as the projected winner of the contest by “perhaps just a few thousand votes,” CNN similarly would not call the race.

    As Kentucky’s delegates are awarded proportionately, they will be divided about evenly between Clinton and Sanders no matter who is ultimately declared the winner.

    UPDATE 10:35 p.m.: Kentucky’s Secretary of State tells CNN she believes Clinton will win the state.

    UPDATE 11:05 p.m.: Hillary Clinton has declared victory in Kentucky.

    CORRECTION: An earlier version of this post incorrectly stated that all 60 of Kentucky’s delegates would be awarded based on Tuesday’s results. 55 pledged delegates are up for grabs.

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    Bernie Sanders Wins Oregon Democratic Primary
    Photo: AP

    With more than two-thirds of votes counted, Bernie Sanders was projected to win Oregon’s Democratic primary on Tuesday, the Associated Press reports.

    Leading Hillary Clinton 53 to 47 percent, Sanders was expected to take the majority of Oregon’s 61 pledged delegates. The victory makes Oregon the first primary contest closed to unaffiliated voters that Sanders has won.

    At a campaign rally in California Tuesday night, Sanders pledged to stay in the race until “the last ballot is cast.”

    “We won a great victory in the state of Washington a few months ago, we just won Oregon and we’re going to win California,” said Sanders. “I am getting to like the West Coast!”

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    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    Joint Task Force Guantanamo, the U.S. armed forces operation responsible for the extrajudicial detention of hundreds of accused terrorists from around the world, has its very own magazine. And, like Elle, Dabiq, and Cosmo before it, I can’t stop reading The Wire.

    What makes The Wire unlike most other “glossies” (an “industry” word for “magazine”) is that most other magazines aren’t produced by the staff of a military base that’s become synonymous with torture, abuse, and American hegemony. And what makes The Wire so fascinating is how far it contorts itself to avoid acknowledging what it is: A general interest magazine put out by a prison camp at which abuses both documented and unknown have taken place, where men, many of them innocent of any definable “crime,” have rotted for years.

    In the pages of The Wire, though, Gitmo is less an international symbol of imperial American lawlessness than it is home to various intense intramural kickball rivalries.

    Unlike Dabiq, the stylish, professional-looking monthly put out by one of the the Islamic State’s media offices, The Wire shares an aesthetic with a high school’s PDF newsletter. Only instead of the updates on the East Valley Panthers track team, we have reports from the enlisted men and women tasked with defending and operating an internationally notorious prison camp.

    There are advice columns (“Your Words Can Be Used Against You”), personal health tips (“Self-Care Is a Priority”) and movie reviews (“Mother’s Day is predictable and boring at some points, but adorable and touching at others. The movie received 5/10 on; I give it three banana rats out of five.”) There are also occasionally illuminating letters from the editor, like this April 2014 dispatch from JTF GTMO Public Affairs Director Cmdr. John Filostrat:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    And there you have it—The Wire isn’t just about providing intramural schedules and reminders to destroy all your documents to deter Gitmo dumpster divers (“Don’t let a simple thing like trash get you in hot water, use operation security and shred all paper!”), it’s also about putting a happy face on one of the most miserable and opaque places in the whole world. In colorful spreads, Gitmo is described with the sort of language usually reserved for Disney resorts. Flip through The Wire quickly enough and you might think it is a resort town, rather than a barbed wire dungeon. The place looks fun as shit in every issue. When the magazine relaunched in June of 2002, it ran this quote:

    “This stuff fires up the troops. They love to see their name in the paper,” said [Capt. Jeffrey P.] Nors. “Our mission is morale — that’s what field newspapers are all about.”

    It’s not an easy job to try to stoke morale at a place that has met near-universal, worldwide condemnation. There is a very real sense in which anyone who has worked at Gitmo has been involved, even if reluctantly, in something world historically bad. But in the pages of The Wire, obstacle courses and seaside food vendors abound:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication
    “After dining on the multiple food vendors, and competing in the multitudes of events, the event wrapped up as a storm was blowing in, bringing an end to a fun and laughter filled Day at the Bay,” May 2016 issue

    There are craft fairs:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    There is succulent ham:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    There are magic shows:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    Frisbee golf:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    Mini golf:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    Color runs:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    And even yoga:

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication
    “GTMO residents realize the benefits of an age-old practice in beautiful Cuba”

    But most of all, there are sports. The Gitmo intramural scene is as intense and hard-fought as the War on Terror itself

    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication
    The Official Magazine of the Guantanamo Bay Prison Is My New Favorite Publication

    Gitmo intramural team name highlights include Trap Lordz, El Chapo, and World Police. In fact, the team names in general are incredible. I’ve compiled some of my favorites here:

    Nearly every issue includes detailed descriptions of Gitmo rivalries, upsets, tournaments, box scores, and big plays. The point is made over and over again, in ever issue of The Wire. Guantanamo Bay is a fun place to be:

    “Softball is what I look forward to the most while being here,” said Tyler Uteg, pitcher for the Trap Lordz. The Trap Lordz and BEEF assembled on the Multi-Purpose Field at U.S. Naval Station Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, April 28, for the Morale, Welfare & Recreation Softball League game. The Trap Lordz defeated BEEF, 17-2. Joint Task Force Guantanamo and U.S. Naval Station Guantanamo Bay players participate on both teams.

    But Guantanamo Bay isn’t a summer camp, it’s a military prison. And yet information or stories of any kind about the real purpose of Gitmo—indefinitely detaining men dragged off battlefields because no one else in the world wants them—are scant. When detainees are mentioned in The Wire, it’s typically in the context of how well they’re being treated, and just how wrong and unfair are those media reports to the contrary. The Wire is a media entity that considers The Media an enemy. An August 2015 issue describes a media training seminar for troops stationed at Gitmo, coaching provided in the hopes of deflecting “a negative angle in their story.” The recurring narrative is that no one outside of Gitmo knows just how great Gitmo is. Ignore the horror stories by a biased American and international media. Focus on the volleyball games.

    “I know the truth about the professional conduct of the JTF towards the detainees in custody here,” wrote Rear Admiral Kyle Cozad in a March 2015 issue:

    and I know the truth about how detainees treat members of the JTF with contempt, and conduct vile assaults on a daily basis. I also know that all too often, misrepresentation about our mission – and those who conduct it are the rule, and not the exception.

    Detainees are often portrayed as aggressors by The Wire. An article titled “A Day in The Life” describes “the infamous number two,” “a mix of feces, urine and other bodily fluids rolled into a putrid cocktail and thrown on the guards by detainees of the facility.” Another issue reminds readers that “detainees are still in the fight, and will do anything to create or fabricate an incident to discredit our operation.” Another piece describes the prisoner cafeteria as “like Burger King—they make it your way, right away.”

    “There are some detainees who are on a very strict diet for health reasons and there are some detainees who have special requests,” one of the guards explains as he lines up carts for each of the blocks at the facility. “If you screw anything up, if a detainee doesn’t get exactly what he is supposed to get, that could cause problems on the block,” he says. “We don’t want any problems on the block.”

    There’s nothing explosive in The Wire, so far as I’ve been able to find. Nor should there be—it’s neither produced nor published in secret, though back issues are difficult to find without guessing file names and a lot of sifting through Google. But it appears some Wire issues aren’t uploaded—according to a JTF GTMO spokesperson, “we routinely exercise editorial judgment in determining whether or not particular content is made available on our public website.” What is the JTF hiding about the Ball Kickers v Kicking Balls rivalry?

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    We Called Up Bernie Fans Who Threatened Nevada Dem State Chair and Asked Them to Explain Themselves

    Thanks to some extremely zealous Bernie Sanders supporters, the Nevada State Democratic Convention this past weekend was a particularly epic disaster, devolving into yelling, graffiti, chair-throwing and many, many threats and insults phoned in to Democratic State Party Chairwoman Roberta Lange. Yesterday, we called some of the threat-makers back, to get some insight into why they thought that was a good plan.

    Our own Stassa Edwards had a very good explainer of how, precisely, things went batshit, but in short, 64 Sanders delegates at the convention were disqualified, according to the state party, either because they failed to show up, failed to register as Democrats by May 1, or because they didn’t respond to attempts to confirm their phone numbers or addresses.

    Sanders supporters then questioned the procedural rules governing the convention, complaining they were fixed in Clinton’s favor. What resulted was what the Associated Press has termed “a fracas,” consisting of, among other things, reported chair-throwing and shouted curse words. When the event, scheduled to end at 7, still hadn’t wrapped up by 10 p.m., security at the Paris Las Vegas Casino kicked everyone out. You can see some of the action here:

    Soon afterwards, Lange’s cellphone number was posted online, and the local offices were vandalized. In a formal letter of complaint written to the Democratic National Committee, the Nevada Democratic Party said Lange has received hundreds of insulting and often threatening calls and texts. The letter said, too, that they feared the same behavior will happen again at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia in July.

    As Stassa notes, many Sanders supporters condemned what happened at the Nevada convention and the threats against Lange. The Nevada Dems, though, placed the blame squarely on Sanders’ camp, drawing no distinction between the campaign itself and its supporters:

    We write to alert you to what we perceive as the Sanders Campaign’s penchant for extra-parliamentary behavior—indeed, actual violence—in place of democratic conduct in a convention setting, and furthermore what we can only describe as their encouragement of, and complicity in, a very dangerous atmosphere that ended in chaos and physical threats to fellow Democrats. Indeed, the threats to the Chair of the Nevada State Democratic Party are ongoing at time of this writing, as Sanders activists have posted her cell phone and home address online, and have bombarded her with threats to her life and the safety of her family. We have attached some examples of this conduct, which is not merely offensive but obviously criminal in nature. We can provide audio of threatening phone calls made directly to the Chair, which now number in the hundreds.

    The state party also released a Dropbox folder that had links to some of the texts and voicemails Lange received.

    In these voicemails, she is called a cunt and a bitch, and many callers express hopes that she’s seriously harmed. “Praying to god someone shoots you in the FACE,” one says, “and blows your democracy-stealing head off!” Another called for her to be “hung in a public execution.”

    Sanders released a statement Tuesday calling for fairness and transparency in the primary process, and calling the “penchant for violence” in the Nevada Dems’ statement “nonsense.” Sanders stated that he “condemn[s] any and all form of violence,” but didn’t explicitly address the threats against Lange:

    Our campaign has held giant rallies all across this country, including in high-crime areas, and there have been zero reports of violence. Our campaign of course believes in non-violent change and it goes without saying that I condemn any and all forms of violence, including the personal harassment of individuals. But, when we speak of violence, I should add here that months ago, during the Nevada campaign, shots were fired into my campaign office in Nevada and apartment housing complex my campaign staff lived in was broken into and ransacked.

    As this story got more airplay, I found myself increasingly curious about the angry texters and voicemail-leavers—as someone who voted for Bernie Sanders myself, as someone who’s been the subject of a variety of colorful threats over the years, and, most of all, as someone who has a sneaking and rapidly elevating sense that the pissed off chair-throwers aren’t making any of us look very good. Sanders has harnessed the support of a variety of fiery young progressives, which is a great thing—right up until they start texting an elected official and saying they wish she’d be shot in the face.

    So, late yesterday afternoon, I phoned nine people who’d texted Lange insults or threats. I reached three of them.

    The first was a man from Atlanta, who called Lange a “corrupt bitch” and texted her, “Someone will hurt you.”

    Atlanta Man declined to give his name when I reached him. He sounded weary and embarrassed. He said he’d been getting phone calls all day.

    “Most of them are just hangups,” he said. “I’ve gotten threats on Twitter, too. But I don’t make a big deal out of that stuff. All I can say is that I’ve apologized to her and I’m sorry. I said one thing I guess that somebody took as a threat.”

    “What was your actual intention?” I asked.

    “I can’t really say for sure if there was an intention on that,” he replied. “I don’t really want to say too much.”

    He was “of a younger age,” he explained—older than 18 but younger than 25. “This is our first primary,” he said. “And watching the convention on Saturday, watching the livestream, was very frustrating. I think there were a lot of people who were angry. But I don’t personally have anything against anybody. I never had any intentions of any negative actions or anything like that. I made that very clear. A lot of people are angry.”

    I asked if he would’ve done the same thing if he knew people would be able to call him back.

    “I wouldn’t have done it had I not been hyped up and angry,” he said. “ But I’m not saying I did anything. I’m not saying I made any threats. I had no intention of threatening anyone.”

    “You sound bummed out,” I said, because he really did.

    “I’m a little bummed out,” Atlanta Man replied. He sounded sad. “I know I said something I shouldn’t have said. Consequences are consequences. If I get phone calls all day, well, those are the consequences.”

    “I hope I’m the last call you get,” I told him.

    “Me too,” he said, meekly, and thanked me before we hung up.

    Next, I reached a young couple in Austin about to go on their honeymoon; the husband texted Lange that she was a criminal and a “threat to the nation,” adding, “Brush up on your computer skills, you’ll need them when you’re jobless.”

    The young couple were thrilled I was calling, telling me it proved they’d helped draw attention to the fishiness of the convention process.

    “I look at corrupt third-world countries,” the husband told me. “This is the kind of stuff that happens in those countries.” He briefly explained the delegate system to me as he saw it, before excusing himself to finish some work before leaving on the honeymoon.

    “We know where you live, where you work, where you eat,” another text to Lange read. “Where your kids go to school/grandkids. We have everything on you. We are your neighbors, friends, family, etc.”

    The person who sent that one is a 26-year-old named Ethan with a Wisconsin area code, although he assured me the number was fake (and, I assume, the name was as well).

    “Do you know what the concept of Anonymous is?” he asked me, immediately.

    I said that I did. Ethan explained he’d been undertaking an Anonymous-esque action, but also, that he was trying to play a threatening character deliberately, to send a message.

    “She is very much a top person,” Ethan said, referring to Lange. “The establishment and people like her have been on the internet themselves writing posts that try to incite hate. Try to incite frustration. They pay off trolls to start problems and stuff like that.” (For example, a pro-Hillary PAC spent $1 million to hire people to “correct” Facebook and Reddit commenters.)

    Ethan’s purpose was to represent angry people, he told me, not to express his own views.

    “I created a character, a scary—kind of a Jason kind of character,” he explained. “Looking at what the establishment is afraid of, a scary Joker-like character who’s like the boogeyman under their bed.”

    I told him I thought anyone would probably be alarmed by those texts; that I, as someone who voted Sanders, found them alarming and wrong-headed and a generally bad response to a convention that didn’t break Sanders’ way.

    “I understand where you’re coming from,” he replied. “But people are getting frustrated and I only have $300 to my name. I have no ability to get anymore help than I can. I’ve been working and breaking my back over this,” he said, meaning supporting Sanders.

    Ethan has “bad disabilities,” he explained, one of which makes it impossible for him to work. “I heard people tell me I’m lazy, I’m useless. I can’t even go to college.”

    In the midst of all that, he said, “my intent was to give her back what she and the establishment have been doing for the last few days.”

    I told Ethan that to me he sounded frustrated and disaffected and a little lonely. I asked if maybe Lange had come to stand in for a whole bunch of things that weren’t working well, personally and politically.

    “It’s not that,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you’re in Nevada or in Washington. If you’re working for the government, you need to understand that people are frustrated.” The threats, he said, were “a warning.”

    “If you don’t listen to the people, this is going to happen,” he said. “People get so frustrated. They’ll find out where some of these people live and it’ll be a huge bloody revolt. You need to listen before it turns into that.”

    “Who are you talking to?” and older woman’s voice shouted worriedly from the background.

    “Please don’t tell anyone my name,” Ethan said, as we hung up. “I like my privacy.”

    Screenshot via CNN, illustration by Bobby Finger

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    Foreign Hackers May Be Using the Internet to Spy on Presidential Campaigns
    Photo: AP

    In an appearance at the Bipartisan Policy Center in Washington on Wednesday, James Clapper, the director of national intelligence, said that foreign hackers may be spying on the presidential candidates, according to the Associated Press.

    “We’ve already had some indications of that,” Clapper said. And: “As the campaigns intensify, we’ll probably have more.” Both the FBI and Homeland Security “are doing what they can do educate both campaigns against potential cyber threats,” he said.

    The same thing happened during the 2008 presidential election, which President Obama addressed in remarks on the nation’s cyber infrastructure a year later. In 2012, both Obama and Mitt Romney were targeted by Chinese cyberattacks.

    Politico reports that Clapper did not offer any information about who was actually behind this year’s burgeoning attack. “The Russians and Chinese are far more sophisticated and could do real damage if so inclined. Then there are terrorist groups,” he continued, speaking of cyberattacks more broadly.

    “Each has different objectives. The one thing they have in common—they all operate on the same internet.” Damn.

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    An Obama Assassination Plot and the Furry Anarchist Forum That Dreamed Too Big for Wikipedia
    Image: Flickr

    When the faceless editors of Wikipedia decide an article is not fit for public consumption, it’s gone, only accessible to the site’s top editors—at least, it was. But now we’re keeping track of all the articles Wikipedia doesn’t see fit to print, to present you with very best of the site’s weirdest and worst.

    This week, we present a techno-furry anarchy gone awry and two people who could not hate President Obama more if they tried. Please, enjoy.

    Donald Trump’s Mar-A-Lago Barack Obama Assassination Plot Investigation

    Anthony Peter Senecal is a former butler of Donald Trump and longtime family friend who still resides at Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate. He also happens to really, really hate President Barack Obama—a fact he’s been more than happy to make known on his Facebook page over the years.

    An Obama Assassination Plot and the Furry Anarchist Forum That Dreamed Too Big for Wikipedia

    Now, there’s a lot going on here, but this particular entry focuses mostly on the Secret Service’s recent investigation into the wildly racist, Obama-hating ex-butler

    Senecal’s anti-Obama proclivities were first discovered by David Corn of Mother Jones, who noticed about a week ago that Sencal’s Obama-related social media postings were full of strong lin—rage and murder feelings, specifically.

    In addition to writing the Facebook screed above, Senecal also wrote in May of last year:

    I feel it is time for the SECOND AMERICAN REVOLUTION !!!!! The only way we will change this crooked government is to douche it !!!!! This might be the time with this kenyan fraud in power !!!!! ...[W]ith the last breath I draw I will help rid this America of the scum infested in its government—and if that means dragging that ball less dick head from the white mosque and hanging his scrawny ass from the portico—count me in !!!!!

    In light of the astounding number of exclamation points used, the Secret Service was forced to take Senecal’s threats at least somewhat seriously, and ultimately opened an investigation into the matter.

    Best line:

    Whoever took it upon himself to pen this (fairly lengthy) entry clearly loved his work:

    In what is perhaps the pithiest of the many, many public statements in which Senecal has been revealed to have called for, openly advocated, or declared his intentions to assist, bringing about the death of Barack Obama, Trump’s beloved personal butler (and long-time footwasher and bunyon-remover) states bluntly: “This prick needs to be hung for treason!!!”

    Which makes it especially hard to pick just one favorite with lines like this:

    Senecal’s death threats against Obama are particularly notable due to Senecal’s longtime closeness to the presumptive Republican nominee in the 2016 election, Donald Trump, whose feet Senecal has washed for many years.

    As well as this:

    Obama has been subject to a number of similar threats by Elderly White Men like Senecal, who may be old enough to remember Slavery Times in the United States, or at least, to have close relations who remember this period fondly.

    So instead, I choose them all.

    Why it got deleted:

    Because there is “nothing suggesting it’s own long lasting independent notability” and the author continued “to add blatant editorializing content after being informed of policy.”

    Put another way, it got deleted because the beautiful light that was once inside the hearts of Wikipedia’s various editors burned out and faded forever.

    Why it shouldn’t have:

    Look how much contributor Crack Cocaine Aficionado cares!!!!!

    An Obama Assassination Plot and the Furry Anarchist Forum That Dreamed Too Big for Wikipedia

    Shut up your mouse, Obama

    During Egypt’s parliamentary elections in 2014, a short, local news clip of an Egyptian woman telling Obama, essentially, to stay in his lane, went viral. Her words were generally transcribed as follows:

    Listen your Obama. We are Egyptian women. You are listen, Obama? Shut up your mouse, Obama. Shut your mouse, Obama! Sisi yes, Sisi yes. Morsi no, Morsi no. Sisi yes, Sisi yes. Morsi no, Morsi no.

    And in keeping with tradition in regard to local news sensations, a dubstep remix appeared not long after.

    I should mention that I’ve been listening to this remix on repeat for the last twenty minutes. I have no immediate intention of stopping.

    Best line:

    While this line is not necessarily “good” in the traditional sense, it does teach us an important lesson:

    T-shirts with either her image or “Shut up your mouse, Obama” quote are being sold in the stores and markets all over the Arab world. In addition, she was invited to the Arab Media Forum in Dubai, as an example of a social media phenomenon.

    That lesson, of course, is that no matter where you are in the world, you can rest assured that there will always be some sort of nightmare internet conference waiting for you just beyond the horizon.

    Why it got deleted:

    According to Wikipedia’s editors “it lacks any significance outside of the elections” and is a “meme that went nowhere fast.”

    Why it shouldn’t have:

    I’m still listening to the remix.

    Sociopolitical Ramifications

    An Obama Assassination Plot and the Furry Anarchist Forum That Dreamed Too Big for Wikipedia

    Sociopolitical Ramifications (SPR) was a sci-fi, furry-themed MUCK, or a largely text-based online role-playing game created in 1994. In fact, if you go to the website, the guide for beginners still instructs you to use telnet to connect.

    What remains of its site also offers a more complete overview of what exactly SPR set out to be:

    So you have a character who can walk around in rooms, communicate with others and use programs. The difference to combat-oriented MUDs is that it is less of a game with puzzles to solve but just a virtual reality to roleplay in. There is no combat unless players explicitly agree on it. You can’t win anything in the game sense, but you can win lots of friends, experience and information. Every player can extend the existing landscape of the MUCK by building rooms, exits and objects, and agreeing with others on how to combine this with the existing landscape.

    Unfortunately for SPR’s founders, Martin “DivineVixen” Gauffin and Henrik “Snout” Isacsson, the peaceful, anarchic furry world they dreamed of was too radical for its time.

    Best line:

    The entry for SPR seems mostly unremarkable (save for the whole sci-fi furry roleplay aspect) until you get to the very last line.

    SPR has been noted as an idealistic experiment in anarchy that essentially failed, descending into infighting and chaos that drove away users.

    Mercifully, a book called The Players Realm does actually offer a little more insight into what exactly tore the RPG apart:

    An Obama Assassination Plot and the Furry Anarchist Forum That Dreamed Too Big for Wikipedia

    And while any actual images or leftover forums from the game itself are hard to find, there is this image that was apparently commissioned for the game from Deviant Art user Illys.

    An image that, I believe, tells us everything we need to know.

    Why it got deleted:

    “Lack of significant coverage” and “no meaningful hits in a video game... Google search.” Whatever.

    Why it shouldn’t have:

    Allow me to redirect you to the fox sensually reclining against a computer.

    Honorable mentions:

    Summer of Death

    Alternative Action Films

    The lost European countries in the 20th century

    Churchill Awards

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    Incredibly Brave Brands Will Fall in Line With Trump, Too
    Photo via FB

    As we watch much of the Republican party fall in line with the bombastic racist nominee they once vowed to never support, so too can we watch America’s brave #brands settle into a comfortable partnership with a man who wants to ban Muslims from the country.

    For months, there have been rumblings in the media that the corporate sponsors of the Republican National Convention might, you know, not sponsor the Republican National Convention if that convention was nominating a man who routinely calls Mexicans “rapists.” So where does this remarkable outpouring of corporate bravery stand today, with Trump’s nomination assured? Ad Age checked in:

    • Coca-Cola is giving $75,000, rather than the $660,000 it gave last time.
    • Microsoft “will provide technology support.”
    • AT&T will be “the official wireless provider.”
    • Quicken Loans says it is “proud” to have its name on the arena where the RNC will be held.
    • Walmart “hasn’t decided yet” about its sponsorship.

    Imagine the profound level of moral courage that it takes for a large corporation to only give $75,000 to hold a gaudy ceremony feting a modern day fascist. Truly, brands are our friends.

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    Conservatives Finally Find a Reason to Love Beyoncé: Sweatshop Labor
    Image: Getty

    Being a conservative who’s interested in pop culture must be discouraging, with megastars like Beyoncé espousing views that are often diametrically opposed to your own. Finally, however, free-market right-wingers have found common ground with the reigning champion of our cultural moment in their shared support for treacherous, low-paying sweatshops.

    This month, The Sun published an expose on the grueling conditions at garment factories in Sri Lanka where Beyoncé’s Ivy Park line of clothing is manufactured. One sewing machine operator told the newspaper that she works nine hours a day with a single 30-minute break for pay that comes out to $127.50 per month, plus overtime. “All we do is work, sleep, work, sleep,” she said, speaking at the 100-person boarding house where she lives.

    Ivy Park is by no means unique among fashion brands in its exploitation of the near-slave wages offered to laborers in counties like Sri Lanka and Bangladesh, but its public association with a huge celebrity, and one whose public support for lefty political causes would seem to include a concern for working people, meant that the story garnered lots of news coverage in outlets like Broadly and CBS News.

    The minor media firestorm almost certainly won’t do anything to change working conditions for those who toil for pennies per hour to produce hundred-dollar sweatpants, but there is one oppressed group that emerged from the news cycle with an unexpected victory: bowtie-wearing editorial writers who are desperate for a seat with the cool kids. After Beyoncé’s Black Panther-nodding Super Bowl performance and unabashedly pro-black, pro-woman new album sent them into conniptions (not to mention the time Bill O’Reilly nearly fainted on-air over an image of her butt in a thong), they had an issue where they could side with the queen.

    Why it’s a smear to say Beyoncé is running sweatshops,” was the New York Post’s take; Beyoncé’s ‘Sweatshops’ Do More For The World’s Poor Than You Ever Will” echoed the Federalist. Even the Heritage Foundation got in on the action:

    These pieces noted that MAS Holdings, the Sri Lankan factory that manufactures Ivy Park, pays better wages than most employers in Sri Lanka, presenting the fact that those wages come out to about 66 cents an hour as a pragmatic fact of life. Offhandedly, they acknowledged that life in the factories is probably quite bad, while vaguely holding out hope that the market will somehow eventually fix the problem itself.

    They also basked in the obvious truth that had momentarily been revealed: Yes, Beyoncé is a powerful black woman, an outspoken feminist, an electric performer who’s unafraid of offending the cast of Fox & Friends with her politics, but she’s also a brazen capitalist, just like them. For at least one news cycle, the Republicans have a star on their side.

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    First Schoolgirl Rescued From Infamous 2014 Boko Haram Kidnapping
    Photo: AP

    Yesterday in Nigeria’s Sambisa Forest near the Cameroon border, anti-Boko Haram forces doing a nightly patrol were met by one of the 219 girls who were taken from their school dormitories by the terrorist organization in 2014.

    According to the BBC, activists said her name is Amina Ali Nkeki, though a spokesperson for the Nigerian army gave her name as Falmata Mbalala. Nkeki (the name used by the BBC) is the first of the 219 to be rescued since the kidnapping, not including the several dozen students who managed to escape in the hours after the attack.

    Per CNN, Nkeki was recognized by a member of the Civilian Joint Task Force, the anti-Boko Haram brigade, as she exited the forest with a man who identified himself as her husband and the father of her child. The BBC reports that Nkeki said she was in search of firewood.

    Last month, CNN obtained a portion of a proof of life tape sent by Boko Haram to negotiators working on securing the release of the women, which showed 15 of the hostages, shrouded in black robes except for their faces, identifying themselves to the camera. It was, the BBC reports, the first time any of the women had been seen since May 2014, not long after they were kidnapped.

    According to the BBC, which spoke to Hosea Abana Tsambido, the chairman of the Chibok community, Nkeki said six of the women have died during their captivity, with the rest still hidden in the Sambisa Forest

    Nkeki, who was 17 when she was kidnapped, was reunited with her mother in Chibok.

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    Guantanamo Bay's Intramural Sports Team Names Are the Only Good Things About Gitmo

    The Guantanamo Bay naval base and extrajudicial prison complex isn’t just a place where men are disappeared from the Middle East and Africa and relocated to a small occupied portion of Cuba—it’s also a hotspot of intramural sports.

    Browsing through The Wire, the official, internal military magazine of the JTF GTMO operation, reveals a great deal about how the prison views itself and its role in the world. It also reveals some of the best intramural sports names ever recorded:

    Guantanamo Bay's Intramural Sports Team Names Are the Only Good Things About Gitmo

    Here is a sentence that is true and real: There is an ultimate frisbee team at the Guantanamo Bay military prison named “Netflix & Chill.”

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