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What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 

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What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 

What follows are 73 pages of emails I received last week in response to a public records request I filed with the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office back in March.

I filed the request just after publishing a lengthy investigation into bizarre hijinks that were allegedly going on at the PBSO. According to sources that included a former deputy, a Russian hacker, and a man who ran against Palm Beach County Sheriff Rick Bradshaw for his seat at the head of the department, the PBSO used quasi-official resources to spy on journalists and political opponents. One deputy seemed to admit, on secretly recorded phone calls, to racially profiling and conducting elaborate revenge missions on Bradshaw’s behalf.

Under Florida’s public records law, I requested large batches of communications between various PBSO employees who were involved in the story, hoping to find official documentation to support these claims. The office has been releasing them to me slowly but surely over the last several months, and with a few small exceptions, none of it has been relevant to my reporting. The same was true of the latest batch, which I received on a CD-ROM earlier this week, except for one curious redaction, which lasted for 73 straight pages without a single break for visible, meaningful text.

The emails were sent by Michael Gauger, Bradshaw’s second-in-command, to Simone Hurbs, who appears to work in the PBSO’s central records division. Based on the portion of my request that they were sent in response to, I can tell you that they contain information regarding Mark Dougan, a former PBSO deputy who became a scathing and sometimes hyperbolic critic of the department. Based on the text of the few emails in the batch that weren’t fully redacted, I can tell you that they might refer to a hacking incident in which the personal information of thousands of local law enforcement officers was published on a website once operated by Dougan. I can’t tell you anything else, because literally everything else is blacked out.

There are all sorts of reasons why the PBSO might want to redact such a large portion of the information they released to me, and many of them aren’t at all nefarious. Florida’s public records law contains exemptions that allow the personal information of victims of crimes to be redacted, for instance. It’s possible that Gauger was sending Hurbs the contents of the dox that was published, or that they were sharing information that could compromise an ongoing investigation if it were to be released. Given the way that the PBSO apparently feels about journalism and its practitioners, however, it’s also possible that there’s something in there that they just didn’t feel like sharing. It’s impossible to know.

All of which is to say the huge redaction isn’t necessarily newsworthy on its own—worth mentioning in a few cast-off tweets, but maybe not a whole blog post. But hey! It’s senior week at Gawker. Here, if only for the overwhelming aesthetic weight of all those black bars, is what 73 straight pages of fully redacted emails looks like.

What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 
What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 
What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 
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What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 
What Do You Think Is in These 73 Straight Pages of Fully Redacted Emails? 

Here, at Last, Is the Rob Ford Crack Video

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Here, at Last, Is the Rob Ford Crack Video

In May 2013, Gawker editor John Cook received a tip that the mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, had a habit of smoking crack cocaine, that a video existed showing the mayor smoking crack, and that the video could be available to a media outlet under the right terms. Cook traveled to Toronto, met with the sources under sketchy conditions (and, it would later emerge, under police surveillance), and watched the video. The terms were that the video could be had for $200,000.

A week later, Cook published a story describing the video and explaining that it was being offered for sale. The Toronto Star followed by writing a story about how its reporters had also seen the video. Until Gawker published Cook’s story, though, the Star had not seen a way to make what its reporters had seen with their own eyes into a printable story of its own.

Journalistic epistemology can intersect with journalistic ethics in awkward ways. Ford denied smoking crack, and while the reporters who had seen the video knew that he was lying, it was the mayor’s word against theirs. The simplest way to resolve the dispute would have been to publish the video, so the public could watch Rob Ford smoking crack with their own eyes.

Unlike some other journalistic outlets, Gawker has no objection to paying sources for newsworthy materials. The $200,000 price tag was beyond Gawker’s editorial budget, however. So we asked the public to help us crowdfund the price of the video. Despite the complaints of ethicists, the Canadian public, eager to resolve the question of whether the mayor of the largest city in Canada smoked crack, enthusiastically met the fundraising goal.

Unfortunately, by the end of the funding campaign, the negotiations with the people possessing the video had collapsed. The police and people who were emphatically not the police were also seeking it. There was a claim that the video might have been “gone.”

Eventually, we donated the proceeds to charity, and Rob Ford’s career unraveled by other means, including the appearance of a second video of him using drugs. He admitted to smoking crack. The police confirmed that the video did exist, and said that they had it. He was diagnosed with cancer and withdrew from the 2014 mayoral race. His brother Doug Ford—who by then had been accused in the suddenly liberated Canadian media of having been a hash dealer in his youth—ran for mayor in his place, and lost.

In March, Rob Ford died of cancer. Today, prosecutors dropped extortion charges against Ford’s friend Rob Lisi and, as part of the evidence of the abandoned case, released the original video of the mayor smoking crack. Here it is, via the Globe And Mail.

We Act Like We Don't Want Any Talented People to Be Teachers

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We Act Like We Don't Want Any Talented People to Be Teachers
Chart via EPI

As parents across America deposit their kids back in school with a sigh of relief, think about this: We disrespect teachers every single day, using money. It’s a fact!

You know what is a legitimately bizarre-to-the-point-of-being-funny choice for a political platform? “The job of teachers is too easy.” Yet this, in essence, has become a standard right wing talking point, in the guise of “teachers’ unions are bad.” After you spend some time thinking about these villainous teachers unions and all the work they have presumably been doing to make the lives of teachers unforgivably cushy, please take a look at this Economic Policy Institute report about teachers’ wages, which finds a yawning gap between what teachers are paid what comparable workers—that is, workers with similar credentials to teachers—are paid. Even when benefits are factored in, teachers are still making more than 11% less than their peers. In other words, we strongly incentivize talented and well-educated people not to be teachers. Because we do not pay them. This is a political choice.

When you isolate only the wages of public school teachers, the gap is even more striking: “For all public-sector teachers, the relative wage gap (regression adjusted for education, experience, and other factors) has grown substantially since the mid-1990s: It was ‑1.8 percent in 1994 and grew to a record ‑17.0 percent in 2015.”

And why is it that teachers tend to have strong unions? “In 2015, teachers not represented by a union had a ‑25.5 percent wage gap—and the gap was 6 percentage points smaller for unionized teachers.”

Over the past 20 years, the real wages of teachers have decreased. The average public school teacher in America is now paid less than $1,100 a week. Last year, the hedge fund manager Ken Griffin made $1.7 billion, himself.

Is Ken Griffin’s work as valuable as 30,000 public school teachers? If you believe “yes,” everything is fine.

[The report]

Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet

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Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign printed from the internet at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Donald Trump has said before that all he knows is what he sees on the internet. And that became crystal clear at a rally in Florida yesterday when he held up a sign that had clearly been printed from the web.

The sign Trump is holding purports to show how much money the Clinton Foundation received from various countries before Secretary Clinton would later help approve weapons deals for those countries as Secretary of State. The image is very popular on right wing news sites, though it’s unclear who first created the graphic.

There have been many signs leading up to this moment but I think we can call it with 100 percent of precincts reporting: Donald Trump is officially the first Twitter account running for president.

Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holding up a sign printed from the internet (left) the graphic printed from the internet (right)

In fact, the image is the first thing that pops up when you do a search for “Clinton Foundation crooked donations” or any other version of that phrase. Who but a sentient Twitter account would be so lazy as to grab the first hit on Google Image Search?

Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
A Google Image search for “clinton foundation crooked donations” (Screenshot)

Curiously, the graphic that Trump is holding exclusively lists predominantly Muslim countries. Other right wing websites that believe the Clinton Foundation has engaged in corrupt practices have accused Secretary Clinton of accepting money from a much more diverse array of sources, including countries like Australia, Ireland, and Norway. That more diverse graphic, notably watermarked with the Florida Republic Party’s website, wasn’t used yesterday.

Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Graphic popular on right wings sites about the Clinton Foundation’s alleged corruption

Both graphics appear to get at least some of their information from an International Business Times investigation from 2015. The article tries to link donations to the Clinton Foundation to extremely favorable arms deals with our allies.

The Clinton Foundation could hypothetically be the most corrupt organization on the face of the planet, and it wouldn’t have much bearing on America’s role in selling arms to our allies. We love selling arms to our allies. It’s big business, and we do it all the time. This isn’t to say that the Clinton Foundation shouldn’t continue to be investigated. But this line of inquiry definitely feels like it’s going to lead to some obvious nonpartisan conclusions about the everyday corruption of our military-industrial complex. Trump’s almost always right when he says the system’s rigged. He’s almost never right about why or how.

And when Trump holds up a sign with a list of Muslim countries, big dollar signs, and Clinton’s face on it, we know what he’s really trying to get at. It’s the oldest move in the Twitter egg’s handbook.

Update, 12:51pm: Apparently that wasn’t the only sign that Trump whipped out at yesterday’s rally in Florida. Check these out.

Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (Photo by Johnny Louis/WireImage)
Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (Photo by Johnny Louis/WireImage)
Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (Photo by Johnny Louis/WireImage)
Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (Photo by Johnny Louis/WireImage)
Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (Photo by Johnny Louis/WireImage)
Donald Trump Now Just Holds Up Signs He Printed From the Internet
Donald Trump holds up a sign at a rally in Sunrise, Florida on August 10, 2016 (Photo by Johnny Louis/WireImage)

Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger

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Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Photo credit: Shutterstock/Victory Jeffreys II; Art by Bobby Finger

We here at Gawker Media are in the business of telling the truth, but we’re also in the business of collaboration. You’ve probably noticed posts from across the Gawker network appearing here on Deadspin, and you’ve probably seen our posts appear on our sister sites. Splicing blogs from site to site is a good and necessary way to broaden the focus of our sites, as well as expose our readers to new topics, writers, and ideas. It’s a sneakily important part of working here, but oftentimes, you have to go nagging your coworkers on Slack to share your blog with the world.

Maybe you read Ashley Feinberg’s recent blog post yesterday about her dumbest pitches that ended up getting shot down by management. It accurately shows Ashley’s ambition to write boundary-pushing stories, like a review of Mein Kampf, which you’d have to agree is nothing if not boundary-pushing. It also offers a glimpse onto an uncomfortable truth: Ashley Feinberg is the best and most relentless splice hunter around. With the interest of full transparency in mind, here is a running list of times Feinberg has attempted to persuade us to splice her blogs over to Deadspin, as well as some guest appearances from our friends at Gizmodo, Jalopnik, and Jezebel.

Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger
Ashley Feinberg Is Gawker Media's Thirstiest Blogger

Please splice this blog post.

Trump Hastily Adds Women, Nuts, Flunkies to Economic Team

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Trump Hastily Adds Women, Nuts, Flunkies to Economic Team
Photo: AP

When Donald Trump unveiled his team of economic advisors last week, it was widely noted that it was a list of 13 white dudes. Oh, there must be some mistake.. *runs off stage momentarily*. Now Trump has added some ladies in hilariously hasty fashion!

The Trump campaign has released a list of nine “ECONOMIC ADVISORY COUNCIL ADDITIONS.” There are a few noteworthy facts about this list:

Donald Trump has solved his “Your economic team is all dudes” issue. He has made no progress towards solving the “Your economic plan sucks” issue.

Stein Campaign Says Running Mate Didn’t Realize He Was Talking to and Being Republished By Holocaust Denier

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Stein Campaign Says Running Mate Didn’t Realize He Was Talking to and Being Republished By Holocaust Denier
Photo: Getty

Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein has plenty of bad opinions, including but not limited to thinking that there might be “real questions” about vaccine safety, and also that wi-fi might hurt children. At least she isn’t a Holocaust denier! But hey—what about her VP pick, Ajamu Baraka?

Well, that’s a bit more complicated. Earlier this year, Holocaust denier and 9/11 Truther Kevin Barrett included an essay written by Baraka in an anthology he edited, ANOTHER French False Flag? Bloody Tracks from Paris to San Bernadino. Other contributors include known antisemite Gilad Atzmon (David Duke is a fan), the French neo-fascist Alain Soral, Ken O’Keefe, a 9/11 Truther who thinks that Hitler was right, and former Sesame Street illustrator David Dees.

http://internet.gawker.com/how-a-sesame-s…

“Do you really believe in all the Zionist propaganda about Auschwitz?” Barrett once asked. “Everywhere you go, it is denied that the Holocaust is just one unfortunate historical episode among others, and that the data can be interpreted and reinterpreted in a wide variety of ways.” Anyone who violates this orthodoxy, he feels, is dubbed a heretic. “And the heretics are sent to prison, or have their careers destroyed, simply for writing or speaking about their interpretations of historical data.”

Meleiza Figueroa, press director for the Stein campaign, told Gawker that Baraka “was not aware of Barrett’s views on the Holocaust” until yesterday.

“I often get requests to reprint my articles, and since I look at my work as belonging to the public I don’t often pay a lot of attention to the outlets,” Baraka said in a lengthy statement provided to Gawker. (In fact, Figueroa said, Baraka wasn’t even sure which article of his was republished.) “When Kevin Barret, someone who has interviewed me in the past, contacted me to ask if he could include my piece in a compilation on the Paris Attacks, I didn’t see any problem with it. I didn’t inquire as to the other authors and don’t know much about some of them or their positions on various issues. I stand by everything I wrote in that article and would be happy to discuss the details.”

Baraka has appeared at least twice on Barrett’s radio show. In one interview, he argued that the United States created the “boogeyman” of ISIS “to basically garner significant public support for an argument that says that this monster, these evil forces—that, by the way, we helped to create—we are the only ones that can go in and slay this monster.”

An essay of Baraka’s with the same title as that included in Barrett’s book, “The Paris Attacks and the White Lives Matter Movement,” was first published in November 2015 by the website CounterPunch, a week after a Brussels-based Islamic State terror cell perpetrated a series of coordinated attacks in Paris. Baraka writes:

While the victims of the violence in Paris may have been innocent, France was not. French crimes against Arabs, Muslims and Africans are ever- present in the historical memory and discourse of many members of those populations living in France. Those memories, the systemic discrimination experienced by many Muslims and the collaboration of French authorities with the U.S. and others that gave aid and logistical support to extremist elements in Syria and turned their backs while their citizens traveled to Syria to topple President Assad, became the toxic mix that resulted in the blowback on November 13.

Although a number of the dead in Paris are young Arabs, Muslims and Africans, in the global popular imagination, France, like the U.S. (even under a Black president), is still white.

So in Iraq the Shia will continue to die in the thousands from ISIS bombs; the Saudi’s will continue to slaughter Houthi’s with U.S. and NATO assistance; and Palestinian mothers will continue to bury their children, murdered by Zionist thugs in and out of uniform, without any outcry from the West. CNN and others will give non-stop coverage to the attacks in Paris because in the end we all really know that the lives that really matter are white.

This is not a particularly original interpretation of white supremacy’s role in American and European foreign policy, which makes its appearance alongside speculation that the November 13 attacks were a false flag operation organized by the CIA and Mossad all the more surprising. “If others want to imply other motivations or positions not stated in my article related to the subject of the book or any of the authors, I cannot control that,” Baraka’s statement continued. “But all who know me and my 40-year history of fighting for the rights of all people who have experienced the indignity of oppression will share my confidence that any smear campaign against my life of human rights activism will not succeed.”

Last month, the Green Party of Canada was forced to expel a former member—a candidate for office in Alberta in 2006, 2008, and 2011—after she described the Holocaust as “the most persistent lie in all of history.” When Gawker noted that Baraka’s statement did not actually include a rejection or disavowal of Barrett’s views, Figueroa said that “of course” Baraka disavows all Holocaust deniers, and moreover that he does not deny the Holocaust.

Reached for comment, Barrett wrote to Gawker in an email:

I didn’t know about my views on the Holocaust, either! What are they? Meanwhile, hear is a quote:

This witch-hunt against Ajamu Baraka is utterly bizarre, and the people participating it—from the media barons who ordered it to the lowly reporters who carry out those orders—are pathetic cowards who disgrace the name of journalism.

“Make that ‘participating in it,’” he followed up. “Thanks for correcting the typo.”

Update – 5:00 pm

Gawker has received this further statement from Ajamu, regarding his disavowal of Holocaust deniers: “There has never been any question in mind about the genocidal madness of the Nazi Holocaust throughout Europe during the second world war. I abhor and reject any individual or group that fails to understand the tremendous suffering of Jewish people during that dark period. My deep moral principles and commitment to human rights have always compelled me to speak out against any and all efforts that deny the recognition of a common humanity to any group.”

I'm Not Going to Read the Comments on This Post

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I'm Not Going to Read the Comments on This Post

In the composing window of Gawker Media’s publishing platform, there is a toolbar. At one end of the toolbar is a little icon of a gear. If you click that gear, it brings out a secondary toolbar offering the platform’s less frequently used features. Second from the right is a little blue virtual switch labeled “Allow Replies,” which is on by default. If you click it, it turns gray, and when the post is published, readers are unable to put comments on it.

Kinja, our CMS, is the product of a long and often painful process of building the best possible commenting interface. Through years of hard work and inventiveness, our engineers have built a product that does a remarkably solid job at the difficult work of triage, keeping trolls and vandals out of view, and generally favoring experienced and productive commenters.

Still, when you write a post, you get notified every single time someone starts a new comment thread in response to it. Even the crummy and delusional and abusive and otherwise low-value commenters, screened off from the readers—I was going to say “from the other readers,” but these bad commenters aren’t necessarily reading anything—get added to the number.

Unless, that is, you flip that little switch! Here are some of the people who are not going to be commenting on the post:

  • People who complain about being in the grays.
  • People who address the writer by name, while themselves using a pseudonym.
  • People who have some unrelated hobbyhorse they’re mad about.
  • People with “libtard” or “whiteguilt” in their commenter handle and opinions about race or Cultural Marxism.
  • People with “nickdenton” in their commenter handle and a bill of indictment against the company copy-pasted from Reddit.
  • That one guy.
  • People who have ideas about which staffers should be assigned to write which posts.
  • People who have 15 talking points prepared about why Hillary Clinton really lost to Bernie Sanders.
  • People who pick fights with those Bernie Sanders people.
  • Gamergaters.
  • People who denounce typos or what they maintain are errors of usage, usually incorrectly.
  • People who use the words “rational” or “logic” to characterize their own arguments.
  • People with complicated and dramatic fake-insider theories about what is really going on with the company, or about what happened at the company one time long ago.
  • People who angrily believe they are entitled to a personal reply, regardless of how many other comments are on a post, and who think they’re being silenced if they don’t get one.
  • People who miss the point.
  • Nice, smart readers with valuable thoughts to add.

See you on some other post, but not this one!


Do You Like Me?

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Do You Like Me?
Portrait of what could be us: Shutterstock

I’m really sorry to bother you, but my ability to feed myself depends on your answer to the question in the headline that I’m going to reprint to save your hand the work of scrolling and/your eyes the burden of peering upward: Do you like me?

See, I write for a living. I’m part of a privileged class who gets paid to think and visualize and ponder and create. Whether we want to admit it or not, the strength of our brands as public communicators depends on our being liked (even if you like to hate us—but I’d really rather focus on the positive, so maybe if you like to hate me, save us both the trouble by keeping it short and telling me that you like me). Being likable is what keeps you tuning in, and being tuned into is what keeps us employable. I’m sorry to get a little inside baseball here, and I especially want to apologize for mentioning the concept of branding. It may come off as tacky, but I’m just being honest about it because I think that I owe it to you.

Sorry, I know that I owe it to you.

In case it hasn’t come out in my writing, I want you to know that I’m very engaged with the world. I care deeply about issues. I follow good people on Twitter. I retweet important think-pieces. I use hashtags, but sparingly. I really believe in longform. As an example, I read Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me the week it came out (it’s so short—my only gripe is that I wish it were longer), and on my Kindle I highlighted all the parts that engaged other readers, too, per the broken underline my Kindle app employs to notify me of these agreed-upon passages of importance.

Do You Like Me?

See? I’m not bragging, I’m just showing you what I can (and do) do.

I believe in art. I believe in war when it serves a clear greater good. I believe in peace, bitch. I believe in references that work even if you don’t recognize their source, but provide an extra bonus jolt of pleasure for those who do. I believe in hyperlinking such references for those who don’t, though, whenever possible. I believe in inclusion. I don’t erase anyone on purpose, ever! That’s right, right?

I like memes and share them with other people, never taking pleasure in being the one who knew about it first. It’s only for the sake of communal joy.

Do You Like Me?
Cute, right?

I like weird stuff, too. Sometimes, I fantasize about an image of a fresh-faced woman in her 60's walking two well-coiffed Yorkies who can’t stop nipping at each other. They are scrapping to such an extent that they look like a beige-brown tumbleweed of silky hair on an Upper East Side sidewalk. I’m so random, but vivid, too, I hope.

Speaking of Yorkies, I’ve rescued several cats, and the internet loves cats, so I figure it probably doesn’t hurt to mention that. I spay and neuter whenever I can, whatever I can.

I’ve only ever posted one shirtless selfie, in case you like that sort of thing. If you don’t, though, you can count on me almost never doing it again unless the picture is notable for reasons besides my bare chest and torso. I try to make sure my selfies are about more than just me. I don’t think women are under any obligation to do the same, though.

Sometimes I write about myself, which I know immediately turns some people off, but my intent is only to help people who might be going through the same things that I am. Even when one of my pieces is about me, it’s not about me; it’s about you.

Sometimes people say mean things about my work—my art is how I actually think of it—injecting animosity into a conversation that I had envisioned as neutral at worst, exploratory or engaged with unlikely material at best. This really hurts. I think instead of being mean, you should be nice, or at least pretend to be nice for the sake of appearances. This is our world to beautify together.

I hope that in this article, I have made my case as to why you should like me if you don’t already. I could go away forever and if I did, would you miss me? Do me a favor and star this post if you would. Additionally, please share your stories and comments about me and my presence and what my absence would mean to you and your life in the comments below for the sake of our community. I’d really appreciate it. My self-esteem could use a boost.

Thanks for reading.


The Cuck is Gawker’s pop-up, bespoke men’s interest site.

Cut My Hair Right

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Cut My Hair Right
Illustration by Jim Cooke

A-oooooga! The sound of the approaching tugboat shatters the night’s fog. I make the boat sound with my own wet mouth.

Summer time! Darn it—it’s time for a hair cut. If you are like me there is nothing you like better to do in the summer time than to sit on your expansive butt on a curb down by the water front, refusing to move despite increasingly aggressive yanks upon your handsome harness. See and be seen? I don’t mind if I do. The lovely ladies walk by and giggle and I giggle back to them. It comes out as more of a low-toned yawp.

“Yeeeaaawwwwppp,” I yawp. For I am getting a hair cut today.

Stately in my appearance and calm in my demeanor I waddle with loose hips into the arena in which my luxuriant tufts will be trimmed to a pleasing sleekness. The arena in this case is a mat of plastic laid upon the grass in the back yard. On a day of normality this is my office area, where I meet with Roberto the squirrel and plan our various contretemps and parlay-vouz. But today is no normal day.

Hair cut day! Hair cut day! Hair hair hair hair hair hair hair hair! What is today? Hair cut, and I might see a fat blue jay! Day!

Chin angled with dignity I gaze at the bluebird in the nearby tree and take on an appearance of aristocratic repose belying the voice in my head that wants to eat that bird so bad. “Come now, my hairs await,” I seem to say without speaking a word. At this time the barber man approaches me, his tools at the ready. My mane that has grown to an imperious length and sheen shall now tumble down to the earth which accepts it as an offering to the mother of us all. Dirt Ma.

I’m often given a peanut chew to occupy me while my hair is cut. I accept this with good cheer. I like the peanut chew and crunch. Peanut, boy!

Before I know it the affair-du-hair has come to an end. If the blades have been wielded correctly my coat is as sharp and even as the blades themselves. If they have been wielded incorrectly somebody had better call the whole police station because I smell trouble! Wield carefully these tools of power, my friend; for once the hair has been clipped from my glorious coif, there is no returning it to its former position.

If you cut my hair wrong I will bite you.

Like a Pea. Nut. Chew!

Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets

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Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets

Earlier today, Hillary Clinton tweeted to her over eight million followers that Barack Obama is not, in fact, the founder of ISIS. At the time of publication, that tweet has been retweeted roughly 6,000 times and “faved” 10,000 times, which is fine. It’s a fine tweet. But Hillary—we can do better. Let us do better.

As I’m sure you know, Gawker Media’s future is somewhat uncertain right now. One thing that will never change, however, is the demand for viral content. Whether we like it or not, it’s the memes that will decide this election. And though you’ve done okay so far....

...“okay” isn’t going to cut it. You want to reach millennials, and we want job stability.

Please, Hillary, hire us to do your tweets.

We’ve collected a brief sampling of spec tweets that are sure to be a hit. If you like what you see, leave a comment in Kinja below, and thank you for your time.

Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets
Hillary, Let Us Write Your Tweets

Why Do So Many Men Whisper 'Hey' After Fucking You?

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Why Do So Many Men Whisper 'Hey' After Fucking You?
Illustration by Jim Cooke

If you are a person who has sex with men, you’ve likely encountered this very real phenomenon: After fucking, while you’re still a tangle of sweaty limbs and heaving torsos, your partner—probably still inside you—looks deeply into your eyes and whispers a husky and sensitive “hey.”

What you say back depends on you as an individual (some options: “Uh, hi?” “We did it!” “WAZZUP?!”), though it doesn’t really matter what you say because this is not about you. It’s about the mysterious allure of the post-coital “hey”—or its other variations, “hi” and “hey you”—and why do so many men do it.

In search of the answer, I went to my one and only source for straight men—the staff of Deadspin, a sports blog that I’ve only read once. Unfortunately, I forgot that no one at that site has ever had sex before, so none of them knew what I was talking about. Stranger, though, is that no man, even the non-virgins, believed that the “hey” was a thing that happened in real life, even though almost every woman I polled has personally encountered it.

Does this mean that (A) men don’t realize that they say it? Or that (B) they’re ashamed to be called out for it? Or maybe (C) all the women I know have just happened to sleep with same select few hey-ers (in New York media, anything is possible!) and it’s these guys who are giving the rest of men a bum wrap.

Option C seems unlikely, though, because many of us remember our first heys as far back as high school and college. We’ve been hey’d by writers, hey’d by musicians, hey’d by engineers, athletes, and accountants. The “hey,” no matter how many men deny it, is universal.

So again I ask: what’s in a “hey”?

“It’s short for ‘Hello ma’am, I just penetrated you,’” said one Jezebel staffer when asked why she thinks it happens.

Another female employee of Gawker Media has a more cynical take, suggesting that “they say it to remind you that they’re there so you can compliment them or soothe them like the big fucking babies they are.”

“I think there has to be some relationship to the ‘hey’ and the concern that they just went X minutes without talking (unless they were talking the whole sex time which would be interesting),” contemplates a more positive staffer who, along with many others, assumed the “hey” was just an ice breaker for pillow talk.

An editor offers, “My theory is that the man who says ‘hey’ after sex is a woke bae—a McGorry. It’s to say, ‘Hey woman, I see and respect you and what we just did together.’”

Well, that’s nice of them.

Of all the men I asked about it, only one was able to provide an answer (and even then, he would not admit to ever hey-ing a partner.)

“If I were to hypothesize, I’d say it’s because you just got done doing something very animalistic and physically intense,” he says. “And so when you’re done you’re like ‘Hey, I’m still this regular, sweet, civilized dude.’”

Noted.

Because my research was so anecdotal and everyone I spoke to was a Gawker employee, I decided to reach out to Jay Blevins, LMFT, a systems therapist in Madison, Wisconsin, who focuses on alternative sex and sexuality.

“I don’t have any scientific support for an answer, but I’m happy to speculate,” he wrote over email, continuing:

We live in a world where we keep defenses high. That is particularly true for men who are taught to not show vulnerability. Sex is one of the most vulnerable acts there is. I would guess, both from my professional knowledge and personal experience, that it is a moment where defenses have been dropped and it is safe. I think it’s an attempt to acknowledge that and to be fully seen. It’s like your real self greeting another person’s real self. I think that moment can fade quickly as the chemicals leave and our fears rush back in. We don’t get the opportunity (or don’t choose) to be in that honest place most of the time. We are taking advantage of it when we can.

My mother, also a therapist with a focus in sexuality, had a similar answer, saying that immediately after sex is when many men are at their most vulnerable. (Yes, this conversation was very awkward for me.)

So perhaps the “hey” or “hi” or “hey you” isn’t so much unseemly or sappy as it’s actually sweet. These bros, de-jizzed and momentarily free from the boundaries of masculinity, are just enjoying the brief few seconds wherein they get to feel safe with their emotions. If that’s truly the case, then let this be a message to the fellas out there:

Hey back, babe.

How Accidentally Choosing a Female Avatar on Pokémon Go Changed My Perspective on Feminism

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How Accidentally Choosing a Female Avatar on Pokémon Go Changed My Perspective on Feminism

I’ll admit it: I used to be different. A real guy’s guy, more interested in knocking back a few beers with my buddies at the local tavern and politely complimenting the barmaid on her perky honkers than I was in watching women’s gymnastics, or reading Elena Ferrante. But then something happened that changed my life forever.

The miracle of childbirth—the sublime beauty of the womb in action; the searing power of a new life to irrevocably alter the way one sees the world—is impossible to understand for anyone who hasn’t been there themselves. That includes me: I am not a father. But based on what I’ve learned from my friends who have taken the plunge into parenthood (I respect them greatly), I believe I had a similar experience three weeks ago, when I accidentally chose the “female” style avatar for my Pokémon Go character, instead of the “male” avatar.

I did not understand the significance of the moment until much later. First, I was just angry and confused. Would I have to give my character a sweatshirt that was lavender or pink, the colors that girls like? Would she be weak, frightened, prone to bouts of hysteria? Would she swoon and lose her composure upon seeing a handsome Pokémon like Machoke? How would she perform on the battlefield during her time of the month?

Reluctantly, I set about customizing the look of my character. While I couldn’t help but notice the round shape of her sweet meat balloons as I swiped through the available outfits, I also found something unexpected. There were maroon clothes for her to wear, and blue, and a bold electric yellow. She wore not a teensy-weensy dainty little bow in her hair, but a baseball cap, the brim curved like a major league pitcher’s. Could it be that she was capable of more than looking pretty and dancing the French ballet? I was not yet ready to consider the possibility, and I hurriedly put the thought out of my mind.

I named my character BreastyBazoingasBabe9—a chauvinistic choice I’ve come to deeply regret—and went out in search of some Pokémon. My first stop was the local park where I play touch football with my buddies on weekends. I came across a Nidoran. Something simpler might have been more BBB9's speed—a Doduo, say, or Zubat—but I decided to give it a shot. Together, BBB9 and I tossed our first Pokéball, and missed. Small wonder. We tossed another: same result. Ready to give up on the game entirely, I tossed one more ball out of sheer frustration, and to my great surprise, BBB9 scored a direct hit. The Pokémon was ours! (Later, I noticed that my clever little girl had bagged a male Nidoran, no less.)

This unexpected victory, I think, was my first step on the path to becoming the male feminist I so proudly am today. But before I got there, I still had a few more lessons to learn.

A few days, later, I met up with my buddies at the touch football park to play Pokémon Go together—the first time I’d revealed BBB9 to the world. Oh, how they whistled and jeered! “Baby, I’d like to get a closer look at those juicy cantaloupes on your chest!” howled my best friend Steve. “Hey toots: I’ve got two extra Pokéballs I can give you, for a price, if you know what I’m saying!” chimed my second-best friend Mark. Ordinarily, I’d encourage this kind of behavior in my buddies, even give them a high-five. Lord knows I’d said the same sorts of things to the trusty barmaid countless times. (As I mentioned before, I am unfailingly courteous and polite in my flirtations, and I am still wrestling with whether it is acceptable to publicly compliment the barmaid on her sweet bahama mamas, so long as I am not crude about it. Feminism is a journey, not a destination, and even a good man like myself must tread carefully.)

I was surely just as surprised as Steve and Mark were when I heard the words coming out of my mouth. “Stop it!” I shrieked at them. “BreastyBazoingasBabe9 is more than a pair of hoo-ha’s. She’s a real person, and I respect her.”

I’d undergone a transformation without even knowing it. BBB9 had challenged my assumptions: first about women’s style of dress, then about their ability to perform the types of serious tasks that I’d always thought of as man’s work, such as entrapping and training imaginary monsters. The fact is that before I brought a woman of my own into this world, it was hard for me to see the struggles of being a woman, to understand their strength and inner beauty. Frankly, I’m not sure how any man who hasn’t accidentally selected a female avatar instead of a male one on Pokémon Go could possibly understand it.

Since that outburst to my buddies, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and a lot of reading. I nearly cancelled my Playboy subscription, until I learned that they would no longer be publishing nude photographs, a decision I applaud. I’ve taught myself to enjoy womanly things, like shopping and drinking white wine. I’ve stopped telling the joke that goes: Want to hear a good joke? (pause) The WNBA. I’ve thought about trimming my pubes. And it’s all because of my sweet BBB9, and the lessons she taught me.

I’ve been eager to talk to the barmaid with my new male feminist enlightenment, and I’ve made multiple entreaties to her about grabbing a drink together after her shift. I fantasize about the two of us sitting together, my gaze locked not on her incredible jugs, but her eyes, discussing the new Ghostbusters movie, which I thought was hilarious. She hasn’t accepted my offer yet, but now that my eyes have been opened to this new world, I can see clearly that anything is possible between us. Maybe she’s a feminist too, and she will complain about sexism, and I will say, “I understand, thanks to my beautiful girl.” If I’m really lucky, she’ll do her part to throw out the ugly traditions of the patriarchy, just as I have done, and offer to pick up the tab.


The Cuck is Gawker’s pop-up, bespoke men’s interest site.

Peter Thiel is Right About One Thing

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Peter Thiel is Right About One Thing
Photo: Heisenberg Media/Flickr

Billionaire douchebag Peter Thiel has plenty of crazy ideas, but his commitment to radical life extension isn’t one of them.

Without question, Thiel clings to some rather obnoxious ideas. An ardent libertopian and admirer of the pseudo-intellectual Ayn Rand, the tech mogul believes that freedom and democracy are incompatible, and he questions the prudence of giving women the vote. Thiel has said that higher education is a waste of time, and has repeatedly told young people to drop out of school so they can pursue entrepreneurial projects. He has even paid some to do so. Frustrated by the real world and how it operates, Thiel has invested in the Seasteading Institute, an organization dedicated to setting up a lawless utopia in international waters. Not surprisingly, he’s also an an ardent supporter of Donald Trump. And of course, he also thinks it’s cool to sue media companies into oblivion when they write unflattering things about him.

Oh, and he wants to live forever.

Now, while much of the mainstream media will try to discredit the tech mogul on this seemingly outlandish issue, I’m not one of them. On this point, the man is right on target. Death is fucking awful, and we need to get rid of it sooner rather than later. We also need to lose this idea that not wanting to die is somehow crazy or deviant. Not wanting to die is actually one of the most rational beliefs a person can have.

Back in 2014, when asked about his most ambitious goals for the future, Thiel told an audience at the Venture Alpha West Conference that he’s “very passionate about trying to do something to really get some progress on the anti-aging and longevity front,” describing the field as “a massively under-studied, under-invested phenomena.” Speaking recently to the Washington Post, he said, “I’ve always had this really strong sense that death was a terrible, terrible thing...I prefer to fight it.”

Peter Thiel is Right About One Thing

To that end, Thiel has invested millions in the Methuselah Foundation, a research group dedicated to extending the human lifespan by advancing tissue engineering, genomics, and regenerative medicine. Headed by biogerontologist Aubrey de Grey, the group has distributed more than $4 million to support research in this area. De Grey himself has outlined a plan, called Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence, to stall—and even reverse—the aging process. The Thiel foundation has also given money to Cynthia Kenyon, an anti-aging researcher from the University of California, San Francisco. Failing advances in this area, Thiel has also signed up to be cryonically preserved in the event of an untimely death.

Thiel is not alone in his desire to stave off death. Inspired by advances in genetics, regenerative medicine, cellular biology, and cybernetics, an increasing number of people are calling for an end to aging and mortality. Aging, these self-proclaimed immortalists claim, is a disease that can and should be stopped. They argue that it’s not an inexorable process, and that the human body, like any other machine, can be modified and restored to a former glory.

http://io9.gizmodo.com/do-these-start…

And indeed, the science is starting to bear this out. We’re learning that aging is a genetically programmed process, and that there are things we can do to dramatically slow it down, from the use of advanced “senolytic drugs” and the destruction of worn-out cells, through to mitochondrial and blood rejuvenation therapies. And by studying supercentenarians, we’re learning about the genetic prerequisites for a long and healthy life.

Armed with these and other tools, doctors of the future will matter-of-factly prescribe these therapies to extend the lifespans of their patients. To do otherwise would be a violation of that famous oath they all take upon graduation. Organs worn out? Perhaps it’s time to grow some new ones. Cells not reproducing properly? Let’s replenish them with younger versions. Brain cells failing? Get yourself some synthetic replacements.

Indeed, this tired idea that we’ll eventually come up with some sort of magical longevity pill is nonsense; radical life extension will come in the form of multiple interventions and procedures, and few will question it. Only those tired of life will opt out. Eventually, death will become voluntary. We may even reach a time when we’ll have to fight for our right to die.

Just as important as pointing out the science, advocates of superlongevity also claim to have moral legitimacy. Life is good, and death is bad—that pretty much sums it up for the immortalists. The idea that death is somehow “natural” and an in indelible aspect of the human condition is rejected. As J.R.R. Tolkien once said:

There is no such thing as a natural death. Nothing that happens to man is ever natural, since his presence calls the whole world into question. All men must die, but for every man his death is an accident. And even if he knows it and consents to it, an unjustifiable violation.

No doubt, we’ve been conditioned to believe that death at 20 is tragic, while death at 90 is natural. But if we could live to 10,000, we would consider the death of someone at 350 to be just as tragic. Death is also incredibly wasteful, forever annihilating a person’s memories and experiences. And for those who have lost someone, it’s a dreadful thing to have to deal with.

Aging and dying is also incredibly expensive. According to S. Jay Olshansky, a professor in the School of Public Health at the University of Illinois in Chicago, a person’s risk of dying doubles every seven years, and the expenses required to keep these people alive continues to escalate. By 2030, Olshansky calculates that medical costs in the US alone will reach $16 trillion. To stave off this fiscal crisis, he says we need to introduce meaningful interventions to keep people vibrant and healthy. Ultimately, the goal is to extend healthy lifespan, and drive medical costs down.

A case can also be made that life extension touches upon issues of civil liberties, personal freedom, and choice. Denying people access to life extension technologies may eventually be deemed unconstitutional and unnecessarily cruel. Once these interventions come into existence, refusal to treat the elderly could even be deemed a form of geronticide. This isn’t as crazy as it sounds; political scientist Francis Fukuyama has actually argued that the government has a right to tell its citizens they have to die.

In terms of accessibility, it wouldn’t be fair to deny affluent groups access in consideration of social inequities. Today, we don’t ban technologies because not everyone can have them. Instead we should fight for affordable, fair, and universal access.

Radical life extension will also bring desirable social consequences, such as an increased concern for personal responsibility. Given indefinite lifespans, we might start to behave in a more sustainable and environmental manner knowing we’ll still be around a few centuries from now. And in conjunction with other forms of human enhancement, we may start to cultivate deeper and more profound forms of knowledge and wisdom.

Without a doubt, radical life extension will present a host of problems, but nothing qualifies as a true deal breaker. A form of gerontocracy may creep in, where the elderly refuse to give up wealth and power, but we’ll likely find ways to adapt. Likewise, we’ll have to find ways to get along with our great, great, great, great, grandchildren and the absurd generation gaps.

http://io9.gizmodo.com/no-extreme-hum…

Our planet, with its 7.4 billion people, is already dealing with an overpopulation problem. More accurately, it’s not the sheer number of people that’s the problem—it’s our collective global footprint. Earlier this week it was announced that our civilization had devoured an entire year’s worth of natural resources in just seven months. We’re already on the path to environmental and social catastrophe, regardless of whether radical life extension happens or not. The goal is to build technologies, forge policies, and change our lifestyle habits to accommodate a growing population. Potential solutions include new energy sources, molecular nanotechnology, habitable megastructures (both on and off planet), and space colonization.

Also, this idea that we’ll be bored with radically extended lives is stupendously ridiculous. There will be so much to do in the future we won’t know what to do with ourselves, whether it be perfecting every martial art, learning all the Earth’s languages, chasing virtual Pokemons on Mars, or living multiple lives in cyberspace. Failing all these we could just re-engineer our brains to not be bored with superlongevity.

Some of these ideas might sound upsetting and outlandish, but we are talking about a rather monumental transition for our species. We spend our entire lives coming to grips with our mortality, so when someone proposes that death is something we can actually eliminate, there’s naturally going to be some push back. Eventually this cognitive dissonance will turn to acceptance. Today’s immoralists, including the repugnant Peter Thiel, just happen to be on the leading edge of this social and biological inevitability.

Counterpoint: Dying Is (Probably) Okay

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Counterpoint: Dying Is (Probably) Okay
Photo credit: AP

My smart colleague George Dvorsky over at Gizmodo published a defense of “radical life extension” this morning. This is a largely pseudo- or quasi-scientific pursuit favored by billionaire parasite Peter Thiel (among others), based upon the idea that, essentially, death is a pathology rather than a natural fact of existence, and thus can and should be eliminated or conquered or indefinitely postponed through scientific or medical means. Apologies to George, but: This is a repugnant idea, and not worth defending.

http://gizmodo.com/peter-thiel-is…

First, whether you agree with them or prefer to sneer at them down the slope of the beaker of teenager blood you’re chugging to maintain your smooth complexion, many people—most, in fact! nearly all!—already believe that death has been conquered in some way or another. From ancient Egyptian belief in a rewarding afterlife for those who lived sin-free lives, to Hindu and Buddhist beliefs in cyclical rebirth, to varying Abrahamic beliefs in the possibility of eternal life through divine salvation, to the sense of permanence and legacy that people of all varieties get from invention and procreation, belief in a discernible avenue to conquering death—or, at the very least, to conquering the infantile, debilitating, irrational fear of it—unites the overwhelmingly vast majority of all human beings who have ever lived.

This cross-section of the species—which, again, comprises nearly everyone who ever existed—gets no mention here, as is typical in discussions of radical life extension; their beliefs, evidently, are too silly to deserve mention, unlike, say, physically rewiring our nervous systems. (Yes, indefinite life is extremely cool and good, love to put electrodes in my brain to stimulate my faltering will to persist for no reason.)

Then there are the ideas here:

Aging and dying is also incredibly expensive. According to S. Jay Olshansky, a professor in the School of Public Health at the University of Illinois in Chicago, a person’s risk of dying doubles every seven years, and the expenses required to keep these people alive continues to escalate. By 2030, Olshansky calculates that medical costs in the US alone will reach $16 trillion. To stave off this fiscal crisis, he says we need to introduce meaningful interventions to keep people vibrant and healthy. Ultimately, the goal is to extend healthy lifespan, and drive medical costs down.

Even the casual reader ought to know full well that “radical life extension” is the precise and entire reason why “aging and dying is also incredibly expensive.” That is to say, aging and dying have become expensive and torturous exactly because so many people, particularly but not exclusively in the scientific and medical communities, believe and propagate the belief in a scientific and/or medical and/or moral and/or ethical obligation to fight them endlessly—the belief that a person only gets old and dies when they have failed to prevent it.

This gets at the central point, which concerns the idea, as expressed by George Dvorsky, that “not wanting to die is actually one of the most rational beliefs a person can have.” I can see at least three problems with this idea. First, is not wanting to die all that rational to begin with? Can you show me some proof that being dead is all that bad an arrangement for people who are dead? Maybe death is okay! I have never heard a dead person complain about being dead. I have never heard a dead person extoll the virtues of it, either! Seems to me that this premise is pretty unproven, and therefore that the argument for its rationality is pretty weak!

More to the point, if rationality is to be the standard, here (more on this in a second), then probably we should take a moment to consider, in cold, rational terms, the consequences of “radical life extension.” What is to happen to the human population when individuals no longer age out of it? Are people meant to stop reproducing? They’ve been doing that for longer than they’ve been homo sapiens; are we meant to “rationally” discard this core function of living organisms so that Peter Thiel can have lebensraum to continue investing in tech startups for all eternity?

No. According to George, “potential solutions include new energy sources, molecular nanotechnology, habitable megastructures (both on and off planet), and space colonization.” Ah yes. Fantastical, resource-consuming solutions ... to a problem that literally has never existed before and will have to be invented at extraordinary cost for no good reason. That’s rational? Humanity should have to colonize outer space to create habitat for a bunch of ninnies who are afraid of something organisms have been doing for longer than humans have existed?

This, I must say, is a spectacularly bizarre vision of humanity’s future: One in which treating death as a curable pathology leads to humanity itself becoming a pathogen, expanding exponentially and recklessly throughout the cosmic ecosystem for the sake of accommodating a selfish, shortsighted desire for both procreation and endless individual longevity, to no discernible end and for no particularly defensible reason beyond Uh, we’re afraid of dying even though literally everyone and everything did it for the first few billion years of life on earth. Personally, I would much rather die than participate in that monstrosity. I’m sure I’m not the only one.

It’s also a rather meager and poor idea of human potential. That we will use our big brains and boundless imaginations to technologize a way of eliminating this completely ordinary and universal thing, out of simple, dumb-ass fear—rather than using those big brains and boundless imaginations to eliminate the simple, dumb-ass fear of it. This is not an optimistic, futurist outlook; it is a fearful, reactionary one. We can do better than that! We can be okay with dying. We can be chill about it!

But let’s get back to the idea of rationality, for a second. Just as easily as one can argue the fear of death is rational, one can just as easily—more easily, even!—argue for the rationality of the imperative to die. Fearing overpopulation and resource depletion is rational! In strictly rational terms, one might argue for a hard cap on the size of the human population! Presumably you are recoiling from the implications of this idea, unless you are a sociopath. Which brings me to the third problem with this the fear of death is totally rational and therefore “radical life extension” is good argument: Just because a fear is rational does not mean it is a good basis for reorganizing all of human society forever.

Fear of the dark is rational: In the dark, one of your primary senses (sight) is disabled, leaving you vulnerable to unseen dangers. Like death, darkness is less knowable than the alternative, and therefore one may rationally fear it. That does not mean that society should orient itself around eliminating darkness forever. Darkness, turns out, has its benefits. It is good for healthful sleep, for example.

Fear of high precipices is rational: At the side of a high precipice, common missteps and losses of balance take on life-or-death stakes. That does not mean science should concern itself with sanding down every cliff or balcony or ledge in the world. Tall things are okay. You can even enjoy being on top of them, so long as you don’t toss yourself off their sides.

The point being argued in slightly bad faith, here, is that rationality is just one among many possible bases for weighing the virtue of an idea, not least because one’s perception of what is or is not “rational” depends hugely upon what one assumes to be true. Assume that society is burdened by the care it must provide to congenitally disabled or small or vulnerable people, and eugenics becomes rational. Assume that individuals will always act upon narrow self-interest, and the extremities and savageries of late capitalism become rational. Assume that death is bad, and transfusing the harvested blood of broke millennials into yourself becomes rational.

But actually: Death is okay! Aging is okay! It happened to your great-great-grandparents, and they seem pretty chill about the whole thing. They do not seem to have any regrets, at present. Whether you believe they are in heaven, or Fólkvangr, or reincarnated as frogs, or are simply and finally nonexistent, you do not hear them complaining about having missed the splendors that came after them, and you won’t, either.

This is Gawker Media’s last week as an independent media operation, and while that shouldn’t affect you much one way or the other as a reader, we’re still going to take advantage of a pretext to run some especially stupid posts. If you have any ideas for such posts, hit us at tips@deadspin.com.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More

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Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More

$50 off a sous-vide circulator, Google Chromecast, and a deeply discounted drill kit lead off Thursday’s best deals.

http://deals.kinja.com/todays-best-li…

Bookmark Kinja Deals and follow us on Twitter to never miss a deal. Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here to learn more, and don’t forget to sign up for our email newsletter.

Top Deals

Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Anova Wi-Fi Precision Sous-Vide Cooker, $150

Ready to experience meat in a whole new way? You can pick up the newest model of Anova’s Sweethome-recommended Sous Vide immersion circulator for $50 off.

http://lifehacker.com/5868685/sous-v…

Lifehacker has a great explainer on Sous-Vide cooking for you to check out, but the basic idea is that you seal the food in plastic bags, and then cook it in precisely heated water over a longer period of time. It sounds weird, but trust me when I say that it works like magic.

Every time we post this, we get some snark about the Wi-Fi connectivity, so just know that it’s optional. If you connect your phone, you can find a recipe via Anova’s app, and automatically program the cooker with one tap, but you certainly don’t need to use it.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
OxyLED T-01S Stick-Anywhere LED Light, $5 with code 4SCSPJDW

Stick-anywhere LED lights are great for everything from closets and cabinets to bathrooms and hallways, and this OxyLED tap model is just $5 on Amazon today with promo code 4SCSPJDW.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B011NS38AG?…

These run off of AAA batteries, so you should probably pick up some Eneloops while they’re on sale as well.

https://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-BK-4…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Oral-B Pro 7000 SmartSeries Toothbrush, $100 after $20 coupon.

$100 is a solid price for any top of the line electric toothbrush, and Oral-B’s Pro 7000 SmartSeries add Bluetooth to the mix, just for kicks.

http://co-op.kinja.com/the-best-elect…

In addition to six different cleaning modes (including one for your tongue), a travel kit, a pressure sensor, and a timer, the Pro 7000 also syncs to an iOS or Android app that tracks your brushing habits and offers personalized feedback.

I know a lot of people are reflexively against the Bluetoothification of everyday household items, and that’s fine. What I’m saying is that even if you never download that app, this is still a fantastic toothbrush at $100. Just be sure to clip the $20 coupon on the page to get the full discount.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00F9X34XS?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Refurb VIZIO SB3820-C6 Sound Bar, $70

As long as you don’t mind buying a certified refurb, this 38" VIZIO sound bar is fantastic value at $70.

Without a subwoofer, this might not be ideal for a main home theater sound system, but it’d be a massive upgrade to, say, your bedroom TV’s built-in speakers. And when your TV’s turned off, it’ll also work as a massive Bluetooth speaker for playing music from your phone.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Nerf Gold Box

Today only, Amazon’s offering big discounts on over a two dozen Nerf guns and accessories. So what are you still doing here?


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
GlowBowl, $15

You probably looked at that image up there and laughed. But let me tell you, there’s nothing funny about using the bathroom in the middle of the night and having to turn on an overhead light to see where you’re going. Because as soon as you hit that switch, you know you’re not getting back to sleep for another hour.

GlowBowl fits on just about any toilet, is motion activated, and can even output seven different colors of light. Most importantly though, it won’t wreak havoc on your circadian rhythms. It normally sells for $20, and is worth every penny, but you can pick one up from Amazon right now for $15, matching a Prime Day deal.

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
$10 off $35, promo code BACKTOSCHOOL

Newly-acquired Jet.com is taking $10 off any $35 order today with promo code BACKTOSCHOOL, so if you’ve got any gadgets or groceries on your shopping list, this is a nice chance to save a little cash. A few ideas: DualShock 4 controllers, the Xbox One Elite controller, Eneloop batteries, All-Clad cookware. Let us know what you picked up in the comments.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
TiVo Roamio OTA 1TB, $372

The TiVo for cord cutters comes with lifetime service and a 1TB hard drive, and Amazon’s offering the first deal we’ve ever seen on it today.

The original Roamio OTA sold for $50 with a 500GB hard drive, but you had to pay $15 per month for the TiVo service. The new model though comes with 1TB of space, and usually retails for $400 upfront, with lifetime service. Assuming you’ll use it for more than a couple years, that’s a good deal on its face, but Amazon’s taking an extra $28 off the sticker price right now, while supplies last.

https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS…

Just note that this model is not compatible with cable services; it’s designed specifically for use with an OTA antenna, such as the top-selling Mohu Leaf.

http://lifehacker.com/five-best-indo…

https://www.amazon.com/Mohu-Paper-thi…



Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
PlayStation Plus, $39

We see $10 off deals on PlayStation Plus just about every week, but today...are you sitting down? Today, you can save $11.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Black + Decker 20V Lithium Ion Drill/Driver Kit, $60

There are surely more powerful drill/drivers out there, but this 20V model from Black & Decker includes 100 accessories, and a battery that lasts for 18 months all for just $60, today only. That’s unsurprisingly an all-time low price, but this is a Gold Box deal, meaning it’s only available today, or until sold out.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0079IRIG0/…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
30% Off Sale at Patagonia

The heat is raging on but that doesn’t mean your mind can’t be on the cooler months. Patagonia’s 30% off sale is full of cold-weather staples like their Nano-Air Jacket and Ultralight Down Vest (plus a few summer styles leftover as well). Stock up on men’s and women’s styles while the prices are way low.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Adidas Soccer Gold Box

If watching the USWNT has you in the mood to go kick some soccer balls around, Amazon’s running a deal on all the gear you need from Adidas. Inside, you’ll find gloves, shin guards, apparel, and of course, balls. Just note that like all Gold Box deals, these prices are only available today, so don’t wait around until stoppage time.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Sorel Event at Nordstrom Rack

Sorel is one of your favorite winter boot brands, and the Tofino was the one to beat. If you’re dying to get out of this summer heat and are already thinking about the winter, grab one of these boots for under $100 at Nordstrom Rack. Not into the Tofino? There’s 90 different styles to choose from.

http://gear.lifehacker.com/these-are-your…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Catan 5th Edition, $31

Update: Sold out at $31. Hope you got one!

Settlers of Catan is one of those games that should be on everyone should have on their shelves, and Amazon’s marked it down to $31 today. That’s the lowest price of the year, and within a few pennies of an all-time low. Unfortunately, they won’t trade it to your for two wheats; I asked.

http://www.amazon.com/Mayfair-Games-…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Omaker QC 2.0 Dual Charger, $4 with code QOM3OFT3

For several months now, single-port Quick Charge 2.0 wall chargers have bottomed out at $5. Today though, you can get a dual-port model from Omaker for just $4 with promo code QOM3OFT3.

https://www.amazon.com/Omaker-Charge-…

If your phone already supports Quick Charge 3.0, you can get a dual-port wall charger and a (non-Quick Charge) car charger for $20 as well. Just add both to your cart, and use code CQERFTDC.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01BF3OZ9W?…

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01B182976?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
15,000mAh Solar Battery, $17 with code 5RNG5EAJ

$17 is a great price for a 15,000mAh USB battery pack, but it’s insane for one with a built-in solar panel. Obviously, that little panel would take days to fully recharge the battery, but it’s good to have the option if you’re camping or caught without power for a few days.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DJ53ZHM/…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Hoover Linx, $97

It’s 2016, and your vacuum shouldn’t have a cord anymore. The Hoover Linx features an 18-volt battery, a motorized brush that you can turn on and off, and an easy-to-empty receptacle, and Amazon will sell you one for $97 today. That’s not an all-time low, but it’s a solid discount from its usual $110-$130 price range.

https://www.amazon.com/Hoover-Cordles…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
5-Piece Samsonite Nested Luggage Set, $85 with code BONVOYAGE

Does Samsonite make the best luggage you can buy? Of course not. But $85 is still a ridiculously good price for a complete 5-piece set (with code BONVOYAGE). And with the company’s 10 year limited warranty, your investment should last for many trips to come.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Kohree 33' Copper String Lights, $8 with code OJXL6KVV | Kohree 20' Solar Copper String Lights, $10 with code 5FRVPXT3

Copper string lights are so hot right now (but not literally, because they’re LEDs), and you can choose from two different options on sale today. $8 gets you a 33' strand that plugs into the wall, or you can opt for a $10, 20' set that runs off of solar power.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B016A33UIY?…

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B016B298S0?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
BLACK + DECKER Mini 3-Cup Rice Cooker, $14

Rice cookers have their place, but if you’re just cooking for a small group, and don’t have a ton of storage space, this $14 3-cup (cooked) model from Black & Decker might be all that your kitchen needs.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B016Y8JS4K/…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
French Sailor’s Shirt, $20

If there’s one thing I have too many of, its striped shirts (or so I’ve been told). But if you, like me, appreciate a good Breton stripe and know that you can never actually have too many, this one’s for you. Grab 20% off sale shirts and sweaters from L.L. Bean, including this awesome striped number. That Heather Grey is calling my name.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Chromecast, $30 | Chromecast Audio, $30

If you still have any TVs without a Chromecast attached, Google’s official eBay store will sell you one at a $5 discount today (also available on Chromecast Audio). Plus, Google will throw in 90 days of unlimited Google Play music, plus two months of Spotify Premium (new users only) for free.

http://gizmodo.com/chromecast-201…

http://reviews.gizmodo.com/chromecast-aud…


If you missed out in theaters, Amazon and iTunes will rent you an HD copy of Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight for just a buck right now. As with all digital rentals, you’ll have 30 days to start watching, and then 24 (iTunes) or 48 (Amazon) hours to finish, so you don’t have to find time to watch it tonight.

https://www.amazon.com/Hateful-Eight-…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Nintendo Selects Preorders, $16 with Prime

A small new batch of $20 Nintendo Selects games will be released on August 26, and if you have Amazon Prime, you can get any or all of them for just $16 (discount shown at checkout).

https://www.amazon.com/Nintendo-Selec…

https://www.amazon.com/Nintendo-Selec…

https://www.amazon.com/Nintendo-Selec…

https://www.amazon.com/Nintendo-Selec…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
iClever BoostCube Travel USB Charger, $7 with code DEALBIG1

iClever’s BoostCube travel USB charger isn’t as small as the Aukey we highlighted earlier this week, but it can put out 12W and 2.4A per port, rather than sharing that amount of power between both. That’s a ton of power for $7 (with code DEALBIG1).

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QTE09SY?…

http://deals.kinja.com/this-7-travel-…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Extra 60% Off Clearance at Perry Ellis

Perry Ellis is sailing into the end of the summer by clearing out their clearance rack. Save an additional 60% on clearance items, and stock up short-sleeve button downs for those end-of-summer BBQs or a nice polo for your friends’ engagement party.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Extra 35% off Babyganics

You don’t necessarily have to have children to appreciate Babyganics’ scent-free, hypoallergenic products, and Amazon’s taking an extra 35% off over a half a dozen products. Head over to this post for the full list!

http://deals.kinja.com/save-35-on-bab…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
KMASHI Bike Light/Bluetooth Speaker/USB Battery Pack, $18 with code 7WFFI67M

Speaking of deals to make your bike smarter, this $18 gadget from KMASHI is an LED headlight, Bluetooth speaker, and USB battery pack all rolled into one. That means you can roll between Pokéstops all night long, and be able to hear when a new Pokémon comes into range.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZTEKDYK?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Sony HT-CT380 Sound Bar/Wireless Subwoofer, $190

Sony’s 300W HT-CT380 sound bar and wireless subwoofer sets up in minutes, and will give your home theater a serious audio boost. If that sounds appealing, you can grab one from BuyDig’s eBay storefront for $190 today or $70 less than Amazon.


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Mpow Seashell Bluetooth Headphones, $15 with code 3EOF6PSI

Mpow brought affordable Bluetooth headphones to the mainstream, and today, they’ll sell you a pair with active noise cancellation and IPX4 waterproofing for $15. Awesome haircut not included.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B016WFWU04/…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
PUR LED 11 Cup Pitcher, $23

If you don’t already own a water filtration pitcher, this PUR 11-cup model is marked down to an all-time low $23 today. This particular model includes an LED indicator light to remind you to change the filter, and the filters themselves are less expensive than Brita’s.

I’ll tell you a secret: I don’t really care that much about filtration. I mostly like these because they mean I always have ice cold water ready to go at all times.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IK5A68I/…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
3-Pack Smartphone Dry Bags, $7 with code 4DXFH65T

You all know the drill with these dry bags by now. They keep your phone safe from the elements whether you’re surfing in the ocean, swimming in a pool, or just lounging on the beach, and $7 for a three-pack is about as cheap as you’ll ever see them.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01HPH55PU?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Anker Compact Car Jump Starter, $59

By now, most of you probably have a USB battery pack or two to keep your phones charged, and that’s great! But I’m willing to bet most of them won’t start your car if its battery dies.

The $59 Anker compact car jump starter has your standard pair of USB ports and a 10,000mAh built-in battery, but it also ships with a set of removable jumper cables to jolt your car’s engine to life in a pinch. Once you’re up and running, it’ll even recharge itself via an included 15V car charger, so it never even has to leave your glove box.

Hopefully you don’t need to use this often, but it’s one of those things you’ll be really glad you bought when the time comes. This particular model has been a little cheaper during a couple of Amazon Gold Boxes, but today’s price is still well below its usual $70-$80.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00T2GT9L4?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
No Man’s Sky, $48 for Prime members. Discount shown at checkout.

There’s a little-known indie game called No Man’s Sky out today on PS4, and if you have Prime, you can snag a copy for $48 (discount shown at checkout).

https://www.amazon.com/No-Mans-Sky-Pl…

In case you weren’t aware, this 20% video game discount is available for Prime members on all preorder and new release games (physical copies only), out to two weeks post-release. So if you’re ready to take off an explore the universe, this is an easy way to save $12.

http://deals.kinja.com/calendar-of-up…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Langria Hypoallergenic Shredded Memory Foam Pillow, $24 with code BACKTOSS

You spend 1/3 of your life in contact with a pillow, so it had better be a good one. This Langria bed pillow is stuffed with chunks of shredded memory foam, and it can be yours for only $24 today with code BACKTOSS. Don’t sleep on this deal.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01EA13E9S?…


Today's Best Deals: Chromecast, Sous-Vide, Nerf Guns, and More
Buy Two Snacks, Get $5 Off

Amazon bills this buy two and save $5 promotion as a back to school special, but I’m not going back to school anytime soon, and I would still love to buy some of these snacks. Eligible products include everything from Lays chips to Starbucks Refreshers to oatmeal, so head over to Amazon and pick out your two favorites.

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Donald Trump Tells Christian Leaders He Has to Win Election So He Doesn't Go to Hell

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Donald Trump Tells Christian Leaders He Has to Win Election So He Doesn't Go to Hell
Photo: AP

Speaking to evangelical leaders in Florida on Thursday, Donald Trump emphasized the importance of this year’s election to Christians in general and Donald Trump in particular, who, by his own account, must win in November or spend eternity in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone.

“This will be an election that will go down in the history books for the evangelicals, for the Christians, for everybody of religion,” said Trump, according to The Hill.

“So go out and spread the word, and once I get in, I’ll do my thing that I do very well,” he continued. “And I figure it’s probably—maybe the only way I’m going to get into heaven, so I better do a good job.”

Trump’s playful remark drew laughs from the crowd, but, as is so often the case, the joke served to deflect from an uncomfortable tension. Despite being a notorious womanizer who has made his own name synonymous with greed and excess, some of the Republican nominee’s strongest support comes from white evangelicals, 78 percent of whom said they would vote for Trump last month.

Last year, Trump told CNN that he has never asked God for forgiveness. And why should he? According to our nation’s true prevailing religion, the only sin is being on the losing team.

Donald Trump Finally Tells a Lie Worth Believing

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Donald Trump Finally Tells a Lie Worth Believing
Photo: AP

Speaking at a rally in Florida Thursday night, Donald Trump repeatedly said it was Friday. As both the attendant crowd and multiple reporters at the scene noted, it was not.

In the past, Trump has treated reality as a minor inconvenience that can be negated by sheer force of will. This time, at least, we wish him the best of luck.

A Muslim Woman Mistaken For A Terrorist Filed A Civil Rights Suit Against the Chicago Police 

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A Muslim Woman Mistaken For A Terrorist Filed A Civil Rights Suit Against the Chicago Police 
Image via screenshot/YouTube

Itemid Al-Matar filed a federal civil rights lawsuit against the city of Chicago and six of its police officers who misidentified her as a potential terrorist on July 4, 2015 as she left a subway station dressed in hijab and niqab while carrying a backpack.

Al-Matar alleges in the suit that six Chicago police officers grabbed her and threw her down as she was walking up the stairs on her way home to break fast at sunset. The incident was caught on security cameras and clearly shows five police officers running up the stairs to catch Al-Matar.

The suit alleges that Al-Matar’s hijab and niqab were “the impetus behind the actions” of the police officers. One of the lawyers in the civil case, Phil Robertson, argued in a statement that ““blatant xenophobia, Islamophobia, and racial profiling” were to blame.

Al-Matar moved to the United States two years ago from Saudi Arabia to study English. According to a police report filed the night of the incident, officers had been instructed to be on “high alert of terrorist activity.” Officers singled out Al-Matar allegedly because of her “suspicious behavior”, which included “walking at a brisk pace, in a determined manner.”

Because of her pace and also the backpack she clutched to her chest as she walked up the stairs, the arresting officers “believed that subject might be a lone wolf suicide bomber.”

The lawsuit names six police officers and the city of Chicago as the defendants and accuses them of “excessive force, false arrest, violation of freedom of religious expression and malicious prosecution.”

Naturally, the city’s law department declined to comment.

Donald Trump Says He's Cool With Trying U.S. Citizens in Military Tribunals

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Donald Trump Says He's Cool With Trying U.S. Citizens in Military Tribunals
Photo: AP

Asked if he supported trying American terror suspects in military tribunals at Guantánamo Bay—a practice that is currently illegal under federal law and would likely violate their constitutional rights to due process—Donald Trump told the Miami Herald on Thursday, “That would be fine.”

“Well, I know that they want to try them in our regular court systems, and I don’t like that at all. I don’t like that at all,” said Trump. “I would say they could be tried [Guantánamo Bay], that would be fine.”

Hey, sure, whatever, why not? Trump presumably thought. Next question please!

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