Dicks: Many people have them and some people are them and some people are them but do not have them and some people do have them but are not them. Today, our challenge is to determine whether or not actor Jesse Eisenberg, inventor of starring in The Social Network, is a dick or merely has one.

A couple weeks ago, while promoting his new magician movie, Now You See Me, Eisenberg was interviewed by a young woman named Romina Puga for Fusion (a channel no one knows about that's "a joint venture between ABC and Univision"). The interview was painfully awkward.

Things got off to a shaky start when Eisenberg chided Puga for referring to his co-star Morgan Freeman as "Freeman" ("like you're on a little league softball team," said Eisenberg). From there, the two continued alternately half-flirting and 100 percent-hurting one another's feelings.

The whole thing was like watching a sword fight between two weeble wobbles.

Following the interview, Puga wrote a post titled "Behind the Scenes of our Jesse Eisenberg Interview," for the official Univision News tumblr page, in which she said that Eisenberg had "humiliated" her. She claimed she "'ooed' and 'awed'" over a card trick Eisenberg' performed even though she knew how it was done because she just wanted it to be over. She also employed many variations of the expression "UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."

Now, the People are divided over who is the dick.

Some say Puga seemed unwilling to engage with Eisenberg and that her attempts to play coy (as when she refused to tell him, at one point, what was written on her hand) fell flat. Others say Eisenberg was unnecessarily antagonistic toward someone whose sole job was to help him promote his movie. (A few people are even arguing that the duo was faking the uncomfortableness to draw attention to a random interview on a channel no one has ever heard of — it's that palpable.)

Check out the clip above and decide for yourself. Jesse Eisenberg: Dick or Not a Dick? Defend your position in the comments.

Hi team! My name is Victor, this is Dodge&Burn, and we are Gawker's newest bastard child. D&B is an image-based site that will, in Susan Sontag's words, "participate in another person’s (or thing’s) mortality, vulnerability, [and] mutability."

While I will continue to shoot things like Donald Trump's hair and horsehead blowjobs for Gawker, I will primarily be over here at Dodge&Burn capturing the mundane and the magical, the sad and the uplifting, and whatever you all help us put together (as long as there are not too many cats). Like all of Gawker Media's sites, Dodge&Burn is on the new Kinja platform, which is ideal for a photo site. While we will use D&B to share new photos with you, we invite you to share your photos with us as well. Post them in the comments. Use our new photo annotation functionality (here is as great example). Create Kinja sites of your own to post photos—you might find them shared over to D&B and Gawker. And when there are glitches, as there sometimes are, send a note to the help desk or please feel free to email me here.

Remember: less photoshopping is more, stealing souls can be done respectfully, and of course, if you have a picture of it, it must have happened. So, fire of up your cameras (or smart phones), climb a tree, hide in a closet, or sneak back stage and start snapping.

Note: If you want to use any of our images online, feel free, just make sure to credit me, Victor G. Jeffreys II, and Dodge&Burn.

Police in Florida arrested a man they say killed three coworkers who made fun of him for being a poor shot.

According to authorities in Ocala, Andrew Joseph Lobban, 31, shot and killed 25-year-old Josue "Sway" Santiago, 23-year-old Benjamin Larz Howard, and 20-year-old Jerry Lamar Bynes Jr. — three men who worked with him as bouncers at the Ocala Entertainment Complex.

In their report, investigators say Lobban confessed to the crime, saying he was angry at one of the victims for filming him misfiring his gun at a shooting range, and at the other two victims for laughing at the video and teasing him about it.

Lobban claims he only meant to hurt Santiago, whom he accused of tampering with the gun in order to "punk" him, but accidentally shot the other two as well.

Police have charged Lobban with three counts of first-degree murder. He is currently in jail on a no-bond hold.

[screengrab via WKMG, mug shot via Marion County Jail]

Look at this amazing video of some kind of demon bursting out of a manhole cover in New York today. And it would be so much more amazing if this citizen journalist had simply held his or her phone horizontally instead of vertically. Your viral video should not be a narrow strip surrounded by the void.

On the left, you see the original video, which was "shot wrong." On the right, a grainy zoomed-in cropped version by Gawker's forensic video team gives an idea of how much fury could've been captured had the person simply held the phone correctly.

Let's try this new "hold the phone camera correctly" method, together, and the next time you see an explosion or riot or UFO or people doing a funny dance you'll be ready to do things right:

1. Grab your phone, if you're not already holding it.

2. Select the camera app and put the slider on video mode. (It will have a little video camera icon.)

3. TURN THE PHONE SIDEWAYS, also known as horizontal, or landscape mode. Like this:

3. Touch the record button. (It will blink if it's recording video.)

4. Put your exciting video on the Internet so it can "go viral," like a sex/mouth disease.

Every day around the world, potential Viral Videos are ruined because the person is holding the phone the wrong way. And unlike the Monster Beneath Manhattan video we successfully cropped here, most wrong-way videos cannot be cropped. Like this one, how would you crop this? You could not crop this, that's how. The hero student's head would be removed, or it would just show his big red shoes. It would be terrible.

[Thanks to Bret Mantyk for the video, which was shot wrong.]

Thousands of people have gathered in Istanbul and elsewhere in Turkey, organizing under the hashtag "Occupy Gezi" and broadcasting scenes of brutal police violence to the world. But why are they there? What are they protesting? And do I need to care? Let's figure it out.

What is Occupy Gezi?

Occupy Gezi, or Diren Gezi Parkı (though most participants appear to be using the English name in their tweets and blog posts), is an ongoing protest, consisting of thousands of people and taking place in Gezi Park, a small green space in Taksim Square, one of Istanbul's largest public spaces and a focal point of the modern part of the city.

Why have I been hearing so much about it?

Late last week, after four days of occupation, hundreds of police entered the square, burning tents and firing tear gas, pepper spray and water cannons at protesters. The crackdown was brutal, and way out of proportion to the protests, which were entirely peaceful; at least 12 were hospitalized with head injuries, and images of protestors, bloodied and battered by pressurized water and tear gas canisters, flooded the international media.

(Translated) @sametcicek: 15 seconds before the riot control vehicles attacked us. we are unarmed! twitter.com/sametcicek/sta… #occupygezi

— çapulcu tırtıl (@imratirtil) May 31, 2013

I think I saw some of those photos.

You probably did—though be careful. One photo of "protestors" was actually of last year's Istanbul Marathon; some of the photos from the widely shared Occupy Gezi Tumblr were from other protests—one in Boston, one in Italy (they appear to have been removed). There's been an unfortunate and worrying amount of fake photos and rumors being circulated by protestors, or by people claiming to be protestors, including one false rumor that Agent Orange (the internationally banned chemical weapon) had been used by police.

Do I need to care?

Yes. Turkey is a huge and quickly growing country with borders along Europe, the Middle East, and Central Asia; it's an important power at the intersection of several important regions. Also, you care about international news! Because you are a citizen of democracy!

What are they protesting against?

The occupation of Gezi Park began last week, as developers removed trees in the first step of a major development plan that would transform Taksim Square and replace Gezi with a mall (itself inside, subtly, a rebuilt Ottoman-era barracks. But tasteful, I'm sure!). Gezi, though small, is among the only public green spaces in Istanbul, and the protestors have objected to what they see as a unilateral government decision to eliminate it.

tepsiyle böreğe misliyle biber gazı!! #direngeziparki #occupygezi twitter.com/Kadirkaymakci/…

— Kadir Kaymakcı (@Kadirkaymakci) May 31, 2013

Seems pretty big for a protest about urban planning.

The planned elimination of the park is only the latest in a string of development initiatives undertaken by the country's ruling party, AKP ("The Justice and Development Party"). Under AKP and its popular prime minister, Tayyip Erdogan, the city's oldest movie theater was demolished for a mall; ground has been broken for a third bridge over the Bosphorus, named for a Sultan famous for slaughtering the religious minority Alevi Muslims; and an enormous canal through the city's western side has been proposed.

But, yeah, it's about more than urban planning. Since its beginning on Monday—and especially since a violent crackdown on the occupiers by police on Thursday and Friday—the protest has evolved into something broader and more generally anti-Erdogan.

Why do they dislike Erdogan?

For a variety of reasons! Erdogan is a center-right religious conservative, disliked by many of the generally more secular Istanbullus, and the aggressive development is seen by protestors as symbolic of an autocratic, forceful leadership style. More than that, it's seen by many as representative of the changes to the rapidly growing city in the years since Erdogan took power.

1000s of protesters on Istanbul's Istiklal st. Calling on PM to resign. Cloud of tear gas in background #Turkey twitter.com/jonathonburch/…

— Jonathon Burch (@jonathonburch) May 31, 2013

What do you mean?

Istanbul's population growth has been driven in part by a religious middle class moving from rural Turkey to new developments sprouting up around the city. Their religiosity represents a threat to Istanbul's secularism, just as Erdogan's mild Islamism is seen as a threat to the national secularism imposed, often by force, by Kemal Ataturk, the founder of modern Turkey.

Well... is it a threat?

Heh. This is a hard question! Turkey's secularism laws were for a long time much more stringent than those in the U.S.: For the bulk of the 1980s and 90s, for example, women weren't allowed to wear head scarves in government jobs, or in some cases on government property like public universities. From an American point of view, it seems like not much of a threat to secularism in the abstract to let Muslim women wear headscarves on campus, an issue Erdogan campaigned on in 2007.

On the other hand, AKP recently effected the passage of a law banning alcohol ads, and the sale of alcohol after 10 p.m. And while this is generally mild (compared even to some U.S. state blue laws), it's more than enough to make the Turkish secular elite think their fears of an Islamist state are coming to fruition.

And that's why they're protesting?

Partly. Erdogan's policies and leadership are authoritarian and repressive, and there's no question that resistance to that authoritarianism is at the heart of Occupy Gezi. But it's also unclear that he's in particular worse for the average Turk than the last century's worth of secular, often military leadership—which has been similarly authoritarian and repressive. Given that, it's maybe easier to understand the religious-vs.-secular divide less as a pure conservatism-vs.-liberalism split and more as one of the major vectors of the broader split between Istanbul and much of the rest of Turkey brought that Occupy Gezi brings—as when an International Relations professor tells The New York Times that Istanbul has been "invaded" by "uncultured" "Anatolian peasants."

That's not a very liberal sentiment.

No, and it's worth noting that Occupy Gezi isn't—yet—a broad-based political protest, drawing its strength mostly from the educated classes that make up Turkey's waning secular elite. (As Zihni Ozdil points out, the opposition party CHP—the secular mirror image to the neoliberal, market-friendly AKP—has seized on the protests and is seemingly welcomed by protesters, even though CHP approved of the Gezi development plans.)

But even if Occupy Gezi's not perfect, Erdogan is clearly the aggressor here.

Oh, absolutely. Erdogan is wrong, and this kind of brutal crackdown should give a great deal of anxiety to Erdogan apologists

Will the protests change anything?

It's way too early to tell. Erdogan, dictatorial though his police action may seem, is a democratically elected leader, and even though the AKP-driven urban development Occup Gezi is protesting pushes out blue-collar citizens and immigrants in Istanbul, he retains high approval ratings from the poor and working class across Turkey, including in its secular bastions.

But the protests have lasted a week now, and expanded to other cities, forcing reticent Turkish news outlets to give them coverage, and Erdogan, who pulled back police forces over the weekend, may have realized he'd overplayed his hand, especially after violent labor protests on May Day. In a press conference over the weekend, he denied that a mall would be built, and claimed that trees were simply being moved to widen the pedestrian walkway (a clear contradiction of his own words from a year ago).

What about Istanbul's legendarily crazy soccer clubs?

Oh, they're out there. From Elif Batumann's dispatch at The New Yorker:

I got in touch with members of Çarsi, the leftist fan club of Istanbul’s Besiktas soccer team; I’d written about them for the magazine in 2011. They had come up with a new slogan: “Give us 100 gas masks, we’ll take the park.” I asked Ayhan Gÿner, one of Çarsi’s senior members, what he had to say to New Yorker readers. “Çarsi is the last barricade. Çarsi keeps alive the hopes of the people in the resistance of Gezi Park,” he told me. “This resistance has inspired the leaders of Galatasaray and Fenerbahçe”—rival Istanbul soccer clubs—“to come together. Damn American imperialism to hell.” Fifteen minutes later, I got another text: “Pepper gas is the Besiktas fan’s perfume. Nobody can intimidate us”; and, shortly after that, “We are the soldiers not of the imam, but of Mustafa Kemal” (referring to Ataturk, the founder of the secular Turkish Republic).

Amazing picture from yesterday night in #Besiktas. #OccupyGezi twitter.com/Crypt0nymous/s…

— Anonymous (@Crypt0nymous) June 3, 2013

Sad to learn of Jean Stapleton's death, but it gives me an excuse to repost this picture of her with Alice Cooper: twitter.com/andyzax/status…

— Andy Zax (@andyzax) June 1, 2013

When I tell people how much I like pecans, some people are surprised. "Hey, I think this or that other nut is tastier than a pecan," they'll say. Well, okay, fine. That's your right.

My honest feeling, though, is that pecans are the third-best nut you'll find anywhere. You know how they say good things don't grow on trees? That's where they're wrong— pecans grow on trees. When you open the shell and eat them, they're good.

It's kind of hard to describe just how delicious pecans are. Imagine eating a pecan pie. Now imagine just eating the top layer, where the nuts are. Now imagine washing off all the sugar and stuff and just having the nuts to eat. That's sort of the taste you get when you eat a pecan. It's the flavor of a nut, that tastes mighty good. Don't take my word for it; try a pecan for yourself. "Scrumptious" is one adjective that might come to mind (about their taste).

Perpetually the pundits argue

"Pe-CAN." "No, pe-KAHN." It's hard to

Focus on the fact you ought to

Fry them up, you're using lard to

Make the flavor off the charts, you

Cannot resist, once you start to

Eat them up you will not want to

Ever stop because you got to

Swallow them before the frauds who

Denigrate them try to talk to

You, they're jealous as they watch you

Munching on without regard to

All the partisans because you

Know within your heart of hearts you

Picked the third-best nut and all you

Want to do's say "What's it called, boo?"

"Pecans! There's enough for all you!"

Previously

Pistachios Are the Fifth-Best Nut

Almonds Are the Fourth-Best Nut

[Photo: Thomas Quine/ Flickr]

A New Jersey man best known for naming his son Adolf Hitler is back in the news today for showing up at a custody hearing wearing a Nazi uniform.

Heath Campbell of Holland Township and his now-estranged-wife Deborah were first brought to the media's attention back in December 2008, when a ShopRite refused to put their son's name on a birthday cake.

Then-3-year-old Adolf Hitler and his two little sisters Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie were subsequently removed from their home by the New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services, and placed in foster care.

The state said there was sufficient evidence of abuse and neglect to warrant the measure, but the Campbells claimed the children were removed solely because of their names.

Heath was back in court today to petition a family court judge for the right to visit his youngest son, Hons.

The only Campbell child not given a Nazi-inspired name, Hons was picked up by state child services representatives just hours after he was born back in November 2011.

"I'm going to tell the judge, I love my children. I wanna be a father, let me be it," Campbell told NBC10. "Let me prove to the world that I am a good father."

Since losing custody of his children and separating from his wife, Campbell has kept busy by founding the pro-Nazi organization "Hitler’s Order."

He arrived in court this morning dressed in full Nazi regalia, and accompanied by a member of his organization, Bethanie White, who was also flashing Nazi signs.

Asked if he felt his choice of attire was appropriate given his situation, Campbell responded, "Well, if they’re good judges, and they’re good people, they’ll look within and not what’s on the outside."

[screengrabs via NBC10]

Photojournalist Rob Hart was among the 28 staffers laid off when the Chicago Sun-Times decided to get rid of its entire photography department last week. To busy himself, Hart has started a Tumblr, "Laid off from the Sun-Times," that offers a glimpse into what life is like as a freshly unemployed photojournalist.

"Rob Hart was replaced with a reporter with an iPhone," reads the blog's introduction, "so he is documenting his new life with an iPhone, but with the eye of a photojournalist trained in storytelling."

And how does Hart's new life look? Sometimes he uses his unemployment papers as a plate for cold pizza, apparently. Here's hoping it won't be long before he and his colleagues are documenting their fancy new jobs.

io9 Why do we sit through the brutality of Game of Thrones every week? | Gawker What Is Going on in Turkey and Do I Really Need to Care? | Kotaku One Author Breaks Down the Reality of Violent Games in the Media | Jezebel Cunnilingus, Cancer, Michael Douglas and You

Potential spoilers ahead: If you've already read the dead-wood edition of A Song of Ice and Fire, then you knew that carnage was coming on last night's episode of HBO's Game of Thrones.

If you've only been watching the show, then you had absolutely no clue that you were about to lose your fucking shit.

Fortunately, your book-reading friends did, and they were more than happy to record you going apeshit at the exact moment you joined them in the realization that George R. R. Martin will certainly be around to finish this book series because he is keeping himself alive by bathing in the tears of his fans.

[H/T: Reddit]

New York City's greatest rock venue—Maxwell's in Hoboken, N.J.—is shutting its doors because your youth inexorably slides away from you and nothing is familiar anymore.

Technology is now providing us with new and better ways to ignore our burdensome elders: "Elderly adults have a new best friend: robots."

A recent Singapore Airlines flight carrying 328 passengers and 28 crew members from Singapore to London was halfway through breakfast service when the plane experienced some unexpected turbulence and the "fasten seat belt" sign was turned on.

A minute later, according to passenger Alan Cross, the captain ordered flight attendants back to their seats, noting that the tone of his voice "was a bit odd."

Cross quickly learned why: The plane suddenly encountered severe clear-air turbulence, causing it to lose at least a hundred feet of altitude in seconds.

Needless to say, breakfast was on the house.

Cross told ABC News that "everything that wasn’t tied down, including a few people, hit the ceiling," and the food was everywhere.

Once it became safe to roam around, flight attendants quickly cleaned up the mess, and treated a few minor injuries.

There were no additional incidents during the flight's remained 10 hours, and, upon arrival, passengers were given individual boxes of chocolate, which Cross felt was "a nice touch."

[H/T: Consumerist, photos via Alan Cross/Instagram]

Ke$ha is "happy" that she drank her own pee on her reality show. This is what pride looks like in 2013.

Great news if you've been meaning to have a baby with Daniel Radcliffe for a while but have yet to broach the subject with him because you're worried he'll say no or won't know what a baby is or won't know who you are. (It's me, Daniel Radcliffe. The girl who lives in your cupboard. I'm ready to have a baby with you.) He is ready to have a baby with you. He's been waiting for you to ask him all along.

In a new interview with Time Out: London (excerpted by People), Radcliffe, who turns 24 next month, says he "definitely" wants to have a home full of children (BECAUSE THEIR TINY FINGERS ARE SO ADEPT AT STITCHING HIS FINE CRAVATES haha just kidding probably) and hopes "to get started on it" before he turns 30.

It's not exactly clear what Radcliffe means by "it" here: Does he want to already have a child by the time he turns 30? Does he want to have impregnated a human female by the time he turns 30? Does he want to have had sex with a woman by the time he turns 30? Does he want to move past a handhold by the time he turns 30? What does he want?

One thing he definitely (maybe) wants is a wife who is taller than him (he's 5'5) so that his offspring can "be good at sports," and just all-around superior human specimens.

Previous evidence (i.e. past girlfriends) suggests Daniel Radcliffe prefers women who have a body and a face. Nothing too fancy here.

He also told Time Out he loves getting beaten up.

"I love getting beaten up. I encourage people to just hit me."

So get out there and beat your way into his heart.

[Image via Getty]

To contact the author of this post, email caity@gawker.com.

Kaiser, a 2-year-old German Shepherd who has served valiantly as a member of the Plymouth (MA) Police Department's K-9 unit since he was five months old, had to be put down last week after a rapid decline in health due to a sudden onset of kidney disease.

The police dog's partner, Officer Jamie Lebretton, announced the sad news on the Plymouth Police Working Dog Foundation's Facebook page:

I feel privileged to have had a front row seat to witness his bravery and heroic actions while serving the people of Plymouth and my brothers and sisters in blue. Although his career was short lived, he made a huge impact that will never be forgotten. Kaiser loved being a Police Dog and I will miss him dearly. Out of love and respect for Kaiser, and with the input from our excellent vet, trainer, and family, I have made the heart wrenching decision to end Kaiser's suffering. K-9 Kaiser will be laid to rest this Friday at 1pm at Angel View Pet Cemetery in Middleboro.

Surrounded by his fellow officers, Kaiser was given a proper send-off as he entered the animal hospital for his final vet visit.

Following the ceremony, Officer Lebretton had a few more words for his fallen friend:

RIP my boy. I could not have asked for a better partner or friend. May you rest easy and wait for me at that sacred bridge. I will be there my friend. I will be there. I will never forget you or our accomplishments. You made me a better person, a better handler, and a better cop. Till we meet again kai. I love you and will miss you daily.

[H/T: Towleroad, photos via Facebook]

Spoiler alert.

This is from Maisie Williams' Vine. Click on it if it doesn't load automatically.

Paul Joseph Fronczak is not actually Paul Joseph Fronczak. Nor is he Scott McKinley. In fact, he has no idea who he is.

When a baby went missing from a Chicago hospital in 1964, a nationwide search for the baby yielded no answers. The baby was gone. A woman dressed as a nurse had asked to bring the baby to the see a doctor elsewhere in the hospital, and the baby, and the nurse, was never seen again.

But eighteen months later, a baby that was roughly the same age as the missing one in Chicago, was found on a street corner in Newark, New Jersey. After being taken in by an orphanage and named Scott McKinley, the FBI decided it had found the Chicago boy. After close study of a photograph of the boy and the baby, they decided the ears matched. The baby was given to the Fronczak's. So Scott McKinley became Paul Joseph Fronczak and stayed that way for 49 years.

While he was growing up, however, the young man came upon a box of clippings that were about the kidnappings. Suddenly, his features began to make a little more sense.

The Daily News writes,

Looking in the mirror, Paul had always long recognized his physical differences to his parents, them being Polish and Croatian, but until now he never had a possible reason for it.

After years of doubts, Paul Joseph Fronczak finally took a DNA test, and found out that biologically, he wasn't Paul Joseph Fronczak.

He broke the news to his elderly parents in an email:

"I am writing this email to you because this is something very important, and I feel that if I try to speak with you over the phone, you will not fully understand or listen. First, I am your son, and always will be. You and Dad have been wonderful parents, and have shaped me into the person I am today. I love you both and that will be forever.

"The DNA test results came back and it turns out that I am not your biological son; I am not the kidnapped baby that you had stolen from your arms on April 27th, 1964. This means that the real Paul Joseph Fronczak may still be out there, alive, not knowing who is. This also means that I do not really know who I am, how old I am, and my genetic background or heritage."

So now on the verge of fifty, Paul Joseph Fronczak is no closer to finding out who he is. He only knows that he was left on a street corner in Newark in 1965. He would still like to find the elderly Fronczak's actual son.

"I just think it would be really cool, if we actually found the real kidnapped baby," Paul told the Daily News. "It would be nice to have a happy ending for once."

[WCBS]

A second protester has died while participating in a demonstration in Turkey, this time from a gunshot wound.