Slate cites a deeply implausible statistic in an item about masturbation habits: "A 2010 survey found that 75 percent of 16- and 17-year-old boys had masturbated in the past year." Seventy-five percent, you say. The other 25 percent didn't have their writing hands free to answer the survey.

World's most insufferable atheist Richard Dawkins opened Saatchi & Saatchi's New Directors Showcase at Cannes last week with a brief speech on "memes," a term and concept he introduced in his 1976 book The Selfish Gene. While the first 5 minutes of Dawkins' lecture were pretty standard fare, the last 3 minutes and 47 seconds were some kind of seapunk/EDM/psychotropic mashup, complete with Dawkins coming out to do a quick ditty on an electronic woodwind instrument at the end.

"I'd rather spread memes than genes anyway," says Dawkins. Well, this was a good place to start.

An unlikely turf war took place over the weekend in Boston, if former heartthrob and Backstreet Boy's brother Aaron Carter is to be believed.

The now-25-year-old took to his Twitter account on Sunday to confirm the rumors that he had been jumped by several angry men who were allegedly members of Team New Kids on the Block.

It's true, I got my ass jumped last night. But I'm a soldier.. Errrrr

— Aaron Carter (@AARONCARTER) June 23, 2013

"I heard you’re doing a show here tomorrow. This is the town of the New Kids," one of the attackers reportedly shouted at Carter before the two sides danced.

Carter claims the four hangin' toughs got a few clean punches in before he made them face the music with his "6th degree black belt in Muay Thai."

Though he allegedly broke his knuckles in the scrap, Carter says he's not planning to file a police report because reporting crimes is "girlie."

"People think I'm a pretty little white boy but no way," he told TMZ. "I think I won. I'm still standing."

Back on Twitter, Carter called out New Kids' singer Jordan Knight, tweeting "this one of your homies? He got his ass handed to him last night but his boys got me."

A few hours later Carter tweeted that, despite the beef, he holds no grudges against Boston:

Stilling loving BEANTOWN!! #BostonStrong http://t.co/jRTGOPtbSH

— Aaron Carter (@AARONCARTER) June 23, 2013

Phew.

[H/T: Uproxx, screengrab via Intagram]

If you're anything like me, you don't need to be reminded that yet another record that shaped your musical upbringing is twenty fucking years old. But Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville was recorded in 1993, and it's a good thing because Jessica Hopper has pulled together an oral history for Spin that will make you forget all about whitechocolatespaceegg and send you careening back to the days when indie rock was a dude thing and girls didn't play guitar and a record by a young lady that mentioned sexy parts but also wasn't explicitly for dancing was novel enough to merit attention from NPR and ladies like Liz Phair were hanging out with Winona Ryder and Rosanna Arquette backstage at Beck shows (above).

Liz Phair: I remember some guy had come back to my apartment after the bars closed, and we were going to get high or something, and this happened a lot, and I took great pleasure in this. They'd be like, "Blah blah my music, I'm going to do this, blah blah." And then I would be like, "Oh, I'm recording a record too," and they'd be like, "Really?" I'd put it on and they'd be, like, "Oh my god, you really are recording a record." And that was always a proud moment, because I could blow them away because it was a totally good record.

It was indeed, a totally good record.

[Photo via Getty]

The New York Times' "Room for Debate" online feature is grappling with the news that Sushi Yasada Yasuda—where lunch bills seem to run in the triple figures—has implemented a no-tipping policy, because it pays its staff full salary and benefits, as is the "custom in Japan."

What about our American customs, though? Is it fair to deny the wait staff its traditional opportunity to indirectly negotiate for a living wage by putting on a show of diligence and subservience to the diners? Should diners be deprived of the power to unilaterally decide how much the restaurant workers get paid, if anything? Without making each day's compensation the sum of a series of unrelated arbitrary judgments, how can anyone be sure that workers can be trusted to do their jobs? If you go under 20 percent, are you a creep or a vital contributor to an important feedback process? Share your thoughts in the comments, please.

[Photo via Shutterstock]

A red panda missing from the National Zoo was found and captured in a bush in D.C.'s Adams Morgan neighborhood this afternoon. He was probably just after some Jumbo Slice.

On Sunday morning, Edward Snowden boarded an Aeroflot flight in Hong Kong, landing in Moscow more than 13 hours later. We think. The truth is, no one's quite sure where the NSA leaker is—Moscow? Havana? Quito? Reykjavik? (He's not on Aeroflot Flight 180, we know that much.) But we can reconstruct his movements—and speculate where he's headed.

This is an annotated map of Edward Snowden's Unexpected Journey. Click on the number for more information.

Where's Edward Snowden? As I write this, only a handful of people know exactly the location of the world famous NSA whistleblower, after he apparently ditched his flight from Moscow to Cuba last night. One of those people is Wikileaks founder Julian Assange. Snowden is "safe and healthy" and his "spirits are high," Assange told reporters begging for any scrap of information on a conference call this morning. It is this secret knowledge that has paradoxically thrust Assange's anti-secrecy outlet back into the media spotlight after a long period of decline. Now there's hints of another massive leak. Wikileaks is back, God help us all.

So, Mea Culpa: I was premature in dismissing Wikileaks' attempts to insert themselves into Snowden's NSA leak despite having nothing to do with it, having underestimated the electromagnetic pull Julian Assange has on nerdy male tech geeks like Edward Snowden. After Snowden approached Wikileaks for help, the group has come to occupy a central role in Snowden's escapades since he left Hong Kong, fleeing a U.S. request for extradition. Assange has successfully leveraged the connections he's made while attempting to avoid his Swedish rape case in Ecuador's London embassy to secure an asylum bid for Snowden in Ecuador. Now that Snowden's U.S. passport has been revoked, his continuing voyage seems to relies on a special document Ecuador has granted him to travel there, according to the Times. Wikileaks has footed the bill for Snowden's travel arrangements since he left Hong Kong, Assange revealed on the phone call. Assange even sent his ex-girlfriend and personal assistant, Sarah Harrison, along with Snowden on his odyssey.

We are witnessing the next phase of Wikileaks' evolution, from whistle-blowing outlet to a full-service travel agency for people who have pissed off the United States. Ecuador is its sweltering Club Med, and Snowden its celebrity client. In its new form, Wikileak's biggest asset remains Assange's gift for publicity—his ability to turn any story into a thrilling tale of Wikileaks-Versus-The-World, even while he's hampered by his government-mandated staycation in London. When asked today during the conference call how exactly Wikileaks hooked up with Snowden, he said, "As a result of the security situation we cannot talk about communications methods."

For his lack of transparency, he offered this dramatic explanation:

"If we lived in a different world, we would be able to go into those details. Unfortunately we live in a world, as revealed by Mr. Snowden, where most people's communications are intercepted by the NSA unlawfully."

Assange would not rule out the possibility that Snowden, who is reportedly travelling with four laptops replete with NSA secrets, might have provided Wikileaks with some of his unpublished material. (The Guardian's Glenn Greenwald told BuzzFeed he doubted this.)

As far as comebacks go, Wikileaks' is about as useful as Anthony Weiner's. The information ecosystem would be healthier without Julian Assange's spectacle sucking up all the oxygen, and the new excitement will probably further obscure the fact that Assange is a creepy fugitive from a sex crimes investigation whose crippled website is still running on the fumes of Bradley Manning's two-year-old document dump.

If Snowden actually wants to reveal more leaks he'd be better off going with his old media partners at the Guardian, or perhaps the no-nonsense information brokers of Cryptome. Wikileaks has always been defined by absurd ironies—The fact that an organization so devoted to transparency and free speech itself demonstrates extreme secrecy, and litigiousness, for example—which is probably inevitable for such an ego-driven operation. Its spectacular entrance into the Snowden story introduces a new one: Snowden's supporters cry that the focus should be on the massive NSA surveillance operations he exposed, not his personal story. Assange stressed this a number of times on his phone call today. But by aiding in Snowden's comically dramatic escape—and holding frequent conference calls with journalist to boast about it—Wikileaks has done more than anyone to keep the focus on Snowden. At least it will be something to watch.

No matter who you are or where you live, chances are your parents expect you to fix their computer for free.

It's as if the only reason you're even alive is because your parents were too cheap to pay for tech support.

Which is understandable, considering the kind of mistreatment they subject their computer to on a daily basis would no doubt cost more to fix than a new computer would cost to buy.

Well, being forced to be at her dad's beck and call since practically birth, one fed-up offspring has finally decided to do what most of us only dreamed of doing: She invoiced her father for services rendered.

Okay, so the invoice might have been sent from a billing department run by a suit-wearing beagle.

And the amount due is just one dinner at a Round Table pizzeria.

But the aggrieved — an honest-to-goodness tech support employee identified only as "your awesome daughter" — still managed to get a good dig in under the radar.

Concerning the labeling of her dad as "customer ID 9," she explains:

When I was younger I made up a road trip game and rule number 9 was "if dad doesn't understand, just ignore it". We still claim #9 for random nothings.

[H/T: Laughing Squid]

TMZ is reporting that basketball Hall of Famer and Michael Jordan sidekick Scottie Pippen has turned himself in to face charges of felony assault with intent to deliver bodily harm for allegedly kicking the fuck out of some dude. [Update: TMZ is now saying he wasn't arrested.] The incident happened last night outside a Japanese restaurant in Malibu, Calif.

Take it away, TMZ:

We're told Pippen repeatedly kicked the 50-something-year-old victim when he was down.

As one source put it, "He beat the f*** out of him."

According to witnesses, the fight started after the alleged victim approached Pippen for an autograph. We're told Pippen said no, and something happened to set off the fight.

A family member of the alleged victim tells us, he was released from the hospital this morning with broken teeth, a swollen mouth, as well as back and head injuries.

Update: TMZ has changed its initial story to say the following:

Law enforcement sources tell us, Pippen contacted authorities in Malibu moments ago. We're told police decided against arresting Pippen after speaking with him.

The investigation is ongoing.We had previously been told by law enforcement officials that Pippen had been arrested. That was not the case.

SCOTTIE PIPPEN FELONY ASSAULT SUSPECT After Alleged Knockout [TMZ]
SCOTTIE PIPPEN ARRESTED QUESTIONED BY POLICE [TMZ]

Photo credit: Getty

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful young woman, who flew east through the clouds following a series of vehicular crimes in order to develop a fashion line and a perfume line as well as many other exciting projects. Sadly, far away from the Pacific sun, her spirit hardened into something strange; a cold, bitter, angry thing, unrecognizable to the friends who had known only her light. A restless wraith, she glided through spas and shopping malls, over sidewalks and streets, eager to show herself but desperate not to be seen. People would catch flashes of her in mirrors, in pools of water, in out-of-the-way luxury hotels.

Maybe, one night, you too will see her. A breeze will blow in off the Hudson, sending a shiver through the warm summer air, and suddenly she'll be there, lit only by the moon's pale light. Maybe she'll watch you watch her. Maybe she'll say something to you: a warning, a plea, a question. Maybe she'll haunt your dreams.

What follows is a true telling of my interaction with Amanda Bynes, which took place late last Saturday night.

The part of New York City where my friends live always looks like it's just had the ribbon cut off it. It's quiet and it's safe and it's regularly power-washed. Walking around the sidewalks late at night feels like being locked after-hours in a particularly boring section of Disney World: Anonymous Business Park Kingdom.

As I walked alone late Saturday night, a famous hobgoblin from television and Twitter suddenly appeared there beside me.

It was about 1:30 in the morning when I left my friends' apartment. The party was moving to da club. I was headed home. I'd just sent one of the revelers a text, reminding him to make sure everyone checked out the supermoon before pouring themselves into cabs. That's when I realized there was someone walking behind me.

Phone in hand, I glanced back and saw a tall, thin figure with long blonde hair cascading down from underneath a baseball cap. "Gams for days," I would later text a coworker. (Along with "One of the creepiest moments of my life.")

Fuck, I thought, this crackhead's gonna mug me.

I stopped walking so that the mugger, who I believed might be a man in drag due to his great height, wouldn't be able to ambush me from behind. As the figure passed in front of me, I realized that the long blonde mane looked gnarled, like extensions or a wig. Wouldn't it be nuts if that were Amanda Bynes? I thought.

"Can you [mumble mumble]?" asked Amanda Bynes*, whipping around to face me.

Fuck, I thought, Amanda Bynes is gonna mug me.

"Sorry?" I asked. We were completely alone on a wide strip of sidewalk, bounded by roadways on either side. There were no cars driving by.

She took a step toward me.

"Can you not take my photo?" she repeated.

I looked down at the phone in my hand.

"I wasn't."

She seemed lucid. Her voice was clear, her tone: a little miffed but polite. If she hadn't been wandering around an abandoned sidewalk, wearing sunglasses even though it was almost 2 a.m., and interrupting strangers to tell them not to take her photo, I wouldn't have thought there was anything amiss with Miss A. Bynes.

After I revealed I was not taking photos of her, I wasn't sure how we'd proceed. I thought she might argue with me or make a lunge for the phone, as she has reportedly done in the past. I noticed she was cradling a tiny dog and wondered if she would put it down or just flail at me one handed. I wondered if I should use this opportunity to take a photo of her. I wondered how long it would be before another human being appeared in the vicinity.

Fortunately for me and the dog, Amanda Bynes was not in a fighting mood. She mumbled something to herself, then abruptly turned from me, wandered through a small patch of dirt, and crossed the street. I watched her teeter up the stairs to her hotel and disappear through its glass doors.

Rooted to the spot, I immediately phoned my friend Alex, whose apartment I had just left. "I feel like I just saw a witch," I told him.

"Did you take a photo?" he asked.

I should have.

*Note: Because I didn't ask for her ID, there's always the chance I was approached by a tall, paranoid, bewigged young woman with the voice of Amanda Bynes who was not Amanda Bynes. I'm confident it was.

[Art by Jim Cooke]

To contact the author of this post, email caity@gawker.com.

The L.A. coroner's office has ruled the death of a woman found in a hotel cistern as an accidental drowning with "other significant conditions, being bipolar disorder." The Toronto Sun reports authorities didn't explain how Elisa Lam got into the tank, from which guests drew water for days before she was found.

Hello, do you wonder what is the newest fashionable thing to wear this summer? You've come to right internet site (Gawker.com). We can now EXCLUSIVELY report that, according to other reports, the following things are the "hottest" fashions, this summer.

AMUSING AND POPULAR STYLES OF THIS SUMMER-TIME, VIA THE VERY LATEST NEWS-WIRE REPORTS FROM THE FASHION CENTRE OF MILANO

1. A SUIT JACKET FARCICALLY PAIRED WITH BERMUDA SHORTS, IN COLOR COMBINATIONS APPROPRIATE FOR THE GENTLEMAN CLOWN. "There are also plenty of two-tone versions with cranberry and teal the favorite combination."

2. THE GARB OF A FICTIONAL SWORDSMAN CREATED FOR A LONG-LOST CHILDREN'S TELEVISION PROGRAM. "Etro created noble looks inspired by the Mexican hero Zorro, replete with masks, sombreros and pointy boots, for next summer."

Please do not allow yourself to be caught outside without one of these two appropriate menswear options during the coming months.

[AP. Photo: Getty]

The gilded dust has settled across Cannes after last week's advertising Hajj, and by all indications, Tumblr's party was a hit! Drinks, palm trees, etc. But we weren't invited, and neither were you, so here's what it would've been like to attend Karp's fabulous French bar tab.

The company, which desperately needs to start making some money someday and ergo needs to start making ad exec friends, spent like a company that actually makes money, taking over Cannes social mainstay Gutter Bar. I know it's a "Cannes social mainstay" because I googled it, not because I'm dickhead.

It was a large party! Could large European expenditures be Tumblr's express lane to revenue?

Partying on the road outside Gutter Bar and Martinez. 3am or something. pic.twitter.com/nyX3YK7O

— Satbir Singh (@thesatbir) June 21, 2012

There was drinking.

Agency CCO literally in gutter outside Gutter bar. Junior snaps a picture, finds themselves promoted when picture vanishes. #agencylife

— Adland (@adland) April 12, 2013

Lots of drinking!

No lines at the Gutter Bar? #showusyourbling and we'll take care of that! #canneslions @LeoBurnett pic.twitter.com/0Ng5JWLwHU

— Lindsey Oglesby (@lindseypaige98) June 19, 2013

And the kind of entertainment that only Yahoo cash can get you:

Gutter bar shot! #cannesbingo RT @nelson_heidi: Only at Cannes - dancers on the roof next to Gutter Bar. pic.twitter.com/S59LaPJhPq

— Adland (@adland) June 17, 2013

But where was nouveau riche boy king David Karp, other than off insulting his staff? He created Tumblr, shouldn't he be at its party? He had better things to do, says the New York Post: "A lot of my friends have come to the Gutter Bar, but I have mostly been waving from across the road, sitting under a palm tree." By under a palm tree, he means at a better party:

The newly minted multi-millionaire was surrounded by women as he downed bottles of Dom Perignon Lumiere at jet set club Gotha, where Diddy spun records and performed until 4 a.m.

Probably what any of us would be doing, too.

Full House and Juicy J match up surprisingly well.

[YouTube via WSHH]

The NYC-based bike courier service Dutch Express bills itself as the city's "most reliable same day courier service." Unfortunately, as Dutch Express surely knows, swiftness often comes at a price — like, say, not thinking twice before sending out a promotional mailer that might be seen as racist by your potential clientele.

In an email blast sent to an unknown number of individuals and forwarded to Gawker by a tipster, Dutch Express tries to set itself apart from similar services that hire people to deliver packages on bicycles without taking into account such essential factors as physical appearance, accent, and heritage.

Are you also done with those messengers which (sic) look dirty, don’t speak proper English, Smell and don’t know how to behave in a corporate, retail or residential environment?

Try Dutch Express, all our messengers are clean neat, well-spoken and behaved individuals and dressed in very nice and clean Dutch Express outfits (Official bikers outfits).

Reached for comment, Dutch Express co-founder Marcus Hoed told Gawker to mind its own business.

"With all respect I have no idea who you are or what is your interest in the way I pitch my business!" Hoed wrote in an email. "My business is NO ONES (sic) business including you."

Asked if Gawker could take his response as confirmation that he was involved in penning the controversial mailer, Hoed replied, "Common (sic) Don’t be such a ‘Noudnik’… :)"

[photo via Dutch Express on Google+, thanks for the tip, Erin S.!]

Gizmodo You Can Finally Buy the Magical Spray That Waterproofs Everything | Gawker Awesome Daughter Fixes Dad's Computer, Sends Him Equally Awesome Bill | Kotaku This Real Life Version of Super Smash Bros. Looks Rad, Sounds Catchy | Jezebel The Mad Men Season Finale: Moment of Clarity

After six weeks of conservative handwringing about reports that the IRS was unfairly targeting Tea Party groups seeking tax-exempt status, the new head of the federal tax body is suggesting that it wasn't just right-wing groups being inappropriately scrutinized.

In previous days, some writers and pundits have attempted to make the case that liberal groups were also being subjected to heightened IRS examinations. But those protestations frequently fell on deaf ears in Washington. Senator Rand Paul, for instance, claimed in an interview he'd heard tell of a secret memo that sought out groups being "critical of the president." "[W]e keep hearing the reports and we have several specifically worded items saying who was being targeted," he told CNN. "In fact, one of the bullet points says those who are critical of the president."

In a conference call with reporters today, Danny Werfel, head of the IRS since last month, said that while he has found inappropriate targeting in the organization, it's broader in scope than previously thought. What's more, an internal IRS document obtained by the Associated Press says groups with "occupy" and "progressive" in their names were some of those to fall under the tax man's watchful eye:

An internal IRS document obtained by The Associated Press said that besides "tea party," lists used by screeners to pick groups for close examination also included the terms "Israel," ''Progressive" and "Occupy." The document said an investigation into why specific terms were included was still underway.

[...]

"There was a wide-ranging set of categories and cases that spanned a broad spectrum" on the lists, Werfel said. He added that his aides found those lists contained "inappropriate criteria that was in use."

Besides saying they ensnared more groups than previously thought, Werfel also suggested that the IRS' so-called "be on the lookout" lists were in use longer than had first been reported—though they are now suspended.

The IRS chief's statements come on the heels of an 83-page review of his agency in which he assesses its faults and offers correctives for the future. Werfel said that thus far his review turned up no evidence of "intentional wrongdoing" by IRS employees. Nonetheless, he did acknowledge that the managers at every level who'd overseen the lists had been replaced: "We believe that these individuals should no longer hold a position of public trust within IRS, and therefore we've replaced the leadership in those areas."

[Image via AP]

Good news! The new strain of the bird flu is less deadly than the previous strain. It will only kill 36 percent of people sick enough to be hospitalized, which is pretty good compared to the previous strain's 70 percent fatality rate.

A 46-year-old man was arrested Friday for assaulting a college security guard, after the guard had to gall to interrupt the man, who was dressed as a woman, from snapping pictures inside a student-only area in a female dorm.

According to police, Rodney Kenneth Petersen's attempts to enter the student section of a female dorm at Loma Linda University on June 4 were thwarted by staff members, who notified security. As Petersen walked/fled to his car, he was confronted by security guard, who Petersen proceeded to run over with his car.

An investigation by the San Bernardino County Sherriff's department revealed that Petersen had repeatedly dressed as a woman to gain access to “female-only facilities" at several other California schools, where he would then secretly take pictures of female students with a cell phone stashed in his purse.

Petersen was arrested on charges of assault with a deadly weapon and released on bail the next day.