Bad news, patriots: According to a new UN study, America is no longer the most obese country among more populous nations. That honor, which, according to another study, Americans held as recently as March, now belongs to Mexico.

Roughly 70 percent of Mexicans are overweight and almost one-third are obese. Nearly a third of Mexican teenagers are also obese, a number that has tripled in the last decade alone. The vast majority of those teenagers will remain overweight for their entire lives, the study said, which could lead to weight-related health issues such as diabetes. As many as 70,000 people in Mexico die each year from diabetes, a number "roughly equal to the deaths authorities say are caused by more than six years of the country's gangland wars."

"The same people who are malnourished are the ones who are becoming obese," said physician Abelardo Avila with Mexico's National Nutrition Institute. "In the poor classes we have obese parents and malnourished children. The worst thing is the children are becoming programmed for obesity. It's a very serious epidemic."

But don't worry: America is ranked right behind Mexico, with 31.8 percent of its population classified as obese, followed by New Zealand (26.5%), Chile (25.1%) and Australia (24.6%).

This post has been updated to clarify that Mexico has the highest rates of obesity among more populous countries. According to the study, Nauru, a small island in the South Pacific, has an obesity rate of 71.1%, the highest of any country.

[FAO/Image via Getty]

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com

"First and foremost, I want to everyone to know how happy I am to be home": So opens a newly released video of Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight in their first appearance since their rescue two months ago from a decade of captivity in a Cleveland home.

All three women, who were allegedly kidnapped, held, beaten and raped by 52-year-old Ariel Castro in his house on Seymour Avenue, appear happy and healthy, smiling at the camera as they express gratitude for the support shown them by the public. "Everyone who has been there to support us has been a blessing," Berry says, appearing to read from a statement.

In the video Nancy DeJesus, Gina's mother, who also appears in the video alongside Gina's father, thanks the Cleveland Courage Fund, a trust fund to help the women—and Berry's daughter, born in captivity—transition back into normal life. The fund has raised more than a million dollars so far.

The video was released at midnight by Hennes Paynter Communications, the PR firm hired by the victims' families.

Castro, currently in custody, faces charges of aggravated murder—relating to the termination of one woman's pregnancy—and is awaiting additional charges.

The Muslim Brotherhood, 51 supporters of whom were killed by the army on Monday in what increasingly looks like an unprovoked massacre, have—surprise!—rejected the interim president's timetable for elections next year.

Investigators scrutinizing the events leading up to Saturday's Asiana Airlines plane crash in San Francisco are examining the behavior of the pilots in the minutes leading up the crash—during which the Boeing 777 was flying at a dangerously low rate.

The crash killed two teenage passengers from China and injured another 180 people. Just before it crashed, the plane was traveling 39 miles below the target speed of 158 mph.

National Transportation Safety Board Chairwoman Deborah Hersman revealed new details yesterday—the plane was flying at just 119 miles per hour before the accident, which is 25 percent slower than normal speeds for descent. The investigation will focus on why the pilot crew allowed the speed to decrease for such a long time, as well as why the pilots did not take any action until two seconds before impact.

At a news conference in San Francisco on Sunday, Hersman said that a stall warning had sounded four seconds before the plane crash. She also emphasized that there was "no prior distress call" from the plane's crew.

The pilot at the controls, Lee Kang-kuk, was in training, with only 43 hours flying a Boeing 777. This was his 9th training flight and the first flight into the San Francisco airport. According to industry experts, a large portion of the pilot's 43 hours would have been logged onto a 777 simulator, rather than an actual plane—if Asiana follows global industry standards. Additionally, he would have been under supervision by a training captain.

All four pilots are being questioned as part of the investigation.

Hersman stressed that the method of flying and the use of controls needed to be examined before any conclusions could be made. In a CNN interview, Hersman said, "I think it really is too early to conclude pilot error because there's so much that we don't know."

The two young women who died, Ye Mengyuan and Wang Linjia from the eastern Chinese province of Zhejiang, were on their way to summer camp in California. It is still unclear whether one of the two young woman was run over by an approaching rescue vehicle after the crash, as has been speculated. The San Francisco Fire Department Chief Joanne Hayes White stated yesterday:

"We have information and evidence to suggest that one of our fire apparatus came into contact with one of the victims at the scene. We're working closely with the NTSB as they conduct their investigation, particularly on this aspect."

[image via AP]

Because the New York restaurant grading system is "inconsistent, capricious, and costly," the City Council proposed new bills that will reduce fines, grade on fewer violations, and increase opportunities for restaurants to contest their rating. Gold stars for showing up! Stickers for a positive attitude!

Beer-swilling Americans, globally regarded as the very Platonic ideal of refinement and taste, are renowned for their refined palates. They certainly are not the type of people to sit around on the back bumper of a pickup truck and drink themselves senseless on literally any form of alcoholic liquid no matter how disgusting while ranting about unfavored sports teams. So it is newsworthy to report that this group of gourmets is now being enticed to drink their beer out of a humble can.

Shocking? Perhaps. Yet it appears that American booze epicureans are now—thanks to futuristic advancements—becoming more willing to guzzle their Miller Lite not from champagne flutes, but from metal cans. Ad Age reports that our nation's greatest drunk scientists are pioneering revolutionary can technologies, such as Sam Adams' can "with an extended lip and hourglass ridge at the top to enhance aromatics and expel carbonation."

And some people believed we'd never go to the moon.

The pioneering beer delivery refinements don't stop there:

Bud Light will pilot test one this summer with a vent under the tab to reduce "glug." Likewise, Coors Light recently announced a can with a double-vented wide mouth. This follows Miller Lite's "punch top" cans, introduced last year with a second hole to be opened with objects such as a house key or golf tee.

If party scientists are able to reduce glug, who's to say that any barriers are impossible to overcome? One day, perhaps, Americans may even be enticed to consume thinly fried potatoes from a plastic bag. One can dream.

[Ad Age. Photo: Flickr]

It's been almost exactly one year since Seth Collins started his quest to honor his late brother Aaron's dying wish: "Leave an awesome tip (and I don’t mean 25%. I mean $500 on a fucking pizza) for a waiter or waitress."

Aaron, who passed away at 30 of an apparent suicide, intended for his wish to be a one-time thing.

But a donation page the family set up to help them fulfill the unusual request saw funds pour in after the original video went viral, and Seth soon found himself with over $60,000 earmarked for tips.

So he decided to expand his brother's final act of generosity to all fifty states.

"It only seemed fair once I started thinking about that to try to give back to as many places as I could," Seth told NPR's Weekend Edition.

You can follow along at Aaron's Last Wish as Seth travels around the country bringing joy to food service employees one gratuitously generous tip at a time.

Seth says that once he reaches the end of his 4-month road trip (partial schedule here) he plans to just keep going until all the donated money is gone.

For the sake of humanity, let's hope Seth never stops driving.

[H/T: Consumerist, photo via Tina Rae Collins (Aaron left, Seth right)]

Some 30,000 inmates across two-thirds of California's prisons launched a hunger strike on Monday, refusing meals and skipping work and classes in a protest, organized by inmates at Pelican Bay State Prison in northern California, against unjust isolation practices.

Edward Snowden, the ex-contractor who leaked NSA documents to the Guardian and Washington Post, has accepted Venezuela's offer of asylum, AFP reports. Update: Or maybe not! The tweet cited by AFP has been deleted.

The average rent of an apartment in America is just over $1,000 per month. But do you know how much the average rent is in New York City. Do you? DO YOU? TOO MUCH.

"$3,017 a month, according to new market data."

That is more than a thousand dollars a month more than fucking San Francisco.

If it makes you feel any better, NYC developers are doing everything they can to increase the supply of "superluxury condos."

And don't even think about trying to buy.

More than one in five New Yorkers are below the poverty line. Every new impoverished citizen is one less competitor for that perfect apartment!

Until they rob you.

:(

[Photo: sakeeb/ Flickr]

Egypt's interim president has appointed a new prime minister: Hazem El-Beblawi, the country's former finance minister. Mohamed ElBaradei, the Nobel-winning diplomat who was incorrectly reported as the new prime minister on Saturday, will be deputy president for foreign affairs.

Recently released footage showing a Michigan woman casually and callously attempting to hire a hitman to kill her husband reveals her alleged motive: "It was easier than divorcing him."

Julia Merfeld, 21, of Muskegon met with the hitman — in reality, an undercover detective — twice in early April of this year in an effort to solicit his services.

She was arrested following the second meeting.

Merfeld previously approached a co-worker, Carlos Ramos, with the same request, but was turned down. Ramos, who initially thought Merfeld was kidding, eventually tipped off the cops.

In the video, secretly recorded by the Michigan State police detective, Merfeld says she and her 27-year-old husband were getting along well enough, but she wanted to make a "clean getaway," and putting a hit on him "was easier than divorcing him."

"You know, I didn’t have to worry about the judgment of my family, I didn’t have to worry about breaking his heart, all that stuff like this," she told the fake hitman.

According to authorities, Merfeld was also after her spouse's $400,000 life insurance.

Once the deed was done, Merfeld promised to pay the hitman $50,000 in weekly installments of $9,000 to avoid suspicion.

At a court appearance on June 27th, Merfeld pleaded guilty to solicitation of murder; her sentencing date has been set for July 30th.

Shockingly, Merfeld's husband asked Chief Muskegon County Circuit Judge William C. Marietti not to give his wife any prison time, but the judge dismissed his request, saying instead he was willing to lower the minimum sentence to six years from the state's request of seven.

That does not necessarily mean Merfeld is about to get off light. Marietti could still sentence her to the maximum: Life in prison.

[screengrab via Mlive]

"Rooting for this man in 2013 is like rooting for Pfizer. Or PepsiCo. Or PRISM." Chris Richards' review of Jay-Z's new album is ferociously accurate.

It was just over a year ago that I wrote a post here at Deadspin outing comedian Mike Burns as the man behind @DadBoner, one of the most popular Twitter feeds ever devised. If you're unfamiliar, the @DadBoner universe centers on the labors of a heroically optimistic Michigan man who lives in his car and who loves Bob Seger, cold ones, and bold flavors.

A lot of people were pissed about that doxxing ("You ruined Santa Claus" was a common hate tweet), including Burns himself. But time has passed, and @DadBoner's got himself a fancy new book coming out today, so recently Burns and I traded emails about the outing, the character of Karl Welzein, and life in general. We've edited the exchange a little for length and clarity.

Drew: I guess my first official question, of course, is, uhhhh… sorry about that. Are you pissed at us forever?

Mike Burns: Not at all. WAS I pissed when you wrote those articles? Slightly. It was really just fun, more than anything else, day drinking with my friends and watching the reactions play out in the feed. And, of course, there's no such thing as bad publicity. You did, however, cause a death in the family. [Note: After being outed, Burns "killed" a character in the DadBoner universe named Peanut.]

Found Homeless Peanut dead inside the 'Bring this mornin'.

— Karl Welzein (@DadBoner) March 12, 2012

Drew: I know! The thing I liked about the whole Peanut incident is that you managed to respond to it in character, and it was convincing. Deep down, I was like, "Well, shit, if he can off Peanut for this, he could come for me."

Mike: I was worried more that a psychotic fan would come after you. I can't say I didn't enjoy the "hand of God" aspect with Peanut's death. Also, I looked at the whole scenario as a writer's game. Could I create a story within a fake world that would trump a real-life article? I did, but in the process I proved that Peanut was a more popular "human being" than I was. It actually made me really sad to kill off Peanut. Like, tears-welled-up sad. He was the fucking best. That blood is on your hands, Magary. (I should also note, that for about a half an hour that day, the plan was for Karl to find Dave hanging in his room.)

Drew: Since you have so much invested in Karl, do you ever get jealous of him? Do you ever feel like, "This fucker is getting all the credit!"?

Mike: No, I never get jealous. If anything would make me get that way, it'd be his optimism and positive attitude in the face of horrible circumstances.

Drew: Is Karl a useful way for you to deal with problems you have in your real life? Are there issues that Karl deals with in a light-hearted way that reflect some of your own personal demons? Women? Boozing?

Mike: I've definitely had moments where I "drank with Karl." Friday or Saturday morning gettin' shithoused listening to the same music he's playing on "WLZN." There've been whole chunks of the storyline where I woke up in the morning and thought, "Jesus Christ, I made him do WHAT?" And sure, I've written things out of personal frustrations with women and my professional career, as revenge against shitty bosses by basing characters on them, anger toward advertisements, and just plain old debaucherous fantasy sequences.

But a good portion of shit that happens in the feed is based on actual things that I've done or my friends have done. For instance, when Vernon got stabbed, that was after I got jumped in Echo Park by two gangbangers and was stabbed twice in the scuffle, an inch away from my spine. I was paying like $200 a month to live on my buddies' couch at the time, in almost a parallel life of filth and drunkenness. Most of the second year of @DadBoner was written from that couch where I chain-smoked on the balcony and matched Karl cold one for cold one, give or take a few. When Karl was on MDMA, I was rolling. Stuff like that. Also, 90 percent of the characters are named after friends of mine. And the speech patterns are authentic. Like, Crazy Cooter. I've known three or four "Crazy Cooters." The things he says and does in the storyline aren't exaggerations.

Drew: Do you consider yourself a pessimistic person? How much worse is your attitude toward life compared to Karl's?

Mike: I wouldn't say I'm pessimistic, although my mantra has been known to be, "Can't have nothin', tryin' to get somethin." When I blurt it out in a poor-kid-from-the-1920s voice, I'm only half-joking. But when I accept failure openly, I'm trying to be positive about it. For me, it makes life simpler and easier to deal with, knowing that most of the time, shit just ain't gonna work out the way you planned or wanted it to.

In the long run, these things are for the best. For example, I'm divorced. It completely crushed me as a person when it happened. It wasn't ideal, but I believe my life took a better path because of it. Karl is optimistic to a big fat fucking fault. It is his greatest flaw, and also his superpower.

Drew: You said that the breakup crushed you when it happened. Why?

Mike: My wife was my best friend. And we had just moved from Chicago to New York together so I could pursue comedy further. A month after, she went back. So I was there by myself, in an apartment I couldn't afford, and I didn't really know anyone in the city. I spent endless hours in bars alone. They're comforting. I fucking love a dark dive bar on a Sunday afternoon. $5 rail shots and cheap beers 'til you're completely sure your Monday is gonna be a hard bitch to kiss on the mouth.

But I guess the real reason I was crushed was that I failed at something. The disappointment in myself was unbearable. And I felt like I let my family down. Divorce isn't an easy pill to swallow with absolutely no support system other than the bottom of a bottle.

Drew: Did the boozing ever get out of control? Rehab, AA, etc?

Mike: COMPLETELY out of control? No. Excessive? Yes. I'm not an alcoholic. Wait, that's what alcoholics say. But I've never NEEDED to drink. Problem is, I don't get stomach-sick from booze while I drink, or in the morning. I don't get headaches from it, either. I don't get "hung over." If I was partying, the only time I'd physically need to stop drinking is when I'd go to sleep. My aftereffects from booze all came from crippling anxiety—which is a thousand times worse—but that's a whole other article.

I've never really needed rehab or AA. I have, however, needed to "get my shit together." That comes with being a comedian who drinks. There are times when you have to "get your shit together," or you might not ever have the chance to. I'm no longer the maniac drinker I once was, nor will I ever be one again. For example, on the Fourth of July, I had maybe 6 drinks and ate a bunch of mushrooms and smoked some weed. Responsibly. This is instead of having 30 to 50 drinks from 10 a.m.-3 a.m., alongside mushrooms, weed, Adderall, Molly, waking up on someone's floor in Venice wrapped in egg-crate foam, finding any full beers that drunks opened and forgot to drink, pounding those, then going on a bender for three more days. I'm much happier.

Drew: I have to follow up and ask about your crippling anxiety. What is it? Why is there? How does it manifest itself?

Mike: It's hard to describe well to someone who hasn't had anxiety issues. But if you do have anxiety issues, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. The closest I've gotten is: You know, in Seven, when Brad Pitt screams, "What's in the box?!" Well, it feels like that, except there's no box at all, and Gwyneth Paltrow isn't decapitated. You just feel hyper-aware of everything going on in your body, and like you're going to die. Like, you really believe you're going to die. No matter what anyone tells you, you're pretty sure death will come in the next hour or so. Then you can't sleep. And it gets worse as you get more and more exhausted, trying to find that perfect balance of Bud Light and water that'll put you to sleep and hit your reset button on life. It can take days for that to happen, for the chemicals in your brain to even out, so you just feel normal. As I get older, that takes longer and longer. So now, I don't hit it as hard. But if you had seen me in public, you never would have known. I had learned to control it—physically, at least.

Some people's brains just have chemical imbalances that make them depressed, manic, or anxious. When I was younger, I went through a period when it was much worse and took Zoloft, Ativan, etc. Those drugs turned me into a robot, and it was very difficult to be creative or productive on them. Most creative activity—music, writing, stand-up comedy—stems from periods of happiness or sadness, not feeling "even."

I weaned myself off those drugs with beer. Now I'm weaning off alcohol with healthy shit like exercise and prayer. Yeah, I fuckin' pray. It's not to a god or anything. And if there is a God, one I don't believe in—or do I? Fuck it. I believe in God now. It's not hurting anything—then I'm still ahead of the rest of you. Have fun in hell, assholes. I guess some people call it meditation. I'm a non-practicing Catholic, so I call it "praying to myself." Is "praying" still cool? Man, I remember when all the babes just creamed for a big-time prayer guy. Fuck, am I gonna come off as "churchy" now? Look, guys, I'm still cool! (pounds fifth of Maker's while tuggin' one off)

Drew: I think that one of the reasons that I love the feed is because Karl's life is inherently sad. His wife is gone. His employment is always in question. He drinks too much. And he's kind of fooling himself into believing that he's a rebel. Book deal aside, do you feel as if your own life is BETTER than Karl's? Or do you feel trapped in similar circumstances but without the kickass attitude to deal with it (or the right mindset to trick yourself into thinking you're dealing with it)?

Mike: I don't know if my life is better than Karl's. On paper? Sure. I live a very happy life filled with incredible friends, a roof over my head, a pick-up truck, a couple pairs of fresh Air Jordans, and enough money to afford a beer or a cheeseburger if I'd like one. (Sometimes. Other times I have to buy my blood-thinner medication from Walmart with laundry quarters because my checking account is overdrawn because I bought fucking Air Jordans. This happened last week.) I also met Billy Gibbons once and got to talk to him for about 15 minutes. But happiness is all perception. And I'd say Karl's perception allows him to be happier more often than I do. I do envy that, and sometimes live vicariously through it.

Drew: Do you write the feed for Ann Welzein, Karl's estranged wife?

Mike: Nope. Don't know who does. Actually, I think it might be a guy named Conor Lastowka. I don't know him, but maybe a year or two ago, he wrote easily the most insightful piece on @DadBoner up to that point, and maybe ever. It was the first time I thought, "Holy shit. Maybe some people actually get that this isn't just all toilet jokes." I was so flattered that he took the time to craft such a well-written piece.

Drew: Were there moments from your divorce that made it into Karl's marital troubles? Is that a way of helping you work it out?

Mike: I was long over my divorce when I started writing DadBoner. But it did help me create a realistic relationship demise. All that pettiness and passive aggression. Your ugly parts get uglier. Of course, as opposed to the Welzeins, my divorce didn't involve fights over "who ate the kid's Lunchables."

Drew: OK, so now DadBoner is gonna be a book. You've experimented with his voice in longform with Vice. But this is a whole book. Are you confident Karl's voice works in any length, or is this all a bit terrifying?

Mike: I'm 100 percent confident. And I think this form is better. It's the way the story was meant to be. There will be people who will say it isn't better as a book. There will be people who will say it sucks. There are also people who say Kate Upton is fat. I think the book is great, and Kate Upton is goddamn perfect.

What I love about the book is the intimacy. It's just you, and the story Karl Welzein is telling you. DadBoner is fun in the context of the internet. But the dynamic changes when you're reading his story alone, looking into his private journal by yourself, without the ability to RT things or "fav" them. There's no cyber handholding. It gives more weight to the comedic moments, as well as the extremely sad ones, because there's more time to digest them without the distraction of everything in the world at your disposal. Jesus, did I just explain how "books" work? I mean, books, am I right?! The shit's totally all just in your head. It's pretty fucked-up and scary as a notion, folks.

I also love that Karl's language evolves as he wanders further into the funhouse. His speech pattern changes slowly, and I kept that as accurate as possible. There are popular catchphrases that didn't even make it into the book's timeline because he hadn't invented them yet. Like, early married Karl doesn't say "celebraish." It may have been the hardest part of writing the book; going back and recreating his speech pattern and language from three years ago, while writing current storylines on the Twitter feed in a completely different style.

Drew: Your old avatar: Do you miss it? Was the real guy in that photo pissed?

Mike: The real guy? I'm not sure. I just know Twitter took it down because it wasn't my "property." It never went further than that. I got lucky that the storyline just happened to have a way to unveil a new avatar without having to address it directly. I don't miss the old avatar as much as I miss the old Karl Welzein. Things were simpler then. All he wanted was to sneak some of the kids' snacks that were supposed to be for "lunches only," shoot nine on Saturday, and have a few cold ones while he watched the ball game. Now he lives in his car. Kinda concerning?

Drew: Back to the book: People like the feed because of its restraint. You never replied to people. You followed accounts that Karl would like to follow. It must have taken a lot of willpower for you to stay in character the whole time. Do you feel conflicted now that you have to break those rules in order to capitalize on DadBoner's popularity? Some people were pissed you did a sponsored tweet.

*PROMOTED LIFE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY* POWER MOVES: Livin' The American Dream, USA Style, available for pre-order at http://t.co/P6Hii4Ynbt

— Karl Welzein (@DadBoner) June 23, 2013

Mike: It's never really that difficult to stay in character, because of those "rules." No replies, no RTs, no @s. Just telling the story is easy. Also, Karl isn't even on Twitter. He's just writing this shit down at home. Most people don't get that. The feed is a fishbowl.

Here's the deal with the newly bent "rules": The storyline remains unbroken, and the feed is written the same as before with VERY OCCASIONAL promotional tweets that I treat like commercials. And, those "sponsored tweets" aren't sponsored at all. I put them up for free to promote strictly @DadBoner-related ventures including the live events, side articles, and the book. I use phrases like "*PROMOTED INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY*" because I'm making fun of promoted tweets. It's a joke. Apparently, some people don't get that.

And I've never taken a dime for a product endorsement. Yet I still get shit from fucking basement-dwelling morons for using the fucking @DadBoner feed to promote fucking @DadBoner shows. What would be a better place to let @DadBoner fans know about things? Telephone poles on Sunset Blvd.? Those shows are for fans. They're not to make a pile of money. And they're so much fun. Everyone yells, and swears and drinks beer and we all laugh together at dick and shit jokes. I'm sorry to use a Karl term, but it's a "celebraish" driven by hilarious comedian friends of mine, or ones I admire. If you don't like that, if you don't think that's fun, and it ruins things for you, then you can fuck off and go be bitter. Don't read the feed anymore. No one cares. It's just Twitter.

Regarding the book, another thing I don't think people understand when they accuse me of selling out: Writing a book doesn't make you shit for money relative to the time it takes. For all the hours I spent on it, I would've been better off working at a coffee shop. I wanted the Karl character to write a book because I think that's hilarious, and I think it's a very cool thing. The book, the article, it's just more Karl. Again: Don't like it? Don't read it. And, yes, I do feel conflicted. Every time I have to promote something, it hurts and upsets me. So I occasionally yell at people in my life who don't deserve it, and I'll think about throwing a chair through my window. Happened today. But you have a responsibility to promote things the best you can when people are nice enough to believe in you and help you publish a book. For which I'm very grateful.

Drew: What made you want to throw a chair through a window?

Mike: I had to do a Reddit AMA, as well as a few other things.

When I complain to someone on the business side of the book about risking the feed's integrity, I don't get much sympathy. It's always met with a guilt-inducing "Well, it'd be a shame to let this possible opportunity pass you by." They don't understand how much I've grown to love the character over the past three years and how it actually hurts me to change the organic nature of the project.

I don't blame them for not understanding. It's INSANE to actually stay up at night, in bed, worrying about a fake person that you made up. If someone complained to me about something of the sort, they'd probably be met with, "Who cares? Shut the fuck up, weirdo." I should mention that since I began my response to this question, I did the Reddit AMA—as Karl—and it was a lot of fun relieving my lack-of-interaction blue balls. 99 percent of the people were incredibly nice, played along, and asked a lot of questions I didn't actually remember the answer to. These usually pertained to something I wrote while I was drunk.

What almost got the chair thrown threw the window was when I was asked if I would tweet at someone of note in exchange for "possibly showin' some love back." I'd had enough at that point. Instead of the chair, I opted for some Indian food and lifting weights like a psycho. I also just quit smoking, which may have a small effect on these moments of rage.

Sorry, was that shit too long?

Power Moves: Livin' the American Dream, USA Style is now available at www.karlwelzein.com. Karl Welzein tweets @dadboner.

Gawker And Now, a Few More Stories From Wal-Mart Employees | Deadspin How I Made @DadBoner (And How @DadBoner Made Me A Better Man) | Gizmodo Dropbox Just Changed Everything About How You Use Apps | Kotaku Gaming's Greatest Unsung Heroine

Texas senators began hearing public testimony yesterday on the recently revived anti-abortion bill SB 1.

The bill, which would force the closure of all but six abortion clinics throughout the state and make abortions illegal after 20 weeks, was killed last month thanks to Sen. Wendy Davis's filibuster-heard-round-the-world, but was resurrected with a vengeance by Gov. Rick Perry less than 24 hours later.

But just because the bill is all but guaranteed to pass this time around doesn't mean opponents can't speak out against it.

Or does it?

A Central Texas resident Sarah Slamen brought down the hammer of citizen justice on the Senate Health and Human Services Committee's anti-choice members with an excoriation for the ages — until she was unceremoniously shut down by Chairwoman Jane Nelson (R) mid-speech, and then dragged away by four DPS Troopers.

Asked by Daily Kos if she received an explanation as to why she was thrown out of the chamber before her time elapsed, Slamen said she did not:

Senator Jane Nelson tried to say I was being disrespectful but how would she know? I barely got to give the complete performance review of every member on the committee. Pointing out that Sen. Donna Campbell is an ophthalmologist is not disrespectful when she asserts in a state hearing that she should be THE expert on reproductive health. What was disrespectful was the parade of anti-choice zealots and misogynists who got up for 13 hours and called women murderers, killers, promiscuous, thoughtless, and selfish. Not a peep from committee chair Nelson on those.

Regardless of where public opinion ultimately falls, Texas legislators look hellbent on passing the abortion bill this time around, with House members planning to vote on their version as early as today.

[H/T: Dangerous Minds]

Elisabeth Hasselbeck, The View's resident right-wing shouting head, is ankling the ABC kaffeeklatsch to take her rightful place on Fox News. She'll be joining Fox & Friends as a replacement for Gretchen Carlson, who is getting her own show.

In October 2009, the St. Joseph's Hospital in Syracuse ruled a woman dead and, with the permission of the woman's family, prepared to remove her organs for donation. Then, as she was on the operating table, surrounded by doctors and hospital staff, the woman opened her eyes. She was alive.

Colleen Burns had overdosed from a combination of Xanax, Benadryl, and muscle relaxers several days before. The combination of drugs caused Burns to slip into a deep coma, which doctors at the hospital mistook for her being brain dead. The hospital staff notified Burns's family and prepared to remove her organs, according to document obtained by The Post-Standard under New York's Freedom of Information Law.

However, there were some warnings that Burns was not actually dead prior to her awakening in the OR; the day before the surgery was to take place, a nurse performed a reflex test on Burns's foot. Burn's toes curled downward. She also appeared to be breathing on her own, without the help of the respirator.

"Dead people don't curl their toes," said Dr. Charles Wetli, a nationally known forensic pathologist out of New Jersey. "And they don't fight against the respirator and want to breathe on their own."

The nurse reportedly warned doctors, but she was ignored.

The state health department found several other oversights by the hospital staff, including a lack of proper brain scans, a lack of drug tests, and, of course, the small issue of ignoring the nurse who said Burns was not actually dead.

When Burns awoke in the operating rooms, doctors realized she had been in a deep coma, and had not suffered “cardiac death,” as they initially determined.

"They were just kind of shocked themselves," Burns's mother, Lucille Kuss, told the Post-Standard. "It came as a surprise to them as well." Kuss also said the doctors offered no explanation as to how the mistake happened.

The hospital was eventually fined $6,000 for the incident and criticized by the federal Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services for not launching any sort of internal inquiry until after the state launched an investigation. The hospital was also ordered to hire a neurologist to train staff on how to accurately diagnose brain death.

Tragically, Burns committed suicide 16 months after the incident. "She was so depressed that it really didn't make any difference to her," her mother said.

[via New York Daily News]

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com

Ahmed Samir Assem was one of the 51 people killed on Monday when Egyptian soldiers began firing on a crowd gathered outside a Republican Guard building. But unlike the other victims, many of whom were supporters of deposed President Mohamed Morsi, Assem was a photographer for Egypt's Al-Horia Wa Al-Adala newspaper. Now there are reports he captured the last moments of his life while doing his job.

Exactly what happened to initiate Monday's slaughter is a matter of contention. Morsi supporters say the military opened fire on peaceful protesters, while the military says demonstrators were storming its building. Regardless, the Muslim Brotherhood has begun using this video as evidence that snipers on the roof were firing on innocents.

Some of Assem's colleagues confirmed his death to the Daily Telegraph:

"At around 6am, a man came into the media centre with a camera covered in blood and told us that one of our colleagues had been injured," said Ahmed Abu Zeid, the culture editor of Mr Assem’s newspaper, who was working from a facility set up next to the Rabaa al-Adawiya mosque, about a mile away.

"Around an hour later, I received news that Ahmed had been shot by a sniper in the forehead while filming or taking pictures on top of the buildings around the incident."

The Telegraph says it couldn't obtain a physical copy of Assem's video for itself, calling into question the above clip's provenance. But the videographer's brother said the 20 minutes of footage Assem obtained before his death yesterday did indeed end like the clip above, with "a soldier shooting demonstrators from a roof. The soldier then turned his gun towards Mr Assem and the film suddenly went dead."

Assem was 26.

Last April, professional golfer Bubba Watson announced that he had co-developed the world's first hovercraft golf cart. Because it floats on a level of air, placing 33 time less pressure on the ground than the average human foot, the hovercraft – named the BW1 — is able to zip across fragile greens, water hazards and sand traps at speeds up to 55 m.p.h., all while seating four people and holding two golf bags.

The only problem, aside from the contraption's probably incredibly loud engine, was that just one of the hovercraft existed, a prototype presumably available only to Watson and his friends. But now a golf course in Ohio has purchased two of the vehicles for its members to use. the Windy Knoll Golf Club in Springfield will introduce their new hovercrafts on July 27, during the club's first annual Hover Bash.

"We wanted to be able to offer something no other course could," managing director Pete Duffey said in a statement. "A way to further put Windy Knoll Golf Club on the map of public destination golf courses. It was an easy decision. When we saw them on YouTube, we said 'We gotta have those!'"

The club hasn't set a price for rentals yet, but considering the hovercrafts cost $58,000 each, they probably won't be cheap.

[Mashable/SB Nation]

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com