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Kristen Stewart is Going to UCLA to be an English Major

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Kristen Stewart is Going to UCLA to be an English Major

Slouchy philanderer Kristen Stewart is about to take on her most challenging role yet: college freshman.

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This Week in Tabloids: Kim Kardashian Impregnated by Magazine

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This Week in Tabloids: Kim Kardashian Impregnated by Magazine

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which Callie Beusman has the dubious honor of stopping at the newsstand and picking up the hot-off-the-presses issues of Ok!, Star, Life & Style, In Touch and Us. This week: Learn how Mila Kunis "changed" Ashton Kutcher into a good, non-adulterous guy. Find out how The Bachelorette and That Dude are doing now that the show's over. And get an Unsolicited Uterus Update from Kim Kardashian's "pals."

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The Times website is back up.

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The Times website is back up. A tipster sent Gawker the internal announcement, which doesn't include an explanation for why it went down:

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God-Lovers Hate This Video of a Little Kid Praying to Barack Obama

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This innocent, minute-long video of a young boy saying a few kind words about President Barack Obama while closing his eyes and clasping his hands would have gone wholly unnoticed — if not for the heaving mass of True Believers who see it as an absolute sign of an impending Apocalypse.

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How a hockey player destroyed a nasty online troll on Twitter

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How a hockey player destroyed a nasty online troll on Twitter

Ice hockey player Paul Bissonnette (right) can smash your nose with a punch both in the rink and in the internet. The Coyotes' left wing was being harassed by a typical Twitter imbecile called Matt Hogue (left) when he decided to play hardball on the troll. The results were delicious.

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The Difference Between a Good Movie and an Important One: The Butler

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The Difference Between a Good Movie and an Important One: The Butler

"Sometimes I just think, Are you serious that I'm saying this right now, that I have to talk about what is going on in America today?" director Lee Daniels told Indiewire earlier this week about his new film The Butler. Indeed, his film's survey of major events in the struggle for black civil rights in America feels simplified, if not dumbed-down—if not outright condescending.

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Julian Assange Secretly a College Sophomore

Texas Councilwoman Caught Giving Master Class in Homophobic Idiocy

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Texas Councilwoman Caught Giving Master Class in Homophobic Idiocy

San Antonio City Councilwoman Elisa Chan is entangled in a homophobia scandal after a former aide secretly recorded her and other staffers bashing gays as "disgusting" and saying gay marriage is a slippery slope toward legalized incest and bestiality.

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Preacher Unwittingly Covers Child Discipline Book with Modern Family

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Preacher Unwittingly Covers Child Discipline Book with Modern Family

Doug Sehorne, a hardcore King James Baptist Evangelist who describes himself as an "old-fashioned bible preacher," recently released his latest e-book entitled Bible Principles of Child Discipline from the Book of Proverbs).

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This Pittsburgh restaurant only serves food from America's "enemies"

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This Pittsburgh restaurant only serves food from America's "enemies"

Conflict Kitchen is the only restaurant in the world that serves cuisine solely from countries with which the U.S. is in conflict. The Pittsburgh take-out restaurant changes its menu every few months to reflect the current state of geopolitical affairs. This month it's Cuban conflict cuisine, Cocina de Conflict!

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Jennifer Rubin Is the Writer the Washington Post Deserves

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Jennifer Rubin Is the Writer the Washington Post Deserves

Remorselessly hawkish Washington Post “Right Turn” blogger Jennifer Rubin is a professional liar. From her perch in the paper’s Opinions section, she publishes lie after lie after lie after lie after lie — too many for any one person to possibly catalog. (Though some have tried.) How does she hang on at the Post? This week the paper’s former ombudsman, Patrick B. Pexton, supplied a helpful clue.

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Cutie and the Boxer is a Tough Love Story

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Cutie and the Boxer is a Tough Love Story

In one of the final scenes of Zachary Heinzerling's documentary, Cutie and the Boxer, the 80-year-old artist Ushio Shinohara looks over a book of his works entitled Love is a Roarrrr!!. He likes the final word, but says he doesn't understand why it's preceded by a comparison to love. "Who put 'love is'?" Ushio asks his wife, another artist, named Noriko. She points to herself. "Why? Because I think so: Love is a roar. I found out by experience in my life. Love is a roar."

Cutie and the Boxer is a Tough Love Story

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The Week in Movies: Jobs, The Butler, Ain't Them Bodies Saints

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The Week in Movies: Jobs, The Butler, Ain't Them Bodies Saints

Welcome to Annotate This, where we gather reviews, trailers, and annotate the posters for movies coming out this week. It will help you decide what to avoid, what to see, and what to pretend to see. Click on the image above to add your comments to the mix.

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TMZ has photos of what it's calling the "weed jungle" discovered outside Heidi Fleiss' Pahrump, Neva

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TMZ has photos of what it's calling the "weed jungle" discovered outside Heidi Fleiss' Pahrump, Nevada, home last week. The former Hollywood pimp was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to sell, amongst other things, for having 392 pot plants growing at her house.

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Screw The NSA, Let's All Move To The 'Quiet Zone'

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Screw The NSA, Let's All Move To The 'Quiet Zone'

I'm currently reading James Bamford's definitive history of the NSA, Body of Secrets, because I find that scaring the shit out of myself right before bed helps me sleep better. Amid the book's disheartening narrative of our country's endlessly-expanding surveillance apparatus and how the government has found new and exciting ways to abuse it, I learned about something amazing: The United States National Radio Quiet Zone, a massive plot of land where wi-fi and cell phones are banned, that is nonetheless a hotbed of NSA eavesdropping.

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Caring Aggressively Little About DJs and More Hate Mail This Week

San Francisco Tells Obnoxious Startup Bro to Screw Off Back to NYC

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San Francisco Tells Obnoxious Startup Bro to Screw Off Back to NYC

One day after startup founder and turbo-bro Peter Shih ripped apart his new home of San Francisco in a blog post, calling the city, essentially, a hellhole full of uppity and ugly women, "transvestites," and grotesque homeless people, the City by the Bay is blasting back.

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Color Me Badd broke up.

Security Forces Storm Mosque in Egypt After Tense Standoff

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Security Forces Storm Mosque in Egypt After Tense Standoff

Almost a thousand supporters of former Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi took refuge inside a mosque overnight, after becoming surrounded by government security forces. The tense situation finally came to a head only moments ago, when security forces fired tear gas into the mosque, and began dragging people out, amid reports of gunfire. The BBC is now reporting that all protesters have been cleared from the mosque, and the majority have been arrested.

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"Do any wounds require avuncular tending quite like those of an investment banker?"

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"Do any wounds require avuncular tending quite like those of an investment banker?" NY Times reporter Ginia Bellafante's description of the Bloomberg legacy is outstanding. Forget your bike lanes and waterfront parks, his mayoralty was all about "the tireless coddling of the overclass."

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