Now that Wikileaks leaker Chelsea Manning is out as transgender, she's fair game for porno slash-fic about all the dick she can look forward to receiving in prison — or so suggests an essay that ran earlier today on the Daily Beast titled "How Will Chelsea Manning Be Treated in Prison?" Its author, Mansfield Frazier, served five federal prison terms for counterfeiting and fraud, so he knows all about gay and trans sex amongst inmates.

"Who knows how the former Bradley Manning will fare at Fort Leavenworth? When I was locked up, I didn’t see transgender inmates treated badly. Some were royalty," is Frazier's dek. Prison rape, prison schmape, is Frazier's sentiment.

...Life in prison is more complex than many statistics suggest. When I was in the joint, rape wasn’t just something you could let happen to you. In fact, you’d better get another set of eyes in the back of your head if you want to force yourself on someone and make them an unwilling participant in a sex act. You see, the victim can slip up behind you on any given day and stick a shank in your ribs—or pay someone else to do it. And this potential for retribution serves as the best deterrent against unwanted sexual advances, and keeps the general order in prisons as well.

Now, don't get him wrong, inmates have sex. Lots of it. But you can't rape the consenting, Frazier says:

Indeed, the vast majority of experienced convicts know that “true” rape is not a common occurrence in prison. That doesn’t mean that homosexual sex doesn’t occur—it certainly does. But it’s really not that unusual for a new prisoner to show up on the compound and begin walking around the yard in pants far too tight. Before long they drop the soap in the shower, get a little close to another naked man, and then— simply because they’ve never been able to come to terms with their own sexuality—tell anyone who will listen (but, interestingly enough, they usually never complain to the guards) that they were “raped.” And a week or two later it could happen again, and then again.

In fact, the promise of socially accepted good dick is what keeps dudes coming back to prison again and again:

Quiet as it’s kept, this is one reason for high recidivism rates. In prison, closeted homosexuals can receive what they desire but are able to maintain to the world they really find such behavior disgusting; in this manner they don’t have to take responsibility for what happened to them.

Frazier cites statistics that would seem to invalidate his entirely too excited forecast of Manning's future sex life ("a third of transgender former inmates were sexually assaulted in prison...transgender woman are 13 times more likely to be assaulted than other inmates..."). Keep in mind, too, that these figures almost always skew low because of embarrassment and aversion to snitching. Alternate scenarios for Manning, according to Frazier, include marrying a "Bubba," prostitution, and/or sexual reassignment surgery that would move her to a women's prison.

Rounding out this feel-good-don't-worry-about-Chelsea-she's-gonna-have-a-great-time piece is this final bit of sunshine:

One thing is almost a certainty: celibacy probably won’t be an option for Chelsea Manning, but she will have choices in regard to how she wants to spend her years behind bars. With that said, we need to keep in mind that one person’s prison is another person’s palace. Chelsea Manning could become the queen bee.

When you put it that way, who wouldn't want to be locked up for as many as 35 years?

Update: The Daily Beast has updated Frazier's original piece. It now runs without the second and third paragraphs above (those that begin, "Indeed, the vast majority of experienced convicts know that 'true' rape is not a common occurrence in prison," and, "Quiet as it’s kept, this is one reason for high recidivism rates"). Additionally, the essay now opens with an editor's note that reads in full:

This article is an opinion piece written by a former convict and based on his perceptions of life in federal prison. In its original version, it suggested that prison rape is rare. In fact, according to the advocacy group Just Detention International, 200,000 adults and children are sexually abused in American detention facilities every year. This trauma can carry serious emotional and physical consequences, including post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted infections.

Surveillance cameras inside a Florida Dunkin' Donuts store captured footage of two irate customers using a loaded gun to assault an employee because he gave them the wrong kind of coffee.

Jeffrey Wright, 27, and his wife Alexis Longo, 22, entered the Lauderhill establishment around 1 PM on Tuesday after placing a drive-thru order that was apparently botched.

According to Lauderhill Police, Longo had asked for vanilla-flavored coffee, but instead received caramel-flavored coffee.

An argument with employee Rajay Hall over the mix-up soon came to blows, with Wright pulling out his fully loaded Taurus Slim 9mm handgun and using it to hit the employee over the head a number of times.

Lauderhill Police spokesman Lt. Mike Butkus said Longo was heard by several witnesses telling Wright to shoot the manager.

Wright is a security guard by trade, and has a permit to carry concealed weapons.

Both Wright and Longo were arrested and booked into Broward County jail.

While Wright was charged with felony aggravated battery, his wife was charged with misdemeanor simple battery.

A coworker of Hall said he was doing fine. "I heard the blow connect. But he’s OK. He’s a tough kid," said Gary Benjamin.

[H/T: Opposing Views, screengrab via NBC Miami, mug shots via The Smoking Gun]

Kotaku Bungie Aiming Absurdly High With Destiny In New Trailer | Jalopnik How Rogue Engineers Built The Most Insane Car Of The 21st Century | Gawker Daily Beast Is Optimistic That Chelsea Manning Will Enjoy Prison Rape | Lifehacker The Most Common Ways You Waste Money (and How to Save It)

Earlier this summer, Louis C.K. found a dead body. According to an interview with David Letterman on the Late Show, C.K was driving his boat up the East River near lower Manhattan when he spotted a "floater" in the water.

"I got a boat and I was floating around lower Manhattan and up the East Side and you have a radio on the whole time, it's an open channel,” he told Letterman. “So the coast guard comes on and says, 'Please be aware there's report of a body in the water south of the Queensboro Bridge,' which is where I was. And as soon as I heard it I looked down and there was the dude in the water."

“It was creepy and weird, and I felt embarrassed for him a little bit,” he added. "I called the Coast Guard and I said 'I got the dead guy right here!'"

C.K. told Letterman he left after the Coast Guard and NYPD arrived. As for the body, C.K. said he Googled him later and found out the man had committed suicide. “This is the most depressing thing ever on your show,” he said, laughing.

[Business Insider]

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com

A Canadian man was arrested for allegedly attempting to smuggle eight pounds of marijuana into the United States by swimming — in full scuba gear — across the border.

At approximately 1 a.m. Monday morning, U.S. Border Patrol busted Jesse Zunti, 24, after they received a tip that someone was swimming across the Saint Clair River near Marine City, Michigan. A surveillance camera spotted Zunti mid-swim, and Border Patrol agents were waiting for him when he emerged on the other side of the river. Authorities believe Zunti swam three-quarters of a mile before he was detained.

“We picked up his image on our camera and could see he was carrying something,” U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokesman Kris Grogan told the Macomb Daily.

The Border Patrol agents found a large, watertight PVC cylinder filled with over eight pounds of marijuana fastened to seawall ladder not far from the scene of arrest. Zunti was detained by Border Patrol and then turned over to the St. Clair County Drug Task Force, which accepted the case for prosecution.

“It’s not something you see every day,” Grogan said. “But there’s always something going on around here, that’s for sure.”

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com

Ben Stiller is working to turn Reality Bites, the 1994 cult comedy that he directed, into a sitcom on NBC. Stiller and the film's writer, Helen Childless, have partnered to produce the show, which will focus on recent college grad Lelaina Pierce, played by Winona Ryder in the film.

From Entertainment Weekly:

Much like the original, the series will reportedly take place in the early ’90s and center on novice filmmaker Pierce and her slacker friends in Houston after their college graduation. While no casting was announced, it’s safe to say Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Ben Stiller, and the rest of the original cast, which also included Janeane Garofalo and Steve Zahn, will probably not be reprising their roles.

[Image via]

Here's some news that seems to be surprising just about everyone on Twitter: Ben Affleck will play Batman in the sequel to Man of Steel. The news, announced Thursday evening by Warner Brothers, has apparently upset many who still remember his performance in 2003's Daredevil.

Affleck will replace Christian Bale as Batman, becoming the eighth actor to play the role, after Bale, Michael Keaton and George Clooney. From Variety:

“We knew we needed an extraordinary actor to take on one of DC Comics’ most enduringly popular Super Heroes, and Ben Affleck certainly fits that bill, and then some,” WB president Greg Silverman said in a statement.

Directed by “Man of Steel” filmmaker Zack Snyder, the Superman-Batman feature will open worldwide on July 17, 2015, with Henry Cavill, Amy Adams and Diane Lane reprising their roles.

“Ben provides an interesting counter-balance to Henry’s Superman. He has the acting chops to create a layered portrayal of a man who is older and wiser than Clark Kent and bears the scars of a seasoned crime fighter, but retain the charm that the world sees in billionaire Bruce Wayne,” Snyder said in a statement. “I can’t wait to work with him.”

[Image via AP]

Three weeks after he was caught speeding in Texas, George Zimmerman was spotted in public again on Thursday. According to TMZ, Zimmerman visited the Florida headquarters of Kel-Tec, the gun manufacturer that made the PF-9 pistol Zimmerman used to kill Trayvon Martin, where he asked about purchasing a tactical shotgun.

Zimmerman reportedly received a tour of the headquarters from Kel-Tec's owner's son and took photos with Kel-Tec employees.

Zimmerman asked about the legality of purchasing a Kal-Tec KSG tactical shotgun, which can hold up to 12 rounds of 12-gauge shotgun shells. It's not clear if Zimmerman bought the $1,197 gun.

[Top image via AP]

To contact the author of this post, email taylor@gawker.com

Las Vegas police officers have arrested a high-ranking Scientologist in a bizarre plot—allegedly inspired by right-wing "Sovereign Citizen" beliefs—to kidnap and kill a local law enforcement officer.

Devon Campbell Newman, 67, became the public relations director of Scientology’s “Celebrity Center” in Las Vegas, Nevada, early in 2010 and has remained in that position to the present day — that’s according to her own LinkedIn profile as well as numerous online records of her activities as a Scientologist. This week, she became known for something else. As a result of a police investigation that began in April, on Tuesday Newman and a six-time felon and registered sex offender named David Allen Brutsche, 42, were arrested for planning what police are calling a bizarre plot to kidnap and kill a random local police officer in a macabre publicity stunt to promote their “sovereign citizen” views.

The arrest and its strange details quickly made news yesterday, but Newman’s position with Scientology wasn’t mentioned. Then, last night, we were tipped by Las Vegas television journalist Nathan Baca about Newman’s role in the church. He plans to have a full report later today. But for now, we have some preliminary information about Newman’s Scientology career, and the trouble she currently finds herself in.

Newman gave a jailhouse interview to Baca’s 8 News NOW colleague, Caroline Bleakley, before they were aware of her involvement in Scientology. Bleakley’s story gives some background on the cop-killing plot…

According to the arrest report, the two belong to a “sovereign citizen movement” and don’t follow U.S. laws. Members of Metro’s Counter-Terrorism Section had been conducting an undercover operation of Brutsche and Newman since April.

Both had expressed a deep-seated hatred for law enforcement officers and planned to kidnap a police officer from a traffic stop, according to the report. They planned to place the officer in a makeshift jail and try the officer in a sovereign court of law for treason and civil rights violations. The officer would be convicted and then executed.

Newman, however, told Bleakley that she was not involved in a plot to kill a cop, and that although Brutsche had discussed kidnapping a police officer, she didn’t think he was serious.

“I am upset, because if this can happen to me, it can happen to anyone. I have felt for a while now the police are out of control. That they are stopping people and searching them with no probable cause,” Newman said.

She also denied involvement in the sovereign citizens movement. However, she did say she agreed with people that believe in restrictions on the government outlined in the Constitution.

“I align myself with people who, as our forefathers did, believe that in inalienable rights and that the Constitution restricts the government from what they can do,” Newman said.

According to police, on July 9, David Brutsche (pictured, above) told an undercover police officer, “We need to arrest the police and take them to our jail and put them in a cell and put them on trial in a people’s court. If we run into the position that they resist, then we need to kill them.”

By that time, the three (Brutsche, Newman, and the undercover officer), had purchased a vacant house and had begun to outfit it for their jail.

Here’s how the Southern Poverty Law Center begins its description of the sovereign citizens movement, which it says is difficult to measure the size of…

The strange subculture of the sovereign citizens movement, whose adherents hold truly bizarre, complex antigovernment beliefs, has been growing at a fast pace since the late 2000s. Sovereigns believe that they — not judges, juries, law enforcement or elected officials — get to decide which laws to obey and which to ignore, and they don’t think they should have to pay taxes. Sovereigns are clogging up the courts with indecipherable filings and when cornered, many of them lash out in rage, frustration and, in the most extreme cases, acts of deadly violence, usually directed against government officials. In May 2010, for example, a father-son team of sovereigns murdered two police officers with an assault rifle when they were pulled over on the interstate while traveling through West Memphis, Ark.

Before she was allegedly caught up in a plot to kidnap, try, and execute a cop as a political statement, Newman was active as the Church of Scientology’s public relations maven in Southern Nevada.

It was her job, for example, to promote events at the Celebrity Centre, like this May 2011 How to Make It in the Entertainment Industry Seminar that featured actress Marisol Nichols.

Newman has also been an active part of the Interfaith Council of Southern Nevada, representing Scientology’s views at the council’s events. She was a featured speaker, for example, this past October at an event discussing marriage…

In November 2011, the Interfaith Council held a discussion about evolution, and this was Devon Newman’s presentation to the group:

Most recently, we found that Devon Newman was listed among other Scientology invitees for a prosperity seminar at the Las Vegas Celebrity Centre scheduled for May, 2013.

By that time, according to police, Newman was already being investigated for her connection to Brutsche and the plot to kill a cop.

We’ve sent a request for comment to Scientology spokeswoman Karin Pouw. We’ll let you know if she gets back to us.

In our experience, Scientologists tend to be politically in the middle of the road. Most tend to be on the conservative side of things, but other members — including celebrities — are Democrats and give generously to liberal causes.

Numerous times, however, Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard voiced disdain for “wog” law — the rules of a non-Scientology society. In 1966, for example, he said, “Somebody some day will say ‘this is illegal.’ By then be sure the orgs [Scientology organizations] say what is legal or not.”

Eleven years earlier, he had encouraged his followers to use the law to their own ends: “The purpose of the suit is to harass and discourage rather than to win. The law can be used very easily to harass, and enough harassment on somebody who is simply on the thin edge anyway, well knowing that he is not authorized, will generally be sufficient to cause his professional decease. If possible, of course, ruin him utterly.”

Observers have pointed out that Scientology’s “Fair Game” policy of retaliation against critics and former members, and allegations that it abuses its Sea Org staff, were reflections that Scientology doesn’t feel bound by civil law.

But we haven’t previously noticed Scientologists espousing the lunatic conspiracy theories of the sovereign citizens movement. Our commenters will let us know if they’ve seen any previous connections.

UPDATE: We’ve received more information about Devon Newman’s Scientology career from a source we are not naming. Here’s what our source sent us…

There is no way the church can claim that Devon Newman was not ever staff or involved in Scientology. Devon Newman was in the Sea Org at AOLA [the Advanced Organization of Los Angeles, part of the "Big Blue complex near downtown] in the early 2000s, up until 2004 I believe. She was the Director of Processing, in charge of people up to the level of Clear (she didn’t work in the OT levels area). She left the Sea Org shortly after that, I believe, due to a medical condition, which kept her from even being on her post full time.

As the D of P, she was awful. She did not relate well with people, did bad interviews, could not duplicate or relay the C/S’s instructions well and she had a bit of an “evil streak” which would get her in bad with others. From the waiting area, I could sometimes hear the C/S (I think Barbara Rubio was her name) yelling and screaming at Devon for her incompetence.

So imagine my surprise when years later Devon Newman showed up as staff at Las Vegas. Having been in the Sea Org is usually a big no-no for being recruited to staff but they made a special exception for her because she was “not qualified for the Sea Org in the first place due to her medical situation.” Devon was posted in Div 6 and did PR work as you reported. That was the last I heard of her.

Tony Ortega is the former editor-in-chief of the Village Voice. This post was republished with permission from The Underground Bunker, a web site he maintains devoted to covering Scientology. You can reach him by email at tonyo94@gmail.com, or follow him on Twitter and Facebook. If you’d like to help support The Underground Bunker, e-mail webmaster Scott Pilutik at BunkerFund@tonyortega.org

A personal trainer whose blog is dedicated to "droppin' truth bombs" on the lies told by the fitness industry has uploaded a rather remarkable example to her personal Instagram account.

Promising a foolproof method of "losing 15 pounds in 15 minutes," Mel of MelVFitness reveals that many "before & after" photos seen in ads for weight loss suplements are actually optical illusions.

She explains:

Check out my transformation! It took me 15 minutes. Wanna know my secret? Well firstly I ditched the phonewallet (fwallet) cause that shit is lame, swapped my bather bottoms to black (cause they're a size bigger & black is slimming), Smothered on some fake tan, clipped in my hair extensions, stood up a bit taller, sucked in my guts, popped my hip- threw in a skinny arm, stood a bit wider #boxgap, pulled my shoulders back and added a bit of a cheeky/Im so proud of my results smile. Zoomed in on the before pic- zoomed out on the after & added a filter. Cause filters make everything awesome.

What's my point? Don't be deceived by what you see in magazines & on Instagram. You never see the dozens of other pics they took that wernt as flattering. Photoshop can make a pig look hotter then Beyonce.

A complete breakdown of the steps, including Mel's personal "transformation" testimonial, is up on her blog.

[H/T: Reddit, photo via Instagram]

Nidal Hasan, the Army major who killed 13 people in a shooting at Fort Hood in 2009, has been convicted on 13 counts of premeditated murder and 32 counts of attempted murder.

Like most children, YouTuber arfmoochikncheez's little girl Scarlett has an annoying habit of crying all the time.

However, unlike most children, Scarlett appears to have a secret off switch that her dad recently discovered and has been exploiting ever since.

[H/T: Daily Picks and Flicks]

The public unveiling of North West wasn't the only thing that made Kanye West's hour-long sit down with his baby's grandmother notable. The whole thing had a the stilted air of an infomercial (missed opportunity: a segment in which the quasi-in-laws vacuum-sealed shit for a segment). Kanye was alternately sedate, engaged, sulking (sometimes he'd go from being engaged to sulking over the course of a single, benign topic), and paranoid about the press. Highlights are above, bullet points are below. Pick your poison.

• This self-acknowledged musical genius has a hard time working a car seat, and doesn't want paparazzi exposing this. However, he has no problem exposing it himself. That is what you call "owning the story."
• He compares the paparazzi to lunch-money stealing bullies. He also thinks there might be people in the world who missed his No. 1 street hit, "Don't Talk."
• He's more of a visual artist than a sonic artist and has been in art school since he was five years old.
• He likes puppets/modern-day Jim Henson vibes. He "really [gets] into creative ideas likes this."
• He and Kris are not of different brands.
• In fact, there's only one brand now: family.
• He used to Photoshop "himself" (actually a stick figure) into the annual Kardashian family Christmas card. Instead of being considered creepy, this is considered "adorable" and proof of reproductive worth.
• Kris Jenner really wanted him to jump up and down on her couch. "That would be so fabulous," she said, meaning, "That would be so viral/good for our family brand," meaning, "I really want my talk show to get picked up for a full season and I'm not even sure the picture of the kid is gonna cut it."
• He wears a What Would Jesus Do bracelet.
• He does a killer "Joy to the World."
• The only thing he wants to do in life is help people.

"Zen" is more than just a random jumble of four [three? check this-ed.] letters. It is a way of seeing the world, like a "Google Glass" made of cloudy opals mined on a frozen sun. What do zen koans mean? Let's explore, together.

The koan: "Three Days More"

Suiwo, the disciple of Hakuin, was a good teacher. During one summer seclusion period, a pupil came to him from a southern island of Japan.

Suiwo gave him the problem: "Hear the sound of one hand."

The pupil remained three years but could not pass this test. One night he came in tears to Suiwo. "I must return south in shame and embarrassment," he said, "for I cannot solve my problem."

"Wait one week more and meditate constantly," advised Suiwo. Still no enlightenment came to the pupil. "Try for another week," said Suiwo. The pupil obeyed, but in vain.

"Still another week." Yet this was of no avail. In despair the student begged to be released, but Suiwo requested another meditation of five days. They were without result. Then he said: "Meditate for three days longer, then if you fail to attain enlightenment, you had better kill yourself."

On the second day the pupil was enlightened.

The enlightenment: Suiwo was not actually a good teacher.

This has been Zen Koans Explained.

[Image via Shutterstock]

Outright racism in America is largely a thing of the past, the Economist writes, because (among other things) "[t]he governor of lily-white Massachusetts is black." Lily-white Massachusetts ranks 26th of 50 states in percentage of black population, and 22nd in percentage of white population.

Submitted by Gawker reader Steve Madonna. Thanks, Steve!

Reddit spent a good chunk of yesterday and this morning justifiably ragging on this Samsung ad for featuring "possibly the world's worst actors."

The ad itself is extremely weird and the actors are not believable as human beings, but that's not even the creepiest part of the 840 EVO solid state hard drive saga.

Eventually, one of the actors who participated in the ad came forward to provide some very necessary context (which some users had already pretty much guessed):

Hi. So I'm an actor/model living in Seoul, and im playing the 'businessman' in this promo. now, admittedly its not my best work lol, but most people arent aware of just how many factors go into making it this bad. Allow me to elaborate. They force us to speak slowly since this will be dubbed over in Korean, and even when it isnt, most people viewing it will be Korean. They ask us to exaggerate since many Korean people feel thats how we 'naturally' act (most people here are not very expressive). Ive worked many jobs where I tried to act naturally only to be told by the director to act more 'bright' (ie exaggerate). its how the director and client (in this case, Samsung), WANT us to act. the script is brutal. written by non-native english speakers, and sometimes the PD or director wont even take our suggestions to change some parts so they sound like something a normal native english speaker would say. its a promotional video, not a tv commercial, meaning it will be shown at conventions and expos and in-house. most of the people watching it are korean and thats why they make us do all of the above. edit: almost forgot, shooting took place from 730am - 3am the next day, and by the time they shot the scenes with the girl, she was literally falling asleep in her chair, hence the stoned expression and tone :)

Not long after he left the comment, "Damienf1" reportedly received a phone call from the booking agency for the ad telling him Samsung was livid and would pursue legal action if he didn't delete his remarks.

Fearing Samsung was serious — they have since deleted the ad from their YouTube channel, though copies naturally remain — Damienf1 had no choice but to comply (his comment, too, remains elsewhere).

That doesn't mean he was browbeaten into oblivion.

"I dont understand Samsung," he wrote in a follow-up comment. "They made a viral video. it went viral (granted, not for the reasons they may have expected). so today the agency i did that job through called me and frantically asked me to delete all my comments on reddit since samsung was threatening them with legal action if i didnt. apparently they really want to suppress it, though i cant understand why. Streisand effect makes a lot of sense lol."

[H/T: Reddit, The Daily Dot]

If you're in the TriState area and would like to boat-rave with an Internet troll who's gotten a woman to brush her teeth with poop, tonight's your big chance. Rated R for "ratchet."

Sanjay Gupta supports medical marijuana now, but that didn't stop his employer from trying to shut down sales of a new “Sanjay Gupta Kush” strain in Colorado. Why does CNN hate agriculture?

Miguel Vallinas, a photographer based in Madrid, created a marvelous mix of fashion photography and animal close-ups, so that all wondrous creatures of the earth can wear the trendiest attire, and they wear it so much better than you. It's like an alternate universe with swans, gazelles, deers, and donkeys looking all elegant and judgey. Scroll down to gaze upon the most fashionable animals on the planet, starting with the distraught swan who realized that a turtleneck was a childish choice.

The bad-boy prep rooster is late for class, but it's fine, he'd rather just lounge on the green and pretend to read T.S. Eliot.

This emperor penguin is interning at Interview and she adores your bracelet.

This donkey lives for cigarette breaks and cashmere blends.

It's best to avoid confronting this steely-eyed doe until she's had her morning espresso and at least glanced at the FT.

The sophisticated green mallard can be quite a cad after his second Manhattan.

This flamingo wants to know are you fucking kidding me with those samples? Send them back.

This suede and shearling coat belonged to this creature's mother in the seventies. Hasn't it aged in a really chill way? If only if she could replace the buttons, but you know—can't be bothered.

Everyone knows that this roan antelope definitely had a character from Gossip Girl based on his older brother.

The grandmotherly peacock is disappointed you're late for tea, again.

You know when people talk about the impeccable layering? This fowl is what they're chatting about.

More of these sartorial creatures over at Fast Company and on Vallinas's website.

[Fast Co Create, images via Miguel Vallinas]