If you want to hide a raging cocaine problem, all you have to do is tell people you’re going to rehab for a drinking problem. According to TMZ’s latest report, that’s what Zac Efron did when he entered rehab “roughly 5 months ago” and it was “insinuated” he was being treated for alcohol. But Charlie St. Cloud was hiding a much bigger secret on the set of Seth Rogen's new film Neighbors:

Sources tell us Zac — who also starred in the movie — was a no-show on a number of days. As one source connected with the film tells us, "It was common knowledge he was struggling with cocaine."

Three other sources confirm ... Zac's problem was rooted in cocaine, but say he also dabbled in Molly — a pure form of Ecstasy, and a popular drug in clubs and raves.

In response to the accusations, Efron’s rep told TMZ: “Don’t think we’ll be making a comment.”

Earlier this week, Efron—who has now finished treatment for whatever his problems may be—told E!, “I’m good, real good.”

[Image via Getty]

Late yesterday, Andrea Pellegrini, the former in-house publicist and legal counsel for Insane Clown Posse and their label Psychopathic Records, filed an extensive lawsuit against the Detroit company that not only named both members of ICP, but also accused her former employers of harassment, wrongful termination, and infliction of emotional distress. The 17-page complaint, processed in Michigan's Oakland County Court and posted below, includes an inter-office anecdote about "vagina tighteners" and a dildo. A defendant's nickname is "Dirty Dan."

But first, the fullest disclosure. As a writer who has spent the last three-plus years documenting Juggalo culture and following Insane Clown Posse's narrative, I'm obliged to say, in posting this, that I have become personally acquainted with past and present associates of Psychopathic Records and that I have gotten to know the plaintiff, Andy, fairly well. What does that have to do with this lawsuit? Very little, except that it would be dishonest not to mention that with the primary exception of alleged dildo giver "Dirty Dan," most of the names contained in this complaint belong to people I have met on multiple occasions and, in all instances, have had very nice experiences with personally. But now this lawsuit has become a TMZ headline, so here we are, with disclosures.

So anyway, the lawsuit, which claims the plaintiff was mocked, belittled, bullied, and sexually harassed, called a "cunt" and a "bitch." A few of the incidents enclosed:

• Pelligrini alleges her former boss called her a "bitch" and frequently made her cry.
• Pelligrini alleges that former coworker "Dirty Dan" pulled her hair, told her he "had a fat cock," said that he'd "like to fuck her," and gave her a dildo as a present because he'd seen on Facebook that she'd become single.
• "Dirty Dan" also allegedly gave "vagina tighteners" to two other female employees. ("Dirty Dan" is no longer with Psychopathic, for reasons unknown.)
• Pelligrini claims she was asked to acquire "illegal automatic weapons" for a photo shoot.
• Pelligrini, who's a practicing lawyer, claims she was instructed to do unethical things with client-attorney privilege.
• Late last November, Psychopathic fired Pelligrini, who here claims that her termination was a direct result of refusing to act unethically and illegally.

Without further ado, the document:

[Insane Clown Posse pictured in July; image by AP Photo/John Carucci]

To contact the author of this post, email camille@gawker.com.

A Florida man has been arrested is accused of striking an underage victim with a 30-inch metal switch to the tune of Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines.” Steven Grady Fillingim, 40, of Pensacola was booked into the Escambia County Jail on three counts of cruelty towards a child and is currently being held without bond.

According to the arrest report, the unnamed victim (referred to as “a relative”) accuses Fillingim of striking her in the face with a belt and with his hands. She also details other punishments including shoveling dirt for 90 minutes before being allowed to go to bed at 1:30 a.m., being forced to hold heavy weights as punishments for “being lazy,” and then, after skipping school on September 12, being hit on the back of the thighs with a switch for approximately 40 minutes. As he struck her, Fillingam “played the Robin Thicke song “Blurred Lines,” striking her with the switch to the beat of the music.”

At some point during the beating, he began videotaping the event and sent it via text message to his girlfriend Lisa Coleman, titling the video “She’s Home.” Coleman, who “seemed to be very afraid of Fillingim,” has turned over the video to the police and told officers she has broken up with him. The entire report can be read here.

The victim has been left in the care of her mother and the Department of Children and Families is also investigating.

[Image via Pensacola News Journal]

Do with this as you wish, but it could be a trap: "Budget cuts are hurting the Internal Revenue Service's ability to go after tax cheats, the agency's inspector general said Tuesday."

The Obama administration has approved new rules that will extend minimum wage and overtime pay to home health care workers in 2015. Home care workers have been exempt from federal wage laws since 1974 when “they were placed in the same category as neighborhood baby sitters.”

Grand Valley State University officials in Allendale, Michigan removed a famous landmark on campus Tuesday morning due to “safety reasons.” The Pendulum Statue, a 42-inch steel ball hanging from a 50-foot cable, has been the vessel for many nude rides this week thanks to the release of Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" video.

The nude rides look like this:

The associate vice president of facilities services at GVSU, Tim Thimmesch, said “the sculpture was removed so structural integrity could be reviewed.” GVSU students, desperately clinging to their Internet stardom in the face of structural danger, staged powerful protests Tuesday evening that included making Vine videos while singing around an empty pit where the pendulum used to be.

Because meaningful protests are what college is about, you know?

[Screenshot via Paul Bennett/Vine]

In a study of 200,000 users of Weibo (China’s version of Twitter), researchers at Beihang University in China have concluded that “anger is more powerful than other emotions” when it comes to the spread of information online. Basically, anger is viral.

Researchers collected 70 million tweets from the 200,000 users over a period of six months in 2010 and, after isolating “highly connected” users, categorized each tweet into one of four emotions: joy, sadness, disgust, or anger. The results were a surprise to researchers: while sadness and disgust did not spread easily between users, there was a correlation between those who tweeted joyful messages. Anger, however, had a “surprisingly higher correlation than other emotions.”

What were the topics that consistently triggered the most anger? International conflicts and domestic social problems in China. Which, based on purely anecdotal and absolutely non-scientific studies of Twitter and Facebook in the United States over the last few weeks, seems about right. Syria, gun control, and twerking: rage abounds.

Ultimately the research concludes that if you want ideas to spread, don’t do any of that nicey nice shit or mopey mope shit. The angrier you are, the more powerful your message will be.

[Image via Shutterstock]

Trailing Bill de Blasio by huge numbers in the latest polls, New York City Republican mayoral candidate Joseph Lhota took a 25-minute closed-door meeting with Al Sharpton Tuesday night in an attempt to appeal to crossover voters. Topics discussed? Education, housing and stop-and-frisk.

Time magazine's new cover story is the about the ultimate tech company cage match: GOOGLE VS. DEATH. In Silicon Valley parlance, this mortal coil is a bug, not a feature, and Time gives GOOG pretty generous odds.

It’s worth pointing out that there is no other company in Silicon Valley that could plausibly make such an announcement. Smaller outfits don’t have the money; larger ones don’t have the bones. Apple may have set the standard for surprise unveilings but, excepting a major new product every few years, these mostly qualify as short-term. Google’s modus operandi, in comparison, is gonzo airdrops into deep “Wait, really?” territory. Last week Apple announced a gold iPhone; what did you do this week, Google? Oh, we founded a company that might one day defeat death itself.

Also worth pointing out? No company can plausibly claim to defeat death. It's de facto implausible! "Might," doesn't quite cover it. Probably. "One day." Outlook hazy, but hey, it gives Time and Google an excuse to talk about "moon shots," Larry Page's pet phrase for outlandish, presumably genius ideas. Page, who helped found Singularity University, has had a life-extension fetish for a while. Last year, the company hired transhumanist cheerleader Ray Kurzweil to build "the ultimate AI."

The death-curing company Time is referring to is Calico. According to a press release put out at the same time as the article, Calico "will focus on health and well-being, in particular the challenge of aging and associated diseases." Calico's CEO and founding investor is Arthur D. Levinson, the former CEO of Genentech, the biotech corporation. Even with this new role to alter the basic nature of human existence, Levinson "will remain Chairman of Genentech and a director of Hoffmann-La Roche, as well as Chairman of Apple."

But if you're looking for more details about Calico from Time's exuberant cover story, don't bother. All Google offers is some sleight of hand about all-knowing data, pay no attention to the billionaires behind the curtain:

Medicine is well on its way to becoming an information science: doctors and researchers are now able to harvest and mine massive quantities of data from patients. And Google is very, very good with large data sets. While the company is holding its cards about Calico close to the vest, expect it to use its core data-handling skills to shed new light on familiar age-related maladies. Sources close to the project suggest it will start small and focus entirely on researching new technologies.

When will that lead to something Google might actually sell? It’s anybody’s guess.

Anybody but the publication that got access to Larry Page. Time does, however, offer this little nugget about what all that data has revealed so far:

What’s certain is that looking at medical problems through the lens of data and statistics, rather than simply attempting to bring drugs to market, can produce startlingly counterintuitive opinions. “Are people really focused on the right things?” Page muses. “One of the things I thought was amazing is that if you solve cancer, you’d add about three years to people’s average life expectancy. We think of solving cancer as this huge thing that’ll totally change the world. But when you really take a step back and look at it, yeah, there are many, many tragic cases of cancer, and it’s very, very sad, but in the aggregate, it’s not as big an advance as you might think.” Page, in other words, is a man for whom solving—not curing—cancer may not be a big enough task.

Solving death over curing cancer is a pretty high class problem. But before we start working ourselves into a frenzy about who has access to Google's "solution"—decrying some dystopian double feature of Elysium and In Time, where only the poor die young—consider the hubris of Page's claims.

The fact that Time is laundering that belief (no need to mention it in the press release when a cover line does it for you) is a bubble indicator. How do you know when everyone is too intoxicated on the phantom power of pampered billionaires? When they tell you they can solve death and you believe them.

To contact the author of this post, please email nitasha@gawker.com.

[Image via Time]

Now that student paper the Crimson White has revealed University of Alabama sororities to be anti-black hovels of puffy paint and pastel Polo shirts, and the school is facing a barrage of terrible publicity, administrators have finally decided that it's time to act on this racism.

Time reports that university administrators have announced a deal within the school's sorority system that would allow houses to offer bids to women who were not admitted during normal recruitment, which had previously been against the rules. This will presumably allow the sororities to retroactively accept the two black women noted as being unfairly rejected in the Crimson White's article. The new rules also expanded the size limit of sororities to 360 members, offering more people a chance to win acceptance to a house.

This is nice, of course—and good for those two black girls who will probably get in—but if you're asking how this helps defeat racism in any material way, you're not alone. If the underlying problem is that these sororities are being manipulated by racist alumnae who promise to pull financial support if black girls are admitted, or who vote to block black girls entirely, as the Crimson White's story alleged, who cares how big a sorority's enrollment can be?

The Associated Press interviewed some Alabama professors who called the new sorority deal "token," noting that numerous other racial and political problems exist at the school:

Language and classics teacher Sierra R. Turner, a black woman, said opening up the recruitment process was "rather token" since it wasn't accompanied by any way to measure progress.

"It's not good enough," she said.

Other teachers questioned why action wasn't being taken to integrate men's organizations, and some called for an investigation of a Greek-controlled organization called "The Machine" that influences campus politics.

Solving incidents of racism on a small scale is like chasing a bug under a rock: You end up lifting the rock only to find a heaving, disgusting pile of more worms.

Faculty Senate President Steve Miller organized a march for professors and students today (pictured above) in order to call for more substantive change. "We're going to be there awhile," he told the AP.

[Image via AP]

Wow! Finally, proof that actor-poet James Franco is a gay man, published on his Instagram feed! "#Jamesfrancotv in love?????? #gawker.com #gay," he writes.

But wait: Are these real photographs of James Franco and his gay (male) lover—or a provocative prank by the director-artist himself?

James Franco is keeping mum, but one thing's for sure: He's made us think! About the media, stardom, sexuality—and ourselves. Keep it up, James Franco!

Finally, a restaurant has figured out how to get Brooklyn foodies to shut the fuck up: anyone who talks during Eat's $40 prix fixe "silent" dinner is "forced to eat the rest of their meal on the bench outside."

The New York Times reports that between mutations, resorbed twins, invasive fetal cells, marrow transplants, and who-knows-what-else, what looks like one individual person—maybe you!—is often in fact a chimeric mashup of multiple different sets of DNA. In one Canadian autopsy study, 63 percent of women had some male neurons in their brains, presumably from "cells originating in their sons."

[Image via Shutterstock]

Welcome back to Midweek Madness, in which we observe the sad, rundown zoo of human emotion contained within the pages of Star, OK!, Life & Style, inTouch, and US Weekly. This week, Khloe Kardashian may or may not give a "shocking interview" about her relationship with Lamar Odom at some point in the nonexistent future; Beyonce's ex-boyfriend acknowledges that he blew it, big time; and Jennifer Aniston has a "big secret pregnant" [sic]. Shuffle in, children; let's have a look.

Star
END OF SUMMER SPECIAL: BEST & WORST BEACH BODIES

Oh, here it is! The mascot of end-of-summer; the fabled Krampus figure of the end-summer season. Star has released its habitual Best & Worst Beach Bodies issue, and it is just horrific. In first place, we have Olivia Wilde; second is Vanessa Hudgens; in third is a really wonkily photoshopped image of Kim Kardashian from 2012. The photoshop on this is really bad — it almost looks like they used a makeover app to lighten the hair (because she is blonde now) and also give her darker lipstick (because they were having so much fun at that point? I can't explain the lipstick, guys). Beside the photo is the caption "New mom… is looking voluptuous as ever." [Fig 1]. Then, we are treated to a display of shirtless men with the headline "HOT DOGS." Hot dogs? Where? Do not lie to me about hot dogs, Star. The magazine has also created a "BEACH BODY TIMELINE" that spans from Honey Boo Boo (8 years old) to the Duchess of Alba (87 years old) [Fig 2]. Oh, sweet Jesus. I'm not going to say anything about the "WORST BODIES" out of human decency — but I will say that Star has a surprisingly body-accepting half page of "curvy" women with captions like "NO LOSER!" and "HAPPY & HEALTHY!" (however, the mag used those two same images on the cover: one had a "shame bar" over the eyes, and the other had "BELLY JELLY!" written next to it, so take that body positivity with an entire castle built of salt-bricks). Anyways, moving on: Demi Moore is dating the father of her ex-boyfriend Harry Morton; also, Harry Morton dated her daughter Rumer Willis in 2007. What love-shape is that, even? A love tree with aerial roots? A love squiggle? In other news, Gwyneth Paltrow's attorney aggressively tried to suppress a Star "investigation" about Gwynnie's rumored affair with a literary figure, prompting Star to write an article about how unusual such a "preemptive strike" is. Who is this mysterious literary figure? My money is on the 40 Days of Dating dude. Next: Katie Couric stole her man from a 27-year-old, says an insider. Her now-fiancee, John Molner, allegedly had a girlfriend already when he and Katie began dating, but he asked her out nonetheless. But, yes, Katie Couric is the heartless love-burglar in this situation.

GRADE: F- (a gorilla who spells out "PLEASE SAVE ME" in condensation left by his tears in the window to his habitat)

Ok!
Khloe breaks her silence: I'M GLAD I DIDN'T HAVE HIS BABY

Two "close friends" of Khloe Kardashian state that she's glad that she never got pregnant with Lamar Odom's child now that revelations about his drug use have come out; Khloe has broken no silence, unless she was sitting completely still and quietly in her mansion for the past month or so and finally croaked these thoughts to two passing sprites. As for the "shocking interview that will have everyone talking," um, it might happen in the future and Ryan Seacrest will apparently be the one doing it. Nothing to see here. In other news, Sanda Bullock's 3-year-old son Louis has a blossoming bromance with George Clooney, the magazine reports. "My son thinks he's a cool dude," says Sandra. Should George Be Louis's New Dad? the copy rabidly wonders in response. Yes, quite, that is precisely how adoptive paternity works — through a quick bromance between a toddler and the Sexiest Man Alive. In much, much sadder news, Lea Michelle broke down several times while filming the Glee episode that deals with the death of Finn, who was played by the late Corey Monteith. Apparently the episode will not specify exactly how the character died, and the cast will sing "Seasons of Love" from Rent in it. Still so heartbreaking to think about. Elsewhere in the magazine, we are treated to a fan fiction set in an alternate universe in which Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth did not break up two days ago. I am including this because it has several gorgeous sentences: the author sets up a contrast between Hemsworth casually "bowl[ing] a few frames and smok[ing] a few cigarettes" in L.A. and Cyrus "creating a series of international incidents" in Europe — such as nip-slipping while on air at a radio station, because radio is a visual medium. And this: "Call him old-school, but… Liam is humiliated that, with the click of a mouse, millions around the world can watch the potential future mother of his children lick a sledge hammer and writhe around naked on demolition equipment." Furthermore, Jennifer Lawrence is no longer team Miley, says this beautiful creative writing exercise, so she's in big trouble. Last but not least: Kristen Stewart is going bald. Some speculate that it's because of missing Robert Pattinson, some believe that it's because of guilt over her affair with Rupert Sanders, but basically everyone says it's because she wears too many hair extensions on set (because part of an actress's job is wearing wig bits at all times). Says an insider from the set of her new movie: "The hairstylists… were expecting to work on this gorgeous 23-year-old with perfect skin and a full head of dark hair, but Kristen showed up with big patches missing from her scalp." Oh, the horror. The on-set hair stylists were expecting to burn and pour chemicals upon the locks of a divine hair spirit, and instead they got a grumpy troll doll that had been half eaten by a raccoon.

GRADE: D (a mouse in the process of being eating by a large snake)

Life & Style
WORLD EXCLUSIVE: BABY NO. 2 ALREADY!

EXCLUSIVE: Prince William and Kate Middleton would quite possibly like it a lot if Kate were pregnant by December, says a person. "They would be thrilled," an insider says vaguely. I would be thrilled if Niall from One Direction sensually fed me a chicken tender, but that doesn't mean it will happen by Christmastime. Next: Kris Jenner posted a sensual bikini shot on Instagram immediately after her daughter Kendall Jenner did the same thing. Ugh, mooooooom, you're embarrassing me!!!! Elsewhere in the magazine, it's decided that Kim Kardashian is probably planning a $150k plastic surgery makeover, because why not? Thoughtfully, the editors provide an annotated version of how much each new piece of Kim would cost. [Fig 3] In other news, stop me if you've heard this before — but Gwyneth Paltrow is entitled and obnoxious and rude. According to a source, she refuses to shower at the gym she owns unless someone goes in and wipes down every surface, because she does not want to touch "someone else's shower water." Also: she hates Jessica Alba for having a blog because Gwynni Paltrow has a fun lil' blog with cheese-eating tips on it, and thus no one else should have any blog on any topic. Moving on: Jason Hoppy is furious at his soon-to-be-ex-wife Bethenny Frankel for acting scandalous on her talk show because of their baby. Examples of antics: Frankel rubbed money upon male strippers, she ground herself into a shirtless man while making a salad, and she twerked. Hoppy is worried that the 3-year-old baby will be embarrassed. Seeing as the child was defecating in its pants not too long ago, I don't think that's a prime concern? Next: Beyonce's ex-boyfriend speaks. They met in 1993! His name is Lyndall Locke! As she grew famous, he felt inadequate and cheated on her five times! Then, she called him from Jay-Z's yacht. "That's when I realized I'd lost her forever," says Locke. Yep, that'll do it. And, finally: Miley's pal says that she just got a Rolling Stones tattoo in a hidden place. If it's not that famous tongue design on her actual anus, then I don't know how to make sense of the world any more.

GRADE: D+ (a beleaguered goat in a petting zoo)

Us
JEN'S BIG SECRET PREGNANT

Let's take a moment to reflect upon the glory that is this cover story name. JEN'S BIG SECRET PREGNANT. The BIG SECRET PREGNANT that belongs to JEN. Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant, says her publicist — but Jennifer Aniston is pregnant, says Us Weekly and friends. As proof: her bump, which she cleverly concealed behind a corset (a obstetrician-approved bump-concealment method for sure); she's been drinking water and not tequila; one time Justin Theroux put a towel over her stomach. Congrats to them. Elsewhere, Kris Humphries is selling Kim Kardashian's engagement ring at Christies in New York, for a meagre $300,000. He might as well just put it in one of those vending machines at the supermarket that dispense plastic jewelry in exchange for a quarter. In other news, Kristen Wiig and Fabrizio Moretti got coffee in Williamsburg and it was way more interesting than any time you got coffee in a gentrified area with your ex. Moving on: Jake Gyllenhaal loves his new model girlfriend Alyssa Miller, but the most important part of this tale is her terrifying Soul Cycle antics: "The star would pop over to SoulCycle… his hair pulled into a messy topknot, and would occasionally move his bike onto the teacher's platform. All the better to bask in the admiring stares." WHAT. Anyways, Gyllenhall was seen "nibbling a piece of raw seafood off her bottom lip" in Toronto, if you need a reason to want to stay single forever.

GRADE: D+ (a pygmy hippo standing next to a pile of dirt)

In Touch
KHLOE'S SECRET BABY

Did Khloe Kardashian also have a big secret pregnant or adopt and hide it from us? No, so there is no secret baby — but she apparently has plans to adopt. According to a source, she visited an adoption lawyer earlier this week, and she plans to forge ahead without her estranged husband Lamar Odom. In more somber news, Michael Jackson's family has released his secret diaries in hopes of bolstering their wrongful death suit against AEG Live. The entries are rambling and arguably delusional, and make refer to his addiction problems and his crushing debt. Really sad. [Fig. 4] In other news, people are cyberbullying Shiloh Jolie-Pitt for looking like a boy. InTouch quotes mean comments from the Daily Mail, which is a progressive think tank across the pond. Also quoted: a pediatrician who says that the "consequences could be dire." Um, sorry, I think Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is too beautiful being a very cool gender non-conforming millionaire 8-year-old to catch up on the Daily Mail comment section, but thanks for the concern. Next: another unwarranted update on LeAnn Rimes' weight. She's no longer "scary skinny." Great. Next: inTouch interviews the woman who taught Miley to twerk. The article is aptly titled, "Don't Hate Me, But… I Taught Miley How to Twerk!" It turns out, the black woman whom Ms. Cyrus used as a prop and spanked enthusiastically in both her "We Can't Stop" music video and VMA performance is burlesque dancer Amazon Ashley. The pair met at a Hollywood nightclub and the rest, as they say, is history. "She's taken it to a whole new level," says Ashley. "The student has become the teacher!" The offensively context-blind appropriator has become the hideously, horrifyingly context-blind appropriator!

GRADE: D (the late Central Park polar bear loafing sadly in the peak of summer)

Addendum

Fig. 1, Star (on the right is the original image from 2012; see how they changed the color of the suit, the color of her hair, and the color of her lips?)

Fig 2., Star

Fig. 3, Life & Style

Fig. 4, In Touch

It's called "Auto-Brewery Syndrome," and it may take artisanal homebrewing to disturbing new lows.

In a report published recently by the International Journal of Clinical Medicine, medical professionals in Texas recalled treating a 61-year-old man who would regularly exhibit signs of inebriation despite not having drunk a drop.

"He would get drunk out of the blue — on a Sunday morning after being at church, or really, just anytime," Panola College dean of nursing Barbara Cordell is quoted as saying. "His wife was so dismayed about it that she even bought a Breathalyzer."

Despite being diagnosed by physicians as a "closet drinker," the man's condition continued to perplex Cordell, who eventually teamed up with Lubbock-based gastroenterologist Dr. Justin McCarthy to get to the bottom of this medical mystery.

After isolating him in a hospital room for an entire day and feeding him carbohydrate-rich foods, doctors noted that his BAC was a solid 0.12.

It turned out that an overabundance of brewer's yeast in the man's gut was causing his intestinal tract to act, as NPR put it, "like his own internal brewery."

Brewer's yeast — or Saccharomyces cerevisiae — is commonly used in the brewing of beer and can be found in a bunch of daily foods.

On rare occasions, such as in the case of the sexagenarian Texan, brewer's yeast can refuse to leave the body, instead staking a claim to some meatbag's intestinal tract.

The live-in yeast will then ferment any sugars it comes into contact with, turning them into ethanol, resulting in inadvertent intoxication.

Only a few similar cases could be found in recorded medical history, and the blame is most often placed on antibiotics or an immune-system-suppressing illness that had allowed the yeast to thrive and transform its host's six-pack abs into a six pack.

[photo via Shuttertstock]

Earlier this week you may have read in the New York Daily News about the international adventures of Jon Levy, a 33 year-old New Yorker who spent “a year of weekends at the world’s most exhilarating and entertaining spectacles.” The article neglected to mention Levy’s extremely important side gig as the host of the “The Influencers Dinner,” a monthly gathering of self-described “influentials” (including, at one dinner, a Winklevoss brother) at his massive Manhattan apartment, which he likes to call “The Manor.”

Sounds like an awesome party! And Levy, from what we’ve heard, seems like the perfect host. He was born to the wealthy painter Benjamin Levy and graduated from the Dwight School (“igniting the spark of genius in every child”) and NYU before deciding to criss-cross the globe in search of the most refined diversions. A marketing director at Rodale during the week, he flies out of New York every Friday for events like Burning Man, the Running of the Bulls, and Art Basel Miami — the latter “for the pure fact that it is supposed to be a crazy scene.” And why not? Levy’s an Influencer, after all.

A tipster recently forwarded us the latest Influencers Dinner invitation, copied below, for tonight’s soirée. Guests should be on their very best behavior; as the invitation brags/warns, Levy convinced a Sunday Styles Times reporter to cover his own dinner.

From: Concierge - Caroline Ammarell

Date: September 15, 2013 6:56:15 PM EDT

To: Concierge-Caroline Ammarell

Subject: FINAL REMINDER AND DETAILS: Reunion & Platinum Cocktails with The Influencers

Dear Influencer,

The Influencers look forward to an evening of great company, intriguing conversation, tasty cocktails, and assorted entertainment. We'd like to remind everyone that due to the high volume of attendees at this event, we're now unable to accommodate plus ones. This salon experience will be hosted by the founder of the Influencers, Jon Levy.

Cocktails with The Influencers

September 18th at 9:30PM+

The Manor

317 West 89th St

Bet. West End & Riverside Dr.

Your attendance is confirmed. As a reminder, a journalist from the NYTimes will be present and covering the event for the Sunday Style section.

This invitation is not transferable and is only valid for yourself. We are now over capacity due to the overwhelming response from former dinner guests. We apologize, but we will not be able to accommodate any plus ones that are not spouses or significant others. Please email me if you would like to bring a significant other, and otherwise we look forward to hosting you!

Cheers,

Caroline Ammarell

Concierge

The Influencers

www.facebook.com/InfluencersDinner

www.twitter.com/InfluencersDin

See us in Forbes.

Frequently Asked Questions:

What is the intention of the event?

The commitment is to have a salon experience, where people leave every conversation saying: “I am so happy I spoke to that person.” It is not about networking, although that happens naturally.

What is appropriate attire?

There is no formal dress code, so dress as you would like to be known. Wearing a suit or jeans and a t-shirt are equally appropriate.

Who will be there?

The guests’ names are kept secret to preserve the experience, but attendees are always an eclectic mix that range from world record holders, TV stars, agency founders, olympians, and business owners, to famed photographers, comedians, internet celebrities, platinum music artists, heiresses, and everyone in between.

Should I bring anything?

A bottle of wine or liquor is always welcome and appreciated.

“Aut delectare aut prodesse est.” -Horace, “Either to please or to educate.”

[Image via Facebook]

Between permanently kidnapping The Roots and producing the god damn endless popular cover song medleys that every god damn asshole wants to share with you on Facebook, you might have thought that mop-headed giggler Jimmy Fallon's show had reached Peak Irksomeness. Wrong!

Coming soon to Smirky's Late Night Jam Session: live ads for Lexus, from an improv troupe, via suggestions from Twitter. It's a real hip hop-style mashup, of annoying things! From the New York Times:

During an early commercial break in the “Late Night” episode, viewers will be asked to propose ad concepts through social media platforms like Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter, using the hashtag #LexusIS. (The live spots are intended to help Lexus introduce the 2014 IS model.)

Then, during the last commercial break of the episode, members of one of four improv troupes — Fun Young Guys, Magnet Theater Touring Company, MB’s Dream and Stone Cold Fox — will perform a spot based on or inspired by the audience’s submissions.

Car ads! Hashtags! Improv! And Jimmy Fallon! If you could just toss in allergies, crying babies, and a shouting preacher on the subway during morning rush hour, this could be the single most vexatious creation in entertainment history.

Hashtag looking forward to it!

[Photo: AP]

On Tuesday, former congressman Dennis Kucinich and Fox News’ senior foreign-affairs correspondent Greg Palkot interviewed Syrian President Bashar Assad in Damascus as part of a special that will air on Fox News Wednesday evening.

#President al-Assad gives an #interview to American Fox News channel, to be broadcasted on 01:00 am – Damascus. pic.twitter.com/gVHjyIpPMA

— Syrian Presidency (@Presidency_Sy) September 18, 2013

Michael Clemente, Fox’s executive vice president of news, released a statement about the interview to Politico:

“On Saturday, Sept. 7, ... Dennis Kucinich advised me that he believed he could secure an interview with … Assad, whom he had met on previous occasions. At the time, it appeared that an American military attack on Syria was imminent, and I decided that Kucinich should pursue the interview, on condition that Fox News journalists would also be included.”

“Over the course of the next 10 days,” Clemente added, “the situation in Syria changed drastically. When our interview with President Assad finally took place on Sept. 17, Russia’s proposal to secure Syrian chemical weapons had, temporarily, reduced the likelihood of an American attack.

“The interview, shot by agreement by a Syrian camera crew, was conducted with no restrictions on the questions that could be asked. … Greg Palkot, a veteran of Middle East coverage, conducted the interview beside Kucinich … I was present in the control room and studio at the Presidential Palace in Damascus for the duration. Kucinich was not there in the capacity of a journalist nor was he representing Fox News in that role.”

In an interview with CBS News’ Charlie Rose ten days ago, Assad denied using chemical weapons against civilians and made a stern, if vague, promise to retaliate against any military intervention from the US government.

From that interview:

Charlie Rose: "Will there be attacks against American bases in Middle East if there is an airstrike?"

Assad: "You should expect everything. You should expect everything. Not necessarily from the government. It’s not only the government are not the only player in this region. You have different parties, you have different factions, you have different ideology. You have everything in this region now. So you have to expect that."

Rep. Phil Gingrey, in a discussion about Congress losing its subsidized healthcare: "[Congressional aides] may be 33 years old now and not making a lot of money. But in a few years they can just go to K Street and make $500,000 a year. Meanwhile I’m stuck here making $172,000." Gingrey is a millionaire.

Could you see yourself paying $1,275 a month to live in a 100-square-foot micro-studio apartment that's "smaller than a jail cell"? What if I threw in a "brand new alcove"?

Douglas Elliman Real Estate is hoping that fancy-sounding "amenities" and a medley of shameless realtor buzz words will be enough to convince "students or young professionals who wish to enjoy the vivacity of South Harlem" to rent out this baby shoebox at 14 Convent Ave.

Check out the listing below:

Offered is a brand new alcove studio with three, large, east-facing windows allowing for robust sunlight throughout the day. Floors are contemporary dark-wood, and kitchen appliances are newly-installed, jet-black. Cabinet space is generous. Bathroom is new with rainforest showerhead. The building is a gut-renovated pre-war structure with laundry in the basement and a garden for exclusive use by tenants...Studios are small, clean, with compelling renovation.

"They are like dorm rooms but more expensive," resident Kevin Mangan told the Daily News.

Mangan rents a "megasize" 250-square-foot unit in the third floor of the same building for $1,350 a month — $400 more than a dorm room at Columbia University, where he is currently a senior.

Looking to get a realistic view of the place not photographed by professional optical illusionists employed by a real estate agency, the Daily News sent reporter Simone Weichselbaum to check out apartment 1F.

This is what she came back with:

Update 7:40 p.m.: Well, the listing was removed for fairly obvious reasons (have you seen this place?), but here, for posterity, is what it looked like before the scrub:

[H/T: Gothamist, screengrabs via Elliman, PIX11]