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Jay Z and Ashton Kutcher-Backed "Uber For Planes" Grinds to a Halt

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Jay Z and Ashton Kutcher-Backed "Uber For Planes" Grinds to a Halt

Of all the "Uber for __" propositions, the splashiest by far was Blackjet, the app that purports to help wealthy users book seats on private jets (for a $2,500 annual membership fee). When it launched last October, the company touted A-list Hollywood investors like Ashton Kutcher, Jay Z, and Will Smith, not to mention connections to successful—or successful-seeming—companies like Uber. But sources tell Valleywag that Blackjet is in a tailspin—out of cash, unable to raise funds, and "basically over." Another source said: "They are fucked."

The idea behind Blackjet was that, after ponying up that hefty membership fee, users would be able to seamlessly book seats on a private jet wherever they needed to go "in 10 seconds, with guaranteed availability," as the web site puts it. Like Uber, the company operates as a middleman, taking a cut of the proceeds for building an automated interface to fill empty seats. It doesn't own any jets or employ any pilots, but rather establishes relationships with private carriers.

Just over a year after launching, though, the only customer review on Blackjet's iPhone app called the service "horrible," complaining about the one month approval process after paying the $2,500 fee: "I've had less hassle getting into the White House (and I'm not kidding about that)." A source told Valleywag that Blackjet members haven't been able to book seats for the past two months.

Blackjet's trajectory illustrates the folly of throwing money at deceptively simple pitches like "[name of hot company] for [completely unrelated application]." After all, the aviation industry and the black car and taxi markets only look similar on a pitch deck.

Jay Z and Ashton Kutcher-Backed "Uber For Planes" Grinds to a Halt

But when investments go south, people look for someone to blame. In Blackjet's case, part of that has fallen on the company's flamboyant former chairman Shervin Pishevar, who also invested in the Blackjet and was instrumental in securing funding for Uber. According to one source, Pishevar promised the Hollywood crowd and Silicon Valley insiders who invested $2.4 million in Blackjet that he would be able to raise $15 to $20 million, including money from his new fund Sherpa Ventures. But that financing didn't come through.

(This SEC filing shows that the $2.14 million came in the form of a convertible note, rather than equity. With convertible notes, startups can "give different prices to different investors" to prevent backers from waiting to see who else will jump abroad.)

Part of the difficulty in raising funds, one source told Valleywag, stems from the fact that the established venture capital firms that line Menlo Park's Sand Hill Road refused to join Pishevar on a deal because of the noise he generates. "He is obsessed with being liked and famous," a source said. "It's not gonna end well."

In February, Pishevar left a plum role as managing partner of Menlo Ventures to start Sherpa with Goldman Sachs banker Scott Stanford—riding the wave of investments he worked on at Menlo, like financing for Uber, Fab.com, TaskRabbit, and Tumblr.

Investors are a cliquey bunch, but it's hard to picture venture capitalists abstaining from a hot company, no matter how loud it gets. His over-sharing didn't hurt Pishevar's ability to lock down $15 million of the $150 million he is hoping to raise for Sherpa from TPG Capital, the private equity firm that recently joined a $258 million investment round in Uber.

Jay Z and Ashton Kutcher-Backed "Uber For Planes" Grinds to a Halt

Pishevar declined to comment. But one glance at his public Instagram and Twitter accounts shows he's rarely met a bold-faced name he didn't @. He posted photos of Miley Cyrus backstage at the VMAs on the night of the tongue wag heard 'round the world. And that's him hanging with Kanye West after dinner with Elon Musk.

One reason Pishevar, who became Blackjet's chairman in 2012 and stepped down a few months ago, is being singled out is because he was positioned in the tech press as playing a pivotal role in the formation of the company. During an eye-catching Blackjet event in San Francisco in February, which featured the Blackjet SkyAngels (booth babes for the private jet set), Pishevar said he was responsible for bringing in Uber cofounder Garrett Camp on as a Blackjet "cofounder." After all, it's much easier to sell Silicon Valley on "Uber for private jets" when you have Uber DNA, no?

Here's how TechCrunch wrote reported news of Camp's involvement in the company:

Uber for the home. Uber for car washes. Uber for this, Uber for that. And now there's an Uber for private jets.

Difference is, this "Uber for… " is actually backed by an Uber co-founder. And oh man, is he excited about it.

The excitement seems to have waned. Camp, who was in charge of "product development" and lead the last investment round, does not currently feature Blackjet on his Twitter or LinkedIn profiles. He didn't respond to request for comment.

Jay Z and Ashton Kutcher-Backed "Uber For Planes" Grinds to a Halt

At the same party in San Francisco's Union Square, Pishevar articulated his vision of a more convenient world ushered in by apps like Uber and Blackjet:

"With the new app, you push a button, then you're booked. Then you take your Uber to your Blackjet, and take off. So it's pretty exciting. I think that's the way the world is going to work. It's a lot more efficient, no more waste."

Not everyone puts the blame on Pishevar. One source attributed Blackjet's failure to raise funds to the company's decision to try to secure a higher valuation, noting that fundraising obligations fall on the CEO, not the chairman. The market is still early and different models are being experimented with, said the source. Companies like Surfair, which is using a Netflix "all you can fly" model," are supposedly raising a big round of capital to expand, whereas the Blackjet model hasn't been working as well.

It's possible that Blackjet will get a "soft landing," a euphemism for saving face through an acquisition. CEO Dean Rotchin hinted as much during an interview in August:

"I think the airlines, they may not embrace it but they can understand that this whole different system is probably going to be something they can leverage," suggests Rocthin. "So we think that we would be acquired by them. We've already been in contact with a couple of airlines."

A source cautioned: "Acquired in this sense may mean some assets are sold for $1 million."

In response to questions from Valleywag, Rotchin sent the following statement:

BlackJet members are truly early adopters of a new technology and model that is disruptive to air travel by reducing the cost to fly private by 80%. We have had tremendous support since our launch. We are focusing on providing charter flights now, while evaluating long term financing alternatives. We remain dedicated to our mission to provide the ultimate affordable private jet travel experience to our members.

Jay Z and Ashton Kutcher-Backed "Uber For Planes" Grinds to a Halt

Regardless of where the company lands, Blackjet's problems also shine a spotlight on the unpredictable impact of celebrity investors and their social media sway. (Will Smith invested through Overbrook Entertainment, Jay Z through Roc Nation, whereas Ashton Kutcher and Guy Oseary invested personally, according to Crunchbase.) Blackjet gave Miley Cyrus a ride to Silicon Valley and the pop star was "given some consideration for her tweet," Rotchin told the New York Times.

Compare that to the most recent tweet about Blackjet from one of its members:

[Image via Blackjet.com]


Federal Judge's Son Commits Suicide at Mormon Temple

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Federal Judge's Son Commits Suicide at Mormon Temple

On Tuesday night, Scott Greer Bybee, the 26-year-old son of 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Jay Bybee, fatally shot himself at a Mormon temple in east Las Vegas.

According to Las Vegas Police Department spokesman Lt. Mark Reddon, Bybee's family called police just before the shooting because they feared Bybee was on his way to the temple to commit suicide. When police arrived, they found Bybee dead in the temple's garden, apparently from a self-inflicted gunshot.

“It will take time for Jay, Dianna, and their other family members, to begin the healing process, but they will be grateful for your prayers and good wishes on their behalf,” Judge Milan Smith said in a statement sent to friends and colleagues, according to the Las Vegas Review Journal. Smith also said that Scott Bybee had suffered from depression for years.

Judge Bybee is best known for signing the famous "torture memo" in August 2002 when he was former assistant attorney general for the Office of Legal Counsel under George W. Bush. The “enhanced interrogation techniques” endorsed by the memos are considered torture by many American allies as well as the Justice Department, Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, and others.

Goldman Sachs' Annual "Tech Fuckfest" Hits Las Vegas

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Goldman Sachs' Annual "Tech Fuckfest" Hits Las Vegas

Goldman Sachs annual conference wooing tech startups is currently underway in Las Vegas and TechCrunch got its hands on the agenda for what it calls "one of the most high-end and hush-hush events in the tech world."

A former attendee described the debauchery a little differently, telling Valleywag: "It's a tech fuckfest." Multiple sources told Valleywag that Dave Morin was spotted misbehaving at a club after-party last year. There's a reason no reporters are allowed.

According to TechCrunch, the secrecy involved cannot be overstated:

It's essentially like the Hackers Conference or dinners at Sheryl Sandberg's house or Fight Club, except for tech executives who are likely to soon go through an IPO or big M&A deal. If you're on the invite list, you're in pretty good company — and the first rule is that you don't talk about it to others.

Luckily, the agenda names names. Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel will be there, so will Path CEO Dave Morin, Instagram CEO Kevin Systrom, Warby Parker co-CEO Dave Gilboa, Quora CEO Adam D'Angelo, the CEO of Gilt Groupe Michele Peluso, Buzzfeed's Jon Steinberg, and more.

But the "belle of the ball," says TechCrunch, will be Uber CEO Travis Kalanick, who is being interviewed by (wait for it) Anthony Noto, former dotcom hype man who helped Goldman Sachs become the lead underwriter for Twitter's IPO.

Don't let what happens at tech fuckfest stay in Vegas: tips@valleywag.com.

Agenda via TechCrunch:

Goldman Sachs' Annual "Tech Fuckfest" Hits Las Vegas

Goldman Sachs' Annual "Tech Fuckfest" Hits Las Vegas

A full list of participating companies is below:

1.1-800-Flowers.com

2.42Floors

3.4rge Media

4.555 Capital

5.99designs

6.Accel Partners

7.Access Industries

8.Achievers

9.Activision Blizzard

10.Adam Rothenberg

11.Adams Street Partners

12.Adobe

13.Advance Publications

14.Aereo, Inc.

15.Agent of Change

16.AirPR

17.Aleph VC

18.Altimeter Capital

19.Amazon

20.AnchorFree

21.Andreessen Horowitz

22.AOL

23.Apartment List

24.Apax Partners

25.Appia

26.Atlas Peak

27.August Capital

28.Austin Ventures

29.Automattic / WordPress

30.Avito

31.Bain Capital Ventures

32.Baixing.com

33.BarkBox

34.Battery Ventures

35.Beachmint

36.Benchmark

37.Betable

38.Beyond the Rack

39.Bigpoint

40.Billpay

41.BlueKai

42.Boingo

43.Boulevard Capital LLC

44.BranchOut

45.Brew Media Relations

46.Brightroll

47.Buzzfeed

48.CafeMom

49.CBS Films

50.CBS Interactive

51.CityMaps

52.Coatue Mgmt

53.Cooley Godward LLP

54.Coupons.com

55.Criag Forman

56.Cross Creek Advisors

57.Crosslink Capital

58.Dafiti

59.Datalogix

60.DataSift

61.Demand Media

62.Dolby

63.Dollar Shave Club

64.Dropbox

65.DST Investment

66.eBay Inc

67.Elevation Partners

68.Equinix

69.Etsy

70.eXelate

71.Facebook

72.Federal Communications Commission

73.Felicis Ventures

74.Figma, Inc

75.flayvr

76.Floodgate

77.Freeman Spogli & Co

78.Freewheel

79.Frontback

80.Fuel Capital

81.Game Insight

82.Gemvara

83.General Atlantic LLC

84.General Catalyst Partners

85.GetYourGuide

86.GGV Capital

87.Gigya

88.Gilt Groupe

89.Glam Media

90.Glassdoor

91.Glynn Capital

92.GoDaddy

93.Goodwin Procter

94.Google Ventures

95.Grand St.

96.Greylock Partners

97.Grubhub Seamless

98.Guggenheim Media

99.Guggenheim Partners

100.Gyft

101.Handybook

102.HauteLook

103.Hearst Corporation

104.Highland Capital Partners

105.Hired

106.Hola

107.Holtzbrinck Ventures

108.Huddle

109.IAC

110.Identified

111.IMA Ventures

112.Industry Ventures

113.Instagram

114.Institutional Venture Partners

115.Intel Capital

116.Internet Brands

117.Intuit

118.Janus Capital Mgmt

119.Jawbone

120.Kadora SA

121.Kanjoya

122.Keepsafe

123.Khosla Ventures

124.Kinnevik Capital

125.KKR

126.Kleiner Perkins

127.Klout

128.Knewton

129.Knotch

130.KPCB

131.Kynetic

132.L85

133.Lakestar

134.LendingClub

135.Liberty Media

136.Lightspeed Venture Partners

137.LINE

138.LinkedIn

139.Lookout Inc.

140.Lowercase Capital

141.Lumosity

142.lynda.com

143.Lyst

144.Magisto

145.Magma

146.Marin Software

147.Markafoni

148.Mashery

149.Mason Capital Mgmt LLC

150.Matrix Partners

151.Maverick Capital

152.Maveron

153.MessageMe

154.Metrodigi

155.MFS Inv Mgmt

156.Microsoft Corporation

157.Minkabu, Inc.

158.Mobile Roadie

159.Monetate

160.MoPub

161.Morgan Stanley Inv Mgmt

162.MyTime

163.Nanigans

164.NastyGal

165.NEA

166.NFL

167.NGP Energy Technology

168.NHN

169.Nike Digital

170.Nordstrom

171.Norwest Venture Partners

172.NV Investments, Inc.

173.Oak Investment Company

174.Oak VC

175.OnDeck

176.One Kings Lane

177.ooVoo

178.Open English

179.OpenSky

180.Ostrovok

181.Partner Fund

182.Passport Capital

183.PasswordBox

184.Path

185.Pearl.com

186.Perion

187.Pine River Capital Management

188.Plarium

189.Pose

190.Providence

191.Qualtrics

192.Quantcast Corporation

193.Quora

194.Rackspace

195.Ranku

196.Recruit Strategic Partners

197.Redfin

198.Redpoint Ventures

199.Reputation.com

200.Research Gate

201.RetailMeNot

202.Rizvi Traverse Management

203.Saavn Music

204.SAP Ventures

205.Say Media

206.Scale Venture Partners

207.Science

208.scopely

209.ScoreBig

210.Scripps Networks

211.Scripted.com

212.SeatMe/Yelp

213.Sequoia Capital

214.Shasta Ventures

215.Shazam

216.Sherpa Ventures

217.ShopRunner

218.Silver Lake Partners

219.simply hired

220.Simpson Thacher & Bartlett

221.Simulmedia

222.Snapchat

223.Snapdeal.com

224.Snaps

225.Socialbakers

226.SocialRadar

227.SoftTech VC

228.Sole Society

229.SoundCloud

230.Spectrum Equity

231.Speek

232.SPIL Games

233.Spotify

234.StarHill Associates

235.Stitch Fix

236.Storm8, Inc

237.Stripe

238.Styleseat

239.Summa Group

240.Summit Partners

241.SurveyMonkey

242.SV Angel

243.T Rowe Price

244.Tango.me

245.TCV

246.TeleSign

247.TellApart

248.Temasek International Pte Ltd

249.Tencent Holdings

250.textPlus

251.The Social+Capital Partnership

252.The Summit

253.Thinkful

254.Third Point Advisors

255.Threadless

256.thredUP

257.Thrive Capital

258.Thumbtack

259.Tiger Global

260.TigerText

261.TPG Capital

262.Trendyol.com

263.TrialPay

264.Trident Capital

265.TuneIn

266.Turn

267.Twitter

268.Uber

269.Udemy

270.UOL

271.Valiant Capital Mgmt LP

272.vArmour

273.Venrock

274.Viola Group

275.Voyat

276.Vy Capital

277.Wanelo

278.Warburg Pincus

279.Wayfair

280.WhatsApp

281.Whisper

282.WillCall

283.Wonga

284.Yahoo!

285.Yelp

286.Yplan

287.Zady

288.ZestFinance

289.Ziff Brothers Invs LLC

290.Zynga

[Image via Wikimedia]

Denmark Ruled by Demon Family

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Denmark Ruled by Demon Family

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark—most probably the greenish corpses hanging from all the lampposts, leaking purge fluids onto the smart little cobblestones as chaos and terror rule the nation following the revelation that the Danish royal family is composed of demons.

The news was broken over the weekend, when the newest portrait of the royal family was unveiled to the public, to a chorus of screams. The painting depicts three generations of royals, all eerily aglow as if they have just feasted on a village of Thomas Kinkade's flaming houses, dressed in various articles of clothing proportionate to their size. Its members engage in their various favorite pastimes: holding onto a baby's leg; constructing a tower to heaven as an affront to God; using black magic to animate a toy horse, causing it to prance and lurch with queer, jerky motions. In the foreground, an 8-year-old bores into the souls of those Beyond The Fourth Wall. Behind the group: the ruins of the city they have destroyed.

Here is the official description of the painting, which features a rare application of the adjective "severe" to describe a child.

In Kluge's painting the royal couple is depicted in a gilt rococo settee surrounded by their sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren, all in everyday clothing. The present and future monarchs, H.M. The Queen, T.R.H. The Crown Prince and Prince Christian, all make eye contact with us, while their family members are portrayed in their own universe, unprovoked by the gaze of the spectator. The children are at play with the exception of the upright and severe Prince Christian who seems aware of his future responsibilities.

Since it was unveiled over the weekend, the portrait has drawn comparisons to the widely derided first official portrait of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, and also no animals have crossed in front of it. The painting is the result of four years' work by artist Thomas Kluge. When it first put on display, blood splashed down like rain in Copenhagen for 13 straight hours, staining all the daisies. The official website of the Danish Royal Collections characterizes Kluge's art as "a kind of magic realism."

Visitors can view the painting until March 2014 in the Gala Hall of the royal residence Amalienborg Palace, where it will hang as part of an exhibition of royal portraits and a warning of horrors to come.

All the flames in Denmark have been burning black and cool to the touch since the exact moment the painting was first unveiled, though it's not clear if the incidents are related.

[Image via Amalienborg Museum]

Utah Mayor Will Keep His Post After Town 'Forgets' to Hold Election

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Utah Mayor Will Keep His Post After Town 'Forgets' to Hold Election

The mayor of a mile-high town in Utah will keep his job for another two years after "forgetting" to inform residents that it was time to hold municipal elections.

Wallsburg's four city council members will also be reappointed by default after the screw-up that is being blamed on a city employee in charge of election oversight.

"Wallsburg [pop. 275] never advertised or prepared for an election this year, so no one signed up," Wasatch County Clerk Brent Titcomb told the Salt Lake Tribune. "They’re going to have to appoint the current mayor and council for two more years and they’ll advertise and have people elected [in 2015]."

Mayor Jay Hortin and his council benefited from the small town's forgetfulness two years ago as well, when the municipal elections also passed by unannounced.

Hortin's dad insists his son isn't doing it on purpose, and that even if the elections were held, he would probably have run unopposed.

Titcomb, meanwhile, promises to shoot Wallsburg an e-mail come 2015.

"We will remember them in 2015," he told the Associated Press. "They will definitely have an election in 2015."

[image via Shutterstock]

Immigrants Are Coding for 24 Hours Straight on Behalf of Lobbyists

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Immigrants Are Coding for 24 Hours Straight on Behalf of Lobbyists

Remember when Mark Zuckerberg and his friends made a baby, and sent it on a cross-country bus trip to DC? FWD.us was supposed to be a new force in Washington, using new tech smarts to solve old policy impasses. Of course, that was bullshit, but here's a semi-exploitative hackathon, just for fun.

The LA Times rings the bell of political progress: "Facebook Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg is bringing young undocumented immigrants with engineering chops to Silicon Valley to 'hack' immigration reform." "Hack" is written in scare quotes because it doesn't mean anything here: immigration reform will remain exactly as intractable and bleak as ever, which is why Zuck is playing the same old lobbying games as every other lobbying group in the history of lobbying. Cozying up with creeps gets shit done in our nation's capital—hackathons don't.

Especially hackathons as patently useless as this:

The young coders will break into small groups to build technology during the marathon programming session to push Congress to pass immigration reform. Technology veterans including Zuckerberg, LinkedIn co-founder Reid Hoffman and Dropbox co-founder Drew Houston will be on hand to advise them, and Fwd.us, Zuckerberg's lobbying group, has pledged to get the projects up and running

[...]

Among the young immigrants who will code for 24 hours straight is 24-year-old Justino Mora from Los Angeles.

Mora's group plans to build a mobile app that will tell people who their representatives are in Washington, where those representatives stand on immigration reform and ways in which people can take action, either by signing a petition or sending a message to their representatives.

Coding for 24 straight hours as FWD.us tweets about you, preening for its followers: I would renounce my US citizenship to not have to go through that. It's a perfect example of two very clear and very bad things: Silicon Valley's fantasy faith in coding as panacea, and Washington's faith in the power of a good photo opp.

Truly, the worst of both worlds. If hackathons were all it took to pass reform on a national scale, it would probably make more sense to put a bunch of people in a room with laptops instead of greasing politicians with money.

You can follow the publicity stunt along at its very own hashtag, #dreamerhackathon.

'Livin On a Prayer' Just Charted Thanks to a Four-Year-Old Viral Video

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We live in a strange world. Thanks to the internet's multifaceted infostream, time, formerly arrow-straight, has wrapped around itself like a Hot Wheels track which now, unfortunately, has sent the miniature muscle car of history careening back to the 80s.

According to Billboard, Bon Jovi's 1987 #1 hit "Livin' on a Prayer" has landed at 25 on the Billboard Hot 100 this week. It surged 390% last week thanks to the renewed popularity of a 2009 viral video of Celtics fan Jeremy Fry dancing to the song at Boston's TD Garden. (Above.)

Did you get that? A 26-year-old song has charted thanks to a three-year-old viral video. Up is down, nothing is what it seems. A wrinkle in time, etc.

This would not be such a problem if it were any other song but "Livin' on a Prayer," which has no right to ever be heard again outside the confines of the sports stadium or booze-stained Karaoke booth. (Kanye's 2005 "Gone," a very good song, cracked the top 20 last month after a woman made that viral job-quitting video set to it. That was pretty cool.) But, basically, from now on, thanks to viral videos, we will never know when some insufferable earworm might rear out of the stacks of history to wedge once again into your brain, just because somebody did something funny on the internet.

New York's ultra-wealthy elite sure are going to miss departing Police Commissioner Ray Kelly.

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New York's ultra-wealthy elite sure are going to miss departing Police Commissioner Ray Kelly. After taking a meeting with Henry Kissinger on Monday, Kelly was later feted by Tina Brown at a dinner with Jeff Zucker, Cynthia McFadden, financier Don Marron, and Richard "Gag Reflex" Cohen, among other rich people.


Deadspin Gay Former Football Player Says He Had Six Or Seven Gay-Ish Teammates | Gizmodo Scientists

Girls Shouldn't Try Raunchy Comedy, Variety Critic Says

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Girls Shouldn't Try Raunchy Comedy, Variety Critic Says

Variety's television critic Brian Lowry let slip a bizarre opinion this morning while reviewing Sarah Silverman's upcoming HBO comedy special We Are Miracle—namely, that because she's a woman, she shouldn't be "as dirty as the guys." Uh. What?

Lowry wastes no time diving into his outdated views towards female comedians. His article is called "Sarah Silverman's Bad Career Move: Being As Dirty As The Guys," a jab that immediately indicates that it's not raunch that he takes umbrage with, just raunch coming from the mouth of a woman. It quickly goes from bad to worse. "Despite all manner of career-friendly gifts—from her looks to solid acting chops," he writes, "she's limited herself by appearing determined to prove she can be as dirty and distasteful as the boys."

He then takes an inexplicable jab at New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, chastising her profile on Silverman as palling around, explaining "for reasons that, like a lot of Dowd's random pop-culture-related musings, must have made sense to her." Ultimately, Lowry doesn't actually review the special, choosing to further hammer home his point that due to the chromosomal abnormality of possessing two X chromosomes, Silverman is too bawdy for his taste.

Articles like this are infuriating for a number of reasons—primarily the suggestion that female comedians can't be as raunchy as their male counteraprts. This sort of gender essentialism is troubling coming from a layperson, but coming from a seasoned journalist at a reputable entertainment news publication? It's disgusting. Lowry never once rails against raunchy comedy in general—and let's be honest, this sort of article would never be written about a male comedian. He has often written in Variety how he finds Louis C.K. "moodily brilliant," but has never once written about finding the male comedian's jokes to be distasteful, despite the fact that one of C.K.'s more famous bits is "You can figure out how bad a person you are by how soon after September 11th you masturbated." While women are striving to shatter the glass ceiling in every industry right now, and doing a damn good job of it, Lowry wants to enforce outdated gender politics down the throat of a female comedian, who by all measures, is already quite successful in her field.

Also insulting is his insinuation that Silverman's shtick is just an attempt to prove she can hang with male comedians. After 22 years of a career that originated from a season spent on Saturday Night Live, Silverman has put an immense amount of work into her brand of humor, and it's earned her an Emmy, multiple TV shows, and a number of movie roles. I'm not Silverman's biggest fan (I wrote just a month ago how little I enjoyed her failed NBC pilot), but it's abundantly clear that the kind of jokes she makes are jokes that make her laugh. Often times those things are vaginas, boobs, and singing the word 'cunt' for over a minute straight. To suggest that two decades worth of work is merely an attempt to try to be like someone else—that someone else being an entire sex—is condescending, offensive, and dismissive of her entire body of work.

Lowry's misogyny shines prominently even when he's attempting to backhandedly compliment Silverman. His primary metric of her ability to succeed is her attractiveness, followed by an afterthought nod to her acting ability. After digging through more than 50 of Lowry's other reviews, not once has there been a mention of a male actor's looks in any review, positive or negative. Why now? Why is Silverman's appearance up for debate? Lowry's sexism was already reaching a fever pitch by expounding on how Silverman is just attempting to vie with male comedians, but by dragging her aesthetically pleasing face into the mix, he's essentially stating that a large part of her "talent" comes from a lucky gift of genetics, rather than years of working her ass off to become one of the most famous comedians of her generation—not just one of the most famous female comedians.

To add insult to injury, Lowry barely reviews Silverman's We Are Miracles—the one job he was tasked to do. His half-hearted attempt at encapsulating his thoughts on a couple of the jokes are immediately overshadowed again by the fact that he's made it clear the only reason the jokes don't fly for him, are because he thinks that as a woman, she shouldn't be making them. He tries to excuse his outdated mindset by stating "such judgments are highly subjective, but" before complaining about her bits. Okay Brian, my opinion is subjective, but you're an asshole. He mentions that she plays to a small room of just 39 guests, but never once talks about how the material was received, instead offering a weak metaphor between the small venue and the small career Silverman has limited herself to, because, ya know, mouthy broads are their own worst enemies, am I right?!

I'm not angry because I'm a woman. I'm not even angry because I'm a woman, who writes comedy, has made a career off of raunchy written missives, and is currently going through one of the monthly joys of womanhood—a joy I'm sure Lowry would assume renders me reduced to a rage-riddled chocolate fiend for the next four and a half days. I'm angry because it's these types of attitudes that should have disappeared by 2013, yet somehow keep cropping up. Jerry Lewis said in 1998 that he didn't think women were funny. Christopher Hitchens wrote a similar piece for Vanity Fair in 2007. Gil Greengross at Psychology Today did as well, and used arbitrary "scientific research" to back his claim in 2011. Adam Carrolla infamously echoed the same 'women aren't funny' bullshit to The New York Post in 2012. It's not surprising that every one of these opinons comes from a man. Just off the top of my head I can think of hundreds of hilarious female comedians, actresses and writers who could prove that line of thought wrong by their mere existence, but I won't list them. Doing so would be pejorative, and really, has anyone ever asked for a binder full of men to prove that they are indeed funny?

Perhaps Silverman said it best of all, just two days ago, on MSNBC's All In With Chris Hayes: "I think vaginas really, really scare people."

Ballsy Girl Ditches Bungee Harness, Holds On to Boyfriend Instead

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Two Russian teens give new meaning to the term "trust fall" by engaging in a tandem bungee jump, minus one safety harness.

"The first time always hurts," says an off-screen voice to a girl latching on to her boyfriend, preparing to do something incredibly unsafe.

No, not lose her virginity to a diseased transient who isn't "into" using protection. Something that makes that look sane: Bungee jumping off a bridge without a harness.

"Hold on tight," says the same unseen voice. Genius.

[H/T: Daily Picks and Flicks]

[Oprah Winfrey and former President Bill Clinton were two of the 16 recipients of this year's Presid

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[Oprah Winfrey and former President Bill Clinton were two of the 16 recipients of this year's Presidential Medal of Freedom at a White House ceremony on Wednesday. The award is the nation's highest civilian honor. Photo by Evan Vucci via AP]

Homeless veteran Jim Wolf, star of the timelapse makeover viral hit, was arrested on Sunday at a Bur

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Homeless veteran Jim Wolf, star of the timelapse makeover viral hit, was arrested on Sunday at a Burger King in Grand Rapids, Mich. Wolf pled guilty to charges of trespassing and creating a disturbance. He will serve 20 days in jail.

How CBS' President And Variety's Editor In Chief Are In Bed Together

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How CBS' President And Variety's Editor In Chief Are In Bed Together

At a Girls, Inc. charity luncheon yesterday, CBS President Nina Tassler announced that she would be releasing a collection of essays on feminism. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the book is going to be co-authored by journalist Cynthia Littleton. One little problem: Littleton is the editor in chief of Variety, specifically tasked with covering television. Conflict of interest?

Littleton, who was bumped up to the editor in chief role at the start of 2013, has always written generally favorable coverage of CBS, including a profile on Tassler just last year. Just this month, Littleton penned a larger piece on "CBS' Record Year," giving extremely favorable coverage to CBS, despite the network's public image taking a deserved hit over Chairman Leslie Moonves' bullying tactics in a months-long dispute with Time Warner Cable. Given that the idea to have Littleton co-author Tassler's book was likely formed further back than just three weeks ago, its surprising that Littleton wouldn't disclose her ties to CBS' second in command while "objectively" writing about the network's success.

The book, a collection of essays by mothers in various fields, is being published by Simon & Schuster and is entitled What I Told My Daughter: Raising Feminist Daughters In A Post-Modern Feminist World. A portion of the sale proceeds will be going to Girls, Inc., the writing-focused charity Tassler supports.

It remains to be seen just what tenor Variety's coverage of CBS will take now that Tassler and Littleton's partnership is out in the open, but even if Littleton does the right thing and recuses herself from direct CBS coverage, it's hard to say that an editor-in-chief's close ties to a network won't impact her publication's coverage. The book is set to be released in 2015.

In Defense of Adam Levine

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In Defense of Adam Levine

I know what you're thinking: Adam Levine needs no defense. The Maroon 5 frontman/Voice judge/sometime actor just won what is among the best-known and most meaningless of all of America's meaningless annual awards, People's Sexiest Man Alive. He does a fine job of defending himself, as he did in his self-mocking "acceptance speech" on last night's episode of Jimmy Kimmel Live.

"A lot of people kinda trivialize this sort of thing," he said. "They say it's shallow, they say it's think a silly media stunt used to sell magazines, and perpetuate the image of Hollywood being based on looks. And that's totally true. It is, but I'm completely cool with that."

"Ryan Gosling, thanks for turning this down constantly," he joked later. He explained that sharing this this title with Nick Nolte, 1992's SML, showed him that such an honor was maybe not as out of reach as he previously thought.

Adam Levine is doing just fine. And yet, I feel inclined to speak my piece on the issue, because it has been met with such derision that there are stories about the stories.

"No one agrees," shouted Spin from its story's headline.

"TERRIBLE NEWS," said Gawker sister site Jezebel in one of three posts it has run on the matter in the past week. In her rebuttal, Jezebel's very funny Madeleine Davies called Levine "the human equivalent of testing positive for chlamydia" and the "Person Who Most Reminds You of an Infection You Got from a Hot Tub."

Those two things are among those I like most about the self-described "manwhore." For years, Levine has carried his sexuality confidently, illustrating in words the kind of swagger that few can achieve IRL. His awareness of his ability to fuck practically everyone he encounters (even a naysayer like Jezebel's Laura Beck, who wrote "I just want to fuck him and then kill him. IS THAT SO WRONG?" in her rebuttal) is offset with a more cultivated understanding of it than a typical misogynist pig. He has described himself as "promiscuous" and a slut. The default anti-woman asshole would take these qualities for granted, as "what men do," but Levine is more thoughtful about his own behavior than, frankly, he needs to be. In 2011, he told Out, "With a lot of guys who are hypersexual, it comes from some sort of disdain or dislike—they're guys who love getting laid but don't really respect women. That doesn't mean that I haven't been totally promiscuous and slutty in my lifetime, because I have."

That's more sensitive than your average manwhore.

But fuck sensitivity. How does he fuck? The first time I ever found this dude attractive enough to lust after occurred during last year's season premiere of American Horror Story: Asylum, when he mounted Jenna Dewan (incidentally, the wife of last year's Sexiest Man Alive, Channing Tatum):

I don't know if it's the irrepressible libido that he telegraphs so well, or the suggestion of his preference for spit lube that reminds me of Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal fucking doggystyle in Brokeback Mountain (mmmm, spit lube), but this convinced me entirely that Adam Levine is a fuckable motherfucker.

One method of backlash commentators have taken to is posting a list of his quotes to prove that Levine is a douchebag, People's honor be damned. One of these that comes up again and again is his assertion to Details that yoga is good for fucking. I don't understand what is unsexy about a guy who cares about his performance enough to work on it (through yoga!), who's doing it not just for himself but the person (or people) he's with.

I want someone who's going to train and work me the fuck out. I want someone who's going to make the relatively thin and short-lived lube that is spit worth using.

From a logistical standpoint, Levine is the perfect choice this year. Last year's Sexiest, Tatum, was a no-brainer. 2012 was that giant slab of beef's year, through and through, and there is yet to be a sexier, higher-profile A-lister to come along. You get the sense of how solid a fuck machine is by just looking at Tatum's outline. Think back to the much derided pick from 2011, Bradley Cooper, and how who didn't "win" (Ryan Gosling) became the real story. The debate reinvigorated the Sexiest Man Alive title with controversy. It is in People's best interest to be divisive, just as when communicating in public, especially on the internet, it is in people's best interest to be divisive.

Levine's incredibly sexy comfort with his sexuality extends beyond his attitude toward women. He also told Out:

I'm extremely comfortable in my sexuality, so I can think, Oh, that's a good-looking dude. Acknowledging that someone's attractive and wanting to fuck a dude are two different things.

There's no way to hide my straightness, but if people didn't think there was a small chance I was gay, then I wouldn't be doing my job very well. Look at the best ones, guys whose sexuality was always questioned. Bowie. Jagger. Freddie Mercury. I wouldn't be the front man of a band if that question hadn't come up at some point.

He has given entire interviews about his emphatic, pro-gay stance, in which he says that his ability to see what's right has nothing to do with having a gay brother.

All of these things contribute to the often-elusive concept of sexiness. Adam Levine is not the most beautiful guy, who ever existed. Robin Long's assessment of him that went like this in the Daily News, though goes overboard:

"If scrawny body, giraffe-necked, 2-day stubble guys with hair growth creeping down their necks are 'in,' then yes, I can see why People chose this guy."

The dude is ripped, stubble is hot, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a long neck (has Long never seen America's Next Top Model?). I suppose that it's un-P.C. in the age of privilege-shaming for a white, straight man to exhibit Levine's overt brand of confidence. I suppose that regardless of what people would accept (and perhaps fetishize) from a sex partner can be written off as douchebaggery from behind a computer screen. But I think for better or worse, gay men respond to such douchiness in our unending quest for and veneration of masculinity. Douchebags can be hot, too.

Because of this, and because of Levine's outspoken politics, it makes sense that women seem to care less about this than, for example, me. Sorry ladies and everyone else who disagrees: this year's Sexiest Man Alive is for the gays.

P.S. "Makes Me Wonder" is a quality jam that achieves next-level blue-eyed soul status by copying not contemporary hip-hop soul, but blue-eyed soul antecedents (specifically Hall & Oates) themselves. It's perfect pop.

[Image via Getty]


'2 Drunk 2 Care' Tweeted Woman Responsible for Fatal Accident

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'2 Drunk 2 Care' Tweeted Woman Responsible for Fatal Accident

The woman responsible for causing a car crash that claimed two lives reportedly tweeted "2 drunk 2 care" just a few hours before the fatal accident.

Miami NewTimes reports that Kayla Mendoza, tweeting under the name "Kaila Mendoza," posted the status update just three hours before the incident took place in the early morning hours of last Saturday.

'2 Drunk 2 Care' Tweeted Woman Responsible for Fatal Accident

A report from the Florida Highway Patrol states that Mendoza, 20, was driving her Hyundai Sonata in the wrong direction down the Sawgrass Expressway, when she slammed head-on into a Toyota Camry occupied by friends Kaitlyn Ferrante and Marisa Catronio (pictured above), both of Coral Springs.

The two had been out celebrating Catronio's 21st birthday, and were on their way home.

Catronio was pronounced dead at the scene; Ferrante sustained severe injuries and passed away this morning.

Mendoza, who refers to herself as the "pothead princess," has tweeted other incriminating statement in the past, including "2 high 2 care" and "my car permanently smells like weed."

"Can't deal with people that don't have their shit together," she tweeted one day before the crash.

No formal charges have been filed as of yet.

[photo via Facebook, tweets via @highimkaila]

Cinnabon Vodka

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Cinnabon Vodka

I hope you're happy, you disgusting animals.

From Ad Age:

Just when it seemed flavored booze couldn't get any sweeter, here comes Cinnabon vodka.

The sinful cinnamon roll brand is partnering with Beam Inc. on the product, which will be branded as Pinnacle Cinnabon Vodka... The launch will be supported by a national sampling tour that will target "various brunch and happy-hour soirees."

You people make me want to vomit. Go to hell.

[Photo via]

Guy Writes Football Thing

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Adam Weinstein, the newest addition to the Gawker family, has written a vivid and moving account of his days as an instructor at Florida State University, where the football program has fully captured the academic mission, for our brolleagues at Deadspin. Football is the one with the longish ball, I think.

Two Teens Cleared of Felony Charges in Bullying Case

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Two Teens Cleared of Felony Charges in Bullying Case

Two Florida girls, one 13 and one 14, have had felony charges dropped in a bullying case that sprang up following 12-year-old Rebecca Sedwick's suicide in September. In an interview with Today, 13-year-old Katelyn Roman expressed relief at the decision and said, "I do not feel l did anything wrong."

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd made headlines last month when he charged Roman and Guadalupe Shaw with third-degree aggravated stalking after Sedwick, a girl the duo had allegedly harassed, leapt from a factory tower to her death. Several weeks after Sedwick's suicide, Shaw allegedly wrote on her Facebook wall, "Yes [I know] I bullied Rebecca nd she killed her self but [I don't give a fuck]." That message, said Judd at the time, "forced" him to arrest the girls.

Now that the Florida state attorney has dropped all charges against Roman and Shaw, for reasons it won't release because the girls are juveniles, Judd told reporters he's "exceptionally pleased with the outcome of the case."

"We see the children are going to get the services they need,'' Judd told reporters, referring to both girls being in counseling. "That's the best outcome for juveniles. Our goal is that these kids never bully anyone again."

Not so pleased are the formerly accused teens' parents, who feel that Judd opened up their daughters to a world of criticism based on unfounded claims.

"It was uncalled for for Grady Judd to go up there and throw her picture up there and people coming to my house and trying to come and threaten my family, threaten me on the phone, threaten me at my house, I mean it was just crazy the way he did that," Katelyn Roman's father told Today.

An attorney for the Romans says the family is now considering legal action against Judd.

Wal-Mart Hired Stratfor to Hunt For a Competitor CEO's Mistresses

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Wal-Mart Hired Stratfor to Hunt For a Competitor CEO's Mistresses

The biggest box store on earth asked a private intelligence firm to trawl the Facebook friends of a competitor's CEO for Danish and Hungarian women, then determine if he'd slept with any of them—a request so weird that the spy company said it went too far.

That was a part of the negotiations between Wal-Mart and Stratfor, the embattled intel consultants, that occurred through 2010, according to the latest dump of Stratfor's internal emails by Wikileaks (which was subsequently reported by the Daily Dot).

For the previous two years, Wal-Mart had been going to Stratfor to get customized intel on foreign areas of expansion. But in April 2010, the retailer asked for a dossier on Per Bank, CEO of British hypermarket giant Tesco at the time. The reason, Wal-Mart said, was that they were "interested in hiring" Bank—though, as the Daily Dot notes, that's impossible to confirm.

Eight days and $8,000 later, Stratfor provided a short summary of Per Bank's life, concluding that he was squeaky clean. That's when Wal-Mart hopped on the slow boat to Colonel Kurtzville.

Wal-Mart executive Richard McHugh—"formerly the federal security director at U.S. Department of Homeland Security"—asked Stratfor for more. "Our research indicates he has many female friends and I was wondering whether that was simply because many of his friends are women or if this is indicative of marital infidelity," he wrote in an email.

There was some go-around by both companies on the cost and logistics of running such a spy op on Bank, but Stratfor ultimately broke off the relationship with Wal-Mart in spectacular fashion. "We need to turn down this business," a Stratfor wrote to the company's VP of intelligence:

McHugh is asking us to—

1. Identify a bunch of people in Denmark and Hungary, based almost solely on their Facebook pages

2. Decide whether or not they're sleeping with Per Bank

3. Figure out who the people sleeping with Per Bank are working for (Tesco, vendors, competitors, etc)

4. Decide whether they're sleeping with Per Bank as part of a corrupt business deal, or if he's merely cheating on his wife

Mind you, Stratfor didn't evince moral misgivings about the surveillance; it was just that "I'm not convinced we can do any of that, regardless of the price we charge," the analyst wrote. Don't worry, Wal-Mart, it was for the best. You know what they say: Save money, live better.

[Photo credit: AP]

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