Its existence is fairly well known in Washington — there's even an Amazon show about it — but this week Senator Chuck Schumer, Senator Dick Durbin and Rep. George Miller opened up their D.C. frat house to CNN, and things got weird.

They've lived there for decades with different roommates on-and-off — former CIA director and Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta once lived there — and the house has been featured before in the media.

But the CNN coverage makes the living situation — especially Schumer's — sound decidedly un-congressional.

Paint peeling off the walls. Sheets for curtains. Broken blinds. A mangled wicker chair made settable with a board. An ancient stove with a giant hole. And there's also the pile of underwear in the living room.

But it's the coverage of Schumer's habits that really stands out. For example:

• Fratboy doesn't need a bedroom. His bed is in the living room.
• His bed is actually a mattress next to the kitchen.
• He almost never makes his bed. Because, what's the point? You're just going to get back in it anyway.
• He uses an old couch as a makeshift closet. Again, why hang stuff up when you're just going to put it back on the next day.
• He stores his Toms deodorant on top of a nearby record player (easy access).
• They keep Bud Light in the fridge.
• He sleeps with a life-sized cardboard Barack Obama over his bed.
• His wife refuses to stay there when she's in town.

According to OpenSecrets.org, Schumer's net worth is somewhere between $472,019 and $1,230,000. The rent is $750 a month.

[image via CNN]

More Shanghai airpocalypse pic today: The Bund pic.twitter.com/j8Jra3CFBl

— Offbeat China (@OffbeatChina) December 5, 2013

[h/t Business Insider]

Well this is heartwarming. When an Ohio coffee shop caught a man on camera stealing money out of a tip jar, they didn't call police. Instead, they held a food drive for him. "We assume that if he was desperate enough to steal tips, he's probably in desperate times," store manager Scott Moses told WKYC.

The threat of an impending hurricane wasn't enough to scare the pants off these two buff German dudes, but they were more than happy to remove their shirts and do a sexy dance for news cameras during a live storm update.

Hurricane Xaver may have brought cold, Gale-force gusts to Germany's North Sea today, but the "Waterkant Chippendales" did what they could to keep residents nice and warm.

[H/T: Clip Nation]

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

I was recently studying in the library. Overworked and tired, I started staring into space, making a mental "to do" list in my head. While I was lost in thought I noticed a classmate covering herself up with her jacket. Little did I know, my eyes were gazing in the general direction of her breasts. I don't know this girl very well, but I could tell that she thought I was creepily scanning her bust. I didn't say anything at the time, but I really don't want her to get the wrong impression.

"Hey... Yeah. Remember a few days ago? I wasn't looking at your boobs," isn't an ideal way to start a conversation with a girl I'll probably be seeing a lot of over the next few years (it is a small program), but I feel like I should let her know I'm not that kind of person. Is that okay?

Thatz not okay.

Speaking as the caretaker of a modest set of boobs, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that I am much more likely to foster a friendship with a man who may or may not have checked me out one time than a socially inept weirdo who apologizes for boob-related issues days later.

You're right that "We appear to find ourselves embroiled in a sexually-charged mix-em-up!" is not an ideal way to break the ice with a colleague. What are you hoping her response would be? Best case scenario, what does she say? "Thank you"? "Oh good, I thought you might be a sex predator"? A huge part of polite conversation is anticipating people's responses. You have to give the other person room to be graceful. That's why we ask "How are you doing?" And not "In what specific ways has your life worsened since you were fired?"

Should you choose to pursue this neurotic plan to its painfully awkward uncomfortable end, you should know that, if she responds to your declaration with anything along the lines of "Why not, baby?" that's not real life. That's a fantasy you're having. Only you can hear the music. You're probably accidentally smiling at her boobs right now, lost in reverie. Look away.

Sitting at a table puts your line of sight directly at chest level for persons seated across the room and crotch level for those standing. The next time you find yourself about to zone out in the library, fix your gaze on the ceiling, the floor, or an inanimate object close at hand. (Or a mesmerizing Vine.) That's rookie stuff.

If you want to show your classmate you are not the kind of person who obsesses over women's breasts,try not using her breasts as an entry point into conversation. You know what subject it would not be creepyto bring up right off the bat? The very small academic program in which you are both participating.

A good rule of thumb for any situation like this is never to follow up on the thing that was embarrassing or misconstrued. Just proceed as though it didn't happen. Eventually, through the magic of time, the wonders of social kindness, and the faults of human memory it will not even have happened.

After a long and stressful day at the office all I wanted was a pick-me-up in the form of clothing, so I headed to Zara in hopes the store would solve my Wednesday blues. After weaving in and out of the crowd trying to choose my new closet necessities wisely, I was finally ready to wait on long line for the dressing room, an already dreaded task. The woman in front of me was holding one article of clothing in her hand and said to the person in front of her, "do you mind saving my spot for a minute?" Thirty minutes later (yes, I was still waiting in line) she returns to the line, only this time she has about 20 pieces of clothing draped on her arm. Essentially, she had come into the store, saved her spot on a long line, and then did her shopping while others waited. I politely hinted that she had surpassed her 1-minute promise, but she insisted she had been in front of me the whole time. I know there are variations on the beliefs of "spot-saving." Is that okay?

Thatz not okay.

First, game recognize game: That is the most ingenious line con I have ever heard of in my life. The only way her ploy could have possibly been more devious is if she had requested to be allowed to cut to the front of the line due to her painful physical handicap: having HUGE, GIGANTIC BALLS.

But just because we are impressed by the audacity of a person's treachery does not mean we excuse it. An arresting officer might tell you your jewel heist was admirably daring as he zipties your wrists, but don't think he's loading you into the back of his squad car to drive you to Friendly's.

Lines only work because we, as a civilization, have agreed to let them work. This woman undermined the democratic foundation of the line. She is a terrorist or, anyway, a real bitch.

Every time we humans stand in, say, a checkout line, we are overcoming our basic urge to go directly to the cash register because we can see it, it's right there, we can see it! We stand in lines for the same reason we pay for things instead of stealing them: not because it's what we love to do, but because it's something we have decided we should do, for the benefit of the group. (For more appeals to human decency through order, check out this celebration of lines published in the New York Times Magazine earlier this year.)

I fell victim to a line-grift of my own just a few weeks ago, when I found myself at Marshalls (during weekend rush!) with a cart full of giant pillows and Christmas presents for my family that I paid full price for; I definitely didn't get them at Marshalls. I was nearly to the front of the line when an old woman tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I might buy something for her. After a brief period of confusion, during which time I thought she was asking me to purchase her a small gift because she had asked so nicely, I realized she wanted to give me money to pay for her item, so she could avoid the 20 minute wait. Since she only had one thing—a $6 plush baby's rattle—and since it takes under a second to scan a small item, and since it was Christmas(ish) and since she was old, I said "Sure." I would have wanted someone to do the same thing for my grandmother. (My grandmother has impeccable manners and would never pose such a request.)

THEN IT ALL WENT TO HELL.

I got to the front of the line and, as I began unloading my own mammoth pillows for purchase, the woman explained that I had to purchase her item separately—using the $10 bill she had given me and not my own credit card—because she might want to return the present that cost $6 that she was buying for a baby who doesn't understand what presents are. For the same reason, she needed to keep the receipt.

Now, not only was I injecting a separate transaction into the proceedings; I was injecting a separate cash transaction into the proceedings. I was no longer a beautiful Christmas angel granting wishes to the elderly; I was line-cutting accomplice gumming up the checkout works with poorly applied treachery. My gigantic pillows had already been rung up and I was not about to institute a third transaction by asking the cashier to cancel them. The old woman was becoming agitated with me. I was already furious with her. I paid for my pillows and her hopefully-perfect-but-maybe-not-perfect-might-need-to-return-it-$6-plush rattle with my own cash and gave her back some change.

"Am I supposed to get this much?" she asked.

"Probably not!" I exclaimed with tight smile. (Later confirmed: she wasn't!)

The lesson here is: Never help anyone ever, people are terrible, fuck Christmas.

You can jump the line if it doesn't inconvenience or delay anyone else who was already in the line (i.e. you can never jump the line). A spot can be held for the amount of time it takes to return to a rack and swap out one item of clothing for another of the correct size. These are The Rules.

The woman who cut in front of you at Zara (was she old? Was she carrying a plush blue baby rattle and a receipt for my two pillows?) could argue that, if you were willing to wait in line for 30 minutes to try on a pleather blazer and herringbone miniskirt, you were down to wait behind her no matter how many items she was holding when you stepped into line. That's probably true. But this woman obviously knew what she was doing was wrong. That's why she asked the woman in front of her to "hold" the spot behind her.

"Hey, would you mind doing something that has literally no effect on you, your well-being, your happiness, and your overall Zara experience?" Sure, why the hell not! Who cares!

It takes guts to say to the person behind you: "I'm going to leave the line for thirty minutes and when I come back, I still get to be in front of you, OK?" That's why she didn't do it. Her balls are big, but the part of her brain devoted to Machiavellian scheming is bigger.

Ideally, Zara would employ its own armed police force specifically to respond in such instances. (I'm sure a pack of popular sophomores would do it for a 20% discount.) Speaking with the wisdom of a former teenaged fitting room attendant, I can say it was really the duty of whatever employee was given the miserable task of manning the fitting room during the after-work rush on a weekday to step in and tell the line jumper, "I'm sorry, miss, but you'll have to wait in line." Those shenanigans never would have flown in a fitting room ruled by me.

(As an aside, I will note that if you want to know how clothing from Zara looks on you, the last thing you should do is make your assessment at Zara. The wait for the fitting rooms is—obviously—unconscionably long, the lighting is bad, and everyone who sets foot in there turns into a devil because shopping at Zara is a frustrating experience. If you want to cheer yourself up after a rough day, standing in line for the minutes is not the way to do it. The website offers free shipping and free returns. Shop at Zara at home.)

You let this woman jump in front of you because you realize that it's not worth it to play the short game in the line at Zara, where the end game is paying retail prices for mid-range garments. She jumped because she realizes that, if you do play it, you will probably win. Few people are willing to be more than a touch impolite in person; fewer still are willing to cause "a scene." Line-cutters exploit this open secret of the universe: if you are willing to endure a few tense moments, some eye rolling, and a couple LOUD huffs, you can get away with pretty much anything that is rude but not illegal.

But everyone will think you are an asshole and I hope the skirt you bought at Zara rips at the seams, you walking nightmare.

Submit your "Thatz Not Okay" questions (max: 200 words) here. Art by Jim Cooke.

Quiznos—the sandwich place, you know, with the "toasty" kinda subs? That one. Real popular place, not too long ago. What happened?

The Wall Street Journal reports that Quiznos is facing an existential crisis: it's struggling with $600 million in debt, and its total number of franchises has plunged from 3,000 to 2,100 in just two years. (Subway, the quickie sandwich place that you people love, has 41,000.) In short, Quiznos is teetering on the edge of disaster. The paper notes that franchisees are upset with various aspects of their contracts, yes. But is that really the major malfunction? Or is it this?

Last year, the company tinkered with its production process in a way that confused customers, according to franchisees. Quiznos changed the sandwich assembly process so that most vegetables were placed on the sandwich after it went through the toaster, instead of going through the toaster with the meat, cheese and bread. The idea was that ingredients such as tomatoes, onions and olives would taste fresher because they were served cold atop the sandwich. Regular customers who were used to telling the sandwich maker upfront if they didn't want certain ingredients often found themselves disappointed when the person on the other side of the toaster automatically added them. A few months ago, Quiznos switched back to its former method.

Will overestimating the intelligence of the American sandwich consumer prove to be Quiznos downfall? Wouldn't be the first time that happened.

Why did you stop eating at Quiznos? Answers go in the discussion section below.

Also, if you had to compare your group of close friends to fast food outlets, who would be who? I'd say Max is a Subway, Adrian is a Taco Bell, and [REDACTED]** is a Quiznos.

**John.

[Photo: Flickr]

A copyright-trolling attorney whose firm is in hot legal water for aggressively suing porn downloaders says he totally wants to respond to a reporter's tough questions, but he's too broken up right now by the death of South African freedom fighter Nelson Mandela:

Paul Duffy, pictured at left, is a lawyer associated with Prenda Law, aka "The Anti-Piracy Law Group," which has made millions of dollars by tracing the IP addresses of web surfers who download X-rated films and suing them for copyright infringement. But the practice has backfired of late, as judges have slapped the firm with stiff fines for frivolous lawsuits and fudged documentation.

Ars Technica reporter Joe Mullin recently tried to catch up with Duffy and ask him about a particular case in which Prenda owes a San Jose internet user $22,531 in fees, but in a reply email, Duffy said he didn't want to talk about that:

I hope you are doing well. I am devastated by the loss of Nelson Mandela and I hope you join with President Obama in remembering his legacy. He ranks with Mohandes Ghandi, Dr. King and President Kennedy in the struggle for human rights over the past 50 years. There are larger issues than the ability to steal porn... You seem like a nice guy. Thanks.

Seriously, show some respect, Joe Mullin. Like Paul Duffy.

[Photo credits: fightcopyrighttrolls.com; AP]

Here's what Mayor Ford wrote in the condolence book for Mandela. pic.twitter.com/cSg6Hu9BN8

— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) December 6, 2013

Family Guy is raising Brian from the dead; the Hollywood hills are alive with the sound of NBC not failing; Lena Dunham must, must, must increase her bust; DiGiorno's social media is far better than their pizza.

• In the least surprising twist on television, it seems that Brian on Family Guy will come back from the dead. Brian, who was killed off on a November 24th episode, is listed in the cast listings for the upcoming December 15th episode where "Stewie devises a master plan to get the one and only thing he wants for Christmas." [EW]
• The Sound Of Music live musical that aired last night gave struggling NBC its best Thursday night ratings since the E.R. finale in 2009. (Anyone else taken aback by the fact that E.R. was running for that many years?) The three-hour variety program took the top spot in last night's ratings, earning a 4.2 in the coveted 18-49 demographic. The Big Bang Theory tied at a 4.2, but CBS averaged a 2.5 over the course of their programming block. [THR]
• Even though Lena Dunham is the most excruciating interviewer of all time, she will be interviewing living legend Judy Blume for a limited edition 80-page book from The Believer magazine. Queue up at least 50 questions where Dunham once again just talks about herself, and three questions max on Blume's writing. [EW]
• DiGiorno Pizza live-tweeted last night's Sound Of Music Live, and it was not as magical as most news outlets are reporting it to be, but pretty adorable for a brand all the same. [Twitter]

Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.

This recent profile in Vanity Fair is very, very strange, in that it obsesses over Marissa Mayer being very, very strange. It hits all the usual notes about the Yahoo! CEO (She's a geek! She loves fashion! Math, too! Google!) But it also, not-so-subtly, makes repeated innuendos about Mayer possibly being autistic.

For an article entitled "Yahoo's Geek Goddess," the author sure has a lot of quirks and foibles to flag:

Another executive who worked with her agrees that she is a hard person to understand. "There are some parts of Marissa World that are just inexplicably weird," he says. "It doesn't add up."

[...]

There are two things about Marissa Mayer upon which everyone agrees. One is that she's among the smartest people they've ever met. The other is that she has a superhuman capacity for work.

[...]

She had a nervous tic, an nnnhh sound she made when she paused, that made her seem almost a parody of a stereotypical nerd.

And then, from nowhere, this doozy paragraph:

Her demeanor in a work setting can be a shock to people who are expecting the Marissa Mayer they see onstage or read about in profiles. She doesn't display much, if any, warmth (at least not to those who aren't in her inner orbit) and often won't meet people's eyes. In Silicon Valley, where having Asperger's has almost become a badge of honor—aren't all super-smart people a little socially awkward?—that shouldn't matter so much. The rules are always different for women, but Mayer's quirks go beyond coldness. She became infamous for holding office hours during which even peers would have to wait in line to see her. "She had absolutely no regard for anyone else's time," says an industry executive who is well versed in all things Google. "She would keep 30 or 40 people waiting for hours. She had to sign off on every single decision, and they had to wait.

Emphasis added. It's weird to think it's weird that a woman would be weird—everyone is strange, or cold, or unfriendly, sometimes or all the time. Men are cold! Women are cold! Humans can be very unfeeling! But invoking Asperger's puts the article beyond personality critique, and into psychopathology. Like her more successful counterpart at Facebook, rumors of Marissa Mayer's possible Asperger's status have floated for some time now, but never before alluded to in a print magazine. And it goes on: we see repeated references to Mayer "alienating" coworkers and underlings, and a systemic unwillingness (or inability) to emote. Mayer is no doubt difficult to work with, and not an interpersonal champ—it's why she fizzled at Google, and has struggled at Yahoo! from time to time. These are things we've long known, but not always looked at alongside the spectrum:

Indeed, some of the stories coming out of Yahoo bear a striking similarity to those about her tenure at Google. She can still be cold to executives who report to her. One former executive recalls warning team members before they went into a meeting with Mayer that they weren't going to get what they expected. "Despite the warning, people, very experienced people with decades of experience, walked out and said, 'That was the worst meeting of my entire career,' " this person says. "She will bring a tub of blueberries to a meeting and just stare at you, popping blueberries into her mouth. People feel so dismissed."

Eating fresh fruit at work has never been a red flag, but in the context of this article—There's just something strange about Marissa, cough cough—we're pressed to wonder, luridly so, what's going on in this strange exec's head. If only Vanity Fair would say what's on its mind.

Photo: Getty

Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry really wanted us all to wear Spandex in the future. Smelly, smelly Spandex.

Merry Christmas. Or not. Whatever winter holiday you celebrate, you probably do it by substituting love and kindness with cheap plastic garbage wrapped in pretty paper. And if you're like us, you find it distracting to put too much thought into what to buy your loved ones. Each year we try to solve that problem by HARNESSING THE AWESOME POWER OF GAWKER MEDIA'S PROPRIETARY PUBLISHING PLATFORM, KINJA, to gather the best gift suggestions the internet has to offer. This year, we've divided the universe of potential gift recipients into readers of our Gawker Media brother and sister sites—I mean, we're all surrounded by Jezebel and Deadspin and Lifehacker types, right? We begin with Kotaku: What should you buy for the nerd gaming person in your life?

Perhaps the greatest holiday gift you can give the gamer in your life is to not stoop to the tired cliche of the energy drink-addled basement-dwelling pimply male teen when describing them. Which will make this gift guide quite hard to write in an engaging and humorous manner, but let's try anyway!

Kotaku readers are gamers of an especially discerning type. If you refer to a "AAA title," they will know instantly that this means one of those bloated blockbusters like Call of Duty 58: Central Asian Resource Wars or whatever the latest one is, and then will deliver a lengthy diatribe about how the blockbuster model stifles innovation in the video game industry and leads to a parade of indistinguishable button-mashing sequels.

What recommendations do you have for gifts for gamers? Games, accessories, books, etc? Post your suggestions below. To make it read nice, we ask you to very carefully follow the following instructions:

1. Begin with the name of the gift, in bold, followed by the price.

2. If there's a photograph, post that below the name and price.

3. Describe the gift and why the sort of person who reads Kotaku would like it.

4. Indicate where an interested reader can purchase the gift, linking out to an online retailer if appropriate. Which online retailer? That's up to you. But if you link out to Amazon.com, a nifty little box will appear allowing readers to click a little thingie and buy it right there, which is pretty neat. Even neater, Gawker will get a cut of the purchase price. Do what you will with that information. Get gifting!

A Florida man suspected of organizing several so-called "dinner time" burglaries in the Boynton Beach area was arrested after posting a series of incriminating photos on Instagram.

The photos, posted at duce22ceritfied (sic), show Depree Johnson and others posing with guns, cash, and drugs.

The months-long investigation into the break-ins at local senior communities led authorities to Johnson’s Lake Worth home, where they found "numerous pieces of jewelry ... (including) watches, charms, necklaces and loose diamonds, as well as two stolen firearms."

All told, the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office recovered some $250,000 worth of loot.

Johnson was subsequently booked on 142 charges, including possession of weapons/ammunition by a convicted felon.

[photos via Instagram]

Here's some news that might make you want to chew the skin and flesh right off your wrists: ABC has reduced Scandal's episode order this season from 22 episodes to 18, TheWrap reports.

Given the high-ratings and constantly mounting buzz for Shonda Rhimes' political thriller, it's more than likely that Kerry Washington's pregnancy is the reason for the reduced order—especially since producers will not be working her pregnancy into the show.

Rhimes is also known for running a tight ship in terms of storylines, rather than letting episodes roll by solely in order to stretch out plots and hit syndication quickly. In an interview with Vulture, Rhimes divulged that the Harrison-Adnan Salif storyline that appeared in episode six was actually supposed to come later in the season, but producers realized that episode six was lacking story and they moved it up sooner. While reducing an episode order from a network simply for story isn't a small feat, superstar executive producers like Rhimes do have the sway to make such decisions happen, especially for the sake of story.

While it's refreshing that ABC isn't going to force Olivia Pope into even boxier coats and stuff her behind a desk and pillows when her bump gets too hard to hide, raise your hand if you're a little sad that this means Fitz and Liv's jam-making, child-rearing Vermont life is now that much further away.

Book snark lives, after all.

Slate business and economics correspondent Matthew Yglesias reports today that he successfully entered and explored a Washington, DC Wal-Mart store. He didn't buy anything, though.

"Urban Walmarts Are Great," declares Slate, based upon Yglesias' excursion to an urban Walmart store that has now been open for two (2) days. Yglesias reports that the two-day-old Walmart store is "pretty great," and that concludes that "cities that have been fending off Walmart have been shooting themselves in the foot."

A pleasant time was had by Yglesias during his visit to Walmart, to be sure. But the story does not end there. For this O. Henry-esque tale comes with its own twist: Matt Yglesias, you see, did not purchase any goods at Walmart.

I wasn't in the market for any fresh meat or produce, and the vast majority of the store is dedicated to dry goods. But why would I buy some socks or a no-stick frying pan or a coffee maker at Walmart when Amazon Prime would ship almost anything to my door in 36 hours?

Why would I buy some socks in the store where I am right now, when I could have them delivered 36 hours from now?

Matthew Yglesias is Slate's business and economics correspondent.

[America's non-urban Walmarts remain hellish pits of despair. Pic via.]

From the Rocky Mountains to the East Coast, America is struggling with ice storms and blizzards and general misery. The winter weather has been especially tough on Californians. Many of us don't own gloves, or forgot where we put them several years ago after we got home from Mammoth or Tahoe. Few of us have those scrapey things to get frost off the windshield—frost!—but I have witnessed our brave people making do with their credit cards or even the edges of their phones, which is probably not recommended by the manufacturer. But what do we know of frozen water outside? Frozen water goes in margaritas! Yet we are surviving this unusually chilly weather, together and mostly apart, like usual.

In the San Francisco Bay Area, nighttime temperatures have actually dropped to freezing levels for the first time that anyone can recall. There are reports of our year-round herb and tomato gardens having a tough time, and many desperate residents have been forced to bring the plants inside or plug in one of those little space heaters in the garden.

Children have no idea what to do. Most of them have been taught since they were toddlers to "layer," meaning to let their parents dress them in a very light jacket or sweater which is immediately lost on the playground by first recess. What are the school kids to do at second recess, when it's still a bit cold out?

Local dogs are uncharacteristically angry and unpleasantly constipated, as their keepers refuse to go on the usual walks due to the brutal temperatures that have already dropped to the 40s, the 30s and even the 20s. Local cats have been kept indoors, too, limiting their usual ecological niche of wiping out all songbirds and crapping in the wood chips we use for landscaping purposes.

Office workers find they have no proper overcoat to go with "business casual" or whatever people wear to offices these days. (Tech workers, being the most terribly dressed people to ever earn six figures, have no qualms about wearing their wookiee costumes or even sleeping bags as they await their private buses to Facebook and Google in temperatures cold enough to even see your own breath.)

What's next for California? There is the usual snow in the mountains, where it belongs, and light drizzle is predicted for many coastal areas. Whatever winter crops are growing will continue to see some damage through the weekend, which California's agricultural industry will inevitably blame on Nancy Pelosi.

But by next week, we will begin to rebuild. We are a resilient people, and we will come back even stronger, even more determined to continue doing whatever we do, such as wearing yoga pants and T-shirts outside at Christmastime, and watering our lawns, which are still green, because this is the Earthly Paradise that Columbus dreamed of, and that's why more people live in California than in any other U.S. state.

We may be shallow, but we're not stupid.

Illustration by Jim Cooke. Ken Layne covers the weather and other such stuff in his American Journal.

An Ohio woman who teaches at a private Christian prep school in the Cincinnati area was placed on administrative leave this week after having stolen nude photos of her posted on a "revenge porn" website.

The woman, a fifth-grade science teacher at Cincinnati Hills Christian Academy, filed a stolen iPhone report on November 24th — one day after the photos surfaced online.

Despite being the victim of at least two crimes, the school decided to place the teacher, a married mother, on leave this Tuesday while they conduct an investigation.

"We have an employee who appears in some photos that have been compromised and made digitally available," school spokeswoman Jennifer Murphy said in a statement.

Parents of students reportedly welcomed the news of the teacher's suspension.

"The woman is already a victim," said one anonymous parent, speaking on behalf of others. "But this being a Christian school, parents are upset that a teacher is even taking naked pictures and sending them to people — and...her students are old enough to get online and Google their teacher's name and the photos come up."

It's unclear how the photos became public knowledge but WCPO suggests they may have been forwarded to someone at the school, most likely after they were published on infamous reputation-ruining website TheDirty.com.

"We don't know the intent as to how it was provided," said Murphy, the school's spokeswoman. "Our goal at this time is to inform faculty and staff and make sure we have minimal disruptions. We are a Christian school and a Christ-centered environment. We don't want to compromise the learning environment for our children."

[screengrab via ABC22]

What shining bastion of moral authority would bravely step up to defend a helpless $500 billion corporation being bullied by evil anti-trust investigators? The kind of editorial board that comes with its own warning.

Under the headline "Apple's Star Chamber," a reference to the oppressive secret court of King Henry VII that tortured witnesses and "inflicted everything short of death upon those found guilty," the Wall Street Journal argues that Apple is being besieged (besieged, they tell you!) by "an abusive judge and her prosecutor friend."

Judge Denise Cote, who is presiding over the Justice Departments antitrust "assault" on Apple for conspiring to the fix the price of e-books has made it "even more abusive," says the Journal, by assigning Michael Bromwich as an external monitor to oversee compliance of her ruling, "which he has interpreted as carte blanche to act as the inquisitor of all things Cupertino."

If this sounds like a familiar complaint, it's because Apple said the exact the same thing, in less slightly less butthurt terms, last week when it accused Bromwich of acting as a "quasi-inquisitional" henchman for Judge Cote. The Wall Street Journal also echoed Apple's annoyance at having to pay too much for the hourly rate for Bromwich, another antitrust lawyer, and an administrative fee to Bromwich's consulting firm.

According to the Journal, there are some dark arts afoot:

Judge Cote's injunction gave Apple until January 14, 2014 to overhaul its antitrust compliance and training procedures, a process that is underway. But in late October Mr. Bromwich began an open-ended, roving investigation of Apple. He demanded immediate interviews starting in November with every top Apple executive and board member, including CEO Tim Cook, lead designer Jony Ive and Al Gore. Does he want to disinter Steve Jobs too?

The editorial then goes on to call Bromwich's job description "flatly unconstitutional." No, not the broader definition of the term. The Journal, which is owned by News Corp, which also happens to own HarperCollins, one of Apple's co-conspirators, names the precise article of the Constitution being violated by these would-be necromancers.

To contact the author of this post, please email nitasha@gawker.com.

"Breading," a viral meme where people put their cats' heads in pieces of bread, still exists.