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The Inaugural Ball's Jennifer Hudson Performance Countered by Cheez-Its, Stale Pretzels and Long Drink Lines

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Sure, if you go to the Inaugural Ball you get to watch Jennifer Hudson sing "Let's Stay Together" while the Obamas dance. But based on the dispatches from intrepid reporters at Obama's Inaugural Ball, those of us who were stuck at home should consider ourselves lucky; the conditions there sound atrocious — squalid, even. For starters, the food: the available snacks include "Cheez-Its crackers and stale pretzels." The horror.

And what if you get thirsty after consuming such mediocre snacks? Tough shit – the lines for drinks are practically miles long. The same Buzzfeed post notes "the lines for drinks in the cavernous main space go dozens deep," a report which the New York Observer's Hunter Walker confirms.

And if you're not waiting in line for your drink, then you're busy having a drink spilled on you.

The Inaugural Ball's Jennifer Hudson Performance Countered by Cheez-Its, Stale Pretzels and Long Drink LinesOn top of all that, there have been reports of near stampedes. Of course, as Buzzfeed notes, this is all standard fare for Inaugural Balls:

The paltry food and drink offerings are in line with previous inaugurals, and are seen by many attendees as a small price to pay for a glimpse of the President and First Lady.

But really, is a glimpse of anyone worth such terrible conditions? Even the first lady, in her Jason Wu dress?

The Inaugural Ball's Jennifer Hudson Performance Countered by Cheez-Its, Stale Pretzels and Long Drink Lines

[images via @mateagold, AP]


Lawmakers in Ireland Vote to Allow 'Moderate' Drunk-Driving

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Lawmakers in Ireland Vote to Allow 'Moderate' Drunk-Driving

Local police in Ireland's Kerry county will be allowed to permit some residents to drive drunk if a measure passed yesterday by county councilors is approved by the Department of Justice.

By a vote of five to three with 12 councilors absent, lawmakers in the south-west Ireland county passed a motion giving the Gardaí (police) authority to issue a get out of jail free card to drivers in rural areas who are found to have more than the legal limit of alcohol in their system.

The motion's author, Councillor Danny Healy-Rae, said he proposed the motion out of concern for "older" rural residents who "are being isolated now at home, and a lot of them falling into depression."

Healy-Rae said the lack of public transportation in these areas is preventing these people from venturing out of their homes after having "two or three drinks" for fear of losing their licence.

"I see the merit in having a stricter rule of law for when there's a massive volume of traffic and where there's busy roads with massive speed," he told The Journal. "But on the roads I'm talking about, you couldn't do any more than 20 or 30 miles per hour [30-50kph] and it's not a big deal. I don't see any big issue with it."

Healy-Rae added that many older folks are being driven to suicide by their isolation, and "all the wisdom and all the wit and all the culture that they had" is being lost as a result.

Others, including Kerry Mayor Terry O'Brien, opposed the motion, saying it "doesn't make any sense" and is "incredibly dangerous." He added: "I don't know what expertise one would have to look at someone in a bar to give them a permit to drive a car after any alcohol."

Alcohol Action Ireland rep Conor Cullen agrees. "Almost one in three crash deaths in Ireland is alcohol-related," he told the BBC. "Even in small amounts, alcohol impairs driving ability - any amount of alcohol increases the risk of involvement in a fatal crash."

Cullen noted that anti-drunk-driving measures have lowered road deaths by 42% over the last four years. He also noted that alcohol is likely to exacerbate the "mental health difficulties" of a person with suicidal tendencies, not alleviate them.

[H/T: Geekosystem, photo via Shutterstock]

The Ludicrous Mythology that Christian Colleges Teach as Fact

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The Ludicrous Mythology that Christian Colleges Teach as FactCedarville University is a Baptist college in Ohio with 3,000 students. The campus is currently engulfed in a minor uproar over the way it's enforcing its ideological beliefs. Let's take this opportunity to gape and marvel at what some people who run educational institutions actually believe to be true.

Inside Higher Ed has the story of Cedarville's current controversy: the administration is trying to cut its philosophy department, and a professor who espoused a slightly less literal version of Bible doctrine was recently suspended, and an administrator who was somewhat less conservative than average is resigning, and all of this is being perceived as a move by the school towards a stricter, more conservative stance with regards to its wacky Christian beliefs. Briefly:

Even by the standards of its fellow members of the Council for Christian Colleges and Universities, an association of evangelical colleges, Cedarville is theologically and culturally conservative. Students are required to attend chapel five days a week. Every student is required to minor in the Bible. The college boasts of its belief that the Earth was created exactly as described in the Bible and says its graduates are "in the world but not of it."

The real treasure for future anthropologists will be the school's 14-point doctrinal statement, to which professors must subscribe. These are just a few of the things that are being taught to young students who have paid money in order to obtain "education:"

We believe in the literal 6-day account of creation, that the creation of man lies in the special, immediate, and formative acts of God and not from previously existing forms of life...

We believe in the imminent "Blessed Hope," the Rapture of the church before the tribulation, when the "Lord shall descend from heaven" to catch up His bride to meet Him in the air and "so shall we ever be with the Lord." ...

We believe in the literal, bodily resurrection of the crucified Lord, His ascension into heaven, His present life there as our High Priest and Advocate, and His personal, bodily, visible return to the earth at the end of the tribulation to establish His millennial kingdom on earth, and to reign as the only Potentate, the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords.

What often gets lost in America's historic respect for Christian belief is just how motherfucking insane those actual beliefs are. "Hi, I think the whole universe was created magically in six 'days' [WHAT ARE 'DAYS' IN THIS CONTEXT???] just a few thousand years ago, and I also believe that a couple thousand years ago a magic guy lived and died and was magically resurrected, and I believe that if you believe what I believe you will one day be magically beamed up to a special place far, far away to live in bliss. Can I interest you in my educational program?" Under normal circumstances, that's when the Taser would come out. But here we have an entire subculture of people who can successfully sell blatant rejection of science as "education" to some poor god damn victims students. Is there not some responsibility for professional educators to avoid passing on things that are clearly mythological as fact? Conversely, can we please come up with a new category for doctrinal religious schools, outside of "education?" How about, I dunno, "hilarious ancient propaganda?"

It's useful to remember that Christian doctrine is patently absurd, and to allow that to inform your judgment of the intellectual faculties of those who believe it to be true.

[Inside Higher Ed. Photo: FB]

Heroic/Insane Cop Jumps in the Path of an Oncoming Train to Rescue Fainting Woman

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We recently suggested that the best thing to do if you fall onto subway tracks is to run away. But let's say you fall, unconscious, onto those tracks, as this woman did in Madrid earlier this week — well, your only hope is that an off-duty policeman is brave enough to leap into the path of an oncoming train and drag you to safety. As this officer, Ruben, did. (Ruben, by the way, is a good person to have around — last year he saved a four-year-old from drowning in a lake.) [Telemadrid]

ReviewerCard Lets You Bully Businesses Into Freebies with the Threat of a Bad Review

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Tired of giving businesses five stars on Yelp and TripAdvisor without getting anything back?

Introducing ReviewerCard.

With this sleek black membership card you can finally exert some actual force on restaurants that were heretofore ignorant of your reviewing prowess.

No longer will you be treated by businesses like some non-reviewer whose opinions aren't even on the Internet.

"I'm going to review them anyway," ReviewerCard founder Brad Newman tells the LA Times, "so why not let them know in advance? It's not hurting anyone."

The 35-year-old "lifelong entrepreneur" says he came up with the card after visiting a restaurant in Paris where he got poor service — they served him the wrong kind of tea with his meal — until he threatened to write a bad review on TripAdvisor.

"The next thing I knew, the waiter was back with the manager, who apologized and offered to pay for my breakfast," he said.

Thinking in a hurry, Newman decided to start issuing cards that do nothing except tell proprietors that you have an account on Yelp and you're not afraid to use it.

Sure, the black piece of plastic with the words "I write Reviews" on it will set you back $100 (and obtaining one involves a rigorous screening process), but Newman claims the card pays for itself — through thinly veiled threats.

In a hotel in Geneva not long ago, Newman offered to pay half the establishment's standard 400-euro-a-night rate. "In return, I would write a great review on TripAdvisor," he said. "The woman at the hotel immediately said yes. It was a win-win for both of us."

Lawyers who spoke with the Times' David Lazarus said that since the threat isn't explicit, it's perfectly legal.

Newman says he doesn't bother mentioning in his reviews that a bit of palm-grease landed the business a good review, because he claims it "doesn't change things." He adds: "If the hotel is close to the train station or has a comfy bed," he says, "that's why it's getting a good review."

In other words, even giving in to Newman's demands doesn't guarantee a business a better review.

[H/T: Eater]

Sex Survey Shocker: White Couples Don't Sleep Naked

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Sex Survey Shocker: White Couples Don't Sleep NakedAnother day, another huge survey of American couples reinforcing the fact that you are weird, unlovable, and never getting laid, just like everyone else. We want to flag one SHOCKING sex factoid (sextoid), amid all the other shocking sextoids in this humdrum survey.

Let us preface this by noting that the survey sample was mostly white and over age 35, so, when you form hurtful stereotypes based on the following sextoid, please be sure to deploy those stereotypes against the correct demographic groups. Okay. Here we go. One of the researcher's top suggestions for improving sexual satisfaction is sleeping nude with your partner: "34% of U.S. women and 38% of men sleep nude with their partner." Do you know what that means?

SHOCKING SEXTOID MATH INDICATES THAT THE MAJORITY OF COUPLES ARE SLEEPING IN PAJAMAS—EVEN IN THEIR SEX BED.

This explains everything (about white people!) (frigid, sexless).

[USA Today. Photo: Shutterstock]

People Are Awesome: The Sequel Is a Great Reminder That, In Spite of Everything, People Are Basically Awesome

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Two years and nearly 55 million views later, Dan Rice of Hadouken! returns with the long-awaited sequel to his viral sensation, "People Are Awesome."

Consisting of 75 clips of people being awesome, the 2013 compilation also includes at least two CGI-assisted tricks that were culled from commercials.

Asked why, Rice responded, "I just like seeing people getting worked up about it in the comments, some people just want to watch the world burn."

[H/T: Reddit]

Yesterday, Prince Harry Opened His Mouth to Speak and Only Nonsense Words Came Out

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Yesterday, Prince Harry Opened His Mouth to Speak and Only Nonsense Words Came OutWhile America was busy Monday watching live video of an elaborate party Barack Obama threw Beyoncé for no apparent reason, the rest of the world was captivated by a series of interviews given by Britain's brash little brother, the Party Prince, Harry.

Harry, known in his army role as Captain Wales, completed a tour of duty in Afghanistan this week, wrapping up a five month deployment as an Apache helicopter pilot and gunner. He conducted a round of media interviews to mark the occasion. The result was very..."r u serious?"

The most significant admission to come out of the interviews was Prince Harry's acknowledgement that he's killed in the line of duty ("Yeah, so lots of people have," he said. Elsewhere: "Take a life to save a life.")

Weighty, but pretty standard army stuff. Things only got weird when, for whatever reason, Harry — who presumably grew up with the best tutors and speech coaches money could buy — began expounding upon his theory that he's good at army because he's kick-ass at FIFA, the soccer video game series:

"It's a joy for me because I'm one of those people who loves playing PlayStation and Xbox. So with my thumbs I like to think that I'm probably quite useful."

"You can ask the guys: I thrash them at FIFA the whole time."

(The Taliban has already condemned Harry's comments, with a spokesman observing that the Prince "has probably developed a mental problem.")

In fact, that was kind of the unspoken theme of the interviews: for a prince — a 28-year-old prince (or even a 14-year-old prince) — Harry is remarkably poorly spoken.

Like, Justin Bieber could tutor him.

Like, this boy dumb.

Here are the highlights from his media blitz:

His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales on academia:

"Exams were always a nightmare, but anything like kicking a ball around or playing PlayStation—or flying—I do generally find a little bit easier than walking, sometimes."

His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales on selecting a suitable candidate for marriage:

"You ain't ever going to find someone who's going to jump into the position that it would hold. Simple as that."

His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Waleson being photographed cupping his genitalia in Las Vegas:

"Probably a classic example of me, you know, probably being too much army and not enough prince."

His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales jubilant at his avuncular future:

"I literally am very, very happy for them..."

His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales on the privacy of being a mother-to-be? The privacy of necessary protection? His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales on something:

...but I just only hope that she and him - but mainly Catherine - hopefully that she gets the necessary protection to allow her as a mother-to-be to enjoy the privacy that that comes with.

The other big revelation to come out of the interviews was when Harry implied that he reads everything written about him, though his father tells him not to. Which means he's probably reading this right now. Hi Harry!

[Telegraph / BBC / CNN // Image via Getty]


Father Teaches 3-Year-Old Son How to Handle Deadly Snakes and Crocodiles, But Not Everyone Is Impressed

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Father Teaches 3-Year-Old Son How to Handle Deadly Snakes and Crocodiles, But Not Everyone Is Impressed

Charlie Parker has been surrounded by deadly animals since the day he was born.

The three-year-old son of Greg Parker, owner and operator of Ballarat Wildlife Park in Victoria, Australia, even has an 8-foot boa constrictor named Pablo for a pet.

But Greg's grooming of Charlie to take over the family business has raised a few eyebrows in the wildlife community.

"Children and wild animals are not a good mix," Animal expert Jack Hanna told ABC News. "You can train a wild animal but you can never tame a wild animal."

But Greg insists he didn't push his son into the snake pit — the boy jumped in on his own.

"We didn't go out to encourage it but he just loves reptiles," he told the Daily Mail. "Like everybody he's frightened of some things... others not so much."

Whatever Charlie may be frightened of, it wouldn't likely pose a match for his fearsome army of animal friends. "Charlie just loves reptiles - his favorites are snakes and crocodiles," said Greg.

[screengrab via ABC News]

Beyoncé Lip-Synched 'The Star-Spangled Banner' at the Inauguration (Update)

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Beyoncé Lip-Synched 'The Star-Spangled Banner' at the Inauguration (Update)Bad news, Bey-holes: Beyoncé's performance of "The Star-Spangled Banner" yesterday was lip-synched, according to The Times:

Beyoncé did not sing the national anthem live at President Obama's inauguration.

Millions of viewers around the world were stunned by the singer's spectacular rendition of the anthem but The Times has learnt that she was lip-syncing to a pre-recorded backing track.

A spokeswoman for the Marine Corp Band said it was standard procedure to record a backing track and Beyoncé decided shortly before her performance to rely on the studio version rather than risk singing it live on the Capitol.

And so, there was a very real reason that it was "flawless," as Caity Weaver gushed after it happened (a Beyoncé fan myself, I was unmoved): Because it was contrived to be so. This has echoes of the Whitney Houston Super Bowl national anthem lip-synching controversy (a recap: officials said it was canned, while Whitney's people said she was singing live just not amplified).

In any case, for a consummate performer such as Beyoncé, whose entire star is based on the perfection of contrivance like she's the queen of beauty queens, this proves is as good at lip-synching as she is everything else. The unneeded ear-piece removal was a glorious touch. And she would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling journalists.

Update: Some people are claiming this video of the performance picks up both Beyoncé singing live and a backing track.

[Image via Getty]

Does This Count As Coming Out?: Woman Admits She Isn't Transgender on Catfish

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On last night's Catfish, the show that dares to ask who's zoomin' who about people who have never met but are engaged in Internet relationships, the zoomin' was particularly fervent. Rod met Ebony via a gay/bisexual dating site, even though he claimed not to identify as gay or bi ("You can go on there to meet basically anybody," he said, not adding that "anybody" meant primarily gay and bisexual people). He also claimed to be his cousin "KJ" and sent Ebony pictures of KJ rather than himself over the course of their four-year correspondence.

When the two parties finally met, as is the point of every Catfish episode, Ebody revealed that she has a kid and that she in, in fact, a biological woman. Also, she dated women for 15 years, but targeted gay men via the aforementioned dating site because, "All I wanted was just somebody to talk to." Hmmm.

In the end, Ebony was willing to accept Rod for who he was despite his lies, but he was not willing to pursue anything with Ebony. When he thought Ebony was transgender, he referred to having sex with her as something he'd have to get used to; having sex with biological woman Ebony was not something he was interested in at all. Interesting. Rod never conceded questioning his sexuality, but said that the money Ebony gave him throughout their association was what kept him interested in her. What.


The full episode is here
, if you feel like having your brain pulled like taffy.

'Your Cat Is Not Innocent': New Zealand Man Launches Campaign to Rid Country of Cats

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'Your Cat Is Not Innocent': New Zealand Man Launches Campaign to Rid Country of Cats

If Gareth Morgan gets his way, the entire country of New Zealand could be cat-free within a matter of years.

The ironically self-proclaimed environmental advoCATe has launched an online campaign dedicated to eradicating the domestic cat, which he believes is single-handedly responsible for the extermination of many local bird species.

"That little ball of fluff you own is a natural born killer," Morgan writes on Cats to Go, which features a doctored photo of a cat with devil horns. "The fact is that cats have to go if we really care about our environment."

To help speed the process along, Morgan recommends cat owners neuter their pet, and, if they're not too attached, euthanasia is also "an option."

Morgan's push to save a few birds by doing away with all the cats is likely to be met with some resistance in New Zealand, where nearly 50% of the population owns at least one cat.

Also, some scientists are calling shenanigans on Morgan's claim that New Zealand's bird will be better off in a world without cats.

While it's fairly well-established that birds had it easy in a pre-cat New Zealand — so much so that the kiwi shed its flight — they have also benefited from having cats around.

Wildlife expert John Innes says cats help birds by chasing away other natural predators like rats and mice. (For what it's worth, Morgan is trying to eliminate them too.)

Science blogger David Winter, who partially agrees with Morgan by pointing out that cats have indeed contributed to the extinction "of at least 6 bird species in New Zealand," also notes that the removal of feral cats from Little Barrier Island "led to an outbreak in kiore (Pacific rat)" that threatened a local species of seabird.

Still, many in conservation circles are in agreement that something must be done, but maybe threatening to "take people's kittens away" is not a good way to start the conversation.

[images via 3News, Cats to Go]

Lost, Unaired Episode of Dexter's Laboratory Finally Comes Out of Hiding

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Nearly 15 years since it put the kibosh on what would go on to become the most legendary episode of Dexter's Laboratory, Cartoon Network has finally released the foul-mouthed episode deemed too rude to air.

Genndy Tartakovsky was still at the helm when "Dexter's Rude Removal" was due to make its television debut in 1998, but the cartoon got shelved and has since been brought out only on rare occasions such as the stray Cartoon Network office party.

But a months-long effort by Tartakovsky and Adult Swim to see the show finally made available to fans has paid off, with Cartoon Network agreeing to host it on Adult Swim's own YouTube channel.

Sure it took a decade and a half to make its way to your eyeballs, but on the bright side, at least now you don't have to sneak off to your latchkey friend's house to watch it.

[H/T: Bleeding Cool]

Can Huge Man-Made Lakes Fix Our Rising Sea Levels?

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Can Huge Man-Made Lakes Fix Our Rising Sea Levels?Welcome to an important new Gawker feature, "Hey, Science," in which we will have our most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). Never let it be said that reading this blog is not the educational equivalent of sitting in a Ph.D.-level classroom, not paying attention. This week, experts answer the question: Can we fix the problem of rising sea levels by constructing massive man-made lakes on useless land?

THE QUESTION: Rising sea levels caused by global warming threaten the future of American civilization. Coastal cities, including many of our greatest metropli, could be inundated and destroyed. How to address this seemingly intractable problem? I (not a trained scientist, but a respected "free thinker") had a bright idea: What if we dug canals from the coastline and funneled water to massive, man-made inland lakes, which we located in relatively unpopulated areas? In this way we could relocate seawater away from where it threatened us most (the coast) and towards inland areas that we weren't using much anyhow, like Kansas. Sure, it would require a lot of effort and expense—but better to turn Kansas into a great lake than to see New York, Miami, and L.A. flooded, right?

Could this brilliant idea work? We turned to real live experts to find out. Hey, science!

Kevin Haas, Associate Professor of Environmental Fluid Mechanics and Water Resources, Georgia Tech:

You have an interesting idea for dealing with sea level rise. [Ed.: thank you, yes.] A couple of points that you would need to consider. Relative sea level rise, which is the change of the water level relative to land, is not just from the rising ocean but also can occur in places where the land is sinking. The New Orleans area is one such example. In other areas it is not a problem, where the land and sea are both rising so there is no relative change.

However, the rising seas is a global ocean issue from the release of the water from ice in the polar regions as well as an expansion of the water due to the temperature rise. So the volume of water that must be stored to make an impact is immense. To quantify it you should consider the total surface area of the oceans around the globe compared to the surface area of the land (around 3 to 1). So to reduce the sea level rise by only 1 ft, you would need 3 ft of water on all the earth's land. The most effective defense is probably to build on higher elevation and further inland.

Another issue is storm surge which occurs when storms push water ashore acting as a more regional effect. Although as Superstorm Sandy demonstrated, that region can be extremely large. Hence the volume of water associated with storm surge is also immense. Trying to divert the water to temporary storage would be extremely difficult because of the large required volumes. To date the most effective defenses have been some sort of barrier system which keeps the water out. The Netherlands have built such systems.

Matthew Huber, Director of the Purdue Climate Change Research Center and Professor of Earth, Atmospheric, and Planetary Sciences, Purdue:

I've thought about this kind of problem for several years now and I can say that some aspects of the idea are completely crazy and easily discounted, but other aspects are only slightly crazy and not easily discounted.

As a solution to sea level problems this is a completely crazy idea that should be discounted out of hand. Assuming the necessary canals could be built, one would need to connect the ocean to basins that were below sea level (other options require water flowing uphill, which is difficult). The total area (and volume) of dry land that is below sea level is rather small.

It is on the order of thousands of cubic kilometers, whereas the volume of the oceans is 1.3 billion cubic kilometers. If we call that 1 billion (1e9 km^3) and the total volume of land which is below sea level and dry 10,000 (1e4 km^3) (this is an overestimate) then you can begin to see the problem. The total amount of land to cover is about 1e5 of the ocean's volume, or .001%.

The surface area of the oceans is ~3.3e8 km^2 and if you imagine adding 1m of sea level evenly over that area you have a cube of .001km*3.3e8 km^2=3.3e5 km^3 of water, but the area we have to fill on land is at most 1e4km^3, so the ratio is 1/33 or 0.03. So maybe, at best, with a huge amount of effort we could do something about 3cm of sea level rise.

Then there's all the other problems: like putting salt water on an aquifer will guarantee a lack of useful water in a region for generations to come; the cost and difficulty of building all the canals and finding the required amount of space that isn't already used; the loading of the continents will locally depress the lithosphere there potentially raising relative sea level nearby and self-gravitation effects (adding mass onto the continents drags water toward the shoreline) will also raise relative sea level along the nearby coasts.

Generally it's a bad idea for sea level issues, but under the right circumstances there might still be uses for the general concept. [Ed.: thank you]

Phillip Roberts, Professor of Environmental Fluid Mechanics and Water Resources, Georgia Tech:

Hamilton, yes I'm afraid that the idea is wacky and completely impractical. Apart from the huge expense of such a project, the volume of the oceans is so (relatively) vast that it is not possible to build a lake large enough to have any significant effect. For example, if the Great Lakes were drained of freshwater and replaced with seawater, the ocean water level would drop by only about two inches!

Hermann Fritz, Associate Professor of Environmental Fluid Mechanics and Water Resources, Georgia Tech:

The idea is basically not new, but not to counter sea level rise. The relieve volumes involved are just not of relevance.

However there have been projects to turbine seawater into large desert depressions in Northern Egypt to generate power.

Hence it would be feasible to fill up desert depressions which are below sealevel and send in seawater which would however mostly evaporate again. Therefore mainly for power production. [Ed.: our idea has many potential benefits, you see.] Other such areas could be the Dead sea or the Desert Valley in the US.

Whether any of this makes economical sense is a different story.

John Dracup, Professor of Environmental Engineering, Berkeley:

Dear Hamilton, Do the Math. [Ed.: no.] The earth has a surface area of 510,100,000 km^2. The oceans are 70% of the earth's surface area. If the oceans rose 1 km, that would be a volume of water equal to 357,070,000 km^3. The surface area of the U.S. is 9,827,000 km^2. If you tried to store all of this sea level rise in the U.S., you would need a lake that covered the entire U.S. and had a depth of 36 km.

THE VERDICT: The idea is not practical, due to the sheer volume of water out there. But you have to salute the dynamic, creative mind that came up with it.

[Thanks to all of the experts who lent us their expertise. Do you have a provocative question, idea, or theory for "Hey, Science?" Email me. Image by Jim Cooke.]

Lone Star College Locked Down after Three Wounded in Shooting

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Lone Star College Locked Down after Three Wounded in ShootingAt least three people sustained multiple gunshot wounds today at Lone Star College in Houston, Texas, apparently the result of an argument in which guns were drawn. One of the two alleged shooters is in custody, and the college says the "situation is under control."

According to Lone Star, the shooting occurred at 12:31 local time. Of the three injured individuals, one was a shooter and the other two were caught in the crossfire.

According to CNN, a fourth person suffered a heart attack at the scene. KRTK reports:

At least two students have told Eyewitness News they heard five shots. One girl said sounded as if they occurred outside, in an area between the library and the cafeteria. Other students say they heard gunshots when they were in cafeteria.

One of the victims is said to be speaking. NBC's Pete Williams is reporting that the shooting "MAY be gang-related"

Lone Star College is a two-year community college. In 2011, the Texas State Senate nearly passed a bill allowing concealed handguns on public college campuses; last week, the effort was revived in the new legislative session.

[KRTK]


A History of The Word 'Wack,' by Reginald C. Dennis

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A History of The Word 'Wack,' by Reginald C. DennisYesterday, we argued that the word "wack" is not spelled "whack," because, come on, just look at it. End of discussion. Today: we continue the discussion.

Though no one in this wack ass world can really claim to be the definitive expert on slang, we got an email yesterday from someone whose credentials on this issue are as good as anyone's: Reginald C. Dennis, the former music editor of The Source magazine, back when it was The Bible of Hip Hop. Here is his explanation of The History of Wack:

Back in the 70s, in NYC, the term "wack" was used to describe the drug PCP or "Angel Dust." It was descriptive without being overly pejorative back then, but by the time "Rapper's Delight" dropped in ‘79, the word had taken on its current meaning, describing something as the opposite of "def" — which itself was derived from "the death"—meaning good.

We always assumed the word was spelled, w-a-c-k back then, but the rules of hip-hop style were still a few years from being invented. That [Keith Haring] mural probably went a long way to formalizing the word to outsiders, but as he clearly had his ear to the street, I am sure that he was merely following the spirit of the day.

When I was the music editor of The Source magazine (back when it was the magazine of record), we went to great lengths to create a hip-hop style guide for our editorial use. We were probably following what was already established in the likes of Word Up, SPIN and the Village Voice, but as far as we were concerned "hip-hop" would always be hyphenated and "wack" would never have an "h". For a time it seemed as if the community (both journalistic and hip-hop) moved in the same direction—even RollingStone and the NYT were following our various leads—but as more outlets joined the campfire we began to notice a decided erosion of discipline.

West Coast writers, for example, didn't say wack, they said "whacked," and their spelling reflected that subtle change. Soon you could see things spelled in The Source and Vibe one way and different ways in Rap Pages and The Bomb. The emerging freedoms that came along with the internet muddied the waters even further, and as hip-hop got bigger and bigger, that confusion seeped into the mainstream.

If TIME magazine, in an article about the rise of gangsta rap, could confuse the Dr. Dre of Death Row with MTV's Ed Lover, then how could they, in an attempt to beat the hip-hop mags to the punch, be expected to correctly spell the latest slang. Well, they couldn't, which is why they once, in a huge headline, spelled "jiggy" as "giggy."

By the time I founded XXL in ‘97, the barbarians had already begun massing in front of the gate and it would only be a matter of time before any attempt to maintain a consistent and unified notion of hip-hop style would end in frustration.

End of discussion.

[Previously. Pic via]

This Digitally-Altered Major-Key 'Losing My Religion' Is Very Unsettling

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This version — edit? remix? — of R.E.M.'s "Losing My Religion," digitally processed so that it now uses a major scale, is more than a little bizarre to listen to if you're used to the original. I think I prefer the "Major Scaled" version of "Riders on the Storm" (retitled "Riders on the Rainbow") which turns the ominous original into a pleasant, mellow, jazzy number.

[MajorScaledTV via Alex Ogle]

This Is the Joke That Had Michelle Obama Rolling Her Eyes at John Boehner [UPDATE]

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This Is the Joke That Had Michelle Obama Rolling Her Eyes at John Boehner [UPDATE]

Everyone — well, nearly everyone — was enthralled by Michelle Obama's ostensible shade-throwing in the direction of John Boehner during yesterday's Inauguration Day luncheon at the Capitol.

What could the Speaker have said to her husband to make FLOTUS flout Robert's Rules in such a flaw-free manner? The investigative hard-hitters at Inside Edition believe they have the answer.

With the help of their resident lip-reader Larry Wenig, the news magazine pored over footage of the First Lady's now-infamous eye-roll, and came back with the source of Mrs. Obama's dismissive response: A joke about her husband's erstwhile smoking habit.

According to Wenig, Boehner — a smoker — tapped the First Lady on the arm before asking President Obama if he had a cigarette after delivering his inauguration address. Obama, who reportedly quit smoking in 2010, makes an unseen reply, prompting Boehner to add, "somebody won't let you do it."

Good one. *eye roll*

UPDATE: Reached for comment, Boehner spokesman Michael Steel denied Inside Edition's theory, telling The Hill's In The Know blog it was "not true." But do the lips speak for themselves?

Beyoncé Lip-Synched: Coping with the 7 Stages of Star-Spangled Grief (UPDATE)

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Beyoncé Lip-Synched: Coping with the 7 Stages of Star-Spangled Grief (UPDATE)Barack Obama is only one day into his second term as president, and already his is the most controversial, scandal-plagued tenure of any leader of any country ever.

The reason: Beyoncé.

As part of Monday's inauguration ceremony, President Obama's (secret) Vice-President, Beyoncé, performed a rendition of the United States' national anthem that was met with almost universal praise.

On Tuesday, a spokeswoman for the United States Marine Band stated that Beyoncé "did not actually sing" live.

Now, as Beyoncé sits in her Manhattan penthouse, quietly preparing a PowerPoint presentation titled "The Marine Corps—Do We Really Need It?: A Defense Budget Overhaul by Beyoncé," use this guide to bring order to the chaos of your emotions.

Stage I: Temporary Insanity

When my coworkers first shared the damning lip-synch report from the Times of London this morning, my immediate response was hollow, chilling computer laughter.

"hahahahaha"

It was as if someone had said "By the way, the sky has been unmade", or "Did you hear? Time has broken." They were putting down words in English, but I just couldn't make sense of them. "Beyoncé lip-synched her performance? Well, nine wink scrambled cloud to you too, my friends."

Stage II: Shooting the Messenger

Once the madness passes, it is immediately replaced by a suit of armor that deflects all criticism.

"Marine Band spokeswoman Kristin DuBois? More like Marine Band spokeswoman Kristin DuBious! Who is this hater trying to shade Beyoncé's shine? I live-streamed that video from YouTube in HD. I know she was singing. Why are you lying?

Or wait. Maybe it's the Times of London that's lying. Twistin' Kristin's words. Sorry I snapped at you, Kristin.

NO. Maybe the Times of London is being catfished by a pretend Marine Band spokeswoman?

SOMEONE HERE IS LYING AND I KNOW IT'S NOT BEYONCÉ."

Stage III: Crushing Sadness

"Oh my God, it is Beyoncé."

Stage 3 is a dark place. A deep mine of self-reflection which not even rockets' red glare can penetrate. You wanted so badly for that performance to be real. You believed that Star Spangled Banner.

Stage IV: Tryra Banks Quote

I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE YELLED AT A GIRL LIKE THIS. WHEN MY MOTHER YELLS AT ME LIKE THIS, IT'S BECAUSE SHE LOVES ME. I WAS ROOTING FOR YOU, WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU, HOW DARE YOU?! LEARN SOMETHIN' FROM THIS.

Stage V: Anger at Beyoncé

Why make such a big deal of yanking out your ear piece, like "Oh, who put this here, I don't need an ear piece I've got this mess down." You are a con artist! This is what Michelle Williams was trying to communicate all those years ago, but we couldn't decipher the message through her dog barks! All my friends are texting me that you did this like it's my fault and I'm mad at you, Beyoncé, I'm so, SO MAD AT YOUUURRRGHAMERICAAAAAAAAA.

Stage VI: Suspension of Disbeylief

No, but wait, in this video, she's totally singing live. You hear her and you hear the backing track. Her mic is even picking up wind. Nothing wrong with using a backing track, right? We've all done it. She was probably singing mostly live over a tiny quiet bit of backing track, which is totally normal, no big deal.

Stage VII: Delusion's Warm Embrace

Oh man, I feel so embarrassed. Like, of course she was singing live. Beyoncé would never willingly deceive me. Destiny's Child used to read the Bible on the tour bus. And if it were really a big deal, President Obama would have given a press conference about it, right? I bet Beyoncé's people are going to post an audio clip from just her mic on Tumblr without comment so all the naysayers can suck ittttt.

And then the stages repeat.

UPDATE: Who run the world? GIRLS. (Girls) — Specifically Beyoncé.

Terrified Marine Corps spokesman Capt. Gregory Wolf has just released a statement recanting the lip-synching allegations:

"Regarding Ms. Knowles-Carter's vocal performance, no one in the Marine Band is in a position to assess whether it was live or pre-recorded."

Beyoncé Lip-Synched: Coping with the 7 Stages of Star-Spangled Grief (UPDATE)

[Photo via Getty // .gif via BuzzFeed]

Passive-Aggressive Neighbors Have Incredibly Polite Street Fight Over Garbage Placement

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A mailman was making his rounds in Dover when he spotted two neighbors silently carrying bags of trash back and forth to opposite sides of the street.

Upon inquiring he learned that the two men were engaged in a courteous tiff over which side of the street the bags belonged on.

This went on for over thirty minutes.

I guess Family Guy was right.

[Arborath via 22words]

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