It looks like Rob Ford got hammered last night — but you probably could've guessed that. Toronto's crackhead mayor popped up at the club Muzik on Saturday night and he wasn't shy about posing for photos with his adoring constituency. But, then again, he's never really been shy about being on camera, has he?

Let's watch some porn. In 4K, "Ultra" HD. Where your eyes can affix to every booty goosebump, every spelunking booger, every little smudge of unmentionable matter at every slope and crack of the human anatomy.

4K porn is coming for you.

Naughty America will start producing 4K videos this year, according to the San Diego-based company's CEO, Andreas Hronopoulos, who addressed reporters last week at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. "Our customers want to get as close to reality as they can get, without reality getting in the way."

Back in October, Gizmodo and others reported lesser-wanked Huccio.com's launch of a 4k content option, for a slight additional charge (TBD) on top of the standard subscription rate. Likewise, Hronopoulos anticipates that his Naughty America network will charge an extra ten dollars per standard monthly subscription ($29.99) for the pleasure of peeping gnarly boob incision scars in gruesome resolution.

Yet in terms of mainstream content, Japan (typical) got a head-start on the U.S. in producing "ultra" HD video content, in a market that's saturated with hip mobile and multimedia tech. Now here in the U.S., Samsung and LG Electronics are banking on the future of UHD among Western consumers. From The Wall Street Journal:

As the two Korean television makers, and a bevy of Chinese and Japanese competitors, geared up to unveil new UHD TVs here at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, the question was whether there would be enough stuff to watch in the high-resolution format to entice consumers to pony up for an upgraded TV.

Meanwhile, on a skimpier scale, Naughty America will invest a few hundred thousand dollars to update equipment and software for our delight in carnal immersion, fit for our latest model laptops. Never mind that porn is ideally deployed to avoid real sex, which is moist and smelly and gross.

Women might want to think twice before working for Bill O’Reilly. According to Gabriel Sherman’s new book, The Loudest Voice in the Room, the top Fox News anchor grew so enraged at a female producer after a botched segment in 2003 that, in order to defuse the situation, “a senior Fox executive” intervened and escorted the crying producer out of News Corp’s Midtown headquarters.

“After one taping, he stormed toward his staff’s cubicles and tore into a young female producer, whom he blamed for botching a segment,” Sherman writes in Loudest Voice, which until today had been under a strict press embargo. “Staffers watched in shock as O’Reilly, easily a foot taller than the woman, started yelling and slamming his fist down on a shelf.”

“He got really close and in her face,” an onlooker told Sherman; “She was scared he was going to hit her,” said another. (The name of the producer is not revealed.)

Eventually O’Reilly vanished, after which “a senior Fox executive was called in and escorted the woman, in tears, out of the building to calm her down.” The famously vindictive anchor never apologized.

Sherman says the incident came on the heels of O’Reilly’s surging ratings during the build-up to the Iraq War. His rising stature within the right-wing network apparently created an environment where the anchor acted out against his own staffers with relative impunity. The most famous byproduct of O’Reilly’s toxic studio became public in 2004 when another female O’Reilly producer, Andrea Mackris, revealed that her boss had sexually harassed her in the early aughts—in one instance, by offering to pleasure her with a falafel—and threatened to destroy her if she ever told anyone about it.

Neither Fox News nor O’Reilly were immediately available to comment.

To contact the author of this post, email trotter@gawker.com

[Photo credit: Getty Images]

Southerners love to kill shit — this is one of the reasons why we must preserve the Second Amendment. If you're a rich Southerner you might also want to kill shit that normal people can't kill: like, for instance, an endangered black rhino.

This weekend, the Dallas Safari Club — real name name, no gimmicks — auctioned off the opportunity to murder one of Earth's 5,000 living black rhinos for $350,000. Though this might seem distasteful to you, the Dallas Safari Club has a really good reason to kill this precious creature: one rhino must die for the rest of the rhinos to live!

This is the talking point for rich boutique hunters of this sort — or as leading journalist Lara Logan put it a few years ago, "Can hunting endangered animals save the species?" The Safari Club says that all of the proceeds will be donated to the Namibian government and earmarked for "conservation efforts." The thought of just donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to protect endangered animals has, of course, not yet crossed their mind.

Ben Carter, the executive director of the Safari Club, further justified the auction by saying that "in most cases, the animal is detrimental." He continued: "He's past his prime."

Say, what do you think is the age of a typical member of the Dallas Safari Club?

[image via Getty]

On Saturday the New England Patriots huddled, bowed their heads, and prayed a moment of silence to raucous Gillette Stadium in Foxborough, Massachusetts. A minute to remember Sam Berns, 17, who loved football first and foremost.

Sam died Friday evening. The night before we was meant to attend a Patriots' playoff game against the Indianapolis Colts.

He succumbed to complications of the rare, premature aging disease from which he'd suffered since birth.

Progeria—an almost mythical affliction—is a genetic disease whereby a child manifests severe signs of aging throughout even the first couple years of life. It's a 1-in-8 million disorder. Per the Progeria Research Foundation:

Progeria signs include growth failure, loss of body fat and hair, aged-looking skin and stiffness of joints. As children get older, they suffer from osteoporosis, generalized atherosclerosis, cardiovascular (heart) disease and stroke. . . . Death occurs almost exclusively due to widespread heart disease, the leading cause of death worldwide.

Berns was diagnosed with the disease as a toddler, and doctors warned his parents—Leslie Gordon and Scott Berns, both doctors themselves—that their son likely wouldn't live past 13.

While his parents haven't publicized further details regarding their son's fatal complications, HBO chronicled much of Berns' lifelong struggle with progeria in the documentary Life According to Sam, which debuted in October at the Sundance Film Festival. It was at the Sundance screening that Berns met Patriots owner Robert Kraft, who later pledged $500,000 to the Progeria Research Foundation. Founded by Berns' parents in 1998 in the months following their son's diagnosis, the Peabody, MA-based non-profit is committed to raising awareness of Hutchinson-Gilford Progeria Syndrome, and to raising money for medical research of the yet incurable disease.

Sam Berns was committed to football, marching band, and teamwork.

The red carpet at tonight's Golden Globes is going to be extra hilarious. For us, that is, because we won't be trudging over the disgusting sewage-soaked rug soaked you see above. Somewhere an Academy Awards producer is shriveling his nose.

Ryan Seacrest, of course, is at the scene

huge water leak on #goldenglobes red carpet...Bev Hills fire trying to clean up pic.twitter.com/70dwJzzwYR

— Ryan Seacrest (@RyanSeacrest) January 12, 2014

[photo via Dave Karger]

How awesome is it to be a legislator in the Sunshine State this year? This awesome: You get to approve the legalization of adultery, cohabitation, and giving young children a strain of marijuana called Charlotte's Web, all in one afternoon sitting.

Florida legislators on a House criminal justice subcommittee last Thursday began discussing the particulars of a bill to reform state sentencing laws, and man, was it a trip:

First, the committee agreed to decriminalize co-habitation — a practice that had been outlawed in Florida law although rarely, if ever, enforced...

"Does anyone on the committee want to throw anyone in jail for cohabitating?,'' [committee chairman Matt] Gaetz asked. When no one responded, he concluded: "Seems to have pretty broad support."

Well, yeah. Hot damn! Let's have a lady friend over to the spacepad. But... what if you're already married?

Next, the committee turned to another seemingly outdated law — the state statute that makes it a second degree misdemeanor to commit adultery — and agree to decriminalize that as well.

"For the record I disapprove of adultery,'' said Rep. Ritch Workman, R-Melbourne, who originally sponsored the proposal. Gaetz noted that Workman had recently been divorced and remarried.

Yeah, Ritch, us too. Us too. Now, what about a little something to take this edge off?

Hope came Thursday for families whose children suffer from epileptic seizures, as the chairman of a key legislative committee agreed to file a bill to legalize the medical use of marijuana...

The families pleaded with lawmakers to legalize strains of marijuana such as "Charlotte's Web," saying it is their last, best hope of relieving the uncontrollable seizures in their medically fragile children...

"I'm moved by the compassion of all of this," said Rep. Charles Van Zant, a Palatka Republican who is a Baptist preacher and one of the most conservative members of the Legislature.

He opposes marijuana, he said, but when it comes to harnessing the herb to treat a specific malady, "I don't think this is substance abuse. I think it's using this wisely."

Say, this Florida place sounds hip and compassionate and lovely! What's the catch?

[Photo illustration by Adam Weinstein]

Improv Everywhere's 13th annual No Pants Subway Ride was yesterday, and it is exactly what it sounds like. In over 60 cities in 25 countries around the world, people were convinced it was a good idea to walk around in their skivvies and ride the subway—watch out for butt germs! Illustrator Paul Tuller and I took the F train (with our pants on) from 2nd Ave to to 53rd street and back down to Union Square. This is what we saw.

If you have photos of the No Pants Subway Ride in your city, send them to us. We would love to see them.

Robert/Sherry from last week's sensational UK documentary Secrets of the Living Dolls was interviewed on the UK chat show This Morning. In case you need a refresher, the doc focused on a subculture of men who don rubber suits and masks, giving them the appearance of walking sex dolls. The 10-minute interview was as splendidly awkward as you'd expect.

(Robert is the septuagenerian who used his own hair trimmings to make the genitalia of his FemSkin look more realistic, and who "can't believe that's a 70-year-old man" in the mirror when he looks at himself dressed up, probably because the latex covering his entire body renders him completely unrecognizable).

The chat started with host Dermot O'Leary pointing out the striking resemblance Sherry was bearing to This Morning co-host Holly Willoughby—they were wearing almost identical dresses and had very similar hair. Shockingly, this was not an inroad to bonding via satellite (Sherry was patched in from Orange County). They also covered ground that the doc glossed over: the sexual component of this masking, as well as how one uses the bathroom when decked out as a doll. Secrets of the Living Dolls is like the gift that keeps on cringing.

Logo tells us that they've acquired the rights to air Secrets of the Living Dolls, and it will make its Stateside debut in the spring.

[Still image/story source: HuffPost Entertainment UK]

Sex makes you smarter. Here is where the joke goes.

It is a bizarre mark of progress that America's level of economic inequality has become so chronic and severe that even the Republican party realizes it must present some sort of proposal to address the economic underclass. It's like watching a gaggle of nuns plot out a sex-education curriculum.

The Republican party—an organization that exists for the express purpose of not remedying America's economic inequality—has come to understand that not even our quasi-corporatocratic electoral system is enough to shield them from the need to address this issue any longer. The drumbeat that began with the Great Recession, continued with the Occupy movement, and was revived anew with the 50th anniversary of LBJ's War on Poverty has grown too loud. Almost all of the poorest states in the nation vote Republican. It's not the issue must be solved; it's that the voters must be pacified with proposals that could (if one subscribes to the Republican worldview) be construed as theoretically providing a framework for the reduction of poverty. The unspoken understanding within the political class is that such proposals will either never be enacted, or, if enacted, will certainly not make a meaningful contribution to ending economic inequality in the real world. That would require socialism. What we're talking about is a Republican Masquerade of Plausibility.

Who better to offer up our first completely substance-less Republican anti-poverty proposal than Ari Fleischer, the completely substance-less former mouthpiece for the Bush administration?

If President Obama wants to reduce income inequality, he should focus less on redistributing income and more on fighting a major cause of modern poverty: the breakdown of the family.

"Given how deep the problem of poverty is," Fleischer writes, "taking even more money from one citizen and handing it to another will only diminish one while doing very little to help the other." Of course! Why try to help poor people by giving them money, when you could help them far more by haranguing them about getting married? It's the perfect Republican proposal, in that it requires only sanctimonious moralizing from the rich, with no potential damage to their economic interests whatsoever.

How else would Republicans like to help the poor? How about... by drastically cutting corporate taxes!

In this model, when the U.S. corporate income tax is eliminated, "real wages of unskilled workers end up 12 percent higher, and those of skilled workers end up 13 percent higher."

Giving money directly to the poor is bad. Giving money to the poor by enriching corporations and their owners and hoping that some of that largesse trickles down the lowest wage-earners is good. Allowing corporations to take a cut of all economic stimulus is "efficient." If you want a job as a Republican pundit, you must be able to argue this point with a straight face.

Can't quite manage that? Perhaps you should take the easier Republican route of simply ignoring the troublesome lower class altogether in favor of the more politically palatable middle class. Says Ross Douthat:

If you were to build a rhetorical frame around some of the better policy ideas floating around on the right-of-center these days — from Mike Lee's family-friendly tax plan to the James Capretta Obamacare alternative to the kind of unemployment-fighting agenda A.E.I.'s Michael Strain outlines in the latest issue of National Affairs — it probably wouldn't be neatly divided into a "message on poverty" and a "message for the middle class." Instead, it would talk about how this new right-of-center agenda would offer the same kind of thing to Americans below the poverty line as it does to Americans anxiously holding on to their place in the middle class: Not a conservatism of "compassion" (that Bush-era frame was always a mistake, even when the substance was decent), but a conservatism of respect, in which benefits and tax credits are tied to effort, responsibility, family, work, in ways that apply up and down the income ladder.

In this neat-o interpretation of the problem, Republicans need not embarrass themselves by pretending to care about the very poor; they can simply maintain their standard free marketeering agenda of tax cuts, and them "frame" it as something that could benefit the poor, if they would just get their acts together enough to make themselves members of the middle class. That is from a column with the telling title, "Should Republicans Talk About Poverty?" Which hints at the final element of the notional GOP Anti-Poverty Platform: a tacit acknowledgment that, if you scratch a millimeter beneath the surface, you will find that this discussion about how to address a 30-year-long national plunge into inequality is occurring entirely in the context of "owning" the issue rhetorically:

Democrats are obsessed with income inequality. They are determined to exploit the issue in this midterm-election year. It is a strategy that will no doubt be aided and abetted by the media...

It would be a political and policy mistake, however, for the GOP to let Democrats own the income-inequality issue.

It's not that anyone in this discussion cares about poor people. It's that we have so many poor people now that it is necessary to somehow convince them, temporarily, that your party "owns" the issue of their well-being.

Lower taxes on the rich. Lower taxes on corporations. The lowest possible minimum wage. Opposition to national health care. Systematic undermining of public schools. And a heap of lectures about how to pull thine own self up by thine own bootstraps. That is the Republican Anti-Poverty Platform thus far. It suits them well.

[Image by Jim Cooke]

We all know Peter Mayhew, even if we don't realize it: He played Chewbacca, the lovable Wookiee in the original Star Wars trilogy. And judging from his Twitter feed in the past week, he's more of a fanboy than we realized: He badly wanted to form a sexy rebel alliance with Princess Leia.

Starting last Wednesday, Mayhew took to tweeting a trove of candid shots he'd collected from Star Wars sets while shooting the three movies. They are manna for anyone of a certain age, raised on landspeeders and lightsabers and the Kessel run. Mayhew's wit is on display in full form. But so is his possibly unhealthy preoccupation with a twentysomething Carrie Fisher:

A backlot, a bottle of wine, and the ever alluring @CarrieFFisher. The rest of this set stay in the archive :) pic.twitter.com/OwHkEGq2ZL

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 8, 2014

Dude, that is so awesome! You were one lucky guy.

Ok, you lot really like pics of a certain princess! Here's one of Carrie and her stunt double. You're Welcome. pic.twitter.com/CmHYPPvIpM

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 8, 2014

Heh, yeah. Every little boy thought that outfit was pretty nifty!

Check out Han's face. 'Dude, that's your SISTER". Meanwhile Chewie thinks, 'not MY sister!'. pic.twitter.com/HfP8oeItWY

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Ha ha ha ha ummmm. Hang on a sec.

The most luscious princess in the galaxy and an 11 year old Warwick Davis. I want to be an 11 year old Warwick Davis. pic.twitter.com/SVkdaoH1XV

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Wait, I have a question.

Its been 30 minutes, here is your gratuitous Chain-mail bikini shot. And look at @HamillHimself shirt! pic.twitter.com/U5RvJDuDpy

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Like, how many do you have, exactly?

Quality time with my one and only! pic.twitter.com/doxX505XXH

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Hmm-hmm. Cute pic. Let's not make it creepy, though.

Wait! That's my one and only with a cheap mechanical substitute! pic.twitter.com/ZeOA0WLEx7

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Pretty sure you're joking. Joking, right? Right?

STOP! this is just wrong. Im closing this archive now :) pic.twitter.com/8fXyQ7n5Zm

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

:-t

Boing, Boing, Boing. pic.twitter.com/miprSWnoB2

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

No, no, no. Dude.

naptime! pic.twitter.com/Hb0ENE5Mkv

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Did you— did you watch her— while she slept??

Really? Why do I torment myself with these! :D !!! pic.twitter.com/NqekcZuN4Z

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 10, 2014

Um that's actually a good question. Have you asked a profes—

Mine, you hear me, all mine! And I'm tall, so nyah nyah! pic.twitter.com/UAEARl2Mjl

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 13, 2014

Is that even Carrie Fisher?

Filming was stopped several times due to someone and their impromptu snowball fights. pic.twitter.com/ed4iCZYj6i

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 13, 2014

Don't get me wrong, Peter. She was a comely young woman. But... who started the snowball fights, exactly?

Internet, your going to like this one. pic.twitter.com/xsWax66f4p

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 13, 2014

Damn you, Peter. I mean, you're right. But come on. I feel... not cool about this.

Remember the pics of me lifting @CarrieFFisher? She was willing to return the favor... pic.twitter.com/gNspx551cb

— Peter Mayhew (@TheWookieeRoars) January 13, 2014

What— is that—- ungh. Yeah, we're pretty much done here. Joss Whedon reboot, anyone?

Cece McDonald, the trans woman who was imprisoned for stabbing a man who attacked her, is now free, after 19 months in a Minnesota corrections facility.

As Tony Merevick reports for Buzzfeed:

McDonald will continue to be under the supervision of the Minnesota Department of Corrections until the completion of her 41-month sentence, according to Michael Friedman, executive director of the Legal Rights Center, which represented McDonald in court last year.

She was released from the Minnesota Correctional Facility–St. Cloud around 8:30 a.m. CT, an official at the prison said.

McDonald's plight has been in the spotlight recently, thanks to Orange Is The New Black star Laverne Cox, who spoke out about mistreatment in prison on Melissa Harris-Perry's MSNBC show (trans people are often denied hormones while incarcerated) and is producing a documentary about McDonald.

In fact, a photo posted just a couple of hours ago on Facebook with the caption "we got our girl!" shows Cox in a car with the newly freed McDonald.

On Twitter, supporters are posting moving tributes with the hashtag #BecauseofCece. According to her official website, she'd like to create a scrapbook "documenting the worldwide support she's received."

A bit of background about McDonald's case: While she did plead guilty to second degree manslaughter charges in the death of a man named Dean Schmitz, she maintained that she acted in self-defense.

McDonald was walking past a local bar on June 5, 2011 when an altercation between her and Schmitz, in addition to other patrons, erupted on the sidewalk outside. According to various reports, McDonald — who was transitioning at the time — said she pulled out a pair of scissors in an attempt to defend herself after the group hurled a glass at her face, and taunted her and her friends with both anti-gay and racist epithets, including "faggots," "niggers" and "chicks with d*cks."

Schmitz, who allegedly had a swastika tattoo and was between the ages of 41 and 47 according to varied reports, died at the scene from a stab wound to his chest.

As Melanie Williams, writing for the Minnesota Daily put it, "[Schmitz's] attack […] was not just a random attack on one person's body, but an attack on an entire race and entire gender."

Apparently McDonald plans to release a public statement regarding her early release, but first she plans to spend some time "in privacy with people she feels close to." Well-deserved.

Images via Facebook.

Last week during a Reddit AMA, Jerry Seinfeld teased fans with the promise a "big, huge, gigantic" project with Larry David. According to Roger Freidman at Showbiz 411, the scope of the project is now more clear: Seinfeld and David are headed to Broadway, baby.

Friedman writes that during a Friday night party at SoHo House West Hollywood, he and David had the following "exchange" (most of which occurs in Friedman's head):

"I've written a play." A play? For, like, Broadway? "Yes." And Jerry would star in it? "Maybe," he said. "We're talking about it." Or directing, or producing, sounds like. Don't forget, Jerry produced and directed Colin Quinn's one man show on Broadway.

David was also asked about a new Curb Your Enthusiasm season, but Friedman "got the impression" that the play—perhaps an off Broadway debut at the Atlantic Theater Company—is David's first priority. That's quite a specific impression.

So it's not a new TV show written by and starring the two men, but the idea of an off Broadway play should be enough to excite fans. Then again, there's a great chance this whole thing might be wild speculation, based on yet another inane SoHo House conversation.

[Image via AP]

There aren't enough ways for the Bay Area software crowd to insulate itself from people with regular jobs: and so, The Battery exists. But what's going on behind the $2,400 doors of the startup clubhouse? The New York Times took a look, and it's just so, so boring.

The Battery's founders, armed with money from selling a terrible company to AOL years ago, wanted the joint to be a sort of Californian salon—a bunch of twee 21st century Voltaires talking about apps and bright socks, or whatever. Walk inside the Financial District hangout, and you might stumble upon a scene of mutual edification like this:

The game was called "describe your superpower." Five men and women, who had met two hours earlier, lounged on shiny gold couches and boasted about their hidden talents.

"I can take abstract ideas and synthesize them into something other people can relate to," said David Clay, a filmmaker, 47, who wore a natty blazer.

To his left, Brian Trent, 42, an entrepreneur with Ankh Marketing, an event production company, offered: "I can read people really well."

San Francisco, or Renaissance Italy? Hard to tell. With top-level socializing like this going on, you can understand why The Battery doesn't want any snooping:

For its always-wired members, the toughest rule may be its ban on posting anything club-related on Instagram, Facebook and other social networks

So much for that! People are boldly posting away:

Cool wallpaper—très sexy.

The decor perfectly captures the "let's give really young people a shit-ton of money for no reason and see what happens" Silicon Valley aesthetic.

That guy's superpower is boot cut jeans.

The Stanford dropout kiddos will feel at home.

A lot of the photos, spread across verboten social media, look like this—empty and not entirely sexy. But this kind of socialite fun isn't for everyone:

"This is the secret card room," [a Battery visitor] said in a professorial tone, explaining to his guests that new entrants were supposed to mingle with those currently hanging out and perhaps offer to buy them drinks.

The women glanced at the gold couches, smiled tightly, and spun on their heels to leave. The older man followed.

Oh well. There's always a trip to a mountain cult.

The New York Film Critics Circle expelled cantankerous freethinker Armond White this morning, as punishment for his alleged heckling of 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen. White, steadfastly rejecting any critical consensus, disputes the prevailing interpretation that he did wrong, or that it was heckling at all.

Ever wanted to know how to say a word in every European language? Thanks to this cool Google Translate/map mash-up, you can learn your geography and your languages at the same time.

The European word translator, inspired by Reddit's "etymological maps" section, lets you enter one- or two-word phrases to be translated by Google Translate and laid over a map of Europe. So you can do basic words and see interesting metalinguistic splits:

Or you can do dirty words and see how to travel across the continent with attitude:

Make your own, and screenshot and share them below!

What if Seinfeld exist in modern day?? Well, you can find out right now, if you hurry. Seinfeld and Jason Alexander are reportedly at Tom's Restaurant—their old, fictional meeting place (known as Monk's on Seinfeld)—probably filming a scene for Seinfeld's Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee series.

Several Twitter users spotted the pair walking into the restaurant this afternoon, and Gothamist confirmed that Tom's is closed with a film crew inside. Another possibility for the filming? A Super Bowl commercial.

Or maybe they're just talking about Jerry Seinfeld's new project with Larry David?

[Image via Ali Phil]

Police in Chicago say a Minnesota man was pronounced dead after attempting to retrieve his cellphone from the iced-over waters of the Chicago River just after midnight on Monday.

The 26-year-old unidentified St. Paul man reportedly dropped his cellphone in the river while walking near the Riverwalk with two friends.

Authorities say the man then lunged toward the phone and jumped over the security railing, ultimately landing in the freezing cold river.

The man's two companions quickly jumped in after him, but were unsuccessful in their attempt to save him.

The cellphone owner and another male, 23, were ultimately pulled out of the water by diver rescue teams. The 23-year-old remains hospitalized in stable condition.

A 21-year-old female who jumped in the water remains missing and is presumed dead.

"We continued efforts for over an hour, rotating divers, searched for the final victim, were unsuccessful, and now the scene is turned over to the Chicago police for recovery," Chicago Fire Department rep Linda Parsons told WLS.

[screengrab via CBS Chicago]

Sunday is the day of the Lord—the night, on the other hand, belongs to party people.

DJ Nita Aviance and friends hosted Sunday Service, a dance party littered with hipsters and women, Latinos and African Americans, Jerseyites and contortionist—a somewhat refreshing mix. The party encouraged unitards, paper head dresses, sex slaves, dance moves, and apparently lots of drugs. At 10:30PM someone was carried off of the dance floor because he over dosed? Died? Fell asleep dancing? Had a seizure? Not sure, but the extra room on the dance floor was much needed.