Mitchell Wright, a nine-year veteran of the Seattle police force who spent three of those working with the DEA, had big dreams. He wasn't satisfied with taking drugs off the streets — in fact, it was the opposite. He was going to become a drug kingpin, and strippers were going to help him.

Wright was arrested last summer after an investigation discovered oxycodone and other drugs in his apartment that he had stolen from police custody. According to the cops, the street value of the drugs ranged from about $36,000 to $52,000. After he was arrested and fired from the King County PD, local officers spotted Wright at the home of a suspected drug dealer.

A subsequent undercover investigation revealed Wright's plan: he was providing strippers with meth and heroin as a means to coerce them into becoming dealers for him. Eventually, Wright planned to control the North Seattle drug trade.

He was not successful: Wright was arrested again on Feb. 11 of this year after he sold drugs to undercover officers in a number of sting operations. According to court filings, Wright boasted to a police informant that he "could never be caught or arrested, as he knew all of the tricks that police use to investigate drug dealers."

Funnily enough, the man who thought he was going to take over Seattle with a crew of dope dealing strippers was wrong.

[via Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

After two streakers were caught grazing the lush world wonder of Machu Picchu in Cusco, Peru, and while a bohemian low-level Adam Duritz chronicles his unclothed Latin American jaunt, many are asking: could getting buckwild in your birthday suit be the next trend in travel?

In order to say with certainty, we have to look at what trends naked travel is in competition with.

• Space travel (That's over thanks to the Winklevii.)
• Better airports (This never happened .)
• Eco-conscious travel (That was never gonna happen.)
• "You will observe a protest"
• Airbnb's future is precarious "because of a poorly written law originally designed to stop slumlords from running illegal hotels with dozens of rental apartments."
• Spontaneity is on the rise. No one is even planning anymore. "55 percent of travelers are booking travel-related activities while they are actually traveling, meaning after they've taken off."
• Highbrow aristocrats are now taking vacations at Disneyworld (Ruined.)

Apparently the streaking at Machu Picchu was one of a slew of incidents, causing authorities to ask for further surveillance and security measures. Amichy Rab, pictured above, has made it as far as Chile with his nude antics. How far will we go in thinking this is the next way to see the world? If New York City's largest hotel can shed their option for room service, then why not we our weighted garments? With 72 likes on Facebook, this trend seems ready for takeoff.

[Images via MyNakedTrip.com]

Wearing a necklace only the bling ring could love, Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann told a crowd of rapt CPAC members that "we will have a woman for president, just the right one." The conference's closing events coincide with today's celebration of International Women's Day.

Bachmann also made sure to remind the conservative audience about the unfortunate Sarah Palin disaster of 2008. "Don't forget, we are the party, the only party, that had a woman on the presidential ticket this century," Bachmann said.

In February, however, the failed Republican presidential candidate said in no uncertain terms that Americans aren't ready for a woman president. "I think there was a cachet about having an African-American president because of guilt. People don't hold guilt for a woman."

Happy International Women's Day, everyone.

[Image via AP]

Amtrak is now accepting applications for its hashtagged residency program. You get to sleep on a train, basically.

Something like this was bound to pop up in the wake of the acclaimed documentary Blackfish : a California state assemblyman named Richard Bloom has proposed a bill that would ban orcas from being used for performative reasons.

Though the language of the legislation is stiffly formal, there is no doubt that this is about putting SeaWorld more or less out of business. In announcing the bill on Friday, Bloom appeared alongside Blackfish director Gabriela Cowperthwaite and two ex-SeaWorld trainers.

After the death of trainer Dawn Brancheau in 2010, SeaWorld's business has been teetering, and it has only gotten rockier since Blackfish debuted last year. Late in 2013, SeaWorld appealed an Occupational Safety & Health Administration ruling that severely limits interactions between trainers and killer whales. (SeaWorld's lawyer, by the way, is Anton Scalia's son.) It has also targeted an OSHA official that it alleges leaked classified documents to the producers of Blackfish.

The park has also slashed admission prices after plummeting attendance led to two straight quarters of negative net revenue. Things picked up for SeaWorld at the end of last year, but the worst is yet to come: the company has over $1 billion in debt, which it refinanced with a $1.4 billion loan last year.

That money is owed back by 2020, but if the backlash instigated by Blackfish continues its momentum, creditors may find themselves shit out of luck.

[image via Getty]

Speaking on Skype from the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, Julian Assange interacted with a crowd of SXSW festival attendees today in Austin regarding the NSA, Barack Obama's weak policies on civilian privacy, and the frailty of security reporting.

With an apparently shoddy connection that Assange joked was due to "low-quality surveillance," the interview was conducted by viewers texting questions to a moderator that then filtered through to Assange. The Wikileaks founder's talk was attended by over 3,000 people, and his remarks were typically pejorative, though vague.

On the subject of national security reporters, Assange commented,

"National security reporters are the new refugee. I see this as quite a positive phenomenon where people would have been completely crushed and not able to work anymore, they are able to use basic tenets of classic liberalism such as freedom of movement . . . to keep working."

Assange's comments on the NSA are more of the same chatter the security radical has given before.

"The NSA has grown to be a rogue agency. It has grown to be unfettered . . . the ability to surveil everyone on the planet is almost there, and arguably will be there within a few years. And that's led to a huge transfer of power from the people who are surveilled upon, to those who control the surveillance complex."

Assange also added that, "whenever you start to engage in any space, you run into state powers, you run into the deep state."

Edward Snowden and journalist Glenn Greenwald will speak in separate talks to audiences at the tech and music festival this week, with Snowden dialing in from Russia.

[Image via AP]

And on the third day of CPAC there were women.

The boldface lineup that launched the conference Thursday had all but lost steam on Saturday as the Chris Christies and Rand Pauls gave way to the Newt Gingriches and Sarah Palins, who, incidentally, were both major sponsors of the conference.

The crowd, too, thinned out a bit. Saturday hangovers kicked in and the ballroom was largely empty for much of the morning. A reporter seated behind me answered her phone during a panel on the future of the conservative union.

"I'm not in a bar," she said over the din. "I wish to god I was in a bar."

And the day soldiered on with an Ann Coulter appearance and speeches from Michele Bachmann and the demon sheep hunter herself, Carly Fiorina.

But although it was International Women's Day, the disparity in female involvement wasn't explicitly addressed until a decently-attended panel on "Why Conservatism Is Right for Women."

The women on the panel agreed there's an issue and said that the party should stand up more for female candidates and encourage "white males" not to "be funny" about female-centric issues.

It's not clear what percentage of weekend's attendees were women, but CPAC executives announcing the straw poll results (Rand Paul won again) said that only 37 percent of the vote was female.

Based on stats from the official weekend schedule, the speaking divide was a lot worse: 128 men (78%) to 35 (21%) women, a 57 point gap. Fiorina, who is now the chairwoman of the American Conservative Union Foundation, told an LA Times reporter that the lack of women was due to "scheduling conflicts."

Palin was the only woman to receive any real promotion for her appearance. She also donated at least $9,000 to the conference as a "participating sponsor" through her new television show, Sarah Palin's Amazing America. CPAC attendees sported her TV show's bright red giveaway bag throughout the weekend.

When I ask people who they were most excited to see, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Rick Perry are the most common answers. No one chooses a female speaker.

One older guy describes a prominent female conservative he admires thusly: "Who's the young—she's on Fox News all the time? It's like Red State/Black Chick, or some kind of cool tweet handle."

(He was referring to Crystal Wright, who tweets at @conservativeblackchick and participated in the sole all-female panel.)

As we talk about female participation, he points out a young woman animatedly engaged in conversation nearby.

"Some of these young, dynamic women—look at her right here, she's not Homeschool Hannah, she's all dressed for success and is out there, so apparently there may be some culture of women that are conservative. You know, Fox News, they get all the dolls on there, excuse my male chauvinist term."

I approach Not Homeschool Hannah later and ask her why she attended—and it turns out the guy wasn't wrong. She says she's an aspiring political journalist who came with her college Republican group.

"This is a pretty good place for connections," she says. "I've made some really great connections."

[image via Getty and the CPAC 2014 Official App]

Everyone's favorite GIRL Lena Dunham was on comedy variety program SNL last night as a first-time host. She wasn't bad, though her opening monologue and two separate sketches referenced her show's gratuitous nudity and the sound of her voice was just a smidge grating. Nothing out of the usual.

Dunham's opening monologue was about sex and mostly bland.

Dunham and her office pals have a jewelry party and learn that someone's boyfriend is a men's rights activist. Hijinks ensue.

We were so close in guessing this one.

On a sketch that Jon Hamm mysteriously shows up in, two middle-school girls reach puberty, which seems to be a theme on SNL these days.

The most hilarious sketch ended up being a portion of Weekend Update with Putin's Best Friends From Growing Up. Fred Armisen swings by with Vanessa Bayer to surreptitiously discuss what it's like to know Putin intimately.

Were any of your guesses right?

With nearly 48 hours passed since Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappeared en route to Beijing , the Boeing 777 has yet to be discovered. As investigators from numerous countries work to piece together what happened, here is everything we still do not know.

1. The location of the plane

Authorities have been combing the South China sea and surrounding waters for over a day, but still have not found any concrete evidence of the plane's location.

#MH370 Vietnam search and rescue aircraft spotted new floating object. Authorities are not sure what it is. pic.twitter.com/m0peec6DVm

— Vu Trong Khanh (@TrongKhanhVu) March 9, 2014

On Sunday, Vietnam released the above photo of debris that it thinks might be from Flight 370. The country also announced that it thinks it has found parts of the plane's tail as well as fragments of an inner door, but that theory has yet to be confirmed.

Earlier on Sunday, a Singaporean search vessel came upon a yellow floating object, but it was determined to be unrelated to Flight 370. Per CNN, at least 40 aircraft and 12 vessels are currently looking for the plane, with Australia, China, Singapore and the United States among the countries assisting in the search.

On Saturday, Vietnam released a photo of what it believes to be miles-long oil slicks in the water off the country's southern coast, but no one has been able to determine the origin of the fuel, or if it even is fuel.

2. Why the plane vanished

While officials on the ground work to find the plane, others are trying to piece together exactly what happened in the air. As of now, authorities are still unsure when the pilots realized the plane was in trouble. An unnamed pilot spoke to a Singapore newspaper yesterday and said that he made contact with Flight 370 minutes after the plane's final communication with air traffic control. This came at the behest of Vietnamese authorities who had lost contact with Flight 370, but the pilot does not remember his brief contact with the plane being suspicious or distressed.

Meanwhile, an AP report cites unnamed Malaysian officials as stating that radar images show that the plane may have attempted to turn back before it finally disappeared from radar. But that report has not yet been corroborated.

Because officials have yet to find a debris field, Malaysian officials say they are investigating whether the plane disintegrated in mid-air.

3. If terrorism was a factor

Officials from a number of countries have confirmed that they are looking into the identities of two passengers who boarded the plane using stolen passports, though the Malaysian government is investigating if up to four people boarded the jet with false paperwork.

According to CNN, the two passengers in question — one of whom possessed a stolen Italian passport, the other a stolen Austrian passport — appear to have purchased their tickets together, using Thai currency through South China Airlines.

Still, there appears to be nothing remotely conclusive on this front yet. According to the New York Times, a preliminary Pentagon investigation of "flash" data did not detect any evidence of an explosion in the area where the plane is thought to have disappeared.

In response to the passport situation, an American official told the Times that "while the stolen passports are interesting, they don't necessarily say to us that this was a terrorism act."

[photo of mourners via AP]

A gangster named Alien (née James Franco) put it best when he said "Spriinng break, spriiing breakkk. Spring break foreveerrrr," and many young coeds would agree. Due to the harsh winter that a large area of the US has been facing, the number of Spring Break attendees in Florida this year is supposed to skyrocket.

According to USA Today:

Out-of-state visitors during those months have increased from 19.4 million in 2000 to an all-time high of 26.3 million last year, Visit Florida data shows. That's a 36 percent jump.

A 36-percent jump can only precede even greater increases this year, as the cooped-up student body flees the particularly oppressive winter cold for warmer weather and a few Natty Ice's. Paul Phipps, the chief marketing officer of Visit Florida, was enthusiastic about the takeover.

"This is going to be a very good year for spring break because of the weather that the Northeast has experienced for several months. There's pent-up demand, and it's the opportunity to go south and have a good time," Phipps said.

Partiers from states as close as Alabama and Georgia will also be making the short drive down, Phipps claims.

"They've had winters like they haven't had in a long time. We've really been the beneficiary of that," he said.

Other popular Spring Break destinations are already proving to be tainted, which will perhaps only further contribute to the dirge of partiers in Florida. The beach authorities on Galveston, Texas's shores have already had to issue a bacteria infestation warning, claiming that for a period of time the waters were not safe.

"It's more dangerous if you have a compromised immune system or if you were to ingest a lot of water," said Mike Reardon noting that there is bacteria in the water all the time, just at a lower level.

Cancun, Mexico, another oft-visited destination for topless revelers, was scene to a murder already this year when a Florida man on vacation in the hotspot was strangled over a bar tab.

Spring Break season goes from roughly March 1 to April 15, and CoEd.com has ranked the top twenty trashiest American spring break destinations as a handy guide for where to stay the hell away from until Tax Day.

[Image via AP]

Angela Corey is the state attorney in Florida's fourth district. You may know her for her failure to convict George Zimmerman, and her failure to convict Michael Dunn of first degree murder. She is, however, excellent at sending black people to death row.

It would be unfair to judge Angela Corey purely on the outcome of two cases in which she failed to convict non-black men of murdering young black men. To get a full sense of Angela Corey's value as a prosecutor of murder cases, it is imperative to look at her entire record. A Florida Times-Union story by Larry Hannan published this weekend does just that.

And here is her record:

Corey's office has sent 21 people to Death Row, and 18 of them are still there with the other three getting off Death Row on appeal. No other current prosecutor in the state has put more than seven people on Death Row since the start of 2009...

According to statistics from the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, the 4th Circuit had 367 murders from 2009 to 2012. Statistics were not available after that.

During the same period, Miami-Dade County had 867 murders. But from the start of 2009, Miami-Dade State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle has put only five people on Death Row.

A few things can be stated with little controversy: the prosecutor's personal discretion plays a paramount role when it comes to the decision of whether or not to seek the death penalty. Angela Corey has few rivals when it comes to pursuing executions. Corey's district has well under 10% of Florida's population, but has produced more than 25% of Florida's death row inmates during her years in office. And, the ACLU adds, "Of the 21 men she has put on death row since 2009, 14 are African American, or 66% of the total. Blacks account for just 16% of Florida's population."

So Angela Corey can proudly say that her zeal for harsh punishment has made her one of our nation's most effective people at getting black men condemned to death. In that, she is part of a long Jacksonville tradition.

[Photo: AP]

The organizers of an Orlando, Fla. gun show had to find a new venue due to the controversy around their guest of honor, firearms aficionado George Zimmerman—best known for fatally shooting unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin in 2012.

The original site of the event, The Majestic, backed out due to "community pressure," New Orlando Gun Show organizer Mike Piwowarski told local reporters.

But the show went on over the weekend, relocated to the Arms Room gun shop. Zimmerman reportedly sat for 6 hours and signed about 20 autographs.

No protestors or "ass clowns" crashed Zimmerman's appearance, according to the Arms Room.

"He seemed nervous and actually a little scared to be there. He also appeared emotional, like he was really thankful and touched that people would come out to see him," an attendee told the New York Daily News.

Zimmerman has doubled down on carrying firearms since being acquitted in the Trayvon Martin shooting. In November 2013, police found 5 guns—including an "AR-15 type rifle"—and 127 rounds of ammunition when they arrested him for allegedly pointing a gun at girlfriend Samantha Scheibe.

Scheibe appeared alongside Zimmerman at the gun show.

[H/T: UPI, Photo Credit: WESH]

We all knew Justin Bieber was a smirky little prick. What we didn't know is that he's a hilarious smirky little prick. Now, thanks to this just-leaked deposition video, we have proof.

For weeks now, True Detective fans have feverishly shared their favorite conspiracy theories. Was the Yellow King this guy ? Or was it Matthew McConaughey's Rust Cohle? Or was the killer someone more obvious, like Errol, the creepy lawnmower guy? Last night, those of us without HBO Go found out the answer. Let's discuss [SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY]:

As it turns out, the killer was Errol Childress, the creepy lawnmower man, who was eventually shot dead by a wounded Rust Cohle. So, no wild conspiracy theories came true. That said, I thought the finale was excellent. The scene in which McConaughey chased Errol through the woods and into Carcosa was absolutely terrifying. And even Rust Cohle and Marty Hart's ridiculous final chat about the stars and life after death worked, in the same way all of the show's ridiculous dialogue worked ("Time is a flat circle...," etc).

Some people were disappointed by the finale, of course. The editor of a certain news and gossip blog responded to my enthusiasm with, "Fuck you," which is harsh but perhaps fair. Deadspin's Drew Magary pointed out the show's dependence on cliches while others had more critical takes.

What did you think? Did you hate it? Love it? Were you disappointed that, after all the insane conspiracy theories, the killer turned out just to be a crazy guy with scars on his face? Was anything left unresolved for you, like the Tuttle's involvement or, you know, how this Satanic mass-murder ring started in the first place?

[Image via AP]

A self-described political artist has 3D-printed a butt plug in the shape of Russian president Vladimir Putin's head and torso. And much like the real Putin, it's not necessarily something you want invading your, er, sovereign territory.

Fernando Sosa, whose line of celebrity butt toys also includes a Chris Christie and a that-racist-guy-from-Duck-Dynasty, was only able to print the full-color Putin in sandstone, a material not recommended for anal insertion.

"[Is] this 3d printed Putin Butt Plug Safe for use? [T]he 3D Printed Putin butt-plug is NOT safe for use," Sosa asks and answers on his blog.

A safer pink silicone Putin is in the works, presumably due to at least one person's disappointment at not actually being able to sit on a world leader.

But why Putin in particular? Sosa explains:

Since i started designing this butt plug Putin invaded Ukraine and Republicans have developed a fetish for Putin. I honestly feel that is pretty unpatriotic that the right is now worshiping Putin in order to attack Obama. So i almost wish i could send a couple of these to Fox news since they are so in love with him.

He goes on to declare that the sculpture is a sort of voodoo doll for anyone who opposes Putin's persecution of LGBT people and his incursion into Crimea.

So, if your feeling about Putin is that his head should be swallowed up by a giant human asshole, there's a butt plug with your name on it. Just be aware that it might hurt you more than it hurts him.

[H/T: Animal, Photo Credit: PoliticalSculptor]

Yesterday I finally saw this incredible model of Manhattan at New York's Armory Show. Hand carved on a gigantic 9-foot-long block of marble, this thing is overwhelming when you're in front of it. The detail is truly unbelievable. Check it out up close:

The piece is not new. It's part of a series of five called Little Manhattan created by Yutaka Sone from 2007 to 2009. This is the number 3 on the series and measures an incredible 21 ^3/4 × 108 ^3/8 × 33 ^1/2 inches (55.2 × 275.3 × 85.1 centimeters.) I wish I had a home large enough to have it.

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Flying is easy. One would think.

On occasion, circumstances we encounter prove to us that a need exists for a reminder of basic rules of etiquette. We "get it"—life is a complicated whirlwind of overlapping personal, social, and professional obligations, leaving nary a moment for quiet contemplation of the rules of right and wrong. With all of the activity around us, it's difficult to keep the needs of your fellow wo/man in mind. That is what we, the grumpy and friendless writers of the internet, are here for. To simply remind you, as we often do in our hacky little way, of a few simple rules that will make things more tolerable for one and all. One and all on airplanes, in this particular case.

1) If you have the aisle seat, do not fall asleep with your tray table down. You have the aisle seat. Fine. Good for you. You win. But you have also accepted the implicit responsibility of getting up quickly and with good cheer whenever one of your seatmates on the inside wants to get up for any reason. And you know what is not conducive to sending an unspoken message to your seatmates on the inside that you prepared to get up quickly and with good cheer at any moment? Falling asleep with your tray table down. Falling asleep with your tray table down sends the message: "I have constructed both a physical and emotional barrier to egress by you, my inside seatmates. In order to exercise your god-given right to get up, you are now put in the position of having to violate norms of both manners and physics. I care little for the needs or comfort of others." Unacceptable.

2) Do not talk to me for long. Say hi, chit chat a bit, okay. Now let's stop talking.

3) Do not recline your seat. Do not recline your seat. Ever. Congress should pass a law that all economy class airplane seats must be welded into a permanently upright position. There are no exceptions.

Now let's stop talking.

[Image by Jim Cooke]

... Nic Cage would look pretty much the same.

Twitter prankster and horrible monster Jamie DMJ took some just-a-little-off fan drawings of stars and Photoshopped us into a reality where these creatures (and Regular Nic Cage) roam the earth.

Well, casting the villains in any future Dick Tracy remake should be pretty easy now.

Important update from Nic Cage at SXSW:

"I don't know why there are so many memes of me!" Nic Cage #SXSW

— Katherine McLaughlin (@Coconutboots) March 10, 2014

[Photo Credit: JamieDMJ/Twitter]

A mom filming her two boys eating breakfast inadvertently created the perfect YouTube video. The rising action! The delayed punchline! The beans on toast!

Look for "Ice Cream Van" to dominate the short film category on the festival circuit this year. Critics agree it's the greatest comedy short since Hans Moleman's "Man Getting Hit By Football."

Two thumbs up. Two kids down.

[H/T: Reddit]

Looks like the early morning crew at Fox & Friends could use a copy editor.

[h/t Daily Intelligencer]