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George R.R. Martin Stops by SNL's Weekend Update Desk

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George R.R. Martin Stops by SNL's Weekend Update Desk

The fourth season of Game of Thrones premieres tonight on HBO. (Have you heard of that show? People like it!) Ahead of the event, GOT author George R.R. Martin stopped by the Weekend Update desk at Saturday Night Live to discuss what has been keeping him from continuing the series.


A U.S.

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A U.S. Navy warship reached the sailboat of a San Diego couple who had sent a satellite ping for help after their 1-year-old daughter developed a rash and fever, but wasn't responding to medications . The team stabilized the girl and pointed the ship, which had no steering or communication abilities, towards Mexico.

Nightmare ​Lawsuit Claims Woman Died Trying to Escape Morgue Freezer

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Nightmare ​Lawsuit Claims Woman Died Trying to Escape Morgue Freezer

The family of 80-year-old Maria de Jesus Arroyo has filed a lawsuit against a hospital in Los Angeles after a pathologist determined that Arroyo was declared dead prematurely and frozen alive. She then "eventually woke up" and injured herself trying (and failing) to escape. Oh!

The lawsuit states that Arroyo was pronounced dead after suffering from a heart attack, and her family visited to say their goodbyes before she was taken to the hospital's morgue. When morticians retrieved her body a few days later (this is a fun story, I hope it never ends!), she was found with a broken nose and cuts and bruises on her face. The injuries were initially attributed to the mishandling of her remains, but were found to be otherwise by a pathologist hired by the family's attorney. (The pathologist claims she "damaged her face and turned herself face down as she struggled unsuccessfully to escape her frozen tomb.") (Oh!)

Hospital officials released a statement, saying: "We followed all proper protocols in this matter and are confident that once the facts of the case are reviewed, we will prevail in court."

Nightmares released a statement, saying: "See you tonight!"

[Image credit: Shutterstock]

Activists Are Fighting to Drink Illegal Raw Milk

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Activists Are Fighting to Drink Illegal Raw Milk

Food activists and anti-regulation libertarians are fighting for their right to drink unpasteurized milk in peace, even though illnesses connected to drinking it are rising.

A recent Washington Post article reported that public health officials have found that in over a dozen cases that drinking unpasteurized milk can lead to kidney failure, with paralysis occurring in at least two. But people who refuse to trust government regulations are so thirsty for this possibly illness-inducing raw milk that they're selling and buying it illegally:

In states where raw milk remains banned, black and "gray" markets have emerged for enthusiasts seeking "moonshine milk" in the belief that bacteria-killing heat from pasteurization also kills powerful enzymes and eliminates other properties that can cure allergies, asthma and even autism.

Every day, thousands of gallon-sized glass jars filled with raw milk move from state to state, arriving at consumers' front doors through co-ops, buyers clubs and from friends and relatives who sometimes pack the milk in dry ice and ship it via FedEx.

Sometimes the only jars that buyers can find are labeled, "For Pet Consumption Only."

But it isn't just pets who are drinking this apparently delicious illegal milk, which typically costs $12 a gallon. According to the CDC, 1 to 3 percent of Americans drink it and god damn it are they're tired of smuggling it across state borders in mason jars!

The government is not listening to what consumers are asking for," said Fallon Morell, whose farm is in Maryland, where raw milk sales are banned. "People are sick and tired of industrialized food.

Nonprofits such as the Farm-t0-Consumer Legal Defense Fund have been on the forefront of the raw milk legalization movement, which has gained steam ever since Amish farms were raided by undercover FDA agents over raw milk. Not to mention these raw milk protests tend to be extremely threatening:

Outraged members of Allgyer's Grassfed On the Hill buyers club staged a protest on the Mall, drinking raw milk within view of the Capitol.

Seems effective, yeah?

So far, 40 bills have been introduced in 23 state capitals to legalize unpasteurized milk within state borders. Even though the CDC says the chance of getting sick from raw milk is 150 times greater than from pasteurized milk, many Americans are still engaging in this illegal milk trade every single day.

Earlier today, an Australian ship in the southern Indian Ocean carrying deep-sea sound equipment pic

Drone Falls on Athlete's Head During Triathlon

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Drone Falls on Athlete's Head During Triathlon

An unmanned aerial vehicle, also known as a drone, struck an athlete in the head during Sunday's Endure Batavia Triathlon in Geraldton, Western Australia.

Competitor Rajia Ogden was beginning her second lap of a race on the Foreshore when the copter, which was being controlled via a remote, fell from the sky and hit her in the head, leaving her with minor injuries. She was treated by paramedics at the scene and then taken to the hospital.

The drone was operated by videographers New Era Photography and Film, who were using it to tape the triathlon live. The owner of the copter, Warren Abrams, believes someone hacked into his system and caused the UAV to fall.

The Geraldton Triathlon Club released a statement expressing that the club is "very disappointed" that this occurred and that they are currently conducting an investigation into the incident and the videographers involved.

Obama Will Sign Executive Orders to Close Wage Gap for Women

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Obama Will Sign Executive Orders to Close Wage Gap for Women

On Tuesday, President Obama will sign two executive orders in an effort to increase wage transparency for federal contractors. The first will prohibit contractors from taking action against employees who openly discuss their wages, and the second will require them to provide worker compensation data, organized by race and gender.

These orders will give female workers a means to discover violations of fair pay laws, and will apply only to federal contracting, which makes up about one-quarter of the U.S. workforce. The language in the orders is similar to that found in the Paycheck Fairness Act, which applies more broadly and is the subject of Senate debate this week.

Of the executive orders, Deborah J. Vagins, ACLU senior legislative counsel, says, "Congress still needs to do its part and pass the Paycheck Fairness Act, but we're one step closer to achieving pay equity thanks to this White House."

[Image credit: AP]

Swedish Stroke Victim Heard Doctors Talking About Donating His Organs

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Swedish Stroke Victim Heard Doctors Talking About Donating His Organs

A Swedish man who became paralyzed after a stroke is now filing an official complaint against a hospital where he overheard doctors talking about donating his organs when he was still conscious.

Two years ago, Jimi Fritze suffered a stroke in Gothenburg, after which he was transported to a hospital. When he arrived, he was completely paralyzed but still fully conscious. After doctors performed a brain scan, they alerted Fritze's girlfriend and family and told them that he wouldn't live. Then, in an even more nightmarish turn of events, the doctors started to talk about organ donations and Fritze heard the whole thing:

"I heard them talking about donation, they wanted to do some tests on my liver and my kidney, so they could give them to some people," he said.

Still, he could do nothing to alert anyone to the fact that he was fully conscious.

"I was scared because I thought that I was going to die then, and a hard death," he said. "I remember I thought, what will happen if they cremate me, will I see the fire and feel the fire?"

Fritze was not declared officially brain dead, yet doctors at the hospital acted like he was going to die. Luckily, a more experienced doctor took a look at his x-rays and believed he would make a full recovery, which proved to be true just a few days later when he began responding by nodding his head.

Now, after two years of rehabilitation, he has filed a complaint with Gothenburg's Sahlgrenska Hospital that officials are taking "very seriously." Fritze can now move and speak but remains confined to a wheelchair, something that may not have even happened due to the work of a few careless, crazy doctors.

Congrats Jimi Fritze, you will not have to witness your body be engulfed in flames during cremation!


Incredibly Awkward Teacher Prank Is an April Fools Blessing

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Pranks are terrible and they should never, under any circumstance, be played on or by anyone. There is a forever increasing supply of evidence to show that April Fools' Day is a living nightmare. That said, this April Fools' Day prank is pretty good! Saying anything would spoil it — and spoilers are, of course, nearly as evil as pranks — so you'll just have to watch for yourself.

[H/T Uproxx]

Chili's Will Donate 10% of Customers' Checks to Anti-Vaxxers on April 7

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Chili's Will Donate 10% of Customers' Checks to Anti-Vaxxers on April 7

Chili's intends to donate 10% of its customers' checks on April 7th to the National Autism Association, in honor of National Autism Awareness month. The problem? The NAA claims on its website that vaccines can trigger or exacerbate autism in "some, if not many, children." Dammit not this again.

Saying that vaccines cause autism makes about as much sense as blaming autism on organic food. Vaccines have been shown time and time again to be powerful tools in the fight against disease. Where they're used they save lives, and where they aren't, lives are lost.

To suggest that there is a causal relationship between vaccines and autism – a relationship the CDC has, following several investigations, plainly and repeatedly debunked – is irresponsible. The NAA's comments about vaccines triggering autism are based on anecdotes, not scientific research. When asked about the safety of vaccines, the association wriggles out of a straight answer by handing its readers off to the misleadingly named "National Vaccine Information Center." Via Business Insider:

NAA dodges a direct yes or no position about vaccines on its website FAQ, writing that it "cannot make this decision for any parent, but we are happy to provide sources of information to anyone in need. We recommend visiting http://nvic.org."

That link goes to the National Vaccine Information Center, which journalist Michael Specter characterizes in his book "Denialism" as "an organization that, based on its name, certainly sounds like a federal agency. Actually, it's just the opposite: The NVIC is the most powerful anti-vaccine organization in America, and its relationship with the U.S. government consists almost entirely of opposing federal efforts aimed at vaccinating children."

Further evidence that NAA outsources its denialism: the association sponsors "Age of Autism," a website whose masthead asserts that "Yes, Vaccines Cause Autism."

In the spirit of responding with something more more substantial than "No, they don't": here and here and here and here and here is some of the scientific evidence for why they don't.

Chili's is, of course, free to donate its money wherever it damn well pleases – but you have a right to know where your money is going. And on April 7th, it'll be going to an organization that has no qualms drawing connections between vaccines and autism. If you believe in science, consider getting your baby back ribs fix somewhere else on Monday. Looking for another way to donate to autism research? Consider contributing to the Autism Science Foundation or the Wendy Klag Center at Johns Hopkins.

H/t Business Insider

Archbishop Selling $2.2 Million Mansion Paid for With Church Funds

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Archbishop Selling $2.2 Million Mansion Paid for With Church Funds

Are you in the market for a $2.2 million, eight bedroom, Tudor-style mansion? (In Atlanta?) Well, the Archbishop of Atlanta might have a property to show you! A property that he is begrudgingly vacating after coming under criticism for paying for it with church funds!

The property was built with money donated to the archdiocese by Joseph Mitchell, nephew of Gone With the Wind novelist Margaret Mitchell, and was already scaled back from the original plan, which included a wine cellar. Yuck. At that point it's almost like, why even use 2.2 million dollars of the money donated to your church in order to build yourself a mansion?

The decision was made during a meeting with members of several church councils, after which Archbishop Wilton Gregory publicly apologized in the archdiocesan newspaper: "What we didn't stop to consider, and that oversight rests with me and me alone, was that the world and the Church have changed."

Ugh, stupid world. If only you had remained free of anyone or anything in need of money!

[Photo credit: Shutterstock]

A Boeing 747 was forced to make an emergency landing when the 390 cows on board were too hot for the

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A Boeing 747 was forced to make an emergency landing when the 390 cows on board were too hot for the plane to handle. After a fire alarm where the cows were kept started to sound and there was no evidence of smoke, technicians concluded the extremely sexy group of cows were giving off too much heat and set it off.

State Department Not Totally Sure Where it Spent Six Billion Dollars

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State Department Not Totally Sure Where it Spent Six Billion Dollars

The State Department has no paperwork to account for about six billion dollars that it gave out in contracts over the last six years.

State Department Inspector General Steve Linick released the report, citing "significant financial risk and... a lack of internal control," last month, but was only made public this week.

Linick began by asking the State Department for samples of files from contracts made by different bureaus. The results were dismal.

Of 155 contract files requested from State Department operations in Iraq, officials could only provide 34 complete files. Forty-eight files contained legally insufficient information, and the remaining 33 contract files—worth $2.1 billion alone—were deemed missing.

The Bureau of African affairs was even worse—officials could not provide complete files for any of eight requested contracts worth nearly $35 million. In Afghanistan, two task orders worth more than $1 billion, were incomplete.

State Department spokeswoman Marie Harf called the unaccounted-for $6 billion a "bureaucratic issue" that the department is addressing.

But the report also found some obvious fraud:

In one IG investigation, a contract file lacked documentation reflecting that the $52 million contract had been modified and awarded to "a company owned by the spouse of a contractor employee." In another, a file for a contract valued at $100 million "was not properly maintained and for a period of time was hidden" by the contracting officer.

[image via Shutterstock]

Nick Cannon Got Booed off the Court at a Knicks Game

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America might like Nick Cannon's lame jokes, but New Yorkers definitely don't.

Nick Cannon jumped on the court at Madison Square Garden last week to film a surprise America's Got Talent segment, which was met by an immediate and unrelenting wall of "BOOOOOOOO."

Cannon's segment was supposed to be him yelling "America's Got Talent," and pretending to sink a shot backwards—a comedy throw, his producer warned the crowd, "which is not going to go in intentionally."

Of course, Cannon landed neither the shot nor the joke, which was drowned out by the three-minute chorus of booing. At least he has his vow renewals to look forward to.

[h/t Daily Dot]

Drone Operators Now Have a "Bug Splat" Staring Them in The Face

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Drone Operators Now Have a "Bug Splat" Staring Them in The Face

A Department of Defense study released earlier this year found that drone operators experience the same levels of stress as combat pilots in manned aircraft. Although they're separated by thousands of miles from the casualties they cause, the job of a drone pilot still requires whatever internal reckoning it takes to fire at a human target.

Perhaps for that reason, predator drone operators use the term "bug splat" to refer to the people killed in their operations, and the software that calculates the potential death toll.

In an effort to reverse this Ender's Game attitude toward civilian lives, an artist collective in the Khyber Pukhtoonkhwa region of Pakistan have created a massive installation—visible to drones—that shows the face of one girl killed in an attack.

It's called "Not a Bug Splat."

Drone Operators Now Have a "Bug Splat" Staring Them in The Face

The child shown on the image hasn't been named, but the artists say she lost both her parents and two young siblings in a drone attack.

The piece is also visible to imaging satellites, which the creators hope will make it a permanent feature of mapping software.

[H/T: Digg, Photos: Not a Bug Splat]


An examination of 400 private equity firms by government regulators found that "more than half... ch

Peaches Geldof Dead at 25

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Peaches Geldof Dead at 25

Peaches Geldof, model and daughter of singer and Irish icon Bob Geldof, has died at age 25, the BBC reports. Police are treating her death as "unexplained and sudden."

Geldof was a TV presenter and British scenester whose notoriety peaked in 2010 with an alleged heroin-fueled one-night stand at a Scientology compound. She later admitted to posing for nude pictures taken that night, but denied the allegations of heroin use and Scientology.

Geldof's mother, Paula Yates, died of a heroin overdose in 2000, when Peaches was just 11. Peaches' last tweet, on Sunday, was this photo with her mom.

Geldof once said she had experimented with drugs as a teenager, but that she was "never that wild."

She had two sons, Astala, almost 2, and Phaedra, 11 months, with husband Thomas Cohen, leader singer of the band S.C.U.M.

"I shall bring them up with their mother in their hearts everyday," Cohen said in a staement.

"We are beyond pain," said Bob Geldof, who confirmed his daughter's death. "She was the wildest, funniest, cleverest, wittiest and the most bonkers of all of us."

"What a beautiful child. How is this possible that we will not see her again? How is that bearable?"

[Photo: Getty Images]

Thatz Not Okay: Can I Pretend I Need a Service Dog?

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Thatz Not Okay: Can I Pretend I Need a Service Dog?

I want to bring my dog everywhere. I want to enroll my dog in service-dog training so he can enter stores, restaurants or airplane cabins alongside me, as those venues are typically reserved for "Service Dogs Only." While I don't have any physical or mental issues that necessitate a service dog, the training requirements would be met and dog would pose no harm to anyone. Is this okay?


Thatz not okay.

You know who doesn't want you to bring your dog everywhere? YOUR DOG.

Here is a list of things dogs love doing:

You will notice that standing quietly inside Bath & Body Works does not appear on that list. Dogs do not enjoy running errands.

Because humans and not dogs rose up and colonized the Earth, most places in the world have been designed for the ease and comfort of people, rather than pets. An exception is dog houses, which are too small for most humans to live in, and lack many conveniences to which humans have become accustomed such as plumbing, central heating, ice maker, etc. The slim chance that some primitive wishbone inside your family Great Dane will snap and cause her to rip out a customer's throat is but one on a long list of reasons why she is not welcome in your local Benihana. There are also issues of space and cleanliness. Consider too that some people are allergic to dogs. Some people are afraid of dogs. Some people are just not dog people, and should not, therefore, be made to sip seasonal Benihana cocktails alongside them just because you have decided that your dog is cool and you like hanging out with her. Also, a dog would probably hate Benihana. So much clanging and banging and shrimp flying through the air.

People make allowances for service dogs that are performing a service, because their presence is necessary. Service dogs are not magically allowed inside movie theaters and shops just because they are service dogs; they're permitted inside these places because they are assisting people. You will never go to a bar and find all its stools occupied by off-duty service dogs whose owners are home sleeping.

Treating the concept of service animals like a scam invented by the hearing impaired so that they could go shopping with their dogs undermines the credibility of animals that are actually working. (Some owners of working service dogs say poorly trained impostors can even directly hinder their animals' ability to perform their required tasks.)

A good rule of thumb for life is that if you have to lie on a daily basis about having a medical condition, you're probably in the wrong. You can't just start riding around in a perfectly legal standard wheelchair because you think walking is a drag. That is not the behavior of a successful person.

Think of it this way: What would your response be if a blind person with a service dog confronted you about your carting your loophole dog all over town? Would you say, "Fuck you, my dog is TRAINED AS HELL!"? Or would you feel embarrassed?

Best case scenario if you go through with your plan: People you meet will think you have an extreme psychological condition which necessitates the use of an emotional support dog. Most folks will probably just assume you are lying (which you are!).

Maybe one day you will experience a physical or psychological impairment so great that your everyday living will suddenly necessitate the use of a service dog. Then you can see how cool it is. Until then, if you want to shop with your dog, take it to PetSmart.


I'm currently single and living in NYC–the city of endless options, most of them un-dateable. So I bit the bullet and joined OkCupid–no credit card transacted, no strings attached. I ended up meeting a southern gentleman who took me on nice dates and cuddled on my couch while watching SNL. Swoon. He didn't even use tongue until date 4. After about 5 dates I decided to search for him on Facebook. Maybe I'm naïve, but I think meeting someone on a DATING website implies that they're single. Facebook was telling me otherwise. After a few clicks, I was led to some blonde's Facebook that featured 9 profile pictures of them together and a relationship status explicitly stating they're in a relationship. What I could see from his profile was basically the same, if a selfie of them together in Paris is any indication of relationship status. Shocked that a "nice" guy could be so deceiving (silly me), I confronted him about the situation. He claims they're on a break and they're not planning on getting back together. So: Being in a relationship on Facebook but still dating as if you're single — is that okay?

Thatz not okay. (And this guy iz not single.)

If you are "on a break" and "not planning on getting back together" with someone, what you actually are with that person is "broken up." That's why people don't say they're "on a break" from their high school sweetheart who is now married to someone else, with two kids. But this guy didn't tell you he and his girlfriend were broken up. Because they are not.

There are three kinds of people in the world: people who care about updating their relationship status on Facebook, people who never bother to update their relationship status on Facebook, and people who do not lie in bed wide awake for 15 to 80 minutes every night, held hostage from sleep by a vague yet paralyzing anxiety.

No one who cares enough to modify their relationship status on Facebook in the first place will ever allow it to lapse into error.

It takes two people to be in a relationship on Facebook, literally; both parties must click to "approve" the status change in order to link their profiles. If the girl's page says they're together and the guy's doesn't, it doesn't mean they're not. It means he's tweaked his privacy settings to hide this detail while he trolls OkCupid for cheek kisses.

(Another possibility is that the couple mutually agreed to "take some time," and this cuddlemonster has yet to inform his current/former girlfriend that he has opted to take the rest of his life without her, thanks.)

His proclaimed single status isn't the only part unbelievable aspect of this story. Who waits until they're five dates deep to look someone up on Facebook? That's doo-doo diligence. Part of the fun of a crush is clicking through all of their photos back to 2007, and then clicking through all of their friends' photos back to 2007 in case they're in any of them, and seeing what pages they like, and seeing how many friends they have and are more of them from high school or college or work or what, and seeing what their birthday is and verifying their star sign's compatibility with your own star sign. Yes, you can still perform these tasks five dates in. (You might even run through them every day for as long as you're together, which could be for a very long time, depending upon star sign compatibility.) But the most important thing is that you perform them IMMEDIATELY. Unless all you're looking for is a one night stand, don't let someone put their tongue in your mouth without first looking them up on Facebook.

It is bizarre that this non-single guy is taking things so slow with you, his sidepiece. Is he so hooked on polite conversation with women and splashing out on expensive dates that the amount of action he was getting from his girlfriend was insufficient? Is he that obsessed with hearing about people's days? Perhaps he's addicted to maintaining a respectful distance from ladies, though, if he took his girlfriend to Paris, you KNOW she let him get to at least second base.

The best explanation I can come up with for his behavior is that this guy is to cheating what an amateur parkour enthusiast backflipping face-first into a wall is to a highly-trained military agility drill sergeant. He wants to do it, but he can't quite master the nuances, so he slams face-first into brick every time. He was probably hoping for sex (OR AT LEAST A TONGUE KISS) on date one, but when he opened his mouth to say "Let's go back to my place so I can fuck you like an animal," what came out was "Please tell me more about the traffic you were afraid you might encounter on the way here." No man signs up for OkCupid looking for some no-strings-attached light cuddling and zero funny business with a girl who wants to stay in on a Saturday night. He's just finding out the hard way that pimpin' really ain't easy.

Given this guy's dweebish tendencies and slow-as-molasses hook-up style, it's also possible he's invented some sort of loophole for himself like "It's not cheating if you don't interlock your fingers when you hold hands while watching SNL."

While this guy is clearly somehow in the wrong here, it's important to remember that you get what you pay for. If you're only willing to plunk down $0 on a dating website, all you can reasonably expect is "a date that doesn't murder me." There's a reason it's not called "OutstandingCupid."

Thatz Not Okay is a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay." Photo via Getty.

This Could Be a Baby Geep, a Rare Sheep-Goat Hybrid

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An Irish farmer claims to have accidentally bred an unusual sheep-goat hybrid, commonly known by the much cuter name "geep."

"I only have white-faced cheviot sheep and when this one came out it was black," farmer Paddy Murphy of County Kildare told The Guardian.

"It was moving a bit too quickly for a lamb, its legs were very long and he even has horns like a goat."

Murphy said he had noticed a goat mating with his sheep, but expected nothing would come of it, The Guardian reported. But something did come of it. And now that something is a local celebrity.

"Ewe gotta be kidding!" screamed the sensationalist agricultural tabloid Irish Farmers Journal.

The baby geep has become the talk of the village pub, which Murphy also owns. He's currently hosting a contest to name the animal as a fundraiser for a sick local child.

But is it really a geep? The hybrids are distinguished by a number of chromosomes in between that of a goat and sheep, and usually have a goat-like tail that extends horizontally from their spines.

"I have no interest in that side of it at all, but if someone wants to come and do tests they are welcome," Murphy said.

[H/T: NYDN]

Report: Weather May or May Not Be the Reason You Didn't Murder Anyone

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Report: Weather May or May Not Be the Reason You Didn't Murder Anyone

In a shining example of "correlation does not imply causation," two reporters for the Baltimore Sun were unable to determine whether or not the cold weather in Baltimore this winter made people less likely to murder each other.

The article came about after "many on social media" wondered if Baltimore, Maryland's drop in murders to 30-year lows during February and March had anything to do with the cold weather the city saw this winter.

While many crimes show seasonal trends, Gary LaFree, a criminology and criminal justice professor at the University of Maryland, said cold weather does not have as much of an impact on homicides because many are domestic-related. That can cause monthly homicide totals to tick upward in winter because so many people live in close confines.

Comparing weather data with historic monthly homicide figures shows no clear correlation.

Summer consistently sees a peak in murder rates — and winter a lull — but a 1952 study by Gerhard Falk concluded that "crimes against the person" aren't linked to temperatures themselves.

Many cities around the country, including Chicago, New York, Detroit, and LA, all saw a decline in the total number of murders within city limits in 2013.

[Image via AP]

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