At Friday's Weezer show in St. Augustine, Fla., drummer Patrick Wilson demonstrated the proper way to handle a frisbee thrown at you by a member of the audience: smoothly, and without missing a beat.

If you have to skip a few hits on the hi-hat, so be it. Everyone will be too busy cheering to notice.

The best part: Rivers looking around in confusion, genuinely amazed that the audience would react so strongly to a track from Make Believe.

Here's that catch again, captured from above by Weezer's drum-cam:

[H/T Reddit]

If a man tells himself a lie over and over again, eventually he will begin to believe it as fact. When the lie is something that fundamentally alters his view of reality, it can turn dangerous.

The chemtrail conspiracy theory is a well-covered phenomenon around these parts, and every time I or someone else writes a story trying to debunk the ridiculous myths surrounding this ugly bit of anti-science, the hardcore believers jump in and explain why they know The Truth and everyone else is being paid to lie about it.

So when I heard this afternoon that the Las Vegas shooter was into the chemtrail conspiracy theory, my first two reactions were 1) oh, that figures and 2) oh, man.

The chemtrail conspiracy theory and its relatives are far from mutually exclusive. The folks who believe that the trails of cirrus clouds that form from the warm, moist exhaust that follow behind high-flying aircraft are really chemicals being sprayed on us by the government usually believe in the whole package: the United Nations is controlling the world; the Jews control everything, too; vaccines are a plot to cull the population and make your kids autistic; Obama is not an American citizen and his group of thugs are out to take your guns; the government is rounding up train cars to ship people to FEMA reeducation camps a la Nazi Germany; on and on and on.

Each individual theory on its own is seemingly harmless, but belief in one acts like a gateway drug that leads to harder conspiracies, and the more a man convinces himself that the world is out to get him, the more prone he is to lashing out. The chemtrail conspiracy theory isn't what drove that man and his wife to shoot three people and then each other in Las Vegas yesterday, but it's symptomatic of a larger problem where people are seeing shadows that aren't there, and acting out in incredibly dangerous ways.

Mental health issues aside, we need to confront and defuse the growing sway that conspiracy theorists have on society. Chemtrails do not exist, the United Nations is not taking over the world, Obama is not grabbing your guns, vaccines are not a plot to cull the population, and you're not going to be sent to a concentration camp. The hysterics have got to stop. The anti-science and anti-reality junk theories being peddled as fact are killing people.

[Image via AP]

NBC News 4 reports that a Los Angeles teacher allegedly drunkenly pulled a knife on students in their car Saturday night and demanded they take him to the fast food chain Jack in the Box. The teacher, 34-year-old Edward Maust, was charged with kidnapping, false imprisonment, and criminal threats after surrendering to the police Sunday afternoon.

The alleged incident began when three of Maust's 17-year-old students at Arroyo Pacific Academy recognized Maust on a street corner at around 9:30 pm Saturday. Maust asked the students for a ride, and they said yes. Los Angeles County Sheriff Deputy Tony Moore notes, "They immediately noticed that he was intoxicated. They didn't feel safe. They got out of the car and he ordered them back into the car." After that, Maust allegedly pulled out a knife and demanded the students drive him to get fast food. One of the students managed to call 911, and Maust got out of the car and fled once he realized a police helicopter was tailing them.

Arroyo Pacific Academy, a private prep school, released a statement calling Maust "a long-term, well-respected faculty member who is involved." But the Academy spokesperson noted that their "primary concern is for the well being and welfare of our students."

After Jerad and Amanda Miller killed two police officers and a Wal-Mart shopper this weekend, neighbors described the couple as supporters of Cliven Bundy who boasted about their gun collection and plans to commit a shooting. The video above, showing Jerad Miller speaking at the Bundy ranch, confirms the connection.

In the NBC Reno clip, which aired in April, Miller warns that the Bundy protesters aren't above using violence against the authorities:

I feel sorry for any federal agents that want to come in here and try to push us around, or anything like that. I really don't want violence toward them, but if they're going to come bring violence to us — well, if that's the language they want to speak, we'll learn it.

Ironically, Miller shared a video of a weapon-carrying citizen who stopped a shooter on Facebook in March:

And Amanda Miller shot a concealed-carry citizen who attempted to stop the couple during their rampage Sunday.

In fairness, the state's schools have been preparing for this day for a long time.

A hearty golf clap to Homejoy, for using a stock photo of a woman cleaning the floor while also holding up her husband who is lying on a sofa, and to Fluc, for proving that naming your startup "Fluc" isn't literally the worst possible marketing decision. Your checks are in the mail, in the amount of -$100,000,000.

"The number of Americans who would qualify for federal long-term unemployment benefits — a program Congress allowed to expire in December — has now hit 3 million."

About a year ago I moved into an apartment with two other long-haired girls and we made a cleaning schedule to keep everything in order. A few months in, I started getting complaints that when it was my turn to clean the bathroom, I did not remove the hairs that accumulate on the drain. I explained that this was because none of those hairs are actually mine as we all have very different hair colors and I have always had the habit of picking up to throw away my hairs every time I shower. (I also think that they don't clean other things properly but have never said anything because worse than being complained to about petty things is complaining about them). I quickly realized that both roommates were very spoilt and continued to believe that I should clean up after them, so I decided to oblige to their requests and start clearing the drain. Using their toothbrushes.

I have recently shared this with my sister who told me it made her taste bile and that it is the most revolting thing she has ever heard and that I should stop immediately. I pointed out that not only was the situation completely avoidable for them, it is also harmless as I am only using their toothbrushes as instruments for the chore they wanted me to do so much. I want to continue doing it for as long as they leave their hairs behind after they shower. Is that okay?

Thatz. Not. O. Kay.

This sounds like the beginning of a blonde joke. A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all move into an apartment together. One day the brunette turns out to be FUCKING INSANE and murders the other two for a perceived slight. Now no one wants to live in the apartment because two girls died there. It's super sad.

You know what is worse than voicing or receiving complaints about petty things? USING SOMEONE ELSE'S TOOTHBRUSH AS A CLEANING TOOL.

Why would the three of you establish a communal cleaning schedule if you were only going to clean up after yourselves? That would defeat the purpose of a chore wheel. It would be a chore circle, filled in with a single color, in the center of which would be written the only task: "Everybody clean up after yourself constantly and forever."

When you vacuum the living room, do you only trace over the exact footpath you take from your bedroom to the front door? When you water the lawn, do you only hit that patch of grass directly under your bedroom window?

Since the other women in the apartment complained that (prior to your psychotic stunt) you weren't removing the drain hair when it was your turn, we can only assume that they do perform this unpleasant task when it's their turn. And, when they do, they are—with a doubt—cleaning up some of your hairs as well since, even if you use tweezers and a magnifying glass to extricate only those strands that are your unique shade from the wet, filmy clump at the bottom of the drain, you cannot possibly get them all. (If you do invest the requisite time into this task, you are creating conservatively 10,000% more work for yourself than if you just threw out the big wad of hair in the first place.)

Your roommates have not entered into a situation that is, as you say, "completely avoidable for them" since, in order to consciously avoid something, you must be aware that it exists or is happening. You are creating a situation that is completely avoidable for them. (You could avoid cleaning out your dirty bathtub with their toothbrushes.) Further, the definition of "harmless" is not "capable of fulfilling a request by any means necessary." Perhaps you meant "ruthless?"

Stop thinking of yourself as a vessel through which cosmic justice is doled out. You are just a regular person and a below-average roommate.

If I believed you had simply experienced a momentary lapse in judgement, I would tell you to tell your roommates TODAY that you accidentally knocked their toothbrushes in the toilet while cleaning, and present them with the brand new toothbrushes you bought them TODAY to make up for it. (I would also tell you to stop bragging to people about your cool lifehack and expecting to find them receptive.)

However, since you have given no indication you are or were at any point in your life a rational human being fit to live with others, I advise you to confess what you've been doing to your roommates. Maybe, in the world you live in, where simple requests are met with exorbitant, perverse punishments, they will nod and tell you your solution—which you have been implementing, in secret, FOR MONTHS—was "tough but fair."

In the real world, I expect they realize that you are a Judge Judy case personified, and immediately pursue other living arrangements.

I recently turned 28, and whilst I wasn't all that fussed about it I've been upset by how little most of my family cared about the celebration of mine (& twin brother's) birth. My father drove for about 1 hr & 30 mins, to give me a birthday card, whilst I gave him his birthday present from April. Nevermind that my father spent several hours at my sister's place before getting to mine, and it also turns out he took my brother to a cricket match as his present. My sister has lost her present to me. My mother & grandmother texted me to say happy birthday, since we don't get on. I can deal with the mother & grandmother thing, but my Dad coming all that way to give me fuck all has pissed me off - he couldn't even be arsed to stick a note in there, and he isn't short of cash. That being said, I don't want to be childish and unreasonable. Expecting people to make a fuss of me on my birthday: Is that okay?

Thatz not okay.

Since it would be borderline unconscionable for a human who had spent 28 years nailing down the patterns and rhythms of everyday life here on Earth to be this concerned with a lack of adequate B-Day fuss, I must acknowledge the possibility you mean you recently turned 28 in dog years (English setter?), which would make you about four. As a 4-year-old, it is perfectly understandable that you are upset about a lack of birthday presents. If you are not a 4-year-old, it is not reasonable.

Kids celebrate the inevitable passage of time because they have no agency. Emerging alive from yet another year is their greatest achievement. But there's nothing impressive about a fully developed adult successfully going another 365 days without choking on a Lego. Adults celebrate accomplishments.

Here's the golden rule of adult birthdays: You can make a fuss for milestone years if the new set of privileges you receive directly impacts your life. If you live in the U.S. and are a drinker, make a fuss for your 21st. If you need badly to rent a car but don't have the funds to cover an additional fee, make a fuss for your 25th. If you have been waiting your entire life to launch a presidential campaign, make a fuss for your 35th. Otherwise (and for all intervening birthdays), a casual party, a small dinner, or a phone call from your Nana (assuming you do not not-get-on with her) are all you can reasonably request. Anything above that—tribute in particular—is a bonus. (On that note, your family is obviously not the most on the ball with presents, seeing as you gave your father an April birthday present in June.)

The first hint that this matter is not worth getting upset over is the fact that "I recently turned 28" is the most boring possible opening for an anecdote—even worse than "I was on my way to the post office." There is no sentence that will be improved by tacking "I recently turned 28" onto the beginning of it. It wasn't even interesting when Benjamin Button turned 28. No one cares about people who are 28, as evidenced by your family's behavior.

That your father spent some time at your sister's house before coming to yours is immaterial, first because your birthday is not Ramadan and therefore does not dictate all activity between the hours of sunrise and sunset, and second because you weren't even happy to see him. As for the fact that your brother got to attend a cricket match and you didn't (would you have been satisfied with that as a present?), I suppose the only explanation for that is: You are the evil twin.

It was unbelievably kind of your dad to drive 90 minutes to visit you in person, since he was celebrating a special holiday himself: the 10 year anniversary of the day you ceased being his legal responsibility. (That's the thing about being an adult child: if you're terrible, your parents are no longer obligated to hang out with you.)

Doesn't it seem odd that your dad would make a 90 minute trip to give you, as you put it, "fuck all?" Almost as if he thought the time-consuming trip and his ensuing visit had some sort of intrinsic value? As if the present he was giving you wasn't just a shitty card, but something bigger, beyond the card?

No doubt it would have been easier for your dad to load the equivalent of the amount he ended up spending on gas onto an iTunes gift card and email it to you instead of coming, but perhaps he thinks if he gives you the special attention and skin-to-skin contact you evidently missed out on as a child, the amount of cortisol in your bloodstream might level off to that of a normal, high functioning adult. Before he has a chance to ruin your next birthday, you might dash off an email (subj: A Girl Only Turns 29 Once) to let him know you're too far adrift to be towed in now, but you would accept a modest monetary donation.

Before you do so, however, consider that if you're already on the outs with your mother and grandmother, you might not want to antagonize the only family member who still likes you enough to come give you a card. (While we're at it, let's admit the possibility that your terrible entitled behavior might be the source of some familial tensions.)

Instead of dwelling on the past (I assume the 27 years you have already experienced have been retroactively tainted by the setback that kicked off number 28), look to the future. One day you will be able to give your kids the 28th birthday you never had.

Thatz Not Okay is a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions (max: 200 words) to caity@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay." Image by Jim Cooke. Photo via Shutterstock.

"Imagine an editor asking a writer to passionately articulate why a drunk driver hitting and killing a boy on a bicycle is wrong and sad. That would never happen, because a drunk driver killing a boy on a bike is a self-evident tragedy," Gawker Alumnus Cord Jefferson on "The Racism Beat" for Matter.

A year before he murdered two police officers and a bystander in Las Vegas, a groggy Jerad Miller took to YouTube to claim the founding fathers would have loved assault weapons.

With Metallica's "Don't Tread on Me" blaring in the background, Miller—who appears sleepy or intoxicated in the video—offers a slow, impassioned and at times incoherent defense of personal weapons ownership, up to and including an "M-1 Abrams tank" for those who can afford it:

If we were to go back in time and hand George Washington an AK-47, he would have immediately took it apart, reverse-engineered it, and mass produced it for his own troops… I guarantee you the AK-47 would be on our own flag. So for those people out there who ask, Why do you need an assault rifle? There's your reason...

I don't wanna classify everybody who thinks gun control is a good idea as a liberal, because Hitler was not a liberal. Mao wasn't a liberal. Stalin, Lenin, Mussolini, these people were not liberals. They were dictators.

It's such a tragedy that Americans believe other Americans shouldn't be allowed to own guns... Without the Second Amendment, there is no free speech. Think about it.

After shooting the two officers and before killing each other, Miller and his wife Amanda shot and killed 31-year-old Joseph Wilcox of Las Vegas, a law-abiding concealed-firearm carrier, who confronted them as they ran armed into a local Walmart.

Comedian Tracy Morgan is still in critical condition after a truck collided with his limo bus on the New Jersey turnpike early Saturday morning, killing one person and injuring four. But there is some good news, Morgan's fiancée Megan Wollover said through a spokesperson: The rumors that the actor would lose a leg are totally bogus.

Morgan's leg was broken in the crash, but it's not going to be amputated. The rumor appears to have started with a source inside Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital who leaked information about it to Mediatakeout.

The source later claimed Morgan had lost feeling in the leg, but opted for physical therapy and surgery over amputation. Morgan's family didn't address that report specifically, but did refer to the media "speculating (mostly inaccurately)" on his condition.

Here's the full statement:

Tracy remains in critical but stable condition. His fiancee Megan is by his side. The concern for his well-being has been overwhelming, but Megan is respectfully asking that the media await official word through these channels before speculating (mostly inaccurately) on his condition, Rumors about amputating his leg are completely fabricated.

As we shared yesterday. Tracy had surgery on his broken leg. We are working closely with the incredible staff at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital to share information when it is available, This recovery will be arduous and we hope that you can be patient during this difficult time. Thank you.

[H/T Kate Authur, Photo: AP Images]

Orange Is the New Black star and groundbreaking TIME covergirl Laverne Cox appeared on The Wendy Williams Show today and endured a particularly dumb line of questioning about being transgender from Williams. Williams' several questions about Cox's gender identity included:

• "What is transgender?"
• "You've got breast implants?"
• "You made history as the first transgender on the cover of TIME magazine! What was your reaction to seeing that shot?"
• "Do you recall the moment in your life when you decided to go from male to female?"
• "Is Chaz Bono somebody who you see also as a hero in the culture?"

There's a lot to pick at here, if you are so inclined. Echoes of Cox's Katie Couric interview (alongside Carmen Carrera) from earlier this year are there in Williams' question about Cox's body. Using "transgender" as a noun and not an adjective (to modify "person") is a no-no, says Buzzfeed. One does not "decide" one's gender (though Williams' question is poorly stated, she could be asking about transitioning sex). And why on earth is Chaz Bono relevant to their conversation other than the fact that Bono is another transgender person that Williams has heard of?

Williams' language does not pass the internet outrage test.

Even something like, "What is transgender?," while clearly asked for the benefit of the truly ignorant in Williams' audience, just goes to show the burden Cox has as one of the few famous trans people in our culture (and any culture, really): She has to repeatedly explain what she is before she can even get to who.

But within Cox's answers lie so much about who she is as a person and a leader, really. She is unflappable. If she is sick of repeatedly answering the same questions, you wouldn't know it. She has such grace that she can correct you without you even knowing it. On the subject of her breasts, she told Williams, "Off camera, I can talk to you, but I've chosen not to talk about any of the stuff I've gotten done, because I think so often when trans people's experiences are talked about, we far too often focus on surgery and transition, so I don't talk about that. But I'm very happy with the situation."

Imagine if everyone answered ignorance with patience and compassion.

I'm not transgender, so I can't evaluate Cox as a group representative with true authority. But as a fellow human, I'm so glad that her voice is amplified, and increasingly so.

You can watch the entire interview below:

Next time you're out buying seafood, consider getting the lobster. A Guardian report reveals that shrimp sold across the U.S. and U.K. are produced in part by slaves off the coast of Thailand who endure unimaginable violence and abuse.

Charoen Pokphand Foods, or CP Foods, the world's largest shrimp farmer, is based in Thailand, and sells to retailers incluing Walmart, Costco, and Tesco. To feed its shrimp, the company uses a product called fishmeal, which it buys from suppliers who operate ships manned by men who are unwillingly sold into labor.

The Guardian, which spoke with several escaped slaves, reports truly horrifying conditions on the fishmeal ships. Laborers work 20-hour days for no pay, and are tortured, beaten, and sometimes murdered. Some are given meth as fuel for a long shift. One former slave described the experience as such:

"I thought I was going to die," said Vuthy, a former monk from Cambodia who was sold from captain to captain. "They kept me chained up, they didn't care about me or give me any food … They sold us like animals, but we are not animals – we are human beings."

Another man detailed witnessing an unfathomably gruesome killing:

Another trafficking victim said he had seen as many as 20 fellow slaves killed in front of him, one of whom was tied, limb by limb, to the bows of four boats and pulled apart at sea.

When asked about the slavery, a CP spokesman claimed the company does not have "visibility" of the extent of the "issues" in its supply chain:

"We're not here to defend what is going on," said Bob Miller, CP Foods' UK managing director. "We know there's issues with regard to the [raw] material that comes in [to port], but to what extent that is, we just don't have visibility."

In another statement, the company — which claims it can eliminate its use of fishmeal by 2021 (seven years from now!) — pats itself on the back for making "good progress" in working with the Thai government to eliminate forced labor in the country, where nearly 500,000 people are believed to be enslaved:

"We can do nothing, and witness these social and environmental issues destroy the seas around Thailand, or we can help drive improvement plans. We are making good progress."

The government, by the admission of one of its own, is complicit in the practice. Because boat owners depend on slave brokers, an anonymous official told the Guardian, the state would rather turn a blind eye to the abuse.

All of the retailers contacted for the story said they were against human trafficking and forced labor, and several claimed to be working with CP Foods to end the practice. Of course, there's something everyone can do to pitch in while CP is still buying from slave ships, stores are still buying from CP, and the Thai government is allowing all of it to happen: stop buying shrimp.

[Image via AP]

A young mother graduating from college took a celebratory photo with her baby, and it's causing a huge stir on the internet because she was breastfeeding at the time, and we're apparently still scandalized by seeing part of a breast in a completely nonsexual context.

Karlesha Thurman, 25, just graduated from California State University Long Beach, after giving birth to a daughter during her final semester. She posted a photo showing her feeding the baby to the Facebook group Black Women Do Breastfeed (the now-deleted group was created in acknowledgement that breastfeeding is less common for black moms than white moms in the U.S.)

The photo got a positive response from its intended audience, but it soon spread outside the Facebook group, where a wider Twitter audience saw it and, outraged at the appearance of a boob, collectively shook its damn head.

Thurman was also repeatedly called "inappropriate," and "a hoe," and criticized for having a baby before graduation.

Eventually, the photo was picked up by Buzzfeed, beginning a backlash to the backlash.

Thurman, meanwhile, seems unfazed by the attention.

"I found out I was pregnant my last year of college, had my daughter one week into my last semester, she was my motivation to keep going, so me receiving my BA was OUR moment," she wrote on Facebook.

Shaming women over public breastfeeding isn't just a U.S. thing, either: In the U.K. this week, a mom made the news after she was called a slut for breastfeeding at a coffee shop.

[H/T OpposingViews, Photos via Facebook]

Egyptian President Abdel-Fattah el-Sisi, who was inaugurated on Sunday amidst mass sexual assaults in Tahrir Square, called sexual harassment in the country an "alien phenomenon" in a statement today.

Through his spokesman Ehab Badawi, Sisi responded to reports of rampant sexual harassment and violence against women during the weekend's inaugural celebrations. He called for a return to the "'real and moral' values of the country's streets," according to the AP. He also called for more decisive implementation of a new law that makes sexual harassment a crime punishable by up to five years in jail. (Prior to the introduction of the law last week, there was only a vague offense called "indecent assault.")

Still, women's groups say much more needs to be done to combat "mass sexual rape and mass sexual assault" in the country. Twenty-nine groups released a report Monday citing 250 incidents of mass rape between November 2012 and January 2014. Women in the country say the violence has gotten worse since Hosni Mubarak's ouster in 2011.

On Monday, a video of a 19-year-old being sexually assaulted by at least seven men in Tahrir Square surfaced on YouTube. Since then, seven men (likely those appearing in the video) have been arrested for "harassing several girls." Three of them have been charged with "sexual assault under the threat of force and attempted rape," according to the AP.

[Image via AP]

Animal researcher Margaret Howe Lovatt studied dolphins near the U.S. Virgin Islands in the '60s. She happened upon a pubescent male named Peter and one thing led to another and...you know.

Seriously for real, that's how she explains it in the upcoming BBC Four doc The Girl Who Talked to Dolphins. Very liberal use of the word "talk" in that title, don't ya think ;)?

Howe Lovatt says:

In the beginning when he would get rambunctious and had this need, I would put him on the elevator and say, "You go play with the girls for a day"...I was just easier to incorporate [dolphin handjobs] and let it happen. It was very precious. It was very gentle...Again it was sexual on his part, it was not sexual on mine. Sensuous perhaps. It would just become part of what was going on, like an itch. Just get rid of that. Scratch it and we'll be done. Move on. And that's really all it was. I was there to get to know Peter. That was part of Peter.

Yes. Peter's peter was definitely part of Peter.

Howe Lovatt's approach to manual sex with a dolphin sounds like that of a wife who fell out of love with her husband 10 years ago. But at least she can still smile about it. She is also infinitely less creepy than the dude who fucked the female dolphin.

The Girl Who Talked to Dolphins will premiere on the UK's BBC Four on June 17. I'm going to watch the shit out of it. It will not be sexual for me. Sensuous perhaps.

Not that Heather and Tamra's blowout wasn't exciting, but could anything in this episode match the revelation that Terry DuBrow's brother was the lead singer of Quiet Riot? Maybe that's why he's so comfortable cumming on and feeling the noize of ladies bickering!

It's Christmas in Orange County, which means it's time to resurface grievances past. And what better setting than Shannon's house? She LOVES Christmas after all, and is BRINGING it with the excitement and tchotchkes! The party will be catered, which means that we are deprived of the excitement of Shannon emasculating husband David while she microwaves potatoes. Sad face.

Meanwhile, Tamra and Ryan go to the doctor. Tamra's testosterone treatment is apparently going just fine, and she says that she's not growing hair or a penis. I have to say, though…she DOES look a little butch in this episode, right?

Maybe use that testosterone cream every other day from now on. There's bad news for Ryan, whose back-alley HGH use has apparently put him at high risk for a coronary event at only 28 years old. The doctor reveals all of Ryan's health issues like this is The Biggest Loser, and Tamra is gravely worried. In any interview she cries and, with ironically frozen Botox face, says, "I just want to shake him and go, what are you doing? Stop! You are fine the way you are. You don't need to inject your body with stuff to make yourself look better. Just be happy with who you are." Tamra, girl, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all, and you should start listening to Eddie when he tells you the exact same thing.

Heather puts in an appearance on Good Day LA to promote her guest stint on Hawaii Five-O, and makes like it's some huge publicity tour. She was on one episode, right? In any case, she's guest hosted Good Day LA before, and is now asked to guest host some more. This could be because of her sparkling personality, OR because she's oddly flirtatious with regular host Steve. Heather calls Steve her "other husband," and says he has a good deal "because you don't have to pay for me." Someone is having sex with that guy for FREE? Madness.

While Shannon finds holiday joy by berating David when he can't light the heating lamps, and then further berating him when she finds him gulping on a large glass of tequila (and really, who can blame him?), Heather and Terry prepare to set their DVR for Hawaii Five-O. Though satisfied by her congratulatory tweets, Heather is still troubled by the feeling that Vicki and Tamra have pulled away from her since befriending Shannon. She hopes that since she and Shannon have reached a peace accord, things will be better. Has she ever SEEN this show? Maybe they should forget Hawaii Five-O and set the DVR for Real Housewives of Orange County.

And then we're at the party! There is a LOT of talk about Tamra's jumpsuit, which seems relatively demure to me but is apparently actually quite slutty. Quoth Shannon, "I have to tell you, I would have no idea where to buy a jumpsuit like that. I've never seen one in any store I've shopped in." And, I mean, Shannon TOTALLY shops at Talbots, right? No one can beat Lizzie showing up looking like a stripper-angel ready to top the Christmas tree, though. Vicki arrives and recounts tales of Oklahoma's obsession with lamb testicles, and everything seems suitably merry.

But don't be fooled by this apparently holiday cheer, for drama lurks! Heather and Terry sit down with Tamra and Eddie to deliver apparently good news. With her new gig on Good Day LA, Heather would like to do a segment on Cut Fitness. That's great, right? Eddie sure seems to think so. But Tamra is hung up on how, five months ago, Heather guest hosted and featured another fitness studio, where she actually works out. Heather apparently warned her about it in advance, and says that she had no say in booking the show. But Tamra heard different, and also apparently got a text from Terry saying that he advised Heather against doing the segment. And seriously, WHEN will Real Househusbands learn that texting Housewives other than the one you're married to will only cause grief?

Terry tries to mediate the situation, saying that Heather is making up for it all now, by trying to book Cut Fitness on the show. Eddie, who actually may have a mind for business, agrees and hopes they can move on. And seriously…be as mad as you want, but first book the date for the appearance! Tamra remains hurt, despite Heather's insistence that she's nothing but pure and supportive. Heather's "no good deed goes unpunished" face looks something like this:

And then, in the shadow of a candy carving station, Vicki terrifies two strangers by, after learning they're not a couple, asking, "Are you doing Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Upon learning that the male half of the twosome is gay she then busts out with, "Oh, you don't look gay!" A beacon for cultural sensitivity, is Vicki Gunvalson! Perhaps this is because she's feeling sensitive herself. She's still rattled by Briana's pending move, and tells Heather that she cries every night. She thinks that moving far from family was the death knell for her marriage to Don, perhaps not realizing the full power of her own batshit craziness.

While Heather is attempting to move on by giving Vicki unwanted (and unappreciated) advice, Tamra recounts the Good Day LA scandal to Shannon, Lizzie, and Lizzie's random friend who always seems to be around. While Lizzie thinks it's great that Heather wants to book Tamra for the show now, Shannon busts out with, "It's fucking bullshit." Well, I'm glad she's not letting her personal distaste for Heather influence her opinion on this matter.

Lizzie then asks if Heather puts Tamra in a state of feeling that "I'm up here and you're down here." And here we must all take a moment of silence to recognize the legacy of one Miss Kelly Killoren Bensimon. Seriously, it's the "I didn't come here to make friends" of the entire Housewives franchise. Tamra stokes the Shannon/Heather fires by stating that, after Shannon was such an excellent friend when Tamra almost broke her face bull-riding, Heather was aghast at their increasing closeness and told her to pick a side. Shannon wonders if her new pact with Heather to address issues as they arise means that she should create a dramatic scene at this very party. Girl, I know this is your first season, but you've been on the show long enough to know the answer to that one.

Heather enters just then, and when everyone with actual issues remains mum, Lizzie brings it up and tells them to talk. Tamra and Shannon wonder why Lizzie can't keep her freaking maw closed, and the answer is…I mean, what else is Lizzie doing? Girl needs a storyline other than her giant lips and boobs. Heather thinks that Tamra airing this issue in front of others is an attempt to punish her, and then Shannon gets on Heather for being so condescending, adding an "honest to fricken' God" for emphasis. In an interview, Heather says, "If you think I'm talking down to you, I probably am, because you're acting like a moron." She's making it easier to pick a side, there, isn't she?

Speaking of, Shannon brings up picking-a-side-gate, and Heather does not exactly issue a denial, leading me to believe that she probably did say it. Heather goes on about feeling ambushed, and notes that she's not going to be yelled at by grown women in a home. Then WHAT is she DOING on this SHOW? That's like the entire job description. For her part, Vicki stays out of it and remains reasonable, which really throws me off. Her opinion on the matter is that Tamra needs to shut the eff up and be grateful for the opportunity that Heather is providing, and I must say that I agree entirely. Just do the show, you dummy!

After dropping the very exciting Quiet Riot reveal, Terry joins the conversation. He acknowledges that he DID tell Heather to back out of the Good Day LA gig, sort of generally affirms that she had nothing to do with booking the other fitness studio, then licks his chops like a nervous cat. Heather and Tamra are both really mad, and Vicki busts in with, "I don't see anybody in this room buying insurance from me, so I'm gonna get offended." She IS occasionally randomly delightful, right?

Heather then takes a call, allegedly from a sick kid. Vicki tells us that the next time Heather answers a fake phone call, she'd better make sure that the screen lights up, because nobody was on the line. And I did some slow-mo investigation and the evidence below proves that the phone did, in fact, light up. I'm not saying that the call was legit, but at least Heather was smart enough to unlock the screen.

As the Dubrows prepare to leave and the ladies bicker, David asks, "Are they ever gonna finish this fucking drama?" Eddie replies, "Every five minutes." Being a Househusband is hard, you guys. (But still: put the texting fingers down and just chill.) On her way out, Heather tells Tamra that she loves her but doesn't LIKE her and adds, "You should know better." Tamra is perturbed afresh.

Though Shannon is proud of Tamra for sticking up for herself, Vicki says that the appearance on Good Day LA would be a gift, and you don't complain about gifts. Which, yes, although I actually can't imagine Vicki Gunvalson NOT complaining about a gift.

Next time: Lizzie's mom cuts her finger, while Shannon cries about her marriage…and maybe her divorce!

[Images via Bravo]

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. Read more here.

Despite already shelling out $19 billion for Whatsapp, shoving DMs into Instagram, and funneling its vast user base into Messenger, Facebook still looks upon Snapchat with envious eyes. Now, a month after killing off Poke, the social network's first sloppy attempt to go after the momentary messaging market, the company botched the rollout of "Slingshot," ephemerally releasing the app to iTunes' foreign markets before pulling it.

Slingshot looks familiar: like Snapchat (and Poke), users are encouraged to doodle all over photos before firing them off to friends for a one-to-ten second tease. But there's a catch. In an obvious ploy to juice the app's virality, receivers will have to send a photo of their own before they can "unlock" their "slings."

And this being Facebook—a company founded on stealing other people's ideas—The Verge's Ellis Hamburger noticed Slingshot seems to be cribbing design and features from Taptalk.

Facebook Slingshot icon (left) vs Taptalk (right). The two apps are said to have many more similarities pic.twitter.com/M8hzP6HixK

— Ellis Hamburger (@hamburger) June 9, 2014

According to the app's now-pulled iTunes Store listing, Slingshot should be officially launched later today.

A very excited young man evidently didn't expect to see a pair of naked breasts on HBO's Game of Thrones, a show based on George R.R. Martin's novel series A Song of Tits and Swords.

His overeager reaction to the appearance of breasts on the show—which features incest, a brothel full of naked prostitutes, the occasional beheading, and more naked prostitutes—is a fascinating metacommentary on Lady Melisandre's use of seduction to further her political agenda while simultaneously seducing the viewe—just kidding. This is a YouTube video of a kid screaming the word "tits."

His outburst caught the attention of the Red Woman herself, actress Carice van Houten, who had this to say:

[H/T Hypervocal]