Longtime GOP Rep. Frank Lucas won his primary in Oklahoma on Tuesday, but one of his opponents is pretty sure the real Frank Lucas died three years ago. Tim Murray wrote a letter announcing his plan to contest Lucas's win, explaining, "It is widely known Rep. Frank D. Lucas is no longer alive and has been displayed by a look alike."

Murray alleges Lucas was executed in Ukraine in 2011 and has since been replaced with a body double, according to KFOR. Lucas told KFOR he's never been to Ukraine. "Many things have been said about me, said to me in the course of all my campaigns. This is the first time I've ever been accused of being a body double or a robot," he says.

Murray, who got 5.2 percent of the vote on Tuesday, officially has until the end of the day to contest the primary results. He explains his qualifications for office on his campaign website:

I, Timothy Ray Murray, am a human, born in Oklahoma, and obtained and continue to fully meet the requirements to serve as U.S. Representative when honored to so. I will never use a look alike to replace my (The Office's) message to you or to anyone else, as both the other Republican Challengers have.

Seems like there's an easy answer here: Murray is "a human," and Lucas is "dead." Murray should get Lucas's votes.

[Image via AP]

The problem with treating the truth like a dirty secret is that it leads to situations like today's, where a CNBC panelist brought his own show to a halt after stating the obvious: "Tim Cook is fairly open about the fact that he's gay at the head of Apple, isn't he?" Silence.

The inadvertent discussion of reality came after CNBC contributor and New York Times columnist James Stewart said, with an air of surprise, that he had reached out to many (gay) CEOs and received a "cool" response. Stewart journalistic mothership, of course, has stayed in the realm of innuendos when it comes to Cook's sexuality. The paper's star media reporter, David Carr, has been emphatic that a gay CEO isn't even newsworthy:

People see other people who happen to be gay at their workplaces, in their schools and on their televisions. Somewhere along the way, what was once a scarlet letter became just another consonant in the personal résumé. And now that gay marriage is a fact of life, a person's sexual orientation is not only not news, it's not very interesting.

And yet Stewart, who only seconds before had expressed with frustration how unwilling people are to discuss gay CEOs, becomes entirely unwilling to discuss this gay CEO. If Tim Cook's sexuality is truly "consonant in the personal résumé," it's hard to explain this stunned television silence.

h/t Seth Fiegerman

Chickens: pretty good. Do we need to improve them? Maybe.

The world is gettin hot. Too hot for chickens. The USDA is trying to make a chicken that doesn't mind the heat. "By identifying genes that help hot-weather chickens tolerate warmth — for example, genes that inhibit feathering around the neck — researchers might be able to breed the traits into other populations," Bloomberg reports.

Damn... first they're making better eggs then they're making better chickens. Yeah right... hot ass chickens sweating from their ugly ass necks.

Is this what "Obamanomics" is all about?

[Photo: Flickr. Under Barack Obama's plan all the chickens have to look like this... ugly as hell.]

Just like we did last time, share your current jams in the comments below. I'm assuming they will be summer jams, because it is summer, but I also will not judge you if you don't live in the Northern hemisphere or otherwise don't acknowledge summer or like that word and instead refer to these as your "blockbuster season jams" or your "lotsa shark talk time of year jams."

In the comments below, name your song and its artist and embed the track. State your case for why it's your jam if you like, or let the music speak for itself. This should be easy.

Here, I'll start:

FKA Twigs "Two Weeks"

The U.K.'s FKA Twigs is fucking weird, even at her most accessible. "Two Weeks" arrived a few days ago, and it's carnal even for a baby-making jam. Twigs is ready to devour: "Feel your body closing, I can rip it open / Suck me up, I'm healing for the shit you're dealing / Smoke on your skin to get those pretty eyes rolling / My thighs are apart for when you're ready to breathe in / Suck me up, I'm healing with all the shit you're dealing / Motherfucker, get your mouth open, you know you're mine." And then, immediately after, there is softness: "I'd put you first, just close your eyes and dream about it." It's like a praying mantis interpreting Babyface's "Tender Lover."

Silicon Valley famously spent years refusing to talk about its diversity problem. But in the last month, some of the nation's biggest tech companies became more transparent about their demographics: Google, Facebook, Yahoo—even LinkedIn—all released diversity reports. However, Twitter is refusing to get with the times.

When approached by SFist, Twitter spokesperson Jim Prosser simply stated "We're not announcing anything at the moment." Which left SFist to ask: "Why won't Twitter announce its diversity numbers?"

It's an apt question: Twitter took extensive heat during their pre-IPO roadshow for not having a single woman amongst their board, investors, and executive team (save for Vijaya Gadde, who had been hired only five weeks prior). The situation led Claire Cain Miller to skewer the company in The New York Times, writing:

The reasons [for the male-dominated culture] are many. The tech industry has an image problem — think geeky man alone at a computer — that repels girls from pursuing it. A sexist engineering culture often dissuades young women in the field, as does the small number of women role models. Venture capital tends to be an old boys' club.

Having women executives matters not just for purposes of equality, business analysts say, but for product development and the bottom line. More women use social media than men, according to a study last month by the Pew Research Center; men and women use Twitter roughly equally. Twitter earns revenue from advertising and women are the chief consumers.

Op-eds such as Miller's helped force Silicon Valley to talk about diversity. While the released numbers have been disappointing—women represent around 30 percent and African Americans rarely exceed 2 percent of the workforce at all companies—corporations are now trying to address the issue.

We emailed Twitter's Jim Prosser to reiterate the question, but are yet to hear a response. What does Twitter have to hide?

[Photo: David Fiame]

Temperatures in the northern United States will get relatively cool next week, with models suggesting temperatures ranging 10 to 20 degrees below normal. The cause is something we'll call the SummerPolarVortexmageddon, because it sounds cool and (still) nobody knows what a polar vortex is, anyway.

The Current Setup

Temperatures in northern Canada are still pretty cold — this morning's readings dropped off from the low 60s to the low 30s almost instantly across the appropriately-named Arctic Circle, and air temperatures over Hudson Bay are in the upper 30s to low 40s.

Meanwhile, there is currently a potent trough — a large southerly dip in the jet stream — over the western United States, slowly moving to the east. An area of low pressure will form in western Ontario north of Minnesota as a result of this trough, and this low pressure system will be responsible for sucking down cooler Arctic air into the northern part of the country.

The Low

As the low begins to lift off to the northeast deeper into the vast recesses of Canada, stiff winds on the western side of the low will drag cold air down into the central United States from Hudson Bay.

This forecast temperature map from the GFS model shows afternoon temperatures on Monday, potentially only reaching the upper 50s as far south as the North Dakota border:

Temperature Anomalies

As a result, models are predicting temperatures for the first half of next week to fall 10 to 20 degrees below average, depending on which model you believe.

Here's the GFS (the global American model), which is probably a little extreme as it shows temperatures at noon on July 1 more than 20 degrees below average for this time of year:

And here's the ECMWF (European model) for the same time frame, showing more modest but still below-average temperatures:

The below-average temperatures will migrate to the Great Lakes region by Independence Day:

And by July 6, the European model is showing below-average temperatures finally reaching the I-95 corridor of the northeast:

How cool (or hot) could it get?

The European suggests that highs could only reach the mid- to upper-70s in the northeast on July 6 while the rest of the country bakes in a heat wave — temps in St. Louis could crack the 100s:

Long story short, it's going to cool down in the northern part of the country next week, and if you live anywhere else, it's only going to get hotter.

Happy summer!

[Images via WeatherBELL and TwisterData]

Amy Adams, a nice woman, gave up her first class seat to an American soldier on a flight from Detroit to Los Angeles today. Who was the real American hero in that cabin? That is for you to decide.

Jemele Hill, co-host of ESPN2's Numbers Never Lie, was a passenger on the flight and talked about the experience with ABC News:

"I noticed Ms. Adams was in first class and as I was getting seated, I saw the flight attendant guide the soldier to Ms. Adams' seat. She was no longer in it, but it was pretty clear that she'd given up her seat for him. I was incredibly impressed, and I'm not even sure if the soldier knew who gave him that seat. I guess he will now!"

Hmmm. Are we sure that Amy Adams isn't just a ghost? To me, it seems likely that if Amy Adams were a ghost and had the ability to turn invisible, she would do so on a plane. That way she could assure that no one would try to talk to her, and she could sleep without having to fear someone taking a photo of her sleep face.

ABC News claims that Amy Adams—ghost?—was seen talking with the soldier after the "switch" was made:

After the switch was made, Adams, 39, met with the soldier briefly and privately by the cockpit, Hill added. The actress, whose father was in the U.S. military, then went back to her new seat in coach.

Transcript of the conversation was not provided, but a safe guess follows:

Amy Adams: Please don't tell anyone I am a ghost. We can share the seat.

Soldier: OK, Amy.

Amy Adams: Thank you for your service.

Soldier: You're welcome.

What a scoop!

[image via Getty]

Oh, so that's what cardio's for. One would think after watching MTV's The Challenge that a half-ton of muscle mass is all a guy really needs to pull out a win, but as the Free Agents season finale proved, sometimes the ability to lightly jog uphill can come in handy as well.

One of the things that has always set The Challenge apart from other reality competitions is how legitimately difficult its final competition always is. Whereas Survivor or Big Brother might do a simple endurance challenge—'stand on this log'; 'hold out a handful of nickels'—The Challenge producers put contestants through a physical gauntlet only trained athletes might attempt. If we're being real, the sheer unpleasantness of these end runs sometimes skirt the limits of watchability and this year was no different. On the bright side, at least there wasn't an eating challenge?

That Zach proved to be a "300-lb baby" was the episode's biggest surprise (a Bananas/Laurel victory has been a virtual guarantee since the start), but his complaints—and screams of torment—weren't unfounded. First Zach's canoe capsized and he nearly drowned in whitewater rapids after hitting his head on a rock, and then things got bad. In the second stage he and Nany lost time after struggling to put together a geography-based puzzle (is Oaxaca north of Vancouver?), but in the third stage, which involved a straight-up ludicrous hike up a mountain, his entire body began cramping and seizing up in pain. Zach claimed it was due to altitude and the lack of oxygyen coursing through his behemoth-exoskeleton of a body, but he also seemed to think it had a lot to do with Laurel shouting in his face about not dragging her down.

Probably the most hilariously brutal leg of this five-part race was when the remaining six players finally arrived at their tents after a long and arduous day only to be told that they then had to pedal 25-miles on stationary bicycles. Zach of course complained, but Nany threatened to quit the show (a rarely heard producer tried to convince her to stay) before getting back on the bike and openly sobbing while pedaling. The stronger players finished this task in a mere 90 minutes (!) while Nany and Devyn just sat on their bikes crying in darkness for hours and hours. And then, three hours after finishing and going to bed, T.J. unzipped their tents to wake them up for their final sprint up an icy volcano.

After reminding contestants that they wouldn't receive ANY prize money for quitting the competition, all six, remarkably, dragged themselves up that volcano. Even Zach, who repeatedly claimed he was going to die (and how great was that righteous flashback of how awful he'd been to Sam when she fell behind in the final few seasons back?), finally made it to the top for third place. Devyn was so overcome with the trauma of it all that her tears continued during even her on-camera confessionals. But it all came down to the cumulative time spent during all five legs, and in that respect there was no competition: Bananas beat Johnny and Laurel beat Nany (which, to be fair, was only by 9 minutes).

"I could do that," might be a common viewer boast when watching a reality TV competition, but I don't think anybody would ever say that about The Challenge's final runs. For a show so dense with partying, hooking up, and interpersonal drama, this series demonstrates an almost touchingly old-fashioned devotion to physical achievement not seen outside of, like, professional sports or the damn Olympics. But with the amount of time these kids spend in the gym, it makes sense that they're up for anything. Well, maybe not cardio.

GREAT SEASON, THE CHALLENGE. Come back soon, you beautiful beast of a show.

[Image via MTV]

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. Follow us at @GawkerMA and read more here.

Ukrainian President Petro Poroshenko signed an historic free-trade agreement with the European Union today, bringing the country closer to the West and snubbing Russia. The deal is the same that former Ukranian President Viktor Yanuknovych refused to sign in November; his refusal triggered a change of government and months of turmoil within the country.

Since November, over 350 people have been killed in fighting between Kiev and pro-Russian rebels in the eastern region of Ukraine. There's currently a ceasefire, which is set to expire tonight. However, Poroshenko and rebel leader Alexander Borodai will likely agree on an extension.

Poroshenko was excited at the signing in Brussels. "What a great day!" he said. "Maybe the most important day for my country after independence." He also underlined Ukraine's hope to one day join the EU. It "would cost the European Union nothing," he said, "but would mean the world to my country."

From the Associated Press:

While Friday's signing marked a defeat for Russian President Vladimir Putin, who has threatened to cancel trade preferences for Ukraine, the Kremlin made no immediate move to punish its neighbor or the two other former Soviet republics that joined the pact, Moldova and Georgia.

Putin spokesman Dmitry Peskov said Russia will take the necessary measures to protect its markets only when the agreement takes effect.

[Image via AP]

If you can run, you can walk. If you can walk, you can crawl. If you can crawl, you can lay down and die. Yet you are alive. Can you explain the mystery of life? Not even Stephen Hawking can. Can you? We ask again.

The koan: "How to Write a Chinese Poem"

A well-known Japanese poet was asked how to compose a Chinese poem.

"The usual Chinese poem is four lines," he explained. "The first line contains the initial phrase; the second line, the continuation of that phrase; the third line turns from this subject and begins a new one; and the fourth line brings the first three lines together. A popular Japanese song illustrates this:

"Two daughters of a silk merchant live in Kyoto.

The elder is twenty, the younger, eighteen.

A soldier may kill with his sword,

But these girls slay men with their eyes."

The enlightenment: "Umm, cool song..." said the listener. The Japanese poet stood silently for a moment, and then broke out laughing. "Son I tried to keep a straight face but I couldn't even do it. I know that shit is wack."

"Son, that shit doesn't even rhyme."

"I purposely made that shit wack to make China look bad," said the Japanese poet. He was wearing some fresh Comme des Garcons shit. "They don't even have this shit in China."

This has been "Zen Koans Explained." The sky, the sky.

[Photo: Shutterstock]

BBC America just released a teaser for the upcoming season of Doctor Who—what is it on now, 400? the 400th season?—featuring our new Doctor, Peter Capaldi.

With the teaser, the season was also given a premiere date: Saturday, August 23. Have you already rented out your party space? Better get on that! "There's no time like the time time, all the time."—Doctor Who.

[via BBC America]

Here's a question: Was Dave Chappelle more popular during the 28-episode run of Chappelle's Show or more popular after he decided to quit and leave all that money and fame behind for farm life in Ohio? Not so easy, right?

There are two Dave Chappelles, it seems. There's the Dave who captured our hearts as the incisive comedian extraordinaire for 30 minutes every week on Comedy Central. That Dave, with his sly grin and sharp insight, brought us shoulder-bopping crack fiend Tyrone Biggums, the hysterically on point Racial Draft, the whacky musings of blind white supremacist Clayton Bigsby, Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Story, re-introduced a mostly young college-aged audience to Paul Mooney, perhaps one of the greatest jokemen to ever do it, and gave us the thigh-slapping brilliance of Rick James—bitch! This was the Dave that taught us "keeping it real" may not always be the best solution to life's various conflicts. Just ask Brenda Johnson or Vernon Franklin.

And even now, ten years later, we are still in awe of Wayne Brady's infamous rejoinder. Because this was Wayne Brady and Wayne Brady, the black man white America adored, would never say anything like that. You know the line, the words familiar and hilarious even after all this time—"Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?!" This was the genius of Dave Chappelle. His comedy inspired others, but more importantly it helped us make sense of just how absurd and messy race, politics, and pop culture could be. This was the Dave we knew would never betray us, because why would he? We more than loved him—we worshipped him. And when you love somebody that much, they don't just up and leave.

But then he did.

Beyond any public reasoning at the time, he quit Chappelle's Show in 2005. And then almost instantly this other Dave appeared. This Dave, the one we barely recognized, rejected a $50 million contract at the height of his celebrity. This was the Dave who escaped to South Africa or some faraway land because he couldn't take it anymore. This was the Dave who cited "creative control" issues with Comedy Central executives and decided he rather live quietly with his wife and kids in the Midwest. This was the Dave who appeared on Oprah, then the biggest daytime talk show, ten months after he fled his show only to have her wonder if he was "crazy" for doing so. This was the Dave who then went on Inside the Actor's Studio as more rumors swirled about his departure and, recounting a conversation he once had with his father about wanting to become an actor, told host James Lipton: "[My dad] said, 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you named, get outta there.'"

And he went silent for years. No interviews. No TV appearances. Nothing. But then in 2011 he emerged out of hiding and decided he would start doing pop-up sets at comedy clubs in Los Angeles and San Francisco and Portland. This was the Dave, embracing the spotlight once again, who went on the Late Show With David Letterman two weeks ago and cleared the air once and for all: "Technically I never quit," he said, "I'm seven years late for work." This Dave, post-Chappelle's Show Dave, is the man the public has been trying to reckon with, trying to understand and untangle, since he left our TV screens all those years ago (despite leaving the sketch-comedy series in 2005, Chappelle's Show aired its final season in 2006; the final three episodes were dubbed "The Lost Episodes").

And now he's back. Yes, really and truly, back! Well, ok, maybe he's back. At least I think he's kinda sorta back and, uh, maybe for good this time?

"You don't know what it's like to be missing for ten years," Chappelle began last night. He was standing on stage at Radio City Music Hall in his second-to-last performance before ending an 11-show stint in New York City. "People keep asking me, 'Dave, why did you come back?' And there are two reasons. One, I love entertaining people and it's what I should be doing with my life. And two," he paused for a beat because he knew, like we did, the timing had to be just right, "I got some bills due!" The audience erupted into wild laughter. The hiatus was officially over.

Ever the comic rebel, Chappelle puffed a cigarette as he paced the stage in a black suit. "This is a new performance art piece I'm trying out; it's called doing things white people can't do." The awkward confidence was all there, just as I remembered: the easygoing delivery that makes you feel like it's just you and Dave and a few friends shooting the shit back home, the unexpected punchlines that burst from seemingly nowhere, the way he twists and turns singular anecdotes into surprisingly universal experiences, the pop culture references that let you know he hasn't missed a beat.

Throughout his hour-long set Chappelle weaved through subjects spanning drug-loving Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, the recent election in India, marriage, Donald Sterling, the abduction of the 200 school girls in Nigeria, the LGBT movement, fatherhood, and rehab. Retelling the time he read a story in Newsweek that speculated his use of crack—Chappelle had considered the publication a credible source of news—he joked, "Damn, do I smoke crack?"

The importance of Chappelle's truth-telling was evident as I sat among the packed audience. He had returned not because he needed us, but because we had needed him. Dave Chappelle had been sent here to heal us. This was therapy and damn if it didn't feel good (Chappelle's Show co-creator Neal Brennan has referred to Chappelle's stand-up sets as "seances"). That is the true power of comedy, really: to help soften hard times, to help alleviate private burdens—even if only for 30 or 40 minutes. All the greats knew this: Dick Gregory, Richard Pryor, Flip Wilson, Redd Foxx, Bill Cosby, Paul Mooney, Eddie Murphy, Bernie Mac, Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence. Executed right, comedy cures.

Early on in the night Chappelle told a joke about Flight 370, the Malaysian Airlines plane that went missing in March. "I was seeing all these images of Asian people crying—and, you know, they could've been crying for any number of reasons." Reading the audience's reaction, he sensed the punchline didn't quite stick the way he'd hoped. "I'm warming up," he said, "I told y'all I'm warming up." All at once the music hall filled with applause and cheer. Chappelle understood. We weren't going anywhere. There was healing to do.

[Photo via Getty]

Almost everyone killed by lightning in the United States is a man. Since 2006, 80% of lightning victims were men. All seven people killed by lightning so far this year were men. This brings us to the only possible conclusion: men are stupid.

Of course, women have been trying to tell us that men are stupid for years. I mean, haven't you watched Roseanne? But the data finally backs up the assertion. Out of the 261 lightning deaths in the United States between 2006 and 2013, 211 were men!

Of all 261 deaths, 30 were the result of people gone fishing, 16 campers, 14 boaters, and 13 unfortunate beachgoers, according to a report (caution: PDF) written by National Weather Service Lightning Safety Specialist John Jensenius.

The seven men who died from lightning this year were fishing, closing car windows, riding a motorcycle, picking blueberries, roofing a car dealership, and two were near a tall tree when they were struck and killed.

Why are men the likely target for lightning? As demonstrated by this year's data, men are more likely to spend time outdoors by virtue of activities typically enjoyed by men, such as fishing, boating, or playing sports. Men are also more likely to work outside doing jobs such as construction, road maintenance, and utility work. Or picking blueberries.

It could also be because men are stupid. The number of lightning deaths dropped precipitously during the middle of the 1900s due to better storm detection methods and an increased focus on lightning safety. The United States saw a whopping 432 people die as a result of lightning in 1943, dropping down to a relatively low count of 23 in 2013.

As the Capital Weather Gang points out in Jensenius' report, men are more likely to die at the mercy of lightning as men are "unaware of all the dangers associated with lightning, are more likely to be in vulnerable situations, are unwilling to be inconvenienced by the threat of lightning, are in situations that make it difficult to get to a safe place in a timely manner, don't react quickly to the lightning threat, or any combination of these explanations."

In other words, lightning mostly kills men because men think they're invincible and don't pay attention to common sense. I am a testament to this. Last September, I stood outside of my dorm room admiring one of Mobile, Alabama's notorious summertime thunderstorms and came within a few feet of turning into a lightning statistic. It hit so close that the flash made me see spots and I lost hearing in my right ear for a full day. For years I've told people to stay inside when lightning strikes, and yet there I was, ten feet from becoming a pork chop.

Much to the delight of the media, another man got struck by lightning a few weeks back while taking video of a major thunderstorm on the Plains. The video showed up on just about every news station and website imaginable, including here on gawker dot com.

The statistics mentioned in the report are just lightning deaths — they don't capture the almost countless number of people who are struck by lightning and live to tell about it. The results of lightning injuries aren't always trippy-looking scars. The medical effects of surviving a lightning strike are usually cardiac arrest, and if one survives that, he or she will go on to potentially see a lifetime of major cognitive impairments, seizures, chronic headaches, nerve injuries, vision and hearing problems, and balance problems.

The National Weather Service's lightning safety motto is "when thunder roars, go indoors." As tempting as it is to stay outside and watch one of the atmosphere's most amazing spectacles — and trust me, I know — it's a safe bet to stay indoors.

[Top image via AP, graph by the author | major h/t to the Capital Weather Gang]

Early Thursday morning, a Mexican law enforcement helicopter flew into American airspace over Arizona and fired on U.S. Border Patrol agents. There were no injuries, and no equipment was damaged.

U.S. officials said Mexico quickly apologized, and called the incident "a mistake," the Los Angeles Times reports. According to Tucson's KVOA, the helicopter was flying a drug interdiction mission.

A border patrol representative told TIME that the helicopter operators fired two shots:

"At approximately 5:45 a.m. Thursday morning, a Mexican law enforcement helicopter crossed approximately 100 yards north into Arizona nearly 8 miles southwest of the Village of San Miguel on the Tohono O'odham Indian Nation while on a law enforcement operation near the border," Peter B. Bidegain III, a spokesman for the United States Border Patrol, said in an email. "Two shots were fired from the helicopter but no injuries or damage to U.S. property were reported. The incident is currently under investigation."

[Image via AP]

Wow, neat picture, right? A photo of Peter Dinklage (the Internet's favorite actor) with Grumpy Cat (the Internet's favorite meme-turned-premium coffee drink). It's kinda perfect really, except for the fact that it's total bullshit.

News of the server-melting meet-up was big enough to become Facebook's top trending topic earlier today, but just because something gets posted on Reddit and goes viral doesn't make it true. The original, unedited photo, shown below, exposes the image as a crude cut-and-paste job.

Taken by music blogger Will Oliver back in May, the O.G. pic features a noticeable lack of celebrity cat action. As Oliver explained in an email to Gawker this morning, "Unfortunately, there was no live grumpy cat with us."

I went to the X-Men live event in NYC last May. I ended up meeting Peter Dinklage while there and asked to take a photo with him. Since I'm on the tall end (I'm about 6'6), he then went to take the photo for me selfie style. The ORIGINAL photo that we took is posted on my instagram account.

But despite being completely phony, the photo and its Aegon-like campaign to conquer the Internet show no signs of slowing down, earning write-ups from Esquire, Huffington Post and Death & Taxes. All men must die, but bullshit photos live forever.

Here's what can go wrong if you have a startup as a neighbor: sometimes they'll evict you when their next round of funding comes in, or you might just have to listen to their bullshit every day.

Take the above series of elevator notes, found in an unidentified San Francisco building. One tenant, listening to day after day of courtyard thoughtleadership, took their frustration and posted it to the wall of the elevator. But the bombastic brogrammer also owned a printer, and followed up with the ultimate tech man-child fuck you comeback.

It's a situation that plays out daily in San Francisco, be in bars, on BART, or in line for coffee. But rarely does it manifest itself with catronauts.

[Photo: Reddit, via The Bold Italic]

Twitter users were already throwing around the word "Nazi" plenty before Germany-U.S. kicked off, but how about during the game? To find out, from 11:35 a.m. to 2:03 p.m. we recorded tweets and retweets that contained the word "Nazi" or "Nazis" (not case sensitive). We pulled 30,209 in total, or 3.4 "Nazi"s per second.

The chart above shows when these tweets occurred, broken into 15-second bins. There's definitely some baseline "Nazi" usage in here, and plenty of meta commentary, too, but the spike at Germany's goal—when "Nazi" topped 20 tweets per second—speaks for itself. Smaller spikes can be seen when Jones collided with the ref ...

The referee is also a nazi for taking out Jermaine Jones #illuminati

— Nicholas (@Nick_Bae_Gonzo) June 26, 2014

... when Beckerman received a yellow ...

Kyle if you're gonna get a yellow atleast draw some Nazi blood

— Josh Parisotto (@JoshParisotto) June 26, 2014

... after the ref raised his hand in a way somewhat similar to a Nazi salute ...

The game is fixed look at this ref bra... He a Nazi 😩 pic.twitter.com/UlQ8nQP8gi

— Ryan (@ClutchLikeMJ) June 26, 2014

... and when the U.S., in the end, succumbed to the Germans:

USA still goes through! So for the third time, the nazis lose again

— Drew (@DougDimmadome35) June 26, 2014

Also of note: 3.1 percent of "Nazi" tweets contained "that coming," completing an excruciatingly dumb pun.

Thanks to computermacgyver, whose Github-hosted tweet scraper we used for this project.

This weekend there are hella premieres, just a few finales, and a surprising amount of quality kids' TV we could recommend if we were less insecure talking about that stuff. Also, The Leftovers; and two PBS comedies (?) you might feel like checking out. Weird week for TV, overall.

FRIDAY

Tonight at 7/6c. you've got the 90-minute Legend Of Korra premiere on Nickelodeon, which either means nothing to you or everything to you. Then at 8/7c., NBC has a two-hour special of Meredith Vieira jumping off things from greater and greater heights, like an old Mark Twain or O. Henry story, and Disney's remaking teen sci-fi classic Zapped. At 9/8c. your choices are limited to the series finale of Rake on Fox, or forty-five minutes of silence while you wait reverently for the Girl Meets World premiere on Disney (9:45/8:45c.).

Then at 10/9c. you have the Continuum season finale (SO GOOD; so legitimately good) on Syfy, and over on NBC seems like Crossbones meets a person with the curiously unmemorable name of "Antoinette." Probably just some rando person with that name and zero historical impact or interest. "This is my cousin Antoinette, she goes to a charter school on the north side of town and what she likes is: Stickers." It'll probably be like that.

SATURDAY

At 8/7c., the onslaught of Warren Jeffs entertainment finally begins, with a Lifetime movie called Outlaw Prophet that I have a feeling is going to be outstanding. ABC's Assets continues to exist at 9/8c., while Iyanla Fixes somebody's "headline-making mistake" for them. I hope it is Jonah Hill whose life she fixes, because that straight up ruined my life when that happened. At 10/9c., get ready for La Toya to "take a bow" on Life With La Toya, which I'm hoping means a musical performance, or you could turn to LMN and learn about the—I am not shitting you—Haunting Of... Vince Neil. (!!) Then at 11/10c., you can watch Whitney Cummings's standup special on Comedy Central! Be sure to really enjoy it.

SUNDAY

At 8/7c. more things will unfold on Big Brother, as tends to happen. PBS finally starts its "old couples fucking" sitcom block with Last Tango In Halifax and Vicious. Or you could take a trip backwards in time to ABC, where Wipeout turns its sights from murdering whole families to once again pitting "hotties" against "nerds." The age-old conflict once again.

At 9/8c. there's a two hour Last Comic Standing special, the second episode of submarine apocalypse drama The Last Ship on TNT, a new Musketeers, and the finales of Nurse Jackie (so good this season!), Californication (a show on TV!) and Penny Dreadful (so good it would court controversy to say what I really think, which is that PD actually accomplishes what dumb old True Detective only deluded itself into thinking it was doing, so I won't say that.) There are also new episodes of awful Cam Gigandet's new show Reckless, creepy future-scary talent show Rising Star, and True Blood.

Then at 10/9c., you've got the 75-minute premiere of The Leftovers, finally; Oprah getting Master Classed by the master of class herself, Barbara Walters; and Jennie Garth and Tori Spelling join Andy on the couch to Watch What They Are Doing To Themselves: Live. But no thanks, there's a new John Oliver, who triples in brilliance whatever he lacks in charisma. Which is an almost infinite amount, which just tells you how hard his awkward ass is working.

How about you? I am very excited about the premium cable, not in an "all dads watch Sopranos" kind of way like usual either: I am legitimately excited about a lot of Sunday's dramas, finales and premieres. And also Korra, which I seem to have picked up quite a preference for. Have you ever seen a cartoon and loved it like it's a real TV show? It is a strange feeling and not one I feel comfortable talking about, so I will bid you adieu. Have a great weekend.

[Image via HBO]

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In a unanimous vote on Friday, it was decided by members of the Golden Gate Bridge's district in San Francisco that a massive steel net would be implemented on the bridge to prevent suicides. The project is to cost $76 million.

According to a report by the Associated Press, officials say that since it opened in 1937, over 1,400 people have jumped to their deaths from the iconic bridge, with a record number of suicides last year totaling 46. Seconds after the vote passed, a room full of supporters and family members of those who had jumped from the bridge, were reportedly in tears.

Bridge board member Janet Reilly told the room:

"The tragedy of today is that we can't go back in time, we can't save ... the people who jumped off the bridge. But the good thing, with this vote today, we can vote in their memory. . . . We will save many lives who have followed in their footsteps - and that's what so extraordinary about today."

The net idea had been talked about for decades before Friday's historic approval, but funding had been hard to come by. Barack Obama signed a bill into law recently that made federal funds available for the building of safety nets and protective barriers for bridges, which made the project easier on the state, who is providing $7 million in funds. Federal contribution to the project will reach $49 million and $20 million will come from the bridge, mostly in toll revenue.

Officials say that the net will not obstruct or mar the appearance of the bridge and it will stretch about 20 feet wide on either side. The construction of the net is supposed to start next year and is expected to be finished in 2018.

[Image via AP]