According to documents published yesterday by investigative news site MuckRock, the NYPD has paid almost half a billion dollars in settlements in the last five years.

The source of that information, a spreadsheet titled "NYPD Closed Actions Commenced in 2009-2014 to Date," was given to MuckRock by the NYPD in response to a routine Freedom of Information request. It lists over 10,000 police-related settlements made by the city, ranging from $1 to $11,500,000.

Those numbers are in line with the findings of a 2010 AP investigation, which discovered nearly $1 billion in NYPD payouts over the previous decade. In 2012, Bloomberg News found the City of New York planned to spend $735 million on settling lawsuits, police and otherwise, almost six times what Los Angeles pays per capita.

You can see the NYPD's 25 biggest settlements since 2009 below or download the complete data from here.

[Image via Sukharevskyy Dmytro/Shutterstock]

Two men have been arrested and charged with attempted murder after shooting a man who had just been released from prison after completing a 15-year sentence. According to the New York Post, the victim was the subject of a 15-year-long grudge.

Gothamist reports Jerome Mack, 35, and Edgar Wilson, 35, were charged with attempted murder and weapons possession after shooting Devon Simmons in the chest and leg on Thursday.

The Post reports the grudge began after Simmons shot a friend of Mack's in Harlem in 1999. Simmons was arrested for assault and sentenced to 15 years, while Mack was arrested for being in possession of a gun and sentenced to 10. Each man testified against the other during their trials.

In 2001, adding fuel to the grudge fire, Simmons reportedly told prison officials Mack had smuggled in marijuana, which added one-and-a-half to three years to his sentence.

A source told the Post, "Apparently, Mack had this grudge the whole time. He held onto it for the whole 15 years that Mr. Simmons was away." Mack was released in 2008.

According to police, Mack hid in the trunk of Edgar Wilson's car on Thursday while Wilson convinced Simmons—a stranger to him—that he'd been sent to pick him up by one of Simmons' relatives. Though he had a train ticket to get to a Manhattan halfway house, Simmons believed him and got in. When Wilson pulled over to urinate at some point during the trip, Simmons got out—and so did Mack.

"Then the trunk latch is released and a guy he does know jumps out of the trunk and starts shooting," police Captain Pierce Gallagher told the AP. "The minute he sees the guy, he starts running."

Mack fired two shots at Simmons before he and Wilson sped back to the city. Simmons made it to a nearby Metro-North station and was airlifted to Westchester County Hospital. He is reportedly in stable condition.

Cops traced Mack and Wilson's car back to Manhattan, and they were both charged with attempted murder and weapons possession.

[image of Jerome Mack (left) and Edgar Wilson (right) via NYPost]

At about 6 p.m. Friday night, a mysterious figure emerged—Whac-A-Mole-style—from sidewalk grate on Sixth Avenue and threw two road flares into chic Village eatery Da Silvano. The burning flares immediately filled the restaurant's outdoor seating area with smoke, surprising diners that included Rose McGowan.

Someone just threw two red smoke bombs into the restaurant I was eating in. Eyes are burning. #NYCWHAT

— rose mcgowan (@rosemcgowan) October 10, 2014

The unsolved ambush, of course, has all the hallmarks of a C.H.U.D. attack, but witnesses at the scene offered their own theories about the identity of the bomber.

"I saw him come out," restaurant manager Anthony Curko told the New York Post, "it was like Ninja Turtles."

Long Island native Kay Maygothling disagreed with Curko's turtle hypothesis, telling CBS2, "First thought was ISIS with everything going on."

According to police, the suspect was wearing an American flag t-shirt and a baseball cap. Meaning, concerned New Yorkers should keep a look out for one of those really ironic terrorists.

[h/t NY Mag/Image via Instagram]

A couple in Georgia was arrested and charged with cruelty to children in the first degree after allegedly giving their two-year-old son a mixed drink made of Coke and 40 proof Paul Masson Brandy.

The New York Daily News reports Jasmin Briana Moore and William Chester Hickson rushed their son to a nearby hospital after he stopped breathing and became unresponsive. According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, the child's blood alcohol concentration was 0.29—more than three times Georgia's limit for adult drivers.

Hickson was arrested on Monday and Moore was arrested a day later. They are both being held on a $75,000 bond.

[image via Shutterstock]

Openly gay congressional candidate Carl DeMaio has been called "a new kind of Republican" by members of his party, but allegations leveled against the former San Diego councilman on Friday were all too familiar.

Former campaign aide Todd Bosnich claims DeMaio repeatedly subjected him to inappropriate touching and sexual harassment, telling CNN the candidate even masturbated in front of him.

"I came over to his office, door was open. And he was masturbating," Bosnich said. "I saw his hand, his penis in his hand and he had a smile on his face. And as soon as I came over he was looking at me."

After finally confronting DeMaio about this and other alleged incidents of unwelcome kissing and groping, the 29-year-old staffer says he was fired.

"It was the very next day, in the morning, that the campaign manager called me into his office and said that Carl lost his trust in me and that he'd terminated me," Bosnich said. "He offered me a position in the county Republican Party and also told me to sign a non-disclosure agreement in exchange for $50,000."

For his part, DeMaio completely denies harassing Bosnich, who he says was fired for "a well-documented plagiarism incident of taking a report from the National Journal and passing it off as his own work." Additionally, DeMaio said Bosnich is being investigated for a campaign office break-in, a claim CNN was unable to verify with the San Diego police.

After CNN's segment ran Friday afternoon, a law firm representing Bosnich released a four-page polygraph report they claim proves their client's truthfulness. Answering questions that included "Did you fabricate the story about Carl DeMaio masturbating in front of you?" and "Did you fabricate the story about Carl DeMaio touching your sexual parts?" (both "no"s) the polygraph examiner found "no deception indicated" by Bosnich's answers.

[Image via Manuel Balce Ceneta/AP]

According to officials, a worker at the Texas hospital that cared for the United States' first Ebola patient has tested positive for the disease.

In a statement released Sunday morning, the state's health department said the employee at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital in Dallas underwent preliminary testing after running a low grade fever Friday night. The tests results came back positive late Saturday.

The unnamed worker—who CNN identifies as a female nurse—is currently isolated at the hospital and in stable condition.

At a press conference on Sunday, officials said the new victim wore full protective equipment while treating Thomas Eric Duncan, the man who was diagnosed with the U.S.' first case of Ebola after traveling in Liberia last month. On Wednesday, Duncan died.

Confirmatory test results are expected to be released later today by the Center for Disease Control. If confirmed, this would be the first known case of Ebola transmission and the second case of Ebola overall in the United States.

[Image via AP]

Bill Hader returned to Saturday Night Live as host last night, which, of course, means Stefon returned to the Weekend Update desk. Check out his New New York advice for tourists, people wanting something upscale, and dumb folks looking to just get murdered.

Stefon also had a big announcement to share:

Our old friend Herb Welch showed up, too, and was just as delightful as you remembered him to be—no small feat for the reprise of a formerly recurring sketch. HI, HERB!

[via NBC]

A 24-year-old man was arrested Saturday on charges of starting a wildfire that destroyed 157 homes in the Northern California lumber town of Weed.

According to the AP, the fire spread through through the town of 3,000 on September 15, forcing everyone to evacuate. On Friday, after a three-week investigation, the Siskiyou County District Attorney's office filed a criminal complaint against Ronald Beau Marshall and a judge issued a warrant for his arrest.

CNN reports over 1,000 firefighters, 100 engines, 28 bulldozers, and five helicopters were used to put out the five-day fire.

Sgt. Justin Mayberry, a police spokesman, said Marshall was booked into the Siskiyou County Jail on felony counts of arson to inhabited structures, property, and forest land. His bail was set at $250,000.

[image via AP]

Sometimes you fuck the bear and sometimes, well, the bear fucks you. A British man recently experienced both kinds of bear-buggery when semen he left in a teddy bear connected him to an unsolved crime.

According to the Lancashire Telegraph, 38-year-old Paul Mountain pleaded guilty to burglary with intent to steal after authorities matched his DNA with samples inside the twice-stuffed toy. Recovered from the site of the break-in, the teddy bear was found "among the wreckage" he left behind.

In his defense, Mountain says he only fucked the bear because he was crashing, like, super hard, man. According to prosecutor Dominic Howells, the burglar "told officers he was coming down off amphetamine and felt overwhelming need for sexual relief."

The defiled doll was first discovered by the owner of the property, for whom Christmas—like Mountain—came a little early this year.

[h/t Daily Mail/Image via Shutterstock]

The Children's Hospital of Michigan in Detroit reports 21-month-old Madeline Reid has died of the rare respiratory virus that, in the past two months, has infected hundreds of children across the country.

Children's Hospital of Michigan's chief medical officer, Dr. Rudolph Valentini, released a statement saying the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed Madeline's case when she arrived at the hospital. Valentini continued:

"It is never easy to lose a child, and our entire health care team at the Children's Hospital of Michigan is deeply saddened by this family's loss and mourns with them during this very difficult time."

She passed away Friday afternoon.

According to the CDC, five people infected with the virus have died, including a four-year-old boy from New Jersey, though it's not yet clear what role the virus played in their deaths. The CDC reports 691 people in 46 states and Washington, D.C. have been infected so far.

[image via Facebook]

Broadcasting live from a newly-opened shopping center, Las Vegas news station KLAS unwittingly captured one boy's impromptu dance recital Thursday night—and let it be said, little dude can work.

There's plenty to admire about his flawless, pouting performance, but the gas face he shoots his less fabulous peers deserves some special recognition.

Even 8 News Now reporter Patranya Bhoolsuwan was forced to recognize the superior star quality of the tiny diva, who can only be described as #Fierce.

See even more of the kid's inspired, runway-ready moves below:

[h/t Uproxx/Image via Twitter]

In an appearance at the New Yorker Festival on Saturday, Larry David responded to Jennifer Lawrence's declarations of love from this month's issue of Vanity Fair.

The Wrap reports Larry David, in a discussion with New Yorker editor David Remnick, spoke about his work on Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm before Remnick read aloud Lawrence's steamy, steamy comments. Lawrence said, of Larry David, "I'm in love with him, and I have been for a really long time." She added, "I worship Woody Allen, but I don't feel it below the belt the way I do for Larry David."

David, in front of the New Yorker Festival audience, reportedly replied, "Smart kid. It's a shame that I'm about 40 years older than she is." He continued:

"Maybe she's referring to her knees. I don't think I could do it. On one hand it's very flattering and on another hand, it's kind of a shame—in terms of timing. I'd have fun watching the reality show of it though."

Please no one ask Woody Allen.

[image via Getty, h/t TheWrap]

Children dressed as pumpkins during a promotional event for Hong Kong tourism in Taipei, Taiwan on Sunday. Image by Chiang Ying-ying, via AP.

Stronzo Bestiale has published research in some of the world's most esteemed physics journals, and his co-authors are often leading members in their fields. But Stronzo Bestiale, whose name means "total asshole" in Italian, has a secret. He kind of doesn't exist.

Science writer Vito Tartamella recently uncovered Bestiale's secret when he came across a paper by physicists Bill Moran and William G. Hoover that lists Bestiale as a co-author. The paper in question: "Diffusion in a Periodic Lorentz Gas," originally published in 1987 in the Journal of Statistical Physics.

Tartamella – who is not only Italian, himself, but the author of a book on surnames – immediately noticed Bestiale's unusual designation and decided to look him up in the phonebook. Nothing. The man has a Scopus profile that lists him as an active researcher at the Institute of Experimental Physics, University of Vienna, but he doesn't appear in the phonebook. Puzzled, Tartamelle reached out to one of Bestiale's co-authors:

I wrote to professor Hoover, now retired, to ask him the true story of Stronzo Bestiale. Here's what he said. "At that time," he says, "we were very active in the development of a new computational technique, non-equilibrium molecular dynamics, connecting fractal geometry, irreversibility and the second law of thermodynamics. The idea was born during meetings at CECAM (Centre Européen de Calcul Atomique et Moléculaire) in Lausanne,Switzerland, and the Enrico Fermi summer school organized at Lake Como with Giovanni Ciccotti, professor of condensed matter physics at the University La Sapienza University in Rome. In these meetings, the theoretical picture of this technique was clear to me, so I wrote several papers on the subject along with some colleagues. But the reviewers of Physical Review Letters and the Journal of Statistical Physicsrefused to publish my texts: they contained too innovative ideas."

Meanwhile, Hoover continues, "while I was traveling on a flight to Paris, next to me were two Italian women who spoke among themselves, saying continually: "Che stronzo (what an asshole)!", "Stronzo bestiale (total asshole)". Those phrases had stuck in my mind. So, during a CECAM meeting, I asked Ciccotti what they meant. When he explained it to me, I thought that Stronzo Bestiale would have been the perfect co-author for a refused publication. So I decided to submit my papers again, simply by changing the title and adding the name of that author. And the research was published."

Amazing.

Tartamella has been updating his post with other scientific jokes and made-up authors that have made their way into scientific journals, which are definitely worth checking out. One of our favorites comes from Ivan Oransky at Retraction Watch (where we first heard tell of Stronzo Bestiale), who recalls the case of immunologist Polly Matzinger, who, in 1978, listed as one of her co-authors one Galadriel Mirkwood (her Afghan hound).

[Vito Tartamella via Retraction Watch]

Since the beginning of October, residents of Wasco, Calif. have been calling police to report sightings of a strange (undoubtedly murderous) circus clown, Bakersfield's KGET-TV reports. Appearing only at night, the clown has been spotted carrying a variety of fun props, including mallets, balloons and—that most classic of novelties—an axe.

Of course, because it's 2014, the living urban legend maintains an active social media presence, complete with vague threats punctuated with gun and knife emoji.

But it's not all good news. On Tuesday, the Wasco Clown posted a photo of a new addition to his deranged clown posse bearing the caption "Like I said there's more than one of us were all over," indicating even non-Wascoians aren't safe.

Of course, it could all just be a viral marketing ploy for American Horror Story, but so far police have been unable to interview any of the clowns. "We may have people dressing up as clowns," Bakersfield Police Sgt. Joe Grubbs told The Bakersfield Californian, "and we get there and they're not there."

[Images via Instagram]

Brian Robinson, 49-year-old subway pickup artist, spoke to the New York Post in a piece that ran today, titled "Meet the man who has met 'about 500' women on the subway," about his triumphs and failures "since becoming a railway Romeo in 1999." The besuited roué boasts winning dates with "about 500 women" in New York City's underground transit system, and, holy shit, he sounds like a nightmare.

Every woman knows it: the feeling of dread that passes over you—you, just trying to get to where you're going in the hot, crowded, already unpleasant subway—when you realize some dude is going to try to chat you up. A healthy percentage of the time, it seems, that dude is Brian Robinson.

From the New York Post:

"I would always say, 'Is this local or express?' and then say, 'I hear an accent: Where are you from?' It's an awesome door-opener — 97 percent of all NYC women are from someplace else."

"Funny you should ask, I'm actually from a disgusting garbage dump covered in maggots and rotting filth, I'm surprised you didn't recognize the accent?"

"No matter what place she says, say, 'Wow, I've always wanted to visit your country/city, etc. . . . do you have ­e-mail?" Robinson suggested.

"What's e-mail?"

He tells the Post that the trick is to express interest in who she is and what she does, "not trying to overtly hit on her." Ha-ha, of course the interest in who she is and what she does is feigned in an effort to get her e-mail (if she has one) and, one day, into her pants. But she doesn't know that!

(She knows that.)

The Post had the pleasure of tagging along with Robinson on a recent subway pickup outing where he "innocently asked" Jasmine, a 27-year-old woman just trying to get to work, or whatever, without having to answer fake questions from slimy dudes trying to fuck her, "Excuse me, does this train run along Sixth Avenue or Eighth Avenue?"

When asked by the Post, she called Robinson's pickup technique "engaging" and—trying so hard to be nice about it, god bless her—"persistent."

Another woman who gave Robinson her business card after a few minutes of chatting said, "He seemed like a nice enough person." Ooh, what a catch! "He was cordial," she added, "He wasn't aggressive." Yes, these are the nicest things women—when pressed—can say about a man who try to pick them up on the subway.

The reviews haven't all been underwhelmingly semi-neutral, though. Robinson admits that on at least one occasion a woman nearly maced him:

"One time a woman reached into her purse and it looked like she had a little bottle of Mace. She said, 'I don't have time for this.' She pulled it out — and then I got up and left."

If you're interested in learning more (perhaps someday you, too, can harass over 500 women until they either mace you or agree to go on one date!) Robinson has a book out this week on his craft. It's called 69 Ways to Bother People Who Want to Be Left the Fuck Alone, just kidding.

It's called something else!

[image credit: Shutterstock]

Tropical Storm Gonzalo formed in the Atlantic Ocean today just east of the Caribbean. The storm is expected to gain strength over the next couple of days as it moves towards Puerto Rico, and Gonzalo could turn into a hurricane before impacting the territory early this week.

Gonzalo is relatively small but feisty, packing winds of 45 MPH as it moves into an environment conducive to slow but steady strengthening. The storm could reach hurricane status by the time it reaches Puerto Rico and the surrounding islands on Tuesday. After lashing this half of the Greater Antilles, the current National Hurricane Center forecast shows Gonzalo curving out to sea and away from the United States.

The NHC has a huge list of islands under watches and warnings:

A HURRICANE WATCH IS IN EFFECT FOR...

• PUERTO RICO...VIEQUES...CULEBRA...AND THE U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS
• BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS

A TROPICAL STORM WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR...

• GUADELOUPE
• DESIRADE
• LES SAINTES
• MARIE GALANTE
• ST. MARTIN
• ST. BARTHELEMY
• ST. MAARTIN
• SABA
• ST. EUSTATIUS
• BARBUDA
• ANTIGUA
• ANGUILLA
• ST. KITTS
• NEVIS
• MONTSERRAT
• PUERTO RICO
• VIEQUES
• CULEBRA
• U.S. VIRGIN ISLANDS
• BRITISH VIRGIN ISLANDS

A hurricane watch means that hurricane-force winds (74+ MPH) are possible within 48 hours, and a tropical storm warning means that tropical storm conditions (39-73 MPH winds) are likely within the next 24 to 36 hours. Any residents in the watches or warnings, including Puerto Rico, Vieques, Culebra, and the U.S.V.I., should prepare now in anticipation of Gonzalo's arrival. Tourists on the islands affected by the storm should listen to local authorities and evacuate if told to do so.

The formation of Tropical Storm Gonzalo means that 25% of this year's storms have formed in the past week, with newly-christened Hurricane Fay moving away from Bermuda after lashing the island nation with strong winds and rain on Saturday night. Gonzalo is the eighth system and seventh named storm of the 2014 Atlantic Hurricane Season.

The National Hurricane Center will release position updates and forecasts every three hours (2, 5, 8, and 11 AM/PM) while the storm remains close to land.

[Images: author, NASA]

You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.

A Washington man faces 14 charges, ranging from kidnapping to burglary to theft of a firearm, after allegedly going on a weeklong, acid-inspired crime spree. According to court documents obtained by Vocativ, 23-year-old George Jacobson terrorized residents of Roy, Wa. from Sept. 26 to Oct. 3, breaking into houses, stealing guns and demanding victims give him everything from clothes to a ride home.

The rampage began on Sept. 26, when Sherman Deach discovered a man inside his barn holding a single black rubber boot. When confronted, the man police say is Jacobson dropped to his knees and put his hands in the air, leaving only when Deach threatened to sic his dogs on the intruder.

But within half an hour, authorities claim Jacobson found his way into neighbor Nikki Foster's kitchen, waving a gun and rambling about her "mean neighbor." When asked what he wanted, Jacobson reportedly asked for food and a glass of water, explaining he was on a "spiritual journey" and his "boot contained jewels."

Eventually, Foster's husband managed to take Jacobson off their property, only later realizing the intruder had stolen his gun, police said.

According to Vocativ, Jacobson next struck on Oct. 3, when a witness found Jacobson rifling through his car. Spooked, Jacobson bolted, reportedly leaving behind a stash of stolen knives.

Shortly afterward, Jacobson broke into the home of Sally Andrews, allegedly telling the 66-year-old victim, "Don't scream!" and promising not to hurt her. According to police, Jacobson then stole Andrews' Honda Accord, later found abandoned in a ditch.

From the crashed car, Jacobson allegedly entered the home of Robert Sheets. Dressed only in red shorts and brandishing a gun stolen from Sheets, police say Jacobson then demanded fresh clothes and a ride home to Rainer, Wa., which Sheets gave him.

Along the way, Jacobson reportedly insisted they stop for a soft-drink at McDonald's. Afterwards, Sheets took Jacobson to Rainer where he was arrested by police.

According to Q13 Fox, Jacobson told police he "prefers meth" but had been blacked for the previous week due to a bad acid tip. His only recollection was being taken to a drive-thru by a "nice man."

[Image via Shutterstock]

A Scottish woman thought her nosebleeds were caused by a motorbike accident. She was horrifyingly wrong.

Twenty-four-year-old Daniela Liverani was backpacking through Vietnam when the nosebleeds began, but she told the Daily Record she figured it was just a burst blood vessel from falling off a motorbike.

Eventually the nosebleeds stopped, but the leech remained. Liverani—who initially thought the leech was congealed blood—eventually figured out there was a blood-sucking worm camping out in her face.

"When I was in the shower, he would come right out as far as my bottom lip and I could see him sticking out the bottom of my nose," Liverani said. "So when that happened last Thursday, I jumped out of the shower to look really closely in the mirror and I saw ridges on him. That's when I realised he was an animal."

Liverani said her doctors said the three-inch leech—which lived in her nose for at least a month—would eventually have wormed its way through her brain.

A leech expert then gave an equally horrifying interview to the Record:

"Daniela could have picked up this leech from water in Vietnam, if she had been swimming.

"Or it could have gone in through her mouth, as she was drinking water.

"Even though it was there for around a month, these leeches don't grow all that quickly, so it wouldn't have been much smaller when it went up there. It would have been quite sizeable.

"It's interesting that people don't feel these leeches go up their nose."

[image via Shutterstock]

Formula 1 driver Michael Schumacher's traumatic brain injuries—sustained during a skiing accident last year—were caused by a helmet-mounted GoPro camera, a French journalist in contact with the family said this week.

F1 commentator Jean-Louis Moncet told a French radio station that he's been in contact with Schumacher's son, Mick.

'The problem for Michael was not the hit, but the mounting of the Go-Pro camera that he had on his helmet that injured his brain," Moncet said on the show.

Investigators believe the camera mount may have caused his helmet to shatter on impact. According to the Telegraph:

"The helmet completely broke. It was in at least two parts. ENSA analysed the piece of the helmet to check the material, and all was OK," said a source close to the investigation.

"But why did it explode on impact? Here the camera comes into question. The laboratory has been testing to see if the camera weakened the structure."

Schumacher spent six months in a medically-induced coma after the skiing accident last December. Family members have told the media that the driving legend is "waking up very slowly" in a medical suite installed in his home in Switzerland.