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Monday Night TV Explores the Backgrounds of Some Shady Individuals

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I saw this Debussy-scored short film, narrated by Quentin Crisp and starring Christina Ricci and the dancer Timour Bourtasenkov, for the first time yesterday. It is nuts. It's the super-old version of "Little Red Riding Hood" that Fiddler's Green tells Rose in The Sandman: A Doll's House, where the cat says, "Little slut! To drink the blood of your grandmother!" which is—if you really think about it—kind of a fucked-up situation to be in, and made all the moreso by the fact that it's a cat having to explain this to you.

At 8/7c. you'll see Antiques Roadshow head southeast for the first of at least two hours in Jacksonville, Florida. Looking for antiques. Takin' that show on the road. Speaking of antiques, Dancing With The Stars is like an antique from the 1970's, I've always thought. Like Miss America, or the show where celebrities jump in the water, and that's the whole TV show; or films delivered into the third dimension: All of these, and many more things, I believe should have stayed in our childhoods.

Not so for Love & Hip Hop: Hollywood on VH1, which I've never seen but against which I feel no particular decade-based animus: I love Love, I'm okay with Hollywood, and hip hop music never did disturb me, and according to my sources those are the things that show's about. Additionally Gotham heads to "Arkham," which probably sounds just a little more exciting than it will be; those Originals are having teen-witch teen-wolf mom/dad probs all over the place; and The Voice goes into Battles Mode, with a two-hour premiere of phase two in its ever-evolving carousel of focii.

At 9/8c. there's the premiere of CW's Venezuelan import Jane the Virgin, about which I can't really make up my mind, but I'm willing to wait for Michael Rady, which is how I ended up a 24-year-old virgin in the first place; Scorpion continues blithely doing whatever it does on CBS, learning feelings from a woman who, like all waitstaff, secretly has none; and a new Sleepy Hollow has the evocative title, "Go Where I Send Thee…"

I have been catching up on Nashville and I can't believe how the televisual analogue of Katharine "Scorpion Waitress" McPhee, Layla who is married to the gay cowboy fellow, I just can't believe how she is acting! It is shocking to me. And so now whenever I see an ad for Scorpion, such as last night during The Good Wife, I get really anxious for a second. And then I think about how Katharine McPhee used to be on reality TV, but now she's an actress, portraying the part of a waitress. Easy, right? Okay but then what is Ryan Seacrest.

At 10/9c. MTV's Are You the One determines whether you are, the seventh season of Castle proceeds apace—Did they ever find him? Where was he? Is the lady okay?—and PBS's Independent Lens premieres its season investigating that movie Bully. Not the Nick Stahl one crammed full of weird feelings, but the one that more recently stopped everybody except the Real Housewives from bullying each other, with their mean tweets and their satchels. NCIS:LA is just gonna go ahead and have an episode called "Praesidium," while The Blacklist promises to answer not all, but definitely some, or possibly none, of your questions about the show The Blacklist.

  • If Mary Louise Parker had a daughter with James Spader, how old would it be, and of what sort?
  • If every time you leave your motel room you bump into Todd Carr (Hal Ozsan) from Dawson's Creek, how long would it take you to notice that he is notably beautiful, to the point of possibly aging in reverse, and thus clearly a recurring and important character on this show, probably about to murder you because that is what everyone is on this show to do?
  • Where the motherfuck is Tom Keen already? Have we not displayed loyalty? Have we not given everything we have to give? What will it take for you people to bring back Tom Keen?
  • How come Mr. Kaplan is so unnervingly hot, and also what is the deal with Mr. Kaplan? She is a tiny, oddly sexy old lady that looks like Ursula K. LeGuin dressed up as Agatha Christie, she is a fixer who cleans up murder scenes, and now she is a sexy lesbian on top of it? What else are you gonna do, Mr. Ma'am? That's more than likely too many things already!

At 11/10c. there's Watch What Happens: Live on Bravo, with Carol Burnett, who is alive and kicking apparently, and with it enough to chill out with Andy on Watch What Happens: Live. That's a lot of good news to receive all at once, isn't it? I bet that'll be great. Talk to you tomorrow, and try not to get slut-shamed by any household pets if you can at all help it in the interim.

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. What are you watching tonight? What are we missing out on? Recommendations and discussions down below.


An Impressively Catchy Pop Song Written With iOS 8's Predictive Text

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iOS 8's QuickText feature, in addition to being a not-particularly-good way to actually send a text, is a pretty good way to generate quasi-random gibberish. Jonathan Mann, a guy who has uploaded a new original song to YouTube every day since January 2009, used it to write a song.

The opening lyrics of "iOS Autocomplete Song" go like this: "The fact I can get it right away/With the best of the year and the best of the year/And the other hand is the only thing that/Would have to go back." You can pretty much guess where it goes from there, because it doesn't go anywhere.

Thhe joke gets old after a while—the song definitely doesn't need to be four minutes long—but it's fun to hear Mann try to wrestle Apple's algorithmically generated nonsense into the metric constraints of a pop tune. What would John Cage and William Burroughs think?

[h/t Interweb 3000]

Big Sean Agrees to Protect Ariana Grande From Paranormal Evils

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Big Sean Agrees to Protect Ariana Grande From Paranormal Evils

If it wasn't clear from when they went to a kid's amusement park last week and kissed each other on the mouths, singer Ariana Grande confirmed in a recent interview that she is really dating rapper Big Sean, who is now officially tasked with protecting her from any further ghost/demon experiences.

According to the British paper The Telegraph, Grande revealed in an interview with Telegraph Magazine that she and the Detroit rapper are currently spending their days sweetly holding each other's hands.

Pop star Ariana Grande has publicly confirmed her relationship with hip hop artist Big Sean for the first time. In an exclusive interview with the Telegraph Magazine, Grande was asked if it's true that she is dating Sean Anderson, ASKA Big Sean. "Yes," replied the 21-year-old. "He is one of the most amazing men in the whole world, and that includes my grandfather and my brother. I think the world of him, and he's an amazing person. That's kind of all there is to it."

Congratulations to the happy couple! Here are some of my favorite relationship tips.

[image of Grande and Sean at VMAs via MTV]

NBC's Medical Correspondent is Quarantined for Ebola, Goes Out Anyway

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NBC's Medical Correspondent is Quarantined for Ebola, Goes Out Anyway

NBC Chief Medical Correspondent Nancy Snyderman, apparently not a fan of Ebola quarantines, is now under police surveillance after she was spotted out in public in New Jersey last week.

According to reports, Snyderman and three other crew members who worked with freelance cameraman Ashoka Mukpo in Liberia agreed to quarantine themselves for 21 days as part of a voluntary arrangement with the Centers for Disease Control and state officials.

But less than a week after Mukpo tested positive for the virus, a Gawker reader sent in a tip about Snyderman getting food from the Peasant Grill in Hopewell, New Jersey.

Says the tipster:

Dr. Nancy Snyderman, the NBC on-air doctor whose cameraman was diagnosed with ebola, is supposed to be under quarantine for 21 days. She happens to live in my neighborhood in Princeton, NJ, where her reputation as a bit of an arrogant specimen had me idly remarking last night that if ever there were someone likely to flout the quarantine and leave their house, it was her.

Fast forward to today: my wife and a friend are virtually certain they spotted her in a car outside a restaurant in Hopewell, NJ within the past hour. She sent a guy in to retrieve her food and remained in the car. It appeared that as soon as she thought she'd been spotted, she looked away and put on sunglasses. My wife's friend immediately called both the Hopewell and Princeton police, who said they'd "look into it."

The sighting was first reported by Planet Princeton, and New Jersey officials issued a mandatory quarantine order on Friday after their story broke. Police are now reportedly patrolling Snyderman's neighborhood to make sure she doesn't sneak out again.

On Monday's NBC Nightly News, Brian Williams read a brief statement from Snyderman, in which the good doctor allowed that "members of our group violated those [quarantine] guidelines and understand that our quarantine is now mandatory."

NBC has reportedly refused to comment.

[image via NBC]

Teenage Girl Hacks Friend's Fingers Off With Ax in Satanical Sacrifice

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Teenage Girl Hacks Friend's Fingers Off With Ax in Satanical Sacrifice

A teenager is in police custody after she allegedly took a 10-year-old friend on a playdate from hell last week.

Czech police say 15-year-old Alena Skrivankova told 10-year-old Jitka Svehlova's parents that the pair were going to a nearby wood "to play."

Instead, the teen allegedly tied the young girl to a tree and used an ax to slice her fingers. Police say the 10-year-old broke free mid-attack and ran home.

According to the Mirror, Skrivankova was still at the crime scene when police arrived:

A police spokesman said: "Somehow the younger girl managed to escape and her horrified parents called the police.

"When officers arrived at the scene they found the older girl sitting on the ground with the axe in one hand and the severed fingers in the other.

"This is a deeply disturbing case."

Skrivankova apparently told responding officers she attacked her friend as a sacrifice to Satan. She is being held pending a psychiatric assessment.

[image via Shutterstock]

Amanda Bynes' Psychiatric Hold Extended For Another Two Weeks

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Amanda Bynes' Psychiatric Hold Extended For Another Two Weeks

Amanda Bynes' involuntary psychiatric hold was extended for an additional 14 days today after her parents reportedly partnered with troubled-child-star-whisperer Sam Lutfi to trick her into returning to Los Angeles.

Bynes was placed under the 72-hour 5150 hold Friday after she spent a deeply disturbing week in New York following a DUI arrest in Los Angeles. Bynes' behavior appeared to escalate throughout her trip and culminated in the former actress publicly accusing her father of sexual abuse because of a "microchip in [her] brain."

Bynes reportedly believed she was returning to Los Angeles to meet with a lawyer, but was instead taken to a hospital and committed. TMZ reports skeezy Sam Lutfi—the Ghost of Britney Spears' Past—was also involved in the scheme:

We now have more clarification as to how Lutfi pulled it off. He told Amanda her car would be making 2 stops. First, to the lawyer's office in Pasadena and then to the London Hotel in West Hollywood where she would confront her parents and tell them about the lawsuit.

She never got to the London, because the driver went to a Pasadena hospital which looked like an office building. Amanda thought she was going to see the lawyer but when she walked inside she was surrounded by hospital staff.

This is the second time the actress has been hospitalized under an extended 5150 hold.

[image via AP]

Parrot Disappears for Four Years, Returns Home Fluent in Spanish

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Parrot Disappears for Four Years, Returns Home Fluent in Spanish

A parrot with a "cultivated British accent" that went missing for four years returned home to California last week, apparently speaking Spanish and asking for a guy named Larry.

The parrot disappeared from his Southern California home without a trace in 2010— finally turning up in a dog groomer's backyard earlier this month. A veterinarian tried to trace the bird's microchip, but found it was unregistered.

Eventually by tracking down the bird's sales papers, they were able to identify the owner, who happened to live nearby.

The parrot reportedly came back from its semester abroad with a little bit of an attitude problem, refusing to speak English and at one point literally biting the hand that feeds him.

The vet told the Daily Breeze that's normal and the parrot will eventually start sucking up again in order to get food.

No one knows who Larry is.

[h/t Daily News, image via Shutterstock]

Lena Dunham's BFF, BF Release Song Probably About Harry Styles

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Lena Dunham's BFF, BF Release Song Probably About Harry Styles

Lena Dunham's best friend released her new song tonight—co-written with Dunham's boyfriend The Other Guy From That Band—and, for anyone out there who has drawn a sprawling map of Taylor Swift's relationships on their bedroom walls, it's the one everyone thinks is written about Harry Styles.

It's called "Out of the Woods," and you can buy it on iTunes or stream it here via a Taylor fan Tumblr. The connection to Styles, who Swift dated—probably!—off-and-on in 2012, was first made by Rolling Stone's Josh Eells in the magazine's recent cover story.

Of all the songs on the album that seem to be about Styles, the most intriguing one is "Out of the Woods." Co-written by Antonoff, it's a frantic tale of a relationship where, Swift says, "every day was a struggle. Forget making plans for life – we were just trying to make it to next week." The most interesting part comes when Swift sings, "Remember when you hit the brakes too soon/Twenty stitches in a hospital room." She says it was inspired by a snowmobile ride with an ex who lost control and wrecked it so badly that she saw her life flash before her eyes. Both of them had to go to the ER, although Swift wasn't hurt. She corrects herself: "Not as hurt."

The Antonoff referred to in that story is Jack Antonoff, Dunham's boy who is also the face of the band Bleachers and the co-face of fun. Where Swift's "Shake It Off" signaled her launch into full-on pop by completely making over her sound to slot comfortably next to pop radio staples like Macklemore and Jason Derulo, "Out of the Woods" feels like an organic outgrowth of the seeds Swift planted on her last album Red. Antonoff's new wave influences are clear in the tone of the song's dramatic sweep, but structurally it resembles Red's stadium rock stompers "State of Grace" and "Holy Ground."

Swift's 1989 is out on October 27, and it's already rendered the events of an entire year irrelevant.

Lena Dunham's BFF, BF Release Song Probably About Harry Styles

[image via Getty]


How to Reduce the Odds of Being Ticketed During a Traffic Stop

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How to Reduce the Odds of Being Ticketed During a Traffic Stop

You're being pulled over by a police officer. Do you know the steps you can take to minimize the odds of getting a ticket?

Ever since I was in high school, police officers of various jurisdictions have made a hobby of pulling me over. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Of course I do. But since I became an attorney 23 years ago, I have represented hundreds of people for traffic violations in Michigan. When people hear that I do "car cases" – Lemon Law – they think of me when they get tickets while driving cars. Along the way I have spoken to police officers, prosecutors and judges and can tell you that there are things you can do which can help you – either to avoid getting a ticket altogether or to lessen the legal harm of the ticket itself. And the advice is relatively simple.

Keep in mind here that I am not addressing how to fight the ticket itself. That is a topic for another day. I am also not talking about an occasion where you got pulled over wrongfully. I am talking about where you actually did something to deserve a ticket. Here is how you deal with it.

When the flashing lights come on, pull over to the side of the road as soon as you safely can. Then, pull off to the side as far as you can so that the officer – if possible – can approach your car without having to walk in the lane of traffic. Shut your engine off. It is important that you picture the stop from the officer's point of view. While you do not enjoy this transaction, in most instances, neither does the police officer. Officers get shot in situations like this and have no idea if you are a drug-smuggling, gun-running, one-man crime wave or simply a middle-aged attorney who writes articles on what to do when you are pulled over by a police officer.

Immediately roll your window down all the way. Not half way, not an inch so you can speak through the crack. All the way. Among other things, it will show that you have nothing to hide.

If it is not broad daylight out, turn on your overhead interior light so that before the officer gets to your car, he or she can see if there are people in the backseat, in the passenger seat and, most importantly, you. You want to put the officer at ease as quickly as possible. Police officers notice these things.

Put your hands on your steering wheel at 10 and 2. Ideally, the officer will be able to see your hands while standing at the rear bumper of your car. Once you have done these things - 1) pulled over, 2) turned on the interior light, 3) rolled your window down, and 4) placed your hands on the steering wheel, DO NOTHING ELSE. Do not move, do not look around, do not start digging for your paperwork.

The officer will approach and most likely ask, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" This is the only piece of advice I will give you which police officers will disagree with but you will see why. I advise you to not confess. You ran a red light? You were speeding? My advice is to politely say, "No, I'm sorry I don't," and leave it at that. Some people will suggest you ought to say, "Yes, I ran that red light," but I don't know if "honesty" is going to help you any here. I do know that many officers will make a note on the ticket, "Driver admitted he/she ran the red light," and that statement will come back to haunt you later.

Notice that I did not say to have your license and registration ready when the officer appeared at your window. This is because getting them in any manner where your body is moving may make the officer think you are hiding something or reaching for something - and neither of those are good. Another reason is that I – and others I have spoken with – have had an officer make a comment at this point and then leave. "Did you know your license plate is hanging off with only one screw?" I have also had an officer let me slide: "You ran a red light back there. Pay attention. Good night."

If the officer asks for your license and registration, tell him or her exactly how you are going to retrieve them. "I am going to reach into my back pocket and pull out my wallet." "I need to reach into my glovebox to find my registration," and so on. Even if you have made nice-talk with the officer, he or she will still be wary of you reaching underneath yourself or into a dark spot in the car. Announcing your intentions, again, shows that you are doing what you can to put them at ease.

At this point, the officer will probably take your papers and head back to run your information through the system. Sit in your car with your hands on the wheel, leave the interior light on, and do nothing else. Do not make phone calls or fiddle with your infotainment center. Do not reorganize your glovebox. Do not decide it is a good time to clean out the loose change under your seat. While the officer may have already made the decision on writing or not writing the ticket, it can only hurt you if you act suspiciously at this point.

Why would doing any of the steps I describe help you avoid a ticket? Police officers have discretion on whether they write a ticket and for what. As we know, an officer COULD decide to throw the book at you and write you up for all kinds of stuff. Or, decide to let you go with a warning. Anything you can do to make the officer's job easier will help nudge the officer in the direction of being lenient. Instead of reckless driving, perhaps you will be written for careless. Instead of 20 over, maybe 10.

If the officer comes back with a ticket, do not argue with the officer. Do not declare, "I will see you in court!" Take the ticket, say Thank You, and move on. Signal that you are going re-enter the roadway, do so safely and go about your business. One of the over-riding themes of this and everything that preceded it is you want to make this traffic stop ordinary. You do not want the officer to remember you. If you decide to fight the ticket, with or without an attorney, you may seek a plea deal of some sort. The officer will likely be consulted. An officer may be in court on a particular day with a stack of tickets. They probably can't all be tried due to time constraints. Some will get deals, some will not. You know who gets the deals? The harmless tickets where the driver did nothing to stick out in the officer's mind.

I have been to numerous pretrial conferences where the prosecutor asked the officer if we could cut a deal. The officer looked at the ticket to remember who the person was and then turned the ticket over to see if there were any comments on the back. Comments about the driver swearing at them, talking on a cellphone during the stop, and so on. No comments is good. Even better is when the officer looks puzzled, clearly does not remember the stop, and agrees to a deal. I have also seen the officer turn the ticket over and get a look of recognition. "Oh, I remember this guy . . ." and then my job just got harder.

To summarize: When pulled over by a police officer –

-Pull over quickly and as far as safely possible

-Roll down your window completely

-Turn on your overhead interior light

-Put your hands on the steering wheel at 10 and 2

-Do not admit that you broke the law

-If asked for license and papers, announce your movements beforehand

-Sit still while waiting for the officer to return

-Do not say anything remarkable to the officer at the end of the stop

I am not saying every ticket written was righteous. I am also not saying that the foregoing will protect you if your backseat is filled with sawed-off shotguns and bundles of counterfeit currency sitting in plain view. I'm not a magician, Jim. Just an old country lawyer. But, if you get pulled over in a run-of-the-mill traffic stop, following this advice will lessen the odds of you getting a ticket and, if you still get the ticket, increase the odds that you can get some slack cut on it later should you decide to fight it in court.

Follow me on Twitter: @stevelehto

Photo by Peter Griffin

Steve Lehto has been practicing law for 23 years, specializing in consumer protection and Michigan lemon law. He wrote The Lemon Law Bible. He also wrote Chrysler's Turbine Car: The Rise and Fall of Detroit's Coolest Creation and The Great American Jet Pack: The Quest for the Ultimate Individual Lift Device. He urges you to consult with an attorney in your state should you have further legal questions.

The price tag for making the "Too Big to Fail" banks somewhat more stable could reach $870 billion.

From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

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From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

On October 1st, the New York Times published a photograph of a four-year-old girl in Sierra Leone. In the photograph, the anonymous little girl lies on a floor covered with urine and vomit, one arm tucked underneath her head, the other wrapped around her small stomach. Her eyes are glassy, returning the photographer's gaze. The photograph is tightly focused on her figure, but in the background the viewer can make out crude vials to catch bodily fluids and an out-of-focus corpse awaiting disposal.

The photograph, by Samuel Aranda, accompanied a story headlined "A Hospital From Hell, in a City Swamped by Ebola." Within it, the Times reporter verbally re-paints this hellish landscape where four-year-olds lie "on the floor in urine, motionless, bleeding from her mouth, her eyes open." Where she will probably die amidst "pools of patients' bodily fluids," "foul-smelling hospital wards," "pools of infectious waste," all overseen by an undertrained medical staff "wearing merely bluejeans" and "not wearing gloves."

From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

Aranda's photograph is in stark contrast to the images of white Ebola patients that have emerged from the United States and Spain. In these images the patient, and their doctors, are almost completely hidden; wrapped in hazmat suits and shrouded from public view, their identities are protected. The suffering is invisible, as is the sense of stench produced by bodily fluids: these photographs are meant to reassure Westerners that sanitation will protect us, that contagion is contained.

Pernicious undertones lurk in these parallel representations of Ebola, metaphors that encode histories of nationalism and narratives of disease. African illness is represented as a suffering child, debased in its own disease-ridden waste; like the continent, it is infantile, dirty and primitive. Yet when the same disease is graphed onto the bodies of Americans and Europeans, it morphs into a heroic narrative: one of bold doctors and priests struck down, of experimental serums, of hazmat suits and the mastery of modern technology over contaminating, foreign disease. These parallel representations work on a series of simple, historic dualisms: black and white, good and evil, clean and unclean.

The Western medical discourse on Africa has never been particularly subtle: the continent is often depicted as an undivided repository of degeneration. Comparing the representations of disease in Africa and in the West, you can hear the whispers of an underlying moral panic: a sense that Africa, and its bodies, are uncontainable. The discussion around Ebola has already evoked—almost entirely from Tea Party Republicans—the explicit idea that American borders are too porous and that all manners of perceived primitiveness might infect the West.

And indeed, with the history of American and European panic over regulating foreign disease comes a history of regulating the perception of filth from beyond our borders, a history of policing non-white bodies that have signified some unclean toxicity.


If the history of modernity can, as Dominique Laporte suggests in his genealogical meditation History of Shit, be written as a triumph of cleanliness over bodily refuse, then so too could the European colonization of Africa and India. The sanitary crusade of the nineteenth century is central to the violent project of empire. Western medicine, with its emphasis on personal hygiene, functioned (and in some arenas still functions) as colonialism's benevolent cover—an acknowledgment that, while empire was about profit at all costs, that it could also conceal this motive slightly by concerning itself with bettering the health of debased bodies.

The bureaucratic annals of colonialism are filled with reports on the unsanitary conditions of life and unhygienic practices of natives. Dr. Thomas R. Marshall, an American in the Philippines, wrote of the "promiscuous defecation" of the "Filipino people." An 1882 British report, "Indian Habits," observed that, "The people of India seem to be very much the condition of children. They must be made clean by compulsion until they arrive at that degree of moral education when dirt shall become hateful to them, and then they will keep themselves clean for their own sakes." Dirtiness and defecation indicated their primitiveness and savagery; it reaffirmed the white body's privileged position and claim to moral and medical modernity.

This intense focus on hygiene emerged from an old medical doctrine known as miasma. According to the miasma theory, illness was the direct result of the polluting emanations of filth: sewer gas, garbage fumes and stenches that permeated air and water, creating disease in the process. Filth, however, had many incarnations. It could be literal, or also a catch-all metaphorical designation for anything that made people uncomfortable about race, gender and sexuality. (This idea underpins phrases still in use today, for example: a "dirty whore").

So, the medical mission of hygiene was simultaneously a moral and medical imperative. And it was this fervent belief in miasmas that led to colonial administrations deeply interested in the bodily fluids of bodies of color; as Lord Wellesley, the British governor of India, briefly noted in an 1803 report, "Indians defecate everywhere."

But if colonial governments exercised concern over what they believed to be the contaminated cultures of native populations, it was more likely the result of panic over the health of their own officials and soldiers. "The white man's grave," as one nineteenth-century British colonist called Sierra Leone, was a dangerous trap of foreign disease, carried by the contagious peoples who inhabited valuable land. Their culture, like their natural resources, must be conquered. Who better to do that then scientifically advanced westerners who valued cleanliness and life?

Miasma theory proved a powerful science through which to construct "the African" or "the Indian." Long after its late-nineteenth-century demise and subsequent replacement with an epidemiological understanding of contagion, the metaphors it produced endured. The move from miasma theories to germ theories simply added pathological depth to older social resentments. Minorities might look clean: but who knew what invisible, contagious threats lurked within?

These stereotypes showed up everywhere. Take, for example, Victorian soap advertisements: ordinary markers of domesticity that, according to feminist scholar Anne McClintock, "persuasively mediated the Victorian poetics of racial hygiene and imperial progress." In a Pears' Soap advertisement from around 1882, race is linked to dirtiness and ignorance: blacks could become clean (here, actually, white) if they just bathed; they barely know how to clean themselves; they need a white man to teach them cleanliness, civilization, culture, etc.

From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

Such metaphors proved successful for Pears' Soap, and the company returned to triumphant colonial imagery time and time again. In another ad from the 1890s, a naval commander (likely a stand-in for Admiral George Dewey) is shown washing his hands; he is flanked by ships that import soap and a missionary anointing his dirty, savage subject with hygiene. Underneath the images, the text reads "The first step toward lightening The White Man's Burden is through teaching the virtues of cleanliness."

But if disease was the result of a certain kind of self-imposed debasement—of a choice to resist modernity—then the moral meaning of dirt was flexible. It could be external, a black body in need of hygienic instruction, but it could also be internal, the naturally occurring state of the nonwestern body. Miasma theory gave way to eugenics; filth was biologically determined, inside and out.


If filth provided European imperialism with a set of legible metaphors about disease and race, then it also gave a newly-forming United States racial principles on which to build a national identity. With institutionalized slavery and a relatively open immigration policy, America, more so than Europe, needed those metaphors to preserve the cultural and moral superiority of particular kind of whiteness (a Teutonic Northern European whiteness). In the late-nineteenth and early-twentieth centuries contagious disease was associated with new immigrant groups who were perceived as harbingers of death.

From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

Nativist groups warned the public of disease that would infect the nation's growing urban areas, rationalizing their prejudice with arguments about public health. In the 1830s, poor Irish were said to bring cholera; at the turn of the century, tuberculosis was dubbed the "tailors' disease" and associated with the Jewish population; Italians for decades were seen as bearers of polio.

To protect against immigrant germs, the United States passed the Immigration Act of 1891, an act that excluded those with "criminal records, polygamist, and prostitutes," as well as those with "loathsome or contagious disease." The Immigration Act made clear that the immigrant carried the filth of both moral degradation and disease. The definition of "loathsome and contagious disease" was flexible and ever-changing, including everything from transmissible disease to insanity, senility, varicose veins, and poor eyesight.

The truth, of course, was that immigrants groups were as healthy as acceptably white Americans. According to contemporary legal scholars, less than three percent of the total number of immigrants seeking entry were rejected for medical reasons; the vast majority of those excluded were Chinese who, unlike their white counterparts, could be rejected for ringworm and "the appearance of mongolism." But yet, despite these facts, white Americans still clamored to close the borders entirely. An 1888 federal report calling for even more immigration restriction warned of the "sewage of vice and crime and physical weakness" that washed ashore from Europe and the "nameless abominations" coming from Asia.

From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

The language of the 1888 report is similar to the current, persistent calls to close our borders. Both rely on the intertwining metaphors of illness and filth. This, of course, is how the metaphor of disease works. Susan Sontag has written of the hierarchy of disease, of death in a western context. She notes that there are brave and beautiful ways to die, diseases that afflict and kill, yet reveal a beautiful, meaningful self. And the diseased body of white Europeans, particularly the wealthy, is rarely depicted filthy or debased. Rather, that body becomes the source of poetic meaning; think of Henry James's The Wings of the Dove (1902) or Thomas Mann's The Magic Mountain (1927) a novel that describes disease as "nothing but a disguised manifestation of power of love; and all disease is only love transformed."

Perhaps nowhere was the power of a disease metaphor more evident than in San Francisco in 1900. When a Chinese immigrant was found dead in the basement of a Chinatown hotel, rumors spread immediately that he had died of the plague. Before the diagnosis was confirmed, the mayor quarantined Chinatown, preventing anyone of Asian origin from leaving the district while allowing whites to move around freely. Once the diagnosis was confirmed, the city's white residents panicked. The Board of Health demanded the entire district be doused in lye and bichloride of mercury, that clothes and furniture be burned, that every person of Asian descent be vaccinated with something called Haffkine's serum, which had not yet been approved for human use. Newspapers called for Chinatown to be emptied of its residents and burned to the ground.

The measure the city took were in direct opposition to those recommended by health officials. Quarantining an entire population and dousing them with household cleaners made the outbreak worse. The outbreak of plague ended when state health officials stepped in, but the panic served its purpose: it reaffirmed old suspicions that Chinese immigrants were dangerous, and that their foreign lifestyle could easily soil San Francisco's urban modernity.

The plague broke on again in San Francisco, after the 1906 earthquake, but this time it wasn't in Chinatown; it emerged from an overwhelmingly white city district. There was no quarantine, no dousing of the city with lye. Rather, the city spent two million dollars to provide free and sophisticated medical care, and the death toll was much smaller.


Returning to the four-year old Ebola patient in the New York Times: The photograph of a dying little girl is simultaneously a site of sympathy and a powerful reminder of the contagion she carries. As she dies from a vicious, seemingly unstoppable disease, the photograph is meant simultaneously to warn and console. Look at this cesspool, these unsanitary conditions; she is foreign, Ebola is foreign. This scene is by no measure the only scene of healthcare in African countries, but it is often the only scene we see.

This underlying sense of foreignness underlies the way we see Ebola in the United States. Newsweek repeated these ugly stereotypes in an August cover story that conspiratorially suggested that illegally imported African "bushmeat" could carry Ebola into our borders (a story that's been thoroughly debunked).

From Miasma to Ebola: The History of Racist Moral Panic Over Disease

And when the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention confirmed that Ebola had crossed into the United States, carried on the body of a black man from Liberia, the threat of infection was suddenly perceived as quite real. Rumors flew that Ebola had reached Idaho, then Miami, that the disease was airborne, and that a sick passenger on a flight to New Jersey was infected. Television and radio host quizzed CDC physicians about the likelihood of infection ("little to none," they seem to answer again and again), asked again about the safety of our too-porous borders, demanding that our government outline a plan of action to ward off infectious, black bodies.

Thomas Duncan, that Ebola patient, is now dead. He sought treatment five days after returning to the US, telling the hospital that he had traveled to Liberia and was experiencing a fever and abdominal pain. With no insurance, he was turned away. A Washington Post story reports that some people close to him feel that he was "not properly treated because he was not American."

"He is a Liberian man," Massa Lloyd, a close friend of Troh, said Wednesday. "The family feels he wasn't getting the right treatment because he was an African man. They feel America is fighting only for the white man, not the black man."

The onset of epidemic disease has always incited prejudice, permitting the stereotyping of foreigners, of people of color, as inherently closer to disease: more deserving of death from it. The "always them, never us" conception of Ebola is a major factor in the lack of a vaccine, which the NIH has been researching, with dwindling funding, since 2001. The new presence of Ebola in the US may change the way we approach the virus, but maybe not; maybe it will always seem too foreign for us to handle it like the global and communal problem that it is; maybe, disastrously, this outbreak of Ebola will be no different than before.

Stassa Edwards is a freelance writer and editor.

Image by Jim Cooke, source photo via Getty.

Can Art Serve the Masses With Integrity? A Conversation with Caribou

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Can Art Serve the Masses With Integrity? A Conversation with Caribou

Dan Snaith's most recent album as Caribou, Our Love, spans genres from house to prog ballads, all with a pointed sense of warmth. It's among the year's very best releases. The Canadian producer/singer recently told me by phone that the album was intended to give back to those who'd strongly responded to his last Caribou album, 2010's Swim. Below is a condensed and edited version of our chat, in which we discuss how to balance self-expression with intentionally pleasing listeners.


Gawker: Where was your head at when you started this new record?

Dan Snaith: Swim [was] received in a way that I didn't expect at all. I thought it was a pretty idiosyncratic, weird record, and it connected with people in a way that I hadn't expected. And that was the thing that made me want to make a new Caribou record and to make it for a different reason this time. I'd always just kind of indulged myself, made music thinking only of myself, [made] music in the genre I was excited to try my hand at. This time was much more about making a record that's intentionally looking to communicate, looking outward, looking to kind of share with the people who'd connected with Swim to give some warmth back to them for all of the wonderful experience I've had in the last few years. I think that led to more of a direct, concise pop approach.

That approach would seem to require a balance between actual expression and pandering to the masses. Was that something you wrestled with?

It was definitely something I thought about. That's why people don't generally tend to say, "Oh yeah, when I was making this record, I was trying to please somebody else." That seems to be at odds with artistic integrity. The predominant narrative around artistic integrity involves doing what is essential inside of you and ignoring the critical response or the public response. [Paying attention to that is] seen as debasing yourself, or something. But I didn't feel like that at all, really. I didn't feel at any point like I was dumbing the music down or making it more populist.

A good example for me is, and I really didn't see this at the time, but I've got a young daughter and I spent a lot of time with her listening to Stevie Wonder's classic records from the '70s. Just because she's two years old, and it's some of the music you'd want a human being to hear first when they're on earth. I was listening as a dad and as a civilian and not as a music producer in quotation marks or whatever, but I didn't realize the effect that they were having on the music that I was making but those records are doing precisely what I wanted to do.

They're so warm, you feel like Stevie Wonder's just pouring himself into the music, and that he kind of loves you and loves everything and is putting as much of his personal existence and experience as he can into the music. I'm not comparing myself to him, he does it incomparably better than I do. But once [ Our Love] was finished, I listened back to it and I could hear not necessarily specific things but tonal things or the way that I kind of figured out how to sing the songs coming from that kind of music, classic soul music, which is so open and so giving.

The two singles you've released bridge the gap between track and song—they're poppy and melodic, but both only contain a few words repeated over and over. The hooks are basically chants.

That's something that's fascinated me for a long time and it kinda goes back to early Daft Punk records or that kind of sound where somebody would make a house record by sampling one line of a disco record or soul record, just looping it and accumulating more meaning the more you repeat it. If you pick the right line and repeat it, it starts to resonate more and more as you change the musical context around it. That idea is not new by any means, but it does feel like a very contemporary mode to me. It feels like a fresh idea in pop music.

The break in "Our Love" seems to reference Inner City's "Good Life." Was that intentional homage?

I know Inner City's tracks and even though they are the quintessential house tracks, they are not the ones that are central to my love of that music. I recorded the first half of the song, and I switched sound and had this totally different bass line sound and plucked out that for the second half of the song. It's a nice contrast, a nice surprise. I knew it referenced classic techno and house and this was a moment where I thought, "OK, do I do something more clever, something that isn't so beholden to the classic idea of what that music should be like?" Or do I just know that people are going to enjoy that moment when the bass line comes in and not second guess myself. I guess maybe that could be seen as the conflict between doing something that has integrity and something that is more based on what people will enjoy.

But also, I kind of see those things in a different light now. I see them as kind of reflections of my ego in making the music or my insecurities. There were times early on, when I was recording my first record, that I'd be like, "This is too simple, this is too straightforward. I need to show people that I can have more complex ideas, that I can do things that are more sophisticated." Looking back at that, I see it as more of a juvenile, ego-driven consideration other than an honest musical one. I guess there are both ways of looking at those kind of decisions.

And when you're talking about dance music, you're making music to be enjoyed. Dance music is extremely utilitarian.

Sure, but a lot of these tracks you'd have to be totally crazy to play in a club. But that moment on the record was just like, yeah, when we play this live or when it's in a DJ set, people are going to be excited by that shift.

I would argue that this is a better sex album than a dance album.

Yeah… I mean, that's not specifically what I had in mind but you're probably right.

It works.

Good to know. The reaction to Swim was way more broad, way more diverse than the previous record. With Swim, it was like, "The first time I had sex with my girlfriend when I was 18 was to 'Odessa,'" or whatever. That was such a surprise to me. It's an illusion as an artist to think you have control over the music you make after you release it. The meaning is accumulated by all sorts of people in all sorts of situations. I started to revel in it. When people tell my stuff like that it totally makes me smile.

This record leaked months and months in advance. What was your reaction? And why didn't you just release it officially then?

Well, from the record label perspective, I wouldn't be talking to you now if I had done that. It kind of messes up that side of things. But for me anyway, to put it in perspective, all of the records I have released have leaked months in advance. That was much more common five, six, seven, eight years ago. Now it seems kind of remarkable that these things can be kept under wraps. So I was kind of surprised. We had only sent out watermarked copies at that point and [the leaked version] wasn't watermarked, they'd removed the watermark somehow or confused the watermark or whatever you do with watermarks.

My initial reaction was disappointment that there wasn't going to be that moment that I've never had, where everybody's waiting until the very day it's released to hear it at the same time. But in five years time, it's not going to matter to me or anybody at all. And it's only a certain type of fan that's aware of this or interested in this, and if those people really want to hear the record, what's so bad about that? The whole intent with this record was to make music to share with people, so if that comes out in a slightly different way than planned, in retrospect, I don't really have a problem with it. It's a bit of a shame in that it's not a shared experience on the release date, but apart from that, I'm glad that people are listening to it.

Doctors Say Google Glass Caused Worse Withdrawal Symptoms Than Alcohol

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Doctors Say Google Glass Caused Worse Withdrawal Symptoms Than Alcohol

Google Glass has a habit of changing people. Not only does it turn wearers into hysterical assholes, American doctors say Glass caused one man to become an addict.

According to The Guardian, scientists believe a navy serviceman is the first-ever patient to suffer from Glass-triggered internet addiction disorder:

The man had been using the technology for around 18 hours a day – removing it only to sleep and wash – and complained of feeling irritable and argumentative without the device. In the two months since he bought the device, he had also begun experiencing his dreams as if viewed through the device's small grey window.

The 31-year-old serviceman originally checked himself in for alcohol abuse. But doctors found that his face computing habit was harder to break.

Doctors noticed the patient repeatedly tapped his right temple with his index finger. He said the movement was an involuntary mimic of the motion regularly used to switch on the heads-up display on his Google Glass.

He said he was "going through withdrawal from his Google Glass", Doan explained, adding: "He said the Google Glass withdrawal was greater than the alcohol withdrawal he was experiencing."

His doctors say the "rush" Glass gives users is to blame. It turns out that strapping a screen right in front of your eyeball can be risky if you have a "predisposition for addiction."

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Photo: AP

10-Year-Old Girl Meets Hillary Fuckang Clintaaaaaaaan!!!!

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10-Year-Old Girl Meets Hillary Fuckang Clintaaaaaaaan!!!!

At a campaign stop in Denver on Monday, Hillary Clinton had the distinct pleasure of drinking coffee and meeting a 10-year-old young girl named Macy Friday.

Clinton was in town to support Colorado Senator Mark Udall in his quest for re-election. Macy and her family (brother Finn, parents Derek and Elaine) are from Ohio. See?

10-Year-Old Girl Meets Hillary Fuckang Clintaaaaaaaan!!!!

There do not appear to be any similar photos of Macy and Senator Udall on the AP website.

[Images via AP // h/t The Fix / Washington Post]

Dutch Biker Gang Is Legally Cleared to Kick Some ISIS Jihadi Ass

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Dutch Biker Gang Is Legally Cleared to Kick Some ISIS Jihadi Ass

To defeat the Islamists of ISIS, everyone says, you need boots on the ground. How about motorcycle boots? Kurt Sutter from Sons of Anarchy has to be pissed he didn't think up this story line first.

Islamic State militants have a new adversary in the battle for control of Syria and Iraq: Crazy-ass bikers from "No Surrender," a Netherlands-based motorcycle club. And thus far, the Dutch government is cool with that, AFP reports:

The Dutch public prosecutor said on Tuesday that motorbike gang members who have reportedly joined Kurds battling the Islamic State group in Iraq are not necessarily committing any crime.

"Joining a foreign armed force was previously punishable, now it's no longer forbidden," public prosecutor spokesman Wim de Bruin told AFP.

"You just can't join a fight against the Netherlands," he told AFP after reports emerged that Dutch bikers from the No Surrender gang were fighting IS insurgents alongside Kurds in northern Iraq.

The fuss apparently started after pics like this one started showing up on pro-Kurdish social media:

The rough translation (per Google) is "Ron from the Netherlands has joined the Kurds to fight [the Islamic State]. Respect!"

No Surrender titular head Klaas Otto confirmed to a Dutch TV station that "three members who travelled to near Mosul in northern Iraq were from Dutch cities Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Breda," AFP stated.

So far, English-language outlets have reported very little of No Surrender's background, but the MC appears to have been founded last year and is described by Dutch police as a "1 percenter" or outlaw gang, apparently on the basis of its three-piece back patch and little else.

No Surrender doesn't appear to have any overt racist or fascist connections; its chapters' photos suggest a diverse bunch of members, and many came over from another outlaw gang, Satudarah, that was reportedly founded by Dutch-Indonesians. Unfortunately for the gang, "No Surrender" is also an anti-Islamic motto of the English Defence League, a bunch of racist right-wing hooligans.

Just the same, Dutch motorcycle gangs—including chapters of the Hell's Angels—have been known to harbor violent criminals, and the Dutch prosecutor told AFP that the members could be on the hook back home for any war crimes, "such as torture or rape," that they committed in Iraq.

"But this is also happening a long way away," he added, "and so it'll be very difficult to prove."

[Photo credit: Facebook]


Pregnant ISIS Teens Face Choice Between Terror War and Jail Babies

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Pregnant ISIS Teens Face Choice Between Terror War and Jail Babies

Austrian teens Samra Kesinovic, 17, and Sabina Selimovic, 15, left their homes in April to allegedly become ISIS brides in Raqqa, Syria. Now that they've been there for a little while—and reportedly gotten pregnant—they want to come home. Sadly, that might not be so easy.

When the girls first escaped to the Middle East via Turkey, they left a note for their parents which stated, "Don't look for us. We will serve Allah–and we will die for him." Now, according to a report in The Independent, the girls have contacted their parents through social media and expressed that they want to come home. The Austrian government isn't sure that will work.

When questioned about the girls' predicament by an Austrian paper, Karl-Heinz Grunboeck, a spokesman for the Austrian interior ministry, said, "The main problem is about people coming back to Austria. Once they leave, this is almost impossible."

The government isn't even sure if they're both still alive. Last month, The Telegraph reported that one of the two was possibly killed in fighting. Konrad Kugler, the director-general of public security for Austrian police, said, "The parents of the girl concerned have been informed that there is a risk that their daughter is dead." Alexander Marakovits, another spokesman for the Austrian interior ministry, added, "We also have this information, but cannot say with absolute certainty that it is true. But the parents have been informed their daughter could be dead."

Kesinovic and Selimovic have appeared in ISIS propaganda posts on Twitter holding guns. Austrian criminal lawyer Andreas Venier told The New York Post that if the girls do make it back home, they could be prosecuted:

Participation in a terrorist organization is a punishable offense in Austria which doesn't just mean standing on the front line and pulling the trigger, it also includes supporting or supplying information to the Islamic State in Syria or Iraq. If the girls are found to have been involved with the terror group, they could face a prison sentence of up to five years even as minors.

Selimovic and Kesinovic are not the only Westerners to face this predicament. At least 160 Austrian nationals and hundreds of other Europeans from France and Germany have joined ISIS fighters in Iraq and Syria. Weirdly enough, a lot of them are teen girls that ISIS recruited through social media.

[Photos via Interpol]

Thirsty, Thirsty Polar Bear Breaks Into Home, Chugs Seal Oil

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Thirsty, Thirsty Polar Bear Breaks Into Home, Chugs Seal Oil

A polar bear in Kaktovik, Alaska was caught rummaging in a homeowner's barrel of seal oil on Friday. The large bear was shooed away by a roving polar bear patrol crew. Hold up—what? Tell us more about that polar bear patrol part.

The town of 300 has a staff of part-time members who make sure to keep those enormous bears (with transparent fur!) in check. No pesky bears drinking up all the oil.

In this case, part-time polar bear patrol staffer Ruby Kaleak was called in to solve the problem. Via the Alaska Dispatch-News:

"We parked and looked all over for bears," Kaleak said. "I myself was about to jump out of the truck and go check inside the arctic entryway."

Just then, she saw a shadow. From inside the entryway, the head of a polar bear popped up. Its body filled the doorframe.

"I was shocked. It was humongous," Kaleak said. "Just the neck and head was half the size of me, and I'm 5 (feet) 2 (inches )."

The 81-year-old homeowner, Betty Brower, called to report the bear while she hid under a large window. Kaleak and her hero coworker were able to shoo the bear off, but not before the bear tried to get back in the house.

[Image via Alaska Dispatch-News]

What Do We Do With All These Empty Prisons?

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What Do We Do With All These Empty Prisons?

The U.S. incarceration rate has been on the decline for several years now. That's good. But now we have jails sitting empty all over the place. What do we do with these things?

The thoughts that immediately spring to mind, like "burn them down" or "throw them open to the homeless" or "use them to imprison those who prosecuted the War on Drugs for so long" all have their own drawbacks. Prisons are unique in that they cost a ton of money to build, but they're usually located way the hell out in the middle of nowhere, and they're not easily converted into something you'd want to spend time in. They are, perhaps, the worst possible real estate investment. Even dead malls and jaunty-roofed former Pizza Huts can usually find new, shabbier tenants. Prisons are just enormous, shiny boondoggles that serve as monuments to human misery. Not the easiest things to unload on the secondary market.

The Wall Street Journal has quite an interesting story on this phenomenon today. The only thing the story lacks is the magical resolution, where the problem is nicely wrapped up at the end. The problem is not wrapped up! Cities that built jails in anticipation of rising prison populations and instead found the prisoner pool shrinking are now casting around for how the hell to get rid of these things. Even the states that did manage to find buyers, the Journal says, only got back a fraction of what they spent to build the fucking things.

So, scattered around America we have various empty prisons, available cheap. What do we do with these things? I like the idea of using them for homeless shelters, but that would require some significant remodeling expenditures, because just ushering the homeless directly into prison cells is, perhaps, not all that gracious.

If only there were still enough roving ravers to make a prison rave club profitable.

Do you have any good ideas that are not bad jokes? Please share them.

[Photo: Flickr]

Pizza Hut Customer Says They Called Her "Pink Fat Lady" on a Receipt

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Pizza Hut Customer Says They Called Her "Pink Fat Lady" on a Receipt

A "plus size" Pizza Hut customer in Singapore says the company disrespected her when an employee referred to her as "Pink Fat Lady" on her takeout receipt.

"Just feel insulted. What's wrong being plus size? I'm a customer n I pay for my pizza!" wrote Aili Si on Facebook Sunday, under a photo of the receipt for two pizzas and the handwritten insult.

The Facebook post blew up overnight, and now has hundreds of comments, mostly from supporters of Pink Fat Lady. Pizza Hut Singapore also left its official response:

This definitely rocked us in our seats. That should not have happened at all and we feel that we cannot begin to appropriately apologise to you at this point, but we are, indeed, sorry for this. We're glad you brought this to our attention. Our team is keen on finding out further details of this incident in order to launch an investigation.

The company also left a corporate-speak apology on its own Facebook page, where the comments are not quite so supportive, telling Si that she deserved what she got and accusing her of fabricating the whole thing to score some free pizza.

[Photo: Facebook]

How to Make the Trendy New "Boilermaker" Drink the Times Wrote About

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How to Make the Trendy New "Boilermaker" Drink the Times Wrote About

The classic combo of a shot and a beer, known countrywide as "the only reason life is really worth living," was given a little shine by the New York Times this week. If you thought that tasty matchup had fallen out of favor, you were wrong*—and this time, it's been reinvented with an elegant (expensive) twist:

"Of course, we are a cocktail bar, so we approach everything in a nerdy cocktail way," Ms. David said. And so at Nitecap you can order the Well-Travelled Shorty, which matches a slug of aquavit with Blanche de Bruxelles, a Belgian ale. At Trick Dog, Tecate beer is set up with a shot of Mandarine Napoléon orange liqueur. And at Longman & Eagle in Chicago, which sells a different shot and beer every Monday, the local beer Off Color Troublesome has been chased with an ounce of Bësk, an intensely bitter wormwood liqueur made by a local distiller.

While we applaud writing up literally any trend as a way to prove that astrology is real, writing a styles piece about boilermakers (which I personally identify as citywides) is like writing a styles piece about the side of fries. Sure, there are places doing some fucked-up shit to them, but they didn't go anywhere! Look, here's a recipe:

  • one beer, any beer (found in trash, Heineken, whatever you can find)
  • one shot of whiskey, any kind of whiskey (from a water bottle, who cares)

Drink.

Fin.

*And have never been to a bar.

[Image via Shutterstock]

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