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Gwyneth Paltrow Secretly but Openly Dating a Guy Named Brad

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Gwyneth Paltrow Secretly but Openly Dating a Guy Named Brad

Sinewy stress dream Gwyneth Paltrow has been back on the market again after consciously uncoupling from Coldplay's Chris Martin. Martin's got J-Law now, so Gwyn is hooking up with a guy named Brad. Not Pitt. Allegedly.

According to Page Six, Paltrow has been sharing macrobiotic meals with American Horror Story and Glee producer Brad Falchuk. (Gwyn has guest-starred on Glee.) They are "openly dating, but behind closed doors," which means that "they go to private Hollywood parties together." Sure, whatever makes it exciting!

Let's take a look at this mystery rich guy, shall we?

Gwyneth Paltrow Secretly but Openly Dating a Guy Named Brad

Huh. Well, Page Six reports that the couple "spent time together over the summer in LA and the Hamptons, and went on a Utah vacation" after Paltrow and Martin split. And "rumors had also burbled before that Falchuk was regularly traveling to London to spend time with the Goop guru."

Recently, Paltrow was spotted touching Martin's face.

[Photos via Getty]


Less Than 1 Percent of America Could Flip the Senate Next Month

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Less Than 1 Percent of America Could Flip the Senate Next Month

Who is the proverbial 1 percent when it comes to elections in America? This year, it's maybe a tiny swath of rural conservative voters.

Republicans could take control of the U.S. Senate by winning the votes of roughly half a percent of all Americans in six sparsely populated, increasingly red states, according to this drive-by election analysis by Neil King Jr. on WSJ's Washington Wire blog:

Grabbing the Senate may not equal territorial gains for the GOP. Republicans could take the Senate by picking up seats in six of the most vulnerable states, assuming they hold what they have already: Arkansas, Alaska, Louisiana, Montana, South Dakota and West Virginia. But those states lean heavily to the right already; they gave Mitt Romney an average win margin of 19 points in 2012. (They also represent, by the way, 3.7% of the U.S. population.) So grabbing hold of the Senate via that path will mark a victory, and an important one, but it won't represent an inch of new territory for the GOP.

King points out that Republicans' easiest path to Senate control is basically to win over an already-friendly electorate in states that are collectively home to less than 4 percent of all Americans. But not everyone in those states will vote. Perhaps only half of registered voters in those states will turn out, and only a fraction of those who turn out will vote for the winners.

So, using the 2010 turnout and population totals in those states, I tried to estimate just how many voters there could flip the Senate. (My sources and methodology and many many many caveats for this back-of-the-napkin analysis are in the comments below.) It's not a lot.

Let's assume the Republican candidates in each of these races win with about 51 percent of the votes. It's a debatable assumption: Some may win bigger shares in head-to-head contests with Democrats, and some may squeak through with a bare plurality in three-way elections.

Nevertheless, on this model, those six Senate seats and control of the upper chamber of the legislative branch could be obtained with fewer than two million votes in those states, or roughly half a percent of all citizens of the U.S.

Here's a visualization of that:

Less Than 1 Percent of America Could Flip the Senate Next Month

As King and many other commentators (with better numbers and models than mine) point out, there are plenty of other ways the Republicans can win (or not win!) Senate control this year. The final voting results and composition of Congress may well look very different from this.

But this rundown is plausible—and it illustrates how the Senate not only privileges small states in the expected Madisonian way, but potentially grants vast power to a mere fraction of the populations of those states to change policy for all Americans—an outsized influence that Madison couldn't possibly have foreseen when setting up a largely homogenous, low-population, preindustrial, sparsely urbanized, slave-dependent 18th century experiment in republican governance.

Practically speaking, though, what would Republican control of the Senate mean in 2015? Not much. It isn't as if a Democratic Senate has accomplished a great deal in its business with an idiotic GOP-led House and a gear-grinding, foot-shooting presidential administration. Expect some anti-administration show trials, a government shutdown or three, a debt fight, an abysmal and unchanged minimum wage, a slashed safety net, and a circular firing squad of toxic recriminations. So, more of the same. At least until the 2016 elections or the Second Civil War, whichever comes first.

[Photo credit: AP Images]

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

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Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

We have been glued all week to the sub saga off the coast of Sweden, where six days in Swedish forces have only now called off their search for an elusive sub hiding in the waters off Stockholm. Yet what nobody has mentioned is just how deadly and capable Sweden's own subs are, and there are few better weapons for catching a sub than another sub.

Sweden's submarine force is relatively tiny, just five boats make up the entire inventory, but those five vessels are extremely stealthy and lethal, especially their three Gotland Class diesel-electric submarines. Entering service in the mid 1990s, the 1600 ton displacement Gotland Class was the first operational Air Independent Propulsion (AIP) submarines in the world, which gave them the previously unprecedented operational ability (for non-nuclear submarines at least) to stay submerged for weeks at a time.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

With performance once only within the realm of much more complex, expensive, larger and louder nuclear submarines, AIP technology is revolutionizing the accessibility of long diving and silent running submarine capabilities. There are now multiple AIP concepts out there, with fuel cell based systems being a popular choice as of late. Yet legendary ship builder Kockums was the first to market with their AIP system which utilizes advanced batteries that are charged by 75kw generators. These generators are run by a pair of diesel and liquid oxygen fueled Stirling Engines. The result of this unique, yet remarkably simple system is two weeks of submerged air independent propulsion while traveling at about 6mph. Oh, and Kockums' AIP system is virtually silent, even in comparison to multi-billion dollar nuclear powered boats that still have to pump high-volumes coolant to their reactors.

The Gotland Class can also act like a traditional diesel-electric submarine and run on its standard diesel engines while surfaced or snorkeling. It can also run on battery power alone, where it can hit speeds up to 20 knots submerged. The capability to patrol silently for weeks on AIP, run un-stealthily on its standard diesel engines, or rocket through the water for shorter periods on silent battery power alone, give the Gotland Class a certain tactical agility that is very hard for the enemy to predict.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

The Gotland Class measures 200 feet in length and are just over 20 feet in width. They are crewed with an incredibly lean compliment of 24 sailors and officers. These submariners are put through exhaustive psychological and physiological testing to make sure they can handle life aboard the small vessel.

As for weapons, these capable little submarines feature four 533mm torpedo tubes that can fire the time-tested and heavy hitting Bofors Underwater Systems Type 613 torpedoes. The "Torpedo 613" is an incredibly powerful anti surface ship weapon, packing a range of about 12 miles, an engagement speed of 40kts and a massive high-explosive warhead weighing in at nearly about 650lbs. A newer updated multi-role heavy torpedo that can be used against both surface and submarine targets is also carried by the Gotland Class, called the 'Torpedo 2000.' This cutting edge weapon has double the range of the Torpedo 613, although less raw explosive power. Sixteen 533mm class torpedoes can be carried at any given time about the HMS Gotland and her two sisters ships.

The Gotland Class is also equipped with a pair of 400mm tubes that are used by the maneuverable Saab Bofors Underwater Systems Type 43X2 lightweight multi-role torpedo. Each tube can hold two of these versatile and compact torpedoes at one time.

What makes this small and quiet sub even more deadly is her combat management system which is truly state of the art and is said to feature an incredibly user friendly interface. During a single attack, the system can guide multiple torpedoes at once, which can result in more than a mission kill for even very large naval combatants like aircraft carriers, with each torpedo striking in a different section of the hull if ordered to do so.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

Her sensor suite is provided by Atlas Elektronik and is also extremely capable and fully integrated into the boat's combat management system. A bow mounted cylindrical sonar array, intercept array, conformal passive sonar arrays on her sides, electronic service measures and a radar detection, classification and homing suite made by Thales and known as 'Manta' rounds out the ship's primary sensor fit. The whole combat system interface is constantly being upgraded and new sensors can be added with relative ease as needed.

Mine warfare is also a major part of the Gotland Class's mission. They can deploy Saab Bofors Underwater Systems stand-off self-deployed Mine 42, which can travel autonomously for miles before descending to the sea floor. There it can lie in wait for a target ship or submarine to pass by, and will then activate and prosecute an attack autonomously. This unpredictable and 'smart' mine can also detonate or deactivate itself after a certain period of time. Additionally, the Gotland can carry up to 48 traditional mines externally.

Maneuverability was a key factor in the Gotland Class design and this manifests itself in the boat's "X" shaped tailplane structure. This unique design provides four independent maneuvering surfaces at its stern and is tied to another two planes mounted on the boat's sail. These control surfaces, combined with the sub's advanced and highly automated control system, allows for incredibly tight turns, dives and ascensions even in very close quarters, such as in shallow littoral environments. Due to the boat's size, automation and maneuverability, the Gotland Class has been described as the F-16 Viper of the undersea combat world.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

The Gotland Class hull was specifically designed for high efficiency while producing a very low noise signature and it is coated with sonar deadening materials. She also carries a series of electromagnets to counteract her magnetic signature and can short circuit very low frequency fields on command. Her sail is also covered with radar absorbent material and designers are said to have gone through great lengths masking the boat's infrared signature even when surfaced. On her interior, every piece of machinery is mounted on a series of rubber acoustic and vibration deadening buffers so as to minimize the accumulation of noise emanating from the craft's various mechanical subsystems.

As the Gotland and her two sister ships, the HMS Uppland and HMS Halland, matured into highly capable operational attack and reconnaissance boats, they began taking part in international exercises. In 2000 they traveled to the Mediterranean for a large multi-national training event where they astonished participating countries by remaining virtually undetected throughout the exercise while actively surveying and shadowing opposing forces. In some cases they sat undetected for long periods of time while visibly observing submarine hunting activities on the decks of 'enemy' frigates and destroyers.

The Gotland Class boats then participated in open-ocean exercises in the Atlantic where they trounced much more advanced Spanish, French and US players, including a French nuclear fast attack sub and the American Los Angeles Class SSN, the USS Houston.

Other exercises soon followed and the little Gotland Class boats continued to be a very lethal force to reckon with. By the mid 2000s, other countries were starting to field or develop AIP capable diesel-electric submarines, including Russia and especially China. Since the US Navy had retired its last diesel-electric (non-AIP) attack submarine in 1990, the USS Blueback (now a local resident here at Oregon's Museum of Science & Industry) there was no indigenous force to practice hunting down diesel-electric subs, yet alone ones with advanced AIP capabilities. Thus the US Navy went to Sweden hat in hand in hopes of leasing one of their ninja-like Gotland Class boats, and its crew, for a year. The Swedish sub would be playing the adversary to America's massive constellation of anti-submarine surface combatants, helicopters, fixed wing aircraft, and especially nuclear submarines. The Swedes granted this request and the Gotland was shipped to San Diego aboard a mobile drydock.

By mid summer of 2005 the Gotland arrived in San Diego and war games immediately commenced. Apparently the Navy got more than they were bargaining for when it came to finding and engaging the stealthy little sub. The Gotland virtually "sunk" many US nuclear fast attack subs, destoryers, frigates, cruisers and even made it into the 'red zone' beyond the last ring of anti-submarine defenses within a carrier strike group. Although it was rumored she got many simulated shots off on various US super-carriers, one large-scale training exercise in particular with the then brand new USS Ronald Reagan ended with the little sub making multiple attack runs on the super-carrier, before slithering away without ever being detected.

One contact of mine within the anti-submarine community said that the Gotland was the single biggest eye opener of their career, the little Swedish sub was "so silent it literally did not exist to our sensors." Apparently the Swedish crew knew exactly how to employ her strengths to devastating effects as that same contact described the sub as "a vastly demoralizing capability that changed the priorities within the surface and sub-surface warfare communities."

Once the first year of the lease ran out, the Navy quickly arranged another year on the contract to sort through tactics as to how to deal with this proliferating and unassuming yet deadly threat. It wasn't until mid 2007 that the Gotland finally loaded up on its mobile drydock and headed back to its home on the Baltic Sea.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

Fast forward the better part of a decade and AIP submarines, some more advanced than the Gotland Class, are prowling the seas and littorals around the globe. Seeing as these boats cost millions, instead of billions of dollars, they are potentially a fairly cheap way of shattering shipping in key global waterways, or even stalking coastlines for soft targets such as ships in port, not to mention having the potential of taking on some of most capable anti-submarine forces in the world.

After fighting multiple land wars in the deserts of Iraq and mountains of Afghanistan for a decade and half, America's anti submarine warfare capability had atrophied. Today there is a push within the Navy to make it a high priority once again, especially after the lessons learned during the Gotland's time as a opposing force aggressor and the rise of China's nuclear ballistic submarine force. New tactics and technologies are quietly being applied to combat these cheap but potentially disastrous underwater stalkers, although it seems like it will still be some time until the Navy has the threat under any sort of control.

The success and proliferation of these relatively inexpensive but highly capable diesel-electric AIP boats also invites the question- why doesn't America have any? Considering that we are facing a submarine shortage as even the cost-cutting Virginia Class nuclear fast attack submarines are just too expensive to build and operate ($2.7B per Virginia Class SSN) in numbers large enough to meet tasking demands, buying some advanced AIP diesels-electric boats off the shelf may be a suitable solution for filling at least a portion of this looming 'submarine gap.'

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

The German-built and Israeli operated improved Dolphin Class submarine, based on the successful Type 209/212 boats, cost about half a billion dollars each, meaning we could purchase 5 for every Virginia Class SSN. Even with American modifications, at say $750M per boat, that equals 3.6 boats per every Virginia Class SSN.

For forward deployed operations, buying a few dozen of these incredibly capable AIP boats may not only make sense monetarily and quantitatively, to up our hull numbers of attack and surveillance subs, but it could also drastically increase our presence in key hot spots around the globe. Because they are not nuclear, America could forward deploy a large portion of such a fleet to friendly nations.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

Southeast Asia and the increasingly volatile South China Sea, comes to mind as an especially ideal place to base even a portion of a theoretical American Dolphin Class or enhanced Gotland Class sub force. Currently we have a Littoral Combat Ship deployed to Singapore, and Japan and Northern Australia may be future ports for these and other ships. Pairing the LCS's capabilities with an AIP capable diesel electric submarine makes incredible sense, especially if that Littoral Combat Ship were equipped with the anti-submarine warfare mission package. They could fight and spy as a team, and the LCS could act as a bunker and supply ship for its super efficient AIP capable submarine partner. This would drastically increase the LCS's utility and effectiveness, and it would give these lightly armed and ambiguous ships a clear purpose and mission set to work from.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

The incredible capability of Sweden's Gotland Class subs, especially in 'brown water' littoral environments, also brings us back to the peculiar search for a mystery sub just miles from Stockholm. Although Sweden lacks a large anti-submarine force, and especially an aerial contingent, they do have their incredible Gotland Class subs, yet nobody has even mentioned their existence during this whole ordeal. Sometimes the very best way to catch a robber is by asking another robber where they would strike next and how they would go about doing so, and in this case, if there truly was a foreign submarine in Sweden's territorial midst, catching it with another submarine may very well make the most sense.

Seeing as the HMS Gotland can sneak its way through many miles and layers of anti-submarine defenses surrounding a US super-carrier, entering literally the most defended and highly surveyed area in the world, one would think sneaking up on a Russian midget sub would be well within Sweden's stealthy sub's repertoire.

Then again, maybe they actually have been hard at work over the last six days of the search as they still would have at least another week before they would even have to come up for air. The same can be said for Russia's new AIP submarine designs, the active Lada Class and the upcoming Amur Class. And that is just the problem, not only are AIP boats so hard to detect, but they are also relatively cheap, and will give friendly and enemy states alike a resurgent clandestine subsurface capability.

With this in mind, I doubt that Sweden's wild goose chase will be the last one of its kind for some time. As this technology spreads we will probably see more and more news about "foreign objects"suspected to be operating closely off friendly shores.

Sweden Has A Sub That's So Deadly The US Navy Hired It To Play Bad Guy

Pictures via US Navy, Swedish Navy, SAAB/public domain.

Tyler Rogoway is a defense journalist and photographer who maintains the website Foxtrot Alpha for Jalopnik.com You can reach Tyler with story ideas or direct comments regarding this or any other defense topic via the email address Tyler@Jalopnik.com

But What Does Heidi Montag Think About Renée Zellweger?

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But What Does Heidi Montag Think About Renée Zellweger?

In all the talk about pictures of Renée Zellweger, and how we shouldn't be talking about pictures of Renée Zellweger, one voice had been noticeably absent: Spencer Pratt's. Unfortunately, Spencer Pratt still hasn't spoken publicly about any pictures of Renée Zellweger. His wife did, though!

Heidi Montag spoke to Extra about recent photos of Renée on Thursday night:

"I don't know if Renee Zellweger just aged like she said, I don't really know. For me, when I see people who look totally different, I have an empathy. I feel like I know why at least I did it, and it kind of brings it back to that time in my life. It's just, I feel for them."

The "it" Heidi is referring to is plastic surgery—she famously ("famously") underwent 10 plastic surgery procedures in a single day in 2010, which she later publicly regretted. She continued:

"I hope it's the right decision for them. I hope they feel good about it. That's the most important thing. My heart goes out them and I think like, 'Why did you do that? Are you happy with it?' It's a hard life-changing decision when anyone does it. Obviously, they're unhappy with something. I hope that they [find] their happiness."

...

"Not only are you getting the criticism from the world and blogs and people, everybody says negative things… it's harder than it's ever been to be in the public eye. You have to be tougher. You have to have really thick skin."

True, if unnecessary and somewhat hard to follow, words from Heidi Montag.

We hope that they [find] their happiness, too. Please tell Spencer Pratt we're awaiting his response.

[image via Getty]

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

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The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

So far, because there are only three of them, it's easy to feel reassured that those potentially and actually infected with Ebola in New York are in safe quarantine. Bellevue insists it had a biohazard protocol all ready and waiting; there is nothing to worry about.

Historically, the public has not always found such reassurances entirely reassuring.

For example: In the summer of 1892, there was a cholera outbreak in Hamburg, Germany. The news from abroad was very grim, as the Chicago Daily Tribune was only too happy to tell its readers:

No adequate idea of the situation in this plague-stricken city is furnished by the meager and false reports of the ravages of cholera given out by the authorities. Yesterday's record, as officially stated, made it appear that the pestilence had materially abated. As a matter of fact there were more than 800 fresh cases yesterday and 300 deaths. Tonight's task for the grave-diggers numbers 320 corpses...

It is no longer possible to move the sick to hospitals. Only those stricken in public places are promptly taken to the lazaretto. Hundreds are dying of the pestilence in their homes.

This is not totally unlike the reports we have been hearing from Liberia and Sierra Leone and Guinea all summer. And of course the American press, regardless, was chiefly worried about whether the tragedy would cross the Atlantic.

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

But in late August, Hamburg's plague made it to New York by way of a steamship called the Moravia, which, the San Francisco Chronicle breathlessly reported,

bore the sorry cargo of death and danger from the city which is now overwhelmed by the epidemic, a slow oil tub which made no pretense of carrying cabin passengers, but brought 300 emigrants, foul and undesirable offscourings of Russia, Poland and Hesse-Darmstadt.

She had been thirteen days making the passage — a significant number — and in that time twenty children and two adults, shut up in her foul and loathsome steerage, had met death at the hands of the Asiatic demon.

(It was called the Asiatic demon, this bout of cholera, in part because the outbreak was believed to have roots in Constantinople as well. As others have pointed out, panic over infectious disease often goes hand in hand with racism in human history.)

At first the ship's doctor tried to lie about the deaths during the voyage, the Chronicle reported, but eventually he had to fess us. The passengers and crew were sent off to Hoffman's island to be "attacked with the strongest irrigation and disinfectants." The same approach was taken to the ship itself, and after its thorough scrubbing all the passengers were returned there while New York authorities figured out what the hell to do with them.

President Benjamin Harrison called his cabinet together and the freakout became a national thing. He ordered a 20-day quarantine "against immigrant steamships."

New York's health officials of the time urged calm. Cholera, they said, was not as contagious as people thought. One Dr. Talmadge (no first name given) issued a statement:

It cannot be too distinctly understood that cholera cannot be taken through the air. It is not in the air. The only way to get the disease is to take the germs into the stomach or bowels either with the food or through the medium of contaminated water. The germs must be swallowed in some way or you cannot have cholera.

But paranoia was spreading anyway. One Lower East Side doctor was sure he'd found two cases on Orchard Street:

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

But he turned out to be wrong. Two days later, under the header of "FALSE ALARM," the Tribune would report that they simply had diarrhea.

One S.B. Halliday, of Brooklyn, responded to the panic by writing a stern letter to the editor of the New York Tribune (there was no Twitter, after all) telling people not to worry. He had been through the cholera epidemic in New York in 1832, and had learned a few things. He had nine points to convey. Points five through seven were particularly pithy:

Fifth — My impression is that comparatively few temperate, well-behaved, and provident persons were victims of the scourge, and should there be another visitation I am sure there would be a like result; such have no occasion for alarm.

Sixth — My father's family of eight persons remained in the city during the entire season, not leaving it for a single day. The only precaution taken was to abstain from articles of food which were proscribed; and yet no one of the family had a single cholera symptom. We had no fear, and were as cheerful as in ordinary times.

Seventh — To give way to alarm, fear and dread is most hurtful. Cheerfulness is a wonderful preventative.

There is no record of whether this advice was conveyed to any of the passengers of the Moravia.

By the second of September, 1892, the Moravia had been joined in its quarantine by several other ships whose passengers had been flagged at a quarantine screening station on Staten Island. The affected ships hung out in Lower New York Bay together waiting to see if anyone would get sick. Eventually, people did.

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

Of course, no public health crisis has ever passed through the United States without being leveraged by someone for political gain. New York's chief health official, a Tammany protégé named Dr. William Jenkins, began to give belligerent statements to the press about how he intended to keep the ships in quarantine as long as was necessary. He claimed he was not totally required to rely on the President's 20-day order and could do as he pleased.

In response, Washington began to make its own belligerent statements about protecting the American public from the invading scourge.. Here, for example, was one headline in the Washington Post on September 3, 1892:

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

The article accompanying it assured everyone the federal government was trying to handle the situation.

Meanwhile the San Francisco Chronicle was reporting that aboard the affected ships, a certain amount of worry and insubordination was setting in:

It is a well-established principle of medicine that in every epidemic of this kind more people are killed by fear than by cholera. Well, now for the first time since they left Hamburg these men and women are beginning to be afraid. A tropical storm does not come up more quickly than a panic among these emigrants from Eastern Europe...

Two of the Moravia's sailors are reported to have thrown themselves overboard Friday night and swam ashore to Long Island. There is neither confirmation nor denial of this rumor.

Over the course of the next several days the papers reported new cholera deaths aboard three of the vessels. Dr. Jenkins continued to make noises about how he wasn't necessarily bound by any Presidential order. A new vessel arrived with 32 active cases of cholera. There was agitation about the unending news of death aboard these ships.

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

The Governor of New York at the time gave up the ghost and bought a portion of Fire Island, on the South Beach, which was relatively isolated from the other inhabitants. There was already a resort hotel and several cottages on the property. (Herman Melville had actually written Billy Budd in that hotel.)

The cost was reported anywhere between $210,000 and $250,000. Cabin passengers on one of the affected ships, the Normannia, were allowed to convalesce there. Steerage passengers, meanwhile, would be quarantined in less exalted quarters at Sandy Hook, N.J.

Unfortunately, as I said, there were people already living on Fire Island at the time. They resisted with force, reported the press:

Most of them were fishers and clammers in the great South bay. They aregued that their business was about to be ruined, and they swore that they would commit almost any manner of crime rather than permit it. They swooped down on the Fire Island beach in their little cat boats like a fleet of Malay pirated bent on loot or blood. They would resent with force, they said, the landing of any passengers from an infected ship. If it were necessary they would burn down the hotel just purchased by the Government, and if it had not been for the watchfulness of President Wilson and his newspaper allies, that ramshackle building would have been in ashes ere this. It was a small rebellion but a fierce one.

The Governor appeared in New York and got things under control. But local government was never very happy with the arrangement.

And yet it turned out that while all of this was going on, cholera had already arrived in Manhattan. Though officials did not tell the press about it for a couple of weeks, five cholera patients had died in New York hospitals. Almost all were from the tenements.

There were no outbreaks on Fire Island, but those who had been transferred to Camp Low, in Sandy Hook, saw an outbreak. Because the incubation period for cholera was relatively short, though, by the end of a month officials were declaring the crisis over:

The Way We Used to Quarantine in New York

Cholera continued to rage on in Europe until 1896; Dr. Jenkins, protected by his Tammany friends, eventually moved on from the health board. What exactly happened to the passengers once they were all released from quarantine and on dry land is, meanwhile, anyone's guess.

The property the State of New York had purchased on Fire Island became a state park. The hotel was sold off and carted away on barges. Now you may visit the site as Robert Moses State Park.

Listen Up Philip and Other Men at Their Wits' End: NYFF Dispatch Four

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Listen Up Philip and Other Men at Their Wits' End: NYFF Dispatch Four

Film writers Fariha Roísín and Sara Black McCulloch are covering the New York Film Festival this year as a series of conversations about the festival and its programming. The fourth dispatch includes Alex Ross Perry's Listen Up Philip, Alejandro G. Iñárritu's Birdman and Laura Poitras' Citizenfour.

Sara: Hello again, and welcome to the final NYFF dispatch! We know the festival ended over a week ago, but there were some other films we wanted to discuss that didn't make it into our initial festival coverage. Again, as always, there will be spoilers.

In this dispatch, we'll be discussing Alex Ross Perry's Listen Up Philip, which stars Jason Schwartzman as Philip Lewis Friedman, a self-involved, self-deprecating, etc. etc. novelist. And while this sounds like a portrait of the artist as a young asshole feature—wait, because the story also focuses on a person in Philip's much-neglected outer world: his photographer girlfriend, Ashley (played by Elisabeth Moss). The film focuses more on the consequences Philip faces, but it's also a touchstone of all the ways to alienate every single person in one's life.

We also have Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) by Alejandro G. Iñárritu. Riggan Thomson (played by Michael Keaton) is one-time superhero (hello, Keaton-Batman) who is trying to freshen up his image.

Finally, we have Laura Poitras' Citizenfour, a compelling documentary about privacy, power, press freedom, and paranoia. Poitras chronicles the events leading up the revelation of Edward Snowden's identity. It discusses the ethics of exposing the truth. It's a more in depth look at the many ways both media and government brand and pursue whistleblowers.

So, Fariha, let's begin with Listen Up Philip, which sparked a lot of emotions.

Fariha: Oh man, I loved this movie so much, which was really surprising to me. I think part of the reason it resonated was because there seemed to be a self-awareness to the writing, and to the characterization of Philip. I haven't watched Perry's last film, The Color Wheel in a while, but I remember that I didn't like it as much. Despite that, it must be said, that as a writer, Perry is charming. He has a great ability to create flowing dialogue, which is definitely a part of why his films are so endearing to watch; the conversations are organic and languid. I loved the banter in this film, like when Philip meets up with ex-girlfriend for lunch, and he has a copy of his latest novel—Obidant—and he's just sitting there emphasizing all the great things that are happening in his life, and his ex says, "It sounds like you're bragging," and he cuts in, with perfect timing, and responds with a deadened: "That's because I am." It was moments like that that made this film so enjoyable.

I know you and I have come across men like Philip countless times, especially being writers, and it seemed to be both a caricature of this misanthropic man-child who's incapable of expressing his emotions, stifled by jealousy and greed, and yet also someone who inevitably wants human connection and is constantly seeking validation. Philip is bright and manipulative, but he's aware of both of those things, and there's a charm to his self-hatred that I found surprising. Usually, men like Philip are the bane of my existence—both in art and IRL. But there's the sadness of his character that overrode the frustration of him.

Also, of course, his acerbic qualities were balanced out so beautifully by his girlfriend, Ashley, and also the supporting female characters—Melanie (Krysten Ritter) and Yvette (Joséphine de La Baume). Ashley has agency, and in fact, I felt, the movie was sort of cut in half by her trauma and struggles of being a person on the other side of Philip's incapabilities of being a good boyfriend and partner. She's juxtaposed against the darkness of Philip, cutting through his self-obsessed nature, showing that behind every mean-spirited New York writer, there's a very cool, together girlfriend.

Ross proves that having these Philip Roth male-centric stories also benefits from having a female voice. Ashley's integral to the movement of the story, in fact if she wasn't a part of this framework, this narrative wouldn't have been so powerful, or endearing.

Sara: It was wonderful indulging in a film like this because in real life, you rarely get to see the repercussions of someone's shitty behavior—or at least the full spectrum of consequences. The only truly honest thing about him is just how open he is about making everyone around him miserable. This is also a film about talented, successful men (institutionally successful and talented) who justify their shitty behavior with their talent.

Here's what I thought was so genius about casting Schwartzman: Philip would have been so much more insufferable if he had been played by someone else, I think. With Schwartzman, we get comedic pause—we can't help but laugh at him sometimes. I mean, even at the beginning of the film, I couldn't figure out if Philip was joking or if he meant the horrible things he was saying and I think a lot of this has to do with Schwartzman. Also, Philip is a terrible boyfriend and overall human person, but there's this side of Ashley that ignites when she finally realizes she doesn't have to put up with Philip's bullshit. She can change the locks and move on and walk away from this relationship. And that's the hardest part for any woman moving on: just being like "CAN YOU NOT"; just ignoring those empty, supposedly romantic gestures/attempts to rekindle something the dude abandoned in the first place.

Fariha: Which is what makes this film so powerful, and ultimately, what adds to the lasting legacy of it. I was enthralled because there was this truly insightful look into how devastating the end of a relationship is (whether Ross does this purposefully, you can't know, but I appreciate it nonetheless) for a woman, and how when Ashley moves on—when she dares move on—it's only due to her own resilience; there is no other factor. That really resonated with me. Philip still wants to be apart of Ashley's life, and yet he provides no reason, or incentive. He's cheating on her with another woman, but he manipulatively wants her there, to coddle him, to allow him to feel amidst his vapidity. Thing is—men like Philip are ostensibly intelligent. They lack emotional foresight which therein clouds their ability to truly be sentient human beings. Their intelligence isn't layered, it's just boastful and tainted with bravado—that's it!

New York is filled with intellectuals like Philip, these men with hot girlfriends that are fucking their students, or their girlfriend's best friends, because the world is theirs, they have nothing to want for, so they never try to appease anybody else. So the characterization of Philip, and the honesty was a very profound portrait of this man-child phenomenon, and I think the complexities of having these other story lines—even Ike (Jonathan Pryce)—was a re-telling of outward success, and how the singular pursuit of that generally diminishes or trumps one's ability to be a better, well-rounded human being. Ike's tale is a cautionary one, and there's this sense, even though it ends with Philip smiling (amidst scowls) amongst a crowd, his callowness is his downfall. I liked how the narration juxtaposed him and his cocky demeanor. Philip is alone. The end. The denouement was hilarious and satisfactory.

Sara: I also loved the book covers designed by Teddy Blanks—I mean the titles of these books: Madness and Women, Some People are Decent, Obidant, or Too Much Everything. This film is about male writing or the male novelist as an institution (or personal brand, in Philip's case). For instance with Obidant—Philip's new book—the title is set in clouds, an obvious reference to David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest.

But like you've mentioned, we get this longstanding tradition of writing, with a set trajectory: write a critically acclaimed first novel, write your second novel, retreat to the woods, and teach creative writing at a university. Ike spells this out to Philip countless times, telling him that this is what he, too, did. And yet, as you say, Ike is a cautionary tale and Ike's daughter, Melanie (played by Krysten Ritter), tells him so; she explains how difficult it was growing up with a father like Ike. Ike feeds the ego and he ultimately encourages Philip's downfall.

Fariha: I love how we were able to dissect the portrait of the male novelist.

But moving on—because we were overwhelmed by films at NYFF (which is the best film festival, actually, I love this festival so much) we decided that it'd be better if we each, separately, talked about two different films and their impact on us. I'll start with Iñárritu's Birdman which was just so phenomenal. Seriously, what a brilliant film. Firstly, it was such a viewing experience, so kudos to Iñárritu—Biutiful is actually one of favorite films, and there's the seminal Amores Perros—but Birdman is a completely different animal to even his critically acclaimed movies such as 21 Grams, or Babel.

The directing itself is outstanding, the essentially "one shot" perspective (as in it was made to look like one shot the whole time when it was probably around fifteen shots) was really cinematically powerful. You're watching a play within a play, but it's not as dark as Synecdoche, New York, it's playful and fun and the lighting of the film is infused with stage lighting, so it feels like you're actually on the set yourself.

I loved the casting of Michael Keaton—this once-powerhouse of an actor—playing this somewhat depraved and crazed ex-superstar mimicking Keaton's real life trajectory. Ultimately, having an actor that once played Batman in a huge Hollywood franchise, added a comedic layer that really benefited the story. Keaton's Riggan Thomson is famous because of his portrayal of Birdman, a similar franchise to what Batman was, so it seemed like such a real life portrait of sadness and malaise, quelled constantly by Thomson's outward ego, quite literally Birdman (the deep-voiced thoughts in his head)—a man that is dormant inside of him; the trapped voice of a superhero. Birdman is a rumination of personhood and self-worth in an industry that doesn't really emphasize either. Essentially, once you're a movie star, like Birdman, you are a series of numbers and dollars, your worth is contingent upon how much you can bring in at the box office, and yet, as crazy as that is—Thomson wants that, again. He wants to be relevant again—monetarily, and culturally. This is heavy, but there's such a lightness that exists within the dialogue that truly makes it enjoyable.

Thomson thinks that he can be Birdman again if he directs a play and absolves himself. So, he decides to adapt the Raymond Carver short story "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" to push his career into a respectable zone. Zach Galifianakis, who plays Jake, his best friend and producer, explains that they're not having much luck with casting a big lead, so essentially they're screwed. Jake explains that Woody Harrelson is doing another Hunger Games, Michael Fassbender is on X-Men duty, and Robert Downey Jr. is Iron Man, so they get Mike Shiner, played by Edward Norton—a cocky big name actor. The fights that ensue between Shiner and Thomson are priceless.

I take this film for what it was—an enjoyable cinematic tale, tying in the complexities of the human condition—as in a lack of self worth, and a desire to be better—amidst great sacrifice. It's also a meditation on the idea of celebrity. There's a scene where Thomson is smoking outside, and the stage door locks him out. He has to walk into Times Square to re-enter the theatre, but there's a hesitation—he's essentially naked because his robe was caught on the door, also. So, he becomes a circus act, he's in his underwear, looks devastatingly #overit as he walks through crowds of tourists that are Vining, Instagramming and Tweeting his on-the-edge-of-it-breakdown. Within the hour there are over hundred thousand views on YouTube of his meltdown, and again we see that he's just a commodity. How much money can his celebrity accrue? Birdman is a truly magnificent film. It's a box-office hit that will also ask a lot of questions about What We Talk About When We Talk About Ourselves—as it should.

Sara: This has been a bit of a theme at festival. You saw Maps to the Stars, which also dealt more with people driven by the wrong things (celebrity and fame, for example)—how did this compare to Maps to the Stars? Did it all?

Fariha: Maps to the Stars, as much as I love David Cronenberg, wasn't my favorite—nor did it encapsulate "celebrity" in the way Birdman did. It was definitely about "celebrities" but more a polarized look at them—there wasn't as much weakness, or humanity. And even though Havana Segrand (Julianne Moore) is a lot like Riggan Thompson, a washed up celebrity, hoping to get another big foot in the door—she's vindictive as opposed to just pathetic. That's about as far as the similarities went.

Citizenfour kind of focuses on celebrity, but a different kind. Edward Snowden is definitely my kind of hero. How was Laura Poitras' portrait of the whistleblower, Sara?

Sara: Citizenfour begins with an email. "Laura, at this stage I can offer nothing more than my word. I am a senior government employee in the intelligence community. I hope you understand that contacting you is extremely high risk. For now, know that every border you cross, every purchase you make, every call you dial, every cell phone tower you pass, friend you keep, site you visit and subject line you type is in the hands of a system whose reach is unlimited, but whose safeguards are not."

The most frequent scenes in Citizenfour involve members of this system (the Obama administration) constantly denying any surveillance programs or snooping. And right after the Snowden (Citizenfour) leak, these authorities—along with many media outlets—begin calling Snowden a terrorist and traitor. This is emblematic of what Poitras achieves so subtly and perfectly in her documentary: how the government can illegally access people's data, emails, etc. etc. but hackers and whistleblowers are condemned and prosecuted for releasing very important information hidden from the public. So this becomes an exploration, too, of how the media breaks stories, but also how the government twists these stories. The truth, essentially, is in flux.

And Snowden is so aware of this. One of his primary concerns—right after releasing the documents—is how much he doesn't want to orchestrate how the information is shared or disseminated. He repeatedly tells Glenn Greenwald that it's up to him to figure out what he wants to focus on and how he wants to present this information to the public. He reiterates how much he wants to hold off going public because he wants the public to focus on the hidden information, not him. He knows that it will eventually be about him once he's found out. Even when Poitras begins filming his coming out video, he keeps asking Greenwald just how much he should reveal about himself.

Snowden is either an unsung hero or a snitch—the focus has always been on his moral character, but no matter what you think of him, the attention has been moved away from the government's actions. This is a chance to once again focus on Snowden, but from a different perspective. As much as this film was supposed to cover Snowden and breaking the story, I found that we also got more insight into how the government deflects public attention away from its own actions. This isn't a new theme in documentaries, but I think with whistleblowers and hackers, they're often portrayed unfavorably despite doing exactly what the government does. And a lot of times, the government uses those same practices it condemns to knock down people's doors, etc. You're left wondering about the state of privacy, but also just what constitutes the truth these days.

Fariha: And, ultimately, what they are doing is providing transparency, that's all. Whistleblowers like Snowden are not even using this information to corrupt, or blackmail, they're doing this to create, and safeguard, a so-called democracy—so that we are educated about the goings on of a government that supposedly represents us. I'd been waiting for this documentary for so long, and I'm glad that Poitras was able to make it, despite the risks that she took, and the discrimination she experienced just because she wanted to question the accountability of the United States government. It's so interesting how America purports freedom of speech when it's used to their advantage—like hate speech, for instance—and yet people who criticize the government are shut down, dismantled, and/or forced to disappear. I'm reading an Emma Goldman biography right now, and the experiences she had as an anarchist are so similar to what Snowden, or Chelsea Manning, or Julian Assange have had to experience by speaking out—such as the denigration of their faces in the media, being categorized as anti-American just because they dare speak up. But what these three people remind us, I think, is that democracy is voice, it's speech—it's also fairness. They question: are we doing enough?

Resolutely, the answer is no.

What affected you most about this film?

Sara: There are all the measures Snowden goes through to ensure security and to protect his identity and location—at one point, he puts this blanket over his head (in order to prevent his webcam from being turned on), and Greenwald just laughs and makes a comment about how paranoid Snowden is. Snowden then unplugs the phone to his Hong Kong hotel room (again, Greenwald thinks this is excessive), but then all of a sudden, the fire alarm goes off. They don't know if the NSA has been tracking them by phone or the hotel's front desk, and they all start to panic. It could also be a fire and there's a chance that if Snowden leaves his room, he'll be found out. So there's this moment where the fire alarm is going off and you realize that maybe what we consider paranoid is—because of everything he's seen—really just caution for Snowden. This could just be a series of random events that, when contextualized give it more power than it actually has, but I don't know, the minute Snowden plugs in his phone, the alarm stops. He phones the front desk and asks if it was just a routine fire alarm check and they tell him yes, yes it was. Greenwald is clearly spooked and I wonder if this is when he realized just what he was getting himself into. There's so much more about Snowden we don't know—right down to the many other things he must know or have seen—so you're kind of just left there wondering.

Fariha: Right! That's what's so scary about this whole world of intelligence, there's so much left in the dark.

Okay, so that's it—the end of our NYFF dispatches! We hoped you liked them as much as we loved attending and writing about this festival. Until next time.

[Image via AP]

"Loan Sharknado" Is the Most Cringeworthy Political Ad This Year

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"Loan Sharknado" Is the Most Cringeworthy Political Ad This Year

The Michigan Republican Party is now the proud owner of the worst weather-themed political ad ever created. The party released a painfully cheesy thirty-second spot last week calling the Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate a "loan sharknado." It's so bad that it's uncomfortable to watch.

The ad, which appears to have been done by a high school freshman as extra credit, asserts that the campaign run by Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Gary Peters is funded by a convicted felon connected to "a loan shark ring run by an international gangster."

CNN reports that the ad refers to Xhafer Laho, a man who was recently sentenced to four years in prison for his involvement in a loan shark scheme. Laho contributed more than $6,000 to Peters' campaigns over the past couple of years—all of which has been returned or donated by Peters, a spokesperson told CNN.

Gary Peters, a Democratic congressman who currently represents Michigan's 14th District, is soundly leading his Republican rival by double-digits according to the latest Real Clear Politics average. Peters is so widely expected to win that national Republicans have given up on the race and moved their financial resources to more hotly-contested Senate seats elsewhere.http://thevane.gawker.com/a-sharknado-wi...

Syfy recently announced that the third installment in the Sharknado series will ravage cities from Washington D.C. to Orlando, so this likely won't be the last cheesy political foray into the Z-list movie business. The movie will air next summer.

[Image: Michigan GOP via YouTube]


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David Gregory Now Follows "Redbone Booty" on Twitter (NSFW)

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David Gregory Now Follows "Redbone Booty" on Twitter (NSFW)

David Gregory, according to his bio, is a husband, a father and a journalist. He is also a man. A man who recently followed @sexc_body23—aka Redbone Booty—on Twitter. "I love Girls Booty!" says Redbone Booty, and so does David Gregory.

Redbone Booty hasn't tweeted since April 23, but here is a small and very NSFW sampling of the kind of stuff David Gregory is hoping will pop up in his Twitter feed any day now.

David Gregory Now Follows "Redbone Booty" on Twitter (NSFW)

A perfect @nprnews chaser, don't you think?

[images via Twitter]


How Much a Bottle of Whiskey Costs in Every State

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How Much a Bottle of Whiskey Costs in Every State

It is Friday, which means it is an excellent day for a whiskey drink. Inspired by The Awl's quest to catalog the cost of cigarettes in every state, we decided to hunt down the price of a bottle of liquor in every state so you can know exactly how much more or less that stiff pour is costing you than neighboring imbibers.

I chose Jack Daniels because it is the most American of spirits. I chose a fifth (750 ML) because it is the most common size for a bottle of liquor.

The cheapest I found: You can score a fifth of Jack for $15.99 in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

The most expensive I found: For some reason a fifth of Jack costs $35.00 from a liquor store in Juneau, Alaska. That is even more than Canadian prices! (A bottle of JD costs $33.95 CDN at LCBOs in Toronto. That's approximately $30.27 USD.)

Here's the complete list, arranged by price:

  1. New Mexico: $15.99 (Quarter's Discount Liquors, Albuquerque)
  2. Arizona: $16.99 (Total Wine and More, Phoenix)
  3. Florida: $17.99 (Wine and More, Daytona Beach)
  4. Texas: $17.99 (Wine and More, Dallas)
  5. California: $17.99 (BevMo, Culver City)
  6. Washington: $17.99 (BevMo, Bellingham)
  7. Oklahoma: $18.53 (Byron's Liquor Warehouse, Oklahoma City)
  8. Nevada: $19.99 (Lee's Discount Liquor, Las Vegas)
  9. Louisiana: $19.99 (Prytania Liquor Store, New Orleans)
  10. Wisconsin: $19.99 (WI Discount Liquor, Milwaukee)
  11. Kansas: $19.99 (Lukas Liquor, Overland Park)
  12. Missouri: $19.99 (Lukas Liquor, Kansas City)
  13. Minnesota: $19.99 (Zipp's Liquor, Minneapolis)
  14. Illinois: $19.99 (Binny's, Chicago)
  15. Maine: $19.99 (Lou's Beverage Barn, Augusta)
  16. Wyoming: $20.99 (Dell Range Liquor Store, Cheyenne)
  17. Delaware: $21.99 (Tri-State Liquors, Claymont)
  18. Georgia: $21.99 (Midtown Liquor, Atlanta)
  19. South Carolina: $22.90 (Burris Liquor Store, Charleston)
  20. Colorado: $22.99 (Colorado Liquor Mart, Denver)
  21. Pennsylvania: $22.99 (Wine and Spirits Store, Philadelphia)
  22. Mississippi: $23.32 (Stanley's Liquor and Wine, Jackson)
  23. Idaho: $23.95 (State Run Liquor Store, 17th and State, Boise)
  24. South Dakota: $23.94 (Capital City Wine & Spirits, Pierre)
  25. Indiana: $23.99 (Nick's Liquor Store, Hammond)
  26. Maryland: $23.99 (Eastport Liquors, Annapolis)
  27. Nebraska: $23.99 (The Still, Lincoln)
  28. Alabama: $23.99 (ABC Liquors, statewide)
  29. Vermont: $24.00 (Beverage Warehouse, Winooski)
  30. Ohio: $24.25 (Campus State Liquor Store, Columbus)
  31. Arkansas: $24.52 (Lake Liquors, Maumelle)
  32. Virginia: $24.90 (ABC Store, Richmond)
  33. Oregon: $24.95 (Northside Liquor Store, Eugene)
  34. Tennessee: $24.99 (Frugal MacDoogal Liquor Warehouse, Nashville)
  35. Connecticut: $24.99 (BevMax, Stamford)
  36. New Jersey: $24.99 (Super Buy Rite, Jersey City)
  37. North Dakota: $24.99 (Empire Liquors, Fargo)
  38. Utah: $25.49 (State Liquor Store, Salt Lake City)
  39. New Hampshire: $25.99 (Liquor and Wine Outlet, New London)
  40. Kentucky: $25.99 (Old Town Wine and Spirits, Louisville)
  41. Montana: $26.75 (Bottle and Shots West Liquor Store Billings)
  42. North Carolina: $26.95 (ABC Store, Raleigh)
  43. Rhode Island: $28.00 (City Liquors, Providence)
  44. Michigan: $28.62 (Calumet Market and Spirits, Detroit)
  45. New York: $28.99 (Warehouse Wine and Spirits, New York)
  46. Iowa: $28.99 (Liquor House, Iowa City)
  47. Massachusetts: Charles Street Liquors: $28.99
  48. Hawaii: $29.99 (The Liquor Collection, Honolulu)
  49. West Virginia: $32.99 (Liquor Co, Charleston)
  50. Alaska: $35.00 (Percy's Liquor Store, Juneau)

Update: I didn't include Washington, D.C., which was unfair to my brethren chilling in our nation's capitol. My esteemed colleague Mario did the dirty work for me: A 750 mL bottle of Jack Daniels costs $24 at Tenley Wine & Spirits.

(Disclaimer: This is not a scientific survey, but I tried to call basic, non-fancy liquor store for the price check. It's not clear how much of the discrepancy from state to state is caused by cost of living, tax rates, regulations, or just good ole fashioned price gouging. If you know of a liquor store in your state that sells 750 ML bottles of Jack Daniels' Old No. 7 for a cheaper price than I dug up, please let me know, with proof, and I will update our ranking.)

Image: Robert Hensley/Flickr

Cops Use Action-Movie Arsenal to Catch Teen Who Stole Cigarettes

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Cops Use Action-Movie Arsenal to Catch Teen Who Stole Cigarettes

You'd be hard pressed to find a more comic illustration of the out-of-control state of American law enforcement than the case of Shaquielle Olmeda, an 18-year-old Floridian who was arrested this week for snatching a pack of cigarettes from a man on the street.

Olmeda, the scourge, was apprehended after the Manatee County Sheriff's Office set up a perimeter, seemingly using every tool at their disposal. From the Bradenton Herald:

The 43-year-old victim was in a parking lot at 5137 14th St. W. in Bradenton at 9:11 a.m. when Shaquielle Olmeda ran by and snatched a pack of cigarettes out of the victim's hand, according to a release.

Olmeda took off running south and the victim called law enforcement. Deputies used patrol units, dogs and helicopters to set up a perimeter, and eventually found Olmeda in the east parking lot of Magic Mile Plaza, on the northwest corner of 14th Street West and 53rd Avenue West.

The victim positively identified Olmeda and the pack of cigarettes was located on his person, deputies said.

The cigarettes, according to the cops, were worth $4.

[h/t Arbroath, Image via Manatee County Sheriff]

The Best Things to Stream This Weekend

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The Best Things to Stream This Weekend

Tonight marks the beginning of Halloweek, when everybody who wants to throw a Halloween party knows that, like with birthdays, even one day after actual thing feels like a huge sad lie. If you're not partying Friday night, then you better carve some pumpkins or shit this weekend! But if you resist the power of Hallowe'en, either because you are in a monogamous relationship and as an adult have no use for it, or simply because you are lazy but not interested in what's coming up, why not use this hallowed we'ekend (wee'nd? Weeknd?) to catch up on your streaming?

THERE ARE NO OTHER STREAMING OPTIONS
THERE IS ONLY HULU

The Thick of It (Hulu Exclusive)

If you like Veep, which you do, travel back along the lines of that liking to a movie by show-creator Scotsman Armando Iannucci called In the Loop. It had Gandolfini in it, did you see that? You would have liked it. Now travel even farther backwards, all the way across the Atlantic (if you want to go the short way) and you will end up here: With The Thick of It, the first Iannucci show, which did the same thing that Veep is doing now, but in Britain where everything is backwards and upside down and even the water going down the drain has an accent.

I will tell you that it is four seasons long, but that's kind of a mean trick because some of them are like, three episodes long. Better to say it's 24 half-hours, so, basically as long as any show. It's a very funny show, you get to learn things about other countries and their dumb way of doing things, and it also provides a new way to get to know the current Doctor Who, Peter Capaldi, and watch him say bad words with a funny accent! If you love British things the way certain kinds of people love British things, you have already seen this show. But if you like British things the normal amount, I say check it out!

NETFLIX THE HORROR

  • You're Next (2011; also on Prime) suffers from the generic title that would have you believe it's just like any other home invasion/slasher but the truth is, it's actually a lot like most smart horror movies that slide under the radar. This one's politically on point, with an eye toward the generational differences between members a very tense family that not only figures into the viscerally spooky plot, but tells a larger story about American life under pressure.
  • Cabin in the Woods (2011; also on Prime) is one of those you have probably seen, but if you haven't you're probably so sick of hearing about it you'll never give it a shot at this point anyway, so why even mention it? Because I didn't like it that much. Or specifically, I hated the ending so much it retroactively took some enjoyment out of the story: It's smarmy and scolding and way more retrograde (and sexist) than it thinks it is. But otherwise, fun ride! I really do recommend it.
  • V/H/S 2 (2013) is a grand experiment that transcends the shitty first one's (available on Prime) in every way. While V/H/S 1 had moments of brilliance, they were few, and easily faded into the background of drearily dumb, self-impressed, lazy film-school attempts at cleverness. While some of the scenarios—these are anthology films, low-budget, tied around haunted video tapes, it's very cool actually—are greater in scale or scope (a visit to a Indonesian cult compound is particularly breathtaking), it's more just the quality of storytelling and refusal to accept first-draft concepts and dialogue that sets this one apart. Honestly, I'd say skip right to this one—you might end up giving V/H/S an easy shake that way.
  • All Cheerleaders Die (2013) is no Jennifer's Body, but it is a worthy followup to May, Lucky McKee's 2002 lady-Frankenstein masterpiece (whose star, Angela Bettis, was also fantastic in McKee's Masters of Horror short "Sick Girl," which is available right now on Hulu and is great.) The plot goes to some insane places so I will just briefly say that zombie cheerleaders can still be sexy, that Jennifer's Body damn well should be a genre, and that this would make a nice double-feature with the 2000 Canadian feminist werewolf classic Ginger Snaps.

PRIME CUTS!

Avatar: The Last Airbender is... one of the best television shows I have ever seen in my life. But to explain why, I have to do something I never, ever do, which is say some things I hate. Here's some things I hate: Kid cartoons, I hate American "Orientalist" fetishism, I hate "collect 'em all" procedurals from Pokémon, to Yugiruto or whatever those are called, to Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: The illusion of movement is not movement. I hate violence for kids. I hate slapstick comedy. I hate anime and Japanese imports of impenetrable million-year mangatoons and all of those whatever things. You don't have to hate any of them, we'd probably get along, especially if they're your favorite things, but I have no interest in any of that.

Great news for both of us! Avatar is none of those things. It's Buffy for kids, a most humble and far-ranging messianic roman à clef, a Jungian masterwork. Presenting a coherent mythology that's been thrown out of balance, the show's three seasons take its child-Buddha protagonist around the world, dealing with questions of regime destabilization one week and the personal impulses behind imperialist movements the next, all without losing an essential joy or compassion that is another reason it's one of the most powerful and healing stories you can ever hear. Multiple times, honestly.

It's got it all: Meta-episodes with puppet shows within the story telling the story, island getaways where the show's teen villains drift about in anomie and clamdiggers, exploring their parental issues and sibling rivalries; an all-girl military force in kabuki makeup; a teen antihero who spends his days pursuing the Avatar in a mindless hunt for vengeance but at night becomes a justice-obsessed Batman figure. A little blind girl who is a total bitch but also a karate master. Spooky old ladies, a very terrible spider demon I can't even talk about... It's a show about everything, in a very real sense. It takes you over; it alters your DNA. This show—essentially a checklist of shit I hate, remember, and for that matter continue to hate—has not only broken but renovated my heart, on more than one occasion.

Not to mention the very cool thing that its now-airing sequel, Legend of Korra, takes place eighty years later and presents a Siddhartha Buddha (as opposed to Avatar Aang's Gautama) who is a female jock celebrity that has to walk away from about ten kinds of privilege in order to get on with the hard work of becoming an avatar of the divine. The comparisons between the shows (Korra's now into her own season four) are as fruitful as either in isolation, and the connections between them reward longtime viewers like very few shows are able to do. The rule in our house is, if you don't cry during a given episode of Airbender you probably weren't paying attention. But all that means is you get to watch it again.

SPOOKY HBO GO!

The following films are available on HBO Go, and probably On Demand depending on who you are and what you willing to do, for the next month. (The month of November.)

The Witches (1990) is a great Roald Dahl adaptation, probably second only to the original Willy Wonka. Off-putting, nasty witches, a seaside resort town, and a terribly moving and sad ending make this tale, in which a child takes the form of a mouse and attempts to understand and contextualize mortality, is exactly as scary and cruel and hideous as it needs to be. Dahl was gross in a lot of ways, but one thing he understood was the imaginational resilience of children, whom we often end up training into performative meltdowns about the darker fantasies that, left alone to understand, they'd accomplish on their own. The movie does enough contrasting the absolute cruelty of the over-the-top Witches with the similarly irresistible forces of death, illness and time, and thereby draws connections most of us are still trying to internalize. Love this fucking movie.

The Conjuring (2013), which began the news cycle as a cautionary tale about Vera Farmiga's career choices, has since won out in the court of public opinion as one of the handful of good-but-profitable horror films to come along in a while. Horror franchises have a particular arc where they start so low automatically, which is dumb, and then they swing through the forked-tongue smarmy faint-praise of "anything that makes a bajillion bucks is good in a way" (which with horror comes with an added racial/class element, just for extra bullshitting around) and then finally, once everybody who doesn't "like horror" sees the movie, it becomes... Just a movie. I hate that the legacy of Gen X is that we have to do so many goddamn backbends and clear so many security checkpoints with these invisible imaginary authorities, but anything that makes it out of that fucked up mental prison deserves a hand, and this movie is one of them.

Poltergeist III (1988) is another thing entirely, of course. The first movie was never in the lowered-expectations horror ghetto because of its pedigree, and those who survived filming it went on to the sequel, which in turn murdered many of its costars and crewmen as well. The second one is more "horror" in that pejorative way (just like Aliens, every bit as smart as Alien, is classed on the same tier as Predator for whatever reason), but also there is a fucking scary zombie preacher in it, and a Native American stereotype who can fix cars by chanting, and those are marks of quality for sure.

Having said all of that, my favorite is still the third one, because it takes place in a high-rise apartment building, which to 1988 Jacob was the fucking height of glamor: The Westing Game, Eloise, the Girl Called Al books—which were like, the only thing secondary to Anastasia Krupnik in my life—and even Harriet the Spy spent some time up an elevator, visiting Sport. The idea of spookiness in that hallowed space was always thrilling to me, ghosts and superintendents being equally real in my personal experience, and I remember my parents being like, "Wait'll you see Rosemary's Baby. In about a hundred years when you're allowed to see that one." But P3 got there first, and I have to respect that.

[Image via Netflix]

You live in the future now! Almost any media you can think of, you can find from the chair you're sitting in. Even if you can't, take comfort in the fact that the amount of things you can't find online will never go up: Only down. In that spirit, Morning After asks: What are you streaming this weekend?

The Future Is a Lonely Place, in William Gibson's The Peripheral

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The Future Is a Lonely Place, in William Gibson's The Peripheral

With his new novel The Peripheral, William Gibson returns to the genre that made him famous: near-future science fiction. But the world of The Peripheral is very different from the hyperactive cyberpunk citiscapes of Neuromancer. His canvas is much bigger — and his prophesies are far more melancholy.

The Peripheral centers on two characters, Flynne and Netherton, who live on either side of a catastrophe known simply as "the jackpot." And by "either side" I don't mean just geographically. Flynne lives a few decades in the future, working as a gamer-for-hire in a small town called Clanton in what seems to be the southeastern United States. Netherton is a PR flak living over a century in the future, in a London whose skyline is punctuated by tall, dark towers like something from Judge Dredd's world in the 2000 AD comics.

At first, it's not clear that they live in different time periods at all. Gibson jumps quickly between Flynne and Netherton's points of view, splicing their worlds together by using short chapters written in a cool, hardboiled prose that treats every object — even the most familiar — as something intriguingly alien. Both characters live in worlds edged by terrifyingly vague violence, trying to scrape by doing weird, gray-market jobs. When she's not gaming for cash, Flynne helps out at a 3D printing shop called Fabbit, where the techs make money on the side by printing "funny" (AKA pirated) items. And Netherton — well, he's doing something that's deliciously impossible to explain. Let's just say it involves organized crime, the Pacific garbage patch, social media artists, and a lot of booze.

Though we see a lot of Netherton's world, it never feels as intimate to us as Flynne's — this is essentially her story, and her arc carries the most emotional weight. As the action begins, her war veteran brother Burton asks if she'll take over on a gamer job he's taken. He's been hired by a shadowy organization in Latin America to run a drone in some game — maybe for testing, maybe to rack up points for a lazy rich person who wants to level up. But when Flynne puts on her rig, which sounds like some sort of Google Glass deal that actually works, she discovers that this game is seriously creepy. A woman is murdered right before her eyes, in a way that seems far too realistic and mundane to be part of the gameplay.

The Future Is a Lonely Place, in William Gibson's The Peripheral

Quickly, we realize that this murder has happened in Netherton's time. Somehow, through some futuristic quirk of the computer network, Flynne and Netherton's worlds have been connected. It's not exactly time travel — in fact, it's something a lot more mysterious and interesting than that. Without giving too much away, what I can say is that Gibson uses this time-connecting technology to explore one of his often-quoted comments: "The future is already here — it's just not very evenly distributed."

In The Peripheral, we are able to watch as the future and present leak into each other, binding people from different time periods. While these relationships are literal in The Peripheral, this novel offers Gibson a powerful metaphor for the ways that relationships of power play out at every period in history. Economic decisions made in the past can affect people for decades to come, and political traumas like the war that Flynne's brother fought in have reverberations that are felt for generations too. Ultimately, The Peripheral is an exploration of how people with power use it to change other people's futures.

In most of Gibson's novels, power accretes around criminals. He likes to portray all forms of organized authority as being, ultimately, some kind of scam or thievery. The goal for our heroes is always to figure out who the least horrible criminals are — the ones who love their children, who appreciate art, who cook delicious dinners for guests — and ally with them to survive. And that's exactly what we see Flynne and Netherton doing. Both are in relatively vulnerable positions, and their only hope is that they can ally with the kleptocrats who prefer peace over cruelty.

Gibson drops you into Flynne and Netherton's worlds, complete with their own slang and cultural touchstones, without any preparation at all. As a result, part of the pleasure of reading is figuring out where the hell you are, and what has changed in the world to make these futures possible. As I said earlier, we learn quickly that Flynne and Netherton's worlds are separated by some sort of collapse/technological acceleration called the jackpot, and the ramifications of that future/past event hover just out of view, haunting everyone.

For people familiar with Gibson's work, what's striking about this novel is the overwhelming sadness that seems to fill up all the empty spaces around each clipped chapter and bitten-off sentence. Perhaps this is because Gibson is evoking the region where he grew up, somewhere in the environs of western Virginia. The hopeless poverty of the characters there, their lives distorted by war, feels dishearteningly real. And the glimpses they get of the future reveal a hollowed-out place, its citizens shadowed by losses so huge we can barely conceive of them.

It feels like Gibson has layered a hardboiled thriller with breakneck pacing over top of a muted, personal tale of sorrow. And that's part of the point. This is a novel about how time streams converge, whether those are the tiny, frenetic spans of time that comprise a human life, or the vast, slow arcs of history, built by thieves' armies. Sometimes, The Peripheral reads like ethical philosophy, and sometimes like a caper. That mix may be hard to take sometimes, but it will grab you by the brainstem and won't let go for a very long time.

Forward or Delete: This Week's Fake Viral Photos

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Forward or Delete: This Week's Fake Viral Photos

Occasionally, against all odds, you'll see an interesting or even enjoyable picture on the Internet. But is it worth sharing, or just another Photoshop job that belongs in the digital trash heap? Check in here and find out if that viral photo deserves an enthusiastic "forward" or a pitiless "delete."

Image via Imgur


DELETE

Forward or Delete: This Week's Fake Viral Photos

Because the Internet is trolling, trolling all the way down, thousands of people mistook (or at least pretended to mistake) this post by satirical Facebook group Christians for Michelle Bachman as a sincere expression of pot-related panic this week, sharing it over 20,000 times.

Eventually, Snopes was forced to intervene, gently informing readers that, no, bongs don't explode and no, Michelle Bachman doesn't believe they do.

As for the gruesome picture itself, it originated from the Tumblr of a 20-year-old makeup artist, later entering the greater online gene pool—as all things must—via Imgur and Reddit.

Image via Facebook


DELETE

This picture—supposedly showing car bombings in Iraq since 2003—went viral after appearing on Reddit last Thursday, resulting in misleading posts from Vox and news/activism/apparel startup Ryot.

In reality, the map shows a random sample of fatal incidents (including murders and accidents) recorded by coalition forces between 2004 and 2009. Taken from Wikileaks data published by The Guardian, the image first showed up on Arab language social media in 2012, even then mislabeled as "The explosions in Baghdad (2003-2012)."

The real thing, however, is no less sobering. Below is an interactive map we created from the same data set, showing over 30,000 IED-related deaths in Iraq from January 2004 to December 2009. Of those killed, almost two-thirds were recorded as civilians.


DELETE

When the ( overwhelmingly white) student body of New Hampshire's Keene State College smashed windows and attacked police at the Keene Pumpkin Festival last weekend, some commentators called foul, noting that while the riots in Ferguson this summer resulted in the thinly-disguised hand-wringing about "culture" and "thuggery," this one seemed to elicit a collective shrug.

However, one viral image attributed to the pumpkin-inspired insurrection in reality showed an entirely different set of misbehaving white people. As noted by legendary newspaper reader Jim Romenesko, the mad grab for high-end tennis apparel seen here actually took place a decade ago, captured by photographer Ian Waldie at the 2003 G8 summit protests in Geneva.


UNDETERMINED

Because #brands now inspire the kind of devotion people previously reserved for God and heroin, the possible existence of red velvet Oreos became one of the most discussed topics on social media this week after pictures of the purported cookies showed up online.

Many outlets quickly declared the photos fake, citing a post by the Facebook page "OreoRedVelvet" declaring "Sorry y'all this was just for a school project."

However, that page appears unconnected to the recent photos and Nabisco itself has remained coy about the cookies, responding to Gawker's inquiries with a Glomar response fit for a uranium-enrichment program:

As I'm sure you've seen, OREO limited-edition flavors are constantly a source of excitement and speculation. Over the last few years, we've seen a number of made up flavors "leak" online, but we've also seen actual flavors leak too. When we have more information to share about any of our new limited-edition flavors, we'll be sure to let you know.

The closest thing to a confirmation comes from The Verge, which published additional photos of the cookies on Wednesday, credited to an anonymous source. According to them, the snack-sampling Deep Throat claims "the creme inside the Red Velvet Oreo is the standard creme, only with the 'taste of that of Red Velvet icing.'"

Zen Koans Explained: "The Most Valuable Thing in the World"

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Zen Koans Explained: "The Most Valuable Thing in the World"

"Walk the walk," we are often told by shallow thinkers. They presume this to be a metaphor for sincerity. They forget the footless. They neglect the legless. The rebuke the bottomless. The topless? "You can stay," says the horny fool, shallowly.

The koan: "The Most Valuable Thing in the World"

Sozan, a Chinese Zen master, was asked by a student: "What is the most valuable thing in the world?"

The master replied: "The head of a dead cat."

"Why is the head of a dead cat the most valuable thing in the world?" inquired the student.

Sozan replied: "Because no one can name its price."

The enlightenment: The price of a head of a dead cat is $55.

Imbecile.

This has been "Zen koans explained." A lover, not a friend.

[Photo: Shutterstock]

Remains of Missing UVA Student Hannah Graham Found Near Charlottesville

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Remains of Missing UVA Student Hannah Graham Found Near Charlottesville

The remains of Hannah Graham, the University of Virginia student who has been missing since September 13, were found on an abandoned property near Walnut Creek Park. Police found the body late last week and confirmed that it was Graham's today.

Jesse Leroy Matthew, the suspect in Graham's disappearance, was arrested with a passport near the U.S.-Mexico border in September and charged with abduction with intent to defile. Matthew is also under investigation for the 2009 disappearance of Virginia Tech student Morgan Harrington—whose body was found five miles from Graham's—and a 2005 rape and attempted murder in Fairfax City. In 2002, he was kicked out of Liberty University for alleged rape.

[Image via AP]


Here's What Russell Brand Actually Said About 9/11 Conspiracy Theories

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Russell Brand's revolution hit a bit of a snag last night after his comments on the BBC's Newsnight got him painted as a 9/11 conspiracy theorist. Judging by the headlines and the Twitter responses, you'd think Brand had said that burning jet fuel couldn't melt steel.

Here's what he actually said:

Newsnight host Evan Davis: Do you believe the Twin Towers were destroyed by forces of the American government or similar?

Brand: I think it's interesting that at this time, we have so little trust in our political figures, that ordinary people have so little trust in our media, that we have to remain open-minded to any kind of possibility. Do you trust the American government? Do you trust the British government?

Davis: My views aren't important, but I think people regard it as ridiculous to suggest anything other than that al Qaeda destroyed those buildings.

Brand: Well, what I do think is very interesting is the relationship the Bush family have had for a long time with the bin Laden family. What I do think is interesting is the way that even the BBC reports events in Ottawa to subtly build an anti-Islamic narrative. I think it's interesting the way these tragic events are used to enforce further controls on us. I think it's interesting the way the media works in conjunction with big business and with the government..."

Davis: But you're not suggesting the Bush family were involved in 9/11?

Brand: I don't want to talk about daft conspiracy theories here on Newsnight, mate!

Somehow, Brand's dismissal of "Bush did 9/11" as "daft" turned into "Russell Brand says Bush did 9/11!"

In fact, everything Brand said was consistent with the message he's been shouting all along, in TV appearances, in his YouTube show, and in his book: He believes nobody trusts the government or the news anymore.

Whether you agree with his premise or not, Brand hasn't wavered from it. So, when he says "ordinary people have so little trust in our media, that we have to remain open-minded to any kind of possibility,"he's pointing to these "daft conspiracy theories" as a symptom of that perceived lack of faith.

And when he tries to change the subject to Islamophobia and the post-9/11 security state, Davis keeps coming back to the Bush family. Brand didn't fall for the trap, but he got caught in it anyway thanks to the day-after coverage, which focused on the "open-minded to any kind of possibility" blurb and not the "daft conspiracy theories."

As for what's in Brand's book, Revolution, that's so controversial, here's the exact passage:

Here's What Russell Brand Actually Said About 9/11 Conspiracy Theories

This "controlled demolition" stuff is horribly Loose Change-y, and fuck all that, but it's also not really Brand's point. He's focused on all the decisions made afterward, in the name of 9/11, that contributed to a toxic lack of trust in governments and the media apparatus.

Plus, there's the line, "I'm not saying 9/11 was an inside job," which has somehow been read as Brand saying exactly that.

If anything, his appearance on Newsnight was far less batshit than the sketchy "causes for question" he cites in Revolution, so it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to suddenly call him a 9/11 truther.

There are plenty of legitimate things to argue with Russell Brand about. This seems like a particularly fruitless one.

[h/t Daily Mail]

Your Guide to TV This Weekend

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Say there, are you ready to party this weekend or would you rather conserve your strength? If you haven't checked out this week's streaming guide, maybe give that a shot for all the hours in-between, but if you prefer to stay out of the past, let's talk about what's coming up:

FRIDAY

At 8/7c.

  • Amazing Race hits Morocco with the depressing episode title "Morocc' & Roll"
  • ABC's got Last Man Standing and Cristela, if you're really into one or the other of those kind of things
  • And this week TNT's most bizarre show about managed expectations yet, On the Menu, watches some people desperately try to make food good enough to be served at Planet Hollywood.

At 9/8c.

  • America's Next Top Model presents a Girl with a Bloodcurdling Scream, which sounds kind of fun but I wonder how they make her scream! Maybe somebody touches her crystals, I remember that happened to this chick a long time ago on that show. The crystals "took away her negativity," she said, which seemed to indicate a level of negativity that surpassed the crystals' ability, given what a huge bitch she was even after the crystals did their thing. She named her kid Jai Wolf, and he was conceived on the morning of September 11, 2001, and for some obscure reason she thought this was a very touching fact, or that it made her a good person somehow, to have gotten fucked pregnant on 9/11, so she talked about it what felt like a lot. I think she went blind eventually. Anyway a girl will scream.
  • Speaking of things that piss me off just to think about them, PBS is having an episode of what it has the gall to refer to as a " Great Performance" by Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga, who are easily the two worst people who have ever lived. What a great performance I bet, just two dumb buttholes spreading their skirts and duetting all over the Great American Songbook. Just a couple of addled garbage cans, bumping around on stage singing standards. What a reason to not kill yourself that will be.
  • Grimm's fourth-season premiere is about zombies probably, as this week's Hawaii Five-0 might be and which Shark Tank always, always is.
  • And finally, there is the DA Special Killing Bigfoot, about a man who encountered Bigfoot as a child and has a lot to tell you about them, like how there are three different Bigfeet types (3/4/5-toe, round/flat/cone-head), the three-toe kind have started inbreeding because of fracking, the Bigfoot in the Gulf area can walk on two feet, but without warning will "drop to all fours and run like lightening (this is an area where bears don't live)," and that GCBRO (his tactical team) frown upon "so-called Bigfoot experts who are armchair researchers never setting foot in the woods," and who disagree with their "military style stealth operations and assault weapons with live ammo" because they stupidly believe that Bigfeet shouldn't be killed on sight.

These are people who have access to guns, okay, military grade assault weaponry, and use it to chase a legendary and beautiful (and imaginary) creature in order to murder it. You know who hates freedom? Besides Obama, I mean. I'm talking about Sasquatch! Bigfoot wants to take your guns so you don't kill him. Very selfish. But sometimes the fruit of the cryptozoological tree must be watered in the blood of Bigfoot. Men should not be afraid of their Bigfeet, Bigfeet should be afraid of men! you say, I say You know who's afraid of men? Specifically grown men with assault weapons, who also just happen to believe in pretend monsters? Fucking EVERYBODY. That's who.

At 10/9c.

Blue Bloods on CBS and Z Nation on Syfy, but the big news is Constantine, the lead-out from returning Grimm. I don't have much to say on the subject except that I love John Constantine and have ever since I was an impressionable child, so I will probably watch the show, unless it's just so bad that it's not possible to do so, which I kind of hope it is because I hate paying attention to the conversation surrounding the show because I hate fuckin' ally-identified politics, especially from people who don't know the source material in the first place, because it's about getting cheap nice-person points on the backs of people who never asked you to speak for us in the first place. So either it's going to be good or it's going to be bad, but I doubt highly we'll ever be talking about it again.

SATURDAY

Sportswise, you probably already now this but it's Game Four of the World Series, and there is probably also football. This has been your Morning After sports announcement.

At 8/7c. there's a new My Cat From Hell on Animal Planet, and on Lifetime a MOW called High School Possession that looks pretty amazing, as you can see above, and stars our dear Mona Vanderwaal herself, Janel Parrish, in a story about a girl who becomes convinced her friend desperately needs an exorcism, just as she herself is getting involved with an on-campus cult.

At 9/8c. (Jeff from Wilco) Tweedy is on Austin City Limits, but kind of he always was; Doctor Who continues on with wherever it's going; and The Transporter has another two-hour block on TNT. Much bigger deals than these are: The Good Witch's Wonder, which is the seventh and final Good Witch movie on Hallmark before it becomes a TV show and not just intensely weird yet weirdly boring movies about absolutely nothing; and "Unfinished Note & Attack on a Boat," which is clearly the name of a new episode of LMN's greatest exposé of a specific kind of thing often found inside of certain children, The Ghost Inside My Child.

At 10/9c. there's the Fall premiere of TLC's Sex Sent Me to the ER and then around 11:30/10:30c. it's Jim Carrey and Iggy Azalea on SNL. I don't have much to say about that. So far this season kind of sucks, which is weird because I've never said that in forty years, but for some reason I am just not getting it. Not enough Kyle Mooney maybe. Or like ever.

What I can tell you is that about three months ago, I had a dream that I was in LA having drinks with a music producer that an A&R guy (a friend of mine, also invented for this dream) and we were talking Ariana Grande and this guy interrupts me he's like, "Lots of people get that wrong. That's actually, way down in the mix, that's actually Iggy Azalea whispering wait'll you see my dick."

SUNDAY

Game Five, of what I'm still assuming is Baseball; then at 8/7c. three other things you couldn't pay me personally to sit through: "Secrets Revealed" on Real Housewives of New Jersey, whatever prancing-around BS on Once Upon a Time, or an LMN movie called Anatomy of Deception which does star Natasha Henstridge as a detective and thus is clearly something to which I have been paying close attention, and I can tell you I won't be watching it either. Way less interest than I expected to have. Catch ya next time, girl. My eyeballs are going to be all over this original horror movie on MTV called The Dorm.

Because is: It's about a haunted dorm!

CBS is still doing it all cockamamie so Madam Secretary is at 8:30 and that puts The Good Wife at 9:30/8:30c., assuming that it won't change the night of (don't ever assume that) so check in at like 8 and see how far back it's pushed and I guess if you can't do that, pray they let your DVR know. There is absolutely nothing worse than thinking you're about to watch The Good Wife and getting literally anything else.

At 9/8c. it's 90 Day Fiancé on TLC, the Halloween Wars and Total Divas finales on Food and E! respectively, Resurrection on ABC, and Manzo'd With Children crams everything horrible about that family into one nonsensical, tacky phrase: "In Your Cafface!" (Don't even ask. It's so dumb, you don't need to know and you certainly shouldn't care.)

  • Meanwhile on OWN, Oprah asks the WhereNow-abouts of Finola Hughes, Paul Stanley from KISS, and the cast of A Different World.
  • Tonight PBS starts their Jane Austin murder mystery Death Comes to Pemberley (a sequel to Pride & Prejudice written by PD James, who wrote Children of Men and also is a baroness!) where it's like, five years later and there's a murder in the woods. I don't know, I'm of two minds. I'll probably watch it, I like the actors and whatever.
  • Otherwise it's Homeland ("About a Boy"), Walking Dead, and the Boardwalk Empire forever-finale.

At 10/9c. You've got Revenge, the third episode of wonderful The Affair, the Botched reunion special (why?) and another My Five Wives on TLC. Then your choices will be Last Week Tonight, or Watch What Happens: Live with Mark Consuelos and the similarly likeable but boring Dina Manzo, putting her fucked up pets and staring in that uncanny way offscreen, wondering where Kelly Ripa is. What Kelly Ripa's doing right now. Do you ever wonder that? I think about it a lot. I bet it's great.

Have a good Halloweekend, don't forget to wear sunscreen, and think really hard about any ghosts you plan to make deals with in the coming year. Like most deal-making mythic creatures they can't lie, but they do choose their words more carefully than most of us, and that's where the finesse really comes into play. Unless it's goblins, fuck those guys. Don't even bother. Have a great one.

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. What are you watching this weekend? What are we missing out on? Recommendations and discussions down below.

Honey Boo Boo Mom's Boyfriend Reportedly Molested Her Daughter Anna

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Honey Boo Boo Mom's Boyfriend Reportedly Molested Her Daughter Anna

Just when you thought this story couldn't get shittier or more nauseating, TMZ drops the bomb that the relative of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch June Shannon's that her reported boyfriend, convicted child molester Mark McDaniel, forced oral sex on 10 years ago, when she was 8 years old, is none other than June's daughter Anna.

From TMZ's story:

Sources tell TMZ ... Anna Cardwell — who is now 20 and married with a child — believed her mom earlier today that she was not dating the man who molested her. But we're told Anna has now received a lot more info, and is now convinced June betrayed her by seeing McDaniel again.

Anna wants it known she's the victim because it makes what her mom is doing all the more egregious. We're told Anna feels her relationship with her mom has been destroyed, and the only way June can see her granddaughter is if McDaniel is nowhere to be seen.

We're also told TLC reached out to Anna today to offer her counseling.

This is enormously upsetting. Anna spent much of her childhood estranged from her mother, which is something she and I discussed when I interviewed the family two years ago. From that piece:

Just this week, the National Enquirer ran an item about June attempting to give Anna up for adoption before Anna landed in June's mother's house (June, 32, was 15 when she had Anna). Anna confirmed to me that her grandmother "basically" raised her and she did, in fact, move back home from her grandmother's for the sake of the show.

June has denied the allegations that caused TLC's cancelation of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. And so the show goes out in the spectacular fashion with which it arrived, though none of us could quite predict the tragic particulars of its demise.

"Reality TV don't last more than three years," June said to me in 2012. "People have a good run for about three years. Some people fizzle out within a couple of weeks. We've had about 10 weeks and if it stays for the next three years, great."

Felicia Day And Gamergate: This Is What Happens Now

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Felicia Day And Gamergate: This Is What Happens Now

Earlier this week, Felicia Day wrote a blog post. In it, the well-known actor eloquently expressed something that a great number of people in the video game scene have been feeling lately: She said she was afraid.

Shortly after publishing, some people posting in her comments section, one under the name "Gaimerg8," doxxed her, sharing what they claimed was her home address. In the space of an hour, video gaming's current culture of fear presented itself in microcosm.

"I have been terrified of inviting a deluge of abusive and condescending tweets into my timeline," Day wrote, citing the one instance where she replied supportively to a harassment victim on Twitter only to get a flood of harassment in response. She worried that in being critical of the tactics employed by Gamergate supporters, she would draw their attention and see those tactics employed on herself.

That Day's fears were so swiftly proven right is the most obvious story here, and the headline writes itself: "Felicia Day Says She's Afraid of Gamergate, Immediately Gets Doxxed." But the fears themselves are noteworthy for reasons other than the dispiriting, seemingly inevitable attack that came in the wake of their expression.

Day's post left me feeling incredibly sad. It resonated with me on a couple of different levels: That we increasingly think of fellow gamers as people to suspect and fear. That the art form that brought us together now feels like something that divides us. That we no longer feel safe online. And most of all, that we are afraid, and that we can be so hard on ourselves for being afraid.

When talking about how she hadn't addressed Gamergate up to this point, Day wrote the following:

I have had stalkers and restraining orders issued in the past, I have had people show up on my doorstep when my personal information was HARD to get. To have my location revealed to the world would give a entry point for a few mentally ill people who have fixated on me, and allow them to show up and make good on the kind of threats I've received that make me paranoid to walk around a convention alone. I haven't been able to stomach the risk of being afraid to get out of my car in my own driveway because I've expressed an opinion that someone on the internet didn't agree with.

HOW SICK IS THAT?

I have allowed a handful of anonymous people censor me. They have forced me, out of fear, into seeing myself a potential victim.

And that makes me loathe not THEM, but MYSELF.

I know that fear, and the self-loathing that comes with it. That probably sounds silly, since I get basically no flak from anyone about Gamergate. There's a reason for that, however: The main reason I don't catch shit about Gamergate is that I rarely say anything about it in public.

I keep quiet for a number of reasons, but it's primarily out of fear. Fear of uttering an opinion only to be sea lioned into circular debates that feel engineered more to exhaust than to enlighten. Fear that the fact that I briefly backed Zoe Quinn's Patreon for a total of $10 might be used as an excuse to make me into the movement's next punching bag. Fear of being targeted, or of my family being targeted. And so I keep quiet.

You can't talk about Gamergate. That's the first rule of Gamergate. If you talk about it, particularly if you're critical of it, you better watch your back. You will be attacked. It remains to be seen how intense the attack will be, or what form it will take, but rest assured, it will happen. I'll be attacked for publishing this article.

It will be worse if you're a woman. That's the second rule of Gamergate. If you are a woman and you talk about Gamergate, particularly if you're critical of it, you better really watch your back. I'll be attacked for publishing this article, but I won't get it half as bad as I would if I were a woman.

"We are harassed too!" Gamergaters say. I have no doubt that's the case, and that sucks, too. But while I happily echo my boss Stephen's repeated calls for across-the-board de-escalation, I must also acknowledge the truth that's apparent to anyone paying attention: This is not an equal thing. This is not a case of saying "both sides have it rough" and walking away, shaking our heads. As former NFL punter Chris Kluwe demonstrated this week with his scathing attack on Gamergate and subsequent total lack of doxxing, when a prominent man speaks critically about Gamergate, he can do so without worrying for his safety, despite calling the movement's followers "slackjawed pickletits." But when a prominent woman speaks about Gamergate with even a fraction of Kluwe's fire, the response is immediate and overwhelming: She is threatened, insulted, and attacked by dozens if not hundreds of different voices, on every platform available. Even a post as measured and personal as Day's is the target of immediate hostility. That it feels somehow risky to state what is so plainly obvious to any casual observer is surely one of Gamergate's most noteworthy aspects.

It makes sense that doxxing—sharing someone's address and other personal information against their will—is one of the primary instruments wielded in this battle. Doxxers use identity as a weapon, and so much of this conflict is, at its core, about identity. There's the stated claim that the gamer identity is under attack, and also the pervading sense that this "war" is less about journalistic ethics and more about the murk of entrenched identity politics. Video games have hugely informed our generation's cultural identity, and so cultural criticism of games feels somehow personal, like we're the ones being criticized. I get it. I do.

I also hear the arguments of more reasonable Gamergate supporters, and I take them seriously. Some of the movement's supporters have valid complaints, like the not-incorrect notion that some video game publications don't always seem to be looking out for their readers, or the sense that some developers in the indie game scene are too buddy-buddy with the reporters who cover them. But again and again, I come back to the fear. The fear is inescapable.

People are terrified of Gamergate. It's what made that Onion article from earlier this week so funny: "Look this whole thing over and tell us if there's anything we should change," they implored Gamergate supporters at the end of the article. "Email all of your demands to Gamergate@ClickHole.com. We'll get on it right away. Please don't hurt us."

Of course people are terrified. They've read the forums, where hateful sexist and transphobic slurs are tossed around like it's nothing, where women targets are given code names and insane conspiracy theories and militaristic jargon sit side by side with voices impotently urging for calm. They've seen the Twitter reply-feeds of the women (and men) who speak out against Gamergate.

They see all that and are frightened, as well they should be. Gamergate has become defined by fear, and that fear is not going away, because no one has the power to make it go away. Gamergate may have a logo and a mascot, but it has no leader, and as a result its many supporters can remain unaccountable for any actions they deem the work of fringe extremists. The movement's moderates can repeatedly disavow harassment—as some did in the aftermath of Day's doxxing—and chide those who go too far for hurting the cause. Yet it is difficult to submerge oneself in the anger and hate-speech coursing through so many GG forums and online discussions without feeling like it is an unseverable element of the movement.

There is more fear in video games today than there was yesterday, and unless something changes, there will be more next week than there was today. If another woman receives death threats tomorrow, there will be more headlines, more disavowal from outspoken Gamergate supporters, more inarguable claims that this goes both ways. We have arrived at a plateau of awfulness, and it sure doesn't feel like things are going to relax anytime soon.

Can there be any denying that one fundamental truth? That women like Zoe Quinn, Anita Sarkeesian, Leigh Alexander, Brianna Wu, and countless less-visible others are living in fear while bearing an immense amount of harassment? That dissent's swift, terrifying reprisal has become an inevitability, that we now exist under a perpetual fog of paranoia and fear? One has only to look at what happened to Felicia Day to know that no, there cannot.

This week, a prominent woman in games talked about Gamergate. She said she wished things weren't the way they are, that she was afraid and didn't want to be. The attack that followed said it plain as day: You should be afraid. This is what happens now. This is what happens when you speak up.

And it is. It really, really is.

Tech Founder Sends Female Reporter Gift Basket Loaded With Sexism

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Tech Founder Sends Female Reporter Gift Basket Loaded With Sexism

Tech's armada of PR professionals can be their own worst enemy. But their protective shield occasionally hides the chauvinism of tech founders. Otherwise you get dudes like Blake Francis, founder of the question and answer app Need, who tried to buy favorable press from a female reporter with a wildly inappropriate gift basket.

The San Francisco Chronicle's Kristen V. Brown recounts the incident:

A few weeks ago, a startup founder showed up in the lobby of The Chronicle after hours. He told me I hadn't responded to his e-mails. And he wanted to get my attention.

He delivered his pitch, along with a wicker basket filled with sexually suggestive gifts: the sex toy, a tube of K-Y Jelly, raw oysters and Tequila.

This is standard fare for lame pick-up artists: take a girl out for oysters in the Mission District, load up on margaritas at Latin American Club, and take her back to your creeper van. But lurking around and gifting this nightmare to woman at her place of work and then expecting to get glowing coverage in return? This is a new low even for tech bros.

Worse? Brown says the tech founder didn't even realize how fucked up his ploy was:

I e-mailed Francis and asked him to explain his thinking.

At first he was defensive. He said he was sorry I felt uncomfortable with his choice of swag, but also appeared genuinely surprised at my discomfort. He didn't want to offend me, but also didn't understand why I would be offended in the first place. Francis didn't seem to grasp that sex — or a woman's sexuality — isn't a topic appropriate for a professional setting.

This incident has led Brown to conclude that "Misogyny is a tech industry institution that has yet to be disrupted."http://www.sfgate.com/business/artic...

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Artist's rendering of the gift basket: Kevin Montgomery, Shutterstock

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