For many, the riots that broke out last night in San Francisco following the Giants' World Series victory were sheer terror. Bonfires raged in the street, buildings and buses were attacked, and at least two people were shot.

Officers tried to clear the streets and re-establish order in the face of chaos. But now a video emerges that shows who the real hero was: an everywoman pleading for our god-given right to get to our ride-sharing car.

Did the column of cops back down in light of the moving appeal? No. They kept doing their job or whatever.http://valleywag.gawker.com/heres-what-the...

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Put down that glass of milk right now! Don't be alarmed—try this. It's called yogurt. I think u gonna like it (and so will your health as well).

Many of you have been subjected to propaganda from Big Dairy urging you, the consumer, to drink glass after glass of milk, to give yourself "strong bones," as if that was one of your concerns, ever. You're still young, for christ's sake! Fast-forward to now. Guess what, milky? There's a new study from science I think you should know about. The LA Times reports that researchers in Sweden found that not only does drinking milk "did not appear to reduce the risk" of bone fractures, but also that among women, "avid milk-drinkers were 93% more likely than their counterparts to die during the course of the study[!!!]"

That sure ain't what you're looking for in your morning coffee!!!

Lucky for you the researchers also found that eating yogurt or inferior curdled milk-based products such as cottage cheese did give the "positive benefits associated with milk," without any of the excruciating bone fractures and premature death. So hey, you—sounds like you're in the market for some yogurt. Why not eat a kind that tastes good?

Fage yogurt is good I like it myself.

********NOT A PAID MESSAGE—DEAL WITH IT CHOBANI**************

[Photo: Flickr]

With one month to go, it looks like this year's Atlantic Hurricane Season will go down as the least active season in seventeen years. Here are five graphics that show how such a quiet hurricane season managed to be so interesting.

Storm Totals

Forecasters correctly predicted a below-average season in the Atlantic this year, but assuming that no other storms form beyond today, they underestimated just how quiet the season would be. Through yesterday, the 2014 Atlantic Hurricane Season has produced eight named storms, six of which became hurricanes (which is above average) and two of those hurricanes became major hurricanes (which is below average).

We've had a total of nine tropical cyclones and only eight named systems this year, making this the quietest hurricane season in the Atlantic since 1997. Not that that's a bad thing, of course. The strength distribution of the cyclones that formed this year is impressive, with at least one of every type of storm from a tropical depression up through a category four hurricane.

Let's compare this to last year's activity.

2013's Atlantic Hurricane Season saw fifteen cyclones develop—twelve of which were tropical storms, two hurricanes, and one only made it to tropical depression status. Even though the season was above average in terms of named systems, the season fell far below average in that only two low-end hurricanes formed.

Storm Tracks

This year's storm tracks followed those commonly seen in the Atlantic, with storms forming in the lower latitudes and sharply recurving to the northeast as they climb poleward.

Even though it was a relatively quiet year, five of the eight storms that formed this year—Arthur, Bertha, Dolly, Gonzalo, and Hanna—wound up making landfall in areas ranging from the Windward Islands to North Carolina. The worst storm in the Atlantic this year was Hurricane Gonzalo, which made a rare direct landfall in Bermuda earlier in October as a strong category two storm.

The National Hurricane Center also keeps track of the tropical storm force and hurricane force wind swaths produced by each storm, which The Vane has compiled into one map. Areas shaded in orange experienced tropical storm force winds (39-73 MPH) from at least one storm, while areas in red experienced hurricane force winds (74+ MPH).

Why is this year so quiet?

This year's hurricane season in the Atlantic was (and continues to be) quiet largely due to enhanced wind shear and destructive amounts of dry air. Wind shear in the upper-levels of the atmosphere can rip the tops off of thunderstorms that attempt to form into a tropical cyclone, killing the storms and preventing tropical systems from organizing. Dry air has a similar deadly effect on tropical cyclones, preventing thunderstorms from forming and, when ingested into the core of a tropical system, can very rapidly kill its thunderstorm activity and thereby cause the cyclone to dissolve.

What about the Pacific?

The eastern Pacific, on the other hand, is seeing its most active season in more than twenty years. We often don't hear about hurricanes that form in the eastern Pacific since they often move out to sea, and to be quite honest, these storms often impact areas of southwestern Mexico. American media doesn't spend much (if any) time covering disasters outside of the United States, so many people just don't hear about or pay attention to these storms.

The eastern Pacific has seen twenty-one named storms this year, fifteen of which formed into hurricanes and nine of those turned into major hurricanes. The worst storm of the year was easily Hurricane Odile, which caused extensive damage to Cabo San Lucas and surrounding cities on the southern tip of the Baja Peninsula.

There is still time for storms to form in the Atlantic basin before the year is out—hurricane season doesn't officially end until November 30, and while unlikely, storms can and have formed during the month of December. Storms that form this time of the year often form in the Caribbean or the Gulf of Mexico, so coastal residents from Texas to Florida shouldn't let their guards down yet.

[Images: satellite image of Hurricane Arthur via NASA/GOES, all others by the author]

You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.

Earlier this week, New York magazine’s Andrew Rice reported that journalist Matt Taibbi had left First Look Media, the journalism startup of eBay billionaire Pierre Omidyar. Today four of Taibbi’s former colleagues reveal, in a detailed blog post published on First Look’s own site The Intercept, why exactly Taibbi left the company. It’s not pretty.

Omidyar hired Taibbi in February to establish and staff a digital magazine alongside The Intercept that would cover finance and politics. The project was far enough along to have a name—Racket—and a rough launch date of sometime this fall. From the beginning, his First Look colleagues say, Taibbi frequently clashed with upper management and openly resented the company’s byzantine internal politics, under which Omidyar himself was charged with authorizing itemized expense reports.

These tensions exploded earlier this month, after a female staffer leveled a complaint against Taibbi for his behavior:

These simmering problems came to a head this month when a Racket staffer complained to senior management that Taibbi had been verbally abusive and unprofessionally hostile, and that she felt the conduct may have been motivated, at least in part, by her gender. [First Look President John] Temple conducted an investigation, and First Look determined that while none of the alleged conduct rose to the level of legal liability, the grievance bolstered their case that Taibbi should not be the manager of Racket.

The lengthy post was written by Glenn Greenwald, Laura Poitras, Jeremy Scahill and John Cook (a former editor of Gawker), who added that Taibbi was not alone in butting heads with First Look management. Editorial staffers and remotely-based management frequently argued, for instance, over “a confounding array of rules, structures, and systems imposed by Omidyar and other First Look managers,” including the “mandated use of a ‘responsibility assignment matrix” called a ‘RASCI,’ popular in business-school circles for managing projects.”

It was in this context that the unnamed staffer’s complaint against Taibbi, though not above the “level of legal liability,” deeply troubled both First Look’s president, John Temple, and its chief operations officer, Randy Ching. Earlier this month, Taibbi alleges, the pair acted to remove his managerial responsibilities—effectively hampering his ability to lead the project for which he’d been hired.

On October 10, according to Taibbi’s account, Temple and Ching told Taibbi that he would be immediately stripped of all managerial responsibilities pending their investigation. (First Look managers dispute this account, claiming that Taibbi was never stripped of any duties.) Taibbi was adamant that the complaint had no merit, and rejected any demotion or change in his responsibilities. On the day he was confronted by Temple and Ching, Taibbi left the office and—aside from one staff meeting he attended, after which he was instructed by Omidyar not to come back until they reached agreement on his role—did not return.

The post’s description of First Look’s internal turmoil confirms months of rumors within New York’s media industry, from which the startup has drawn dozens of well-known writers and editors. It’s not clear, the post concludes, what will happen to the staffers Taibbi personally hired for Racket.

If you know any more about this, please drop us a line or leave a comment below.

Photo credit: Associated Press

Hallowe'en is a time when the veil between past and present, living and dead, goes soft; and of course, so too we find the line between what is available and what is no longer or temporarily unavailable ever so slightly permeable, on the last day of the month, when it comes to Netflix. Imagine if you will that you are in for the night, not even daring to hope that you will catch the changing of the queue at whatever arcane time Netflix does that: Now you will be the one to see the lights go out in some eyes, and come on in others, as the Circle of Life once again replenishes the vast Lawnmower Oceans of our digital delights.

The legend goes that if you are there at precisely the stroke (whatever it is) of time when this occurs, if you do not blink, then just like with Daylight Savings you will be visited by three spirits who will ask you to refine your preferences by rating a few films and TV series, so as to bring you higher quality recommendations in this world and possibly the next. But we have a map to that strange new world, November; and with you it can surely manage whatever mischief you like.

AVAILABLE QUITE RECENTLY

• The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: in this little-known, undermarketed sequel to the popular The Hunger Games: A New Hunger, a young lady's personality disorder and flat affect throw her entire country into genocidal chaos, because she is on TV.
• Django Unchained: won Christoph Waltz his second Supporting Actor Oscar, which must feed those demons within him in some fashion when he is up in the wee hours, contemplating his past acts and furious history.
• Bound by Flesh: A documentary about conjoined twins, if you're into that this weekend. Maybe because that's how you get your kicks or maybe it's because if you had a conjoined twin, you would never be alone again. Either way it's fine. Nobody's gonna tell you how to feel.

DUE IN ON SATURDAY

• Addams Family Values (1993) is the one with Joan Cusack and the wonderful summer camp Thanksgiving Pageant that I can't remember actually getting explained why they were doing that at summer camp, I just remember it was great.
• Airplane! (1980) so you can watch Robert Hays, Julie Hagerty, and Leslie Nielsen invent the concept of vehicle-based, ever-so-slightly-racist ensemble comedy, right before your eyes.
• The Blind Swordsman: Zatoichi (2003): Listen if you're blind a good job to have would be masseur, because it's tactile, and a bad job to have would be swords, because think about it. Well this guy is both. And this town is not ready for his blind, massaging swordsmanship. Not one bit.
• Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992): Anti-immigration fable gets AIDS makeover. It's weird to remember the 1990s that way, controlled by blood, thinking sex equaled death on some primal level. Seems like it fucked us all up a little bit. Anyway, worth it for Sadie Frost's Lucy Westenra; Lucy is the only worthwhile part of any Dracula.
• In Braveheart (1995), William Wallace leads the charge against the Jews threatening Scotland. Starring Tilda Swinton as "Colonel Sugartits Insidejob."
• Breakheart Pass (1975): Charles Bronson runs into trouble on a train, then runs a train on trouble, if you know what I mean.
• Cleopatra (1963): Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton channel their previous historical incarnations, like when I tried to spread that rumor that I was often referred to as "the Paz de la Huerta of American Letters."
• The Core (2003): Aaron Eckhart, Hilary Swank, and Delroy Lindo make pinched and angry faces at each other until they reach the Earth's core, which they flip going back the other way and that's how electricity works.
• Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988): Steve Martin and Michael Caine was pretty much my Doomsday Scenario—second only to any Gene Wilder/Richard Pryor joint—growing up, so I have never seen this movie. It looks kind of harsh to be honest.
• Fatal Attraction (1987)—Michael Douglas fucking asks for it, and then Michael Douglas fucking gets it.
• In Harts War (2002), Bruce Willis and Colin Farrell must defend Terrence Howard from accusations that he has super fucked up ideas about gender and domestic violence.
• The Haunting (1999): Catherine Zeta-Jones is way bisexual and Lili Taylor fights a ghost with a magic necklace. Very dumb movie, no offense.
• In Heartburn (1986) —Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson play Nora Ephron and her husband. So like imagine Woody Allen and take everything out that is identifiably Woody Allen, and then all those holes cram 'em full of Nora Ephron, and you've got this. Also with Jeff Daniels, back when his hair used to do that thing.
• How to Steal a Million (1996): Audrey Hepburn and Peter O'Toole steal a lot of things—smiles, glances, little touches, each other's hearts—but one of those things is some art.
• Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back (2001): I mean obviously Silent Bob would suck Jay's dick. That's not even that gay. There's stuff you can do that's way gayer than that, I've seen it in films.
• The Preacher's Wife (1996)—Denzel Washington, Whitney Houston, and Angela Bassett's Husband star in a movie about a preacher couple and this angel who's just all over the place.
• The Quick & The Dead (1995)—Sharon Stone is a gunslinger obviously. Gene Hackman and Russell Crowe are in it too, so but the trick is they never tell you which one is "quick" and which one is "dead." Spoiler alert, at the end it's like, "We were both both."
• Road Trip: Beer Pong (2009) —DJ Qualls ...and I'm goin' ghost. No thanks.
• Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991) — Mr. Kirk and Captain McCoy are pulled out of their space retirement to start a Star War.
• Trading Mom (1994)—Anna Chlumsky's mom is Sissy Spacek and you know how much of a bummer that can be, so she puts a magic spell on her. I maybe should have started with this being that kind of movie.
• Artifact (2012) Director Jared Leto makes a documentary about the process of musician Jared Leto recording an album with Jared Leto's band The Jared Letos.
• Hell Is for Heroes (1962) but also for Germans, as the unruly Steve McQueen lets them know. Also stars Bobby Darin, Bob Newhart and James Coburn as "flamethrower-wielding Henshaw." Haha Dear Mr. Henshaw, please stop flamethrowing me.
• Kingpin (1996) A Farrelly Brothers movie with Woody Harrelson, Randy Quaid, and Bill Murray? You don't say. Oh, and it's about bowling? I'll add that to my queue immediately, that sounds like exactly my kind of thing.
• The Rocketeer (1991) Rockawho? The Rocketeer. It's really good. Billy Campbell, Jennifer Connelly, Timothy Dalton? Terry O'Quinn? I think what you meant to ask was, "Who isn't in it?"
• Total Recall (1990, so it's the) Paul Verhoeven one, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sharon Stone acting all like she does. One thing you should really think about when planning your vacation is: What if it's just a weird dream? You run the risk of returning to your normal routine more stressed than when you started!
• Babes in Toyland (1961): Victor Herbert's operetta starring Annette Funicello as a nursery rhyme is not as good as you remember it being, but way better than it should be. I refuse to watch it and I know you're saying "who doesn't love a nice operetta" but it's because of a very personal, painful story I will relate to you.

I had a storybook of this Disney operetta for years and from the illustrations had formed an impression that the film starred Tommy Kirk, for whom I lived solely from about 1982-1988. The way some kids are about dinosaurs, or musical theatre, or occasionally trains. But see it wasn't Tommy Kirk, it was cockadoodie Tommy Sands who doesn't even look like Tommy Kirk so why did they draw him like that, and who later married Nancy Sinatra and then got blackballed by her dad when they divorced, none of which matters, because the second I found out it wasn't Tommy Kirk I was like, "What is the point of this movie then? What is the point of life?" and presumably faked my own death like usual.

• Also Season 9 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Season 4 of Portlandia, but at this point I don't know anybody who could discern one season from the next for either of those shows. It's like being the person who knows the actual titles of the most Liz Phair songs. The only person you're impressing is you.

AFTER THAT

3-Nov: The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement (2004)—Don't do it. I'm serious, this is the most disappointing sequel ever made to an existing movie. Worse than the Mean Girls sequels, worse than the Romy & Michele prequel with Katherine Heigl, worse than Legally Blonde 2: Red White & Blonde. Maybe not worse than those things, I just said some pretty nasty things there, but do you dare find out?

4-Nov: Pretending to still respect someone you no longer even like is not doing your, or their, younger self any kinda of favor

• Season 2 of The Newsroom comes out a week before the third-and-final season starts, so if you for some reason find the show enjoyable enough to watch a first time, yet did not, you are in luck.
• Altman (2014) Director Robert Altman narrates a documentary about the life of auteur Robert Altman, called Altman, after its principle subject and narrator, Robert Altman.

5-Nov: Fading Gigolo (2014) John Turturro wrote and directed and starred in this movie, in which he is paid to have a threesome with Sharon Stone and Sofia Vergara. Gross, yes? Well, his pimp is played by friend and co-pro Woody Allen. How's that workin' out for ya?

6-Nov: Doug Benson's new standup special, directly with Netflix like many of his compatriots over the next year. This one's called Doug Dynasty, which is no skin off my ass.

7-Nov: Scream 4 (2011) is actually one of the best in the franchise, but not enough people have seen it, or in the right spirit, to back me up. Big fan. Emma Roberts's breakout role in my opinion.

8-Nov: Two kinds of Generation X family stress that can be hard to understand from the outside

• Louder Than Words (2014) is some kind of dead kids/hospital/sad family/hugs-for-all kind of thing, I don't trust it. Duchovny, Timothy Hutton who will do anything, Hope Davis and Mary, Queen of Scots from Reign are in it.
• Nebraska (2013) seems to be about Will Forte tricking Bruce Dern into being less of a shitty old man before he dies, and then they go on a road trip. Worth it for Will, I guess, as he figures out his career, but man does Bruce Dern play a lot of befuddled b-holes. Not how I'd wanna go out.

10-Nov: Season 1 of probably the most boring television show I have ever been addicted to, Helix starring Billy Campbell. It is about: Soldiers, a little boy with a knife, Inuit switcheroos, silver contact lenses, the immortality virus, the zombie virus, possibly other viruses, and Eskimo brothers who are also just regular brothers. I don't know why I like it so much, which is rare for me. Have you seen it? Do you find it like, hypnotically boring? And yet desire more?

11-Nov: Quartet (2012) is a movie about old British people saying snarky things to each other in an unusual setting. Do you really care what or why? No, and I sure as hell don't. As long as they drink a buncha tea and yammer about tea and Maggie Smith is knockin' around somewhere, everybody's gonna be fine.

12-Nov: La Bare (2014) Joe Manganiello from True Blood and Magic Mike goes around to the other side of the camera where taking off his shirt won't help him, as he tries to sell us on the artistic and cultural merit of an entire documentary about a male strip club. I'm sure their stories are very authentic and moving and it'll change the way we look at strippers probably. Just kidding there is only one way and that's through your waffled, interlaced fingers because it's a sin.

13-Nov: Small Town Santa (2013) Sherriff Dean Cain accidentally arrests Santa for breaking into his house, which coincidentally happens when his faith in Christmas is at its lowest ebb. So look for that movie on Netflix in about two weeks when it becomes available for you to watch it any time you feel like watching happen what I just described to you.

14-Nov: The wonderful Chelsea Peretti's one-lady special, One of the Greats, comes to Netflix as another exclusive/original Netflix offering, described as "dark yet silly." I don't mind telling you that I will be watching the fuck out of this, probably at midnight that night. I don't get to see a lot her now that she's on that show I can't stand, so it'll be a real treat to get her to ourselves again.

15-Nov: Four things that you might like! Who knows?

• Season (Sorry, "Series") Six of Doc Martin, the British situation comedy about a doctor who can't stand blood! Drollery, farcical misapprehensions, country witticisms, the whole fuckin' thing.
• Sinbad: The Fifth Voyage (2014) is notable for looking incredibly crappy and having crappy-looking people in it, plus Patrick Stewart. Sometimes it's just like who the hell knows, man.
• Trailer Park Boys: Live At The North Pole (2014) In a special flashing back to 1997, the inscrutable titular Boys rob a mall or maybe they're actually doing it and this is some kind of outsider art. I still don't get that show at all and it's almost as old as we are.
• Season 2 of Wolfblood, a British werewolf teen show that is about your body going through changes, some of them expected, some surprising, and some of them are full-on horrific because guess what you are a werewolf. A cursed teenage beast under a silvery moon.

16-Nov: Dream House (2011) In which Daniel Craig drags his wife, who is either Naomi Watts or Rachel Weisz, out of Manhattan and into the haunted house of a thousand brutal murders and Elias Koteas is there also. But is it Crash Koteas or TMNT Koteas? Depends on whose dream this is, in this dream house.

19-Nov: A survey of different kinds of charm, from quirky to nonexistent

• Donald Glover: Weirdo (2012)—Another standup special from the kind of people we like a lot. In this one, Donald comes clean about the disproportionate strength, out of control parkour skills, and web-shooting abilities that he's developed since he was bitten by a radioactive arachnid on an 8th-grade field trip, during his third season as a writer on 30 Rock.
• Sabotage (2014) internationally appealing personalities Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, and Terrence Howard provide the key elements of a successful film adventure.

21-Nov: Season 3 of Netflix Original series Lilyhammer: Kinda disturbing Little Steven/Miami Steve/Silvio Dante runs into a third season of Norwegian problems, up there in Norway.

22-Nov: Three artifacts of, ultimately, vestigial Cold War paranoia

• Snowpiercer (2013) Visually stunning, emotionally compelling, philosophically risible and obnoxious in that particularly intricate, post-Jeunet, mindlessly adorable aesthetic that's come increasingly to define a whole vibe of French and French-influenced cinema: Your Amélies and Micmacs, but also Hugo, your chirpier Gondrys. A very personal, very subjective line that is different for everybody so don't think I'm yucking your yum: In this case we're talking about a Matrix: Revolutions that for some reason gets treated like it's Matrix: The Matrix. I don't hate it, at all, I really like it, but it does take itself way less seriously than its provenance would have you receive it, which always creates more static than it's worth.
• Ida (2014) Unsatisfied even by the dreariness of being a novitiate nun in 1960s Poland, Anna seeks out any further family darkness she can dig up from during the Nazi occupation, and guess what, it's Poland, so obviously she does.
• Season 4 of Nikita: Maggie Q, Shane West, and Lyndsy Fonseca spy on other spies, who are spying on them in turn; Devon Sawa got old but kept it tight, which is the best of both worlds in my opinion.

23-Nov: Happy Christmas (2014) Anna Kendrick pulls a "Rachel Getting Married" meltdown on her brother's family, but since they're not awful like the family in that movie, it works out. (This one is pretty good. I would also recommend Home for the Holidays, The Family Stone, and the absolutely stunning Margot at the Wedding, if you are into awkward family reunions. If I had my way August: Osage County would be its own Netflix category and we'd all be invited.)

25-Nov: Three challenging things I probably will never personally watch

• Beyond the Edge (2013) Edmund Hillary's 1953 ascent of Mt. Everest was never fully explained, until this recent documentary: Turns out it's because it was there.
• Running From Crazy (2013) Mariel Hemingway decides to let some air in after looking the white elephant in the room eyebrow-to-eyebrow: If her famous family is bound and determined to commit suicide one by one, the best thing she can do is make a documentary about it.
• War Story (2014) Libya, PTSD, abortions, photography, Catherine Keener, Ben Kingsley, Tunisian immigrants, what else do you need? "What else you got."

26-Nov: Two things that seem kind of wholesome

• Season 3 of Bomb Girls, in which Meg Tilly and some other Canadian women build munitions and have period piece problems, but one things those Girls never forget is, they are the Bomb.
• VeggieTales in the House (2014) in the house.

27-Nov: Bill Cosby '77 (2012): How about we circle back to this one, Netflix. How about we just let one ball go by without swinging. Whattaya say.

29-Nov: Two things that what even are they, in actuality?

• The One I Love (2014) Mark Duplass and Elisabeth Moss go to a cottage and that's all you need to know, just watch it. There aren't even really spoilers because the twist happens in the first ten minutes and the whole movie is working out the ripples from that twist, but still. Don't ask questions, just watch it. It's very good.
• Trailer Park Boys 3: Don't Legalize it (2014)

30-Nov: Two things that sound truly horrible

• About Cherry (2012) in which a girl gets into porn, coke, and lawyers, and who is there but James Franco and Heather Graham, exactly the kind of normal, not-harrowing people to be involved with at a time like this.
• The Grand Seduction (2013) in which a place called Tickle Cove, which right away I have a question, needs Taylor Kitsch to be a lawyer for them! What a grand seduction that will be. "Tickle Cove needs you, Taylor Kitsch." That is literally the grossest sentence I have ever written.

Matthew McConaughey incorrectly explaining to you how a carburetor works even though you did not ask him how a carburetor works. Cameron Diaz performing at a poetry slam. Jemima Kirke giving Lena Dunham a stick-and-poke. Benedict Cumberbatch cuddle party snuggle voucher.

And of course 1-Jan: Friends

All ten years of Friends, my friends—that's right: all ten!—and then? And then... I guess we'll watch all ten again!

[Image via]

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. Follow @GawkerMA and read more about it here.

It was a sunny morning like any other (it was yesterday) when the shocking news fell on Mediatown: The future of a much-ballyhooed web startup, Racket, was in Limbo's grasp, due to warring egos, shifting amounts of start-up capital, allegations of harassment, and managerial backbiting.

Such a report causes content producers and media analysts to pace around their standing desks. How to feel? Should one feel schadenfreude (only feel, because no one can pronounce it correctly)? Should one give their boss a mickey of gin to express gratitude for their shitty Tweeting job, knowing that all media positions have a shelf life of +/- two years? Or should one fall to their knees in Nietzschean despair, and go real old Vanity Fair articles in the bathroom?

We urge you not to panic and to consider history—as in the year 2009, when there were no media jobs. That is simply not the case anymore. Now there are so many places (websites) where an aspiring journo or journa can be mediocre, thanks to venture capital and the internet. Unfortunately, not all of these outlets will last, because the internet is a big bubble, there is no sustainable model for advertising on content sites, and most media jobs don't make sense and produce garbage content.

Lucky for you, we have looked into our crystal ball (aka our brains) and foreseen the future: we can tell you, with an alarming degree of certainty, which new media outlets will survive, and which will float down to www.riverstyx.com. Join us on this journey.

1) Bloomberg (the remix)

The old mayor's rag is on the warpath to bolster its brand and become the news source of... the political élite? The mega-mega rich-rich? Men (mostly of the white color)? All of the above? They are doing so by hiring a lot of aforementioned men. Let's run down the list of Bloomberg's marquee six-figure-plus hires in the last several months: John Heilemann, Mark Halperin, Dave Weigel, Gabriel Snyder, Justin Smith, Nathan Richardson, Josh Topolsky, Joe Weisenthal, Eli Lake, and Josh Rogin. Whew! What a softball team! We're sure they've hired some women as well, but those press releases haven't made Capital New York. They're probably just in the planning stages of a style vertical or something.

Odds: Money is air at Bloomberg so when they run out of it we will be dead.

2) BuzzFeeD

Despite harboring a plagiarist and sponsoring a genocide of thousands of "below-par" posts, BuzzFeed has become the internet's darling little man-site. BuzzFeed has a thick head of hair and a great jawbone. It only dates the most beautiful women. BuzzFeed is the JFK Jr. of the internet. It is the site that has everything and can do no wrong, except fail the bar exam twice, drive a shitty political magazine into the ground, date Sarah Jessica Parker and Daryl Hannah, and fall victim to a family curse. Be careful BuzzFeeD.

Odds: High. $50 million in venture capital will last at least six months.

3) Vox

Honestly, Vox is terrible. Vox is a defective puppy-mill puppy, the even-more-defective-and-inbred-than-baseline result of a brief craze, overbred with all sorts of crazy-sad heart problems. Vox is also doing better traffic and growing more quickly than Gawker, and is extremely popular with "Millennials." Euthanize Vox immediately.

Odds: Medium-high.

4) Vice

This year Vice went to Ukraine and Iraq and Sierra Leone and produced some frattily charming actual journalism. Next year it will go to Washington D.C. to "shake some cages and go crazy and create some enemies" and ask some fuckin questions of those bozos in charge. Colt 45 and Converse will sponsor. Some amount of that money will trickle down to the writers blogging about their experience shrooming at the National Portrait Gallery.

Odds: Medium-hiiiiigh.

5) Fusion

There's an interesting coleslaw of news stories to choose from at Fusion, the mysterious news outlet that recently hired former Reuters scribe Felix Salmon and Jezebel's Anna Holmes and Dodai Stewart. Fusion is, evidently, a cable channel, but also a news, pop culture and satire site, featuring stories like "Deported mom lives in fear after returning to Honduras" and "Exploring the sexy, dope side of Africa." It's unclear what the site's new hireds have yet contributed to it; Salmon seems to be doing most of his pontificating on Twitter. We wait with bated breath.

Odds: Medium-high, since they are apparently loaded.

6) FiveThirtyEight

It's funny how everyone was really scared of FiveThirtyEight before it launched, and then it did and didn't get any traffic. Which is strange, because they published sexy pieces like "The Most Blah Governors in the United States," this article about the Nigerian kidnappings that "contains many errors, some of them fundamental to the analysis," and this article by a climate-change denier (who was later fired).

Well, it doesn't really make a difference. No matter how much Nate Silver tweets about getting arrested while holding a burrito while white, FiveThirtyEight is gonna get bananas traffic when Hillary Clinton/Elizabeth Warren challenge Rand Paul/Cliven Bundy for the presidency in 2016. Even we may tune in.

Odds: Medium-kind of high.

7) Medium

Not really sure what this site is. Is it Twitter? Is it Facebook? Is it Paul Ford? Is it nothing? Is it the future? Is it the past? We hear that it pays well. Maybe it can pay us for this review. We accept Venmo and PayPal. Thanks.

Odds: Medium. lol

8) The Awl Network

Edith Zimmerman is so funny!

Odds: Really high!

9)The Huffington Post

Ah, Ye Olde HuffPo. The gem of Arianna's eye is old now, at a creaky nine years. It's the grandpa of start-ups. HuffPo has always been a power-player during elections season, and even won a Pulitzer in the brief time it tried to be a respectable journalistic outlet. Since then most of the "respectable journalists" have left, (not really including the alleged sexual harasser who once managed the the entire thing, but he left too), and the site continues to traffic in clickbaity headlines, promotions of Arianna Huffington's cult-y books, and hiring 9/11 truthers. Fortunately, behemoth AoL still runs a nifty subscription dial-up service that caters to the elderly, which should subsidize HuffPo for a few more years. A success story for modern times.

Odds: Low.

9) Grantland

At Bill Simmons's utopian sports and pop-culture site that not even Bill Simmons really wanted to build, most of the content is about SNL, Bill Simmons and balls. The site was named for Grantland Rice, a long-dead golf journalist "known for his elegant prose" (it sucks like only a dead man's prose can). Grantland may be fine when it sticks to sports and pop culture, but when it goes beyond that, things get freaky, lest we forget how staggeringly the site fucked up a story on a transgender woman and a golf club. Also, Bill Simmons sucks and ESPN sucks worse and they hate each other now. Somewhere in hell, ol' Grantland R. hangs his head.

Odds: As a ESPN property, low; as a Bleacher Report property, high.

10) Mic

Mic, née PolicyMic, was founded on the principle that "young people deserve a news destination that offers quality coverage tailored to them." Because... young people can't read the big people newspaper? Because... young people don't read BuzzFeeD? Because... young people don't know how to use Google News? We give it a year.

Odds: Bad.

11) ViralNova

ViralNova is what happened when BuzzFeeD mated with Upworthy and produced a mutant alien. Though we do have to say we did really enjoy this article on a bathroom completely made of chocolate. "Ho, ho, ho," went our old-man brains. There's some sort of poetry to a site that is just a whore for trending content. It asks nothing, wants nothing of you. There is no moral, no lesson. Just clicks. Hot clicks for days. We'd imagine this is how a misogynist feels about women. We wouldn't know!

Odds: We don't care.

12) Quartz

"Quartz is a global business news brand launched in September 2012 for people who are excited by change. It serves as a digital guide to the new global economy. Designed for an efficient, mobile reading experience, Quartz serves business professionals who travel the world, are focused on international markets, and value critical thinking." In short: For assholes, by assholes.

Odds: Burn it down.

13) The Toast

The Toast is both an inside joke and a statement about women. The statement is that women can run a successful website about nothing, which is true and great! However, Nicole Cliffe and Mallory Ortberg, the editors of the site, boast about "bootstrapping" a successful business, and yet won't disclose their site's financials. Whyyy not? Okay done with this one bye.

Odds: Uhh...

14) The Intercept

A worldly billionaire. A journalist who lives with a pack of dogs. A former Gawker editor. Encrypted content. The NSA. Another web magazine that just imploded on its face. What could go wrong? Probably nothing.

Odds: Five years.

15) Gawker Media

A tax shelter for a Hungarian businessman, run as a network of second-tier gossip blogs with no gossip and very little actual blogging. Stagnant traffic but still beating all competitors in unearned self-regard and smugness. Best-case scenario is everything except Lifehacker gets sold off. More likely: Kinja actually works and the sites become a kind of liberal-arts Reddit, only a quarter as big and an eighth as interesting. Everyone says io9 is good but we're not sure anyone reads it.

Odds: Til our next paycheck.

[Image by Jim Cooke]

A 20-year-old man was arrested by Lee County, Fla., deputies Tuesday on possession of less than 20 grams of marijuana—a typical occurrence and a useless waste of police time that would normally not be newsworthy, except for the t-shirt he was wearing when he was booked.

Micah Dailey of Cape Coral was held for 7 hours and released on $6,500 bail. The New York Daily News reports he did not pass Go, nor did he collect 200 dollars, likely because Monopoly is not real life, just an increasingly depressing metaphor thereof.

The War on Drugs is a heap of extremely expensive, racist bullshit that hurts everyone except the prison industry, but hey, at least it's given us this one humorous photo.

He went to jail! Directly to jail! It's almost as good as the time the guy in the "drunk as shit" shirt got a DUI. The criminal justice system, am I right?

[Photo: Lee County Sheriff's Office via NYDN]

Much has been made of the power of art to take its observer to magical, faraway places. In Northwestern Expansion, an installation currently on view in Park Slope, the artist Corina Reynolds takes an opposite tack, precisely replicating the mundane, fluorescent-lit waiting room of a Manhattan government building.

Viewed in photos, Northwestern Expansion presents a closed-off alternate reality, sealed off from the world outside. It's meant to closely mimic a specific room on the 31st floor of the Jacob K. Javits Federal Building, and while I can't speak to that space in particular, the exhibition nails a certain dreadful bureaucratic ambience. Blue plastic chairs all sit empty in a line and a potted rubber plant adorns the counter. On the wall, there's an unnecessary slab of pegboard and two analog clocks. Hyperallergic's Benjamin Sutton compares it to the 7 1/2 floor in Being John Malkovich, a short-ceilinged nightmare where everyone wears bad suits and no one communicates.

This kind of ironic repurposing of dated corporate or government aesthetics is currently pretty popular among art-world types, and if that's all Reynolds were doing, it would be among the more interesting recent examples of the trend. But there's also something about, uh, 15th-century explorers. From Hyperallergic:

Reynolds likens time spent sitting in a waiting room to the waiting that European captains were left to do in the 1400s when, while searching for the Northwest Passage between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, their ships became surrounded by ice. In both situations, the artist sees the enforced waiting as a kind of invisible or immobile progress. Time spent waiting, in other words, is not time lost.

As if to drive this point home, she has retroactively bestowed degrees — from Northwestern University, get it? — upon famous explorers including Henry Hudson, Sir Francis Drake, René-Robert Cavelier, and James Cook. The framed, faux diplomas hang in an impossibly narrow office hallway tucked behind the waiting room installation.

I don't really get that part, but hey, maybe I need to visit in person. Northwestern Expansion closes tomorrow.

[Images via Open Source Gallery/Facebook]

Some quotes from a story about women's watches: "Women are now interested in how a timepiece works." "We're more comfortable now with technology. Things that used to seem geeky or intimidating are now common." "Moon-phase watches seem to have a particularly strong appeal for women, and not just those who frequent beauty salons." Women!

io9 The Creationist Freak Out Over The Pope's Evolution Speech Has Begun | Jalopnik This Brilliant Honda Civic Type R Ad Is Secretly Two Films In One | Jezebel Searching For the Dead in Witch City: A Weekend in Salem, Mass. | Kotaku Guy Pretends To Be Serial Killer, Terrorizes GTA Online Players | Kinja Popular Posts

England's University of Kent has dashed an intramural soccer team's dream of a sponsorship from PornHub, one of the biggest streaming porn sites in the many-tentacled MindGeek empire, and ordered the players to stop wearing their PornHub jerseys immediately.

The Rutherford Raiders' plan to have PornHub take care of both their masturbatory and soccer-sartorial needs started as a joke: They printed up unofficial jerseys after they couldn't drum up local sponsorship, and then posted a photo online for laughs.

PornHub saw it and offered to become a real sponsor, but the relationship was not to be.

A University spokesman issued this statement after putting the kibosh on the team's new branding:

The University of Kent sports department would never sanction sponsorship of this type – it is totally inappropriate.

The team has been spoken with and will not be allowed to wear the shirts in question at any time.

We take this issue very seriously and inter-college sports teams, which are the responsibility of Kent Sport, must present any potential sponsorship and/or logos for approval.

A member of the Raiders told Kent newspaper The Tab the team felt victimized by a double standard: The school's official cricket team is sponsored by Kingfisher beer, which is "also an age-restricted product."

The team may have lost, but PornHub is winning: this is their second recent publicity stunt to benefit from the Streisand Effect. The company got to double-dip on press coverage earlier this month when its huge (safe-for-work) billboard went up in Times Square and was then taken down for mysterious reasons 2 days later.

[h/t BuzzFeed]

Next year, at the prestigious University of Pennsylvania, a group of students will screw around online. Between lectures on thinkers like John Cage and Betty Friedan, they'll be asked to browse the likes of Tumblr or Twitter and hopefully, by they end of the semester, they'll have something meaningful to say about it all.

The class, bluntly titled "Wasting Time on the Internet," was conceptualized and will be taught by the polarizing poet Kenneth Goldsmith, who's known for appropriating—or "plagiarizing" if you're a stuffy college professor—previously existing text in his own work (That's him above). Once, he gave a poetic reading of New York City traffic reports to a baffled audience at the White House, and another time, he tried to print out the entire internet.

Here's what Goldsmith told the Washington Post about the class:

Goldsmith says he hopes the distraction will place his students "into a digital or electronic twilight," similar to the state of consciousness between dreaming and waking that was so prized by the Surrealists.

"We do it, but we're not really thinking about what we are doing," Goldsmith says of digital distraction. Forcing students to think about all that "wasted" time might change assumptions about the worth of cycling through endless Reddit posts. "I'm so tired of reading, every time you pick up a paper, on how bad the Web is," he says.

The conventional wisdom is that all that Internet time is making us as a society stupider. "I don't think that's true," Goldsmith says. "I think the Internet is making us smarter."

It may sound like artsy-fartsy intellectualization, but wasting time on the internet can be a solid, pragmatic career path as well. It worked for me and the rest of the Gawker staff, anyway.

[Image via Wikimedia]

You good? You know it's Devil's Night, or what they call Mischief Night in some places where they don't know what it's called. That's the night that you do all the things you would normally do on Hallowe'en, but twice as hard and 24 hours early, because of ADHD and a generalized unrest. If you are in a danger zone for mayhem I suggest you stay in with some TV, rather than joining in like this is some kind of The Purge: Anarchy or even just The Purge: Regular, and if you do, here is what it will be:

AT 8/7c.

• The Big Bang Theory officially moves to its new timeslot, which who cares; after that, way more excitingly, the second season of Mom, a show that could not have less in common with its peers in the Chuck Lorre station wagon, like for example how it is great, returns with guest star Jamie Pressly. That checks out.
• On Lifetime, a Project Runway reunion (Remember "Johnny Cash, I walk the line"? Man I used to love that show), new Biggest Loser, and Bones on Fox.
• Maria Menounos looks into the Untold stories of the quote "Transgender Frontier" and "Depression in Hollywood" on E!, which seems like it will be really awful or could be cool. I like her.
• On The Vampire Diaries, a Homecoming party in a Corn Maze turns into bullshit, while everything Enzo does is perfect, in "The World Has Turned & Left Me Here," which is part of a song cycle to which our ancestors once ritually wept during certain phases of the moon.
• But the real shit is that James Denton, who played plumber/murderer Mike Delfino on cautionary televisual tale Desperate Housewives, will be co-hosting the American Humane Association Hero Dog Awards on the Hallmark Channel.

Where they give awards, to dogs, for being heroes.

Still less mortifying than being married to that idiot Susan Mayer, though. Do you ever wonder what it's like to be the focus of that particular kind of weird, like, Ellen energy? For a hot minute James Denton was the Gilles Marini of America, and I always thought that would fuck you up.

Like, my friend Thomas was at this kid's birthday party, this was like maybe 15 years ago, and all the moms were being weirdly sexual toward him, and he finally realized it was because he was dressed in a way that accentuated his resemblance to Steve Burns from Blue's Clues, and he got the heck out of there.

"The honorees are recognized in the categories of military, search & rescue, law enforcement, arson, guide and hearing, therapy and service. An eighth category, Emerging Hero Dog, recognizes ordinary pets who do extraordinary things."

You know what would be extraordinary is if a dog figured out what an award is. First Dog Ever to Comprehend Even the Basics of What's Going On Award.

AT 9/8c.

• On NBC's doomed but fairly wonderful Bad Judge, Bad Judge makes for an even Worse Juryperson, but I bet later on she comes to understand, like, "The law isn't so Bad, I should be less Bad at it." Then, somehow they have roped Ben Falcone (the Air Marshall from Bridesmaids, if you know him from nothing else) to be on A to Z with those faces those people have.
• There is also Gracepoint, and the Project Runway All Stars premiere.
• Aisha Tyler guest-stars on the bullshitty fake gay marriage Chuck & Larry premiere of Two & a Half Men, which grosses me out but for some reason because it's her it's fine. This is followed by The McCarthys, which who even cares.
• Greer's wedding is interrupted by Protestantism, Kenna finds a scandalous diary and Francis is fine as hell on a new episode of Reign, while on Scandal Fitz continues acting pretty crazy, but not as crazy as the time he had a brain injury that fucked him up so bad it made him act cool.

AT 10/9c.

• Is it Monsters Inside Me on Animal Planet or Beat Bobby Flay: An International Affair on the Food Network? Depends on what you find gross. Me, it's villainous eyebrows, which Flay has in abundance.
• For kids who are taking their passion and making it happen, there's Project Runway: Threads, but if you are not into interesting artists or self-starters, MTV has a new show called Slednecks about life, love and extreme sports up in Wasilla. Do you ever wonder what Levi Johnston is doing right now? Last I heard he wrote a book called Dear in the Headlights, which: yikes, and then dropped out of the Wasilla mayoral election when he found out he is the most unpopular person in the entire state and thus probably would not win, but those are both from years ago. Hope he's okay.
• On Elementary's third-season premiere, Lucy Liu is very mad at Zero Cool but it's okay because Gina Gershon is there, and get over it anyway since they both have new best friends.
• On Parenthood it's a series of stunning developments as Crosby of all people finds himself in some kind of trouble, and wonders if he is letting his son down, who has got to be twenty years of age at this point, right? Meanwhile, Ray Romano and Lauren Graham are the It Couple of the Century some more.
• We learn about Asher's (Matt McGorry from OITNB) Dad on How to Get Away With Murder, and also where he was That Night, Wes steps out of line with Dr. K, and Rosie Larsen's killer still has not been found. What's going on with Connor this week, though? The only question. I bet it involves men having sex with each other. I bet you ten dollars.

Speaking of gay stuff: Jean-Claude Van Damme: Behind Closed Doors versus Watch What Happens: Live starring like the entire cast of American Horror Story: Coven alongside the entire cast of Andy Cohen at 11/10c. Then at 12:15 it's Tim & Eric on Adult Swim, then at 12:30 the crypto-gayest of all, Comedy Central's Adam Devine's House Party.

Morning After is a new home for television discussion online, brought to you by Gawker. What are you watching tonight? What are we missing out on? Recommendations and discussions down below.

USA Today interviewed Justin Edmund, an early employee at Pinterest. The 24-year-old engineer first caught Silicon Valley's attention with a candid personal essay about growing up black, where he said he had "not seen a single technology leader," besides Jack Dorsey "acknowledge the crisis in Ferguson. And why would they bother?"

Edmund offered some suggestions to address what USAToday calls "the 2% problem," in reference to diversity reports which showed that African-Americans made up roughly 2 percent of most large tech corporations:

"Inspiring people when they are young and showing them like, 'Hey, you like Vine? You like Instagram? Cool, you can actually work on those things if you start now and you work on these kinds of problems and you take this kind of path.' That kind of awareness will go a long way," Edmund said.

[...] "If the people who have the power and the money funnel them the right way and to the right places, we can solve these problems," Edmund said. "But people have to see what the issues are instead of just standing by and being silent, or tweeting 140 characters about it and then forgetting it's happening."

For any solutionists out there, this seems like a good way to start solving the problem.

To contact the author of this post, please email nitasha@gawker.com.

[Video via USAToday]

A man suspected of murdering one cop and wounding another was finally captured Thursday after a 48-day manhunt through the woods in rural Pennsylvania.

Eric Frein, 31, became America's Most Wanted after he allegedly staked out a police barracks and shot two cops, killing one and injuring the other.

"Got a shot around 11 p.m. and took it," Frein wrote in a diary found at a campsite. "He dropped. I was surprised at how quick. I took a follow-up shot on his head, neck area. He was still and quiet after that."

Authorities say Frein shot the second cop when he came to the first victim's aid.

Frein was reportedly a survivalist and managed to elude police and FBI agents for 48 days. He spent at least part of that time camping in the woods of the Pocono Mountains, where police later discovered abandoned pipe bombs and ammunition.

Trackers found items they believe Frein hid or abandoned in the woods — including soiled diapers, empty packs of Serbian cigarettes, an AK-47-style assault rifle and ammunition and two pipe bombs that were functional and capable of causing significant damage. They also discovered a journal, allegedly kept by Frein and found in a bag of trash at a hastily abandoned campsite, that offered a chilling account of the ambush and his subsequent escape into the woods. The journal's author described Dickson as falling "still and quiet" after being shot twice.

Law enforcement sources tell the AP Frein appeared to be having fun during the 48-day, multi-million dollar manhunt, which involved K9s, thermal imaging technology, a camera-equipped hot-air balloon, and more than 1,000 police officers.

Police spotted a man they believed to be Frein at several points during the manhunt, but it was always from a distance, with the rugged terrain allowing him to keep them at bay. Police said he appeared to be treating the manhunt as a game.

Frein was reportedly captured Thursday in an airplane hangar at the Pocono Mountain Airport. Officials tell the AP he was armed but taken into custody "without incident."

Silicon Valley's leaders usually do a good job finding things to agree on (regulations: bad; disruption: good; workplace diversity: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). But when it comes to campaign finance reform, the tech industry can't make up its damn mind. While Bay Area billionaires are financing super PACs focused on getting money out of politics, they're simultaneously spending millions on their favorite candidates and parties.

The National Journal stumbled onto the conflict while digging into tech's political givings ahead of the 2014 mid-term election.

When looking at the donations made by tech billionaires, two trends emerge. The first: donations to super PACs that are fighting to reform the campaign finance system. The second: donations to a group called Virginia Progress PAC, which is supporting Democratic Sen. Mark Warner's reelection bid. The group has spent at least has spent $1.4 million in TV ads against Ed Gillespie, Warner's Republican opponent.

According to t he National Journal, some donors in Silicon Valley have shunned the voguish move towards supporting campaign finance reform. Instead, they just shower candidates with cash the old fashioned way.

Marc Benioff, the billionaire CEO of Salesforce and the second largest techie political donor, is one such giver—even though he can't make up his mind as to which party he supports.

Curiously, Benioff donated $15,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee this cycle, along with $25,900 to the National Republican Congressional Committee. He also donated $32,400 to the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee this cycle.

But tech's top donors are much more likely want to have it both ways.

[Reid] Hoffman, the CEO of LinkedIn, donated $150,000 to Mayday PAC—a super PAC founded by a Harvard law professor Lawrence Lessig that is ironically working to get money out of politics. He also donated $32,400 to the Democratic National Committee's PAC.

Peter Thiel, much like Hoffman, likes to back candidates while calling for campaign finance reform. However, in a separate piece from the National Journal, Thiel at least admits that he's winging the whole political donor thing:

As it happens, I'm not the only attendee puzzled by a staunch libertarian—a man who gave a Ron Paul-promoting super PAC $2.6 million in 2012—investing in campaign finance reform. A filmmaker who's shooting a documentary about money in politics asks Thiel why he donated to MayDay.

Here, in part, is Thiel's answer, delivered in his usual halting, guttural fashion: "Well, I, um, I always have this somewhat schizophrenic view on what to do about politics. I think it's very important, and then I think it's very broken ... so I always go back and forth on: Is it worth trying to fix things? Should we just ignore it?"

So what does the industry really want to see happen? Their donations are pretty revealing: the National Journal reports that tech tycoons have donated $23.6 million to federal campaigns thus far in this election cycle (with nearly half of that going to Democrats). And Lessig's campaign to eviscerate dark money? That's only raised $10.6 million, total.http://valleywag.gawker.com/preview/silico...

To contact the author of this post, please email kevin@valleywag.com.

Photo: Getty

An Alabama husky-pit bull by the name of Bo broke the cardinal man-dog omerta this week when he turned state's evidence on his meth dealing owner.

Pratville police were executing a raid on Edward Henderson, an alleged meth dealer, when he escaped out a back door and into a 25-foot deep ravine.

The officers reportedly lost sight of him and he might have escaped, until his dumb dog decided to serve a new master: the law.

"The dog, later identified as Bo, looked at one of the investigators and the investigator pointed at Henderson and said go get him. Bo without hesitation went down the ravine trailed by two Drug Enforcement Investigators," the police department said in a release.

...

Upon exiting the brush Bo tipped them off to some tall grass he was now hiding in, all by the swoosh of his tail. There with him they found Henderson lying flat on the ground.

Now Henderson's in jail facing distribution charges, and Bo's sitting pretty.

"Bo was rewarded with dog biscuits from our K-9 Sergeant," a Prattville police spokesperson said.

A young bride shocked her fiancé by showing up to her wedding shoot in Shenzen, China, with grey hair and elaborate makeup that made her look 70 years old. If he would still love her at 70, she reasoned, he shouldn't mind her taking the pictures that way.

The groom failed her test, demanding she remove the makeup. He left the scene after a public yelling match that made the news and spread across hugely popular social network Sina Weibo, Shanghaiist reported.

The woman, who was left crying in the street, told reporters she had devised the test because "he is such a philanderer and he used to have many girlfriends," but said she wants to marry him anyway because "he really treats me very well."

Shanghaiist smells a viral ad campaign, and all the signs are certainly there, but it's not yet clear what the staged scene might have been advertising.

[Photo: Juemei520/Weibo]

Soft rock dad Chris Martin seems to be doing fine after his breakup with 24-year-old acclaimed actress Jennifer Lawrence. At Kate Hudson's Halloween party last night, he hung out with ex-90210 actress Sara Foster, who was dressed like a business ballerina:

Chris Martin looks like he's going to be A-OK http://t.co/5PwPApSJpy pic.twitter.com/MRHxtd6BtX

— Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) October 31, 2014

The Daily Mail has multiple pics of the two gabbing, laughing, and grabbing each other's arms all night long while standing in a doorway. (?)

At an amfAR charity gala this week, Martin's estranged wife Gwyneth Paltrow introduced him as the "father of the year."

[Photo via Getty]

The full run of Mick Garris's two-season brainchild is now available on Hulu and Hulu+. We've combed through the total of 26 episodes, originally aired on Showtime from 2005-2007, to find the very best for you this weekend.

If you don't know the history of the series, it's pretty interesting: Garris is known for his Stephen King adaptations (from 1992 he did Sleepwalkers, The Stand, and the 1997 Shining miniseries with Rebecca De Mornay and Steven Weber) and for writing Hocus Pocus. So Garris throws a dinner party in 2002 with a lot of horror directors, and those turn into a thing, with more and more directors showing up and coming into the circle, and that's where Masters of Horror came from.

It's a way mixed bag, but even the lesser ones usually have at least a few things going on that are funny, or cool, or done in a new way. (Same with the much less successful Masters of Science Fiction, which was awesome but DOA on ABC in 2007). So here you go, some recommendations based on our algorithms of what you are into:

THE BEST
For if you like things that are: Very good

• "Sick Girl" – An amazingly weird bug enthusiast, played by Angela "May" Bettis, falls in love with a rare insect and a beautiful lady right around the same time, which ends up sucking for all three of them. (Story by Sean Hood, who adapted it with director Lucky McKee, who is of course the writer/director of May and All Cheerleaders Die, and directed the magnificent The Woods.)
• "Homecoming" – By Joe Dante, the director of Gremlins, The 'Burbs and Explorers and also the incredible Gremlins 2: The New Batch, with a teleplay adapted from a Dale Bailey short story by Dante's long-time working partner Sam Hamm, who co-wrote Batman and Batman Returns and also Monkeybone. A funny, heartfelt, more than a little bitter satire about American soldiers killed in Iraq returning to life long enough to vote. (In 2005, a little over a year after the Kerry "loss" and only just settling into another Bush term, people still took vote suppression seriously.)
• "H.P. Lovecraft's Dreams in the Witch-House" – Stuart Gordon, the director of Re-Animator and 2001's Lovecraft adaptation Dagon, gives us a cutie-pie college student in a boarding house with like a million things going on: Child sacrifice, strange angles, odd smells, bizarre wounds, unpredictable weather, and a human-faced rat with pretty good manners.
• "Family" – Directed by John Landis—Animal House, Blues Brothers, American Werewolf in London, Trading Places, Three Amigos, Coming to America—so right away you already know whether this is your kind of thing: '90s icons Meredith "Andie McPhee" Monroe and Matt "The Middleman" Keeslar move into a new neighborhood, where they hook with weird old George Wendt, who is secretly a serial killer who is into mummifying randos into his own little people-puppet family, and that's not even the fucked up part. All I can really say is that it's got twists for days, and is super satisfying.
• "Dance of the Dead" – A grimy, post-apocalyptic cyberpunk story about punk-rock zombie abuse that's a little like Liquid Sky as told by Mad Max and set in the world of Repo Man. Probably my favorite besides "Sick Girl"; directed by Tobe Hooper, who did Poltergeist (as well as some less universally beloved favorites like Lifeforce and Texas Chainsaw Massacre II) and adapted by Richard Christian Matheson from a story by his dad Richard Matheson, famous for novels like the oft-filmed I Am Legend, The Shrinking Man, A Stir of Echoes and What Dreams May Come, the Trilogy of Terror films, and four decades' worth of episodes of Twilight Zone, Amazing Stories, Night Gallery and so on.

TOO MUCH
For if you like things that are: Too much!

• "Jenifer" – Dario Argento directs a Steven Weber story about how this deformed looking lady's magic power is getting raped all the time, and how sad it is for the men compelled by it.
• "Imprint" – The first-season finale, which put the show on the map for being way too much, is ... just way too much. This Pinkerton type dude goes back to Japan to find the lady he's in love with, and guess what she is crazy now, but how crazy is, they had to edit this like six times to make it less much, but it's still way too much.
• "Valerie on the Stairs" – Mick Garris adapts a Clive Barker story about an uninspired novelist whose apartment building is chock full of fucking weirdos and monsters. Good stuff, if never quite as smart as it thinks it is.
• "Cigarette Burns" – John Carpenter tells the story of a movie print that drives audiences into a mental frenzy of murders. One of the best themes to come out of this whole "Industrial Revolution" thing we've been doing lately in society is the madness of a VHS tape or a long-play record. This is a good example.
• "The Screwfly Solution" – Joe Dante and Sam Hamm retell James Tiptree, Jr.'s feminist classic about ethics in videogame journalism.

BEST OF THE REST
For if: You already watched the best ones and now you are ready for round two

• "Pick Me Up" – Fairuza Balk finds herself stuck between two urban-legend psycho killers: A truck driver that kills hitchhikers and a hitchhiker that kills truckers. (The latter is especially fantastic, but they both rule.) One would think their shared project of killing Fairuza Balk would bring them together, but no. You cannot trust a serial killer, even if you are also a serial killer.
• "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" – This Joe R. Lansdale short story pits a resourceful young lady up against a psycho killer with a fucked up looking face, in the vicinity of a road.
• "Fair Haired Child" – Lori Petty is amazing, in her usual fashion, in this story about a weird old couple of necromancers and what they feed the boy in their basement. The rest of it is whatever, but c'mon it's Lori Petty as a neurotic necromancer. The only other place you can see that is at Lori Petty's house.
• "We All Scream for Ice Cream" – You could probably write this just based on the title and come out with basically the same story, but remember that a clown in your story counts for 20 more points, so... There you go. I Know What You Clown Last Ice Cream.
• "Dream Cruise" – I get why this Norio Tsuruta production was the second-season finale: It's got scope, Orientalist anxiety and a love triangle on the sea. I just don't see what's that enjoyable about it. Maybe watch it a few more times and try to better understand what it's doing? Because people do tend to love it.

PRETTY GOOD
For if you like: marathons, since you probably wouldn't watch these for just no reason

• "Haeckel's Tale" – At first interminable and wooden, as Clive Barker stories tends to get when he's going for a pastiche of "mannered," turns out okay if you can fight your way through the irritation to the "Young Goodman Brown" story within the story told by an old witch 1850s witch met along a country road.
• "The V Word" – all of the Garris-penned episodes, and this wacky vampire story is no exception, seem a lot more topical/dated than the others. Guess that's what makes a good anthologist; after all, George RR Martin spent the better part of a century doing that kind of thing, hanging onto the edges of genre by his fingernails, and look what happened when he finally solved it.
• "The Black Cat" – A Poe adaptation that probably doesn't really need to exist, but I mean, does anything? I'd rather see someone do a lapidary, respectful adaptation that actually rests on craft and creativity and gets to the heart of what is enduring about a given Poe story than sit through somebody try to like, go meta on Poe or make a TV show about all of Poe's characters having sex with each other. Having said that, this is neither. Just a thing that exists.
• "The Washingtonians" – Actor Johnathan Schaech, for some reason, is credited with co-writing this teleplay about the shocking secrets of America's founding fathers. I'll give you three guesses what the secret is. Correct.

DUMB AS HELL
For if you like things that are: You, but stoned

• "The Damned Thing" – Tobe Hooper directs this very boring, very old Ambrose Bierce story—about a Texas community decimated by an evil underground creature—all the way to its very ridiculous ending.
• "Chocolate" – Written and directed by series creator Mick Garris, this story of two people who switch sensory perceptions after gnawing on the same piece of chocolate goes nowhere good, but very slowly.
• "Deer Woman" – John Landis directed this one, which is about exactly what you imagine it is about, only more racist.
• "Pro-Life" – John Carpenter's story of a young woman trapped inside an abortion clinic by her family/cult, and then it turns out her baby is also the Devil? You lost me at the title and failed to get me back at any point, show.
• "Pelts" – Dario Argento tells the story of a fur trader who runs into some special raccoons that are magic! But they are also very pissed off! Even the biggest Argento fan would have to admit you can see right off the bat how hard this might, and does, suck.
• "Right to Die" – Terri Schiavo gonna get ya!

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