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​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

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​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Sure, you could say that video games get more beautiful every year. Graphics technology gets better, game developers get more adept, and as a result, games get more beautiful. All the same, 2014 felt like a special year for video game beauty.

This year, PC games looked as good as ever, while new consoles let us get our first sense of how much better console games will look in the years to come. We got a few redone versions of already good-looking games—hello, atmospheric smoke effects! 2014 was also the year that marked the rise of "photo mode," an in-game tool to lets users capture their own perfect screenshots. The screenshots that players made were almost always nicer than any of the promotional screens that publishers sent out.

Below, I've listed some of the most beautiful video games of the year:

Infamous: Second Son

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Grand Theft Auto V

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Child of Light

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Monument Valley

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Far Cry 4

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Lumino City

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

The Last of Us: Remastered

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Fract OSC

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Assassin's Creed Unity

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Kentucky Route Zero

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Mario Kart 8

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Hohokum

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Eidolon

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Destiny

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Dungeon of the Endless

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Bravely Default

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Transistor

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

The LEGO Movie Videogame

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Dragon Age: Inquisition

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

Valiant Hearts: The Great War

​Video Games Got More Beautiful This Year

This is far from a complete list, so I'd love to see your own submissions (with screenshots or gifs!) below.

Top image by commenter Kopoop, Infamous screenshot by Kane1345


Man Dead After Being Found Submerged in Fancy Spa's Rooftop Hot Tub

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Man Dead After Being Found Submerged in Fancy Spa's Rooftop Hot Tub

An 84-year-old man died today after a woman found him floating and unresponsive in the rooftop hot tub of College Point, Queens's Spa Castle, NBC 4 New York reports.

The woman who found Hock Ma's body was "walking into the water and felt something by her feet," said Jessica Prescatore, a friend who was also at the luxury, five-story spa. "It was the gentleman. He went under and no one noticed him." Ma was pronounced dead at the hospital.

Spa Castle was cited in April 2013 by the Health Department for not having an updated pool safety plan, though it passed its most recent inspection in September, NBC 4 reports. "Excessive swimming, running or diving will not be tolerated," Spa Castle's current safety policies warn.

It is not clear whether any aquatic supervisors—mandated by the Health Department—were monitoring the pool Ma was in before he died. According to NBC, police could not say whether Ma suffered a medical emergency before being submerged, and the Health Department is reportedly investigating his death.

"It does warrant a closer look so this doesn't happen to someone else and it's a shame it happened to my father," Hock Ma's son James said.

[Photo credit: Shutterstock]

Missing Plane's Pilot Requested Course Change Before Disappearance

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Missing Plane's Pilot Requested Course Change Before Disappearance

In his last communication to air traffic control, the pilot of missing AirAsia flight QZ8501 made a request to take the plane above threatening clouds, the Associated Press reports. By the time his request was granted, the plane had disappeared.

State-owned navigation operator AirNav Indonesia revealed today that the plane's pilot, Captain Iriyanto, made two requests to change course. First, the BBC reports, he requested permission to turn left to avoid a storm. Permission was immediately granted.

Then, he asked to take the plane from 32,000 feet to 38,000 feet. According to the AP, air traffic controllers could not immediately grant permission because six other planes were already occupying the airspace at that altitude.

After "two to three minutes" in which they coordinated with their counterparts in Singapore, Indonesian air traffic controllers told the pilot to take the plane to 34,000 feet.

"When we informed the pilot of the approval at 06:14, we received no reply," Wisnu Darjono, AirNav safety director said. The plane was officially declared missing at 7:55.

[Photo Credit: AP Images]

New Jersey Man Arrested After Calling Police to Ask for Ride

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New Jersey Man Arrested After Calling Police to Ask for Ride

A New Jersey man was arrested this weekend after he made a false emergency call and asked responding officers for a ride to the convenience store, the Burlington County Times reports.

According to the Times, 56-year-old Ken Smith called State Police from the manager of the Red Lion Motel's office phone at around 2 p.m. on Sunday. He reported a disorderly person, but there was no disorderly person. "He was just calling to get a ride," State Police Capt. Stephen Jones said. Smith was arrested and charged with filing a false crime report

On Monday,Smith appeared in court via monitor from Burlington County Jail. Superior Court Judge Paula T. Dow set his bail at $20,000 with a 10 percent cash option, the Times reports.

Smith told the judge it was all a "misunderstanding."

[Photo credit: Google Maps]

New York City's homeless population has hit a record high of 58,913, WNYC reports.

Report: Michael Grimm Will Resign From Congress

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Report: Michael Grimm Will Resign From Congress

Representative Michael Grimm, the Republican from Staten Island who plead guilty to tax evasion and threatened to break a reporter in half has decided to resign from Congress, the New York Daily News reports.

When he entered his plea last week, Grimm said that he would continue to serve. He changed his mind after reportedly consulting with House Speaker John Boehner. According to the News, Grimm will announce his resignation on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Grimm's case was scheduled to go to trial February 2 before he plead guilty to one count of aiding in the filing of a false tax return in 2009. He had been charged with 20 felony counts related to his alleged underreporting of more than $1 million in wages and and sales at a restaurant he ran before entering Congress.

Despite the charges, Grimm comfortably won reelection this November, beating his Democrat challenger 55 percent to 42 percent. If and when Grimm resigns, Governor Andrew Cuomo will have to call a special election to fill the vacant seat.

[Photo credit: AP Images]

The Year in Gay Pop Culture, and What We Learned from It

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The Year in Gay Pop Culture, and What We Learned from It

Depending on where and how you were looking, it was a terrific year for gay pop culture... or a rotten one. While representations of gay folk in media have never been more varied, they still aren't varied enough. They are still overwhelmingly white, overwhelmingly affluent, overwhelmingly male*. Below are some quick summaries of the conclusions that I've drawn from some of the gay-oriented pop culture I consumed this year. When thinking about this post and why these representations matter at all, I used these words from bell hooks's intro to Black Looks as my guide: "It is only as we collectively change the way we look at ourselves and the world that we can change how we are seen."

Please Like Me

Deemed "too gay" for mainstream TV in Australia, Please Like Me is extremely sharp and funny in handling the living contradiction that being gay is at once no big deal and the biggest deal. It's unfortunate that that concept is not "normal" enough for "regular" television.

Love Is Strange

It's possible to make a movie that's pointed regarding the limitations of tolerance even from the supposedly enlightened. Less possible is getting people to watch it. And even with Love Is Strange's unfairly small audience, it's still in the Top 3 highest-grossing LGBT films of the past five years.

Looking

To resonate, a show need only focus on a handful of gay men. They don't have to say anything particularly funny or unique or insightful or interesting over the course of a scene or several scenes in a row, as long as they are "normal" and an alternative to the flamboyance of RuPaul's Drag Race and things of that nature.

Whatever, I just hope Season 2 contains a subplot about PrEP. It's long overdue.

Pride

This movie about gay activists' solidarity with Welsh miners during the strikes of 1984-85 is sweet, though excessively earnest and, ultimately, crams in more issues than it has time to adequately explore. Still, it provides a nice model for finding common ground and applying your experience to helping people outside of your own immediate community to work toward a greater good. (Rose McGowan should see this if she hasn't already. She would love it.)

The Skeleton Twins

When done properly, folding gay clichés and stereotypes into a solid, well-observed character can make said character feel more real, not less.

The Case Against 8

The Year in Gay Pop Culture, and What We Learned from It

In order to be treated like legal equals, gays must downplay their humanity and project spotless normality.

The Normal Heart

The Year in Gay Pop Culture, and What We Learned from It

Goddamn, HBO is committed to telling gay stories. Even if they don't do it perfectly (Looking, The Case Against 8, the scene in The Normal Heart in which a single tear runs down Matt Bomer's face as he's getting fucked), their efforts are needed and appreciated.

The Imitation Game

Even for someone whose accomplishments have seemingly nothing to do with his sexuality, even in heavy-handed Oscarbait fare, the importance of a man's sexuality can be adequately conveyed.

Interior. Leather Bar

There is plenty to be said about straight men's relationship to gay people and culture… and it's best said with the help of a gay man (James Franco co-directed this movie with Travis Mathews). But don't be surprised when that straight guy resumes hetero-supremacist bullshit, like when Franco ripped off Christopher Schulz's nude drawings of Seth Rogen because, as he said, "I felt like, oh here he is appropriating Seth's personality and his persona for his art to get attention for his art, and I thought, well, if anybody should paint Seth naked, it should be me, so I took his sketches and did paintings." Appropriation is a two-way straight if you're a straight guy who appropriated gay sex to get attention.

Top Five/The Interview

If unassisted by gays, though, we're all better off if straight guys don't even attempt to write gay characters. Eminem couldn't be more useless on the topic of gays, and yet opinions of them keep coming out of his mouth. He wishes he could quit them.

Dear White People

Despite what this list of white gay men suggests, there is room for queer people of color on screen. In the case of Dear White People's Lionel, multiple otherness (and his detachment from each ostensible group he belongs to) only made him more nuanced, more complicated, more human. It wasn't easy, though: DWP's director Justin Simien told me that Lionel's queerness "had to be subversively worked into the narrative because if the movie was a quote-unquote black gay movie, oh god. That's box office poison."

How To Get Away With Murder

Frank depictions of gay sex, even when they arrive with an explicitly expressed agenda, are not a liability, even on a network show. This show does things to my ass that makes my eyes water. Still, haters gonna hate.

Sam Smith/Perfume Genius

Music is the least gay-friendly arm of pop culture. Sam Smith is openly gay, but coy with the details (details like pronouns) at every turn. He is a global superstar. Mike Hadreas (aka Perfume Genius) is lyrically flamboyant ("No family is safe when I sashay") and has a healthy-sized cult following, particularly amongst fellow queers. "I had a lot of people telling me if I toned it down or dealt with more universal themes — which is code for being less gay — I would be more successful and have a wider fan base," Hadreas told the New York Times earlier this year. You can't argue with results, but you can find them incredibly depressing.

"Throw That Boy Pussy" by Fly Young Red

Gay-sex real talk, even in the exaggerated yet casual way that heterosexual sex is frequently discussed in hip-hop, is so uncommon that a song based on it is considered little more than novelty if it even ends up reaching a wider audience.

Cakes da Killa

An artist can be explicitly, openly, unapologetically, defiantly gay (from Cakes's "Oven Ready": "I wish a bitch would / But in hindsight I know a faggot wish he could / Do it like this get ya stick on wood / Talking cement when I'm bent over like / And if I said it take it literal / I was never too keen on subliminals") and he'll still get asked dumb questions like, "Is it directly penis that excites you the most?" from the straight dudes that respect his talent enough to help promote him.

Le1f

Being treated as a musician instead of a spectacle, as Le1f says above, is evidently so rare for him that it warrants thanks.

RuPaul's Drag Race

A decades-long history of public inclusiveness toward trans people and those on the outskirts of queerness, like the type that RuPaul has exhibited, isn't enough to win the good will of a vocal majority who takes exception to your irreverent vocabulary.

Nick Jonas

The Year in Gay Pop Culture, and What We Learned from It

Nick Jonas's acknowledgement and appealing to his gay fans is revolutionary, but we need to talk about Nick Jonas's queerbaiting.

Brendan Jordan

In the genre of news-hijacking, Brendan Jordan's gay-affected posing was exemplary. In the genre having something to say, Jordan's gay-affected posing was empty. "In today's culture, if you're gay, you become famous. That's basically how it works," is how one commenter interpreted the popularity of Jordan, and I understand how someone could make that mistake looking at Jordan. After his news clip went viral, Jordan appeared on various talk shows and was praised for being himself, even though at 15, it's virtually impossible for him to have a firm grasp on what being oneself even means. Granted, expecting a 15-year-old to have anything to say or a fully formed identity is too tall an order. I don't blame Jordan for attempting to extend his 15 seconds, I blame a culture that foolishly believes that because a kid did one funny thing in one video, he must be otherwise fascinating or meaningful. (I also blame Lady Gaga for perpetuating the idea that fame is an admirable goal, that to replicate her behavior is to assert one's individuality, that applause is a life force. Really, her fans are the fucking worst, and it's her fault.)

Michael Sam

There is no place in the NFL for an openly gay man. After what Sam went through I understand why players stay closeted. This whole story is fucking depressing. 2015 should be better because it could barely be worse.

*Note that this post only focuses on gay men/male characters in pop culture because of both the dearth of queer women narratives and because I'm more equipped to comment on the effect of gay men/male characters given my focus and personal experience. Please feel free to add lessons gleaned from notable depictions of queer women in the comments below.

Don't Hate the NYPD for Protesting, Hate Them For Why They Did It

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Don't Hate the NYPD for Protesting, Hate Them For Why They Did It

As the outrage winds have swirled around the NYPD's decision to turn their backs to Bill De Blasio at the funeral of murdered officer Rafael Ramos, some in the police force's corner have been compelled to bend in the other direction. This weekend, both NYPD commissioner Bill Bratton and semi-professional police state spokesperson Rudy Giulinai distanced themselves from the police protest, with Bratton calling the demonstration "inappropriate." They are right, but for the wrong reasons.

Both Bratton and Giuliani made political statements that are meant to stamp out the controversy ignited by the protest while still being careful not to undercut the NYPD's message. In agreeing with people aghast at the NYPD's decision to politicize a funeral—people like the New York Times editorial board, who think the NYPD acted childish and immature—Bratton and Guiliani have found the point at which they can thread the needle. But taking issue with the mere protest, and not why the NYPD protested in the first place, is to miss the point—and, for progressives, to cede ground to the type of people who want to see civil demonstrations snuffed out entirely.

If we are to agree with Bratton and Giuliani that the NYPD was wrong to use a funeral to protest, we then must admit that funerals are hallowed ground where protests or political statements should never be made. Generally speaking, this is a decent rule of thumb, especially because America's main association with funeral demonstrations is Westboro Baptist Church, who have built up notoriety by hijacking high-profile funerals in order to "protest" against homosexuality. Nonetheless, Westboro picketing military funerals is a free speech issue, and the group's right to do so has been appropriately affirmed by the Supreme Court.

Defending the NYPD and Westboro sucks, but it's necessary in order to protect our ability to defend ourselves in the future. Isn't it possible, that at some point, we may want—or need—to use a funeral as a place of protest? Why would we agree with people like Bratton and Giuliani, who have a vested interest in the quieting of social disruption? I, too, was grossed out by the NYPD turning their backs to de Blasio, but I don't have to stretch my imagination to think of situations where I would applaud a group of people staging a demonstration at a funeral. To draw a line between protests and funerals is to relinquish a potentially powerful tool in the bag of an active and vocal citizenry.

In this instance, the discussion about the police protest—the politicization of the politicization—is distracting from the actual disgusting part of the ordeal: what spurred the NYPD to turn their backs in the first place. The NYPD chose to make a grand statement against their mayor at the funeral of a comrade because the mayor admitted, in the aftermath of the death of Eric Garner, that he had the gall to tell his black son to be careful around cops.

This admission was, by far, the most relatable and agreeable moment of de Blasio's short tenure as mayor of New York City. This was him doing what we want our politicians to do: to stand with us, to understand, articulate and endorse our points of view. This is why de Blasio–a staunch liberal—was elected, and in that moment he delivered on the promise of his mayorship.

That is what the NYPD were turning their backs on. Protesting at a funeral is defensible; making a grand gesture of intimidation against a politician's, and a city's, humanity is not.

[image via Getty]


Reports: Enjoy Yourself, Sulky NYPD Is Refusing to Enforce the Law

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Reports: Enjoy Yourself, Sulky NYPD Is Refusing to Enforce the Law

According to reports in the New York Post and New York Daily News, the NYPD has basically stopped doing its job since the murder of two officers earlier this month. Arrests, the Post reports, were down 66% in the week following the deaths of officers Rafael Ramos and Wenjian Liu, compared to the same period in 2013.

The arrest numbers are reportedly even lower for certain low-level offenses. From the Post:

Citations for traffic violations fell by 94 percent, from 10,069 to 587, during that time frame.

Summonses for low-level offenses like public drinking and urination also plunged 94 percent — from 4,831 to 300.

Even parking violations are way down, dropping by 92 percent, from 14,699 to 1,241.

Drug arrests by cops assigned to the NYPD's Organized Crime Control Bureau — which are part of the overall number — dropped by 84 percent, from 382 to 63.

The Daily News reports that the 84th Precinct, where officers Ramos and Liu worked, and the 79th Precinct, where they were killed, issued only one summons combined last week, compared to 626 the week before.

Why the drop? One of the Post's sources says its partly out of safety concerns and partly a continuation of the childish and embarrassing protest against Mayor de Blasio's response to the non-indictment of Daniel Pantaleo, the officer who killed Eric Garner last summer.

From the Post:

"The call last week from the PBA is what started it, but this has been simmering for a long time," one source said.

"This is not a slowdown for slowdown's sake. Cops are concerned, after the reaction from City Hall on the Garner case, about de Blasio not backing them."

[Image via AP]

Drunken Idiot Tries to Pedal Bike Mounted on Storefront

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At the urging of a "friend," this presumably inebriated definitely idiot attempted to scale the half-bicycle mounted 12 feet up—for decorative purposes only, it should be emphasized—on the façade of RV&E Bikes in Canandaigua, New York. You already know what happened next.

It was all over the moment Cool Friend, who egged our heroic dumbass on while smoking a cigarette in front of the bar next door, tempted fate by praising the quality of the bike sign's construction. If only the climber's brave, stupid, human face were built as sturdily.

But he would have gotten a free shot if he'd won, so who can blame him?

[h/t Digg]

How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

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How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

The baddest motherfucker on Earth and I are in a posh restaurant in a poor city with two guys he picked up at some point or another to shoot guns and drink beer with whenever he isn't elbowing people in the face, and we're laughing, the four of us, hearty guffaws that crash around the table. I'm telling them a funny story I heard during my week here in Albuquerque, about a fighter who was knocked out the first time he fought on pay-per-view, with all his friends and family watching at home. It starts with him sprinting across an eight-sided chain link fence, chin out, fists low, and ends with him coming to, his opponent crawling across the cool, gray mat like an alligator, and the ringside doctor shining a small flashlight in his eyes screaming, "Are you OK? Are you OK?"

"That sucks," the baddest motherfucker on Earth says. "That's no good."

Still chuckling, I decide to ask if anything like that ever happened to him.

"I got flash knocked out once," he says. He wasn't the baddest motherfucker on Earth then; he was just Jon "Bones" Jones, a 21-year-old kid with a smooth, unmarred face, warm, loud eyes, a 7-0 record, and an upcoming light-heavyweight fight in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. He was sparring with a fighter named Mike Massenzio—just some guy, really—who happened to be a southpaw, and happened to throw a punch Jones didn't see coming.

"The next thing you know, I saw white light and I was sitting on my butt," he says. "I was like, 'Ah, shit. You musta got me.'"

He runs his hands over his body like he's searching for bullet holes. We're laughing again, the baddest motherfucker on Earth and his two guys and me. It happens, and anyway, that was a long time ago.

Jones, now 27, is 20-1. His hair is cropped close and hinting at a retreat; a long, shiny scar tugs at an eyebrow, and the beginnings of a beard trace his sharp jaw. He's the seven-time defending UFC light-heavyweight champion, practically unbeatable, and already maybe the greatest fighter of all time.

Some day, who knows, if everything goes well and mixed martial arts survives its painful, ongoing transition from spectacle to sport, people may talk about him the way they talk about Bill Russell or Jim Brown. Right now, at this moment, he's a man without a country—disregarded not just by the mainstream for being at the apex of a sport it doesn't understand, but by that sport's hardest core fans for being a fake in ways no one can entirely pin down but everyone can sense. In every way in which it can be meant, no one really knows who Jon Jones is.

Right now, at this moment, he's plotting out his escape, which is, in a sport where men and women risk their quality of life every time they compete, the most difficult art of all. Almost to a man, fighters fight until they can't. Some need the money; for some, competition is a drug; for nearly all, there's a fear that comes with thinking about what a fighter is if he doesn't fight.

Jones already has a plan. He swears he'll be out by 35, while he's still young, handsome, and in control of his faculties. He wants to go into real estate and eventually own property all over, which is why he's just moved his fiancée and their three daughters from the comfort of upstate New York to New Mexico. His dream, though, is to be an action movie star, like Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. The thing is that he makes the challenge of it sound a lot like fighting, or at least all the parts of it he isn't good at.

"Just really living a character and living a person that's not necessarily you," he says. "Just somebody giving you some lines and you reading it to somebody else and you really having to sell that story and sell those emotions."

Jones tries to sell the stories and the emotions of his fights—that's part of his job—but he often has a hard time doing so. His greatest weakness, which is also his greatest strength, is that he can't be anything other than what he is: ruthless, obsessive, narcissistic, and basically unconcerned with anything other than winning. He is, objectively, a weird dude. In my time with him, he only speaks passionately about two things other than fighting: FIFA and shooting guns. FIFA, on which he wagers pushups, is basically a way to stay busy. Shooting is something else.

The thing that gets him about his favorite hobby is not, he says, the implied violence; it's the preparation before the shot. When he's on the range, he has to take into account which way the wind is blowing, how far away the target is, and what kind of bullet he's using. He thinks about these things a lot.

When our waiter comes, Jones orders a Caesar salad, no croutons. He has to watch what he eats. He's just weeks away from the biggest bout of his career, against Daniel Cormier, a former Olympic wrestling captain with a perfect 15-0 record who's had it in for Jones for years. The most serious criticism of the champion has always been that while he's beaten everyone put in front of him, he's never faced anyone capable of pushing him to his absolute limit. Cormier may do just that. It has been whispered, quietly, that he, too, is unbeatable.


Fighting is, historically, a poor man's game, for with poverty comes desperation and an intimate understanding of pain. Jon Jones didn't grow up poor, but poverty is why he's here. New Mexico is one of the poorest states in the union, and Albuquerque is appropriately grim. The whole city is laid out from its highest point, all squat buildings dotting hills that stumble over each other before stopping abruptly at the feet of the red Sandias. In the southwest quadrant of the city, South Valley, everything is brown and old and dull, like a layer of dust settled long ago and never washed away; it feels here as if Albuquerque is slowly fading, near to becoming nothing more than another one of the ghost towns leading out to the high desert.

How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

Albuquerque, N.M. Photo by Zack Frank/Shutterstock


Poverty in South Valley burns low and runs under everything, leaving the poorest whites, Mexicans, and Indians without so much as electricity or running water. People suffocate on nothing. The poverty these cultures share breeds hopelessness and a simmering anger, which in turn breeds racial contempt. People fight.

A lot of people got their ass kicked in the streets here over the years; many grew tired of it; a few decided to do something about it. A cottage industry of schools rose up, teaching necessary life skills: boxing, karate, wrestling, and eventually Brazilian jiu-jitsu. South Valley is the fighting capital of the country, a "palace of war," to hear Greg Jackson tell it. He grew up here, fighting his way through childhood. When he graduated high school in 1992, Jackson opened up a fighting gym, where he taught his friends a hybrid of kickboxing and wrestling of his own invention called gaidojutsu, "the way of the street." Shortly thereafter, he met Mike Winkeljohn, a kickboxer from Albuquerque, and the two became fast friends and partners. Today, Jackson-Winkeljohn MMA is one of the world's great fighting gyms.

It's located on a nondescript side street across from an empty lot. Only the vehicles in the packed lot and parked on the street—a red muscle car, a motorcycle, a Mercedes, an Infiniti, a couple of Ford Raptors—hint that there's anything unusual going on here. Through a door of mirrored glass is a small lobby with scores of newspaper clippings and signed photos quilting the walls, and through that is a hallway with assorted workout equipment. There's a stationary bike, a treadmill, scattered weights, a bench, and a tractor tire with a sledgehammer balanced in the middle. The hallway opens up into the gym itself, a modest space with a full-sized octagon in one corner, some heavy bags hanging from ceilings, and red mats from wall to gray wall. There's a musty smell, of musk and rubber and disinfectant. The morning session has already started. A James Brown track gives way to Rick James, and Jackson's voice cuts through the music. When I first lay eyes on Jon Jones, he's splayed out on the floor along with UFC stars Carlos Condit, Donald Cerrone, and others—about 20 barefoot men in various states of undress, all huddled around Jackson.

Fighters flock to this gym from Armenia and Orange County and everywhere in between, professionals and prodigies waiting for the call from the UFC, or Bellator, or World Series of Fighting, or the all-women's Invicta, or any number of professional fighting promotions.

"Today, we're learning basic elbows. Not like a basic woman," Jackson says, "but basic strikes."

In a white tee and shorts, he's grappling with middleweight Derek Brunson. As others look on, Jackson places his right hand on Brunson's arm, then rips down, breaking the fighter's grip on his shoulder. In a smooth motion, he pulls back up with his right arm and then rips across Brunson's face, stopping just short of his student's cheek. The important thing here, he explains, are the thumbs. Jackson spends about 10 minutes showing the fighters where to place their thumbs: not on the bicep, and not on the forearm, but in the crook. The rip doesn't work any other way.

The athletes break off into pairs, fan out across the room, and then, slowly and carefully, they begin to fight. They clinch, then one rips down, swipes across, and then grabs for a leg or follows up with an uppercut. Then they stop, and the active partner gets his arm ripped down in turn, and so on for five minutes, until the buzzer sounds, and they're gifted 45 seconds to swig water, grease their cheeks and foreheads, switch partners, and do it again.

Jones spars with Alistair Overeem, a veteran MMA fighter and former kickboxing champion. The Dutchman, nearly six and a half feet tall and 250 pounds, is cartoonishly muscled, with a brick wall for a stomach and traps that explode from his shoulders like rock formations before plunging again into the base of his skull.

Watching his muscles ripple and pop as he throws his bulk into Jones, Overeem looks indestructible. But Daniel Cormier has fought and defeated men just like Overeem, sometimes spectacularly, entrapping their legs with his while slipping a thick forearm under their chin, or knocking them off their feet with a single blow.

Jones stands almost as tall as Overeem, with a huge head dominated by a large, sloping brow and a surprisingly short, stout neck. He is definitely not skinny, with a wide torso, but he's noticeably smaller and quicker, moving more fluidly than Overeem on thin, delicate legs that don't seem to boast any calves to speak of.

During a break, he breathes far easier than Overeem, who's imprisoned by his own brawn. Instead of getting water, he reaches up to a pair of steady rings hanging from the ceiling and swings aimlessly while looking at his reflection in the wall-length mirror, like a child. I haven't even spoken to Jones yet, but I already feel the first dull twinge of fear.


The night Cain Velasquez knocked out Brock Lesnar for the UFC heavyweight title in 2010, Daniel Cormier, Velasquez's coach, training partner, and good friend, was there. So was Jon Jones, who, as he tells the story, walked up to Cormier backstage and introduced himself.

"Hey, what's up, man?" he said. "I hear you're a wrestler."

Jones, a college wrestler himself and a student of the sport, may as well have spit in his face. Cormier, 31 at the time, was a former Olympic wrestling captain, one of the toughest opponents Cael Sanderson ever had. Jones knew exactly who he was.

"I bet I could take you down," Jones told him; Cormier, feeling disrespected, nearly lost it right there. It was a hell of a thing to say.

As MMA has evolved, wrestling has established itself as the best base skill to have. The superior wrestler controls where the fight goes, and wrestlers start much younger than, say, boxers, so that from an early age, they're developing their sense of balance, core strength, and understanding of basic angles, leverage, and physics. Most of all, though, wrestlers are just tough. They compete, cut weight, overtrain, and get ground into the floor every day. They know pain and bone-crushing fatigue, and fight through it. Daniel Cormier embodies all of this. He's not a guy you try lightly.

Cormier was born in Louisiana in 1979. When he was seven, his birth father, Joseph, was murdered on Thanksgiving Day by his second wife's father, the first in a near-continuous series of losses Cormier would face through his life. Family, friends, teammates, and even his three-month old daughter Kaedyn have all died tragically. He's just kept going.

After winning two junior college national championships, Cormier transferred to Oklahoma State. He was a stud, but there was one problem: He was the same age as, and wrestling in the same weight class as, Iowa State's Cael Sanderson. Maybe the greatest collegiate wrestler of all time, Sanderson, who left Ames with a 159-0 record, once said that if anyone were to have beaten him, it would have been Cormier. As it happened, in his two years in Division I, Cormier amassed a 53-10 record. Six of his losses were to Sanderson.

After college, Cormier went for the Olympics. He made the team, six weeks after Kaedyn's death in an automobile accident; the next year, he competed in the 2004 Athens Games, where he missed a medal by one match. Ahead of the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, he was ranked the no. 2 wrestler in the world, and named team captain. While cutting weight, his kidneys failed. He had to pull out, and that was the end of his wrestling career.

He cried. He gained weight. Then, fighting saved his life. Cormier, poor and, for the first time in his life, purposeless, was invited to the American Kickboxing Academy in San Jose, Calif., one of the top gyms in the country. Short and plump, Cormier didn't look much like a world-class heavyweight, but he proved unstoppable. He won his first fight about a month after he started, and didn't even run into any serious problems until his 10th fight, against Josh Barnett, a very tough veteran submission wrestler, in 2012.

"When I was going through MMA, it was a sport, and it was fun," Cormier tells me over the phone. He's polite, talking in an uplifting, energized cadence.

Cormier greets me like an old friend; he calls me "buddy," and I hear myself call him "man." A gentle intensity comes through his voice, and a practiced warmth that comes from years of Olympic media training. He slides seamlessly between topics, talking to me about the youth wrestling team he coaches and how his training partners deserve the credit for turning him into one of the best fighters in the world. He even has some flattering words about Jones. It doesn't all sound entirely believable, but there's a reason why he was named the host of UFC Tonight this fall, and soon, I find myself holding on to every word.

"When I fought Josh Barnett," he says, "it's like every round I hit this dude, I punched this guy, and every round, he came right back like nothing happened. Still after me, still kicking me, still punching me, still surging forward, still marching."

Cormier dominated Barnett, but couldn't knock him out, and had no idea how to finish the fight with a kimura or leg lock. He tells me how he realized he had to be willing to do anything to win, even if it meant breaking someone's arm, or ripping an ankle from its socket.

"Does everyone have epiphanies like that?" I ask. "Because there's this common idea when you're watching a fight that, Oh, these guys are not like us."

"But we are," the Olympian says. It seems important to him that I believe him.

"We are just like you," he repeats. "I don't know if you may call it a normal person, because a normal person may be terrified to go inside of a cage. We're terrified."

He insists that all the emotions that I feel, he feels. He's just prepared for it.

Cormier believes in his heart that this is his time, that every tragedy he's ever suffered through has prepared him to be a UFC champion. Still, there's one thing he wouldn't and won't do: fight for his friend Cain Velasquez's heavyweight title.

"I appreciate what Cain did for me in this gym," Cormier once said. "He immediately walked over to me, said 'What's up, DC?' and started working towards me getting better. He never viewed me as more than a guy to train together and get better together. And because of that, I don't want to raise my hand to hurt Cain Velasquez in any way, shape, or form."

That's why Cormier—whose body once shut down during a weight cut, costing him his last chance at an Olympic medal—moved down a division this year. In a tuneup fight, he destroyed Pat Cummins, a former training partner. And after his second light-heavyweight bout, in which he tossed 43-year-old legend Dan Henderson around like a child before finishing him with a rear naked choke—there's video here—he took the microphone from announcer Joe Rogan.

"Jon Jones," Cormier called out. "You can't run away from me forever. I'm the kid at the wrestling tournament that's always in your bracket. No matter where you go, boy, I'm coming. You better hurry, because I'm getting better!"

"Did anything surprise you about this fight?" Rogan asked.

"No, just … I know nobody can wrestle me, so it doesn't matter. If I decide to take Jon Jones down 100 times, I'll take him down 100 times. This is my octagon. I'm the man."

The UFC made the fight, and in August, Jones and Cormier found themselves in Las Vegas at a promotional event, where they squared up on a stage filled with men from both their camps and event security. Jones lowered his head so their foreheads touched; Cormier reached up with both hands and shoved his neck. Jones charged and swung. Cormier fell back, stood up in the fracas, and, beside himself, threw one of his shoes at Jones. It hit a female reporter. Jones turned and roared, flexing for the crowd. It was awesome.

In every sport, rivalries sell; fans can get behind the idea that two parties have legitimate beef, and that the only way to settle it is through contest. It's a paradox of fighting that these beefs are nearly always contrived, partly because it's bad for a fighter to harbor ill will toward anyone; too much emotion can cause them to start too fast and gas out, or stray from their meticulous game plan in an effort to do real harm. But these guys truly didn't fuck with each other.

The brawl was one of the best things to ever happen to the UFC. ESPN immediately booked the pair on SportsCenter. Jones played the perfect gentleman, apologizing for his role in the fight and conducting himself like a good, wholesome dude. When the interview was over, this happened.

It was perfect—and it ever so mysteriously hit the internet right away. The hot mic granted a real, voyeuristic look at who Jones and Cormier were behind closed doors. Jones, long suspected to be an arrogant phony by MMA diehards, was caught on camera threatening a guy's life.

Jones has such a death grip on the light heavyweight division that there's almost a sense of resignation among his challengers, like they've been selected by the village to go fight the dragon. One after another, they enter the ring, are ripped apart, and their tattered remains are sent back to the rest. So Cormier's proud response was weird, especially if you had no idea that this dad in a plaid button-down scolding the baddest motherfucker on Earth like a schoolteacher was one of the most terrifying men alive in his own right, a former Olympic captain who trained with the UFC heavyweight champion as part of his daily routine.

Tension built as the summer crept into fall, and then, a month before the fight, Jones was sparring with Overeem when the lumbering heavyweight fell into his knee, tearing his meniscus. It was a minor injury as these things go, requiring only weeks to heal after surgery, but the bout was postponed to January.

This was, in truth, a godsend; Cormier had been planning to fight on a bad knee of his own, but the delay meant that the two unbeatable fighters would be close to their best when they finally clashed. Jones would finally get his chance to try and take Cormier down, and Cormier would finally get his chance to show Jones what that takes.


The sun is ducking below the mountains outside of the gym. Inside, most of the fighters are sparring or milling about, but Carlos Condit, the former welterweight champion, is on the mat, flat on his back, and in big trouble. His four-year-old son has successfully isolated his left arm and is now wrapping stubby legs around his bicep while pulling backward on his forearm with all his might: a textbook armbar. Condit, laughing, reaches over with his right hand and taps on his shoulder, submitting to his tiny foe. He rolls over onto his knees, but this time, the boy scrambles around his father, slips a supple arm from behind under his chin, locks up the choke and squeezes. Condit has to tap again. Other fighters look on, smiling and laughing. A few are wearing various swag to support their teammates: a "Karate Hottie" shirt, a couple "Killer Cub" hoodies.

All the fighters here, rich and poor and white and black and brown, get along casually, united by the same solipsistic pursuit: to attain an intimate understanding of how bodies and wills work, and, more importantly, how they break. Everyone here has abandoned a previous life for this one. Each trains at least twice a day; no one has a 9-to-5 job. Jackson, a self-taught philosopher, jokingly calls it the Jackson-Winklejohn School for Wayward Boys and Girls.

He tells me about this book he read, about American men and women who were inexplicably drawn to the Wild West, to places like the Rockies, California, and New Mexico. That was a long time ago; his theory is that with no physical frontiers left on the continent, the would-be pioneers are drawn to sports like fighting.

"They can't function in that normalcy," Jackson says. "They're more brave than their companions, than people they're around. So they have this unique thing of courage and talent, but they're like actors. They have a need to be watched, a need to be famous. They need approval. So sometimes that's family and environmental stuff, sometimes that's wired, and sometimes, it's a mixture of both."

Jones saunters into the gym wearing a smattering of apparel. He has on red running shoes from his one-time signature Nike line. He sits down on the stairs leading up to the cage, and pulls off his sweats to reveal short black Reebok trunks that slit open on the side, Muay Thai-style, to allow greater range of motion, and a gray MuscleTech shirt. Slowly he turns and joins Jackson in the cage for individual training.

They're working on their game plan for Cormier. This is a difficult, tedious undertaking, because on a macro level, as Jackson later explains to me while watching tape, most athletes fighting for UFC belts lack clear weaknesses. To me, there are no levels at all on which Cormier appears vulnerable, but Jackson dismisses that idea.

"You're looking at it like a fan," he says patiently. "You have to look at it like a math problem."

The key to success in MMA is often said to be transition—what happens in the split second after a fighter throws a punch. Does a Muay Thai fighter recognize the moment the shot is open, and turn seamlessly into a wrestler? How quickly can a wrestler overwhelmed on the ground turn into a jiu-jitsu practitioner, more dangerous off her back than most are standing?

To Jackson, fighting is a constant struggle for what he calls structure.

How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

Jon Jones trains at Jackson-Winkeljohn. Photo by Minh Quan.


"A structure can be anything," he says. "It can be a figure four around an arm. It can be a hand and a bicep and a shoulder. You fight for these points. And once you have these points, these points give you options."

To Jackson, the octagon is a chess board, and each of a fighter's body parts a separate piece. Every fighter has tendencies. Identifying these tendencies in camp and learning how to counter them gives Jones a glimpse into the future, the smallest of windows to beat his opponent to a point, to create a structure.

"Your arms are in this position, and your foot is underneath his leg here," Jackson says. "And so that is a good structure. Or you cut an angle on your kickboxing, so when he comes up, you'll be able to crack him."

Fighting is equal parts art and science—geometry and imagination and physics and ingenuity and biology. And in motion, spinning and kicking and punching and feinting and shooting and dancing, really, fighting for points invisible to everyone but him and Jackson, pausing only to rest and talk with his teacher in low voices, suggesting different maneuvers and combinations, Jones is breathtaking.

If fighting exposes the limits of the human mind and body, Jones makes you consider what those limits really are. He dwarfs Jackson, and with his famed seven-foot wingspan he launches fists and feet from across the ring that cut through the air in crisp arcs. Watching him up close summons seemingly important questions, like whether he marks an evolutionary endpoint or the beginning of something else entirely. Everyone in the gym can hear the accuracy as each strike ends with a loud fwap! against Jackson's padded mitts. When he steps in to throw an elbow, Jones slightly unclenches his fist. Balling up the fists flexes the muscles, but leaving them open relaxes the forearms, unsheathing the sharp bone underneath that cuts into his opponents like a blade.

"Good, Jon Jones!" Jackson cries. "That's good!"

After the session, Jackson leaves the octagon to check on his other pupils as Jones leans up against the cage to catch his breath, threading his fingers through the fence for support. He looks down, and notices me for the first time.

"What's up?" he asks.

He walks around to the stairs of the cage, and I trail him, notebook in hand, as he folds his scarred legs beneath him and sits down on the stairs.

"You go to UNM?"

"Nah," I say. "I'm a journalist."

"Where you from?"

"New York."

"Oh!" His eyes widen. "What part?"

"I live in Brooklyn now."

As he rummages through his sweats for his phone, I go on to explain to him that I'm here to write a story on him, that I've been negotiating with his manager and sidekick, Malki Kawa, for a couple of months now. I can tell Jones has never heard of me, but he squints, straining to jog his memory. After a second, he perks up.

"Are you guys the ones paying me to do this?"

I chuckle nervously. "Uh … no."

Jackson sees us talking, comes over, and puts a friendly hand on my shoulder. "He's one of the good ones."

Jones is intrigued, and says he'll text Kawa, but we can hang. After all, I'm from New York.

When I turn back toward the cage, Jones is still sitting on the stairs. He's alone; his drenched top is off, revealing a pouch of fat where his six-pack should be. It's the mark of a fighter still early in his training, who has not yet begun to starve himself in earnest, to cut off food and, finally, water, until he shrinks and tightens again into the baddest motherfucker on Earth. He reaches down, grabs two huge handholds of his belly, and jiggles. Then he smiles.


Jon Jones has always wanted to be more than a fighter; he's just never seemed to have any real idea what this would mean.

More than anything, fighters are avatars for the people who watch them, embodying fantasies of power and control. Very few people watch fights just out of appreciation for their technical aspects; what the public really goes in for are larger-than-life figures who are the men they wish they could be, or at least the men who do the things they wish they could do. This is why authenticity is so important in fighting, and why that behind-the-scenes video of Jones taunting Cormier was so incredible. The public doesn't necessarily have to like someone to make him more than a fighter—not too many people really identify with Floyd Mayweather—but they have to believe him. Jon Jones is, usually, pretty hard to believe.

The story a lot of fans tell if you ask them what their problem with the champion is has to do with the time he wrapped his Bentley around a pole in upstate New York in 2012. It wasn't so much that he was driving under the influence, or even that the self-proclaimed Christian role model had a couple of young women who weren't his fiancée in the car with him; it was that a couple of months earlier, when announcing an unusual deal in which the UFC itself would sponsor him, he had specifically boasted about how this very thing would never happen.

"They trust that I'll never make them look bad," he said at the time. "You never have to worry about me with a DWI or doing something crazy."

The issue, in other words, isn't really who Jones is; it's his insistence on presenting himself as something else, and his insistence that he's not doing this even as he is. (This is why the footage of him turning into a trash-talking psycho jock the second the red light went off has resonated.) When I ask him at dinner why he thinks he's hated, for instance, he claims that it doesn't matter.

"Ultimately, I gotta look at it this way," he says. "It's not my business what other people think of me. It's really not."

"You do care, though," I say.

"I care because I'm running a brand. So I have to care, but I can't care too much."

A man who starts talking about his brand when you ask why people who've never met him hate him is not a man you can believe.

The paradox is that he's at his most charming and his most humane in the moments in our conversations when the mask slips, or when he's at Jackson-Winkeljohn and doesn't feel the need to put it on at all. Earlier in the week, Jones, Derek Brunson, and I were talking about the differences between the mostly white churches in New Mexico and the mostly black ones of our youths, laughing about how long the latter's services are.

"When I start playing Angry Birds, it's time to go," Jones said. It was funny! And it was true! Then he started talking about his relationship to the Lord.

"Help me, Lord," Jones said, as Brunson and I laughed. "The devil's trying to test me this week, Lord. I thought I was all out of weed, but I found a nickel bag in the drawer, Lord."

How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

The champion at the ESPYs. Photo by Frazer Harrison/Getty


At dinner, though, when I ask why he hasn't quite connected with fight fans despite how undeniable he is, he dismisses plausible factors like race and the idea that his serial dismantling of the sport's legends may have caused some bitterness among their fans, and invokes his faith in very different terms.

"Whenever I talk about Christ out loud, or I tweet a verse, or say something in reference about Christ," he says, "a lot of people lash out and aren't very excited to hear about my love for Christ. A lot of people don't mind that I have love for Christ; they just don't want me to talk about it."

He sounds like he almost believes it, which is the thing: The more Jones tries to convince you of his humanity, the less human he seems. You can tell when Jon Jones the man slips on his mask to become Jon Jones the brand. He squares his body to you, leans forward, and furrows his brow when you ask questions. His cadence changes. He lies.

"I've always been straight edge, man," Jones says, when I ask him when he started drinking. He emphasizes the point. "I've always been straight edge."

"Come on, man. What are we even doing here?" I don't even bring up the accident, or that nickel bag the Lord hid for him. Caught red-handed, he cracks up.

"Yo, Greg's funny sometimes. 'What have we even been doing this whole time?'" Then he hesitates. "No, I haven't always been straight edge, man."

A bit later, I ask him about his relationship with his fiancée, Jessie Moses. The two have been together since before he went to college; she's the mother of three of his daughters, and she's stayed with him through a lot of ups and downs. This October, a video of a naked Jones waving his ample dick around at a woman who is not Moses made its way online. ("I can be such a pervert sometimes," he says in the video. "You like that?")

"Uh, we're not talking about that," he says, when I ask.

That's fine; I want to know how he and Moses are doing.

"Phenomenal relationship," he says. "We're happy, man. We're happy. We're functional. We make a great team. She's a phenomenal mother, caretaker. I'm a phenomenal provider, father. Team Jones."

A pair of pretty waitresses come over. They banter for a time, Jones jabbing playfully as they blush and counter. Then he grabs one of their notepads and scrawls down his number, and they walk away.

If people take Jon Jones for a hypocrite, it's because he is one—maybe no more so than any of the rest of us, but enough so that he doesn't make for much of an aspirational figure, at least not in the way he'd like to. But of course for all his flaws he's not like us, because he's the best in the world at something. And every so often, when that's challenged, all the obsessiveness and even cruelty that make him so come out, and we see Jones, the man, who was never more fun, more believable, than when he was at his most incredulous and most conniving while speaking to Cormier. And we can relate to this Jones, because he's exactly what we all want to be—someone who doesn't try to be anything other than what he is. It just so happens that behind closed doors, he's someone who exults in being the baddest motherfucker on Earth.

It's like he doesn't even know any of this, though. When I ask him where his drive comes from, he answers, "My story." His versatility? "My story." Ask him what that means, and he can't really articulate it; it's just something he knows he's supposed to push.


The baddest motherfucker on Earth's story starts 2,000 miles from Greg Jackson's gym, in Rochester, N.Y. When Jones was 11, his working-class family moved across the state to Endicott, where they lived in a little white house in a nice neighborhood on the outskirts of a bad one. His mother Camille made a living in development aid, working such long hours that when she got home at night, she'd often make Jon rub her feet for an hour or more. His father, Arthur, was the oldest of 12 and the minister at a small storefront church, where every Sunday was a family reunion. Jon was the third of four; his sister Carmen was the oldest. Art was four years younger than her, and Jon just a year younger than him. Chandler, the baby, was three years younger than Jon.

With their parents working, Carmen looked after her brothers, who adored her. ("She looked kinda like Beyoncé," he remembers.) They were all forbidden, in a house kept under strict discipline, from venturing out of their front yard into the hood. For the first decade of Jon's life, everything was good. Then Carmen got sick. She had her brain scanned, and doctors found a tumor. Their father had to work, and so the Jones brothers had to help their mother take care of their sister. First, Carmen lost her long, beautiful hair; then she began to lose weight. Her brothers taught themselves how to cook to feed her; then they learned how to change her feeding tubes; soon, they had to carry her any time she left her bed.

"I was like a certified nurse by age 11," Jon says. "I knew what I was doing."

In 2000, Carmen passed. She was 17.

The brothers, devastated, banded together, and focused on what they were best at. Art was the captain of the football team, and Chandler was the best player on every team he ever played on, but Jon—everyone called him "Boney"—couldn't catch a pass and could barely dribble a basketball. His calling was wrestling. After practicing against Art—already 6-foot-3 and 260 pounds—other 189-pounders seemed puny to Jon in comparison. The two dominated, and their father would give them money based on their performances: $2 for a win, $6 for a pin. By senior year, Jon was ranked 11th in the country. In the year-end national senior tournament, he finished fourth.

Art would grow up to win a Super Bowl with Baltimore; Chandler finished among the NFL leaders in sacks his second year in New England. There was too much talent in the house for Jon to have had many opportunities to be one of the best at something. His parents, however, were much more concerned with their children reading scripture than their academic exploits, and his grades weren't great. So after graduating in 2005, Jon left his family and his girlfriend, Jessie Moses, in upstate New York, to head off not to one of the big traditional wrestling powers, but to Iowa Central Community College. In his first year, Jones won a national championship in the 197-pound division and led his school to a team title. He also met a girl, who became pregnant with his first daughter.

The next year, Jones transferred to Morrisville State College, a D-III school an hour and a half north of Endicott. If things had gone differently, maybe Jones would have transferred again, won a D-I championship, and made the Olympic team; or maybe he would've retired from wrestling after graduating and become a cop. But in 2007, Moses, who stuck with Jones, got pregnant with his second daughter. He was 20 years old, and already drowning.

Jones dropped out of school altogether, cutting his wrestling career short to work as a bouncer for $60 a night. He applied to be a janitor at Lockheed Martin and had almost accepted an offer when someone—barely an acquaintance, his name now lost to his memory—reached out to him on Facebook about training at a gym in the area. He decided to check it out, and immediately discovered that he was a natural.

In retrospect, Jones, with his wrestling background and a freak athleticism that didn't quite translate to more traditional sports, was an almost ideal prospect. He quickly developed a routine: He would go to the gym to learn the basics of fighting, come home, and continue his training through YouTube.

The story goes that Jones would watch anime and pro wrestling, and that he was already so naturally attuned to fighting that he could translate moves from characters like Goku and Triple H into techniques that would work in real life. It plays into a theory that Jones was born with mental wiring that other fighters lack, a sense of spatial awareness that allows him to pull from sources other fighters can't access and translate the abstract into the real.

I ask Jones about it. He really does watch anime; Dragon Ball Z's his favorite. And YouTube really was a learning tool. But.

"Nah," Jones says. "I wasn't throwing no fireballs or nothing in the living room."

From the time he started training, Jones knew just how good he could be. He dreamed of retiring undefeated; he wanted to be not just the best, but the flashiest; and he wanted everyone to acknowledge how good he was. He wasn't content with being a star on fighting's terms. He wanted to be a mainstream star.

To get anywhere near that point would take a lot of work and a lot of dues-paying. His first fight team, BombSquad MMA, worked out of a tiny gym in Ithaca. He trained there against men he outweighed by 50 pounds, and when he got home, he went online and watched the greats—Fedor Emelianenko, José Aldo, Anderson Silva, Georges St-Pierre, Urijah Faber. He watched his idol, Muhammad Ali. He watched seminars from taekwondo and kung-fu masters.

"I'd take these great fighters, and I'd study these guys," Jones says. "I would study the best, the most flashy, the guys that had that flair, the guys that had that wow. I'd study those fighters, and I made up my mind that I'd be all of those at once."

Jones and Moses were expecting in July 2008, and he needed money. With fighting outlawed in New York, he took his first bout in April, for a local promotion in Massachusetts. His opponent was Brad Bernard, a podgy, pink, winless barroom brawler from New Hampshire.

There wasn't much to it. Bernard sucked. More importantly, Jones sucked. He moved like a newborn deer, all knobby knees and elbows. But he was officially a professional fighter. He fought and finished four more men before July 11, when Moses gave birth to their first daughter, Leah. The next day, he fought Moyses Gabin in Atlantic City. He'd vastly matured in the few months since the Bernard fight, integrating high kicks, spinning back kicks, front kicks, and elbows into his striking. It was awkward as hell, but he could do it.

In the first round, Jones broke Gabin's nose with a punch. In the second, Jones bludgeoned Gabin up against the cage with a flurry of punches, then pulled back. Gabin sighed, and fell back against the fence. Jones's eyes widened; he shuffled his feet, Ali-style, and threw another combination. Gabin turned and took a knee. Jones shuffled again, then stood over him, dropping shells until the referee intervened. Jones turned, blew a kiss to the crowd, and walked back to his corner like he was returning from a stroll in the park.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the announcer cried. "At one minute and 58 seconds of round two, the winner by TKO is Jonny Bones a.k.a. Sexual Chocolaaaaaate Jones."

Shortly after, Jones, 6-0, got a call. It was the UFC. They thought he was the best prospect they'd seen since Georges St-Pierre, and they wanted to know if he could take a fight in a few weeks.


Greg Jackson and I are in his office, sunken into his worn leather couch and huddled over his iPad. We're watching the most difficult fight Jon Jones ever had.

Jones has only been tested twice in his career. The first was against Vitor Belfort in fall 2012, when the challenger grabbed Jones's arm, swung his left leg over his neck to isolate it, and cranked. For a long 20 seconds, the arm looked sure to break. Jones's elbow actually dislocated.

"I just worked too hard to tap out, man," Jones later told me. "I was so passionate about winning and breaking records. Having it all go away just by tapping … it just didn't feel right."

"What if Belfort broke your arm?"

"It would've just been what it was."

The second time Jones was ever in trouble was a year later, when he fought Alexander Gustafsson in a five-round war. This is the fight Jackson and I are watching. It's muted; instead of the regular announcer team, Jackson is talking me through it.

"He fights real similar to DC," Jackson says.

"Gustafsson does?" I'm dubious. Gustafsson appears to be Daniel Cormier's precise opposite in every way. The willowy Swede is a boxer who stands 6-foot-5 and sports an 81-inch reach. "How so?"

"Entries, exits. You can't look at macro," he says. I'm looking at the fight like a fan again. After a few minutes of watching the two fighters clash, Jackson quizzes me. "How did he get away from Jon each and every time?"

I venture a weak guess. "Wheels around?"

"He put both hands in the air high so you couldn't throw any hooks, and he turns sideways," Jackson says. "By putting your hands up, it takes away both of their hooks, and then you move sideways so he can't hit you with straight punches. He does the exact same thing Cormier does."

Jones is stronger and the better wrestler, but Gustafsson has the speed advantage. Again and again, he circles Jones, then rushes the champion in a flurry of punches. By the time Jones is ready to counter, Gustafsson has already lifted his arms over his head and pivoted away.

"He's staying away from Jon, staying away from Jon. Look how he's staying away. Literally running from him. And then when he decides, he'll come straight on." Jackson watches the screen intently. "See? Like that? Bang bang! Then he's gonna move side to side."

It's lunch, between the morning and evening sessions, and the gym is quiet. Jackson is still wearing the gray shirt he wore to morning sparring. "RISE AND GRIND" is written on the front, and "EMBRACE THE GRIND" on the back in orange and black, the colors of Oklahoma State. It's Cormier's shirt, and when Jones walked in for training, he took notice.

How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

Jon Jones trains at Jackson-Winkeljohn. Photo by Minh Quan.


"You know if I get that shirt off you, I'm burning it, right?" Jones called out once Jackson got close. Jackson actually considers Cormier a good friend, but he just smiled, feigning ignorance.

"It's just a shirt."

As I watch the Gustafsson fight, I'm thinking about how earlier, Jones had almost boasted about how when it comes to pure boxing, he doesn't actually hit very hard. ("I got no punching power," he said, holding his arms behind his back, rocking side to side while staring down an invisible opponent, and then throwing an uppercut. "But it looks pretty.") Some pop would come in handy when, three minutes in, the challenger grazes the champion with a straight right, opening a gash on his brow that will bleed into his eye for the rest of the fight. A minute later, Gustafsson torques Jones to the ground—the first time he has ever had been taken down in his career.

Jackson and I watch as Jones takes the second round. When he returns to his corner, his mouth is open, and he labors as he tries to gulp down mouthfuls of air. Gustafsson takes the third, mostly by evading Jones, who spends the round bending at the waist and shooting on the quicker Gustafsson without laying cover fire. And then the Swede runs out of energy.

"Gustafsson's not moving as much now," Jackson says to me as the fourth round starts. "The problem with that type of game plan is you have to have wicked endurance."

In the fourth, it comes: a spinning elbow that sends Gustafsson reeling. In his greatest moment of need, the champion turns to his signature technique, a move he first perfected in Ithaca.

The move doesn't finish the fight, but it's decisive. Over the final two rounds, Jones presses forward and uncorks a barrage of strikes, eventually winning a close decision.

"He just doesn't get tired," Jackson says. "That's his athleticism. He's not super fast or anything like that. He just doesn't get tired."

After the evening jiu-jitsu session, I drive back to my hotel. I'm dozing off when Jones calls, beckoning me back to the gym. He wants me to watch a private boxing session with Jackson-Winkeljohn's striking coach, Brandon "Six Gun" Gibson.

"I fight at night, so I practice at night," he says.

When I walk in, Bob Marley is playing over the loudspeaker and Jones, already dripping in sweat in a black, sleeveless hoodie, is in the ring with Gibson. They're dancing; Jones exhales sharply as he slings combinations, and his fists cut through the air before landing on Gibson's pads with sharp fwap! fwap! against his coach's mitts. Suddenly, the two stop.

"Ahhh," Gibson moans loudly, taking off his mitts.

Jones smiles as he looks over at me. "Dislocated his finger," he says, smug, as Gibson tugs at his middle finger.

"Part of the job," says Gibson. Then he laughs.

Gibson grew up Albuquerque. He fought professionally, and learned kickboxing under Winkeljohn until a broken leg ended his career; then he started training fighters at Jackson-Winkeljohn. Before long, he developed his own striking style. Now he works with all the fighters in the gym, leads classes in the head coaches' stead, and travels nearly every weekend to corner fights.

Round after round the two spar. Jones shimmies his shoulders like a running back, sidesteps, and sinks a lead hook into his coach's padded underbelly. When Gibson advances, Jones lifts a knee as if he's kicking, stopping his opponent short. He fakes a shot, bending low, before changing levels and uppercutting wickedly into Gibson's hand.

He uses the fakes to freeze his opponents, to transition from defense to offense and back again. He's always fluid, always moving. Jones starts with feints to disrupt his foe's rhythm and timing. In his fighting stance, Jones extends his long arms across the ring at his opponent, keeping him at bay with the threat of putting a finger in his eye. Over the course of the session, the two work on exotic chains of punches, kicks, elbows, and knees. During one break, Gibson calls me into the cage. "Wanna see something cool?" he asks.

He hands me a gridded sheet of paper that closely resembles an NFL playcard. During fights, Jones's corner calls out striking combinations with code words combined with numbers, which represent what they've worked on in sessions like these. The relationship between Jones and his corner requires supreme trust. Often, when Jones tries a spinning elbow or a flying knee, that call comes from the corner.

Jones and Gibson fight for eight five-minute rounds in total. When they're finished, Jones sits down on the stairs and the conversation moves to Cormier. I want to know what makes him different.

"He doesn't present anything different," Jones says. "I think he does present the highest level of wrestling I've ever been against. But different?"

He has a point. Cormier is direct, and his combinations are nowhere near as sophisticated as Jones's. The problem is that in fighting, there's a counter for everything, and the perfect counter for height is speed. Jones has never fought an athlete of Cormier's caliber, anyone who moves nearly as quickly as he does.

"He's a fast son of a gun," Jackson later tells me. "He's a great athlete. When that guy decides to step on the gas, he'll go right past you."

Jones is taller and longer, but Cormier is faster; Jones is the better martial artist, but Cormier is unmatched at wrestling, Jones's base skill; Jones has won against better competition, but Cormier hasn't shown a single flaw. It's a close-run thing, in theory.

The champion is confident, though. I'm not sure I've ever met anyone so sure of anything as he is that he's going to win in my life.


"It's a new emotion," says Chael Sonnen. We're talking about what it feels like just before a bout, as fighters makes their way from the safety of their locker room to the cage.

"It's not an emotion anyone can feel unless they've been to war," he says. "It's fear. It's anxiety. There's almost no excitement."

He talks about how fighters on every card wrap their hands, pull on their gloves, and leave the locker room vowing that this is their last fight, the last time they'll walk toward their own death. Win or lose, they're back training the next week. Fear isn't the thing; it's overcoming the fear. It's addictive. Sonnen, who lost 14 times in his career, tells me that he's wanted a rematch with every single fighter who has ever beaten him, except for one: Jon Jones.

It was Sonnen's fault. Through a convoluted series of maneuverings, Sonnen—an outstanding wrestler turned pretty good and eventually disgraced middleweight fighter—managed, in 2013, to secure a light-heavyweight title fight against Jones for which he was in no way qualified, and which he promoted with a campaign of low-grade race-baiting. This did not go unnoticed in Jones's camp, and when the time came, the champion seemed less intent on beating Sonnen than on humiliating him. For the entire first round, he threw Sonnen around like a child, attacking so ferociously that he didn't even notice when he nearly tore his own toe off. All the challenger could do was curl up in the fetal position and wait for it to end.

By the time he tore Sonnen apart, Jones had long since established himself as the baddest motherfucker on Earth. In the first round of his second fight in the UFC, Jones grabbed Stephan Bonnar's leg, spun, and landed an elbow to Bonnar's temple that lifted him off the ground; it happened so fast that Bonnar thought a fan had hit him from behind with a bottle. Six months later, sporting a new "Philippians 4:13" tattoo on his right shoulder— I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me—he choked out Jake O'Brien on preliminaries of UFC 100, the biggest show in the promotion's history. Georges St-Pierre, defending his welterweight championship on the card, pointed Jones out to his coach, Greg Jackson, who invited him to Albuquerque to train with GSP and former light-heavyweight champion Rashad Evans. Jones and Moses were expecting their second child, Carmen, but he accepted and flew to New Mexico for the first time. He and Evans became close friends.

Over the next year and a half, Jones honed his skills at Jackson-Winkeljohn, and by the beginning of 2011, his record stood at 11-1. That's when Jones embarked on the greatest calendar year in the history of fighting, an annus mirabilis that, if anything, may have been too brilliant.

In February, he toyed with undefeated Ryan Bader, outwrestling the two-time D-I All-American easily and submitting him with a guillotine in the second round. After the fight, longtime UFC color man Joe Rogan climbed into the cage and announced that Rashad Evans—the next challenger for the light-heavyweight title—was injured, and that the promoters wanted to match Jones against the champion, Mauricio "Shogun" Rua.

The Las Vegas crowd roared. Behind Jones, Winkeljohn raised his arms in triumph, screaming, as Jones collapsed to his knees.

"I feel great! God is so good," Jones said. "I feel so great. Hats off to Endicott, New York. I'm going for a world title, baby! Let's do it!"

Evans left Jackson-Winkeljohn not long after this. By taking the title fight, Jones was implicitly agreeing to eventually fight Evans. It was a kind of betrayal—the same kind, a lot of diehards have noted, that Cormier refused to deal out to Velasquez. What mattered to Jones, though, was that six weeks after he'd fought Bader, he found himself facing off against Rua for the light-heavyweight title. Rua's brother carried the belt out to the octagon, and Jones saw it just before the fight; it was all he needed. He demolished the champion.

Fans could hear the damp thuds of Jones's shots landing in the upper deck. Even as referee Herb Dean jumped in to break up the fight, Rua was tapping out. A few months shy of his 24th birthday, Jones was the youngest world champion ever.

His first challenger was Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, himself a former champion. Rampage was cool as hell. He was black; he had a swagger; he wore an eight-pound industrial chain for a necklace; before fights, he'd lean back and howl like a wolf. Jones looked up to him.

When the fight started, Jones crouched down and crabwalked to the center of the ring with one hand on the ground. It was weird; the challenger looked rattled. Then Jones shot on him and pushed him up against a fence.

"Oh, that crawl," Jones says to me, laughing. He thinks he picked it up from Evans, or maybe Anderson Silva. "It just felt so right, you know? The first time I crawled into the octagon I just felt like an animal, you know? Like a creature, like I wasn't quite human."

Jones spent three rounds kicking the shit out of Rampage's legs from distance before choking him out. Rampage was chiefly a boxer who made a living knocking out bad motherfuckers; he didn't land a single power shot to Jones's head.

To close out the year, Jones fought Brazilian Lyoto Machida, who was a problem, another former champion who was famous for integrating arcane, anachronistic techniques that were thought to be forgotten to history. The harder you tried to hit him, the sillier you looked. The first round was the first Jones ever lost.

Midway through the second, though, Jones hit Machida with a straight left that dropped him to the canvas. Dazed, he fought his way to his feet, but the champion noosed an arm around his neck, clasped his hands, and squeezed. For long, horrific seconds, Machida was pinned between Jones and the cage, his arm trapped at an angle over Jones's. It looked as if he was fighting. He wasn't. Jones let go of Machida as casually as he would a bag of groceries, and the challenger collapsed face-first to the ground, unconscious. Jones walked away without even looking back.

How Jon Jones Became The Baddest Motherfucker On Earth

Jon Jones finishes Lyoto Machida at UFC 140. Via the UFC


Jones started the year by beating his closest contemporary and finished by disposing of three of the baddest motherfuckers the world has ever seen. This is when people started trying to put into words what they were witnessing, even rationalize it. They talked about the champion with a mix of hushed awe and disgust. Here was a fighter who was more gifted, better-trained, and more creative than anyone else, and who on top of everything else wanted it more. Here, also, was a fighter who was crushing all the heroes of the past generation, and whose creativity and desire led him to use not just techniques that no one else could, but that no one else would. He was hacking at opponent's legs, using side and front kicks on and around the knees even if it meant jeopardizing livelihoods. He was aiming elbows at eye sockets. He was fighting, generally, as if he meant it. More than that, he was doing this all while presenting himself as a moral paragon. People began to talk about whether Jones was even fair. Sympathetic commentators like Joe Rogan didn't help, tending to reduce him to the sum of his physical attributes, talking about how he was just too big and too tall, his 84-and-a-half-inch reach just too long, and how no one could get near him—an unfair proposition, one might say.

"Jon Jones's reach is impossibly irrelevant," Sonnen says. "But we're going to pretend reach matters? Any insinuation that if you shrunk his arm and legs, he'd lose, is wrong. You'll hear things like footwork. There's no such thing."

To Sonnen, inside-fight talk comes down to a simple fact: big draws fight only two or three times a year, but make for the most compelling stories. Because they don't actually do anything worth talking about most of the time, commentators and fight writers have to fill space by talking about things like reach and height and footwork, partly as a way to keep from reiterating the obvious, and partly as a way to keep away from the void at the heart of MMA.

One of the the things that makes fighting unique is that—less because of any warrior's code than because of the sport's mechanics—it rarely makes sense, in theory, to concede. As long as there's time on the clock, a fight can be won with a single strike or sweep, or lost with one mistake or moment of hubris.

For this reason, fighting is about hope. Sometimes, bouts end in knockouts; other times, a fighter blacks out; occasionally, a fighter is temporarily paralyzed with, say, a punch to the liver, and collapses. More often, fighters break. They lose their will to continue. They lose hope.

"You do make a decision," Greg Jackson says. "There are lots of times in fights where you're like, I could tap. I'm really tired, and I'm choking blood, and I can just give up and let this guy beat on me, or give him an arm or whatever. Those decisions do happen."

Jon Jones became the baddest motherfucker on Earth by making the baddest motherfuckers on Earth give up. He makes them lose their will to fight. He makes them surrender. Everyone can get finished, and most do, and this is why some might find it within themselves to laugh at times they've been knocked out. But even the saddest tomato cans pride themselves on not giving up. It's why so many fighters, losing consciousness while tied in a hold with nowhere to go, will struggle until they sink into the abyss rather than tap.

Jones very rarely finishes his opponents flat-out; nine of his 15 UFC fights have been stopped, but he has yet to knock someone out cold, and he's caused only one to lose consciousness. He does something worse: He takes away their pride. He breaks them. It's a cruel irony, but the most terrifying thing about the champion may not be the beating he puts on you, but the prospect that it won't end quickly and mercifully. This is what Sonnen means when he says that the only thing that matters about Jones is that when you fight him, you're going to get hurt badly. And as they learn it first-hand, his opponents realize they can walk out of the cage any time they'd like. All they have to do is give in.


There are people who will tell you that, even if they haven't fought yet, Jones-Cormier is already one of the best rivalries in MMA history—maybe the best. It's not just that these are the two best in the world, or that they make for a great technical matchup, or even that they truly can't stand one another. There's something else at play here.

"What makes this rivalry?" Sherdog's Jordan Breen asks me. "From the minute Jones says, 'Are you still there, pussy?' Cormier's entire reaction is incredulity."

It's a fight between two men who break everyone, each faced with an opponent who doesn't break. Each truly can't believe the other even thinks he can win. Each believes, basically, that the other is a fraud—and maybe it's not hard to understand why.

Jones and Cormier are negatives of one another, each perfectly representing what the other's life could have been if things had turned out just a little bit differently. Jones's career is a miracle of failing upward. He was a star prospect wrestler who never worked hard enough to get into the right schools, had to retire early, and stumbled into MMA as a way of fixing a screwed-up life. Now the father of four's a millionaire, a champion, already planning his escape.

Cormier, on the other hand, did everything right. There's a consensus that the Olympian is a "benevolent, beautiful man," as Breen describes him—a man who sacrificed his own dream of winning the heavyweight title rather than betray his friend, who says that he sees his late daughter Kaedyn sitting on the top of the cage, cheering him on every time the door locks behind him. But he never won at Oklahoma State, never medaled at the sport's highest level, and after fighting his way out of poverty is only now experiencing his first brush with stardom. He's fought for over two decades, and has almost nothing to show for it.

This is Cormier's last chance. A win would allow him to finally claim, after all these years, that he's the absolute best. It would change his life. For Jones, there's something much more abstract at stake. It's the chance to prove that he's something more than an arrogant hypocrite or a dragon swatting down lightly armed and courageous heroes by taking the closest thing he has to an equal and breaking him. It's his chance to make people believe him.

The only thing standing between Jones and transcendent stardom is Cormier. Should he beat his greatest rival and beat Gustafsson again, Jones will have entirely cleaned out the sport's marquee division, in which case he'll move to the heavyweight division to take on superfights before, perhaps, leaving the sport entirely. From here, the future all seems so clear. You can imagine people years from now looking over his record, and seeing what is now and may remain his one loss, and trying to figure out how an unbeatable fighter was beaten.

So I ask him at dinner one night, and his eyes shift and his mind inverts and for a split second, the baddest motherfucker on Earth isn't in Albuquerque anymore. He's 600 miles away, five years in the past, in Las Vegas, inside an eight-sided chain link fence with a man just a few strides away who in seconds is going to walk right across the cage in front of the referee, God, and everyone and attack him, again and again, until the fight is stopped or Jones goes horribly, mercifully limp.

His opponent, Matt Hamill, is a bad motherfucker. He won the NCAA D-III national championship three straight years in college and won two medals in the 2001 Deaflympics, and has a 7-2 record as a professional fighter. Thick-necked, with beady eyes set below a low, leathery brow, Hamill looks and fights a bit like a rhino.

Before long, Jones slams his opponent to the ground with enough force to rip a shoulder out of its socket. Then, sitting on Hamill's chest, Jones unleashes a barrage of elbows. Some get through, and twin rivers of blood pour from the bridge of his nose onto either side of his face, pooling in his eye sockets. Hamill, born deaf and now blind, is helpless as he's ever been.

Jones looks at referee Steve Mazzagatti, eyes pleading for a stoppage, but he's ignored. Exhausted, he switches back to tired, almost half-hearted punches. Hamill can only lift an arm away from his body into the air to block the onslaught; still, the referee refuses to intervene. Jones looks at him one last time, then tucks his right arm into his body, lifts his elbow straight into the air, and aims it straight down onto Hamill's face.

"That's an illegal elbow, Jon! Stop! Stop!" Mazzagatti cries, finally diving in to separate the two as Jones looks up in surprise. "You can't do that elbow. Stand up."

Mazzagatti grabs Jones's arm like a father handling a mischievous child and guides him over to the judges for a scolding and one-point deduction. Hamill remains flat on his back, arms splayed on either side. He tries to get up, kicking his feet into the air, but can't. The referee walks back to the center of the ring, bends over to peer at him, then waves his hands. The fight's over.

There's commotion as coaches and cameramen flood the octagon for the decision. After a short deliberation, announcer Bruce Buffer has it. "Ladies and gentleman," he says, "referee Steve Mazzagatti has called a stop to this contest. Due to intentional elbows, there's been a disqualification of Jonny 'Bones' Jones. Therefore the winner is Matt Hamill!"

Five years later, Jones grimaces slightly at the memory.

There's a theory, traded by knowing sorts to this day, that because Hamill dislocated his shoulder, he could protect himself with only one arm. And because Jones's ground and pound was so brutal and relentless, Hamill couldn't risk reaching out to his side to tap out without getting his face caved in. So he verbally submitted, but only Jones could hear. That's why Jones kept pausing and looking up, practically begging Mazzagatti to call the fight. But the referee's stubbornness forced the fighter to take the decision into his own hands.

It makes sense. Sometimes, faced with an opponent who is getting beaten badly but won't break, dominant fighters will intentionally end the fight with, say, a punch to the spine. Maybe the illegal elbows—in truth, no more powerful or dangerous than elbows from any other angle—were an act of mercy. It's a nice theory, in the way it suggests that Jones, a Christian, the son of a preacher and a development aid worker who generally fights almost without conscience, at least once found something bigger than himself in the cage, and in the way its existence suggests that for all the people who want to write him off as a hypocrite and a fake, there are at least some people who want to believe it.

"No," he says. It was nothing like that; he was so inexperienced, he didn't even know the elbow was illegal. He was heartbroken. He'd always dreamed of retiring undefeated.

We move on, and then I ask him.

"What's it like to walk in a ring?"

"It's the best feeling ever, man," he says. "It's like the realest moment ever."

I'm sitting here, in this posh restaurant in this poor city next to the greatest fighter to ever live, because of what I perceived to be commonalities. We're both young and black, and have been athletes most of our lives; I thought, in our own way, we both reveled in competition, just as I thought, in our own way, we were both tough. But I realize, listening to Jones, that I've never believed in anything as much as he believes in himself.

Excited, he starts speaking faster.

"When you walk into a cage, there's no hiding," he says. "There's no hiding who you are. If you worked hard, it's gonna show. If you're a pussy, it's gonna show. If you're scared, it's gonna show. If your cardio's not right, it's gonna show. It shows. If you got heart, it's gonna show. So it really shows right then and there what kind of man you really are, what you're really made of."

The baddest motherfucker on Earth spends the majority of his time hiding, lying, pretending to be something else. But fighting reveals things. When he steps into the cage, he leaves his mask behind, and everything is stripped away until all that remains is who Jon Jones really is.

"Are you scared at all?" I ask.

"No, I'm not scared."

He moves on again, and we talk for awhile. By the time I pull him back, his Caesar salad is long gone.

"Are you afraid of anything?"

"Nah, man. I'm not scared of anything." He pauses, curious.

"What are you afraid of?"


Top photo: Getty Images

Jail-Bound Teresa Giudice's New Year's Resolution: Give Up "Bad Carbs"

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The last few days of the year are a great time for everyone to reflect—especially Teresa Giudice, who's heading to prison in a week for bankruptcy, mail, and wire fraud. After all her literal and figurative trials this year, Teresa is committed to improving herself in 2015. Her first step? She'll "stop eating bad carbs."

In another sad YouTube video about her lifestyle, Tree gets spiritual with fellow Real Housewife Dina Manzo, talking about what she would like to "manifest" for herself in the new year. "Going forward, I would like to stop eating bad carbs," she explains.

Dina then offers her 2015 goal: "I want to build an ass." Teresa likes this idea, exclaiming, "I want to do that too!"

Ultimately, Teresa notes, she "just wants to keep being around positive people that make me happy." She starts her 15-month sentence at FCI Danbury on January 5.

The Long and Short of It: 2014's Best, Biggest, and Brightest Dicks

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The Long and Short of It: 2014's Best, Biggest, and Brightest Dicks

The year of 2014 began with a bang: a man on Reddit who had posted photos of his two penises sat in on the site for an AMA session on January 1st. Answering the question, "Do you have a favorite?" the man with two dicks replied, "Yes. The right one. The left one has a grudge against me for it too. lol" With that affirmative moment in penile favoritism, the year of the booty had found its companion in dicks, and the 365 days ahead were long and hard.

Here at Gawker.com, we featured dickplay, dick speculation, dick fame, dick pain, dick pics, and dick ephemera short, girthy, and long, for better or for worse, from January 1st until December 30th. Not caught up? Here's what you missed.

What Were Celebrity Dicks Up To?

Many a celebrity package became primetime pageviews for our website and others in 2014. Like each year since the Big Bang, the gossip-obsessed have wanted to know what our celeb gods have going on below the belt in preparation for the possibility that one or many of us would be asked to fuck it. Would these celebrity dicks even be worth slamming if we, the plebes, could get into the underoos? In a year of covering celebrity dick tales, our main contenders for worthiness of fucking are Jared Leto and (to my surprise) Ben Affleck. Well done, gents.

The Ecstasy ;)

The Agony :(

Where Did You Put Your Dicks This Year?

Hardly a day went by in 2014 when men did not think of putting their dicks into something. Why stop at human orifices when so much pleasure could be derived from other holes and non-holes, the men thought. Luckily for us, and unluckily for them, many of our peniled friends did not make it out of 2014 without being caught fucking stuff that should not be fucked. Where will you be stuffing it next year? Here's some inspiration:

In Food

In Animals

In Your Palm

In Front of the Public

Miscellany

Who, In Return, Fucked Up Your Dicks?

Listen, after all this, you deserved it.

Your Friends :(

Yourselves :(

Were These Dicks or What?

2014 was the year that we debuted the latest Gawker hit column "Is This a Dick or What?" wherein we analyzed photos sent by tipsters far and away looking for alleged dicks, mostly out of frame or obscured in some manner. The conclusions we came to this year were polarizing but have been settled below for posterity:

Yes

No

Who Did You Send Your Dick Pics To?

Dick pics must be stopped. Whether you believe your girl likes them, or you're sending them with reckless abandon to any numeric combination you can brainstorm on your cell phone while getting yourself ample and ready, no one wants to be startled like that. Did that stop these dick owners from dialing up and sending some juicy images over? No. Would they do it again? Probably.

Underage Students

Prospective Employees

Vindictive Exes

A Television Station

Can You Show Me Two Good Posts on Animal Dick?

Sure Can

Here's Another

It's been a long year.

[Illustration by Jim Cooke]

46 Times Vox Totally Fucked Up A Story

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46 Times Vox Totally Fucked Up A Story

If you work in the media, you're going to get things wrong. Accuracy and timeliness are in conflict, and when you're dealing with vast amounts of information, accuracy will sometimes suffer. No one is happy about this, but it's how it is, and this is the tradeoff you implicitly accept when reading news. If you are intolerant of error, prepare to wait months for deeply-researched pieces (which of course carry no guarantee of error-free reporting). Deadspin, it should go without saying, is hardly immune from this: here is an apology for a story we completely botched, and here is a post that I personally got 100% wrong.

Sometimes, though, news organizations take things too far. Once upon a time, we ran the Grantland Comments and Corrections Desk as a public service to the then-startup. Three years later, another news startup desperately—desperately—needs our help.

Vox launched almost nine months ago, pitching the idea that by utilizing constantly updated articles and taking advantage of the internet's lack of space constraints, they could "explain" the news in an entertaining and informative manner. It was an interesting premise—maybe even a great one—and readers apparently agreed, as Vox's traffic and revenue numbers are reportedly great. Which is astonishing, because for a site whose foundation is explaining the news, Vox fucks up a breathtaking amount of stories.

Sometimes Vox gets the name of a grocery store or the year a bill was passed wrong, but errors like that—while unfortunate—are inevitable and excusable. What makes Vox unique is not their errors, but the magnitude of those errors. Whether being taken in by blatant hoaxes, showcasing a clear misunderstanding of a study in an article that has no purpose other than explaining that study, or making multiple mistakes in a post that consists of only a graph or a short paragraph, Vox repeatedly crapped the bed in 2014.

From this vantage point, the problems seem systemic, not the kind that can be fixed simply by asking writers to slow down or hiring a few more editors. Vox has hired a number of Bright Young People—and is run by the Brightest Young People—and the house style seems to be, "Write as if you are an expert, in a tone assuming that everything one needs to know about a subject can be found in your article." These Bright Young People may well be near-experts on one or two subjects, or at least close enough to pass as such online, but Vox publishes at the same rapid pace as the rest of the internet, on an exceptional and ever-growing number of topics, and there's only so much authoritativeness to go around. It isn't merely that writers and editors have screwed up—though they have—but that the ingredients for disaster are hardwired into the site's design.

Even when Vox doesn't technically make mistakes, their model ensures that, far from explaining the news, they actively misinform readers. Here is Vox's foreign policy guy laying out an article titled, "Here's the real reason North Korea hacked Sony. It has nothing to do with The Interview." Never mind the tone (and headline) of utter certainty in the face of numerous computer security experts who are extremely skeptical of the government's story that North Korea hacked Sony. (Even Vox's tech guy—who didn't understand the problem with investing in bitcoins while simultaneously writing usually positive articles about them—thinks we need to hear both sides here.) Vox's foreign policy guy thinks he can explain the reason the notoriously opaque North Korean regime conducted a hack they may well not have actually conducted!

I don't know what the solution to Vox's problem is. Maybe it's just not possible to have 20-somethings write interestingly and accurately about hard news at the internet's pace. Maybe the executive editor of an explainer site shouldn't be the guy synonymous with #slatepitch. Maybe the Washington Post knew what they were doing when they declined to give Ezra Klein $10 million. In any case, in the hope that they do much, much better in 2015, here are my 46 favorite Vox corrections, ranked.

1. Headline: 11 crucial facts to understand the Israel-Gaza crisis

Correction: An earlier version of this post suggested there was a bridge connecting Gaza and the West Bank. Various plans to do this have been floated, but the bridge was never actually built.

2. Headline: Boulder's houses have more toilets than people

Correction: The first chart in an earlier version of this post said it listed the number of toilets per capita, not per 100 people. Clearly that was wrong — 102 toilets for every 1 Boulder resident would be way too many.

3. Original Headline: Tonight will be the longest night in the history of Earth

Corrected Headline: Correction: Tonight will not be the longest night in the history of Earth. It was in 1912.

Correction: This article originally said that, due to the rotation of the Earth gradually slowing down over time, this winter solstice would feature the longest night ever.

I got this wrong. The Earth's rotation is gradually slowing on an extremely long timescale, but on a shorter year-to-year basis, geologic factors can alter the speed as well.

Data indicates that the rotation speed has actually sped up slightly over the past forty years, likely due to melting of ice at the poles and the resulting redistribution of the Earth's mass. So, as far as we know, the longest night in Earth's history likely occurred in 1912. I apologize for the error. Thanks to Steve Allen and Ryan Hardy for pointing it out.

4. Headline: Can the government claim copyright in a coin design?

Correction: This article was totally wrong. While works of the federal government cannot be copyrighted, the federal government can acquire copyrights from private citizens. The obverse of the Sacagawea dollar was designed by Glenna Goodacre, who may have assigned her copyright to the US Mint. We regret the error. The original post appears below.

5. Original Headline: Grumpy Cat made $99.5 million in 2 years

Corrected Headline: Report that Grumpy Cat made $99.5 million in two years is "completely inaccurate"

Correction: A previous version of this article reported that Bundesen had made $99.5 million off of Grumpy Cat. The piece has been updated.

6. Original Headline: Here's the video of a bird pooping on Vladimir Putin in the middle of a speech

Corrected Headline: The video of a bird pooping on Vladimir Putin is a hoax

Correction: This post originally presented the video of a bird pooping on Putin as real, but comparison with Russian news footage from the event shows it to be a hoax. Putin's unintentionally ironic speech decrying "excessive ambitions in war," though, was very real.

7. Original Headline: "Get Me Off Your Fucking Mailing List" is an actual published science paper

Corrected Headline: "Get Me Off Your Fucking Mailing List" is an actual science paper accepted by a journal

Correction: This article previously said the article was published by the journal. It was only accepted, because the author didn't want to pay $150.

8. Headline: 95 percent of Israelis support the Gaza war

Corrected Headline: 95 percent of Jewish Israelis support the Gaza war

Correction: This post initially did not note that the survey was only of Jewish Israelis, rather than all Israelis. The text has been corrected.

9. Headline: Ignore age—define generations by the tech they use

Correction: This post originally gave incorrect dates for the introduction of radio and television technology and the invention of the cell phone. It also mis-labeled the web as the internet. We regret these errors.

10. Headline: The man who escaped both doomed Malaysian Airlines flights

Correction: Many of the key elements of Maarten de Jonge's story have been disproven by subsequent reporting (particularly by Slate). There is no evidence that De Jonge actually booked a ticket on either flight. We're sorry for repeating unverified claims.

11. Headline: What time do the polls close?

Correction: An earlier version of this map implied that all of Nebraska sees polls close at 8pm local; while that's true for most of the state, portions on mountain time see them close at 7pm. It also stated that polls in Alaska closed at 7pm, when they close at 8pm (we miscalculated due to Daylight Savings). We regret the errors. We've also changed Washington, Colorado, and Oregon to grey, as they're vote by mail states and so poll closing times aren't really applicable.

12. Original Headline: Arkansas governor pardons own son, not thousands of others who faced pot charges

Corrected Headline: Arkansas governor pardons own son for a pot offense. He should pardon a lot more people.

Correction: This article originally suggested that Beebe has not pardoned marijuana offenders other than his son. In fact, a number of others have received pardons for marijuana-related offenders, though many others have not.

13. Original Headline: Ferguson, MO, is 67 percent black, and its police force is 94 percent white

Corrected Headline: Ferguson, MO, is 67 percent black, but just 3 out of its 53 police officers are

Correction: A previous headline on this story indicated that Ferguson's police force is 94 percent white. It is currently unclear how many white officers are on Ferguson's police force.

14. Original Headline: The Spurs just hired the first woman to coach a major men's sports team

Corrected Headline: Becky Hammon just shattered a huge glass ceiling

Correction: An early version of this article incorrectly said Hammon would be the first woman to ever serve on an NBA coaching staff.

15. Headline: Watch the spread of mass incarceration throughout the US

Correction: This article originally displayed a map that showed the incarceration rates of female prisoners. We apologize for the error.

16. Original Headline: Video: John Crawford dropped toy gun before he was killed by police in Walmart

Corrected Headline: Video: John Crawford didn't seem to aim toy gun at anyone before police shot at him

Correction: An earlier headline originally indicated John Crawford was shot after he dropped the toy gun, based on a video released with no sound. Full video footage and other media reports suggest he was shot prior to dropping the toy gun. This post was updated with a new headline, more details, and the full video footage to explain the correct chain of events.

17. Original Headline: Feds order second autopsy of Michael Brown

Corrected Headline: Feds order a third autopsy of Michael Brown

Correction: This story initially said that the federal autopsy would be the second autopsy of Michael Brown. In fact, it's the third. Brown's family also had an autopsy done. Thanks to MSNBC's Chris Hayes for pointing this out.

18. Original Headline: Did the Innocence Project frame an innocent man to get its client out of jail?

Corrected Headline: Did a group dedicated to exonerating inmates put an innocent man in jail?

Correction: An earlier version of this piece indicated that the murder Simon and Porter were accused of happened in 1992. It happened in 1982. Also, it was suggested that the Medill Innocence Project was a branch of the Innocence Project. The Innocence Project is in fact a separate, New York-based, national organization that had no authority over the work of the Medill Innocence Project. The Innocence Project issued a statement, reproduced in part here:

Several recent news reports have conflated David Protess' work as the leader of the Northwestern University's journalism clinic, formerly titled the Medill Innocence Project, with that of the Innocence Project, a New York-based litigation and policy organization. The Innocence Project had no involvement whatsoever in Protess' investigation of the conviction of Anthony Porter, who the Cook County State's Attorney's office, through its own independent investigation, eventually determined was innocent of the August 1982 murder of a couple at a public pool on Chicago's South Side.

19. Original Headline: President Obama moves to protect LGBT federal employees

Corrected Headline: President Obama moves to protect LGBT employees of federal contractors

Correction: Added more context, and changed the headline to correctly state the employees of federal contractors, not federal employees, are protected under the order.

20. Headline: The real target of Starbucks' tuition plan: college dropouts

Correction: This article originally said Starbucks employees would be required to attend college full-time. That isn't a requirement of the tuition program, and several paragraphs have been changed to reflect this.

21. Original Headline: Study: College students are five times more likely to drive stoned than drunk

Corrected Headline: Study: College students are more likely to drive stoned than drunk

Correction: The headline originally misstated the rate of college freshmen who are drugged driving compared to drunk driving. This post was updated to correct the mistake and clarify the data within the story.

22. Headline: Putin inadvertently distances himself from the Ukraine rebels he's been backing

Correction: This article originally attributed the wrong quote to Russian President Vladimir Putin.

23. Headline: The West Bank's separate-but-unequal legal system

Correction: This post originally reported West Bank police statistics for all arrests. In fact, as at Roi Maor at +972 points out, the data is only for youth arrests; the post has been corrected. He also notes that Israel police don't investigate crimes by Palestinians against Palestinians — the Palestinian Authority does. That would explain a large part, if not all, of the puzzle of why Israeli numbers show disproportionately high arrests of Israelis. For more, read Maor's piece in full.

24. Headline: This chart shows every person killed in the Israel-Palestine conflict since 2000

Correction: This post initially reported erroneous fatality statistics. I had misread B'Tselem's data tables in a way that significantly under-counted Israeli deaths, as well as some Palestinian deaths. The charts and statistics in this post have been corrected to reflect the accurate count. I regret the error and thank Philip Klein of the Washington Examiner for pointing it out to me.

25. Headline: Fox News discussed race in America with a panel of 5 white people

Correction: This story originally stated that this panel's discussion took place on November 24. As Mic's Jared Keller pointed out, it in fact occurred in April — way before the shooting of Michael Brown. We regret the error.

26. Headline: Iggy Azalea is not the queen of rap

Original Correction: An earlier version of this piece mistook the parody account for the real account of Iggy Azalea.

Corrected Correction: An earlier version of this piece mistook the fan account for the real account of Iggy Azalea.

27. Headline: What astronauts see when they're plummeting back to Earth, in one GIF

Correction: This article originally said the capsule traveled at 500 miles per hour. It eventually slows down to this speed, but is going much faster upon initial impact. It also said that friction, not compression, was responsible for the heating, when in fact friction causes just a bit of the heat.

28. Headline: Eric Cantor won't be able to run again in his district

Correction: A reader pointed out Cantor might be able to run as a write-in, since the Virginia law only explicitly forbids his name from appearing on the ballot.

29. Original Headline: 12,000: the number that shows voting in America is way too hard

Corrected Headline: 18,000: the number that shows voting in America is way too hard

Correction: This article originally stated that the hotline received 12,000 calls. It has been updated to reflect a Lawyers' Committee press release reporting that the final number of calls received was more than 18,000.

30. Original Headline: The top 1 percent is 98 percent male

Corrected Headline: The top 1 percent is very white

Correction: This piece — and its headline — originally emphasized the gender skew of the top 1 percent without noting the overall gender skew or the methodological issues that gave rise to it. The headline has been changed and the text corrected.

31. Original Headline: A gorgeous map of every tweet from the past 3.5 years

Corrected Headline: A gorgeous map of every geotagged tweet from the past 3.5 years

Correction: An earlier version of this post said the map looked at all tweets sent in the 3.5 years. In fact, it only covers specifically geotagged tweets.

32. Original Headline: Obamacare has cut uninsured rates for middle class LGBT people by 33 percent

Corrected Headline: Obamacare has cut uninsured rates for middle class LGBT people by 24 percent

Correction: An initial version of this story misstated the size of the decline of the uninsured rate for LGBT people. It is 24 percent.

33. Original Headline: Facebook's "I Voted" sticker is a secret experiment on its users

Corrected Headline: Facebook's "I Voted" sticker was a secret experiment on its users

Correction: Facebook has confirmed that they're not using the voting button in any user experiments this year; the headline of this piece has been corrected to reflect that, and the text of the piece has been clarified. The article has also been updated with more information about the purposes of Facebook's voting data.

34. Headline: Why most of the people Ebola kills may never actually contract it

Correction: This article originally said that Laura Miller is the IRC's medical country director, but she is actually its health coordinator. It also said that blood bank resources had been used in Ebola treatment, but the IRC has clarified that transfusions are not typically part of treatment for the disease, so the reference to blood being used for Ebola treatment has been removed. The article has also been updated to reflect that the estimated 10% of health workers were lost in a single hospital, not the entire Kenema district.

35. Headline: Map: ISIS is just the latest in Baghdad's decade of hell

Correction: This post originally described the map as showing only deaths from car bombs. In fact, it shows combat-related deaths from a number of causes, approximately one in three of which were caused by IEDs.

36. Headline: Are Cuban cigars really better? What the experts say.

Correction: This post originally characterized a study as showing wine experts couldn't distinguish white wine from red; while that's the way the study has been reported by most outlets, it actually was conducted among undergraduate oenology students, not professional experts. We regret the error.

37. Headline: 40 maps that explain the Roman Empire

Correction: The article originally stated that Constantinople fell in 1452. It actually fell in 1453. It originally stated that Constantine made Christianity the official religion of the Roman empire, but he only began the process of Christianization. And it originally stated that triremes have 3 rowers per oar, but in fact they have 3 banks of oars, with one rower per oar. I also tweaked my description of quinqueremes.

38. Headline: 11 great songs of 2014 that were buried on terrible albums

Correction: An earlier version of this post said "Lotus Flower" was the best song on Thom Yorke's album on second reference."Lotus Flower" appears on an earlier Radiohead album and is much better than "Pink Section," the best song on Tomorrow's Modern Boxes.

39. Headline: What happened to the lost IRS emails?

Correction: The original version of this piece did not include the fact that, 10 days before Lerner reported her hard drive broken, House Ways and Means Committee chair Dave Camp sent a letter to the IRS asking for various documents related to the IRS, and Lerner's division. We regret the omission and have updated the language of the piece to take this fact into account.

40. Headline: 20 charts that will fill you with guilt and regret

Correction: Item number 13 was originally entitled "Drink More Water" and cited an erroneous recommendation that people drink 8 or more cups of water today. That's a myth. It's been replaced with a chart on adult vaccination rates. I regret the error.

41. Headline: Europe is slow, not weak — Putin's going to feel more pressure

Correction: An earlier version of this article said that Germany isn't a major arms exporter. According to SIPRI, it is actually the #3 weapons exporter in the world.

42. Headline: Suicides aren't more common during the holidays

Correction: The chart in this post originally claimed to show the average number of suicides per month. It actually shows the average daily suicide rate per month.

43. Headline: Good news: honeybee deaths went down last winter

Correction: The USDA chart has been corrected and updated (an earlier version had incorrect data for the winter of 2011/2012).

44. Headline: How many people who start Weight Watchers maintain their goal weight after five years?

Correction: A previous version of this article stated that one percent of people maintained their weight loss after five years.

45. Headline: In Martha Stewart's world, there is no lime apocalypse

Correction: In my rush to admire Martha Stewart's lime privilege, I counted halves as whole limes. That's been edited and clarified.

46. Headline: The Bash Bug: What you need to know about the latest security flaw

Correction: I originally stated that mobile devices running Android and iOS run Bash, but that appears to have been incorrect. Most Android phones ship with a competitor that, so far, does not appear to be vulnerable. I've updated the article accordingly. Also, I stated that a software patch to Bash would fix the problem, but it has since been discovered that the fix is incomplete.

Illustration by Jim Cooke

Who's In Your Yearbook?

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Who's In Your Yearbook?

While cleaning out his bookshelves last night, my boyfriend stumbled across his Ann Arbor Community High School yearbook. He opened to page 35. "Do you recognize anyone?" he asked. I didn't, even though he is on page 35 (he looks very different now!). He pointed to the high school's most famous graduate, a non-descript looking teen named Andrew Wilkes-Krier, who would go on to become the very descript professional partier and "multi-instrumentalist" Andrew WK. Another wallflower blossomed.

No famous/infamous/cool people went to my high school in Deerfield, Illinois. Are there any notable people in your yearbook? Share your pics with us!


The World Is a Beautiful Place After All

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The World Is a Beautiful Place After All

This morning, Rob Thomas accidentally removed a chunk of his left hand's middle finger while preparing breakfast. Jose Canseco accidentally removed a chunk of same with a handgun in October, and shortly after Thomas' mishap, the legendary ballplayer took to Twitter to commiserate.

At the end of a dark and trying year for Canseco, Thomas, and the rest of America, a display of affection and acknowledgement of shared struggle like this one can go a long way. Hug for u @JoseCanseco.

[Image via @ThisIsRobThomas/Twitter]

In a Cyber-Bunker, a Terrified New York Times Editorial Board

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In a Cyber-Bunker, a Terrified New York Times Editorial Board

The opinion department of the New York Times is very frightened by recent techno-geopolitical developments, and it wants you to be frightened too. The (alleged) North Korean aggression against Sony Pictures, an editorial explains today, is a wake-up call to a slumbering and inadequately technology-defended nation:

The attack on Sony is particularly alarming because it raises the possibility that North Korea, aware that sending troops into South Korea or unleashing a nuclear weapon will bring crushing retaliation from the United States, has found a more devious weapon against its adversaries.

Is that alarming? Particularly? Some people might find it comforting to learn that North Korea had found an outlet for its aggression other than full-on military incursion or nuclear attack. A few embarrassing weeks for Amy Pascal, or a radioactive glass crater where the 10 million inhabitants of Seoul used to be? Hard to say which is more chilling to contemplate, really.

But the computer realm holds special terrors for the Times editorial board. Nothing short of all-out mobilization of "corporations and governments at every level" will be enough to deter the threat. The opinion board is so agitated about this, its language comprehension seems impaired:

The federal government also has a vital role. President Obama has promised a proportional response to what he has called "cybervandalism" by North Korea.

The president promising a "proportional response" to "cybervandalism" was more or less the opposite of declaring the Sony hack an international security crisis. The proportional response to "cybervandalism" would be to put some cyberpaint over it, sentence Pyongyang to 36 hours of cybercommunity service, and cyberget on with our cyberlives.

[Photo via AP]

The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 

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The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 

"When the going gets weird," Hunter S. Thompson once wrote, "the weird turn pro." As we cast our gazes back at 2014, we can all agree the year had more than its share of utterly odd moments. Needless to say, we're all pros now.

Weirdest Giant Hole

Remember that 260-foot crater that yawned open in Sibera for reasons unknown? In November, Russian scientists were close to discovering the cause, but so far the sinkhole hasn't divulged its secrets.

The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 


Weirdest Food Trend

Lest we forgot, French chain Quick was the first to the all-black burger party, with its 2012 "Darth Vader Burger." But somehow, 2014 became the Year of the Battling Black Burgers, creating a rivalry 'twixt different versions of a food item nobody asked for, or particularly wanted to eat in the first place, much less do it twice. Burger King Japan threw down the gauntlet with its "Kuro Burger," which featured a pitch-black bun and (hurkk) a slice of black cheese. Not to be outdone, McDonald's Japan answered the call to battle with a version of its own. What culinary oddity will capture the world's imagination (and squid ink-tinted nightmares) in 2015? And will America get a crack at it this time?

Image via Grubstreet.

Weirdest Addiction

Gotta be Google Glass, the polarizing accessory of our times. A man was diagnosed with Internet Addiction Disorder after being deprived of his Google Glass. He had been exhibiting classic withdrawal symptoms, and often dreamed he was wearing it, which is problematic on both psychological and fashion-conscious levels.

Weirdest Epic Battle of Words

This one's not so "weird" as it is just plain adorable ... and admirable. After a jaw-dropping 90 rounds, a champion was crowned in the most epic spelling bee ever held in Jackson County, Mo., and possibly the world. The winning word was "definition," spelled correctly by seventh-grader Kush Sharma after the runner-up, fifth grader Sophia Hoffman, faltered on "stifling." It should be noted that these kids were so badass they cycled through all of the competition's available words, necessitating a two-week bee break while officials compiled an additional list. Slow clap. Via Mental Floss.

Weirdest Eight-Legged Freakout

We'll always have a fond spot in our hearts and a vivid place in our nightmares for the Spirit Arachnid of 2014, the "Puppy Sized Spider." But the story didn't end there, because the Harvard entomologist who discovered it, Piotr Naskrecki, received death threats after collecting the specimen (i.e., killing the spider for scientific purposes) and placing it in a museum.

Weirdest Kickstarter Success Story

Had to be Zack "Danger" Brown's joke campaign to fund his attempt at making potato salad. His goal was $10; he raised over $55,000. No viral-celebrity diva, the Ohio man used his windfall to fund PotatoStock 2014, a public party in downtown Columbus promising "peace, love, and potato salad." He has also donated some of the money to organizations that fight hunger and homelessness.

The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 

Weirdest Transportation Discovery

Thanks to camera traps, we got some new intel on what wild animals are doing when they're not being watched. Turns out they're up to some really strange stuff. A mongoose-like genet was caught hitchhiking on the backs of at least two different species of animals, including the buffalo pictured above.

The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 

Weirdest Dental Surgery

An Indian teenager had 232 teeth removed from his mouth, the result of what doctors called "a complex composite odontoma, where a single gum forms lots of teeth." Lots and lots of teeth. Fortunately, the young patient pulled through the surgery, and can now look forward to going through life with just 28 choppers. The internet, however, will always have that truly distressing photo of his discarded tooth nubbins.

The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 

Weirdest Brain Drain

Physicians in the UK were shocked to discover that a tape worm had burrowed its way from one side of a man's brain to the other. The 50-year-old patient had been complaining of headaches, memory flashbacks, and experiencing strange smells. The fact that the centimeter-long parasite was captured cruising around via brain scans (and then compiled into gif form) makes this story even more terror-inducing.

The Weirdest of the Weird News in 2014 

Weirdest OMG WHY

BBC filmmakers caught unprecedented images of a giant red leech sucking up a worm like it was spaghetti — and we really wish they hadn't. Look at that thing! Recoil in horror, yet realize there's no absolutely no way you can tear your eyes away! How is 2015 gonna top that?


Why Won't Andrew Garfield Shave His Face?

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Why Won't Andrew Garfield Shave His Face?

Andrew Garfield: Why won't he shave his face? A good question, and a relevant one. Let's dive in.

Andrew Garfield was caught walking around New York City with his girlfriend Emma Stone this week, sporting nearly a full face of hair. Why?

Why Won't Andrew Garfield Shave His Face?

Why?

Why Won't Andrew Garfield Shave His Face?

Why?

Why Won't Andrew Garfield Shave His Face?

Why?

[photo credit INFphoto.com, via Splash]

Two-Year-Old Fatally Shoots Woman With Handgun at Idaho Walmart

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Two-Year-Old Fatally Shoots Woman With Handgun at Idaho Walmart

A two-year-old boy accidentally killed a woman, reported to be his mother, this morning at an Idaho Walmart. Police say the boy fatally shot the woman after grabbing a handgun from her purse.

From the Associated Press:

The woman was shopping with several children, and it is unclear how they are related, Kootenai County sheriff's spokesman Stu Miller said. Authorities originally said the boy was the woman's son.

The woman, whose identity was not released, had a concealed weapons permit.

Miller said the shooting was accidental and occurred in the Wal-Mart in Hayden, Idaho, a town about 40 miles northeast of Spokane, Washington.

The woman and the children were in the back of the store near the electronics area when the shooting occurred, authorities said.

KXLY is reporting that the woman was the boy's mother.

[Image via KXLY]

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