The meme that's made Bauuer's incorrectly named "Harlem Shake" the number one song in America two weeks in a row is finally getting the federal investigation it deserves. Sort of. One of the more recent versions of the meme, made by the Colorado College Ultimate Frisbee Team – takes place aboard a Frontier Airlines flight. It starts off innocently/predictably enough, with a lone frisbee player dancing in a lacrosse helmet. Then, as always happens in these videos, the whole plane joins in, including other members of the team in various costumes, plus a confused-looking but game old man. Harmless fun, in an awful sort of way, right? Wrong, according to the FAA, who have launched an investigation into the video.

A federal official who did not want to be identified because of the ongoing investigation said the video "looks bad" — but as long as it wasn't recorded as the plane was taking off or landing, then it probably isn't a crime. If the video was recorded against the wishes of the Frontier flight attendants, however, the official said, the passengers could be charged with interfering with a flight crew.

Both members of the frisbee team and school officials are denying any wrongdoing. "[The students] definitely had permission from the flight crew," Leslie Weddell, the college's spokesperson, told ABC News. Matt Zelin, a sophomore on the team, told the school's newspaper (headline: "BREAKING: FAA investigating student's in-flight ‘Harlem Shake'') that the crew approved the video ahead of time.

"Obviously I hope that this whole situation is solved with the FAA…," said Matt Zelin, sophomore who filmed the dance and who is a member of CC's frisbee team. "I don't see there being any reason why this should cause any trouble. We asked the staff and they said it was safe."

ABC News' aviation expert said the stunt was probably harmless.

"I don't think there's any concern structurally or when it comes to safety of flight," said ABC News aviation consultant John Nance.

If the dancers had all moved to the front or rear of the plane simultaneously, Nance said, that could have created a weight and balance issue for the pilots in the cockpit, but not a problem that put the plane in danger of crashing.

"It's nothing the flight crew or the aircraft can't handle," Nance said. "This gyrating around is of no consequence."

But to be on the safe side, let's all agree to stop making "Harlem Shake" videos, in the air or anywhere else.

Traffic piled up outside of Reno, Nevada early Thursday afternoon after a tractor trailer carrying over 42,000 pounds of ketchup crashed, spilling the condiment across a highway. The accident occurred after the truck swerved to avoid a car, causing it to veer into a light pole and then into the underpass of a bridge, ripping open the cargo area. There were no injuries, though; just literally tons of ketchup.

"I have red everywhere on the highway," said Sgt. Janay Sherven with the Nevada Highway Patrol. "No bodies, no people, just ketchup."
…

‘"The scene looks pretty bad as far as color goes," Sherven said.

Quick thinking transportation authorities used snowplows to clean up the mess (instead of, as the Associated Press suggested, fries). But bad news if you were hoping to buy some of the ketchup at a discount:

Health officials also will declare the spilled ketchup a loss so it can be taken to the dump.

[Image via KOLO]

The earth opened up behind a one-story home in Florida late last night, swallowing an entire bedroom into a sinkhole—now 100 feet wide—and likely killing one. Authorities say that their equipment has been unable to find signs of life, meaning that the 36-year-old man who was sucked into the rubble is believed dead; according to early reports, the victim's brother attempted to rescue him, only to himself require rescue by an arriving sheriff's deputy. "It sounded like a car hit my house," Janell Wheeler, the man's aunt and one of the occupants of the home, told the Tampa Bay Times. The sinkhole, which expanded from 30 to 100 feet wide overnight, is reportedly still developing; its causes are unclear, though it's not man-made. [Tampa Bay Times | CNN | Sheli Muniz]

Even though the copy alone had already made her giggle, WDBJ7's Susan Bahorich, professional Weekend Morning Anchor that she is, believed she could make it through a fluff piece on a fat cat that has taken to swimming in order to lose weight.

But barely ten seconds into the segment, Bahorich descent into laughter had reached the point of no return and it was only a matter of time before the copy became unintelligible and the snorting began.

In Bahorich's defense, ten seconds is an awful long time to be expected to stare at a fat cat taking a swim without laughing.

[video via MSN Now]

Speaker of the House John Boehner has changed his mind. After months spent engaged in talks with President Obama in an attempt to avoid budget-slashing government sequestration—which hits today!—he now believes that no negotiation is probably the best policy.

Both President Obama and Congressional Democrats are trying to cajole Boehner back into discussions in an attempt to halt the automatic budget cuts that should take effect later today, but the Speaker is now refusing to even discuss an increase in revenue. Negotiations with the Democrats, Boehner says, were really about:

"How much more money do we want to steal from the American people to fund more government. I'm for no more."

Boehner's promised that he won't engage in any more one-on-one negotiations with President Obama. And wouldn't you know? House Republicans are proud of their man for standing strong. Representative Steve Scalise, a Republican from Louisiana said:

"I think Friday will be an important day that shows we're finally willing to stand and fight for conservative principles and force Washington to start living within its means. And that will be a big victory."

The "big victory," of course, means that rebellious conservatives won't challenge Boehner's speakership.

[New York Times, image via Getty]

If we've said it once, we've said it, oh, at least a handful of times by now: don't make that rap video.

"While being white certainly makes Brendan unique in his field, it is not the only thing that sets him apart from other rappers." I'll say. This is no "White and Purple," Brendan.

[via NYT]

In Mitt and Ann Romney's first interview since losing the bid for presidency in November, the former candidate likens the Presidential race to a theme park ride. The most soul-sucking, disheartening theme park ride ever:

"We were on a roller coaster, exciting and thrilling, ups and downs. But the ride ends. And then you get off. And it's not like, oh, can't we be on a roller coaster the rest of our life? It's like, no, the ride's over."

 
Sometimes people should win the roller coaster because they just want it the most. The full Romney interview will air at 2 p.m and 6 p.m ET on Fox News, in case you're interested in more metaphors from Mitt.

[Fox News, image via Getty]

WHAT NOW? Apparently there is cat litter in cigarettes—or rather the clay found in cat litter is used in cigarettes as filler. This allows tobacco companies to "weigh down" their cigarettes so that they will fall into the "large cigar" category-helping the companies avoid a federal excise tax increase of 2,653%. The rule goes as follows:

It requires "a rolled tobacco product to weigh at least 3 pounds per 1,000 to be labeled as a 'large' or 'premium' cigar where taxes increased just 155 percent."

This filler is legal; though the rule states that weight must be achieved to qualify as a large cigar, there is no stipulation about how this weight is achieved.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention say this tax disparity has been the cause of an increase in large cigar smoking. Smoking of large cigars has tripled in the past decade, while cigarette smoking has declined.

Remember that whole thing about how your cat's litter box was maybe making you crazy? This is worse.

[Bloomberg, image via Getty]

For those playing the home version of Horse Meat Bingo, go ahead and daub the Taco Bell square.

The latest round of tests conducted by Britain's Food Standards Agency found that ground beef used at all local Taco Bell locations contained trace amounts of horse DNA.

Taco Bell released a statement saying it conducted its own testing, which confirmed the FSA's findings.

It subsequently recalled the affected stock from stores and put a stop to all purchases from the European plant that supplied the tainted meat.

The statement goes on to apologize to customers, and assure potential patrons that the company "take[s] this matter very seriously as food quality is our highest priority."

Taco Bell joins a growing number of high-profile brands that have been embroiled in the ongoing horse meat scandal.

Furniture retailer Ikea recently stopped the sale of Swedish meatballs at certain locations after horse meat was found in some of its product.

Burger King was also forced to acknowledge that some of its patties had contained horse meat after adamantly denying it for weeks.

UPDATE: Taco Bell in the US has released the following statement: "Our domestic restaurants have not been, and will not be, impacted because we do not use any meat from Europe. We stand for quality and we use 100% premium beef. Like all beef in the United States, ours is USDA inspected and then passes our own 20 quality checkpoints."

[Image by Jim Cooke, source photos via Shutterstock]

The police chief of a small, scenic town in Pennsylvania has become embroiled in a local scandal following the emergence of a racy Facebook photo showing him in an apparent inebriated state getting handsy with a pistol-packing woman who is exercising extremely poor trigger discipline.

Chief Tom Keller of Confluence insisted to his Facebook followers that he did not remember when the photo was taken, and later told KDKA that his Facebook page had been hacked by someone who was "just trying to embarrass him."

Keller was suspended without pay, but Mayor Allen Gyorko defended his actions, saying people "get a little, what you call, cabin fever" during winter and "do goofy things.

Gyorko said Keller had been part of the Confluence police department for 12 years, and was promoted to chief six years ago.

A borough council meeting will take place to determine Keller's future.

[H/T: HyperVocal, photo via PINAC]

Stanley Druckenmiller is a legendary hedge fund manager, former partner of George Soros, and billionaire investor. He is one of the more levelheaded and reasonable of the hedge fund gods. He's made billions of dollars by reading the world economy correctly for several decades. So it's worth at least passing on the fact that he is convinced that a new financial crash is looming for America. Worse than the last one!

With the caveats that A) sure, every hedge fund guy has a pet theory, and B) sure, it is plausible that long-term investing success may be attributable to luck to some degree, we will simply note that A) Stanley Druckenmiller predicted the last financial crash (the collapse of the housing bubble) years before it happened, and B) he has a sterling track record in matter such as this, and C) he has no real reason to bullshit on this topic, at this point. So, for those of us who are mere peons on Main Street, gazing uncomprehendingly at the economic machinations of Wall Street and Washington, it is worth pondering deeply his warning—which (like the dangers of the housing bubble) is nothing secret really, it's just something that we tend to ignore until it is too late, and comes crashing down upon us all.

Druckenmiller's basic warning: the old people of today are sucking us dry, and leaving nothing but a pile of debt for future generations. As he told Bloomberg:

Druckenmiller, 59, said the mushrooming costs of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, with unfunded liabilities as high as $211 trillion, will bankrupt the nation's youth and pose a much greater danger than the country's $16 trillion of debt currently being debated in Congress...

Druckenmiller said unsustainable spending will eventually result in a crisis worse than the financial meltdown of 2008, when $29 trillion was erased from global equity markets.

In other words, if we don't find a way to fix out of control Social Security spending, we will all die broke. Imagine a crash far worse than 2008! Unemployment Stories, Vol. 264. Druckenmiller also predicts that the current stock rise is artificial and temporary, so there is essentially little hope for you to invest your own way out of this problem.

"With the proper education and with proper voices out there, we could have 40 million kids marching down to Washington," Druckenmiller says. Haha, can you imagine a 40 million-strong youth march for entitlement reform? No. We will just wait, and revel in the inevitable collapse when it happens. Like global warming, we know it is coming, yet we will do nothing. The only question is which will get us first.

[Bloomberg.]

Somewhere in Stoker's gorgeous heap of near-absurd imagery, jaw-dropping transitions, domestic melodrama, and suggestive narrative half-threads is a metaphor for the career of its South Korean director Park Chan-wook. In staggers, loops and layers, Stoker's story follows the passage into adulthood of India Stoker (gangled by Mia Wasikowska, whose obsessive performance warrants obsession) while wondering, in an elliptical and inconclusive sort of way, if she is innately evil.

In an opening monologue delivered wistfully enough to immediately tint the film with camp indulgence, the just-18-year-old India tells us that her ears hear what others can't, that "just as a flower doesn't choose its color, so we don't choose what we are going to be." We see her playing outside, scurrying up trees, seemingly possessed or feral, but really, she's just kind of weird.

Perhaps it is destiny that Park would make Hollywood movies after the acclaim and cult fever inspired by his South Korean productions, especially Oldboy, which Spike Lee is remaking. His first U.S. picture, Stoker superficially seems like a huge sellout move. He's secured an A-list name, Nicole Kidman, and the title evokes Bram Stoker, the Dracula author, and with that the lucrative genre of a goth girl going bump in the night. The early scenes of a young woman in mysterious transformation suggest that's where things are going.

But it's all misdirection. Stoker is not a vampire movie, but an abstract coming-of-age yarn. Kidman, as India's borderline catatonic mother, Evelyn, is barely present by design, more Stepford than her character in The Stepford Wives. Yes, Park is progressing, but like his protagonist, he's being really fucking weird about it. It's safe to assume that this bait and switch is deliberate, as Park is an extremely deliberate filmmaker. He's saying, "Here's my Hollywood vampire movie, except I left out the vampires."

The film's great feat is its facilitation of empathy between India and the audience. With a seemingly unending stream of tricks up his sleeve, Park telegraphs the way innocence fades into sensory overload. We, too, experience India's heightened senses that arise from a "lifetime of longing." Egg shells crackle against tables. Metronomes thwack our eardrums. One gorgeous image (a close-up of Kidman's brushed-straight hair) blends into another (grass tall enough to hide in).

Some scenes are put together briskly cutting back and forth between several points of view or several different points in time, hurtling and retracing, so that the order of events becomes utterly unclear. These scenes ratchet up suspense—midway through, you have no idea what is going to happen next because it's often unclear what the hell is going on. It's not unlike the disorientation that comes from spinning yourself around in a circle.

When you are capable of graceful curlicues like Park, why not show them off? It all looks great; it all moves like it's already in the trance it wants to put you in. Stoker is a hell of a thing to sit back and watch unspool into tangles.

It may test the patience of those who want something linear or literal. What I gleaned from it was a story about a young woman discovering how much power she has in the world. Her transition is more fascinating than most regular-girl-to-fanged-girl yarn. Park's immediate reference point is Alfred Hitchock's 1943 thriller Shadow of a Doubt, as this too concerns a long-lost Uncle Charlie (here, he's Matthew Goode) reentering the life of his family and wreaking havoc. But it shares its bildungsroman spirit with Kenneth Lonergan's 2011 movie Margaret, and feels similarly, gloriously messy.

Here, too, the female protagonist is under siege, constantly threatened with violation by elements specific (her bullying classmates, a spider that disappears into her crotch, her obviously troubled uncle) and vague (the entire world, really, as she "hates to be touched," according to her mother). Beyond the vividness of the imagery and the way every scene is infused with a creepiness that rarely develops into actual horror, the satisfaction of the movie, I suppose, lies in watching her triumph over the adversity that envelops her.

There are sequences here, particularly between India and her uncle, that are indelible. The way their sexual tension plays out in a did-it-or-didn't-it-happen piano duet is a titillating flirtation with bad taste. A scene of India masturbating in the shower, intercut with flashbacks (or are they flashfowards?) to a dude on top of her having his neck snapped by a belt after his failed attempt to rape her (this may be turning her on, depending on which of Park's several images you choose for the montage theorizing) drops the flirtation and steamrolls to third base.

Stoker is lurid, ridiculous and astonishing. It is not a great movie, but it is a great thing to behold and a bold entry into Hollywood filmmaking from a bold filmmaker. As India's dad tells her an what is certainly a flashback, "Sometimes you need to do something bad to stop you from doing something worse." It's as good a summary of Park's work as any.

A Massachusetts woman who opened a FedEx package expecting to find a birthday present she purchased for her 11-year-old daughter was in for a surprise of her own when she discovered that the box contained several vacuum-packed bags stuffed with seven pound of marijuana.

In a lawsuit filed against FedEx by Plymouth resident Maryangela Tobin, the plaintiff claims the marijuana was hidden among "assorted candles, candy, ribbons, markers, and crafts," and was itself concealed inside a bag of potpourri.

The police were called to the scene, and after determining that the box had in fact "contained narcotics," officers seized the evidence and phoned FedEx to alert them that the Tobins "could be at risk."

But Tobin claims FedEx ignored the warning, and sent the intended recipient to retrieve his package from her house.

Per the lawsuit, a man arrived at Tobin's residence inside a black sports car along with two other males, and proceed to inquire about the package.

After informing the man that his parcel was in the hands of police, Tobin slammed and bolted her front door and phoned the police again.

An officer rang up FedEx to inform them that the recipient had shown up at the Tobin household and was told that an employee "had in fact disclosed to someone else information about the package."

Police apprehended the three suspected smugglers several days later, but Tobin says she remains fearful for her family's safety, saying her daughters are "now too scared to be alone in their own home for any appreciable period of time."

The incident was obviously traumatizing for the woman and her children, but this passage from the lawsuit is gold:

Maryangela realized something was wrong and asked Lily to go upstairs to her room. But Lily sensed Maryangela's distress, and would not leave her side. Lily asked what was wrong with her present. Maryangela explained to her that the package contained an illegal substance, at which point Lily began to cry. Lily, breathing the strong aroma, worried she now had 'drugs in her.'

[photo via AP]

You know that "Harlem Shake" thing your friends on Facebook are just now discovering? Well, it was dead for a minute, but now it's back.

Well, just for another minute.

Just long enough for you to check out this pretty sweet Easter Egg from the folks at YouTube.

Head on over to everyone's favorite cat video archive and type "do the Harlem shake." Then, as they say in the parlance of our confusing times, wait for it.

OK. Now it's dead again.

[H/T: @michaelroston]

Working in journalism is, like life, harder for women than it is for men, what with the patriarchy and all. This point was driven home this week by Marin Cogan's New Republic story on the various sexual harassment-themed indignities of being a female reporter in Washington, and by the "Said to Lady Journos" Tumblr, which chronicles fun on-the-job remarks like, "Are you lost, little girl?"

Perhaps, as a generous interpretation, a lot of men out there—powerful men, important men, men who are frequently interviewed by members of the media—just don't know how to talk to female journalists. They know what women are, yes, and they know what journalists are, but a woman journalist? Their brain goes off the rails. For the sake of etiquette and dignity, we offer these male sources a quick and easy guide on How to Talk to a Lady Journalist.

• 1) Listen carefully to the question she asks you: The words coming out of the female reporter's mouth—what are they? Think of their common meanings. Now reflect upon their collective meaning, in the form of a question. What is that question? Once you understand the question, proceed to step two.
• 2) Do not read anything into the question: She just asked you about your job. Is she impressed by it? She just asked you for your thoughts on a subject. Does that mean she's "into you?" She just asked you a question. Does this little gal here need a big strong man like you to set her on the right path?
  The answer to all of the aforementioned questions is "no." Lemme talk to the fellas here. Fellas—fellas? Fellas. Don't you hate it when you say something to a woman and she's all, "What did he mean by that?" And you're all, "I mean what I said, girl, come on." Fellas—the fellas out there know what I'm talking about. Shit is crazy, right?
  So don't do that.
• 3) Do not read anything into any other characteristics or actions of the female reporter including but not limited to her clothing, her appearance, her body language, or her tone of voice: It's not that that female reporter came right out and said she was hot for you. It's how she didn't say it. Right?
  No.
• 4) Answer her question: Let's review. In step one, you determined what her question actually meant. In steps two and three, you expressly did not add in additional layers of subtextual meaning to her question. Now you're ready to answer the question.
• 5) Repeat this process for each of her questions.
• 6) Do not sexually harass her on the way out: "Well, now that the interview's over, how about we have a drink and go somewhere a little more..." Ah, ah, ah. Instead of doing this, do not do it.
• 7) God damn, your mama would be proud of you now.

[Photo: AP]

On Thursday, Michelle Obama celebrated the third anniversary of her "Let's Move" campaign with a dancing event in Chicago. The FLOTUS and some other famous people like Serena Williams, Bo Jackson, Dominique Dawes, and Gabby Douglas hopped up on stage to do dances like "throwing it away," the "dribble," and the "step-together, step-together."

Another reason to break it down, Nike has agreed to give $50 million to a five-year expansion of "Let's Move."

[BuzzFeed]

Sometimes moms do cool things like drive you to the mall and let you borrow/keep forever $20. Mostly, though, they are embarrassing.

Take for instance, Garrett's mom.

In November, 25-year-old Garrett Hand and his 25-year-old girlfriend Jamie Neal flew from their California home to South America for a four-month bike trip. Before the couple left, they informed their friends and family that, for some of their trip (as they traveled through jungles and rainforests), they would be out of cellphone and Internet range.

In January, they passed out of cellphone range. In February, Garrett's mom demanded the Peruvian government launch a full-scale search for the couple, whom she believed to be missing.

What they actually were, was "having a blast."

The couple's last communication with their families (and access to their bank accounts) occurred on January 25. In late February, Garrett's mom called Peru and demanded they put Garrett on the phone to talk to her right this instant, or else they'd be in big trouble, mister.

Peru began a frantic search for the couple, who continued their vacation (riding bikes, hiking trails, doing hippie things) blissfully unaware that they had caused an international incident by not responding to Garrett's mom on Facebook.

The government issued a nationwide alert for the "missing" couple.

Very soon, the U.S. Embassy in Peru and the Peruvian tourism ministry called Garrett's mom (separately) to tell her the couple had been spotted alive—alive? They'd never felt so alive—and chillaxin'.

Here's a statement about the couple's cool Peru time from Jose Luis Silva, the country's minister of tourism and commerce, i.e. a person who very, very, very much wants American tourists to continue coming to Peru,:

"These two young people have fallen in love with Peru. They have visited off-the-beaten-path places and it seems like they're having a blast — so much so that they have forgotten to communicate with their families."

A hotel manager told police the couple had stayed there on February 16 and said they planned to travel to a town called Naplo, a 15-day journey.

The tourism ministry made plans to send in a hydroplane the next day to shoot video of them.

A hydroplane.

Garrett's mom posted on a (now deleted) Facebook page she created for the missing couple that dateless images and secondhand stories about her son simply would not cut it:

"Let me reiterate, until we have PROOF OF LIFE, we cannot celebrate these rumors and sightings. Proof of life is my son's voice on the phone and a picture of him holding the missing poster."

On Wednesday, the couple wrote Facebook posts (from the military base where they had been brought by Peruvian authorities acting on behalf of Garrett's mom) informing everyone that, although they had not "liked" any statuses recently, they were indeed alive, traveling through the Amazon in an area without electricity, internet, or phone service. They posed for a series of beaming pictures, which Peru's tourism ministry added to its official Facebook page. Garrett also finally called his mom, who later released his statement:

"I am so happy today that my son is well. Now our family will have to process all of this, and I think this will take some time. I can't wait to see Garrett and Jamie walking off the plane and into my arms."

In her Facebook update, Jamie Neal called the amount of attention she and her boyfriend had received "fucking insane" and added "I may delete my Facebook when I get home."

Or maybe she will just un-friend one very specific mom.

[CNN // Image via Mincetur Perú]

ABC's late-nineties, early-aughts spin-off of the British improvisational comedy show Whose Line is it Anyway? has been off the air for nearly ten years.

Repeats and myriad online clips have helped Whose Line? garner a cult following, and rumors of its impending return have been swirling for about as long as the show has been offline.

But now it seems a real reboot is truly in the offing.

What started with a casual tweet from Whose Line? regular Colin Mochrie announcing that "by the way, Whose Line is coming back," soon gave way to a confirmation from other regular Ryan Stiles that the show will indeed be reincarnated in April with comedian Aisha Tyler as host.

"Drew's not in it, so it's a lot funnier," Stiles told the Wenatchee World.

No word yet if the show's third primary performer, Wayne Brady, will be joining Stiles and Mochrie, as he is currently the host of another revived game show — Let's Make a Deal.

UPDATE: Deadline confirms that Wayne Brady will be returning for the new season of Whose Line?, and the revived show will air on The CW.

Why on earth Zach Curd asked his wife Erin to wake him up every morning for 15 straight days with a sharp cheek slap remains unclear — circadian rhythm redirection? Pure masochism? Just 'cause? — but one thing is quite evident: By day 11, his significant other is clearly starting to enjoy her task a bit too much.

[H/T: Reddit via Guyism]

Your grandparents, enterprising and hardscrabble dirt farmers that they were, could probably work their way through college with nothing more than a job as a soda jerk at the Moderne Tyme Coca-Cola Soda and Sweetes Fountainne and Heroin Dispensary. Now, though, you would have to actually be a heroin trafficker in order to pay your own way through college. The latest figures on the humongous US student debt load are out. They are not improving.

Virtually every chart in this report from the NY Fed is a tale of looming disaster. "Student debt is the only kind of household debt that continued to rise through the Great Recession." Thirteen percent of borrowers owe more than $50,000. The number of borrowers and their average balance have both risen by 70% since 2004. Seventeen percent of borrowers are more than three months delinquent on their payments. All of these figures have been steadily rising for the better part of a decade now.

College grads do still tend to make more money, so as long as that salary bump stays high enough to justify all those massive loan repayments, the universities of America can continue raising prices while paying their T.A.'s starvation wages.

[NY Fed]