When last we left Rupert Murdoch, he was tweeting wrong, bigoted things about Egyptians. Now, he is tweeting wrong, bigoted things about Muslims! ("Moslems," actually.) The world is just so full of things to be wrong about. Thankfully though, J.K. Rowling has stepped in to restore balance.

On Friday, Murdoch went on a tear:

Maybe most Moslems peaceful, but until they recognize and destroy their growing jihadist cancer they must be held responsible.

— Rupert Murdoch (@rupertmurdoch) January 10, 2015

Big jihadist danger looming everywhere from Philippines to Africa to Europe to US. Political correctness makes for denial and hypocrisy.

— Rupert Murdoch (@rupertmurdoch) January 10, 2015

Moslems? Moslems. Also: "Big jihadist danger." Big!

Still, as idiotic as Murdoch's position is, it's still not as fringe a perspective as it deserves to be. Indeed, it seems to be the default view of cranky old white men across the (ostensibly vast) political spectrum! Funny how that happens.

Anyway, J.K. Rowling stepped in this morning to turn that argument on its head.

I was born Christian. If that makes Rupert Murdoch my responsibility, I'll auto-excommunicate. http://t.co/Atw1wNk8UX

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) January 11, 2015

.@dom209 The Spanish Inquisition was my fault, as is all Christian fundamentalist violence. Oh, and Jim Bakker.

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) January 11, 2015

.@peeyushmalhotra Eight times more Muslims have been killed by so-called Islamic terrorists than non-Muslims. http://t.co/JXLfZOmcKl

— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) January 11, 2015

Expelliarmus!

[Photo credit: AP Images]

New Jersey governor Chris Christie will be at Lambeau Field today to cheer on the Dallas Cowboys alongside his pal Jerry Jones. Christie's Cowboys enthusiasm is already costing him political capital, so former ad-man Drew Magary cobbled together scripts for the inevitable attack ads that will follow the governor's next electoral campaign, and we made them into five TV spots you can watch in the above video.

(For reference, the five attack ads in the above video are titled "BLOWJOB," "MERCH," "BRADSHAW," "CORRUPTION," and "MASCOT.")

To contact the author of this post, write to tim@deadspin.com or find him on Twitter @bubbaprog.

A coyote was caught on an Upper West Side basketball court last night, the New York Post reports. Police tranquilized the animal and plan to release her back into the wild.

Police were notified of the coyote's presence around 9:30 p.m. and chased her back and forth between 72nd and 79th streets along Riverside Drive, eventually penning her in at a basketball court on 76th street.

Coyotes have spread across the wilderness of Westchester County and made several incursions into the city in recent years. Just this past June one was spotted in the Bronx. Elsewhere, downtown Chicago is already home to some 2,000 coyotes.

How long will they wait before descending into Manhattan to terrorize the small yapping dogs of those affluent neighborhoods around Central Park, and what can we do to make that happen more quickly?

[Photo credit: Shutterstock]

You might accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior, but do you take him serious? If not, you should probably watch out for Pastor Eric Dammann, who admits to straight-up socking a kid as hard as he could for "playing games with God."

In a (since deleted) video uploaded by Rooted in Christ Videos, the preacher tells the story of how he saved a child's soul by nailing him right in the chest, just like Jesus would, saying, "I crumpled the kid, I just crumpled him."

"He was a bright kid, which didn't help things, right? Made him more dangerous," says Dammann of his young disciple, although presumably less dangerous than a dude who drops insufficiently devout children.

Of course, it's entirely possible the pastor made the whole thing up—something else the Bible isn't super down with.

[h/t Raw Story]

Five people were shot early Sunday morning at a San Jose nightclub where Chris Brown was making an appearance, SF Gate reports. All are expected to survive, so it seems fair to say none came to more harm than Brown's already limited dignity.

SF Gate reports Brown at the nightclub for a "Capricorn Bash" birthday party. Videos posted to social media appear to show the singer's reaction as shots were fi—OH SHIT LOOK OUT.

Police have reportedly already detained several people in the case.

Two for flinching, Chris.

America's most famous pregnant singer, Beyoncé Knowles-Carter, has just posted a picture of herself styled as a beautiful pregnant sand monster en repose to Instagram. While pregnant with meaning, the image is unaccompanied by any caption, leaving the public to draw our own conclusions. Is Beyoncé pregnant? Is Beyoncé an ancient sand monster who takes human form to perform wicked deeds? The answer to the first question is almost certainly yes, as indicated by Gawker's prior coverage on the subject. The answer to the second question is also almost certainly yes.

Previously when buried completely in sand, Beyoncé was rendered as a sand monster with a flat stomach.

It is Gawker.com's official editorial wish, belief, and stance that Beyoncé is pregnant*.

*This information has yet to be officially confirmed by Beyoncé or her representatives in a medium other than sand.

[Image via Instagram]

Dark clouds formed over Billings, Montana. They eclipsed the moon and the darkest of dark night closed in. Witches cackled, black cats howled, and lighting struck. And then it happened. The most terrifying event in the universe. A woman gave birth to unassisted identical triplets.

Jody Kinsey and her husband, Jase, welcomed three boys — Cade, Ian and Milo — all terrifying, and all healthy. The triplets actually look like normal pointy-headed, squishy-faced babies, clad in matching blue-striped onesies with ah-dorable bears on their tiny feet. But really, is there anything scarier, than having three identical human beings come tearing from your body?

Identical triplets born at the @BillingsClinic [PHOTOS] : http://t.co/amUa0s3TY9

— Billings Gazette (@billingsgazette) January 10, 2015

For their part, the Kinsey's aren't terrified at all. Jody, who recently had three tiny, identical monsters in her uterus, told the Billings Gazette "I'm sure it's going to be tough, especially when they get old enough to understand that people can't tell them apart." What's likely to be tougher is when you wake up one early, cold morning and see three identical toddlers staring at you from your doorway. They'll look at you and simultaneously say "Mommy." And then...then you'll be truly terrified.

Image via Getty

Poor ol' George Zimmerman. According to attorney Don West, the killer of Trayvon Martin just can't catch a break. This weekend, West told reporters that his client "hasn't been very lucky with the ladies" after Zimmerman was arrested for domestic violence (again) on Friday.

West, who also represented Zimmerman in the Martin case, said he didn't want to "speculate" about the circumstances surrounding his client's arrest, but nonetheless weighed in on the subject of the poor schlub's love life.

Among Zimmerman's misfortunes: Allegedly committing domestic violence against his fiancee, allegedly threatening to shoot his wife, allegedly pointing a cocked shotgun at his pregnant girlfriend, and, most recently, allegedly throwing a wine bottle at his new girlfriend.

I guess it's like the say, "Lucky at [evading punishment for the killing of an unarmed teenager], unlucky in love."

[Image via WESH-TV//h/t Daily Mail]

Top NYPD officials are demanding increased summons activity after a weeks-long slowdown, the New York Post reports. Borough commanders have reportedly mandated that precincts deliver "activity sheets" detailing the number of arrests and summons per shift. Officers have reportedly also been threatened with a loss of vacation time.

"Police officers around the city are now threatened with transfers, no vacation time and sick time unless they write summonses," an unnamed union source told the Post. "This is the same practice that caused officers to be labeled racist and abusers of power."

"To have all the manpower utilized for the sole purpose of writing summonses is a very dangerous way to utilize manpower," an officer in Queens' 105th Precinct said. "This is not what we're out here for."

The increased pressure seems to be coming as a result of Commissioner Bratton's dictum earlier this week to union leaders, commanding officers, and the NYPD's rank-and-file to "start working again." Police activity has slumped heavily since the shooting of two officers in December. Union officials deny that there is an organized work stoppage.

"I don't know what the cause is," Bratton told the New York Times. "That's 30,000-some-odd officers; that their motivations might be different for different ones."

Some precincts and platoons have slowed more rapidly than others, and will receive "management attention." "We have been very carefully identifying where we have issues that would require closer supervision," Bratton said, while also claiming that he was "not driving activity levels."

During the overnight shift from Friday into Saturday at the 105th Precinct, though, the Post reports that officers were told not to return to the precinct or even to take meal breaks until they had logged at least two summons.

[Photo credit: AP Images]

According to police, health officials have found a synthetic drug in the Christmas cakes that caused 40 people to fall ill with nausea, hallucinations and out-of-body experiences in California this week.

Traditionally, the baked good known as Rosca de Reyes is eaten at the end of the Christmas season and contains a tiny plastic Jesus baby, not a powerful psychedelic drug, but on Monday customers who ate cakes from Cholula's Bakery in Santa Ana began showing up at hospitals reporting the suspiciously similar symptoms.

After an initial investigation found traces of a cockroach infestation, the Orange County Health Agency shut down the bakery, but police are now launching a criminal investigation, with lab results confirming the presence of drugs expected in one to two weeks.

"There are hundreds of types of synthetic drugs," said a police spokesperson. "Hopefully they can isolate what exactly we're talking about."

[Image via Shutterstock]

"The definition of public benefit, after all, can be subject to interpretation." The New York Times takes a look at art collectors receiving tax exemptions for setting up barely-accessible museums in their own backyards.

Among other things, Bruce Oreck is a former body-builder, the son vacuum magnate David Oreck and the U.S. Ambassador to Finland. But far more importantly, he's the winner of the State Department's (imaginary) "Best Christmas Card" contest three years running, thanks to ambitiously weird images like this one, released via Oreck's Facebook on Wednesday.

In it, the ambassador wears a painted-on shirt and tattoo sleeves alongside the caption "Just back to basics."

"Doing body paint was [makeup artist Riina Laine]'s idea," Oreck tells Gawker. "What we ultimately did was a combination of some thoughts from me and 100% talent from her."

However, this year's entry only expands on what's become a tradition for Oreck, starting with this card from 2012:

Unfortunately, some folks "didn't see the humor in the 2012 card" according to Oreck.

"Although the original card was innocent, last year's card was definitely intended to tweak a few noses," says the ambassador, referring to this masterpiece from 2013:

"Just like playing 21, sometimes you just have to double down on your hand."

The Golden Globes—America's favorite party of drunk, wannabe Oscar winners and really drunk cable television stars—is back for another night of awkward hobnobbing and strained niceties. And handing out trophies. Come talk blunders, victories, gags, and goofs with team Defamer.

You'll remember that last year's Globes were really weird: Andy Samberg won. Diane Keaton seemed drunk as hell. Bono totally dissed P. Diddy. Emma Thompson! We can only hope more good shit goes down this year. Share your favorite moments, the best GIFs, and dumbest tweets below. We'll be updating this post with the night's winners.

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash
Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie: Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Best Miniseries or TV Movie: Fargo
Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Billy Bob Thorton, Fargo
Best Actress in a TV Series, Musical or Comedy: Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical: Transparent
Best Original Score: Johann Johannsson, Theory of Everything
Best Original Song, Motion Picture: "Glory," John Legend & Common, Selma
Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: Amy Adams, Big Eyes
Best Animated Feature Film: How to Train Your Dragon 2
Best Supporting Actress, Motion Picture: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Best Screenplay: Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
Best Foreign Language Film: Leviathan (Russia)
Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honorable Woman
Best TV Series, Drama: The Affair
Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
Best Director: Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama: Ruth Wilson, The Affair
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: Michael Keaton, Birdman
Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: The Grand Budapest Hotel
Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama: Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Best Motion Picture, Drama: Boyhood

[Image via NBC]

A newlywed high school teacher is facing hard time after allegedly escaping the bonds of matrimony directly into the arms of a teen student.

Jessica Acker, 23, a high school teacher at Bryant High School in Cottondale, Alabama was arrested and charged with "engaging in a sex act or deviant sexual intercourse with a student under the age of 19" when rumors of an inappropriate relationship with one of her students reached school officials this week.

Police interviewed both parties and issued a warrant for Acker's arrest. The former teacher, who was married earlier this year, according to the Daily Mail, turned herself in Friday before posting bail.

Although student was 18, Acker was charged under an Alabama law prohibiting consensual sex acts between teachers and students younger than 19.

Here's the highlight of the Golden Globes so far: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler rounding off a terrific opening bit with a deeply uncomfortable and very direct Bill Cosby joke. Poehler has the better imitation.

You can see the crowd reaction shot here (Clooney is cracking up; Bill Murray isn't).

And you can watch the whole opener here.

Chrissy Teigen watched her husband John Legend accept an award like this. And now she's a meme.

Taylor Negron—an actor, playwright and essayist who became "fame-ish" after appearing in more than 100 films and television shows—died Saturday. He was 57.

Negron's death, attributed to a protracted battle with cancer, was confirmed this weekend by his cousin, Three Dog Night vocalist Chuck Negron.

Although Negron never became a household name, he appeared in some of the biggest films and TV shows of the 80's and 90's, including Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Easy Money, Punchline, Seinfeld, and Curb Your Enthusiasm. He continued to act, write and paint until his illness worsened in recent years.

In a final essay posted Saturday on XO Jane, Negron wrote about always being "that guy."

Most of the time, however, the question is not specific.

It is simply: "Where do I know you from?"

I customize my answer based on age. If you are a woman in your thirties I will most likely smile and respond with assurance: "I was Monica's boss on 'Friends.'"

If you are a man in your fifties, I clap him on the back and say: "Ah yes, you might know me as Rodney Dangerfield's son-in-law from 'Easy Money'."

That's part of the fun of being That Guy.

Honestly, I never searched out celebrity anyway. All I ever wanted was to be a tortured artist who occasionally wears Max Factor Tan No. #2 foundation.

By the time I was 15, I was a child actor, proudly jaded and war torn, glad to have gotten the promises kicked out of me early. I have worked steadily, starting out as a cartoon model at Hannah Barbara and have the coloring book to prove it.

Being fame-ish is comforting to some. I have come to understand that viewers who knew me when they were young grew up with me. Subsequently when I hear, "Hey, you're that guy from so and so," it doesn't bother my ego, it makes me very proud that I am a shape shifter.

And maybe it was worth going on those four callbacks for "That's So Raven."

[image via AP]

Lots of great stuff happening on HBO tonight. Who knew?

Vulture has a big piece on this scene, which includes this reaction from Allison Williams's dad, Brian Williams:

She's always been an actress. For us, watching her is the family occupation and everybody has to remember it's acting, no animals were harmed during the filming, and ideally nobody gets hurt.

And here's how Allison described the making of this scene to Entertainment Weekly:

I had a couple of days talking to wardrobe and makeup to get ready to rig the thing that I wore for the ass motorboating. It was an engineering achievement! I would manufacture it if more than one person a year needed it. [Laughs] It was so elaborate—it involved Spanx that we cut away and glued down and involved menstrual pads and two of those weird thongs. I've had to do scenes like this twice now.

Related: Allison Williams Gets Her Ass Eaten to the Sounds of Peter Pan Live

According to reports, long-time New Yorker music critic Sasha Frere-Jones is leaving the magazine to join Genius, an annotation website with generous VC funding and a vast database of rap lyrics.

Genius—formerly known as Rap Genius—raised $40 million last year while expanding its lyrics collection to include a variety of texts ranging from the musical to the literary to the homicidal. To that end, Genius's remaining cofounders tell the Times they've also hired New Yorker contributor Christopher Glazek to annotate political texts.

The Times reports Frere-Jones is coming to the website as an executive editor, where he'll have leave to hire three or four people with "skills...rooted in journalism" to work under him in an as-yet unspecified role. According to the Times:

Mr. Frere-Jones, 47, said that he chose to leave The New Yorker after 11 years for a variety of reasons. He originally became a critic, he said, because he was frustrated that so many of those who wrote about music were ignorant of its nuances. Genius's tool addresses that, he said, but unlike crowd-sourced information on Twitter or Facebook, which is rapidly superseded, Genius's snippets remain easily visible forever.

"And I'll be honest," he said. "I don't want to stay up until 4 a.m. any more at shows, and you can annotate lyrics during the day."

Frere-Jones tells the Times his new role will also include marketing the site and recruiting famous people in preparation for "that Twitter moment when suddenly the smart kids stop holding their noses up in the air and they take part, and it just improves."

[image via Wikipedia]

The 72nd Golden Globes were last night and, my god, I hope this is the first you're hearing about it. (If you were lucky you were watching the little-discussed and very NSFW HBO show girls.) The must-watch moments were as plentiful as they were true to their name, and we've gathered them all here for your easy perusal.

The red carpet portion of the night, our first red carpet of 2015, our first of so many red carpets to come, endless red carpets, red carpets flowing like blood out of an elevator at the Overlook Hotel, happened. It happened for sure! Jennifer Aniston was fine—not crazy and stressed out at all, thank you for asking.

The highlight of E!'s red carpet broadcast came when human-rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin was forced to wach Giuliana Rancic take a shot, doing so with the exact amount of enthusiasm you would hope and expect.

And the highlight of the red carpet in general came from Catherine Zeta-Jones, Ms. Dancer Emoji herself:

oh shit. oh shit. it's her. #goldenglobes pic.twitter.com/2QIyqdyuLY

— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) January 12, 2015

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, the evening's ostensible hosts, were present for basically only their wonderful, Cosby-skewering opener—and sadly made themselves scarce after, so you might as well watch the whole thing from beginning to end. And you can check out the crowd's reaction to the Cosby jokes here. (Jessica Chastain—who did not take our dress advice—was shocked!)

Like last year, the duo's best non-Cosby joke was at the expensive of Lifetime Achievement Award winner George Clooney.

Following their opener, most of Tina and Amy's appearances were bogged down by painful Margaret Cho Kim Jong-un bits, but at least one of those bits brought us this delightful Benedict Cumberbatct photobomb GIF.

Amazon took home two awards for Transparent, the first of which creator Jill Soloway dedicated to the memory of Leelah Alcorn. Other people took home awards, too, nearly none of whom you had chosen in your Golden Globes pool. It's crazy how bad you did in your Golden Globes pool this year!

The one brief moment of joy after Amy and Tina seemingly abandoned their post came from Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader, who gave the appropriate amount of silliness and contempt to their award presentation.

Prince was there and Allison Janney loved it.

George Clooney received a Lifetime Achievement Award and certainly seemed nice and handsome enough while doing so. He made sure all of the celebrities in the room—even those who were not chosen to receive trophies for their already highlighted and well-paid work in play pretend—knew that just the fact that they were in that room meant they'd grabbed the brass ring. Finally, some appreciation.

Perhaps the night's biggest surprise centered around Michael Keaton—not that he won for his role in Birdman, no no, you could've guessed that, but that his son is hot? And wrote two Jason Derulo songs? Who knew!

Here's your full list of winners:

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie: Joanne Froggatt,Downton Abbey

Best Miniseries or TV Movie: Fargo

Best Actor in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Billy Bob Thorton, Fargo

Best Actress in a TV Series, Musical or Comedy: Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin

Best TV Series, Comedy or Musical: Transparent

Best Original Score: Johann Johannsson, Theory of Everything

Best Original Song, Motion Picture: "Glory," John Legend & Common, Selma

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Miniseries, or TV Movie: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: Amy Adams, Big Eyes

Best Animated Feature Film: How to Train Your Dragon 2

Best Supporting Actress, Motion Picture: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

Best Screenplay: Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy or Musical: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Best Foreign Language Film: Leviathan (Russia)

Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Movie: Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honorable Woman

Best TV Series, Drama: The Affair

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

Best Director: Richard Linklater, Boyhood

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama: Ruth Wilson, The Affair

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: Michael Keaton, Birdman

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical: The Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama: Julianne Moore, Still Alice

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

Best Motion Picture, Drama: Boyhood