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We're fascinated by Uber. It's a hugely successful service that's reshaping urban transportation. But it's also kind of a black box. With your help, we want to take a look inside.

Here's one way Uber is changing its industry: At the end of every Uber ride, the passenger is asked to rate the driver on a scale of one to five stars. Many passengers don't realize that the reverse is also true: Drivers are asked to rate their passengers, and can see passenger ratings from the app as they drive looking for fares. This system has the potential to upend longstanding problems— specifically, hacks' well-documented refusal to pick up black passengers.

But without more information, it's hard to tell what's happening, or how. Comparing passenger ratings against race and city would give us a much clearer sense of the extent to which Uber is genuinely "disrupting" the taxi industry. And that's only one particular question we could answer with more data.

That's where you come in. We want to get a better sense of who uses Uber, how, and why. We've come up with a quick anonymous survey that asks for just a few things, like age, gender, and race, and your Uber score. Won't you please help? And tell your friends? It takes about a minute to do the survey, and if this crowd-sourcing thing works out we might be able to paint the first really good picture of Uber's customer base. Just click here.

First, get your rating. It's easy to find out what Uber drivers think of you. Visit this link to contact Uber's support team; send them your email and a polite request for your score.

Next, fill out our anonymous survey below.

Finally, tell your friends.

Pizza is killing your kids.

THAT is the somewhat sensationalized—but not inaccurate!—conclusion of a distinguished team of scientists who have published a new analysis of the garbage that kids these days are eating, probably as a result of bad parenting. These trained scientists named PIZZA PIE as one of the biggest culprits behind childhood obesity. Your insistence on allowing your children to consume fat and salt-laden "Stuft Crust" and other forms of pizza is directly contributing to America's rapid evolution into a nation that cannot cobble together enough physically fit young men to fight a decent foreign war of conquest. From the LA Times:

On any given day, 22% of kids between the ages of 6 and 19 eat pizza. (That compares to 14% of toddlers and 13% of Americans overall.) ... On days when pizza is eaten, it composes 22% of children's calories and 26% of teens' calories, the researchers found.

These scientific warriors for nutrition recommend that pizza itself become a "target" of a crusade aimed at your children, and their swaying guts. Beware.

Left unaddressed by the scientists was the question of how pizza consumption and the war upon it might differ within "The Pizza Belt," the Jersey-to-Rhode Island swath of territory in which, Gawker editor Max Read argues, the only "good" pizza in America is produced. It remains unclear how Gawker editor Max Read's contention that most pizza produced in the rest of the U.S. is subpar food for idiots (and, fittingly, for children) might affect this new science-based "War on Pizza, and You As a Parent."

Questions on the assertion that most American parents are bad parents not only for feeding their children pizza, but for feeding them bad pizza, are best addressed to Gawker editor Max Read, at Max@Gawker.com.

[Photo: Flickr]

It's sorority rush season, ladies, and everyone you know needs to be judged on a scale of "NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" to "THE COOLEST GIRL YOU'VE EVER MET THAT WILL FOR SURE BE AN ASSET TO OUR HOUSE!" Use this Alpha Phi rush handbook a tipster sent us to help make your judgment.

According to our tipster, the handbook (published in full below) was created in 2010 by the Alpha Phi chapter at the University of California-Santa Barbara. In it, you can read a frantically-written set of guidelines for "Appearance," "Room Décor," "Things You Cannot Say," and "Scoring" (humans), with increasingly spontaneous spacing and hasty spelling throughout. The entire guide is also helpfully peppered with tips for not looking so gay while trying to impress other women.

Let's start with scoring the potential new pledges, in which we learn that "Mandy Moore" is an abusive epithet.

"You may think this is harsh"

As the cheerfully unhinged disembodied voice of Alpha Phi's rush chair explains, "There will be NO conversing about girls in between parties, as this is against the rules. So, scoring is especially important! You make think this is harsh but it is the way we are able to pick our pledge class." You understand. Here, it's easy, just give each girl a number:

...We score on a 1 to 5 scale as follows:

5- HOLY SHIT! If she is not in our house I'm going to die

LOVE her

ALL necessary attributes

Beautiful, intelligent, sincere, funny, energetic, overall bombshell

YOU want to be HER

THE COOLEST GIRL YOU'VE EVER MET THAT WILL FOR SURE BE AN ASSET TO OUR HOUSE!

4- All necessary attributes

Really like her

Excited about her and can't wait to see her again

An Alpha Phi

3- You like her

There is nothing wrong with her, but nothing awesome about her either

(Mandy Moore)

2- Not an Alpha Phi- plain and simple

1- NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Something is off! Absolutely cannot be in our house

Hard to believe there could be a score lower than "Mandy Moore," but there it is, and it is reserved for latent serial killers.

"You're checking out there boobs...awkward"

The only thing worse than waking up one day and discovering that Communications major Mandy Moore had somehow become, through oversight or error, a member of your sorority, would be a Potential New Member thinking that you're gay, or thinking that you think she's gay, or you accidentally acting like you're being gay when you're not, or a Potential New Member thinking that you're checking out her boobs (which would be hella gay), or being gay. Unfortunately, rush events are fraught with opportunities to accidentally seem gay.

Under a section dedicated to helping sisters' assess potential pledges' appearance in a non-gay way:

Just like in a job interview ladies, your appearance tells more than you think it does. Try and read this about PNM's [Potential New Members], without looking like you are checking the poor girl out!

Under "Exercise ONE: Body Language"

make sure you don't inadvertently give a rushee the wrong idea…

Under "Exercise THREE: Name Memorization":

When all else fails…look at the nametag (but PLEASE do this discreetly because they A) can tell what you're doing, and B) may think you're checking out there boobs…awkward).

What could be sillier than a girl checking out another girl's boobs? NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!

Think of [getting ready for rush] as before a formal, except you will be dating girls haha.

haha.

"Your nails should be clean and freshly painted every day!!!"

While Alpha Phis expect their potential new members to look good, it is also important for Alpha Phis to look good themselves. Here, a short list of pointers, from making sure your shoes are appropriate, to acting like you are engaged in a conversation (the role of a lifetime, ladies):

When you come to Rush, ask yourself these questions: Are my hair, skin, nails, body/health well taken care of? Are my shoes, clothing and makeup appropriate? Do I stand/sit up straight, look people in the eye, and act engaged in a conversation? Does my physical appearance reflect the kind of person that I am or want to be? Be sure you can confidently answer yes to each of these questions. RUSH IS ABOUT SELLING ALPHA PHI ladies, and YOU are the covers of our best sellers.

YOU are the covers of our best sellers, and we are not a wet box of ugly books!

Also, to be more specific, make sure you are 'groomed' appropriately each day of Rush my loves. This means your hair is dry and styled (preferably no dark-ass roots). Your makeup needs to be tasteful and natural looking. You can go darker on the makeup as the days progress if you'd like, but let's not get too crazy.

We wouldn't want to get too crazy, my loves. By the way, your nails must be painted freshly every day!!!

Your nails should be clean and freshly painted every day!!! Make sure toenails are also painted, it's a must!

No, you cannot be excused from events to become tanned and polished. You must become tanned and polished on your own time.

If you've gotta get your nails/hair done make those appointments on your own time. No appointments will be excused during Polish or Recruitment times. We also ask that you come back nice and tan.

"S-O-F-T-E-N"

Sometimes it's hard to mimic natural human behavior. Should that be the case for you, "Remember: S-O-F-T-E-N (always keep this in mind when talking to a rushee)." You will be able to trick people into thinking you care about them in no time.

Gesture Message

S Smile Happy to meet them

O Open Posture Receptive to what they're saying

F Forward Lean Interested in the conversation

T Touch Friendliness, Closeness

E Eye Contact Not just hearing, but listening

N Nod Approval, Encouragement

"No 'we' statements EVER!!"

Once you've mastered normal body language, you can move on to mastering normal talking language. Like all casual speech between humans, several topics are forbidden. Here are things you cannot say:

- No "we" statements EVER!!

- No statements that allow them to think they are coming back (See you tomorrow, see you later, etc.)

- No "I" statements until Pref night

- Don't mention legacies

- Don't talk badly about other houses

- Don't curse (excessively) or talk about drinking or doing drugs

- Do NOT give them permission to join another house

No "we" statements, no "I" statements, no first person statements O.K.??? Do NOT give them permission to join another house.

"Fun facts"

What can you say during rush? Fun facts about the Alpha Phi house like these:

The pillar in the middle of the chapter room used to be a stripper pole

We have library night once a week

Linda makes us treats during finals

We have a chef and fully stocked snack kitchen

We have housecleaners

Boys are allowed upstairs until midnight and downstairs until 3am

There used to be a fountain in the foyer

Thanks, Linda!! RIP fountain!!!

"CLOSE THE SALE!"

On the last night of rush, it's important to show a potential new member how much you care about her personally. To that end, here is a pre-written script. NOTE: Do not begin "Ali," unless her name is Ali! If you are not sure of her name, do not look at her boobs to check!

Ali,

Talking with you the past few days has been so easy that I honestly was upset when the bell rang and we had to put our talk on hold. I know that this week is kind of a whirlwind and that sometimes it can be difficult to see through the coordinated outfits and decorations…but this being an Alpha Phi extends far beyond this week. Alpha Phi is a sisterhood where someone will always be there for you; in times of sadness and in celebration, and in times when your dorm situation is unbearable and you somewhere to escape! I want everything for you that I have had the last three years, because believe me- there is nothing better than being an Alpha Phi.

Most importantly, "Do not sound desperate. Why should you? You're an Alpha Phi."

[Art by Jim Cooke]

Here's the full handbook:

A man suspected of killing his mother this week was reportedly a childhood friend of Mark Wahlberg, fathered the child of a woman dating the mayor of Boston, and acted in several Oscar-nominated films.

Paul Campbell, 49, was shot and killed by Weymouth police early Monday morning. According to reports, officers discovered Campbell, armed with several knives and "agitated," standing over his 72-year-old mother's dead body on the steps outside her home.

"The two officers appeared to make a simultaneous decision that the use of force was necessary and they both discharged their weapons," Norfolk County District Attorney Michael Morrissey told WCBV.

Campbell, a small-time actor, was also a childhood friend of Mark Wahlberg, according to the Boston Globe.

His name was Paul J. Campbell, then a friend of the not-yet-famous Mark Wahlberg, a dark-haired rowdy who gradually built up a rap sheet of low-level crimes. Years later, he would serve nine months behind bars. More recently, he had small roles in Wahlberg's film "The Fighter" in 2010 and in "American Hustle" in 2013.

Campbell, who also appeared in Ted, had Boston political connections, too. According to reports, he fathered a child with Lorrie Higgins—the longtime girlfriend of Boston Mayor Martin Walsh—when Higgins was still in high school.

"He was kind of the bad boy and she was the good girl," a high school classmate told the Globe this summer. "He was the boy she shouldn't be hanging out with."

[image via Paramount]

Carefree ghost of 2003, Christina Milian, is still here, guys!! Over here! We rolling?

The former middle school dance backup vocalist premiered her fun new reality series this weekend and spent part of the first episode spontaneously showing an E! camera guy her nipple.

"I want to get something pierced. And when I say something, I mean my nipple," Milian says.

"Getting my nipple pierced was definitely worse than childbirth," Milian says.

"When I took time off to raise Violet, it brought my career to a screeching halt," Milian says.

"This is my last chance," Milian says.

[image via E!]

Johnny Depp sees you, actor-musicians, singing your little songs for all the wrong people, for all the wrong reasons, and it makes him sick.

"That whole idea for me is a sickening thing, it's always just made me sick," Depp told reporters before the world premiere of Mortdecai, a film costarring noted actor-musician Gwyneth Paltrow.

But wait—isn't Depp an actor-musician too?

"I've been very lucky to play on friends' records and it's still going. Music is still part of my life. But you won't be hearing The Johnny Depp Band. That won't ever exist," possibly self-loathing actor-musician Johnny Depp clarified for reporters.

"The kind of luxury now is, anybody with a certain amount of of success, if you have a kind of musical being, you can go out and start a band and capitalise on your work in other areas," the Pirates of the Caribbean star said.

"But I hate the idea, 'come see me play the guitar because you've seen me in 12 movies'.

"It shouldn't be (that way). You want the people who are listening to the music to only be interested in the music."

What does that even mean.

[h/t THR]

At least one person was killed and another was injured when an I-75 overpass collapsed near Cincinnati Monday night, the AP reports.

According to the LA Times, a construction worker was killed when the overpass collapsed.

Around midnight Eastern time, authorities said they were devising a plan to remove the body of the worker, which "will be a long operation," the Fire Department tweeted.

At 1:30 a.m., authorities said they would use air bags to lift part of the structure off the victim.

The driver of a semi truck was also injured when he crashed into the rubble just a few seconds after the collapse, Cincinnati.com reports.

"I can tell you that the big rig driver — the semi driver is very lucky," Cincinnati Police Chief Jeffrey Blackwell told reporters. "In a matter of seconds his fate would have probably been different."

[image via Twitter]

The long-anticipated Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore debuted Monday with a panel of guests including Senator Cory Booker, Talib Kweli and comedian Bill Burr.

The show was shot at a new desk on Colbert's old set but the Nightly Show—currently the only late-night show with a black host on TV—has a new, looser format. After a standard news monologue opening, Wilmore switched to a panel discussion which dominated the rest of the half-hour with a focus on police brutality and protests in the United States.

Let's be clear, black people—these aren't incidents that happen in black communities. We are in a relationship with the police. Let's be clear about that. And our relationship is really fucked up at this point. I'm serious. And that's what we're reacting to. When the anger comes out, we're reacting to the relationship that spans years.

There were also light moments: Wilmore introduced a new segment called "Keep It 100" where Booker—who denied wanting to be president with a guilty little smirk—was pelted with bags of weak tea.

Also a nice touch—Jon Stewart's 11:30 toss to Wilmore, who previously served as the Daily Show's Senior Black Correspondent.

In a new video purportedly released by ISIS, a masked militant threatens to behead two Japanese hostages—identified in the clip as Kenji Goto and Haruna Yukawa—within 72 hours if Japan does not pay a $200 million ransom.

The alleged ISIS agent in the video, clad in black and pointing a knife at the men seen kneeling in a barren landscape, claims the threat is in retaliation for Japan's recent pledge to provide non-military assistance to countries fighting the Islamic State. The video has yet to be independently verified.

"To the Japanese public, just as how your government has made the foolish decision to pay 200 million to fight the Islamic State, you now have 72 hours to pressure your government in making a wise decision by paying the 200 million to save the lives of your citizens," the masked man said in the video says. "Otherwise this knife will become your nightmare."

According to the BBC, Goto is a freelance journalist; Yukawa reportedly traveled to Syria to set up a private military contracting company.

"Using human lives as a shield to make threats is an unforgivable terrorist act, and I am extremely indignant," Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe at a news conference in Jerusalem Tuesday. "I strongly demand that they be released unharmed immediately."

Should the video prove to be true, the men would join James Foley, Steven Sotloff, David Cawthorne Haines, Alan Henning as known ISIS hostages, all of whom were beheaded.

Traditionally, young people come to the big city with a dream; then, when that dream inevitably fails to materialize, many of them move away to some smaller, more forgiving town and cry silently, years later, at what might have been. Now, the fucking tables have turned.

In a demographic shift that constitutes some previously unknown level of irony—SocioUrbanEconoMetaIrony, perhaps—young people who came to the big city with a dream now find themselves unable to afford to leave the city, not only because of the expense of moving, but because the prospects for even paycheck-to-paycheck survival seem even worse in America's lesser cities (despite their supply of one bedroom apartments that cost less than $1800 per month). This is not just a perception; it is an actual numerical trend, laid out in this Wall Street Journal story today that begins with the tragic sentence, "Amira Nader graduated from Columbia University in 2010 with a master's degree in acting and nearly $190,000 in debt."

For countless bright young dreamers, the city that was once their mecca has become—either by choice or by necessity—an inescapable magnet. A magnet made of three people living in a two bedroom apartment, and they all have two jobs, and do Upright Citizens Brigade comedy at night.

From 2004 to 2007, before the recession, an average of about 50,000 adults aged 25 to 34 left both the New York and Los Angeles metro areas annually, after accounting for new arrivals, according to an analysis of census data by the Brookings Institution and The Wall Street Journal.

The recession diminished this flow. Fewer than 23,000 young adults left New York annually between 2010 and 2013. Only about 12,000 left Los Angeles—a drop of nearly 80% from before the recession. Chicago's departures dropped about 60%.

In yet another cruel twist of irony, this pile-up of underemployed millennials in our nation's urban centers makes it even more overcrowded, overcompetitive, and expensive for each year's new wave of white kids with doomed dreams of achieving fame and fortune in The Big City.

All of this, of course, pales in comparison to this trend's biggest threat: the "I Lived in New York City and Now I'm Leaving New York City and Let Me Tell You Why At Length" essay industry could become critically endangered, leaving young writers with even less of an incentive to get the fuck out of here, potentially creating a negative never-leaving feedback loop that could bury us all.

Pray for jobs—elsewhere.

[Photo: Flickr]

Beyoncé expert and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee was on The Daily Show last night, doing that thing he does: talking about Beyoncé. Though Huckabee doesn't tend to go into specifics when he discusses what he calls "the culture of crude" and how Beyoncé contributes to it, it makes sense that Huckabee keeps talking about her because it's gotten him an outrageous amount of press and the guy has a book to sell. Though he has derided Jay Z for acting like a "pimp" when it comes to permitting Beyoncé's sexual expression (a retrograde assessment of their marital politics, itself), Huckabee is unquestionably guilty of exploiting Beyoncé's image for his gain. He just won't shut up about her.

And so last night to Jon Stewart, he said his normal spiel about what's bad about Beyoncé:

Beyoncé is such a mega-talent, she can do anything, she's got the pipes to sing, she's got the moves to dance, she does not need to be vulgar in order to set a trend. That's the point.

Yeah, but you know what Beyoncé doesn't need the most? Suggestions from Mike Huckabee. Perhaps Beyoncé's more sexually explicit material is crude to Huckabee ( perhaps—we really have no idea what he's referring to specifically), but an old white man telling a black woman how she should express her sexuality is absolutely vile.

Huckabee went on:

The thing that disturbs me, let's say, about when you see Beyonce, who's a role model to young girls, young girls want to be like her. Do you know any parent who has a daughter that says, "Honey, if you make really good grades, some day when you're 12 or 13, we'll get you a stripper pole." Come on, we don't do that in our culture.

I guess if you're a keep-your-kids-away-from-sex type of parent, Beyoncé's ubiquity poses a challenge, although if Huckabee actually understood what was happening in her music, he would know that what Beyoncé sings about is as heteronormative and "wholesome" as sexually expressive pop music gets. From Carrie Battan's review of Beyoncé for Pitchfork:

Beyoncé pushes boundaries not because it sells sex at every turn, but because it treats a power-balanced marriage as a place where sexuality thrives. At a time when when young people are gripped by an ideological fear of monogamy's advertised doldrums, Beyoncé boldly proposes the idea that a woman's prime—personal, professional, and especially sexual—can occur within a stable romantic partnership. Monogamy has never sounded more seductive or less retrograde as when dictated on Beyoncé's terms.

But if Huckabee acknowledged this, he'd have a much harder time making his point, selling his book, and blasting Obama for letting Malia and Sasha listen to Beyoncé.

Stewart pointed out Huckabee's hypocrisy: Ted Nugent sang "Cat Scratch Fever" on Huckabee's former Fox News show, and Huckabee backed him up on bass. Sample lyric: "Well, I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand."

"You excuse that type of crudeness because you agree with his stance on firearms," said Stewart. "You don't approve of Beyoncé because she seems alien to you. Maybe the problem is Bubba is in a bubble."

" That song is an adult song, geared for adults, but today we have a very different kind of depiction and things that are considered perfectly OK for kids," said Huckabee, who lost the argument and probably just needs to get fucked already.

The conversation about Bey starts around 2:30 in the clip below:

Two Japanese hostages were unveiled by ISIS this morning in a video demanding a $200 million ransom: A journalist named Kenji Goto, and "security contractor" named Haruna Yukawa. But Yukawa is less a private mercenary than a war tourist—one who traveled to Syria in the wake of a serious mental breakdown.

The New York Times describes Yukawa as "the chief executive of the private security firm PMC," which was exactly the fantasy life he'd tried to create as his actual existence quickly crumbled. According to a Reuters profile from this past summer, when he was initially captured, Yukawa fled his home in Japan to essentially play make believe:

Over the past decade, he had lost his wife to lung cancer, lost a business and his house to bankruptcy and been forced to live in a public park for almost a month, according to Yukawa's father and an online journal he maintained.

[...]

By his own account, he had changed his name to the feminine-sounding Haruna, attempted to kill himself by cutting off his genitals and came to believe he was the reincarnation of a cross-dressing Manchu princess who had spied for Japan in World War Two.

His "PMC" business is almost entirely virtual, though its website claims imaginary "branches" in both India and Thailand:

By late 2013, Yukawa had also begun a flirtation with Japan's extreme right-wing politics and cultivated a new persona as a self-styled security consultant, according to his Facebook page and blog posts, though he never did any work as a consultant.

[...]

Although he had never learned to handle a weapon and described himself as a "very gentle" person, Yukawa portrayed himself online as a soldier of fortune. A visit to the Tokyo address of his paper company, Private Military Company, revealed a building with numerous small, unmarked offices. The firm was set up for a range of businesses including handling pet goods, according to a company registry.

Goto, a respected freelance journalist who captured footage of Syrian combat zones for foreign media, was filing dispatches from Syria and Turkey. But self-styled military contractor Yukawa didn't seem to do any actual military contracting—rather than selling security to international business interests, he toured war-ravaged Syria as a spectator, updating his blog and posting images of himself and the people he met:

He blogged that he wanted "to devote the rest of my life to others and save many people," having befriended members of the Free Syrian Army, still locked in a fight to depose Bashar al-Assad. They described him as gentle and friendly. But without any real combat competency or training of any kind—internet fantasy enthusiasm doesn't get you very far—most of Yukawa's contributions seems to the cause seem to have gone to Facebook, not freedom fighting:

A video uploaded by ISIS militants after Yukawa's FSA friends were routed shows him on the ground, filthy and prostrate, trying to explain to his new captors why he was caught with an AK-47. Like his compatriot Goto, Hurana Yukawa is, by all accounts of those who've met him, personal history, and common sense, entirely harmless to everyone but himself. And now only $200 million can save their lives.

Don't forget: Gawker is trying out a new publishing system where we post less often to the front page. Defamer Liam Gallagher May Be Hot Now But He Sounds Like a Bloody Crap Father | Newsfeed Is This a Two-Legged Puppy or a Rare Black and White Kangaroo? | Morning After Benedict Cumberbatch Should Not Change His Name to Any of These

This is not one of those general explainers to an upcoming event cheekily labeled "Idiot's Guide." This is, rather, a guide to Barack Obama's State of the Union speech, written by an idiot.

"Is Obama More Interested in Progress or Politics? From his State of the Union address, five ways to judge the president's motives," by Ron Fournier, published in National Journal. Fournier's thesis: though the State of the Union speech is often used for "the status quo," its better use is for the president "to chart a path toward consensus on issues like jobs, social mobility, education, infrastructure, energy, the debt, the environment, and terrorism." Furthermore, Ron Fournier argues, you may determine whether Obama is interested in the former or the latter by using one of Ron Fournier's five proprietary methods, of which we will only here give you two, so as not to ruin your appetite for more Ron Fournier content published at NationalJournal.com.

How does one properly analyze Barack Obama's policy proposals for jobs, social mobility, education, infrastructure, energy, the debt, the environment, and terrorism?

The tone: Close your eyes, set aside your opinion of Obama, and objectively listen to a chunk of the address. Does he sound like a college professor—dismissive, dour, arrogant, and argumentative? Or does he sound like a preacher—inspirational, inclusive, optimistic, and humble? The latter approach is the mark of a great leader.

Thank you, Descartes.

How else does one properly analyze the president's policy proposals for jobs, social mobility, education, infrastructure, energy, the debt, the environment, and terrorism?

The pronouns: Count how many times Obama uses the words "I," "me," and "my." Compare that number to how often he says, "You," "we," "our." If the first number is greater than the second, Obama has failed.

How else does one properly analyze the president's policy proposals for jobs, social mobility, education, infrastructure, energy, the debt, the environment, and terrorism?

I dunno, maybe... listen and see if the fella sounds like he's lying. If so, brother, watch out.

[Photo: AP]

The government of Paris plans to sue Fox News for airing several segments claiming the French capital contained “no-go zones” that prohibit entry to non-Muslims and are frequently avoided by city police. Fox has since retracted and apologized for airing the segments, which were widely mocked by French media.

Paris Mayor Anne Hidalgo announced the city’s intentions during a Tuesday interview with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour:

Mayor Anne Hidalgo: I’m insulted, and when we’ve had an image, then I think they’ll have to sue, I think they’ll have to go to court, in order to have these words removed. The image of Paris has been prejudiced, and the honor of Paris [has] been prejudiced. And I think in the great discussion of truth, everyone has to play its role and we’re going to have to be realistic and put things as they are.

Christiane Amanpour: Can you clarify which exact network you’re going to take to court and sue?

Hidalgo: Fox News. That’s the name.

It’s not exactly clear which legal strategy Parisian officials intend to pursue against Fox News. The network is domiciled in the United States, where courts have traditionally required plaintiffs to establish “actual malice” in libel and defamation cases pertaining to public figures. Very few plaintiffs have ever succeeded in proving actual malice, however; even in this particular context it would be difficult to substantiate.

Update: Commenter Spr0ckets notes that a lawsuit brought by the City of Paris could make it difficult for Fox News to operate in France:

The important thing to note is that they’re not suing Fox under US Law (because it would probably go nowhere and they’ve probably been informed of this by the French Ambassador in Washington).

The lawsuit is most likely in French Court (which has a lower standard of proof for libel cases than US courts, and less restrained by Free Speech statutes like courts in the US are) and I also wouldn’t be surprised if a similar suit had been, or will be filed in European (EU) court (Which is actually more serious and a bigger deal because that ruling wouldn’t just be binding to France but to EU member states).

More than likely Fox’s ability report and operate (effectively) in France is what would be effected, with broader implications in the rest of Europe which is why they were so quick to come out with that apology last week—which you never EVER see them do in the US even when they’ve been proven patently wrong in their reporting by THEIR OWN news reporting, sometimes.

Britain and Birmingham was probably never going to sue—despite Rupert Murdoch’s shaky relationship with the government there over the phone hacking scandal, due to similar high standards for libel suits (which is why the tabloids there put the US Tabloids to shame), and also because Murdoch has a lot of connections (read: business interests) there, but the situation is vastly different in France.

Damn. Eighty-one-year-old Tony Trapani just met his son for the first time this week in Grand Rapids, Mich. He only just discovered he even had a son after cleaning out a filing cabinet left behind by his late wife, whom he claims hid the letter from him for more than 50 years.

The letter was sent to Trapani in 1959 by the mother of Samuel Childress, his son. "I have a little boy," the letter reads. "He is five years old now. What I'm trying to say Tony is he is your son. He was born November 14th, 1953."

Trapani told WXMI that his wife kept the letter from him for decades, even as they struggled to have kids of their own.

"Why my wife didn't tell me," he told the TV station. "I don't know. She wanted children. She couldn't have any. She tried and tried."

Childress, 61, told WXMI that he had grown up thinking his father had abandoned him. :(

"I always asked my mom, I said, 'Well what does he look like?'" he told the TV station. "She said, 'Well, go look in the mirror.'"

[Images via WXMI]

You are probably familiar with Prophet and internet gadfly King Nazir Muhammad for his advocacy of the controversial position that all women should become lesbians. Today we have more King Nazir Muhammad news to report—news that I think you'll want to hear.

King Nazir Muhammad has come a long way since his days a few months ago when he was merely another NewsBlaze.com contributing writer calling for universal lesbianism. Today, he is a full-fledged Prophet, heading his own religion—"Religion of Power"—complete with its own website featuring its own Paypal "Donate" button. As Prophet King Nazir Muhammad writes on his holy Weebly page, "King Nazir Muhammad like any other would like to profit from his work , although his work can never trully be paid for in full. No Human works for no benefit and King Muhammad is no divine being but simply a human being blessed with a divine gift to add to or subtract wealth from others - Which is the essence and purpose of a Prophet's existence in our opinion."

I trust and expect that all of you will spend many leisurely hours delving deeper into Prophet King Nazir Muhammad's Sacred Writings upon completing your reading of this internet story. For now, though, let us keep our attention on the news that we promised. Today, we received via email a Press Release from the Prophet himself, which reads as follows:

"Press Release : Rapidly Growing New Age Religion founded by Prophet Muhammad / King Muhammad today adopts controversial CashMoney Records Rap Star Mystikal's 1995 Hit Song ' Here I Go ' as their Gods Official Song."

As journalists we are trained to trust nothing—not even the Word of God. So we personally navigated to Prophet King Nazir Muhammad's home page and found there, in confirmation of the above, a video of "Here I Go" by Mystikal, duly proclaimed as "A.L.L.A.H's Official Marching Song."

Interested parties may also purchase a poster of "our God ( A.L.L.A.H ) in support of this faith and to keep Prophet Muhammad in your remembrance," for $47.99.

Blessings.

[Image via]

Every year, the president of America, Barack Saddam Hussein Obama, and other congresspeople choose a handful of Regular Joe (or Josephine, Jose, Josefina, etc) American citizens who have suffered some sort of trauma and/or are representative of an issue to take part in the Constitution's greatest mandate: that the president "shall from time to time give to Congress information of the State of the Union and recommend to their Consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient." Cool... but have you ever heard of texting?

Sometimes the people the president and the congresspersons choose to attend this dog and pony show are strange—do some of these folks really deserve to be there, sitting among the likes of our fine legistlatresses and security personnel? Likely not.

Well, let's evaluate. Here, we rank this year's "normal person" attendees in order of deservedness, from least deserving to most deserving. If you weren't invited, better luck next year.

Astronaut Scott Kelly

Scott Kelly is the brother of Mark Kelly, also an astronaut and husband to Gabby Giffords. He will soon go to the International Space Station for one year. My take: Send both brothers to space—forever. And then cancel NASA. Goodbye.

Cheryl Strayed

Reese Witherspoon played her in a bad movie based on her book. She was just at the Golden Globes with Reese. Now she is going to the State of the Union as a guest of Congressman Earl Blumenauer. Cheryl's getting around. Her inspiring message seems to be: "don't just hike a trail—sell out! It is the only way to get people to love you." I guess that is pretty American. I support it.

Rebekah Erler, a middle-class mom who wrote Obama about her day-to-day struggles

Idk seems like things are fine for her?

Larry Merlo, the CEO of CVS

Obama is proud of CVS because they stopped selling tobacco this year. However, the line for their pharmacy on 9th St. in Brooklyn is always deathly long. I'm not sure how I'll meet death, from smoking or standing in that line (even though I don't currently smoke), but I know it will be one of the two, because I'm going to have to start smoking from the stress of standing in that line. But now I have to go to another store to get cigarettes, putting stress on my body and my brain, and the walk back from the other store is downhill and what if the sidewalks are icy and I fall and break my neck? And I die, all because CVS no longer sells cigarettes. And it will all be Larry's fault. Fuck you Larry. I'm basically dead now, because of you.

Emma Sulkowicz

The Columbia student who has been carrying her mattress around campus with her to raise awareness of sexual assault will be attending as a guest of Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand. However, she won't be bringing her mattress with her, so really, what's the point. I think the mattress should be the honored guest of Sen. Gillibrand at the State of the Union. Sen. Gillibrand can carry it, foisting it off on every congressman who she thinks is a rapist. Now that's what I call performance art!

Victor Fugate, average man who wrote letter of his opinions to Obama

Sure... why not.

Alan Gross

Gross's release last month from a Cuban prison signaled a thaw in Cuban-American relations, which had been very bad for a very long time. Gross was jailed in Cuba in 2009 while bringing communications equipment to religious groups there. In prison he lost a great deal of weight and most of his teeth. His freedom and good relations with Cuba are quite exciting! Alan Gross should give the State of the Union, and we should all go to Cuba for free.

Ana Zamora

Zamora, 21, was brought illegally to the country as a one-year-old, but under Obama's immigration policies she and her parents have been able to stay in the country and work, a thing that Republicans hate. Yes, immigrants like Ana Zamora, who is getting her degree in business administration and dreams of managing an apartment complex someday, are definitely something to fear.

Malik Bryant

Bryant, a 13-year-old Chicagoan, wrote in his letter to Santa this year: "All I ask for is for safety. I just wanna be safe." Somehow, Barack Obama intercepted his letter (?), and then Michelle insisted he come to the State of the Union. Santa! If you are reading this, Malik is trying to get in touch with you.

Chelsey Davis

Here is what I like about Chelsey: 1. She goes to community college, which is the smartest decision in terms of college; 2. She is bringing her grandmother to the speech; 3. She almost didn't go to the speech because "she wondered whether it was important enough to skip class." Chelsey gets it. You and grandma deserve those seats, Chelsey. Enjoy it. Live it up.

[Photos via AP and Getty]

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