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Bobcat Drags Enormous Fish Out of the Ocean Like It's Nothing

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Bobcat Drags Enormous Fish Out of the Ocean Like It's Nothing

We're all gonna die someday. Just you wait. Perhaps you'll die with dignity and you'll be missed; maybe not. If a bobcat came into your water bed and yanked you straight from your happy life into the depths of hell, that would be an okay way to die. A death with purpose.

While wistfully staring out at the ocean in Vero Beach, Fla. on Monday evening, John Bailey, a man who will surely die someday, too, saw what looked like a bobcat pulling a huge fish from the ocean. He photographed the scene and sent it to Local10.com, who would have you believe that the fish was in fact a shark:

The photographer said he noticed the bobcat staring at a shark in the water that was feeding on a smaller fish. The bobcat then leaped into the ocean, caught the shark and dragged it onto the beach.

"Initially, it was pretty quick," Bailey said. "Spotted it, pulled it up (and) the shark floundered for a while."

The bobcat eventually ran off, dropping its fish on the sand to suffocate. While the large fish was maybe not a shark, it's probably dead now.


Image via Local10.com. Contact the author at dayna.evans@gawker.com.


This new Vice report on mental illness in Chicago's jails is enough to make you wonder whether mass

Fratboy Jon Hamm Accused of Nearly Destroying Pledge's Balls With Hammer

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Fratboy Jon Hamm Accused of Nearly Destroying Pledge's Balls With Hammer

Jon Hamm, who plays a charismatic monster on television, works overtime when not being Don Draper in order to assure the adoring public that he's a charming, funny, lovable man. But it turns out that when he was a frat boy at University of Texas in the '90s, Hamm was like plenty of frat boys, and the man he plays on television, which is to say: a charismatic monster.

According to documents first discovered by Star Magazine, Hamm was one of seven brothers of Sigma Nu arrested in 1990 for the particularly brutal hazing of an unnamed pledge.

Via Radar:

The court documents claim that Hamm and his fellow Sigma Nu frat brothers struck a prospective pledge with a wooden paddle more than 30 times on that night. They also allegedly picked him up by his underwear and "pulled it back and forth in a sawing motion," causing "great pain." Hamm even set the pledge's pants on fire, the documents claim, "and would not let [the pledge] extinguish the flame with his hand but made [him] blow it out.

Via Daily Mail:

The pledge then claimed that Hamm led him to a basement 'Pit' where he slammed the junior's face into the ground while he was doing push-ups and then allegedly stood on his spine with his full weight.

Rubbing the pledge's asshole raw, lighting his pants on fire and nearly paralyzing him were actually some of the kinder things Hamm and his cohorts allegedly did that night.

Next, the documents claim, Hamm "hooked the claw of a hammer underneath [the pledge's] genitals and led him by the hammer around the room." He rounded out the night by breaking into the apartment of another pledge, the documents claim, "in order to bring [him] to the fraternity house" to subject him to "similar hazing activity."

Maybe Jon Hamm should next lend his velvet voice and winning smile to a reboot of Saw?

The next day, the pledge was reportedly found hiding in a closet with bruises all over his ass and legs. As a result, three Sigma Nu members served 30 days in prison, and the fraternity was temporarily kicked off campus. An arrest warrant was issued for Hamm in 1992, but Radar reports that the charges against him were dismissed three years later, after he reached a plea deal with authorities.

Hamm has not responded to the allegations, but everything has already worked out for him, so it's fine.

[image via Getty]

Deadspin How Did Darren Sharper Avoid Arrest For So Long?

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

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This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we cover our favorite tabloids in Post-Its and highlighter ink and never ever confuse Life & Style with People because honestly they are so different that I don’t even know where to begin. This week: Kanye dumped Kim AGAIN, Scott seduced Kendall, Kate Middleton is fourfiveseconds from dilatin’, and Jennifer Aniston is more pregnant than you could possibly believe.

Take a deep breath of American Oxygen, because here we go.


OK!

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

KENDALL: HOW SCOTT SEDUCED ME!

31-year-old Scott Disick is seducing 19-year-old Kendall Jenner! Like most shocking affairs, this one started in Europe. A source says that while there, “he was looking for a good time, and Kendall was there to accommodate...She encouraged him to let loose and have fun.” Because we all know how much trouble Scott has letting loose. While Scott and Kendall continue their “boundary-crossing” friendship, Kourtney raises their two kids, but she “might actually prefer it that he’s not around.” Who cares if he “looks on approvingly” while her sister takes sexy Instagrams? Kourtney has diapers to change!

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are living “separate lives,” and “busy schedules” are the reason why. Keith’s busy schedule includes the near-constant straightening of his hair and a new U.S. tour, while Nicole’s schedule includes filming a movie called Lion and rewatching Going Clear on a loop while giggling maniacally. “He was hoping she might come along [on his tour], but she’s over it,” a source told OK! “She hates sleeping on a tour bus.” Can you picture Nicole Kidman sleeping on a tour bus? I’ve shut my eyes and summoned every part of my brain for the mental image, but can’t seem to find it. “404 ERROR,” screamed my neurons!

Britney Spears is going to marry a man named Charlie! I always knew Britney would marry a man with a name that sort of rhymes with “baby,” didn’t you? “Hit me Kevin one more time!” DIVORCE. “Hit me Jason one more time!” ANNULMENT. “Hit me Charlie one more time!” TRUE LOVE! Not quite as good as “Davey” or, I dunno, “Abey,” but good enough! A source says Britney “feels close to Charlie that any man she’s ever been with, and she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.” Good for you, Britney Jean!

AND ALSO:

  • Here’s a sentence that will work better than ipecac: “Justin Bieber is Leonardo DiCaprio’s new wingman.”
  • Meghan Trainor introduces herself to famous people by saying, “Hi, I’m ‘All About That Bass’ Meghan Trainor.” Same!
  • Neil Patrick Harris had a meltdown “while disciplining his 4-year-old twins” last month. I guess one of them brought up the locked briefcase.
  • Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi don’t live together anymore!!!!
  • Ryan Gosling thought he would “always be a character actor” before landing The Notebook.

Grade: F (Meghan Trainer approaches you and says, “Hi, I’m ‘All About That Bass’ Meghan Trainor.”)


inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

KIM’S HUMILIATION: DUMPED ON HER FIRST ANNIVERSARY

Kanye and Kim had a huge fight after he told her to dye her hair blonde. An insider told inTouch that Kim’s hair “was strawlike and unsalvageable...She was crying and enraged and accused him of destroying her looks...It led to one of their worst fights ever.” It’s the classic tale of a husband being like, “Bleach your hair and then dye it something very unnatural for you personally!” and the wife going, “Ugh this is a pain!” and the husband responding all, “Well guess what I’m going to be in Paris BY MYSELF on our first anniversary because you are HEREBY DUMPED!” I mean it’s basically the plot of Emily Brontë’s forgotten novel I Was Once A Brunette. Who could forget the struggles of poor Fay and her demanding husband Aldous! We’ve all been there, Kim!

Teresa Giudici is making all kinds of enemies in prison. Sources (who are either fellow inmates or big fans of Orange Is the New Black) told inTouch that she “has made some very dangerous enemies” after revealing “plans to write a tell-all book” about her experience as an inmate. “She’s documenting everything: who’s sleeping with whom, who’s been caught having sex, even little things like who’s been arguing over the flatiron.” I hope she doesn’t say anything mean about Crazy Eyes, though. I can’t bear to see her cry again after what that jerk Jason Biggs said on NPR.

Kate Gosselin to inTouch: “I miss having a man in my life.” That’s right, Kate’s still here, and she was just interviewed by inTouch. The star of Kate Plus 8 told the magazine that she wants to start dating again and that she no longer has a relationship with Jon, her ex. “Some of the kids visit [him] and some don’t. That’s for the best.” Keep on keepin’ on, Kate! She calls herself “a no-regrets kind of person.” Wanna know something she doesn’t regret? Her love for fat free Fig Newmans - her guilty pleasure. “I can eat four without blinking,” she said. “Yes, they’re fat free, but it’s sugar and carbs!” “No re-grets! No re-grets!” she presumably chants after every bite.

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

AND ALSO:

  • Jennifer Westfeldt dumped her bf of 18 years, Jon Hamm, right before he checked in to rehab!
  • Rob Kardashian is “hooked on meth.”
  • Mike & Molly producers want Melissa McCarthy to gain back the 50 pounds she’s lost recently.
  • Everyone LOVES fire-engine red.
  • Everyone HATES tuxedo rompers.
  • Jessica Alba went to the beach again!

Grade: C+ (The USPS gave you a Forever stamp, but they put a Macklemore lyric next to your face.)


Life&Style

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

IT’S OFFICIAL FOR JEN: 3 MONTHS PREGNANT!

It’s the day we’ve all been praying for since 1994: Jennifer Aniston is pregnant as hell. After “the $150 million woman started getting nauseous and feeling exhausted,” a source says “Justin suggested she take a pregnancy test.” And guess what it said. YEP. It said CONGRATS JEN YOU FINALLY DID IT AND THE COUNTRY’S PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED! (Yes, it fit all of that on a little pee stick.) But don’t get too excited. Jen “thinks it’s really important that they start couples’ therapy” but Justin’s “work schedule is so hectic.” They need your prayers again, America, so get back on your knees.

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher have been trying to enjoy their newfound parenthood, but the hand that used to rock Ashton’s cradle keeps getting in the way. Demi Moore “keeps calling and sending baby gifts” and Mila wants it to stop yesterday. An insider says “Demi tried desperately for years to conceive a baby with Ashton, so she’s incredibly jealous.” And they’re not the only ones trying to get Demi out of the way! While at a Dancing with the Stars taping where their daughter Rumer was performing, Bruce Willis and his new wife Emma Heming “kept [Demi] at a distance.” Or maybe she was just embarrassed that her daughter is on Dancing with the Stars?

She may have a billion dollar brand, but Jessica Simpson’s marriage is allegedly worth about half a bitcoin. On a good day! She and husband Eric Johnson are fighting constantly, and it might have a lot to do with her Adderall use. A source says she uses it “to lose weight and stay focused, and then drinks wine and Scotch at night to help take the edge off. The result is that she’s either frantic or she needs to be poured in bed by 9. Eric is tired of it.” There is, however, an upside to Jessica’s Adderall use. She aced her finals, finished that opera she’s been writing in her spare time, vacuums seven times a day, and figured out how to power a small city using nothing but nail polish remover and the teensiest chunk of enriched uranium.

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

AND ALSO:

  • Farrah Abraham wants to be a plastic surgeon when she grows up.
  • Tyga and Kylie are living together.
  • Steve Carell is having an affair with Minnie Mouse. (see Fig. 5 below)
  • Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney are at “war” over a “$220M prenup.”
  • No one will ever be able to decide whether Kendall or Gigi is the best model.
  • Katherine McPhee pumps her own gas.
  • Everyone, including your annoying neighbor Carolyn, is wearing sheer clothes now.

Grade: D+ (You did whip-its with Demi Moore but didn’t feel anything.)


Star

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

ALL ABOUT THE ROYAL BABY

Kate Middleton is quickly nearing her April 25 due date, and Prince William can’t “wait another minute!” A source says “they’ve been showing George pictures of himself as a baby...to see how small a newborn will be.” I assume George responded as any 21-month-old would: “Ahh, thank you mummy and dad. Like grandfather always says, ‘It’s always good to have a little perspective.’” But not every royal is excited! Kate will reportedly “spend the first six weeks of her new baby’s life at her parents’ home, Bucklebury Manor,” and Prince Charles is so so so so mad. Not because his grandchild will have to live in a place called Bucklebury Manor, but because he thinks he’ll never get to visit! Imagine him pacing in front of Camila, sloshing Scotch on the rugs. “I’ll not have the child living in Bucklebury! We must get them to Highgrove!”

Jeremy Renner had better make some room in his hurt locker for a little thing called blackmail! The actor’s BFF/former roommate/co-house flipper/wink wink nudge nudge Kristoffer Winters alleges that he heard Renner’s ex-wife Sonni Pacheco “say at least five or six times...that Jeremy should be nice to her and not fight her on green card or money issues or else she would release intimate videos of him to TMZ.” Yikes! But what’s on the videos? One friend says “Jeremy sometimes wears makeup when he is not in front of the camera, and it was talked about that he sometimes likes to wear feminine clothes.” THE HORROR!

Scott Eastwood, son of Clint, might not be the next Absolut Hunk, but he’s certainly the next Sparksian Hunk. The 29-year-old star of latest Nicholas Sparks adaptation The Longest Ride was interviewed by Star and, boy howdy, is it filled with gems.

STAR: Was it easier for you to break into Hollywood because of your dad?

SCOTT: There’s no “get successful quick” miracle plan in this business. There are perks to being the son of a famous father, but you have to work twice as hard.

Twice as hard! That’s the amount of work of a normal actor sharing a house with seven other people in Los Feliz who’s trying to find someone to cover their shift so they can go audition for a Geico commercial, but DOUBLED. Whoa, that’s a lot of work, Scott!

STAR: Would you consider going ugly for a role?

SCOTT: Heck yeah! I’d happily shave my head or pack on the pounds. I don’t know about losing weight, though. I talked to Matt Damon and a bunch of other people about that and they got really sick.

As a normal child of a non-celebrity who only has to work a normal amount of hard, I also consult Matt Damon before dieting.

STAR: What type of woman turns you off?

SCOTT: I was casually dating this chick, and when she came to my house all she could talk about was money. It was so unattractive, and I remember thinking, “I don’t want you here anymore.” All that material shit is so bogus. You have all this stuff, and then what? You die and people get your car and your jeans, and what does it all mean?

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

WRONG ANSWER:

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

AND ALSO:

  • Suki Waterhouse, Bradley Cooper’s ex, might date Tom Cruise next! Cool trend, Suki!
  • Benji Madden wants wife Cameron Diaz to do more indie movies.
  • Josh Groban will sing the national anthem at the Kentucky Derby.
  • Eva Mendes is cheating on Ryan Gosling with her ex!
  • Gigi Hadid cannot quit eating burgers!!!! (See Fig. 6 below)
  • Suzanne Somers wants to be on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills more than Gigi Hadid wants another burger!!!!


Addendum

Fig. 1, inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 2, Life&Style

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 3, Life&Style

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 4, Life&Style

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 5, Life&Style

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 6, Star

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever

Fig. 7, inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: Jennifer Aniston Is More Pregnant Than Ever


Images via Shutterstock.


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

Twin Peaks Actors to Showtime: Give David Lynch the Money

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At last glance the fate of Twin Peaks was up in the air after creator David Lynch announced he was walking away from the project, which Showtime apparently owns the rights to. But it seems like some of the actors are calling Showtime's bluff.

Most of the cast filmed a bit or submitted quotes for the fan video which, without saying they won't do the show without Lynch, says they won't do the show without Lynch.

Conspicuously absent, however, is lead actor Kyle MacLachlan, who hasn't commented on the show since the initial announcement in January.

So is it "happening again"? Who knows. Just watch Top of the Lake or whatever instead.


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com

Hillary Clinton Might Be Taking Veep's Makeup Artist

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Hillary Clinton Might Be Taking Veep's Makeup Artist

Last night during the Veep season 4 premiere party, COMEDY ANGEL Julia Louis-Dreyfus revealed a fun bit of trivia: the HBO series revolving around the staff of fictional president Selina Meyer shares a makeup artist—Barbara Lacy—with Hillary Clinton. And now that Clinton is probably running for president, Lacy will likely leave the show, swapping out the fictional campaign trail for the real thing.

“Can you believe that we have Hillary Clinton’s makeup artist?,” Louis Dreyfus told Allure. “And now Hillary is apparently announcing soon. So, yeah, I’m confident that we will lose her.”

That doesn’t mean Selina’s look will be changing dramatically. (That transformation already happened last season). While Lacy works for the show at large, JLD has her makeup done by a different makeup artist. As Allure reports:

Lacy doesn’t actually work on Louis-Dreyfus—other people transform Veep’s lead into (now) President Selina Meyer. But Lacy did help establish President Meyer’s political bona fides in one crucial way: “She got me a note from Hillary Clinton on Secretary of State [stationery] to me as Selina Meyer. It’s really special, and I have it framed in my office.”

Clinton and Lacy have been working together for over 10 years, so let’s be fair here: Hillary had her first, which gives her dibs. Sorry, Veep, but as long as the makeup artist responsible for this magical work sticks around, I think we'll all cope just fine.

Image via HBO.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Dad Cannot Stop Laughing At the Hardcore Porn Playing at KFC [NSFW]

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There is, as it turns out, something more mortifying than watching R-rated sex scenes with your family.

This dad loves it though!

[h/t NYDN]


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.


Cops Say David Miscavige Spent $10K a Week Spying on His Elderly Father

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Cops Say David Miscavige Spent $10K a Week Spying on His Elderly Father

Scientology leader David Miscavige was apparently so paranoid he hired two private detectives to keep tabs on his father and advised them to "not intervene in any way" if the 79-year-old had a heart attack.

According to the Los Angeles Times, police records indicate the church paid two detectives $10,000 a week to read the old man's email and tap his phone calls. Miscavige was reportedly worried his father, Ron—who had left Scientology two years prior—might divulge negative information about the church.

"When Ron would go to the library to check his emails, they would stand behind him and take pictures of the screen," one report notes. "When he would be eating at a restaurant, they would sit nearby or at his table and listen to his conversations. If Ron was in his vehicle on the phone, they would pull up next to him and monitor his conversation."

In 2013, one private detective—Dwayne S. Powell—was arrested in Wisconsin near Ron's home, armed with "two rifles, four handguns, 2,000 rounds of ammunition and a homemade silencer in his rented SUV."

Police placed Powell, now 43, under arrest on suspicion of obstruction and in his pockets found a folding knife, a flashlight and his Florida driver's license and private investigator credentials. His Ford Edge also contained two laptop computers, binoculars, a GPS tracking device and a stun gun.

Powell initially declined to name his employer. But at the police station, he told Det. Nicholas Pye that he was hired by the Church of Scientology to conduct "full-time" surveillance of the elder Miscavige, now 79, who lived in a nearby town, the records state.

But the most cold-hearted detail—by far—allegedly came when Powell spotted Miscavige's father slumped over in what looked like, but turned out not to be, a cardiac arrest. When he asked what to do, "David told him that if it was Ron's time to die, to let him die and not intervene in any way."

[image via Flickr]


Contact the author of this post at gabrielle@gawker.com

The Police Are America's Terrorists

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The Police Are America's Terrorists

Last Saturday, Walter Scott was driving his Mercedes in North Charleston, S.C., when he was pulled over by police officer Michael Slager for driving with a broken taillight. Scott had a complicated life, as many of us do. He was employed and engaged; he owed back child support; in all likelihood he really didn’t want to go to jail. When Slager approached, Scott ran.

There is video of what happened next. Our first clear view is of Scott twisting his doughy body away and moving—half-sprinting, half-waddling—from Slager through an abandoned, grassy lot. Initially, the scene is almost comical. Scott's legs have 50 years' worth of wear on them, and appear to have but 50 yards' worth of running in them. For a brief moment, the video takes on a familiar quality, like something from an episode of Cops. Instead of pursuing, though, Slager, 33, draws his handgun and fires seven times. After a pregnant pause, Slager shoots once more. Around 30—less? more?—feet into his desperate dash, Scott falls to his knees, and then onto his belly, and sprawls facedown beneath a tree.

Only then does Slager move again, walking toward Scott.

“Put your hands behind your back now!” he orders. Scott doesn’t comply. When the officer gets to the body, he handcuffs Scott’s arms behind his back, then stands up, like he’s forgotten something. He first walks, then jogs back to the spot from where he shot, and picks an object off the ground. As a second officer approaches Scott, speaking into his walkie-talkie for a medical kit, Slager ambles back over, then drops the object on the ground next to the dead man.

"This just doesn't sound right," Scott's surviving brother, Anthony, would later say. "How do you lose your life at a traffic stop?"

On Tuesday, Slager was charged with murder after a cell-phone video of Scott's death was released. Thanks to technology and chance, we now know a lot about Scott's final seconds. He was executed. It's right here:


For as long as there have been white people and black people and brown people in America, white people have slaughtered black people and brown people. Over the years, the techniques have changed slightly, even as they've bled into each other. Slavery was slaughter, just as hanging and dragging are beating and hacking are slaughter, just as electrocuting and poisoning and shooting are slaughter. But whatever the method, whites have slaughtered minorities, and there is no reason to think they won't continue to do so.

The killings of minorities by police are instructive in this regard, not because all policemen are violent racists or murderers (the vast majority are neither) or because they are personally responsible for killing large numbers of black and brown people (they aren't), but because they are agents of the state, and so their actions, and the consequences they face, serve as a sort of index of the public will.

We know things about this sort of killing. Last year, ProPublica published a study concluding that black teenage boys are 21 times more likely to be killed by police than their white peers. (The findings have since been debated, but all agree that the disparity is enormous.) Mapping Police Violence reports that in March, 36 black people—one every 21 hours—were killed by cops. In big towns and small towns and cities across the nation, minorities are being killed by the very men and women sworn to protect and to serve them.

Police have the latitude to kill citizens, and are only rarely convicted of any wrongdoing for doing so. In South Carolina alone, where Slager killed Scott, officers have shot at citizens on at least 210 occasions over the last five years without a single one being convicted of breaking a law. It's a victory in itself that Slager was charged with murder, but he was only charged after video was uncovered of the officer shooting a black man in the back.

And that's important, too: the video. Thanks to technological advances, there's an entire grisly genre of police officers shooting and often killing unarmed people of color—usually men—that's just as available and accessible as porn and puppy videos. We bear witness to cops blowing away people who look like us.

Here's Antonio Zambrano-Montes, 35, being shot to death in Pasco, Wa. on Feb. 10:

Here's 12-year-old Tamir Rice being shot to death in Cleveland, Oh. on Nov. 22:

Here's LaVer Jones, 35, being shot in the hip at a gas station in Columbia, South Carolina on Sept. 25:

Here's video from Wal-Mart surveillance cameras of John Crawford, 22, being shot to death in Beavercreek, Oh. on Aug. 5:

Here's Eric Garner, 43, being choked to death in Staten Island, New York on July 17:

Witnessing all these shootings and killings creates a constant state of terror within minorities, not altogether different from the effect larger populations feel witnessing passenger planes flying into buildings, or gunmen cutting their way through schools and shopping malls, or children blowing themselves up in cramped bazaars. The issue doesn't involve absolute numbers; it involves the effect of knowing that at any time, your number could come up.

The difference is that when the Boston Marathon is bombed, or people fly planes into buildings, or an aggrieved loner goes on a killing spree, we, as a society, pursue justice to the very ends of the earth, if only to sleep better at night. When killer cops rarely, if ever, even step foot in court, let alone get convicted, the absence of immediate justice or punishment leads to an unaddressed fear. It's a fear of ubiquity; a fear that the carnage can be easily replicated, virtually anywhere, by virtually anyone; a fear that our lives don't matter.

This fear is a virus that eats its way through a population, because the affected people despair, resigned to the fact that they're dehumanized and that there's a decent chance that nothing they do or have done even matters. It doesn't matter that Scott had just reunited with his brother, or that he liked to dance, or that he was getting engaged, just as it doesn't matter that you're someone's mother, or someone's son, or went to college, or have a career, or a gaggle of loving friends, or a sweet tooth. Your very essence is stripped until you're no more than a demon in baggy shorts, a shadow beneath a hoodie, a slab of brown skin.

Police do lots of things, much and maybe most of it laudable. One thing they do consistently and consistently well is engage in what amounts to state-sanctioned terrorism against American citizens, paid for by American tax dollars.

So why do we allow it?


Before anyone but Slager and his secret videographer knew just what had left Scott lifeless, South Carolina's Post and Courier led an article on the incident with this:

A North Charleston police officer felt threatened last weekend when the driver he had stopped for a broken brake light tried to overpower him and take his Taser.

That's why Patrolman 1st Class Michael Thomas Slager, a former Coast Guardsman, fatally shot the man, the officer's attorney said Monday.

Slager thinks he properly followed all procedures and policies before resorting to deadly force, lawyer David Aylor said in a statement.

Later in the piece, the reporter contrasted the two men:

[Scott] has been arrested about 10 times in his lifetime, mostly for failure to appear for court hearings and to pay child support.

The only indicator of violence in his past came with his first arrest in 1987 on an assault and battery charge.

Slager, 33, served honorably in the military before joining the North Charleston Police Department more than five years ago, Aylor said.

He has never been disciplined during his time on the force, the attorney added.

Then the video of the killing surfaced. Slager's lawyer, David Aylor, announced today that he would not represent the officer. This afternoon, Slager was fired from the force. A Slager defense fund was rejected by GoFundMe, only to be picked up by Indiegogo. As of this publishing, less than $200 has been raised.

It certainly feels like maybe, this time, an officer will have to answer for the murder of a citizen. If so, it will be a rarity. There's a reason so few of the policemen who kill are punished, just as there's a reason why Darren Wilson, Daniel Pantaleo, and even neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman were exalted by many as heroes after killing unarmed minorities.

These aren't rogue agents, committing senseless crimes. They're bullets, fired from guns whose triggers other people pulled.

And this, most of all, is why a continual and ongoing if statistically rare type of slaughter qualifies as a kind of terrorism. The actions of police represent the will of the government; the will of the government represents the will of the people; the actions of police, it follows, are the embodiment of political opinion. We can talk about Michael Slager, but he was, if almost certainly unwittingly, a tool. The issue is who wields him.

As long as there have been white people and black people and brown people in America, the slaughter of black and brown people has been used as a form of control. For centuries, on a population level, the racial majority has voted and lobbied to give agents of the state more power to act without sanction, to militarize, to kill. Functionally, this has enabled them to wage war on behalf of the majority of the public; to express hatred and fear and aspire to power through campaigns of terror and carnage.

The slaughter of black and brown people is, in this light, a political act, political violence enacted for political purpose against a civilian population to raise fear and obtain compliance. That Slager probably never thought of things in these terms doesn't matter; what does is that he was trained and given incentives in line with the interests of a particular class intent on preserving its power. The violence he enacted is a kind that keeps one class of citizens terrorized and fearful of random violence for the benefit of another. It's meant to keep that class in line and intact, even as the sands of time shift and racial minorities slowly crawl toward majority status. It's little different from what we've seen in India, or Israel and Palestine, or Ireland—a dominant class using the instruments of power against a subjugated one.

It is, in essence, the final expression of an idea. Unlike people, ideas are impossible to kill.

Art by Jim Cooke

Is Bobby Flay Prepping For His Biggest Throwdown Yet? (A Third Divorce)

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Is Bobby Flay Prepping For His Biggest Throwdown Yet? (A Third Divorce)

Us Weekly is reporting that Bobby Flay, the celebrity chef with the no-bullshit-hotshot-I'm-from-the-bad-part-of-the-UES attitude, has separated from his third wife, Law & Order: SVU actress Stephanie March. Are the pair heading for divorce? Is Flay about to go from outta the frying pan...and into the criminal justice system, where sexually-based offenses are considered especially heinous?

Yes and no. Yes to divorce, it sounds like.

A source at Us tells the rag that Flay moved out of the apartment he and March shared in NYC a couple of weeks ago, and that the couple did not celebrate their tenth anniversary together. Instead, Flay was down in Florida for the Food & Wine Festival. You know who would have probably appreciated some food and wine? His wife, Stephanie March, on their tenth anniversary.

This would be the third divorce for Flay, and the first for March. In December, Flay was spotted at an "exclusive Miami restaurant" called Cecconi's with another celebrity chef: Giada de Laurentiis, who announced the following day that she'd be divorcing her husband.

Boy meets grill. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl (presumably) share a grilled snapper together at exclusive Miami restaurant Cecconi's shortly before separating from their respective spouses? Something's fishy here.


Image via Getty. Contact the author at dayna@gawker.com.

Robert Durst Purportedly Confesses to Love of Opera 

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Robert Durst Purportedly Confesses to Love of Opera 

Yesterday, Molly Hennessy-Fiske at The Los Angeles Times received a letter from a person claiming to be Robert Durst. The letter rambles on about a variety of topics, including traffic in L.A. and Houston, the NFL, opera, a beloved coffee shop, and Durst's health.

While it hasn’t been verified, the letter’s return address reads “Robert Durst, Elayn Hunt Correctional Center,” the prison where Durst has been held since his arrest last month, and it's post-marked April 1, six days after the Times mailed an inquiry to Durst at the prison.

Durst, or the person claiming to be him, wrote about his time living in L.A.: He mentions a favorite coffee shop in Sunset Boulevard and an apartment complex he purchased.

“I loved watching the traffic come up La Cienega and mush into Santa Monica, hated L.A. traffic which makes Houston seem like a small town,” he wrote.

Later, the letter writer listed his “interests” as “opera and pro football.”

“Your political and business leaders have chosen to fight rather than agree to disagree and there was no football,” he wrote, in apparent reference to the lack of an NFL team in Los Angeles.

As for the LA Opera, the purported Durst said he enjoyed it, “except for Wagner’s Ring Cycle, with the absurd costumes and sloped stage, a true example of Hollywood gone berserk.”

He also explained the health issues that prompted his move to Houston. “As my minor balance (problem) expanded into full blown hydrocephalus requiring a shunt I knew that if I was going to let some guy drill into my head, there was no place I would be willing to go ahead other than the Houston medical center and I left L.A.,” he wrote.

The letter ends with a request for a copy of any article about it, followed by a scribbled signature of just, "Bob."

There was, however, no mention of the crimes Durst is alleged to have committed. “I have said nothing about charges, crimes or trials,” the letter reads. “If you decide to use any of this, which is okay, please make the above clear.”

Robert Durst Purportedly Confesses to Love of Opera 

Robert Durst Purportedly Confesses to Love of Opera 

Robert Durst Purportedly Confesses to Love of Opera 

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

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Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

Pimpin' ain't easy, but pimpin' while commuting from your La Jolla beach house to occasional evening confinement with a friendly roomie in a San Diego penal facility is jelly, according to convicted Ayn Rand interpretationist Dinesh D'Souza in a new bizarre video profile by Vanity Fair.

The piece teases a longer upcoming profile by Evgenia Peretz of the once-relevant Republican provocateur, who pled guilty last year to illegally dumping loads of cash on a joke of a New York conservative candidate with his mistress while he was president of an evangelical Christian college.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

One cannot sum up in words the power of the imagery in this piece, so let's just explore said images.

How does D'Souza spend his days before heading into his minimum-security hoosegow?

1. Adjusting his eyewear.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

2. Gettin' his Starbucks on.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

3. Reminding himself and others of what really matters in life.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

4. Duddin' up for the fans.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

5. Taking long walks on the beach outside his house.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

6. Alone.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

7. Getting back to basics.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

8. Fightin' the man.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

9. Implying there are real criminals in jail, not like him.

Dinesh D'Souza Is Incarcerated With a 400-Pound Bully and Loving It

Stay strong, D'-bag!


Contact the author at adam@gawker.com.

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Orange Is the New Black Is Orange Is the New Back for Season Three

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Netflix will deliver season three of its often good original series Orange Is the New Black on June 12th, and they've released the trailer today. Are the women still in prison? Watch the trailer and find out for yourself!

Ah, yes. Through the fighting, screaming, loving, hating, and giggling, we can say for sure that most of them are still in prison. And Tank Girl is back!


Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.


Mayor of City With Nation's Most Extensive Transit System Rides Train

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Bill de Blasio, the progressive-minded mayor of New York City, the city with the greatest mass transit ridership in North America, rode a train today.

To celebrate this occasion, he posted a short video to the social networking service Vine.

Last night, Bill de Blasio was so excited about his upcoming train trip that he posted a message to the social networking site Twitter urging his 182,000 followers consider taking a train trip of their own.

What Bill de Blasio may not know is that the majority of his followers, and the majority of his constituents, probably do not need to be encouraged to take the train to work, as a majority of New Yorkers already rely on mass transit for their commutes. In fact, a majority of New Yorkers do not even own cars, making transit use less of a political choice, as de Blasio seems to consider it, than a simple necessity. (Mayor de Blasio is a member of New York's car-owning minority.)

Before getting on the subway, de Blasio was driven in a town car from Gracie Mansion, on Manhattan's East Side, to a subway stop in Park Slope, Brooklyn. (Gracie Mansion is in one of Manhattan's least transit-accessible neighborhoods, at least until the opening of the long-overdue Second Avenue Subway, but assuming the mayor was up for a 15 minute walk, he also could have taken the 4 to the R.) According to the pool report, he then went to the gym, met U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer for coffee, and boarded a Manhattan-bound R train around 8 a.m.. Schumer and de Blasio handed riders leaflets and made small talk until the train reached City Hall. In other words, the mayor "[took] mass transit to work" by driving 12 miles from his home to his gym (near his former home) and then getting a train from there to his "workplace," in Lower Manhattan.

De Blasio's subway adventure was part of his campaign to encourage Congress to increase federal funding for transit infrastructure. In his newspaper editorial on the subject, and in his remarks today, he declined to mention the fact that the recently-passed New York state budget, drawn up in large part by Democratic governor Andrew Cuomo, leaves the MTA about $15 billion short of the money it needs to keep the subway system in working condition over the next few years, as ridership is projected to continue rising. Mayor de Blasio also declined to say how much his upcoming city budget proposal would provide in MTA funding.

Dashcam Captures Florida Cop Fatally Shooting Mentally Ill Man 

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In dashcam footage released today by the family of 25-year-old Lavall Hall—the mentally ill man shot and killed by Miami Gardens, Fla. police officer Eddo Trimino in February—the officer can be heard shouting, "Get on the fucking ground or you're dead!" before firing five times.

As the Miami Herald reports, the shooting occurred Feb. 15, after police were called to Hall's home by his mother, who found her son standing outside nearly naked and waving a broomstick. According to CBS Miami, Hall's mother, Catherine Daniels, told officers that her son was diagnosed schizophrenic.

When police approached Hall, officers say, he became "agitated" and starting swinging the broomstick—one officer reportedly required stitches. Officers then reportedly fired Tasers at Hall, to no avail; after giving chase, Trimino caught up with Hall. When Hall apparently refused orders to lower himself to the ground, the officer fired five shots, killing Hall.

The attorney representing Hall's family released a 19-minute clip from the officers' dashcam to reporters Wednesday (a condensed version of that video, with a slow-motion effect added by Hall's family, embedded above). The intervening moments not depicted in the edited video as described by the Herald:

Ehrlich’s vehicle moves slowly down the street past the family’s home. As the video pans the street and homes, the patrol car’s bright lights illuminate the way. At one point Ehrlich can be heard saying that Hall is walking around with a broom in his hand, and says, “Every time I go near him he walks away.”

Then there is a split-second shot of Hall holding a broomstick, before he disappears. A few minutes later Hall is seen racing toward Ehrlich’s patrol car, then away from it. Hall is not seen again. Ehrlich can be heard saying, “Hey, easy,” at some point during a confrontation. Then Trimino’s commands can be heard clearly.

Trimino's lawyer, meanwhile, claims the video demonstrates that the officer feared for his life and was acting in self-defense.

“You’re trained to shoot at the center body mass. So it’s going to be a bit of a lower trajectory of the gun,” Trimino’s attorney, Andrew Axelrad told the Herald. “He’s not shooting at eye level, that’s in the movies. The video justifies the officer’s actions. You can see his fear.”

As the Herald notes, the last time a Florida police officer was indicted in a shooting death was in 1989.

$24,000 to Role Play a Senior Official in a Secret Exercise?

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More information has come in on the Invincible series of exercises, following on the Invincible Shield exercise I wrote about yesterday. Two inscrutable documents, called Military Interdepartmental Purchase Requests (MIPRs), now make reference to Invisible Sentry 15, held at Ft. Bragg, North Carolina. The Purchase Requests allocate more than $350,000 to ICE Corp. (Intelligence, Communications and Engineering, Inc.) to prepare the documents and supply role players for this mysterious Joint Special Operations Command war game. One senior inter-agency role player will be paid $24,005.00 to participate. That would be some retired general to "play" a CIA or White House official. Pretty sweet gig for an exercise that only lasted 10 days.

$24,000 to Role Play a Senior Official in a Secret Exercise?

The full MIPRs can be seen here.

I still don't know what these exercises are really all about. Anyone out there able to decipher these two documents?

You can contact me at william.arkin@gawker.com, and follow us at @gawkerphasezero. If you are into the theater of being underground, you can anonymously deliver tips through the Gawker Media SecureDrop. I've also got a book on drones coming out in July called Unmanned: Drones, Data and the Illusion of Perfect Warfare. I'm open to your input and your questions, tough questions.

Oh My God Wall Street Is Robbing Us Blind And We Are Letting Them

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Oh My God Wall Street Is Robbing Us Blind And We Are Letting Them

Consider public pensions. The money that firefighters and police and government workers will use in retirement. Two facts: 1) Wall Street is stealing this money, and 2) We are letting them, like fucking suckers.

When I saw "we" are letting them, in this case I mean that we are standing idly by while the people empowered to prudently watch over these valuable public resources sit around with—I am guessing here—their thumbs up their asses and allow rapacious Wall Street investment gurus to drain the public treasury. I believe this to be true in a broad and national sense. I know it to be true in the specific case of the New York City's pension funds, because Scott Stringer, the city comptroller, has just found as much, and released a report on it, and the New York Times has written a story on his report. Though both the report and the news story are fairly straightforward recitations of mathematical fact, they may cause you to feel nauseous, faint, or apoplectic, should you consider the larger implications.

Keep in mind: this is public pension money intended for the retirement use of solidly middle-class public servants; and, New York City comptroller Scott Stringer, who issued this report, is also the man charged with overseeing the investment of this money. With those facts in mind, consider this, from the New York Times:

The analysis concluded that, over the past 10 years, the five pension funds have paid more than $2 billion in fees to money managers and have received virtually nothing in return, Comptroller Scott M. Stringer said in an interview on Wednesday.

“We asked a simple question: Are we getting value for the fees we’re paying to Wall Street?” Mr. Stringer said. “The answer, based on this 10-year analysis, is no.”

The public's pension money has grown by billions of dollars. How much of that will benefit the employees whose money it is? None! It all goes to the fucking money managers! It's as if it never happened!

Now, consider this:

Until now, Mr. Stringer said, the pension funds have reported the performance of many of their investments before taking the fees paid to money managers into account. After factoring in those fees, his staff found that they had dragged the overall returns $2.5 billion below expectations over the last 10 years.

“When you do the math on what we pay Wall Street to actively manage our funds, it’s shocking to realize that fees have not only wiped out any benefit to the funds, but have in fact cost taxpayers billions of dollars in lost returns,” Mr. Stringer said.

Allow me to repeat this sentence: "Until now, Mr. Stringer said, the pension funds have reported the performance of many of their investments before taking the fees paid to money managers into account." Hmm well... why in the fucking world have they been doing that??? This is akin to you calculating your household budget without accounting for expenses. "Well I made $50K this year, so I have $50K to spend! Party!" But you forgot to take into account rent and food and taxes. You are dumb. The professional pension fund managers who made a practice of reporting returns without deducting fees were either dumb, or trying to make their performance sound better than it really was. The most basic retail investor would never make such an obvious misstatement.

If I had my retirement money being managed by these people I would be very, very, very upset. You people are being robbed.

[Photo: Flickr]

500 Days of Kristin, Day 74: How to Hide Your Little Tummy from Kristin

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500 Days of Kristin, Day 74: How to Hide Your Little Tummy from Kristin

Today we will reveal another droplet of bikini wisdom from Kristin Cavallari, who recently typed up her thoughts on swimsuit shopping for a post on her eponymous iPhone app titled, "Best Bathing Suit For Different Body Types."

We have already relayed Kristin's messages for "curvy" and "pear shape" girls. Below, we have reprinted Kristin's swimsuit shopping advice for girls "with a little tummy."

Attention all women with tummies: If yours is little, read on. If yours is big, Kristin has nothing to say to you.

Under the heading "If you have a little tummy," Kristin writes:

If you are a little self conscious about your middle then these suits are perfect for you. They are incredibly sexy while hiding your problem area.

Here is an example of these suits that are perfect for you:

500 Days of Kristin, Day 74: How to Hide Your Little Tummy from Kristin

If you are a little self-conscious—and why wouldn't you be?—try wearing flower-printed Spanx that exactly bifurcate your navel.

Tomorrow: Kristin offers suggestions for small-busted girls.


This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photos via the Kristin Cavallari app, Getty]

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