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This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

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This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we celebrate Earth Day by digging a hole behind the HOLLYWOOD sign and filling it with a year’s worth of tabloids, then watch it grow into a mighty, shade-giving tabloid tree. This week: George Clooney is ready to have children with Amal, Khloe Kardashian is read to have children with Lamar, Jennifer Aniston is ready to have children alone, and everyone is worried about Bruce Jenner.

Let the Earth Day celebrations commence.

OK!

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

GEORGE: I’M FINALLY GOING TO BE A DAD!

George Clooney always said he wouldn’t get married again, but then he up and married Amal Alamuddin. He also said he’d never have kids, but now insiders are saying Amal is pregnant - [UPDATE] “nearing the end of her first trimester,” to be exact. And you know how George loves practical jokes? It’s his thing? For some reason? I guess to make him seem less boring? Well this is no practical joke! Another bit of news that isn’t a practical joke is that George plans on entering politics once the baby is born because “having the perfect little family looks good to voters.” Clinton/Clooney 2016? I’d watch the HBO movie about that campaign.

Bruce Jenner will speak to Diane Sawyer for two hours this Friday, but that’s not the biggest news in this cover story. Kris Jenner is so angry about the upcoming interview and the potential “secrets he might lift the lid on” that she will “never speak to him again,” but that’s not the biggest news in this cover story. The secret Bruce might reveal, according to the source, is “how she knew about his cross-dressing and gender confusion for years.” but that’s not the biggest news in this cover story. The biggest news in this cover story is that Kourtney “has replaced Khloe as Bruce’s favorite.” Whoa.

As you all know, Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield’s relationship has gone to the big ripped photo in the sky, but Garfield “is desperate to win [her] back.” He wants Emma to forgive him for a one-night stand in Taiwan, but it probably ain’t gonna happen. A source said “she feels betrayed and says that she can’t be with someone she doesn’t trust...and doesn’t want to be constantly worried that he’ll cheat again.” To make matters worse for Garfield, Stone has reportedly dug her keys into the side of his car, carved her name into his leather seats, broken the headlights with the baseball bat she likes carrying around just in case, and smashed a hole in all four of his tires. Watch out, Andrew!!

And Also:

  • Demi Lovato is “OBSESSED WITH EXERCISE” and also Instagramming her exercise sessions.
  • Mischa Barton is writing a tell-all book and it’s “making a lot of folks nervous.” It’s making everyone else so so so so so so so excited.
  • Nick Jonas is a gay icon.
  • Nicole Kidman is so freaking sick of Keith Urban using her makeup. Meanwhile Keith is sick of Nicole making him feel so damn unpretty.
  • Selena Gomez and Orlando Bloom are doin’ it, but they’re not lovin’ it.
  • Suki Waterhouse and Bradley Cooper are getting back togzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
  • Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal are probably in love and I definitely ship them.

Grade: D- (You sit next to Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal at dinner but then your chair breaks and you have to move tables.)


Life&Style

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

KHLOE’S STORY I’M HAVING A BABY WITH LAMAR!

Lamar lied [about drugs], Khloe tried [to get them back together], and now they’re going to have a baby because everything between them is totally cool again! “Thanks to a medical breakthrough, a baby’s on the way for her and Lamar.” Great, right? Wrong. Things aren’t all rainbows and storks in the Odom household, because French Montana desperately wants Khloe back. “He’s fallen hard for her and isn’t going to let go without a fight.” The fight, DUKE IT OUT FOR A KARDASHIAN, will likely be broadcast on E! this summer.

Whitney Bischoff is having second thoughts about Chris Soules. If those two names mean nothing to you, I understand. Whitney is the woman who Chris chose on the most recent season of The Bachelor. OK, now you’re caught up. So Whitney was watching Chris on Dancing with the Stars (he’s on that show, too) and was apparently “mortified” after seeing him snap at partner Witney Carson. “Don’t do it your way! I can’t do it your way so stop it!” I didn’t see the episode in question, but assume the argument was about Chris being unable to spell Whitney without the ‘h.’

MARIAH CAREY HAS SPIES IN HER HOUSE! I remember Mariah Carey’s episode of Cribs like it aired yesterday, but I sure as hell don’t remember her mentioning any spies! Times change, I guess, because they are in her house and listening to everything she says and watching everything she does and reporting all of it back to her ex, Nick Cannon, who is trying to “prove she’s an unfit parent to 4-year-old twins Monroe and Moroccan.” Her paranoia has caused her to start “cutting loose members of her specialized staff,” because her pillow fluffer, toilet seat lowerer/raiser, water valet could easily be the spy in question.

And Also:

  • Prince Harry asked Jennifer Lawrence out and she said no because she wants “nothing to do with Camilla”? Jennifer is 24 and American and not royal, btw.
  • Jay Z moved to LA because Beyonce wanted to and he haaaaaaaaaaaaaates it.
  • Zayn is getting married and isn’t inviting ANY of his former bandmates. The bandmates are banned!
  • Melissa Gorga swam with a dolphin and also her husband.
  • Kylie and Kendall have NO IDEA what to call Bruce Jenner after his transition.
  • If you don’t wear triangle jewelry this spring you’d better not walk outside, monster.
  • Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal are probably in love. I know this was mentioned before but it’s important shipping.

Wrong Answer:

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Grade: C- (You sit next to Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal at dinner but then you realize the waiter was hired by Nick Cannon to spy on you.)


STAR

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

PREGNANT JEN DUMPS JUSTIN / IT’S OVER / “I’LL RAISE THIS BABY ALONE”

While at dinner with Courtney Cox at the Sunset Tower in Hollywood on April 8, Jen Aniston had a breakdown in front of the whole restaurant. “She said [Justin Theroux] wasn’t trying hard enough to save the relationship, and she was so tired of always fighting with him.” Even though she’s as pregnant as pregnant gets, “she’s going to keep the baby whether she’s with Justin or not!” But it’s not that simple. Justin plans to “fight for custody if Jen [refuses] to allow him access.” So get ready for JEN AND JUSTIN: THEIR BITTER CUSTODY BATTLE, coming to newsstands next spring. Followed soon thereafter by MOMMY ANISTON: I’M TAKING JUSTIN BACK!

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, husband and wife, are rarely seen together. The reason for this is because Johnny has “had enough” of Amber’s mostly-platonic-but-probably-sexual relationship with her best friend, iO Tillett Wright. “I’m jealous of iO,” Johnny probably screams. “iO is just a friend!” Amber probably screams back. I can’t fully imagine this argument, however, because I cannot figure out how to pronounce iO. Eye-oh? Eee-oh? Input-Output? Whatever the case, iO has referred to Amber Heard as her “love” on her tumblr, so Johnny will probably be annoyed by their love and her name for the foreseeable future.

Recipe For True Love

1 Bobby Flay

1 Stephanie March

1 Giada De Laurentiis

1 Elyse Tirrell

½ cup parsley, chopped

Pour Bobby Flay and Stephanie March into a medium-sized glass bowl. Toss and set aside for 10 years. Stir in Giada De Laurentiis and Elyse Tirrell. Then throw the bowl against your wall and watch it shatter. Garnish the shards with parsley. Serve cold.

And Also:

  • Nicole Richie is going bald, and will probably look cool bald.
  • Kris Jenner is giving Rob Kardashian $5,000 a week so that he’ll keep his mouth shut about family secrets. She also lets him use her Range Rover.
  • Mischa Barton is homeless.
  • Leonardo DiCaprio is “hooked on Tinder” but hasn’t used it to go on any dates yet?
  • Bella Thorne ate a quarter of a watermelon at Coachella.
  • Newlywed Sean Hayes keeps flirting with other men and his husband Scott Icenogle is pissed.
  • I know I’ve mentioned Rachel and Jake twice already, but now she can’t choose between him and Colin Farrell! Pick Jake, Rach! Pick Jake!

Wrong Answer:

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Grade: D+ (You sit next to Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal at dinner but the couple on your other side side is Bobby Flay and Giada De Laurentiis and they won’t stop making out.)


inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

AFTER TV INTERVIEW, BRUCE ON...SUICIDE WATCH

Bruce Jenner is on suicide watch. Isn’t that awful? “He is depressed, and his friends and family are scared to death about his state of mind.” His interview with Diane Sawyer left him feeling “euphoric,” but that “wore off” pretty quickly. Bruce is allegedly depressed over his family’s response to his transition, as well as the February car accident he was involved in “that left a woman dead.” This is all just too sad, actually. Enough of this.

Jessica Simpson is addicted to dieting. OK, never mind, this one is also bleak. “Multiple sources say Jessica is abusing Adderall, a stimulant drug intended to treat ADHD and narcolepsy that also speeds metabolism.” She apparently became hooked on the stuff while trying to lose weight after giving birth to her son Ace in 2013. The dieting addiction is apparently causing fights with her husband, Eric Johnson. “She’s always yelling at [him], saying things like, ‘Why can’t you hide all the brownies? I don’t want to see them.” Hiding brownies? This is more bleak than I thought.

Selena Gomez is sick of you calling her fat. (Good lord, inTouch sucks this week!) When she showed up on a beach in a pink bikini, “online bullies pounced” and “Selena was livid.” Like a good celebrity, she responded to her haters on Instagram, captioning a photo of her in a different bathing suit with “I love being happy with me yall.” Not only is she happy with her, she loves being happy with her, and isn’t that what we all want more than anything? For celebrities to love being happy with themselves?

And Also:

  • Ellen DeGeneres is ready to dance right out of the home she shares with Portia de Rossi.
  • Tom Cruise didn’t show up to his daughter Suri’s 9th birthday. “Who’s Tom Cruise?” she probably responded when asked for a comment.
  • Calvin Harris is allergic to Taylor Swift’s cats, which could make for a very fun breakup song.
  • Joe Giudici ruined Teresa’s chances of getting out of prison early.
  • Lindsay Lohan, Tara Reid, Kate Moss, and Miley Cyrus “could use some junk in the trunk!”
  • The world approves of Dakota Johnson’s new haircut.
  • Every doctor who isn’t Dr. Oz thinks Dr. Oz is “a quack.”
  • Rachel and Jake are IN LOVE, everyone! Four tabloids confirm it!

Interview of the Week: Scott Eastwood

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Wrong Answer:

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Grade: F (You sit next to Rachel McAdams and Jake Gyllenhaal at dinner but then the restuarant falls into the San Andreas fault.)

Appendix:

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Fig. 1 - inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Fig. 2 - inTouch

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Fig. 3 - Star

This Week In Tabloids: George Clooney's Sperm Aren't Pranking Amal!

Fig. 4 - Star


Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.


Renée Zellweger Likes Her Boyfriend

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Renée Zellweger Likes Her Boyfriend

It’s maddening to think that there are people out there whose faces we know from television and film, walking around all day, just think, think, thinking thoughts inside of their own heads. What are they thinking? Tell us. They should be forced to tell us. Luckily, Renée Zellweger, a women from film, recently told us one thing she was thinking (about her boyfriend).

While attending the ALS Association Golden West Chapter’s annual One Starry Night benefit on Monday in Los Angeles, Renée Zellweger spoke to People about her boyfriend, someone she likes:

“Isn’t he cute? He’s a very sweet man,” she said.

He is a musician and they’ve been dating for more than two years.

Previously in women who like their boyfriends: Hoda Kotb Likes Her Boyfriend.


Image via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

Should Twitter's New Anti-Violence Rule Only Apply to Terrorists?

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Should Twitter's New Anti-Violence Rule Only Apply to Terrorists?

After months of criticism that Twitter’s lax abuse policies have put women at risk and allowed ISIS to flourish online, the social network just updated (and broadened) its formal abuse policy. Now, merely “promoting” violence—just plain old violence, regardless of context or reason—is enough to get your feed axed. But what if you’re the U.S. Air Force?

Per Twitter, the policy’s now reads as follows:

Violence and Threats: You may not publish or post threats of violence against others or promote violence against others.

This replaces language that prohibited only “direct, specific threats of violence against others.”

ISIS isn’t the only military force that advances its agenda using Twitter. Governmental organizations like U.S. Central Command and the Israeli Defense Forces are avid cyber-propagandists. And they’re not just linking to press releases, either: Many western militaries routinely use Twitter and other social media to threaten violence against their enemies or promoting their military campaigns:

Not a specific threat, sure, but a threat. Governmental accounts routinely post quasi-celebratory combat updates:

Or vows to continue a campaign of violence, or begin one if necessary:

If the looming “global reach” of a nuclear arsenal isn’t a threat of violence, what is? Some military tweets even include visuals of human death:

And sometimes violent tweets come from individuals rather than groups:

Sure, ISIS is Darth Vader and there’s not a whole lot of moral ambiguity about whether or not we should fight evil. But promoting violence is promoting violence. And what if the target were Iran? Or the United States? “We can’t comment on an individual account or Tweet,” Twitter’s public policy rep Nu Wexler told me via email. “But our rules apply to all accounts—government and nongovernment, verified and unverified—and we have suspended official government accounts before.”


Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: E93A 40D1 FA38 4B2B 1477 C855 3DEA F030 F340 E2C7

Please Help Metallica's Kirk Hammett Find His 250 Missing Riffs

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Please Help Metallica's Kirk Hammett Find His 250 Missing Riffs

Two hundred fifty riffs are shredding across America. Buh-chuncka buh-chuncka bah, bah, bah! On beery back streets and dilapidated staircases you might meet them, comparing tattoos and trading tales about the old days. Bome, deh bi da bome! Where do the lost riffs roam? Kirk Hammett wants to know.

Kirk, you see—he wrote those riffs. He wrote them on his guitar, nurturing them from rote pentatonic infancy all the way to graceful and muscular adulthood. Bludgeoning fuzz bombs. Two-hand-tapped solos. Whammy bar dives and heaven-ascending bends. We got hammer-ons, we got pull-offs—boy, oh boy, these riffs were raunchy as hell.

And then he lost them all.

Hammett discussed the lost riff situation on a recent episode of a podcast called The Jasta Show:

“I put riffs on my iPhone, but something very unfortunate happened to me about six months ago. I lost my iPhone [containing] two hundred and fifty musical ideas. And I was crushed. It didn’t get backed up. And when it happened, I was bummed out for about two or three days. I walked into the house. My wife saw me and she said, ‘Uh-oh, what’s wrong? Did you get a phone call from a relative?’ I said, ‘No.’ She said, ‘What’s going on?’ I told her, and she understood.

“I lost [the phone]. I just plain lost it. I can’t find it. I’m still looking for it to this day. I just set it somewhere and… It still might turn up. I’m hoping it will. To try to remember those riffs…? I can only remember, like, eight of ‘em. So I just chalked it down to maybe it just wasn’t meant to be and I’ll just move forward with it.

The lost riffs were intended for the followup to Metallica’s Death Magnetic, an album that Hammett claims will be “super riffy, super heavy” despite his having lost all the riffs.

Have you seen these riffs? Have you heard them? Do the sing, do they roar? Do they dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? If you come across a power chord at a lonely gas station off a dusty desert highway, or a stray blue note in the swamps of the Mississippi Delta, would you let them know that Kirk misses them? Fear not, my friend. Those lost riffs will come home.

Neener neener, my friend.

Neener neener!

[h/t Spin. Image via AP]

Modern Day Hamlet Finds Skull-Shaped Chip, Good Reminder We'll All Die

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Modern Day Hamlet Finds Skull-Shaped Chip, Good Reminder We'll All Die

Death is everywhere. Death is in the stars. Death is in our hearts. Death is in our headlines, our houses, and our food. Thought you could crack open a “packet of cheese and onion crisps” without staring down at your inevitable mortality? That’s what Dorset, England’s Barry Selby thought, too. But he was majorly wrong.

Selby, a man in England who eats 42 packets of crisps (that’s chips for all the Americans out there) a week, thought he was having another average day of crisp-eating when he happened upon something unexpected but familiar: a skull-shaped chip to remind him that his time on this earth is impermanent. The Daily Mail has a brief interview with Selby wherein the man explained “‘I was shocked when I found it.”

Just as we all will be when death eventually strikes us down.

As a constant reminder of his mortality, Selby will keep the skull crisp on top of a computer in the front room, but he adds that he might move it to a protective box. Will he stare daily at the protective box as the skull crisp threatens his ability to properly function? Perhaps. But Selby is a lucky man, it seems. Death may be long off for him:

And it’s not the first odd-shaped snack he has come across - in the 1990s he found a crisp shaped like a 3D heart, which he kept for several years until it broke.

Not all of us will live such fulfilled lives before the grim reaper comes for us.


Image via Shutterstock. Contact the author at dayna.evans@gawker.com.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 87: Drama, Drama, Drama

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500 Days of Kristin, Day 87: Drama, Drama, Drama

I'm on vacation this week. Here's a GIF of Kristin Cavallari enjoying herself while on vacation in Costa Rica with the cast of The Hills in 2011.

500 Days of Kristin, Day 87: Drama, Drama, Drama


This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]

You Can't Get an Apartment Because Rich People Need Them All 

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You Can't Get an Apartment Because Rich People Need Them All 

In many cities around the world—New York, San Francisco, London—most people find the rent to be unaffordable. Buying is out of the question. Perhaps that is because your city’s housing stock is now just another fungible financial instrument, like pork bellies.

You, the middle class resident of a major urban area, may have complained at length about the fact that your city is full of exclusive luxury condos priced far out of your price range, yet you—the majority of people—cannot find a decent place to live within your price range. The next time you are puzzling over the fact that our massive and energetic real estate industry cannot seem to produce affordable housing for regular humans, it may be useful to stop and reflect on this comment made yesterday by zillionaire financier and global power broker Larry Fink, as reported by Bloomberg:

“The two greatest stores of wealth internationally today is contemporary art….. and I don’t mean that as a joke, I mean that as a serious asset class,” said Fink. “And two, the other store of wealth today is apartments in Manhattan, apartments in Vancouver, in London.”

What Fink—a man who would know!—said, to be clear, is that New York apartments and fantastically expensive works of art are replacing gold as the assets of choice in which to park vast amounts of wealth. You may need an apartment as something basic for your survival; but a tiny sliver of extremely wealthy humans around the world need apartments, many of which sit empty most of the year, to use as a physical bank account, and their need supersedes yours.

The only way to change this dynamic is to either take the apartments, or take the money.

[Photo via]

Don't Park Under an Overpass During a Hailstorm

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Don't Park Under an Overpass During a Hailstorm

Many millions of us will experience severe thunderstorms over the coming weeks and months. When one of these intense storms crops up, a number of you will find yourselves driving into a major hailstorm, during which you may feel the urge to park under an overpass to protect your car. Don’t.

Meteorologists sound like a broken record during the spring. You know the drill: stay away from windows, lowest level of the building, interior room, don’t go outside when lightning is nearby...it gets to the point where your friendly neighborhood weather nerd sounds like your mom telling you to put on gloves so you don’t catch a cold. The problem with this feeling is that, unlike putting on a coat or gloves (which doesn’t prevent colds), the advice weatherpeople give you can actually save your life in an emergency.

Over the past couple of decades, meteorologists have made it a point to tell people not to hide under an overpass during a tornado. In some ways, overpasses are a worse place to be when a tornado strikes than out in the open. Like putting your thumb over the end of a garden hose to make the water spray faster, tornadic winds can press under an overpass and speed up, increasing the chances that anyone taking cover will be pelted by flying debris or sucked out and thrown to their demise.

Nevertheless, many people who are caught on roads when there’s a tornado on the horizon still choose to hide under an overpass, and those who justify their actions point to several famous videos of people who did just this and lived to talk about it. People survive seemingly unsurvivable situations all the time, but it’s funny how you never hear from those who aren’t so lucky. (Because they’re dead.)

People driving down the road during a severe thunderstorm may feel a similar impulse when hail starts pelting their cars—you naturally want to prevent costly damage to your vehicle, and at the very least, prevent hail from smashing through the windows and injure you and your passengers.

This is not a good idea.

Sure, hiding under an overpass will protect your car provided that the wind isn’t sending the hail on a diagonal path, but these actions can have serious consequences beyond your personal inconvenience.

Here’s how these situations almost always pan out when hailstones start falling: one person decides to park on the shoulder underneath a bridge on a major interstate. As the hail grows larger and the rate picks up, other people follow suit, squeezing onto what’s left of the shoulder on both sides of the road. Once the shoulder fills up, people will just stop in the middle of the lane on the highway, creating a traffic jam that can trap hundreds of people for miles behind the bridge until the storm stops and people leave their selfish oasis.

If you think this is some nagging, exaggerated hypothetical, it’s not. It happens every freakin’ time there’s a major hailstorm in some populated area.

Parking under an overpass during a hailstorm is a wonderfully jerkface move. It’s like evacuating an airplane and freezing up in the emergency exit—you’re almost safe yourself, but you’re royally screwing all the people stuck in the disaster behind you.

Blocking traffic while parking under a bridge can and does cause traffic jams that trap hundreds of people on the road during a severe thunderstorm. If something happens down the road that requires first responders, they themselves can get stuck in the traffic, unable to help people who need it the most.

If the rain and hail are coming down hard enough to reduce visibility, people coming up on the traffic jam (or parked cars) may not realize they’re standing still in time to brake, causing a chain reaction pileup accident.

In the worst case scenario, there can be an ugly and lethal surprise behind that intense hailstorm. Locations impacted by tornadoes that form from the hook echoes of a classic supercell often see the worst of the storm before the tornado roars through. These locations could see an extended period of strong winds, very large hail, and blinding rains before it all clears out, lulling people into a false sense of security before the tornado strikes. The inevitable traffic jam that results from people scurrying to hide under a bridge could force hundreds of people to be sitting ducks for a tornado that could lurk just behind the end of the hailstorm.

This is one of those instances where people have to remember that we all live in a society, and that they have to think of the safety of those around them, as well. I know many people like to live in some Machiavellian fantasy where they should do whatever they can to serve themselves, to hell with everyone else, but one person’s selfish actions can harm so many other people in a situation like this.

The best thing to do when you’re caught in a hailstorm (preferably beforehand, if know you’re driving into one) is to pull into a parking lot and sit there until the storm is gone. This helps to alleviate some of the impact of the hail while preventing a disaster on local roads that could claim more lives than the storm itself. If you’re worried about your safety in a vehicle being pelted by hail, pay attention to the radar (or just listen to the radio or watch the sky) and make sure you give yourself enough time to pull into a parking lot and take shelter in a sturdy building before the storm hits.

Taking the right actions during a weather emergency means the difference between life and death, for both you and those around you. Just imagine how pissed off you’d be if someone else caused you to get into a serious accident because they wanted to save their precious car. Don’t risk the safety of other motorists because you value your car over lives.

It’s corny, sure, but it’s true: Cars can be replaced. Lives cannot.

[Image: AP]


You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.


The Best Video Game Rumors From The Early 90s

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The Best Video Game Rumors From The Early 90s

Electronic Gaming Monthly used to be my bible. Every month, I’d flip through the pages, and dream of the future. Quartermann was EGM’s rumormonger, and I hung on his every word.

Rumors have been part of video games forever, and it’s no different in 2015 than it was in 1993. The difference between then and now, however, is we know what did and didn’t come true!

Pastebin user CoryGibson scrolled through old copies of EGM to collect Quartermann’s predictions from 1990 through 1996, and I’ve collected my favorites. This was the era of SNES, Genesis, and endless rumors about what would become PlayStation, Nintendo 64, and Saturn.

Having worked closely with former EGM editors in the past, my understanding is that Quartermann was a mixture of legitimate scuttlebutt about the games industry, wishful thinking about what could happen (sometimes, it would actually come true), and complete bullshit.

All that in mind, here are some of the delicious rumors from the pages of EGM:

The Status Of The Super NES CD-ROM (March 1993)

...As you’ll read in this ish, the Super NES CD-ROM is far from vaporware! The “ultimate peripheral of ‘93” is well into the final stages of design and according to the ultra-secret paperwork smuggled out by some hard-working rebels, you too can feast your eyes on the latest marvel of Nintendo. A formal developer’s conference will gather soon and the Q-Mann will be there...SNK’s CD add-on is rumored to be looking iffy...Q-Sound, the incredible new stereo sound generator, is rumored to be finally making its way into game carts...Watch for Street Fighter 2 characters to start appearing on just about anything man-made. From an upcoming pinball machine to Fruit of the Loom underwear, the World Warriors are coming (hey Capcom, send these guys to the WWF - you’ll make a fortune hawking Blanka brand deodorant)...

Donkey Kong’s Headed To CD-ROM (June 1993)

...EGM subscribers, those exclusive elite lucky enough to get the one and only newsletter produced by yours truly, got a bundle of inside info last month on new softs set to hit the market soon! Since then, the Quarter-Fiend has gone undercover to dig up the development of other titles soon to see reality...That Donkey Kong follow-up the Q-Mann told you about so many moons ago has been placed on the Phillips CD-I and Super Famicom CD platforms and should be finished sometime next year...

Sega Saturn Will Have Backwards Compatibility (October 1993)

Contrary to what the Brits have to say, Sega’s upcoming Saturn system WILL be downwardly compatible with the Genesis and clock in at around 400 bucks and feature some cool enhancements ranging from on-screen color calibration to a “code card,” which will be used as part of Sega’s expanding plans to conquer cable TV

Reconsidering That Michael Jackson Sequel (January 1994)

With all the recent press he’s been getting, Sega seems to be having second thoughts about developing an update to their Moonwalker game. I guess having Michael rescue small children really wouldn’t be appropriate.

Get Ready For Mario 5! (February 1994)

...Speaking of other software releases tied to new mega-systems, the Q has learned that the might ‘N has already busted open the design team of the Mario adventures and plotting has already started for the fifth entry in the series. The new Mario 5 is expected to debut as the pack-in for the Project Reality machine in ‘95, and, according to a source deep within Nintendo, it will take advantage of PR’s rendering and modeling capabilities to create Mario worlds unlike anything that has ever been seen before…

Nobody Can Program For Nintendo’s Next Console (March 1994)

...First word of warning on the Nintendo/SGI partnership - the game developers are dying! Sure the SGI (even the stripped down Nintendo version will eventually sell) can produce some killer graphics, but there’s only a handful of graphics gurus capable of pushing the machines to the limit. Why not hire them, you ask? Because they all work for SGI! Seriously, SGI and other independent outfits are trying to bring game developers up to speed, but the complexity of the development systems are leaving most people scrambling to get something on the screen by the time the hardware hits next year…

32X Vs. Sega Saturn (September 1994)

...While the 32X and Sega Saturn both utilize the same Hitachi chips, the Q-Mann has learned that the hardware engines are different enough to cause serious software incompatibility problems between the two systems. The Q has heard rumors that Sega knows about this and with their commitment to have all of their systems downwardly compatible, the king of the 16-Bit hill is being forced to either restructure their Saturn to include a whole separate internal 32X engine, or to create another 32X ‘add on’ adapter which will plug into the Saturn. The Q has also heard rumors that you WON’T be paying for this extra enhancement! How’s that? More to come...Excuse me, but how can that new convention be the biggest in the world? They haven’t even gotten their first one off the ground - unless you’re counting the number of times they’ve moved the show...

Prepare For The Super Genesis (October 1994)

The Q-Mann has it from good sources that Sega is hard at work on the SUPER Genesis. Rumor has it that it will be modeled after the existing Genesis 2, but under the hood it will have the 32X hard-ware built-in! Look for more info on this product next month...Sega has successfully taken us to Saturn, Jupiter (cart-only Saturn), Mars (32X), and now they have their sights set on Venus! Word has it that Venus will be a 16-Bit portable Genesis that will look sort of like the Game Gear and will work very much like the current Mega Jet presently available in Japan. The 0 hears the price tag should clock in around $150 and be available in 1995…

Nobody Wants The Virtual Boy (January 1995)

In other rumors dawning from the Land of the Rising Sun, Virtua Bomb, er, I mean Virtua Boy, that new techno-cheap, two-colored unit that doubles as a headrest left the Quartermann looking for his Intellivision. The unit will ring in at around $200 next April with three titles, including the original Mario Brothers title, Space Pinball and Telero-Boxer, a boxing game. No major licensees have signed on to make games for the portable and they don’t have any plans to. Yours truly hears the word on the street in Tokyo is that the Virtua Boy will blow up real good when it comes to market…

Nintendo Wants Luke Skywalker And FMV (March 1995)

...In other Ultra 64 news, the Q hears that LucasArts, in conjunction with Nintendo and Sculptured Software, is working on an Ultra 64 Star Wars game that takes place 20 years after the originally trilogy’s timeline. The play mechanics are rumored to be a combination of Rebel Assault and TIE Fighter. Yours truly has also discovered that they’re trying to get Mark Hamill to play an older Luke Skywalker and use compressed full-motion video in the game

Street Fighter Is About To Get Super Violent (March 1995)

Also look for Capcom to launch onto the next-generation platforms with Street Fighter II, complete with blood and guts.

PlayStation 2 Will Play Movie Video CDs (April 1995)

...As Sony readies for the launch of the PlayStation, their tech-heads are slaving over the specs of a new version of the PlayStation tentatively called the PlayStation 2. This new machine (which is profiled in this issue of EGM) comes com-plete with expanded memory and a new feature that will provide users the option to play movie video CDs. The system is scheduled to be released two years after the U.S. PlayStation hits ground zero....

Final Fantasy VIII Could Have Nintendo Characters (May 1995)

... The Q hears that Final Fantasy 7 may already be prepped for an Ultra launch this fall. Also on tap for the big U is another RPG starring Mario, Luigi and the Princess. Or could they be one in the same? The Mann will keep you posted with the details, but rumor has it that the deal has been inked and the game is being finished up as we speak

Sony’s Going To Buy Nintendo Over Toshinden 2 (December 1995)

The best Internet rumor of the month: Sony buying Nintendo for the rights to add Mario to Toshinden 2.

Street Fighter III Will Ditch Sprites For Polygons (February 1996)

Yours truly has once again received info from some insider sources who report that Capcom is hard at work on Street Fighter III. The Q-Mann has learned that the game is being developed on Ultra hardware and will feature textured polygon fighters from the previous games as well as new characters from other Capcom games... Look for new versions of Street Fighter to appear on the PS and Saturn later this year . Capcom is also looking at introducing Mega Man to the Sony system. although a design team has yet to be assigned to the project…

PlayStation 2 Rumors? How About...PlayStation 3! (April 1996)

With more and more rumors swirling around the development of the PlayStation 2, Sony has released an official statement stating that talk of such a device is pure speculation. In a prepared statement, the company outlined that “Sony isn’t going to make the mistake of other console manufacturers and promise the release of a new, improved version of the PlayStation. PlayStation 2 is only a rumor and not a fact.” Unfortunately, Sony forgot to rip the concept of a PlayStation sequel from its developer unveiling in England last year, where a timeline was published that showed a PS2 intro coming next year while even mentioning a PlayStation 3! With their official word, however, the shirts at Sony have apparently put development of their next super system on hold…

Capcom And Sony Are Fighting (July 1996)

During the P,spectacle the Q-Mann, overheard that Sony is also having some problems with Capcom. Seems the maker of Street Fighter is threatening to finish out its product line arid quit PlayStation development entirely unless they’re given more latitude in the creation of a Mega Man sequel for the Sony hardware. If this rumor holds true, sources within Capcom suggest Resident Evil 2 may come out for the Saturn or the Nintendo 64...At the show, Capcom officials met with Nintendo to discuss a Mega Man game currently in the planning stages for the N64. Fans of the cartoon and the games won’t have to wait too long to play a 3-D version of Mega Man; the game is scheduled to come out next Christmas...

Honestly, I could read these for hours. What’s truly funny is realizing some of the things that actually happened—or happened in different ways than Quartermann predicted or theorized.

There was a 3D version of Mega Man (Mega Man Legends), but it came to several platforms.

PlayStation 2 did play “movie video CDs,” but they were called DVDs.

Square Enix made a Final Fantasy RPG with Nintendo characters called Super Mario RPG.

Thanks for the memories, Quartermann, even if you were making most of this up.

You can reach the author of this post at patrick.klepek@kotaku.com or on Twitter at @patrickklepek.

Robert Downey Jr. Walked Out Of an Extremely Cringey Interview

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After four minutes of questions about Tony Stark and two very tense, very awkward minutes of questions about his “dark periods,” Robert Downey, Jr. stood up and bailed on an interview with Channel 4’s Krishnan Guru-Murthy. But not before telling Guru-Murthy he’s “kind of a schmuck.”

“Are we promoting a movie?” Downey asked, after Guru-Murthy tried to get the actor to elaborate on something he said to the late David Carr in a 2008 New York Times interview.

To wit:

“You can’t go from a $2,000-a-night suite at La Mirage to a penitentiary and really understand it and come out a liberal. You can’t. I wouldn’t wish that experience on anyone else, but it was very, very, very educational for me and has informed my proclivities and politics every since.”

Downey clearly didn’t want to analyze some “half-assed” thing he said last decade, and begged off by saying “I couldn’t even really tell you what a liberal is,” but Guru-Murthy haltingly tried to push the issue.

The last straw came when Guru-Murthy asked a tangled question about whether Downey thinks he’s free of drugs and alcohol, and maybe his father or something?

“Bye!”

If this situation—a celebrity who showed up to do an uncontroversial promo piece and an interviewer who wants to press about political views instead—seems familiar, it may be because you’ve seen Guru-Murthy’s infamous 2013 interview with Quentin Tarantino.

This is one where QT, faced with questions about onscreen violence that he’s answered hundreds of times before, uttered the immortal lines, “I’m shutting your butt down!” and “This is a commercial for the movie, make no mistake”—but he didn’t actually get up and leave.

[h/t ET]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

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'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

If you’ve been on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, or Vine lately, then you’ve probably seen pictures or videos of strange, cartoony characters recently. Maybe they’re pole dancing. Maybe they’re singing Frozen’s Let It Go. Maybe they have a celebrity’s face. Or maybe they look like a monstrosity that shouldn’t exist.

You can thank an app called “ My Idol” for all of that. Currently, it’s listed as a “trending search” in the iOS App Store, and there are a couple of clones listed on the top Free apps chart. Here’s the thing: a lot of people are playing this, but they don’t neccesarily understand it. The entire app is in Chinese—not that this is stopping anyone in the West from enjoying it. It’s like a more lewd version of Tomodachi Life, or a messed up version of Angela Anaconda.

The first time you start My Idol up, it tells you that you can import a selfie:

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

Despite my better judgement, I took a selfie in the dark. I am a vampire that hates light and having good eyesight, you see. The result was that the app imported my face, but it assumed I was a dude.

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

Sad upon the realization that I would make a more handsome dude than I would ever make a pretty lady, I kept my avatar this way. The app does make it easy to swap, but keeping the character this way added to the weirdness. Do I really look like that? Huh. I guess I kind of do. Or maybe this is what would happen if I had sex with a Bratz doll. Either way, I would like to point out I am not the only one that had this issue.

Okay, moving on...

I wasn’t able to figure out how to make my character wear cool clothes, but I was able to get him to do this stuff:

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

No kidding, My Idol.

Bored with my own face, I also tried importing Drake’s face straight off of my computer...and it uploaded this thing:

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

I’M SORRY, DRAKE.

Unfortunately the game doesn’t have very good hair options, nor does it have particularly dark skin tones, so I couldn’t really tweak Drake to look better. I could, however, make him pole dance, sooooo

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

All of this pales in comparison to what the internet is doing with My Idol, though. Behold:

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: imotchi]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: swordgems]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: freethestars]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: slim-k8t. Yes, they imported a dog’s face onto My Idol.]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: leniencies]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: sssssarara. Yes, that’s a rodent’s face.]

'My Idol' Is The Internet's Funniest New Obsession

[Source: nevergasm]

But perhaps the most surprising part of this My Idol craze is that I have yet to see a single person upload a dick onto a character’s face. Is this real life? You’re slipping, internet.

Top image: notfunctioning.

Ben Affleck Really Starting to Embrace the Slave-Owning Ancestors Thing

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Ben Affleck Really Starting to Embrace the Slave-Owning Ancestors Thing

Nestled amongst the rubble of Amy Pascal’s digital life was, it turns out, a deep, dark secret Hollywood actor Ben Affleck and his agent hoped might stay buried forever. Here, condensed into three acts, are the five stages of Ben Affleck’s antebellum grief.

1. Denial/Anger

2. Bargaining/Depression

And now, finally...

3. Acceptance

Knew you could do it Benj.

Love and Autism at Tribeca: A Chat with Carolina Groppa and Matt Fuller

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Love and Autism at Tribeca: A Chat with Carolina Groppa and Matt Fuller

Midway through a press screening of the Tribeca Film Festival documentary offering Autism in Love, while listening to Lindsey—one of the movie’s four featured subjects—describe her self-consciousness and frequent befuddlement over human behavior, I wondered, “Wait, do I have autism, too?”

I’m pretty sure I don’t (at least, I’ve never been diagnosed), but I nonetheless found Lindsey to be particularly relatable and articulate. “I think the most important agenda was to humanize autism,” the movie’s director Matt Fuller told me later. “Hopefully when you’re watching the movie, after 15 minutes in you forget that the people that you’re watching have autism and are just relating to them as people who want the same thing as you do.”

I never quite forgot that Lindsey, her boyfriend David, Lenny (who’s in his 20s), and David (who’s decidedly older) have autism, given that they talk about it so much. Autism in Love simultaneously presents a world rarely seen on film, and yet despite its subjects’ disability, their struggles are universal.

Below is a condensed and edited transcript of my conversation with Fuller and Autism in Love’s producer Carolina Groppa.

Gawker: Why were you interested in this subject?

Fuller: I really didn’t know anything about autism prior to getting involved in the project, but as a storyteller I’m always looking for stories about characters who want something it seems as though they can’t have. That’s kind of fundamental for compelling drama. And with my ignorance I became really hungry to understand more deeply what it’s like to be an adult with autism. That’s the desire, but the back story of the project coming together is Carolina was working for Dr. Ira Heilveil, our executive producer. He’s been in the autism space for almost 30 years. Carolina was working as his personal assistant and he wanted to do a research project about this topic that he thought would turn into a book. Carolina and I were the ones who went about conducting that research for him and realized that there’s a much bigger story here than what we could capture in a book.

The people you chose were such perfect documentary subjects because they’re so self-conscious and OK with talking about that. So you understand their interior lives more easily than you might listening to someone who doesn’t have a disability.

Groppa: The stars really aligned for us with who we found and the moments of time that we had access to their lives. We couldn’t have planned that if we tried.

Fuller: You read those things on them right away. Like when you meet Lindsey, you kind of connect to her immediately. She’s very magnetic in her personality, which is sort of antithetical to the construct of autism. Lenny, too. His mom says it best: There’s no lie in Lenny. There’s no muffler. Nothing is off bounds. He lives it out loud, he talks about it.

Out of the different kinds of people who could be exploited via media, there’s children and then there’s people with disabilities at the top of the list. What considerations about that did you have, if any?

Fuller: We were certainly aware of being perceived as exploitive, particularly not having a background in autism. But that worked in our favor. Having no agenda, people saw the authenticity in our desire to give them a platform to give them to say what they have to say and share their stories. We were certainly aware that we weren’t qualified to or interested in editorializing or pushing any sort of agenda. We wanted people to know that we wanted to listen. We wanted to hear what they had to say. There was a sense of responsibility about accurately representing autism, and the only way to do that was to let people with autism do it.

Why is the movie called Autism in Love, not Autistic in Love?

Groppa: I think it just sounds better. Early on in the process, we referred to the film as Autism in Love. There was never a clear reason why, it just flowed and felt right.

Fuller: From a practical, movie-making standpoint, you know what this movie’s about right away. If it were called Autistic in Love, there’s something about that that rings less universal to me.

What do you think about people laughing during the movie? They did a few times at the screening I attended, especially at Lenny.

Groppa: Well, he’s funny.

Fuller: I think there’s a couple of kinds of laughter. There’s “I’m uncomfortable and I need to discharge this from my body” laughter. I get that. There are a couple of lines that people consistently laugh at and I think it’s a charmed laugh. It’s not a point and laugh. At least that’s how I read it. I think that’s OK. You need that in this movie. Lenny is complex in that way because he does make you laugh and make you cry.

I think it’s far worse to watch people in humorless pity, thinking that they’re somehow below you or incapable of being funny. Status anxiety is something a lot of your subjects have. Lindsey in particular fascinated me, because I felt like she was wrong about how she comes off a lot of the time. I think she does a lot of over-correction.

Fuller: There’s a lot of self-governing that happens there. The self-image thing that’s a core issue for her is so inaccurate. She’s such a beautiful, charming, magnetic person that it’s sad in many senses to know how cruel she is to herself.

Watching her and Dave consistently have these very deep and specific conversations about their relationship made me wonder if their relationship were somehow benefitting from their disability. It seems to force them to put more effort into communication than the average person does.

Fuller: There’s such a methodology to the way they communicate and relate to each other that they’ve got resources to go back to when they flounder in their situation. They’re binary about a lot of things and they lay it all out there. That’s healthy and many ways.

Deep into the film, Lenny has a sort of breakdown where he says that he wishes he weren’t autistic and then, after going on for a bit, tells you, Matt, not to cry. Tell me about your choice to include that in the movie—all of a sudden you become a character.

Fuller: To me that speaks to his awareness and it drives home the point of, “I feel these things all the time and I want you to know it, because nobody else talks about it.” I feel like I served more as the audience or the everyman there. It really drives home the intimacy of the direct address stuff that’s happening in that scene. That’s just such a beautiful and tragic monologue he delivers. I didn’t want to break it up.

The Tribeca Film Festival runs through April 26.

Ben Smith and Jonah Peretti: The Gawker Interview

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Ben Smith and Jonah Peretti: The Gawker Interview

On April 16, Gawker contacted BuzzFeed editor-in-chief Ben Smith with evidence that his site had deleted a post criticizing Pepsi, a BuzzFeed advertiser, under pressure from the beverage manufacturer. In response, Smith invited Gawker to interview him and BuzzFeed CEO Jonah Peretti at the company’s New York office. A transcript of the interview, which took place on April 17 and concerns BuzzFeed’s ongoing review of deleted content, can be found below. It has been lightly edited for clarity.

You can read more about BuzzFeed’s various attempts to erase its own articles here, here, here, here, and here.



Ben Smith: You didn’t hack into, you didn’t make it into Blue Jeans [BuzzFeed’s company-wide conference call addressing Smith’s decision to delete two posts the Friday prior]!

Keenan Trotter: I, uh, got in, but then you guys switched it. Yeah. I mean, I did get the memo, with the login code, but then they switched it to where you needed a BuzzFeed email address to get in.

Jonah Peretti: We should give you a call-in number, just because you’ve sort of become our public editor, our ombudsman or something, our ombudsman at BuzzFeed.

Ben: When we were sending around a draft of the standards document, what I said to everybody was, hey, read this really closely, because what you do when you publish standards, is that you make Gawker your public editor. Sure, we’ll be looking for [violations of standards internally]—[but] you’ve got all of Twitter, and you’ve got Gawker. So I have really little to complain about, in some sense. Do you want to talk about this post that you emailed about?

Keenan: Yeah.

Ben: So we’ve been doing an internal review all week, and thinking about what—you know, pre-our-having-real-procedures-and-standards, and having rules about deleting things, and looking back at everything that we deleted since January 1 of 2012, when I started, and basically the present, although starting some point last year, we had more rules. And so that’s one of the posts I’ve been thinking about. Honestly, I’m pretty proud of what we found in it. Although, also, at times, you look back at what was published—you’re sort of pained by [it].

Keenan: Just to back up, this is the internal review you’re conducting now?

Ben: I was hoping you’d wait, just because we have a team of reporters, who are interviewing—Annie-Rose Strasser, who’s [BuzzFeed News executive editor] Shani [Hilton]’s deputy, has been putting together a team of reporters, and they pulled a list of every post that’s been deleted.

Keenan: OK. That must be...

Ben: Well, it’s not that long a list. I’ll get you the numbers. A lot of them—

Keenan: Is this a timeframe?

Ben: Between January of 2012, when I started. And, as you may know, there were some posts from before then that were deleted.

Keenan: There’s only one or three.

Ben: And so the period after that, when I was here. And, you know, we were in some sense on this trajectory. And so Annie-Rose has this team of a small handful of reporters who are basically interviewing the editors and the writers of those posts and asking what happened. In virtually all of the cases—

Jonah: This was a period where we didn’t have a deletion policy. If you were an editor and you wrote something and then you thought later, oh, this is kind of dumb and I was to delete it, you could delete the post.

Ben: And that was fine. And there’s not huge numbers of them, but there’s a fair number of those, there were posts that were dup—

Jonah: Duplicates, or errors, or text tests, or stuff like that.

Ben: I’ll give you the numbers, but there were two that were about church and state. One of which was the one you emailed me about. So I just figured that I would talk you through that. Because that was actually a real moment for us in dealing with something that we’d never dealt with. And so [BuzzFeed senior editor] Samir [Mezrahi, the author of the deleted post that criticized Pepsi]—and I would love to, to the extent that I can make this not about him, he doesn’t have a background as a journalist, he comes from the depths of the internet in a wonderful way. And he had—several days before that post, and I think you didn’t see this, he had taken—the creative team at BuzzFeed, they were working with Pepsi around the Grammys. And they had a done a post, which you can probably find, it was about other things that might be under Pharrell’s hat.

Keenan: Yes.

Ben: It was actually a great post. There were many hilarious things under his hat, including doge. And Samir had taken the GIF of doge coming out from under Pharrell’s hat. Or, I’m not even sure if he’d seen it. But I got a complaint from the creative side that editors were taking their stuff and remixing it and not crediting their post or Pepsi. It was a confusing situation. Not—it was just a confusing situation. And I said to him, hey, we’re working, our creative team—which at this point is across the hall—is working with Pepsi on this social stuff, so don’t take their stuff, don’t use it in an editorial context. Church and state.

Jonah: One of the concerns is the impression that an editor was posting positive things about a brand because they were an advertiser. And that’s something I think, you know, as we grow, I don’t have much experience with church and state stuff. But as we grow, you start thinking, ok, if someone really loves pumpkin-spice lattes and they write a whole post about it and then it turns out that Starbucks is an advertiser, does that create the impression that they were influencing editorial, even though they had no idea that someone was an advertiser, and so there was—

Ben: So this is not something that we’ve totally resolved. But what we did resolve there was—so I had a conversation with Samir, and I was just like, “what is this, don’t do that,” it wasn’t like a super-theoretical conversation. Couple days later, again, I get an upset call from creative, that Samir has done a post that is titled “Brand Twitter Accounts You Should Unfollow.” First one is Pepsi. Our creative team is running the Pepsi account for the Super Bowl. This is the thing I have discussed with Samir three days earlier.

Keenan: They’re running the Pepsi Twitter account?

Ben (to Jonah): Yes. Is that exactly accurate? I’m not in the weeds in this, but they had been—

Jonah: They had been making content for Pepsi.

Ben: Because they were running the account.

Jonah: And it was—I’m not in the weeds on this, either, but I know the creative team was doing real-time marketing with Pepsi and posting stuff—

Ben: And they were going to have some sort of real-time collaboration with the Super Bowl. And this was exactly the thing I had talked about three days earlier. The post also was—it was, saying to unfollow some, and it was also a celebration of other brands, it was just like, Oh, this is a thing that is new, which is, we have church and we have state, but what happens when church reaches over—or, state?—which is which?

Keenan: I believe that church is...

Ben: It depends how you look. But when the priest wants to reach over—I’m sorry, I’m [unintelligible], block that metaphor. When church, when edit, what is our rule about edit playing in our advertising? Not in advertising in general, not around advertisers, but specifically with advertising being created across the hall by people at our company. And this is something I had never in my life considered, but seemed actually like a thing that we should absolutely not do. So we deleted the post, which at the time was what we did with posts that were inappropriate.

Keenan: Who was involved in that decision?

Ben: You know, I don’t actually know. I was involved in that decision. I didn’t need a big push. But I do think creative was quite upset about it. I don’t know who—I saw your whole list of names, I don’t know.

Keenan: OK, I mean—

Jonah: Ben makes all of the editorial decisions.

Keenan: Right, but under pressure from the business side, though.

Ben: I get pressure every day from lots of different people.

Keenan: But in this case—

Ben: This was not high on the scale of pressure I’ve gotten, this was just something that was obviously a problem.

Keenan: What was the problem? Say more about what the problem was.

Ben: That you had an editor who was engaging specifically with things that were created—specifically with stuff that our creative team was working on, twice that week, with the same project.

Keenan: What’s wrong with that, exactly? What do you mean by “engaging”? It was clearly critical of it.

Ben: Well, no, the first one he was promoting. The second one, he was critical but—maybe the post is lost, but there was other celebratory stuff in there. He was just, like, touching it, you know? He was writing about advertising that was created by BuzzFeed that he knew, or that I believed, that was—

Keenan: I don’t see the ethical issue there, though, if he’s just writing about advertising.

Ben: Would you see an ethical issue with a post that was like, this BuzzFeed ad is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen and it makes me cry? I don’t know if it’s an ethical issue, exactly, it’s obviously—

Keenan: I mean, I would probably laugh.

Ben: It’s obviously an appearance issue. It’s something that I feel really strongly about, it’s in our standards, you’ve probably seen it. There’s an exception to that, which is news. If there’s an ad on BuzzFeed, if there’s an ad—you know, if The New York Times carries an open letter, and it’s news, New York Times reporters will write about it as news. But the bar is at least as high, and probably a little higher, I think, just for—because, what are you doing? It seems really obvious to me.

Keenan: I mean, the—

Ben: This is how we dealt with problematic stuff, that we felt was problematic. You don’t have to agree, but it seems strange to me that I would let BuzzFeed writers do ad criticism, praise or criticism of stuff that’s on the site, that our teams are working on—

Jonah: It feels to me much less complicated, and much less conflict, that your beat, or what you cover, is advertising on BuzzFeed, and not advertising on Gawker.

Ben: Do you ever?

Keenan: Do we ever cover advertising on Gawker?

Jonah: If you put the same focus on our advertising, if you put that same focus on Gawker’s advertising, and that was your beat, it would be strange, you’d be in the same room with people, you’d have people who meet with the business team, and say, there’s a confidential new product that we’re launching, and you could go look at their desk and find, like, what the product was, and report that on Gawker. Part of church-state isn’t just for the edit side. And I, unlike Ben, am involved in BuzzFeed’s business, and when you look on the business side, people want to know, when I go and meet with people on our business team, can you trust that they’ll keep your secrets confidential, and that they won’t pass things over to the editorial side? And sometimes that’s even contractual, where you end up with—

Ben: You don’t have to agree with us philosophically here. But this is where we’re coming from. There was a lot of internal email traffic about it at the time, we talked about it internally, we developed standards based on it. I can forward you the email I sent editors the next day.

Keenan: I mean, so, OK—

Ben: So basically, in our standards, it says, “Please do not write positively about advertising that appears on BuzzFeed. Please do not do ad criticism about ads that appear on BuzzFeed. If it’s newsworthy that’s an exception to this rule.” That feels appropriate to me. Well, I don’t know, do you guys do that? Have you ever written about, like, this is a gorgeous banner?

Keenan: Um, we’ve like, I mean, you could definitely—yeah, like on Gawker?

Ben: I’m sure you could, but do you?

Keenan: Do I?

Ben: Yeah. You’re a media reporter.

Keenan: I have written about Gawker at length.

Ben: Yeah, that’s true. Fair enough.

Jonah: Gawker is like—

Ben: I actually think this is a thing where, this is something I believe. I also think, I realize Gawker is philosophically coming from a different place. I don’t need to persuade you, but this is where I’m coming from. And I think our standards document says it more probably clearly than I do.

Keenan: I just don’t see what the problem is with criticizing advertisements on BuzzFeed.

Ben: I don’t think in principle it is [a problem], I think anybody who doesn’t work for BuzzFeed should do it. But I don’t want our editors engaging in either criticism or, what we do much more, celebrations, of advertisements that are on BuzzFeed that are created by our creative team.

Keenan: But what is the scope of “advertisements”? Does that mean the brand, or—?

Ben: No, it does not mean the brand, it means specific campaigns, it means, they were creating content for this Twitter feed that he was talking about, that week, at the Super Bowl, where he was talking about the Super Bowl. It’s narrow. It does mean the company, it does not mean, hey there’s an ad on another site from an advertiser.

Keenan: So what if he doesn’t know?

Ben: That’s a big challenge. Well, no, but—in this case, I had talked to him two days earlier, so that wasn’t the issue.

Jonah: So he did know.

Ben: And in most cases you know because it’s on BuzzFeed.com

Jonah: If you’re critiquing an ad that’s on our site, our ads are not standards ads—

Keenan: But he was critiquing Twitter feeds.

Ben: Right, a Twitter feed that so happened that, it was being run, that we were creating the content for it, and I had had a conversation with that editor three days earlier, about specifically that. And the creative team was upset about it, and to my mind justifiably.

Keenan: Why is it justified?

Ben: Because, well they were upset about the first one for a different reason. They were upset about it because he had ripped a GIF and put it into a Vine and not credited Pepsi.

Keenan: OK, that’s an attribution issue.

Ben: I was upset about it because, as I put it in an email that I can forward you, any fair-minded person seeing an editor tweet an ad in a Vine is going to say, they’re working for advertising. That was the situation. It was sort of a weird situation, but it was one that we thought a lot about, and made a rule that it’s our standards guide off [of].

Jonah: Part of it is having some critical distance from your subjects, and not, you know—

Ben: It’s hard for me to think of other media companies that do ad criticism of ads that are on the facing page.

Keenan: I feel like The New York Times covers themselves pretty, like—

Jonah: They cover newsworthy ads, like an open letter or something, but would there be a New York Times article about, this Audi spread on the facing page has cool design but the car’s gas mileage is kind of low, and—

Keenan: With the latter post, it’s not on BuzzFeed.

Ben: I agree with you that the stakes are not massively high. I don’t think coverage of advertising [has high stakes]. I agree, it could go either way, but this is definitely my view, and it’s in our standards guide, it was put in our standards guide probably because of this incident which had happened year earlier.

Jonah: Speaking from the business side, I don’t want any brand or advertiser to think that when they are working with us as partners, and they tell us confidential information about their business, that that is going to get passed back and forth to edit, and our editors are going to be trying to find information—

Keenan: What is the confidential information that we’re discussing, that theoretically would be passed in-between?

Ben: That’s a good question.

Jonah: Advertisers tell us confidential things all the time.

Keenan: Can you give just a general template of what that would be?

Jonah: Like a general template is, we are launching a new cell phone, and nobody knows that it has these special features to it, and can you—to our business team—can you market this and promote this?

Ben: This is true at every and any company, who don’t want reporters knowing about stuff.

Keenan: How would Samir’s post—?

Ben: This wasn’t really that.

Jonah: I’m not talking about Samir’s post, I’m talking about it as, why you have in a standards documents that you don’t—

Ben: To me, it’s just like, you want readers to know that edit and advertising are separate things and that they don’t touch each other. And if that’s reporters, as happened twice in a week, if that is reporters promoting advertising, if that’s reporters criticizing it, no thank you. There’s an infinite number of things to write about, it just feel like, whether you celebrate it or criticize it, you just winding up blurring a line that readers are always struggling to understand in the best of times.

Jonah: Maybe you’re criticizing it to punish an advertiser for not renewing.

Ben: No, stop it, I don’t know—

Jonah: You can make up a lot of—

Keenan: We can make up a lot of theoretical scenarios—

Ben: I would rather just talk about the principle, I don’t think it’s ambiguous.

Keenan: To me this is what it looks like, it looks like you’re attributing this to creative being mad, but why was creative mad?

Ben: Oh, I don’t know, you should call the advertiser and ask them.

Keenan: I asked Pepsi, did you ask BuzzFeed to delete that post?

Ben: And what did they say?

Keenan: They declined—they haven’t commented back.

Ben: OK. So, I don’t know.

Keenan: You don’t know whether Pepsi actually pressured creative?

Ben (to Jonah): Do you? You probably do. Whether the brand was upset. I hear from people internally.

Jonah: I don’t remember.

Ben: I don’t think it would be crazy of you to assume they were. But people are upset at me every day. Once in a while, they’re right. That’s part of being a journalist, right?

Keenan: Uh—

Jonah: But so that’s the question—

Keenan: If Pepsi were upset at Samir’s post criticizing their Twitter feed, why would they be right?

Ben: Because we shouldn’t have editors writing about—because I—they weren’t exactly right, their complaint made me think about this, I don’t know if there was a complaint.

Keenan: But just on a bedrock level, you’re stating that readers want editorial and business to not interact. But you’re saying that they should interact. Because the activities of one should dictate the activities of the other.

Ben: This is a really complicated industry.

Keenan: It’s not that complicated.

Ben: Obviously we’re advertising supported.

Keenan: But then those advertisers should just talk with their money, and just not advertise with you.

Ben: So are we, OK—right, and that happens frequently. I mean that’s most of my interactions with advertisers.

Jonah: I would just say that the vast majority of advertisers understand the separation of church and state and they continue to advertise with publications, including ours, even if there’s editorial coverage that they don’t like. And in some rare cases they try to exert pressure, but in general the way the big, big companies who are the main advertisers operate, is they have a communications team, and that communications team tries to put pressure on editorial people, and their P.R. people try to spin them, and say, you know, this is factually inaccurate, or this or that or the other, and then they have a marketing team led by their CMO who buys advertising, and they have a way of engaging on both sides of the wall. Most of the time, it’s not an issue. Occassionally, there’s people who put pressure in an unfair way. We’ve written stories about Scientology, we’ve written a story that mentioned David Geffen, we’ve had an arms dealer threaten to sue us, and you look at that, and if even if we’re right, this could cost the company millions of dollars in a lawsuit, and there’s all these precedents of it doing it. In those scenarious, Ben gets a whole bunch of pressure. Every single time, Ben has said, OK, let’s make sure the story is not libelous, and let’s make sure the claims and everything is justified, and the reporting is good, and then you stand by the story, and you have some financial risk. And I think across the board, what I have seen Ben do, and Ben runs edit not me, is make decisions based on editorial judgement. Now, if the pressure comes from a brand, and the brand happens to be right, like for example an article that might have factually inaccurate information about nutrition or something, then you should still correct it, because the brand is right. Just because it’s a brand and it’s an advertiser, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t correct it. It’s well known—

Ben: I think is stuff every editor-in-chief time immemorial has dealt with.

Keenan: It’s obvious.

Ben: I do see where, I sort of like the radical—the way Gawker operates.

Keenan: But BuzzFeed says it’s radically transparent.

Ben: I’m not sure I would use the word—I don’t know.

Keenan: [BuzzFeed chief of staff] Ashley McCollum said that BuzzFeed does not have secrets.

Ben: Huh. I didn’t say that.

Keenan: I know, but Ashley did. She said, we don’t really care about leaking things.

Ben: J.K., this was in our standards guide. And I’m about to tell you about another post. I‘m sorry, I don’t mean to get in the way. But I think we disagree about this. And I do think—

Keenan: I think you’re holding two contradictory ideas in your head and thinking that they are the same thing.

Ben: I’m not sure.

Keenan: How exactly do you separate business and editorial but then say business decisions should affect editorial decisions?

Ben: Business decisions should...

Keenan: You’re saying that the business departments’ activities should essentially circumscribe what editorial can write about.

Ben: I think this specific question of advertising that is created by our advertising team is actually a really weird—a strange, marginal case, and a very small one, and one that I had never in my life thought about before, but that once we thought about, and I talked about with my team, we had a long conversation, internal and external, about standards. Starting with this post, we wound up thinking, that is a very strange little case, and it’s one that makes us—I would be very—here’s the real thing, I would be very uncomfortable with a post that was, this ad that I saw on BuzzFeed moved me to tears and I think it’s the most brilliant thing in the world. That would be a very strange thing, don‘t you think, or no? Do you think I should publish that?

Keenan: I mean...

Jonah: This is actually more about me, and the contradiction you’re describing, than Ben.

Ben: Yeah, he’s much more contradictory.

Jonah: In the sense that, as the CEO of the company, editorial reports to me, and business reports to me, and so I do have to be involved in both. So I don’t think Ben should be involved in both, and his team should be involved in both, except so far as—

Ben: Yeah, I don’t see my job as a balancing job.

Jonah: Yeah, his job is not balancing, I am the balancing job. So I‘m saying we need to make sure—

Keenan: Then why is [Ben]—

Ben: And honestly I’ve never have, and this is what I said to my team, but I’m sure you’ve talked to lots of them, which is, have you ever felt pressure from advertisers, have you ever felt me pressure you on behalf of advertisers. It’s sort of a thing that they know.

Keenan: It’s not necessarily—the sense I get is not that people feel pressure from advertisers, but they feel this sort of ambient pressure not to necessarily impugn potential advertisers.

Ben: I mean, I don’t know, we just hired a food industry reporter, I just think you should just read our coverage. We cover every major—I mean, read what [business editor] Tom Gara’s team writes every day.

Jonah: Read [business reporter] Sapna [Maheshwari]’s stuff on the garment industry.

Ben: Read Sapna Maheshwari’s every day.

Keenan: Right, but—

Ben: You gotta have a little more than that to make that claim. That’s very ethereal.

Keenan: Sure, sure, sure. That’s what I said, it’s ambient. It’s not concrete.

Ben: It’s tough to respond to that.

Keenan: I’m not asking you to respond to it.

Ben: That said, it is good to know. And the thing that worries me most about your story, honestly, is that people will think that there’s a nod and a wink. And so I’ve been going around to my team this week, last night I had a call with our Australia editor, saying, hey, there is not a nod and a wink. There is not some unspoken thing about advertising.

Keenan: But there is—I mean, it’s in your standards guide.

Ben: It’s not unspoken! It’s in our standards guide! It’s the opposite of unspoken.

Keenan: Right, but one of the questions I was going to ask you was: Why did BuzzFeed publish the ethics guide if people like you are empowered to completely disregard it?

Jonah: He’s not empowered to...

Ben: I guess I don’t feel all that empowered—I guess I think, in the end—

Keenan: You violated one of its bold-faced dictums.

Jonah: He restored both of the posts and apologized and has been getting beat up for two weeks.

Ben: Yeah, and I apologized... That’s how the enforcement of these things work.

Keenan: But why did it take a month?

Jonah: Why did what take a month?

Keenan: The March post [about Monopoly] was deleted [but not restored until April].

Ben: I mean, you make mistakes, and sometimes you don’t immediately say, wow, that was a mistake.

Jonah: I mean, our position—

Ben: I don’t really know what more you want from me than saying that was a mistake.

Jonah: Like another apology?

Ben: I could apologize again.

Keenan: I guess I’m curious, what the point of an ethics guide is, if—

Ben: The point of publishing it is literally to be held accountable by you. Strangely enough. That is actually why you publish these things, so that people like you—to me it’s both, it’s both scary and flattering that we have replaced the Times as the number one target for Gawker. But I think in the 2000s you guys made the Times way better. I think media criticism makes its targets better.

Jonah: You’re making us better too.

Ben: I mean you’ve obviously made us better. This is a useful process.

Keenan: The Monopoly post was a fairly unique case, because you guys not only deleted it, but you endeavored to make sure people could not find it.

Ben: Yeah, I wasn’t in the loop on the technical stuff.

Keenan: Who was that—what was that process?

Ben: I asked our UK team to do it.

Keenan: Why?

Ben: The Monopoly one, because I called them and said, what is this.

Jonah: You’re talking about something else.

Keenan: The robots.txt file.

Ben: I saw that when—

Jonah: Sometimes when there is a controversy or an internal debate and we’re reviewing something, we’ll put that [post in the robots.txt file] while we’re reviewing it, and then it never got removed.

Ben: This was honestly—

Jonah: This was, Ben didn’t know anything about that. But I’m just like, OK, there’s a conversation, what is happening, it was a mistake, we shouldn’t have done that—but if we’re reviewing—

BuzzFeed staff member (entering room): I’m just letting you know its five o’clock.

Ben: Thank you, we have a few more minutes.

Keenan: OK.

Ben: We could keep going. There’s this other thing we found in the review.

Keenan: What else did you find in the review?

Ben: I think there was one other post that was a church-state thing.

Keenan: Which was it?

Ben: I’m just trying to hand you news here. [checks watch] Half an hour. Very early in my time—well, June 2013—again I don’t know exactly where it came from, because I heard it from the business side, but there was a post about ... We have had a couple of people in the history of BuzzFeed move from creative to edit, and one of them very soon after he left as head as creative wrote a post about an advertiser, and we took it down.

Keenan: Head of creative...that’s not Melissa Rosenthal?

Ben: No, no, Tanner Ringerud, he was her predecessor, he had been an old-time edit guy, he’s [worked in] creative a little, he moved back, it’s not a thing that happens a lot. And again, it was something like, we’re new, this is all new—

Keenan: What did he write about?

Ben: He wrote about Microsoft. He [wrote about] ways to get Internet Explorer off [your computer]—get your grandmother [to remove Internet Explorer from her computer]—I’ll send you the link. It’s probably in our archive. And it was a similar thing, he had been working on Microsoft campaigns—

Jonah: He was working on their business, doing work for Microsoft, and then switched to edit and started...

Ben: And started writing about Microsoft. And they complained. And inititally I was like, I don’t care if you complain. And then they said, well wait, this guy was making ads for us last week. And that felt to me, OK, that’s a really legitimate, strange situation. So we’re going to make a rule that in the very unusual cases—there’s one woman now, she’s a designer who crossed from advertising into editorial—we’re going to have a six-month cooling off period where you can’t write about ads. So that was the other one.

Jonah: He also had briefs from [Microsoft], on the business side, of what their strategy was, and how they’re trying to position the brand.

Ben: Which, I don’t think—maybe the brand might have imagined something or other, he was totally innocent in this, but the appearance was weird.

Keenan: OK, so that’s how many times? How many other posts? In this review, is it a dozen? Ten?

Ben: Here’s the thing, we were hoping to get it all done, but there are people in Australia, in London, and we won’t have it all done. Can I just do this, I’ll give you better numbers, can you not use the numbers I’m going to give you now, because they’re provisional? I think that—we have to figure out how to list it, I used to have this thing where I would publish under my byline that might be under other people’s bylines, and I deleted 20 of those by mistake and republished them under somebody’s else byline. There’s technical ones.

Jonah: Now we can change the byline without deleting the post.

Ben: There was one where somebody was using photos from Life magazine that we didn’t have the rights to, we delete that. There’s ones on a sort of scale of technicality, and I think there were some in the ballpark of 40, but like give or take 40, that were taste. That we like, ahhhhh, what is this, we don’t like this, I don’t think this, eh, this was stupid, this quiz didn’t quite work. And those things we would delete, that was the thing. And so we went through those, and talked to Annie-Rose’s team, and we’re not totally done, so maybe there’s something else. But those were the two that involved church and state.

Keenan: OK, got it.

Jonah: The other thing, your question about “why have an ethics guide,” it’s not that we used to be bad, and now we’re perfect. It’s that we used to do things that would be, kind of, not that proud of, that don’t meet our current standards. And we’ve gotten better. But we’re still gonna learn more things. And the way we’re gonna fuck up next, we don’t know yet, I wish we did know, maybe you can tell us. Hopefully we’ll learn from that, and get better from that.

Ben: I have to say, looking back on this stuff, I was pretty proud of—you know, this mess, we navigated it reasonably well, this messy situation, in this really fun, exciting growth, that we navigated it pretty well. With some bumps and situations that—

Keenan: Ben, I’m not a New York Times reporter.

Jonah: What does that mean?

Ben: What do I say to Gawker reporters?

Keenan: I was wondering if you could—

Ben: I’m just like you, I am what I am.

Keenan: Part of the reason Gawker has to report fairly aggressively on BuzzFeed is that all of the other, sort of, traditional media outlets do not.

Ben: But you guys report fairly aggressively on everything for that reason, and I’m for it.

Keenan: Right.

Ben: You don’t have to explain or justify reporting aggressively. I like reporting aggressively. Do you want to talk about takes?

Keenan: No.

Ben: OK.

Keenan: But I do have two sort of in-the-weeds things.

Ben: Yes.

Keenan: The Monopoly post was replaced by an editors’ note that said “this post was removed at the author’s request.” Was that an inaccuracy?

Ben: It wasn’t inaccurate but it was incomplete.

Keenan: So [the author] wanted it taken down?

Ben: He or his editor asked that that be the note, and by the time—although, honestly, if your editor-in-chief calls you—I didn’t ask them to put that note up, they suggested it. It was incomplete. It was my call.

Keenan: OK. There’s a discrepancy in the memo that was sent by [BuzzFeed Life editors] Peggy [Wang] and Emily [Fleischaker]. That memo [concerning a deleted post by beauty editor Arabelle Sicardi about a Dove commercial] indicates that they were making the decision to pull [the post]. But it’s fairly clear that you were the one to make that decision. It was also unclear when they sent that memo.

Ben: Oh, they did send that memo. They sent that memo and they wrote that memo.

Keenan: But when?

Ben: Oh, that afternoon.

Keenan: Your screenshot did not contain a timestamp.

Ben: They sent it in the afternoon, they sent it before [Gawker’s post about the deleted Dove post]—so when I deleted it, when we deleted it... Did I actually physically [delete it]? When we deleted it, no I guess they did—I suggested it.

Keenan: Did Peggy and Emily protest?

Ben: I don’t want to get into it—

Keenan: I’m very reliably told that they vehemently protested it.

Ben: I wouldn’t wave you off that.

Keenan: OK.

Ben: Or wave you off other people that have way better judgment than me here. That said—

Keenan: So what the fuck was that memo? Did you force them to write that?

Ben: No. But—no, I absolutely didn’t. But again, and this is something I’m learning, as with this one, when your editor-in-chief feels really strongly with something, sometimes—I mean, you know what, I don’t want to speak for them. That’s a great question. But I would love to ask them how they—

Keenan: But they’re not empowered to speak to me.

Ben: I know. I guess I wouldn’t mind, that’s a great question. I don’t feel great about how I behaved here and don’t want to do something that makes them feel worse. So let me chat with them and see what—

Keenan: I mean, it’s...

Ben: I mean, they wrote it, it contains things that they think, but I may have also talked them into things.

Jonah: Well, I think the other piece of this, you know Ben and his work over the years, and he’s not a huge fan of opinion. He likes reporting.

Keenan: I think he is a fan of opinion, it’s just as long as it’s—I mean, I’ve read your stuff, and it’s like, it’s—

Ben: As long as it’s—well, I don’t know, you tell me.

Keenan: I mean...

Ben: These are hard lines, as I’ve been learning in the last—

Jonah: Right, so that’s sort of where I was going with this, which is that opinion is one of those things where people are like, I know what opinion is—it’s what the other people are doing. It’s like, underformed opinion, but it’s like, what I do [is not opinion]. Or whatever, right? It’s the kind of thing, you know, there’s a certain type of opinion piece that is like, you know, in this case, Ben acted impulsively and apologized for it, that he’s not a huge fan of. When you get in there and have larger conversation with the BuzzFeed Life team, which is doing a different kind of editorial content than you’ve done in your career, you start having conversations, and it’s like, oh, well, what is opinion, what’s not?

Ben: There’s this very strong tradition of opinion in lifestyle media that isn’t exactly—I don’t know.

Keenan: I feel like a really good comparison—not necessarily that they’re exactly the same—but I feel like a lot of BuzzFeed political stuff is sort of in the vein of the [Washington] Free Beacon, where it’s ostensibly straightforward but absolutely informed by priors.

Ben: But I would think everything is informed by priors.

Keenan: Right, so then how is that not in some way opinion?

Jonah: This is exactly the point.

Ben: I came out of the hot take conversation confident that by the end of this week I would literally have a flow chart that I could send my staff, there were index cards floating around ... you know what, this is really complicated. If you ask people at The New York Times what’s opinion today, and you ask them twenty years earlier, they would have different answers.

Keenan: Right.

Ben: I have certain principles that I feel pretty strongly about in that context. Really, it’s fundamentally about not telling readers what to think. But you’re right, can you find things that I find very hard calls? Constantly, and I’m really struggling to figure out how to articulate them. I’m trying to—and I’ve been having long conversations about this. And it’s not like I’m not a happy consumer of opinion. I read Slate, I read Gawker, I read The New York Review of Books. I’ve been reading every—yes, even people who’ve written very long at Gawker. But it’s not where I come from or what I—

Keenan: Well it kind of is. You came from, you wrote for The New York Sun, right?

Ben: Yeah, but I was a City Hall reporter.

Keenan: Right, but that’s a very opinionated paper.

Ben: It’s funny, the American newspaper tradition has this obviously sort of artificial but also deeply felt idea of objectivity and opinion. And I’m not trying to have a long Twitter fight with [NYU journalism professor] Jay Rosen here, god forbid. But I come from the reporting side. And the Sun was founded by former Wall Street Journal people. And there’s that very strong feeling of, here were have news, here we have opinion, and never the twain shall meet. Is that obviously a complicated thing, if you look at any great newspaper actually, are there stories where you say, hey wait, this doesn’t—I mean, it’s complicated. That said, and then if you look at what we do, where does a take stop being hot? There’s obviously big analytical pieces that we’ve written. Like when [BuzzFeed News national editor] Adam Serwer, who’s been writing for 15 years about—how old is he?—maybe that overstates it, 10 years, about specifically the kind of history of police brutality around Ferguson, and makes this really rich argument about that, I view that as very well-reported analysis. But, you know, could someone else view it as opinion? Sure. I don’t know, I don’t find these things—I have trouble putting my finger on it. But it’s not the core of the business we’re in.

Keenan: Yeah. I mean, that’s kind of why [former BuzzFeed Ideas editor] Ayesha [Siddiqi] left, right?

Ben: Um, you know it’s interesting, BuzzFeed Ideas is—

Keenan: Because you criticized Islam, or she criticized BuzzFeed‘s coverage of Islam. Am I recalling that incorrectly?

Ben: You should ask her why she left.

Keenan: Do you think people who leave BuzzFeed are empowered to discuss BuzzFeed? You make them sign ironclad NDAs.

Ben: You are free to ask her. You’re a reporter. Report it out.

Keenan: I have asked her. She won’t tell me.

Ben: So...

Keenan: Maybe you can ask—

Ben: So I’ll tell you about how I think—

Jonah: Sometimes people just don’t want to talk about it.

Ben: No, you’re actually as an employer not allowed to. But not that—in any case.

Jonah: Not that that’s the reason.

Ben: But I can tell you, I’ve thought a lot, she was one of the people who helped us think about our BuzzFeed Ideas, which is our entry into that space. And what [BuzzFeed Ideas editor] Kat Stoeffel’s line on this, is that you want to have writers who have skin in the game. And I think this is one of the ways—because obviously the arguments are fascinating and interesting, but also we have a huge megaphone and a very diverse staff and a very diverse audience, and I think we need to be very limited when we speak with the voice, when one person tries to speak for everyone. You have to really think about, and this is in the standards guide, that we have values, like LGBT rights is not something that we feel is up for debate. But most things are. And we’re not trying to speak with the voice of the site. One way to avoid speaking with the voice of the site is first person. Because that makes very clear that you’re speaking with—and to me, in some sense, the reported version of a op-ed is a first-person argument in which you have real, personal investment. To me the thing I really loved that we did, [BuzzFeed News Executive Editor of Culture] Doree [Shafrir] and Kat get credit for this. Remember there was this Deadline piece about ethnic actors?

Keenan: Yes.

Ben: It was a good tweet. “This is fucking stupid,” was a great tweet. And a million articles expanded on that tweet to be like, this is so [stupid]—that’s the classic hot take. What was [Awl co-editor and former BuzzFeed staffer] John [Herrman’s] line about this, there’s this excess of attention around that topic?

Keenan: Yeah. Surplus of attention.

Ben: Surplus of attention. So let’s just get stuff around that. But what Doree and Kat did, which took a couple days longer, was find some black actors who had specific things to add to that conversation about, like, no actually, they’re not just throwing the roles at me. And wrote pieces that were widely read and shared, because they added to the conversation, not because either of the cynical attempt to get into the conversation, or because of this idea that I’m of such personal brilliance that I’m going to, three times a day, dazzle you. Even though I have no existing expertise, and haven’t done any reporting. That‘s not—

Jonah: Strategically, the company—this isn’t a secret—one of the things that we’re focused on doing is continually increasing the quality of the stuff we make, and the depth of it, and to make things that other people struggle to make, and maybe they struggle to make it because their CMS or their tech isn’t as good, or because they don’t have reporters who are able to pull certain stories together, or they don’t have storytellers or designers or graphic people, so—you know—part of it is, me as CEO, not as editor, and we talk about some of these things.

Ben: I’m not sure I understand this theory. But bear with him.

Jonah: How do we make things that are hard for other people to make, and take more investment, and don’t go for the easiest thing that gets the most amount of traffic in the shortest amount of time? How do you—even with web culture and entertainment stuff—how do you add value to it, and improve it, improve things that are already out there? And I think, in general, there’s a feeling of, OK, how do you get 350 editorial people around the world to continually try to up their game, and do more, and do harder things?

Ben: And that’s obviously an ongoing process, and has been before I’ve started. Every day there’s something published that’s at the bottom of that.

Keenan: But then, like—toward what end? Just being better? I mean, it’s—

Ben: I don’t speak for—I mean [Jonah] can speak for the business. I think breaking news is the end. Don’t you?

Jonah: When you’re talking about the Ferguson post that could be read as an opinion post, that took a lot more time and a lot more energy, and I think he traveled there as well. That is something we’re more proud of and is better.

Ben: Do you need another end, than telling a great story?

Keenan: I mean, Gawker has another end, which is essentially to publish what media elites talk about at their bars in Manhattan after work and that they won’t publish [themselves].

Ben: See, I’m interested in publishing that stuff when it’s really interesting to readers. But also things that media elites aren’t interested in. Like, mostly things media elites aren’t interested in, actually. I think most of the good stories—

Jonah: I feel like that’s Gawker 2008.

Ben: Yeah, really. I’m really proud of—like, media elites don’t talk about women getting unjustly imprisoned in Oklahoma. But I think that’s a pretty good fucking story.

Keenan: Oh, that reminds me. What are you submitting? What did you submit [for consideration to the Pulitzer Prize committee]?

Ben: [Guffaws]

Keenan: It’s the one thing you won’t talk about.

Ben: You know, here’s a question. Do you people say, I’m curious—I mean, I don’t have a long history with the Pulitzer board—do people typically say in advance what they’ve submitted, is that a thing, do they not? I mean, obviously, we’re super-proud of what we’ve submitted, these aren’t like stories that we’re unhappy with.

Keenan: Yeah, so why not?

Ben: This is not something I’ve thought deeply about, let me think about it.

Keenan: I mean, I could kind of tell what you guys submitted.

Ben: I think you should just do a list of our best posts.

Keenan: These are some good BuzzFeed stories.

Ben: I don’t know. I don’t see any reason not to. But let me check to see if that’s some breach of [protocol].

Keenan: Are Emily or Peggy here?

Ben: No.

Keenan: OK. Is there anybody from the BuzzFeed Life staff that’s here that I could talk to?

Ben: No, you’re in the wrong building.

Jonah: Wrong building.

Keenan: Um, where are they?

Ben: Like, welcome to—I mean, if any of them want to talk to you, you should send them an email.

Keenan: OK. Can I tell them that you said that you [condone speaking to Gawker.]

Ben: No. No. I don’t want to trick them. I don’t see why—I just gave you a long interview. There’s a question that you asked about that email, let me either, I’ll respond to it or I won’t, I’m not sure.

Jonah (to Ben): I’m kind of offended that he seems more interested in talking to you than me. Anyway, thanks for stopping by.

Ben: Uggghhhhh. It’s hard being on this side of the—

Keenan: Of what?

Ben: Of, you know, being reviewed. But you’re good at it.

Keenan: I heard from, I think it was somebody in sales, that BuzzFeed distributed limitedly a memo to employees telling them not to talk with reporters. Do you know anything about that?

Ben: Nope.

Keenan: OK.

Ben: That BuzzFeed—sorry, that who what?

Keenan: BuzzFeed distributed to certain employees a memo—

Ben: That BuzzFeed distributed? Like a summary, you mean?

Keenan: Uh, no, that they sent a memo to employees.

Ben: Oh, you gotta get the memo! I don’t know.

Keenan: It wasn’t sent to all employees.

Ben: About this?

Keenan: It was just generally, that they should avoid talking to outside reporters.

Ben: I don’t, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.

Keenan: Neither do I, but I was just curious if you knew.

Ben: I have no idea what you’re talking about. But you gotta get the leak. It’s good to see you.

Keenan: It’s good to see you too.

Ben: And, yeah, I actually have some weird ideological belief that this makes us better.

Keenan: What story are you writing about Gawker, and what do you need? [Reporter’s note: Shortly before the interview, Ben Smith said he was planning to write a story about Gawker Media.]

Ben: Oh, Gawker, we never write about Gawker.

Keenan: That’s right.

Ben: Not that interesting.

Keenan: Haha. Ooooooh.

Ben: No, I like Gawker. I actually don’t—

Keenan: You guys got out of the media reporting game.

Ben: Can we talk off-the-record?

Keenan: Sure.

Email or gchat the author: trotter@gawker.com / Photo credit: BuzzFeed

Where Did Kanye West's Enthusiastic Tweets About Tidal Go?

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Where Did Kanye West's Enthusiastic Tweets About Tidal Go?

It’s no secret that Tidal is tanking hard. Could that be why self-proclaimed visionary Kanye West suddenly deleted a series of tweets enthusiastically endorsing the streaming service? Maybe. I don’t know. I’m not Kanye West.

To a first-time Twitter user who maybe didn’t know anything about Tidal—a music service that no one asked for or wanted, backed by dozens of celebrities who probably feel pretty silly right now—to that user, maybe it looks like Kanye was smart enough not to get involved. Well, I’m sorry to say, that is not the case in real life.

Roll the screenshots, via Complex:

Where Did Kanye West's Enthusiastic Tweets About Tidal Go?

Where Did Kanye West's Enthusiastic Tweets About Tidal Go?

Don’t beat yourself up too much about unabashedly promoting a clunker, ‘Ye. It’s not the first time—or even the second time—and lord knows it won’t be the last time—that Kanye West has done something dumb for Beyoncé.


Contact the author of this post at gabrielle@gawker.com


Rand Paul's Son Cited But Not Arrested for DUI

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Rand Paul's Son Cited But Not Arrested for DUI

According to LEX 18, one of the potential 2016 First Kids got into a drunk driving accident with a parked car in Lexington, KY this week.

William Hilton Paul, Rand Paul’s 22-year-old son, was reportedly given the citation for drunk driving late Sunday morning after crashing a friend’s car without insurance. The details, via Kentucky.com:

According to the citation, Lexington police found Paul at 11:24 a.m. sitting in the driver’s seat of a maroon 2006 Honda Ridgeline that had collided with a parked vehicle at 147 Woodland Avenue. The report said Paul was “belligerent” and had “a strong odor of alcohol,” bloodshot eyes and slurred speech.

A witness told police that just before the collision, Paul had been “revving his engine” while sitting alone in the truck, which was perpendicular in the intersection of Old Vine and Woodland.

The witness “then heard a loud crash,” according to the police citation.

Paul reportedly failed a sobriety test and declined a blood test.Officers tell LEX 18 that Paul was given a citation and not arrested because that is “standard protocol” when a defendant is hospitalized.

Paul’s reportedly had at least two other alcohol-related arrests, He’s due back in court in May.

Rand Paul declined to comment, saying through a spokesperson that he “does not comment on any private matters in regards to his family.”

[image via AP]


Contact the author of this post at gabrielle@gawker.com

The Slave-Owning Ancestor Interview Ben Affleck Didn't Want You to See

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The Slave-Owning Ancestor Interview Ben Affleck Didn't Want You to See

When news broke that Ben Affleck had successfully compelled celebrity ancestry program Finding Your Roots to suppress a segment about a distant slave-owning ancestor, host Henry Louis Gates Jr. adamantly denied heeding the actor’s request—claiming the clip had simply been excised in favor of better material.

But a previous draft of the script, obtained by Gawker, shows that the ultimately mild interview was initially set to air—and that its omission required a major theme of the episode to be reworked.

As aired in October, the episode made no mention of Benjamin Cole, Affleck’s slave-owning, great-great-great grandfather. Last week, after leaked emails surfaced in which Gates describes Affleck’s request, Gates denied removing the material at Affleck’s request—an apparent violation of PBS editorial standards—saying he had used his editorial judgment and found the material lacking.

“Ultimately, I maintain editorial control on all of my projects and, with my producers, decide what will make for the most compelling program,” he said in a statement.

But if Gates was making an independent editorial decision, it came late in the process. A June version of the script shows the slave material was at one point intended to air. The script is picture-locked, meaning that it came at the end of the editing process, and no major cuts or additions would be made.

As in the final cut that did show on TV, in the June script Gates and Affleck discuss another great-great-great grandfather, Almon Bruce French, a spiritualist and occultist. But where the aired episode cuts directly from the French segment to one with Khandi Alexander, the April edit stays with Affleck—and the following scene plays out:

AT THE SAME TIME THAT ALMON WAS TRYING TO OFFER THE BEREAVED SOLACE... ANOTHER OF BEN’S ANCESTORS WAS LIVING 800 MILES DUE SOUTH. WE LEARNED THAT HIS LIFE HAD ALSO BEEN FUNDAMENTALLY AFFECTED BY THE CIVIL WAR—BUT FOR VERY DIFFERENT REASONS.

THIS MAN WAS BEN’S THIRD GREAT GRANDFATHER, BENJAMIN COLE, AND HE WAS LIVING IN SAVANNAH, GEORGIA AT THE TIME.

COLE WAS ONE OF SAVANNAH’S MOST PROMINENT CITIZENS—A WEATLHY LAND OWNER AND THE SHERIFF OF THE ENTIRE COUNTY.

AFFLECK: That’s amazing. I got a…we have a house in Savannah.

GATES: Really?

AFFLECK: Yeah.

GATES: Did it ever occur to you that you had deep roots there?

AFFLECK: No, it didn’t. It didn’t at all. I had no idea I had any southern roots at all, so this is remarkable.

COLE OWNED A LARGE FARM IN GEORGIA AT A TIME WHEN SLAVE LABOR HAD MADE THE STATE THE CENTER OF THE SOUTH’S COTTON KINGDOM.

WE WANTED TO SEE IF WE COULD LEARN HOW BEN’S ANCESTOR FELT ABOUT THIS PECULIAR INSTITUTION.

AND FOR THAT, WE STARTED WITH THE 1850 CENSUS.

GATES: This is the slave schedule of the 1850 Census. In 1850, they would list the owner of slaves in a separate Census.

AFFLECK: There’s Benjamin Cole, owned 25 slaves.

GATES: Your third great-grandfather owned 25 slaves. He was a slave owner.

THESE HOLDINGS PUT BENJAMIN COLE AMONG THE SOUTHERN ELITE.

ONLY ABOUT 10% OF ALL SLAVE HOLDERS OWNED 20 SLAVES OR MORE.

AFFLECK: God. It gives me kind of a sagging feeling to see, uh, a biological relationship to that. But, you know, there it is, part of our history.

GATES: But consider the irony, uh, in your family line. Your mom went back fighting for the rights of black people in Mississippi, 100 years later. That’s amazing.

AFFLECK: That’s pretty cool.

GATES: That’s pretty cool.

AFFLECK: Yeah, it is. One of the things that’s interesting about it is like we tend to separate ourselves from these things by going like, you know, oh, well, it’s just dry history, and it’s all over now, and this shows us that there’s still a living aspect to history, like a personal connection.

By the same token, I think it’s important to recognize that, um, in looking at these histories, how much work has been done by people in this country, of all kinds, to make it a better place.

GATES: People like your mother.

AFFLECK: Indeed, people like my mother and many others who have made a much better America than the one that they were handed.

The segment, in which Gates is careful to end on Affleck’s mother—a civil-rights worker—and Affleck comports himself well, comes across as mild and non-confrontational—though nonetheless compelling.

Compelling enough, in fact, that the fact of Affleck’s slave-owning ancestor was actually woven into the episode’s opening. Here’s the voice-over introduction, as it appears in the June script:

IN THIS EPISODE, WE PIECE TOGETHER THE LOST FAMILY HISTORIES OF ACTOR BEN AFFLECK, CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST BEN JEALOUS, AND ACTOR KHANDI ALEXANDER.

THEIR ROOTS HIGHLIGHT A UNIQUELY AMERICAN PARADOX: EACH DESCENDS FROM A PATRIOT WHO FOUGHT FOR OUR NATION’S INDEPENDENCE—BUT EACH ALSO DESCENDS FROM AN ANCESTOR WHO OWNED SLAVES.

But by late August, just before the episode was delivered to PBS affiliates, the final script contains a different opening—one that obviated the “patriot”/“slaveowner” dichotomy established in the original:

GATES VO: IN THIS EPISODE, WE PIECE TOGETHER THE LOST FAMILY HISTORIES OF ACTOR BEN AFFLECK, CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST BEN JEALOUS, AND ACTOR KHANDI ALEXANDER.

THEIR ROOTS LEAD TO ANCESTORS WHOSE LIVES WERE SHAPED BY THE TWO DEFINING WARS IN OUR NATIONS HISTORY. THE AMERICAN REVOLUTION AND THE CIVIL WAR.

(“In the case of Mr. Affleck — we focused on what we felt were the most interesting aspects of his ancestry—including a Revolutionary War ancestor, a 3rd great–grandfather who was an occult enthusiast, and his mother who marched for Civil Rights during the Freedom Summer of 1964,” Gates told PBS’ ombudsman.)

What changed that the producers revoked picture lock, cut Affleck’s scene, and modified the compelling promise of three prominent Americans, two of them black, with slave-owning ancestors?

An email conversation between Gates and Sony Entertainment CEO Michael Lynton (a close friend) might shed some light.

In the July 22, 2014 chain now available on Wikileaks, Gates asks Lynton for his advice on the dilemma, openly admitting that editing the piece would be a “violation of PBS rules.”

“And he wasn’t even a bad guy. We don’t demonize him at all,” Gates grumbles about Affleck’s ancestor. (Bold ours.)

>>>>>>> On Jul 22, 2014, at 9:01 AM, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. wrote: >>>>>>> >>>>>>> As long as you stay on the board, you are free to say this is crazy! I hardly know Harvey; you are my friend. I really would be devastated if you left. By the way, I need your advice: I’m on a flight to L.A. for the TCA Press Tour. We launch season two of Finding Your Roots tomorrow at noon, and four celebrities, including Nas, are showing up. Here’s my dilemma: confidentially, for the first time, one of our guests has asked us to edit out something about one of his ancestors—the fact that he owned slaves. Now, four or five of our guests this season descend from slave owners, including Ken Burns. We’ve never had anyone ever try to censor or edit what we found. He’s a megastar. What do we do?

>>>>>> On Jul 22, 2014, at 12:09 PM, “Lynton, Michael” <Michael_Lynton@spe.sony.com> wrote: >>>>>> >>>>>> Of course I will stay on the board if you want me to. On the doc the big question is who knows that the material is in the doc and is being taken out. I would take it out if no one knows, but if it gets out that you are editing the material based on this kind of sensitivity then it gets tricky. Again, all things being equal I would definitely take it out.

>>>>> On Jul 22, 2014, at 9:11 AM, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. wrote:

>>>>>
>>>>> Good; relieved. As for the doc: all my producers would know; his PR agency the same as mine, and everyone there has been involved trying to resolve this; my agent at CAA knows. And PBS would know. To do this would be a violation of PBS rules, actually, even for Batman.

>>>>>
>>>>> Sent from my iPad
>>>>>

>>>> On Jul 22, 2014, at 11:28 AM, “Lynton, Michael” <Michael_Lynton@spe.sony.com> wrote: >>>> >>>> then it is tricky because it may get out that you made the change and it comes down to editorial integrity. We can talk when you land.

>>> On Jul 22, 2014, at 9:30 AM, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. wrote:
>>>
>>> Will call. It would embarrass him and compromise our integrity. I think he is getting very bad advice. I’ve offered to fly to Detroit, where he is filming, to talk it through.

>>>
>>> Sent from my iPad

>> On Jul 22, 2014, at 12:28 PM, “Lynton, Michael” <Michael_Lynton@spe.sony.com> wrote: >> >> yeah,, the past is the past…..

On Jul 22, 2014, at 10:30 AM, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. wrote:

> And he wasn’t even a bad guy. We don’t demonize him at all. Now Anderson Cooper’s ancestor was a real s.o.b.; one of his slaves actually murdered him. Of course, the slave was promptly hanged. And Anderson didn’t miss a beat about that. Once we open the door to censorship, we lose control of the brand.

>
> Sent from my iPad

“Yes, bad idea,” Lynton replies.

Bad idea indeed.

[image via AP]


Contact the author of this post at gabrielle@gawker.com

Vice Has Gutted 285 Kent and Glasslands: A Before and Now

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Vice Has Gutted 285 Kent and Glasslands: A Before and Now

One day in the near future, Vice Media will take over a block in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that once held, among other establishments, Glasslands and 285 Kent, two venues that helped keep indie music alive in New York even as condos sprouted up around them. Here is what they once looked like, and what they look like now.

This

is now this:

And will eventually be a place where 20-somethings scurry around to enrich some of the biggest brands in the world.

The family of Michael Brown has filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against the city of Ferguson.

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The family of Michael Brown has filed a wrongful-death lawsuit against the city of Ferguson. Last August, an unarmed Brown was gunned down by Officer Darren Wilson, who is charged with using “an unnecessary and unreasonable amount of force in violation of [Brown’s] constitutionally guaranteed right to life.”

U.S. Inadvertently Kills Adam Gadahn, Saves $1,000,000

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U.S. Inadvertently Kills Adam Gadahn, Saves $1,000,000

The two American al-Qaeda members killed in counterterrorism operations acknowledged by the White House this morning, Adam Gadahn and Ahmed Farouq, were the fifth and sixth Americans killed in drone strikes. Both were killed in January, according to information released so far, in two separate operations. The White House says that it “declassified” the operations and deaths because Obama felt the American people deserved to know about them, but one source familiar with the way the story played out tells me that reporters had been nosing around about American Warren Weinstein and Italian Giovanni Lo Porto, two hostages who were also killed by our drones.

Although the circumstances surrounding the deaths of Gadahn and Farouq aren’t known (nor is it clear why they were kept secret for months) sources tell the Wall Street Journal that they were unwittingly killed—that is, killed in an attack on someone else. Still, keeping information on Gadahn secret makes no sense (he was on the FBI’s Most Wanted List and had been indicted for treason), so it can be assumed that he was killed as part of an operation to get someone else (Al-Qaeda chief Ayman al-Zawahiri?). But, if it’s true that the two were unintentionally killed, that would mean that of the six Americans killed so far in U.S. drone strikes, only one—Anwar al-Awlaki—was intentionally targeted.

Nothing is known about Farouq, described by intelligence officials as a deputy al-Qaeda commander in Pakistan. Terrorism experts say that they have heard the name but have no further information. No one seems to know his ancestral country, or what else he’s been involved in.

Gadahn, on the other hand, was an American born al-Qaeda media committee member and a former metal fan from California. A protégé of Abu Zubaydah (detained) and Khalil Deek (dead), he was being sought by the U.S. on those treason charges, and was previously rumored to have been killed in the attacks that killed Abu Layth al Libi.

An intelligence document obtained by Phase Zero gives the meticulous accounting of Gadahn’s transformation from American citizen to mere number on a targeting list (number 47, to be precise, when the Obama Administration took office):

  • (S) Terrorist Identities Datamart Environment (TIDE) #152461
  • (S) TPN # 2562339
  • (S) Legal Authority/Warrant: W601236916

The “Legal Authority/Warrant” number may refer to the legal authority to assassinate Gadahn. Anyone know what TPN stands for?

Of course it’s interesting to note that as part of the Rewards for Justice program, the FBI says that $1 million was offered for his arrest, not his death. Can we look forward to a budget cut?http://www.amazon.com/Unmanned-Drone...

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