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Uber Took Nearly a Week to Give Police Name of Sexually Harassing Driver

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Uber Took Nearly a Week to Give Police Name of Sexually Harassing Driver

On April 30, a 31-year-old New York woman took an Uber home around 2:30 a.m. from her DJ gig on the Lower East Side. The woman, who we’re not identifying by name, says she fell asleep in the car and awoke to find her driver caressing her face. The woman says the driver then jumped in the back of the car and tried to kiss her before she managed to escape. You’ll be reassured to know it’s only taken the NYPD and Uber a little under a week to get the driver’s full name and maybe start looking for him.

The Uber customer—who has also spoken to Gothamist, in a story they published on Friday—says she called an Uber Black. The car that pulled up was a large black Chevy Suburban with tinted windows (“I was confused at first,” the woman says. “It was huge. It looked like a celebrity’s car”).

The driver, whose first name was Muhammad, chatted with her briefly. He told her he was from Pakistan, and asked where she was from. The woman was sitting in the back seat on the passenger’s side. After just a few minutes, she fell asleep. “I had a long day, I was tired,” she says. “The next thing I know, I wake up to someone caressing my face from the front seat.”

The woman was confused and disoriented, she says. As she tried to wake up: “Next thing I know he gets out of the car, jumps in the backseat, grabs my shoulder and attempts to rub them. I tell him, ‘That’s enough.’ When I try to push him away he grabs my face to go in for a kiss. I just lost it. That’s when I really wake up.”

The car doors were unlocked; the woman says she managed to grab her things and jump out of the car. They were parked right outside her home. “He knows where I live now and he has my phone number.”

The woman was “hysterical,” she says. She told her boyfriend what had happened, but at first resisted calling the police. “At first I didn’t want to do anything. It sucks that my initial thought was that it was my fault. I felt embarrassed and ashamed that I fell asleep. That I shouldn’t have been out late. That I shouldn’t have had those two drinks. But he encouraged me to put the word out.”

The woman filed a police report in New York’s tenth precinct on the Lower East Side. The case has been moved to her home precinct, which we won’t identify. She also contacted Uber as well as the city’s Taxi and Limousine Commission, which licenses Uber drivers in New York City.

Although she’d understood that her case was being investigated as a sexual assault, the NYPD’s public information office tell us it’s currently being investigated as harassment. An NYPD spokesperson tell us, “The most serious thing that the complainant did describe as happening is he grabbed her shoulders and touched her face and attempted to kiss her. It’s still classified as harassment. Unless he’d touched her or fondled her in some private part—her breasts or her private area. Then it would be like a forcible touching.” (The NYPD says the woman was asked if she was “forcibly touched or fondled” by the driver and that she responded that she hadn’t; the woman says she absolutely told multiple police officers that the driver had grabbed her and tried to kiss her, which certainly does sound like forcible touching, which under New York law means touching the “sexual or other intimate parts of another person” to degrade or abuse them, or to satisfy their own sexual desire.)

On the same day, the woman spoke with someone from Uber’s support team, who she said was empathetic and called her back several times, but was vague about what the company actually planned to do about the incident. She was told that Muhammad would immediately be locked out of using the app (not fired; Uber drivers are not employees, but independent contractor “driver-partners”).

But days went by without Uber and the NYPD sharing information in a way that would have allowed the police to identify Muhammad or interview him. It took until May 5—six days after the incident happened and was reported—for the police to get that information. The NYPD’s public information officer told Jezebel today they are “still trying to identify the driver.”

In response to a request for comment, an Uber spokesperson, Matthew Wing, sent Jezebel the following statement and timeline of the company’s actions. Wing says, “Uber is taking this matter very seriously. As soon the incident was reported to us we removed the driver from the platform and we have provided the NYPD with all the information they requested.”

Here’s the timeline he provided:

On Thursday morning April 30th, a rider wrote in about an incident involving an UberBLACK driver-partner.

The driver-partner in question was licensed by the New York Taxi & Limousine Commission and had passed the TLC background check.

Upon learning of the incident, Uber immediately suspended the driver from the Uber platform and contacted the rider.

We advised the rider to file a complaint with the TLC and she reported to us that she did. We also provided trip information to the TLC for the time period the incident took place.

We spoke with the NYPD on Friday May 1st and advised them on the process for requesting private information for driver.

Yesterday the NYPD submitted a request for information, including the driver’s information, and we quickly provided everything requested.

Uber didn’t immediately provide the NYPD with the driver’s last name or license plate number because, per their law enforcement guidelines, they only provide information to police in response to a subpoena. The NYPD, according to Uber, didn’t put in their “request for information”—meaning a subpoena—until May 5. Uber also has an “Emergency Request Form” that law enforcement can presumably use to try to get that information more quickly, but it’s not clear if the NYPD tried that avenue here.

The NYPD said the investigation is ongoing; the driver has yet to be found. In the meantime, it’s also unclear if the driver, who is, again, licensed by the TLC, could be taking other passengers. Allan Fromberg, a spokesperson for the commission, tells Jezebel:

I am familiar with the situation, and yes, we are actively investigating. I apologize in advance for any inconvenience this may cause, but as this is an ongoing investigation, it would be inappropriate for me or any representative of the agency to discuss it in any level of detail. Also, while I have no reason to doubt that you are in fact in touch with the complainant, It would also be inappropriate to say anything that could potentially have the effect of inadvertently confirming a complainant’s identity. All that having been said, I will say that you are correct in that all drivers of vehicles affiliated with Uber bases must hold an FHV (For-Hire Vehicle) license, and that I am pleased to be able to report that we have made positive progress in the investigation.

The TLC maintains a list of all for-hire vehicle licensees. But more than 200 FHV licensees have the first name Muhammad. If the driver was using his real first name on his Uber profile, and not, say, a nickname or a middle name, the TLC or the police would still need his license number to identify him, which they couldn’t get without subpoenaing Uber.

We asked Fromberg if it’s possible the driver could still be taking other passengers; he said he couldn’t comment on whether the driver’s FHV license has been suspended or if he holds other active licenses or permits in New York.

When you take a yellow cab in New York City, the receipt lists both a “hack” number and a “license” number; you can look up the license number and immediately locate the garage used by the cabbie, which, if you’re the police, would allow you to locate a driver very quickly.

Uber works a little differently. When you hail a ride, you’re given the driver’s first name, car make, and his or her license plate number. But the plate number disappears as soon as you get in the car, making it exceedingly difficult for any rider to track down her driver after the fact. Uber’s trip bases are listed on the woman’s receipt, but not Muhammad’s FHV number, which the woman could have used to find him. (Five of Uber’s six trip bases were temporarily closed by the city earlier this year after Uber declined to provide trip data to the TLC, including the bases listed on the woman’s receipt. They were reopened the same week.)

The upshot of Uber’s very admirable and stringent privacy policies is that her alleged assailant has the woman’s name, her phone number and her home address—while she has virtually nothing she could use to find him or point the NYPD in the right direction. (Correction, 5:30 p.m.: Matt Wing of Uber says that the driver wouldn’t have her phone number, since it goes through an anonymized system. He does have her home address and first name.)

The woman did save a screenshot of her receipt; this is what her driver looked like in his photo:

Uber Took Nearly a Week to Give Police Name of Sexually Harassing Driver

The woman says she immediately deleted the Uber app after saving the receipt. She doesn’t plan to use the service ever again, and she’d like her assailant to be found as quickly as possible.

“I don’t want any other person to go through this,” she says. “But it seems to happen so often. We’re letting these guys just drive around and take us home. He needs to be identified.”

Image via AP.


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.

Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: 67B5 5767 9D6F 652E 8EFD 76F5 3CF0 DAF2 79E5 1FB6



Amy Schumer Had an All-Male Jury Debate Whether She's Fuckable

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Amy Schumer Had an All-Male Jury Debate Whether She's Fuckable

It’s clear that Amy Schumer has been expanding her range in season 3 of her show, and it’s mostly been a success (see her foray into music videos in episodes 1 and 2), but Tuesday’s episode of Inside Amy was the most ambitious yet: One long black-and-white 12 Angry Men spoof where an all-star (and all-male) cast debates whether Schumer is fuckable enough to be on TV.

Schumer using her status as an (allegedly) non-”10” female celebrity to skewer society’s fucked-up beauty standards is nothing new, but this right here is her magnum opus: A dildo is introduced as evidence, men argue over whether the sight of Amy could produce “a reasonable chub,” Jeff Goldblum Goldblums, and Paul Giamatti plays the Ed Begley role. Her ass makes him furious.

Schumer continues to be the best on TV at deftly, hilariously pointing out how absurd it is that we put women on trial daily for failing to look a certain way, as if it’s somehow their responsibility.

[h/t Vulture]

Terrence Howard Has a Small Dick, Says His Wife, Says Terrence Howard

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Terrence Howard Has a Small Dick, Says His Wife, Says Terrence Howard

One day it will all be over for Terrence Howard. Life, yes, but more importantly the extremely embarrassing legal battle he’s been waging with his ex-wife Michelle Ghent. Recently, according to TMZ, Howard filed legal documents stating that Ghent attempted to blackmail him by threatening to release photos of his small d:

In the docs filed by his attorney Brian Kramer, Terrence says he secretly recorded her saying, “I can make a good $2 million right now ... you want to see your little **** out there in front of TV?”

Terrence says he has her on tape saying she will tell every woman in the world he gave her an STD.

Not all of us can be this hung chihuahua, of course. In Terrence Howard’s case, he’s been accused of domestic abuse so many times that small dick shaming is probably the least the world should provide back.

[image via Getty]

Ultimate Survivor Star Ultimately Didn't Survive Shooting

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Ultimate Survivor Star Ultimately Didn't Survive Shooting

Jimmy Gojdics managed to survive the perils of Alaska and reality TV stardom before he was apparently shot to death Monday. He was 69.

Cops are investigating the shooting, which reportedly involved multiple gunshots. The details, via Newsminer.com:

Alaska State Troopers received word of the shooting at 3:06 p.m. at Gojdics’ home on the Old Elliott Highway behind the Silver Gulch Brewery. Gojdics was “suffering from apparent gunshot wounds” when troopers arrived. He was pronounced dead after being transported to Fairbanks Memorial Hospital, according to a troopers news release.

The case is under investigation as a homicide, said trooper spokesman Tim Despain. He said Monday afternoon that he doesn’t know if there are any suspects in Gojdics’ killing. Gojdics’ body is being sent to the State Medical Examiner.

Friends say Gojdics, who competed on season two of Ultimate Survival: Alaska had no immediate family, but plenty of admirers.

“Everyone was his friend and he met someone everywhere,” a friend tells the paper.

[screenshot via US Weekly]


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

This Is a Very Rude Owl

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This Is a Very Rude Owl

Sure you can talk all you want about how You’re anthropomorphizing a dumb bird Gabrielle, and, Wouldn’t it be nice to get off YouTube and out of the house, but don’t tell me this asshole didn’t know exactly what he was doing.

Rude rude rude.


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Woman Files Class Action Against United Airlines for Lying About Wi-Fi

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Woman Files Class Action Against United Airlines for Lying About Wi-Fi

A woman has filed a $5 million class action suit against United Airlines, alleging the airline routinely and fraudulently misrepresents the capabilities of its inflight entertainment systems.

Cary M. David reportedly filed suit after paying for inflight Wi-Fi on a flight to Puerto Rico. The only problem: the system only works within the continental United States. David claims she got about 10 minutes of Wi-Fi before she got shut out. Via topclassactions.com:

David alleges that in order for passengers to use DirecTV services during a United flight, they must pay $4.99 for flights that last less than two hours and $7.99 for flights that last longer than that period of time. The United Airline class action lawsuit further claims the Wi-Fi fees range from $4.95 to $49, depending on a consumer’s device and how they choose to use the internet during the flight.

“United sells these services to passengers on the flights and fails to disclose that the services will not work as advertised when the aircraft is outside the continental United States or is over water,” the United class action lawsuit alleges. “It is not until they have crossed U.S. borders or are over water, with no service, that customers learn that their DirecTV and/or Wi-Fi service will not work for all or part of the flight.”

Although United’s website apparently discloses this fact, David claims there was no indication on board (which United disputes in its motion to dismiss):

“Those[Wi-Fi service] offers, which control over Plaintiff’s inconsistent allegations, demonstrate that Plaintiff’s claims are fatally deficient and must be dismissed. Specifically, United tells its on-board passengers before they confirm their purchase that ‘Live DIRECTV programming is not available while the aircraft is outside of the continental United States’ and that ‘Wi-Fi service is available over the continental U.S.’ Plaintiff cannot avoid dismissal of her claims by failing to attach or quote in full these dispositive documents.”

The court will likely rule on United’s motion this month, which could lead to a real settlement offer if unsuccessful. United is also trying to move the case out of state court on the grounds that David’s claims fall under the Airline Deregulation Act. But if the court agrees she has a viable fraud claim, the case will likely remain where it is.

In the meantime, David is reportedly trying to track down other international passengers to join the class as plaintiffs which shouldn’t be hard seeing as United isn’t exactly beloved by its customers.

[image via AP]


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Tigers Roaming Free in Oklahoma

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Tigers Roaming Free in Oklahoma

A band of wild animals are apparently on the loose, prowling through a small town in Oklahoma after they were sprung from their enclosures by a tornado that hit the exotic animal park Wednesday.

According to KOKH News, Bill Meadows, the owner of the park, is a firefighter who was on call with the fire department when the storm hit. He was reportedly having trouble getting back to the park to check on the animals but confirmed some had escaped.

Residents are encouraged to stay inside but local newscasters assure viewers everything is going to be OK because an elite team of zoo owners practice for this sort of thing, like, all the time.

I did talk to Joe Schreibvogel, he was one of the founders of the GW Exotic Animal Park down in Wynnewood—now they are perfectly safe down there—but Joe is actually on a response team for situations like that.

He’s trying to get ahold of the sheriff’s office to see what help he can assist in providing tranquilization. They have rehearsed this and there is an animal response team for exotic escapes here in Oklahoma, especially the central Oklahoma area.

In addition to the tigers, the park holds a number of wild animals, including leopards, lions and lionesses, alligators, civets, wallabies, bobcats, pythons and boas.

[image via Tiger Safari]


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Report: Parents Bribed Their Teens With Cocaine to Get Them to Do Chores

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Report: Parents Bribed Their Teens With Cocaine to Get Them to Do Chores

A real cool mom and dad are under arrest for allegedly convincing their teenage kids to clean their rooms by bribing them with weed and cocaine.

Joey and Chad Mudd from Florida were arrested Monday after they allegedly admitted to police that they regularly used drugs in their parenting of their two teenage daughters, aged 13 and 15, as a bribe to get them to do “household chores and excel in school.”

According to the police report, published by the Smoking Gun, Joey—the mother of the teens—waived her Miranda rights post-arrest and willingly admitted to smoking weed with the kids at least five times “as a bargaining tool.”

Even more disturbing are the allegations against the father, Chad, who stands accused of snorting cocaine with the girls in his truck in the parking lot of a Treasure Island.

Both parents are facing multiple felony child abuse charges. The kids, including a third child still in pre-school, have all reportedly been placed with a family member.

[image via The Smoking Gun]


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.


Huge Bollywood Star Guilty of Drunkenly Running Over Five Homeless Men

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Huge Bollywood Star Guilty of Drunkenly Running Over Five Homeless Men

Salman Khan, one of the biggest movie stars in India, was convicted this week of killing one homeless man and injuring four others when he drunkenly ran over them in his car.

The case apparently dates back to September, 2002 when Khan drove over the men, who had reportedly been sleeping on a footpath near a road in Mumbai.

Khan—who said he was sober that night—tried to blame the accident on his driver, who he claimed was driving the car. This explanation was soundly rejected by the court, which today sentenced him to five years in prison.

Even so, some high-profile fans place the blame squarely on the homeless men, who were apparently lying on the ground beside the roadway. Via the New York Times:

Abhijeet Bhattacharya, who sings for lip-syncing actors in Bollywood films, defended Mr. Khan and wrote on Twitter that “if a dog sleeps on the road, he will die a dog’s death.”

Roads are meant for cars and dogs not for people sleeping on them. @BeingSalmanKhan is not at fault at all...” he wrote.

Nor is the 13-year case yet over. According to CNN, Khan—who is out on bail—plans to appeal the verdict.

[image via AP]


Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Lawyers Release Video of Robert Durst Pissing All Over CVS Candy 

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America’s favorite accused serial killer stars in a new short film: surveillance footage from a Houston CVS in which Durst can be seen urinating on candy at the checkout.

The clip, from July 2014, was released by the Harris County District Attorney’s Office late Wednesday night and captures Durst pick up a prescription and mill out about the store for a bit. When he gets to the checkout, he appears to expose himself and begins peeing on a register’s candy display.

You can see another customer standing in line realize what Durst is doing—undeterred, he just moves to a different register and checks out there. According to police, after Durst finished peeing, he kindly packed up and walked out of the store without saying a word.

Chip Lewis, Durst’s lawyer, claims at the time Durst had just gotten out of the hospital and was unwell, telling KPRC, “This was a medical mishap, plain and simple. He had to go and he couldn’t hold it. He patronized that store quite often and was very friendly and very well liked by all the staff. He was embarrassed in that aspect. The people that were so good to him were put, themselves, in an embarrassing situation.”

According to KHOU, Durst eventually turned himself into police for the incident, and pled no contest to a misdemeanor criminal mischief charge and paid a $500 fine, plus $7,000 in damages to CVS. He is currently jailed in New Orleans on a gun charge and faces a murder charge in California for the killing of his friend, Susan Berman.


Video via KPRC. Contact the author at aleksander@gawker.com .

Lindsay Lohan Does Almost 10 Service Hours (Instead of the 125 Required)

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Lindsay Lohan Does Almost 10 Service Hours (Instead of the 125 Required)

Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer Shawn Holley appeared in court this morning to let the judge know that Lindsay has completed all 125 of her required community service hours stemming from a 2012 reckless driving ca—JK, Lindsay has only completed nine hours and 45 minutes of service so far. Lindsaayyyy.

TMZ reports:

Lindsay has completed 9 hours and 45 minutes. It’s especially maddening because more than 2 months ago the judge threw out a chunk of sketchy hours ... including the credit she got for appearing onstage in her play.

Lindsay’s excuse du jour ... the community services center has changed locations and now it takes her an hour-and-a-half to get there. She has to hire a car service for the 3 hour round trip.

Lindsay has been struggling to figure out how to do service and what counts as service for months. Previously, she has tried to count greeting fans, letting young people follow her around, and appearing in her own play as official service to her community. The judge said this morning that if Lindsay does not do all 125 hours by May 28, “there will be consequences.”

While Lindsay has been working on completing her hours in London, her lawyer told the judge she will probably finish her hours in Brooklyn, New York. Thank god—we could use an extra hand around here!


Photo via Splash News. Contact the author at allie@gawker.com.

Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

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Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

Reddit is at its best when it has no illusions about what it really is: an enormous internet rock tumbler that occasionally produces something with viral potential for me and my coworkers to post on Gawker. When it pretends it’s not also a hive of racism and slime, it insults our collective intelligence.

This week, the Conde Nast-affiliated content derrick announced it was “sharing [its] core values with the world,” which is a strange offer to begin with (“Thanks?” — The World). Other than broadly geek-approved tenets like Privacy is good and We like net neutrality, Reddit has never been a values-based community, which is why it’s become synonymous with stolen nudes, “men’s rights,” GamerGate, and lonely people ejaculating on anime figurines. But those corners of the site aren’t even its most loathsome.

In the last issue of its official “Upvoted Weekly” email newsletter, Reddit congratulated itself for the community’s amateur coverage of Baltimore’s Freddie Gray protests—and linked to a thread titled, with tact representative of the site’s Baltimore coverage as a whole, “Baltimore Violence Live.” The page served mostly as digital bleachers upon which Redditors judged angry, typically black Baltimoreans from afar: “a bunch of rioters and looters that are insanely aggressive counts as immediate mortal danger to me,” commented Milkshakes00. And this was only a sliver of the site’s disquieting “discussion” of American civil unrest; subreddits like /r/Pics, /r/News, and /r/Video, which boast millions of subscribers and many, many more readers, functioned as festering landfills of white supremacist ranting.

Threads that merely shared photos from Baltimore showed the same rote racism, over and over:

Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

This was the “discussion” over which Reddit had so much pride:

Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

Which persisted, in countless threads, throughout the Baltimore protests:

Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

Openly, explicitly racist Reddit communities like /r/CoonTown saw a surge in attendance:

Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

And so on. Rounding up every instance of Reddit’s online garbage would take as long and be as pleasant as task as identifying each individual turd in a sewage outflow pipe, but trust me when I say that there is way, way more of this material on the site. Check for yourself. It is vast, and for probably the first time in the site’s history, it is unavoidable, even on the most public-facing and popular subreddits—if Reddit is reading Reddit, it knows this just as well as I do. So, when the site published this public declaration of “values” yesterday, it was hard to keep a straight face (a contorted frown was easier):

Creating these values was a broad and iterative effort that included company-wide discussions, employee-led committees, and open feedback forums. Because of this, every one of us can confidently stand by these values and commit to following them both in the way we operate internally and how we interact with the community.

We value privacy, freedom of expression, open discussion, and humanity, and we want to make sure that we uphold these principles for all kinds of people. We encourage all redditors to join us in protecting these values and making reddit a safe and positive community for everyone.

In particular, the company highlighted these among its “core values”:

Reddit, the Home of "CoonTown," Promises to "Celebrate Diversity"

This is among the most cynical gestures I’ve seen on the whole wide internet, itself a festering swamp of cynicism and dimwittedness. Nevermind that many of these values contradict each another; consider that one of the largest and most influential websites of all time—backed by tens of millions of dollars in venture capital—could at once claim to “champion diversity” while hosting a page titled “/r/GasTheKikes.” If this decree was truly the product of “company-wide discussions, employee-led committees, and open feedback forums,” it seems impossible that no one would say “how about we ban users who call black people nig-nogs?”

It’s clear Reddit, its founder Alexis Ohanian, and its CEO Ellen Pao (yes, that Ellen Pao!) don’t give any sort of a shit about “remembering the human.” The site is stuck so far up its own techno-libertarian ass, shouting about the importance of anonymity and laissez-faire community governance into its bowels, that it can’t see the very plain truth: it has become a top destination for bigots. With the same zeal that they brought to the fight to block SOPA, Redditors fight anti-racism or anti-sexism efforts as the encroachment of a fascist surveillance state. This stupidity comes straight from the stupid top. When asked about its rotten user base by TechCrunch’s Alexia Tsotsis at an event yesterday, Ohanian basically responded with a fart noise:

“The internet as a technology is incredibly liberating because it lets anyone anywhere have a megaphone...I really do believe the reasonable voices will win, but, yes, it’s extremely hard, and these are things I can’t even empathize with as a straight white dude,” he said. “I hope though that we can continue to get better at this. It’s going to take a collaborative effort.”

Ohanian acts like that “megaphone” is some natural monument, a rock formation that predates humanity, a force that’s out of his control—he doesn’t seem to realize that he built, profited from, and continues to be the public face of this megaphone, a megaphone that he could choose not to hand to people who wish to scream slurs through it.

I think Ohanian is both deeply naive and deeply afraid of the people who use Reddit. He saw firsthand how easy it was for his site to completely eradicate Digg, its late-aughts rival and predecessor, whose users revolted against what they saw as heavy-handed management and censorship. Ohanian is just smart enough to know that the exact same thing could happen to Reddit in an instant, so he’ll let the children run wild rather than tell them to go to bed and stop calling each other kikes and masturbating to underage girls.

Maybe Reddit is just ungovernable, and any website that encourages a pseudonymous free-for-all sans accountability will inevitably turn toxic to its core. Upon seeing the values announcement, Reddit’s GamerGate HQ reacted sharply: “Reddit is going the way of SJW,” lamented one ethics enthusiast. “Ellen Pao is in charge remember, and it’s based in San Francisco. When you elect a fucking lunatic, you get the expected outcome everyone here said would come to fruition.”

The real core value of the people in charge of Reddit is the belief that if the internet is going to have a massive cesspit of reactionary abuse and racist garbage, it might as well be their cesspit.


Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com

Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: E93A 40D1 FA38 4B2B 1477 C855 3DEA F030 F340 E2C7

The Best Times Mike Huckabee Hinted at the End Times

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The Best Times Mike Huckabee Hinted at the End Times

Isn’t life terrible? Obama’s in office, gays are getting married, and humanity has just generally lost its way. All of this comes with a whole slew of exciting punishments, since the End is nigh. And presidential candidate Mick Huckabee can’t wait.

Mike Huckabee makes no secret about the fact that he’s a “Christian Zionist,” a sect of Christian fundamentalism that believes the actual Apocalypse will take place exactly as the Bible foretells, in the land of Israel. Which is also why Christian Zionists tend to be so outspoken in their support of Israel; after all, Jesus can’t come back to save/slay accordingly if the Jews aren’t in their native land (where they will then, of course, die for their sins as fire rains down from the heavens etc.).

For our purposes, though, let’s focus on the fact that Mike Huckabee, potential candidate for president of the United States, very much believes that the End of Days, as it’s laid out in the Bible, will indeed be occurring. And as far as Huck’s concerned, it could be any day now. As Ariel Levy wrote in The New Yorker a few years ago, “Huckabee believes that history will end and that the Rapture will come, but he doesn’t tie himself to a time line. ‘I was a lot more sure when I was eighteen!’ he said. ‘I thought it would be one heck of an end-of-the-world war.’”

Which brings us to today. Modern Mike Huckabee, though slightly more reticent than when he was 18, is still champing at the bit for it all to come to an end in the most biblical of senses. Here are the best times he alluded to the fact that our time on earth was toast because of our sins.


The sin: Voting for Obama
The punishment: The fires of hell

Back in 2012, Mike Huckabee released an ad imploring Christians to go cast their ballots on election day—during which they would stand a “test of fire” with votes that “will be recorded for eternity. From the ad:

Many issues are at stake, but some issues are not negotiable: The right to life from conception to natural death. Marriage should be reinforced, not redefined. It is an egregious violation of our cherished principle of religious liberty for the government to force the Church to buy the kind of insurance that leads to the taking of innocent human life.

In other words, everything you’d be voting for when you vote for Obama. In the video, as these good Christians walked into the voting booths to cast their ballot for former Governor Mittens, you see them leaving the fiery bowels of hell behind—they’re safe. Come Judgement Day, that particular corner of hell will be left for the majority of Americans who voted for Obama.


The sin: Abortion, national immorality
The punishment: America’s downfall

Just last year, Huckabee told the Conservative Political Action Convention that he “knows there’s a God.” Which is apparently a lesson quite a few more of us could stand to learn. Let Pastor Mike explain:

I know there’s a God. And I know that this nation would not exist had he not been the midwife of its birth. And I know that this nation exists by the providence of his hand and that if this nation forgets our God, then God will have every right to forget us.

Ruth Graham Bell, the wife of Dr. Billy Graham, back in the 1970s made a profound statement, and she said – forty years ago – that if God does not bring fiery judgement on America then he will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah. Now she said that a long time ago. I hope that we repent before we ever have to receive his fiery judgment.

So do I. Because apparently, when that fiery judgement does come, Mike Huckabee is more than ready to be the one doling it out.


The sin: All of ‘em
The punishment: Welcoming the Tribulation

When Huckabee was still hosting his show on Fox, he welcomed his good friend Tim LaHaye on to discuss his runaway hit, apocalyptic-fiction series, Left Behind. Taking advantage of the rare opportunity to get insight into his imminent heavenly reward from an author of fiction, Huckabee asks LaHaye straight out: “Are we living in the End Times?”

His answer: “Very definitely, Governor.”


The sin: Not believing in Jesus
The punishment: Kidnap, rape, murder

The Best Times Mike Huckabee Hinted at the End Times

When Huckabee was graduating high school, he wrote a wonderful little column (uncovered by Buzzfeed) for the Baptist Missionary Association of Arkansas’s newspaper, the Baptist Trumpet. His series, dubbed the “RAPture Express,” looked at the sorts of questions that a young, Christian teen looking to do right by Christ might face in his or her daily life, such as whether it’s okay to attend dances (it is not).

Except, of course, for that time he decided to weigh in on the kidnapping, rape, and murder of nearly 30 young boys, otherwise known as the Houston Mass Murders. From young Huckabee himself:

The most frequently stated line is “What kind of person could do such a thing?” Well, obviously the kind of person without Jesus. It’s rather depressing to think that if these young men ... had only been told about God’s love and care, then maybe the whole bloody thing would never have happened....

If we don’t tell our brothers and sisters about Jesus, and don’t try to help them find relief to their problems... we can perhaps expect more of the same as happened in Houston.

And if adult Huckabee’s hunch is right, all over the fiery, runious world.

Image by Jim Cooke, source photo via Getty


Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.

New York governor Andrew Cuomo, generally a corrupt and gutless politician, today vowed to take conc

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

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The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

On the same day a federal judge approved a billion-dollar settlement in the NFL concussion litigation, Rickie Harris told me a story I’d wanted to hear for a long time. It’s a legend from his days with the Florida Blazers, possibly the worst-managed franchise in professional sports history.

The Blazers played in the World Football League, which was founded in 1974 with dreams of becoming an NFL rival. The team had two owners, four home cities, and five names before it held one practice. The operation started out underfunded and, with no major network willing to anger the NFL by giving the new league a television deal, it never found enough revenues to cover expenses. Most Blazers players—a mix of NFL refugees like Harris and rookies right out of college—didn’t get paid for weeks at a time. Some didn’t get paid at all. Yet head coach Jack Pardee, forced to pay for locker room toilet paper out of his own pocket, used victimhood to bind his squad. The Blazers made it all the way to World Bowl I, the first and only WFL championship game.

The specific tale I’d been chasing for years held that just before kickoff of that big game, one of the unpaid Blazers took a stand on behalf of his penniless brothers by snatching the coin from the coin toss—-and keeping it. I’d heard long ago that Harris, the Blazers’ defensive captain, was that guy.

Yup, says Harris: “They called ‘Heads!’ and I scooped it up and said, ‘At least I get paid this week!’” We’re both laughing at the punchline.

He says the purloined coin was a 50-cent piece. (“One of those big ones.”) He doesn’t have it anymore, though, and doesn’t know what happened to it.

“But I still have the story,” he says.


“I scooped it up and said, ‘At least I get paid this week!’”


Yes, he does have that story. And, minutes after first telling it to me, Harris starts telling me about taking the World Bowl coin again, exactly like he did before—-“They called ‘Heads!’”—-with identical enthusiasm and an identical punch line and with identical laughs in identical places. A bit later, he told it all over again. He couldn’t stop.

Harris, 71, has lots of stories any sports fan would want to hear at least once. He came to the Washington Redskins in 1965, part of the earliest wave of black players on the last NFL team to integrate, and played during a golden age. In the first several weeks of his first season as a pro, he went up against such mythical figures as Jim Brown of the Cleveland Browns, Bob Hayes of the Dallas Cowboys, and Johnny Unitas of the Baltimore Colts. He played a season under Vince Lombardi, who earned naming rights for the Super Bowl trophy by being the winningest coach in NFL history. And Harris’s WFL stint, short as it was, was a goldmine of giggles.

The unconscious repetition of the coin-stealing anecdote, though, is a symptom that Harris’s stories from the gridiron came at a great cost. The same game that provided him with such entertaining and even historic material did horrible and irreversible damage to the brain where all those great stories are kept. Have just one long conversation with Harris, who counts himself one of thousands of plaintiffs in the recently settled class action suit, and you can come away envious of the ballplayer’s lot or scared that the game still even exists. Or both. His life can be used to celebrate football, or as a cautionary tale.

“I’ve got dementia,” he told me several times between wonderful recollections of a football life, many repeated again and again during the same interview. “The doctors tell me it’s blunt force head trauma. I’m usually okay if you ask me about 20 years ago; 20 minutes ago, we might be in some trouble.”

The daring young man in the flying wedge

Rickie Harris grew up in South Central Los Angeles in the 1950s. He starred at quarterback at Fremont High School, but, standing about 5’9” and weighing less than 150 pounds, even he thought he was too small to play football at the major college level. He could high-jump almost seven feet in high school even before the Fosbury Flop took hold, however, and he thought that was going to be his way out. After a stint at junior college, the University of Arizona indeed did offer him a track scholarship, but asked him to play football, too.

The coaches made him a kick returner. Harris, not entirely kidding, jokes now that he wasn’t that fast, but came to college with all the tools a return specialist would need thanks to a childhood spent running from the Slausons, a Crips and Bloods precursor among black L.A. street gangs. “It was a rough place then,” he says.

He went unpicked in the 1965 NFL draft, but Washington signed him as a free agent on the recommendation of Charley Taylor, an Arizona State alum and 1964 draftee who’d seen him return a punt for a touchdown during an ASU/UA derby. Harris says that even though he’d never planned on being a pro football player, once he got to training camp, he wasn’t going to leave.

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

Rickie Harris brings back a punt against the Minnesota Vikings, 1970; photo via AP


Harris impressed coaches and media right away with a playing style that flaunted a total disregard for his personal safety. After an August 1965 preseason game against the St. Louis Cardinals in which Harris had two long punt returns to set up scores, the Washington Post’s Dave Brady wrote that Harris “personally launched a program to outlaw the fair catch, a play-safe maneuver that so often takes away from the fan the most exciting runs in football.”

The paper’s columnist and idolmaker, Shirley Povich, also took note of Harris’s performance. “[I]f on this night at Richmond he wasn’t making a place for himself on the Washington team,” he wrote, “the coaches were not looking.”

The coaches had indeed been looking. NFL rosters only allowed for 40 players per team in 1965, so to get the most out of his new athletic return specialist, whose first contract paid $10,000, Skins coach Bill McPeak had him learn the cornerback position during training camp. And because of injuries to the team’s veteran cornerbacks, Harris opened the season, and his pro career, in the defensive backfield rotation.

In his first real game in the NFL, Harris faced the defending champion Cleveland Browns and their all-timer running back, Jim Brown. Harris was listed by Washington as weighing 179 pounds at the time. He laughs at that stat. “I called that my ‘program’ weight,” he says. “I only weighed 146 when I got here and I didn’t gain much weight. But they didn’t want me to look like a wimp.”

Even at the inflated weight, Harris seemed underarmed to go against Brown, whose official weight of 228 pounds seems to sell him light. The week of his debut, a reporter from the Post asked Harris why he thought he’d be able to tackle Brown.

“I will have to,” Harris responded.

Brown wasn’t his usual dominant self, but visiting Cleveland won, 17-7. The following week, Harris was opposite Bob Hayes, who’d returned to football with the Dallas Cowboys after winning a gold medal in the 100 meters at the 1964 Tokyo Olympics. Harris remembers the strategy he employed against the World’s Fastest Man: Stay off him. “I knew that Bob Hayes couldn’t beat me in the 100 if you gave me a 10-yard start,” he says.

Then on came the Baltimore Colts and Johnny Unitas. There was no trick that worked against Johnny U. at that time. “He knew our defense better than we knew it,” says Harris. “He picked us apart.” The Colts won, 35-7.

Harris’s greatest contributions came on kicks, where he replaced a fleet of Skins, most notably Bobby Mitchell, as the go-to return specialist. Mitchell broke the color line for Washington, which hadn’t integrated its roster until 1962 and was the last NFL team to do so. Owner and founder George Preston Marshall had been told by the Kennedy Administration that if the franchise remained all-white—its fight song at the time vowed to “fight for old Dixie”—it would not be able to use D.C. Stadium, the then-new venue built on federally owned land. Harris says he was well aware of the racial situation in D.C.


“My mindset was catch the ball and run. If they kill you, okay.”


“I knew that [Marshall] didn’t want me here, and I was only here because the government made them sign players like me,” he says. “But it wasn’t real integration when I got here.”

Harris says he was assigned to be Taylor’s roommate, and that he realized no black players were rooming with white players. Taylor, a future Hall of Famer, would be his roommate throughout his entire tenure in Washington. If there were an odd number of black players on a road trip, Harris says, “Bobby Mitchell would get his own room, because he was the superstar.”

Redskins historian Michael Richman says that segregated rooming wasn’t exclusive to the Skins in 1965. “There was always a story about a quota system in the NFL,” he says, “where teams kept an even number of black players on the roster, so they could room together.” (Brian Piccolo and Gale Sayers of the Chicago Bears, the brotagonists of the blockbuster made-for-TV movie Brian’s Song, often get hailed as the NFL’s first interracial roommates. But they weren’t paired up until 1967; Washington’s Brig Owens, a black defensive back, and white tight end Jerry Smith broke the roommate color barrier the previous year.)

Harris finished second in the NFL in returns in 1965, and made the all-rookie team alongside Sayers and Hayes. He was a starter on defense by the end of the season, and retained his return duties during what would be a six-year run with Washington.

The Redskins only had one winning season during Harris’s stay, the one in which he got to play for Vince Lombardi. In 1969, the coach hailed as the NFL’s greatest bizarrely jumped from a front-office job with the Green Bay Packers, the two-time Super Bowl champs and perennial contender with whom he’d built his reputation, to lead a Washington squad that was a second-division fixture. The team’s 7-5-2 record, after 13 years at or below .500, hurt Lombardi’s career stats but only enhanced his legend.

Harris got in Lombardi’s doghouse once, when he threw a football into the stands after running back a punt for a game-winning touchdown in an October game home against the Giants. He then became only the third player ever fined by the league for that infraction, under a brand new NFL rule put in place allegedly for fan safety. (It cost him $100.) “I’m going to fine him, too,” Lombardi barked after the game. The future Hall of Fame coach told the press that he was more upset that Harris hadn’t made a fair catch on an earlier punt.

That wasn’t how Harris played the game. Whether it was throwing his smallish body in front of hulks like Jim Brown or refusing a fair catch, fearlessness was a Harris trademark. “Harris is the daring young man in the flying wedge,” Davy Brady wrote about him in the Washington Post, “disdaining the dangers of a suicidal phase of the sport.” A November 1967 Post profile noted that “the enduring wonder is how he absorbs all those lumps from kamikaze tacklers on the kicking teams.”

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

Rickie Harris (left) and teammates hit the St. Louis Cardinals’ MacArthur Lane, 1970. Photo via AP


“It’s worth the gamble to try to make some yardage,” Harris explained.

Harris now says he was afraid—of losing his job. So he never felt like protecting himself was a realistic option when a punted football was coming his way.

“My mindset was catch the ball and run. If they kill you, okay. But catch the ball and run!” he says. “I took a lot of chances. I got my ‘bell rung’ a lot. But it was a life or death thing for me. If I didn’t catch the ball and run, I wouldn’t be here long. The coaches never told me that. They didn’t have to. I knew that. So I wasn’t going to fair catch. Nobody pays you to fair catch.”

If he was a little man in a big man’s game on the field, he lived large off of it. Various Post profiles over the years drew attention to his impressive wardrobe. “His sartorial highlight in headgear was a floppy brimmed ‘Three Musketeers’ hat, one side snipped to the crown with a clutch of feathers,” noted one reporter. “His ‘mod’ civvies match his personality: a maroon grass cap, turtleneck shirt with horizontal gold stripes and lime wide-wale corduroy trousers,” another wrote. A third piece described Harris dressing in an “Edwardian” ensemble for a visit to Chicago, with an overcoat that had “lapels that could conceal violin cases.”

To what does Harris credit his fashion sense? “I was from California,” he says.

He made friends in high places, too. Harris used contacts he’d made through football to get offseason gigs with some of the country’s top power brokers. He got involved with the Office of Economic Opportunity, a federal agency that had been started by Sargent Shriver to help President Lyndon Johnson fight the War on Poverty, particularly in Indian Country. Through that he got to know Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, Shriver’s brother-in-law.

Harris stuck with OEO after Kennedy’s 1968 assassination, even though its bailiwick would soon be shifted, under Richard Nixon, to the War on Drugs. Harris got friendly with OEO director Donald Rumsfeld in 1970, when he was invited to be part of a group of pro athletes sent on a cross-country junket with something called the Mod Corps, which dispensed the administration’s anti-drug propaganda.

A portion of the Mod Corps spiel Harris gave to his impressionable audiences was printed in a July 1970 story that appeared in the Afro-American, a paper with a primarily black audience: “Yes, I have taken pep pills from a licensed physician to get me through a football game, but that’s far different from a pusher on the street.”

After he got out of football, Harris became less reluctant about getting his narcotics from a pusher on the street.

A debacle of historic proportions

The NFL was done with Rickie Harris before he was done with football.

George Allen, the father of Washington’s current team president, cut Harris when he took over as head coach before the 1971 season. New England picked him up for two years, but cut him before the 1973 season. He didn’t want to give up the game, though.

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

Rickie Harris, bottom, in a preseason game against the Chicago Bears, 1967. Photo via AP


“I knew I had a couple more years in me,” he says.

So the World Football League came around at just the right time. In the spring of 1974, franchises were doled out and new owners began signing a few stars in their prime. Miami Dolphins Pro Bowl running backs Larry Csonka and Jim Kiick and star receiver Paul Warfield jumped to the WFL to play alongside NFL castoffs and rookies right out of college. When the new league offered Harris a chance to get back into football, he jumped.

“I figured you still had 11 men on the field, and that field is still 53 yards wide and 100 yards long,” he says. “So it’s football! What’s the difference?”

Actually, there were some differences between the NFL and WFL versions. The new league moved the goalposts from the goal lines to the end lines, added an overtime period for tied games, eliminated preseason games and extra point kicks, and—as if Harris had been consulted in writing up the WFL rule book—banned fair catches. He thought he’d found the perfect landing spot when D.C. was awarded a franchise, initially called the Washington Capitals, and Jack Pardee, another ex-Skin, was named head coach.

Harris can’t be blamed for not knowing he was jumping into a debacle of historic proportions, but huge hints that this new team was headed for trouble popped up immediately. The original ownership group, headed by an oceanographer named Joseph Wheeler, was forced to drop the “Capitals” nickname under legal threats from Abe Pollin, who had founded an NHL team by the same name only a year earlier. Thus were the Washington Ambassadors born. Then the Ambassadors were told that Skins president Edward Bennett Williams would be exercising a clause in his team’s lease at RFK Stadium that allowed him to prevent any other football franchises from using the facility. That forced a move to Annapolis and another name change, to the Washington-Baltimore Ambassadors. No suitable stadium being available in Maryland, the operation moved to Norfolk, Va., and changed its name to the Virginia Ambassadors.

As the Tidewater move was planned, however, Wheeler confessed that the millionaire investors he’d told league officials about when he was awarded the franchise didn’t actually exist. So WFL brass turned the franchise over to Rommie Loudd, a personnel man from the New England Patriots who’d never owned a sports team before. Loudd moved the operation to Florida and christened his team the Orlando Suns, only to find out that the WFL already had a squad call the Sun based in Los Angeles. Finally Loudd chose a name that stuck—the Florida Blazers—and the football side of the organization could get to work.

Because commercial contracts had already been signed, though, training camp was held back in Virginia. And as the WFL’s 20-game regular season schedule commenced, it became clear to the players that Loudd was every bit the deadbeat Wheeler was. Paychecks showed up late or not at all, even early in the season. A few weeks into the campaign, only the squeakiest wheels were getting paid anything.

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

WFL stars Larry Csonka, John Gilliam, Jim Kiick, Calvin Hill, and Paul Warfield at a press event with league president Chris Hemmeter, 1975. Photo via AP


“Rommie Loudd would look you dead in the eyes and lie,” says former Blazers quarterback Bob Davis, a New York Jets castoff. “Talk about a crook. What a creep. And we played for him! For nothing.”

Yet Pardee somehow kept the Blazers from letting the blatant financial woes take their eyes off the prize. “Pardee’s philosophy was basically, ‘We’re not getting paid, but what do we have to lose by trying to win a championship?’” recalls John Ricca, a rookie defensive lineman with the Blazers, fresh out of Duke University. “He told us to just keep at it and maybe something good will come of it. And everybody bought into it. I think it was maybe the greatest coaching job in the history of sports.”

Ricca says he got about $15,000 of the $30,000 in salary and bonuses called for by his contract. Running back Tommy Reamon, the league’s leading rusher and MVP, now says he went the whole year without getting one check.

Harris can’t recall how much money he got with the Blazers. He does remember that he never entertained any thoughts of packing it in.

“I was thinking, ‘What else am I going to do? Go home and still not get paid?’” he says. “I think everybody felt that way. Not getting paid became the glue that held us together.”

According to Blazers’ teammates, Harris brought his old willingness to sacrifice his body for the team with him when he jumped leagues. “I tell you, Rickie Harris was a tough football player,” recalls Davis, “I mean, he would stick his head in there, baby!”

The Blazers went 16-4 in the WFL’s regular season and won the Eastern Division. The only time the lack of cash caused discord, as Ricca recalls, came in the postseason. To make sure players got on the plane to Memphis for the semifinal game, Blazers management handed out paychecks for the first time in weeks just before leaving town. When the flight landed, Walter Rock, a Blazers offensive lineman and former Skin, found out in a phone call from his wife that the checks had been canceled by the owner while his employees were in mid-air.

“He hauled ass out of there, just quit,” says Ricca. “But everybody else stuck it out.”

The Memphis Southmen were the most moneyed team in the league, having signed Csonka, Kiick, Warfield and future Cowboys QB Danny White. But this game belonged to the squad without a payroll: The Blazers beat Memphis, 18-15.

Then came the World Bowl, and—according to legend and Harris—the flipped coin caper.

The day the money ran out

There is no known video evidence to confirm or counter Harris’s claim that he turned the coin flip into a profit center at the 1974 World Bowl. There’s apparently next to no video evidence, in fact, of the game at all.

“I’ve never seen a World Bowl tape,” says Richie Franklin, who runs a website called WFL Films and has been collecting WFL tchotchkes since the early 1980s.

The title contest was not shown on any major networks. It was, however, broadcast nationwide via TVS, a syndicated network founded by maverick broadcaster Eddie Einhorn.

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

Rickie Harris grabs an interception against Minnesota, 1968. Photo via AP


As a student at Northwestern in the late 1950s, Einhorn began negotiating broadcasting rights deals for college basketball games, which the national networks weren’t interested in at the time. In 1968, TVS produced the so-called “Game of the Century” between Lew Alcindor’s UCLA squad and a Houston team led by Elvin Hayes. But along with his passel of visionary attributes came an utter disdain for retaining film or videotape of any event produced by his outsider TV enterprise.

Einhorn is now a vice-president of the Chicago White Sox. If any footage of the World Bowl exists, he is unaware of it.

“We went looking a few years ago and found nothing from [the WFL],” says Scott Reifert, a spokesman for Einhorn. “He’d love to have it if it’s out there, but we’re not aware of any. Mr. Einhorn keeps waiting for something like what happened with the 1919 World Series, where somebody’s been holding the film for years and it just shows up. But as far as we know, that football game, and almost everything from TVS, is just gone.”

Mark Speck, an author and the preeminent WFL historian, says he hadn’t ever heard about the special coin being filched after it was tossed. “Harris was the Blazers’ defensive captain and would have more than likely been on the field for the coin toss,” Speck says. “Whether he took the coin and kept it I am not sure.”

There is at least one reference from back in the day to such an incident. In 1975, Sports Illustrated ran a long article chronicling the debacle-ridden reign of the upstart league, which had folded earlier that year after one-and-a-half seasons. In the piece, titled “The Day the Money Ran Out,” former New York Jets and Blazers lineman Larry Grantham tells about how he and his teammates struck back after going unpaid for a long stretch of the 1974 season.

“We were out on the field getting ready to play a game,” Grantham says. “We flipped the coin, won the toss and elected to keep the coin.”

Grantham doesn’t mention the World Bowl. But Tommy Reamon, the Blazers running back and the league MVP that season, now remembers hearing about “the coin toss issue” on the night of the World Bowl. And though Reamon, now a high school football coach in Virginia Beach, can’t recall all these years later whether the intrasquad rumors held that it was Harris who kept the tossed coin, he insists, “There’s some truth to that tale.”

The Blazers lost the title game by a point, 22-21, and folded immediately upon arriving back in Orlando. Harris latched on with the Memphis Southmen in 1975. But the team, and the whole WFL, closed up midway through the 1975 season. Harris had taken his last hit. His career was over.

A gift opens doors; it gives access to the great

Harris’s dementia was made part of the public record even before he signed on to the concussion lawsuit.

In December 2010, he was arrested in Fairfax County, Va., for driving under the influence of alcohol. It was the third DUI arrest for Harris since 2006. He was working as a security guard at the time, but he had spent the previous 25 years in and out of jobs and marriages. A gang of concerned friends had organized a reunion at a Northern Virginia church back in 1991 to tell Harris that after years of his cocaine and alcohol abuse they were just happy he was still alive. More than 200 folks, including famous former teammates, showed up.

“He lost his family. He lost his business. He disappeared on us for a couple of years,” Bobby Mitchell told the Washington Post at the gathering.”Where he’s been only he knows for sure. But he pulled himself back up, and I’m so glad to see him now.”

The spate of drunk driving arrests showed he was unable to stay straight. He faced serious jail time with the 2010 arrest. At the time, the issue of football-related brain damage—especially as relates to chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE—was heating up. His attorney, John Keats, filed motions arguing that Harris’s injuries left him incompetent to stand trial. He brought in Paul B. Rosenberg of the Memory and Alzheimer’s Treatment Center at Johns Hopkins University as an expert witness. Rosenberg testified at a pre-trial hearing that Harris had gotten a “zero,” or the worst possible score, in a memory test he’d administered.

“I think that to assist with your own defense,” Rosenberg told the Washington Post in 2011, “you have to know what happened.”

The Player Whose Bell Stayed Rung

Rickie Harris works with members of the Toronto Argonauts as defensive backs coach, 1980. Photo via Toronto Star/Getty


The court, however, rejected that argument and ruled Harris was competent enough for the case to move forward. At trial, Anita Boss, a forensic psychologist, testified for the defense that Harris’s brain damage left him with almost no chance of passing field sobriety tests regardless of his blood alcohol level, which had been measured at the legal limit of .08 a few hours after his arrest.

The jury deadlocked and the judge declared a mistrial. But Fairfax County retried Harris and got a conviction the second time around. Prosecutor Laura Riddlebarger told the jury the dementia testimony was a smokescreen. “It makes the defendant a very sympathetic defendant,” Riddlebarger said during closing arguments, “but it is not an excuse for driving intoxicated.”

Harris told reporters after his conviction that NFL veterans have their own acronym to describe their condition.

“All the old players talk about ‘Can’t Remember Squat,’” he said. “We call it CRS.”

Harris’s driving privileges were taken away permanently by the court. “He would never have been able to drive again anyway, because of his condition,” says Keats. Harris also got a six-month jail sentence, the minimum sentence allowed under Virginia law for habitual DUI offenders. Because of his health, the court allowed Harris to serve his time as home detention.

He served it in his ex-wife’s townhouse in Chantilly. He still lives in the basement. He says his ex-wife and mother of his two children took him back in when he needed a place after his arrests. “Might as well spend my Social Security and pension on somebody I know,” he says. (A source within the NFLPA says that somebody who played in the NFL between 1965 and 1972 would qualify for a pension of $2000 a month, beginning at age 55.)


“All the old players talk about ‘Can’t Remember Squat.’ We call it CRS.”


After his convictions, Harris signed on to the concussion lawsuit. He says he’s depended on former teammate and ex-NFLPA staff lawyer Brig Owens to navigate him through the case. Owens, who has stood by Harris again and again during his most troubling off-the-field episodes through the years, declined to discuss his longtime friend’s situation.

The symptoms that have plagued Harris, including chronic substance abuse, long stretches of waywardness, and acute memory loss, are routinely found among the plaintiffs. Jason Luckasevic, the Pittsburgh attorney who began working with former NFL players in 2006 to put together the original concussion lawsuit, says he’s still stunned by the impact of the game on his clients’ brains.

“The loss of short-term recall is common,” he says. “It’s shocking when you experience that for the first time. You don’t keep dialing somebody up and five minutes later have the same conversation and 20 minutes later have the same conversation and then the next day call up and start it all over again. That’s not normal. It’s part of an overall loss of cognitive ability.”

To be eligible to get a piece of the $1 billion pie outlined in the settlement, NFL players must be diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease), Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, early or moderate dementia, or CTE, the last of which can only be diagnosed after death. Luckasevic says that three of his clients (Justin Strzelczyk, Terry Long, and Andre Waters) were found to be CTE sufferers after committing suicide. The length of a player’s career will also factor into how much money they can receive. There has been no ruling yet on whether playing in a professional football league other than the NFL will impact the size of an award. The maximum payout for an individual plaintiff is $5 million.

Harris, who is represented in the concussion suit by the Minneapolis firm of Zimmerman Reed, got notice on Friday alerting him to the settlement. He has no idea how much the deal will bring him or when any share might come. He knows he’s damaged goods, and that his playing days left him in that shape. But he got something out of the bargain already.

“The Bible says your gift will make a way for you in life,” he says. “My gift I guess was I was a heck of an athlete. I got problems, but I can get around. And, at the same time, I got out of South Central and worked for the Kennedys and Nixon and Donald Rumsfeld. I got on television. Like I tell my grandkids, ‘The only thing grandpa can do is some more.’ I wouldn’t trade the life I lived in any way.”

I tell Harris that his outlook is enviable. Within seconds he says, “The Bible says your gift ...”

To end our conversation, I thank Harris for letting me impose on his time and hear all the old football tales from the guy who lived them. He’ll have none of that.

“Thank you for remembering me,” he says. “It’s nice to be remembered.”

Contact the writer at dave.mckenna@deadspin.com. Image by Jim Cooke, photo by Getty.


The Bullshit Hypocrisy of "All-Natural" Foods

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The Bullshit Hypocrisy of "All-Natural" Foods

Here’s the thing about nature: It will fuck up your shit.

A few weeks ago, the website The Naked Label published a picture of a vibrant, colorful mushroom. It was captioned with a quotation from author and paleo diet advocate Diane Sanfilippo: “We cannot make food better than nature.”

The problem? The mushroom pictured was the Amanita muscaria, which is highly poisonous.

The Bullshit Hypocrisy of "All-Natural" Foods

The Naked Label probably wasn’t recommending poisonous mushrooms as a part of your balanced cannabis-induced munchies on purpose. However, this tiny meme is symptomatic of a bigger problem on the internet: self-declared “natural health” gurus who say everything natural is automatically better.

It’s not.

Are chemical additives safe or should you eat an “all-natural” diet? Is there a reason for the chemical paranoia brought on by Dr. Oz-endorsed mommy-bloggers, or is this just fear mongering from people who need to go back to chemistry class? Is the vision of “nature” propagated by Whole Foods and the like just another marketing term?

Recently, several large companies have made decisions to alter their products based on chemical phobia. Is this a good thing? If you follow any “natural” food blogs, you might say yes. But the science says otherwise. And stuck in the middle trying to make sense of it all is the consumer. What the hell does “natural” mean anyway when it’s on a food label? Let’s examine a few recent food kerfuffles to figure out what Nature, Inc. offers the consumer.

Kraft Macaroni and Cheese: Still Awful

Last month I wrote about Vani Hari, AKA the Food Babe. I decreed that her tactics and statements about food were devoid of science (fine, she’s full of shit). One of her attention-grabbing schemes was petitioning Kraft to remove artificial dyes from their macaroni and cheese. Shortly after my article made her cry tears of blood about her life decisions, Kraft announced that they would be removing the artificial dyes, although they claimed that they started reformulating the recipe a year before she launched her campaign. Whether or not this was a response to her petition, did the change make the product healthier?

To start with, let’s remember that we’re talking about a product with powdered cheese. If you were looking for health food, you took a wrong turn three aisles ago after the spinach. We’re also not removing something that causes foodborne illness and replacing it with hummingbird whispers. We’re switching food dyes synthesized in the laboratory to food dyes that are… well, still going to be produced in the laboratory.

We now have the safest class of food dyes ever on the market (here’s some reading on the short history of food dye regulation in America). Laboratories have helped that process because they can check final products for safety and purity, whether synthetic or derived from natural sources. And no matter what the source of the dye, a chemical solvent is used to extract the target color molecule. A common tactic of the Food Babe is to tell you these solvents are toxic only in products she’s deemed evil. Paprika is one of the sources for Kraft’s new and improved mac and cheese, and just like in the processes used for some synthetic dyes, hexane is used in processing (when consumed in large quantities, hexane is metabolized into a neurotoxic chemical). Note, with both classes of dyes, you are not consuming hexane, but then again, the Food Babe isn’t known for facts.

As for the safety of the synthetic dyes, any substance has drawbacks and they’re about equal in synthetic and natural dyes. Some parents who previously bought the product for their fussy eaters are complaining about the new paprika-based dye. Even though it’s all natural, you can have allergies to paprika. This isn’t the only natural dye with this issue; carmine dye derived from the cochineal insect, sometimes used to punch up the red color in strawberry milkshakes, can induce anaphylactic shock.

But it is natural.

Raw Milk Will Make You Sick

One sacred cow of the natural food movement is raw milk. And why not, all the natural hipsters know that organic kool aid is so five minutes ago and they’ve switched to suckling the raw teet. All my favorite bullshit peddlers—Mercola, Modern Alternative Mama, and Weston Price—endorse raw milk. Even the Food Babe buys into it, saying that “raw dairy is the best choice,” and that “raw dairy products are “alive.” Scary. They say that raw milk maintains milk’s natural enzymes and vitamins, that it even has components to fight off bacteria itself because of the goodness of its wonderful “naturaliness” (my version of truthiness).

But when natural advocates endorse going back to a time before we introduced a technological advancement, they often fail to remind the consumer why we made those advancements in the first place.

Pasteurization, the process of heating milk to a high temperature for a very small amount of time, kills a vast majority of the bacteria in it and keeps it safe for a longer period of time. Before the process became widespread in the early 20th century, milk was safe for maybe the day after you purchased it, and old milk was a source of festering disease.

There are a lot of myths about what pasteurization does to milk that have been floated by the natural health movement. But let’s lay those rumors to rest: It does not induce allergies or lactose intolerance. If you can’t tolerate pasteurized milk, you’re not going to be able to tolerate raw milk either. And as for all those “enzymes” that allegedly die off when Big Dairy is reaching around into your wallet, relax. Your stomach acid will destroy them anyway. All the macronutrients and micronutrients in your pasteurized milk are exactly the same as raw milk.

But is raw milk safe? You might think so, but you’d be misled. According to the CDC, less than 1% of milk consumed in the United States is raw milk. From 1993-2006, 121 outbreaks (causing 4,413 illnesses and three deaths) were caused that could be linked back to dairy. Seventy-three of the outbreaks were from raw milk and 48 were from pasteurized milk. Given that less than 1% of the dairy in the country is raw, if it’s safe, why is it causing a majority of the illnesses?

The simple answer? It’s not safe, and the people promoting it are not promoting healthy food. They’re promoting the natural epidemic at any cost.

Aspartame Won’t Kill You or Make You Fat

Recently, Pepsi announced that they were going to remove aspartame from from Diet Pepsi and replace it with sucralose and acesulfame potassium, AKA Ace K. Sucralose is derived from sugar, and Ace K is the sweetener used in Coke Zero that gives it that “real sugar” flavor. Internet-based fears about aspartame are sweeping. Quacks and conspiracy theorists say it’s the most dangerous substance in food, that it causes MS like symptoms and, my personal favorite, that it killed Heath Ledger.

So with all these fears, was removing aspartame from Diet Pepsi necessary for safety or health? Science says no.

Aspartame is one of the most-studied food additives ever. It’s been shown, time after time, to be safe. No links to cancer, MS, ADHD, the NY Yankees, premature ejaculation, your dog sniffing the litter box, or any other random thing you want to blame on this. It just tastes sweet.

It’s not even making you fat. I’m sure you’ve heard that diet soda with aspartame can cause weight gain. I drank Diet Coke when I was overweight, I drank Diet Coke all through my 90lb-weight loss, and I still drink Diet Coke. The difference is that I eat a lot more fruits and vegetables now and fewer french fries. An excess of calories will make you gain weight, not carbonated water with caffeine. Studies linking diet soda to weight gain are, at best, corollary, and haven’t closely enough examined the other behaviors of the people in the study.

And speaking of my favorite soda, Coca-Cola offers multiple sugar-free varieties of cola for their customers with different types of sweeteners, and they all taste a little different. Pepsi’s decision to change the sweetener due to a small decline in sales will change the flavor that 95% of their loyal customers enjoyed. It only serves the people with overblown fears of a safe product. Given that aspartame is safe, why not just offer a second option like their competition did?

That doesn’t make as good of a press release from Nature, Inc.

Paleo: Not Good for Babies

Pete Evans is a former pizza chef from Australia. Now he’s trying to harm your children.

Evans became a celebrity chef due to his popular and flavorful pizza offerings. But then he discovered the Paleo lifestyle, or the annoying-everyone-you-know diet. The Paleo diet alleges to be a natural diet, one that closely mimics what our primal ancestors ate. Paleo devotees say that many diseases in society came along with the “unnatural” introduction of modern agriculture. Under this line of reasoning, Paleoites believe all foods that came with agriculture should be removed from your diet for optimal health. So when Evans, the man who made a fortune as a celebrity pizza chef, found Paleo, he began advocating the removal of grains, dairy, and other whole food groups from your life in order to find health.

So if it’s so healthy, why was Evans’ new cookbook, Bubba Yum Yum: The Paleo Way, pulled before publishing over concerns that the recommendations would harm a baby?

In attempt to be more natural than store-bought formulas, Evans’ bone-broth based baby formula recipe could have potentially starved a baby. Despite the recipe’s overwhelming naturaliness, it lacked calories, something tiny humans very much need to thrive. Furthermore, the liver pate recipe for infants contained such high levels of vitamin A that it could have caused toxic side effects.

The unfortunate part of this is that well-meaning parents with every intention of feeding their children healthy foods easily would have bought this thinking they were doing the right thing for their kids. Parents, whether you choose breast milk or formula, please consult your pediatrician or a registered dietitian. Just like you wouldn’t consult your local Dominos pizza guy on what to feed your baby, Pete Evans the pizza chef is also not an expert.

Non-GMO Chipotle Will Still Make You Need to Use Chipotlaway

Burrito giant Chipotle announced last week that they ditched the GMOs from their menu. Amid random pictures on the internet of fish being spliced into tomatoes, reports from people who have never worked in food regulation about no-GMO regulation, and questions from mommy-bloggers-cum-doctors about GMOs causing health problems, did Chipotle act in the best interest of the public?

Not. Even. Close.

Chipotle claims that GMOs increase pesticide use and that the long-term health impact of their consumption are unknown. However, the claims just don’t stack up. We also have decades of data showing that GMOs are safe for consumption and the environment. In a large-scale analysis of all the studies done of GMOs, data showed that they reduced chemical pesticide use by 37% and increased crop production by 22%. Farmers can spend less and use a lower amount of safer types of pesticides. In fact, by switching to non-GMO ingredients, Chipotle is knowingly endorsing the use of more toxic pesticides and a fairly hazardous production method in the name of avoiding the GMO title. As Stephan Neidenbach wrote at We Love GMOs and Vaccines:

BASF used a process known as mutagenesis to breed their sunflowers. Their seeds were doused with ethyl methanesulfonate and sodium azide to alter their DNA.[8] Ethyl mathanesulfonate is a possibly carcinogenic compound that produces random mutations in DNA.[9] Sodim azide is an extremely toxic compound used as a biocide and in airbag systems. It is lethal to humans at only 0.7 grams.[10] (...)The one conclusion that we can draw is that Chipotle is not doing this for any reason other than to profit off of the current GMO paranoia.

Additionally, it’s incredibly disingenuous for Chipotle to claim that they’re only using non-GMO ingredients. The meat they serve still comes from animals that eat GMO feed. To switch to non-GMO feed would make their prices skyrocket and drastically hurt their business. As was demonstrated by this marketing stunt, their commitment to “food with integrity” comes right after their commitment to shareholders.

Promoting fresh, natural thousand-calorie burritos with integrity gets harder if the price goes up to $16.

Panera’s Publicity Ploy

On the heels of the Chipotle decision, not to be outdone, Panera announced that they were tired of serving poison to their customers and would be removing approximately ⅓ of their ingredients from their recipes. This list of ingredients they’re removing includes caffeine, components of vanilla, and artificial sweeteners. According to Nature, Inc., this means their menu, from their 1,110-calorie sandwich to their 700-calorie caffeinated milkshakes, is suddenly a beacon of health.

Unless they’re getting rid of the coffee and soda, claiming they’re removing caffeine from the menu is total bullshit. Remember, everything is made of chemicals, even your cup of “make-me-not-hate-life” in the morning. And if they do get rid of the option to add Splenda to the coffee, I’m heading back to Starbucks for a “toxic” PSL, thanks.

The reasoning behind the retooling is publicity. Ron Shaich, Panera’s CEO, claims his “kids are eating Panera 10 to 11 times a week,” and he doesn’t want them to eat “junk.” Whenever a decision like this comes out, you should take an enormous pause to consider what it says about the ingredients the establishment was serving before. How much did Shaich care about his company’s food previously if he’s calling it junk now? Is this just a new way of greenwashing a thousand-calorie sandwich? Was Shaich not aware of the incredibly strict regulations involved in getting food additives to market? Didn’t anyone tell him that chefs and food scientists, who his company chose to hire, worked to make those exact flavors for their company that he’s now publicly deemed “junk?” (Those latter two questions are rhetorical.)

And as for Shaich’s kids eating Panera ten times a week, I offer this suggestion: locate a grocery store. Maybe buy some goddamn apples.

The Difference Between Nature, Inc. and Nature

What is natural, anyway? And what’s the difference between slapping “natural” on a label versus… getting food from nature?

We drive hybrid cars, own designer dogs that have been inbred from the grey wolf down to the chihuahua, and live in temperature-controlled, eco-friendly environments. We load the hybrid dog into the hybrid car, stretch on a pair of green-friendly $100 lululemons while hiking in the artificially designed nature trails of L.A. while drinking artificially sanitized water and tweeting selfies on our technological marvel iPhones with the hashtag #nature.

That’s Nature Inc™.

Nature, on the other hand, is generations ravaged by smallpox because vaccines weren’t invented yet. It’s having a home birth not because it’s been romanticized, but because it’s your only option. It’s dying of malnutrition because, even though you have soil, sunlight and water, you don’t have the technology to fight off bugs, weeds, or droughts. Nature is one too many sunburns leading to melanoma. Nature is when shows like Naked and Afraid and Born In The Wild are just life, and not documentary-worthy expenditures of bored and privileged twenty-somethings who can call the hospital when something goes horribly wrong.

Because as much as nature makes delicious fruits and vegetables, if you’re not paying attention, it also makes poisonous mushrooms.


Yvette d’Entremont holds bachelor’s degrees in theatre and chemistry and a master’s degree in forensic science. With a background working as an analytical chemist, she now runs SciBabe.com full time. She’s currently working on her first novel, SciBabe’s Ten Rules To BS Detection, due out in winter 2016. Her site debunks pseudoscience with humor and science. She lives in southern California with her dog, Buddy, and cat, Lexi. Follow her at fb.com/sciencebabe and scibabe.com.

Image by Jim Cooke

FDA: Blue Bell Knew About Its Listeria Contamination Back in 2013 

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FDA: Blue Bell Knew About Its Listeria Contamination Back in 2013 

Beloved southern ice cream-maker Blue Bell just pulled its products a few weeks ago after three deaths and a number of illnesses sparked concerns of Listeria contamination. But apparently, Blue Bell wasn’t exactly taken by surprise: a new report from the Food and Drug Administration claims that the company likely knew about a Listeria contamination as early as 2013—and didn’t do a damn thing about it.

That earliest known contamination reportedly happened at its Broken Arrow, Oklahoma, plant, but apparently, plants in both Brenham and Alabama also “indicated a high likelihood, or ‘presumptive positive’ for listeria on surfaces like floors, pallets used to store and carry ingredients and other non-food-contact surfaces,” according to the Houston Chronicle. All this was followed by “inaction or not enough action” on Blue Bell’s part. In other words, the company may very well have been able to prevent the tragic deaths that occurred. From the Chronicle:

“That’s as bad as it gets,” said Seattle attorney Bill Marler, a food safety expert. “You’re just not doing what you’re supposed to do.” The findings should have prompted Blue Bell to follow up with tests on surfaces that directly contact food, he said.

“It’s almost like they were looking for it in areas that if they found it there they didn’t get in much trouble,” Marler said. “They just didn’t look for it in areas where the risk to the consumer was the highest.”

Blue Bell has yet to comment on the report, but as it stands now, its products are still unavailable in stores. While the company did promise to implement “major plant upgrades and employee training,” it sounds awfully glib knowing officials were fully aware that these are steps that should have been taken years ago.

Image via AP.


Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.

Miley Cyrus Comes Out As...Not Straight

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Miley Cyrus Comes Out As...Not Straight

This is not the most shocking news coming from someone as LGBT-friendly, wiiiiild, and tongue-agile as Miley Cyrus, but it’s nice nonetheless: She revealed to the AP that “not all her past relationships were ‘straight, heterosexual’ ones.” The piece continues, “She did not elaborate.”

She did, however, say this to Out regarding her gender identity:

Miley says she already spent a lot of time struggling with traditional gender expectations—and being resentful that she was a girl. “I didn’t want to be a boy,” she clarifies. “I kind of wanted to be nothing. I don’t relate to what people would say defines a girl or a boy, and I think that’s what I had to understand: Being a girl isn’t what I hate, it’s the box that I get put into.”

Kids these days hate labels. If shunning them is what it takes for people to be their authentic selves, I guess that’s pretty cool.

Cyrus, by the way, revealed this stuff about herself in articles about her new LGBT support group initiative, which is an ingenious way to drum up attention for something with the unfortunate, not at all hip name of Happy Hippie Foundation. I’m not saying she’s being dishonest (I believe both of these quotes wholeheartedly and welcome her to the team), I’m just saying that her attention-grabbing is as on point as usual.

[Image via Getty]

500 Days of Kristin, Day 102: Kristin Alley

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500 Days of Kristin, Day 102: Kristin Alley

Earlier this week, aspiring author Kristin Cavallari assured Us Weekly that she’d be A-ok hanging out with Olivia Munn, even if some people think Olivia Munn is hotter than her. And you know what? For Kristin, life of the party, it doesn’t stop there. There are plenty of other attractive women Kristin would like to see socially.

Or at least one other woman, anyway. Per Us Weekly:

[Kristin] added that she “wouldn’t be opposed to” hanging out with another superstar football couple: Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. “I just saw she went to an event to label GMOs, which is right up my alley,” she noted of the supermodel. “I thought that was really cool.”

Kristin just saw that Gisele went to an event to label GMOs, and it’s not because Kristin usually notices what Gisele does—she doesn’t—she just happened to read online that Gisele went to this anti-GMO party, and hey, well, that’s right up Kristin’s alley. It’s not like Kristin has Google alerts set for “Gisele Bundchen” or a Pinterest board dedicated to her game day outfits or anything like that.

Kristin just thought that was really cool.


This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]

After Supercells and Tigers, Tornado Outbreaks Possible Friday & Sat.

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After Supercells and Tigers, Tornado Outbreaks Possible Friday & Sat.

Fresh off of Wednesday’s calamity in Oklahoma City involving supercells and tigers, the region is preparing for another two full days under the threat of a significant, multi-day tornado outbreak. Some of the tornadoes that form on Friday and Saturday could be intense and long-lived, accompanied by hail larger than baseballs and destructive wind gusts.http://thevane.gawker.com/dont-park-unde...

About yesterday...

A series of supercells parked themselves over the Oklahoma City metropolitan area during the late afternoon and evening hours on Wednesday, producing several tornadoes (some of which were intense), large hail, and overwhelming amounts of rainfall.

The city’s airport broke its all-time one-day rainfall record for the month of May, and recorded its third-highest one-day rainfall total since records began in 1948. Will Rogers World Airport recorded 7.10 inches of rain yesterday, most of which fell over the span of about six hours. (The record for highest one-day rainfall total in Oklahoma City is 7.62” set back on June 14, 2010.)

The rainfall caused significant flash flooding across the region, prompting the National Weather Service to issue a rare “flash flood emergency,” which is a step above a flash flood warning and indicates the serious and unprecedented nature of the flooding. The rain fell so hard and so fast that a couple of in-ground tornado shelters floated to the surface, painting a surreal and dangerous picture, given the other threat that day.

Unfortunately, one person drowned when floodwaters filled up the tornado shelter in which she took cover from the storms. Despite these several incidents with tornado shelters yesterday, tornado shelters that are reinforced and rated (both above-ground or below-ground) represent your best chance for survival during a tornado.

Speaking of which, several tornadoes also touched down across the region, also prompting the NWS to issue an equally-rare “tornado emergency” for Bridge Creek and Newcastle, south of Oklahoma City and in that vulnerable I-44 corridor that can’t seem to catch a break from bad tornadoes. The tornado that hit Bridge Creek has a preliminary EF-2 rating from NWS Norman, while the one that hit the west side of Norman is preliminarily rated EF-1.

After Supercells and Tigers, Tornado Outbreaks Possible Friday & Sat.

Numerous people were injured in yesterday’s tornadoes, including several residents of a mobile home community near Valley Brook, Oklahoma, where a particularly ugly rotation blew up on radar and sat over the area for more than five minutes. The associated radar image is pictured above—view on the left shows winds in the storm (green moving east, red moving west), while the view on the right shows the correlation coefficient; the large blue ball that develops north of Valley Brook is debris being lofted into the atmosphere. This tornado was also given a preliminary EF-2 rating.

Oh, and damage from the storms allowed several tigers to escape from the Tiger Safari in Tuttle, which is southwest of OKC near Bridge Creek. Authorities managed to round up all of the animals without incident.

Outbreaks on Friday and Saturday

Weather models are consistently showing all of the ingredients necessary for a raucous severe weather outbreak taking shape on both Friday and Saturday, with western Oklahoma the target on both days. The Storm Prediction Center has taken the relatively rare step of issuing a moderate risk for severe weather—a four on a scale from zero to five—for both days. They usually wait until the day before (or the day of) the outbreak to issue moderate/high risks.

The main threat from the thunderstorms on both days will be tornadoes—some of which could be intense and long-lived—very large hail the size of baseballs or larger, and destructive wind gusts. It’s important to keep in mind that these risk areas aren’t set in stone. The greatest risk for widespread severe thunderstorms lies within the moderate risk area, but don’t ignore the enhanced, slight, and marginal risks, either. Without naming any event in particular, some damaging tornadoes over the past decade or so have occurred in slight risk zones or near the edge of a moderate risk.

Here’s what the threat looks like right now for Friday—the next update from the SPC will roll out after midnight Eastern Time:

After Supercells and Tigers, Tornado Outbreaks Possible Friday & Sat.

But it’s Saturday that has even seasoned meteorologists concerned.

After Supercells and Tigers, Tornado Outbreaks Possible Friday & Sat.

In the lengthy discussion written by the Storm Prediction Center to explain/justify their forecast, they include the following tidbit:

[EVIDENCE SUPPORTS] A RELATIVELY HIGH CONFIDENCE FORECAST OF NUMEROUS INTENSE STORMS/SUPERCELLS CAPABLE OF PRODUCING VERY LARGE/DAMAGING HAIL AND A FEW STRONG/LONGER-LIVED TORNADOES IN THE MODERATE RISK AREA.

If you live in any area at risk for severe weather over the next couple of days, make sure you have multiple ways to receive severe thunderstorm and tornado watches/warnings. Never rely on tornado sirens as your only warning for severe weather. Make sure you have a plan in place to take quick action, especially if a tornado threatens your location. If you know tornadoes are on the horizon, stay as close to a safe spot as possible, taking great care to avoid getting caught on a road or in a big box store during a tornado warning.

Also, never take shelter underneath a bridge, not even for a hailstorm.

[Images: AP, Gibson Ridge, author]


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