Welcome to Midweek Madness, where we go to George and Amal’s house for dinner, sit down at the table with them, and then eat in silence throughout all 90 minutes of the seven-course meal. Today, Kylie is preggo and Scott’s the daddy-o, pregnant Kylie and not-pregnant Selena are on their way to rehab, the Duggars are a nightmare, and celebrity moms are mostly either good or fine.

And now, the first course.

OK!

PREGNANT KYLIE: SCOTT’S THE FATHER!

Last week, Kylie Jenner tweeted that she was not pregnant. Today, OK! printed that she is. Don’t you just love their perseverance? You can’t hold those rumors down. Kylie is not pregnant at all, but she is pregnant with Scott Disick’s baby, Kourtney is “in denial” and staying focused on her own kids, while Tyga, 17-year-old Kylie’s 25-year-old boyfriend, is “totally in the dark.” To be even more succinct, no one but OK! knows Kylie is pregnant with Scott’s baby, including Kylie. Meanwhile Caitlyn is like, “Bye girls leave me out of this have fun gotta go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Ugh. The Duggars. This piece is all about how Jessa and Jill “hid their pain” for all these years. An inside source says they were told “it was their Christian duty to forgive Josh, and if they didn’t, God would be angry with them...They were told not to tempt Josh.” I hate this. Moving on.

Kelly Rutherford might be getting her kids back! “After six years in and out of courts...the actress is one step close to being permanently reunited with her children, who have been living in Monaco with their father, German businessman Daniel Giersch.” Rutherford is allegedly $1.5M in debt due to legal fees, but is “optimistic about the impending court session and what the future holds for her family.” Good for Kelly.

Interview Response of the Week: Josh Hartnett

And Also:

• Brad and Angelina found an island to buy.
• Jennifer Aniston can’t find a movie to star in.
• Tom Cruise wants Jonathan Rhys Meyers to try Scientology.
• Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are THROUGH.
• Amber Heard and Johnny Depp are ALMOST THROUGH.
• Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield AREN’T THROUGH ANYMORE.
• Jim Carrey asks “prospective girlfriends to read Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment.”
• Imperator Furiosa could drive a War Rig through Rumer Willis’s thigh gap.

Grade: F (OK! calls to inform you that you’re pregnant with Scott Disick’s baby.)

LIFE & STYLE

KYLIE AND SELENA: REHAB BOMBSHELLS

This is actually TWO cover stories! Each got its own headline. Kylie’s is After Kylie’s Drug Spiral FAMILY INTERVENTION. Selena’s is Selena’s TERRIFYING RELAPSE. Let’s start with Kylie. She “needs help, and the Kardashians are taking drastic measures to make sure she gets it.” But you know what? She doesn’t want it! A source says “Kylie still says she doesn’t have a drug problem,” even though she’s allegedly been using “Xanax, cocaine, marijuana, booze and more to drown her sorrows.” All that, plus she’s unknowingly pregnant with Scott’s baby! Get some help, Kylie! OK, let’s move on to Selena. She fell off the wagon and needs treatment again. A source says she’s a “ticking time bomb” and that “she’s attempting to cope with some of her mounting problems by hitting the bottle.” Reps for Gomez, however, deny all of this. They say she “couldn’t be more excited and happy about upcoming projects.” One of those projects is The Big Short, which also stars Brad Pitt and Melissa Leo. Is anyone ever truly “excited” to work with Melissa Leo, or are they merely cautiously optimistic? Somebody’s lying, and I’m not sure if it’s Selena or the source.

Miley is ”stringing along Liam and Patrick”! You read that right, she’s hooking up with both of her exes at the same time, and an insider is claiming she’s doing it AS REVENGE. “She was devastated by her boyfriends’ betrayals, so she’s enjoying intentionally stringing them along now.” Hell yeah! Show Thing 1 and Thing 2 who’s boss! Can you imagine their reaction when she reveals the truth later down the line? Patrick will be like, “Huh? Who’s Liam? What? Why aren’t we at dinner?” and then Liam will be like, “Wait which one’s Patrick? I don’t get what you’re saying. I thought we were going to see the Minion movie tonight? Hold on, Chris is calling. Chris what do you want? Miley is mad about something and I’m about to see the Minions. I know you wanted to see it with me but I didn’t want to wait. Oh, now you’re mad at me too? I just wanna see the damn Minions but no one will let me.”

DUGGAR STORY! *turns page*

“They say a picture’s worth a thousand words. But in Tom Cruise’s case, a picture is worth thousands and thousands of dollars.” That wasn’t Life & Style commenting on the price of editorial photography these days, but on Tom Cruise’s alleged plastic surgery! They’re reporting that “friends believe the 52-year-old star recently [spent nearly $50,000] to plump, lift and smooth his face to look forever young in front of the cameras.” They suspect he’s used fillers on his cheeks and mouth, acid peels around his eyes. I, however, suspect he’s used the power of Xenu.

And Also:

• Chris Soules is a liar.
• Britney Spears and Charlie Ebersol are going to have a secret wedding.
• George and Amal Clooney got dinner with Sonia Sotomayor recently.
• All women must wear cutout dresses this week or they will be cursed at.
• All women must wear snake necklaces this week or they will be cursed.
• All women must carry white bags this week or they will be cursed at while being cursed.

Wrong Answer:

Grade: D+ (You wear a snake necklace and avoid the curse, but then you curse at an old woman on the street for not wearing a cutout dress and she curses you for that.)

inTouch

PRISON FOR DUGGARS

Ugh. Let’s get this over with. inTouch, the magazine that broke the big Duggar story, is now reporting that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar could be facing up to six years of prison time for “permitting the abuse of a minor as well as child endangerment.” They “knew what was going on” when Josh was molesting his sisters “and did nothing about it.” Oh, there also might be more than just the five victims previously reported. Isn’t it something how this story continues getting tougher and tougher to follow? Let’s move on from this nightmare.

Even though the results of today’s poll aren’t in, inTouch is reporting that Kim Kardashian is pregnant with twins! A “family friend” says the twins are likely the result of IVF treatments, “which experts say nearly double the odds of conceiving multiples.” Happy news, right? WRONG. Because Kim is terrified of “[getting] fat again.” On May 27, she was seen ordering “all this crazy food — including multiple appetizers like mozzarella sticks and several different pasta dishes like spaghetti Bolognese.” Though she split them with Kanye, “she was definitely eating like it was her last meal.” Despite that, sources say she’s “determined not to gain a ton of weight while carrying twins.” Note to Kim: I’m more than happy to take your leftover mozzarella sticks.

Caitlyn and Kris are AT “WAR!” Insiders are claiming that Kris “feels she was depicted as a selfish, unsympathetic shrew” in Vanity Fair’s profile of Caitlyn. “She hates the way she was called out.” Meanwhile, Caitlyn wants nothing to do with Kris. “The only thing she’s focused on,” says a source, ”is being the person she’s hidden from the public all these years.” That doesn’t exactly sound like a “war” to me. It’s more like an angry and ineffective army general yelling orders at her troops but failing to convince them to do anything. She’s all “ATTACK” and they all roll their eyes while scrolling through tweets on their Apple Watches.

And Also:

• Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris are going to get married.
• Britney Spears and Jennifer Lopez are Las Vegas Residency Enemies now.
• Bjork almost died after choking on a roast beef sandwich.
• Reese Witherspoon is pissed at Jim Toth for wanting more kids.
• Amal Clooney is pissed at George Clooney because she wants to move into their London home but it’s not finished yet. Can you believe how boring their problems are?
• The Teen Moms did something idk.
• The old Bachelor did something idk.

Wrong Answer:

Grade: C- (You get drafted for Kris Jenner’s army but fail the medical exam.)

STAR

BEST & WORST MOMS!

Please take a look at these “Celebrity Mom Report Cards”:

A+

• Angelina Jolie
  

A

• Charlize Theron
  
• Jennifer Lopez
  

A-

• Kate Middleton
  

B+

• Beyonce
  

C+

• Naomi Watts
  

C-

• Hilary Duff
  
• Rosie O’Donnell
  

D-

• Kim Kardashian
  
• Michelle Duggar
  

F

• “Mama” June Shannon
  

Wait a second, KIM KARDASHIAN AND MICHELLE DUGGAR ARE BOTH D-??? MICHELLE DUGGAR ISN’T AN F? HOW IS MICHELLE DUGGAR NOT AN F. HOW CAN YOU NOT RATE MICHELLE DUGGAR AN F. WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE.

OK, Jennifer Garner is definitely going to file for divorce from Ben Affleck before their 10-year anniversary. She’s officially “done” and “is prepared to claim as much of the imploding couple’s $120 million fortune as she can get — and full custody of their three kids.” Ben is more than willing to let Jen have the kids, but because they didn’t have a prenup, he’s going to be “fighting” for the money. Part of me wonders how much this will affect the performance of Batman v Superman next year, but most of me wonders how it will affect Matt Damon. I hope he’s OK. He’s been through a lot. Poor guy.

And Also:

• Paula Deen is broke.
• Paris Jackson is in love with her high school sweetheart.
• Alexander Skarsgard is in love with Margot Robbie.
• Jennifer Lawrence is in love with Nicholas Hoult AND Chris Martin.
• Robert Herjavec proposed to Kym Johnson and Kym was all, “We’ve only been dating for two weeks. For that reason, I’m out.”
• Miranda Kerr and Leo DiCaprio are doing things with each other’s genitals again.

Wrong Answer:

Grade: Z (You’re complaining to a friend about how Michelle Duggar wasn’t given an F, and then Paula Deen calls to ask you for money.)

Appendix:

Fig 1. inTouch

Fig 2. inTouch

Fig 3. inTouch

Fig 4. OK

Contact the author at bobby@jezebel.com.

On Wednesday, 19 Kids and Counting parents Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar confirmed many of the allegations concerning their son, Josh, who molested four of their children and a babysitter by the age of fifteen. But man does that family make a lot of excuses. They make so many excuses.

The Duggars’ interview answers, which aired Wednesday on Fox News, tend to relate back to two main points: A. that some of the girls weren’t awake and were therefore unaware they’d been molested, and B. that it was just an over-the-clothes fondle, except, apparently, when it was under the clothes, but only “for like a few seconds.”

And Josh confessed on his own volition, they say. He kept doing it, but he felt very bad!

After Josh confessed to fondling a sibling under the age of 10, Jim Bob and Michelle sent him to do construction work with a family friend for a few months—a trip they’d later refer to as Christian counseling program—and had a police officer, now a convicted sex offender, lecture him. Eventually Jim Bob and Michelle had a few more kids, the family got a TV show, and Josh got excused.

The Excuse: “Josh had a tender conscience”

Michelle: We were shocked. I mean we were just devastated. I don’t think any parent is prepared for trauma like that. And I think we had one ray of hope that Josh had a tender conscience and he was the one that came and shared on his own, even though the others really didn’t know anything of his wrongdoing.

The Excuse: “They didn’t know he had done it.”

Megyn: Did he explain why? I mean is that a question that you asked?

Jim Bob: He said he was just curious about girls, and he had gone in and just basically touched them over their clothes while they were sleeping. They didn’t even know he had done it.

The Excuse: “None of them were aware.”

Jim Bob: We first off really talked to him. And then we talked to the girls.

Michelle: Because it was so important as parents to talk to our girls and make sure that nothing else had happened.

Megyn: And what did they say?

Michelle: Well, one by one, as we talked with them, none of them were aware of Josh’s wrongdoings.

Megyn: So they learned about it from you?

Both parents: Yeah.

The Excuse: “Similar things happen in other families”

Megyn: When you went to bed at night during that timeframe, were you scared? Were you worried, “You know, he’s 14, he’s having this problem, what’s going to happen when we go to sleep?”

Jim Bob: Nothing ever happened in the girls bedrooms after that. So we had safeguards that protected them from that. But there was another incident, two different instances where girls were, like, laying on the couch.

Michelle: ...Sleeping

Jim Bob: And he had touched, like, over the couch, and actually touched the breasts while they were asleep.

Michelle: ...Over the clothes

Jim Bob: Yeah, over the clothes. And so it was a very difficult situation. But as we’ve talked to other parents and different ones since then, a lot of families since said that they’ve had similar things happen in their families. I mean this is, for us, of course, this is public shame that our son did this, back 12, 13 years ago.

The Excuse: “This was not rape”

Jim Bob: We thought at first that Josh was on the road to mend, but he was still a kid, you know, he was still a juvenile. He wasn’t an adult. And so there was a couple more times he came and told us what he had done, and we were just devastated. Again, this was not rape or anything like that. This was like touching over the clothes. There were a couple instances where he touched someone under the clothes, but for like a few seconds. And then he came to us, and was crying, and told us what happened.

The Excuse: “They probably didn’t even understand that it was an improper touch.”

Megyn: The subsequent incidents, after the first one, involved daughters who were awake. Or at least a couple of them?

Jim Bob: There was a couple, yeah, and they didn’t really understand.

Michelle: It was more his heart, his intent. He knew that it was wrong. But they weren’t even aware. To them they probably didn’t even understand that it was an improper touch.

The Excuse: “It was more just like fondling, a touch while they were asleep—for most of them”

Megyn: Just to clarify, it was four daughters and there was a babysitter outside the family

Jim Bob: Yes.

Megyn: And you notified her about the incident?

Jim Bob: Yes. He called her up and asked her forgiveness, and she didn’t know he had done anything, either. It was more just like a fondling, a touch while they were asleep—for most of them. Then there was two other incidents that were when they were awake. And it was just a bad thing.

The Excuse: “Why in the world would [the cop] say that? Maybe he’d get out on parole sooner.”

Jim Bob: At police headquarters, we went in and talked to him and said, “Hey, my son has something that he needs to share with you.” We actually took a witness with us. We went in and sat down and he shared everything.

Megyn: He told it all?

Jim Bob: He told everything. And we had no idea that what that officer was going through on his own.

Megyn: So the audience knows, that officer is now in jail for 56 years for child pornography charges. Did you have any idea he was involved in that at the time?

Michelle: That came out years later. We were, like, shocked to read that in the paper.

Megyn: So the critics who say, “Oh, they chose that guy because they thought he would be sympathetic.”

Jim Bob: I didn’t know anything about this guy except he was an officer there at headquarters.

Megyn: From now from prison, where he’s serving time for child pornography, he says, “Well he only told me about one incident and that’s why I didn’t pursue charges.”

Jim Bob: I was questioning, “Why in the world would he say that?” Maybe he’d get out on parole sooner. Because he actually violated the law in this case himself by not reporting it.

The Excuse: “There’s boundaries that we’ve learned”

Michelle: We still had those safeguards in place. I mean, it’s like there were a lot of things that changed in our understanding as parents, with this first child, first son, to come to this place in his life, where like, there were things we learned, even since then, that I think, “You know what, we don’t let boys babysit. They don’t play hide and seek together, two don’t go off and hide.” There are just a lot of things that we’ve put in place. We said, “You’re not alone in a room with someone else. Always be out visible, and, you know, little ones don’t sit on big boys’ laps or people that you don’t know or even family members, unless it’s your daddy. So we just—there’s boundaries that we’ve learned.”

The Excuse: “The legal definition is 16 and up for being an adult preying on a child.”

Megyn: Michelle let me ask you, because you were in the news for making a robocall that suggested transgender people might want to go into the bathrooms of girls, locker rooms of girls, and that they may be child molesters. Folks have used that in the past week against you saying how could you unfairly, in their view, compare transgender people to child molesters, suggest they are child molesters, knowing what you know about Josh.

Michelle: I think that protecting young girls and not allowing young men, and men in general, to go into a girls’ locker room is just common sense.

Megyn: But this is different, because you injected child molestation into it.

Jim Bob: I think you actually said pedophile in that, and actually a pedophile is an adult that preys on children. Joshua was actually 14 and just turned 15 when he did what he did. And I think that the legal definition is 16 and up for being an adult preying on a child. So he was a child preying on a child.

Megyn: You do not view Josh as a pedophile.

Both parents: No.

The Excuse: “I feel like this is more about... there is an agenda”

Megyn: Can you understand the critics’ reaction to this news?

Michelle: I can understand that, but I know that every one of us have done things wrong. That’s why Jesus came. I feel like this is more about... there is an agenda and there is people that are purposing to try to bring things out and twisting them to hurt and slander.

The Duggars used the word sorry twice on the program, explaining to Megyn that when Josh left the house they told their kids he had “done some very bad things and he’s, he’s sorry.” The second time was when Fox replayed the clip.

Image via AP. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Yesterday, more than 100 Gawker Media editorial employees voted on the question of whether to be represented by the Writers Guild of America, East for the purpose of collective bargaining—that is, whether we want to form a union. The results are in.

Yesterday’s votes were cast electronically and tallied by VoteNet, an independent online voting system. Out of 118 eligible voters, 107 cast votes. The results are:

• Yes: 80 votes—75%
• No: 27 votes—25%

The next steps: determining what we want to bargain for; forming a bargaining committee; and negotiating a contract.

We are unionized.

[Photo: Flickr]

He’s in! He’s got a website where he flaunts his geeker glasses and salutes a lot. Presumably he’s been working on his mnemonics, but hopefully not. Oh, happy day. Happy happy day. 2016, brothers. We will ride through the gates of Valhalla shiny and chrome. Witness me!

In the meantime, check out the hot news headlines on his website:

Or this definitive collection of Rick Perry gay sex/small dick rumors. Whichever. Beauteous day!

[Make sure you have a last will and testament. 2016 nears.]

Contact the author at adam@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: FD97 D50A DE57 3943 4534 1A49 FA8B 74B4 A7A0 07BE

Deadspin No, A Disabled Vet Was Not Second Place For Arthur Ashe Courage Award | io9 The New, In-Canon Star Wars Comic Just Did Something Completely Insane | Jalopnik Airbus A330 Flies For 25 Minutes Over The Pacific With Both Engines Out | Jezebel This Week In Tabloids: Oh My God Kylie Is Pregnant With Scott’s Baby |

Yesterday, WNYC reported that four former employees of New York City CVS stores filed a federal lawsuit against the pharmacy chain, alleging that they were directed to focus their attention on black and hispanic visitors when rooting out shoplifters. This comes as no surprise to anyone who as ever worked in retail, or any person of color who has ever stepped inside a store.

The plaintiffs—who are black and hispanic themselves—had some horror stories:

The complaint detailed a number of comments reportedly made, including a manager telling an employee to “hide like a monkey.” Plaintiff Sheree Steele was reportedly told to, “Watch the black and Hispanic people to catch more cases.” Plaintiff Lacole Simpson was reportedly told, “these Black people are always the ones that are the thieves.”

I’ll share a story of my own: At the Boston Urban Outfitters where I worked in college, we had two code words that we were instructed to use over our walkie talkies when a suspected shoplifter was inside the store—one for when we were pretty sure someone was about to steal; one for when we were certain, or if they already had stolen. If you were working the register near the front door and a group of black men or boys walked in—and especially if they were wearing backpacks—you were expected to use the suspected shoplifter code word immediately.

I ignored the policy, but kept my mouth shut about it. When a manager observed me standing at the front register and not calling out a group of black high-schoolers, she gave me a passive-aggressive talking-to; when a braver coworker than me vocalized his displeasure with the rule, the same manager asked him, “Are you threatening me?”

A CVS representative told WNYC that the company “has firm nondiscrimination policies that it rigorously enforces.” I’m sure the part about having policies against discrimination is true, but from my experience in retail, I’m even surer that the part about rigorous enforcement of those policies is not.

What about you? Have you been racially profiled while shopping? Have you been asked to racially profile customers while working your retail job? Leave your stories below.

Photo via Timothy Krause/Flickr. Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.

The deepest and most organic death is death in solitude, when even light becomes a principle of death. In such moments you will be severed from life, from love, smiles, friends and even from death. And you will ask yourself if there is anything besides the nothingness of the world and your own nothingness.

Jerry Seinfeld got a toilet. His wife, Jessica Seinfeld, spoke to PageSix:

“I got him a toilet! And that’s all I’m going to say.”

One more thing:

“I love it!” Jerry said.

Image via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

Congratulations, Edit!

I think unionizing was a smart, brave decision, and one that gives you a chance at security in a turbulent environment.

As it’s important to plan, negotiate, and plan to negotiate with as much clarity as possible, here is what I know about Gawker Media, the company. Bear in mind that my knowledge is at least six months out of date, except where it isn’t.

Gawker Media is an advertising-based business, with revenues of around 35- to 45-million dollars a year. There are a few other sources of income: a couple of million for international licensing fees (from the companies that publish international versions, such as Kotaku Australia); and affiliate fees, largely from Amazon, that add another 5-10 million a year. Ad revenue has been growing around 30% a year, which is good, despite relatively flat traffic and somewhat primitive (by Ad World standards) offerings. (No video at scale, negligible mobile innovation.)

Most of that revenue gets spent in the following ways: paying for staff; paying for infrastructure, such as web servers or bandwidth; litigating the ever-present lawsuits, often with third-party counsel; and paying for offices, travel, third-party services (like branding agencies and other consultants) and roof-top parties. That typically leaves a relatively tidy profit of 1-2 million dollars per quarter, which is either kept in a bank account or, recently, spent.

A large amount of Gawker Media’s capital over the last few years has been spent on the expansion of its technology divisions, with a roughly 50/50 split in headcount between the U.S. and Hungary. (The Hungarians and their office are, of course, less expensive than equivalent U.S. counterparts.) That is part of the reason why, when asked what Gawker Media has “spent on Kinja,” Denton is keen to equivocate. Little of the capital spent on Kinja has gone to materiel, since, after all, it’s just code running on servers that were already needed to operate the sites. As an relatively uninformed estimate, it is reasonable to presume that something like $10-$20 million has been spent on the development of Kinja (and its precursors) in payroll alone over the last five years. It’s difficult to make a clear estimate, primarily because it’s difficult to quantify the opportunity losses: how much traffic and potential advertising revenue was lost when the sites were down? How many employee hours were wasted pursuing partnership deals that were abandoned? How much of the development cost of Kinja was wasted in pursuit of dead-end experiments or capricious strategy charges versus the work essential to maintain an online media company’s content management system? (I can take a good guess at that last one, actually: I’d say about 75% of the work on Kinja has wasteful.)

As stewards of your own future at Gawker Media, it’s important to have a full understanding of the business strategy (or lack thereof) of Kinja. The theory, as it has mutated, goes something like this: Facebook and other social platforms (but mostly Facebook) have taken away the power of the “destination” publication. Buzzfeed, having noted this a few years back, has built a stateless organization that attempts to optimize the delivery of its traffic wherever the audience may be: on Facebook, on YouTube, on YouTube on Facebook. Gawker, feeling threatened by Facebook, attempted to build another Facebook. (Oops!) A noble goal, vis a vis the loss of independence or influence a media organization has over its own audience, but one that—even with a brilliant design and flawless technical execution—had a slim chance of success to begin with.

The other strategic pillar of Kinja was to be user contribution. (Something Buzzfeed tried and abandoned as well.) Those of you in Edit who have been around for more than a few months will remember the embarrassing, enfeebling maxims around this over the last few years: commenters are just as important as writers! You’re not journalists, you’re cocktail party hosts! We will probably fire all of Edit soon! This ignored currently true maxims of the internet: it costs more to moderate comments than the value, in aggregate, they provide; most people with valuable gossip don’t want to leave it in an internet comment; writers want to investigate and write, not deal with the entitled or sociopathic. There was a lot of faff spewed about democratizing journalism, overthrowing governments via Kinja—I don’t know if it’s better or worse than Denton seemed to actually believe this—but as has been obvious to all involved throughout the experiment, it was mostly a bulwark against needing to pay writers to create content.

Clearly, both of these strategic goals for Kinja have not been met, despite millions of dollars and years of development time shoveled into the furnace, primarily because 1) they were too ambitious 2) outside of the scope of expertise of what Gawker Media is truly good at 3) managed by Denton, who is a comically inept product visionary, manager, and technical mind. (But he sure does love sci-fi!)

(There was a strategy, now abandoned from my understanding, to make New Kinja similar to Original Kinja: a Google Reader-type aggregator. There was something to that, perhaps, but social aggregators like Reddit are exponentially larger, while simpler social sharing tools like Nuzzel are leaner and better funded.)

Why didn’t Kinja work? For the same reason that most attempts to grow and mature Gawker Media have never worked: For someone who trades in bravado, Nick Denton is, perversely, a coward.

Those of us in management spent a large portion of last year in brainstorming sessions where Denton explained his desire to leave a legacy. That legacy, implicitly, was Kinja. (Not Gawker Media, strangely.) This is the Denton you’re toiling for today: a man who wants to be better than he was before, both as a businessman, leader, and (presumably) a human being, but who is fundamentally pessimistic about trusting other people. Hence, a ceaseless paranoia that encourages and rewards employees who gossip to him about their peers, or perpetuates cynical (and cyclical!) editorial strategies that manifest in sites like Valleywag, which existed entirely as a lever to be used in transactions with Valley companies. (“I am no longer feared when I walk into Silicon Valley boardrooms” was the response I was given when attempting to shut down Valleywag last year.) It’s this paranoia that prompts the emotionally fueled dismissals of employees when they “seem stressed.” (Hi!) It’s what has caused Kinja to fail over and over again; who can develop a product whose strategy can be changed because of an off-hand comment from a stranger at a cocktail party? It is what has killed countless forward-looking projects over the history of the company, especially when those projects would rely on Denton to trust in the expertise and execution of someone who has skills he does not. Paranoia breeds reactionary thinking, and Gawker Media has by-and-large been (as a company) reactionary, not visionary.

(Paranoia also cascades from the top down, making for a miserable work environment. As you know.)

It’s important to understand this as you move forward in your negotiations with management, who—princes and principalities excepted—do have your interest at heart. The modern era of media is wooly. Gawker Media is competing in a marketplace against media organizations with tens of millions of dollars in the bank, allowing them to scoop up their daily sustenance from the pool of rapidly congealing money with whichever cup isn’t leaking at the moment. (Wednesday is Video Cup Day! Tomorrow is Branded Content Cup Day, brought to you by Pepsi.) Gawker Media’s capital is entirely at the whim of Denton, who with his family owns the lion’s share of the equity. (There is a board, but it has no power, and is ignored or shown sleight of hand.) Spending has not slowed down: the new office, leased for a decade (or is it 15 years?) at record-high square footage rates, is already millions of dollars over the original estimate. (That’s why the “debt financing”—a.k.a. “a loan”—was necessary, despite being sold to the bank as necessary for Kinja development.) It’s also why sites are casually shopped around for sale: last year, Jezebel, io9, and Jalopnik were all on the block at times. There is precious little money in the coffers for unforeseen expenses, like a huge judgement in a lawsuit or a downturn in the market. (The latter is basically inevitable, although it remains to be seen how that will affect advertising; ad spends have traditionally gone up, not down, after a market crash, to stimulate sales, but the question is whether the increase in sales will go to traditional media companies like Gawker or directly into Facebook, Google, and television.)

Gawker Media has succeeded thus far for only two reasons: Nick’s laudable and mostly universal willingness to let writers publish what they choose (until they are fired, anyway) and, of course, the writers intelligence and commitment to the truth, even at great personal cost. Could Gawker Media have been a larger, more financially successful company? Absolutely. There were a lot of business opportunities missed because Denton was too afraid to take a risk. Does it still have a chance of surviving as a small, independent publisher with modest profits? It will be hard, but it is possible. But it will not happen without a unity of vision that its leadership has historically not provided, or without the environment to experiment, to grow, and to speak openly and honestly about the financials and strategy of the company. (Or, at least, it won’t happen with you all still employed.) That has been impossible until today, but you have just given yourselves a chance to push back against the infighting and paranoia that has hobbled the organization for its entire existence.

You’re some of the greatest writers and thinkers I know, I miss you terribly, and I sincerely hope it works out. You’ve got a fighting chance now.

David Siegel is probably best known as the husband of Jackie Siegel, the so-called “Queen of Versailles” whose (temporary) riches-to-rags narrative was chronicled in the 2012 documentary of that name. David and Jackie had planned to build the biggest private residence in North America when the economy tanked, leaving their dream a shell of a dwelling. But now it’s back on, or something. David is also a time-share tycoon who once threatened to fire members of his staff if Obama was elected. Another fun fact about David Siegel is that he is a lech.

Despite its name, ABC’s Celebrity Wife Swap is not about “wife-swapping” (or swinging or whatever). That didn’t stop David from flirting so hard with his temporary “wife,” Juliet Reeves London (Jeremy London’s actual wife), that she literally told him, “Frankly, I’m not very comfortable,” as he stroked her knee in a limo.

Then, he introduced Juliet as “my new wife” to a group of Jackie’s friends at a Botox party:

When confronted, he denied ever having hit on Juliet:

As for what’s going on in the perpetual building of the Siegel’s Versailles, well, it’s still happening, or so they say:

The Siegels are doing great, everybody!

Izabel Laxamana, a 13-year-old girl in Tacoma, Washington died by suicide after jumping off a highway overpass on Friday, May 29. Days before, Laxamana’s father Jeff had reportedly punished her for an unspecified transgression by cutting off her hair and uploading a video to YouTube. There’s now a controversy brewing online and among the girl’s friends and family over whether the video caused her death.

Tacoma’s News Tribune reports that the girl, who they don’t identify by name, exited a car and jumped off a bridge onto Interstate 5. She was taken to a Seattle hospital, where she died on Saturday. Friends of the Laxamana family are now raising money for funeral costs on a GoFundMe site.

The original 15-second video that is supposedly of Izabel, filmed by her father, has been removed. But one of Laxamana’s friends shared it by taping the original on his phone:

The video opens with a shot of a short-haired girl in a black t-shirt staring blankly at the camera, in what appears to be a garage.

“The consequences of getting messed up, man, you lost all that beautiful hair,” a male voice can be heard saying from behind the camera. The video pans to the ground, where long locks of black hair are scattered on the ground. “Was it worth it?”

“No,” she responds quietly.

“How many times did I warn you?” he asks.

“A lot,” she replies, barely audibly.

After Izabel’s death, a blog called Tacoma Stories claimed that the public shaming led to her suicide and constituted abuse:

Public shaming is a form of abuse. There are those who will say that it teaches a lesson. So does punching someone in the face. That doesn’t make it okay to do to your children. My thoughts are with this young girl. I hope that she gets the help she needs. I also hope her father gets the help he so clearly needs and that her family can heal from these traumatic events brought on by public shaming.

The blog’s author, John Cameron, added in an update that he’d closed the comments section “due to multiple requests from family members of the victim.” A Facebook page called Justice for Izabel is filled with calls for her father to be criminally prosecuted or else publicly shamed himself.

While the social media mob is busy coming for Laxamana’s family, it’s also important to note that determining cause and effect when it comes to suicide isn’t easy. We have little information about what else was going on in Laxamana’s life, although in a Google Plus post from last year, she writes about feeling bullied at school. She shares a link to a song and says it’s what gets her through her tough times:

I feel hated most of the time im in school i feel looked down on and i get judged alot.... But what keeps me going is people like kian who have gone through the same thing as me... In a school with so many people its weird to say “i feel alone” but the truth is that you really do feel alone. So thanks for everything kian....

Outside Giaudrone Middle School, someone else filmed the enormous pile of flowers, stuffed animals and chalk messages that have been left by students in tribute to Laxamana:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you’re in crisis or feeling suicidal, please call 1-800-273-8255. You can also chat online with someone from NSPL at any time, day or night.

Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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Screengrab via YouTube/Sirena Covington

If you’re a disgruntled waiter looking to punish an obnoxious customer, you should should think twice before hocking a revenge loogie into their drinks, because now cops will bust you for that shit using science.

Last July, Ken Yerdon and his wife Julie Aluzzo-Yerdon were enjoying, or attempting to enjoy, their weekly dinner at an upstate New York Chili’s when they told their waiter, Gregory Lamica, that their broccoli was undercooked and that they still hadn’t received their chips.

“They were busy — we understood,” Aluzzo-Yerdon told Syracuse.com. “We were patient with him, but we could tell he was annoyed with us. All Ken said to him was, ‘Are you OK? Have we done something to offend you?’ And he said, ‘Oh, no, no.”

Lamica, however, was lying; he was so offended after being asked to refill the couple’s to-go cups that he spit in them. Unfortunately for the Yerdons, and Ken especially, the spit wasn’t discovered until Ken had already taken two sips. Then the lid popped off.

“I saw the spit in the cup,” Ken Yerdon said, according to Syracuse.com. “It wasn’t regular spit either. It was definitely a loogie.”

The couples took a picture of the spit and drove back to the Chili’s, where the managers apologized and gave them coupons and a refund but refused to fire Lamica.

From Syracuse.com:

“We just felt like he needed to be terminated immediately,” Julie said. “To do something like that was so vile and beyond the pale. We couldn’t believe it.”

As he left, Yerdon saw Lamica in the parking lot, according to a state police report.

“I said, ‘Why did you spit in my drink?’” Yerdon’s statement to police said. “He was bawling. He just kept walking with his apron in his hand and he didn’t answer me. I said to him, ‘You wouldn’t be crying if you didn’t spit in my drink.’ He said, ‘I don’t want to lose my job.’ “

So the Yerdons called the cops, who tested Lamica and compared his DNA to the spit in the cup. Three months later the results came in; the spit was a match.

In Feburary, Lamica confessed to one count of disorderly conduct and and was sentenced to a one-year conditional discharge and a $125 fine. He is no longer a Chili’s employee, though he worked there for three months after the spitting incident, according to the Yerdons.

The fine and dismissal, however, were not enough for the Yerdons, who now plan on suing Chili’s because of “the psychological trauma they endured not knowing whether Yerdon had contracted HIV or hepatitis,” as Syracuse.com put it. (HIV cannot be transmitted through saliva, but there’s no use in arguing with someone who ordered broccoli at a Chili’s).

Image via Flickr. Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.

Chris Christie (and some other people) played in a softball game at Yankee Stadium last night. There’s video of famous people saying nice things about the NYPD, if that’s your thing, but still photography remains the best way to capture great sports memories. Here are some photos from the game.

(All wire photos by Frank Franklin II for the AP, who probably enjoyed his evening in the Bronx.)

New Jersey’s governor played in the field:

He made some good plays and got people out with timely throws from the hot corner:

NJ.com says he was even named the unofficial MVP by WFAN:

Christie’s batting did not go as well:

He popped out to left.

Christie’s friend Rex Ryan came to have fun and show off his skinnybod:

Rex hung out with Chris during the game:

Christie’s grandpa came to watch him play, too:

Everyone had fun and played a good, clean game.

Lacie LaRose, a 19-year-old student at Blinn College, was shot and killed at a graduation party last month after a fight that began as an argument over the rules of beer pong, according to one witness. Ronald McNeil, the 39-year-old alleged killer, told police that the fight was racially charged.

The Bryan-College Station Eagle reports that LaRose was killed at a May 2 party hosted in College Station, Tx., by Landon Duke, a 23-year-old recent graduate of Texas A&M. Duke told the Eagle that McNeil came back to his house and shot LaRose after he had already been escorted out of the party because of the earlier fight.

According to Duke, McNeil and several of his friends showed up uninvited after Duke knocked on McNeill’s door to ask him to contact the partygoers directly rather than call police if he had a noise complaint. The beer pong fight allegedly happened after the roughly 100-person party had dwindled down to a smaller crowd. From the Eagle:

One of McNeil’s friends got into an argument with one of Duke’s friends over the rules for beer pong, Duke said. The verbal exchange became more heated and McNeil and his friends were asked to leave, according to Duke, who said he had stood up to join his friends in escorting the men out.

Duke said he threw a punch that knocked one of McNeil’s friends on the ground; the man got up and left with his friends. Duke said some other people threw punches in the altercation, but that the fight was over pretty quickly. Duke did not name who the other people in the argument were.

McNeil told police that attendees “were yelling racial slurs and beating up his friend,” according to the Eagle, but Duke said that he doesn’t recall racial slurs being used. McNeil and his friends are black; most of the other party attendees were white.

McNeil allegedly shot at LaRose 14 times as she was in the backyard getting beers for an upcoming game of beer pong. Her body was dragged into the garage, where Duke found her after hearing the shots. Two other guests received minor injuries from the shots. McNeil, who was arrested by College Station police while fleeing the scene, told investigators that intended only to scare partygoers with his handgun, and had fired it accidentally. He was charged with murder, deadly conduct, and two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, and is currently being held on $500,00 bail at Brazos County Jail.

Image via Facebook. Contact the author at andy@gawker.com.

Jim Cooley cares deeply about freedom. And safety. Which is why he travels to Atlanta’s airport carrying an AR-15 with a 90-round drum magazine. But why can’t he do that without cops politely following him at a safe distance? Isn’t this America?

Cooley—who loves constitutionally guaranteed rights, like the right to run Muslims out of town (more on that below)—is incensed that merely dropping off his very embarrassed-looking daughter last week at Atlanta-Hartsfield International Airport with the loaded long-gun at the ready was enough to arouse the interest of a few peace officers.

Fortunately, Cooley videotaped this outrage. Take a look at this abuse of power, this bald harassment, this teenaged daughter just wishing Dad would shut up already:

“I’m just curious,” an amused-sounding fire marshal asks Cooley in the terminal, “do you have a permit or what, what’s going on?”

“You’re not even allowed to ask me,” Cooley retorts. “You’re not even allowed to ask me for any ID... What you should probably do is go check with the airport policy, okay, and then you’ll understand that you shouldn’t even have approached me.”

“Okay,” the marshal says. “What I’m gonna do is get TSA and get them to try to handle it. I’m not trying to tell you to put it up or anything, I’m just curious. I’ve never seen a gun, somebody walking around with a gun inside of the airport. So that’s why I’m—”

“So you think that it’s not allowed!” Cooley says in disgust.

“I don’t know, sir,” the marshal laughs. “See, that’s all I’m doing.”

Cooley, whose wife can be seen comforting his just-trying-to-pretend-this-isn’t happening daughter, complained to local media that the abuse continued in the parking lot as he left, with a few cops keeping an eye on him:

“Can I ask why you’re following me?” Cooley asks a police officer nearby.

“Just making sure there are no problems, sir,” she says as she walks past him, her back turned.

“Are you saying you suspect me of causing a problem?” he yells toward her back, as she’s 15 feet away and opening up the distance. He diligently rounds up the three police officers and demands their names and badge numbers, which they give. He then complains, on the video that he’s recording of the police officers whose identities he just obtained, that they’re following him and photographing him. “That’s not illegal,” one tells him.

“It’s considered harassment!” Cooley says.

“We haven’t said anything to you,” the officer responds. “You approached us!”

Cooley knows that freedom is a right, not a privilege. That’s according to the shirt he’s wearing in this video of him getting arrested at a 2014 gun protest, and it’s consistent with this video of him “Getting escorted out of the WINDER CITY COUNCIL MEETING,” as well as this video of him “Messing with a cop while getting a ticket for NO LICENSE PLATES.” These and more messages of freedom and liberty can be found on Cooley’s YouTube page, alongside the video of him successfully fighting for “NO MOSQUE IN KENNESAW GEORGIA...GOD BLESS AMERICA.”

Because, see, if there’s one thing Cooley can’t stand as he presses his right to to say and carry whatever without all these eyes on him, it’s dirty Muslims and “the scumbag lawyer for the terrorist org” who tried to slide a temporary place of worship into the local mall, right under Cooley’s freedom-defending ammo belt. What part of “land of the free” don’t you understand?

Contact the author at adam@gawker.com.
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With Caitlyn Jenner’s public debut dominating the news cycle this week, people who are uncomfortable that Bruce is now Caitlyn are trying to tear her down by claiming she’s not a real American hero, like The Troops. This is a bad and disingenuous argument, which makes it all the more satisfying to see it buried under a heap of sweet, sweet irony.

Jenner may have come out as a member of one of the most persecuted groups in American society and agreed to reveal her years-long private journey to millions of viewers, but that’s not “real American courage,” says one Terry Coffey, who posted the photo above. It’s been shared 765,000 times. Now, these soldiers you see in the photo—one carrying his injured comrade toward safety, the other covering their backs with his gun—they’re as real and courageous as it gets.

Except that they’re not real at all.

As Coffey learned once his post blew up on Facebook, the photo is actually of an imaginary scene by artist Mark Hogancamp, whose brain was seriously damaged in a brutal attack outside a bar in 2000. After coming out of a coma, Hogancamp began to cope with his neurological injuries and memory loss by building himself a new life: a 1/6th scale World War II-era Belgian town called Marwencol, populated by Barbie dolls and army men.

The soldiers in the photo are miniature players in Hogancamp’s internal drama, brought to life only in his imagination and his photographs.

The deep layers of irony in Coffey’s Facebook post don’t end there, though. When five men kicked Hogancamp nearly to death—in fact, his memory loss is so severe that he considers himself to have died in the attack—they did it because he enjoyed wearing feminine clothing.

From a 2011 New York Times profile:

When Mr. Hogancamp returned home after the beating, he discovered a closet full of women’s pumps and boots. “Do I have a girlfriend?” he asked a friend. “They’re yours,” the friend replied. “You collect them and you wear them.” Mr. Hogancamp then learned that the men who beat him did so after he told them he was a cross-dresser.

There are people out there willing to put someone in a coma for wearing heels, but apparently there’s nothing real, brave, heroic, or American about what Jenner did this week.

Coffey has since discovered the source of the photo and learned Hogancamp’s story. He admitted in a second Facebook post that it “makes you think”:

The photo that accompanied my words yesterday to highlight “true bravery,” was chosen from a quick image search. Just wanted something to fit my words. This afternoon, I wanted to find out who the photographer was, so I could credit his work.

In an ironic twist, I have discovered that the photo is part of a documentary created by a man who was beaten nearly to death outside of a bar in 2000.

After spending 9 days in a coma, suffering severe brain damage and being unable to walk or talk for a year, he chose to deal with the pain of the tragic event, by creating an imaginary world of characters and photos and stories, all set in WWII. His work is the subject of an upcoming documentary.

Why was he nearly beaten to death by 5 strangers?

Because he was a cross-dresser.

I could have chosen any one of hundreds of photos depicting bravery, but I chose this one. Do I think it was an accident?

No, I don’t.

What happened to this man was cruel, wrong, and unforgivable.

Hate helps nothing

Love wounds no one

and God heals all.

(and irony makes you think)

That “upcoming documentary” is Jeff Malmberg’s Marwencol, named for Hogancamp’s fictional town. It actually came out in 2010 to rave reviews and copious film festival accolades, and you can stream it via the Sundance documentary club.

[h/t Raw Story]

What is Bill Simmons going to do next? The possibilities are... well, not exactly endless. Fox will probably make a play for him. Bleacher Report? Haha. There will definitely be various rich dudes looking to align themselves with the one-time bratty prince of ESPN, including, as we’ve heard, possibly a (fellow) beloved television personality who will soon be out of a job.

The rumor we were told originates from a meeting involving people from TV Land and Viacom (which owns TV Land) late last month. Calling into that meeting, a reliable source tells us, was a man named Sandy Wernick, who is a longtime player in the world of comedy. Wernick worked extensively on The Larry Sanders Show—a Simmons favorite, incidentally—and is currently producing The Jim Gaffigan Show, which will run on TV Land.

Per a source who was at the meeting, Wernick let it slip that Simmons is planning to start an online subscription network of some sort with Jon Stewart, who will cede the Daily Show to Trevor Noah in August. (Stewart, for what it’s worth, is said to be telling his Daily Show coworkers that he is quitting television to spend more time with his kids.)

Is this true? We have no idea. Sandy Wernick, our source reminded us, is very old. But it’s certainly interesting to think about. Simmons fancies himself an iconoclast—which is ultimately why ESPN shoved him off the plank—and a power play of this nature would seem to suit him better than saddling up to another corporation that might not take too kindly to Roger Goodell being called a liar. Simmons and Stewart also share a manager, James Dixon, whose agency was acquired by WME earlier this year.

So, throw this one onto the rumor pile. It’s more fun than imagining Simmons working at SBNation, anyway.

Heard any good Simmons gossip? Email me at jordan@gawker.com.

[image via Getty]

In our post-Snowden era, the importance of safeguarding our cyber-connected devices against triflin’ eyes has never been more clear, or more urgent. Just ask permanent musical teen and avid sex practitioner Bow Wow, who’s just shared a handy guide for avoiding computerized surveillance while fucking one’s fans.

The opsec lesson came courtesy of Bow Wow’s official Facebook page, where the formerly little Bow Wow posted a newly surfaced post-coital James Harden selfie. Bow Wow proceeded to explain why this could’ve never happened to him: “This is how i USE to do it its called ‘leaving no evidence.’”

Sleeping with Bow Wow appears to have a great deal in common with visiting a classified government installation: “if you was chilling w me my security takes phones and you signing papers,” writes the star (presumably referring to a non-disclosure agreement). “The rule is when she leaves she gets her phone back.” This sounds very fun and romantic.

On those occasions when a sexual partner was either unwilling to hand over her phone, or when Bow Wow’s sex goons were unable to seize said device, he had a plan B:

Secondly if u forgot to take phone make sure she sleep then find her phone (usually by side of bed) i would take it put it under the bed so i KNOW im good and could sleep peacefully

Smart. Bow Wow also describes his counter-surveillance tactics:

Sometimes i would sleep somewhere else leave them all by themselves but id be watching them from my security cam. Fellas be smart we know the p***** is the most powerful thing but dont let it hypnotize you.

As an actor and musician, Bow Wow has provided us so much entertainment over the years, but it’s 2015 and we can still delight in the sinister image of this little guy sitting in some sort of security control room, alone as the last unicorn, spying on his guests. Has he built himself a party palace... or a panopticon?

Read the post in full below:

Yo i see yall boys still young rich and DUMB. Now james is my boy but let me say this now. This is how i USE to do it its called “leaving no evidence” if you was chilling w me my security takes phones and you signing papers. The rule is when she leaves she gets her phone back. Secondly if u forgot to take phone make sure she sleep then find her phone (usually by side of bed) i would take it put it under the bed so i KNOW im good and could sleep peacefully. Yall be too comfy w/ brauds yall dont know! I give credit to the ladies because most of us are just that rich and STUPID so yall know how to get us. I been caught up too before not knowing being a rookie but next time.. Leave no evidence. Sometimes i would sleep somewhere else leave them all by themselves but id be watching them from my security cam. Fellas be smart we know the p***** is the most powerful thing but dont let it hypnotize you. Ladies when yall do stuff like this, it ruins it for you because we NEVER calling you again. Why mess it up over a proof pic that you twapping a rich dude. Was it worth it? YOOOOOO JAMES WAAAKE UP BRO! zzzzzz.... #feartheblonde ps. This game aint for everybody! I took being a ladies man serious. You got to go all out PROTECT your brand your image.

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
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Last week, Jeremy Renner’s publicist, Susan Patricola, took umbrage with a story we published about Jeremy Renner crashing a wedding in Houston, Texas. In search of truth, we asked readers to reach out if they or anyone they knew attended the confirmed Jeremy Renner-crashed and allegedly Jeremy Renner-ruined wedding reception.

To refresh your memory, our first story—based on a TMZ report—alleged that Jeremy Renner crashed a stranger’s wedding, refused to take photos with either guests or the bride and groom, and drank from the open bar. Renner spoke to TMZ about the night and claimed he stayed “for about 15 minutes” before leaving to enjoy “the sights of Houston,” whatever those are.

Though roughly the same version of the story was published across multiple media outlets, Renner’s publicist Susan Patricola reached out to tell us our story was “completely inaccurate” and suggested that we “check next time the way every other outlet did.” In fact, our write-up offered roughly the same picture of events as the one published online by People Magazine—an outlet which Patricola identified by name as a place that “got it right!!” We invited Jeremy Renner to author a guest post detailing his version of events on Defamer.com, and Patricola declined on his behalf.

In lieu of a first-hand account from Renner, we turned to the public, whose weddings he allegedly might rudely crash at any moment. Shortly thereafter, we received an email from a reader whose friend claims to have attended the wedding in question—as an invited guest, unlike a certain demon named Jeremy Renner. Here’s what that friend wrote on Facebook, after another user asked for the scoop:

Lol he was there for at least an hour. He said the hotel told him that there was a party on the second floor, so he went and dismissed the fact that it was clearly a wedding. He brought a woman with him (who also drank for free), but he did chat it up with people bold enough to approach him and/or call him out on him eying the female guests (me). He actually was friendly though when I spoke to him. The bride and groom didn’t ask for a pic though to my knowledge. My cousin sent me the TMZ link on Tuesday and didn’t mention that he wouldn’t take pics with him and his wife. Renner did let me take a discreet one though, which is the one I posted.

“[Y]ou should totally email Gawker with your story and pic,” suggested a Facebook acquaintance.

“Haha [redacted] good idea,” responded the wedding guest. “We can help partially clear his name.”

Unfortunately, the guest did not totally email Gawker with the aforementioned story and pic. Luckily for us, our tipster sent screen caps:

The fact that this guest did not personally hear that the bride and groom were declined a photo, and was, in fact, able to sneak a discreet snapshot, does, I suppose, not further incriminate Renner. However, some of the information provided does seem to corroborate details alleged in both the TMZ post and the comments of the original TMZ post, which we excerpted last week. Specifically:

• Jeremy Renner helped himself to the wedding reception’s open bar.
• Jeremy Renner was at the wedding reception not for “fifteen minutes,” but for “at least an hour.”

Of course, a new detail we’ve learned is that Renner was not alone in his wedding crashing—he allegedly brought a female friend along who allegedly also helped herself to the open bar.

We’ve attempted to contact the author of the original Facebook post and will update if we hear back. We are still accepting submissions from Jeremy Renner. And remember, if you ever have a good story and pic, you should totally email Gawker.

Images via Getty, Facebook. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

It’s more nuanced than you think.

Last week at Google I/O, one of the striking themes of the keynote was Sundar Pichai’s focus on Android as the future of Google. Android isn’t just the core of Google’s booming smartphone and tablet business; it’s also core to the company’s next phase, as they move into what Pichai described as “connected devices” or the internet of things. He imagined a world of hardware devices that do everything from monitor traffic to track your heartbeat, all brought together by Google’s prize operating system.

Let me just untangle for you what that really means. The data giant that pretty much defined the idea of Web 2.o back at the turn of the century is redefining itself as an OS giant. As the cylons would say, all this has happened before and will happen again.

Operating Systems For The Masses

Back in the late twentieth century, Microsoft dominated the market for computers by focusing largely on its still-wildly-popular operating system, Windows. Sure, it was always being challenged by Apple’s OS — just as iOS challenges Android now. And there was the Linux incursion. But Microsoft won that battle for several reasons.

First, it was hardware agnostic. Like Android, Windows was designed to run on many kinds of desktop computers. And their software, like Word, was equally agnostic. You could run Word on an Apple machine (indeed I did, as a college student with my nifty Mac Quadra). Similarly, Google apps are now being made ready for the iOS environment.

By making Windows as portable as possible, Microsoft was able to own the software market. They turned the desktop computer ecosystem into a Windows ecosystem. Indeed, that ecosystem persists to this day, all over the world. Net Applications, a market analytics firm, estimates that Windows is installed on 91% of desktop PCs worldwide.

The Android World-Domination Strategy

But Apple finally figured out a way to make its most limiting feature a boon. Instead of designing an OS for a small, elite family of PCs, the company went into consumer electronics. With the iPod, the iPad, and the iPhone, the company could finally smack Microsoft around. They didn’t need to make their software portable to all devices, because their devices were the lure.

And that’s where Android comes in, with its operating system challenge, like the return of the repressed. Android even sidesteps the Linux threat, by simply incorporating Linux (perhaps ineptly, as many developers will quickly point out, but effectively). Now that mobile devices are the thing, Google hopes to dominate that market with an operating system to rule them all.

Still, there are many differences between what Android is trying to do and what Windows did last century. First of all, Android devices will ultimately be far more diverse than desktop PCs. They might one day be part of urban infrastructure, as well as your car and your smartphone.

And even though Android is a powerful OS, the goal for Google has always been to rule the cloud. So we’re moving from a Windows world of smart devices in a relatively dumb internet, to dumb devices in a smart cloud. Because of course your Android device is not much use (and not much fun) if it can’t network with your personal data in the Google cloud — as well as everything else that’s online, too.

What this change underscores is how much you and your data are key to Android’s value. Desktop PCs were great for organizing and accessing your data. But mobile and infrastructure devices are also for generating data. The more you use your devices, the more information it gathers about you, and the “better” it gets. That’s what has led to so many improvements in Google Now, as well as countless other apps that track everything from pedestrian patterns in malls to rodent life in forest ecosystems.

That’s right: You are part of the gadget. Android is you.

Looking Back on The Road Ahead

Back in 1994, when I was just becoming aware of computers as something other than the thing I used to write papers and send email, Bill Gates published a kind of futurist manifesto called The Road Ahead. I remember picking it up in a Barnes and Noble, laughing at its cheesy cover, and trying to determine what the figurehead of The Most Evil Company In The World had to say about my future.

Mostly, as far as I could tell, it was about the “World Wide Web” and browsers. Those were the early days of Internet Explorer, and Gates was preaching about how tomorrow would bring us many internet marvels — something that was already obvious to me, but probably not to my elders and the many users of Windows.

Back then, the future was the web, and it gave birth to a thing called Google, which has come to rival Microsoft in its power — and its ability to set the agenda for our technological future. Now Google says the future is the operating system. We have come full circle — or, more accurately, we have looped around the spiral and returned to the operating system with a slightly different perspective.

The device ecosystem may be different, and the data may be bigger, but the goal is the same. Microsoft and Google want to create platforms that control the information machines of the world, for better and for worse. As PCs slowly wither away in importance, connected devices will take over — leaving Android to inherit the kingdom that Windows will lose.

Contact the author at annalee@gizmodo.com.
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