Days after skirting death in a shark attack, Justin Bieber took to Instagram to show off the ass that would have departed this earth.

He thinks he sees Orlando Bloom.

[photoshop by OverYetUnder]

Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.

What did this Gainesville-area Wendy’s do to piss off God? Don’t know, but it must have been pretty bad, judging by the unmistakable “fuck you” our benevolent creator sent the restaurant this Sunday.

Knock it off, Wendy’s. You’re making Dad upset.

[Image via YouTube//h/t Daily Picks & Flicks]

In the summer of 1998, Mark Christopher’s 54 landed in theaters with a dull thud. Despite a cast of then-hot stars like Neve Campbell, Mike Myers, and Ryan Phillippe, and the fact that it arrived at a time of peak ’70s nostalgia (thanks in part to specials like VH1’s Behind the Music), the film grossed a paltry $6.6 million during its opening weekend and was panned by critics. All of which predicted that 54 would fade into oblivion.

But then, something changed: the actual content of the movie. The version shown in theaters had been heavily tinkered with by Miramax following a disastrous test screening on Long Island. Christopher’s director’s cut began circulating as bootlegs and then on the festival circuit; finally, last year the original version was approved by Miramax for official release. Last month, the cut with 44 minutes of alternate footage was made available digitally. The new-old 54 is more streamlined in terms of plot and more complicated in terms of characterization. Phillippe’s protagonist character Shane is matter-of-factly bisexual and opportunistic. He achieves a complexity that is more suited to modern tastes that have been heavily influenced by post-Sopranos television, as Christopher pointed out to me when I talked to him a few weeks ago.

Seventeen years later, 54 packs a double shot of nostalgia—both the ’70s and the ’70s-obsessed ’90s (and the ’90s, period—Breckin Meyer plays a major role). Below is an edited and condensed transcript of my phone conversation with Christopher.

Gawker: Why was it important for people to see your vision in 2015?

Mark Christopher: I think it was important to see my vision in 1998, so it just never stopped. But the reason I think it has found a place in 2015 is perhaps audiences have changed and perhaps the film was a little bit ahead of its time. Times have caught up with us.

Was 54 something you thought about on a regular basis for the past 17 years?

After the film was released, I went back into the editing room with a different editor and friend and sort of cobbled together a director’s cut, because there never really was one. There was what we called a bootleg that we made from various video sources, and I really made that for me and the actors so that we could all have the movie we set out to make. This bootleg about 10 years later got out to a couple of festivals, including Outfest, where it got a really wonderful response. My wonderful, tireless producer would go back to Miramax every year going, “Can we do it now? Can we do it now?” Finally, we were able to point to some press, point to the Outfest screening, point to the riot the film caused at a festival in Italy and say, “We think there’s a real audience for this movie.” People would find me online and ask about it and beg me for it. I would prod my producer, and my producer would prod Miramax and eventually they said yes. It was like exactly a year ago, so we made it quick.

What held people back the most besides those test screenings on Long Island? The gay/bisexual content?

I think the fact that he was an opportunistic bisexual lead character in what became a large distribution is what became the complication. Nowadays, we expect flawed characters because of television being so strong right now. At the time, lead characters in wide releases had to be very likable. Although I find Shane very likable, maybe people in the suburbs of Long Island did not. Now those people probably have changed their minds.

It’s interesting that him being bisexual was only part of what made this a hard sell.

Look, there are still no bisexual movies.

Yeah, I think the content of 54 is something people could have a hard time with, even today.

I love that. And where it used to be a hard time in an off-putting way, it’s probably not a hard time but something to think about in a good way. Here’s a fun challenge instead of something that we just don’t like. This film has really crossed over—it plays the mainstream festivals and it plays the LGBT festivals just as strongly. I realize as I go around, within the LGBT, [54 is] the only B.

One of the most progressive elements of the movie is how Shane’s bisexuality is treated. It’s not a big deal. There’s no coming out. It’s not something he wrestles with.

It’s my point of view about bisexuality, number 1. Number 2, it was the point of view of those days in that environment. I spoke to a lot of the kids that worked there and it was no big deal. I remember one of the coat check girls talking to one of the bartenders saying, “Hm, I was with a girl last night, I think I’ll go with a guy tonight.” That was sort of the free-loving attitude that was really important. It was a place where anything goes and it was really important not to put any judgement in it. One place I really tried to make that point visually in the film was during what we call the “slut montage.” This song “Spank” plays during it, and you see Shane wake up next to a girl and then there’s a cut to another angle. He’s in the same place, but now it’s a dude. Then the camera cuts to another angle and now it’s another woman and he gets out of bed. In three shots, I’ve shown you his life and his attitude and the attitude of the film.

What do you think about the state of gay cinema then versus now? Society has progressed, but gay cinema was a much bigger creative force in the ‘90s.

Yeah, we had the New Queer Cinema, so it was a very exciting time. It was a wave. That’s when I started making films. But now with the mainstreaming of gay culture, often people have said to me what they love about this movie is going back to see a world where gay culture wasn’t mainstream but it also wasn’t being judged. It wasn’t negative. If you could get through that velvet rope and walk in that secret door, you were in this magical place.

From former Gawker writer Maureen O’Connor, here is a perfect interview with Rob Shuter, the celebrity PR guy who handled Ben Affleck’s last breakup (with the other Jen). Shuter spills the tea about all his former clients, including Jessica Simpson, who he says dated the biggest publicity whore of all: John Mayer. http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/07...

Contact the author at allie@gawker.com.

Celebrity Magazine is the celebrity magazine of choice for Scientologists everywhere. A recent issue features a lengthy interview with longtime believer Laura Prepon, who talks unguardedly about the religion/cult in a manner that is usually shrouded from outsiders.

Here is the cover of the magazine, Issue 424, as scanned by @laurapreponpower, Instagram’s number one Laura Prepon fan account—accept no substitutes.

The interview begins with Prepon explaining how she first got into Scientology, and she very quickly serves up a steaming ladle of Scientology proper noun gumbo:

So when I first got into Scientology, I did Personal Values and Integrity and then Overcoming Ups and Downs in Life. These courses touched on the observations I was aware of when I was younger. It was right there in black and white. It was amazing, and I felt that finally something was speaking my language. It totally connected with me.

Pretty soon after that I got onto the Purification Rundown, and I started moving up the Bridge.

The next question asks Prepon to describe the process of “auditing”—essentially Scientology’s version of therapy. She talks about having a “cognition” in which she discovered that a decision made long ago was still haunting her:

Honestly, I’ve become more me. The auditing has stripped away all of this charge, false ideas, decisions and mis-emotions that were affecting me. I recently had one of my biggest cognitions in a New Era Dianetics session. I spotted this decision I made a long time ago that was affecting me to this day. It was a huge realization. At the time of the incident, you make a postulate as a “pro-survival” decision, you know? Then to spot it years and years later, after peeling away these layers and then—boom, there it is—it’s mind blowing! To think of it just hiding there in my bank, affecting me.

Next, Prepon discusses progressing further in the religion—what Scientologists refer to as “moving up the Bridge.” Prepon says that the process of auditing has made her so relaxed that other actors are begging to find our her secret:

When I was doing my Objectives, I was handling some intense stuff—as everyone who has done Objectives can relate to. I remember talking to my Supervisor about how my auditing was going. I told him the wins were so amazing. I kept pushing through and confronting things. The LRH data he showed me totally changed my viewpoint on auditing. It explained that in session, you’re supposed to turn on things that at times aren’t easy to go through. You’re supposed to be restimulated and uncomfortable at times, because you move through it in session, so that when you are out in the world things happen, you’re not affected. It was like this eureka moment for me. I’d never thought about it like that. And that’s exactly what happened.

In my life, things have become much easier, I’m not affected like I used to be. Things don’t bother me that had before. I don’t react like I did before. I remember I was doing a show with an amazing actor, and we were waiting to hear the fate of our show. He turned to me one day and asked, “How are you always so relaxed? Nothing seems to bother you. I want to know what you are doing...”—I take that as such a compliment and testament to the auditing I have done.

In a subsequent question that once again focuses on the benefits of auditing, Prepon talks about Scientology’s “Tone Scale”:

Another thing I really noticed from all the auditing I had was that I can move so freely up and down the Tone Scale. I used to have this funny idea that the higher I went up the Bridge, I wouldn’t be as emotional about stuff. And I was worried because I’m an actress and as an artist, I need to tap into my emotions! What soon started happening was that the higher I went on the Bridge and the more auditing I had, I could move so much more freely on the Tone Scale. My emotions were so much more tangible and easy to access.

Scientology, Prepon says, heightened her emotions, but she also returns several times to the notion that auditing has actually made her blissfully emotionless:

I remember when I was directing this pilot for a show I co-created called Neighbors. I showed up to our biggest day of shooting, where we had children, student teachers, all the cast, big scenes—I remember thinking when I looked at the schedule, “Once I get through this day the rest of the shoot will be a breeze.” Well, I showed up in the morning and we had lost our locations. I was so shocked. Everybody was scrambling. But instead of getting into the worry or any previous mis-emotion slamming in on me or getting me stressed out, I just turned to my producer and said, “Okay, we need a solution. What are our other options?” And we quickly got to work on Plan B. The fact that I had no irrational counter-emotion or reaction and just went into solution mode, I feel, is definitely a testament to my auditing.

Next, the interviewer asks Prepon how auditing has helped her deal with rejection. Part of her answer once again makes it seem as if auditing more or less brings one to the same conclusions that any average therapist might. Then, in what might be the most jarring moment of the interview, she abruptly slips into some deeeeeep Scientology brainwash lingo (emphasis mine):

Another big realization I had in my auditing is that there is a bigger picture. This is my career but it does not define me. I am so much bigger than this career and industry. It’s my job and it’s very important to me, but, when I have huge wins in session, and when you really cognate that you are a thetan and you have a mind and body, and that the MEST universe does not control you—it puts things into perspective. It takes the weight off you and things become very easy.

The interviewer asks Prepon about the “Basics,” which are a series of books written by L. Ron Hubbard that are the intellectual foundation of Scientology. (All 18 texts can be purchased online for as little as $35!) Prepon explains that the books helped her so much that she was effortlessly able to convince a show creator that Scientology was right for him. What an incredible success story:

The Basics are great. Science of Survival is a great book and it has data that is so vital to being an artist. Training along with the auditing is so important.

When you study the Basics, you get all these tools that you can apply immediately. As I mentioned earlier, I work with a bunch of different personalities. I work very long, intense days with them. Having these tools makes my job so much easier in dealing with things that will inevitably arise. I did a show years ago and the creator of the show was wonderful, but he is a total cynic. He had heard about Scientology, but had some altered viewpoints about it. After he worked with me, he came up said, “If you’re a Scientologist, I want to know about it, because you’re an amazing representation of what you’re doing over there.”

That was a huge compliment to me, because changing a person’s mind like that, changing his viewpoint just from working with him, that’s a huge win for me.

Lastly, the interviewer asks Prepon if there is “anything else” she wants to say. After some quick babble about Orange is the New Black (“I love the character I play”), she launches into another paean to auditing.

I feel a lot of the auditing that I’ve had helps me to be willing to go there and be free and vulnerable and really jump into these scenes wholeheartedly. There are days where it’s like, okay... let’s do this! And you have to drop all of your pre-conceived ideas, or mis-emotions, or being uncomfortable and just go there. It’s so gratifying and fulfilling as an artist to be able to really be there in present time, creating, with no vias. Auditing has helped so much in getting me to this place. I have more to go, and can’t wait for what’s to come.

(Here is how scientologymyths.info defines the “vias” mentioned by Prepon: “vias: relay points in a communication line. To talk via a body, to get energy via eating, alike are communication by-routes. Enough vias make a stop. A stop is made out of vias.”)

Prepon concludes her exuberant gibberish sermon with what is perhaps not the most convincing argument for her ostensibly science-based religion:

It’s magic, it really is.

I bet.

Scans of the interview are below:

[photo via Getty]

Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.

Good news for fans of past-their-prime sitcoms: Harry Shearer will return to The Simpsons next season. Shearer, who voiced Mr. Burns, Flanders, Skinner, and others, announced on Twitter in May that he was leaving the show over a contract dispute that appears to have been resolved.

From Entertainment Weekly:

Shearer has signed the same contract as did the other five primary voice actors—Dan Castellaneta, Yeardley Smith, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, and Hank Azaria—keeping the show’s original cast fully intact, EW has learned. These deals, which run for four seasons (including a network option for seasons 29 and 30), are estimated at more than $300,000 per episode. Fox recently renewed The Simpsons for a 27th and 28th season, which will bring its episode tally to 625.

http://gawker.com/harry-shearer-...

The 27th season of the animated sitcom will debut on September 27.

Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.

A grizzly bear at the Minnesota Zoo smashed a glass barrier with a 50-pound, “basketball-sized” rock, repeatedly slamming it against the window until one of the exhibit’s 5 layers of safety glass shattered. Because there has to be more to life than this, right?

Zookeepers thought they’d removed anything dangerous that the zoo’s three grizzlies could lift, but they apparently missed the large rock, which one zoo visitor said the bear “picked up from the bottom of the pool.” I mean, not like there’s anything else to do around here.

Keepers don’t know which of the three bears picked up the rock, but they assume it was Kenai, who has a playful, clownish personality.

“He didn’t know what he was doing. He was just being a bear,” zoo animal collections manager Tony Fisher told the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.

He was just being a curious bear who knows how to use tools and suss out the weak points of the prison that holds him. A bear who would probably get drunk, eat pizza, drive cars, and chill in a human pool given half a chance. A bear who needs stimulation.

Unfortunately, his early escape efforts attracted too much attention from authorities, who are now bolting down all the moveable objects in the exhibit and replacing the partially shattered pane of bear-proof glass.

Whatever. Kenai’s keen bear intellect is no doubt already hard at work on his next escape plan. Your layers of glass can hold his body, but they can’t hold his mind.

[h/t USA Today]

If there is a future in unmanned commercial aviation, it is currently being explored by NASA in the form of the Lockheed Martin X-56A. Its adaptive structures and modular wing and tail surfaces are meant to be the cutting edge for designing future surveillance drones and transport aircraft. A little less than two years ago, the Air Force Research Laboratory flew the X-56A for the first time at NASA’s Dryden Flight Research Center (now named Armstrong Flight Research Center) in California. After the Air Force-sponsored tests, the X-56A was transferred to NASA where it flew its inaugural flight on July 26 last year. It’s currently being flown in “NASA’s Advanced Air Transport Technology (AATT) project’s Higher Aspect Ratio Wing subproject, Performance Adaptive Aeroelastic Wing element.” A very fancy name for a project that supports low-emission, high efficiency aircraft with less aerodynamic drag.

In the military world, X stands for Experimental. There are a gaggle of X-numbered drones, mostly of the futuristic variety, demonstrators or pretenders to the throne who want to be anointed the next unmanned combat air vehicle (UCAV). The UCAV itself is a pretender as it has gone through various iterations like UCAS, UCAS-D, JUCAS, and now UCLASS (Unmanned Carrier-Launched Airborne Surveillance and Strike), all searching for just the right combination of letters and circumstances that are going to unlock billions from the Pentagon.

There are, of course, highly secret X’s like the X-37 space plane (coming to these pages soon) that are not really X’s at all. The X-37 and a few other top secret X’s are less stealthy, off-line spying machines, a third satellite, third drone, and third space shuttle–an unmanned vehicle that meanders about the globe without an official “program of record.” And without that record, they remain undeserving of an official RQ or MQ number assignment that the secure drones get or even an F or B assigned to fighters and bombers.

So is it possible in all of this that Lockheed Martin’s X-56A Multi-utility Aeroelastic Demonstration (MAD) is actually a true experiment? It certainly seems like it. Designed for active flutter suppression, which sounds a little like a project to avoid falling in love, the X-56A is a high-flying model intended test the edge of the flight envelope, where flutter, the potentially catastrophic dynamic coupling that can occur between the elastic motion of the wing and the aerodynamic loads acting on it, occurs. Which means... what, exactly?

The idea of aerodynamic flutter suppression isn’t new, not for NASA and not for the military. Both of these links are technical reports from the early 1970s, which mean pretty much nothing to the lay person, although it’s always interesting to see how government-sponsored research projects were handled more than 40 years ago. But a PowerPoint presentation (with diagrams!), from Dr. Eli Livne at The William E. Boeing Department of Aeronautics and Astronautics at University of Washington, basically shows us this: an aircraft of any kind has to be both rigid enough to continue flying in the face of inclement weather, but also maintain enough elasticity that it doesn’t snap apart with a strong gust of wind. UAV’s face a particular challenge in this arena without a pilot on board to help make sudden shifts in altitude or directional changes, but the X-56A might be just the experiment to do so.

Fun Facts about the X-56A:

• NASA: King of Dad Jokes.
• The Lockheed Martin precursor to the X-56A was called the Body Freedom Flutter Research Program, or, BFF for short. So cuuute.
• The FAA is determined to be a part of the UAV conversation, dammit. Another PowerPoint from Dr. Livne outlines just how they have tried (and failed) to insert themselves into the experimental endeavors of NASA, using the X-56A as an example of why they should be included. But their own website has an entire section dedicated to debunking myths about how the FAA doesn’t have jurisdiction over UAVs, so it’s clear they have their work cut out for them.
• Lockheed has produced a video narrated by a wannabe Sam Elliot that does a pretty good job at explaining flutter and the X-56A’s role in designing more fluid wing structures:

[First photo courtesy of NASA; Second photo courtesy of Lockheed Martin.]http://www.amazon.com/Unmanned-Drone...

In Wisconsin, Republicans led by Scott Walker has done an amazing job of destroying public unions and handing all power over the workplace back to business interests. Now, with little fanfare, they want to take away the right for workers to have a single day off.

Wisconsin state legislators are preparing to vote on a budget, and a controversial package of modifications has already passed the finance committee and will soon be up for a vote by the legislature. This new package of provisions has already drawn criticism for its inclusion of measures that would decimate the state’s open records laws, protect state politicians from media scrutiny, and gut the Wisconsin definition of “living wage.” But one additional measure is worth gaping at, perhaps above all others: section 56, which would take away workers’ right to a weekend—even a one day weekend.

56. One Day of Rest in Seven. Include the provisions of 2015 AB 118 to permit an employee to state in writing that he or she voluntarily chooses to work without one day of rest in seven. Specify the provision first apply to union contracts on the day the collective bargaining agreement expires, or is extended, modified, or renewed, whichever comes first. [Currently every factory or mercantile employer must allow each employee 24 hours of rest in every consecutive seven days, except for certain emergency circumstances. The requirement does not apply to janitors, security staff, bakeries, restaurants, hotels and certain dairy or agricultural plants]

We reached out to the Wisconsin AFL-CIO to see how the labor community felt about this potential new opportunity for workers to voluntarily work seven days a week, forever. They sent us this comment from Secretary-Treasurer Stephanie Bloomingdale: “In a blatant and shocking blow to the democratic process, Republicans took away the weekend in a late-night budget maneuver. All workers should have the right to a day of rest. It is a basic American ideal... The Wisconsin AFL-CIO calls for this budget item to be immediately removed.”

Eh, sleep and human relationships are overrated.

To Wisconsin—and productivity!

[Photo of Scott Walker: AP]

According to CNN, the big-dicked killer escapee Richard Matt gave his lover and supervisor Joyce “Tillie” Mitchell more than just companionship and a beautiful painting: he also gave her pills to “incapacitate” her husband, who the pair were planning on murdering. http://gawker.com/prison-worker-...

The new details regarding the odd couple’s equally fascinating and horrifying love affair was apparently, for some reason, volunteered to the network by Mitchell’s lawyer.

Mitchell’s attorney told CNN that Matt gave Mitchell pills that he claimed would incapacitate Lyle, but that Mitchell had no idea what they were exactly, and destroyed them.

According to the Buffalo Daily News, Matt handed her the pills the day before he and Sweat escaped.

“The escape is on. Pick us up at midnight,” Matt said, according to information Mitchell provided in a series of interviews with authorities. He then handed her two pills intended to incapacitate Lyle Mitchell – also a civilian worker at the prison – before Matt would kill him that night inside the Mitchell home.

“I’m going to take care of the glitch,” Matt said, referring to Lyle Mitchell.

But the glitch was in the matrix—the lawyer says Tillie changed her mind that night while eating a last supper of Chinese, later destroying the pills and betraying the prisoners, who had planned on driving with her to Mexico.http://gawker.com/tillie-decided...

Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

The devious, brazen Finnish hacker who ruined Christmas ‘14 just got the book thrown at him in his homeland’s court: today 17-year-old Julius Kivimaki was handed a two-year suspended sentence.http://gawker.com/alleged-christ...

Finland’s Kaleva.fi reports Kivimaki, who not only took responsibility for wrecking Sony and Microsoft’s online gaming networks with the briefly notorious “Lizard Squad” hackers but went on TV to brag about it, will probably avoid prison time altogether—assuming he stays out of trouble. Kivimaki was also found guilty of crimes related to credit card fraud and harassment.

Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: E93A 40D1 FA38 4B2B 1477 C855 3DEA F030 F340 E2C7

Following an FBI raid on Jared “Subway Jared” Fogle’s Indiana home Tuesday, Subway appears to be subtly cutting ties with its human mascot. TMZ reports that Subway has removed pages dedicated to “Jared’s Journey” of weight loss, and to Fogle’s childhood obesity charity, from its website.

Since Fogle’s house was searched in connection with a child pornography investigation, those Jared-focused pages now redirect to Subway’s front page. You can also no longer play “Jared’s Pants Dance”—a Flash game formerly found in Subway’s kids section—unless you load up a cached version. This is probably for the best.

TMZ notes that although the more blatant Jared shrines on Subway.com have been shut down, Fogle’s image hasn’t been entirely scrubbed from the website.

Update: Subway has suspended its relationship with Fogle, the AP reported Tuesday night.

[h/t TMZ, Photo: Subway.com]

Nestled inside the top sellers list on Amazon, between the James Patterson pot-boilers, the ubiquitous de-cluttering manifesto, and various forgettable beach reads, is the answer to what women really want: in short, to fuck their stepbrothers. For months now, self-published stepsibling romance novels have become a staple on the best-selling Amazon charts. Titles such as, My Stepbrother, My Lover; Stepbrother Charming; Stepbrother Dearest; I’m in Love with my Stepbrother make up the newest outpost in the female erotic imagination.

Incest narratives have long been a staple of self-published erotica, be they volumes of fan fiction where the Weasley twins do it to each other or tortured narratives of forbidden love between father and daughter that float around free smut websites. But these familial romances have always lurked in the margins; now marks the first time these tracts have appeared next to a Dan Brown book. To wit, Penelope Ward’s Stepbrother Dearest hit #3 on the New York Times Bestseller list in the spring of this year. And Ward’s success is not a fluke. The stepbrother genre is the new juggernaut of e-book sales, making it the next “big thing” in erotic online publishing (a position once held by vampires, then BDSM duos, and most recently, motorcycle gang romances).

Colleen Masters’ Stepbrother Billionaire, a bestseller on Amazon and a much-discussed addition to the genre on Goodreads threads, is a fine introduction into the typical angsty play you’ll find in this blossoming new world. In Masters’ book, the heroine, Abby, hooks up with Emerson, the snobby lacrosse-playing son of Abby’s dad’s girlfriend. The hookup fills Abby with ambivalence which then evolves into agony after Emerson becomes a part of the family.

Abby laments:

Now he torments me in the hallways, calling me “Sis” whenever he gets the chance, relishing in the fact that I can’t hide my blushing whenever he’s around. Even though I can’t stand him, my body betrays me—and he loves it. Emerson and his mom just moved in with us, and as if crushing on him wasn’t weird enough, now our bedrooms share a wall.

I asked Masters: Why now? Why is stepsibling romance so hot?

“A collective lingering obsession with Cruel Intentions?” she joked over e-mail. “I think that the dynamic is so sexy because everyone wants what they can’t have! I also think it’s the immediate emotional intensity that readers love. Deep empathy can arise between two characters coming from fractured families—and I personally always find that level of understanding to be sexy. The warring forces of tight quarters and forbidden physical attraction also make this dynamic inherently dramatic. ”

Alice Ward, author of My Stepbrother, My Lover, believes the genre has become popular “because stepsiblings have such a unique and fascinating dynamic. They’re put in a situation where they’re expected to grow to love each other. And if sexual attraction accompanies that love, it’s only natural for a little romance to blossom.”

Stepsiblings are also, in the grand sweep of history, a relatively new phenomenon. The divorce rate in the United States really started to climb in the 1970’s, which led to bisected families merging with other families, thrusting horny teens into sharing bathrooms with another horny teens. Sex with your stepsibling, therefore, isn’t just a device in erotica. It’s a wonderfully American phenomenon, the run-off from the tidal shift of our sexual revolution. Even if you didn’t fuck your stepbrother, incest play provides way to burn off lingering fumes of primitive childhood impulses that didn’t make much sense to us at the time. Sex, after all, is the straightest line between two points.

The most common couple dynamic in the stepbrother genre is an angsty combative stepbrother versus his virginal, but curious, new stepsister. Sometimes the two have hooked up before their parents marry. Other times the siblings resent the other’s new presence in the home, but feel an instant physical attraction. Soon their verbal jousting evolves into sexual tension that erupt into an ambivalent fuck-for-all. Here is some tête–à–tête between the steplovers in Sabrina Paige’s Prick, which also spent several weeks on Amazon’s bestseller chart:

‘Did you just spank me?’

‘It won’t be the last time I do it, either.’

‘Do women fall for this shit?’

‘You’re the one bent over your father’s desk, Princess. You’re also the one who’s soaking wet. So you tell me.”

The early pioneers of the stepbrother romance genre were the women who penned stepsibling “one-offs” and sold them for a couple bucks on Amazon. One-offs are short stories, about a few thousand words in length, that revolve around one sex act. Erotic one-offs, then, are like slutty little sister to the multi-part romance novel. They are quick, hardcore, and dirty micro-narratives about group sex, virgins with older men, rough sex, rape play, and pseudo-incest.

“Writing about incest, straight out between blood relations will get you banned,” says Rennie Reynolds (a pseudonym for an erotica writer who has published over 60 titles on Amazon). “And it’s a major loss, especially if that title was making money for you. That’s why you have to be clever with your wording in the synopsis. You have to signal to people that there’s taboo material in your story, but you also don’t want to get your story banned. You have to use coded language.”

For example, you can signal that you have father/daughter sex in your story by using the phrase “man of the house” in place of father. For brother-on-sister action, the code is “the boy who has always lived with us.” Eventually erotica writers figured out that they could just cut to the chase if they used the “step” device for family romance and voila, a genre was born.

“You definitely have to get creative, when it comes to toeing the no-incest line,” Masters says. “My editors usually let me have at a story on my own, and rein me in later if they think something’s going to become an issue. But I find that having to take those rules into account actually gets my creativity fired up. Any time you have to work around obstructions of form, style, or content, you’re going to come up with new ideas that never would have occurred to you otherwise.”

For Ward, who is primarily a romance writer—the cardinal difference between romance and erotica is the fact that characters in a romance typically always end up in a relationship, not just a fling—making her characters young adults with no shared childhood experiences helps her to “avoid crossing any lines that may be considered too taboo. It also keeps the sensational family dynamic from overshadowing the romance.”

But the family dynamic is potent, and sets the imagination on fire for women and men alike. A cursory look at Pornhub will pull up countless step-sex sessions that go beyond siblings to parents. There’s the hot stepmom instructing her son how to properly pleasure a woman; the stepdad who catches his teen daughter prancing around her mom’s lingerie and so on. Shows like Game of Thrones have brought incest into our living rooms—you prestige cable drama nerds, love it, admit it. And just a few weeks ago on Reddit, there was a lively thread soliciting real stories of people who had actually slept with a stepsibling. Here’s a taste:

I hooked up with my stepbrother the same night our parents got married. My real brother caught us and thank god he’s never fucking said anything. I make sure to never piss him off. But me and my stepbrother still kinda flirt and fool around during family gatherings (Thanksgiving is a LOT more fun now). Hasn’t messed up our lives yet, thank god we’re adults and he lives in a different state.

And:

I, a gay male, came out to my step-brother when I was 15 and he was 16. I told him I wanted to always give someone a blowjob. He told me if I gave him $20 he would let me suck him off. So I did.From there things escalated, we ended up having sex several times. He would walk around the house wagging his penis at me when no one was in the house. He would flash his cock at me in the bathroom where I could only see him to let me know he wanted me to blow him again. Or he would tap twice on the hallway door when walking back to his room.He ended up telling his brother, my other step-brother, and he had me eat his ass out. Nothing ever happened after that. I moved away, they got married and had kids. edit: we were step-siblings for about 5 years at that point when it all started - and as far as I know no one was ever the wiser.

So here we are, you nation of perverts. “Step” is our safe-word.

Contact the author at natasha@jezebel.com. Especially if you’ve had sex with a stepsibling.

Illustration by Jim Cooke

To cap an exciting holiday weekend, one where we celebrated both our nation’s independence and our women’s soccer team’s World Cup win, some chose to prove they turned up in bigger ways than others. Going to work wildly hungover is one way to do that, while entering a Wawa nude at 6 a.m. on Monday morning is another.

At a Delran, New Jersey Wawa on the Monday following Independence Day, where NBC10 cameras were set up to film an unrelated segment on Jersey native soccer star Carli Lloyd, an unidentified woman took a naked stroll into the convenience store, then back out, acquiring nothing—not even a soft pretzel or a hoagie. NBC10 tells the true tale:

About two minutes later, the woman left the Wawa — apparently empty-handed — got into a car packed with clothes and belongings and drove off.

[...]

It’s unclear what happened inside the store, but employees asked the woman to leave and threatened to call police, according to witnesses. Wawa had no comment.

The woman didn’t appear to purchase or take anything from the store.

Naked or no, wearing sweatpants or not, hungover and covered in dirt and barely breathing without a will to live, how is this woman gonna walk out of a Wawa without at least buying a delicious hoagie or a wrap? Not even an iced tea or a ham and cheese Sizzli? Damn.

Big mistake.

Screenshots via NBC10. Contact the author at dayna.evans@gawker.com.

American fast-food brand Subway is already making a great show of distancing itself from its mascot of 17 years, Jared Fogle, after Fogle’s home was raided in a child porn investigation. But is the sandwich chain hitting Fogle where it counts? Is Jared Fogle still using his sandwiches-for-life “Subway black card”?

If you were once a believer in sandwich muse Jared Fogle, you’re probably familiar with the fact that he holds a legendary artifact: a Subway black card that grants him free Subway sandwiches for life. Though the terms of Fogle’s cardholder’s agreement are shrouded in secrecy, it stands to reason that Subway, the bestower of the card, would be able to cut it off like a stolen credit card—but have they?

——-Original Message——-
From: Ashley Feinberg
Sent: Tuesday, July 07, 2015 10:11 AM
To: Cindy Carrasquilla
Subject: Question for Gawker

Hi Cindy,

I’m a reporter for Gawker, and I was wondering if you could help me out with a question I had in light of the recent news about Jared Fogle.

I know Jared was previously a Subway black card holder, so considering everything that has happened, does Subway plan on revoking Jared’s black card?
—————————————————————————————————————

On Tue, Jul 7, 2015 at 12:12 PM, Rob Bronfeld wrote:

OFFICIAL SUBWAY STATEMENT:

”We are shocked about the news and believe it is related to a prior investigation of a former Jared Foundation employee. We are very concerned and will be monitoring the situation closely. We don’t have any more details at this point.

”THE STATEMENT SHOULD BE ATTRIBUTED TO SUBWAY SPOKESMAN

————————————————————————————————————————

On Tue, Jul 7, 2015 at 12:21 PM, Ashley Feinberg wrote:

Hi Rob,

Thanks for getting back to me. I just want to confirm—does this mean that Jared Fogle will be allowed to continue using his Subway black card for the time being?

At publication time, Subway has not responded. For all we know, Subway Jared is using his Subway black card as we speak.

Update, 6:09pm:

Subway has provided us with the following, additional statement:

Subway and Jared Fogle have mutually agreed to suspend their relationship due to the current investigation. Jared continues to cooperate with authorities and he expects no actions to be forthcoming. Both Jared and Subway agree that this was the appropriate step to take.

Meanwhile, our questions remain unanswered.

Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com.

Kristin Cavallari, proprietor of the Official Kristin Cavallari App for iPhone and Android, has published several posts on the app under her byline over the last year—posts with words and almost-words like “anyways,” “techy,” “science lab,” and “bakini.”

This week, she posted some more words “By Kristin Cavallari” in a (free to access) post about iodine titled, “Iodine, By Kristin Cavallari.” Here’s one line from that post:

Metabolic rate affects the efficiency and efficacy of many of the body’s organ system and regular processes, including absorption of food, sleep cycles, and the transformation of food into usable energy.

What a sentence—by Kristin Cavallari! All the words are in order, and one of the words is “efficacy.” Kristin, have you been reading the dictionary?

A cursory Google search for the first part of the sentence produces several exact matches, which suggests that perhaps Kristin has been Googling “iodine” and then copy-and-pasting the results into her app.

The earliest use of the sentence we could find is in a 2005 post titled, “Iodine” on a site called “MoonDragon’s Realm.” That post also contains another phrase that appears word-for-word in Kristin’s post:

Iodine is present in large quantities in both marine plants and animals, including shellfish, deep-water whitefish, and brown seaweed kelp, ...

Kristin’s post, which you can find below, does not contain any attribution except to Kristin Cavallari.

While the action of Googling “iodine” is certainly one that could have been performed by Kristin Cavallari—and while the sentences under the headline “Iodine” certainly do appear nearby the phrase “Kristin Cavallari,” within the app—the words themselves are almost certainly not by Kristin Cavallari in the traditional sense of having been written by her.

Kristin.

MoonDragon?

Kristin.

Your app is not a homework assignment. It is not “due.” You do not need to plagiarize in order to get it done—you don’t need to do it all! You’re not Maureen Dowd.

This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]

Hours after his home was raided by the FBI as part of a child pornography investigation, Subway and Jared Fogle “have mutually agreed to suspend their relationships,” according to a statement from the sandwich chain. http://gawker.com/report-agents-...

UPDATE 5:19 pm: Subway has suspended Fogle, not fired him. Initial reports indicated that the sandwich chain had cut ties with him.

Subway & Jared Fogle have agreed to suspend their relationship due to the current investigation. Jared is cooperating with authorities.

July 7, 2015

Contact the author at taylor@gawker.com.

Bad news for Kylie Jenner: not only are you dating Tyga, a widely mocked rapper who had to release his recent album for free because nobody wanted to hear it, but your widely mocked rapper boyfriend is sending dick pics to people who are not you—including a transgender actress named Mia Isabella, who has gone ahead and provided the receipts.

According to lovebscott.com—the gossip blog run by transgender television personality B. Scott—Tyga and Mia Isabella have been engaged in some sort of relationship for three years, dating back to when Tyga was with the model Blac Chyna, with whom he has a son named King.

Who knows if that is exactly true, but screenshots of text messages provided by Isabella certainly support her case. They certainly knew each other well enough for Tyga to send her the this photo of his dick, which is obviously NSFW:

Perhaps even more damning, actually, is this screenshot, which shows the sort of random, unguarded selfie you would only send to someone you’re close with:

According to TMZ, Tyga is not denying that the dick pic is his (the stomach tattoos visible in the photo were confirmation enough of that). Instead, his lawyers are trying to claim that Tyga sent the dong photo to a third woman, who then struck up a relationship with Isabella as a means of “maliciously sham[ing]” the rapper. That explanation might be plausible if the texts didn’t show the two frequently conversing about meeting up.

Tyga, for his part, chalked the leak up to a fourth source:

Smh. The devil is working hard today. Lol

July 7, 2015

He’s lying, but “don’t send dick pics to Satan” is decent advice, anyway.

Contact the author at jordan@gawker.com.

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Although deer have slipped out of the public eye since their peak back in 2013, there are still young bucks out there making big moves. Like moving into a guy’s house for a year, covering it in piss and shit, and then running off into the woods like everything’s cool as soon as the cops show up.

West Virginia Natural Resources Police, tipped off that a Cabell County man was keeping two deer in his home, showed up to check it out and found a six-point buck standing in the living room, according to the Washington Post.

When cops heard a second deer moving in the back of the house, the man tried to cover for him by claiming he was just a dog, but the ruse didn’t work.

“He finally confessed it was a second buck,” Sgt. Gary Amick told the Post.

Police released both deer, who disappeared into the surrounding woods, leaving the homeowner with nothing but a house full of piss-soaked straw and a charge for illegal possession of wildlife. Guess the chill deer party had to end sometime.

[h/t WaPo, Photos: West Virginia Natural Resources Police]