I live in the world’s most famous tech city, surrounded by the most advanced personal electronic devices. None of them, however, grab quite as much attention as my own phone does.

My phone was already old-fashioned when I bought it eight years ago, and by now, even a drug dealer would be embarrassed to own it. This has many consequences—most of them superficial, some of them downright worrying.

I Hide My Phone, But Not For The Reason You Think

I bought my very first cell phone in 2007. It’s officially a Nokia 1208, but colloquially it’s what people refer to as a “candy bar phone.” It doesn’t flip. It doesn’t slide. Its screen is one-and-a-quarter inches wide and the only colors it shows are black, white, and variations of blue. It doesn’t even send texts, though it can receive them.

In the past, I’ve thought about asking tech-savvy people if they can fix the texts, but at this point, I try not to show it to people. Especially when I’m in a group.

Nobody has ever made fun of me because of my phone. At most, people ask tactful questions that amount to, “Are you desperately, desperately poor or something?” The problem isn’t ridicule. It’s that the moment anyone sees my phone, like when I absentmindedly take it out of my pocket to check the time, it becomes the center of attention. People gather around me, peering at it and asking me, shyly, if they can “see it for a second.” They hold it on their upturned palm and sort of jiggle it to gauge the weight. They exclaim over the fact that its keypad is made of one single piece of rubberized plastic. They peer at its little screen. Then come the questions.

“I bet you can just put it back together after you drop it.”

Yes, I can.

“How much did you pay for this?”

I think it was about seventeen dollars in 2007.

“Does it do anything?”

It has an alarm clock and a timer, and when you press the little button in the center it becomes a flashlight.

That last one always gets a laugh. Then the phone gets passed to the next person. This can go on for half an hour. I guess I could ask someone, during these sessions, about setting the phone up so I can text, but . . .

It’s Way More Convenient Than An iPhone

I suspect that the reason I can’t use this phone to send texts is simply because it’s not part of my plan. My plan involves going into a store every five months or so, when my allotted minutes get low, and handing a hundred dollars to the person in the textured polo shirt. That sets me up for another five months. The most disagreeable overcharge I’ve ever had to pay happened when I was visiting Washington DC. They have a twelve percent tax on re-filling your phone—but that soured me on my country more than it soured me on my phone.

I don’t worry about dropping my phone, because there’s nothing on it I can’t fix by jamming it back into place with my thumb. I don’t worry about anyone stealing my phone, because the phone is not worth the effort it would take to run away from me after snatching it, and any thief in San Francisco can see that. The most I have to worry about is dropping my phone in a pool, because I don’t know which would be more expensive: buying a new phone or buying a bag of rice to suck out the water.

I won’t deny that the features on new phones are nice, but I will deny that they’re necessary. Once, a couple of years ago, a friend and I were lost in the Presidio at night. My friend used the GPS on her phone to guide us to our destination more quickly. About once every three months, I get turned around when I’m on a walk and it would be nice to look at a map to help me find my way. Sometimes I forget if a business is open on a holiday and wish I could quickly check their website before I hike a block out of my way.

Most of the time, though, stuff just works out. If I really need to find an address or contact a business, I call Information the way everyone always used to before phones became computers. If someone texts me, I call them back. If I think they’re driving and can’t pick up the phone, I just wait. This has never not worked—and it almost always works within twenty minutes.

In fact, if you want to do a little experiment, spend one month keeping a tally of how many of the phone calls or text conversations around you amount to people confirming that they definitely will meet up with each other at the place they already agreed they were going to meet up with each other, within twenty minutes of the time they agreed that they were going to meet up with each other. You’ll come out of that month with a new respect for passivity. Seriously, people, it’s fine. They’ll be here when they get here.

But You Do Have to Plan Ahead

I will admit one thing, though—people with smart phones carry less stuff than I do. In addition to my little candy bar phone, I generally have at the very least a pad of paper and a pen or pencil. Flipping back through this pad will give you a running list of the addresses and phone numbers of the places where I was going to meet people, simple directions from a parking lot or bus station when I’m going to a place I’ve never been before, and the details of people I meet when I’m away from home. Interspersed with these will be ideas for articles, which I think up when everyone else is on their phone at the table (savages), or when I’m stuck on a train.

I’ll also almost always have a book with me. I wish this weren’t necessary. As a frequent public transportation user, and a relatively tall person in a relatively short city, I would love to spend my rides on BART and Muni reading people’s texts over their shoulders. Alas, I have done a decade of research on this, and I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that people’s texts are boring. Furthermore, texting gives people boring, expressionless faces—although it does, thank god, stop people from talking on their cell phones while they’re on public transportation. Whatever you’re paying for your texts, it’s worth it for the wonderful hush that came over buses and trains when texting became more popular than talking. Still, when you’re not able to text, a book is mandatory.

The only times I truly wish I could use my phone as an entertainment device are on those rare occasions when I drive. I’ve seen a lot of hype about what the tech industry is doing to newspapers, to books, to television, and to movies—but I haven’t read much about the devastation it is wreaking on radio stations. Drive anywhere without your phone playing music for you and you’ll pick up nothing but barely-powered radio stations with “listen at work” playlists and ads for mattress stores that are having going-out-of-business sales. It is grim in radioland, people. If you can’t get your hands on a phone for car trips, dig some ancient CDs out of your closet. Or just stay home.

Technology Isn’t a Culture, It’s a Language, and I’m Losing Fluency

Some of you will think I sound smug, talking about how little I need an expensive phone and how little of a difference its fancy features actually make. You’re right—but that’s only half of the story. The other half of the story is what occasionally keeps me up at night.

Do you know how to use an iPhone? I don’t.

“That’s silly,” you think. “Four-year-olds can use an iPhone. When I get a new iPhone, with all new features and a new design, I don’t glance at a manual or get instructions. I pick it up and use it. It’s designed to be completely intuitive.”

No, it isn’t. Speaking as an outsider, there’s nothing about technology, no matter how well-designed, that’s intuitive. I routinely turn people’s iPhones off when they ask me to take pictures of them, because I mistake the off button on the phone for the “take a picture” button on the screen. When people hand me their phones so I can add my name and number to their address books, I can’t do it, and they can’t understand why I can’t do it.

Yes, I know that anyone could teach me to do any one of these things in a few minutes, but that isn’t actually going to solve the problem. When I look at how people use phones, pads, and even televisions, I can see that they’re looking at various aspects of devices and getting information from those aspects. A line at the top of the screen, the placement of an icon on the left or on the right, a slightly different color around a picture—it’s meaningless to me, but meaningful to them.

The idea is reinforced whenever I go online. When I read about how this company is reintroducing this design feature from 2013, or ripping off that design feature from another company, or refining a third feature that they introduced last year, I look at two seemingly identical screencaps of two seemingly identical screens and have no idea what information I’m supposed to be gleaning from it. While I’m baffled, the comment section below is going nuts about what it all means.

What this means to me is that everyone in my city is engaging with companies, popular ones like Apple and reviled ones like BlackBerry, and they are all, collectively, learning to speak Technology. Once people gain fluency in that language, even if they’re just consumers, they use the language to have new ideas, and organize the world in different ways. It’s getting to the point where I literally don’t have the vocabulary to understand how other people see, and interact with, the world.

Want an example? The last time I bought a television, the process for setting up a television was plugging the television into the wall and turning it on. When everyone was updating to “digital,” I moved my television into the closet (only to be exhumed whenever a DVD won’t play on my computer) and switched to watching Hulu. These days I know that there are boxes that attach to a television, and there are sticks that plug into a television, and there are companies you can call that will make your television let you watch shows, but I do not even have the words to ask people specifics about how to make a TV “go.”

So while my phone works just fine for me, I get the feeling that I need to hop over to some form of personal device soon. More importantly, I need to find some aspect of this new technology that I want to engage with. I need to find something that makes me want to play around with a screen (preferably something with a screen bigger than one-and-a-quarter inches). If I don’t, someday I’m going to be staring at a screen while people patiently explain things to me, not even realizing that every word they say is as meaningless to me as if they were speaking Hungarian. I have to do something soon—before the language barrier gets too high.

Illustration by Tara Jacoby

Another day, another TLC scandal. In fact, today, there were two: one involving a dead puppy, and another involving a pedophile producer who worked on at least three shows centered around children. The Learning Channel? More like The Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over And Never Learn Channel.

The beleaguered station canceled yet another show today, the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Gypsy Sisters series, apparently because one of the cast member’s husbands was recently charged with felony animal cruelty. The allegations are sickening: cops say he threw a puppy against a wall, killing it, during an argument about the couple’s rent.

And the network picked up its third pedophilia scandal today with the news that an editor on at least three TLC shows starring children was recently busted for possession of child pornography. (He apparently worked on 19 Kids and Counting, a show literally starring a child molester, Jon and Kate Plus Eight, and a little-watched show called Table For 12.) The disturbing charges, via Radar Online:

According to North Carolina court documents exclusively obtained by Radar, 19 Kids editor William Blankinship, 60, was arrested on October 21, 2011 on ten felony counts of second-degree sexual exploitation of a child.

The Raleigh resident’s pedophilia collection of images and videos were among the most revolting possible.

One photo centered on a 1 to 3-year-old girl with “ejaculate” around her vaginal area.

In a second picture, a 2 to 4-year-old girl laid on her back, legs spread open, with an adult male’s penis touching her vagina.

A third image featured a 4 to 7-year-old female being anally penetrated by an adult male, her hands tied with duct tape.

The father and grandfather even possessed a 9-minute video of an adult male having oral and vaginal sex with two 7-11 year old girls.

And that’s just the tip of TLC’s child abuse iceberg. Other recent scandals include:

Jon and Kate Plus Eight

The wildly popular show, which began in 2007, was TLC’s first flirtation with fucked-up families. Within a few seasons, the couple’s marriage had disintegrated and Jon filed court documents alleging Kate had abused their children.

“On Tuesday, Oct. 19, 2010, while bathing Leah, Father found [a] large, red welt on her rear end. [Leah] later explained that it was from Mother, after Leah bit Hannah… Several children have come forward to Father complaining that they get hurt when Mother spanks them.”

He also alleges that Kate, 39, is negligent when dressing their brood — leaving their kids in clothing that’s not only dirty, but also unfit for the climate.

“Children must be properly dressed for weather,” the docs read.

“On Wednesday, Oct. 20, 2010, Father attended a field trip with Hannah, Joel, Leah and Aaden. Boys were dressed in cowboy boots and girls were dressed in Ugg boots. Ground was cold and wet and children slipped and got shoes dirty. Boys were dressed in pants and sweatshirt, with no undershirt or coat. It was 39 degrees that morning and children complained of being cold.”

The show was eventually canceled in 2010; the allegations surfaced for the first time this year—just in time to coincide with Gosselin’s return to television: Kate Plus Eight premiered with new episodes in January, 2015.

Cake Bosses

Even the shows without children offered a platform to child abusers: the Cake Boss’s former brother-in-law—a cake decorator who “frequently” appeared on the show—is currently serving a nine-year prison sentence for sexually assaulting a 13-year-old girl.

Toddlers and Tiaras

A pageant show primarily concerned with sexualizing toddlers—who would have thought this show would produce the network’s most benign scandals? Each week, the episodes featured children in wildly inappropriate situations—dressed up as hookers and wearing padded bras, to name a few. And the show, of course, gave a platform to a felonious dad who had been convicted of child endangerment and featured a mother burning her child during an eyebrow wax:

As her daughter screamed and trembled, the mother confided to the camera that her kid was scared because once a salon worker put on wax that was too hot, and tore off her skin. When the horrifying scene was over, the girl was shaking in pain and crying, as her mom said, “There! Doesn’t that look pretty?”

And it spawned the spinoff, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, which died this year after horrifying molestation allegations involving at least two of the children featured on the show were made public.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo

This fall TLC canceled one of its most popular shows—Here Comes Honey Boo Boo—after news broke that the show’s matriarch, Mama June Shannon, was dating a convicted child molester.

Not only a convicted child molester, but a convicted child molester who allegedly molested Shannon’s own daughter, Anna. And it wasn’t just Anna—according to the stomach-churning indictment, another of Shannon’s daughters, Pumpkin, was forced to watch the alleged attack.

Shannon, who has since denied dating the convicted sex offender, was never able to explain why he was photographed touching her nine-year-old daughter, Alana (aka Honey Boo Boo) last September.

19 Kids and Counting

This summer, molestation allegations against Josh Duggar, the eldest son of Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar, were made public by Radar Online. Turns out Duggar had been molesting his sisters for years—and his parents and the network both knew about it.

The show was finally canceled earlier this month, but only technically: according to reports, TLC still intends to give the Duggar family airtime with a confirmed one-hour, commercial-free special featuring Jessa and Jill, two of Josh’s victims. They’re also rumored to be in talks for a spinoff show—meaning both TLC and at least some of the Duggars will have a chance to profit from Josh’s sexual assault.

It’s astounding—and horrifying—that a self-proclaimed family-oriented network is such a ground zero for pedophilia, molestation and violent crime. Imagine their upfronts over the last few years. It’s grim: a felony convention full of unsupervised kids and an open bar. And at this point, it’s clear most, if not all of these families, should not be on television—so who keeps green lighting these shows? Where is the oversight? Where is the accountability?

More importantly, is The Learning Channel ever going to learn? They say insanity is making the same mistakes over and over and expecting things to change. Sounds about time for an involuntary commitment.

Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Earlier today, male pop ensemble One Direction released “Drag Me Down,” the group’s first single without former member Zayn Malik (the member who liked graffiti). “Drag me down,” fans wonder, “Is this a dig at Zayn?”

DRAG ME DOWN IS THIS A DIG @ ZAYN

July 31, 2015

nobody can drag me down a vos te hablo zayn malik

July 31, 2015

IS DRAG ME DOWN thROWING SHADE AT ZAYN THE TITLE OMFG

July 31, 2015

DRAG ME DOWN IS BOYS' ANSWER TO EVERYONE WHO THOUGHT BOYS WILL FLOP WITHOUT ZAYN.

July 31, 2015

I WONDER IF ZAYN HAS LISTENED TO DRAG ME DOWN YET OH MY GOD

July 31, 2015

DRAG ME DOWN IS SO EMPOWERING FOR THEM. IT'S LIKE HOW EVERYONE KEEPS SAYIN "1d is gonna flop since zayn left" AND THEYRE LIKE NOPE U THOUGHT

July 31, 2015

ZAYN: [SIGNS WITH RCA]THE BOYS: OH TAKE A LOOK AT OUR NEW SINGLE DRAG ME DOWN BC I FEEL DRAGGED DOWNWOOOYIPPEKIEAY

July 31, 2015

I REALLY WANT ZAYN TO TWEET THE LINK OF DRAG ME DOWN AND BE LIKE "you can buy Drag Me Down on iTunes right now! what a tune!!"

July 31, 2015

DRAG ME DOWN COULDNT BE A MORE PERFECT FIRST SONG TO REALEASE WITHOUT ZAYN I LOVE IT

July 31, 2015

it's called drag me down, because zayn was dragging them down

July 31, 2015

Drag me down? Is this a zayn diss track? Better yet is it a Sophia diss track? I'm here for this #dragmedown

July 31, 2015

Something the fans seem to be forgetting, however, is that the song is called “Drag Me Down,” not “Drag Zayn Into This.”

the song is called drag me down not drag zayn into this

July 31, 2015

Huh. Just something to think about, I guess.

Image via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

A gay man in Staten Island named Louis Falcone says police called him a “faggot” while beating him outside his home on June 19. The incident was taped from across the street, though no homophobic epithets are audible. The Daily News posted footage and an interview with Falcone:

“While I was on the ground, I had mud and blood in my mouth,” Falcone told the Daily News. “One (of the cops) said, ‘Don’t let it get on you, he probably has AIDS, the faggot.’”

Falcone, the Daily News story points out, weighs 150 lbs.

According to a source, Falcone’s mother called the police early during the morning of June 19 after he had been fighting with his brother and “tearing up the house.” By the time the police arrived, Falcone’s brother had departed. Falcone was reportedly uncooperative and spit in one of the police officer’s faces.

Falcone also alleges the police also threatened to kill his dog. He plans to sue in federal court for civil rights violations, according to his lawyer.

Deadspin The First Photos Of Jason Pierre-Paul’s Bandaged, Blown-Up Hand | Gizmodo What It’s Like to Have the Oldest Phone in San Francisco | io9 Why Are Dogs So Insanely Happy to See Us When We Get Home? | Jezebel Trump’s Terrible Lawyer Also Bragged About Ruining a Beauty Queen’s Life | Kinja Popular Posts

Hurricane activity in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans really begins to pick up intensity at the beginning of August, building up to the peak of the seasons in the middle of September. Right on cue, we have our seventh named storm in the eastern Pacific—possibly threatening Hawaii—while the Atlantic Ocean is dead quiet.

The only storm on the stage at the moment is a hurricane named Guillermo, which is teetering on the edge of category two status as it chugs west-northwest through the eastern Pacific Ocean. The storm is encountering warm waters and a favorable environment that should allow it to strengthen over the next couple of days, after which time the National Hurricane Center expects it to begin weakening.

However, their latest forecast also shows the system coming very close to Hawaii as a strong tropical storm in the middle of next week. This is still five days out and hurricanes are notorious for not doing what model guidance and forecasters expect them to do, but when you see a tropical system aiming right for the Hawaiian islands, it’s time to take notice.

The scenario is similar to what played out last August when Hurricane Iselle formed in the eastern Pacific, crossed into the central Pacific, and hit Hawaii as a strong tropical storm. If the storm plays out as currently forecast, it will keep the name Guillermo even though it’s crossing into the area that’s covered by the Central Pacific Hurricane Center in Honolulu (which uses its own list of names).

If you live on the Hawaiian islands or if you’re visiting there within the next week or two, keep a close on the developments of this storm and have a plan if you need to evacuate or need to change your travel plans in a hurry. Don’t blow off forecasts and warnings from local officials because you’ve saved up for years to take this vacation—the only thing worse than a group of smug locals is a group of smug tourists.

The National Hurricane Center in Miami will continue issuing advisories on Guillermo until it crosses 120°W—after that, responsibility shifts to the Central Pacific Hurricane Center in Honolulu.

Atlantic Ocean

Zzzzzzz.

In the past week, we’ve seen two areas highlighted by the National Hurricane Center for tropical development—the first one you probably heard about non-stop on The Weather Channel this week, which had the potential to form from a stalled front draped across Florida and the coastal waters off the southeast. Most of the tropical systems we see early in the season form from decaying frontal boundaries near land, and this had the potential but the environment was too harsh.

Farther out in the Atlantic, there’s one disturbance near Africa that’s desperately trying to develop—you can even see a swirliness to the clouds if you look near 15°N, 20°W on the satellite image above, but here too the environment is too hostile for any meaningful development.

Africa is to blame (or to thank, depending on your outlook) for the storm’s dusty demise. Dry, dusty air coming off the Sahara Desert is a death sentence for tropical systems in the Atlantic, and it’s why many potential storms have fizzled out over the years. Add this to the strengthening El Niño in the eastern Pacific—which tends to increase wind shear and kill storms in its own right—and we’re still on track to see below-normal activity in the Atlantic.

Not that that’s a bad thing, of course.

[Images: NOAA, author, NOAA, WeatherBELL]

You can follow the author on Twitter or send him an email.

Kristin Cavallari, who’s promised to release her first book within the next 313 days, hit a career milestone last night. Her accomplishment is as follows: The LAUREL bootie is now in 25 @nordstrom stores!!!

I know this because Kristin told me on Instagram.

“The LAUREL bootie is now in 25 @nordstrom stores!!!” she wrote in the caption, referring to the shoes she’s balancing on in the photo, which are part of the Kristin Cavallari for Chinese Laundry line. “Thank YOU to the fans who made my big dream over 10 years ago become a reality!”

Now we know: Kristin had a highly specific fever dream 10 years ago titled, “the LAUREL bootie is now in 25 @nordstrom stores!!!”

She reiterated in the caption, “I am living a dream [confetti emoji]”

Goal setting is an important part of adult human development.

This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photo via Getty]

A Palestinian teenager who was shot during a protest near Ramallah on Friday died early Saturday morning, the New York Times reports. 17-year-old Laith al-Khaldi was demonstrating after a deadly arson in the West Bank earlier on Friday killed a toddler.

An Israeli military spokesman said that soldiers had fired “in response to immediate danger” at an “assailant” who threw a firebomb towards them. According to the Times, this is the sixth fatal shooting by Israeli security forces in recent weeks:

On Friday, soldiers shot and killed a Palestinian teenager in Gaza who appeared to have been trying to scale a fence into Israel. Last Monday, a Palestinian youth died after he was shot while trying to evade arrest by running across rooftops in the crowded refugee camp where he lived.

Earlier in July, Israeli forces killed a 53-year-old Palestinian man, Falah Abu Marya, who was shot in the chest as he threw objects at soldiers who were trying to arrest his son. The day before, Israeli military forces shot and killed a 20-year-old Palestinian during a raid in Burqin, a farming town in the northern West Bank. A military spokeswoman said Israeli forces had opened fire after Palestinians ignored an order to stop throwing rocks at them.

On Friday morning, an arson attack killed 18-month-old Ali Dawabsheh, in the West Bank hamlet of Duma. The toddler’s father Saad, his mother Riham, and his four-year-old brother Ahmad were all hospitalized with severe burns, the Times reports. The word “Revenge!” was spray-painted in Hebrew on a wall nearby next to a Star of David.

According to the Associated Press, in the West Bank city of Hebron, 2,000 Palestinian protesters took to the streets, clashing with Israeli security forces. “Israel fears the incident could spark wider unrest and has called for calm,” the AP reports.

Photo credit: AP Images. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Business Insider has acquired an affidavit containing text messages apparently sent between former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle and a former female subway franchisee. In them, Fogle reportedly asks her to advertise herself for sex on Craigslist and claims he paid for sex with a 16-year-old girl.

The woman, with whom Fogle was having a sexual relationship, says she shared the text messages with Subway management after becoming uncomfortable with his behavior, Business Insider reports. No action was taken, and Subway says there is no record of the woman’s complaint. An affidavit containing the text messages was reportedly subpoenaed recently by the FBI.

From BI:

In the messages, Fogle repeatedly asks the woman — a Subway franchisee at the time — to advertise herself on Craigslist for sex with other men.

He asks her if he can watch the sexual acts and tells her she can make about $500 per act.

According to Business Insider, Fogle also asked the former franchisee to introduce him to her cousin, who, at the time, was underage (the age of consent in Fogle’s home state of Indiana is 16):

“When can we find a time for me to talk to your cousin?” Fogle asks in a message dated May 1, 2008.

“Any more news with your cousin?” he asks the following day. “Tell me what u think about when u think of the three of us all together???”

Earlier, in April, according to the affidavit, Fogle asked the woman, “How young would you like?... Would you want to have an adventure like that?”

On June 19, the lawyer says that Fogle again asked the woman to advertise herself on Craigslist. She responds: “Is this the same website you found that 16 year old girl you that you f*****? ...I still can’t believe you only paid $100 for her.”

Fogle responds: “It was amazing!!!!”

She asks: “What part of her ad made you think she was selling sex?”

He says: “U will have to read them to see.”

Last month, Fogle’s home was raided as part of a child-pornography investigation.http://gawker.com/report-agents-...

The messages in the affidavit begin in January 2008 and end in June 2008. According to BI, they were recorded from the woman’s phone by a court reporter in 2008, witnessed and verified by a notary public. BI claims to have independently verified the authenticity of the texts.

The woman’s lawyer, who asked to remain anonymous, said the FBI recently subpoenaed the affidavit from his office; a spokeswoman for the FBI’s Southern Indiana branch would neither confirm nor deny to BI that the FBI subpoenaed the messages.

Photo credit: AP Images. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s ex-nanny might or might not (or might) be the primary reason that the couple split. Who knows why they split? Maybe it was the memories of making Daredevil! What everyone does know: the ex-nanny is surely evil because she loves all of the attention she’s been getting. Page Six notes that ever since paparazzi have been camped out in her front yard, Christine Ouzounian has been putting on makeup and brushing her hair. She also hired a “crisis pr firm” and treated the “paparazzi to a saucy wave and a smile as bright as her chandelier earrings.” She’s clearly no Maria von Trapp. [Page Six]

Wait, Jenny McCarthy and Melissa McCarthy are cousins? Jenny McCarthy shared this photo of the two with the caption “Me, my sis and my cousin Melissa. 102 degrees at the zoo, not happy campers. #tbt.” Remember when Jenny McCarthy was just the whacky sidekick on MTV, before she married Jim Carrey and had opinions about medicine? Sigh, the simpler days #tbt. [US]

RIP “Rowdy” Roddy Piper. I’ll always consider the photo I have of you and me one of my greatest childhood treasures. [E!]

• Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl. [TMZ]
  
• Naomi Campbell has been sentenced to six months after assaulting an Italian paparazzo. [Page Six]
  
• Caitlyn Jenner has been nominated for a Teen Choice Award in a category the kids call “Social Media Queen.” [Gossip Cop]
  
• Luke Perry won’t be watching Lifetime’s Unauthorized Beverly Hills, 90210 because of some misplaced pride. I’ll watch it for him. [E!]
  
• Here’s a photograph of Gordon Ramsay without his shirt on. You’re welcome. [Just Jared]
  
• Please stop Chrissy Teigen. [Us]

Images via Getty and Instagram.

“Some people wouldn’t feel comfortable putting such a big decision in the hands of a teenager, Mr. Schroeder, 62, acknowledged. But ‘being type-A parents,’ he said, ‘we thought maybe it would be an experience for him to work with architects and be intrinsically involved in building a house.’” Haha, sure.

On Saturday, Mark Karpeles, CEO of bankrupt bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox, which collapsed spectacularly last year, was arrested in Tokyo on suspicion of illicitly stealing $1 million from the online financial platform, the New York Times reports.http://valleywag.gawker.com/mt-gox-died-an...

In a statement, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police said that they believed 30-year-old French national Karpeles had “unjustly inflated the balance” of an account in his name by manipulating Mt. Gox transaction records. “He created false information that $1 million had been transferred into the account, when in fact it had not been.”http://gawker.com/does-mt-goxs-c...

From the Times:

Before it filed for bankruptcy in February last year, Mt. Gox said 850,000 Bitcoins, mostly belonging to its clients, had been either lost or stolen by hackers, an amount worth more than $450 million at the time. The company also said it had lost $27 million in cash.

It subsequently said it recovered 200,000 of the missing Bitcoins from an overlooked part of its computer systems. With its accounting in disarray, however, it said it could not be sure what happened to the rest, or even verify exactly how many Bitcoins it had actually held to begin with.

Unanswered questions abound. Where are the missing bitcoins? Who is the real Satoshi Nakamoto? What even is a bitcoin? We may never know.

Image via Youtube. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy might seem like a joke—a dark, sad performance piece meant to reveal the ugly id of American voters—but the Democratic National Committee is taking the bid seriously. Trump is, after all, leading the current GOP field by an impressive margin.

According to a report from The Guardian, the DNC has now assigned a full-time staff member to the Trump campaign. The staff member will be “devoted to responding to statements and pushing back against his campaign.”

Via The Guardian:

Previously, the staffer in question only had New Jersey governor Chris Christie to monitor. But as Trump’s fortunes have risen in the polls and Christie’s have fallen, the DNC has changed its focus.

The decision makes Trump the ninth candidate (out of 16) to which the DNC is devoting such resources. In addition to Christie, Jeb Bush, Ted Cruz, John Kasich, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio and Scott Walker are also so monitored.

Carly Fiorina, Ben Carson, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki, Mike Huckabee, Bobby Jindal and Rick Santorum do not make the list.

Ostensibly the staff member will spend much of his/her time rolling their eyes and rhetorically asking “Seriously?” To which Republican primary voters will solemnly respond, “Seriously.” Eventually the staffer’s soul will starve while wandering the verbal wasteland that is Donald Trump and the Republic will collapse under the heavy weight of its own stupidity.

2016 will truly be a banner year.

Image via Getty.

Early Thursday morning, along Highway 77, outside Marietta, a Texas man was struck in the head by his own bullet after firing at an armadillo, KLTV reports.

Cass County Sheriff Larry Rowe told Reuters that the animal’s shell deflected at least one of three bullets, which then struck the shooter’s jaw.

“His wife was in the house. He went outside and took his .38 revolver and shot three times at the armadillo,” Rowe said. The man was airlifted to the hospital. His jaw was wired shut.

The status of the armadillo is unknown. “We didn’t find the armadillo,” Rowe said.

Image via Shutterstock. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

According to The Guardian, American police killed 118 people in July—the deadliest month this year. At least 20 of those people were unarmed; 106 died from gunfire. Two died after being shocked with Tasers; two died after being struck by police vehicles. Eight died after altercations in police custody.

It’s late July. There is a helicopter circling. A “ghetto bird” on this clear, dark blue night. I’m in my bed, staring at the ceiling fan, trying to sleep. It’s 1:30 a.m. It’s 2:00 a.m. I’m struggling. I’m tired. It’s hot. Someone’s dog is barking. I am now on Facebook, seeing post after post about rumors, or fact, of two black bodies being found in a car at a Taco Bell about 10 minutes away from where I rest my head. I think about how many pillows are being soaked by hot, angry tears of black families asking the questions that come along with this sort of thing.

I keep reading. Been reading all week. I read comments. Someone knows someone who was killed over there. And over there. And earlier yesterday. Damn. Earlier today, I spent most of my day photographing a wedding in what was been deemed the “hot zone” by a recent LAPD tactical alert issued in the wake of gangbangers doing what gangbangers do. And social media did what social media does, which is spread the news of what the gangbangers were doing. LAPD caught wind, as LAPD does, and now we are on day two of a special tactical alert.

Interestingly, the gang terrorism has been going on for way longer than just two days, but we have visitors in town—the Special Olympics brought thousands to Los Angeles, and the LAPD doesn’t want them scared. I get it. I’m scared to get shot, too. But LAPD does not issue tactical alerts for nervous black and brown people who navigate their own newly named “hot zone” daily, and out of mundane necessity. Today, my necessity was the wedding, and for the first time in many years, I was afraid to be in the hood I’ve loved forever.

I’ve taught myself to use the helicopters as a lullaby. Their buzz is assurance that someone is watching, if only for a little while, and for that short period of time, I can sleep more soundly. Their hum, flat and incessant, has become a soundtrack to my nights, drowning out the sirens and their annoying wailing. Sirens aren’t music to me, but somehow the helicopters are. They are the heartbeat during the darkness to let me know that the streets are alive in a time when death is creeping down the block with its lights off and windows halfway down. Bodies seem to fall like leaves with the change of seasons in this area of war-torn Los Angeles, and this summer, more than any other in recent history, has become just notorious enough to be romanticized via eye-catching hashtags.

#100Days100Nights #PrayForLA

Hashtags are cool, but they rarely reach the perpetrators they chase. George Zimmerman didn’t care about hashtags for Trayvon. The uniformed people last to see Sandra Bland alive do not care to say her name. The cop who shot Samuel DuBose likely is avoiding your tweets. Hashtags are for the hurting, like my boy told me that love is determined by the sender, not the recipient. Gangbangers have their own hashtags out here, and they circulate with ease, coded and exact. And they mean what they say, and do what they type. They are at war, and this is their nuanced and fucked up service to their comrades. It just so happens that the rest of us are held hostage to the vengeful and prideful bullets that break hearts and soak pillows day and night, but more this summer than I can ever remember fully experiencing. These gangbangers are hurting, too, but they’ve taught themselves not to show it through humanity.

This is when lots of folks start yelling about black-on-black crime, as if it’s some new phenomena, ignoring demographics, intra-racial crime statistics, and other facts that would clear all that right on up. Yes, in black areas, black gangs exist, and they murder each other and others. Yes, it is a problem, whether here in LA, in Chicago, in the Dominican Republic, or in Soweto. The people yelling demand that black folks step up and protest the black-on-black killings, as if the former isn’t happening. It is. Loudly. Bravely.

Still, I don’t know about you, but there’s something about a group with guns that finds my life to be disposable that makes me shy away from setting up my soapbox in their faces. That isn’t cowardice. That’s fear and self-preservation. Black lives matter, but if you are not their blood, your black doesn’t matter, and that’s a hell of a place to start from.

It is the Wednesday after a violent weekend of reported and unreported shootings. In the last almost two weeks, local news reports have shown a very different tally of violence than what is being discussed on the streets during this very hot, very nervous summer. It’s hard to find the truth in something so outrageous but more outrageous, still, is the trivialization of the truth about the frequency at which bullets are flying, even when victims don’t go to the police for help. They are still the police and we are still black and weary of them in South Central Los Angeles. The innate human reaction is to dismiss it away as the unfortunate norm. Others paint it as hyperbole. But, something is happening. Rumors often evoke self-fulfilling prophecies. If someone puts on Facebook that they’re shooting “over there,” I’m not going “over there” unless I have to. If a gangmember reads that their hood is under attack, they’re going to attack back. And it’s best if we all try to stay out of their way. Literacy has become another weapon.

We, the inhabitants of the “hot zone,” are now both encouraged and virtually forced to eyeball each passing black male body as a potential threat to our existence. It leaves a nasty taste in my mouth when I find myself engaging in the same prejudices as the cops who terrorize the black bodies they encounter simply existing. But, the hashtags told me to be cautious of my own. And whether started by someone looking to provoke the madness, or by young black men scared to feel, the baton has been passed, and the killings and attempted killings are happening. And I, and others, are being taught to look at our reflections as trigger-happy time bombs. You are my brother, but Cain killed Abel. And you might kill me to make your quota. Or not.

The helicopters are buzzing. It’s hot. None of us can sleep. I get it. But I can’t take no chances this summer. The divide continues.

Tiffany Hobbs is a photographer, writer, poet, and occasional rapper living in South Central Los Angeles. Tiffany has enjoyed underground success appearing on albums and hosting radio shows where she champions the causes of the Hood, which she loves and uses as inspiration in her art. A graduate of the University of Southern California, Tiffany can be found on Facebook, and on Instagram at @SpiffyTiffyH.

[Top illustration by Tara Jacoby; photos by the author]

Snoop Dogg was stopped on Saturday by financial police in southern Italy while carrying $422,000 in cash, The Guardian reports. As this is above the limit that can be transported across European Union borders, Snoop’s lawyer says he will have to pay a fine.

“We clarified everything from a legal point of view,” his attorney, Andrea Parisi, told Reuters. “The money came from concerts he had performed around Europe. There was no crime; it was just an administrative infraction.”

Half of the cash was returned to the rapper, Parisi said, while the other half is being held by Italian authorities.

Last week, Snoop was stopped in Sweden on suspicion of drug use. “They didn’t find shit,” he later said.

Photo credit: AP Images. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Ashlee Simpson announced the birth of her daughter, Jagger Snow Ross, in her first and only Instagram post. This is the font that she chose.

Jagger Snow joins brother Bronx Mowgli. Just think, when Ashlee and Jessica Simpson’s mother wistfully looks over her brood of beautiful grandchildren, she will gather them in her loving arms and whisper: “Jagger, Bronx, Maxwell and Ace.”

CNN reports that, according to a senior park official, Cecil the lion’s brother Jericho, who is also a lion, was killed on Saturday in Zimbabwe’s Hwange National Park. Others have called this account into question. [UPDATED.]

Johnny Rodrigues, head of the Zimbabwe Conservation Task Force, told CNN that Jericho was shot and killed by a hunter operating illegally.

“It is with huge disgust and sadness that we have just been informed that Jericho, Cecil’s brother has been killed at 4pm today,” the group wrote on Facebook.

According to the Daily Mail, Jericho had been protecting Cecil’s cubs, who biologists had feared would be killed by a rival male taking over Cecil’s pride.

Update 3:25 p.m. – At least two Zimbabwe-based conservation groups have posted to Facebook denying reports that Jericho has been killed: Friends of Hwange and Bhejane Trust. CNN’s story hasn’t been changed; nor has the ZCTF’s Facebook page.

Update 4:10 p.m. – Brent Stapelkamp, a field researcher for the Hwange Lion Research Project monitoring Jericho’s GPS tag, told Reuters that he doesn’t think the lion is dead. “He looks alive and well to me as far as I can tell,” Stapelkamp said.

Stapelkamp told The Guardian that he would look for Jericho tomorrow morning. “Certainly, I’ve been asked to go and look for him tomorrow morning so I will confirm he is alive and send pictures to the world,” he said.

The researcher also seemed to disparage the reliability of the Zimbabwe Conservation Task Force as a source of information. “I think this type of misinformation is characteristic of that particular source,” he said.

Update 8:00 a.m. (Sunday) – He’s fine.

Pictured: Cecil. Photo credit: AP Images. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Recently released documents show that Brian Encinia, the Texas state trooper who arrested Sandra Bland after pulling her over for failing to signal during a lane change, was once given a warning for “unprofessional conduct.” The disciplinary citation occurred last year, when Encinia was still a probationary trooper.

In response to a Freedom of Information Act request, the Texas Department of Public Safety released Encinia’s personnel file, reports The Guardian. An evaluation from the months of September and October 2014 cites a note that Encinia was issued “a written counseling for unprofessional conduct.” The incident occurred at a school in Austin, but no additional details were provided. The evaluation stated, “In the future, Trooper Encinia should conduct himself at all times in a manner that will reflect well upon himself, the department, and the State of Texas. This supervisor will ensure that this is done by meeting periodically with Trooper Encinia.”

The mysterious circumstances surrounding Sandra Bland’s case and her death, which occurred while in custody at Waller County Jail, leave many unanswered questions. Though the case is still under investigation, Steve McCraw, the director of the department of public safety, has said that Encinia violated internal policies of professionalism and courtesy during the incident.

Contact the author at marie.lodi@jezebel.com.

Image via AP.