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Fear the Vegetable

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Fear the Vegetable

Vegetables are not the wholesome foods we once thought. Despite their purported fountain-of-youth properties, it’s become clear that, in the public consciousness at least, America’s real enemy #1 is green and leafy.

As of Wednesday, three people have died and at least 558 people have fallen ill after an outbreak of salmonella was reported in 33 states, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). The culprit: a malevolent batch of garden cucumbers imported from Mexico.

Yet however menacing it may look, a grocery cucumber isn’t a death sentence for us all. Cucumber distributors have already issued recalls, and the CDC is advising people on which cucumbers you shouldn’t buy if you don’t want a weeklong bout of abdominal cramps, diarrhea and fever.

But this isn’t the first time that tainted food has caused salmonella outbreaks, triggering scares across the country. The CDC reports that 1.2 million illnesses and approximately 450 deaths are caused by Salmonella every year in the U.S.

Also according to the CDC, vegetables are often to blame when it comes to food-born illness. A big study surveying the different foods that made Americans sick from 1998 to 2008 found that produce (including fruits, nuts and vegetables) accounted for nearly half of salmonella illnesses. Within produce, leafy vegetables accounted for the most cases.

It’s not like this is news, and vegetable fear-mongering has been going on for years, as evidenced by many a scary produce headline:

FDA bans some cilantro from Mexico, cites human feces in fields, CNN

Cucumbers: Nothing Tastes As Good as Death Feels, Gawker

Sorry, Foodies: We’re About to Ruin Kale, Mother Jones

Pumpkin, turnips and swedes: the most dangerous vegetables revealed, The Telegraph

Fear your vegetables: E.coli outbreak in Germany, Zurika

Germans Fear the Cucumber, Boise Weekly

Are Tainted Tomatoes, Beef and Lemons Worth the Food Fright? Popular Mechanics

Lessons on how to eat ‘scary’ fruit and vegetables, Daily Mail

Fruits and Vegetables Are Trying to Kill You, Nautilus

Deadly Meats & Vegetables and How They Kill You, Independent Living

10 Everyday Fruits and Vegetables that are Poisonous, Scribol

The 10 Most Toxic Fruits and Vegetables, TakePart

Vegetables sure can be terrifying. That being said, you’re still more likely to be killed by a hippo, a volcano, or to be struck by lightning than you are to be killed by a vegetable.

Image via Getty.


Texas Police to Ahmed Mohamed: Pick Up Your Clock

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Texas Police to Ahmed Mohamed: Pick Up Your Clock

Ahmed Mohamed has waited patiently to show President Barack Obama the homemade clock that got him handcuffed at his Texas school after school officials mistook it for a “hoax bomb.” Now, according to police, the 14-year-old can.

Today, Mohamed’s family announced that they had hired two attorneys to help retrieve the science project from Texas police. However, BuzzFeed reports, police say that they already notified the family that the clock is available for pickup—and has been since last week, when the case against Mohamed was closed.

Mohamed can stop by weekdays between 6 a.m. and 4:45 p.m., when he isn’t making appearances on The Nightly Show with Larry Wilmore, as he is tonight.

[Image via AP Images]

Report: More Cops Charged Over Fatal Shootings in 2015 Than in Any of the Past 10 Years

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Report: More Cops Charged Over Fatal Shootings in 2015 Than in Any of the Past 10 Years

According to The Wall Street Journal, more police officers in America have been prosecuted over fatal on-duty shootings in 2015 than in any year going back a decade.

Citing research by Bowling Green State University criminologist Philip M. Stinson, the Journal reports that 12 officers have been charged with manslaughter or murder for on-duty shooting deaths in 2015 so far, more than twice the annual average of five officers a year since 2005.

However, not a single officer has been convicted of murder or manslaughter this year. From WSJ:

Police advocates [argue] that prosecutors are bending to political pressure by bringing questionable cases to trial. They say the outcome of recent cases proves their point.

“It’s a political response to media coverage in Ferguson and South Carolina and Staten Island,” said William Johnson, executive director of the National Association of Police Organizations.

Stinson, himself a former police officer, offered a different possible explanation for the lack of convictions earlier this year.

“You’ve got to really fuck up to get convicted as a cop, of anything at all,” Stinson told FiveThirtyEight in April. “We have dozens of police officers with qualifying crimes who’ve still got their job, carrying a gun every day.”

According to The Washington Post, 722 people—26 of them black and unarmed—have been shot to death by police in the United States in 2015.

[Image via Getty Images]

U.S. Gov't Admits Fingerprint Records of 5.6 Million Federal Employees Stolen in Hack

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U.S. Gov't Admits Fingerprint Records of 5.6 Million Federal Employees Stolen in Hack

One of the worst government data breaches in history was at first thought to have leaked the fingerprints of 1.1 million. Now the government has announced that the hack, coupled with a second related breach, actually affected a staggering 21.5 million federal employees and their families — a full 7 percent of the U.S. population. Among those, an estimated 5.6 million fingerprint records were stolen.

http://gawker.com/that-governmen...

The Office of Personnel Management (OPM) announced Wednesday that some of the information, which was stolen from people who underwent routine background checks, included social security numbers and health information as well. Some of the data even includes criminal, financial and employment and histories.

http://gawker.com/ap-every-singl...

But the breach of fingerprints may be the most troubling of all. FiveThirtyEight broke down exactly what a hacker might use fingerprints for in July, when word first broke of the breach:

[Fingerprints] could be used to sniff out individuals operating in a foreign country under false identities. Imagine that you, an American spy, travel to Hackistan ostensibly to work as the ambassador’s dog walker. The Hackistani government grabs your fingerprints when you arrive in the country. But now, after their successful hack, they can check yours against the prints in the stolen OPM database. They find that your prints are a partial match with the prints of a contractor who worked for the U.S. Department of Defense a decade ago. Uh oh.

In a statement, OPM said that “federal experts believe that, as of now, the ability to misuse fingerprint data is limited.” But, according to the Guardian, it also noted that “this probability could change over time as technology evolves.”

Considered one of the worst in history, the data breach has been largely attributed to Chinese hackers, though the Obama administration has yet to publicly point a finger. But with the arrival of Chinese president Xi Jinping in this week, President Obama is expected to urge Xi to take action to control Chinese cyber-attacks on the U.S., adding that “we don’t want to see the internet weaponized in that way.”

Advocates: Skunks Are Getting Their Heads Stuck in Yogurt Cups and Dying

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Advocates: Skunks Are Getting Their Heads Stuck in Yogurt Cups and Dying

Yoplait has its trademark yogurt cup with its tapered shape and foil lid. Animal advocates want you to know that that same cup has been killing small animals for years — and General Mills refuses to act upon it.

Skunks and squirrels get drawn to the yogurt’s sweet smell, only for their heads to get stuck on the inside rim of Yoplait cups. A skunk specialist with the Humane Society tells The Huffington Post that she gets up to a dozen calls per month about such incidents during the spring and summer. These animals can die from either suffocation or dehydration.

http://gawker.com/cop-and-baby-s...

General Mills has known since at least 1998 of the risk Yoplait cups presents, when an animal advocacy group Project Coyote protested the company. An outer rim was added for animals to use as leverage, though recent videos—and there are more than you may think—show that this may not be enough.

[Image via Vimeo/Wildlife Emergency Services]

5-Year-Old Girl Breaks Through Police Barrier to Educate the Pope on Immigration Reform

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A five-year-old girl has become one of the few mortals with whom the Pope has held congress on his trip to the U.S. this week.

A video of the incident shows Sophie Cruz breaking free of a police barrier during the Pope Francis’ slow crawl in front of the White House on Wednesday. A security officer scoops her up and presents her to the pope, who kisses her on the cheek.

The daughter of two undocumented immigrants, Sophie gave the pope a hand-colored drawing that read, “My friends and I love each other no matter our skin color.” The gift was meant as a way to gain attention to the plight of people like her parents, whom she fears will be deported.

When a reporter asked what she was hoping would come of her audience with the Pope, Sophie said that she hoped it would put a spotlight on the need for immigration policy reform in the U.S.

“Pope Francis, I want to tell you that my heart is sad and I would like to ask you to speak with the president and the Congress and legalizing my parents because every day I am scared that one day they will take them away from me.”

This isn’t the first time that activists have used children as heralds to gain attention for a cause. In 2014, animal activists helped a 13-year-old girl jump a police barricade at New York’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade to protest a float built by SeaWorld. And last June, the same group that organized Sophie’s run to the Pope, La Hermandad, was inspired by a similar plan in Rome.

The Pope, of anyone, should know to listen to words that come out of the mouths of babes.

Donald Trump Deems Hillary Clinton "The Original Birther"

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Today Donald Trump tried to give credit where credit is due. While speaking in Charleston, South Carolina, he mocked the “shrill” Hillary Clinton for denying that she started the birther movement, doubting that President Barack Obama was born in the United States before he did.

http://gawker.com/trump-to-colbe...

“[I]n 2008 she was the original birther,” he said. “She’s the one that started the whole thing. Hillary is a birther.”

Coincidentally, Clinton had just blamed Trump for getting people to think exactly that, now seven years after she said that Obama is a Christian, not Muslim, “as far as I know.”

“Did you or your campaign start the whole birther thing?” CNN anchor Don Lemon asked Clinton on Tom Joyner Morning Show. “Did you have a confrontation with the President?”

“That is so ludicrous, Don,” Clinton said. “You know, honestly, I just believe that—first of all, it’s totally untrue. And secondly, the President and I have never had any kind of confrontation like that. You know, this is such a bad example of what’s wrong with instantaneous reactions, and the Americans getting all worked up, and people feeding into prejudices and paranoia like Donald Trump.”

Reality Show's Ghost-Hunting Couple Found Dead In Grisly Murder-Suicide

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Reality Show's Ghost-Hunting Couple Found Dead In Grisly Murder-Suicide

A man and woman who appeared in the reality show Ghost Adventures were found dead from an apparent murder-suicide in Reno, Nev. on Tuesday. The estranged couple, Mark and Debby Constantino, were found by police who were investigating the death of a third person, a man whose name has not been released and with whom Debby Constantino had been living.

According to the Associated Press, officers heard gunshots when they knocked on the door to the Constantinos’ daughter’s apartment. When confronted, a man’s voice shouted at them to leave, or “or I’ll kill her,” according to Reno Deputy Police Chief Tom Robinson. Officers found their bodies inside the apartment after using explosives to get in through the front door.

While police have not officially released the cause of death, the couple had a long history of domestic violence, and this wasn’t the first time that Mark Constantino had allegedly kidnapped his soon-to-be ex-wife (the divorce papers were not yet finalized). USA Today reports that he was arrested in August on suspicion of domestic battery by strangulation, first-degree kidnapping and first-degree domestic battery.

On their show, which aired on the Travel Channel, the pair visited “the most haunted places on Earth” in attempt to draw out spirits that lived there. In one eerie clip, the couple discusses what lies in store for them “on the other side.”

[Image via YouTube/UKTV]


All Aboard The Dog Train, Says Nice Man Every Single Day

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All Aboard The Dog Train, Says Nice Man Every Single Day

“All aboard,” cries the conductor, dressed for the day in his baby blue polo and matching camouflage overalls-and-hat combo.

“Bark!” cry the dogs, all nine of them, as they each clamber into their respective single seats, ready for that morning’s journey.

Eugene Bostick, the only human member of the dog train, has cared for animals around his Fort Worth, Texas, home for 30 years with his brothers. When stray dogs were abandoned on his street, Bostick came to the rescue. In a stroke of brilliance, he created a set of boxcars made from old buckets that he welded onto wheels, piling one after another into an ever-elongating caboose.

Now, Bostick and his canine cohort can putz around the neighborhood together, man and man’s nine best friends.

One might wonder, when will the dog train reach its final destination?

“I’m 80 now, so I suppose it can’t last too much longer,” Bostick told The Dodo, “but I’ll keep it going as long as I can.”

If you think you can, Eugene, you’ll never stop conducting the little dog train that could.

Teen Conservative Activist Claims Obama Blocked Him on Twitter

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Teen Conservative Activist Claims Obama Blocked Him on Twitter

CJ Pearson, 13-year-old conservative activist, made headlines Friday with his YouTube video criticizing President Barack Obama for inviting Ahmed Mohamed to the White House. Now he says that the President blocked him on Twitter.

Today he posted a screencap captioned, “Well, this sucks.”

White House press secretary Frank Benenati then issued a statement saying that no one has or will be blocked from the @POTUS account. Pearson called this “outrageous.”

“If you think the American people are gonna fall for your little tricks, you’re downright crazy,” he said in a Facebook video.

But one other Twitter user says that when Pearson accused Obama of blocking him, he was still following the President on Twitter. Blocked users cannot follow you or see your tweets.

Based on how much Pearson has criticized Obama in the past (another video is titled “President Obama: Do you really love America?”), he will surely have more to say about the President’s Twitter account soon.

[Image via Facebook]

Insane JMU Frat Rush Guide Includes Dorm Room Numbers of Freshman Girls, Ranked by Hotness

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Insane JMU Frat Rush Guide Includes Dorm Room Numbers of Freshman Girls, Ranked by Hotness

The Phi Gamma Delta fraternity at James Madison University did not wait one second of this new school year to start preying on “hot” freshman girls, according to a disturbing new rush guide that’s currently circulating on campus. The guide, sent to us by a tipster, includes the name, room number, and a 1-10 hotness ranking of several freshman girls in a particular dorm, so that potential new bros can find them and bring them to FIJI parties.

The guide was allegedly compiled by a FIJI brother and distributed to potential freshman rushees during orientation week, according to our tipster. It begins:

Welcome.

Congrats, you now have plans tonight. End of story, you’re going out. You have a job to do. Follow these steps and I will ensure you have a great FROG WEEK guaranteed.

The guide then divulges the eight steps required to become a brother. Some highlights:

  • “Leave your suite door open all of frog week.” This, per FIJI, ensures potential new brothers will meet “the babes.”
  • “Go to your dorm meeting.” This will give rushees a chance to “get a glimpse” of “all the hot tail in [the dorm].”
  • A note on attire: “Get dressed quickly to go out and party your face off, if you wear cargos or socks with Sperrys you will be castrated. Turn up the Casanova level to ‘I’m not settling for anything less than a solid 8 tonight.’”

Insane JMU Frat Rush Guide Includes Dorm Room Numbers of Freshman Girls, Ranked by Hotness

Step 5 is worth reproducing in full (emphasis ours):

I have written a list of hot girls and their suite/room in [the dorm]. Now this is a little creepy thing to do but necessary so let’s keep this low key. You must travel together to all of the suites on this list, and invite these girls to the parties (social schedule will also be attached). You are to introduce yourselves, build rapport (if you don’t know what that is look it up you degenerates), invite them (their whole suite) to the party of the respective night, and tell them to come up to your suite around 9pm to pregame. Don’t forget to get their phone #’s. Now, I’m praying you guys brought liquor or something that allows you to pregame.

The rest of the steps deal with logistics, like: “Around 9:30-10pm tonight, I will come get you all. Y’all better have girls there. Also, like I said above, DO NOT show them this or tell them anything about me, they cannot know about this.”

Insane JMU Frat Rush Guide Includes Dorm Room Numbers of Freshman Girls, Ranked by Hotness

Attached to the guide was a handwritten list of 11 female names and room numbers, along with a 1-10 ranking for each, under the heading “[Dorm] Hotties.”

The end of the manifesto reads, ominously: “Congratulations, gentleman. You are now potentials. Your goal once you get to the party - meet brothers and get with girls, we will do whatever we can to try and get you guys laid.”

We reached out to JMU’s director of Greek life for comment about the rush guide, and he referred us JMU spokesperson Bill Wyatt, who provided this statement:

The university is aware of the incident and it is under investigation. However because of federal privacy laws, we cannot comment on the specifics of the incident. Obviously, the university takes seriously any complaints of sexual harassment or misconduct. Pending the outcome of the investigation, the matter will be dealt with in accordance with university policy and procedure.

We also reached out to FIJI’s current president and the FIJI brother who allegedly compiled the guide. We’ll update if we hear back.

Update, 3:26 pm: FIJI’s president has responded with this statement:

[Name redacted] acted totally on his own in writing the letter that has sparked this controversy. The letter does not reflect the values that our chapter promotes and our members embrace. Accordingly, [name redacted] has been removed from our chapter. We will continue to cooperate with the University in every way necessary to resolve this matter.


Art by Jim Cooke. Contact the author at allie@gawker.com.

What shape is the internet?

Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

Here are the best of today’s deals. Get every great deal every day on Kinja Deals, follow us on Facebook and Twitter to never miss a deal, join us on Kinja Gear to read about great products, and on Kinja Co-Op to help us find the best.


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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

We’ve seen a few modest deals on the Apple Watch Sport, but this is the best one we’ve seen to date on the larger, 42mm model.

Granted, $25 isn’t a huge discount, but it’s best we’ve seen to date on the Apple Watch. More importantly though, most buyers won’t have to pay sales tax, which sweetens the deal considerably compared to buying directly from Apple. [Apple Watch Sport 42mm, $375. No tax for most]

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Brand-New-...


Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

KMASHI’s cheap battery packs are some of the most popular items we’ve ever posted, and their well-reviewed 10,000mAh model is back down to just $9 today (with code MHLSNM2R), matching all-time low.

http://bestsellers.kinja.com/bestsellers-km...

This battery is just about the perfect size for sharing with a travel partner during an extended flight, or keeping in your bag if you’ll be spending a long time away from power outlets, but its biggest selling point is peace of mind; life is just less stressful when you know that your phone won’t run out of juice. So if you don’t own something similar already, it’s a no-brainer deal. [KMASHI 10000mAh Dual USB Battery Pack, $9 with code MHLSNM2R]

http://www.amazon.com/KMASHI-Thunder...


Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

The Logitech G710+ was one of your top 5 nominations for Best Gaming Keyboard, and today you can get a refurb for just $64, which is a match for the best price we’ve ever seen.

http://kotaku.com/co-op-the-best...

That price gets you six programmable G-keys, dual-zone backlighting, and quiet mechanical keys. We don’t expect this to last long. [Refurb Logitech G710+ Gaming Keyboard, $64]


Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

Packing cubes can make organizing clothes and toiletries for your next trip a little less hellish, and this highly-rated set of four is only $20 today. [MIU COLOR Packing Cubes - Set of 4, $20 with code 7CICMDHL]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

If you ever have trouble finding your way from your driveway to the front door at night, this 2-pack of solar-powered path lights is only $33 today. [2-Pack of 200 Lumen 180° Adjustable Waterproof 4 LED Solar Outdoor Spotlights, $33 with code QKGJQU7N]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

Want to know when somebody pulls into your driveway? This $19 alarm kit includes two motion sensors and a receiver that can alert you with a customizable ringer. [1byone Driveway Alarm Wireless Motion Alert System, $19 with code KSIUVKYV]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

You probably didn’t wake up this morning thinking, “I’m going to learn how to pick locks today,” but this cutaway training padlock is only $7, so...maybe you should? [TAYTHI Professional Cutaway Inside View of Practice Padlocks, $7 with code IFADJLYV]

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Need some help getting started? Lifehacker, naturally, has a beginner’s guide. You’ll also need to grab some tools.

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

We’ve seen our fair share of cheap quadcopters, but this is one of the few in the ~$50 range that includes a camera. No, you’re not going to be filming Hollywood movies with the thing, but it should be sufficient for getting some fun aerial footage of your house. [UDI U818A 2.4GHz 4 CH 6 Axis Gyro RC Quadcopter with Camera, $50]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

If you do any of your shopping at GameStop, eBay is tossing in free $10 codes when you purchase a $50 gift card at full price. That’s basically free money. [$60 GameStop Gift Card, $50]


Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

Today only, Amazon’s selling the entire series of True Blood on Blu-ray for $113, an all-time low. This set usually sells in the neighborhood of $150-$220, and I’d be surprised if this deal lasted into the night.

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Even if you don’t typically care about GTA games, the PC version of GTA V is probably worth buying just to mess around with mods. Today’s deal is the best we’ve seen. [Grand Theft Auto V, $38 with code 20PERC-AUTUMN-SAVING]


Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

If your iTunes balance is running low, here’s another chance to save 20% on a $100 refill card. If you ever buy apps, shows, movies, music, books, or iCloud storage from Apple, this is basically free money. And if your Apple Music free trial is set to expire in the next few days, your renewal will automatically draw from your iTunes account. [$100 iTunes Gift Card, $80]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

I know we post deals on these 5-port USB chargers a lot, but this is seriously one of the best prices we’ve ever seen. If you still don’t have one at your desk, in your bag, and on your nightstand, this is a no-brainer. [Aukey 40W / 8A 5 Ports USB Desktop Charging Station Wall Charger with AlPower, $10]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

If you still haven’t upgraded your home network to 802.11ac, this highly-rated Buffalo Air Station Extreme router is down to just $110 today, which is about $20 off its previous low. Reviewers also say that it’s DD-WRT compatible, if you’re willing to tinker. [BUFFALO Air Station Extreme AC 1900 Gigabit Dual Band Wireless Router, $110]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

The past few years have seen a minor explosion in solar-powered USB chargers, and Goal Zero makes the most popular ones on the market. Their basic 7W panel is a perfect starter kit for anyone who wants to keep a smartphone charged while off the grid, and you can get a certified refurb today for $31, or less than half its usual price. [Refurb GoalZero Nomad 7, $31]

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Today's Best Deals: Cheap Battery Pack, Packing Cubes, Apple Watch, and More

Dell’s P2715Q 4K monitor has always been the most affordable 27” 4K IPS display on the market, but today, it’s all the way down to $450.

If you aren’t familiar, IPS displays boast superior color accuracy and viewing angles compared to the TN panels you’ll find in most cheap 4K monitors. I own the 24” model of this exact monitor, and I absolutely love it. [Dell P2715Q 27” 4K IPS Display, $450]

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"Grace Does Her Own Shucking": Here's Grace Jones's Tour Rider

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"Grace Does Her Own Shucking": Here's Grace Jones's Tour Rider

Diva memoirs have a reputation for being light on revelations, but Grace Jones is no ordinary diva, and her upcoming book I’ll Never Write My Memoirs is no ordinary book. It’s frank regarding the sex and drugs the legendary singer/actor has indulged in, and unapologetically opinionated, but sometimes less than forthcoming about seemingly simple details (Jones spends several pages discussing why she will not discuss her age).

The book concludes with Jones printing her tour rider, a sign of unabashed divadom. The rider isn’t as outrageous as some I’ve seen (though the bit about the oysters is hilarious), but these sorts of demands and the luxurious lifestyle they imply are never not fascinating.

We’ve been given permission by the book’s publisher, Simon & Schuster, to run the rider in full ahead of the book’s September 29 publication. Enjoy.

GRACE JONES

RIDER—PLEASE READ CAREFULLY!

THIS RIDER IS HEREBY MADE PART OF THE ACCOMPANYING PERFORMANCE AGREEMENT FOR GRACE JONES. PURCHASER AGREES TO MEET THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENTS AT PURCHASER’S SOLE EXPENSE.

1. All contractual commitments supersede this agreement and the ARTIST has the right to cancel or move a performance up to 7 days prior to event to fulfill these commitments.

2. SECURITY—PURCHASER agrees to provide adequate security to ensure the safety of all performing ARTISTS, auxiliary personnel, instruments, equipment, costumes, and personal belongings, before, during and after the performance. Security personnel shall keep the stage free of any persons other than those directly involved with the performance. Security personnel shall be stationed outside dressing rooms from ARTIST arrival at venue, continuously through ARTIST’S departure and especially when ARTIST is on stage. A member of the security staff will be provided to meet and escort ARTIST upon arrival and lead ARTIST into the venue and dressing room. Under no circumstance will ARTIST be led through the public prior to the show.

3. DRESSING ROOMS—PURCHASER agrees to provide dressing rooms: including one (1) large dressing room for the sole use of ARTIST. The keys are to be given to Artist’s Road Manager upon the time of arrival at venue. No person other than ARTIST and Artist’s entourage shall have access to the dressing room without the prior permission of Artist’s Road Manager. If possible, dressing room should be located in No Smoking area of venue. Dressing room will be comfortable and clean with heating or air-conditioning as appropriate to climate and will be furnished with comfortable chairs and couches, table, lined trash can. Dressing room will be located within easy access of hot and cold running water and private toilet (not public restroom).

GRACE’s dressing rooms shall be equipped with:

Dressing Room 1:

6 Bottles of Louis Roederer Cristal Champagne
3 Bottles of French Vintage red wine (e.g. St Emilion, Medoc, Bordeaux)
3 Bottles of French Vintage white wine (e.g. Sancerre, Pouilly Fuisse)
2 Dozen Findeclare or Colchester Oysters on ice (unopened)—(Grace does her own shucking.)
2 Sashimi and Sushi platters for 8 people
6 Fresh lemons
1 Bottle of Tabasco sauce
1 Fresh fruit platter for 8 people
6 Bottles of Coca Cola
12 Bottles of still and sparkling water
12 Bottles of fresh fruit juices
Wine glasses, champagne flutes, tumblers (all glass, no plastic)
Cutlery and sharp knife
1 Oyster knife
1 Make up mirror (no neon strip lighting, only opaque white bulbs)
Fresh towels, clothes hangers, clothes rail
3-4 Bunches of flowers—prefer lilys and orchids
Sofa and arm chairs

Wardrobe room (next to Grace’s dressing room):

1 Iron and ironing board
1 Steamer
1 Clothes rail
Clothes hangers
1 Full length mirror

Dressing Room 2:

2 Cases of decent lager beer, chilled
1 Case of still water
1 Case of sparkling water
Large selection of carbonated soft drinks
Large selection of crisps and snack foods

Production Office:

Phone line, desks and chairs
Free high speed internet access via wireless / Ethernet connection
2 Cases of still water (for stage and crew)
Selection of chocolate / sweets including Minstrels, Maltesers
Catering must also be provided on site, at regular meal times, at all times
Grace’s band or crew are on site. Buffet breakfast and cooked lunch and dinner where appropriate, with vegetarian options available.

**Purchaser agrees to pick up bar tab for Artist and entourage**

4. PRODUCTION—PURCHASER agrees to provide a professional sound system with sufficient speaker and amplification systems to produce top quality house and on-stage sound without distortion or feedback. System to include:

5. GROUND TRANSPORTATION—PURCHASER agrees to provide first class ground transportation for Artist’s entourage to and from airport, hotel, and venue from Artist’s arrival through departure. Transportation must be a Stretch Limousine to be used at GRACE’s discretion.

6. MERCHANDISING—ARTIST shall have the right but not the obligation to sell souvenir programs, posters, and other merchandise and to retain 100% of the receipts. ARTIST reserves the right to confiscate part or all of any unauthorized “bootleg” merchandise being sold in or around the venue.

7. GUEST LIST: Grace is entitled to a minimum 20 person guest list w/tickets available for her to distribute.

8. WORKMAN’S COMPENSATION—ALL PURCHASER employees will be covered by Workman’s Compensation and Disability Insurance. No employees of PURCHASER will look to ARTIST for any type of compensation or coverage.

9. AIR TRAVEL—Purchaser is responsible for the airline arrangements for members of the group (Windows and Aisles are mandatory). Flights must be fully flexible.

Grace’s flight info is as follows:

2 x First Class roundtrip tickets for Grace and travelling companion (These must be fully flexible tickets)
5 x Economy roundtrip for travel party (1 sound engineer, 2 dressers, 1 musician, 1 manager)

*** Airport VIP Service for Grace and her companion must be provided: on departure (curbside-airside) + on arrival (airside-curbside) for ALL flights relating to the event.***

**PROMOTER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL EXCESS LUGGAGE EXPENSES**

10. HOTEL—Purchaser is responsible for providing artist with rooming at five star hotel. Hotel must have 24 hour room service. Rooming requirements as follows:

Six (6) Hotel rooms for three nights (the night of the show and the night before and after the show)

Grace’s room is to be a presidential suite, which MUST include:

(2) Large separate rooms
(2) Bathrooms
(24) HR Room Service
Full Spa facilities (steam room)

*Management’s approval of the hotel is required before booking*

11. PER DIEM to be provided upon arrival at Hotel. They are as follows:
€300 (EURO) a day for Grace Jones
€150 (EURO) a day for Crew

NO ONE IS ALLOWED ON STAGE DURING ANY PERFORMANCE, UNLESS PERMITTED OR INTRODUCED BY ROAD MANAGER!

[Image via Getty]

Grand Theft Auto V, As Reviewed By Significant Others

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Grand Theft Auto V, As Reviewed By Significant Others

By now, everyone’s read reviews of Grand Theft Auto V from people who have played it. So we thought we’d bring you some reviews from people who haven’t.

Thanks to the power of crowdsourcing and Kinja™, we’ve rounded up some reviews of the fifth GTA from boys and girls across the globe who have watched their significant others play through the game. The results are pretty great. (Note: we’ll be continuing this feature with new games in the future—stay tuned once we figure out which one we’re going to do next.)

Let’s start with a heartwarming story about the power of true love, via Katie:

My boyfriend completely disappeared for two days after GTA V came out, not answering his phone, no one had seen him, and I was completely hysterical and ready to call the police when one of my friends told me she’d found him in one of his fraternity brothers’ dorm rooms. I ran in and found them both sitting there in stinking sweatpants surrounded by pizza boxes, and he turned to me with glazed eyes and said, “Babe! Check this out!” and played a montage of their most spectacular car crashes from the last 48 hours, as if he’d just been waiting for me to walk in the door. I walked out and didn’t speak to him for a week. So based on that, my review is, incredible graphics and I hope everyone involved dies. In a car crash. Obviously. —Katie

GTA V can fix broken relationships, too! Just ask Stacey:

My boyfriend and I keep opposite hours and when I get home from work late at night I usually find him mouth agape snoring on the couch. While I understand he has to be awake for work in the morning, I want my goodnight kisses dammit!! Ironically, we have found a trick that works to keep him awake and that is a loud video game called Grand Theft Auto. There is no way he can fall asleep while playing a game with the constant screaming of people being mugged, shot or beat to death. I believe the incessant, annoying helicopter sounds are the key to keeping my boyfriend from dozing off at 9:30pm. The best part is that he turns it off when I get home! A win-win for our loving, kiss filled relationship. — Stacey

Meet Tyler, who knows he has it good:

I bought a PS4 on Black Friday and being the kind, sharing husband that I am, I encouraged my wife to give GTA V a go. As much as I think GTA V is a great game, it isn’t for me. My wife, on the other hand, got sucked into the story and played through it pretty quickly. This was perfectly fine. Then she started playing online. Once she started that, I couldn’t pry the controller from her hands. The only solution was to buy another PS4 and TV so she can play her games and I can have my PS4 back. I did just that. Unfortunately, her high level online character is tied to my PSN account and there isn’t any way to transfer her character. I have quite a few hours logged in Destiny so I’m not about to make another PSN account on the other PS4 so I can play without having to wait my turn. That’s pretty much my beef with GTA V. I’m actually pretty lucky to be married to a girl that loves gaming as much as I do so I should probably stop complaining. — Tyler

Some people, like Kat, are just not big fans of Rockstar’s video games.

I suffer through this game on a regular basis. It’s kind of hard to watch him play, and even harder for him to play - we have four kids, and the game is not, shall we say, all that friendly to a six year old popping in and hearing some of the more juicy dialogue, let alone action. While I can say that The Mister usually avoids anything to do with prostitutes, the hookers pop up like whack-a-moles throughout the entire process. I can also say that the rough, jacked-up voice of Michael Trevor makes me grit my teeth because he NEVER SHUTS UP and everything he says is incredibly stupid. All in all, it’s a game about driving through a bombed-out shithole of a city in a succession of cars you steal to complete tasks you never get done before someone else drops something else on you. I hate that game and I’m glad he’s moved on to Witcher III which has all the same stuff but at least it’s, you know, kinda historical or whatever. (He notes, “It’s a good game to play but I’m stuck so whatever.”) —Kat

Others, like Jake, worry that GTA might have... debilitating effects.

My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years (recently engaged), I’m a huge gamer, him not so much. He plays only one of two games Forza and GTA V.

He never plays when I’m home. It’s always when I’m at work. However, when I come home from work, sometimes I’ll catch him still playing. He doesn’t actually PLAY the game, as in doing missions and such. Well, maybe he’ll START a mission, but then he gets distracted midway through...by one simple thing...BUSES! Like a dog to a bone, he just has to drop whatever he is doing (even if it may be mid-mission) and climb on top of the bus. What does he do once his character is on top of the bus? He shoots the roof of the bus so the driver speeds away, his character somehow stays atop the bus, and he just decides to snipe/rocket-launch anything and everything he can. He gets so distracted by the buses that i have actually seen him do this for well over an hour! Bus blows up? Franklin dies? No problem! Start all over and find a new bus filled with patrons to terrorize while it drives through Los Santos!

I don’t let him take the bus IRL. Also, anytime I bring up some cool mission I may have done in the game when I beat it for the third time about a year ago...he says “I haven’t got that far yet.”

I wonder why? —Jake

Julie likes it when her husband takes advantage of GTA’s... hobbies.

This game is totally mis-marketed, in my opinion; it should be sold to consumers with the idea that you are to run people over. Honestly. Think about it: that’s the best part of the whole game – running over innocent pedestrians and hookers with your chosen mode of transportation. There’s nothing more satisfying than chasing someone with a jet, and there isn’t enough of this, in my opinion. I sit quietly, while he goes through the plot line, and I am uninterested. But, at the end of each game-playing session, my spouse takes it upon himself to run people over, and blow things up – NOW I’m riveted to the TV, cheering him on. Seriously, it’s addicting. —Julie

Anie made me sad with this one. :( Poor Trevor.

My fiancé is an avid gamer, and had been eagerly anticipating GTA V. I like games, too, but I lack the coordinating to be able to drive and shoot and keep an eye on the mini-map and the cops chasing me, so I casually watch him play while doing other things around the house. It’s a set up that works well for us.

Well, when he got to the part with Trevor and and the crime drug lord’s elderly wife, I got really invested. Their love just seemed so improbable and good and I thought “Hey, maybe GTA is doing a redemption arc for this horrible meth dealer! He was saved by the love of a good lady!” And when they broke up I cried for a good fifteen minutes, because damn it, some of us still believe in love.

Trevor + Patricia 4eva —Anie

Skyrim fan Domina has some concerns about her husband...

It is with a high amount of sarcasm that is the fuel to this review of my spouse’s enjoyment of Grand Theft Auto V. Admittedly, I do enjoy the production value and the voice acting, but I do cringe at the lack of scruples he has when he shoots a hooker in the face. I can’t exactly be super judgmental of his sporadic and morally grey killing sprees, for I play Skyrim religiously and am a member and acting leader of the Dark Brotherhood. However, I do feel that there is a suppressed sociopathic and calculating killer that lies beneath a sweet and dorky exterior; waiting and lurking for the right time to strike an unsuspecting old lady with a GTA off-brand Corvette (he has a thing for Corvettes), or calculating the perfect place to perform his own personal airstrike with a fighter jet. I digress, I love my husband, but I have a preoccupying disdain for GTA V but that’s why great Co-ops like Diablo 3 were made so I can happily pull his ass away from torturing a poor schmuck NPC for intel. Thanks for hearing my concerns. —Domina

“We’ve never felt more gangster,” says Katie.

It’s normal to watch my husband play games, but GTA V stood out to me as one of the best he’s played and there was lots of room for interaction between us. He made me drive to destination points as he got up to go to the bathroom or get a drink, and I also picked out Franklin and Trevor’s outfits. I designed his cars, spent his money, and encouraged him to beat up hookers. Overall, I was a pretty miserable gaming partner but we enjoyed the story together and laughed how Trevor is Canadian, like us. There was just so much to do all the time it seemed like we barely completed a mission before another one was started. My favorite parts were Trevor’s rampage missions, the heists, running from the cops, and dropping off drugs via aircraft. We’ve never felt more gangster, and alas, probably never will again. —Katie

GTA brings the whole family together! Just ask Melissa:

Hi!

My boyfriend plays this and I watch..

I can’t let my son or his in room while he plays. My bf was like watch this he picked up hooker and was banging her.. OMG! And then shot her! Well to be honest I’m sure my son has seen that or heard because his dad lets his teenage son play it and my son has sat to watch him play. It’s still entertaining to watch, but it is a bit much at times. I seem to like the others better, maybe not as over the top.
—Melissa

Suck it, FIFA. Angie picks GTA.

My boyfriend has had various X-Box models since we’ve been together. I’ve tried getting into a few games myself but it’s never stuck (I’m a reader, what can I say?) I usually don’t even like to watch what he plays; he just plays FIFA most of the time. When he got GTA V, I was intrigued. Finally something different than soccer and Martin Tyler’s voice night after night. As soon as I saw his character die in a car crash, I needed my boyfriend to do it again. Soon a normal crash wasn’t enough so I told him to hijack a bus and crash that. Then I told him to drive erratically up a cliff and parachute off that. Then I had him hijack a helicopter. As you can see, the greater his character fucked up, the more I laughed. Police chases, assaulting innocent bystanders, taking selfies with dead-eyed store associates? Yes! This to me is the best part of the game!

To conclude: This game succeeds in keeping the significant other entertained. Take note, FIFA. —Angie

One anonymous submitter asks the question we’ve all been wondering:

I see blowjobs (so many blowjobs) but WHERE IS THE CUNNILINGUS? Definitely needs more cunnilingus. When even the Sims are doing a better job at simulating sex than your game is, you should know it’s past time to up that “OOH” game.

Here’s an accurate summary of GTA V’s story, via Jennifer:

Lots of just driving around for no apparent reason. I mean hours and hours of just stealing kids’ bicycles and rich guys’ corvettes to just run them into a ravine or off some “sick jump” while Mister, Mister’s Broken Wings plays in the background. All you do is run over people, randomly punch strangers, shoot rocket launchers at helicopters, blow up armored trucks, and go to the Purple Unicorn for lap dances/titties. I have yet to see any story line. —Jennifer

Tricia’s submission ends with a bit of a twist:

My ex was HUGE into GTAV (and the others but I never saw him play those). While I judged him hard at first the longer I watched the more I usually liked it. I would get invested in the missions and races, my favorite being snipers vs stunters. I was less into “let’s be dicks and kill random people but complain whenever the same thing happens to us. Biggest con: I would be working and he’d be laughing and I couldn’t hear the jokes because of the damn headphones. Pro: banging him while the mic was muted and no longer being the one left out. —Tricia

Some significant others, like Megan, really don’t like Grand Theft Auto:

So my boyfriend has been playing GTA for quite some time now. Now my opinion for the game, the game by itself apart from the wasted hours my boyfriend eagerly spends on it, is its a great game. Graphics are life like as well as the street gang life it portrays. I will admit rockstar did an amazing job making players feel as if theyre really some topdog badass “cappin” on other “crews” making them think theyre the shit. But since I have to hear the ridiculous amounts of seriousness people put into this game and how they literally set real life aside to go kiss ass to their crew leader which is probably some twelve year old kid in england who hasnt reached puberty, I fucking hate this game. I love my boyfriend but I literally just want to scream how stupid this game is and you do not sound cool talking shit to all the other lame kids on here. Its just a game that doesnt mean anything and no it does not look “sick” when you and your crew are rollin 10 deep on motorcycles. Who cares!! Its like men playing with dolls, worrying about which outfit to wear for a TDM . In all honesty, this does not turn me on. —Megan

Abby isn’t a big fan of those virtual GTA girlfriends...

My husband Stuart received GTA V as a wedding present from his friend. The day we got back from our honeymoon, he started to play it and didn’t stop until months later. It was winter, and there wasn’t much else to do on cold nights other than sit and watch it. One time I fell asleep next to him to wake up to what I thought was a nightmare—oh no, it was an actual torture scene in the game. Where the gross dude pulls out some other guy’s teeth. My biggest complaint with his game play is that he never goes to missions immediately. He’ll spend so much time making the guy wear different clothes and asking what I think and then driving scooters off ramps or jumping off things. After hours of doing nothing then he’ll complete a mission. He tried to trick me to spend time with him by looking up a BBC historical fiction drama thing and have me watch it on my laptop so that I sit next to him, and he can play and ask me to watch him drive off stuff or do weird side missions. I think it’s less fun for him if he doesn’t have me validating that he is doing these ridiculous acts. I’m happier this game he doesn’t spend time taking girls on dates and going to bars with his friends than he did with the last one. I was pretty annoyed about that. —Abby

Casey sums up Grand Theft Auto pretty well:

Chaos. When I watch my boyfriend play people fall from the sky motorcycles appear out of nowhere its madness. I know there’s supposed to be a loose story and missions to accomplish but I’ve never seen that part played out. The only order I’ve seen is his in game garage is packed with the best cars the game offers. —Casey

“Sometimes I make them my girlfriend,” explains Emily.

I would like to submit my review of Grand Theft Auto V. I am a girl who has a boyfriend who really, really likes GTA. I don’t play video games very often, but sometimes watching my boyfriend play makes me want to try, so when he gets up to use the bathroom I’ll snatch the PS4 controller.

It is a very visually impressive game, and the amount of experimentation (read: fuckery) that’s possible is kind of fascinating and liberating. I really enjoy climbing the mountains, watching the sunrise from the top, then letting my character fall down the mountain and die. I also like dressing up Trevor in ridiculous outfits and trying to drive like a normal law-abiding citizen. My favorite GTA activity would have to be sex with prostitutes. Sometimes I make them my girlfriend by forcing them to stay in the car with me afterwards. Other times I run them over to get a full refund.

I usually hand the controller back once the police start chasing me. —Emily

Ifi’s got her priorities straight:

I liked the dog. I worked hard to train him. However he still didn’t do much. Still liked him though. The strippers seemed like lovely gals, and the movie deserved an Oscar. Also, back to the dog, I invested a lot of time making sure he was safe during him “missions”. I am glad he always got home in one piece. —Ifi

I’m a little worried about Ashley...

I watch my husband play GTA on the random occasions he fires up the XBOX 360. It’s sort of a “release” for me if you will. I think it’s a voyeuristic way of safely taking out the frustrations of the day and life in general. Is killing hookers and running over random innocents terrible and violent? Yes. But it’s not any worse than what’s shown on cable TV and movies, so whatever.

Honestly, the ridiculousness of it all makes me laugh and we bond together over it.

FWIW, my favorite “scenario” that he creates for me is when he forces a massive highway crash that causes all the vehicles to catch fire, INCLUDING the ambulance and an EMT also ON FIRE running out of it. Sick as fuck but we get the belly laughs out of it, which is perfect after a stressful day at work or whatever. —Ashley

Jen isn’t a big fan of Bloodborne:

I watched my boyfriend play GTA5 on the PS3 when it came out, and I’m currently watching him play through story mode on the PS4.

There’s nothing new, interesting, or exciting about the story. Hey, a fancy guy with obnoxious kids. Look, there’s a meth guy and a black guy with a dog. The dog’s not even cute, but he’s animated better than the dog in Fallout 3, so that’s a plus. It’s just cookie cutter commentary on the least common denominator. How edgy. <yawn> That said, I do like the game. It’s pretty to watch, and there’s always something happening (as opposed to watching him play Bloodborne... Wow, there’s another undead dude in a gray castle, and... You Died. My boyfriend’s crying again.)

I do steal the controller from time to time so I can take bicycles to the top of the mountain and die on the way down. That’s about as long as the game can hold my attention as foreground entertainment. —Jen

GTA V: the perfect way to get alone time. Just ask Gillian:

I am so grateful for GTA V and its multiplayer mode. Every night at 8 my husband logs on with our best buddies and plays, allowing me time to have a nice hot shower, read a book, or even watch stupid reality TV in my bedroom without feeling like I’m putting him out or ignoring him. The long load times and the party mode glitches really help to extend my alone time, too. The fun he has playing overcomes any annoyances though, so he’s always in a good mood when he’s done for the night.

Oh, and our daughter thinks the load screens are pretty. —Gillian

Can’t blame Shawn for laughing at this...

My boyfriend and I work our asses off during the week, so most weekends are spent being as lazy as possible which usually looks like this: us sitting next to each other on the couch, me playing The Sims on my laptop and him playing GTA V on the TV. Usually for about 12 hours at a time. Periodically we check in with each other to see how our virtual lives are going, me trying to get my characters through school, relationships and jobs, him trying to steal as much money as possible. I’ve helped him choose his character’s outfits, tattoos, and apartment, and one of my favorite things to do is watch him try to fly a plane because he’s still so terrible at it. I will never not giggle when he’s getting ready for a heist and asks his cohorts on Xbox Live if they have enough “snacks” (it took me awhile to figure out that he wasn’t making sure his friends ate enough, but was in fact gathering supplies for the mission). —Shawn

“I’m actually probably really psycho?” It’s possible, Shannon!

We were both excited when it came. I tried playing the fourth one before we were together, but it was too hard! There was this one mission in like a building with no roof (?!) that I could never pass. But watching Patrick play GTAV was so fun. I was really bossy because it felt like he was always making the wrong choices - like, just follow the fucking GPS for once in your life. I would love when he would go to the bathroom or get up to get a drink or something because I could take the controller and just cause chaos. My favorite thing to do would be to walk behind someone on the street and just punch their head. I know this probably makes me a psycho but it would make me laugh so hard I would cry. I would also beg him to let me dress the characters. I would get all three of them in like nice jeans and cool plaid shirts and hipster glasses, and it would piss me off so bad when the game would switch them back to their other clothes. The other thing I loved was walking through the Hollywood Hills houses and swimming in all the pools/killing the people who were lounging by the pool. I’m actually probably really psycho? Patrick also SUCKED at evading the cops. Like, just hide in a fucking bush, stop driving the car off of freeway overpasses. “We” finished the game a long time ago, but we still like to make references to the game. When I get really angry (I have a bit of a temper) he calls me Trevor. Soooo cute, right? True love. —Shannon

Jenny isn’t a fan of the GTA video editor!

My human associate has clocked in nearly 500 hours in the PC version of GTA 5 so far. I’d say about 60 of those were spent in single player and I distinctly remember not being able to tell if the plot’s being so insufferable was on purpose or not. They could’ve replaced the entirety of Michael’s storyline with a series of farting and snoring noises and it would’ve been a tour de force in comparison. Trevor struck me as a Poochie for the mid-2010s. Like, the writer of GTA 5 had a really neat concept going in for him, I think, and then a bunch of old dudes sat at a table and stuck post-it notes to the character outline in an attempt to sharpen the hell out of those edges. Should’ve just stuck with Franklin. I was thankful when he’d finished story mode because I thought, finally, maybe now he can go back to yelling at Hotline Miami 2, but no. The 440 other hours have all been in GTA Online or in the video director. I have the entirety of Chakra Attack memorized. Whenever I hear a phone ring I expect to hear Brucie yelling at me about apex predators. I don’t think he’s done any heists or whatever, but I do know that he definitely spent around twenty hours making a video in the GTA director and now I wake up every morning with I 69 stuck in my head because of it: . I wouldn’t have it any other way. —Jenny

Logan’s got a great story about GTA and cathartic release:

Not a born gamer, I have been slowly drawn into video games thanks to my husband. I prefer story based games (my favorites include The Last of Us, LA Noire, and the Uncharted series) that truly engage me in the plot and that I can enjoy regardless of whether or not I’m the one at the controls. GTA, despite the plot that I only vaguely remember, is not one I would normally consider watching my husband play. He enjoys driving around and trying new stunts, so I usually give that one a pass. But GTA 5 does hold a special place in my heart as it provided some very needed catharsis after our car was struck by a semi two years ago. He and I were both fine, but our car was totaled and we were sore, angry, and shaken. I remember sitting on the couch with my husband the day after the accident as he drove up to a grassy hill above a tunnel and waited. When the first semi arrived, he attacked. We spent a good chunk of that day crashing our car into oncoming semis and using bombs to blow them off the road. It was the perfect way to work out our frustrations in between calls to our insurance company, googling replacement cars, and reassuring our parents that we were okay. I can’t vouch for the rest of the game - I never fully caught the gist of the plot and my husband prefers running over pedestrians and jumping off tall buildings to visiting the hookers - but I can say that after the trauma we experienced, GTA was exactly what we needed. Five stars and my gratitude for a much needed catharsis. —Logan

I agree with Annie’s assessment of Trevor:

It’s been a while since my husband has sought the mean streets of San Andreas with his good pals Michael, Franklin, and Trevor, so forgive me if my memory is a bit fuzzy. Let’s be serious, this isn’t a game that changes the way the world of games works. In fact, I often referred to it as “Red Dead Redemption in cars” in terms of the game play and progress. But there’s a certain amount of abject joy that comes from watching a game where the plot focuses on horrible characters making a series of ongoing bad decisions. While a total cliché, they’re all the prototypical antihero that you somehow end up wanting to succeed (well, maybe except Michael - I didn’t ever give a crap about Michael). My absolute favorite bits were the Trevor bits. His completely manic, utterly insane, totally over-the-top style of irreverence about everything made for a memorably hilarious video game character. I mean c’mon, the guy eats people, runs around in various states of undress, loves to show off his dick, but collapses to a whimpering mess of fear and self-loathing when dear ol’ mom shows up. How can you not love a guy like that?! —Annie

And finally, a five-star review from Jennifer:

I got a call from the police station yesterday. The officer told me that my boyfriend stole a firetruck and proceeded to drive over hundreds of innocent civilians with a demeanour that can only be described as borderline psychotic. I believed him though when he said they deserved it. He’s a good person and would never do that if they hadn’t really gotten in his way while trying to rob a bank. I’ll admit that when I first saw my boyfriend playing gta, I wasn’t sure about it. It seemed a bit dark what with the hookers and rocket launchers and all. But I’ve come to realize that it does, in fact, set a great example for how to succeed in life: always look out for yourself first — even if that means indiscriminately massacring millions by way of ostentatious Michael Bay-esque explosions, or committing grand larceny. My eyes have been opened to a whole new way of life. GTA is a highly complex and deeply sophisticated experience that my boyfriend and I can now share both in our living rooms, and out in the real world. I give it 5 stars. —Jennifer

Thanks to everyone who submitted their stories, both positive and negative. We’ll let you guys know when we pick our next game.

You can reach the author of this post at jason@kotaku.com or on Twitter at @jasonschreier.


America's Imaginary Great Past 

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America's Imaginary Great Past 

According to a new poll, 72%(!) of Americans “think their country isn’t as great as it once was.” Really? When was America greater?

1776-1865: Slavery.

1865-1914: Reconstruction era; rise of the Ku Klux Klan; institutionalization of legal discrimination in America; women and minorities can’t vote.

1914-1918: WORLD WAR.

1918-1939: More lynchings; segregation.

1939-1945: WORLD WAR.

1945-1955: Segregation.

1955-1975: Vietnam War; Nixon; still lots of racism.

1975-1988: Constant threat of global nuclear war; Reagan era; still lots of racism.

1988-1991: Crack era; War in Iraq; still lots of racism.

1991-2001: Clinton era. (Is this the fabled golden age that all Americans are referring to????)

2001-present: Terrorism; War in Iraq; global warming; but lots of good TV shows, slightly less racism, and modern medicine.

When were those good old days?

[Photo: AP]

Amazon Prime Will Be $67 Tomorrow, Here's Everything You Need To Know

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Amazon Prime Will Be $67 Tomorrow, Here's Everything You Need To Know

Amazon will discount their Prime subscription to $67 tomorrow (it’s normally $99) to celebrate Transparent’s Emmy wins. Of course, what you really want to know is whether the loophole we discovered that allows current members to gift themselves a year at the discounted price will work a third time. We don’t know yet. Assuming the loophole is intact, we’ll put up a post immediately when the promotion goes live reminding you to take advantage.

New Amazon Prime members can lock in their $67 memberships the traditional way, but if you’re already a member, you’ll need to take advantage of a loophole. Just head over here to purchase a gift subscription for the promotional price, and then email it to yourself. Note that you’ll have to cancel auto-renew on your existing Prime membership, and wait to redeem the gift email until after your existing membership expires, but that’s a small inconvenience for a $33 savings.

Amazon has added so many benefits to Prime that they’ve become hard to keep track of, so we’re rounding them up for you, and will update this post as new ones roll out. Sadly, we can’t list drone delivery as a perk just yet.

http://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Prime-O...

Free Two-Day Shipping (Same-Day for Some)

Amazon Prime is best known for its free two-day shipping. Their shipping estimates are highly reliable, and if you don’t need your items right away, you can choose a slower shipping method and get yourself some kind of credit (categories and values rotate). You might even be able to trick the system into giving you the fast shipping and the credit. If Amazon does fail to get you your items on time, you can get get your Prime membership extended.

Residents of a few major cities can now select same day delivery, and also take advantage of the new Amazon Fresh grocery delivery service, while those outside of the current range of Amazon Fresh can still use Amazon Pantry.

http://gizmodo.com/amazon-freshs-...

Subscribers can also look forward to Prime’s free shipping service coming to other sites.

Amazon Instant Video

Amazon Instant Video was playing catch up to Netflix for a while, but with great shows like Transparent, the huge addition of HBO, and numerous exclusives, Amazon Instant Video is at least an even match, if not the superior streaming service. If Amazon Instant Video has what you want, or at least enough of what you want, you could in theory cancel cable, Netflix, and HBO, resulting in savings that would cover the cost of Prime multiple times over.

The addition of offline playback for Prime subscribers is the most exciting thing to happen in streaming video since streaming video.

http://gizmodo.com/amazon-video-n...

Amazon and JetBlue have also announced a partnership to offer Prime members free access to Prime Instant Video during their flights, along with free faster Wifi.

http://gizmodo.com/why-the-hbo-am...

http://lifehacker.com/tv-streaming-h...

Amazon Prime Music

Amazon Prime Music boasts “one million free songs” for Prime subscribers. Like the comparison between Netflix and Prime Instant Video, whether Prime Music has everything you need is subjective, but if it does, you could cancel your subscription to services like Spotify, or at least knock them down to the free tier, further ameliorating the cost of Prime.

http://gizmodo.com/amazon-prime-m...

Unlimited Photo Storage

If you’re already paying for Prime you can store all of your photos in Amazon’s cloud for free, and then sync them to any device. Depending on what else you’re putting in various clouds, this bonus might enable you to stop paying for the premium tiers of whatever storage services you’ve been using.

http://lifehacker.com/amazon-gives-u...

You also get 5GB of storage to use for whatever you want, in addition to the unlimited photo storage. If most of your cloud-stored files are photos, you might be able to do away with premium tiers of other services like Dropbox and Google Drive.

Kindle Lending Library

The Kindle Lending Library lets owners of Kindle devices who are also Prime subscribers borrow from a selection of over 600,000 books at no additional charge. The Kindle First program also lets users buy one of four “Editors’ Pick” e-books a month ahead of official release for $2 — or free, for Prime members.

http://gizmodo.com/5855971/amazon...

Exclusive Deals and Early Access

In the last several weeks Amazon has really ramped up their offering of exclusive deals for Prime subscribers, with steep video game preorder discounts as well as everything from sound bars to blenders.

At the same time, Amazon has made headlines with deep preorder discounts on their first-party hardware like the Fire Stick (a discount which made it our most popular product of 2014), and the Amazon Echo.

http://gizmodo.com/amazon-echo-re...

Prime members can also check out Lightning Deals 30 minutes before everyone else.

This year, Amazon launched Prime Day, a mid-year day of deals with all the agonies and ecstasies of a Black Friday. We have a hunch it won’t be a one time affair.

http://deals.kinja.com/the-best-prime...

Prime Store Card

A few credit cards have been offering cash back bonuses on Amazon for years, but Amazon recently rendered them all unnecessary with the Prime Store Card, which offers 5% cash back on every Amazon purchase year-round. That’s another 5% off on top of the great deals we cover every day on Kinja Deals.

http://twocents.lifehacker.com/the-new-amazon...

The Washington Post

Prime members get 6 months of Jeff Bezos’ paper of record, the Washington Post, a $60 value, for free. Once the 6 months expire, subscribers have the option to continue the Post subscription for $4/month, as compared to the usual $10/month.

http://gizmodo.com/latest-amazon-...

Good To Know

Other Amazon Prime discounts are available to students, holders of certain credit cards, and AT&T customers.

Amazon has preorder price guarantee, doesn’t charge your card until an item ships, has a 30-day return policy, and will generally honor price changes within 7 days of delivery.

Amazon Mom offers exclusive deals and discounted subscriptions on items like diapers.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/mom/signup/...

You can share the shipping benefits of your Prime membership with up to four people.

http://lifehacker.com/5926298/share-...

Wrap Up

Amazon Prime is clearly an amazing deal at $99, so don’t miss the rare chance to get it for less. We don’t expect the roll out of Prime benefits to slow down anytime soon, and we’ll keep you updated accordingly.http://www.amazon.com/Amazon-Prime-O...

Illustration by Tina Mailhot-Roberge.


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Duck-on-Bus Crash Kills Four and Critically Injures 12 on Seattle Bridge

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Duck-on-Bus Crash Kills Four and Critically Injures 12 on Seattle Bridge

A “Ride the Ducks” land-water tour vehicle—usually known for careening around major cities in a zany manner while tour groups blow duck whistles at pedestrians—met with disaster when it collided with a charter tour bus around 11 a.m. Thursday on Seattle’s Aurora Bridge. There were 50 injuries—12 of them critical—and four fatalities.

The cause of the crash is officially still unknown, but a witness told KIRO-TV that the duck’s driver “overcorrected,” swerving across traffic and slamming into the bus traveling the opposite direction. A Seattle Fire lieutenant said bus passengers suffered the most severed injuries, and the people killed were likely on the bus, not the duck.

Seattle mayor Ed Murray said foreign students were involved, and their consulates are being contacted, according to Seattle Times reporter Christine Clarridge.


Two passenger vehicles were also involved, a Seattle Fire spokesperson told NBC News.

As of 12:30 p.m., all the injured passengers had been cleared and another bus had arrived to take people away from the area. The bridge, one of only a few major north-south routes in the city, won’t reopen until late Thursday night at the earliest.

Update: The number of critical injuries is up from nine to 12, according to Mayor Ed Murray.

North Seattle College has also issued a statement saying the charter bus was carrying students from its international program, according to NBC News.

Local NBC affiliate KING-5 adds this harrowing account of the crash from a witness:

“The duck boat was signaling to enter the left lane, and as it was making its turn to enter the left lane, it seemed to lurch suddenly.

I saw a bunch of smoke and what appeared to be the front left wheel pop off, and then it clipped a smaller SUV and basically almost T-boned into the oncoming bus and spun around.”

[Photo: KIRO-TV/Twitter]

“So many of you have commented on how much you enjoy seeing photos of my pets.

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“So many of you have commented on how much you enjoy seeing photos of my pets. Most recently, I was asked to share an update on my beautiful cats, my seal point Himalayan, Bartok, and my dominant calico Persians, Princess Peony and Empress Tang. As you will see, all three cats are doing very well, and are enjoying this transition to cooler autumn weather.”

"Who Are We To Say That Cannibalism Is Wrong?": Eli Roth Savages "Social Justice Warriors" in New Flick

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"Who Are We To Say That Cannibalism Is Wrong?": Eli Roth Savages "Social Justice Warriors" in New Flick

With The Green Inferno—the first of two new Eli Roth movies that will be released in the next two weeks—Eli Roth attempts the virtual impossible: making a modern cannibal movie. The Green Inferno is a throwback to the small but notorious cannibal subgenre of Italian horror movies that were made mostly during the late ’70s and early ’80s. The movies were characterized by extreme gore, on-screen mutilation of live animals, sexual violence, and depictions of jungle-dwelling natives as man-eating savages. They are intentionally revolting and, at best, effective assaults on the senses.

In The Green Inferno—named after the movie-within-a-movie of the best-known Italian cannibal flick and precursor to today’s found-footage horror fare, Ruggero Deodato’s 1980 bloodbath Cannibal Holocaust—Roth ditches the animal snuff and the rape, but the natives are there, as hungry and gore-happy as ever. (This time, the cannibals’ targets are a group of New York-based college students who fly down to Peru to protest deforestation.) Unsurprisingly, Roth’s depiction of a Peruvian tribe with a taste for American blood hasn’t sat well with Amazonian activists. A representative for Survivor International said the group was “disturbed” by the depiction of the tribe, explaining, “These stories have created a racist view of uncontacted and isolated groups.” Amazon Watch and AIDESEP have voiced similar concerns.

Roth dismisses the criticism, pointing out that his characters are based on his research of actual cannibals, his extras (not a Peruvian tribe, but farmers from a village deep in the Amazon called Callanayacu) were paid with money and home improvements, and that (spoiler alert) the bad guys of Inferno are not the natives but the “social justice warriors” whose activism is driven by vanity.

I talked to Roth about his movie and the subgenre he’s saluting earlier this week in New York’s Crosby Street Hotel. A condensed and edited transcript of our chat is below.

Gawker: When I think of cannibal movies, I think of animals being ripped apart. You didn’t do that in this movie.

Eli Roth: No, I’ve done a lot of work with PETA and animal rights activism. What people don’t realize is during all the 1950’s cowboy movies, every time you saw a horse fall down, they were actually killing the horse. I’m not excusing in any way the on-camera killings in Cannibal Holocaust, but if you’re gonna get upset about Cannibal Holocaust, you have to get upset about every primate you’ve seen in a movie because you can only use a chimpanzee in a film up until the age of 5, and then they’re completely uncontrollable and by that time they’ve been domesticated so they can’t be put in the wild. I watch those movies and if you can look past the animal killings, and in fact Grindhouse Releasing did a cruelty-free version of Cannibal Holocaust...

I’ve seen that.

...They’re amazing films. I remember as a teenager watching those movies and thinking whoever made those movies was absolutely insane. You thought they were real. The filmmakers went into these jungles and shot with real indigenous tribes. The stuff that Ruggero Deodato, Umberto Lenzi, and Sergio Martino did, they were crazy making those movies. You couldn’t make a movie like that today. Movies have gotten so safe. There’s very few films that take those kind of risks. Everything looks like it was shot in a studio or was done on a green screen. There’s nothing wrong with that, but I miss that dangerous kind of filmmaking of Werner Herzog or Apocalypse Now or even Apocalypto. I thought you couldn’t do that because the Amazon’s disappearing. And then I thought: Oh my god, that’s the way in. But this time, now that I can do my version of it, I want the animals running free. The pigs are taken out of the cage and the humans are put in—treated lower than animals in this village. The animals just run around, and that’s what it was like in the village.

I don’t know if you can look past the animal killings, though, and I don’t know if those movies would be as resonant as they are without them.

I think that’s a very good point. Those movies are very much of their time. Ruggero Deodato, who did Cannibal Holocaust and The Last Cannibal World, was the assistant director for Roberto Rossellini, who did Italian neo-realism, and Sergio Corbucci, on the Django films, which had very strong political violence. Deodato is almost the hybrid of Rosselini and Corbucci and he applies it to this neorealism and violence. But he’s also unapologetic. There’s a recent interview from the actors from [Umberto Lenzi’s] Cannibal Ferox, who talked about how they couldn’t do the animal killings, but with Deodato it’s all presented very matter of fact, and he says they ate the animals.

That’s what he says...

I believe him, though. I know Ruggero, and he wouldn’t do that today. He’s a kind man and a good person. I think it was very much of their time. It wasn’t seen as a big deal as it is today. I think that what makes them resonate is the unapologetic frankness and the violence. You can say it’s the animal killings but there’s that abortion scene. You’re watching these shocking, savage rituals and I wanted to do a movie that had that kind of danger.

When we researched the film, I looked at all different tribes globally, I looked at female genital mutilation happening to 2 million girls a year, and the helplessness you feel about what you can do about this thing that is so horrific and awful. That’s Justine’s character. She wants to change the world, and her father’s saying, “There’s laws, there’s process, you can’t just go invade a country because they’re doing something you think is illegal or immoral.” The [activist group] leader Alejandro is saying, “Use your phones, these are our guns. Go to a village and you shame [the developers]. You stream it. That’s how you affect change. Forget these lawyers.” She gets very caught up in that idea, but the film is really about people getting caught up in causes they don’t know anything about and doing it for vanity reasons more than for the cause itself.

I really noticed Occupy Wall Street was the first moment when, as it was spreading it starts off as this hugely important cause, this kind of tipping point in culture, and all of a sudden, there was a relative of mine that had graduated college and wasn’t working because he was occupying. I was thinking, “I don’t know how the banks fucked him over, and maybe he feels strongly,” but I got the sense that he was going there because his friends were doing it and they were meeting girls and it was fun to occupy. After we wrote the script, Kony 2012 started and my Twitter timeline was filled with people going, “How come you haven’t tweeted the YouTube video? Don’t you care about child soldiers? What’s wrong with you?” Everyone had this very self-righteous attitude. And then a month later it was, “Free Pussy Riot!” And people were like, “What’s wrong with you? Don’t you care about freedom of speech? You must be anti-freedom of speech. You must be pro-Putin.” And then it was Bring Back Our Girls. And, “Don’t you care about Boko Haram? What about these girls? You Hollywood asshole, how come you’re not tweeting about this?”

All of a sudden, everyone’s tweeting almost defensively and retweeting and hashtagging because they don’t want to be accused of not caring. Even after the tiger shark was found, people were like #SharksLivesMatter. Or how about the ice bucket challenge? It starts off as this cause raising money for ALS and all of a sudden everyone’s doing it to show off how hot they are in their bathing suit. “Ooh look at me, supporting ALS!” Cut to me in a bikini looking really hot. “Oh look at all the likes I got.” Everyone’s doing it for vanity, and that’s the kids in Green Inferno. This whole culture of social justice warriors evolved. Then it starts with GamerGate, SJWs are, “You tweeted this, you must hate women!” I think what’s happened now is that everyone is so caught up in looking like they care. The kids in Green Inferno are not happy when they stop the protest. They’re crying, they’re devastated, but when they’re trending on Twitter and on CNN, they’re high-fiving. When they’re on the homepage of Reddit, that’s it. That’s the most important thing. I think for a lot of people, that’s the endgame now. It’s not even about the cause, it’s being recognized for the cause.

But I wonder if that was always the endgame and social media just amplifies the vanity aspect of it. There’s no such thing as an act of generosity that isn’t anonymous. Everything comes back and reflects upon the person.

Well this is the thing, and I have this debate: When you’re at the coffee shop, and you want to put a dollar in the tip jar, do you need the barista to see you putting it in.

Yes, absolutely.

You want them to know or they’re gonna look at you like, “You didn’t...” But that’s the thing: Are you tipping to be recognized for tipping? They’re still getting the money...

Both.

Why do you need them to see you do it?

Because I want them to leave that transaction not thinking that I’m an asshole. It’s to make their day a little bit more pleasant. It’s about my gesture and giving them money.

Exactly. There’s a need to be recognized for doing a good thing.

Absolutely. But I think there always was.

For sure. I think it’s a human need to want to be recognized, but there are a lot of people that just do good things. I had a very good talk with Jason Russell, obviously there’s a nod to him and Kony 2012 in the movie. He said that all the retweeting and the tweeting, most of it clouded what they did. Everyone was so excited to show a picture of themselves with their Kony 2012 mugs that even they don’t like the kind of slacktivism/reactivism. They’d rather have people that just care about the cause.

I think we’re in this really interesting time where social media can raise awareness. You look at what’s going on in Ferguson. Every time there’s a shooting or injustice, we’re on our Twitter feeds and we all get it, but then all of a sudden everyone’s tweeting about it. Uganda was like, “Thank you, we’re well aware of Joseph Kony. We’ve been after him for a long time. I know you guys are liking a YouTube video but that’s not going to stop this insane person who’s enslaving children.” It’s much more complicated than that. My feeling is people might care about something, but very few people care about it enough to inconvenience their own lives.

But your characters do. They get on the plane.

They do but they want the shortcut. They don’t want to go through the process and the law, and even Alejandro says it was all kind of this masturbatory exercise because even if they saved it another group was going in because there’s too much money in the ground. “But we get credit—that’s why we went here, to get credit.” I think there is a fine line between wanting to help [and wanting glory], and the truth is I’m not here to judge. I’m not here to say you’re a good person if you want to do that or you’re a bad person. I’m just observing behavior that I see.

We get our news from our phones, from our Twitter feeds, from our Facebooks, or whatever, and you only follow people that generally agree with you. If you’re going to vote for Donald Trump, you’re going to follow those feeds. For Hilary Clinton, you’re going to follow these feeds. So what happens is we’re in this culture where people are only listening to people who have the same ideas as them. So if they say someone else is a bad person, it’s like, “Well, I trust that person,” and they just attack them. You see these crazy attacks going on.

It’s happened to me.

It’s happened to me, too. Of course it happens to you as a writer, it happens to me as a filmmaker. You tweet something and people go fucking crazy. And that is this culture of these social justice warriors. It’s so easy to do it. You can just go crazy pushing buttons on your phone and it’s so much easier to do that than to look into it. There’s always more than one side to a story.

And I see people conflating building a brand and activism all the time. Given this climate, it can’t be surprising to you that The Green Inferno has received criticism over its depiction of natives.

Of course it’s not surprising, but what’s interesting is the people who are criticizing it are the people who haven’t seen the movie.

They’ve seen trailers.

Right, but when we showed it to everyone at Mongabay, an Amazon rights organization, they loved it. We’re doing a fundraiser with Mongabay to raise money for accurate journalism with Prizeo. The people that attacked us haven’t seen the movie, which is fine. They don’t have to. I’m not making a movie to please everybody. But I looked into cannibalism. Look at who ate Michael Rockefeller, the Azmat in Otsjanep.

Did you read Savage Harvest?

It’s the best. That was 2014, but this movie was 2012. In Savage Harvest, he talks about them eating Michael Rockefeller, the ritual in which they did it, the manner in which they did it, which was all documented by the Dutch missionaries, and the fact that they did it to absorb his powers and to free the spirits of their ancestors—who are we to say that cannibalism is wrong? People can say the natives are savage but read the January/February 1966 issue of National Geographic. There are tribes from Brazil, tribes from Venezuela. The movie is a work of fiction for sure, but we pulled from National Geographic on things like: What are the ovens going to look like? What’s the hierarchy? What’s the makeup they wear? Look at Leni Riefenstahl’s photos from Africa. We pulled from all different tribes to create a fictional tribe.

But what I found absurd is that people were looking at the movie going, “This will now allow the gas companies to rip up the villages.” It’s like, they’re already doing it. They don’t need a movie. If a movie had that kind of power, then a movie could just end violence. The inverse would be true. The idea that someone at a gas company would sit down, watch Green Inferno and go, “Oh great, this is the excuse we need!” Since we made the movie in the past three years, the laws protecting them have been eradicated.

What about AIDESEP, though? That argument was a little different: “This kind of content also reinforces policies of the Peruvian state that are geared towards contacting them through force, integrating them into society, imposing upon them a certain way of life, acculturating them, ‘freeing up their territories’ and taking advantage of the natural resources found within.”

This is happening without the movie existing. Without the movie happening or not, this is a major issue that Peru is having. In the movie, we don’t say the government, we create a company and say it’s biogas, but it is the government. Peru is a very poor country and this is how they’re going to make money. [Indigenous people] have natural resources. It’s not my place to judge. It’s Peru going, “OK, we have a lot of people that can’t afford to eat. We have a poor infrastructure in a lot of the country and we have these natural resources here. So if we take the resources then we can feed these other people.” It’s weighing out the lesser of two evils and the truth is these people are being contacted. Anyone who’s seen the movie knows that it’s very much on the side of the villagers.

Well kind of. As the story is unfolding, the viewer relates to the Americans who are trapped by them.

For sure.

Actually, the most impressive thing about this movie is how tense it is. I’ve never gotten that from a cannibal movie before. I’ve only distanced myself while watching cannibal movies, whereas I was invested in The Green Inferno.

Well thank you. Obviously it’s a modern movie for modern audiences. I wanted it to look like Apocalypse Now. I wanted people to think they were going to see a horror movie and it’s this beautiful jungle adventure film. We wanted to show the beauty of the jungle. At the end, Justine has a choice: Does she want credit or does she want to save them? In the final scene, she makes a choice to protect the village.

She gives herself up to the culture she doesn’t understand. But tell me what tribe your cannibals were in and how you went about hiring them.

The tribe was played by farmers. They’re not a tribe. Most of the people had not left the village before. We had to conceptually explain what a movie was. They’re so far remote that boats come by and sell them things but the village does not own a boat, and the current is so strong that the wooden canoes can only go to the neighboring village just selling vegetables. It’s a protected land. When we found it, it looked very much like it does in the movie. We had to take out some of the modern-looking wood, but we built a kitchen for the school. We gave them metal roofs for the houses.

And you paid them?

We paid them. They made more money in three weeks than they would get in an entire year of work. But they said, “It’s hard for us to spend the money,” so we said, “What else can we do for the village?” It’s a village of 300 people, there are four village elders, and we had a big discussion of what would be the most useful. The first thing discussed was a boat but then it was: Who would get to ride it? How would they get gas? Ultimately, they said, there’s 103 huts with straw roofs. They wanted metal roofs for the houses to get them through the rainy season. So we brought 103 roofs for the houses when the shooting was done. Electricity, as we were there, the poles arrived. They were like, “We’ve been asking the government for 50 years for electricity.” But the way it works is first they put in the poles, then a guy comes and says, “Vote for me, and I’ll put in the wires.” Then: “Vote for me and I’ll run the electricity.” In the last few shots of the movie we had to digitally paint out the poles. It’s all coming.

And they had no concept of movies? How could they even know what they were doing?

There were a few people who had left the village that knew and could explain them to everyone else, but most of them had never seen a television. So Perurvians went back with a television, a DVD player, and a generator and they called us to tell us, “We showed them a movie. And they loved it. They voted yes.” And it was like, “Great, what did you show them? Star Wars? Wizard of Oz?” They said, “No we showed them Cannibal Holocaust.” I said, “Even the little kids? How is that possible?” They said, “No, they thought it was a comedy.” So if you talk to the 5-year-old kids and say, “What is a movie?” they go, “Oh that’s when you get painted red and eat people.”

Maybe you did them a total disservice by letting children see that movie!

Well, here’s thing: They thought it was hilarious. They don’t think of it the same way that we do. Even though they had never seen a movie before, they all tell stories. Storytelling is part of their culture, and we made it very clear: “We’re telling a story. It’s pretend.” Kids pick up stuff so fast. We showed them the cameras the first day and everybody gathered around. They all wanted their picture taken right away, they all wanted videos, they all were taking selfies. The kids wanted to do the slate, they wanted to hold the sound, they wanted to yell, “Action!” The kids really got into it.

They speak Spanish?

They speak Spanish and the older generation speaks Quechua, but the kids don’t want to learn Quechua because they feel like it’s an old-person language. So we had translators for Quechua and Spanish. The kids would come up with ideas. My assistant director told me, “The kids have an idea.” We turn around and the kids are holding up a baby python. He was like, “They caught a python for you. The kids were thinking it would be funny if you threw it in the cage with the Americans.” I was thinking, “That’s a really good idea.” We did it, and right before the actor was like, “Is that poisonous?” “No no no.” “But it could bite.” “Yeah.” So we have Kirby [Bliss Blanton] and Magda [Apanowicz] sleeping there and we drop the snake and if you freeze frame it, the fangs were inches away.

The body parts, the whole thing, everybody thought it was hilarious. Even as the kids were arriving on the beach, as soon as I yelled, “Cut!” everyone would laugh. The women would pick up the American girls’ hair and blow on their neck, like, “Are you OK? Are you OK?” They thought it was the funniest thing. They loved it. Everyone knew it was pretend, it was just a story. They loved it. They thought maybe it would make their village famous.

The Green Inferno will be released in theaters on Friday.

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