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Judge: Bindi Irwin Can't Collect Her Dancing With the Stars Money Unless She Proves Her Dad Is Dead

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Judge: Bindi Irwin Can't Collect Her Dancing With the Stars Money Unless She Proves Her Dad Is Dead

Bindi Irwin, teenage daughter of the late Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, is cleaning up on Dancing With the Stars, advancing to the ninth week of the show. That’s worth some serious prize money, TMZ reports—$230,000—but a judge won’t let her collect it until she proves her dad is actually dead.

According to L.A. Superior Court documents obtained by TMZ, Bindi’s mom Terri Irwin signed a release forfeiting any claim to her 17-year-old daughter’s DWTS earnings, but that wasn’t enough for the judge. To declare Bindi’s minor contract valid, she also needs a release form signed by her dad, who was tragically killed by a stingray in 2006.

Or she needs to prove he’s actually deceased. Presumably, that means producing a death certificate, but in a just world, she could submit one of the many, many news articles about her father’s passing, or the 2014 video of the Crocodile Hunter’s best friend and cameraman tearing up as he describes Irwin’s last words.

This seems like just a technicality, but a gross and morbid one. Lawyers for DWTS told TMZ they would “do what it takes” to get the judge to approve the contract so they can release Bindi’s money.

[TMZ. Photo: Getty Images]


Exclusive: Unfiltered Jeb Bush Weighs In on Jerky, Pepe the Frog

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Exclusive: Unfiltered Jeb Bush Weighs In on Jerky, Pepe the Frog

Presidential hopeful Jeb Bush is taking his message of naked emotional vulnerability directly to the people. As of this week, Bush wants to be America’s email buddy. True to his word, it seems like Jeb will respond to almost anyone.

http://gawker.com/jeb-bush-reliv...

We should’ve known Jeb was setting the response threshold pretty low when he asked children to email him and promised to respond:

This may not be the best use of his time, given that these children cannot vote and probably don’t know very much at all, but I’m no expert. And, as one Gawker reader shared with us, he’s taking plenty of time to respond to adults, too:

Exclusive: Unfiltered Jeb Bush Weighs In on Jerky, Pepe the Frog

A controversial choice. What will the American Cattleman Voter think of this beef snub? Does Jeb know that turkey jerky, although certainly a healthy source of protein, often contains more sugar than beef jerky?

I wanted to see if Jeb really would reply to any question from an American voter, no matter how inane:

Exclusive: Unfiltered Jeb Bush Weighs In on Jerky, Pepe the Frog

A disappointing response for a variety of reasons. Suffice it to say that on this basis alone I will not be voting for Jeb Bush in 2016.

If you have a question of your own, you can reach Governor Bush at jeb@jeb.org.

Photo: Getty


Contact the author at biddle@gawker.com.
Public PGP key
PGP fingerprint: E93A 40D1 FA38 4B2B 1477 C855 3DEA F030 F340 E2C7

People Are Campaigning for Ben Carson to Be President Today, but Ben Carson Isn't One of Them

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People Are Campaigning for Ben Carson to Be President Today, but Ben Carson Isn't One of Them

Ben Carson’s campaign continues on today, albeit without Ben Carson.

Carson, of course, is juggling his presidential campaign with his personal campaign to sell a lot of books. To that end, he’ll appear at three different Florida bookstores today—a Kendall Barnes & Noble, a Ft. Lauderdale Barnes & Noble and a Boca Raton Costco.

As per FEC regulations, Carson may not officially campaign at these events, but he sure can take a lot of awkward photos (they can be accessed by entering an email address... any email address.)

http://gawker.com/where-on-a-sca...

Meanwhile, Carson’s candidate-less presidential campaign bravely soldiers on with one official event today listed on its website: an informational meeting at an Irvine, Calif., airport hotel.

On a scale of presidential candidate to author and motivational speaker, Ben Carson today is an author and motivational speaker.

We’ll continue to check in on the Ben Carson Presidential Campaign and unrelated Book Tour, periodically determining where Ben Carson falls on the candidate-to-author and motivational speaker spectrum.


Image via AP. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

Gone Goat: Who the Fuck Stole Baby GusGus?

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Gone Goat: Who the Fuck Stole Baby GusGus?

Where you at the Arizona State Fair yesterday around 5:30 p.m.? Did you snatch tiny baby GusGus (a goat) from his mother (also a goat)? Are you petting GusGus, crooning softly as you read this? If so, please bring GusGus back to the state fair immediately. Otherwise, GusGus is going to die.

According to the Associated Press, GusGus was snatched from the petting zoo early yesterday evening, and “officials notified fair security and the Arizona Department of Public Safety to be on the lookout for someone with a goat, a sight she says should be uncommon.”

Should be uncommon, but with the recent spate of goat-related crimes, spotting GusGus amongst us could be tricky.

So to aid the detectives in their case, we ask you, dear readers, to help bring GusGus’s captors to justice. Currently, the facts in the case are sparse, but here’s what we know to be true:

  • Baby GusGus was stolen from the Great American Petting Zoo at the Arizona Stair Fair around 5:30 p.m. on Wednesday, November 4.
  • GusGus is just a few weeks old.
  • GusGus weighs a mere 5 pounds.
  • GusGus’s mother is VERY sad. If she had the ability to produce tears, that is almost surely what she’d be doing.

But, you may ask yourself, are we sure someone stole GusGus? Could this have been an accident?

“He was in a pen with his mom so this wasn’t an accident, this was intentional,” the fair’s livestock director told local news station KPHO. This was a pre-meditated goat-snatching.

And people are disgusted. For a number of reasons.

Gone Goat: Who the Fuck Stole Baby GusGus?

Or perhaps there was something even more sinister afoot.

Gone Goat: Who the Fuck Stole Baby GusGus?

No matter where that goat’s been or what gods he’s been promised to, if you can bring him back alive—no questions asked!

Gone Goat: Who the Fuck Stole Baby GusGus?

Why is GusGus weeping? Why is he completely shorn? Why does GusGus have a pentagram on his forehead? Who cares! Just as long as he’s home.

Either way, someone needs to keep their eye on Pete.

Gone Goat: Who the Fuck Stole Baby GusGus?

Please, bring GusGus home.


Contact the author at ashley@gawker.com. Screencap via KPHO.

Alright Well Now Ben Carson Wants To Have a Beer With Jesus

Candidates Shouldn't Tweet After Dark Says Man Who Spent Last Night Indiscriminately Emailing Strangers

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

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Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

Thanks to Jon Meacham’s new biography of George H.W. Bush, we learned today that the elder Bush referred to his 1988 Democratic opponent, Michael Dukakis, as “midget nerd.” Is no one immune from vicious, accurate two-word epithets?

LOSING PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES OF OUR ERA

1980: Jimmy Carter
“LIPPY GOOBER”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

1984: Walter Mondale
“FROSTY SKANK-FACE”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

1988: Michael Dukakis
“MIDGET NERD” (accurate)

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

1992: George H.W. Bush
“SNUFFY WORMY”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

1996: Bob Dole
“BOB DOLE”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

2000: Al Gore
“EMO LICHEN”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

2004: John Kerry
“FUCKS SEAGULLS”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

2008: John McCain
“LITERAL MANIAC”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

2012: Mitt Romney
“RICHIE BOOTYWAMPUS”

Famous Two-Word Epithets For Losing Presidential Candidates 

We anxiously await the 2016 presidential nominations.

[All photos via AP]

After failing to meet the 2.5 percent polling threshold, nominal presidential candidates Chris Chris

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After failing to meet the 2.5 percent polling threshold, nominal presidential candidates Chris Christie and Mike Huckabee have been relegated to the kids’ table in next week’s GOP debate. George Pataki and Lindsey Graham have been booted from the lineup altogether, after falling below one percent, reports the AP.


Police: Slain U.C. Merced Stabber Attacked Students After Being Kicked Out of Study Group

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Police: Slain U.C. Merced Stabber Attacked Students After Being Kicked Out of Study Group

Police say that the University of California-Merced student who was shot and killed by police officers after stabbing four of his fellow students on Wednesday went on his rampage after being kicked out of a study group, the Associated Press reports.

Police have identified the attacker as 17-year-old Faisal Mohammad, the Merced Sun-Star reports. Merced County Sheriff Verne Warnke said that authorities found a manifesto on Mohammad’s body, which included “a detailed list of his targets and his intentions.”

Warnke said that the young man intended to stab a police officer, take the officer’s gun and shoot students in a dormitory. “He was mad at a student,” Warnke said, for having been “kicked out of a study group.”

There was no evidence to believe Mohammad’s actions were “in any way related to terrorism,” the university chancellor, Dorothy Leland, said. He “appears to have been motivated by personal animosities, not a political agenda” and “it would be irresponsible” to infer terroristic motives “based solely on the ethnicity of the suspect.”

Warnke concurred. The attack, he said, was an “act of an individual for a vendetta.” There is “nothing to indicate there was any political or religious motivation.”


Image via NBC News/U.C. Merced. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Sgt.

Ben Carson: I Will Believe in Evolution When They Show Me the Fossils—No, YOU'VE Never Been to a Museum

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Ben Carson: I Will Believe in Evolution When They Show Me the Fossils—No, YOU'VE Never Been to a Museum

At a speech in Nashville on Sunday, Dr. Ben Carson, an adorably ambitious antique bread machine, articulated again his rejection of evolution, with all the easy eloquence we’ve come to expect.

Take it away, doc:

“They say, ‘Carson, ya know, how can you be a surgeon, a neurosurgeon, and believe that God created the Earth, and not believe in evolution, which is the basis of all knowledge and all science?’,” Carson said during his second speech.

“Well, you know, it’s kind of funny. But I do believe God created us, and I did just fine. So I don’t know where they get that stuff from, ya know? It’s not true. And in fact, the more you know about God, and the deeper your relationship with God, I think the more intricate becomes your knowledge of the way things work, including the human body.”

So, right, Ben Carson is a creationist. But what does that really mean? If Ben Carson—a surgeon, a man of science—doesn’t believe in evolution, why not? What does Ben Carson know that the entire rest of the scientific world doesn’t?

For answers to these important questions, we turn to noted Ben Carson expert Ben Carson, circa 2011.

This speech is great from start to finish, and you should get some popcorn and a soda and sit and watch the whole thing. In the meantime, I would like to draw your attention to a few choice moments.

  • 0:37 — Humans have big frontal lobes because we, alone, were created in the image of God, who also has a pretty big frontal lobe, you know
  • 3:30 — Those who believe in evolution will have less guilt about being cannibals, should the situation arise
  • 4:00 — Evolution is scientific political correctness, Mr. Darwin, you Social Justice Warrior
  • 11:20 — “Extrapulations”
  • 24:20 — No one has ever demonstrated one species changing to another species, so unless you’ve found the fossilized remains of the elusive Lizard Man, you can keep your bogus “evolution”

For the sake of expediency, here are some quotes, via cnsnews.com:

“I submit that changes can occur within a species. But is that a sign of evolution, or is it a sign of an intelligent creator who gave his creatures the ability to adapt to their environment so he wouldn’t have to start over every 50 years? You know, that sounds much more intelligent than anything else.”

[...]

“And no one has ever demonstrated one species changing to another species. This should be, if it’s true, a continual evolving. So we should be able to find intermediate species at any given point in time. We should be able to find how they line up.”

[...]

“Darwin said his whole theory depended on the fossil remains. He said we should be able to line up from a single-cell organism to man, several miles long and just walk right down the fossil trail and see how everything evolved. He said the only reason they didn’t have the fossils was because they were not geologically sophisticated enough, but that we would be in 50 to 100 years. Well, that was 150 years ago. We still haven’t found them. Where are they? Where are the fossil remains?

“When you ask the evolutionists about that, they say, ‘Uh, I don’t know where they are, they’re somewhere, they are, we just haven’t found them yet.’ That’s a pretty lame excuse, to be honest with you.”

Dr. Ben Carson, out here in these streets, waiting for someone to show him Ape Man—lower body of a man, upper body of an ape, natch—and evidently completely unaware of the existence of museums. And the current frontrunner for the Republican nomination for President of the United States.

Share your favorite moments from Dr. Carson’s speech in the comments. There are so many.

[The Tennesseean] [cnsnews.com]

Image edited from an AP photo

Chile: "Clearly Possible And Highly Probable" That Pablo Neruda Was Murdered

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On Thursday, the Associated Press reports, Chile’s government released a statement confirming the authenticity of an Interior Ministry document, published by Spanish newspaper El Pais, acknowledging the possibility that Nobel-prize winning poet Pablo Neruda may have been killed after the 1973 coup. Officially, Neruda died of natural causes.

According to the AP, the Interior Ministry document states, “It’s clearly possible and highly probable that a third party” was responsible for the poet, politician, and diplomat’s death.

Neruda, a friend of Chile’s democratically-elected, socialist president Salvador Allende, was terminally ill with cancer when he heard the news of the September 11, 1973, coup led by Augusto Pinochet. He made plans to leave the country, but his health worsened, and he died 12 days later. Days before, he had published a critique of the coup; people said he had died of a broken heart.

(Allende committed suicide as Pinochet’s troops stormed the presidential palace with a rifle given to him by Fidel Castro.)

Pinochet’s military junta killed some 3,000 Chileans and imprisoned or tortured tens of thousands more. Years later, in 2004, Manuel Araya—Neruda’s driver, aide, and bodyguard—came forward to allege that the poet had been poisoned, although the Chilean government did not open a criminal investigation until 2011, well after Pinochet’s death (never having been convicted of a crime) in 2006. From Emily Witt’s piece for Harper’s earlier this year on the legacy of Neruda’s corpse:

Araya was a fourteen-year-old Communist activist from San Antonio when he first met Neruda. In November 1972, when Araya was twenty-five, Neruda hired him as his chauffeur, personal assistant, and bodyguard. Neruda was already ill with prostate cancer, phlebitis, and a host of other ailments, but Araya claimed that the poet was not yet on his deathbed. Now, speaking to the cameras, Araya described a mysterious occurrence in the clinic on the day before the poet’s death: a doctor entered Neruda’s room while he was sleeping and administered an injection in his stomach, which was followed by a rapid deterioration of the poet’s health. Araya had not been present at this event — he and Urrutia had gone back to Isla Negra to collect some books. Neruda called and told them to quickly return. Araya and Urrutia sped back to Santiago, where they found the poet florid and in pain, a sudden shift in his condition. “I said to him, ‘Don Pablo, what’s happened to you?’ And he told me, ‘A doctor gave me an injection.’ He said, ‘Manuel, I’m burning up inside.’”

“It is not paranoid to suppose that the junta contemplated the murder of Neruda,” Witt writes. “The razing of Chilean culture began with targeted murders, and the haste with which the junta dispatched cultural figures speaks to the threat they represented to the right wing.”

http://gawker.com/was-pablo-neru...

Neruda’s bones were exhumed in 2013, and after a six month investigation forensics experts confirmed the presence of metastatic cancer and the chemicals used to treat cancer at the time—but no toxins, no poison.

Still, many felt this was not conclusive. “Today we are going to request more samples. They [forensics experts] referred to chemical agents but there are no studies about biological agents” Chilean Communist Party lawyer Eduardo Contreras told the BBC. “A very important chapter has closed and was done very seriously, but this is not over.”

Now, the existence of this document, as reported by El Pais and confirmed by the Chilean government, would seem to indicate that an important new chapter is beginning. “However, the ministry cautioned that a panel of experts investigating the highly disputed topic had not reached a conclusion,” the AP reports. And yet: Clearly possible and highly probable.


Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.

Police: 9-Year-Old Boy Lured Into Alley and Shot Over Dad's Alleged Gang Affiliation

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Police: 9-Year-Old Boy Lured Into Alley and Shot Over Dad's Alleged Gang Affiliation

Chicago Police Superintendent Garry McCarthy says a nine-year-old boy was “‘lured’ from a park into an alley and executed” as part of escalating, retaliatory gang violence, according to a devastating report from the Associated Press.

Tyshawn Lee, an elementary school student headed to his grandmother’s house, was shot in the head and back Monday in a neighborhood alley on the city’s South Side.

McCarthy alleged that Lee’s father, Pierre Stokes, is affiliated with one of the gangs involved, and has not been cooperating with the investigation. Stokes “disagreed with authorities’ characterization of him” and insists he has cooperated with police when prompted. He reportedly said police have “spent more time pursuing him than finding out who killed his son.”

“I answered every question they asked me,” he told reporters Thursday not far from the spot his son was killed. “They’re not asking me questions that I know. I don’t know the questions that they asked me.”

Police have not released specific details, but have reportedly executed several search warrants and interviewed a “person of interest” who has not been charged or arrested. Authorities reportedly “know the gangs and individuals involved but need help assessing who did what.”

Police: 9-Year-Old Boy Lured Into Alley and Shot Over Dad's Alleged Gang Affiliation

A reward poster on the wall at Tyshawn Lee’s makeshift memorial. [Photo via AP]


The Faith Community of St. Sabina, “a well-known South Side Roman Catholic church,” has been raising money to offer a reward for information that leads to charges in the case, and the Rev. Michael Pfleger, a St. Sabina priest, has said he would contribute money out of his own pocket.

“This was not a drive-by. This was not a spray of bullets. A baby was executed,” Pfleger said. “We have gone to a new low that’s removed what used to be some codes, some barriers, some lines that used to be drawn in the community, some things in our city that were not acceptable.”

The Superintendent described Lee’s murder as “among the most ‘unfathomable’ of his 35 years in policing.”

McCarthy called it probably the “most abhorrent, cowardly unfathomable crime that I’ve witnessed in 35 years of policing.”

“Everybody is sick; everybody is disgusted.”

[Associated Press]

Photos via AP

Report: Louisiana Police Dramatically Walk Back Explanation for Shooting Death of First-Grader

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Report: Louisiana Police Dramatically Walk Back Explanation for Shooting Death of First-Grader

New details and an explicit disavowal of the initial explanation suddenly make the fatal shooting of six-year-old Jeremy Mardis look like the result of disastrous recklessness by local police, if not something worse.

Two days after six-year-old Jeremy Mardis was fatally shot, and just a day after the shooting was attributed to marshals, and the boy’s father accused of backing his car into pursuers, Louisiana police have disavowed that entire story, reports The Guardian.

On Thursday, Colonel Michael Edmonson, head of the Louisiana state police, denied earlier reports that Few had been reversing his car toward the officers, who then had to defend themselves. “No. I didn’t say that,” he told the Guardian. “That didn’t come from me.”

At a press conference, Edmonson initially described the shooting as “an exchange of gunfire”, but later clarified that only the officers had shot, and that investigators had found no gun in Few’s car. Officials had previously declined to confirm whether officer gunfire was responsible for Mardis’s death.

Another revelation: the city’s marshal, Floyd Voinche, and his officers have been accused of routinely “overstepping their authority” by Marksville’s mayor, John Lemoine.

“I don’t know why he felt the need to start patrolling in city limits,” Lemoine said Thursday of Voinche. “It makes no sense to me.”

According to the report (you should read the whole thing), the investigation so far does not seem to support the story that Few was backing his vehicle towards or into officers. The positioning of the three police cruisers on the scene and the spray of glass from the passenger window indicate Few’s car was perpendicular to the officers, and their shots “hit the driver’s side broadside.”

Edmonson also said video footage of the incident does exist, but that investigators have not reviewed it. He added that the officers involved – there are four – had so far refused to speak with state police investigators. Police have not released the names of the involved officers.

Asked by the Guardian what reason they offered for their silence, Edmonson said: “You’d have to ask them. We are trying to talk with them.”

Worst of all—as if this thing can get much worse, holy shit—it’s not entirely clear that Few was approached by the authorities for any good reason. Few’s fiancee, Megan Dixon, said she and Few had bickered at a local pool hall. Sometime later, after Few had picked up his son, he pulled alongside Dixon at a stoplight and asked her to come with him.

“I wouldn’t do it,” she said. “I’m stubborn.”

Moments later, she said, as the cars pulled away from the light, she saw two marshals’ cars—marked in black and white—approaching from behind with their lights flashing. She looked into Few’s car as he pulled away, and he was pointing at his son’s head, indicating that he was in the car and he wasn’t sure what to do.

The reason for Few’s uncertainty? He was reportedly afraid of the marshals “because he and one of the marshals on the scene had a prior personal conflict.”

[The Guardian]

h/t Nicholas Campiz

Image via AP

One Fish, Two Fish, Three Fish, Grouper Fish Stole This Guy's Fish

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Recently, National Geographic reports, on a spearfishing dive off Apalachicola, Florida, Grayson Shepard was interrupted by several goliath groupers who availed themselves of the snapper he’d caught. Oh well. Plenty of fish in the sea!

Shepard’s garbled frustration is audible in the video he took of the submarine incident. “Godsaslfdslfnasdljfn,” he says. “Fucasdlkafsadfs. KLSDFJasf.”

At one point, a grouper drags him along by his spear. “I weigh 220 lbs., and it dragged me easily 20 feet or so before letting go,” Shepard told NatGeo in an email. His spear was bent “so badly it will no longer load into my speargun.”

According to R. Grant Gilmore, a fish ecologist at the Florida-based company Estuarine, Coastal and Ocean Science, goliath groupers can live to be 50 years old and can learn and remember human behavior. In fact, he said, they were probably following Shepard around.

“No question about it. They probably know his boat by the sound of it,” Gilmore said. Goliath groupers, which can grow up to nine feet long and weigh 800 pounds, are ambush predators: They “prey predominantly on slow-moving animals. A speared snapper on the end of a spear-gun is a slow-moving animal.”

In an email, Sylvia Earle, National Geographic Explorer-in-Residence (what a title!), wrote, “Thinking like an ocean, it is clear that the diver, not the grouper, is doing the stealing.” Dang.


H/T Digg. Contact the author of this post: brendan.oconnor@gawker.com.


Deadspin The Detroit Lions Are An Even Sadder Franchise Than You Thought | Jalopnik What It’s Like T

Two High School Students Arrested for Wearing Columbine Costumes 

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Two High School Students Arrested for Wearing Columbine Costumes 

Two Connecticut teenagers were arrested and may be expelled from their high school after allegedly making threats to their peers while wearing Columbine costumes on Halloween.

The students, who are both juveniles, were charged with making a criminal threat, inciting injury to persons or property, and breach of peace, according to the New York Times.

The details are still vague, but Litchfield Public Schools superintendent Lynn K. McMullin tells the Times the two students had gone out dressed in “trench coats and sunglasses.” State police say they also made “threats of bodily harm to other students.”

The students’ attorney, David Moraghan, tells the Times it’s all a big misunderstanding: the students did attend a Halloween party dressed in “distasteful” costumes, but they were not armed and did not make any threats.

A group walked up to them, according to Mr. Moraghan’s account, and after commenting that they looked like the Columbine High School killers, someone added, “I bet you’re going to shoot up the school.”

Mr. Moraghan said, “There was a sarcastic response to that, and that was basically the end of it.” He said one girl told her parents, who then called the police. Investigators, in turn, searched the students’ cellphones and their homes, he said.

Now the school is seeking to expel both students, even though the superintendent apparently acknowledges “there was no credible threat and students were never in physical danger.”

“Both boys are so remorseful for their stupidity,” Moraghan tells the Times.


H/T NYT. Image via AP. Contact the author at gabrielle@gawker.com.

“Dr.

Come Back to Earth Robert DeNiro

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Come Back to Earth Robert DeNiro

At a star-studded gala honoring Angelina Jolie last night, Robert DeNiro reportedly got angry at some tech guy for “condescending” to celebrities. Chill out Robert DeNiro.

Yeah Robert DeNiro, you made some cool movies. Really cool. But take a look around my man. You are at a star-studded gala sponsored by the Wall Street Journal at the Museum of Modern Art in midtown Manhattan surrounded exclusively by rich and famous people. That is the setting for this drama. The most chi-chi fucking time and place imaginable. Yeah, you are a good tough guy in movies Robert DeNiro. But look around you.

Then, at this incredibly fancy and grotesquely self-congratulatory event, where your job is to present an award—an award!—to Angelina Jolie, you make a big scene, according to Page Six:

“We are a long way from San Francisco,” joked tech mogul Stewart Butterfield of hot app Slack, when he scanned the room of “supermodels and movie stars” including Karlie Kloss, Brad Pitt and Jared Leto, who gave him the award. Butterfield joked he was receiving the “nerd award” and pointed at De Niro, mentioning, “I watched ‘Godfather II’ on the plane . . . when you killed Don Fanucci, I liked that.”

De Niro, up next, growled, “Whoever the last speaker was . . . I thought you were a bit condescending to us actors . . . celebrities. I’m gonna go on record with you just to say that. And I don’t give a f - - k who you are.”

Robert DeNiro. My man. You are embarrassing yourself my man. You are on stage at a fancy gala at a fancy museum literally giving an award—an award!—to Angelina Jolie, my man. You are in good gangster movies Robert DeNiro but you are not a gangster. You are a rich guy standing on a stage at MoMA backslapping with Brad Pitt and, if you can believe it, presenting some sort of award—award???—to Angelina Jolie. You are not presenting the Nobel Peace Prize my man. You are there to garner good PR for the Wall Street Journal and to appear in paparazzi photographs. That is your “role” in this “drama.” I don’t know if you know this but the “WSJ Magazine Innovator Awards” is not a “serious” thing, in the grand scheme of the world. It is a place for people to wear expensive dresses.

Far be it from me to defend some rich tech guy who invented Slack (who also apparently got an award?? For Slack??) but he didn’t really say anything that crazy and then you got on stage and said something crazy Robert DeNiro. Specifically you said “I thought you were a bit condescending to us actors . . . celebrities.” As if such a thing is possible. Apart from the fact that he wasn’t actually that condescending, such a thing is not possible. You have the world’s luckiest and fakest job Robert DeNiro. There is almost nothing that can be said that is truly “condescending” to celebrities because the very role of “celebrity” is in fact a massive prank pulled upon the populace, to lull us to sleep while the sort of rich people who attend the WSJ Magazine Innovator Awards collect an ever larger share of our national wealth. You got to be extremely rich and famous by being in movies Robert DeNiro. There is nothing graceful to say about that except “I am very thankful,” which would have been a good thing for you to say on stage rather than what you said, which to be honest sounded crazy as hell.

Imagine if you had to have a real job! You don’t though, you are a celebrity. Don’t go around acting haughty about it. You’re not out here curing diseases my man. You’re out here standing in front of a step-and-repeat. I do like your movies Robert DeNiro but check yourself. You might be getting that celebrity brain disease.

[Photo: Getty]

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

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Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Nearly a month ago, Ellen Pompeo unleashed a devastating tweet attack against Daniel Craig—a tweet attack so thoroughly ruinous that not a single celebrity news media outlet was left standing in its wake, each sent shivering to a filthy grave, covered in dirt and shit. Now she’s finally owning up to her outrage.

http://defamer.gawker.com/check-out-the-...

You might remember the result of Pompeo’s unquenchable thirst for destruction:

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

Ellen Pompeo Finally Confronts Intense Backlash Surrounding Legendary Daniel Craig Diss

WHOOSH-WHOOSH-WHOOSH! (Imagine these headlines are flying across your screen.)

The world came to a standstill. Ellen Pompeo. What is this force—this Ellen?

Pompeo?

Finally, Pompeo spoke to Us Weekly about her dreaded tweet—Us Weekly, an outlet that has struggled each day since the attack, finally standing once again, but, to all left able and willing to see, a ghost of its former self.

Pompeo spoke:

“Listen, I feel bad about that.”

Etc., etc.


Image via Getty. Contact the author at kelly.conaboy@gawker.com.

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