Sometimes moms do cool things like drive you to the mall and let you borrow/keep forever $20. Mostly, though, they are embarrassing.
Take for instance, Garrett's mom.
In November, 25-year-old Garrett Hand and his 25-year-old girlfriend Jamie Neal flew from their California home to South America for a four-month bike trip. Before the couple left, they informed their friends and family that, for some of their trip (as they traveled through jungles and rainforests), they would be out of cellphone and Internet range.
In January, they passed out of cellphone range. In February, Garrett's mom demanded the Peruvian government launch a full-scale search for the couple, whom she believed to be missing.
What they actually were, was "having a blast."
The couple's last communication with their families (and access to their bank accounts) occurred on January 25. In late February, Garrett's mom called Peru and demanded they put Garrett on the phone to talk to her right this instant, or else they'd be in big trouble, mister.
Peru began a frantic search for the couple, who continued their vacation (riding bikes, hiking trails, doing hippie things) blissfully unaware that they had caused an international incident by not responding to Garrett's mom on Facebook.
The government issued a nationwide alert for the "missing" couple.
Very soon, the U.S. Embassy in Peru and the Peruvian tourism ministry called Garrett's mom (separately) to tell her the couple had been spotted alive—alive? They'd never felt so alive—and chillaxin'.
Here's a statement about the couple's cool Peru time from Jose Luis Silva, the country's minister of tourism and commerce, i.e. a person who very, very, very much wants American tourists to continue coming to Peru,:
"These two young people have fallen in love with Peru. They have visited off-the-beaten-path places and it seems like they're having a blast — so much so that they have forgotten to communicate with their families."
A hotel manager told police the couple had stayed there on February 16 and said they planned to travel to a town called Naplo, a 15-day journey.
The tourism ministry made plans to send in a hydroplane the next day to shoot video of them.
A hydroplane.
Garrett's mom posted on a (now deleted) Facebook page she created for the missing couple that dateless images and secondhand stories about her son simply would not cut it:
"Let me reiterate, until we have PROOF OF LIFE, we cannot celebrate these rumors and sightings. Proof of life is my son's voice on the phone and a picture of him holding the missing poster."
On Wednesday, the couple wrote Facebook posts (from the military base where they had been brought by Peruvian authorities acting on behalf of Garrett's mom) informing everyone that, although they had not "liked" any statuses recently, they were indeed alive, traveling through the Amazon in an area without electricity, internet, or phone service. They posed for a series of beaming pictures, which Peru's tourism ministry added to its official Facebook page. Garrett also finally called his mom, who later released his statement:
"I am so happy today that my son is well. Now our family will have to process all of this, and I think this will take some time. I can't wait to see Garrett and Jamie walking off the plane and into my arms."
In her Facebook update, Jamie Neal called the amount of attention she and her boyfriend had received "fucking insane" and added "I may delete my Facebook when I get home."
Or maybe she will just un-friend one very specific mom.
[CNN // Image via Mincetur Perú]