A documentary about trans women and the men who love them called Sex Diaries: Trans Lovers aired on the U.K.’s Channel 4 last night. It was a regularly fascinating glimpse into a subject that’s still so taboo, host/director Charlie Russell reported early on that finding men to talk about their relationships with trans women wasn’t easy.
“Is this a new kind of relationship, one that is neither gay, straight, or bi, but perhaps something entirely different instead?” he mused in the intro. What complicates matters the most, per Russell’s thesis, is the fact that many of these straight-identified men seek out trans women who have penises. While trans women are too often reduced to their body parts in interviews and culture in general, exploring how their lovers and admirers engage with said parts potentially helps expand our idea of sexuality. This is intricate stuff that is very much worth considering.
For the record, Andy and Mark (who appear respectively in the clip above), are pretty chill about other people’s penises.
Less chill is 41-year-old Morris, who compares trans women to Ferraris and says trans women are easier to have sex with than cisgender women.
It feels reductive and, in fact, incorrect to say, “Men are men,” within a discussion about the fine gradients of sexuality and gender identity. Maybe the better call is: Douchebags come in all stripes and tastes.
Many trans women were interviewed for Trans Lovers, including Paige, who reported that she finally found love after a frustrating search. She described her relationship with her newfound man as an alternative to previous partners. “All you’ve had is men before treating you like a piece of meat, basically, and it’s not nice,” she said.