Here Are the Best Dumb Things Ryan Lochte Said on His Reality Show

Ryan Lochte is a douchebag with gills, George W. Bush without the evil and/or a golden lab turned into a human. His fame, his good looks, his 11 Olympic medals, his seeming good nature, his unending capacity for inanity and the singularity he achieves within his babbling all make him a perfect specimen for reality TV. E! has given him a show with a suitably dumb name, What Would Ryan Lochte Do...With a TV Show? It debuted last night. It was excellent.

Lochte rambled, he lost his train of thought, he had what amounted to an existential crisis when he admitted he didn't know what the word "douchebag" meant (while referring to Jezebel's 10 Reasons Why Ryan Lochte Is America's Sexiest Douchebag post). He informed us that his favorite movie is What Women Want, although he called it What Woman Want, as though English is his second language after Grunt.

"For me, bein' Ryan Lochte is fun," he tells us, and it shows. It would be fun for all of us. Ryan Lochte is doing really well at life, and the show's mockery of him as well as his own inadvertent mockery of himself make for a guiltless pleasure with no aftertaste — watching a guy get taken down a peg by his own career choice is rarely this enjoyable.

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