Unemployment Stories, Vol. 35: 'I Can't Really Afford to Be Alive'

In most states, the unemployment rate is coming down, ever so slowly. Still, nearly 12 million Americans are officially unemployed, and millions more have dropped out of the labor force entirely. Each week, we bring you true stories of unemployment, straight from the unemployed. This is what's happening out there.

I hate myself

I am unemployed and I hate it. Even worse, I hate myself. I am one of over 12 million people (based on the January 2013 BLS stats) in this country that does not have a job but wants one. I never ever wanted to be unemployed. I never thought I could have my job taken away from me (I despise the phrase “lost my job” since it implies it was entirely my fault, like my job was a set of car keys). Sure, like many people, I found my job to be frustrating at times. When the time was right and the opportunity arose, I took a new position. Sometimes it was within the same company and sometimes it was with a different company. The point is that when I was employed and I wanted a new job, I was in a good position. I am unemployed. I want a job but I am in a terrible position.

Since 2003, I have endured at least 3 layoffs/downsizings/re-organizations. In the first instance, the company reduced its workforce. In the second, the company went out of business. In the third, the company used (or rather abused) it’s right of “at will” employment and cut me loose. Each instance was painful. Each instance was humiliating. It’s something that cannot be quantified in a BLS report, unless you measure it in terms of things like friendships lost or alcohol consumed. Before I mention what’s happening (or not happening) in my life now, I’ll take you back to 1996. That was when I got my first full-time job since graduating from college a year before. It was an entry-level position with a major cable television provider In Colorado... An internship at a nearby television production company enabled me to get a full-time job in 1999 with a premium movie network...Then in November of 2003, my employer decided to layoff 10 to 15 percent of staff to offset a sudden increase in programming costs in the wake of a bitter dispute with one of the biggest cable television providers...

So, I officially started my job search in January 2004 and honestly, it feels like I haven’t stopped searching since then. Unable to find full-time work in my field, I took a part-time job at an independent movie theater chain. Unfortunately, the company went out of business in June of that year. After telling the staff that they would lose their jobs, one of the theater managers had the audacity ask everyone to help clean up before the doors were locked. By July, both my severance and unemployment had run out. I began asking my parents for monthly loans, something I hoped I would never have to do. Still unable to get any meaningful work in my career field, I tried other low paying jobs: package handler, door-to-door sales, restaurant server, market researcher and office assistant...

I did have some luck getting television work, but it was only temporary gigs. A couple of hours at a sports television network. A couple of days at a regional cable network. I even got a couple of weeks at my old movie network. But nothing was full-time. Even taking a Final Cut Pro editing class in the summer of 2004 failed to impress any potential employers. Hands-on training is not the same as hands-on experience. In an effort to pull my financial weight and avoid asking my parents for money again, I cashed out most of my retirement savings. I figured I’d make up the balance some time later down the road. I assumed “later” wouldn’t be too many years away. I’m still hoping that’s the case. After a couple of months working part-time at a market research company and moonlighting as a mobile disc jockey at weddings, I landed a full-time job at a company in 2006 that owned and operated several lifestyle television channels. I spend my days viewing American hunting shows and European fashion programming for quality and content standards. The job certainly had it’s drawbacks and I was getting paid less than three years before, but it felt good to be working full-time (with benefits) at an innovative media company. I felt there was a good chance to move up the ranks. That feeling died quickly in July of 2007. The company was in a battle with a major satellite provider. In an effort to save its existence, the company slashed payroll before filing Chapter 11. Lots of people were let go on a Monday afternoon, including me. Another day of shock. Another night spent drinking heavily. Once again, I got severance, but this time, the check bounced. Due to the filing of Chapter 11, the company did not have to pay all its financial obligations. Eventually, the courts decided my former employer was not worthy of Chapter 11 protection and the company liquidated its assets. I had to do a lot of research to find out where the head honchos had run off to before sending them a letter regarding their act of check fraud. Fortunately, they paid my severance plus some interest. It was vindication, but it was an exhausting experience and took nearly 4 months to get closure.

So in August 2007, I was looking for work yet again. I did have a new unemployment claim and some mobile disc jockey gigs to cover some of my expenses, but once again, I was borrowing from mom and dad. In addition, I was cutting back on my expenses, including my social costs. I wasn’t going to happy hours or dinners as often. I was reluctant to discuss my work situation with people, especially women. Unemployment is not a relationship builder, especially in this country where the first question you ask someone new is, “What do you do for a living?” In October, I found a temp job with an area film festival. The hours were long and the perks were limited. Still, I got to work with a great bunch of people through November. After that, things got quiet. Tons of resumes sent out and applications filled out. Still, no job offers. Not in television production. Not in anything. By the end of March 2008, the unemployment checks ran out. Then in April, things changed for, what seemed at the time, the better.

I got a full-time job with a field sports production company. Hunting and fishing shows. I was handling the logistics for 4 different television series. I built production schedules. I got plane tickets. I acquired hunting and filming permits. Plus, I got full health benefits. It was a fast-paced, ever-changing, always-challenging job... I was let go [in 2010] on a Monday at 5pm and management was able to recruit, interview, hire and place someone in my old position by 8am the next day. Another layoff. Another day of shock. This time, I didn’t get any severance after 2 years of dedication. Colorado is an “at will” state, which means an employer can terminate the employment of any employee regardless of reason. No severance required.

That was my last full-time job to date. That was also my last job in my career field. The only other work I have landed since then was some occasional wedding disc jockey work, a part-time market research job at a start-up company (which went through a downsizing in 2012) and a seasonal event staff position that ended in October of last year. My unemployment benefits, what little is left from my last downsizing, are almost gone. I’m looking for work, but every day seems to be an exercise in futility. I network and pass along business cards. Everyone’s posting a resume online and most of them are viewed by computers rather than people. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. It’s hard to compete with both technological innovation and a global workforce. I’m living alone and embarrassed to discuss my situation with friends and family. I’ve considered getting therapy, but it’s a costly option. Most single-payer heath plans don’t cover outpatient mental health (like mine) or they only cover it after the large deductible has been met.

I recently turned 40 and I’m at a crossroads: continue to find work in my career field or choose to learn something else and start at the bottom. Not an easy choice. Regardless of the path I take, I decided to write this in an effort to give the lucky (yes, I do say lucky, since there are no guarantees in life) millions of people in this country who are currently employed a glimmer of what is means, for me anyway, to be unemployed. I hope the people running both small and big businesses take these tales of adversity into consideration before flat-out refusing to consider anyone who’s got employment gaps on their resume. By the way Wall Street: your recent Dow Jones gains from October 2007 won’t mean much unless there’s a equally impressive recoup of about 5 million jobs (or 3.2% unemployment rate decrease) as well. Lastly, I hope that the leaders in Washington D.C. will make a genuine bipartisan effort to help over 12 million people (especially Hispanics, African-Americans and anyone under 25 years old) get their lives back on track. Of course, that last wish might just get lost in all the partisan yelling.

The contract worker

I have been officially unemployed since April of 2010. I am in my mid 50's and female. Let's talk about how many ways an employer can discriminate!

In the beginning of my job search I decided to open up to the idea of contracting. I decided that this was a perfect way to stay current in my chosen profession. Plus, if I like the employer and the employer likes me than, BINGO, I could be offered a regular position. Contracting is a way to stay off of unemployment and allow me to pay the bills. I have had good contract experiences and terrible experiences. Still, I am lucky to have this work. The down side is, regardless of how much I try, I am unable to save enough money to put into my IRA or savings account for emergencies. In addition, now when employers look at my resume, they don't think that I want a permanent job. They think I prefer contracting to a regular job. Many employers expect you to work until the job is "done". This may mean expecting you to work over 40 hours but not intending to pay you for that work. This of course is illegal. I refuse to work over 40 hours unless I am paid to do so. I know a few contractors who do work longer hours, with out pay. They work hoping that they will be hired full time. Then the contract ends. No job, and you are exhausted from all of that work! I did not mind working long hours and when I was employed, I usually did work longer hours. I found as a contractor, employers will take advantage of you if you do. Don't ever expect to hear the employer say thank you! They either turn a blind eye or expect you to keep on working those hours.

Some employers treat contractors as second class citizens. I have learned to ignore this. Still, I have to say that it bothers me. It bothers me the way contractors can be mistreated by some employers. Sometimes I feel that our work culture is moving backwards into the industrial age. Contract workers or, as some call us, contingent workers, do not have paid holidays, vacations, bonuses or health insurance. Sometimes the agency offers insurance after you have met a certain waiting period. The insurance is usually not worth the money. Typically you will see high deductibles, no prescription drug coverage. Often by the time you are eligible to receive coverage, your contract ends, leaving you to pay high COBRA fees. In addition, those of you who have contracted may have had the experience of being given the worst computer in the department, and often find that you are working with limited lighting, and don't even bother asking for an erognomics evaluation.

Lately I find myself feeling that I should start a momentum about contractor rights. I hear the workforce is quickly moving towards the direction of using more "contingent workers" in the future. If that is the case, contractors need to make sure we are treated fairly and well. Contracting may be a necessary evil for an individual who is trying to be productive. However, the evil ways that employers can miss-treat contractors make this a "hard row to hoe".

What is an unemployed person suppose to do? Stay home and sit on our "butts" waiting for the phone to ring or, get out there and let people know you are ready to work? I say we keep this moving forward. Everyone who is out of work and looking, needs to find some kind of work. The right contract work can be a way to empower you again. In the end, all of us, who are looking for a decent job, deserve to find something that provides us with a feeling of pride and an sense of empowerment.