Cat Marnell Has a TEEN Publicist

Writer and fame sculptor Cat Marnell is too busy getting paid more than most people to write her memoir, so she has hired 18-year-old Alex Kazemi to handle her "publicity." (He's not pictured above; that's Riff Raff. He's not organized enough to be anyone's publicist but his own and even that seems accidental.) This partnership was announced via TwitLonger:

Hello world this is Cat Marnell's new TEEN PUBLICIST @alexkazemi . I'm in her account for the time being but she will be tweeting regularly via ME on this account, in her voice. - AK

So far, Kazemi's duties have consisted of tweeting as himself from Marnell's account and in the process, animating the voices that go through anyone's head but especially a head that's as active and sometimes addled as Marnell's. You'd think that Kazemi needing to resort to TwitLonger to send his first tweet through Marnell's twitter might be an omen, but it's going great:

“@msemilymccombs: @cat_marnell @alexkazemi WHAT IS THIS SHIT CAT”Cat says: "What, are you JEALOUS of my TEEN PUBLICIST?" - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

"Cat Says: @janepratt, don't YOU think @msemilymccombs seems JEALOUS of my TEEN PUBLICIST?!" - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

CAT says: "You know, if more teens were publicists and felt less... DISPOSABLE, then they wouldn't get all meat cleaver-y on themselves"- AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

#CatSays

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

Cat has been isolated in her apartment accompanied by the sounds ofBlackout by Britney Spears as she writes her S&S memoir... - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

I apologize, the last statement was false. Cat says: "I made that up and she would never say that!" - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

CAT says: "I'm making her look like a loser to all the guys she wants to get with" - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

I'm learning a lot.. - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

Cat says:"I'm 18, so I can tweet a sensual teen masturbation story if I want to..." - AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

Cat says, I, AK, am using quotes wrong and am making HER sound like the sensual teen masturbator.

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

Cat says: "Go do your homework, bitch!"- AK

— Cat Marnell (@Cat_Marnell) June 12, 2013

I reached out to Cat to ask her what is up with this. Below is our ensuing exchange.

I don't feel like taking another screenshot, but regarding Marnell's good deed, she added, "It's like what Jung said how a ton of his patients didn't have a diagnosis, just aimlessness and senselessness in their lives! This teen WANTS to be someone!"

Update: Full disclosure: Cat Marnell and I have done poppers together.

[Cat Marnell/Riff Raff image via Facebook]