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Florida Woman Finds Goldfish Cracker with a 'Cross' and 'Crown'; Claims It's...
"When I picked this one up, I knew he was special," Patti Burke told Local 6 News. And she would know: The Melbourne, Florida, woman admitted to consuming up to three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a...
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What the Hell Is Going on with Amanda Bynes: A Treatise
If you're not following Amanda Bynes on Twitter right now, you are missing out on some truly macabre cabaret. One year ago, in the wee hours of April 6, 2012 the former Nickelodeon star was driving her...
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Russian Man Who Wanted to Win Ex-Wife Back Used Homemade Bomb to Blow Her Up
A Russian man who reportedly tricked his ex-wife into detonating a homemade explosive device on herself says he did so in an effort to foster an atmosphere of reconciliation. Investigators in Kursk...
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Hating on GIFs, Divorce Inquiries, Phony Invitations to the White House, and...
Our hate mail this week was rarely related to the content of our articles, but rather, they included a variety of suggestions (impudent, demanding or otherwise) to improve the consumer experience....
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NASA to Lasso Asteroid, Then Land on It
In his budget for next year, President Obama will include $100 Million towards NASA "lasso-ing" a nearby asteroid, then exploring it. The money set aside will only cover the costs of planning the...
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Fancy NYC Restaurant May Have Exposed Thousands in Hepatitis A Outbreak
According to Zagat, "'Sharing" is the thing at this "rustic" bi‑level Villager," but an Alta pastry chef might have shared a little more than diners asked for at the pricey tapas restaurant. On...
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Once-Prosperous Italian Couple Kills Themselves Amid Austerity Measures
A retired couple in Italy killed themselves Friday after they saw their pensions evaporate and their quality of life plummet as Italy (and Europe as a whole) continues to experience deep economic...
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Four NFL Players May Be Coming Out on the Same Day, Says Confused Former NFL...
ESPN recently polled its readers about gay people in professional sports and found out that, well, people are still kind of homophobic (surprise!). One poll found that 56 percent of its readers think...
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Meanwhile, Up in My Head
My new roommate owns a gun and has a concealed weapons permit. I have no idea what kind of gun, but I know it's small enough to fit in the front of his jacket while he works at his job outdoors. He's...
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What It's Like to Die in a Black Hole
In terms of "coolest ways to die," it's hard to beat "sucked into a black hole." The question's just: what would that entail, exactly? No one has first-hand experience. Would you spend weeks floating...
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Arrests Lead to Three-Hour Standoff Between NYPD and Queens Residents
If you measure the success of the New York City Police Department in terms of how many residents are angry at it, don't trust it, say they've been wronged by it, or could've been eaten by it, the NYPD...
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ExxonMobil Restricting Reporters from Entering Site of Arkansas Oil Spill
Trying to report on that oil spill (that's technically not oil, for tax reasons) that has devastated a small Arkansas community? Well, you're going to have to go through ExxonMobil before taking a good...
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Republican Darling Is Sorry He Can't Speak Nicely About Gay People
Ben Carson is a darling of the conservative movement (some say for all the wrong reasons). Also, he thinks gay marriage and pedophilia deserve to be grouped together. Wait, I mean, he doesn't think...
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Murder for Hire: The CIA's Secret Deal with Pakistan and the Birth of the...
A new book reveals that the CIA made a deal with Pakistan that allowed the United States to begin its drone assassination program in exchange for the murder of an enemy of Pakistan. In an excerpt in...
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The Saga of Dan Halloran Gets Weirder with Public Flogging Revelations
Republican City Councilman Dan Halloran was never a leader on the New York City Council. In fact, he was best known for making false claims about city snow plow drivers purposely slowing down their...
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Uganda Might Ban Beyoncé
Beyoncé is probably too busy being hated for travelling to Cuba with her husband (what's his name again?) to notice that her image, and the image of any other sex symbols, may be banned for good in...
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Boston Still Drunk, But Not In Jail
Everyone knows there's literally nothing to do in Boston except get drunk (two of Time Magazine's Top 10 Things to Do in Boston involve looking at bodies of water). So maybe that's why cops are being...
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Son of Megachurch Pastor Rick Warren has Committed Suicide
Matthew Warren, son of prominent evangelical pastor Rick Warren, killed himself Friday night in his home in Mission Viejo, CA. His family said in a statement that Mathew Warren had struggled with...
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Draconian Abortion Bill Awaiting Governor's Signature in Kansas
Two steps forward, one million steps back, as the old saying goes. In the same week a federal judge decided that the "morning-after" pill must be available to everyone regardless of age, and just days...
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Applying for Passport Drives Man So Crazy, He Climbs into Ceiling
Maybe he was putting it off all week, but a man waiting in line to apply for a passport in Manhattan became so frustrated on Friday that he escaped through a fire exit and then climbed into the ceiling...
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