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Ron, Hermione, and Harry Conjure a Dark Mark Above London
On Friday, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge took Little Brother of the World, Prince Harry, on a trip to Warner Bros. Studios for the new Making of "Harry Potter" tour. According to People, while...
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Dad Mad at School for Teaching Young Earth Creationism as 'Science'
You may have seen this floating around online: A "4th grade Science Quiz" attributed to a "private religious school in South Carolina" that rewards students for answering "false" to statements such as...
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Kitten Sex Prompts Call to Cops
The week started out with a police blotter item about a girl being chased around a Colorado ski resort by mushroom-hungry giraffes, so it only stands to reason that it should end with a police blotter...
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Bags of Nuts Recalled for Failing to Disclose the Presence of Nuts
An upscale supermarket chain in the UK has been ordered by the country's Food Standards Agency to recall all 350g house-brand bags of Wholehearted Roasted Monkey Nuts because the packaging failed to...
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White House, Congress to Allocate Funds to FAA After Sequester Cuts
The Federal Aviation Association (FAA) says that the automatic budget cuts related to the sequester have forced them to furlough air traffic controllers. 149 air-traffic control towers across the U.S....
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George W. Bush Learned To Paint The Way a Three-Year-Old Does
For those of you who wondered how George W. Bush learned to paint his thought-provoking outsider art, the secret was revealed by Laura Bush on NPR's "Morning Edition" today: "an app on his iPad where...
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Here's How You Can Live When Your Startup Is "Worth" a Billion
Jason Goldberg and Bradford Shelhammer did something rare: they built Fab, a shopping website that's standing out from the other trillion shopping websites. Sales are up, and judging by the pictures...
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Obama's French Ambassador Pick, Tied to Mob-Run Poker Ring, Bows Out
Billionaire Marc Lasry made a number of friends during his time as cofounder and CEO of the hedge fund Avenue Capital Group. In fact, it was his close buddy Bill Clinton who let it slip that Lasry was...
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Cult Leader on the Run After Sacrificing Baby for Being the Antichrist
Four members of a Chilean cult were arrested yesterday for allegedly participating in the ritual sacrifice of a three-day-old baby. According to local investigators, the cult's leader, 36-year-old...
View Article"When you see the headline 'Courageous Senators Stand Up to American People'...
"When you see the headline 'Courageous Senators Stand Up to American People' or 'Facebook Unveils New Waste of Time,' you know you’re reading Andy Borowitz." Can't argue with that.
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Celebrating Erik Prince's Private Somali Army With The Project
Since 1993’s Battle of Mogadishu (the disastrous U.S. Army operation fictionalized in the 2001 film Black Hawk Down), the United States has avoided a heavy military presence in Somalia. Instead, three...
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New York Times Uncovers Devastating Fraud in Minority Farmers Program
Here's something you won't see on Gawker very often: Andrew Breitbart was somewhat right. In a damning article published in the New York Times today, reporter Sharon LaFranier does a 5,000-word...
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The Boston Bombing Suspects' Final Day On The Run: A Reconstruction
One week ago, Tamerlan and Dzhokhar Tsarnaev killed a police officer, engaged in a massive shootout that wounded another and left Tamerlan dead, and set off a manhunt that put Boston on lockdown. Many...
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This Is Quite Possibly the Most Florida News Story Ever Written
Not even The Onion could make up a more Florida story than the real-life misadventures of one William Daniel Lloyd, AKA Florida Man. The 31-year-old Gainesville resident, who has been in and out of...
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Kathie Lee Made Today Staffers Sign a Note Saying Matt Lauer Is Nice
The thing about Kathie Lee Gifford doing “something nice” for you is that it’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to you. It’s like a person with bright red paint on their shoes breaking...
View ArticleWow, Kristen Wiig is coming back to SNL! (To host it.
Wow, Kristen Wiig is coming back to SNL! (To host it.) Try this classic "gotcha!" style of news delivery on all your friends.
View ArticleAlmost 12 years after 9/11, someone in New York found what appears to be a...
Almost 12 years after 9/11, someone in New York found what appears to be a piece of a plane wedged between two buildings near Ground Zero.
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Here's the 95-Year-Old Lady Who Tasted Hitler's Food for Poison
Margot Woelk now admits she spent two and a half years as Adolf Hitler's personal poison-detector. While other Germans subsisted on bland rations, she sampled the Führer's fresh vegetables and pastas...
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Stop Worrying, Your Internet Past Is Not Embarrassing
There's something on the internet that you desperately want to keep everyone from seeing. Something you're deeply embarrassed of. That would show all your friends how you're not actually as smart and...
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Tribeca Horror Review: V/H/S Is the Only Horror Franchise That Matters
The idea that there are no new ideas is an old idea, but a true one; there are no new ideas. For confirmation, look no further than the state of horror movies–remakes and a bunch of found-footage...
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