Pronunciation Nazi Pat Sajak Steals Thousands of Dollars from Wheel of...
A failure to enunciate to Wheel of Fortune host Pat Sajak's liking cost a contestant a bundle of money earlier this week along with the rest of the game. Renee Durette, a Navy Intel Specialist from...
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Still Stuck at Work? Read These 11 Weird Fairytales to Kill Time
Are you trapped in an office while all your friends and loved ones are hanging stockings, dreaming of sugar plums, watching Maury, and whatever else they do when they're home during the day? Us too....
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A Garden of Your Lesser Follow-Up Apocalypses
The Mayan apocalypse didn't kill us all, but I knew the apocalypse couldn't kill me. I've been through major earthquakes and hurricanes, Y2K, Hale-Bopp and MMMBop. In my lifetime, they've been printing...
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I Dreamed a Nightmare: The Banal Schmaltz of Les Misérables
The new movie version of Les Misérables is a nonsensical, emotional vampire of a movie. It sucks and sucks and never stops sucking. I knew I was supposed to feel something in this ever-welling sea of...
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Woman Wants to Marry Man Serving Time for Killing Her Twin Sister
A woman in Argentina is being called "psychologically ill" by her mother for announcing her intention to marry the man convicted of murdering her twin sister. The sordid tale worthy of a telenovela...
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This Christmas, Ashton Kutcher Gives Demi Moore the Gift of Loneliness by...
On Friday in Los Angeles, a young old woman named Demi Moore sold all her beautiful hair for $20, so she would have some money to buy a fine Christmas present for her husband Ashton. After ransacking...
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NRA Spokesman Wayne LaPierre's Insane Paranoia Is More Mainstream Than You Think
During NRA spokesman Wayne LaPierre's Friday-morning press conference, the organization's first since 27 people died a week ago at Sandy Hook elementary school in Newtown, Conn., my Twitter feed —...
View ArticleAre You Kidding Me With How Adorable This Baby Panda Is? Because It's No Joke
Xiao Liwu, whose name translates to "little gift," is the latest addition to the San Diego Zoo's growing panda family. Born on July 29th, the Giant Panda cub was initially known as "Sausage" but...
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Jacked Creature: In Praise Of Tom Cruise's Relentless Intensity
There are lots of perfectly understandable reasons not to like Tom Cruise. His attitude about antidepressants. The Oprah couch-jumping episode. That church he attends. And, outside of his personal...
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Columbine Had an Armed Security Guard on Duty and the NRA Is Dumb
If you didn't bear witness to the most disastrous press conference in recent history today, courtesy of NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre, here is the gist of the NRA's response to last...
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Iowa Supreme Court Says Employers Can Fire Employees For Being 'Irresistibly...
The Iowa Supreme Court ruled today that employers can fire employees towards whom they have an "irresistible attraction," irrespective of the latter's workplace conduct. The 7-0 decision, handed down...
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As Cable News Anchors Bloviate About His Possible Senate Run, Ben Affleck...
Much has been made of Ben Affleck's "possible Senate run" over the past 48 hours, mostly from cable news anchors, and mostly sourced to an interview on CBS' Face the Nation in which Affleck said "one...
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'Make Me Bunt,' 'Full Blooded Negro' and Other Catchphrases You Coined This Week
One of the greatest things about reading all the nasty, incoherent emails you send us each week is that I'm always on the cutting edge of the latest email trends. Oh we're doing ALL CAPS this week?...
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New York Newspapers Slam the Wacky NRA Vice President
NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre's bizarre press conference managed to make the cover of the New York tabloids today and both papers didn't miss the opportunity to really dig in. The Post...
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Slanted American Tradition: Broken Children and Unbroken Barriers
Last Friday night, after hearing about the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, I spent the last hour of my son's preschool day in class with him. I feared for his safety. The thought that scared me...
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ABC Explores the Dangers of YOLO
In these last few days of 2012, parting with some of our favorite phrases and trends is proving to be a rough experience. ABC must be having a hard time saying goodbye to one of its most beloved...
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Twenty Years Later, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York Is the Most Inadvertently...
The great thing about Christmas is you can do it exactly the same as you did last time, every single year. Case in point: 1992's Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is basically and openly the same movie as...
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This Week in Natural Disappearances
Should you care to hear about the vanishing of bats, islands that melt under the relentless hand of time, and the problems facing modern birds, then this is the week for you. I even managed to...
View ArticleHere's How We Think Mariah Carey Would React to Demi Lovato Covering 'All I...
Mariah Carey sits in front of her new MacBook that Nick bought her for Christmas and holds one of her precious babies on her lap. Is it Monroe? Or maybe Moroccan? Damn, she forgot again. She's wearing...
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Details from The Snowman Sequel, In Ascending Order of Sadness
The sequel to the silent Christmas classic The Snowman is set to air this Monday, more than 30 years after the original's premiere. The Snowman was nominated for an Academy Award and is broadcast...
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