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Taco Bell's Disgusting New Tacos Are Saving the U.S. Economy
Sort of. The company reportedly added 15,000 jobs in the U.S. last year, outpacing their brethren-in-saturated-fat at KFC, Pizza Hut, and McDonald's, according to Greg Creed, the company's CEO. But...
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The University of Colorado at Boulder Is Getting a Special 'Conservative...
Are you a Conservative Parent looking to send your child to a college where he or she can have at least one class free of that omnipresent liberal bias you've heard so much about? Then you're in luck!...
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Top Republican Switches Sides on Gay Marriage After Son Comes Out
Senator Rob Portman, an Ohio Republican and a top contender for the party's vice-presidential candidacy last year, has come out in support of gay marriage—after his son, Will, came out as gay. "As a...
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'Evil': Lawyer Who Leapt from Building With Infant Left 13-Page Suicide Note
The 44-year-old lawyer who leaped from her eighth floor apartment with her 10-month-old son strapped to her body in a baby carrier, killing herself but cushioning the blow for the infant, who survived...
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Dad Overhears Son's Plans to Come Out, Assuages His Fears with Preemptive...
Some people (ahem) need to wait until after their son comes out to show their support. Not Nate's dad. In a letter that was posted this morning to Facebook by the pro-gay clothing and accessory brand...
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Please Enjoy This Hilariously Racist Iowa Newspaper Story
When you think "The Montezuma (Iowa) Record," you think "just good journalism, as befitting the town that is home to Iowa's best competition motocross race track, Fun Valley Motocross." I'm sad, and...
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Steubenville Victim Found Out About Assault Over Text the Next Morning
The 16-year-old girl at the center of the rape trial of two Ohio high-school football players learned of the assault over text messages the next morning, it was testified this week. The trial is...
View ArticleHuman Statue Comes Alive with Fists of Fury After Annoying Asshole Refuses to...
A disrespectful douche causing trouble on Cavill Avenue in Surfers Paradise learns two invaluable lessons for the price of one: Don't be a dick; and living statues are not actual statues. [H/T: Reddit]
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Lewd Act Gets Man Banned from 'All the Libraries on the Face of the Earth'
A Wisconsin court has banned a local man from all the libraries on the planet after he was caught openly masturbating inside the Racine Public Library. The 20-year-old, identified as Tyree S. Carter,...
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The Most Incorrect Theory About the Popularity of Beards
Men: they are wearing beards now. Why? The WSJ's Tina Gaudoin has a theory: I blame the economy. That's an easy out. But from my front row seat at the financial crisis (The Wall Street Journal offices...
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America’s Most Hated Murder-Villain Matt Lauer Is Poised to Replace Alex...
Matt Lauer, the man who, for so long, has made our mornings slightly uncomfortable in indescribable ways, could be gearing up to make us slightly uncomfortable in the early evenings. According to the...
View ArticleLA Weatherman Reading Shout-Outs On the Air Realizes Too Late There's...
Getting a newsman to read aloud what at first blush appears to be an innocuous name, but in actuality is a dirty word, during a live broadcast, is the oldest trick in the book. That, however, doesn't...
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Conspiracy Theorist Breaks into Colin Powell, Clinton Confidant's Email in...
The hacker who obtained and released private email correspondence between President George Bush and his family and friends is on a new tear. "Guccifer," who earlier this week took over former Secretary...
View ArticlePope Francis Tries to Make Himself as Lovable as Jennifer Lawrence by...
Pope Francis made a valiant attempt to fall playfully into America's hearts on Friday, tripping down some stairs while greeting a cardinal at the Vatican. However, while the endearing "klutzy stumble"...
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The Insane and Devastating Costs of the War in Iraq
Ten years ago next week, the United States invaded Iraq. The ensuing decade of war would destroy Iraq, kill hundreds of thousands of civilians and soldiers, and cost trillions of dollars. It was not...
View ArticleGuy Raises $7,000 on Kickstarter to Fund Insufferable Bonding Trip With Each...
An online friendship doesn't mean you share mutual affection, trust, history, or any of the other standard qualifiers for a relationship and this is mostly chill because it's Facebook and that's how...
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US Ban on Kinder Surprise Eggs Finally Lifted (Kinda)
The United States' most notorious food ban is finally being lifted. Well, kinda. Kinder Surprise eggs, an Italian brand of egg-shaped chocolate candies containing a toy "surprise" inside, have been...
View ArticleThis Surreal Footage Shows a Reporter Being Detained by Chinese Police on...
Sky News correspondent Mark Stone was detained by Chinese police in Beijing this morning while in the middle of a live segment on the anniversary of the Tiananmen Square massacre. Most of the...
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Roach-Infested Nightmare Bus Forced to Evacuate on New Jersey Highway
As though shit-encrusted cruise ships weren't enough: a Greyhound bus traveling from Atlantic City to New York was forced to evacuate because of a roach infestation: The bus was carrying 48 people and...
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Fred Phelps Gay? Former Westboro Baptist Church Member Says Maybe
Could the reason for Westboro Baptist Church founder Fred Phelps' hyperbolic hatred of homosexuals be the result of an ongoing battle with his own repressed homosexuality? One former member says...
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