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Senate Passes First Budget in Four Years
What have you not done for four years? Exercise? Visit your great-aunt? Pay taxes? Well, if you're the Senate, you've just passed your first budget in four years, narrowly approving (50-49) a budget...
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Current and Former Popes Do Lunch, Bro Down
In what is going on public record as the first modern meeting of present and former popes, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI grabbed lunch with newly elected Pope Francis at Castel Gandolfo. Pope Francis was...
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Our Kind of Ridiculous: Yous, Me and Blackness as Probable Cause
When I was twenty-four, I flew paper airplanes past the apartment of a thirty-two-year-old white boy named Kurt in Emmaus, Pennsylvania. Kurt rocked a greasy brown mullet, bragged about ironing his...
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Gun Deaths Continue Since Newtown
The Huffington Post is running a lengthy feature which profiles the shooting deaths of five Americans over the past decade. Similar to the AP story from a few weeks ago that profiled the shooting...
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Tilda Swinton is Currently Sleeping in a Box at MoMA
On random days this month, Tilda Swinton (actress, Bowie-enthusiast, badass) will be performing her 1995 piece "The Maybe," which consists of Swinton sleeping in a glass box. In fact, at this very...
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King of the Cat Burglars Gets A Pretty Great Obit from The Telegraph
In 1994 Peter Scott, Britain's most legendary cat burglar, wrote the The Daily Telegraph, saying that it would be "a massive disappointment if I were not to get a mention in [its] illustrious obituary...
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Man Allegedly Steals $100,000 Worth of Whiskey
After a long day, John Saunders, 62, would kick back, reach into the wall, and pull out a bottle of 100-year-old whiskey. Saunders, who rented a basement apartment in a large mansion in western...
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Brooklyn Man Murders Roommate's Fish Because He Just Really Doesn't Want Her...
I used to fantasize about leaving the front door open for hours so that my roommate's obese cat who shed incessantly would muster enough energy to escape. And I often thought, "It would be much easier...
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Boris Berezovsky, Oligarch Critic of the Kremlin, Has Died
Boris Berezovsky, the used-car salesman who became a major influence on Boris Yeltsin in shaping post-Soviet Russia has died at the age of 67. London officials are describing his death as...
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Jeb Bush on George's Paintings: He Would Like to Paint Your Dog, Probably
Last week, hacker Guccifer, revealed more of George W. Bush's newfound love of painting (or method of therapy. Whichever.), releasing six new photographs of his work that ranged from still life to...
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Man Wrongfully Imprisoned for 23 Years has Massive Heart Attack on Release
David Ranta was released from prison Thursday after serving 23 years for a crime he did not commit. On Friday however, his first full day of freedom, he suffered a serious heart attack and had to be...
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Bill Gates Wants to Pay You $100,000 to Build a Condom That Feels Good, Man
Creeps: You don't have to try to convince your partner that the pull-out method works just as good anymore! Bill Gates is here for you. Latex condoms may be over 85% effective at preventing unwanted...
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Kate Middleton Impersonator Buys a Baby Bump To Keep Up Appearances
It's hard out there for a celebrity impersonator. Authenticity is important. And when the celebrity changes, you must implement those changes as well in order to keep your job, regardless of how much...
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Washington Post Kills Account of Its Failures in Iraq Reporting and Runs a...
Veteran journalist Greg Mitchell is claiming an assigned piece he wrote for the Washington Post that outlined the failure of the media (including the Washington Post) in reporting on the lead-up to the...
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Watch the CEO of Starbucks Tell a Shareholder to Sell His Shares if He's Not...
Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz made news last week after reportedly telling shareholder Tom Strobhar "fuck you!" - not in so many words - after Strobhar questioned Schultz on the company's support for...
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Scientists Can Now Grow Human Noses, Parts of Hearts in Jars
Why get a kidney on the black market, when you can just make one in a jar? Scientists in Europe have made groundbreaking strides in the manufacture of body parts, bioengineering noses and parts of...
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Racist EMT Cries Like a Baby When Confronted About Being Racist
It's a rough month to be a racist civil service worker in New York. Just last week, Joseph Cassano—the son of Fire Department commissioner Salvatore J. Cassano—resigned following a series of...
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Bloomberg on Surveillance: "Get Used to It!"
When New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is not busy performing musical numbers for the City Hall press corps, or teaming up with Joe Biden to push for gun reform, he's taking his time gently...
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In New Video, Steubenville Partygoers Describe Night of Rape
Less than a week after Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond were convicted in the Steubenville rape trial, new video has been released of police officers interviewing teenage partygoers who witnessed the...
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Ari Emanuel Unhappy With Brian Williams Interview, Sends Furious Legal Letter...
Brian Williams, famed misspeller of names, is in hot water with powerful Hollywood agent Ari Emanuel. It seems as though Ari was caught off guard by Williams's hard-hitting approach during a recent...
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