In today’s Tweet Beat, Aaron Carter changes his mind, Justin Timberlake memes himself and Brie Larson makes a friend.

Images via Getty.

“Manly health! Is there not a kind of charm — a fascinating magic in the words?” wrote Walt Whitman, in an newly-recovered, 47,000-word journalistic ode to “Manly Health and Training,” which is now being published online after 150 years in obscurity. Walt Whitman, the original meninist.

The first thing I thought when I saw this footage from inside the Iraqi parliament today was, perhaps inappropriately, “Shit’s popping off!” It’s maybe not the most eloquent way to report the news—but an accurate one.

On Saturday, a swarm of protesters stormed the country’s parliament in Baghdad, triggering a state of emergency as they chanted, waved flags, smashed car windows, and broke chairs. The Washington Post reports that some lawmakers were beaten with flags and yelled at as they fled the building. All roads in the area have been closed, according to Baghdad Operations Command, as the protests have spilled out into the streets.

The protests come in response to the urgings of the Shiite cleric Moqtada al-Sadr, who has demanded an end to the political quota system put in place after the arrival of U.S. troops in 2003.

A Kurdish news report showed scenes from the protests:

There are those who would, despite their best intuition and their previous statements, embrace the political whirlwind that is Donald Trump, taking the sweaty hand of the devil and following him down the stairs into a gilded hell.

Chris Christie and Ben Carson, two men whose presidential dreams were shattered by the unprecedented rise of a man whose biggest dream is to oust an entire religion from the country, would jump at this chance, according to The New York Times. The two men, along with Gov. Mary Fallin of Oklahoma, told the paper Saturday that they’d be willing to be the Republican presidential frontrunner’s running mate if he wins the nomination.

Other Republicans, reports the Times, would rather have a spike through the eyeball than do such a thing. Their responses to the very idea of it are straight out of an ‘SNL’ skit:

“Never,” said Chris Schrimpf, a spokesman for Gov. John Kasich of Ohio, who is still running against Mr. Trump. “No chance.”

“Hahahahahahahahaha,” wrote Sally Bradshaw, a senior adviser to Jeb Bush, when asked if he would consider it.

“Scott Walker has a visceral negative reaction to Trump’s character,” said Ed Goeas, a longtime adviser to the Wisconsin governor.

Or, as Senator Lindsey Graham put it, “That’s like buying a ticket on the Titanic.”

It’s all fun and games until we wake up one day to a Trump-Christie White House.

A Nashville sports reporter who delivered a Prince-themed report after the musician’s death has been fired, according to his Facebook page.

Dan Phillips, who worked at Fox station WZTV for more than ten years, says viewers and management found his April 21 sports report “insensitive” and that he was fired on Friday. Awful Announcing notes the station has already removed Phillips from its staff roster and that Phillips’s Twitter account has been deleted.

WZTV is owned by Sinclair Broadcast Group.

[Awful Announcing]

Donald Trump is squeezing the pillars of the Republican party, and one by one, each is crumbling into a pathetic pile of post-ideological rubble.

Chief among them this week is former governor of Utah John Huntsman, a man best known for being co-chairman of the bipartisan No Labels group, a campaign with a whole bunch of inherently conflicting solutions for Washington gridlock. He also served as the United States Ambassador to China under the Obama administration. Now, forget ‘No Labels’ in favor of one label: Trump. He’s all-in for the Republican presidential frontrunner, Politico reports—along with a slew of other miserable souls.

“We’ve had enough intraparty fighting. Now’s the time to stitch together a winning coalition,” Huntsman told Politico. “And it’s been clear almost from the beginning that Donald Trump has the ability to assemble a nontraditional bloc of supporters. … The ability to cut across traditional party boundaries — like ‘80, ‘92 and 2008 — will be key, and Trump is much better positioned to achieve that.”

But this flip-flop really shouldn’t come as a surprise—after all, we are talking about the same man who thought that riding a motocross bike was the best way to convince people that he was presidential.

http://gawker.com/5876464/a-drea...

Two journalists got into an actual brawl last night at a White House correspondents dinner party, the first and last time coverage of the event will ever involve a discussion of any reporter’s physical prowess.

According to reports, Huffington Post Washington bureau chief Ryan Grim and Fox News’ dedicated ambush guy Jesse Watters were both guests at the MSNBC afterparty when they started fighting like a pair of idiots.

Watters, incredibly, was minding his own business when Grim approached him, camera phone in hand, to demand Watters explain an on-camera ambush of Amanda Terkel. (Terkel describes the confrontation in a 2009 article, “I Was Followed, Harassed and Ambushed By Bill O’Reilly’s Producer.”)

Watters, who really, really doesn’t like being filmed, grabbed the phone and stuck it in his pocket. Then the two grown men started fighting each other.

http://gawker.com/5299139/gawker...

Via the Washington Post:

Grim set out to retrieve it, and a scuffle ensued. No cinematic sparring or broken beer bottles, witnesses said, but the two flailed around a bit, upending a table and bumping into several people.

“Punches were definitely thrown,” said one witness.

There were no winners.

President Barack Obama, the most calculatingly cool president to ever grace the Oval Office, made a big ol’ fuss last night at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner—more so even than the pair of actually brawling reporters also in attendance.

In a move that was probably rehearsed time and time again, Obama ended his cursory speech with a cursory mic drop, and the crowd went wild!!!!!

Although it immediately triggered a wave of adoring news articles, this is not the first time Obama has use this trope. He did it here with Jimmy Kimmel, slyly but with the intention of someone who knows what a fuss it will incite. His impersonator did it on “Saturday Night Live” and so did Jordan Peele on “Key and Peele” while impersonating him—though of course Obama can’t be responsible for those. Regardless, Obama has been associated with the mic drop for years, though this was his most blatant attempt at cool points yet.

The mic drop, a move that’s been used since the 1980s and 90s by rappers and comedians to signify a set or show well done, is now used by power-wielding politicians to curry public favor and admiration. “He’s so cool! He gets us!” we think, as Obama acknowledges that his staff can research popular culture memes and executes them with effortless ease. Meanwhile, out in the crowd, our memories of civilians killed in drone strikes and unauthorized international spying float away, gone before the mic hits the ground.

Amazon hardware, a 4TB external drive, and discounted sleepwear kick off Sunday’s best deals.

Bookmark Kinja Deals and follow us on Twitter to never miss a deal. Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here to learn more.

It’s not unusual on any given day for Amazon to be discounting one of their hardware products, but the sheer number of deals today is reminiscent of Black Friday. The standout is a $10 discount on the already-absurdly-affordable (and top-selling) Fire tablet, but you’ll also find deals on bigger tablets, the Fire TV, and Kindle e-readers.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...

http://gizmodo.com/amazons-50-fir...

http://www.amazon.com/Fire-Kids-Disp...

http://www.amazon.com/Fire-HD-Displa...

http://www.amazon.com/Fire-HD-10-1-D...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00U3FPN4U/...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00XNQECFM/...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DFTCV90/...

http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Paperwh...

http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Glare-F...

http://www.amazon.com/Kindle-Glare-F...

Update: Sold out

Need a lot of extra storage for media and backups? This is the best price we’ve ever seen on a 4TB hard drive. The best part? No external power supply required.

You probably won’t need this smartphone-compatible lapel mic very often, but at $13, it might be a good tool to have handy for shooting videos or recording voice memos on your phone.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B018X8KYW4?...

Even if you don’t use it all that often, pressure washers are great for cleaning your car, driveway, or patio, and Amazon’s #1 seller is marked down to an all-time low $119, today only.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CPGMUXW/...

You can’t control it from your smartphone like a Philips Hue Lightstrip, but this TaoTronics LED strip light can glow eight different colors, and even includes several modes that will make the lights flash and change to match whatever song is playing in the room. Plus, unlike a Hue system, almost anyone can afford this thing at $25. Each strip is 16.4' long, but they can be cut to length.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00CZ6VB6Y/...

Today only, Amazon’s discounting dozens of styles of womens’ sleepwear as part of a Gold Box deal. Just be sure to make your selections before going to bed tonight; these prices are only available today.

Now that it’s nice enough to spend time on your patio, pick up one of these discounted California umbrellas to keep the sun at bay. If you don’t have a base, they’re also on sale.

Hopefully you never need to use them, but these paracord survival tools can unravel to reveal knives, fire starters, fishing gear, and other necessities that could save your life if you found yourself stranded in the wilderness.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00W9AVJMM?...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B01BBGOXZY?...

Mother’s Day is coming up fast, and if you haven’t gotten a gift yet, Amazon’s discounting several watches to $35-$65, today only. They won’t be to everyone’s taste, but it’s certainly an option if you don’t have any better ideas.

If you like the idea of keeping your credit cards and phone attached at the hip, but don’t want to saddle your beautiful phone with a bulky case, this $7 CardNinja can attach right onto the back with easily-removable 3M adhesive. Once it’s attached, the elastic pouch allows it to store up to 8 cards, plus some cash, meaning you really can ditch your wallet.

http://www.amazon.com/CardNinja-Ultr...

If you don’t already own a salad spinner to wash and dry your salad greens, fruits, and vegetables, you won’t find many for less than $17, let alone models with five year warranties.

http://www.amazon.com/Westmark-Germa...

Blacklight flashlights are great if you want to spot hidden stains on train seats, hotel sheets, or (gasp) even in your own house...if that’s something you want to do.

It may seem silly, but if you find even one stain in a hotel room and complain to management, I guarantee that this thing will pay for itself several times over.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B011LPWXV6/...

There’s not much to say about this deal, except that $4 is about as cheap as Lightning cables ever get. You can never have too many!

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SGIS7XU?...

Like the idea of a Belkin WeMo Switch, but not willing to spend $40-$50 to try one out? This TP-Link alternative has a nearly identical feature set for half the price.

Just like a WeMo switch, TP-Link’s Smart Plug will let you turn appliances on and off from your smartphone, and set schedules to toggle them automatically. The only major feature it’s lacking is IFTTT support, but it will integrate with an Amazon Echo for voice control.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0178IC734/...

OXO makes some of the most popular kitchen accessories on the market, and Amazon’s knocked a couple of them down to all-time low prices today. The beakers are kind of whimsical and silly, but the mandoline slicer is legitimately useful if you don’t already own one; just don’t chop off your fingers.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00LE6FO4Q/...

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HEZ8A6K/...

If you’ve ever thought about pulling out your blender to make a smoothie, sauce, or dip, and then held off because you didn’t want to clean 3,000 different parts, this deal is for you. The 4.5 star-rated Cuisinart Smart Stick Hand Blender is down to $29 today on Amazon, the best price they’ve listed all year.

The big advantage here is that unlike a traditional blender, you can dip the Smart Stick into whatever container you were already using to hold your ingredients; be it a single-serve cup or a huge mixing bowl. That saves you time, and means fewer dishes to clean up once you’re done. Reviewers also say it chops through everything from fruit to ice cubes with no trouble, so it really can be a full blender replacement for most use cases.

As always, we don’t know how long this deal will be available, so be sure to grab one before the price shoots back up.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ARQVM5O/...

Tech

• Amazon Fire TV | $85 | Amazon
• Amazon Fire TV Gaming Edition | $125 | Amazon
• Amazon Fire TV + HD Antenna Bundle | $95 | Amazon
• Amazon Fire | $40 | Amazon
• Amazon Fire Kids Edition | $80 | Amazon
• Amazon Fire HD 6 | $70 | Amazon
• Amazon Fire HD 10 | $180 | Amazon
• Amazon Kindle | $60 | Amazon
• Amazon Kindle Paperwhite | $100 | Amazon
• Amazon Kindle for Kids Bundle | $80 | Amazon
• Beats by Dr. Dre - Beats Solo 2 On-Ear Wireless Headphones | $180 | Best Buy
• Sennheiser - Audiophile Over-the-Ear Headphones | $80 | Best Buy
• Monowear - Watch Band for Apple Watch™ 42mm - Brown | $40 | Best Buy
• Seagate Backup Plus 4TB Portable External Hard Drive | $105 | eBay
• Refurb Philips HTL2160/F7 2.1-Channel 60W Bluetooth Soundbar with External Subwoofer | $50 | Walmart
• Mini Clip On Lapel Microphone for Smartphones | $13 | Amazon | Use code L25HISZ8
• Mpow Jaws Wireless Bluetooth 4.1 Stereo Headphones | $26 | amazon | Use code KN9B4T4J
• Samsung Galaxy Tab A 8-Inch Tablet (16 GB, White) | $169 | Amazon
  
• Samsung Galaxy Tab E 9.6" 16 GB Wifi (Black) | $200 | Amazon
• Apple iPad mini 4 Wi-Fi 16GB Gray MK6J2LL/A | $300 | Best Buy
• SanDisk Ultra 64GB microSDXC UHS-I Card with Adapter and $20 Shutterfly Credit | $18 | Amazon
• Canon EOS Rebel T5 Digital SLR Camera with EF-S 18-55mm IS II + EF 75-300mm f/4-5.6 III Bundle + Memory Card and Battery | $429 | Amazon
• Canon PowerShot ELPH 180 (Silver) with 20.0 MP CCD Sensor and 8x Optical Zoom | $99 | Amazon

Home

• Sun Joe SPX3000 2030 PSI 1.76 GPM Electric Pressure Washer, 14.5-Amp | $119 | Amazon
• Mr. Coffee BVMC-DMX85 12-Cup Programmable Coffeemaker with Integrated Hot Water Dispenser | $50 | Amazon
• Music-Sensing LED Strip Light | $25 | Amazon
• Magic Bullet Blender | $35 | Amazon
• KitchenAid - Professional 5 Plus Series Stand Mixer | $225 | Best Buy
• 2-Pack TSA-Accepted, Set-Your-Own Combination Travel Lock | $11 | Amazon
• WG156 WORX 2 BATTERY 20 Volt 2-in-1 Lithium Cordless Grass Trimmer Edger | $63 | eBay
• Cuisinart CTF-615 Digital Temperature Fork | $13 | Amazon
• bObsweep PetHair Robotic Vacuum Cleaner and Mop, Rouge | $219 | Amazon
• Magic Bullet NutriBullet Rx N17-1001 Blender, Black | $160 | Amazon

Lifestyle

• Womens’ Sleepwear Gold Box Deal | Amazon
• California Patio Umbrella Sale | Amazon
• Womens’ Watch Mother’s Day Sale | Amazon
• $20 Off When You Spend $50 | Dorco | Promo code TWENTY450
• Gonex Premium Paracord Survival Bracelet | $4 | Amazon | Use code K5OL5LOC
• Gonex 550 Paracord Survival Grenade | $8 | Amazon | Use code LE6MP3DC
• PowerBlock Personal Trainer Adjustable 2.5 to 50-Pounds per Dumbbell Set | $230-$280 | Woot
• Power Press Push Up Training System | $37 | Woot
• 40% off Sitewide | Gap | Promo code TREAT
• Kattee Mens Vintage Genuine Leather Bifold Wallet | $13 | Amazon | Use code WQVFVT3C
• Infiniti Pro by Conair Hot Air Spin Styler, 2-Inch | $31 | Amazon
• Plano Ammo Can (Field Box) | $5 | Amazon

Gaming

• Robot Turtles Game | $20 | Amazon
• Disney Infinity 3.0 Edition Star Wars Starter Pack | $27 | Target
• Xenoblade Chronicles X | $50 | Amazon
• Final Fantasy Type-0 HD | $19 | Amazon
• Perixx DX-3000LBK Gaming Aluminium Black Mouse Pad (11105) | $8 | Amazon
• Razer Mamba Tournament Edition - Chroma Ergonomic Gaming Mouse - World’s Best 16,000 DPI Sensor | $70 | Amazon
• Razer Naga Chroma - Ergonomic MMO Gaming Mouse - World’s Most Precise 16,000 DPI Sensor | $60 | Amazon
• Logitech G29 Driving Force Race Wheel + Logitech G Driving Force Shifter Bundle | $360 | Amazon
• LEGO City Town 60097 City Square Building Kit | $140 | Amazon

Commerce Content is independent of Editorial and Advertising, and if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale. Click here to learn more, and don’t forget to sign up for our email newsletter. We want your feedback.

The long-awaited political news of the year is here. Malia Obama, perhaps the coolest Obama, has announced her university pick, that bastion of crimson smugness, Harvard University.

But there’s a twist! According to the Associated Press, the elder Obama sister will be taking a year off before attending.

Both Barack and Michelle Obama attended law school at Harvard, it’s worth noting. Malia’s much-speculated college application process had become a better race than the current presidential one—or at least a less awful one.

http://gawker.com/malia-obamas-c...

It’s not yet clear what Malia will do with her “gap year,” as the kids call it. Travel? Volunteering? Waiting tables? Only time will tell.

“When you use the phrase ‘I feel like,’ it gives you an out. You’re not stating a fact so much as giving an opinion,” Williams College senior Natasha Pangarkar told The New York Times for a piece on that linguistic curse-hedge, “I feel like.” I feel like 1,400 words is a lot to spend on the phrase, “I feel like.”

After a weekend of people yelling, “Oh my god it’s Doug Stamper,” Michael Kelly, an actor on a TV show about a fake president, finally asked a group clamoring to take selfies with him at the Thomson/Reuters White House Correspondents Dinner pre-party if any of them knew his real name. One man, after checking his phone—probably for something unrelated—said yes.

Ted Cruz, a man who steps on the face of an endangered animal every time he strolls across his office, has empathy. Really!

Case in point: here’s a video of the Republican candidate taking a precious moment out of his day to argue about health care with a man, identified only as Scott, who has disabilities. During a campaign stop at the Pie Pan restaurant in Evansville, Indiana, this weekend, Cruz stopped to lean on the man’s wheelchair while a pair of people next to him explained that if the Affordable Care Act were repealed, “people like him would not be able to get health insurance at all,”

Mediaite parsed the conversation between the group:

...to which Cruz replies “There’s no doubt that we need to provide care…”

“But it was never done before,” the man replies. “It was never done. Nobody did it.”

“I can tell you millions have lost their health care at the same time,” Cruz responds.

The man then points to Scott and says “Well, but it made a difference to some.”

The rate of uninsured people has fallen from 18% to 11.9% since the Affordable Care Act took effect. No matter to Cruz the empathetic, as he is known in certain circles.

Today’s NFL Network draft coverage came to a sudden halt when, immediately after Mike Mayock’s assertion that “I’m very much a Beavers guy,” the Bears selected Deon Bush. That pick drove the network’s panelists to paralyzing laughter, and brought on a quick cut to commercial.

[NFL Network]

Donald Trump, a man whose misogyny knows no bounds, thinks that Hillary Clinton’s controversial remarks about handling men “going off the reservation” are “very demeaning” to men.

The remark, caught by CBS News reporter Sopan Deb during Sunday’s “Fox and Friends,” gives a sobering look at how Trump views the world and his place in it.

The word “demeaning”—what a perfect choice of words for the Republican presidential frontrunner to use!

Humor is subjective. Most of these jokes made me laugh. The audience’s reactions throughout made me cringe.

I haven’t watched that many WHCD speeches in their entirety, aside from Stephen Colbert’s famous 2006 roast of George Bush. This, too, is a roast presented to a crowd of people with no sense of humor, and directed in part at a president who is far, far more beloved. Many of Wilmore’s jokes were also about race, and every single one was followed by a wave of sound from a largely white audience that couldn’t really qualify as laughter. Yet, he soldiered on. I salute you, Larry Wilmore.

Here are some of the jokes that got the most groans and boos:

To Obama: “I saw you hanging out with NBA players like Steph Curry, Golden State Warriors. That was cool. You know, it kind of makes sense too, because both of you like raining down bombs on people from long distances.”

“MSNBC is here tonight. Yep, which actually now stands for ‘Missing a Significant Number of Black Correspondents’. . . MSNBC got rid of so many black people, I thought Boko Haram was running that network.”

“The treasury promised to put Harriet Tubman’s face on the 20 dollar bill...but now we have to wait until 2030... Women haven’t been this deceived by a bill since Cosby. [Boos] Oh, like I did it.”

“I am confused with Bernie Sanders’s stance on guns. He seems to be anti-gun everywhere except Vermont. Bernie doesn’t care who gets a gun in Vermont. There are no black people in Vermont.”

HUGE boo, don’t come for Kelly Ripa:

“Hillary [Clinton] was flustered when a Black Lives Matter protester challenged her. I haven’t seen a white lady that upset over being blindsided by a black person since Kelly Ripa.”

“I just got a note from the president saying that if you want another drink you should order it now because the bar will be closing down. Of course, he said the same thing about Guantanamo so you have at least another eight years.”

“Bernie Sanders so old his first campaign slogan was ‘fire,’” got a big laugh, and he also won them back with an extended bit about Ted Cruz being the Zodiac Killer. Wilmore wound it down with a sincere reflection on what it has meant to him to see a black man become president of the United States. Then:

#HotTake loved him, would watch again 10/10

Image via Washington Post.

Contact the author at aimee.lutkin@jezebel.com.

Things got a bit awkward between Russian autocrat/one-time Formula Something driver Vladimir Putin and Formula One Russian Grand Prix winner Nico Rosberg after today’s race. Putin looks like he feels ignored as Rosberg does everything else but shake his hand, and then unleashes the shade.

Rosberg quickly went around Putin as he entered the room where everyone gathers before the podium ceremony. He was like a man on a mission, speeding past a couple folks asking for him by name to briefly shake third-place driver Kimi Räikkönen’s hand, then continued taking gear off to do his required weigh-in.

After he was done getting comfortable, Rosberg shook the hands of Putin and Putin’s interpreter. While Rosberg thought he was off the hook, he was roped back in for a brief, stilted, and very awkward conversation with the Russian leader, as translated through his interpreter:

Putin, via interpreter: Do you like it here? Is everything all right?

Rosberg: Yeah, everything was good. It’s a great track, and they’ve done a great job. ... F1 is growing in this country.

Putin, via interpreter: Yes, exactly. Thanks to you.

Rosberg: Oh, we try.

Putin, via interpreter: You and your colleagues, sincere thanks to you. Different segments, different sections of this sport have started to develop in Russia and people take pleasure in watching you do your job, if you can call it a job.

Rosberg: [awkward laughter] You have some great Russian drivers, as well.

Of course, many of us would be glad to drive an F1 car for fun, but it is Rosberg’s job, and Putin sounds like he’s brushing that off here. You know, a “job” is that thing that normal people who can’t just rig whole governments in their favor have to do.

Then again, this mutual coldness could be as simple an issue as a language barrier combined with some unclear expectations of where Rosberg should go first after the race. Russia may be a corrupt hot mess of a country, but they did host the Russian Grand Prix. It’s Red Bull oops-machine Daniil Kvyat’s home race, at that. Unless you’re making a completely warranted political statement by snubbing a homophobic hyper-macho caricature of a leader, it’s probably best just to shake Putin’s hand and then go on with your post-race duties.

Of course, given Kvyat’s Maldonado-like performance during the first lap of today’s race, it’s possible that Rosberg was throwing a little shade of his own back at Putin. You could feel just a slight inflection of, “Why, yes, I can do my so-called job better than your countryman. There’s a reason I’m here and Daniil just racked up the penalties.”

This is Rosberg’s fourth win of a very dominant 2016 season, and his seventh win in a row from a streak that started late last year. Rosberg started the Russian Grand Prix pole and led every lap of the race afterward.

Donald Trump, who launched his presidential campaign by accusing Mexican immigrants of “doing the raping,” once again demonstrated his expertise on the topic while discussing America’s trade relations with China this weekend.

“We can’t continue to allow China to rape our country,” said Trump at a campaign rally on Sunday, adding, “and that’s what they’re doing.”

Luckily, the aspiring SVU agent offered a simple solution to the metaphorical assault that, incidentally, mirrors imagery used in racist propaganda from the 19th Century.

“We’re going to turn it around,” said Trump. “And we have the cards, don’t forget it. We’re like the piggy bank that’s being robbed. We have the cards. We have a lot of power with China.”

In the past, pundits have criticized Trump’s foreign policy as “incoherent,” but on Sunday his message couldn’t be clearer: Like a powerful piggy bank, America will use its cards to turn around the rape.

John Kasich—the Republican dick who seems like a non-dick by virtue being the least actively dickish—celebrated a rare victory this weekend, winning one out of one dates to prom.

“Hey Nico, it would be ‘Kay-sick’ if you would go to the prom with Julia,” said Kasich, successfully propositioning the teen on behalf of high school senior Julia Kahn.

For Kasich, who got attention without gorging himself on deli meats by agreeing to mispronounce his own name, it was possibly his biggest win yet. Unfortunately, it still wasn’t enough to gain the 17-year-old Kahn’s (entirely hypothetical) support.

“My prom date and I are both Clinton supporters,” Khan told ABC News, noting she still has “a lot of respect” for Kasich.

In January, Ted Cruz suggested “spanking” Hillary Clinton for not calling Benghazi a terrorist attack. And at a campaign rally on Sunday, Cruz once again advocated a hands-on approach to discipline, this time in response to a young protester yelling, “You suck!”

http://gawker.com/who-told-ted-c...

“In my household, when a child behaved that way, they’d get a spanking,” said Cruz, according to Time correspondent Phil Elliot.

It’s an odd topic for a presidential candidate to keep mentioning. One possible explanation is that spanking advocacy is an easy way to annoy leftist critics while entertaining his base. Another is that spanking is so common in the Cruz house it just naturally comes up a lot.

“Pass the salt (and you will not be spanked),” Ted might tell his wife.

“Will do (as long as you do not spank me),” Heidi might reply.

What, other than lying about Benghazi and protesting campaign events, earns a spanking in their household? We’ve reached out to the Cruz campaign for comment and will update if and when he hear back.