After raising a voice to her high school's damaging abstinence-only policies, one West Virginia senior says she was threatened with future-imperiling punishment by her principal.

George Washington High School student body vice president Katelyn Campbell told The Charleston Gazette she felt her fellow students should be better informed about birth control, given that West Virginia "has the ninth highest pregnancy rate in the U.S."

"With the policy at GW, under [Principal] George Aulenbacher, information about birth control and sex education has been suppressed," Campbell is quoted as saying. "Our nurse wasn't allowed to talk about where you can get birth control for free in the city of Charleston."

Campbell's last straw was what she called a "slut-shaming abstinence assembly" led by conservative speaker Pam Stenzel.

From ThinkProgress:

Stenzel has a long history of using inflammatory rhetoric to convince young people that they will face dire consequences for becoming sexually active. At GW's assembly, Stenzel allegedly told students that "if you take birth control, your mother probably hates you" and "I could look at any one of you in the eyes right now and tell if you're going to be promiscuous." She also asserted that condoms aren't safe, and every instance of sexual contact will lead to a sexually transmitted infection.

Campbell took it upon herself to contact the ACLU and reach out to the media to voice her objections to the event.

Aulenbacher, Campbell said, did not take kindly to her actions, ordering her to come to his office, where he threatened to call Wellesley College, which had already accepted Campbell, and tell them she has "bad character."

"He threatened me and my future in order to put forth his own personal agenda and make teachers and students feel they cant speak up because of fear of retaliation," Campbell told the Gazette.

Unfortunately for Aulenbacher, his plan backfired rather magnificently.

After Campbell filed an injunction against Aulenbacher over his threats, Wellesley College took to Twitter to assure Campbell that the school "is excited to welcome you this fall."

And things may get worse still for Aulenbacher: Students plan to bring up his actions at a local board of education meeting taking place tonight.

[photo via Facebook/The State Journal]

"BAG MEN," the New York Post's front cover brays this morning, underneath a photo of two Boston Marathon spectators. "Feds seek these two pictured at Boston Marathon." After its embarrassing performance on Monday in the aftermath of the marathon bombings, has the Post redeemed itself by scooping the first, much-discussed photos of the suspects?

No. As CBS' John Miller reports, neither man is a suspect in the bombings, and these are not the pictures of the possible suspects that authorities plan on releasing. But I didn't need John Miller to tell me that— the "persons of interest" in the photos are two local kids who had already been checked out by Reddit and other message-board "crowd-sleuthing" efforts yesterday, and found to be a incredibly unlikely suspects.

As we documented yesterday, the a large and active community of amateur detectives, dedicated to the close examination of photographs of the scene, emerged on the link-sharing site Reddit (and elsewhere) in the aftermath of Monday's bombing. Their efforts were going about as well as you might imagine, which is to say, not very well—lots of MS-Paint circles and lots of near-baseless speculation.

But thanks to their ability to do really basic internet detective work, they managed to figure out pretty quickly that the guy in the blue track jacket almost certainly isn't a bomber. All they had to do was find his Facebook. I was able to do it pretty quickly: He's a Moroccan-American kid, a local high-school soccer player and track runner (possibly he and his friend's track outfits could have been a tipoff that they were actually interested in the race?) who works at Subway and likes How High and The Hunger Games. On Monday, he took a couple of geekily enthusiastic photos of himself at the marathon. These were the latest posts on his News Feed (since deleted; he's also changed his name on Facebook):

Now: Were cops circulating his photo, as the Post reports? Probably, yes, they were circulating them internally, sanely, and responsibly, along with many other photos, the way police do (or should). Are or were he and his friend "persons of interest"? Sure! Maybe.

It took Redditors a few hours to find that Facebook page; it took me about ten minutes in the wake of their work. If you have even a little faith in the FBI, it's difficult to imagine that its investigators didn't figure out who this kid is, and how unlikely he is as a suspect, yesterday—especially after he went to authorities to clear his name.

Which means there are two possibilities: one, the Post newsroom couldn't even be bothered to do the bare minimum of follow-up reporting—that after reporters had spoken to their sources, who gave them at best outdated information, they didn't (or didn't know how to) spend the ten minutes it would have taken to learn that the person in the photos had been identified already—by message board posters!—as a person who did not plant a bomb at the Boston Marathon.

Or, two, that the the Post did the followup reporting—that its reporters found out that the kid had been identified, that he's just some poor teenager who posts "SWAG" image macros on his Facebook page—and is institutionally so committed to identifying an Arab, any Arab, as a terrorist, that it still splashed his photo on the front page and insinuated his suspect-hood.

You don't even need to leave the Post's website to understand why that's so damaging. For most of the morning, the article below their exposé on the scary Arab "persons of interest" was "Bx. idiots beat up ‘Arab' in revenge," a story about a Bangladeshi-American man who'd been assaulted in New York City the day of the marathon:

[O]ne of the men snarled, "Yeah, he's a f—king Arab," and the gang pounced, punching him on the head and body, dislocating his left shoulder and leaving him semiconscious. [...]

The victim said he went home and turned on the TV, and only then learned about the bombing and put two and two together.

"I saw the news, and then it hits me: That's why I got jumped," he said.

There is growing evidence that the H7N9 virus could be transmitted person-to-person, rather than just from bird-to-person. The virus has claimed 17 lives and infected 82 people so far.

Yesterday, the World Health Organization said that some people affected with the virus had no contact with poultry.

The Chinese government is conceding for the first time that the H7N9 could most likely be transmitted among family members, after a Shanghai family was struck with the outbreak. At least one of two brothers was found positive for the virus and the father in the family was the first H7N9 fatality. Another husband and wife pair in Shanghai also were affected.

Feng Zijian, director of the health emergency center of the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention stated that further investigation was necessary, but "human-to-human transmission, in theory, is possible, but is highly sporadic."

[QZ, image via Jasiek03/Shutterstock]

CNN's reporting of an arrest having been made in connection with Monday's Boston Marathon bombing turned out to be stupendously wrong, but at least it allowed Jon Stewart to do what he does best: Tear into a so-called news network for royally screwing up its one job.

After pointing out that CNN's "exclusive reporting" is only exclusive "because it was completely fucking wrong," Stewart asks the network's reporters if "any of your sources end their tip-offs to you with the phrase ‘Ba ba booey?'"

He goes on to mock CNN for taking an entire hour to walk all the way back from its incorrect arrest report before concluding with this:

We're accustomed to 24 hour news networks thriving on conflict. Generally, though, that conflict is between two outside parties-political opponents, pundits-but CNN's reporters have discovered that they can remove the middle man and spend hours of programming fighting amongst themselves. They have figured out a way to shit in their own mouths.

CNN has become the Human Centipede of News.

For what it's worth, at least one CNN source who spoke with Business Insider seems to agree with Stewart. "As I think everyone knows, we really fucked up," the source is quoted as saying. "No way around it."

[videos via The Daily Show]

Like something out of an American Pie movie — and about as funny — actor Eddie Kaye Thomas, best remembered as Paul "Shit Break" Finch from the long-running film franchise, had to call a SWAT team on a knife-wielding female houseguest whom he had met just 24 hours earlier at a diner and brought back to his Hollywood Hills home.

According to the LAPD, Thomas asked the woman to leave after she spent the night, causing her to fly into a rage.

TMZ reports that Thomas managed to escape after the unidentified woman grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened to kill him.

Once outside he phoned the police, who sent a SWAT team to engage in an hours-long standoff with the barricaded one-night stand.

Before the cops were finally able to evict the woman, she apparently went apeshit over Thomas's stuff, breaking a phone, a guitar, and other possessions.

The suspect was evaluated at a nearby hospital before being booked on a charge of felony vandalism.

[photo via Getty]

Kelly Foxton estimates that she has spent over half a million dollars taking care of and, most importantly, dressing her squirrel Sugar Bush in various insane outfits that include gowns and faux furs. (You probably saw pictures of Sugar Bush — or one of the 5 squirrels named Sugar Bush that Foxton has owned over the years — on the Internet in the early 2000s, back before we invented the word "viral.") She shared her story on last night's episode of TLC's My Crazy Obsession, during which she said, "People think I'm nuts and I don't care because I know I'm not. I have a 156 IQ, I don't think that's nuts." Mmmm, jury's out, but choosing the word "nuts" to describe your mental state in a television segment about squirrels seems, at least, wacky.

Kelly's husband Drew works 70 hours a week at three jobs (teacher, private tutor, musician) so that Kelly can play rodent Barbies all day. He says, "If we had kids, it would take away from the kids, so I think it was the right fit for both of us." By "it," he means Sugar Bush. It's nice that Kelly and Drew found each other and a squirrel to kiss at the same time.

Sugar Bush, meanwhile, clearly hates her life.

Forbes Israel has published a list of the the world's richest Jews—every Hebraic member of the global billionaires club, 165 in all. The release coincides with a feverish rising market in crazy explanations for world events—or is it not a coincidence at all?

Based on the list, here is a rundown of your most salient and actionable rich-Jew news... a list of protocols, if you will, for these mostly elderly children of Zion, wink wink, nudge nudge:

• The Jews are worth $812 billion.
• The Jews make up about 11 percent of all billionaires on Earth, but they account for 15 percent of all billionaires' worth. Hmm...interesting!
• The richest Jew is Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, worth $43 billion—up $7 billion from last year.
• Michael Bloomberg has to settle for No. 2, at $25 billion—still, a $5 billion improvement from 2012.
• They're followed by casino mogul Sheldon Adelson, Google co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, buyout king Carl Icahn, and cabal-meister George Soros. Poor Facebookers Mark Zuckerberg and Eduardo Saverin are farther down the list, at 15th and 95th, respectively.

Stormfronters and Jonesies in search of Boston-Texas-ricin-New World Order connections: Get to work!

[Image via Bigstockphoto, Flickr/Yomanimus]

The Republican Co-Majority Leader of the Oklahoma House of Representatives casually apologized yesterday for casually using an antisemitic slur during a debate on a bill to repeal an old law prohibiting retailers from selling their items at a loss.

The bill in question — SB 550 — overturns a 70-year-old ban on selling products at less than 6% above cost which was aimed at preventing big-box retailers from putting smaller competitors out of business with so-called "loss-leaders."

In defending the bill, Rep. Dennis Johnson (R-Duncan), who is a small business owner himself, asserted that service will always win over price.

"[Customers] might try to Jew me down on the price," Johnson added. "That's fine. You know what? That's free market as well."

After it was pointed out to him that the phrase "to Jew down" might be considered offensive by, say, Jewish people, Johnson half-heartedly apologized.

"I apologize to the Jews," he said, to laughter from his colleagues in the House. "They're good small business men as well."

It's worth noting that there isn't a single Jewish member in either house of the Oklahoma Legislature.

Reached for comment by the Tulsa World, Joe Griffin, spokesperson for Speaker of the House T.W. Shannon (R-Lawton), said Johnson "is not the first person to make a comment they regret. The chamber accepted his apology and has moved on."

Indeed, Johnson joins a growing list of Republicans who have thrown around racially, ethnically, and sexually derogatory terms in recent weeks as if they're complete okay.

State Rep. Peter Hansen of New Hampshire was criticized by many this week for his substitution of the word "vaginas" for the word "women" in an official email.

He was preceded by County Commissioner Jim Gile of Kansas who insisted on hiring an architect to oversee local repairs rather than have someone "nigger-rigging it."

And Gile was naturally compared to Rep. Don Young of Alaska, who fondly recalled the "50 or 60 wetbacks" his father hired to pick tomatoes on his ranch.

[video via The Lost Ogle]

There are two things the Delta Gamma sorority's University of Maryland chapter refuses to tolerate. The first is Delta Gammas who are "LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD." The second is young ladies who are "so fucking BORING."

Last week, bitches got told.

A tipster forwarded us the following expletive and CAPS-ridden email tirade, sent to the entire sorority chapter by one of its executive board members, that will go down in history as one of the most passionate denunciations of FUCKING AWKWARD AND BORING-ness ever committed to words.

The impetus for the email: Sisters' inability to participate in Greek Week activities (particularly: those involving their "matchup" fraternity, Sigma Nu) to the satisfaction of the board.

(Put another way: Delta Gamma's leadership was concerned that its young achievers weren't living up to the sorority's historic mission "to foster high ideals of friendship among college women, to promote their educational and cultural interests, to create in them a true sense of social responsibility and to develop in them the best qualities of character.")

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM.

In the missive, the author expresses concern for her sisters' ("you stupid cocks") mental well being...

Are you people fucking retarded?

...and encourages them, earnestly, to reach out to her if she might be of assistance.

That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events.

She reveals that she has received word from individuals expressing concern that Delta Gamma girls have not been themselves at recreational sporting events...

I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports

...and behaving in ways observers found unusual.

but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!!

Though the author understands the importance of good sportsmanship...

I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship

...she worries this behavior could create the impression that Delta Gamma is a house divided.

I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

Finally, she instructs any sisters who might not feel up to socializing to stay home and recuperate...

I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober.

...because maintaining an atmosphere of conviviality is key.

I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots.

Love you girls!

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

Here's the full email (with the author's name changed):

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

We've reached out to the author for a response and will update when we hear back from her.

UPDATE: We received the following email from the chapter president, who says that the email does not reflect the chapter's values.

My name is [redacted] and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

[redacted]

[Image via Shutterstock.]

What a week, huh? What a week. This is a cat playing with a vacuum. I think it's Russian? The video is called "Кот и пылесос," or, "The Cat and the Vacuum Cleaner." I don't know. The top comment is "0:26 lol))"

In a pleasant twist to recent stories about social networks being used to prematurely accuse certain Boston Marathon attendees of potential involvement in the bombings, Richard Whalley says he was able to find his injured parents thanks in large part to the Internet.

Whalley, a 25-year-old professional, first learned that his parents had been wounded by the bombings when his older brother informed him by phone that a Boston Globe/AP photo of their injured dad was being circulated on Reddit.

Unable to find his parents in any of the hospitals that were treating victims at the time, Whalley decided to ask his friends on Facebook for help.

"This is my dad in the picture in this link," Whalley wrote on his Facebook page. "I have no idea where my mum is. They were both bombed. I'm trying to figure out what hospital they are at. Can you help?"

It took his Facebook friends — and their Facebook friends and so on — approximately 10 minutes to figure out why Whalley had been unable to find his mom and dad: They had been admitted under different names.

"It was amazing," Whalley told ABC News. "Multiple people called the hospitals. The third time they got a call [at Brigham and Women's] they decided to double check the records."

Sadly, Ann and Eric, 65, both suffered extensive injuries, having been struck by multiple ball bearings and nails that were embedded in the bomb.

Eric lost part of his foot and may potentially lose his vision as well. He may also have suffered brain damage.

Ann remains on a respirator, and will need to undergo additional reconstructive surgery to repair tissue damage.

Still, Whalley is truly grateful for all the help he received from random folks online.

"The Internet had a really important role in how our story played out and how we could respond to the crisis," he said.

And the Internet isn't done helping just yet.

A GiveForward page has been set up by friends of Whalley to help his parents with their mounting medical expenses. In just a few short days, the page has raised over $45,000 thanks to nearly 1,000 anonymous donors.

[photos via AP, Facebook]

A police officer in Georgia had what is being described as a "severe break in judgment" after he apparently drew his gun on a McDonald's customer who was taking too long to receive his order.

Scott Biumi, a detective sergeant with the DeKalb County Police Department, was in the drive-thru lane of a local McDonald's last week, when he reportedly became impatient with the truck in front of him, and decided to confront the driver.

After pulling his Chevrolet Impala ahead of the truck, Biumi allegedly stepped out of the car and began hurling expletives at the other driver — 18-year-old Ryan Mash.

According to the official police report, Biumi then pulled out his gun, pointed it at the Mash's head, and shouted "you don't know who you are fucking with."

He then holstered his weapon, reentered his vehicle, and took off.

Mash, who happens to be an employee of that particular McDonald's, didn't realize at first that Biumi was a cop — he was off-duty, and was wearing plain clothes.

But a friend of Mash's noticed that Biumi was wearing a badge on his belt, and they were also able to snag Biumi's tag number before he left.

Biumi was ultimately arrested at his home in Forsyth County, and charged with aggravated assault.

"It appears that he had a severe break in judgment," said Forsyth County Sheriff Duane K. Piper. "It appears that the entire situation evolved from him being angry at the time it was taking for him to get his food."

[mug shot via Forsyth News, video via 11Alive]

Remember in high school, when your laziest teachers would invite in terribly ineffectual special guests to entertain the class, usually on Fridays right before vacation week? And while you'd be happy these guests freed you from any actual responsibility, you always wondered why "they" didn't just give you a Half Day, because no one wanted to be here anyway, except maybe the poor saps who'd been cajoled into thinking their expertise meant something to a room of indifferent clock-watchers?

That seems like the context of this video of Paul Kevin Curtis, the Mississippi man the FBI arrested yesterday on suspicion of sending ricin-positive letters to Mississippi Senator Roger Wicker, President Obama, and a local judge. Curtis, as it turns out, is something of a celebrity impersonator hobbyist. He goes by "KC," and if the above video is any indication, he is not only pretty terrible at it, he's also kinda creepy.

Taken from Curtis's YouTube channel, the 2009 clip shows Curtis, dressed in ruffled tuxedo shirt and a leather vest, serenading a group of increasingly mortified students with Prince's "Little Red Corvette." Since they're all visibly horrified by this grown man singing to them about a pocketful of Trojans, he tries even harder to engage them directly, wiggling his hips, moving in closer, and even pointing at one girl in the front. Eventually, he gets them clapping, but the accompanying pelvic thrusts are, just, yuck. Maybe they should have had a Half Day after all.

[The Week]

Psychologists at the University of Winnipeg recently completed a three year study whose results indicate that—and I'm paraphrasing slightly here—heavy texters and tweeters are just horrible, shitty people.

The researchers surveyed 2,300 of their students to test the so-called "shallowness hypothesis," which conjectures that

ultra-brief social media like texting and twitter privilege rapid, relatively shallow thought, consequently very frequent daily use of such media should be associated with cognitive and moral 'shallowness.'

The answer to that hypothesis was duh, people. Duh:

Higher texting frequency was associated with lesser importance of moral, aesthetic, and spiritual goals, and greater importance of wealth and image...[and with] higher explicit outgroup prejudice toward a broad range of social outgroups.

Note that last part: The study found that the more you text, the likelier you are to be a bigot toward indigenous groups, Asians, Middle Easterners, blacks, the obese, and the disabled.

How is this possible? Apparently frequent texter/tweeters display "low interest and engagement in reflective thought," while "reflective persons may not be as interested as others in frequent texting."

One's worldview could be stunted by confining one's communicational life experiences to interactions with a small affinity group via a narrow medium? Zounds!

Buck up, though. First, this doesn't tell us anything that Amanda Bynes, Jose Canseco, Russell Crowe, and Kanye West haven't already proven. Second, by the researchers' standards, you're probably not a really frequent texter:

Approximately 30 percent of students reported texting 200 plus times a day. 12 percent reported texting 300 plus times per day. Those who texted frequently also tended to be significantly less reflective than those who texted less often.

Good news. But then, if habitual texting can turn 2,300 Canadian kids into douchecanoes, imagine how fucked Americans truly are. [h/t Discovery News]

[Image via Bigstockphoto]

This morning, the New York Post published on its front page a photo of two spectators near the Boston Marathon finish line, one wearing a backpack and one with a duffel bag slung at his side, under the headline "BAG MEN."

"Feds seek these two pictured at Boston Marathon," the giant subhead added.

The two had nothing to do with the bombing. One of them, whose face is clearly shown on the front page, is a 17-year-old high-school runner. They were among the many bag-toting people whose images were being studied by the internet hive-mind yesterday, and there was no good reason to think they were the bombers. Yet there they were, on every newsstand in New York: "Feds seek these two."

As it has been all week, the New York Post was wrong. And as it has all week, the Post denied being wrong. This afternoon—after the Post had run a story conceding that the two were not suspects—Col Allan, the paper's editor, issued a statement defending the front page:

We stand by our story. The image was emailed to law enforcement agencies yesterday afternoon seeking information about these men, as our story reported. We did not identify them as suspects.

This is legalistic horseshit. In small type, the cover did say that "there is no direct evidence linking them to the crime, but authorities want to identify them." But it was the front page image in the newspaper. The whole point of putting them on the cover was to imply that these two—rather than the dozens of other backpack-bearing figures being scrutinized yesterday—were under serious suspicion.

A normal newspaper editor—someone who wanted a scoop yet was concerned about embarrassing the paper or harming an innocent person—would not have slapped that picture on Page One without some deep underlying confidence that the two were serious suspects, and that the absence of "direct evidence" was a temporary condition. There is no sign that Col Allan had such confidence.

Given all the surrounding discussion and the shaky performance of the Post and its law-enforcement sources, one might even conclude that to have slapped the photo on the front page, an editor would have had to have been cripplingly stupid, cripplingly reckless, or both. We do not know for sure that Col Allan is cripplingly stupid and reckless. We may have heard from sources that Col Allan is stupid and reckless. But we do not know it, so we are not saying it.

Sources have also suggested that Col Allan may drink to excess, but we have no direct knowledge that he is an alcoholic, or that he was drunk at any time that he was guiding the Post through its various blunders in the marathon coverage. Col Allan may have been too drunk to recognize the mistakes that the Post was making—say, to see that it was publishing a front-page photo of young man carrying a royal-blue duffel bag when the authorities were saying the bombs had been in black bags. That is a mistake that a drunk person could conceivably have made, but we do not know that Col Allan was drunk when the Post made it.

The Post had previously identified an innocent Saudi as a suspect before it decided to put this brown-skinned teenager on the front page. The back-to-back focus on innocent people of non-European ancestry could imply that the Post is systematically hostile to nonwhite people, and that the paper's editors are so wedded to the notion that all Muslims are terrorists that they literally do not care which Muslim or "Muslim-looking" person they happen to be targeting on any particular day. We are not saying that Col Allan, motivated by bigotry, is intentionally trying to use the Post to stir up hostility against Muslims. We do not know that Col Allan is a racist. The evidence may suggest that he is a racist, but we are not saying that Col Allan is a racist.

It does seem clear, based on the flow of images and facts through Internet and the media yesterday, that the New York Post found itself sewed to the far end of an informational Human Centipede—evidently beginning with a crowd photo published on Deadspin, passing through Reddit and 4chan and Reddit and Reddit, being passed on to the investigators actively working the Boston case, then trickling through gossip-mongering New York law-enforcement officials, till it flowed over Col Allan's taste buds.

But we are not drawing any conclusions about that. Perhaps Col Allan and the New York Post are having an incredibly unlucky week. Perhaps the worthlessness of every single scoop the Post has had—its inability even to get the body count straight—does not prove that the editor is a booze-addled, race-baiting, information-illiterate moron who has neither the common sense nor the journalistic skills to avoid repeatedly humiliating his newspaper.

We would not say that, any more than we would say that Col Allan fucks pigs. He is from Australia; if he were to engage in bestiality, it's much more likely that it would be with sheep. But we are not saying Col Allan fucks sheep, either. It could be that Col Allan fucks pigs or sheep. We do not know. It would be irresponsible to speculate.

[Image via AP]

The FBI released photo and video this afternoon of two suspects in Monday's Boston Marathon bombing, and is asking the public's help in identifying them. They're calling them "Suspect One" (dark hat) and "Suspect Two" (white hat), and believe them to be associated. You can see photos of them here, or on the FBI's site.

Update: And here's that nutty InfoWars reporter yelling during the press conference

[FBI]

The anatomy of a rumor: Last night, a man named Steve Emerson, "terrorism expert," was called upon to talk about the Boston bombing on jumped-up carnival barker Sean Hannity's Fox News program. Citing unnamed sources, Emerson told Hannity that Abdulrahman Ali Alharbi, the 22-year-old Saudi national once considered a "person of interest" in the Boston case, was to be deported by the U.S. government on Tuesday "on national security grounds." "This is the way things are done with Saudi Arabia," said Emerson. "You don't arrest their citizens, you deport them because they don't want them to be embarrassed and that's the way we appease them."

From there, it was off to the Islamophobia races as wingnut sites like WND and Gateway Pundit and Free Republic all scrambled to spread Emerson's gospel far and wide. The Saudi was guilty! Hooray!

Or not. Because all it took was one phone call to discover that Emerson's "scoop" was like so many scoops since Monday: total bullshit.

A law enforcement official told me about an hour ago that the story of Abdulrahman Ali Alharbi being deported is "not true at all." He continued:

[Alharbi] and the guy we have in custody are two different people. They're two different people with two different names. Yes, there was a person arrested. But the person we have in custody is not [Alharbi] and has nothing to do with the [Boston bombing]. We arrest people on a daily basis across the country—that's what we do here. Also, not even the person we arrested is being deported at this time.

So there you have it.

Emerson's name has been popping up a lot in the wake of the marathon bombing, due in large part to the fact that he appears to have a real desire to pin the attack on a Muslim group. On Tuesday morning Emerson took to C-SPAN to posit that Abdulrahman Ali Alharbi, the man he would one day later say is getting deported, should be carefully considered as the bomber because "the burns on his skin match the explosive residue of the bomb that exploded." In other words, Alharbi is suspicious because the injuries he sustained in a bombing match up perfectly with the kind of bomb used in the attack. A few hours later, authorities would completely exonerate Alharbi, and a day after that is when Emerson would go public with his next bogus story about the young man being deported, also a lie.

With insight like that, it's a wonder Emerson isn't in the employ of the U.S. government and instead heads up the notorious anti-Islam circus the Investigative Project on Terrorism.

In New York magazine's review of Admission, David Edelstein says of Paul Rudd, "Everybody doesn't like somebody, but nobody doesn't like Paul Rudd." In Prince Avalanche, Rudd attempts to cast off his universal affability. Rudd's Alvin is characterized by dismissive, elitist, self-conscious, and annoying tics. He says things like, "reap the rewards of solitude." He sits backwards in a chair when dispensing advice. Rudd skillfully delves into the soul of a pretentious, unlikable snob. Or as unlikable as it gets for Paul Rudd, anyway.

In David Gordon Green's Prince Avalanche, Paul Rudd and Emile Hirsch play two young dudes hired to paint yellow lines on roadways previously destroyed by a forest fire in Texas. Yes, Emile Hirsch is camping again, but don't fear, this is no Into the Wild. Prince Avalanche is a sillier and much more profound take on self-exploration against the backdrop of exploring nature.

Based on the 2011 Icelandic film Either Way, Prince Avalanche begins in 1988 after forest fires in East Texas ravaged 1,100 acres of land. The backdrop of a forest fire is an easy metaphor, but a powerful one nonetheless. It's got catharsis, destruction, and rebirth entwined. The two men wind through the destroyed Texas landscape, passing pillars of burned trees, rolling a mechanical cart that drops yellow lines in the center of the road. It's a small, superficial effort to reinstate order after chaotic devastation. 

Alvin has hired Hirsch's character, Lance to help him with roadwork, because he is Alvin's fiance's younger brother. At Lance, Hirsch plays dumb and he plays it well. Lance spouts malapropisms, doles out blank stares, and scratches his head in confusion. In a sentence that makes neither of them sound good, Alvin describes Lance as a young man who "quite realistically will never amount to anything."

They live together in close quarters and butt heads with Odd Couple-esque tension. Despite the cliche set-up, Prince Avalanche is not an overblown coming-of-age meets friendship-love bromance. While the characters do change each other—in subtle but intense ways—there is no forced impression they will remain best buddies. Actually, they never really become friends or even grow to like other. But they appreciate each other. Their tensions boil over and simmer down. We are shown a glimpse of each of their lives in which a happenstance exposure to a person they would usually dismiss leads to a growth in their individual characters, and when it's over, it's easy to imagine them resuming their lives as before.

In the wake of their respective romantic troubles, the men get mind-scrambling wasted and use the yellow line-painting machine to express their frustration, anger, and need for destruction on the blank slate of asphalt. They wheel that yellow paint into wild swirls and doodles. This is Prince Avalanche at its most profoundly silly and flippantly serious. It reveals this incredible human moment before someone sets course for the straight and narrow; but first, for a moment, they've just got to joyously mess shit up.

Go see Paul Rudd and Emile Hirsch bond, brawl, booze, and evolve in Prince Avalanche. It's a thoroughly realized glimpse of a quietly extraordinary relationship.

Prince Avalanche is currently playing at the Tribeca Film Festival. It will be released later this year.

Remember this past January when America was gripped by the saga of Did-Beyoncé-Lip-Synch-at-the-Presidential-Inauguration?

Beyoncé sang live. Actually, she lip-synched. Actually, it was live and she lip-synched. Actually, she just lip-synched. Actually, life is a lie and Beyoncé is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever, amen.

Every evening, families would gather around their radios (there was no TV back then) and listen in for the latest installment of the Beytrayal series. It was frustrating and invigorating and engaging and confusing. It was everything.

In the midst of the muddle, MuckRock's Michael Morisy appealed to the highest authority he could think of (apart from Beyoncé) for answers: The United States government. He filed a Freedom of Information Act public records request for "a copy of the backing track used during Beyoncé's Inauguration performance, as well as copies of other backing tracks created in preparation for Inauguration events, whether or not they were actually used."

Three months later, he's just heard back.

Beyoncé access: DENIED.

In response to Morisy's request, the Marine Corps provided 36 instrumental tracks (two CDs' worth of jams) created in preparation for the Inauguration. It did not provide the backing track to which Beyoncé so movingly lip-synched, because her voice does not belong to the American people, or any of their governing bodies.

Please note that Ms. Beyoncé Knowles-Carter's vocals/music do not belong to the Marine Corps.

It belongs to a sea witch! She traded it in exchange for becoming human!

Just kidding. It belongs to her lawyer.

Therefore, you will have to send your request directly tot Ms. Knowles-Carter's attorney

Throwing a handful of poisoned sprinkles on top of an already unsatisfying sundae, the Marine Corps also cautioned MuckRock that, although the sound of the Marine Corps band is in the public domain, some of the musical selections themselves (like everyone's favorite chartopper "Liberty Fanfare") are still under copyright. So they can't even post those.

Meanwhile, as ever, Beyoncé dances just out of frame.

Safely out of reach of the long arm of the law.

[MuckRock // Image via AP]

In a complaint filed with the U.S. Justice Department, the Michigan ACLU says that Detroit police have been picking up homeless people from the popular Greektown neighborhood and dropping them off miles away, sometimes even outside of city limits. Homeless people have termed the practice being "taken for a ride," after police officers have repeatedly approached members of the homeless population and told them to get into vans. They are then deserted by the police, often far from any assistance, and told to never return to Greektown.

Sarah Mehta, ACLU of Michigan staff attorney, told Detroit's WWJ Newsradio 950 that the homeless were "being approached and harassed by police, not necessarily for anything they're doing, but just because of the way that they look. Often they're being dropped off late at night in neighborhoods that they don't know. Police often take any money they have out of their pockets and force them to walk back to Detroit, with no guarantee of any safety."

The complaint was filed after a year-long investigation by the ACLU. Detroit Police Chief Chester Logan said he would look into the complaint but would not release any further comment.

Andrew Sheehan, 37, reported to the ACLU that he had been picked up multiple times by the Detroit police, who one time told him that they would take him to a shelter, but instead just dropped him off at the boundary between Detroit and River Rouge, over 8 miles away from where they had picked him up.