Re/code notes that a newly introduced continuously-recording home surveillance camera, remotely accessible anywhere through the web, could possibly have the result of "making people feel like they're always being observed." Humans certainly do come up with the most peculiar subjective feelings!

Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Every Wednesday, Callie Beusman heads to the newsstand and buys the new issues of Ok!, In Touch, Life & Style, Star and Us. Together we endure the creepy-crawly feeling that comes from reading these mags. This week: A reconciliation for Khloe and Lamar; a fetus for Jennifer Aniston; twins for Ashton and Mila; and a new batch of names from the list of celebs Lindsay Lohan had sex with.

Star

KARDASHIANS CANCELED!

Keeping Up With the Kardashians has not actually been canceled. It's just likely that it will be in the not-so-distant future, because people are getting fed up with it and all of the family members are defecting. But Star will not miss an opportunity to nastily rumor-monger: Kim called Khloe and Kourtney idiots! Viewers find Bruce Jenner's alleged sex change "hard to watch," which is a horribly transphobic thing to print! Khloe has a drinking and diet pill problem! Kylie is jealous of all the attention Kendall has been getting and has been seriously considering plastic surgery! This "story" is needlessly gross. In other, equally insipid, news: Angelina Jolie is giving Brad Pitt a "gift of love": a baby! Although it will be her baby as well, it's a gift for Brad. She might use a surrogate. Next: Star grants you that exclusive look into Nikki Sixx's wedding that you always wanted. The theme was "Goth rock meets French countryside." Ribs were served. Next: Amber Heard was seen crying in a car, which means that she's panicked about her upcoming wedding to Johnny Depp and also they're probably cheating on each other. Whatever. Yawn. A resounding sea of yawns.

Grade: F- (maggots all over your face and body)

Life & Style

MARRY ME, I'M PREGNANT!

Over a month ago, Jennifer Aniston realized that she was pregnant and demanded that Justin Theroux marry her. In an act of "ultimate betrayal," he was like "Ummmm... wait..." and flew to New York, where he avoided her for an entire month. But they made up at the Oscars party and now they're so very happy and ready to have a family. This story is implausible beyond the normal scope of implausible tabloid stories. Moving on: Selena Gomez's family is planning an intervention to get her away from Justin Bieber, who is a devious imp and a bad influence and with whom she is still in love. You deserve better, Selena! Meanwhile, in other news, Life & Style has already started picking apart the new Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman. They've declared that she had a nose job and a "secret boob job," dug into her dating history ("She's only had one boyfriend!"), and shared with the world her salary as an assistant DA. Cool, guys. Elsewhere in the magazine, Teresa Giudice wants to leave her husband once his court proceedings wrap up, which is a supremely uninteresting rumor. Speaking of uninteresting rumors, Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are reportedly sleeping in separate bedrooms. Finally, in a last desperate grasp for something remotely resembling a "story," Life & Style declares that "no one knows" the real Rihanna because she changes her outfit very often, sometimes opting to cover up and sometimes opting to bare a lot of skin. IDENTITY CRISIS. (Fig 1)

Grade: F (tapeworms emerging from anus)

Ok!

TWINS!

Based on the world's most unconvincing "BUMP ALERT!", the womb experts at Ok! have determined that Mila Kunis is four months pregnant with twins (fathered by her fiance Ashton Kutcher). (Fig. 2) Like a feudal king of old, says a source, Ashton was deeply disappointed in Demi Moore's inability to bear a child for him, so he sees the two-for-one baby deal as "the universe's way of helping [him and Mila] make up for lost time." Sure, whatever. Moving on: Prince William and Kate Middleton went on an extremely lavish vacation, prompting worries that they're "spending beyond their means." Evidence of lavishness: at their resort, "everything's expensive and a hamburger costs a whopping $50." Decadent. In other news, Katy Perry is going on a cleanse to get John Mayer out of her system — along with other cheesy hunks of meat, such as Taco Bell and In-N-Out. Finally, like the Rumpelstiltskin of the tabloid world, Ok! has attempted to spin the blandest of gossip wheat into gold (it didn't really work): there's a weirdly belated story about Taylor Swift's "relationship" with SnapChat creator Evan Speigel. The two made out one time on New Year's, but this story insists that they secretly dated and just rented out entire movie theaters and restaurants so no one would know. Notably, this article refers to them as "the tech mogul and the tunesmith." THE TECH MOGUL AND THE TUNESMITH.

Grade: F (bot fly larvae under your skin)

Us

DUCK WIVES TELL ALL

No patience for this fowl cover story, let's skip it. Also inside: Scarlett Johansson is "Glowing & Showing." Jamie Lynn Spears' new husband is also named Jamie. Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux "might" be eloping. Zzzzz.

Grade: F (leeches on your back)

In Touch

KHLOE GIVES LAMAR A SECOND CHANCE!

This cover story is all about how Lamar called Khloe and cried and "she melted" and he wants to make it work. Khloe "misses the man she fell in love with" so it might happen but Khloe also has a "breakover body" and is "hotter than ever" so who knows. More important: More names on Lindsay Lohan's fuck list have been revealed (Fig. 3). Additional famous dudes she had sex with include Ashton Kutcher, Orlando Bloom, Benicio del Toro, Ryan Phillppe, and Paris Hilton's ex Stavros Niarchos III. If you recall, last week, some guessed that Ryan Phillippe would be on this list; BINGO, correct! In adidtion, there are two guys with the last name Cipriani, but they are (fortunately/unfortunately?) not related. The copy claims that since Ashton is now engaged to Mila Kunis, she is going to be "jealous and upset," that he once got busy with LiLo, and a therapist who does not know anyone involved says: "You have to wonder about his judgment if he's been involved with someone who's such a trainwreck." Ouch. Also inside: Jessica Simpson might be postponing her wedding for a fourth time. The Bachelor's Juan Pablo and Nikki are "faking it for the cameras" because they want to be famous. And finally: Selena Gomez is "two-timing" Justin Bieber with Niall Horan from One Direction. Apparently she has "1D Fever." Here's hoping there's a cure.

Grade: B- (pubic lice)

Addendum

Fig. 1, from Life & Style

Fig. 2, from Ok!

Fig. 3, from In Touch

[An Iranian man plays with a firework in Tehran, Iran, on Tuesday, for Chaharshanbe Souri, an ancient Festival of Fire. On the eve of the last Wednesday of the Persian year, Iranians jump over burning bonfires and throw firecrackers to celebrate arrival of the spring. Image via Vahid Salemi)/AP.]

Have a kid but want to see Shia LeBeouf's erection on a giant screen? No problem! New York's Landmark Sunshine theater invites to you bring your baby to its "Rattle & Reel" screening of Lars von Trier's instantly infamous (and surprisingly funny) Nymphomaniac Volume I next week. Don't miss this opportunity to show your baby how babies are made.

From the Landmark Theaters site:

The Sunshine Cinema welcomes caregivers and their babies on Wednesdays for our special Rattle & Reel screenings. Adults pay normal admission prices but all babies are FREE! Tickets available at the box office only on the day of show. Screening Wednesday, March 19 at 12:00 noon: Teenage. Screening Wednesday, March 26 at 12:00 noon: Nymphomaniac Volume I.

I reached out to Landmark to ask if this is a joke, but have not yet heard back. I will update this post if and when I do.

Regardless: See you at the movies?

Last week, the Urban Institute released a study sponsored by the Justice Department that focused on the underground commercial sex trade in eight major U.S. cities over approximately 10 years. While it was billed as a "landmark" report—first of its kind, etc.—it mostly revealed the government's ignorance about the complexities of the sex trade and the people operating within it (pimps, sex traffickers and prostitutes chief among them).

I should know. I've spent the last 20 years working as a sensual masseuse, dominatrix and/or stripper. And if that experience has taught me anything, it's that this study got pretty much everything about being a sex worker wrong.

Fast Cash Earned Is Spent Even Faster. Let's start with the one fact the study got right: Sex workers aren't great with money. Basically, they treat cash like catching snowflakes—it's gone before it even touches the ground. As the study points out, they also move around a lot, chasing job opportunities wherever they may present themselves (another city, another state, another country). They go to New Orleans during Mardi Gras. They head South for Nascar's Sprint Cup Season. They set up shop wherever the Super Bowl is being held. At these events, strippers and hookers can capitalize on big tourist crowds and double their money, walking away with approximately $500-$1,200 a night, depending on the club, atmosphere and their hustling skills.

Other Money Matters Aren't So Clear-Cut. The Urban Institute researchers attempted to follow the cash in order to track the financial impact of the sex trade nationwide and to gain an understanding of its operational structure. According to a handy New York Times bar graph, they discovered the following:

1. Men in Dallas like their drugs and guns considerably more than their hookers.
2. Men in Miami like their hookers considerably more than their drugs and guns.
3. Men in Washington, D.C., like their drugs and hookers equally.

I'm not sure what to think about lumping together drugs and guns with sex work, but I guess I'll just blame Hollywood. The New York Times article begins with a compelling, yet dehumanizing and sad, declaration about a hypothetical street prostitute in Dallas making as little as $5 per sex act before stating that "pimps can take in $33,000 a week in Atlanta." The report itself states that the going rate for full-service sex nationwide is $150 per hour. White girls are pricier—unless its Veterans Day and they're running a special. No joke.

I've never met a $5 hooker, but Hollywood movies seem to crave that version so I thank the study for reinforcing the stereotype. Also: Interesting finding about the Veterans Day Special. The reality is that sex workers would only run a special like that if veterans were their gold-star VIP clients.

From my experience, the going rate for Hollywood Handshakes (hand jobs) in Los Angeles is about $200 per hour if the girl is not off the tracks. Posing naked, topless or doing full service goes for about $300 per hour. These are women who generally advertise online, operate alone and don't have pimps. They're musicians, students, aspiring fashion designers and freelance videographers, in case you were curious.

The Internet As Pimp. The main finding seems to be, "Hey, the internet has affected the sex industry a lot." Well, duh. The internet and mobile credit gizmos have entirely changed the game. But the report's proposed solution to upending the digital revolution within the sex industry—"impose more fines for ad host websites"—is sure to fail.

One thing to realize is that working girls are smart, and they will simply adjust their prices accordingly. Another thing to realize is that advertising on adult service websites like Backpage, Redbook or Eros.com is so cheap and simple that fines (no matter how severe) won't stop sex workers from using them. (Sex workers abandoned Craiglist long ago when vice cracked down in 2001.) There are other benefits to these sites, too. Online, working girls set their prices before they meet the client, which also can serve as a screening process to weed out the cheap or sketchy clients who will try to cut a deal.

In other words, a fine is just a slap on the wrist. Instead, the government needs to help sex workers help themselves and regulate this type of e-commerce. Speaking of regulation…

Other Misguided Solutions. The Urban Institute proposed two additional policies to better criminalize pimps and to protect minors from human-trafficking predators: (1) increase awareness among school officials and the general public about the realities of sex trafficking; and (2) consistently enforce the laws for offenders to diminish low-risk perception.

Here's the reality. You want real policy change? Legalize and regulate sex work. Incarcerate sexual predators. Provide financial assistance to sex workers who want to transition out of the industry. And allow for more resources to help women and children escape pimps and sex traffickers.

I'm talking about things like SafeNight, a new app developed by Caravan Studios. It helps provide victims of human trafficking and domestic violence with housing when shelters are full. It solves a real problem. Every day thousands of women are turned away from overcrowded shelters, and while some shelters will cover the cost of a hotel room when they're out of space, their funding to do so is limited. SafeNight allows individual donors to pay for hotel rooms through the app so victims of sex trafficking don't have to rely on their pimps or abuser for shelter. It also connects them with support services to help steer them away from the street life.

As for enforcing the laws for offenders, the actual scenario is much different than the Urban Institute thinks. If a hooker is an adult and picked up for solicitation, she's charged with prostitution—a misdemeanor. (If it's a repeat offense, it's a felony.) A big fine for solicitation means she's back on the track the same day in order to pay the fine (along with all of her other bills). And newsflash: An individual with little or no education who is making more than $100 an hour would be hard-pressed to flip burgers at minimum wage for her next job—even if getting caught resulted in serious prison time. It's a long road back into the straight world, and it takes a serious motherfucker to turn off that money faucet once it's full blown. It's like stopping a river.

Instead of arresting sex workers and fining them, programs should be developed that provide women with alternatives to sex work. Have you ever spoken to a woman who has been in the sex industry for a few years? Having the sexual power to procure cash from men over an extended period of time is like nurturing a crack habit. Sex workers need housing, counseling, job-readiness programs—i.e., the support it will take for them to rebuild their lives. The process could take years. They might even backslide and do some dirty while recovering from the lifestyle. This is normal, and it's particularly true of women who have been under the control of a pimp or abusive boyfriend and have been the earner in that dynamic for many years.

That's not an easy answer. But it's the truth. A truth—like many others—the Urban Institute missed.

Antonia Crane is a writer, adjunct professor and performer living in Los Angeles. Her memoir, Spent, about her mother's illness and the sex industry is now available. Follow her on Twitter @antoniacrane.

This article was originally published on Playboy for iPhone. For more exclusive content and the best articles from the latest issue of Playboy, download the app in the iTunes Store.

Photo by Alamy

Sure, the mattress flying out of that pickup truck is what knocked the cyclist down in the first place, but this whole thing could have gone a lot worse.

According to Brazil's Globo, this footage came from a security camera at a driving school in Foz do Iguaçu. The kid on the bike was fine—if understandably shocked—and the driver, who worked at a nearby shop, came back later to check on him.

[H/T: Daily Picks]

When Edward Snowden revealed the NSA was wiretapping basically every mainstream tech company in the United States, Silicon Valley cried plead innocence—and ignorance. But according to the agency's top attorney, that was a lie.

The Guardian reports NSA general counsel Rajesh De is contradicting months of denials from the likes of Facebook, Google and Apple:

Rajesh De, the NSA general counsel, said all communications content and associated metadata harvested by the NSA under a 2008 surveillance law occurred with the knowledge of the companies...Asked during at a Wednesday hearing of the US government's institutional privacy watchdog if collection under the law, known as Section 702 or the Fisa Amendments Act, occurred with the "full knowledge and assistance of any company from which information is obtained," De replied: "Yes."

Basically, we're back to the worst case assumption we all jumped to when news of PRISM and its spooky-sounding cousins first broke. But if the NSA's counsel is telling the truth—it's unclear if he'd be perjuring himself otherwise—the mega-vocal, orchestrated, tripping-over-their-own-chubby-legs protest campaign by Silicon Valley was a farce. They were in on it all along. Maybe they weren't happy about it, as Zuckerberg has brayed so loudly, but they were never in the dark—and a reluctant collaborator is still a collaborator.

I didn’t know what Belle Knox looked like, so when the Duke University freshman and adult film actress appeared at HeadQuarters Gentleman’s Club in New York City last night, a friend of mine had to point her out.

Or, rather, point in her direction: With the exception of the time spent on her actual performance, Knox remained completely surrounded by photographers, each intent on capturing as many images and soundbites as possible.

“My career has basically skyrocketed,” she told TMZ. “And that’s really great!” She wore a short black dress and strappy black heels.

On contract for Getty Images, Splash News, WENN (World Entertainment News Network), and a few local tabloids, the scrum followed Knox into, out of, and then into the club again, before she disappeared behind stage to prepare for her routine.

When we entered the club, two tall men in suits asked us if we needed anything, how we were doing, whether we were here to see a specific girl. The club, which is a large, dark room with a small stage in the back, was covered in synthetic red velvet and illuminated by discreet tube lighting. Silhouettes of women dancing, over and over again, played on two television sets hung from the ceiling. The cover was $20.

It was a strip club, in other words, except for the people present. Besides the photographers, there were:

• A reporter for Business Insider
• A reporter for the New York Daily News
• A reporter for the New York Post
• An editorial assistant at Jezebel
• A Thought Catalog writer
• A 2006 MacArthur Fellow
• An NYU graduate student who said she was conducting a “sociological experiment” that consisted of her “just being there”
• A 29-year-old TMZ producer who explained, at length, how he managed to locate and photograph (what appeared to be) the glass bong that Amanda Bynes (allegedly) threw out of her apartment window in May 2013.

It was not clear, for most of the night, whether anyone present would have come to HeadQuarters, on the far west end of Hell’s Kitchen, were it not for Belle Knox (or, more precisely, the media’s intense interest in her).

Around 11 p.m., Knox entered from stage right, wearing a black bra, a red tartan skirt, and the same shoes as before. To the tune of “Bad Reputation” and “Cherry Pie,” she slowly disrobed, eventually exposing her breasts. Then it was over. It lasted five minutes.

As everyone was pouring out onto 38th Street, I noticed approximately five or six men seated on the club’s periphery. They were dressed in normal Manhattan-businessman clothing, drinking $8 Coronas, and grinning as each performer stepped off the stage and walked in their direction. These men seemed to be at HeadQuarters for the purpose of watching women, including but not specifically Belle Knox, take their clothes off. It was not a special occasion.

[Photo credit: Peter Jacobs]

A strong cold air damming event took place early this week, leading to dangerous ice accumulations from freezing rain and sleet in areas from Pennsylvania to North Carolina. Cold air damming is one of the most interesting weather events in the United States, and can be one of the hardest to accurately predict.

Cold air damming is a phenomenon that occurs when strong winds from the north/northeast allow cold, dense air to push up against the Appalachian Mountains. As cold air is denser than warm air, the cold air stays close to the surface and can't ride up and over the mountains. Since it can't go up, it spreads out and floods the Piedmont region with a relatively shallow layer of cold air that's capped above by warmer air. The region of cold air that gets dammed by the mountains is often called a "cold air wedge."

Aside from looking at a temperature analysis like the one posted above, this cold air damming is best seen by looking at a model-generated upper-air observation for Greensboro, NC yesterday afternoon.

This image, taken from BUFKIT, shows a Skew-T/Log-P chart, which is how the data collected from weather balloons is charted to help meteorologists make their forecasts.

The diagonal blue dotted lines that stretch from bottom-left to top-right are temperatures in Celsius (where 0 is freezing).

The red line shows the temperature of the atmosphere as you increase with altitude (shown in thousands of feet by the horizontal gray lines), and the green line shows the dew point as you increase with altitude.

You can see that air temperatures cool from ground up to around 2,000 feet above ground level, at which point they sharply begin to warm up between 2,000 and 3,000 feet. This dramatic warming of the atmosphere is called an inversion. The model sounding shows that the cold air wedge in Greensboro was about 2,000 feet thick yesterday afternoon.

This persistent cold air damming allowed for sleet and freezing rain to cake areas with ice, but especially hit the North Carolina Piedmont hard. Some areas from Charlotte to Greensboro recorded over one quarter of an inch of ice along with sleet, leading to slick roads and adding to the list of snow days some school systems will have to make up.

Cold air damming events are responsible for some of the worst ice storms ever recorded in the southeastern United States, including one that occurred in December 2002 that left over an inch of ice accretion from freezing rain near Raleigh, NC.

[Images via SimuAWIPS and BUFKIT]

Deadspin Six Potential Cinderellas–And How They Can Win | Gizmodo South Korean University Now Accepts Gamers as Student Athletes | Jezebel Behold the Most Perfectly Scathing Missed Connection of All Time | Kotaku What An Honest Kickstarter Video Would Look Like | Kinja Popular Posts

A couple decided to screw like no one was watching on St. Patrick's Day. Unfortunately, everyone was watching, because they were in a parking lot behind a Dunkin' Donuts during broad daylight.

Newark, Del. police are seeking the unnamed man and woman caught having sex against a dumpster at the Galleria, a popular shopping center on a major street near the University of Delaware campus. The evidence is all over the internet in the form of a shaky, somewhat-NSFW YouTube video, and some tastefully censored Instagram photos.

The couple is wanted for public "lewd acts." Police helpfully point out that they're "college aged" and were wearing green at the time.

[H/T: Uproxx, Photo Credit: Instagram]

Somehow it is possible to be caught for insider trading even if you chewed up and ate the Post-It Notes that you wrote down your illegal stock tips on. That's some CSI shit, man!

A Chinese businessman bought a Tibetan Mastiff puppy left for $2 million this weekend, the most money anyone has ever spent on a dog.

Tibetan Mastiffs—known for being ferocious, loyal, and protective—are apparently a thing among Chinese millionaires. But sale prices generally tend to max out in the low six figures.

"They have a relatively short life expectancy and are not especially rare, so it's quite puzzling why they are fetching such a high price in China," the president of the American Tibetan Mastiff Association told the AP in 2010.

An "industry insider" told the AFP that many of the higher-priced sales are "just breeders hyping each other up, and no money actually changes hands."

The businessman told reporters he intended to use the dog for breeding.

[image via Getty]

Half of all Americans subscribe to a medical conspiracy theory , believing, for example that the government infected African-Americans with HIV and buried the link between vaccines and autism. What's your doctor hiding?

Rob Ford has found a new way to get his heart rate up.

[via]

A short video cobbled together from a four-month undercover PETA investigation of a prominent horse trainer shows the underside of horse racing.

Earlier this year, PETA sent an undercover investigator to work for Steve Asmussen, a well-known trainer who has won more than $214 million in purses. Using a hidden camera, the investigator recorded Asmussen and his assistant subjecting their horses to painful medical treatments, often injecting them with tranquilizers and painkillers.

It's not alleged that any of the drugs were illegally administered, but the video suggests many of the horses were raced into the ground.

In a recorded conversation between Asmussen, his assistant Scott Blasi, and a blacksmith, the trio admit that Nehro, the 2011 Kentucky Derby runner-up, was raced so hard his feet were ground into nubs and his hooves were held together with super glue. Blasi continued to train Nehro, who died a year later. The trainers claimed it was from colic.

On the tape, Blasi says, "I have seen a lot of shit. That is the most violent fucking death I have ever seen."

In the film, Asmussen also admits one of his jockeys uses a buzzer to administer electric shocks, a practice that is banned in racing.

PETA also alleges Asmussen employed undocumented workers and paid the undercover investigator only $5.95 with no overtime.

Police just discovered a different kind of white powder in a Georgetown dorm room—ricin. A 19-year-old copped to manufacturing it and campus officials say there is no immediate threat to students.

A 39-year-old woman died of a pulmonary embolism after injecting herself with Vaseline in a home breast augmentation gone wrong.

Sonia Perez Llanzon had difficulty breathing in the weeks after she injected her breasts with petroleum jelly, reports Rosario, Argentina newspaper La Capital. When she went to the hospital, doctors found a blood clot in her lungs, caused by the Vaseline entering her bloodstream.

Llanzon died March 6, after a month-long hospital stay.

"She denied everything at first but then confessed she had injected Vaseline into [her breasts]," said Julio Pla, Head of Surgery at the hospital where Llanzon was treated.

"I've never seen a case like this. The human body has antibodies to remove bacteria and viruses but it hasn't got any mechanisms against this type of product."

Llanzon was in good health prior to the botched home operation. The Huffington Post reports she was a marathon runner and boxer.

She's not the first to use petroleum jelly in a failed home augmentation: Vaseline penile injections have been a dangerous trend in Asia for some time.

[H/T: HuffPo, Photo Credit: Facebook]

Politico reporter Dylan Byers, of OBAMA ADMITS FABRICATING GIRLFRIEND IN MEMOIR fame, is mad at someone for baiting the Drudge Report into linking to dubiously sourced reports that portray President Obama in a negative light.

EDM producer Skrillex gets a lot of shit because 1) his hair is dumb, 2) his music sounds like two mollyed-up bros getting into a fight while simultaneously weeping, and 3) his name is Skrillex.

But whatever, he made about $15 million in 2012, and his career shows no signs of stopping — he told Rolling Stone that he's booked solid through the rest of the year. This week, he released his debut album, Recess, after announcing it only last week, in a sort of BEYONCÉ -esque move. Recess, however, is no BEYONCÉ, mostly because it is Skrillex.

Skrillex, 26, is doing just fine.

He told Rolling Stone a lot of things, actually, in Jonah Weiner's cover story for the magazine's current issue. Things like his Scientologist upbringing taught him "some fundamentals that were really positive that will always stick with me," and that a bottle of vodka he was holding at one point was "the most expensive vodka in the world" (Weiner reported that after some research, he discovered that the bottle of vodka retailed for $45).

Here are five other things that Skrillex told Rolling Stone, in no particular order:

[Dance music is] not something to fucking raise an eyebrow at. Stop taking yourself so seriously. People who stereotype genres, who say, 'If you're into this, you're this kind of person' — it's almost racist. You know how much negativity is in the world? People are dying and getting raped right now. You're an artist — you might as well give something good.

I think it's a fun approach to say, "Maybe 'God' was aliens, and they put us here and we learned technology from them. The whole thing is really fascinating. Why not look to the stars? Look beyond this, accept that there's so much we don't know and a lot of it could be up there. We're gonna have this technology in our lifetime. It's cool to think about. Why not? There's a ton of astronauts and people at NASA who have spoken about alien existence for years — you don't see it publicized." I ask if he believes there's a conspiracy to suppress extraterrestrial existence. There's a possibility of that, for sure. On a real level, until I see it, I'm not making any claims. But on a fun level? Hell fucking yes!

[On Recess' opening track, "All Is Fair in Love and Brostep"] It's the hardest, most over-the-top, dope fucking brostep song ever.

The 9/11 [inside-job conspiracy] stuff is so gnarly, though: If you question it, you're an America-hater. I don't take it too seriously — I'm not standing for something unless I know it's true. But there's a lot of dope information out there that could lead to more things.

If you look at my "recently used" emojis, it's like, heart, alien, poop, kiss, smile, pizza, rainbow. Those are the ones I always use.

[Image via Getty]