Did you hear that? That was the sound of a million hearts breaking all over again. Extremely funny dude Will Arnett, 18 months after separating from feminist-humor goddess Amy Poehler, has officially filed for divorce, reports People.

The couple whose marriage I was way too invested in could not, apparently, work things out and live happily ever after in the most comedic household that ever was. Arnett's paperwork was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on April 8 after a year and a half of legal separation from and nine years of marriage to Poehler. It will be Poehler's first divorce and Arnett's second.

Our favorite couple that was sadly not meant to be have two sons, five-year-old Archie and three-year-old Abel. Arnett is requesting joint custody and visitation. Poehler has since been dating Kroll Show star and occasional Parks and Recreation guest Nick Kroll, so maybe there's still a sitcom in there somewhere.

[H/T Uproxx, image via AP]

The weather's getting warmer, which means it's time for America's favorite pastime. That's right: adult kickball.

With co-ed adult kickball teams, like most co-ed teams, there's the possibility of fucking your teammates. You get drinks after a game, hit it off, and screw, because you're both adults and like each other enough.

[Redacted] is trying to curb that boot-knocking, or at least delay it until later in the season, so he sent out this email to the men on the team. Sexy kickball ruins team chemistry and makes things awkward, dammit. ONE TEAM. ONE GOAL. WE WANT THE CUP. (Is there a cup for adult kickball? Doesn't matter.)

The email:

Good morning gentlemen,

I'm assuming that when this is read, you'll all be waking up, hence the greeting.

I hope we all had a good time tonight. I certainly did. We have a very talented team. We're most likely going to win out the season, and if not, we'll buck up and win the tournament at the end of the season. We're really that good.

But it's time that I introduce you all to a very important rule, which if we don't follow will cause us the season. It's called the five-week rule.

You'll notice that only the men of [team name] are receiving this email. It's because this rule only applies to you. I know, it's sexist. It's not fair. But it's the way it is.

Winning on the kickball field is based on three things. How well the men play, how well the women play, and if the women show up. Literally, leagues are won and lost on whether or not enough women show up towards the end of the season. Everyone thinks kickball is a great game, they all want to play, then towards the end of the season, attendance tapers off, and you're begging and pleading for people to show up to fill out the team, and it doesn't happen, and you forfeit, and you're pissed, and it sucks. SUCKS.

The main reason for this, is screwing. No joke, you bang some chick, she's ashamed, maybe you sucked at it (none of us, obviously) and she doesn't want to see you, therefore she doesn't show up again.

So, this rule has been created, not to hinder us, but to help the team. Think of it as an extended challenge. The slow roll. The long con.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FUCK ANYONE ON THE TEAM UNTIL AFTER WEEK FIVE.

Is that clear enough? I can say it again if necessary, but I think it was pretty clear.

YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FUCK ANYONE ON THE TEAM UNTIL AFTER WEEK FIVE.

There, I said it again anyway.

Failure to adhere to this rule will result in your exclusion from the lineup, public hatred and disdain, death, dismemberment, ball-kicking (not kickballs), and, on the good side, getting laid. I don't think the latter is worth the former.

Please be a team player, wait a few weeks. If you're that good, it won't matter anyway. Don't break up the team because of your dick.

Thanks,

[redacted]

Do you guys want to end up as the adult kickball version of the 2006-07 Mavericks? (This is definitely what happened to the 2006-07 Mavericks.)

Photo: AP

The news that X-Men director Bryan Singer is being sued by a man who says Singer raped him multiple times when he was 17 might come as a surprise to some—but in Hollywood his taste for a very specific sort of young man was well known.

In the lawsuit (the second filed against Singer), plaintiff Michael Egan says that he was introduced to Singer by a man named Marc Collins-Rector, who was ordered to register as a sex offender after being convicted of luring minors across state lines. Egan describes what is essentially a sex ring, with older men like Collins-Rector scouting barely legal twinks who might be looking to saddle up to Hollywood's rich and powerful gays.

This is the way things have happened in the industry for decades: this BuzzFeed post that culls stories from the memoir of an old Hollywood liaison named Scott Bowers gives a good idea of how some film bigwigs used to get off.

But Hollywood gays and lesbians don't need to be as discreet as they did 60 years ago, and it's not too difficult to find stories and photos of Singer's infamous gay pool parties—and rumors of more.

Over at Dlisted, Michael K. recalls when he initially became aware of the culture around Singer.

I first heard about Bryan Singer's "infamous" coke and twink pool parties when I was 18 and was at some party in Orange County that a bunch of dancers from Disneyland were at. One of the twink dancers bragged to me and my friends about how the weekend before he was at a party in L.A. that the director of Usual Suspects was at and the white twinks, coke and meth were falling from the sky. The twink dancer said that Bryan Singer and his fancy Hollywood friends always throw parties like that and when I asked him to take me to the next one, bitch said, "Uh, you're not white, skinny and cute enough, though."

A few years ago, Queerty published photos of a post-gay pride pool party at Roland Emmerich's house that was co-hosted by Singer. "No photos of the after-after party (which generally has a clothing-optional policy)," the site writes, "nor do we have pictures from what happened when Roland and Bryan (pictured, Page 3) took a few select young men into the house for private casting sessions[.]"

Step away from the gossip blogs and delve into the forums and the rumors get more explicit. An anonymous 2012 post on IMDB's forum gives a clearer idea of what happens away from the cameras and why. Take it with a grain of salt, of course—it's a forum post:

Bryan goes through different boys each week. He promises them big movie roles and then just drops them. He and Roland Emmerich have infamous pool parties with literally hundreds of twinks, you can easily find the pics online. Bryan also certifiably has a thing for young twins. A pair live in his house and I have more pics of him with some other twins... but aside from that it's interesting to note that Shawn Ashmore (Ice Man from X-Men) has a twin brother named Aaron and his brother wrote a blog post and described that he use to live in Bryan Singer's house. So while I have no proof that Bryan dated them, you should be able to put two and two together. Of course they are way too old for him now. Just like Bryan Singer dropped Dan Harris and Michael Dougherty after they became too old and Superman Returns bombed. What, did you think a 24 year old Dan Harris became the writer of X-Men 2 based solely on narrative talent?

Above is Singer with a young model named Frankie Donjae. We've reached out to some of the figures mentioned in the rumors and will update if we hear back. Have you been to one of Bryan Singer's pool parties or "casting sessions"? Drop me a line: jordan@gawker.com

The premise of Ira Sachs' sixth feature, Love Is Strange, recalls a type of story we read in the news with increasing frequency: George (Alfred Molina) marries his husband Ben (John Lithgow) and loses his job teaching at a Catholic school as a result. That sounds like a recipe for a heavy-handed message movie, but the beauty of Love Is Strange (and it really is a beautiful movie – hands down my favorite I've seen so far this year) is its subtlety.

Sachs and his co-writer Mauricio Zacharias have pointed things to say about the way gay men are treated by even their loved ones, but the movie is far more interested in conversing than preaching. For example, the loss of George's job combined with New York City's exorbitant housing costs means that for the first time in their 39-year relationship, George and Ben must live apart. Ben's nephew Elliot (Darren E. Burrows) and Elliot's wife Kate (Marisa Tomei) take him in, having clearly accepted him and his relationship (they attend his wedding). And yet they regard him with suspicion when he spends alone time with Vlad (Eric Tabach), the 16-year-old friend of their son Joey (Charlie Tahan). They're also visibly uptight about their son's ambiguous sexuality. It's OK for Elliot's uncle to be gay; their son possibly being gay is a far different thing. I've never seen that level of nuance on the limitations of acceptance in a movie before.

Gay people are central to Love Is Strange, but they don't exist in a vacuum—just like in real life. The film manages to be very specific about gay experiences while telling a bigger story about human experience. In that respect it reminded me of the excellent Australian TV series Please Like Me.

Love Is Strange played at Sundance earlier this year to rave reviews. It's playing at this year's Tribeca Film Festival, which kicked off last night. I spoke with Sachs last week about his movie, and below is an edited and condensed transcript of our conversation.

Gawker: How much do you consider the bigger scheme of gay culture and what you owe to it when you do a movie like Love Is Strange?

Ira Sachs: I would say I recognize the absence of these stories, but I come to it more as a personal storyteller. I think my responsibility is to be revealing of things that I know and not to hide, so in that way, telling a story about a gay couple who's been together for 40 years has cultural significance and I'm happy for it, excited about it. But it's more for me just trying to understand love in general, through my own experience.

Do you think it's fair to call this a gay movie?

Um… No. No, I don't. I mean, it's not that I don't think that those terms are useful in certain ways, but not necessarily for the artist. That's not how I create character. Even though I try to be sort of specific—I mean, I try to be very specific to sociology and the facts. And there's an impetus of the story, which is kicked off by this oppressive situation in terms of the Catholic Church. I think it's the trigger for the story. In a certain way, you need the insight against it and then the story reveals how a couple faces, and a community and a family, a larger family, how they face a conflict. And that could be a thousand years old, as a story.

The movie works interestingly alongside media stories like those of Michael Griffin and Mark Zmuda, because those people fought (and are fighting) back. But in this movie, George does not push back. He accepts his fate.

Yes. I think that's generational, on some level. And I think it's very much in line with those characters, who have a humility, and I think also comes from experience. It comes from class, too, and it comes from the nature of what community they're in as individuals. In a way, I think the radical part of their story is that they live their life so fully and openly. Which was brave, you know?

Did the chemistry between John Lithgow and Alfred Molina surprise you?

I think part of the job of directing is casting people who you can imagine finding friendship with these… And you definitely check and make sure that they have positive feelings towards each other just as people in the world. And it turns out they have known each other for probably 20 years, not well, but fondly. And on set they were a very sweet couple. I mean, they were nonstop talking, chatting, laughing. They share a history, and I think that came across.

Since you mentioned casting, I want to know about casting Vlad, which seems like a sort of conundrum, because you want to cast somebody who is conceivably attractive while being underage.

Oh, right.

Is that kind of a mindfuck to go there with jailbait?

Oh. Uh… I didn't think of it that way. I mean, I think you're always trying to cast people that you think will be appealing onscreen, so that's casting a 5-year-old, also. And "appealing," there's a broad range of what that means, but who has charisma and that has presence. But you know, these kids are flirting with adulthood. The film to me, at its heart, is about the seasons of life. It's like a middle-age film. It's a film where I know that life is not forever, I can see the other side of the hill, and yet I'm still somewhere in the middle. And I think, in a way, Marisa's character is a really significant fulcrum, because she's trying to kind of be the bridge between the young and the old and still hold onto herself. And her problems are problems that I think I identify with in lots of ways.

The meditation on the limitations of gay acceptance from outsiders was a really fascinating thing to examine in a movie.

Well, in a way you realize that family is actual experience. It's not just relationships, it's experience. And then every experience you have, whether it be with your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your lover, is defined by those set of events. Nothing is a given.

I think that Ben and George's relationship, too, keeps growing more interesting as the movie progresses, like when they're at Julius and they're talking about the one-sided open nature of their relationship—I mean, you could do a whole movie about that, and it's like three minutes or so of dialogue.

I've been close to two or three couples, gay and straight, who have been together for 45 years. I have a sense of the chapters in those stories. I think as a screenwriter, you want to reveal that history as organically as possible. And it's interesting how quickly you can accomplish something, you know? And that also helps that those two actors, I think, are they're doing something for both of them was very new, particularly Lithgow. This kind of naturalistic performance where you fully buy the history, I think is something that he does beautifully in the film but it's not something that he's been asked to do previously.

Did you get any shit for your previous film Keep the Lights On and the dysfunctional nature of the gay relationship portrayed in that? Sometimes it seems like gay culture is held up to unreasonable standards of perfection so as not to let on that we can be fucked up, too.

I have a strong enough sense of self that I'm interested in people's response, but it doesn't affect me. And I've felt much more with Keep the Lights On that I got a very warm encouragement to be honest about experience as a gay man, and people were relieved. I think that's why people are happy to see Looking. They're happy to see bits of their life portrayed.

Can you talk about the funding issues you had with Love Is Strange?

Well, every film is hard to fund. This film was primarily funded by 25 gay and lesbian men and women who made money in other fields and really, we got this groundswell of support from professional, retired lesbian women, who just loved the script and said we're going to make this movie. And they have made this movie, and they've stood behind me. And I think, now, the movie is working economically, which is exciting and a first for me, to be honest.

The gay community has a history of saving itself. We see a microcosmic example of that in the movie, [which I won't explain further so as not to spoil it].

It's true. Something that's been very impactful for me in my life is becoming very familiar with a group of people who were in New York during the decade before I got here, when people were making things not because they had permission, but because they had need. And I think there was a boldness. The art world and the film world were very connected and they were not as economically propelled. There was less economic possibility for anyone, and so the range of work was riskier. And I came back to that in my 40's, and I understood that in my 40's. And that's why Keep the Lights On was certainly a new beginning for me as a filmmaker. [I] had to embrace risk.

Love Is Strange is also, to use a cliché, a love letter to New York and a meditation on the near-impossibility of living here.

I just read that J & R Music and Pearl Paint are both closing. They are two institutions. Pearl Paint specifically was an artists' haven. And it's gone. You can say cities are part of evolution, and not that we shouldn't try to stop certain trends and that we can impact evolution, or at least history. But I think there is… I mean, I was walking through New York last night—it was my husband's birthday, we were walking down the High Line. I'm looking at a city, I'm walking past Florent, by the Waverly Diner. You know: history. That's what I bring to my filmmaking now, which is why it did take me 20 years to make a film about New York. I had to get it into my blood. And I feel like I have that now. And so I'm working on a third film, a third New York part of the trilogy, because it is me now, this city. It's lost, too, though. I mean, things are not forever. You can be aware of the passing of time without being nostalgic.

David Lynch's inner life seems like a surreal, dreamy place, so it's not all that surprising that he casually hangs out with fictional characters from time to time.

Case in point: the ethereal director has been wining and dining with Don Draper and Peggy Olsen.

The topic came up duringan interview with ShortList, when his interviewer asked whether Mad Men's popularity had renewed interest in a Twin Peaks reboot.

"No." He states simply in his oddly disarming child-like way of speaking but does declare his love of another continuing drama. "I like Mad Men. They're great characters and whoever cast that show did a sensational job. It's great writing, great atmosphere."

Excitingly he reveals that he's met some of the cast but confusingly, for a grown man and film director, he refers to them by their character names. "I had the opportunity to meet Peggy Olsen and Don Draper..." I interrupt to congratulate him on avoiding their actual names — something he has in common with my elderly relatives.

What's more he insists on addressing the actors as their characters even when he's with them. "That's who they are to me. I called Peggy, 'Peggy'."

Did she mind?

"No not a bit. I met them in Cologne, Germany and my wife and I had drinks with Peggy in Paris."

Looking forward to him casting Sally as his next ingenue.

[image via AP, h/t Animal New York]

Whoopi Goldberg loves her vaporizer, is now a weed columnist.

An Iranian man was seconds away from being executed for stabbing a young man to death, when the victim's mother unexpectedly pardoned him and saved his life.

The man, referred to in the press only as Balal, was scheduled to be hanged for the murder of 18-year-old Abdollah Hosseinzadeh. According to reports, Balal and Hosseinzadeh got into a street fight in 2007 that resulted in Balal stabbing him to death with a kitchen knife.

Hosseinzadeh's parents were supposed to kick the chair out from under Balal after the noose was tied around his neck. But when Hosseinzadeh's mother approached the stage, she had a change of heart, according to reports, and slapped him instead.

"I am a believer," said the victim's mother, Samereh Alinejad, according to Agence France-Presse. "I had a dream in which my son told me that he was at peace and in a good place … After that, all my relatives, even my mother, put pressure on me to pardon the killer."

Alinejad then told the man he was forgiven and her husband removed the noose from his neck. It's not clear what will happen to Balal—according to the Guardian, parents are only given a say in matters of capital punishment and the state retains the power to assign prison sentences.

[image via AP]

Well-known shirtless outdoorsman stock photography model Vladimir Putin had a little fun today, telling a Russian audience that he thinks Barack Obama would totally rescue him if he started drowning.

Putin, who also finally confirmed Russian forces had actively supported Crimean separatists, gave the interview after a much-disputed private phone call with Obama on Monday.

In an article about the world leaders' "Game of He Said/He Said," the New York Times noted that the White House described the call as primarily Obama lecturing Putin, while Putin described it as primarily a demand for American support in Ukraine.

But that's all business. When asked if he thought Obama would save him from drowning, Putin had a much more favorable opinion.

"Besides intergovernmental relationships, there are personal relationships," Putin said. "I am not saying we have some special relationships with the president of the U.S. but I think he is a decent and quite courageous person. I think he would do it."

"I can feel it in the air tonight," Obama presumably didn't say to anyone, probably not adding, "Oh lord."

[image via AP]

Spotted on a Tehran runway this week was a private jet with an American flag on its tail carrying an unknown passenger who seems very determined to remain anonymous. The New York Times asks, conspiracy or totally normal?

On the one hand, as the Times points out, Obama "has warned that Iran is not open for business." Due to complicated trade rules, the Commerce Department would have to grant clearance for the private jet's General Electric engine to touch Iranian ground.

But then again, there are still "a few United States and European business activities" currently permitted.

Even some former federal officials, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said the very presence of an American-flagged aircraft parked in broad daylight suggested its flight had been approved as part of a legitimate business trip. What is more, they said, the easily identifiable plane was not likely to be part of a covert diplomatic mission.

Then there's the question of was in the plane. Airport officials said only that the passenger was a VIP, and the Iran UN Mission referred reporters to the plane's owner.

Which turns out to be a bank, since the plane is held in a trust by anonymous investors. Still, the tail number was recorded in Zurich around the time of the World Economic Forum and spotted in Ghana last October (pictured above).

A Bank of Utah executive said his bank, the trustee for the plane's investors, had no idea the aircraft was in Iran. The Bank of Utah, which is listed as a trustee for more than 1,000 planes, plans to resign should evidence of illegal activity arise.

[image via Flickr]

The vice principal of a South Korean high school who was rescued from a sinking ferry full of his students was found hanged to death on Friday.

Police say the vice principal, Kang Min Kyu, used his belt to hang himself from a tree outside a gymnasium in Jindo, where relatives of missing passengers have gathered for updates. Kang was reportedly one of the first people rescued from the ship.

The death toll from the Sewol ferry disaster now stands at 28, though, with about 270 people still missing, it's expected to rise dramatically. Divers briefly breached the ship's hull on Friday but were forced to turn back because of bad weather.

"The guide line that links the sunken ship and the rescue vessel has been cut off," the South Korean Coast Guard said. "Still, the entrance into the ship is open, and we plan to resume operation to enter the ship."

Officials are investigating whether a third mate's decision to order a sharp turn caused the boat to capsize. The abrupt turn took place at about 8:49 am, just ten minutes before the ferry's first distress call, though officials cautioned they don't yet know if the turn was made voluntarily or not.

Transcripts from the boat, obtained by the Associated Press, show the captain's order to abandon ship came roughly 30 minutes after an official at the Jeju Vessel Traffic Services Center told the boat to prepare the boat for evacuation. From the AP:

In the recording of the conversation, the Sewol crewmember says: "Currently the body of the ship has listed to the left. The containers have listed as well."

The Jeju VTS officer responds: "OK. Any loss of human life or injuries?" The ship's answer is: "It's impossible to check right now. The body of the ship has tilted, and it's impossible to move."

The VTS officer then says "Yes, OK. Please wear life jackets and prepare as the people might have to abandon ship."

"It's hard for people to move," replies the crew member on the radio.

Oh Yong-seok, a helmsman on the ferry, told the AP that the first instructions from the captain were for passengers to put on life jackets and stay where they were, Oh said.

About 30 minutes later, the captain finally gave the order to evacuate, Oh said, adding that he wasn't sure in the confusion and chaos on the bridge if the order was relayed to the passengers. Several survivors told the AP that they never heard any evacuation orders.

Lee Joon-Seok, the captain, has made one brief statement since the incident: "I am really sorry and deeply ashamed," Lee said in a video. "I don't know what to say."

Meanwhile, distraught family members awaiting word about their missing loved ones described their anguish to reporters.

"I want to jump into the water with them," Park Geum-san, 59, the great-aunt of a missing student, told the Associated Press. "My loved one is under the water and it's raining. Anger is not enough."

Family members of passengers gathered in a gym in Jindo, where they await updates about the disaster.

[Images via AP]

Of being laid off after more than 40 years in journalism, Trentonian editorial writer David Neese said: "What the hell, I've been at this so damn long it's maybe about time somebody gonged me." May we all exit with his remarkable perspicacity.

The Oregon teenager accused of urinating into a Portland reservoir, causing the city to dump more than 38 million gallons of treated water, has denied the allegations: "I didn't piss in the fucking water," Dallas Swonger said in an interview with Vocativ.

The 18-year-old admits he peed near the reservoir, just not into it. From Vocativ:

Eager to shred with some friends, he and two buddies went to skateboard at Mount Tabor Park after hours, which is home to three of the city's five uncovered drinking water reservoirs – and a handful of excellent hill runs. After bombing down the park's western slope, nature began to call Swonger. It was around 1 a.m. and the three friends, along with two other people they met in the park, were near one of the reservoirs.

"I was like, 'Dudes I have to piss so bad,'" Swonger said. "So I just went over to the wall [of the reservoir].I leaned up against the wall and pissed on it. Right there on the wall, dude. I don't know else how to describe it."

City officials disagree. "When you see the video, he's leaning right up because he has to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars," Portland Water Bureau administrator Davd Shaff told the Oregonian. "There's really no doubt what he's doing."

The teen also weighed in on the city's decision to flush the 38 million gallons. "Yeah, it's fucking retarded dude," he said. "Like, how they can do that? How can they be like, 'Yeah, we're gonna flush all that water.' Dude, I've seen dead birds in there. During the summer time I've see hella dead animals in there. Like dead squirrels and shit. I mean, really, dude?"

Guilty or not, Swonger says he now regrets the entire incident.

"Everybody thinks it's funny and a joke and I'm going to be on the news," he said. "It's no fuckin' joke, dude. I don't want people thinkin' that Dallas is dumb ass because he pissed in the fuckin' water. In our drinking water. Yeah, that's fucking awesome. I mean, wouldn't you be pissed about that?"

Teenagers rule.

[h/t Neetzan]

Musicless music videos can make any song creepier than the original—just ask Nirvana—but this edit of Grammy-winning human hat-rack Pharrell Williams's "Happy" is notable because of how much buoyant optimism was sucked out to produce ... well, whatever this is.

The year's happiest song has been reduced to a lonely nightmare, and the results are fascinating. Pharrell seems like a scared kid alone in that dark alley, and the solitary people dancing and singing just appear to be reassuring themselves they're not insane.

The Jimmy Kimmel cameo is hilarious, though.

Sound design by House of Halo. "Nothing Compares to 2U" by Sinead.

[H/T AVClub]

In Virginia, the land of Jefferson, respectable and upright citizens are fighting to preserve their right to hoard wild animals into a fenced enclosure and then enjoy the sight of dogs tearing them apart.

The practice in question is not just regular fox hunting, in which the foxes are at least able to flee through the woods as far as they can before being torn apart by dogs. The practice now up for consideration is the existence of "fox pens"—fenced enclosures of a hundred acres or more in which foxes are imprisoned so that brave hunters can have their dogs track them down for a fee. The mind reels at the honor and courage that these bold men of the woods must possess in order to drink Budweiser as their hound dogs chase wild animals who cannot run away.

Animal rights advocates are not fans of this practice, for some reason.

The New York Times reports that the state of Virginia has finally passed a law banning these fox pens, but—but!—the law allows for fox pens that already exist to continue operating for 40—40!—years. Still, the proud hunters of Virginia are unhappy:

"It's nothing that hasn't been going on since colonial times," Mr. Poarch said. "I just don't see why the people won't let us alone. Last time I heard, it was a free country."

NOTE: The above quote is about fox pens, not slavery. Confusion is understandable.

[Photo: AP]

An arrest warrant has been issued for the captain and two crew members from the ferry that sank off the South Korean coast on Wednesday, killing at least 28 and leaving 270 missing.

Lindsay Lohan's alleged handwritten list of everyone she's ever had sex with made huge waves in the gossip press—In Touch alone milked it for 5 stories, dragging out the revelation of a few famous names—and that's probably exactly how Lindsay wanted it. She's now using the story to tease the season finale of Lindsay.

Although the famous fuck list was originally said to be the result of a drunken night out with friends at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where it was "accidentally" left on the bar, Lohan has a different story about what happened.

On Watch What Happens Live, Lohan gave this version of the reason she wrote the list and how it managed to get out in the open:

"That was actually my fifth step in AA at Betty Ford. And someone, when I was moving during the OWN show, must have taken a photo of it. And so that's a really personal thing and it's really unfortunate…I talk about it on the last episode on the OWN show, so to be continued."

Lohan says the buzz around the list that she just used to tease her failing reality show "actually really is annoying right now. It's f**ked up. And I don't want a part in it. The fact that that happened was not only humiliating, but just mean."

The list was initially leaked with several names blurred out—including Orlando Bloom, Ryan Phillippe, Benicio Del Toro, and Ashton Kutcher—but In Touch has now revealed all but 6 of them.

[H/T Mirror, Photo Credit: OWN]

RIP, Pervert Dave.

All I needed to know was that Dr. Jane Goodall was available for interviews, and I was there, even if it was only for 10 minutes, even if it was in the Midtown Buca di Beppo.

Goddall was on a junket supporting this year's Earth Day offering from Disneynature, the John C. Reilly-narrated doc Bears, which follows a mother and her two cubs during a season-long trek through the Alaskan wilderness.

But the 80-year-old is primarily known for her work with another species. She started her study of chimpanzees in Tanzania in 1960, and has gone on to become a legendary primatologist. Her regard of chimps as sentient individuals smart enough to use tools did much to shape our culture's current regard of animals, and pissed a lot of people off in the process. (From her Wikipedia: "Humans had long distinguished ourselves from the rest of the animal kingdom as "Man the Toolmaker". In response to Goodall's revolutionary findings, Louis Leakey wrote, "We must now redefine man, redefine tool, or accept chimpanzees as human!")

I found her to be an engaging mix of dry and warm, soft-spoken and sharp. She answered all of my questions seriously even when they were goofy. She's a good sport, I think. Below is more or less our entire exchange, with minor edits.

Gawker: You're Disneynature's ambassador. Can you tell me what that means exactly?

Jane Goodall: Well, all it means is that when they produce one of these movies, I help to promote it for two reasons, really. One is that I truly think movies like this, which can involve the whole family, on the big screen, told with a story so that it's not just a documentary...I think that this can give children the kind of experience, which might give them the longing to learn more and to go out into the world. It's a very intimate sort of glimpse that you get. And secondly, because if people go in the first week, some of the ticket sales go to National Park Foundation, and we need to look after the national parks.

Do you have a particular interest in bears?

Well, only in that they're large carnivores and they're charismatic. You know, when I was a child reading all these books, bears and wolves and mountain lions always figured quite large. I've never had much to do with bears. Until three or four years ago, I hadn't even seen a wild bear.

Do you consider yourself an icon?

Well, I would never say I was an icon, but so many people have said I am, so I suppose I am. I mean, I can't not be what everyone says I am. But I don't feel like an icon.

You're not a diva?

I'm not a diva.

Have you ever been like, "Do you know who I am?"

Uh, the way I've coped with this...whatever it is, is I know who I am and I grew up in a good family with lots of teasing. I've watched a lot of people who became famous who completely change and I think it's because they tend to believe all the hype that's out there. I don't think there's that much hype about me.

There's a lot more noise now with the internet, though. Has that affected your ego? You were on TMZ, for example.

Yeah, but I didn't know about it.

What do you think about the internet and the way that cute animals are promoted and consumed? Do you think that's a good thing for animals?

You mean things like YouTube? Most of what I've seen—because people send me the good stuff, I don't surf it but it pops up—most of it, I think, can only help and not harm. The whole internet, the way we use it, is [what makes it] good or bad. And it can open up all kinds of stuff. The scary thing is how much isn't true.

What about the notion of anthropomorphism, which figures heavily in Bears via John C. Reilly's narration regarding the animals' feelings and fastidiousness. Anthropomorphism is something that your work was also accused of. Where are you with that? Is anthropomorphism a bad thing?

Well, it depends. The Disney commentaries do go a little over the top, but you know, it's for kids. It's better to do that than to be the cold objective. A healthy balance is best. When I was accused of anthropomorphism, when I was told at Cambridge that I couldn't talk about chimpanzees having personalities, minds, or feelings, because [those things] were unique to us, I knew the professors were wrong because of the teacher I had as a child: my dog, Rusty. You can't share your life in a meaningful way and not know that animals have personalities and that's obvious in this bear film. They have their personalities. You know they have minds capable of thinking things out because you see it happening in this film. And the feelings are pretty clear, too.

Why do you think it took people so long to come around on the fact that animals are individual, sentient beings?

I don't know. Partly it's because once you believe that animals have feelings, it's harder to eat them, shoot them, do tests on them. Certainly in scientific research, it's better for the scientists to believe that. That's why so many bad things can happen. I feel it's really important to link the head with the heart, the left brain with the right brain to achieve our true human potential. When science is just the left brain, that's when I think that horrible things can happen.

I read that you were the only human to be accepted into chimp society. Is that still true?

Well, that term that you use "accepted into the society," that sounds more like Dian Fossey, who sat on the alpha gorilla's lap and made noises to them. I'm just trusted. I'm accepted. I'm not afraid, but for all of our people there now, it's the same. I'm not any different.

Do you ever miss being there with them?

I miss the early days, I do. I was so lucky. I basically had it to myself, learning about these chimpanzees. Nobody knew anything about them. Discovering their different personalities, different life histories. I was lucky.

Does chimp society smell bad?

Oh, they smell nice. Gorillas smell horrible.

But chimps don't? Why, because of the grooming?

I don't know, it just is. I know we had one female chimpanzee who smelled like a gorilla. And we had one of our field staff that smelled like a gorilla. I don't know what it is. But no, chimps have a nice smell, baboons have a nice smell.

That's fascinating. I thought your life would have been full of bad smells.

No. Not at all!

What's the worst thing you've ever smelled?

Oh, rotting flesh. Or some of these chemical things. Drains. Drains, when they seep out sewage... What are we talking about smells for? Come on! What a silly question.

Well...

Bears smell nice too.

Do they?

Yeah!

Did you ever see that Simpsons episode that made fun of you?

Oh yeah.

What did you think of it?

I thought it was funny.

You had a good sense of humor about The Far Side cartoon that mocked you, too.

Yeah. I do have a good sense of humor.

I saw you on The Colbert Report. It was fantastic.

(Laughs) He was stumped at the end.

Do you like animals more than people?

I like some animals more than some people, some people more than some animals.

Have you ever lost your temper and been mean to a chimp?

No. You wouldn't last long if you did.

What was your most frightening moment?

Our biggest male, Frodo, was always mean to me. We could never understand. I saw him coming and I knew he'd left the big group, obviously upset and angry. I thought maybe he'd been beaten up. I saw him coming and I thought, "I know he's going to redirect his aggression on me." I was quite far away, I saw him in my binoculars. So I went right up the hillside off the trail, and he saw me and he came up after me. He dragged me all the way down. It was a sort of precipice. He stamped on me, and then he left and I thought, "Thank god he's gone." And then he came back and he stamped on me again. My head hit a rock. He didn't do that on purpose, but there was blood. And then he pushed me over the cliff. Luckily there were some bushes there, which I know he knew because there'd been another person, too, who knows that Frodo could have killed him and didn't.

So he was just trying to assert himself?

He was just trying to prove his dominance. I kept telling him that he is. He's dead now.

Are there any animals you don't like?

Um... Not really. I can't think of one. Individual animals, yes, but not whole species.

Bugs even? Are you into bugs?

Well, I don't like the bugs that bite me, but that's only because they bite. It's nice to watch them.

Just before the last question, I was given the sign to wrap up, so I did, thanking Jane and telling her what an honor it was to meet her. Immediately, she called over to the Disney publicists sitting a few feet away, tattling: "He's talking about smells!" I told them and her that I was just trying to get a feel for her fascinating life, inside and out. I thanked her again, and before I walked off, she offered, "If you want somebody to take a photo..." Yes, that would be excellent, I said. A publicist suggested we take it next to the nearby Bears poster. There was a moment of uncertainty regarding positioning—while it would make sense in terms of symmetry for us each to stand on either side of the poster, it wouldn't make much sense in terms of taking a picture that I could cherish for the rest of my life. I wondered aloud what we should do, and Jane said, as if to inform more than observe, "You want to stand next to me so you can embrace me." And I told her, yes, that's what I wanted.

The prison telephone industry is right up there with... well, the private prison industry, when it comes to the most repugnant manifestations of capitalism. The good news is, the industry is currently getting screwed by government regulation. Government regulation works!

For a long time, the handful of companies that controlled telephone calls from prisons were able to freely charge extortionate rates. They had, pardon me, a captive audience. The companies charged up to $20 for a 15-minute call. The prisoners and their families had to pay, or not talk. The phone companies kicked back part of the money to the prisons. It was an easy way to soak incarcerated people and their loved ones.

The ACLU, among others, pushed hard for regulations of these phone companies. And they finally got it last year, when the FCC agreed to rules that would cap the price of 15-minute calls at $3.75. Now, the Wall Street Journal reports, the largest prison phone company, GTL, is being put up for sale by the private equity firm that owns it, American Securities. The PE firm has already pulled an enormous amount of debt out of GTL to line its own pockets. But one can hope that the sale of the company now will not go well, given the greatly reduced opportunities for extortion of its target audience.

Whether or not you believe in notions of universal law or divine justice, I think we can all agree that the financiers involved in this industry must have earned some of the very worst karma in all of the United States of America. American Securities states in its list of corporate values: "We hope to make the world a better place by giving back to the communities in which we live and work." Enjoy the usurious profits that you charged to poor families whose loved ones are in prison, GTL and American Securities. You truly are among the blessed of the earth.

[Photo: AP]

Amanda Todd's cyberbully has reportedly been found. A 35-year-old Dutch man who was arrested in January for indecent assault and child pornography is now suspected of having been the man who tormented Todd, who committed suicide at 15 years old in 2012.

She left behind a YouTube video detailing the horrors she suffered at the hands of the bully. It went viral, and an avalanche of commentary followed. (I wrote about it elsewhere at the time.)

The reports of the Dutch man's connection surfaced first on Dutch television yesterday. Then Christian van Dijk, the Dutch lawyer for the man, confirmed to the Associated Press that one of his client's alleged victims was "a 15-year-old girl from British Columbia." He said that American and Norwegian authorities were also involved. And the Royal Canadian Mounted Police announced that:

RCMP have laid five charges including child pornography, extortion, criminal harassment and Internet luring against an unnamed man in the Netherlands in connection with the Amanda Todd case.

The man's name is not being released by the Dutch authorities, and the Canadians are abiding by that. All we know is that he had dual Dutch and Turkish citizenship, that he had no partner or children and lived alone, and that when he was arrested he was living "in a vacation house in the town of Oisterwijk."

We also know from van Dijk, the attorney, that so far the man is remaining silent. But van Dijk suggests he believes his client is innocent:

... he doesn't believe prosecutors have sufficient evidence to convict his client, and said that even if there is evidence of unlawful activity on his computer, it may have been hacked.

"Prosecutors seem to think they have a big fish here, but if I see the evidence, it's not much," he said. "Lots of references to IP addresses and such."

Those who were following this story back in 2012, at the time Todd's case was inspiring international attention, may recall that Anonymous got involved and doxxed a Vancouver area man as Todd's tormenter. The police investigated, and he denied it. They believed him. In fact, the doxxed man said he had actually found the real culprit living in New York.

Now the breadcrumb trail appears to have led somewhere else entirely from those initial suspicions. Doxxing has its legitimate uses, but the lessons of the last two years are that facts in highly emotional cases can be a bit of a moving target. The right guy deserves to have the book—or if it really is this guy, the books, Dutch and Canadian—thrown at him. But it's important to be sure it's the right guy.